Coffee Break: Flower Brooch

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1. Recommendations on books for lawyers to read to learn how to build a book of business? I know there are online articles, but if there are also any good books, I’d love a break from a device for a while.

   Relatedly, any resources/suggestions for goal setting related to this? It is not my passion, and I have plenty of work that I didn’t bring in, so it isn’t urgent. But I’d like to starting thinking ahead to 5-10 years down the road and what that looks like. Open to all suggestions…websites, books, coaches, etc, advice from folks here. I also just don’t feel like I have the time and energy to reinvent the wheel on a measurable strategy/goals. Thanks!

   1. Completely depends on your area of practice (litigation or transactional, plaintiff or defense, biglaw or small, are you junior or senior, etc). Post more info and you’ll get better suggestions.

   2. I like An Introverts Guide to Networking. I am not very outgoing and this book did not treat it like a character defect.

   3. For every hour you’d plan to spend reading about it, make a coffee date with someone in your network and look to expand your network. Your time will be far better spent connecting with people than reading about it.

   4. I really like Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi.

2. This looks dowdy to me. But even aside from that, wouldn’t it be heavy? I picture it dragging down the fabric of anything except a coat.

   1. It’s very 2003, so I dunno maybe that means it’s stylish again. But for $165???

      1. Omg it’s $165? What’s with these super expensive but cheap-looking accessories advertised here lately??

         1. Lowe is considered a luxury brand (shrugs), so…… Don’t visit their website because the prices for their “costume” jewelry will probably drive you insane.

   2. I actually love brooches, but this is more, I don’t know, Arts and Crafts course homework?

      I prefer a brooch with gemstones and precious metals.

   3. I think costume jewelry and accessories deserve costume prices. I can see picking up a fun brooch for $30 – $40 if brooches “have a moment” because I can declutter that one out of my life when the trend passes. But $165 for a trend? Nope.

3. I have a public speaking engagement in a couple hours and I am so nervous about it, even though I know the topic inside and out and it’s a friendly audience. I am not a stranger to public speaking but usually it’s more like as a member of a panel having a discussion back and forth and this is a solo presentation. I can’t wait until this day is done.

   1. You will be great! You know your stuff, the audience is eager to hear from you, and they will be drawn in by your enthusiasm for the topic.

   2. You got this! Remember to breathe. It helps me to listen to music that I really like beforehand, preferably by empowered women (I like Lorde, but YMMV). Have an attitude – you know this stuff!

      1. Yes, thank you for the reminder! I do this too, but Kesha’s my go to.

   3. YOU GOT THIS!!

      Please come back and brag about your big success when it’s over!

   4. It helps me to re-frame nervousness as excitement. It creates some of the same physical responses, but I try and trick my brain into thinking its excitement instead haha. I always like to take a walk right before to burn off some of that extra energy.

      1. I do this too, but I had never framed it like this. Thanks for putting it into words. It really does work.

   5. Thanks for the encouragement and the tips everyone! I did the thing, it went well. I could use a lot more public speaking practice and work on sloooowing down a bit, but I’m totally satisfied.

      1. YAY! Go you, you did well. Massive gold stars!

      2. HOORAY!! Thanks for the report!

4. What’s a good dinner that can be put together for a group? This is for a friend’s bachelorette party that I’m planning – we were going to do a taco bar so everyone can assemble their own, but it looks like we will be having Mexican food for lunch that day, so I need an alternative/equivalent. Thanks!

   1. build your own salads? You can get creative & hearty with the toppings – think Sweetgreen.

      1. or a lowcountry boil if there’s no issues with shrimp – easy and dramatic. Just don’t pour it out onto a nice wood table however much newsprint you use!

   2. any dietary restrictions? make your own pizza? a bbq if this is in the summer – like burgers, veggie burgers, etc.

   3. Are you cooking? It’s a little more work because they don’t all come out of the oven at the same time, but make your own pizzas work for a lot of different diets (recalling the vegan discussion from last week!). You could also do pasta with a veggie sauce and meatballs on the side, maybe some other toppings, plus a nice big salad and garlic bread and people can eat more or less of the things they prefer (if you have a lot of low carb people this one might not be great, though).

   4. What about a rice bowl? My family does these with a choice of white and brown or wild rice for the base, carrot and/or cucumber lightly pickled in rice wine vinegar, avocado, a choice of vegetarian protein (shelled edamame or tofu) and non-vegetarian protein (salmon, shrimp, or chicken) with teriyaki sauce, and optional toppings of white and black sesame seeds, green onions, and togarashi. My favorite combination is wild rice, salmon with teriyaki sauce, pickled carrot, avocado, green onion, white and black sesame seeds, and togarashi. The colors are stunning!

   5. Kebabs?

   6. Pasta bar? It’s kind of the same idea as a taco bar and if you google it you get lots of ideas.

   7. middle eastern food is easy. A big greek salad, some purchased hummus and maybe baba ganoush, grill some kebabs like kofta or buy Trader Joe’s pre marinated shawarma, and have some pita or pita chips on hand. People can make a salad with protein or they can stuff a pita to make a sandwich. It’s my favorite way to eat.

      1. I would love this.

      2. I was going to suggest something similar – https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1017161-oven-roasted-chicken-shawarma is a good option if you want to cook. I make it for a crowd and roast eggplant cubes at the same time.

      3. This reminds me of when I worked in a building with a cafeteria and there was a weekly Mediterranean Day that was by far the busiest day for the cafeteria, with lines stretching across the space.

      4. Also, falafel, stuffed grape leaves, lentil soup…

      5. This is a great idea. In my city there’s an amazing Armenian grocery/deli that does catering — delish and cheap. Maybe see if there’s something similar near you.

      6. Yes! Mezze dishes are my favorite for events like this because they accommodate a variety of dietary needs and preferences, can appeal to both picky and more adventurous eaters, and a lot of the elements can be prepared ahead or time or purchased.

   8. I love a “bar” for groups. Pasta bar, baked potato bar, salad bar, rice bowl bar, gyro bar, etc.

      1. We used to do a baked potato bar at work and people flipping loved it. It’s also relatively cheap.

         1. yes! I love a good baked potatoe bar. We do one where one of the toppings is chili so there is a meat and a vegan option.
            Also one time at work they had a party with a mashed potatoe bar where they served the mashed potatoes in martini glasses. I thought that was a lot of fun.

            1. Omg Dan Quayle, how have you been?!

   9. Pasta bar and salad – easy to accommodate different dietary needs. (With a GF pasta if needed)

5. For those of you that have worked a hybrid schedule before, what days do you prefer to do from home? I was originally going to do Weds and Fri from home but I’m thinking it may be easier to have three straight days at the office so I’m not schlepping stuff back and forth. Debating between Tue-Thur office with Mon and Fri home or Mon, Tue, Thur office with Weds and Friday home.

   I currently have a 6pm obligation Weds nights so that would have me leaving earlier than usual (pre-pandemic at least) if I did Weds in the office…

   1. I tend to have the most meetings mid-week so will be doing TWTh.

      1. I am attempting this schedule as my office switches to hybrid as well.

   2. Monday and Friday at home for sure – then I don’t dread Monday as much.

   3. T, W, F at home.

   4. I usually did Tues/Thurs in the office, and would sometimes go in on Weds if meetings made it useful.

   5. I advocated for shared offices with other members of hte legal team, as opposed to a hotelling system, so I’ll be sharing with my colleague. Tentatively I’m T/Th and he’s M/W/F but we both are the primary parent so I’m sure it will change over time.

   6. I would devote it totally around meetings. I used to do MWF at home and Tu, TH in office so that folks were never waiting too long if they had something they really wanted to discuss face to face. It also tended to be the most meeting heavy days since a lot of folks extend vacations, so there is bound to be folks missing on Ms and Fs. I liked that those days were often very meeting heavy and that gave me the home days to really get high-focus work done. I also could get laundry done or have food cooking in a crock pot on Fridays and feel more relaxed for the weekend.

   7. Monday and Thursday home are my favorites. I like to start the week sort of “in my head” on a Monday, planning everything from home. Then intensive, people-saturated days, a break, and a gentle way to end the week, solo at work with everybody else from home.

   8. Do you have a commute? Friday is by far the lightest traffic day, so I would make that one of my in office days to get the benefit of an easy commute. Would your office care if you were out of office for 4 consecutive days every week? That’s a factor, also.

6. Has anyone ever heard something and thought, “I can’t wait to tell my therapist about that…” I just heard a piece of juicy gossip that I would never repeat in real life, but I can’t wait to tell me therapist about it tomorrow lol (it relates to a larger conflict I’ve been venting to her about).

   1. no but I’ve thought “I can’t wait to see what C-r-tt-e has to say” lol. When we have a question that would benefit from polling an audience even my husband now says “why don’t you see what C has to say”!

      1. Same haha

   2. Haha yes, absolutely!

   3. Something I miss about my old job is hearing something really bonkers in a meeting and making meaningful eye contact with my work bestie, knowing we were going to talk about it later.

      1. I SO MISS THAT

         Lets be remote work besties

      2. ooooh my work besties and I have realized we still do that over zoom and then we immediately send a text to each other haha

         1. yup- the “wide wtf eyes” emoji is in frequent use

      3. That’s what “………” is for in Teams chat for me. If it’s really bad, we text.

      4. When we go back to the office I will miss the snarky back-channel comments on private chat

   4. You can spill the tea here, you know :-)

7. I recently got some Birkenstock’s from jcrew and they are super narrow — the box says narrow fit but I just checked and they don’t even have a narrow option on the website. Is this just how Birkenstock’s from JCrew fit? Did I get a weird pair accidentally? I’m going to call customer service later but just curious if this is just something that is a thing with them.

   1. Some Birkenstock women’s styles only come in the narrow fit, and many retailers don’t specify this in the product description. The Birk narrow is not really a true narrow width, more like narrow-medium. The regular is more like medium-wide. I have narrow feet and find that I need the narrow in some Birk styles (e.g., Arizona) and the regular in others (mainly Mayari).

      1. +1 to retailers not being clear about this

      2. The narrow is their default for women. Some styles you can get the wider width in (which I have in my Mayaris) but it’s actually their men’s width.

8. My husband arranged for him and the kids to be out of the house all day Saturday so I can have a day to myself. This is my love language.

   1. Excellent. I have never understood why this is not the default for Mother’s Day. (I don’t have kids, which is a gift that keeps on giving. But if I did, this is what I would want from and give to my partner at least quarterly.)

   2. I had that earlier this week. Husband and teenage kids did a three day/ two night road trip and I couldn’t go because of work conflicts and taking care of the dog. OH DARN. It was lovely. Enjoy!!

   3. Fantastic. Enjoy!

9. Does anyone else feel like their feet get tired more easily than others? I returned to working in the office this week, and even though I’m wearing COMFORT shoes, my feet totally ache. This has been a problem since my early 20’s, it was really nice not dealing with it for the last year. I’m considering getting an adjustable standing desk, but I’m nervous that my feet won’t be able to handle it.

   1. Yes, but I’m pretty sure mine is directly related to a medication that I am on.

   2. I have high arches that hurt unless I put Superfeet in my shoes.

   3. Yes, this happens to me. The bottoms of my feet will ache/get tired before everyone else on a hike or a long day touring a new city, even though my muscles are fine and our fitness levels are similar. Special insoles help but not a ton. I have pretty high arches and wide feet.

   4. Get a custom orthotic. This is likely related to the shape of your feet not being well supported by your shoes.

      1. This. My feet are usually fine but I have had a few pair of shoes that were comfortable just to drive, sit at my desk, and walk to and from the car but that made the bottoms of my feet burn in pain with normal amounts of walking around the office. I realized each of the pairs that do this have very inflexible soles, so even though the cushion is thick and the shoes don’t rub anywhere, they just don’t work for me.

10. The thread this AM on religion reminder me…as we’re starting to emerge post-COVID (fully vaccinated last week, yay!!), I want to start attending church. I was raised Catholic and love the ritual of it, but not so much the institutionalized sexism. Does anyone have a recommendation for a church in the DC area (likely DC proper) where a single woman in her early 30s would fit in?

    1. I’d check out an Episcopalian church.

       1. any recs for specific ones in DC that skew younger?

          1. Not in DC but this church sounds interesting

             https://wjla.com/news/local/nasa-scientist-working-on-mars-mission-is-also-a-full-time-priest-in-maryland

       2. Definitely recommend an Episcopalian church.

          I only attended church there once (I’m not practicing), but I used to volunteer weekly at St. Margaret’s in Dupont Circle. I program I volunteered at was called Charlie’s Place and it was a soup kitchen + so much more and I loved volunteering there.

          I attended one service there on Ash Wednesday and I remember the priest being relatively young, the sermon being very progressive, and there being a lot of folks there alone and “young” (aka not all senior citizens… I was mid 20s and I was still the youngest there).

          It felt like, given the work that Charlie’s Place does, that the church walked the walk. I also remember there being a very welcoming sign out front.

    2. Nothing about DC in particular but second the Episcopalian recommendation. I belong to a different religion, but my son attends an episcopalian preschool and I’ve been very impressed. Much more inclusive and progressive than the Catholic church I remember from my childhood, but still a lot of the rites/rituals.

       1. My DH, raised Catholic, has attended services with my family and called the Episcopalian church “a Catholic cover band.” Pretty sure he meant it as a good thing.

          1. omg that is hilarious.

    3. +1 for the Episcopal church. I grew up with a female priest and gay families attending my church. The format is also almost identical to catholic services so it may fee like a natural fit

    4. I used to go to St. John’s — Lafayette Square. I liked that it wasn’t tied to a neighborhood (my apartment wasn’t really in a neighborhood and this was my work neighborhood) and had a true mix of people. I didn’t feel weird being in an area where everyone else my age would have had a stroller to push and likely a husband. I think that unless you are in a college town or Mormon or maybe Catholic, churches will skew older-than-you. They used to have a Spanish-speaking Episcopalian service in addition to all of the English ones (Iglesia San Juan).

    5. St. Paul’s K Street if you like ritual. It’s an Episcopal church in the Anglo-Catholic tradition (so very “high church” from a liturgy perspective) but in the affirming tradition (i.e. LGBT people and their relationships are fully welcome and integrated into parish life). I visited several times during summers in DC and really liked it.

    6. +1 for the Anglican church (aka Episcopalian).

       Go to evensong – preferably choral evensong – the most lovely and non-personal, low-effort ritual. Sort of like Vespers.

    7. A few of my friends go to Church of the Ascension and Saint Agnes (12th and Mass NW). They love it and the congregation is very diverse.

    8. Foundry Methodist! Super progressive and the sermons are usually directly tied to current events. I have never been more overcome with emotion (in a good way!) at church than I have at Foundry. If it’s relevant, I was raised Lutheran.

    9. I have never been to an Episcopalian church but we are Unitarians and the service is similar to Catholic services in a way that is comforting to my raised-Catholic husband.

    10. Former DC single 30’s girl, and I would go to both the Episcopal Cathedral and to St George’s in Arlington (right by the Virginia square metro stop). The Cathedral is big and very high church, and has a pretty active 20’s and 30’s group. St George’s isn’t quite as big, but I found that made it easier to feel like a “regular” soon, and has a very active 20’s and 30’s group. Both are very progressive and socially justice focused. And have amazing music:-) I wish I could invite you to join me, but I don’t live there any more….I can assure you there are lots of nice people though!

11. When your organization is dysfunctional and boss doesn’t meet with you/touch base (standing meeting to discuss progress or annual review), do you (1) proactively schedule a “can we discuss how this is going” meeting with boss or (2) keep trying to stay afloat while also looking for a new job.
    Context: promoted last August to a leadership role and was with the organization for four years prior to promotion. I don’t think it’s going well for a number of reasons, but primarily because I have no resources to support my “work unit”. I have to be vague about this and just say that there are two other people who work in my “unit” and they both report to the boss. But we are supposed to function as a “team”. What that means is that I am swamped with all the work/pick up the pieces because I don’t have any supervisory authority over anyone to get them to work.

    1. Proactively schedule something.

    2. Always proactively. Worst case and, as I understand, the default is you’ll look for a new job. Best case, you get a good review, are reassured and get new confidence.

12. Randomly, has anyone here gone to UNC Charlotte?

    1. I didn’t go there, but used to live in Charlotte and am somewhat familiar with the university. Why?

       1. I took masters classes there while working and wanted to get a feel for how it is for undergrad for a nephew who got accepted but never visited due to Covid. It seems like a very good school (if I lived in CLT, I’d want to go to undergrad elsewhere just to experience a different part of the US or at least NC, but I think it is a darn good school to have locally). I know some older people who went there but were commuter students (sort of like GMU/GWU or NYU used to be), but this would be to live on campus as an undergrad.

          1. Longer comment in mod: for a nephew who got in but hasn’t visited due to the pandemic

             1. All my comments are in mod — asking for a nephew

          2. Caveat that it’s been 15 years, but when I was graduating from high school in NC, it was definitely a commuter-ish campus. No one I knew lived on campus there.

          3. It’s a real mix of traditional age students who live on campus or nearby, traditional age students who commute, and older students who have significant work and family commitments (all three groups are super diverse- they’re mostly NC residents, but include immigrants from all over the world). They’re trying hard to make it less of a commuter school and I think that if he wants to have a traditional college experience there, it’s definitely possible, but it does take a little more effort than it might somewhere else. A lot of students basically just show up for class and don’t engage much beyond that, but there are lots of new dorms, a new gym, and other efforts to engage students (the facilities are great because the university is so young and growing so fast), plus the light rail to uptown makes it easier to get around without a car now. It wouldn’t be my first choice for my kid, but if they’re motivated to seek out what they want/need, it’s not a bad one, especially for computer science or engineering.

             1. Thanks — kiddo is interested in engineering. Which I know nothing about.

    2. Just ask the question “Is anyone familiar with UNC Charlotte? I wanted to get a feel for how it is for an undergrad …” instead of this two-step “Did anyone go there?” which then forces people to ask you back “why do you want to know?” and then you offer info you could have offered in the first place. Sorry, not directed at you personally, but this two-step dance-around-a-question drives me batty.

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