Thursday’s TPS Report: Stamped Structure Leather Trim Top

154 Comments

1. Just getting out a long-term relationship where many of my vacations and social events over the last 13 years were with the ex-SO. I’m struggling with how much cleanup/deletion of ex-SO I need to do on my social media pages. Do I delete the photos that feature both of us? Untag myself? I don’t want to pretend that part of my life didn’t exist but also don’t want those to be the feature if someone scrolls through my photos…

   I’ve already unfriended him and most of his friends and family, FWIW.

   1. It depends on what feels right to you. There’s no rule about it.

   2. It’s really up to you. I tend to delete everything from social media because I don’t want any reminders. If you want to take a more moderate approach, you could untag yourself from all pics with him or just the pics of the two of you, then take your time deciding which pics to delete. I’m sorry for your breakup.

   3. Hmm. Is this photo cleanup for you or for anyone who might scroll through your page? I assume all of your friends and others on social media know about the breakup, but they also understand that he was a big part of your life. IMO, it would be silly to pretend otherwise. If you’re worried about other people who don’t know you, maybe it’s time for a privacy setting update.

      If you’re determined to cleanup for yourself though (no judgement), I’d probably settle for untagging yourself. But of course, there are no hard and fast rules here. I hope everything is going okay and things are looking up.

   4. I usually haven’t untagged. That stuff happened , and it is a part if my life , and I’m not particularly disturbed by seeing it myself or by the idea that someone else will. Just comes down to how you feel about it.

   5. Kat, I love the sheathe dress, and at $148, it is not even expensive! I will show Rosa, she can buy it, and now that we both are the same size (including tuchus), we can share! YAY!!!!

      As for the OP, hug’s — you were with your schlub even longer then I was with Alan, so you will have a lot of memorie’s. I suppose like the other OPs, it will depend on the reason for the breakup. If you found him having sex with someone else, delete everything related to him, and wipe his face off the picture’s you have on Facebook before reposting. If you broke up for other reason’s, like you outgroweing him (like I did with Mr. Sheketovits–primarily b/c I got tired of wiping up all the vomit and other bodily fluid’s), them maybe you keep the picture’s but explain that you outgrew him, but in your younger day’s found that having sex with him was worth the troubel, but now that you have MATURED, you no longer find it worthwhile to have him with you in bed.

      This is the same dilemmna I face with Noah. I have NOT even kissed him yet, and dad want’s him to step away until the Ebola thing is over. He told me that the Chairman of the Joint Cheif’s of Staff, a freind, set up the milatary to put on a 21 day quarantine period for any milatary guy’s who go over there. It pay’s to have friend’s in high places, he say’s. Now if onley Cristie and Cuomo will not wimp out, he say’s. He is also annoyed at the woman in Maine who is raising a stink about staying away from people. I do NOT want her Exposeing anyone to Ebola, even if she does NOT have it, she should NOT be so outspoken, dad say’s b/c the NYC Doctor did not have it until he got it. FOOEY!

      Dad also think’s she should stop being so loud or she will NEVER get married. I think he is right b/c Alan wanted me to be a lot more “demure” then I am, and I refused to subjugate myself to any man, let alone a man who 1) did NOT do any dishes; 2) did not wash any of the laundry he soiled; 3) rarely cleaned up any of his own vomit or other bodily fluid’s resulting from his drunkedness; 4) thought that cleaning up the toilet was MY job (or for my cleaneing lady), even when it was HIM who pee’d on the floor and 5) never cared if I was sexueally satisfied as long as he was abel to satisfy himself and roll over. All I can say here–and I do not know of your 13 year boyfriend had these ugly trait’s—is FOOEY!

      Do not subjugate yourself to such a man! DOUBEL FOOEY!

   6. When I had a big breakup, I untagged. Years later, I tagged some of them again, or at the very least enjoyed looking back. It was a fun 5 yeas I had with that SO; now that I’m old and married, it’s fun to laugh about old times.

   7. Post-breakup cleanup is different from pre-relationship cleanup. After a breakup, I’d delete my pictures of just him, reduce my pictures of the two of us to a reasonable ratio, untag myself from just about all pictures posted by him, and maybe untag myself from pictures of us posted by friends.

      If you’re going to start dating, consider how you would want your partner to handle pictures with exes and make sure you do the same. If your partner has a different approach than you, it’s on them to bring it up. Personally, even though I know that everyone has a past, I don’t really want to see a bunch of pictures of new BF smiling and happy with his ex. If they’re in a group or with their kids, that’s one thing, but I don’t need to see him and ex on their honeymoon or whatever. Since I feel that way, I would similarly delete pictures of me with an ex other than pictures of us with friends.

   8. When I left my husband I deleted almost all of the photos of him, and untagged him in the few that I couldn’t bear to delete. Mercifully he isn’t active on Facebook so I didn’t have to worry about my photo being on his page. It was a bad marriage and a bad breakup, and I have no need to have his photo all over my social media.

      So now if you scroll back through my page you will see me having a lovely time in exotic places, apparently by myself. LOL

   9. I agree that it depends on the breakup. I also think it may change over time. At first I only deleted obviously affectionate shots because we were still attempting to be friends. But over time, and as I started dating my fiance, I went back and ended up deleting everything. Eventually I also deleted posts referencing him after becoming friends with my fiance’s family. Of course, my ex started posting stupid stuff on FB after finding out I was dating someone else, so this prompted my change in heart!

   10. I ended a multi-year relationship and untagged / deleted all photos on FB. I also threw out hard copy photos and deleted digitals off my computer. But that was because I was SO READY to move on from that relationship, and I knew I wouldn’t care if, twenty years later, I didn’t have any pictures to show my kids of me and that dirtbag.

       Anyway, as others have said, it’s up to you. Don’t worry about what other people will think – just do you.

2. To whomever posted about the Ann Taylor moto jacket yesterday: Thank you! I want that and about 5 other things there now.

   [I clicked around a lot at Barneys after the suit link from yesterday. It is with great relief to be able to get a style fix at AT when I don’t have a Barneys budget.]

   1. How does AT sizing compare to BR? Especially if you’re 5-4 — is petite better? Or can you handle the regular sizes (esp. jackets)?

      1. I’m 5’2 and the petite jackets always fit me better, especially sleeve length.

   2. That was me! Isn’t it great? It’s, like, the magic jacket that really and truly goes with every single thing in my closet!

      ETA: I find the sizing comparable to BR. I’m 5’2″ so I definitely get the petities.

      1. I should have kept my mouth shut. THEY ARE ALL FLYING OUT THE DOOR NOW. I ordered the closest approximation of my size that they still had in stock. It looks short on the model, so I am hoping that a petite size won’t be super-cropped on me.

         Note to self: order first, praise second

         1. I actually have one in my car that I was going to return (bought, then re-bought when it went on sale). Not sure of the size… 2P maybe? 4P? Shoot me an email at SeniorAttorney1 at gmail if you are interested in buying it from me.

            1. Thanks! I went with a 6P (which I have in a 2007 AT jacket that is still going strong). A 4P would have been ideal (or really: a dressing room where I could cycle through 4, 4P, 6, 6P, but this jacket does not exist in anywhere close to that range of sizes within 150 miles of me per the website).

               Crossing my fingers!

            2. Good luck!

   3. I’m coveting the Ann Taylor jacket too.

3. Philadelphia-area ‘r e t t e s, email me at philadelphiacorpor3tt3 at outlook dot com (replace the 3s w/ e’s) if you want to meet up!

   1. Oh I want to do this but I’m not moving to the area until March-ish! Let’s have another one in the spring, please!

4. Is there a term for when people assume a person/character is white unless explicitly told otherwise?

   I was bored and I went over to STFU thissite and found myself featured. I had mentioned the Liberian moratorium on adoption and apparently an anonymous commented after me about “giving babies to white people.” There’s no way to discuss my personal connections to Liberia without outing myself to everyone who knows me, but at a minimum I can clarify that I am not white, nor do I think that all African children should be adopted by white people, or through international adoption generally.

   We are not all white. Non-white people can frequent professional websites too.

   1. Why would you care what’s featured on that other s!te?

      1. I don’t read her comment as caring what’s featured on STFU, but merely that she had missed the response to her post until she saw it featured there. Possibly irrelevant detail, but possibly useful context for why she’s bringing it up at this time rather than at the time of the post. Not sure it matters enough to be the thing to focus on in her post.

   2. “Is there a term for when people assume a person/character is white unless explicitly told otherwise?”
      There probably is, but since we know specifically who you are referring to, the term is “judgmental b*tch.”

      1. ETA: nevermind. I decided if I can’t say something nice (about that other site), I shouldn’t say anything at all.

   3. Why do you read that and assume anyone assumed you were white? I think on the whole the legacy of slavery and colonialism is a huge reason why people don’t support international adoption, and why the suggestion that it’s appropriate to “solve ” a country’s orphan crisis by taking their children is wildly offensive.

      I found your suggestion inappropriate whether you are white, black, or other.

      1. Yes. The suggestion was colonial no matter what. But the person who responded clearly thought the OP was white, since she thought the OP adopting an African baby involved a white person adopting an African baby.

         I am also curious if there is a word more specific than white privilege, since that’s a concept that comes up a lot, like when books are made into movies and people assume all the characters will be white. And I love esoteric words.

         1. Genuine question, because I would like to learn whether I am being colonial:

            I am black, in a community with a sizeable Liberian population. I have (distant) Liberia heritage. I don’t agree with wholesale adoption of children from developed nations, which is why DH and I support an orphanage in Liberia. We are their only support. A girl in the orphanage is years ahead of her grade. The director of the orphanage and her extended family think that having access to US education would be best.

            Would adopting her in this situation be colonial? We had intended to make sure that she lots of time with our Liberian friends and planned to take her back regularly. Of course, the question is moot because it turns out we can’t adopt her. We (us, the director, her family) are all sad about it but there’s nothing we can do. Thoughts?

            1. Your attitude does not strike me as colonial. You want to give a particular individual opportunities. What’s wrong with that?

            2. My thought: if you have a super super special circumstance , don’t get your panties in a wad when you post on the internet, omit all of the relevant details, and are faced with people making assumptions based on a typical case.

            3. I’m following the responses here with interest. I (with full white privilege) don’t see how adopting an orphan into a loving home and loving that child and treating that child as your own son/daughter is at all equivalent to slavery.

               I knew there was some backlash against international adoptions because of removing a child from his/her culture but there should be ways to preserve that. I didn’t realize people were this strongly opposed to all international adoptions. This is eye opening for me.

               It seems like the end result is worse. Leaving a child with nothing in a situation where they will continue to have nothing or adopting them into a loving home? Doesn’t seem like a hard choice for that individual child. I guess it gets more complicated when you look at the impact on the country as a whole.

            4. This is such a complicated question that you could easily spend a whole 75 minute Post-Colonial Studies class unpacking it. The short answer, in my opinion, is that yes, this still implicates issues of colonialism. Mitigating circumstances exist, but mitigation is not a cure.

               But here’s the catch — your question is an academic one. The more important question, in my opinion, is one you didn’t ask: Does the fact that there are problematic post-colonial implications when a person who is, in some respects, aligned with the colonizers (i.e. you), endeavors to assist a person who is aligned with the colonized (ie. the Girl), mean that you should not help this girl? The answer to that is, again IMO, No, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help her.

               Adoption is a complicated issue unto itself, and internationally adopting a girl who has living family in her country of origin raises all sorts of red flags. That being said, I don’t see why you couldn’t, for example, act as temporary guardian for this girl, at the designation of her surviving family members, so that she can come live with you and go to school in the US. Rich people send their kids to study abroad – why shouldn’t this girl get that same opportunity, if you’re willing to provide it (and can find a way to make the logistics / legalities work)?

            5. Anon&on,

               I’d assume if she were in an orphanage she doesn’t have surviving family members making decisions on her behalf. I could be wrong.

               Your solution could be a great one though to her getting around the adoption ban.

            6. Sometimes children end up in orphanages even if they have living relatives.

            7. @Blonde Lawyer: The OP referenced “extended family”

            8. You are correct. I missed that. Thanks.

            9. Thanks Anon&on that was the kind of response that I was looking for. Interesting topic to think about.

               The student visa option is a really good idea. This could be a solution that I could discuss with the Liberia government as well. The moratorium is so they can develop better oversight over adoptions, but they’ve been slammed with crisis after crisis. There was flooding before the outbreak. The few resources that have are (rightly) focused there. The visas may help the kids in the meantime. The kids haven’t been to school for months now. They were aiming to start again in January, but it’s still looking bad.

               Finally, nothing is in a wad. Literally every decision is made under special, specific circumstances, but there are broader consequences as well. I wanted to know about mine. It’s been illuminating.

               Now I have something productive to look into during this lull at work. The massive case I was working on just settled. I rarely have time to come back to these posts after I comment.

      2. Curious (as you will see above I’m just learning about this whole area of debate) what are the okay suggestions to solving a country’s orphan crisis?

         1. Honestly? All kinds of things. Foreign aid. Debt forgiveness. Divesting from armaments companies to decrease violence. Anything that helps systematically change a world where being born in country x makes it more likely than not you’ll die by 20.

         2. You could donate to UNICEF or Save the Children.

         3. These are great long term suggestions but they don’t help the kids in the current situation.

            1. Huh? How not?

            2. I think what Blonde Lawyer meant (and sorry if I’m misinterpreting) is that an individual child who has no parents or surviving family could be directly helped by being moved from an institutional environment to a family environment.

               What that argument glosses over, however, is that the suggestions Anonymous @ 1:27 made are focused on orphan prevention — both “true” orphans and poverty orphans. There are real children who are not in an orphanage today, but be next year, and we can “save” them in a way that we can’t save children who have already lost their families. Make no mistake, once a child has lost their family, it’s too late to save them — we can help or hurt or do nothing, but we cannot cure the loss of a family, not even by providing a substitute family.

         4. War and terrorism create orphans, so foreign policy intervention to address conflict? That’s still an arguably colonialist intervention.

         5. I think part of what’s throwing you — which is normal, if you haven’t thought about this before — is the difference between what is best for one individual, and what is a good policy decision. One individual may benefit from an action that is not good policy, and policy-makers have to set policies at the macro level, not the micro. Inevitably, what’s good for some is bad for others.

            I suspect another issue you may not have considered is that, for the adoptee, adoption isn’t only about “gaining a family” — it’s also about loss. The loss of the family of origin — which is a different for a true orphan, i.e. a person whose parents are deceased (or even whose whole family is deceased), than for a poverty orphan, i.e. a person whose family gave her over to an orphanage in hopes she would have a better life there or with an adoptive family — is a huge, life-altering, even psychologically-shattering loss. In the case of international adoption, add to that the loss of culture, the loss of language (in some instances).

            If you want a primer on it, google for some of the writings of unhappy adoptees. Yes, there are adults who are unhappy to have been adopted as children — particularly those that were adopted into good, well-meaning families, not crazy or abusive situations.

            1. This blog post explained a lot. There is a part 2 and 3 I have yet to read.

               http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/14/examining-adoption-ethics-part-one

               Also, re: unhappy adoptees – even in my own white privileged life I know of a couple white privileged adoptees that have awful relationships with their adopted families. I think adoption, both international and domestic doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. I’m actually curious if the unhappy endings are more common than the happy ones.

   4. Yes. It’s called white privilege. Where “white” = “default human being” and everybody else = “other.” All too sadly prevalent.

   5. I guess you could call it assumed whiteness. This could be useful: http://faculty.georgetown.edu/tannend/nyt062093.htm

      1. That sounds like what I’m talking about. I figured there was a term for it.

5. Threadjack – I need a sturdy wallet for my SO. I bought him one at a Coach outlet and it’s been frayed and falling apart after 1 year. Yes he overstuffs it but I can’t change that. I expected a little more from Coach outlet not.

   1. My husband’s past two wallets (in the past 10 years) have been from Tumi. He loves them because they’re well-made, sturdy, and stay together- stuffed or not. They’re awesome, basic, men’s wallets.

      1. I got my husband a Tumi wallet that had a fine ribbed texture for Xmas almost 4 years ago. It’s been holding up quite well, and he certainly packs it.

   2. Try saddlebackleather dot com

      Their stuff is pretty manly looking and very rugged. Husband has had one of their wallets for years and it has developed a lovely patina. And he is hard on his wallets — every possible scrap and receipt gets stuffed in there until it looks like he has a tumor in his back pocket.

      1. And I think they have a lifetime guarantee. My husband got one for Christmas last year, and LOVES it. You can’t tell it’s not brand new.

      2. Seconded – I bought one for my SO and its great. Feels a bit rough at first but became smooth and shiny within a month or two. Though probably not for every guy it has a nice rugged look

   3. If he treats his stuff like crap I wouldn’t be rushing to replace it for him.

      1. Eh, I think getting people a replacement of a much used product is a pretty good gift strategy.

      2. WildKitten is correct, but I hadn’t thought of that. Of course, he doesn’t see it as treating anything like crap. To him, its just normal usage.

   4. Jack Spade. My husband loves his. Got it on sale on Nordstrom last Christmas.

   5. Montblanc?

   6. If he overstuffs I wouldn’t expect most wallets to handle that. Whatever you buy him, assume you’ll be buying another next Christmas, and don’t spend more that what you are willing to for a 1 year wallet.

      As a positive, if he destroys 1 wallet a year you’ll always know what to get him for Christmas!

6. I need to buy a guy friend a present for his 50th birthday, and I’d like to do something a little more interesting than a nice bottle of scotch. Budget is around $75. – ideas?

   1. Good quality headphones?

   2. A fancy glass bottle to put his scotch in?

      1. One of those flight trays made out of the whisky casks?

         1. Thanks for that! Even if it’s not perfect for her friend, it’ll be perfect for my rocket scientist.

   3. Vintage coin from the country his people come from to be his “lucky penny” for the next 50 years.

      Framed print of a photograph relevant to one of his hobbies.

      Cuff links.

      Red lace thong, depending on how friendly you are/want to be.

      1. I did the coin thing from the year he was born. The place I bought it drilled a hole it it and attached a hook so he could keep it on his keychain.

   4. This would definitely depend on your friend’s interests and how close you are, but I’ve given the ancestry.com DNA kit to a few guys close to that age (dad, father in law, etc.) and it was a total hit.
      Jessica
      http://www.thebellevoyage.com

      1. This is a good gift.

         I’ve done something similar in the past with the 23andMe genetic kits. They’ve turned out to be good gifts for people who are at a point in life where they enjoy reflecting.

7. TJ-I tried Gwynnie Bee and hated it. The quality of the clothes was crap, the sizing was all over the place, and in general it was just a waste. (write up of all of the disasters on yousaucyminx dot com if anyone wants more info)

   Does anyone know of any similar clothing subscription services that still have clothes in the 14/16 range?

   1. Agreed, it didn’t work for me either. Too bad because I really wanted it to!

8. wallet, messenger bag, business card holder, car detailing?

   1. Sorry…meant to reply to above question. Need more coffee! :)

9. So I wrote in about this a while back but I am now asking for some help. I’m the one in a small office with a shared (single) bathroom, to which my office is adjacent, with newish co-workers who do not wash their hands after using it. It’s grossing me out to the point of distraction. Sometimes they come directly out of the bathroom and open the fridge or microwave or get coffee (all of which is outside my door). I am also 7 months pregnant and somehow that is making me feel even more ragey about it.

   I honestly cannot imagine asking two grown adults (one man, one woman) to please wash their hands after using the restroom (and before making coffee, ew, ew, ew). SO awkward. A note is out of the question— too passive aggressive, and in any event, wouldn’t be anonymous. Is saying something my only option? Or is this really something I have to just accept?

   1. What about putting a bottle of hand sanitizer in the kitchen area? Or in the bathroom? Or both?

      1. Actually, I have! I stuck a bottle of moisturizing hand soap in the bathroom in case there was something about the Gojo dispenser they didn’t like, and I put a bottle of Purell on the counter near the microwave/ coffee machine. They don’t use either.

         1. Do you know for an absolute 100% certitude fact that they are not using a personal sized bottle of hand sanitizer while still in the bathroom? I would not use anything on my skin that came out of a Gojo dispenser or a moisturizing hand soap (shudder). I do use wipes and/or a small container of hand sanitizer that are stashed in my pocket and not visible to my co-workers.

      2. I keep a bottle of hand sanitizer on my own desk for my own use and I get sick noticeably less frequently now. If everyone else is gross, you can at least protect yourself.

         1. +1. In my first week of my summer internship I had a breakout from putting dirty (though not visibly, obviously) hands on my face. It was a bottle of sanitiser on my desk after that!

   2. You will have to accept it. You will not change people’s behavior at this point. People are not washing their hands all the time in bathrooms you cannot see, so it really has zero impact in the scheme of things for you to even try to improve this one bathroom.

      Control what you can of your own behavior. Wash your hands, and your area regularly. Doorknobs, light switches, phones and keyboards are good things to swipe down with a sterilizing cloth regularly. Always assume everything you touch is dirty, so clean your hands regularly and before eating, don’t put your hands near your mouth and get your flu shot.

      And try to never touch a doorknob with your bare hand when you leave a bathroom…. Nasty.

      And start closing your door and putting on a white noise machine or a radio on low volume to distract you. Your concern/irritation is becoming a bit compulsive now and I don’t want you to get anymore ragey.

      Totally don’t blame you AT ALL. In general, people are pigs…

      1. Technically speaking, I believe scientists have found that door handles going INTO the bathroom are dirtier than those going out. FWIW.

   3. Yeah. Accept it. Your pregnancy isn’t a factor. You wash your own hands frequently and you’ll be fine.

   4. Kind of a tangent, but I was at a luncheon yesterday at which the speaker was a doctor, and she told us the best thing we can do to stay healthy is to wash our hands, frequently, using hot water and soaping up for the time it takes to recite the alphabet.

      By which I guess I mean you’re right, these people are pigs.

      But I agree at this point there’s nothing you can do about it.

      1. Worth noting, if the OP isn’t washing for the alphabet song, someone else thinks *her* hygiene is inadequate.

         1. *snort*

   5. Do you have an office manager that could send out a PSA, maybe with a note about flu season and the importance of hand-washing? Or have anti-bacterial hand sanitizer added to the bathroom?

      1. The CDC has all kinds of handwashing materials on its “seasonal flu” web page: http://www.cdc.gov/flu/protect/stopgerms.htm

         Maybe ask the office manager to post something in the bathroom?

   6. Can you get Lysol wipes or spray and use them before touching the doorknob, fridge, etc.?

      1. I have Lysol wipes in my office and periodically disinfect my office. If I were across the hall from the bathroom, I’d disinfect those doorknobs as well.

   7. Just Yuck – I’m a bit compulsive about hand washing so I feel your pain.

      If you’re in a building with other tenants, perhaps the landlord could be persuaded to post the CDC notices like the ones in restaurants that say “Employees must wash hands before returning to work”. Then it wouldn’t be linked to you in particular.

      I’ve realized that I can’t control others so here’s what I do: Wash hands extra well before leaving restroom. Use paper towels to touch all surfaces in restroom including door handle. Regularly clean refrigerator handles, microwave and sink handles in kitchen – Clorox wipes are handy for this. Clean doorknob of my office. Wipe down desk surfaces, mouse, keyboard and phone handle/buttons. Keep purell on my desk and in kitchen. And then if I’m using the kitchen I use paper towels to touch communal surfaces or wash my hands before prepping my food. And get a flu shot every year without fail.

   8. 1. People should wash their hands after using the bathroom. 2. The people that don’t KNOW this and nothing you or anyone else does is going to change it. 3. I work near a bathroom too and can tell who doesn’t wash their hands so I feel your pain. 4. Read “An Epidemic of Absence.” All the germaphobes are killing our immune systems and causing autoimmune disease/drug resistant bacteria etc. You don’t need antibacterial soap unless you are scrubbing into surgery, got poop directly on your hands or just cleaned up someone’s vomit. Normal soap and water is better in the long run. 5. The more we have small exposures to germs the greater our immune systems become. (I get you are currently immune compromised). Can you re-frame your thinking to mentally thank your coworkers for not washing their hands as they are exposing you to the antibodies you need to have a strong immune system? 6. After getting your stuff out of the coffee pot, fridge, microwave, wash your hands before eating it.

      1. Antibacterial soap is bad, but not alcohol based hand sanitizer: http://www.businessinsider.com/do-hand-sanitizers-cause-antibiotic-resistance-2014-4

         1. Yeah, antiseptic = good, antibiotic = bad. It doesn’t sound like OP was talking about germophobia or using antibacterial products; these people are not washing at all it sounds like.
            That’s gross, sorry.

      2. And also— no. If someone isn’t washing their hands, they are walking around with fecal matter on them, whether their own or someone else’s from the flush handle, door handle, etc. That is not helping to boost anyone’s immune system— it’s going to make someone sick.

   9. I have a comment in moderation. When it comes through, ten points to anyone that can figure out what sent it there.

      1. coffee “p-t”, maybe?

   10. Tell them you’re a TB carrier, so you don’t get infected, but you might infect them…. unless they wash their hands.

10. Can you ladies speak to the quality of Uniqlo? I’ve never bought anything from them before, but they have a cashmere-blend tunic in the color I’m looking for on sale for $15, but I’m tired of replacing sweaters on a yearly or bi-yearly basis.

    Alternately, any suggestions for similar sweaters at higher price points (up to $200) that will last me for years and years and years? TIA!

    1. Their cashmere sweaters are excellent quality for the price. I had one for about 7 years of regular wear that finally developed a hole in the seam (that I plan to have fixed). Other than that, it still looks great with minimal pilling.

    2. Not sure what style you are looking for but Ralph Lauren (pay attention to which line though) has great quality cashmere. I have a cardigan that I’ve worn 3-4 times a week (it’s my default work cardigan when it gets chilly in my office) for maybe 5 or 6 years and it’s still going strong.

       1. Looking for something slouchy and oversized, but smooth like a cashmere blend sweater, not nubby or textured like a big knit. I’ll look into RL, thanks!

          1. I purchased a slouchy oversized one from Nordstrom. It is the Nordstrom Collection brand.

    3. Excellent quality in my experience – although due to that I haven’t bought anything from there for the last couple of years so I don’t know if it’s still as great.

    4. I haven’t bought their cashmere (YET) but own a lot of items from Uniqlo and the quality is great. I especially love their button downs and have owned some for years.

       1. +1 (except for the button downs, which I’ve never tried).

11. Anyone want to share their experience with a Chromecast? I cut the cord earlier this year and have been able to watch pretty much everything I previously enjoyed, including live sports, on my iPad, but it would be nice for big games like last night to have it on the larger TV (plus, HBO Go!). Interested in the picture quality, whether it freezes up at times, if the sound and picture get off sync, and anything else those who have it would find useful to know.

    1. We have it – works great on a newish tv that we bought a couple years ago, works less well on an older TV. On the older TV (9 years old? an early flat screen i guess) – there is some “snow” and weird lines occasionally. No issues at all on the new tv. Love the chromecast.

    2. I love it- I find it more reliable for Netflix / BBC iplayer than my computer was (I seemed to have voice and audio syncing issues). I use it on a 4 year old smart-ish tv and an early generation flatscreen and it works really well. Definitely the best £30 we’ve spent recently.

    3. Not 100% related, but you can easily get an adapter to hook up your iPad or computer to your HDMI input on your TV. The only issue is that with the iPad, I know some apps won’t broadcast, but if you run it from your computer, it’s absolutely not a problem with any app (it’s just like projecting a slideshow at work).

       1. Yes, we hook our laptop up to the HDMI ports to watch things not available on the Roku. Kind of a pain, but better than both huddling around the laptop screen or paying money for more services.

    4. You have to plug the chromecast in to a power source, which I didn’t realize and is kind of annoying. And then it shows what is on your computer, so if you close your computer or whatever you lose the show. I prefer my Roku.

       1. If your tv has a USB port near the HDMI port, the USB serves as the powersource.

          Some programs are optimized to use with Chromecast – HBO Go, Netflix, Youtube and can cast directly from an app on your phone (if you have it), or from the webpage in your browser, so you get JUST the content from the page on the TV. You can also beta-cast from a Chrome browser, which puts the whole browser on TV. The quality is less good there – buffering, out of sync pic/sound, but the optimized programs work really well.

    5. It does freeze up occasionally when watching ESPN streamed things (maybe 1-2x for a few seconds during a 3 hour game), but I haven’t had freezing problems using Netflix or HBO Go. The screen casting function is also a little sluggish, but overall it works very well for applications with the cast option. My favorite aspect of the Chromecast (surprisingly) is the ability to cast Pandora.

    6. I have it. I like it. No problems. Plus-it’s $35-just get it!

    7. My parents have it, and I think it’s great. My mum was very impressed that I was able to get YouTube onto the TV. It does have the potential for pranks, though. My younger brother kept Chromecasting random NSFW pictures onto the screen when he was in another room and I was having a West Wing marathon when I was home in the summer… until I unplugged the Chromecast!

    8. Have one, love it. No problems with freezing or sound/screen not syncing. I also love that when a program ends it defaults to some beautiful photography. I leave mine on at night watching Netflix and when I wake up I love seeing what’s on the screen.

    9. Have it, love it. I use it to stream youtube or pandora from my phone as well as movies and it’s very convenient and seamless.

    10. Thanks all! This is really helpful.

12. Interview attire help!

    I have an on-site interview at a San Francisco start-up tomorrow. I would be the first and only lawyer in the company. What to wear?

    1-Nice Jeans; button down blouse; leather blazer; nude flats
    2-Fitted black/gray patterned slacks (more casual than business-formal slacks); fun yet business appropriate top; cardigan or leather blazer; wedge booties
    3-Business formal slacks; with any of the other options above and pumps; statement jewelry
    4-full on ready-for-court lawyer suit (I am thinking this would be too formal but including it just in case.

    Thanks!

13. Interview attire help!

    I have an interview at a San Francisco start-up tomorrow. I would be the first and only lawyer in the company. What to wear?

    1-Nice Jeans; button down blouse; leather blazer; nude flats
    2-Fitted black/gray patterned slacks (more casual than business-formal slacks); fun yet business appropriate top; cardigan or leather blazer; wedge booties
    3-Business formal slacks; with any of the other options above and pumps; statement jewelry
    4-full on ready-for-court lawyer suit (I am thinking this would be too formal but including it just in case.

    Thanks!

    1. #3 or #4. Its an interview and you are interviewing for a lawyer position. I would never interview in jeans. Even at Starbucks and #2 sounds too casual as well.

    2. 3. But not with a leather blazer or cardigan. With an actual blazer. If you don’t have a blazer that works 4.

       1. +1

    3. If you know for certain that the employees at this company wear jeans every day, I would go with #3.
       If you don’t know what they wear, or if they are business-casual, I would go with #4.

    4. Full on suit with a more colorful or fun top underneath and maybe a handbag or jewelry that are a little more fashion forward.

    5. I literally did this yesterday. I wore #3 and it was the right call. Good luck!

    6. Slacks and a blazer, with a nice top underneath so you can take off the blazer. Cardigan/leather blazer I think is still too informal for an interview, even if SF.

14. The dress featured is gorgeous. I love the alternating pinstripes! This top, I love the fabric, but I’m not wild about the trim.

    I have absolutely no motivation today, and I have plenty of things to do.

    For funsies, are you dressing up for halloween either at the office, or at home/party/ToT? What are you going to be?
    A bunch of folks from our office are dressing up in terrible christmas sweaters/outfits. We collected $ and went to goodwill. We found a shockingly-ugly plaid floor-length skirt that I will wear; a green & red tartan plaid blazer & non-matching-but-coordinating tie for one; a sequined zip cardi with cardinals & pompoms; a black bedazzled sweater; some really ugly turtlenecks; and a snowman fleece jacket.

    In the evening, we’re taking the kids ToT at a friend’s house–oldest son is a vampire, youngest son is a witch. Hubs and I will be dressed similarly to the witch (black top, black pants, black leather jacket–which I found at Once Upon a Child for $8.50!!!), witch hat/staff.

    1. I’m just handing out candy at home. Tempted to put on my wedding dress and a paper crown for one last hurrah before it goes to the charity shop.

       1. That would be so fun! I vote you do it!

          1. I think it might be. Our wedding was 20% kids and I spent the night with an entourage of small girls. They are going to be sorely disappointed next time they see me and I’m wearing converse and a ponytail.

             1. Use face glitter and a wand and be a good witch! Or add wings and glitter and be a fairy. Or just put on glitter because honestly, how often do you get to wear glitter as a grown-up?

       2. The year after I got married, I wore my wedding dress with a Bride of Frankenstein wig and makeup. Very popular with the young female trick or treaters.

    2. Our office has a party, and then I’m going to a friend’s house who has small children to help out with handing out candy/trick or treating. Originally BF and I were going to go as Carl and Russell from Up (figuring Carl’s wife was only in the movie for the first ten minutes and didn’t have a memorable outfit), but we ran out of time to get costumes together, so I am taking someone’s suggestion from the Halloween thread on here and going as the Devil’s Advocate (thanks, whoever suggested that one!)

       1. Let me know if you need to borrow Dug. He lives at my house.

    3. I love the linked dress and ordered the jacket, dress and pants. Ouch. Our plan is to hang out with the neighbors while hanging out candy and drinking spiced wine.

    4. I’m not dressing up, but I’m looking forward to having Trick or Treaters again after living in a security apartment building last Halloween! Of course, my doorbell is disconnected due to the construction work so I will have to camp out on the front porch with the candy. Which is fine — weather here is lovely! :)

    5. Late to this but we celebrated Halloween at the office yesterday because most of us are off today on a regularly scheduled off Friday (municipal government). I was a tuxedo cat – cat ears, black and white outfit with a black skull and crossbones bowtie I borrowed from DH, and my first (and successful but wow – labor intensive) attempt at cat eye makeup. I actually loved the cat-eye which helped my hooded eyes pop and would do it again for every day but I just don’t have a half-hour in the AM just for eyes.

15. Does anyone know how Boden’s men’s US sizing runs (large, small, short arms, etc?). Thanks!

    1. They have the actual garment measurements on the webs!te (at least on the UK one, which you could cross-reference), which might help?

       1. Oh, true, good idea!

16. Can I get an opinion on whether these booties (in black) are work appropriate? I work in a fairly casual firm, and I would just wear them with tights and dresses on days when I don’t have any client meetings. I’m just looking for a bootie that has some gathering/is wider at the ankle opening since I have for my whole life had cankles, and booties seem to emphasize that if they don’t flare out and look wider at the ankle than at the calf (if that makes sense). I’d welcome any recommendations too…I need to get a good bootie for work…winter is coming!

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sam-edelman-louie-boot/3680210?origin=category&BaseUrl=Booties

    1. I think the fringe makes them not work appropriate at all. Maybe if you have jeans Fridays? Something similar without any fringe would be work appropriate in a business casual environment IMO.

    2. http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/bp-trolley-ankle-bootie/3194050?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=GREY+LEATHER&resultback=558&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_3_A

       I am not a fan of the fringe. I have these and I love them!

    3. Not work appropriate. You need leather. And no fringe.

    4. I think they are fine for a casual office. I don’t think the fringe automatically makes the inappropriate for a (casual) work environment.

17. Recommendations for a really nice plaid flannel shirt for a guy who’s pretty slim? He’s tall (6’1″) and has very little body fat so is mostly long and lean

    1. J. Crew has plaid shirts in their Tall collection and from DH’s experience their clothes are designed for slim men.

    2. They’re definitely not “really nice”, but my SO has had good luck with buying tall sized flannel shirts at Gap, BR, and J.Crew ( and Factory). He’s had most of them for at least a few years now and they all still look good.

    3. Cabela’s. The flannel is awesome, and they come in tall sizes.

    4. L.L. Bean’s higher-end plaid flannel shirts are outstanding. I think they come in Tall sizes as well.

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