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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 115 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Oversized Sunglasses

Coffee Break |

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red oversized sunglasses for $12I forget where I read it (Fashionista maybe?) but somewhere, a while ago, I read about how great Old Navy sunglasses are. I happened to notice these while hunting for classic sheath dresses today, and they struck me because the red ones look so similar to my MIL's fancier designer sunglasses. Either way: it's hard to go wrong with oversized sunglasses for $12 — great if you tend to lose 'em, or find yourself in situations (whether it's a rare sunny day at work, or a trip to the beach) where you wish you had cheap ones to leave. (Either in a “keep your beach bag packed by the door for the rare occasion you get to go” kind of meaning, OR the “hide your valuables and wade into the ocean” kind of meaning). Oversized Sunglasses Psst: Lots of Friends and Family sales seem to be starting. Saks is offering 30% off clothing, shoes and accessories — and 20% off jewelry. Theory also has a 25% off F&F sale going on now. And I've mentioned it at least once today, but Ann Taylor's big sitewide 50% cyber sale ends tonight.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Closet Redux

    Oh no! Did Payless discontinue the Daylight Wedge– the famed Cole Haan knockoffs???

  2. Anonymous

    I am looking to buy a house or condo over the next 6 months.

    What are some things you wish you knew before buying? Does anyone regret buying and wish they had continued to rent?

    • Emmer

      Do everything you can to ensure that you have an amazing, trustworthy, and knowledgeable realtor. We got super lucky and ours was incredible, but I had no idea going into it how much we’d be relying on him to not only take us through houses but also to assess any problems that the places might have, whether it would be a good fit for us, and to negotiate on our behalf. We considered going with a Redfin agent but I wouldn’t recommend that for a first-time buyer; we ended up going with someone a friend recommended who was much more full-service than the Redfin team.

      Also, if you work for a large company, check your benefits to see if the company has any special relationships with banks that might allow you to get a better mortgage rate. We didn’t realize until far into the process that we were eligible for a private bank through my husband’s firm, which offered us a lower rate than anywhere else we looked.

      • Betsy

        +1! Interview several realtors. We only met with one, and we ended up being incredibly unhappy with her. She was fine in our first meeting, but I expect if we had met with other options we would have selected someone more useful. And make sure to really be clear on when your realtor is available to show houses. We were in a situation where we needed to do most of our showings on weekends and our realtor kept going out of town. It was so frustrating!

        I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I regret buying because I love my house. However, I bought at the same time as I switched jobs and I wouldn’t recommend that to anyone. I hate my new job and I feel stuck because the location of my house really limits my alternatives. I wouldn’t recommend buying unless you are certain that you are pretty well settled.

        • Sarabeth

          Yeah, this. We love our house! But buying it was a terrible idea, because we weren’t actually sure that we were staying in this city. And now, indeed, we are moving, and are going to lose a big chunk of money by selling a house that we only bought two years ago.

    • TBK

      Why do you want to buy? If it’s just because you feel you should, or that you’re “throwing money away” on rent, do a little more digging. It might make sense to buy, but it really depends on how long you plan to stay in your current place, what the condo fees are (if you’re looking at a condo), and what the market is in your location for renting vs buying.

    • benefitformmyexperience

      Don’t use your realtor’s home inspector. He or she will want future referrals from your realtor and be inclined to minimize any problems. (I’ve been burned by this.)

      • Anonymous

        Alternately, some realtors use home inspectors because they know they’ve done a good job. It depends on the person. I’ve had a friend who had some clients freak out and threaten to sue her when the inspector they chose sucked and missed some problems they discovered after moving in. When you do get your home inspected, make sure you follow the inspector around and watch the process, ask questions, understand what the problems are, and get tips on maintenance. Your realtor should also be competent enough to point out any glaring issues on the listing appointments, as well. If they try to play off what you know is a problem be wary.

      • Anonymous

        Counterpoint to this, we were moving to an area where we knew nobody and used our realtor’s inspector. He gave us an exhaustive 50 page report, told us there were no major problems but gave us a laundry list of minor problems, all of which we ended up getting the sellers to fix. A few years later and there have been no issues whatsoever with the house. Our realtor told us she follows up with clients down the road to see how satisfied they are with the inspection, and if he hid any problems she would stop using him immediately and he knows that. I highly advise using your realtor’s inspector if you trust your realtor, especially if you don’t have local friends for a recommendation. A good realtor cares much more about his or her client’s long-term satisfaction than about one particular sale going through, and if she’d stop referring clients to an inspector because he was honest about problems with the house you have a realtor problem, not an inspector problem.

        • CountC

          It really comes down to whether you have a godd agent. This is 100% true. You CAN and should fire a bad agent.

    • Anonymous

      I sometimes regret buying. I thought it was a good decision because I could buy for so much less than my rent. But a number of things have gone wrong with the house such that I’m going to have to be here a really long time to get my money out of it. Which is going to be tough, because my now-husband (I was single when I bought) absolutely hates the house and is pressuring me to sell it.

      • Wow

        Very similar experience. We have since sold our house (at a loss) and rented for many years, very happily. I’ll be very reluctant to buy unless I’m 100% sold on it. Renting is just so much more freeing and easy.

    • Anonymous

      If you have the money, do all your renovating before you move in. We remodeled the kitchen and even though writing those checks right after writing the check for the house was PAINFUL, I’m so so so glad we got it done before moving in. I regret not finishing the basement, although I know that’s one of the easier renovations to do while living there.

    • Jax

      I wish someone had told me to remember to budget for home maintenance, and no, that doesn’t mean decorating. Roof, HVAC, plumbing, driveway repairs are the angering money pits that I didn’t know I should save up for and expect.

      • Maddie Ross

        Yes, this. It’s not the upgrading, it’s the maintaining that will kill you. And even if you watch a lot of HGTV and think you know from watching reno or house flipping shows, you need to realize that when you are paying a contractor, it’s way more expensive in real life.

        • Jax

          The process of finding a contractor is hard as well! So many friends have family members or know a friend who could hang dry wall or install kitchen cabinets–but no one could recommend a roofer. Finding someone reputable (with insurance! and a state license!) within budget was rough.

        • WestCoast Lawyer

          I love HGTV, but every time they break down the cost of something (particularly things like structural changes, electrical work or a new roof) I think they must be going solely on the cost of materials. There is no way those prices include labor/installation/etc. They are way too low (or they are buying the cheapest stuff available, which is also possible but won’t hold up long-term)!

    • Betty

      Are you secure and happy in your job? I bought a house before starting at biglaw in an East Coast city and the house, which I loved, felt like a ball and chain tethering me to a job that I hated within a year.

    • Clementine

      You will spend $2-3000 on just random things. This is assuming you don’t need to buy any major appliances. We had budgeted for repairs, paint, etc., but I was really taken off guard by the little things I needed to get.

      Examples of this include, but are not limited to: rakes, hand towels, toilet brushes, bath mats, gardening gloves, dehumidifier if you have a basement, larger vacuum, storage shelving units, air filters, etc.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, during the first year, little things come up all the time that you need, and sometimes the little things are pretty expensive. We just dropped $400 on a lawn mower last weekend.

  3. Car TD

    Sorry for the repost! This seems like a more logical thread for this question:

    I’m looking at buying a used car. Right now I’m between a 2013 Toyota RAV4 Limited and a 2013 Cadillac SRX Luxury. Can anyone comment on either? I’d also appreciate any feedback on experience with either brand. The Cadillac is about $3k more but has 20k less miles and a V6 engine instead of an I4. On the downside, it gets about 18mpg versus 23mpg for the Toyota and to my limited knowledge, Cadillacs don’t have the same reputation for reliability as Toyotas. It just looks so nice!

    All comments are greatly appreciated

    • Ellen

      Dad say’s you have got to be kidding! He said buy new if you can, but given the choice, go for the Caddy, he says. The RAV 4 is small and tinny, and may get better gas milage, but it has less miles, and $3K is nothing to him.

      Personaly, I no longer drive in the CITY, but Dad says I should have a cute sport’s car on LI if I want to look the role of law firm partner. Dad is watching a show on Cable called the Girlfreind Experence, and he says that the girl there is to cute for a law student. Does anyone watch this show? Is the girl to cute for a law student? I always thought we were at least as cute as the med student’s even tho they wind up Doctor’s and us Lawyers, but what is he talkeing about? How cute is this girl?

    • RAV-4 Fan

      I love my RAV-4, and my husband just bought a RAV-4 hybrid. The gas mileage on mine is pretty good, but his is phenomenal! We have driven nothing but Toyotas for 35 years. Highly recommend!

    • SC

      I’d buy the Toyota because they’re so reliable. My parents have bought several new and driven each of them over 100,000 miles and over 10 years. And when I was 15, I was in my first boyfriend’s baby blue 1989 Camry when it hit 300,000 miles.

    • PatsyStone

      No personal experience to relate, but I’d get the Cadillac. So much more fun! On the practical end, I think the “x brand lasts so much longer” theory doesn’t hold as much weight these days as all compete pretty highly. It’s not an outrageous splurge for something you will use every single day.

    • Betsy

      Check the manuals to see what the recommended maintenance is like on each of them. I can’t believe how little maintenance I have to do on my Toyota. An “expensive” service every 30k is around $150. In comparison, my husband’s car was in the same price range and the recommended maintenance every 30k is in the $600 to $800 range. I hate spending money on cars so when it comes time for a replacement I will be pushing him to buy something low maintenance!

      • Anonymous

        +1 – don’t just consider the purchase price. Also include the cost to maintain and run. Are the air filters $15 or $50? That 5mpg difference is going to show up at the pump over the long haul, and while gas prices may fluctuate, they’re more likely to go up than down.

        • Anonymous

          And does the Cadillac need more expensive gas? Filling up DH’s BMW with premium fuel KILLS me.

      • Anonymous

        What is the difference in cost to insure? What will replacement tires cost? How long do you intend to own this vehicle?

    • Anonymous

      I bought my RAV4 brand new in 2014. So far, so good. The reliability has been great, which what I would expect from Toyota. Overall, a great purchase.

    • Anon

      I’ve had my Rav4 for a year and a half (bought it used) and I LOVE it! My mom has had one for 4 years and my sister has had one for 3 and they both love their’s too. Our family only buys Toyotas. They are great cars and retain their value incredibly well.

  4. Paging Senior Attorney

    Can you elaborate on your requirement in a partner that s/he be a person who makes things happen? I think I have this requirement as well, but am struggling to articulate it to myself.

    Also, are you willing to a guest post/and/or advice column? I would like to recommend this to Kat if you are willing :) You know, while we wait for your book to come out :)

    • Senior Attorney

      LOL here I am!

      The “makes things happen” requirement for me was really a reaction to my former husband’s habit of procrastinating, laying about, and waiting for me to make whatever was going to happen, happen. For example, if we were going to go on a trip, I was going to have to plan it. If we were going to remodel the bathroom, I was going to have to research contractors and figure out a budget and a design. If the low-voltage light went out in the yard, I needed to call somebody to fix them because he sure as heck wasn’t going to do it.

      With Lovely Fiance it is exactly the opposite. This past weekend we spent some time in the yard fixing the outside lights, using parts that he had ordered in advance because he realized he was going to need them. He decided to get a big posted framed and hang it in the hallway, and lo and behold he made it to the frame store that very same weekend. We went on a bike ride with a bunch of his friends, and he set the date and time and planned the route and sent out the group text to make it all happen. When we decided to get married, he was on the phone to the church the next day reserving the date, and I had a diamond ring on my finger within a week.

      It’s really just what it sounds like: He makes things happen like a grown-a$$, responsible person, instead of sitting around procrastinating or Monday morning quarterbacking like a child. Two elements, I guess: Willingness and competence. And bonus “not getting all bent out of shape or insecure or defensive when I make something happen my own self.”

      As to your second paragraph, sure! I’m game for any of it as long as I don’t have to out myself! ;)

      • AIMS

        Senior Attorney, I didn’t realize Gentleman Friend has become Lovely Fiance. Congrats!

      • NOLA

        SA, I completely agree and wish my SO were as much of a planner as yours. I finally told him that I would no longer listen to him complain about his situation if he is unwilling to do the work to fix it. It’s just some phone calls, but he’s so certain that the outcome is going to be negative that he’s frozen. I have lost my will to listen to it.

      • Gigi

        So, so much this! Luckily I didn’t marry the guy, but we were together for 5 years and lived together for 2, and I wasn’t able to articulate this problem at the time, but it is SUCH A BIG DEAL. I cannot overstate what a huge deal this is. With my ex, we ended up with a terrible dynamic where I felt like I couldn’t trust him to follow through or do a task properly (because he rarely did) and then he felt I was controlling, stressed out, etc. I’m now with someone who will actually make a dinner reservation when he says he’d like to go out to dinner (and so much more!) and I can’t tell you how much more relaxed I am on a daily basis. It’s so much healthier to have a partner you know will follow through on big and small tasks.

      • Samantha

        But wait! It goes both ways right? Like, you don’t want to be the one waiting for the other person to Make Things Happen.

        • Wildkitten

          You do you. If you’re comfortable letting things slide, you might be more comfortable with a partner who also lets things slide rather than one that constantly bugs you to do stuff you don’t find urgent.

        • Senior Attorney

          Of course it goes both ways. As I said, Lovely Fiance gets bonus points for being cool with me making things happen, too. I think the key is to have a good match in your levels of letting slide vs. taking action.

  5. Odd question

    I really like a particular shade of pink lipstick(it looks like hot pink but since it’s a gloss, the color is much more subtle on my lips). However, I have noticed that my teeth look noticeably more yellow when I wear this color.

    When I wear no lipstick, my teeth look much whiter.

    Anyone else have this issue? Are there certain colors that make one’s teeth look more discolored?

    • Anonymous

      Yes, warm colours (orange based) will make your teeth look more yellow. Look for a cool colour (blue based).

      • Odd question

        This makes sense but how can you tell if a color is more blue based? When you look at the hot pink color it looks pretty “cool” to me, not warm.

      • Anonymous

        The final color of your lips is defined by their natural color AND color of the lipstick. I have several lipsticks that look on me very different from the color in the tube and in the online pictures.
        Add to this variations between natural and artificial lighting.

  6. Anon

    Sadly want to report that the Talbots in the North Chicago suburbs is closing. Now I will have to haul butt to a regular store and speak with the mean salespeople.

    • Fellow northern suburb Talbots wearer

      Do you mean the outlet? I know what you mean about the sales people. I order pretty regularly online and keep most but return a few. I’m so tired of getting eye rolls or heavy sighs when I note that I am returning. And sometimes the returns are from (heavens) two receipts and not one. Old Orchard is a little nicer than Lincolnshire but not much. I always laugh any time I get the automated email thanking me for being in their Lincolnshire store a few days later. It’s like the corporate office is working so hard at customer service while the boots on the ground couldn’t be nastier. I actually get a little sweaty sometimes before I walk in as if I’m about to face the music when I’ve done nothing wrong. If I ever lost a receipt or waited more than a few weeks, I can’t even imagine what I would encounter!

      • Finance

        I’m still in mourning for the Talbots outlet in North Seattle that closed in 2012. Sob. $12 for cardigans, $20 for lined wool pants. $5 for scarves. Sign.

        • Finance

          Sigh… not sign. Miss the edit function too.

          Planning on hitting up a talbots outlet when I go to Nashville Tennessee this summer.

          • Anon

            There’s an outlet in Nashville? Do tell! I’ll be there in November for a reunion. Thank you.

      • ANON

        Ha- yes- darn the edit button. KAT please bring this back for the love of all thing mighty!

  7. bdaypresents

    My cousin will be turning 33 this week. She has two kids (a 3.5 year old and a seven month old), works full time as a CPA for a major accounting firm, and is generally just superwoman. She has been particularly supportive and a wonderful rock for me lately, and I’d like to get her something special for her birthday. Any ideas?

    She has a nanny and a regular house cleaning service, so “outsourcing” something for her would be hard to find. She was just telling me that since having kids she has no hobbies, she’s not really a foodie, and she already has a generous spa gift certificate someone gave her for Christmas taped to her fridge, so my usual go-tos are out. What would you do for a very busy working mom to make her feel loved and appreciated?

    • Maddie Ross

      Do you live close? Unless she’s not a spa person, arrange for her husband or a babysitter to stay with the kids, take her out with you to get her nails done and drink champagne during and/or after. My guess is that the spa GC is sitting on her fridge because she cannot find the time to commit to doing it – not because she doesn’t want it. At least that’s generally my problem. If someone took me to do it and made sure it wasn’t gumming up the works at home? Bliss.

      • bdaypresents

        Yes, I do live close by. That’s a good point about just taking her do it and arranging for the sitter.

      • Betty

        Agreed. Part of the challenge is just making the logistical pieces fit together. Doing that piece for her would be an amazing gift and do it with her. Arrange for childcare, book the appointments and pick her up.

    • Anonymous

      Could you stay with her kids and send her out to the spa by herself or on a date night with her husband?

    • Anon

      For me, some kind of consumable (wine, harry and david pears and moose munch, even an edible arrangement) plus a nice note saying everything you said here–that she is doing great and you notice it would be really appreciated. With little kids, it is hard to plan a night out or a spa trip, but an acknowledgement that I am doing good would mean so much.

    • me2

      Museum/zoo/botanic gardens membership — something to do with the kids when she has time, but also some places will let the nanny use the membership during the week.

    • SC

      I have a one-year-old, and I would love something nice I could enjoy at home during nap time or after the baby goes to bed. I’d be thrilled to receive a good book, chocolate, red wine, bubble bath, a nice candle, a lightweight bathrobe, fun nail polish, or any combination of the above. And maybe an afternoon where you take my child to the park and let me draw a bath and read my book :-)

    • Sydney Bristow

      I just got my 33 year old working mom cousin a rose gold druzy necklace. She loved it. If you know her style, fun jewelry can make a nice gift. Etsy has options at all price points.

  8. Anonymous

    I keep running into sexism everywhere I turn lately and although I know I should be all “Rawr! Smash the patriarchy,” I kind of just want to go home and cry/become a SAHM.

    • Shopaholic

      I think it’s ok to want to go home and cry! Just get it out of the system and then you can Rawr!

    • cbackson

      I totally understand this and sometimes wonder how many women end up taking a step back because handling all the demands of working parenthood plus the additional battles that many women face due to sexism just seems so daunting that it’s not worth it.

      I don’t have dependents or caregiving responsibilities other than my puppy, but that secondary burden seems so exhausting to me sometimes that I can only imagine what it’s like for those who also have the burden of familial obligations.

  9. Anon

    Has anyone used Hairprint? Trying to find alternatives to harsh chemical hairdye and this keeps coming up. But the application process looks… difficult. And the results seem to really vary. Just looking for any individual experiences. Thank you!

    • Anon

      No, but if you are worried less about the chemical and more about the harsh, I cannot recommend L’Oreal Preference Mousse haircolor enough. It does not strip my hair anywhere like the other kinds of “regular” dye. I am a huge fan.

  10. Couples Therapy

    My DH and I made the time for couples therapy in the middle of the day today (it is incredibly important to both of us). A couple of questions for those who have been through this (I’ve done individual counseling before but this feels different): Did both members of the couple equally agree that this person was the therapist for them? (DH and are both kind of eh about the guy we saw today but it is so hard to find anyone.) Did the therapist focus on you as a couple or one person? What is the appropriate balance? After an initial two hour session, I left feeling like we are a seriously screwed up couple (I know we have our issues) and that there is hope but it is a long way away. Also, the guy we saw today was very into alternative/holistic healing and that’s just not our thing. I think that alone is enough for us to find someone else.

    • no experience but

      I haven’t done couples therapy but my parents have. I can’t speak for my dad, but my mom has said that it was very quickly apparent that their therapist totally “got” them and their issues. I can’t speak to how my dad feels about the guy, but if both of you are feeling meh I’d keep looking. I tried individual therapy with someone who was really into asking vague questions with long pauses, I guess in the hope that I would stumble across some realization while trying to fill the silence. I really needed someone who would engage in a conversation with me and stopped going after a few sessions because it just wasn’t productive.

    • Anonymous

      My experience says is shouldn’t be different in certain key ways – the fit/feel is still really important. One of you may like the therapist better, but both should like him/her, since you have to trust that person and their process.

  11. Emmabean

    Dress code help!! Has anyone here been to the Keeneland race track? I’m trying to decipher their dress code, which is basically men wear coat and tie, women wear something comparable to that, i.e. dress, suit, slacks, etc. I just can’t picture it, though. Surely I need to wear something more colorful or pretty than a suit. I’m late twenties, so I don’t just own pretty suits for fun stuff like this – my suits are court attire. I’m really at a loss!

    • Lexingtonian

      A sundress / pretty dress for sure! Definitely not a suit unless you want to. I’m assuming that you mean the clubhouse or one of the upstairs dining rooms, because the track in general doesn’t have a dress code, and you’ll see a wide range of attire, but women for the most part wear dresses. On big race days some folks even go Derby-esque with hats or fascinators. For shoes, keep in mind that you may be walking a bit, so be sure they’re comfortable. And the weather in Lex in April can be quirky, so having a jacket or cardigan is a must. Hope this helps! Do a google image search for “Keeneland attire,” too, to get an idea.

      • Emmabean

        Ok, thank you for confirming what I thought – no way they really want me showing up in business attire! I’ll be in some sort of club or suite upstairs; from the website it appears to be the most formal one. So, bright dress, light jacket, comfy shoes? Sounds like some shopping is necessary!

        • Lexingtonian

          Perfect – and most importantly, have fun! Keeneland is a blast, and gorgeous. Try the bread pudding and visit the gift shop … but only do the latter if you have a lot of self control, I can get a little spendy in there. :)

    • anon for this

      I was just there this weekend! EVERYONE was wearing brightly colored sundresses and wedges. Lots of beautifully done hair, makeup, and a few hats and parasols. This Chicagoan felt very out of place in her neutrals, subtle makeup, and flats. You have the right idea. Have fun!

  12. Cardigan colors

    What color cardigans will help compliment my work outfits?

    I wear primarily black and white, and jewel tones.

    I just have too many black cardigans, and it is getting old/bland.

    Thanks.

    • JJ

      Agree. I could wear a grey cardigan pretty much every day. It goes with everything. I also wear a lot of white, tan (it takes a while to find a flattering shade for me), cobalt, and green cardigans (emerald and and hunter green).

  13. Moving to Seattle!

    I am taking a new job in Seattle – SO EXCITED! I am single, 34, and will be commuting to downtown. Where should I live? (read: where do all the cute single 30-something men hang out?)

    • Meara

      Yay, Seattle is awesome! If you’re truly working downtown as opposed to say, south lake Union, I’d say some of it would depend on if there’s any other activities you do that would be specific to one neighborhood or another–a lot of neighborhoods here are great, and easy enough to get downtown from, but hard to get between!

  14. Walnut

    How does one start the conversation with their mother about a younger sibling needing more intensive speech therapy than is being provided. My understanding is that my sister is receiving therapy once or twice a week for a half hour each time. My mother has had to fight tooth and nail to get this much therapy, but from my perspective, it’s not nearly enough. I’m about to parse one or two out of every dozen words and my heart just breaks for her.

    Money is not an issue. My parents can afford this and beyond that I would be more than happy to spend a large sum of cash to ensure my sister is receiving the best possible services. This is a sensitive subject and my Mom is going to take it as a personal insult to her mothering skills. I’m sure I’ll be accused of “not getting it” and “if I were around more…”, but my perspective is that perhaps my Mom is desensitized to just how significant of a problem it is.

    Do I sit back and keep my opinion to myself (because frankly, it wasn’t asked for) or do I speak up on behalf of a nine year old?

    • Anon

      There may be a reason for this frequency. My son receives several forms of therapy at different times over he years, and often we have “homework” to work on because there’s only so much that can be accomplished during the therapy session itself. Other times, they want to avoid “therapy fatigue” because the last thing you want is a kid who dreads the therapy they need.

      • Walnut

        I recall the homework from my other siblings’ experience and I have no idea if the homework is being worked on at home or not.

        Maybe my best angle is to ask if I can help with the homework over facetime or something like that?

        • Anon

          I think that’s a sweet idea no matter what! I like the conversation ideas suggested below for starting a dialogue with your parents, too. And I love the camp idea!

    • LondonLeisureYear

      Does she have an IEP at school? It should spell out how much time she should be getting. What does her speech therapist think, do they have things that your sister should be practicing at home? Can her friends understand her or is it blocking her socially? What does your dad think? Your sister is 9 years old- what does she think? Does she seem embarrassed by it, want to work on it, or doesn’t want to?

      I am a huge advocate of defending kiddos, and speech therapy is one of those things you really really need a ton of early on (its way more effective early on). I would probably ask myself the questions above, and then maybe even include your younger sister in the conversation with your parents if it is a concern of your sisters. A good speech therapist could also play sample tapes for your mom to give your mom a sense of how far off your sister’s speech patterns are with someone else her age.

      The book Crucial Conversations might have some ideas that you find helpful to make this a conversation that doesn’t become heated with your mom.

      • Walnut

        Yes, she has an IEP. The fiasco earlier this year was that the services prescribed by the district were less than what was listed on the IEP. I believe that has been corrected now, but I’m not sure what the situation will be going into summer.

        My observation is this is holding my sister back socially. She seems occasionally frustrated that I can’t understand her and I try to encourage her to start over, talk slowly, look at me directly, etc. Occasionally she’ll get frustrated and shut down.

        I’ll pick up a copy of crucial conversations to look for strategies.

        • LondonLeisureYear

          BTW they have to make up ALL that time that they didn’t provide. An IEP is a legal document, so if they were cheating her on time, they have to make up for it.

          Another tip – is when the new goals are written, you are supposed to write in who is responsible, make sure her classroom teacher is responsible for at least one goal. This way it will be practiced in the classroom too, and not just when she is pulled out for services.

          There are a ton of speech camps that might be fun and helpful. Also a place where your sister wouldn’t feel like the odd one out. I would encourage you to talk to your sister and see what she wants.

    • KittyKat

      Speak up. I had a childhood ailment that is now an adult disability. If someone had advocated for proper treatment when I was a child I would be so so much better off. I resent my parents for not getting me treatment and it has ruined any chance of a relationship with them.

      • Walnut

        This is exactly what I’m concerned about. I’ll be SO angry with myself for not doing more if this holds my sister back from achieving everything she desires.

    • Snick

      I would not dive right into giving unsolicited advice/opinions. Just try to have a conversation with her. “Mom, how do you think Sis’s speech therapy is going? Does Sis like it? Do you notice improvements in her speech? What do you think of the therapist? Have you talked to the therapist about what to expect, and when?” etc. Your mom might appreciate your concern and the chance to talk it through with someone, and you can ask questions that lead her to think about whether the current arrangement is working.

  15. Gluten

    A little late….

    I think I know the answer to this but know some people here have personal experience with Celiacs so hoping for personal experiences.

    I know gluten bothers me. I feel so much better when I’m not eating it. For years, I’ve limited the amount of breads, etc that I eat because of the way it impacts my digestive system. Lately, it seems to be worse and I’m starting to wonder if I could have Celiacs.

    I’m terrified of going down the road of a diagnosis because I understand to be tested for Celiacs, you actually have to consume gluten for weeks. If I do this, I’ll be miserable.

    On the other hand, I read if you have a rash related to Celiacs from consuming gluten, a dermatologist can test you. I stupidly had a lot of bread a few weeks ago at a party and broke out in a rash that lasted for days and didn’t respond to allergy medicine.

    Part of me wants to just avoid gluten and not go through the “must eat gluten” torture to be tested. I’m assuming this is not a good idea.

    I have an appointment tomorrow but seriously am dreading the idea of eating gluten to find out I shouldn’t eat gluten it’s backwards.

    • Anonymous

      If you know it bothers you, and obviously bothers you badly, why do you feel you need a diagnosis? There is a blood test for it, but it does give false negatives I understand. The treatment for Celiac is simply (well, that’s a loaded word, it’s not “simple” sometimes) to avoid gluten. I think I would just keep on doing what I was doing and let the need for a final diagnosis go – esp. if you know you want to keep avoiding gluten going forward.

      Alternatively, a symptom of celiac is often to have weakened or brittle bones because of the nutrient deficiencies from the damage to your intestines. Perhaps have a bone density scan done and see if you have issues there? If so, it’s not causation, but it could be correlation.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      Talk with your doctor about these concerns, but it would be really helpful to figure out what exactly you are allergic to. If you are actually celiac then you need to pay attention to every single label and make sure you aren’t eating any salad dressings with wheat for example – its literally in everything. Because even when it doesn’t make you feel sick it can still be doing damage. So it would be important to know if its that severe, or something else in the bread thats causing the problems.

    • Coach Laura

      If you have a rash, get it biopsied by a competent dermatologist. I think you have to get the biopsy done early in the course of the rash. If it is Dermatitis Herpetiformis, then that is a true celiac diagnosis and you don’t have to eat gluten to have the gastro biopsy. You could read about Dermatitis Herpetiformis and look at the photos online plus the rash concentrates in certain areas that are listed and you can find all that via Dr. Google.

      Some people – like me – do get more sensitive to gluten over time and others find that when they “mostly” eliminate wheat, over time their reaction increases when they do mistakenly get some. My brother was like that. He didn’t have a definitive celiac diagnosis so he would scrape the breading off of chicken and pick the croutons out of his salad. But now he finds that even the littlest part makes him sick, so he has to be strict like I am. However, he can drink the beer that has gluten removed (<20 parts per million) while I still react to that. Gluten is a sneaky little protein.

      Good luck. Happy to answer any other questions.

      • Gluten

        Thank you so much!

        Dr. Google definitely indicated its Dermatitis Herpetiformis. I’ll talk to the doctor and see about maybe eating a bagel them getting the resulting rash biopsied almost immediately. That would be so much better than weeks of gluten.

        My blood work indicates deficiencies in key vitamins that everything I’ve read indicates could be caused by Celiacs.

        I’ll bring up the concern with the doctor about not wanting to put myself through weeks of gluten and see what they say.

        Thanks to all who responded.

    • AZCPA

      I have Celiacs. I tested negative on the blood test (it does give a fair amount of false positives and false negatives), and if you do as well, the only way to then get a definitive diagnosis is biopsy of the stomach lining. And both the blood test and biopsy take MONTHS of eating gluten in order to get a clear result. So in my opinion it is SO not worth it. You know the treatment – don’t eat gluten. Having an official diagnosis doesn’t get you anything – asking for a gluten free meal at a conference for example doesn’t require a doctor’s note. Plus, plenty of people have a gluten intolerance that isn’t ‘true’ Celiac, and none of the tests (not even for Dermatitis Herpetiformis) would result in a diagnosis, yet avoiding gluten is still the right course of action.

      Both gluten intolerance and Celiacs can result in the increased sensitivity over time that Coach Laura mentions. Limiting gluten for many is the same as doing nothing at all – you really have to carefully avoid it completely in order for your symptoms to go away.

      • Gluten

        Thank you so much. I feel the same way – that I should just elongate gluten entirely. It doesn’t seem worth it. I’ll run it all by the doctor to see but I won’t be easily swayed into eating gluten to find out I shouldn’t eat it.

        I have elimates gluten but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I occasionally have indulged. Those occasional indulgences, though, have gone from resulting in mildly annoying symptoms to major digestive issues and a rash. So for the past several weeks, I’ve been gluten free across the board. And I feel better.

        Thank you for your feedback. It really helps.

      • Coach Laura

        +1 to everything AZCPA says.

        There’s no way someone could convince me to eat the 3-6 slices of bread a day for 3-6 months in order to get a positive on my blood test or biopsy. BTW, my blood test while blissfully unaware of celiac was negative but the intestinal biopsy was positive. My brother’s blood test and my son’s blood test were both negative but both are really sick with any gluten ingestion: Neither of them wanted to go through the biopsy and they just eat gluten-free. The only time I’d say to go for a diagnosis is for a child because in order to get GF meals at some schools, camps and universities one must have a doctor’s letter with proof. My son was diagnosed late in adolescence and his doc was willing to write a note saying that he was “gluten sensitive” even though he does not have a true medical diagnosis.

        • Gluten

          That is bonkers! I haven’t had 3-6 pieces of bread in a day in years!! I can’t imagine putting myself through that torture. Thanks for this feedback. It helps

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