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Coffee Break – Catarina Shoulder Bag

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HOBO INTERNATIONAL Catarina Shoulder BagI actually found this bag because I was in a red mood and was hunting for a reasonably priced bag in, well, red. The clean lines and fun details (love that bit of chain on the strap) stuck out immediately, and when I clicked… lo and behold, it comes in “azure,” which is a much more spring color. I've always found that light blue bags are surprisingly versatile — this one looks like it would retain its color and shape for quite a while, too. In addition to red and blue, it's also available in a light brown “cognac.” They are all $248 at Amazon. HOBO INTERNATIONAL Catarina Shoulder Bag (L-2)

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

191 Comments

  1. Does anyone have any advice about renting a summer share near New York City? My friends and I have decided we want to try to spend a few (3-4) weekends on the beach this summer. Preferably Long Island. We’re all late 20’s/early 30’s (mixed gender) and there will be 6-8 of us total, although we might not all go for all of the weekends. Apparently I am in charge of finding us a place. I know nothing about this. For starters, I’d love to get an idea about the differences between different towns. We are relatively budget-conscious and willing to find a place with tight quarters, but would ideally like to be within walking distance of the beach (none of us have cars). We would also like to go somewhere with some social life (we’re single). I would be very grateful for any advice you all can provide, including where to get more information about this type of thing, what we should reasonably expect to spend, and where to start looking for places. Also, because I have no sense of timing — we’re not already too late for this summer, are we? I think I might be crazy for offering to organize this, but it seems like one of those “you’re only young once” sorts of things, and if it actually happens I’m sure we’ll have an amazing time and it will be worth it (famous last words). TIA.

    2. I live on LI, so of course I’ve never rented a place and can’t give you great details about each location, but here are the popular ones.

      Fire Island: You can only get there by ferry so no car required and there is a good social life. It is divided up into different “towns” on the island. I have friends who rave about Davis Park. Cherry Grove & the Pines are the mainly LGBT communities on the island.

      Montauk is nice, but FAR. On the plus side there is an LIRR train that goes out there, but I am not sure about walking distance to everything. There is a nice little town shopping center, but I think its a bit far from the beach (not sure).

      Hamptons: there are several different Hampton communities and I am not sure which are closest to the shore, but I am sure you can do a little research and find the best ones.

      Good luck, hope I helped a little!

    3. i’ve used VRBO a couple of times – not for the jersey/NYC-area beaches, but for the outer banks and the poconos. i’m not familiar enough with the area you’re looking in to make recommendations for towns, but i would definitely suggest using VRBO to look for the rental.

    4. Summer shares in the Hamptons are so much fun – and could definitely fit the bill for you. Homeowners that rent for shares are typically looking for people in the late 20s/30s bracket to avoid the “risks” as they seem them of younger renters. They are very popular though and can go quickly! If you’re just looking for 3-4 weekends out of the summer you want a half-share (or maybe even quarter share). I would honestly just try googling hamptons half share and see what comes up. As far as communities, you’d probably have the most fun in Southampton (lots of nightlife), Bridgehampton, E Hampton or Amagansett, with the first 2 being the most fun for your demographic I think. You don’t need a car if you get a house close enough to a jitney (the bus, cheap, that takes you straight out from a bunch of stops on manhattan’s east side to all the towns in the Hamptons) or train station (again, easy trip on LIRR from Penn Station, but the trains can get suuuuper crowded on summer weekends). There are plentiful taxis around out there.

      You can also try vrbo dot com for the hamptons (I have friends who’ve done it successfully) and see what’s available for a few weekends here or there – but be aware that a lot of the best quality and most affordable places will be booked already!

      Can’t give details on Fire Island but I know a bunch of people have had a great time doing shares out there – it’s closer to the city, and cheaper than the hamptons. Just as an FYI, there’s a “gay” side of Fire Island which is super fun and a side that’s maybe a little more Jersey Shore-ish. Just be aware of that to make sure you find the social scene that will best suit your group!

  2. I want to thank everyone that responded to me in the weekend thread. I can easily admit that I have never been able to balance work and my own life very well, but I left work early Friday (of course, early is still 7) and went home and had a glass of wine and watched one of the DVDs I’ve had from Netflix sitting at home for a couple of months. Saturday I slept in and spent the morning puttering around the house and didn’t go in to work until almost 1 and then had dinner with one of my friends. I spent Sunday trying to make myself go into work, but around 5 I admitted it just wasn’t happening.

    Anyway, I went back to work early Monday morning feeling somewhat better, but then I spent 16 hours at work making up the stuff I blew off over the weekend, so overall it was not the best plan. I did spend the weekend thinking about what I want though and honestly what I want is to just quit. I would obviously wait until April 15, but I think I had forgotten how much I hate busy season, which is why I was looking for a new job last year.

    Is quitting without a new job in place insane? I know that the job market isn’t great and that it’s easier to get a job when you already have one. But honestly, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve always done what I thought I should do. I spent every summer since the 8th grade in summer school getting ahead (I started senior year of high school with enough credits to graduate already), I went to the best ranked college I got in to (even though looking back it was a bad fit for me) and every summer after I graduated high school I worked full time and I started in public accounting three weeks after graduating college (and I worked at my college job full time during those three weeks). I’ve obviously had some vacation in there, but mostly the kind where I work up until I leave, go away for a week, and come back and go immediately back to work (or the kind where you spend 12 hours a day studying for the CPA exam).

    I have no debt and enough savings to last at least six months of living expenses plus allow me to do a little traveling. Best case scenario is I take some time off, enjoy my summer, and find a job that I really enjoy (or will allow me to better enjoy my life outside of work) or apply to business school (although I think it would be too late for next year, but I could at least take the GMAT). Worst case is I run out of money, have to move to my parents’ house (I live about 15 miles away currently, so not that big a deal, although I doubt that their dream is to have their 28-year-old daughter living with them and it’s certainly not mine), and am forced to go back to public accounting next tax season, probably at a firm that is nowhere as awesome as the one that I work at now.

    Would I be killing myself professionally? Would someone even hire me if I quit my last job for no reason other than I didn’t want to work there anymore and wanted some time to myself? I guess I am just upset that I’ve spent my whole doing what I thought I was supposed to do, and I’ve ended up sad and unfulfilled. Another 30 or 40 years of this makes me honestly depressed, but everyone else does it, so why am I having such a hard time?

    1. You’re having a hard time because you hate it. Period. If there was something you were working towards, maybe you motivate yourself, but it sounds like you’re single, no family to support, no “reason” to force yourself to work. And even financially you don’t NEED to work. Add in that you hate it, and…this is what you get.

      Now the tough questions. You mentioned that you looked for a different job last year. Then busy season went away and you stopped, I’m guessing, since you’re still there and thinking about looking again. So, is it the job you loathe or the busy season? Can you get through it by taking a month long vacation in May? (Unpaid if necessary, since you have so much reserve saved up.)

      Is it the job that’s the problem or your life? That sounds harsh and I don’t know you, but if you’re on your own (again, still assuming from the fact you could move back in with your parents and no mention of an SO) maybe you need to try to get out more and connect with people and becoming more happy in your life will help you be more happy and/or fulfilled at work. Trust me, I know that when work is all you have, and it sucks, you start blaming everything on work when really maybe it’s something in your life. I was also super busy in my last job, but I volunteered for a cat rescue 1 day a week for 2-4 hours. Not much of a commitment, I got to work right afterwards, and it made me feel good.

      I also have spent my life doing “the right thing” and while I’m in a great place now I look at my brother who his entire live has not given a fig about the right thing, he’s always just done his thing, and while I am making more money than him right now, and again, quite happy, I can almost guarantee you that he will end up more “successful” than I am by society’s parameters.

      If you’re not happy, if you’re not passionate, life’s too short! Quit your job, take an around the world cruise or tour, put some significant thought into what you want to do with your life, and when you get back, DO IT!

      (But yeah, you’ll likely be effing your career in the short run. In the long run, who knows! Things happen!)

    2. Hon, I know you are miserable and I don’t want you to endanger your health, but … if you can stick it out for five more weeks, please do. I understand feeling that you have been delaying gratification forever, but you will be in a much stronger position to find a new job if you can stay employed now. Immediately plan a vacation for as soon as possible — a big one, like two whole weeks! Have a huge calendar at home where you mark off the days as you knock them down. After April 15, spend all your time trying to get a new job (even if it means slacking off at work).

      Here’s where I am coming from: At 32, I left a miserable job because I could not stand it anymore and I had about a year’s salary saved. It took two full years to find another comparable job, and I went from making about 65K to about 35K. Ten years later, I am just getting back to my old salary. Now, I wish I had slacked off at work more so I didn’t get so burned out that I thought quitting was my only option.

      1. This! I, too, left a job because I hated it and had enough money to not worry. I quickly found another job and never went without a paycheck, BUT I ended up leaving a very high paying job for a moderately paying job, which makes it much harder to save for retirement.

        If I had it all to do over again, I would tell my younger self:

        1. Estimate how much money (X) you need to have saved for retirement by what age.
        2. How much of X does it make sense for you to earn at your current job where, presumably, the pay is good?
        3. Is there any good reason to leave your current job before you have saved X?

        If I had done the above, I have every reason to believe I would have stuck it out another three years and then never worked again.

        Please take “Anon for this”‘s advice and don’t make any decisions until tax season is over and you have rested up and are thinking with a clear mind.

        You CAN do it!

    3. You mention that you hate busy season. Is your job more bearable once busy season ends? If so, I’d power through busy season and then start looking for a new job in May, but I wouldn’t quit until I had a new one.

      If your job is unbearable all the time, I don’t think it’s insane to quit before you find a new job, but you should consider it carefully. I definitely wouldn’t spend your savings on traveling or anything, because you really don’t know how long it will take to get a new job. The best choice is to wait to quit until you have something else lined up, but if you really can’t bear your job, then you need to do what is necessary to take care of your mental and emotional health.

    4. I’m not an accountant, I’m an actuary. But because I work with lots of accountants, I know there are areas of accounting that are more or less unrelated to tax, and therefore don’t have the busy season you describe. Is there a chance you could lateral into one of those areas by taking a couple of exams, and then stay at your awesome firm? Or even leave your firm and still stay in the field?

    5. This is going to sound harsh, so please read it in the most gentle voice you can use.

      At 28, perhaps it’s time to stop thinking of your parents as your safety net. You seem fairly dimissive that they might not want you to move back in, and are willing to do it anyway, just so you don’t have to do something you don’t want to. Why do your wants trump their wants?

      I think it’s a *terrible* idea to quit a job without another job lined up. Your plan works only if nothing goes wrong, and if something does go wrong, you’re assigning the consequences of that to someone else.

      Stick out this busy season, look for another job after April 15, and remember that if you *choose* to stay another year, you’re also *choosing* the effects of the busy season.

      Spend some time thinking about what would both 1) make you happy; and 2) pay your bills. You seem to think your choices are only: time off and live on savings, or work at sucky job. Lots of people have jobs they enjoy and support themselves. You can find one, too. You just need to make it through the next 6 weeks. You can do anything for 6 weeks.

      1. Hm…can I offer a counterpoint, again gently? I was so amazingly darn responsible at 26 that if I had heard this advice, I would have put my nose to the grindstone, kept going, and worked myself straight into a major depression, thinking there was no other option.
        My experience: Like you, I’d done everything expected of me and worked hard without a break for years. I was just longing to be young while I was young. So I did “flake out” and quit my job and hop around doing volunteer work I’d always wanted to do, and one of those gigs turned into a job and I landed on my feet. Risky? Sure. Worth it? Yeah. It changed the course of my life (literally). There’s no way to extrapolate from my anecdote to what might happen for you. But I did want you to know that sometimes the “stupid” path works.
        That said, I suspect it’s your approach to your job and life that is doing you in, and not the actual circumstances. (Again, hear me gently there.) It sounds like you may have had lots of reinforcement in How to Work Hard and How to Achieve, and perhaps nobody taught you how to say no, how to make room for and develop and nurture friendships, how to spend money having fun, how not to go at life as if it’s all or nothing, how to enjoy yourself, how and when it’s appropriate not to meet expectations, how to fail and be ok, how to lighten up, how to rest, how to decompress, etc., etc., These are all life skills you can learn without having to quit your job. But, ahem, do please take a very, long vacation.
        And please don’t make any big decisions until after that vacation.

        1. Hi!

          First off, big hugs.

          I’d like to second what DV says, from *That said..*. I totally agree.

          I experienced something similar. Worked super super hard through school and uni, was exemplary in every way and graduated top of my class. I can’t help shuddering just to think about how hard I worked to maintain the picture perfect image, and how unnecessary that is.

          Anyway, decided on a career in a demanding field of Medicine and jumped in at the deep end since I got offered a job at the best unit in the country (lots of emergencies, totally unpredictable working hours, awful work environment).

          Had a heap of trouble keeping up, and eventually changed to a slower paced specialty, gracefully, and put it all down to experience. When I left, I honestly thought my gut feeling about X as a student was totally wrong, and that I hated the subject. Having moved to the other field, I couldn’t help envying the people doing X, although I do find a lot to love about what I do now. Just giving you the background to help you understand where I’m coming from on this.

          In hindsight;
          It was partly my perfectionism that detracted from my enjoying what I was doing, and the same that didn’t allow me to love the new, less prestigious subject.
          It was also my all or none approach that gave me the most problems.
          Also the fact that I was actually having trouble prioritising my life, straight out of uni
          and was having trouble with SO at the time.

          In retrospect, if I had been able to fix the last two, I would not have left X.

          YMMV, but wanted to post in case you find this useful.

          I think (speaking gently) you sound a little depressed.

          Hugs again!

    6. I’m not a tax person but I’m guessing it would be a huge red flag if a future employer saw that you left with nothing lined up *during busy season.* They would either think you couldn’t hack busy season or were doing so poorly, you were let go !**during busy season**!!. If you have to quit for mental health reasons, try to at least get through April 15th. If you end up with a resume gap, at least future employers will see that you didn’t leave another employer high and dry during their busiest time of year.

    7. CPA here – quitting your job in the MIDDLE of busy season = big giant red flag. It will signal to future employers that you can’t just suck it up and get work done. Also, that you will quit in the middle when the firm needs you.

      I recommend staying until the end of busy season, rewarding yourself with a nice tropical vacation, and then looking for another job. Maybe you could work on a goal during busy season to help you stay motivated. Like, after work, you could work on your resume? Or researching other types of jobs, as it sounds like you don’t have a clear idea what kind of job you.

      Don’t fall into black or white thinking. Right now, you are saying that your choices are either quit now or commit to 30-40 years of this. In reality, you have many, many more options than the all or nothing option you are presenting yourself.

      Another thing you could do – if you are thinking that you will quit in the next year anyway – is just start putting in the bare minimum at work. Maybe 60 hours, but don’t check your email after those hours, or whatever. Seriously, I was the highest performer at my team in public accounting and I watched YouTube ice dance videos for half the day (even during busy season!). Who cares if they fire you after the end of busy season – if your plan works, you will have been prepared job-wise for that.

      It also sounds like you really don’t know what kind of job you want. Maybe you could spend some time exploring other options (Volunteering, evening job, whatever). Could you get involved in the IRS VITA program? I really loved it during busy-season as it made me feel like I was giving back.

      Hang in there…

      1. The OP did say, “I would obviously wait until April 15,” re: quitting, so I think she sees this point.

        1. Sorry — I meant that first point — that quitting during busy season would be a huge strike against her for any future employment (and would also be leaving her current awesome firm in the lurch).

  3. Anyone have a trust dog walker and/or housecleaning service they’d recommend. I’m new to the Santa Monica Cali area and am in the market for both. Any recs greatly appreciated!

  6. I posted this earlier but at the end of the comments, so repeat threadjack –

    Anyone have any experience with the legal market in Atlanta? I’m particularly interested in quality of life for a corporate attorney compared to a biglaw firm in nyc. I’m thinking of making the jump, though I would consider a medium sized or small firm, if I thought the lower pay would be compensated by higher quality of life. I’d appreciate any insight!

    1. I don’t have any first-hand experience, but a friend of mine worked for one of the ‘big’ firms in Atlanta as a summer, and his experience was that the associates worked almost as much as NYC but got paid less. However, the cost of living there is much lower. Do you know people there who you could talk to about the quality of life, etc.?

      1. This. For most national firms (if you’re looking big law that is) hours expectations are set at a national level. So its not going to vary much office to office. Though the drive for face time may be less than in NYC.

        Though you will make less, you can buy a four bedroom mansion in Atlanta for what you’d pay for a studio in Manhattan, so there is that. And its warmer. :-)
        (p.s. I don’t practice in Atlanta, so this is all word-of-mouth).

      2. Biglaw pays the same in Houston as NYC. I’d assume the same would be true for Atlanta.

        1. Definitely depends on the firm. A lot of firms have a NYC scale (that might pay the same in other major markets) and then pay less in other markets — now still plenty, but less.

    2. As someone who has lived in Atlanta for the past 17 years, but is not an attorney, I have to ask what do you mean by a “better quality of life”? How old are you? Are you married, have or do not have children. Where are you looking to live? Rent vs own?

      Oh and the comment that you can buy a mansion for what you’d pay for a studio in NY–not so sure that’s true, unless you’re looking to buy in the far out suburbs, and in that case you’re looking at a long commute into the city by car as public transportation here isn’t that great.

      At any rate, I’d look at the Atlanta boards on citydata. Come to visit for at least a week, rent a car and do some exploring on your own, as friends and family will only take you to their favorite places. And absolutely do not consider re-locating here without a concrete job offer.

        1. Whew!! I hoped not :). But then again, I may not be all that up on real estate prices in NY either.

          1. I don’t know about Atlanta, but when I read the “what you get for X $” in other parts of the country feature in the NY Times, I usually think I must have serious issues to want to live in NYC. When half a mill doesn’t even guarantee you a decent one bedroom something is seriously off. I need therapy.

          2. @ AIMS. BUT, do those articles also list the salaries for comparable jobs for given cities? And I must need therapy too, because there are times that I have actually pondered moving to NYC. So there!!!! :)

          3. Anon- fair point. Though I suspect my buck would still go waaaaaaay further almost anywhere else and my salary is, sadly, far from unreasonable. And perhaps we both need therapy but it’s nice to know that the grass is always greener for others, too :)

    3. My brother worked at one of Atlanta’s largest firms (the name of which you would know), and regularly billed 2300-2400 hours a year. Starting salary was $20-30,000 less than NYC. He was miserable. He did, however, have a larger apartment than he would have in NYC, because Atlanta is cheaper. You’ll need a car, though, and you’ll almost certainly be driving it a lot, so those costs have to be factored in.

    4. Depends on the practice group and in particular practice area, but no, the quality of life is not substantially better than NYC firms if you practice securities, finance, m&a, or another fast-paced corporate practice. Most big ATL firms are negotiating against big firms in NYC, DC, LA, Chicago, etc. so the hours are the same as those firms are working on the same deal. Pay is lower, but so is cost of living (you’d spend $1500 for a 1BR in ATL vs. $2700 for the same place in NYC. Other stuff is cheaper as well, but you need a car to get around. Overall, I’m very happy with the city and my firm, but do not move with the expectation of billing 1850/yr at a big firm.

    5. Thank you all for the responses! This was my guess about Atlanta, but it’s good to know before I move there with expectations of a more relaxed life.

      I’m in my mid/late twenties and single, so I am still at a point where I could handle the lifestyle. The draw of Atlanta is family, and the hope of paying down my loans a bit faster, but I will definitely continue to think about the decision…

      Thanks again!

    6. I live in ATL and will start practicing at a biglaw firm in the fall. Depending on the particular practice and the firm, your hours may not be that far off from NY hours. If the firm you are looking at has NY and other large city offices, you are much more likely to have those types of hours.

      I do appreciate the qualify of life here. My starting salary may be less than in NYC, but my taxes are lower in Georgia and things in general are cheaper here. Plus, I love the weather :-)

      1. I live in Atlanta, too, and I have found that the legal market is very strange here. Quality of life-wise, while this is not a fast-paced, 24 hour kind of city, commutes are long and female partners don’t have children, so ridiculous hours are not uncommon. That being said, the market here is super-stratified and somewhat regional (Duke attorneys are far more esteemed that NYU or Columbia lawyers), so it is a whole different ball of wax job-search wise.
        But it is a great place to live and, it took me a couple of years, but I love it now. Not much fun without a circle of friends and/ or SO, though.

        1. “Not much fun without a circle of friends and/or a SO”

          That applies to almost anywhere. Sigh.

  7. Where does one get purses repaired? The bag in question is by a smaller European designer, and was bought in Europe so I can’t exactly take it back to the store where it was bought. I want it back in my rotation, since it is basically the Most Perfect Bag Ever (classic! well-made! beautiful! holds laptop + notebooks without being overwhelmingly heavy!), but the hardware holding one strap to the body of the bag snapped. Curses.

    1. Try asking your dry cleaner – they might not do the repairs, but they might know of someone who does.

        1. Somehow I knew that, on this site, Nordstrom would feature into the answer to my question ;) I’ll call the nearest one.

    2. Get thee to a cobbler. Seriously, the guy that works miracles on your favorite pair of pumps can also work wonders on your dream purse.

        1. Hm. I love my cobbler, but it didn’t occur to me that he could handle this, because it’s not the leather that’s broken, it’s a metal ring. I will definitely call and ask, though.

        3. My cobbler put all new leather handles on my favorite black leather tote long ago . . . they are seriously all-around skilled.

    3. I’ve been pondering this question. My issue is a bit more complicated because the bag I need repaired had this very elaborate leather threading around the edges that’s become completely frayed. I’ve been considering using artbag dot com, which is supposed to be great at these sorts of things … so if the cobbler doesn’t work out…

    4. Check out Artbag on the upper east side. Used to be Madison in the 60s, but they moved. They can do it on-site if you are in NY or you can mail it to them. They have a website.

    5. Leather Spa in NYC. You can go to the store or visit their website to mail stuff in. I take my high end designer shoes and bags there and nowhere else. Pricey, but worth it.

  8. Kat — I don’t know if this is just a coincidence, but I like how you’ve put up the last few Coffee Break threads shortly after putting up a special advice thread. I love the comments threads and threadjacks, but sometimes there are very interesting issues that I want to learn more about, and the comments sections would be completely comprised of threadjacks. I like that you’re putting up the Coffee Break so that the special advice threads might stay more focused on the topic of that post, and therefore, more useful (IMO).

    1. Maybe I’m just ornery today but I actually don’t like how closely timed the posts are. To each, her own.

      Also, men are drama queens. That is all.

        1. I find that if I think of most men as children, it makes them easier to deal with. It also makes them make a whole lot more sense.

          Generally around 8 years old. Though some are more like 6 and a special few are 4.

          1. I think of them as 12 years old. Menarche is an important step towards adulthood and men never experience menarche so…

      2. this (drama queens). I have seen my fair share of men being dramatic or doing their fair share of kitty scratching at work.

      4. Oy, my husband is SUCH a drama queen. So much sighing and muttering over first world problems. And heaven forfend he should stub his toe: it’s the end of the world as we know it.

  9. For those whose relationships benefited from couples’ counseling (some commenters in this morning’s thread), how did you go about finding possible counselors to work with, vetting them and then narrowing it down? DH and I have had multiple hard-core blowout fights lately and both agree we are ready to seek outside help.

    1. My husband’s benefits package includes a mental health hotline that you call first. If they determine you could use counseling, they give you a list of counselors in your area who are a part of their plan. We picked the one with the most convenient location. It ended up being fine and we didn’t go anywhere else.

      (I think a lot of insurance plans/benefits package include this type of mental health hotline, but few people realize you can get counseling out of it… check it out.)

      For my personal counselor, I asked a friend who’s a counselor in another city if she had any professional colleagues she’d recommend in my city. She gave me a list of 5 people she recommended, and I poked around their websites and then visited two before picking one. My friend has the same faith background as me, which was important to me in finding a counselor. If you are part of a faith community, ask around there to see if people have recommendations. Or use your network to get a referral from someone who knows you. You have a better chance, IMO, of getting a good fit.

    2. I just googled. I knew I did not want a counselor with any religious affiliation, and since I live in the South, that eliminated the vast majority of search results. We ended up going with a counselor who was also a professor at a local large university. This might be completely untrue, but I thought that such a person might have more of an interest in the most current methods and be less touchy-feely. It ended up working great.

    3. I commented about this a few weeks ago; I was the one who had found therapists for practically every constellation of my family and for me alone (but then promised that I am nice).

      I treat it like any other professional. I ask for references from insurance, from trusted friends (beware: anyone you think will hold it against you, will) and from googling. I ask for references for therapists with experience in X (insert your issue here). Once I have 3 who sound like they have the requisite expertise, then I interview all 3 for the best fit. Most therapists will do this for about 10-15 complimentary.

      Once you pick someone, s/he may want to meet with each of you separately before jumping in.

      Also, if after a few sessions, you’re not feeling it with this therapist, lather rinse and repeat and find someone new.

      Good luck. A good marriage therapist is worth her weight in gold (or whatever the most expensive material on earth is).

    4. We found our current therapist through a friend who is a therapist. He obviously couldn’t see us, but he gave us the name of someone who seems to be a good fit. (This is after we tried the counselor that my husband’s psychiatrist recommended. It seems the psychiatrist and the counselor are friends. She was a great psychiatrist, but her friend was a terrible, terrible counselor.)

      Try out counselors and go with your gut. We stayed with the bad counselor for months after I realized she was no good. We threw away a lot of money on her, it delayed us finding someone who could help, and she probably did more harm than good. I’d say that after three to four sessions (or even less) you can get a good idea whether the therapist or counselor is someone you feel comfortable continuing to see.

      Actually, our current counselor gave us the first session free to make sure we were comfortable with him.

    5. Try to find the smallest travel containers you can. I can’t stand the ones that are so big I can fit a month’s worth of shampoo in one bottle, and only leave room for 4 bottles in the one quart bag. If you’re only going for a few days, you’ll need very small quantities, so get small containers. Look for the kits at Target, CVS, etc., knowing that some will be useful and some will be too big and not useful. Also ask for samples at a place like Kiehl’s–their little sample containers are perfect, and if you don’t actually use Kiehl’s you can just empty and wash it to put in your product. See if you can get samples of any of your hair/face products–the little packets are great because they take up a lot less space, and you can just throw them away when you head home instead of repacking. Also look for travel sizes at Target, Ulta, Sephora, etc. A lot of times these are WAY too big and you’re better off squeezing a small amount into a travel size container, but the travel sizes are sometimes your only option for aerosols.

      And yes, mascara technically is a liquid, as are most types of deodorant. I’ve never put it in my liquids bag though and they’ve never stopped me (I fly approximately once per month and have done this for years). If you have room though, might as well put it in to avoid the possible delay if they were to question it.

        1. Oh good to know! I’m a huge Container Store fan but hate the traffic going into mine. Sounds like I need to suck it up and schedule an OCD playdate :)

  10. I’m attending my brother’s wedding in Vegas this weekend, and since it’s a short trip and the bf has to be at work early on Monday, we’re only taking carry-ons. This is my first real trip using only a carry on and still needing to look nice, so does anyone have any advice for concise packing? I’m particularly unsure when it comes to make-up: what are the essentials I should bring, and what CAN I bring. (Like, does mascara count as a liquid?)

    (don’t think this went through the last time, but if this ends up posting twice, I’m sorry)

    1. First off, mascara is a liquid (I’m pretty sure) but I think most if not all are probably less than three ounces.

      Essential make-ups in my book are foundation, blush, eye liner, mascara, eyeshadow, and lipstick. And maybe hairspray/mousse. Another option if its stressing you out is that I assume most hotels in Vegas have a salon, you might be able to get a last minute appointment to get a quick up-do and make-up job done on the day (plus…HOW FUN!)

      Clothes — I am a very light packer when I travel and one of the ways I go about it is by really limiting my pants and outerwear (like coats or jackets) because seriously they can be re-worn many times. So for a short trip like that I’d only pack one pair of jeans (which I might wear on the plane anyway) and an extra pair of nicer pants or skirt for going out to the rehearsal dinner. I just make sure to have enough t-shirts, underwear and everything that I don’t smell. :-P I’d be careful how you pack whatever you’re wearing for the wedding — but again, if worst came to worst, the hotel could probably get it steamed or pressed for you on an urgent basis.

      Have fun!

      1. Just did a flight where I only had carry on; this was in Canada, so some caveat there, but they certainly didn’t seem to think that my mascara was a liquid (they didn’t make me put it in a plastic bag like they did with my toothpaste; but either way I agree that it’s too small to violate the rules so if you’re worried just make sure it’s in a ziploc baggie). I stupidly brought a moisturizer that was over the size limit, though, and they took it away from me. If your foundation is a liquid, you’ll want to check the size on that one too.

        I brought the following as my carry-on for a four day trip (and it was for a moot, so there was some pressure to look polished/professional):

        Bag one: two skirt suits and a pair of dress shoes (in a suit bag). This was the only clothing I brought besides underwear, socks, and the clothing I wore on the plane. If you’re only there for two days, and you’ve got a dress for the wedding, you might do the same: dress and shoes in suit bag, all other clothes are essentially on your back.

        Other bag (purse/tote): foundation (powder), application brush, eyeliner (liquid, but again, they didn’t seem to think it was one), one eyeshadow palette, mascara, eyebrow pencil/brush, hair straightener, underwear, all my business materials. I had two lipsticks and two lipglosses in my coat pocket.

        I don’t own a carry-on size suitcase, just my usual day bag (which isn’t particularly large), and I still took a satisfactory amount of things for a four-day trip. If you’ve got a case that’s larger but still meets the carry-on requirements for the airline you’re using, you can probably take quite a bit of stuff with you.

    2. Someone who used to post here (don’t think I’ve seen her in a while), Road Warriorette, has a blog that is worth checking out. Also, the NY Times had a few articles in the past year or two about packing light – search for packing tips from flight attendants or professional travelers. I think the gist was to roll your clothes, stuff exercise gear/socks/underwear inside shoes you’re packing, and be ruthless about the number of pairs of shoes you pack, since they take up so much room. As for the makeup/mascara – I’ve never had a TSA agent question my interpretation of the rules about liquids/gels/aerosols. The only thing they ever weren’t happy about was some After Eight mints in my bag – the semi-liquidy mint filling was suspect (my in-laws live in nowheresville, have no fun foods in their house, and I stress-eat, so I arrive with snacks like you wouldn’t believe); they let the After Eights through – probably saw the desperation in my eyes. To me, mascara is not liquid, but I usually have room in my one-quart bag to fit in the mascara tube anyway. Keep in mind that contact solutions/saline don’t have to fit into the one-quart bag – you have to declare them to the agent, but they can be separate from the bag, freeing up room for other stuff. For a weekend, consider using a few contact lens cases to carry small amounts of liquids – one contact case is actually a fair amount of tinted moisturizer/foundation, and doesn’t take up much room in your one-quart bag. MAC makes small plastic screw-top jars that are great for things like hair gel/glossing cream. If you’re a perfume person, Ulta and Sephora often have rollerball tubes of a small selection of perfumes – very easy to fit a rollerball tube into the one-quart bag. Also, your situation may be different, but my husband is a minimalist, so if I’m traveling with him, I can always manage to sneak a few things into his one-quart bag…

      1. I’ve done the contact lens case for moisturizer/foundation/etc. A lot does fit in there and you will easily get a few days worth of product. Also, if you want to take perfume, Nordstrom will make you a little sample spray bottle which will also last a few days. Or you can just swing by and ask for one of the containers and do it yourself (I don’t have any shame doing this because I spend a lot there).

      2. entirely off topic but what made you choose that handle? (If you don’t mind my asking)
        Digby is my super wonderful amazing dog’s name and I’ve never seen it used anywhere other than the town we got the name from in Nova Scotia
        <3 all Digbys (now that I know there's more than one)

    3. This is what I would pack, assuming you’re flying out Friday and back Sunday. I haven’t checked a bag in years.

      I would wear on the plane a comfy jersey dress with tights, flats, cardigan, and scarf.

      Pack the rehearsal dinner dress and the dress for the wedding. I make sure both of these dresses work with the same pair of heels and the same clutch. Pack one outfit for Saturday walking around before the wedding – either another casual dress to wear with the same flats I traveled in or jeans and a top to wear with the flats. Sunday, I either rewear one of the casual dresses again or rewear the jeans with a clean top. Again, same flats. Underwear, bras, socks as necessary. Hotels always have blow dryers, so all I need is a curling iron or flat iron. This might be less than other people, but I would want room to take workout clothes to get in one or two workouts.

      Makeup for me is same as TCFKAG. In the liquid ziploc goes tinted moisturizer, concealor, liquid eyeliner, mascara, one or two lipglosses/lipsticks (others float around my purse and I’ve never been called out on them). In a packed toiletry bag go mineral powder, blush, eyeshadow.

      The important thing is to figure out exactly what you want to wear (clothes and makeup) for each event and stick to that.

      1. That’s right. You can’t pack your whole wardrobe and plan to pick something to wear once you get there. Lay out some outfits, choose your favorite, then try those on and choose one or two. Stick to a color palette and go for pieces that you can re-wear during the trip (e.g. the same cardigan over a dress for night, and jeans for day.) Shoes are the worst to pack, so you might want to plan your packing around one or two pairs of shoes you’ll wear for the whole trip.

        If you’ll be swimming, your swim coverup and flip flops can double as loungewear to wear when you’re hanging around your hotel room or getting ready. Same for yoga pants as pajamas. Pack one pair of socks to sleep in if you can’t sleep when your feet are cold.

        Pack your 3 oz liquids including liquid makeup in one (one) quart sized ziploc bag and have it accessible to whip out at the security line. Do not pack shampoo, soap or conditioner. You will be OK for two days using the stuff the hotel supplies. Simplify your skincare routine to your favorite products. Make sure you include sunscreen. Remember there are drugstores in Vegas if you forget something.

        I most recently did carry-on only for a two city six day trip which included both business and vacation. It can be done. I wore mostly black and gray and was thoroughly sick of both of my black skirts by the time I got home, but it was better than risking the airline misplacing my bag and winding up at my final destination with nothing to wear for my big presentation.

    4. Thanks everyone! Guess this means I need to head to Kroger to get some 3 oz bottles!

      1. Remember, most of your nice hotels will provide shampoo, conditioner, lotion, and a bunch of other stuff. So don’t buy those basics!

        1. Actually most hotels do NOT provide conditioner. Only shampoo, and it’s basic shampoo with sulfates. Do not make the mistake of not packing conditioner!

          1. huh? I travel on average twice a month for business and I haven’t stayed anywhere, I don’t think ever, that hasn’t provided conditioner.

            Sometimes they don’t provide lotion, but you can usually get some by calling Housekeeping.

          2. I’ve noticed that almost all nice U.S. hotels provide conditioner, but even super nice hotels in Europe do not. I didn’t pack conditioner on a trip to France this summer, assuming that the 4-5 star hotels I was staying in would supply it. Mistake. Had to get a large bottle at a drug store and haul it around the rest of the trip. It was kind of a production.

          3. Really? I don’t think I’ve ever stayed at a hotel that DID provide conditioner. But Anon in SF is right; I almost never travel in the US.

  11. Loving that bag! That blue is simply gorgeous.

    DC ladies — I’ve been in a funk lately and realizing that perhaps I need to branch out and make some friends. I’m fairly new to DC (from Brooklyn, hence the screen name), and it seems so hard to break into social groups when everyone seems to know each other from work and/or school. Any tips on where to go? Meetup.com has only gotten me so far. Any thoughts about organizing a corporette meetup?

    2. This is funny because I think of my time in DC as such an easier time making friends than now that I live in Boston.

      Things that I did to relatively good success. If you play any sports, you should sign up for a spring league. Good options include Ultimate Frisbee (they have a great league down there), I think there are a few soccer leagues, and of course kick ball. I remember there were also bocce clubs, but I think you had to come with a team. If you go onto Craigslist, sometimes there are teams looking for people to complete their team, which is a nice way to go.

      I also took Italian classes at Casa Italiana in downtown and met lots of nice people through that. (Lots of brunches at good italian joints. :-)

      My friend also joined a book club that I later joined again through Craigslist. That was a nice choice because it was pretty low commitment level, just once a month.

      So yeah — organized events where people tend to join as singles are your friend. But really, people move into and out of DC so frequently that people are constantly trying to make friends there. The real problem is that all your friends are going to leave within two years. :-P

      1. “But really, people move into and out of DC so frequently that people are constantly trying to make friends there. The real problem is that all your friends are going to leave within two years.”

        BINGO! I’ve found it easier to make friends in DC than anyplace else I’ve lived, but yeah, the area tends to be kind of transient.

        I’ll pay attention to meet-up plans, although I’m not a lawyer or very corporate.

        For activities – how about the DC Rollergirls! Went to the roller derby the other weekend and it kind of looks like fun.

    3. Me too! I couldn’t make it last time, and I’d like to break out of a friend rut as well.

      1. Thanks for the feedback and suggestions. I find that a lot of people here are simply too young and immature. But that probably means that I’m looking in the wrong place.

        I’d be happy to plan a meetup, but looking at my calendar, the next few weeks are kinda busy for me. Things should lighten up after Easter (April 8). How have these things been planned in the future? Someone just posts a date, time and place on the boards?

        1. Have you considered joining the Junior League next year? I’m not familiar with the DC chapter, but it does bring together a wider range of professional women of various ages. Another option is professional associations or the like.

    4. We had a DC meetup before. Perhaps it’s time for another one. Work is interfering with my corporette time these days. Would someone like to plan a meetup? Email me at dccorporette at yahoo dot com

  12. I decided to go for it and got the Paula’s choice system. It didn’t hurt there was a sale! I have a Clarisonic that I love. Can I use the Clarisonic with Paula’s choice? I am worried that Clarisonic then toner will dry out/freak out my skin. Any thoughts?

    1. Ask the Paula’s Choice people. I think there’s a chat feature. Regardless, good toner does not dry out your skin. Read Paula’s beautypedia entries on toner to get a sense of her rant on toner. Most people think toner is drying because most toner is terrible, drying crap. She is very good about recommending brands other than hers for most products, but as I recall, she’s virtually unable to recommend any other brand of toner than her own because they almost all totally suck. Paula’s toner is awesome. It does not dry out my skin and it should not dry out yours. If it does, get your money back.

    2. Yes! I use my Olay ProX with my beloved Skin Balancing cleanser followed by toner and exfoliant every night. Yaaaay skincare.

    3. I use my Clarisonic with Paula’s Choice. I use the balancing system and a spot treatment for breakouts. I have not have any problem with dry skin. I have combo skin w/ an oily tzone. I do focus my Clarisonic on the more oily parts of my face. I have been using PC for 2 weeks now. I love it! I was considering ordering more before the sale was over. The lotions and toner seem a little small so I will probably be running out fairly quickly.

    4. I’ve been using the Clarisonic with Paula’s choice for a couple weeks now (I ordered both the day of the skincare thread) with no problems whatsoever. It never occurred to me that it might not be okay. I agree with SF Bay Associate that the Paula’s Choice toner is not drying at all for me.

      Obviously everyones skin is different, but it’s certainly not a problem for me. My skin has never looked better.

  13. I’m wearing “the skirt” in dark blue today. I’ve paired it with all black (except for grey pumps) and pearls (in Kat’s honor of course) — but I’m hoping to get more adventurous with color pairings in the next few wearings. Its not true navy, slightly bluer than navy, but definitely not royal blue. But beautiful.

    On the “fun” vs. “sensible” scale, I would place it firmly in the middle of the magenta skirt and the grey skirt. :-)

    1. I still love that we have the exact same three colors of The Skirt.
      What about with some patterns or yellow? Magenta, coral or lime green in the summer!

    2. Nordstrom canceled my order for that one! And the website showed the size as still being available last time I checked, which was extra infuriating. But I also ordered it another color, which should be arriving any day now, so I figured let me see if I like it before I go crazy with multiples. Your outfit sounds cute!

      1. Try ordering it again? They probably got a new shipment, return, etc. in after they had already kicked back your order.

        1. Well, that was my original thought, too, but since I have another color on the way I figured I’d wait to see if I liked it — I hate returns.

    3. Loooove “the skirt” in blue – it’s such a beautiful and versatile color. My only complaint is that all of the fun colors for “the skirt” don’t come in petites – hate having to pay extra to get things altered because I’m not well endowed vertically. Damn it genes!

      2. Amen. I actually stopped looking at “the skirt” because it only p*ssed me off that none of the fun colors come in petites. Screw you, Halogen. I refuse to pay 30% the cost of the product for alterations.

        @ R- I think it used to be avail., but hasn’t been for months. When did you get yours?

    4. What’s the deal with the petite sizes *never* going on sale in “the skirt”? I have the skirt in the lime green color, but it’s waaaaay too long on me. I’ve been stalking the petites for month, and every time the regular sizes go on sale, no luck for the petites. Any ideas?

      1. Just received the skirt in the green aquifer color, and love it. The color online seems pretty true to the actual color – somewhere between soft green and blue, but reads more blue to me. And it looks like it will pair well with gray, black, rich brown, cream…

      2. I wear it a wee bit too long. :-) Not a solution so much as a….admitting defeat. :-P

      4. Yeah seriously. I got the black in the petite and it fits well but I really want that green one and the storm one that is on sale. Does anyone know if the sizes correspond b/t petite and regular, except for the length?

    5. I just got mine in that color today. It’s a true cobalt blue.

      I think mustard yellow, periwinkle blue, and both forest green and pale sage green would work. I just put it in my closet and looked at the other colors I have.

        1. Love your choices! By the way, saw those Kate Spade pumps (the green ones with the purple trim) at Lord & Taylor the other day. Even cooler in person, but would not match my real life in any way.

        2. Ooh. I just bought patent leather heels in the same color as the pair you feature. I might have to team them with the skirt and a mustard yellow long-sleeved tee for tomorrow.

    6. I have on “The Skirt” in the brighter blue with an orange cardigan and light blue top. It is a big BRIGHT “Hello, I’m here” for me. But, my co-workers have given me lots of positive comments. Hopefully they weren’t lying… I also have “The Skirt” in gray, and black. It’s just so dang versatile!

    7. I have a bright pink and khaki striped shrunken blazer I wear with my blue skirt, and I tend to get a lot of compliments on it. I think it would probably work well with a lot of pastels, prints, and maybe bright green. I could not do bright orange because I’m in FL and not a Gator fan, but I think it could work in other states. I also have it in the dark camel and lilac colors. I got the lilac on ultra sale at the Rack for $17 and thought I’d never wear it, but I wear it as often as I wear the blue and dark camel.

      1. Wearing “the skirt” in blue today with a bright green shirt and a grey cardigan. Super cute.

    8. is this the color that was on sale last week? mine is being delivered today. i’m currently wearing the skirt in kelly green – it’s my first one and i cannot get over how fabulous it is. i paired mine with a navy blazer and a navy t-shirt with white stripes – jumping the season a bit, but hey, it’s going to be in the 60s today.

  14. Can I threadjack? I’m having a cr*p kind of day. Mr gov anon and I are not getting along and are probably going to be splitting up, my BFF who’d normally listen to my woes is getting a divorce, I can’t move forward on my work projects because the colleagues I need input from are MIA, I slipped and fell on my way into the office this morning, and at this very moment I am contemplating eating nothing but an entire box of GS cookies for dinner.

    1. Hugs.
      Please advise as to whether you would like us to support or discourage the idea of eating the cookies for dinner, because I have persuasions at the ready for either side.

      1. Agreed, but I think I’m slightly leaning more toward “yes you should.” Before committing to that side, what flavor are they? This is very important in my analysis.

        In all seriousness — Sending huge internet hugs your way.

        1. Thin Mints of course. I know I *shouldn’t* eat them. OTOH, it’s even a cr*p day.

          1. If there was ever a time for Thin Mints…but then, I ate three boxes of Girl Scout cookies in one weekend with no excuse at all, so feel free to disregard my enabling. I’m sorry to hear about Mr. gov anon and your lame coworkers. Major hugs.

      2. I vote a bowl of cereal for some nutrition and some low calorie filler, and then a sleeve of thin mints, which you put in the freezer when you started eating your cereal, with a glass of milk. Should you have the other sleeve of thin mints tomorrow for dinner? No. But once in a while is not the worst thing. Some days are like that.

        1. Slight variation on SF Bay Associate’s recommendation (based on personal experience): I highly recommend not only freezing the thin mints, but making mini-ice cream sandwiches out of them. That way you get the maximum bang for your buck, and the cookies last longer (so you get to do it again if necessary). Hugs.

          1. This suggestion is downright dangerous. I should probably eat all of my Thin Mints immediately so that I’m not tempted to do the ice cream sandwiches later.

        2. I blame all of you for my having to go visit the GS cookie station in our office to pick up a couple thin mints. I had been so good about not snacking today. Oh well!

    3. I’m sorry that sounds awful. Take a day or two and wallow and then cut yourself off. From that point on, put yourself first (exercise, eat, healthy, etc). Use the down time at work to buy yourself slip resistant shoes (!), find a counselor (in case you want to reconcile with mr. or want someone more qualified to vent to). Maybe email your BFF and see if there’s a weekend you two could have a staycation? Good luck!!

    4. I’m really sorry all this is happening for you. It just really sucks and if eating that box of GS cookies will make you feel better, go for it (though…it probably will just make you feel sick!) Maybe instead of a WHOLE box of GS cookies, how about a few of them with a half-a-pint of ben & jerry’s? Much more balanced.

      1. Yes, then there is dairy. Eating dairy is important.

        (I’m sorry, gov anon – and I’ve been there.)

      2. This is an excellent point. You can get in your calcium and, if you pick carefully, your froot group (Cherry Garcia, for example). Plus your cookie group (obviously), which is one of the more important food groups.

        2. I vote for the four major food groups: Beer, Pizza, Cookies, Ice Cream.

          In that order.

          Sometimes a good cry really helps, too. Supposedly there are chemicals in your tears that really can boost your mood afterwards.

          Hang in there, honey.

      3. Isn’t there a Ben & Jerry’s flavor made of Girl Scout cookies? That seems like the best solution for dinner. Plus a side of Baileys.

        1. This is Edy’s. Please don’t ask how I know so much about ice cream and GS cookies.

          1. or Dreyer’s, depending on what side of the Mississippi you’re on. I say eat the cookies up so you won’t be tempted by them again later.

          2. That is in my freezer right now, along with Edy’s french silk, because you do not say no to buy 1 get 1 free on ice cream.

    5. Oh honey, just do it. And maybe wine to wash them down, if the flavors don’t clash.

      And allow me to be one of many to say that I am sooo much happier since my divorce. It’s awful when that happens but when it’s not working, sometimes letting go is the best choice. Best to you.

      1. All that and you’re only considering a box of girl scout cookies? Seriously, though – plow through a sleeve of GS cookies and don’t look back.

        It sucks to go through all this (been there, too and am much happier than I thought I could ever be or deserved to be) and I wish you much peace with your decision. You deserve to be happy and you will get there.

        1. Also here is a good recipe. 1. Break up cookies from first sleeve (or half of tray) into cereal bowl. 2. Pour milk over cookies. 3. Grab spoon and inhale – you have to work fast since some cookies can get mushy. 4. Eat second sleeve of cookies while drinking a glass of wine.

      2. I have never known the flavor of wine to clash with anything :)

        More on point: I strongly recommend that you get to a counselor. It was the single most helpful thing when I was going through my divorce and didn’t have anyone to talk to about it (because basically all my friends and family shut me out). I, like NOLA, was a new person after my divorce. After counseling, I look back now and realize that at the time of my divorce I mourned the bad decision making that led to the marriage in the first place and felt guilty about not being able to make something work and the people whose lives it impacted… but I wasn’t sad about ending my marriage.
        I wish you the very best and I assure you that things will get better. (Almost immediately if you have GS cookies and wine at the ready.)

        1. Yep, second the counseling, too. I also blamed myself for the bad choice of marrying him and worried that I had a problem with men (turns out I didn’t – just needed to find the right man).

        2. Most gov agencies have an Employee Assistance Program (google your agency & EAP), where you can get free short-term counseling. It is supposed to be free, completely confidential, and not go in your employee file or anything. I’d start there, if I were you.

          And I ate an entire sleeve of Thin Mints, straight from the freezer, yesterday. It was great. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), it was my last box of Thin Mints. Until next year . . .

    6. You should swing by Trader Joe’s and pick up a jar of Speculoos Cookie Butter. That will make everything better.

      1. Ooh, I didn’t know Trader Joes had Speculoos. I’ve only seen it on the Wafels and Dinges truck in NYC.

        1. mmm, Wafels and Dinges….

          I wonder if they’d crumble thin mints on my waffle. I bet they would.

        2. Not just speculoos. Speculoos butter – like peanut butter, only made from cookies. It is AMAZING. They also have little chocolate bars filled with speculoos butter that are triply amazing (triply because I ate 3 in one sitting).

          1. Oh god, I recently discovered that stuff. Amazing. I fell in love with the Biscoff cookies on airplanes (Delta?) and when I realized that there was a spread, it was all over. I went through a jar in 6 weeks!

    7. Your day sounds awful. I am so sorry. I divorced in 1996, and I can tell you that it was very hard but definitely the right thing to to do and I am much happier now.

      * My BFF told me, during one of many many calls that preceded my divorce, that although she loved me, she could not always be there for me (read: she could not be at my beck and call 24/7) and I would be much happier if I got a therapist who was paid to be at my beck and call. Fabulous idea and so worthwhile.

      * Said therapist, when “apprised” by said bad-boy during an ill-fated joint session that I had eating issues, suggested that if I plan to “splurge” I first eat something healthy so I get my nutrients. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t.

      * Thin mints. Yes. I say at least one box. With or without ice cream. Definitely with red wine. Maybe even again tomorrow. Listen, you’re not going to eat and drink this way for longer than a few days (with perhaps a day or two-day relapse now and again over the next several months). It won’t kill you. So long as you are also eating your vegetables etc., you’ll be fine.

      * Someone else said “wallow for X time,” then get down to business. Totally agree. While you are wallowing, make a list of stuff you know you have to do once you are done wallowing (collect bank statements, find lawyer, change key on safe deposit box, rethink XMas card list — the list is endless and just getting it down on paper made me feel better). But deal with it post-cookies & wine.

      I hope some of this helps. I hated all those people who said “it will get better.” So I won’t say that. But I’ll be thinking it for you :)

    8. That really sucks, especially all at the same time. With all that going on, a dinner of Girl Scout cookies is far from the worst thing you could do (and I like SF Bay Associate’s idea of cereal beforehand – she often has good advice!), and wine does go well with cookies. Personally, Indian take out is my go-to for when I’m going through a bad time, with ice cream afterward, although last summer when my boyfriend of three years broke up with me (via e-mail! right when I was studying for the bar! jackass), I ate almost nothing but Chipotle for a few weeks, because I love Chipotle insanely.

      I hope you and Mr. gov anon can patch things up, if that’s what will be best for you, but either way, I’m sending good thoughts in your direction.

    9. Ugh. Big internet hugs to you and another recommendation for Thin Mints. Though really, I would just go for the Edy’s Thin Mints ice cream.

      Also a recommendation for seeing a counselor if you want to give the marriage another shot. It’s rough, it can take long … but it might well help. Been there, done that. Heck, still doing it but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may not be a speeding train coming at me, after all.

  15. Thank you to the poster yesterday who said to be proactive and start looking for a job now. Doing that has made me feel much better. It is a fine line between when to wait and when to start looking. Also, has anyone felt the sudden need to cut back on expenses, but not wanting to dismantle the life that has been created for oneself and ones family? This is another fine line. When do you really start to tighten the belt and by how much? Is cutting out those expenses worth it when another job could be just around the corner?

    1. Start tightening asap. Another job could also NOT be just around the corner. Assume it will take at least six months to find a job, though reports on this board are that it can take much longer. Tell your friends and family that you’re saving up for something special or that your 401k took a hit and you’re trying to replenish it or something. Best case scenario is that the new job really is just around the corner and with your savings you can buy yourself a nice new ___ purse/getaway/washer/dryer/whatever. More likely case scenario, unfortunately, is that you may really need those savings when you’re in between jobs.

    2. Agreed that you should err on the side of tightening earlier rather than later. Best that happens is that you get a job right away and then have a nest egg to use for either retirement or a fun trip or a new car or Kate Spade sales. Worst that happens, you cope with worst case scenario better.

    3. That was me, I think :) You’re welcome.

      How much you need to tighten the buckle depends on what your current savings look like. If you’ve already got a pretty good cushion in an emergency fund (6 months or so) and you’re putting additional money into savings every month, then maybe you only need to do a little tightening. If your current cushion is substantially less, you need to do more tightening immediately.

      Basically, I’d take a hard look at your budget and cut the easy stuff first. Frequent dinners/lunches out are usually the first to go. Do you get your nails done? Buy coffee instead of brewing it yourself? Do you pay for premium tv stations? Buy Kate Spade bags that you really don’t need? (c’mon, I know I’m not alone!) Cut all of this stuff before pulling your kids out of activities that they love (now might be a good time to assess whether the kids actually love the activities, though).

      If you get another job quickly, then the day that you find out that you’ve been hired you can immediately sign back up for HBO, get a mani/pedi, and treat yourself to a nice steakhouse or whatever. And in the event that you find yourself without work, it will make that transition easier, too. Obviously it will help that you have more savings but it will also help that you’re already used to living more frugally (so you’ll blow through that savings much slower: for example, say you spend $5k a month now so 6 mos = 30k; cut your budget to $4k a month and now you could survive for 6 mos with $24k).

      It seems like being prepared is empowering you. So, I suggest sitting down with the numbers. Figure out what you have and what you’d need to live like you currently do for at least 6 months if you don’t have that in the bank right now, get a plan and buckle down. Figure out how to get from where you are to where you need to be. If you already have more than 6 months of savings, pat yourself on the back and cut back a little bit anyway.

      Also, in these circumstances it’s okay to have tunnel vision. If you need to temporarily stop your investing plan, your extra loan payments, or whatever other financial goals that you have to get your cushion in place, do so.

  16. What about where your kids are involved? Pull them out of all of their activities?

    1. Well, that one is really tough. Can you talk to the activity itself and ask about having a temporary reduction in the fees? Or paying part now or part later?

      I think it would also depend on which activities, how committed the kids were, and how old they were, and what the actual cost was. But I know for my age group swim team, there were occasionally alternative payment schedules made for families that had issues arise.

    2. I think it would depend on what the activities are and how involved they are in them. I certainly wouldn’t pull my kid off a team where he’s a star, but if he hates his sport anyway, then I’d pull him. Also, if your kids are the type who are involved in different activities every day, you could cut it down to one or two per kid. If you’re out of work you’ll have a lot more time to spend with them, and that will make up for some of the activities.

  17. Can anyone help me troubleshoot what’s happening with my undereye concealer? I recently started wearing it to cover up dark circles and brighten the corners of my eyes. In pictures taken lately, I’ve noticed that my eyes look blank and expressionless, like they have no depth whatsoever. I thought I looked fine IRL, so I was surprised it showed up on camera this way. I have light skin and blue eyes, which might be compounding the problem. I know it’s hard to diagnose anything without a picture, but what’s your best guess about why my makeup is making me look weird? I also wear foundation — maybe the combination of foundation + concealer is just too much?

    1. Do you wear blush? If you wear foundation and concealer, you’re going to need blush or bronzer to add depth to your face. Depending on your face shape, lightly brush some on the apples or hollows of your cheeks (apples if you have a narrower face, hollows if you have a rounder face or wherever you like it, screw face shape).

      It could be that you’re just not used to what you look like with concealer on. But if that’s not in and you do wear blush, consider brushing a highlighter on to the top of your cheekbone, underneath your eye socket (below where you put on undereye concealer). This should be in a color that’s lighter than your skin color and very subtle, although shimmery is good. Mascara, eyeliner and eyeshadow are also good. For a subtle look, I sometimes sweep darker eyeshadow on my lashes.

      And maybe ask a trusted friend or makeup artist if they agree with you. Bring a photo and ask, do I look terrible? Help.

    2. Does your concealer have mineral content? I used to wear mineral powder foundation (Jane Iredale) which I thought looked great in real life, but was horrified when I attended a professional event and they posted photos the next day. My face appeared to be levitating. I posted about it here and several people told me it was the flash bouncing off the mineral particles in my foundation.

    3. do you wear mascara on your lower lashes? I can skip the lower-lash mascara if I don’t wear undereye concealer, but if I’m concealing it’s a MUST, otherwise I look like my eyes are melting into my face.

    4. Makeup help, I wonder if your concealer is a bit too light? I bought “erase paste” after a million good reviews, and just never thought it looked quite right — in real life or pictures (so that’s different than your concern). But, the look that you are describing in the picture is the look I was experiencing. Turns out, I think it was actually just too light for me, which is an enormous shock that anything on the market could EVER be too light for my palllllllllllle skin! Good luck.

      1. I think you’re right. I took a closer look at my concealer this morning and it is quite a bit lighter than my foundation, which is a very good match for my skin. I do wear blush and mascara, so I’m wondering if it really is just a problem with this concealer.

        Does this give me a good excuse to go back to the uber-expensive but awesome Bobbi Brown corrector that I love? :)

  18. I love this color blue, and have a bag almost the exact same shade. I had to force myself to stop carrying it in the fall so it would feel fresh again in the spring. Fortunately, I found the exact same style in chocolate brown to carry for the winter. I’ll break out the blue one again on March 21st, come rain or shine!

    Does anyone else carry the same bag in multiple colors? Once I find something that works, I tend to want every color, whether we’re talking bags, shoes, sweaters, scarves…

  19. Nice bag..! I always searching bags for my wife. I have visited many of websites but your bag’s collections are very unique and beautiful, thank for sharing..:)

  20. Morning fashion emergency: I am wearing a silk dress with black tights. I have a meeting in 1 hour and CRAZY static cling!! I looked online and lots of the remedies do with how to wash the clothing, or humidifying the air. Neither is possible right now. I can race out and buy dryer sheets from CVS, but thought I would ask the hive if anyone has any other/better suggestions?

    THANKS!

    1. put some lotion on your hands, and rub in a little bit, but not completely. Then run hands over the part of your tights that is contacting your dress. Should work decently enough to get you through your meeting.

    2. Do you have any hairspray in your desk? You could also use that to lightly spray your tights where it is clinging. But dryer sheets do work wonders.

  21. I need a kick-a$%#^ employment lawyer in the NYC/CT area for a potential issue between me and my current employer. any suggestions? I want a killer.

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