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For those of you who prefer lower heels, Zappos has a great deal on this Cole Haan pump with a 2.5″ heel. Love the buckle detail, as well as the snake print on these heels. They were $218, but are marked today to $121 on Zappos. Cole Haan – Air Lainey Tantivy Pump 55 (Platino Fantasy Snake Print) – Footwear
Update: Note that 6pm has a few colors (sans buckle) marked even lower, to $97 – nice!
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
AIMS
These shoes are way too busy and shiny. Buckle, metalic, and snakeskin??? Not all at once, please!
AIMS
Ooh, but I do like the sans-buckle ones on 6 pm :)
moving to DC
Help Corporettes!
I’m leaving my BigLaw job in Boston next Friday and starting a 1-year government job in DC. The job is definitely 1 year. I’ve been looking at apartments in the Dupont/Foggy Bottom/Logan Circle area because I’d like to be able to walk to work every day. I just need a small studio that fits a desk + 2 chairs and a bed, is on a 3rd floor or higher, and is clean/has no bugs and hopefully quiet.
The cheapest I’ve been able to find is Hamilton House for $1700 and Archstone Dupont for $1800. The other places I’ve found (e.g., Sutton Place) are on the $1500 or so range but seem to have reviews talking about thin walls and cockroaches. I would really rather pay less as I’ll be spending most weekends flying to visit my husband (who remains in my current city) but those places are a bit scary to reserve without seeing them.
Anyone have any ideas/thoughts/advice you can give me about what to do? Right now I see three options: (1) Take a day off my last week of work and fly to DC next week to look at a whole bunch of apartments all in one day (probably mid week) and pick one, (2) Stay with a friend during the first week of work and take off during lunch or at 5 to look at apartments (sadly most are only viewable between 9-6), (3) book an apartment sight unseen like Archstone Dupont (which is what my husband is leaning towards b/c I am so stressed about this decision).
It seems that if I have some time I could maybe find something for $1500-1600 in the area that is good enough, which would be significant savings over 12 months (essentially a plane ticket home per month!) but this might be very stressful and isn’t guaranteed. Any advice oh wise Corporettes? I’ve never moved somewhere without having an apartment lined up.
Bonnie
I’d recommend staying with a friend while looking. Online reviews can be all over the place and are not always accurate. Especially since you want to walk to work, I’d recommend trying out the walk from your new job to these apartments. Keep in mind, that you will not want to walk when the weather is bad so check out bus and metro lines.
BESK
I used to live in the Windermere-Harrowgate in Dupont. Amazingly well-maintained/ managed, plenty of nice studios. Check it out (and other Keener Mgmt properties) here: http://www.keenermanagement.com/the-windermere-harrowgate/
Cat lady
Fly to DC. Although if you have an anonymous email address you’re comfortable sharing here, I would be happy to send you some info on buildings in my neighborhood (Dupont Circle) including the one where I currently live, which is great. You can definitely find a small studio for under $1500; large studios in my building currently go for $1450.
moving to DC
Yes please send me any info you have: Sharpchick at gmail dot com is my email. Thank you! And sorry about the double post!
Cat Lady
Just emailed you. Hope it helps!
T
I live in an Archstone apartment in California. They have standard procedures & leases that you can look up online.
I have to say, at least in my area, they are the best there is.
houda
I live in another country so can’t help. But just wanted to say best of luck for your move and your new job.
Caroline
I used to live in the Chesapeake, up on Connecticut in Van Ness. Not necessarily the neighborhood you’re looking for — Van Ness is Upper Northwest — but it was ~4 blocks from the Metro, red line, and my studio (granted, 4 years ago), was 560 sqft and under $1300. It didn’t have a washer/dryer (laundry room in basement) or central air (window unit), but I. LOVED. IT. The management, at least at the time, was super friendly, accommodating, and responsive, and I always felt safe in the building and the neighborhood. It’s run by Horning Brothers, which also operates the building next door, the Saratoga. I’d recommend either building highly. Good luck and congratulations on the DC job!!
Erin
Don’t be afraid of the ‘burbs. Things get a lot cheaper in VA and MD, and taking the Metro and then walking to work is just fine as a commute. I’ve been doing it for 9 years.
That said, if you’re intent on that area because you think it’s fun and cool (and it is), there are sometimes basement apartments in townhouses that rent out for cheaper than the corporate places. Try Craigslist, the Washington City Paper, or the Washington Post.
a.k.
I would recommend taking a day off and flying to look at apartments. Line up appointments ahead of time and do as much as you can by phone to weed out anything that doesn’t meet your criteria.
I know it depends on the agency, but there’s a good chance that you show up and are so busy in your first week that you can’t escape to go and look at apartments in the middle of the day.
Also, echoing others: don’t ignore the suburbs, particularly Arlington/Rosslyn if you work in the West End and still want to be able to walk or have a short commute.
lawyerette
Help Corporettes!
I’m leaving my BigLaw job in Boston next Friday and starting a 1-year government job in DC. The job is definitely 1 year. I’ve been looking at apartments in the Dupont/Foggy Bottom/Logan Circle area because I’d like to be able to walk to work every day. I just need a small studio that fits a desk + 2 chairs and a bed, is on a 3rd floor or higher, and is clean/has no bugs and hopefully quiet.
The cheapest I’ve been able to find is Hamilton House for $1700 and Archstone Dupont for $1800. The other places I’ve found (e.g., Sutton Place) are on the $1500 or so range but seem to have reviews talking about thin walls and cockroaches. I would really rather pay less as I’ll be spending most weekends flying to visit my husband (who remains in my current city) but those places are a bit scary to reserve without seeing them.
Anyone have any ideas/thoughts/advice you can give me about what to do? Right now I see three options: (1) Take a day off my last week of work and fly to DC next week to look at a whole bunch of apartments all in one day (probably mid week) and pick one, (2) Stay with a friend during the first week of work and take off during lunch or at 5 to look at apartments (sadly most are only viewable between 9-6), (3) book an apartment sight unseen like Archstone Dupont (which is what my husband is leaning towards b/c I am so stressed about this decision).
It seems that if I have some time I could maybe find something for $1500-1600 in the area that is good enough, which would be significant savings over 12 months (essentially a plane ticket home per month!) but this might be very stressful and isn’t guaranteed. Any advice oh wise Corporettes? I’ve never moved somewhere without having an apartment lined up.
moving to DC
Help Corporettes!
I’m leaving my BigLaw job in Boston next Friday and starting a 1-year government job in DC. The job is definitely 1 year. I’ve been looking at apartments in the Dupont/Foggy Bottom/Logan Circle area because I’d like to be able to walk to work every day. I just need a small studio that fits a desk + 2 chairs and a bed, is on a 3rd floor or higher, and is clean/has no bugs and hopefully quiet.
The cheapest I’ve been able to find is Hamilton House for $1700 and Archstone Dupont for $1800. The other places I’ve found (e.g., Sutton Place) are on the $1500 or so range but seem to have reviews talking about thin walls and cockroaches. I would really rather pay less as I’ll be spending most weekends flying to visit my husband (who remains in my current city) but those places are a bit scary to reserve without seeing them.
Anyone have any ideas/thoughts/advice you can give me about what to do? Right now I see three options: (1) Take a day off my last week of work and fly to DC next week to look at a whole bunch of apartments all in one day (probably mid week) and pick one, (2) Stay with a friend during the first week of work and take off during lunch or at 5 to look at apartments (sadly most are only viewable between 9-6), (3) book an apartment sight unseen like Archstone Dupont (which is what my husband is leaning towards b/c I am so stressed about this decision).
It seems that if I have some time I could maybe find something for $1500-1600 in the area that is good enough, which would be significant savings over 12 months (essentially a plane ticket home per month!) but this might be very stressful and isn’t guaranteed. Any advice oh wise Corporettes? I’ve never moved somewhere without having an apartment lined up.
cfm
Did you look at craigslist? there is a ton, here is one that looks good for 1550
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/apa/2345321489.html
and this is that places official website with photos http://www.keenermanagement.com/the-windermere-harrowgate/
Felicia G
I know a friend who has a place near the Capitol and she is looking for a roommmate. The area is pretty safe, for capital hill, so if you are interested let me know.
BKDC
I made the move from NYC to DC last summer, and had to do so on rather short notice. I made some appointments to see some apartments listed on Craigslist and lucked out on the 3rd apartment I saw. I was thrilled to find a lovely basement apartment in Logan Circle for well below the market value. While I’m very homesick for NY, I do like the neighborhood. Again, I would recommend coming down for a day or two to find something. Or, you can always stay in an efficiency for a month while you look. Best of luck in your apartment search.
MsZ
love! but they break my rule against wrapped heels – one walk to the courthouse and they’d be all nicked up.
Bianca
What does that mean? You only wear plastic or wooden heels? I get annoyed when my heels get nicked but did not know that there was a formal alternative. Details?
MsZ
You’re right, that was unclear. When I have a shoe in a light color or a print, I won’t buy it unless the heel is black (fixable with nail clippers and Sharpie), plastic, stacked, or wooden. The last straw for me was when I trotted out some brand new, gorgeous Calvin Klein gray pumps and destroyed the heel within half an hour of their debut.
Praxidike
I have these in a different patternand find them very comfortable. I bought them in my regular size, didn’t have any issues with blisters, and have walked to and from the courthouse numerous times. FYI, I am a size 8 foot with high arches and medium/narrow feet.
Livia
Threadjack: I will have an unexpected evening alone in NYC tonight, and I am planning to walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. Never done it, have wanted to for a while, and it’s nice out at long last. Any suggestions for restaurants on either side of the bridge? I’m planning to start in Brooklyn and walk back over to Manhattan once it gets dark.
Anything else I should do in that area on a random Tuesday night (or elsewhere in the city, actually — I’m flexible)?
Ru
No suggestions but it’s a beautiful walk – enjoy it!
anonymiss
Grimaldi’s Pizza on the Brooklyn side is great! There’s also a really good icecream place down there.
found a peanut
I would avoid actually eating at Grimaldi’s because not only will it be packed because of the weather, it will be packed because tonight is the last night of Passover. What I suggest is getting a pie to go (call ahead) and then walking down to the waterfront (if you walk out of Grimaldi’s, go left and then make another left on Washington Street you will end up at a nice waterfront park), total walking ~ 3 mins) and eat it there. Then do an about-face on Washington and the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge is about 3 blocks away (just past Prospect St.).
Omega
I would skip Grimaldi’s – long line most likely and I am not sure you would want to eat an entire pie? I don’t think they do by the slice. I would definitely suggest Henry’s End in Brooklyn Heights. I have been there several times and have never had a bad meal. Also, kinda nice, non-pretentious feeling to the place – I would be comfortable eating there alone.
Anonymous
The Bridge Cafe (on the Manhattan side) is delicious
Sally
I haven’t been, but I’ve been wanting to try this gastropub movie theater in Dumbo (walking distance from the Brooklyn Bridge exit): http://www.yelp.com/biz/rerun-theatre-brooklyn.
Anonymous
Jack the Horse — we live around the corner and it’s amazing. Best burger in the Heights (and pretty good mixed drinks too).
Livia
Jack the Horse — we live around the corner and it’s amazing. Best burger in the Heights (and pretty good mixed drinks too).
ignorant wedding question
My s/o and I are invited to his co-worker’s wedding. It will be Muslim wedding, and I’m not sure what to wear. I obviously do not want to wear anything that may be considered disrespectful. I don’t know the couple personally, but I know the bride wears hijab. The ceremony will be at their place of worship. Thoughts?
Ru
What country is your SO’s coworker from? Regardless, I think you’d be most comfortable to keep your legs fully covered and have some sort of sleeves, whether it’s cap, short, half, 3/4 or full, sheer or solid fabric. You don’t *have* to cover your hair but if you’d like to, any shawl that you would have that goes with your outfit would be fine. If the ceremony is as the mosque, be prepared to remove your shoes.
ignorant wedding question
Thanks! I’ll have to find out where they are from. I’m in the US (South) fwiw.
houda
I second Ru it would help to know where the couple is from as there is a large spectrum in how the muslims observe/interpret the religion.
I would think that your coworker is obviously aware of your religious/cultural background, so they would not expect you to dress exactly as they would.
I would avoid showing cleavage and loud make up.
You can wear anything that covers some of the arms and legs. A cheerful shawl would look very classy.
Enjoy the wedding.
Note: Do not expect alochol to be served at the wedding, I would guess most muslims would not serve alcohol.
Fiona
This might sound odd, but I would wear a gray pants suit with a bright scarf/shawl/pashmina that you can use to cover your head. I went to a wedding in a mosque last year and that’s what was recommended to me, and it worked out pretty well. Your arms and legs are covered and you’re wearing something dressy, even if it’s not as festive as something you might wear to a wedding outside a mosque.
dm58
I attended a Muslim wedding recently in Texas and found that many women wore longer dresses with short sleeves (but not cap sleeves). And most women were quite brightly dressed. The couple was South Asian, so that is very much part of the culture.
I personally wore a longer royal blue dress with three-quarter sleeves and carried a shockingly bright pink pashmina. I had planned to place it over my head if needed, but ended up wearing it over my shoulders instead. Most of the non-muslim women in attendance (and some of the muslim women) did not cover their heads, so I did not feel uncomfortable.
Eponine
In my experience, mosques have shawls available for non-Muslim women visitors to wear, if they want you to be covered. I would wear something modest by US standards – knee-length skirt or longer, no cleavage, shoulders covered – but there’s no reason to dress according to Islamic norms. Most of the women will probably be modestly dressed, so you don’t want to stick out, but American Muslims aren’t going to expect non-Muslim women to cover their whole bodies.
Be aware that you will have to take your shoes off in the mosque, in case that affects your choice of hosiery/decision to get a pedicure.
coco butter
threadjack:
Possible job opportunity in Richmond. Can anyone share impressions about richmond? How is it to live? What kind of cultural or adventure opportunities it offers? How hard/easy will it be to travel from Richmond to other parts of the country – meaning how frequent are the flights etc.
How would it feel for someone who lives in larger metros – for example- chicago to live in Richmond?
Thanks in adavance!
coco butter
To clarify ; its Richmond, VA
Livia
I’ve never lived in Richmond, but went to school about an hour away, and have visited friends there several times. I love Virginia and would move back if I could find the right job.
The airport is pretty good, with frequent direct flights to several big cities and hubs. You’ll be able to get most anywhere within the US direct or with just one stop. I think it’s a really nice mid-sized airport, and it’s not too prone to delays or cancellations. I’ve flown through it a number of times. Road-wise, it’s right on I-95, so easy transport to DC and the Carolinas, and I-64 takes you to Charlottesville/the Blue Ridge Mountains, and also the Williamsburg/VA Beach area. There’s plenty to see and do within an hour or two.
I can’t comment extensively on cultural opportunities, but it’s a mid-sized city that feels pretty suburban to me. It will be a different experience to Chicago, and you will either find it a nice change of pace, or be very bored. Depends how much you like being in a major city. It’s not a wasteland, as there are a few colleges around, and I’ve attended concerts and other events.
Good luck, and keep us posted if you decide to move. I think we had some Richmond-based Corporettes who were planning a meet-up a few months back.
Anon
Richmond is WONDERFUL! I lived there for a year and loved it. I would move back in a heartbeat if the job market / fate would allow it.
Part of what makes Richmond a great place to live is that it is a relatively small city (if you have not visited, you will be shocked at the skyline — or rather, the absence of one), but it offers a lot cultural and outdoor activities. They have some wonderful museums (art, childrens, history, etc.) and awesome historical sites both in town and a short drive away. Commuting is not bad — esp. if you live in the West End or Fan areas and work downtown. The suburbs are fairly standard suburbs.
Richmond’s location is fantastic, too. It’s a short drive up to DC (I could leave work on the early side and make it up to DC for evening Nationals games without a problem), a short drive to the mountains, and a short drive to the beach. It’s airport is small, but workable. If you are flying internationally, I would recommend driving to DC and flying from there for both ease and price.
You asked for a comparison to Chicago and, realistically, it’s just not the same as that. Or Atlanta. Or DC. But, it’s got a lot to offer and is great for young families.
Anon
Or rather, “its airport.” Sigh.
Janie
The bloggers at younghouselove.com live in Richmond and have several pages about Richmond activities and restaurants on their site. Seems like a nice place.
anon
I went to law school in the area. Richmond seemed cute, but its the South. If you’re from Chicago, realize that its much more Southern than you might otherwise think. And it seemed really insular when I was there. That said, some people loved it.
Tired Squared
I live in Richmond and love it–though I’ll be the first to admit that I never thought I would! I moved down from the Midwest for law school and told everyone that I would never stay in “the South,” and now I’m scheduled to take the VA bar and everything.
There is plenty to do here, but it doesn’t feel too crowded. And if you’re into restaurants, I feel like there must be a new one opening every couple of days. Friends who have lived here for 10+ years still haven’t been everywhere!
K
I went to law school in Richmond and it is definitely the South (and I say this as someone from the mid-Atlantic!). Every store/chain restaurant/etc. you want is there. But things close early and some things aren’t open on Sundays. (If you’re used to eating out at 9 pm, forget it :)). But, I really miss a lot of the independent or small chain restaurants/bars there and outdoorsy things to do around there (there are some nice parks like Maymont, there is Fridays after 5 down by the river in the summer, Monument Ave. 10K, minor league baseball/hockey, etc.). It’s an incredibly affordable place to live and traffic totally pales in comparison to most major cities. Not a lot of public transportation options and cabs are scarce but the driving didn’t bother me at all since I was used to much worse traffic.
The Richmond airport does have a good flight selection but it is a very expensive city to fly out of. I often drove to DC to catch flights because the price difference was enough to make that worth it on a law school budget.
Also the winters will be MUCH milder than Chicago.
I would definitely go visit and see what you think.
TKA
Wow! I didn’t know there were so many Corporettes in Richmond! We did have a nice meetup a while ago – we should do that again!
I have lived in Richmond for the last five years, but I’ll give you some background before I give my review! I have lived in most parts of the country, except for the Pac NW and NE. I moved to Richmond for grad school from Phoenix. There are things that I love about Richmond, and things that I don’t.
Things that I like: The city is a great size. Big enough to have good restaurants and activities, but small enough to get around easily. The James River runs through downtown, and offers great kayaking, biking, hiking, running, etc. The climate here is just about perfect, and the location can’t be beat. It’s about 2 hrs from the mountains and 2 hours from the beach – whatever is your thing. It’s a short drive to Charlottesville and reasonably easy to get to D.C. Also, the cost of living is low compared to C’ville or D.C.
Things that I don’t like: The town is very southern, as some other commenters mentioned. It’s pretty traditional – more so than larger southern cities (say, Raleigh or Atlanta). It can definitely be insular. People have their friends from high school or college and don’t stray far from those cliques. This isn’t a high-growth city, so there are relatively few transplants. The airport has its good and bad points. It is recently renovated and very nice. It’s easily accessible, which I love. It’s one of those airports where there is hardly ever a line at the ticket desk or security. If you want to go to a major hub airport on the east coast or in the midwest, you can probably get a direct flight. Smaller airports or west coast cities will probably require a connection.
Overall: Richmond is a low-key city that is easy to get around. If you are very high-energy or very liberal, you might not love it here. But it has many great features, especially if the job is good!
s-p-s
Richmond’s great – I’m from Midlothian, a suburb half an hour from downtown. Currently in DC, which definitely offers more in the way of culture / adventure, but Richmond has more restaurants / culture than ever, plus some excellent museums, and it’s definitely more of a relaxed place to live. Travel shouldn’t be a problem – it has a fairly sizable international airport, although there are often layovers in Charlotte, Atlanta, etc. I’d visit before you decide, though, if you have that opportunity.
White blazer
I’m looking for a white blazer to wear over a dress. Nothing too long (not boyfriend style) and preferably very tailored/fitted. I’m a size 2/4 on top. Any recommendations? Thanks!
Kady
I like this one that I just got this from AT Loft: http://is.gd/g6jflG
Unfortunately, you just missed Ann Taylor’s 40% off event, so it is full price still.
Kady
Oops – I linked to the petite site (which may be you), but it is also available in regular: http://is.gd/FkFX4h
White blazer
I like it! I have an AT gift certificate as well, so that helps. Thanks!
Legal Marketer
Depends on the dress, but I was admiring this one earlier today. http://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/browse/product.jsp?maxRec=3&pageId=1&productId=570016644&viewAll=&prd=Trapunto+Stitch+Jacket&subCatId=&color=100&fromSearch=true&inSeam=&posId=1&catId=cat210004&cat=&onSale=&colorFamily=&maxPg=1&size=
Frump
I recently bought a nice one from Aqua (not sure if it’s still available). Limited has a short-sleeve linen one I might consider if it goes on sale. I also saw a linen-type blazer at Ann Taylor over the weekend that looked long and lean and like it would go nicely with work dresses, but it’s probably quite spendy.
NB
These are very pretty shoes! Sometimes it is harder to find lower heels. By the way, is anyone else having a problem with the website? I keep getting the message of “stack overflow.”
Fashion Faux Pas
I’ve been getting the same message for close to a week now, but not every time that I visit the site on my computer. It doesn’t seem to affect browsing on my iPhone though.
N
I keep getting the stack overflow message on a Windows computer – when I access on my Mac, it is not there.
cbackson
On my third closing in two weeks, and feel like I’m going to die of exhaustion, hunger and stress. Sympathy, please?
E
Is the closing today? Tomorrow? Are there more on the immediate horizon? Find the light at the end of the tunnel! And order yourself some seamlessweb!
cbackson
Signing tomorrow, closing Friday. And I will miss actual closing bc I’m flying to a wedding. So the end is SO, SO NEAR, but you know, the last couple of days are always dreadful…
(no seamlessweb in Seattle! I am forced to seek my food in person, sigh…)
E
Friday is a bit far off, but you’ll power through! Think of it as a marathon! Usually not most people’s idea of a good time, but your specialty! Sorry about seamless – maybe give this a try? http://seattle.eat24hours [dot com]
cbackson
Thanks! This made me smile.
Bonnie
You have my sympathy. I’m back in trial and living the trial diet: water, coffee, granola bars and almonds. Friday will be here very soon.
M in CA
Oh, I love these and would wear the heck out of ’em at my biz-cas job. Too bad they don’t have my size on Zappos.
Midwest
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post about depression on Friday and give you an update on where things stand.
I can’t remember who said it — Eponine, maybe? — but someone hit the nail on the head when she said I sounded tired, exhausted and desperately in need of recharging, but not necessarily depressed. Several rightfully questioned how DH factors into this equation. DH does a good deal around the house and with DS. Is it 50%? Probably not, but it’s close enough, and he always pitches in if I ask for extra help. Having a baby last year totally threw our division of labor into a tailspin, but we’ve been able to solve many of these issues and I’m generally satisfied with our arrangement.
Somebody also brought up the good point that DH and I need to make sure we’re nurturing our marriage, as well as ourselves, which is a point well taken. We have date nights at home most Friday nights, but I think it would do us a world of good to get out of the house, alone, at least once a month.
All that said, I do think I could benefit from therapy. I have a huge dose of working mom guilt and even though, logically, I know that some alone time would be good for me and my family — I really struggle to prioritize it and often beat myself up for wanting a break. After all, I work full time. What kind of mom am I, if I’m willing to sacrifice limited and precious time with DS *just because*? I would never judge another mother this way, yet I totally judge myself and never feel like I’ve “earned” time away. This mentality is not something I’ve been able to overcome on my own. It makes me miserable and affects many aspects of my life.
I’m still nervous as hell about going to therapy, though.
Eponine
Glad to help, and I hope things start looking up soon. It is such a grind having young children. Just remember that they do grow up and this too will pass.
Anon for this one
I missed your previous post, but I’m totally with you, FWIW. I have two young ones, 2 and 4, and the addition of a second child just adds to the chaos. I am often on the verge of tears for no legitimate reason aside from sheer exhaustion and stress.
You need a break. I need a break. But it just ain’t happening in my life anytime soon. :(
Scully
You ARE being a good mom. By taking care of yourself, you are setting an example of a health lifestyle for your child. Some time away will help you recharge and reconnect with yourself (you’re a mom, but you’re not only a mom). Good luck with therapy! I hope you feel better soon.
EC MD
Thanks for the followup. I had these feelings my last year of residency, when I had a one year old. I had worked 80 hours a week, for 4 and a half years to become a surgeon, and in the last six months, I seriously had daily conversations with myself about chucking it all. It wouldn’t have been the right decision, but it came from a place of deep, deep exhaustion, stress and guilt — I could not be the surgeon, the mother and the wife I wanted to be, how dare I take a minute for myself? You deserve happiness. You will not be a good mother or a good wife if you aren’t mentally healthy. You talked very poignantly about the stress you knew you were putting on your marriage. You and your loved ones deserve you to have mental health.
And therapy is much scaryier in the abstract than in reality. It can a be a bit painful, but overall it’s very empowering. Find the right person. You DESERVE this.
Lyssa
Good, luck, hon! Keep us posted about how things work out with therapy- I’m sure that it would be helpful to others to see how it works for you (without delving too far into the personal, of course).
M
Our first-year female associate brought her parents to our biglaw office today for the grand tour. Not just the “public” floors of the office like conference rooms – the floor with our individual offices and only employees (and the occasional child of an employee) are. I had a pretty visceral “wtf??” reaction – what a way to make all the partners think of you as a child and undermine your authority. Of course I will keep my opinion to myself, but am I being unreasonable and/or overreacting?
Fml
Eh, it could get awkward, but it’s not like it’s a huge secret that she has parents. My parents came up to my office once to grab and sign some stuff we needed to do their will. quick hello to my assistant, and off they went.
Lol….I also can’t imagine that a first year has authority to “undermine.”
skippy pea
I don’t see how the parental tour undermines the first year associate in any way! The only thing I got out of this was that she proudly showed off her placeof work to her parents.
Eponine
I don’t see how the parental tour undermines the first year associate in any way! The only thing I got out of this was that she proudly showed off her placeof work to her parents.
MelD
We’ve had senior managers bring their parents around and I don’t think anyone really thought twice about it. If your parents are in from out of town and want to see where you work, what’s the big deal if it’s a short visit before you go to lunch or go home for the day? I think we’ve probably had every manner of relative visit- grandparents, grandkids, siblings, children, spouses, you name it.
E
My parents were DYING to see my office my first year (and still now, quite a few years later). I said no way – I already look young enough and showing my parents around in our open environment was not going to do me any favors. So I 100% get where you’re coming from. At the same time, I have had a couple coworkers do this so – to each his/her own.
Anon
I don’t think this is weird. I took my family on a weekend to see my office but I don’t think it’s a big deal at any time, especially because biglaw offices tend to have a wow factor, with art work, nice furniture, views of the skyline, etc.
Laura S
I disagree. It is a very proud moment to bring your parents to where you are actually earning money, instead of draining your parents, as all of us did for the first 25 years or so.
Having your own office, including all the mundane places associated with it, including the assistant’s station, the pantry, and even the toilets, show mom and dad that you have made it and are independent, not dependent as you suggest.
I suggest that this is not such a bad thing, and would guess that you did not have a happy parental relationship. Look with favor on those who maintain strong family ties and we will all be better off. There is never any benefit in being snarky.
Yup
100% agree. I have brought my parents to the office and introduced them to a few folks in the adjoining offices. I’m from a working class background and they were so thrilled to see how well I have done. As long as you’re not disturbing others, I don’t see why anyone would find this weird/offensive. And I’m quite a bit older, so this isn’t just something that people in their early 20s do.
houda
I think there is nothing wrong about having the parents visit.
The part that is maybe unprofessional is taking the parents to the “employee only” part of the office.
At my workplace, several places are -understandably- off limit to visitors: marketing plans, legal documents, confidential papers, anything can be exposed in this area.
Anonymous
but if there are related children there, why not related adults? surely the visiting parents are as subtle, dignified, and polite as the visiting children. live and let love.
Anonymous
I’m in the minority but I find it ridiculous to bring your parents to see your office. Especially on a weekday during business hours.
We had an associate his first year bring his girlfriend in to see his office. At that I thought WTF. I would think it would be worse with parents.
It screams “I’ve never had a real job, went straight from school to work, supported my entire life by my parents, and have no clue how to handle myself in a work environment” to me. I am sure you and I are not alone in that sentiment.
Lizzie
They look cute in a tiny photo, but I’m sure the snakeskin would scare me off in real life.
RR
I have these in the bone color, and they are really nice heels. They are probably less comfortable than other Cole Haans I have though–I’m not clear why. They also feel a little higher than 2.5 inches to me. But, all in all, very nice, cute, comfy heels. I just prefer the wedges or the Air Mid Talia.
Kate
I bought these Lainey’s at Macy’s in black patent for a conference and they were super comfy and broke in really well (and fast!).