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These ankle pants from Eddie Bauer were recommended by a reader recently as a substitute for the Eileen Fisher crepe pants, and I really like them. They have a thick elastic waistband, a mid-rise, and a lightweight polyester/spandex blend that looks like it would resist wrinkles pretty well. ‘
If business travel ever resumes in earnest, I would wear these for long flights, paired with a soft T-shirt and a wrap cardigan. I think you could also wear these in a more casual office with a printed blouse and a sweater blazer.
The pants are $48, marked down from $80 at Eddie Bauer, and they come in regular sizes XS–XXL, petite sizes S–L, and tall sizes M–XXL in black, “dark thyme,” and “dusted indigo.”
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Inspired by some of you lovely ladies who did it yourself, I bought a house!
While it’s small by many people’s standards (city living!) it’s twice the size of my old little one bedroom. Also, much of my post-college IKEA is coming to the end of its full useful life, so I’m going to slowly furnish and organize. I’d like to do it right. I’ve moved in and am just living with the space, emptiness and all, for now.
For now it’s just me, but I sincerely hope to meet a person and have a kid and make it super crowded with these people and their stuff :)
Are there things you did with your house early on that you’re really pleased with or potential pitfalls? Any bad habits I should stave off? Favorite resources?
Venti Soy Latte
Before rooms are filled – paint the ceilings. Likewise, paint the inside of the closets.
Read your home inspection and take a look at what the maintenance schedule for stuff like the heater/AC is.
Anon
I’d paint every wall, piece of woodwork, ceiling, etc before moving in. Even if you like the color, there’s just something about a fresh coat of paint.
anne-on
Ask your real estate agent (or post on local facebook groups) to get an idea of who the best local plumbers, HVAC, and handymen are. You do not want to be frantically searching google when the heat breaks, the sink backs up, etc. and you need someone NOW.
Take your time furnishing things! When you browse stores try to figure out who makes the pieces – I found that a lot of the ‘Macys’ furniture brands were just big NC brands that Macy’s resold and there are a LOT of places that specialize in ordering for you direct from the NC manufacturers and shipping them to you directly if you already know the exact model number. This is all easier to do these days too online than it was 15 odd years ago when I furnished my apartment. I’ve posted about him before but we loved working with Duane at the Keeping Room in the DC areas – he was about 20-25% less expensive than ordering the same pieces in MA and super easy to work with.
Anon
Wait before making changes. I bought a house with a large porch covered with a metal roof. I thought the roof had to go. After living there for a year, I realized that sitting on the dry porch drinking my coffee on a rainy day was much better than my upscale neighbor’s uncovered decks. I also loved the sounds of the rain hitting the metal when I was in bed. I am glad that $$ kept me from making an early change that would have meant I missed what turned out to be a favorite feature.
Anonymous
Oooh, thanks for the Keeping Rooms rec!
Anon
Enjoy your house and decorate/modify it for the life you have now. Don’t wait for what you hope happens down the road. BUT… live in it for a while before making any big changes. Respect your architecture (ie. don’t be that person who tries to turn their Craftsman bungalow into a “modern farmhouse”).
Anonymous
Install closet organizers now. Wait a year before making major changes, you will get to know the house and have a different list of priorities after you know how it performs during the seasons. And don’t make trendy changes, they don’t age well.
Cat
Congrats!
I would say the most important thing is to get out in front of maintenance so that you’re paying annual tune-ups rather than emergency furnace repair etc.
Similarly don’t be afraid to ask questions when starting a project (this is how I learned about the mold-preventative primer for painting bathrooms, etc).
Now YMMV because I am a neat freak, but I find that doing some ‘deep clean’ tasks routinely makes them less daunting because it never gets awful. Like microwaving a bowl of lemon water weekly makes wiping out the microwave a 3 minute project, running a swiffer along the baseboards & fan blades every month or so as part of regular dusting means the dust doesn’t get caked on, etc.
Anon
Get great lighting! My favorite is West Elm (and I’m not usually that basic, they just have a lot of really cool fixtures that are good quality and reasonable). An awesome light fixture can make a room and they’re easy to have installed. No one told me this until I was selling my first place and I just lived with the existing fixtures. I always wished I knew how easy they were to swap out so it’s my prime advice to new home buyers. Congrats!
Anon
This one looks amazing in a dining or living room depending on your space
https://www.westelm.com/products/sphere-stem-chandelier-w2726/
Lilau
Congratulations! Here are some thoughts:
1. When furnishing a room start with the rug. Get the biggest one that you can reasonably fit in the room and prepare for it to be pricy. Wool is soft underfoot and naturally stain repellent. Paint should be last. There are a million shades of paint but a limited universe of colors of rugs, window treatments and furniture that fit your taste and budget in a way that coordinates.
2. Your instinct on empty space is right. Do not hit up home goods or target or accept hand me downs just to fill space temporarily. (The next thing you know that ugly paining/ coffee table has been on your home for 8 years. Don’t ask me how I know. Save up and buy something you love or at least something of decent quality and good scale.)
3. If you’re into this kind of thing, and it sounds fun, maybe listen to a podcast or read an article on feng shui. I’ll bet there’s some suggestion for attracting romance/partnership/ children into your life that might be fun to try.
Anon
Such good advice to start with the rug. I completely agree.
Anonymous
+1
The rug sets the tone – both color and style – for the whole room and it’s so hard to find the perfect one.
Anan
Take pictures of all your appliances and tag/ write down the make and model number and age if you have it. Store it in your phone in a special folder, so that when you have to call the repair person, and they ask “What kind of dishwasher is it?” you have the info right there.
Agree to the waiting and living in the space for a while. We were in our house six months before we bought a couch, and it was something we loved and knew would fit with how we used the space.
Senior Attorney
For furniture and really almost anything, estate sales can be amazing. I am on the mailing list for “the” estate sale person in my area and she lists the entire contents of the house in an email before every sale. If you are patient you can furnish a whole house down to all the kitchenware next to nothing. See if there is somebody like that in your area. Failing that, Facebook and Craigslist.
And heartiest congratulations!!
Anon
Who’s the estate sale person? Can you post her website? Thanks.
Senior Attorney
Believe it or not she doesn’t have a web site, but if you scroll down here you can find her contact info under Estate Sales. https://glendalediggs.com/home-services/ Fair warning: she is a Character with a capital C.
Senior Attorney
Link in mod.
Anon in LA Area
Thank you! I emailed her to join the list! This sounds wonderful!
Anonymous
I installed shutters for my window treatments and more than 3 years later I am so glad I did. They were a big purchase so it was hard to swallow at first but the look is so clean and they help with with heat gain/loss during summer and winter. There are many styles; I chose larger slates with no central bar and they look clean, crisp and work with many styles.
I second the recommendation about closet organization. I really wish I had done this and there are some good options out here. Now doing it seems like a big project but I plan to do this in the future.
Start getting recommendations now for tradespeople: plumbers, electricians, handypeople/repair persons. I have a new build and I still need to have things done, upgraded, etc.
Don’t rush to furnish — take your time with this and to decorate.
Anonymous
Think about doing what will be hard to do later once you have moved in now. For example, if you want hardwood floors and don’t have them and can swing it, do it before you move in. Work with a decorator you know and like tor the big, costly decisions ( eg, grey hardwood is out — unless you really want it, go with something more timeless).
For the rest, I agree with living in the space for a while and see what you like about and don’t. If you haven’t already, start a folder with pictures of rooms you like the look of (Pinterest works well). You will start to see a pattern. Use that knowledge to create a plan.
Stay ahead of maintenance and buy the gocleanco book re how to really clean your house.
And enjoy it!
Sutemi
If there are any windows you need covered immediately for privacy, I recommend the vinyl privacy films. They are inexpensive, cut easily to fit perfectly and can be removed in seconds. No damage to the walls or trim. It gives you time to make decisions on window decorating while you have immediate privacy.
I also join the recommendations to take the time to buy things slowly and wait on choosing paint colors until the other key objects are chosen.
Anonymous
Congratulations! Paint and do anything that needs doing on the ceilings, walls, and floors before getting any furniture. Live in the house for at least 6 months before doing any major renovation (not repair!). Assemble a list of recommended plumbers, electricians, etc from really reliable sources (including realtors). Best of all, find a small contractor with experience, expertise, and with whom you share a philosophy about the house. Get to know them and they the house and your likes and dislikes. Assemble a list of all appliance details. Annotate the house inspection report for planning future repairs/replacements. If you eventually renovate the kitchen, avoid too tight a space but avoid too much distance between the appliances, faucets, and storage that you use frequently daily; a couple of feet, either way, can make a big difference.
CL
If you need to fix the floors in any room, do it before moving in. Also, hire a deep clean service if you can, houses are usually handed over only “broom swept” and nothing more annoying than having to clean bit by bit when unpacking.
E Design
Congratulations!
I also just purchased a place and have had good luck using e-design services (I used Modsy for my living/dining room and Havenly for the office) to help me get a sense of what pieces I want in the space. I’m not following their advice to a T, but it’s a great jumping off point.
And yes, paint before the furniture arrives.
anon
Second the closet and floor recommendations—I bought my first house a few years ago and had the floor done before moving in, then used this Home Depot online planner thing to design my custom closets (which are smaller).
Youtube and Family Handyman are great resources. I have learned how to fix toilets, make furniture or cabinets, do basic electrical work. It is easier and far cheaper and faster than getting someone in, usually. I research first and then assess if it is within my limits (e.g., if rust is involved, I get a plumber).
One thing I don’t see mentioned was a home energy audit, which was free in my area. This helped me prioritize appliance replacement and identified a couple of things I needed to fix sooner rather than later that I never would have noticed (e.g. roof was missing baffles; weatherstrip around the attic door).
Outside I WISH I had educated myself more which would have saved me at least two custom closets (ha). I was lucky to have friends share plants but I did buy a lot, planting where the tags said sun or shade etc. Many died—those plant tags aren’t entirely accurate. I did a detailed garden plan this winter, researching everything I still have and learning what should actually go in what kind of soil, then got a soil test to learn what kind of soil I had and how much fertilizer I needed. Did a lot of transplanting. Things are looking so much better. Also the extension agent is helpful online—they advised on tree disease and noticed my mulch was wrong when I asked about leaf spots. That’s free through each state (I think) university. They identify plants too if you aren’t sure what is growing in your yard! Anyway I should have started with the soil test, then used something like White Mountain Farms garden “plots” which a friend has used and really likes. One last thing I installed rain barrels before learning the county reimburses with approval BEFORE installing (at least I don’t have to water) so make sure you check for potential rebates first where you live if that interests you.
Formerly Lilly
Antique store, especially the “antique mall” kind, don’t just have antiques. I just scored a pair of glass topped bamboo end tables that I think look like a million bucks for far less than new end tables cost, and they are much better quality than any but the highest end new furniture. Also a good source for good quality flatware, dishes and glasses, and lamps.
Ellen
Good move. If I lived in a place outside NYC I would do the same thing. But in Manhattan, there are only condos and coop apartments in my price range, and my Dad is buying us a huge place on the West side with 3 balconies and 4 bedrooms. I must share this with him, Mom and Rosa when they come into town, but otherwise, I will be there most of the time by myself and a guy if I ever find one. Good luck to you! You should be able to attract a guy to help you on the move if you want and act reserved. Men love to be in charge to help. See if you can land one early in your neighboorhood! YAY!!
Anon
Anyone like a specific app for consolidating loyalty cards? Android friendly. There are so many to choose from, and reviews are either gushingly fake or bat-crap crazy bad.
waffles
I use Stocard, and it works pretty well. No complaints! I haven’t tried any of the others, so I have no idea if there are better ones out there, but I’m happy with the one I have.
Anonymous
Key ring
Anon
I got a jean jacket that fits fantastically, but it has an odor. I’ve had denim with this odor before (usually the ‘eco friendly’ low water denim will have this.
Well, I’ve: washed it (at least 10 times). Washed it with vinegar. Sunned it. Aired it. It still smells. Any other ideas to get rid of the scent? Maybe something with baking soda?
Anonymous
Vodka?
Anon
All I have is Tito’s… but might be worth a try!
pugsnbourbon
Get the bottom shelf stuff that comes in a plastic bottle. Like $5 for a gallon.
Anon
Borax powder is worth a try. It works very well on mold/mildew odors, not sure about chemical odors.
Anon
OO. I have this and could easily run a load of laundry with a scoop.
Cornellian
I’d do borax too and let it soak for a while before you run the load. It can lift dyes a bit, though, so google what ratio to use.
anne-on
Ammonia and washing powder (not borax, washing powder is a ‘booster’ for your regular detergent). You’ll probably need about 1/4 cup of washing powder and a few glugs (not super precise, sorry) of ammonia. It takes the stink out of everything I’ve used it on, this is usually what I’ll do with my husband’s super gross summer time tennis clothes that have a fun coating of sweat, bug spray, and sunscreen on them and it works like a charm. Hanging to dry in the sun is great but I don’t find it necessary using this method.
Anon
Oxy clean?
Senior Attorney
That might strip out the color, though, so test it on a small area first.
Anonymous
How far out are you all planning travel esp those of you who have been pandemic cautious or pandemic fearful? I feel like this summer in the US should be pretty much fine. Yet IDK I don’t have any desire to travel — I’m not a summer/warm weather traveler and work is annoyingly busy. Would you plan on say Florida in the Nov thru Feb timeframe (not the entire time – like 4-5 days) or would you plan an international trip (UK) in Feb. All drs seem to be saying summer will be fine and fall will have a surge though is this the type of surge where offices/schools will close again? I’ve heard varying accounts on whether we need boosters later this year. Anyone following this more closely who has thoughts? Or just personally who are you handling travel for 6-9 months from now?
Anonymous
If you’re this anxious just don’t plan any travel! You do not need to plan a trip for February now for any conceivable reason.
Anon
Agree. I’m usually the type who books my thanksgiving tickets in May but not doing that this year. I have two young kids and so don’t think we’ll be doing any international travel anytime soon but we are flying this summer. Also, this is why i fly Southwest bc i can at least get a credit
Anonymous
Are you serious? It is so gauche to not have trips on the books. What will they even talk about if not?
Anonymous
Hahahahaha
Anon
Jealous?
If not, may I ask what purpose this kind of toxicity serves?
Anonymous
I’ve never been jealous of basic.
Anonymous
For the time being, other than 1 major international trip in December (was supposed to go in 2020 but entire thing got 100 % refunded with option to rebook for 2021), I’m not planning any travel further out than a couple months and that I can’t go by car or train on the East Coast. If you don’t want to travel, that’s absolutely fine! If you do want to travel, I would say wait a couple months before booking anything. No one knows if when and where another surge might happen.
Cat
We’re fully vaccinated and ready. to. go.
Aside from our summer travel plans, we booked our Thanksgiving flights on the theory that demand is going to skyrocket and prices will follow.
It’s too early to make plans for early 2022 for us, but FYI a lot of domestic ‘destination’ type hotels (Blackberry Farm and the like) are booking up really fast if that’s the kind of thing you had in mind.
BF
Blackberry Farm is a dream and super pandemic-friendly. We went during the pandemic before we were vaccinated and it was amazing/felt safer than in my SEUS city.
Shelle
I’ve been having similar thoughts. If you can travel now, it seems to be a good time to do so. I want to take a vacation later in the winter but I worry about another wave. I’m going to wait to book until much closer to that time. I’ll probably end up spending more, but I saw others this past winter having major stress about the decision to either go ahead and risk it so they wouldn’t lose the money or try to get refunds. For me personally it’s worth the extra money to not gamble on this, although it may be significantly more expensive. At that time I can also assess where to go that is safe and open.
Cat
FWIW – airlines have continued to waive change fees (and if *they* change your flight badly enough, you get your actual money back), and we filter Airbnbs by “flexible” cancellation policies even in normal times, just in case. We had 4 trips cancelled in 2020 and the only things we didn’t get our actual cash money back for are a pair of Amtrak tickets (credit awaiting use).
So, we feel more confident making plans, it’s just we don’t start really looking forward to them 100% until we are… on the plane. (Which s-cks because anticipating and planning is a ton of the joy of vacations! But at least we’re starting to go on them again!)
Shelle
All good points to know, thanks! I’m guilty of being overly cautious in most things. Whatever happens, I’m with you – here’s to traveling again!
Flats Only
If you don’t have any desire to travel, don’t plan a trip! I have not been fearful during the pandemic, and am eager to travel, so I’ve gambled on an international trip for this fall with refundable deposit and airfare. I have a clear idea of what I’d like to do next year, but won’t even consider booking anything until January, unless there is some miracle and Covid suddenly disappears before then.
Cb
We’re about to book our Christmas flights, but it’s a slightly tricky route to Lisbon, with flights only 2x a week so want to get them booked earlyish. And RyanAir was less annoying than I anticipated when we had to cancel flights last year. We’ll both be vaccinated by late summer, not sure I’d be up for autumn travel but hoping Christmas will be doable.
Anonymous
I have a high risk condition and have to assume that the vaccine is not working for me until we have more research to suggest it does. Therefore, we are only planning a driving trip to see a new baby mixing just two households this year. We have an outdoorsy trip booked for summer next year because you have to book more than a year in advance to get a spot. My hope is that the pandemic will actually be over by then.
Also, I plan to be more thoughtful about my travel in the future. Anyone who lived through fire season 2020 in the West saw the harms of climate change up close and personal. I can’t fly on planes as much as I used to in good conscience anymore. We will do more trips by car and will get an electric car when the time is right.
Ribena
I haven’t booked anything yet, and I don’t think I’ll book anything without a generous cancellation policy (or at a price I can afford to lose) for some time yet.
Admittedly, part of this is due to personal circumstances – the only place I want to go is Ireland and I can’t go there yet! And travel after that depends on how the Ireland trip goes (to visit the guy.)
Anonymous
Talk to me about how you ladies feel about traveling internationally with kids who will presumably not be vaccinated. I was thinking of going to somewhere in Latin America with my family over the Christmas holiday. Kids are preschool/elementary aged and healthy/no underlying conditions but unlikely to be vaccinated.
Anonymous
I should say, if the vaccines are approved for younger kids by then, we’ll get them vaccinated. I just don’t know when to expect that!
Anonymous
The media seems to think that Pfizer may be available to kids 2 – 11 in the fall.
Anonymous
I can’t comment on the rest of Latin America, but I saw a headline in my local newspaper about possible imminent shutdowns in Mexico and how people should be rethinking their trips to Cancun. I wouldn’t plan international trips where that was a real risk, not only because it would be a major inconvenience to me, but because I just don’t think it’s right to put any burden on the system there. You might be vaccinated, but serving tourists requires unvaccinated people to do a lot of activities where they come into contact with each other. I would personally feel icky about having an unvaccinated waiter serve me while he or she is in contact with other unvaccinated waiters. I don’t want to put them at risk when it’s a “luxury” trip for me. Your personal tolerance for that may vary, but we do have to keep in mind that other countries simply have not had anything close to the access to the vaccine that we have had here.
Anon.
This is a good point.
Anon
personally i would not feel comfortable with this. I would maybe consider traveling internationally only if it was to visit family, but I’d probably rather have them fly to us if they were vaccinated. We are flying domestically with our kids this summer to visit family. I guess to me the risk outweighs the reward in the sense that can’t you just go a year later? there is obviously no one right answer, but that’s my two cents
NYCer
I feel fine about traveling with my unvaccinated children (ages 2 and 6).
anon
I would feel comfortable. One of the biggest risk factor for covid is age. I’m 45 and have a 10 year old. Before vaccination my risk of dying after a positive covid test was 130x larger than my child’s. If the vaccine is 95% at preventing death then, post my vaccination, I am still 6.5x more likely to die from covid than my child (after a positive test). I know there are other risks from covid, but death is easy to quantify and other risks presumably have a similar age profile. Covid is a risk for kids, but comparable to other risks they face (flu, drowning, etc).
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/covid-data/investigations-discovery/hospitalization-death-by-age.html
Curious
I think the interpretation is that the vaccine is nearly 100% effective at preventing death but 95% at preventing symptomatic infection?
Regardless you seem very reasonable.
Cat
Curious is correct. Although there have been a few hospitalizations or deaths among vaccinated people, it is a vanishingly small percentage.
Anon.
This is regarding Europe where our parents live, so we have personal reasons to travel, but personally, I’m ok with flying internationally, and have a trip planned for mid-June. We have a 5 yr old.
I think it really depends on the country. I would not go to Brazil, but a resort in Mexico, Costa Rica or similar with testing requirements and some social distancing might be fine?
If I were you, I would inform myself about what it really means to travel internationally. All airlines have testing requirements, countries have different travel restrictions and quarantine rules, resorts may have their own rules. Depending on the country and local access/progress with vaccinations, they may not recognize vaccination status as substitute for a test (anecdotally, Germany only recognized vaccination status a week ago).
Our experience with travel to Europe: We went to Europe last summer when travel rules and procedures were not very evolved, high quality N95-type masks were not common etc. We took all kinds of precautions: We ate right before getting to the airport, skipped the food on the plane, wore double masks (medical plus cloth) the whole time on the plane, except for sips of water and a few crackers. Since it was an overnight flight, we slept/rested most of the time, and our then 4 yr old kept his mask on the whole time. Covid numbers were low in Europe (lower than now), but that also meant that you saw a lot of improper mask wearing, leniency etc, even with airplane staff.
We have booked flights again for mid-June this year, and the requirements for testing, masking etc are much more evolved (i.e. more complicated). Husband and I are vaccinated, and we will all wear N95/KF94 masks. I feel that it might be safer flying to Europe now because all airlines require negative Covid tests, as do immigration services in all EU countries. I expect that at least 50% of all passengers on the plane will be vaccinated.
Anon.
Oh, and if lockdowns are imminent in some countries, you may not be allowed to book a hotel. We are staying in an AirBnB for a few days after arriving at my family’s city, and the local government only allowed apartment/VRBO bookings yesterday. Hotels are still closed!
Anon
Yeah, as someone who is in a locked-down country this is really important to note! There are MANY places around the world that are NOT in the same position as the US. The pandemic is still very real here. We still wear masks, stores are closed, and so on.
Anon
Which airlines have testing requirements? None of the US carriers.
Anon.
On many, if not most, international flights operated by US airline alliance partners, those airlines don’t let you board without a test because immigration at the destination requires it. For example, You can’t fly via Amsterdam on Delta/KLM without a test because a) the Netherlands require a negative PCR test for entry, and even as a connecting passenger in AMS, and b) the final destination country might require pre-registration online and showing a test upon arrival. Same for United/Swiss/Lufthansa.
Domestic flights may have different rules in the US, I haven’t researched that.
Anonymous
I’d be concerned about either getting stuck in another country (quarantine) or not able to go because the kids won’t have a vaccine passport.
Aunt Jamesina
I wouldn’t worry so much about kids as much as the fact that you could be taxing their local healthcare system. I personally won’t be traveling anywhere that doesn’t have the vaccine generally available to their populace.
Anonymous
Agreed. I just don’t think it’s a good look – to be a “have” in a sea of “have nots” when the trip is only to benefit me, not them.
Anonymous
Domestically I’ll book without worry for the next 9 months. I tentatively plan to travel internationally next spring, but am going to hold off booking anything until we get much, much closer, both because of COVID and also because all my cases that had trials scheduled for this year seem to have moved to next spring, so who knows what work will look like.
Is it Friday yet?
I’ve already traveled internationally (Iceland), they’ve handled things well in general and it was totally fine (if you’re vaccinated they test you in the airport, give you a free hotel to quarantine in for the five hours it takes for the test to come back). I’m comfortable booking anything with a flexible cancellation/change policy – so using miles, or an airline that’s waiving change fees, or hotels that let you cancel if you give 24 hours notice. Possibly going to Europe in July, assuming things are open. Who knows what’ll be happening by the fall – I’m not planning anything that far out (but I never do, haha). But you pick your own comfort level!
anon
I’ve booked a trip to Disney World for April 2022. It will be my parents, me and DH, and my son. I am hoping kids will be vaccinated then, and things will be back to “normal.” It can be changed/rolled forward if we need to, though.
Anon
Yeah, plug for the Mouse here in that… their vacations are 100% refundable or reschedule-able like RIGHT up to the last minute (72 hours before hand or something). Really nice to have that option.
Anon
I’m fully vaccinated so no concerns about personal safety traveling, but I’m not interested in spending money that way yet because the experience is still going to be off. I don’t want to travel having to mask up to do things (I can do that at home just fine). I also miss seeing friends so this year that money is going to entertaining.
Senior Attorney
We’re going to Iceland in six weeks and have a trip booked to Croatia for September which looks like it’s going to happen after being in the “50-50 or less” category for many months. Beyond that, maybe a road trip in the Southwest US at some point.
Senior Attorney
Fully vaccinated, of course.
CountC
I would LOVE to hear the details of your Croatia trip if you are comfortable sharing under a burner email!
Senior Attorney
This is the trip: https://trektravel.com/trip/croatia-dalmatian-coast-bike-tour/#overview
We have done Trek trips before and they are awesome. Hit me up at seniorattorney1 at gmail if you want to chat!
Senior Attorney
I posted a link but it’s in mod. Happy to email: seniorattorney1 at gmail.
Anonymous
I’m definitely on the risk averse side of things and frankly also happy with a lower key life. I’m planning a few driving weekends away this summer and am happy with those. I’m unsure if I want to be flying in the new months (prob no) but I did commit to Hawaii tickets for winter holidays this year with my family! so that’s kind of my plan to re-enter traveling
Anonymous
My spouse and I took our first trip last week. Driving, stayed in AirBNB, mostly went hiking and did outdoor activities. We’re both vaccinated.
We have a beach trip planned with family in September. All adults, everyone is vaccinated, and activities will be mostly outside. That will involve flying. We haven’t book flights yet, but the apartment is already reserved.
We’re contemplating flying to visit family for Thanksgiving, but haven’t made definite plans yet. All adults, everyone is vaccinated already or will be soon. We’d stay with family or in airbnb.
My parents already booked the house for their annual Florida trip for next February. I’ll probably fly to join them for a few days, but nothing is definite yet on my end.
All destinations within the continental US. I’m not considering international trips yet because of so much uncertainty in planning.
AnonMPH
First of all, I think you know that no one can tell you exactly what will happen in 6-9 months during an unprecedented vaccine rollout during an unprecedented pandemic.
That said, my husband and I have a friend’s wedding that is tentatively scheduled for a very far away location on an island (think, 30 hrs of travel) in November. We have talked for years about how going to this place/getting to attend this particular wedding would be a dream, so we are booking refundable tickets, but managing our expectations that for a variety of reasons it is likely that we will wind up canceling them. They also may wind up canceling the wedding if conditions don’t allow! We all just have to be very flexible.
If I wanted to book a trip I would likely actually go on, I would focus on travel between now and October, either domestically or possibly in Europe late summer. Based on last year, seasonality does seem to come into play with COVID, and so we can expect that cases will go up here in the US as well as in other international travel locations by November. Where vaccination rates are very high, that “surge” may be from very low to slightly less low. In other parts of the world we may see catastrophes again.
That said, Florida between Nov and Feb should probably be fine if Florida does eventually hit a decent vaccination rate, but I don’t see why you would need to book that right now, you could just wait and see. You could also just book a refundable trip. If you wanted to book a refundable travel to the UK in Feb, it will probably be fine since right now their vaccination program is doing so well, but there are worries that Astra Zeneca is less protective against some of the variants so again, I’d say you just can’t predict it now.
In summary: make some plans for the summer/early fall if you’re excited to travel, and you can probably trust that they will truly happen. For anything later, I’d make plans but manage your expectations and your bookings to be flexible depending on the global environment.
Anon
I have a weeklong trip with my immediate family in late June, and a weekend trip to Vegas with friends planned a few weeks after that (all adults are fully vaccinated, my son got his first shot this week). And then yesterday I booked a trip to Hawaii for October, and that’s it for this year; we’ll look at going somewhere maybe (maybe) for spring break next year sometime around Christmas. End-of-year will be a busy time for me anyway, not the best time to take time off. Also, I believe (because my doctor told me this) there will be another surge in the late fall/winter of 2021/22 and don’t want to have to cancel plans. While it may not affect vaccinated people and will be better than this past year’s surge, it will still likely result in restrictions. So we’re going to get our travel done by mid-October and then wait and see from there.
anon
I’m moving to Houston and I travel a ton for work (under normal circumstances) Right now I’m with the American Airlines/OneWorld rewards program, and I’m assuming I should switch to United right? I travel to a lot of different places, but New York is a real staple, and I’d like to be able to travel to the most places without a connecting flight.
anne-on
If you’re ok flying into Newark (which frankly, is often less annoying than LaGuardia) I’d definitely switch to United. Depending on your main NYC office locations, Newark might even be easier for you – especially if you mainly travel into southern Manhattan – this post sums it up nicely:
https://thepointsguy.com/guide/the-fastest-way-to-get-from-newark-airport-to-new-york-city/
Anon
Yes I’m a former United 1k (well I guess I still am because they extended it but I haven’t traveled in a year +)
I agree to switch to United. Houston and Newark are both hubs for them so you’ll probably find they have flights leaving every hour. You’ll find this handy on days when things get messed up.
Anonymous
Welcome to Houston! Not sure about flying into NY specifically, but I will say that Hobby is SO MUCH BETTER than IAH if you can fly Southwest. It’s smaller, parking is easier, it runs better, lines are shorter, etc.
Anon
Agree that Hobby is infinitely better and we exclusively fly Southwest for personal travel with frequent NY trips, but you can only fly to LGA. I will say that at least for the time being Southwest doesn’t seem to have many non stop flights each day
Anon
Frequent flier that traveled 150-300K miles/year pre-COVID. I’m now in Dallas but used to live in Houston. A few years ago I was flying enough that I had top status on both, so my UA flights were the reverse of what you would do on AA. Connecting sucks. You will want to switch to UA. Connecting to go anywhere in DFW is going to waste a ton of time and when you misconnect (and you will, Spring in TX is horrible and AA/DFW doesn’t deal with it well) you will regret not taking the direct flight. You can probably do a status match with UA.
anon
Thanks, this is helpful! I’ve never heard of a status match- how does that work?
Anin
It’s pretty easy. The info is somewhere on the UA site. You submit an application and show them proof of your AA status. They match you to the corresponding status. When I did the match was for 3 months and I had to fly/spend a certain amount (equivalent to 1/4 of the yearly requirements). Once I hit that I had status the the rest of the year. Sometimes they waive the requirements and match you outright. Maybe due to COVID they have made it easier.
Anon
Here is the info –> https://www.united.com/ual/en/us/fly/mileageplus/offers/promos/TB9234.html
They also match to 1K if you are executive platinum (at least they did when I matched) it’s just not on the website.
anon
This is so helpful, thank you! I’ll get on it now.
Anon
I’m in NYC and my boyfriend and I want to go shopping for casual summer clothes for him this weekend (yes, he asked me for help). He hasn’t bought new clothes in 5ish years (before he met me) and everything doesn’t fit or is worn out. He likes things that are a bit “interesting” — he likes colors more than neutrals, and does not like anything that’s preppy. We both prefer shopping in person. Where should we go? Specific stores or just neighborhoods?
Anonymous
What’s your budget?
Is it Friday yet?
Woodbury Commons, if you have a car or can otherwise find a way to get up there. They used to run a bus because it’s quite popular, but no idea if that’s happening now.
Anon
So it’s just a website for you, but check out taborclt.com for cool ideas. My very stylist friend loves that store. It is spendy, but may give him some ideas. The easy button: anything Patagonia.
test run
Bonobos! My SO also likes things that are a bit “interesting” and buys 90% of his clothes there. Not super cheap, though.
Anonymous
COS?
Anon
I feel like everything for guys skews preppy. Maybe not embroidered patterned pants preppy but polo shirts are a summer staple. Not sure how you avoid preppy and don’t run out of clothes (cf the old International Male catalogs we used to get at my parents’ house).
Anonymous
Scotch and soda is perfect for this. If you avoid the wacky stuff, they have a lot of slightly interesting twists on basics. And the materials are all high quality, at least on the men’s side. The women’s side, it’s really hit or miss.
They have stores through Manhattan and one in dumbo.
Anon
Do any of you have any restaurant recommendations for Rehoboth Beach, Delaware? Am going on a visit there with DH’s family. DH has been, but not in 20 years. If any restaurants are good (or definitely not good) for a group that will be about 10 people, that would also be helpful. We are used to eating either very early (5ish) if going as a group due to hangry kids / older people who naturally eat then, if that helps. Will have plenty of cars, but if things are walkable from a beachfront condo, that would be great. I don’t know the area at all.
Cat
So it’s the next town up (short drive – Lewes) but we dream of Half Full’s pizza! They do takeout too.
Anon for this
Okay, it’s been at least 20 years for me, but… one of my fondest vacation meal memories as a kid was going to a crab house near RB.
It was the type of a restaurant where the tables were covered with brown paper and you picked your type of crab and they just brought like… baskets of crab. And we had those little mallets and… it was just really fun. Now I’m suddenly thinking about planning a trip with my kids. Are there any places like that?
Anon
IDK — I went to one once and realized that I was having flashbacks to biology class dissections and just could not do it. I later discovered what I think of as a fix: crab cakes. If these restaurants still exist, would they also likely have crab cakes on the menu? Or just buckets of crabs?
This is my original example of outsourcing the labor FTW.
Anonymous
This is why I am a fan of “lazy man’s lobster”: already removed from the shell.
Anon
To me, lobsters will always look like something I’d hit with a bat vs eat. I do not understand the first human who found one in the wild and said, “it looks nasty but I think I’ll have a taste just to be sure.” I have a friend who maintains that people do not like lobster, they actually just like the butter you dip it into.
Anonymous
I know this is a common joke but it always sounds so rude and privileged. The answer is poor people, slaves and prisoners.
Pep
As a teen, I read something that described the lobster as the “sea roach,” and I’ve never gotten that out of my head. As a result, I’ve never eaten it.
Crab, though – I live in Maryland and having crab is just a way of life.
Anony
We call lobsters ‘mud bugs’ up here on the Maine Coast LOL
Anon
Oh. I feel the opposite way, like if lobster is this delicious, what are we missing out on? If roaches taste this good, I’ll eat them!
On the other hand, I couldn’t bring myself to eat soft-shelled crab.
Patricia Gardiner
Haha- this is how I know I’m not a true Marylander. Despite having lived here for 11 years, I just don’t see the appeal of crab. Tricky to shell, sharp edges, and smothered in overrated Old Bay. Give me a lobster any day!
pugsnbourbon
I ate a cockroach in middle school as part of a project on using insect protein to reduce food scarcity. It did not taste like lobster. Commercially-available insect protein is highly processed for a reason.
Flats Only
I think every single restaurant in Maryland has crab cakes on the menu.
Seventh Sister
There are places like that – I’m not sure which one is “good” in Rehobeth proper but we always go to The Crab Bag at the north end of Ocean City. It’s super fun, super messy, and the adults get to drink lots of beer and the kids can eat fried food if they are “meh” on the crabs. They seem cleaner and fancier than the ones I remember from the 1980s, back when they put the crabs on newsprint and the servers all had beehives and smoked cigarettes while they were serving crabs.
Crab cakes are ubiquitous on the menu there, you can get them at pretty much any restaurant. I love a soft-shell crab any time, any where.
Funny story: in my first year of college, there was a “food fest” that involved crappy steaks and one lobster per student (yay New England). Since I’d grown up picking crabs at crab places, I wound up showing all my friends how to crack open the lobster (which is 1000x easier than a little MD blue crab).
Anon
I love Blackwall Hitch! Also, dogfish head.
Don’t know if anywhere to pick crabs, but picking crabs is a blast!!
Anon
Yes, honestly so many options.
Fins or Claws for local seafood. The Cultured Pearl for sushi. There’s always a huge line at Egg for breakfast but I’ve never been. Salt Air or Azzuro for slightly fancy. Nicola’s while they’re still open. For lunches/quicker meals: Semra’s, Grotto, Go Fish!. Always have to get Thrasher’s and the Ice Cream Store. Don’t go to the Dogfish Head restaurant – the brewery rocks, the food sucks.
January
Rehoboth has changed a lot in the past 20 years.
I generally agree with these suggestions. Also recommend Henlopen City Oyster House for fancier/adults-only. Your kids should try Grotto’s pizza. My experience has been that people who grew up eating it love it, and everyone else hates it.
If your’e going to go to a Dogfish Head restaurant, I prefer Chesapeake & Main.
Rehoboth is not that big. If you are staying in beachfront property, most adults would be able to walk to any of these.
Anonymous
Salt Air is a favorite. We always get pizza from Grotto our first night there. Love Thrasher’s while sitting on the beach.
Seventh Sister
Grotto Pizza is pretty good-to-adequate and can handle large groups, especially ones full of kids. My favorite fried chicken is Gus & Gus, but it’s a dive so older people may not want to each in such a greasy spoon. I thought Cultured Pearl was “meh,” but I live in an area with seventy million good sushi options and they were full of big crowds when we went. If you want fancy, Bluecoast Bethany Beach is really good and not far away.
Anon
Does this product or service exist:
Something that keeps WiFi on in a house for certain computers (parents) and turns off WiFi access for other computers (kids who need computers for school and some activities and get limited screentime daily, but who do not need 24/7 WiFi in their bedrooms)?
It is a PITA to change WiFi passwords and gather up gadgets. I’d rather they have the computers to do work offline and just have their hour of leisure screen time after work / chores are done. Bonus if I can give them access for a set time and have it time out by itself.
AnonMom
Most devices have some sort of parental control settings where you can get granular on time of day, apps, total hours, etc. For instance, iphones have Screentime that does this. It doesn’t turn wifi off but cuts off access to whatever apps you set up after either a time limit or after a certain time of day. I know our laptop has this ability as well, although it was harder to find than the iphone settings.
Anan
Our school issues Chromebooks don’t allow parents to adjust settings. It super pisses me off because the school also insists that the students cannot use their own devices if they are learning in person.
Anon
Oh, yes. Our middle schooler gets to keep hers over the summer, which I’m not thrilled about. Our other kid has a regular Apple computer in her room and at least I can lock that down.
Anonymous
Can’t you just put the chromebook away for the summer?
Anon
The eero app/router recommended here will still block a school device.
Anon
Also, can’t you just have the chromebook forget the home network? It must be possible because how did it connect to the home network in the first place?
Anan 11:20
Yeah, we’ve resorted to taking the Chromebook away from her after homework is done. But on the nights we forget she is up til 1am watching inane YouTube videos under her covers.
It makes me even more angry because my niece’s school district has an app that parents can use to set limits but our school district hasn’t figured it out yet. It’s not like the technology isn’t out there.
Anonymous
You need to set the limits at the router.
Anon
You can get a mesh network. I set one up because I have weak wifi in my office, so I got an eero mesh system, It lets you set up profiles for various uses and devices. You can control access from an app on your phone. It would let you shut off the wifi for your kids’ devices at certain times.
Anonymous
The software for your wireless router may allow you to do this.
AnonATL
If you have ATT as your wireless provider, their app has this ability. You can create temporary passwords for visitors, control which devices are on your network, etc.
not sure if other providers offer something similar.
Anon
The eero app that I use with my eero mesh network does this. I love the eero
A Nonny Mouse
The router you get from Comcast allows you to do this, if they are your provider.
Anonymous
Does anyone on here have an actual “housekeeper” or personal assistant of sorts? I am at a point in my career where I just don’t have time or bandwidth for a bunch of life tasks and am happy to throw money at this problem. We’ve taken care of the low-hanging fruit like hiring weekly cleaners and outsourcing groceries, but there is a bunch of slightly more difficult life stuff that is not getting done or done well. I’d love to find someone I trust to do legwork for me when it comes to helping schedule appointments and do home upkeep type work and make inconsequential decisions for me. I have kids and I want to spend my free time being with them and not catching up on this stuff. Basically, I want to find someone who plays some of the home administrator roles of a “stay at home spouse”, because my spouse works and while he pulls more weight than I do, things are coming apart at the seams a bit around here. Maybe this would be like a 5-10 hour/week job? Does anyone here employ someone to do these kinds of things?
Anon
I don’t, but we have found that some house cleaning services in our area offer services like this (aimed at old people living far from family, but often actually used by people like you — dry cleaning runs, doing in-home laundry, putting away groceries, etc.).
Anonymous
Household manager?
CountC
I 100% need a house manager! I am the WORST at doing things like changing the air filters, scheduling maintenance appointments, etc. I have a cleaning team and they are invaluable, but I cannot be bothered to care about the house house stuff. It’s just me, so this is a problem!!
Anonymous
A household manager does more than just upkeep of the house. A household manager is basically an outsourced SAHM.
CountC
Oh I know, that’s why I said house manager, and not household manager :) I don’t need a household manager, I need a house manager haha
Anon
Yes, but she was a nanny who expanded into that sort of role as the kids got older, rather than someone who I recruited especially to fill that niche, so I’m not sure how helpful my experience is.
andie
Same, my sisters babysitter filled this role starting from when she was in middle school and then basically completely transitioned into this + driver when my sister was in high school.
Anon.
I would love to have a personal assistant. Someone who can keep up with making home maintenance appointments, taking care of the garden, research summer camp and travel options, possibly bill paying etc.
I don’t have the budget, but I can dream, right?
No Face
Care.com has an option for “errand runners” now. Maybe that?
pugsnbourbon
I think there are multiple sites where you can contract with a virtual assistant.
anon
We used to have a person who did this, but the challenge we found was that people (understandably!) wanted a guaranteed number of hours weekly and our needs were highly variable. So now what we have is a true housekeeper for 16 hours a week, who does cleaning, laundry, breaking down boxes, light meal prep, etc. and a nanny who takes care of baby-related tasks. Essentially, we removed all the other stuff and having done that, figuring out travel reservations/handling birthday party logistics/running errands feels less stressful.
Anon
+1 to having trouble finding someone good who is willing to work limited hours. Our nanny and housekeeper take on most of this stuff but I tried to find something like this when we just had one in daycare and it was basically impossible. We put out an ad for a household manager. I think being able to combine the job with other tasks to allow for it to be more hours or perhaps finding another family to split the cost with (maybe you each get 1-2 days/week so the person ends up getting. For tips on how to make the most of this person I suggest reading the book called the domestic assistant advantage or something like that. It’s aimed at lawyers but really is applicable to anyone looking to hire someone foe this type of role. It has a lot of good tips for how to find, hire, train this person.
Anonymous
I keep saying I need a nanny for myself. Then again, I think it would take a lot of time and energy to manage someone to do this stuff. I’ve been having my groceries delivered and while it is a time saver on average, there always seems to be something wrong with my order – they get the wrong thing, or the thing is obviously spoiled, or any number of problems that shouldn’t be problems. Same thing with my cleaning people, they do weird stuff every once in a while and it’s just like, why would anyone think that I wanted my plates balanced precariously on top of my measuring cups instead of stacked with all the other plates, or whatever. And frankly it’s the same thing at work, I have to catch and clean up so many careless mistakes, including from people who are paid way too much to be making these mistakes (ahem, first years who apparently have never heard of proof reading). It’s really hard to find people who care about and pay attention to what they’re doing, even if they’re well paid (which a lot of service workers are not).
Anon
Not doing things exactly the same way you would doesn’t mean they aren’t doing it carefully or paying attention
Anon
Are you honestly saying that you would be totally fine with her examples? I don’t care if my cleaning service does something different from me, I do care if it has a substantial risk of breaking something. I also care if the fruit I purchased is already spoiled when it arrives. That’s not doing something in a different way, that is objectively doing something wrong.
Anon
Plates on top of measuring cups does not make sense. That is called not being careful and not paying attention.
Anonymous
Yes let’s perpetuate the myth that women are whiners, complainers, Karens, [insert put down here] when they have any complaint whatsoever no matter how valid.
Bridie not Birdie
You need someone who has the skills, time, and need for money. I’d look at local grad students if you have universities near you. Ideally someone who has younger siblings or cousins, understands usual kiddo things, and is it a bit of control freak/perfectionist. Good luck, OP!
Anonymous
When I was a partner at a Big 4, I often thought that a group of 4-5 like minded partners should hire someone full time to do this type of work. Each person would get one day a week on average.
Anon
This may not be exactly what you need but if you find you’re having trouble finding someone with the skills for this, one thing we recently outsourced that we love is a personal chef. It sounds fancier than it is and it’s not as expensive as I would have thought. Once a week a chef comes having done all the grocery shopping and cooks in our kitchen for 4-5 hours making 3 main dishes and 3 side dishes with about 6 services each (so like 18 full meals) and then cleans up everything and packs everything into our refrigerator in glass containers with reheating instructions (usually just pop in the oven for 10-15 minutes). This takes care of dinner every night for us. Our grocery store does these salad kits for like 5 that is lunch everyday, nanny makes kid lunches from a rotating menu and I batch make overnight oats for breakfast so my husband does a very quick grocery run each week just for that + eggs from our identical grocery list each week. This takes all food/meals for the week other than weekend breakfasts which we usually make at home as a fun family activity and like one lunch or dinner out (or takeout). Not having to think about food at all is an enormous mental load lifted and makes the rest of the load less daunting.
white pants
This sounds amazing.
Are you willing to share what you pay the chef for that amazing service?
Anon
Sure! When we were in the city, we used a company that charged $250 plus groceries. In the suburbs we have a locally owned business that charges $300 plus groceries but it comes out cheaper in the burbs since groceries are less. I suspect this varies a lot by region and it was slightly cheaper in the city because chefs working at restaurants in the evening could pick up work in the mornings. We also were spending a ton on takeout so came out ahead (and are eating soooo much healthier). If you search personal chef in your area you’ll probably find some hits! I’ve also heard of people posting at culinary schools or dietician programs to find a set person but we like going through a company and not worrying about taxes, insurance, etc.
NYC
If this was NYC, do you mind sharing the name of the service? I’m very interested!
Anon
Yep – when we were in NYC we used the culinistas and really liked them. The food was all really amazing. I think we only had like two things we didn’t say we’d order again and we still liked those! It’s women founded and owned too which is a nice bonus
Anonymous
I did this. Found her on Care dot com. She comes from 2 to 6 every day. Cleans, does errands, grocery shops, and cooks dinner. It is not that expensive 18$/hour. Life changing!
FitBit
Does anyone have a FitBit? What do you like it for? I received one as a gift (the Versa 3), because I’ve taken up running, but I’m having a hard time figuring out what real benefits it gives me that I don’t already get from my phone. It tracks speed and distance, but my phone does that (and the Fitbit seems to think I’m going a little slower and less far, which may be accurate, but it’s sort of demoralizing). It’s neat that it tracks my heartbeat, but I’m not really seeing how to use that to my benefit (I’m in no way a “serious runner”, just trying to get more fit and stave off aging some). I thought it would be good if it could control my podcasts, but it turns out that doesn’t work unless you pay for a Spotify subscription. There are a lot of workouts and meditations, which aren’t really my thing but I could try, but apparently most of them require a subscription, too.
I guess it’s neat to track my sleep and steps, but it’s kind of bulky (I have tiny wrists), so I can’t see wearing it all the time. I’m feeling really bad and frustrated that I’ve been given this nice, fairly expensive gift (and now I’m obligated to give the gifter something similarly nice in the near future), but it seems like more of a burden then a help. Help me figure out how to get more out of this thing.
Anonymous
Why force yourself to use something you don’t like just because it was expensive? I have an Apple watch that I like very much, but only for a couple of specific workout apps. I don’t find it comfortable to wear a watch all the time and certainly wouldn’t wear one to sleep. I also find tracking steps and monitoring the goal rings to be a waste of my limited capacity for attention. I use the watch how I like to use it and ignore the functions that are not useful or interesting to me. In the case of your Fitbit, you’ve tried it and don’t even like the exercise tracking functionality, so why bother with it at all?
An unwanted extravagant gift does not automatically create the obligation of a reciprocal gift.
Fitbit
Well, I was hoping there was something people get out of it that I’m not seeing. It’s been around for a while, obviously some people like it.
CountC
IME, the people who love their FBs do not have fitness watches and don’t use their phone as a primary tracker of fitness items. I am I guess a “serious” runner who also does HIIT workouts and I would not find a FitBit useful at all. It’s only a nice gift if you can use it. Is there something else in the FB product line that might work better as an exchange?
Cat
I found a Fitbit more useful in office life because I wouldn’t have my phone with me all the time (like if I was just walking around the floor I wouldn’t have it on me) and I wanted a baseline # of steps that I got daily so I could figure out how much more activity I needed to build into my average day.
After I learned how much time I need to spend walking not during office hours to get a decent amount of activity, it collected dust in the drawer until I donated it last summer.
I’ve never had problems sleeping though so didn’t try any of those features… YMMV.
Anon
Is there any way to trade it for a smaller model? I’ve had fitbits for years and like tracking steps and heart rate and sleep, plus it syncs with my scale, but if it’s not comfortable on your wrist, it’s not going to make sense to wear all the time. My inspire 2 is a manageable size on my very very small wrists- I’ve never wanted an apple watch because they look so huge. I don’t always have my phone on me at home, so it’s been great for making sure I maintain a minimum activity level during the pandemic.
NY CPA
+! I have the Inspire HR and got a stainless steel bracelet for it off Amazon and it looks like a regular watch, and I’ve been complimented on it before.
Anon
I actually use mine everyday. I make a habit of checking it around dinner time to figure out how long of a walk I should take after dinner (or how many steps I need to make). It also has a feature called active zone minutes, which tracks your heart rate to let you know if you have worked for a certain amount of time. On days where I am more active, I usually stop once I hit all the active zone minutes. I don’t use it for sleep and only wear it when I wake up. I find the phone is not as accurate since I don’t use it all the time. I don’t use the GPS function or Spotify either.
anon
I love my Fitbit and it’s a small, slim one. The caveat is that I don’t have an Apple watch and really have no desire to get one, and yeah, just using my phone to track my route is not nearly as accurate as my fitbit. I am a runner (not super serious) and find the heartrate feature very useful.
Anon
I’ve considered getting a FitBit or similar product for a while now and it just never comes out as being worth it. I don’t need to know my heart rate. I don’t really care about counting steps (I will not pace around my house to get to 10,000 it just doesn’t do it for me). My sleep is best managed with a consistent wake/sleep time, reading before bed, and making sure I know what to do with myself when I get up–there’s nothing the watch can tell me about that. The one thing I really wanted one for was calorie counting but then I found out a Stanford study conducted on most of the popular fitness watches out there found most of them to have such poor accuracy they were effectively useless compared to just calculating on weight x height and rough activity level.
Don’t feel bad if you end up returning it/giving it away/putting it up on eBay. They’re just really shiny rubbish — which sucks, because if they weren’t, I’d honestly really like them.
DB Cooper
Late reply, but I am a little on the privacy conscious end and don’t enable the features to track fitness stuff on my phone. I also don’t care that much about some of the statistics! I do really like my Fitbit for the silent alarms, in the mornings and I’ll set one during the day if I need to discreetly make sure not to overstay on a particular meeting or outing. I have an older Alta, so not as big, but I tend not to wear it on my wrist during the daytime. It seems to count steps just fine in a hip pocket or even buckled securely to my belt or my bra strap.
I agree with the others that an expensive return gift isn’t necessary, just a thoughtful one (not an Amazon card or just the latest best seller book). Maybe this was a regift from the person who gave it to you!
Perhaps Amazon or Fitbit does a buyback program if you want to try to trade in a smaller version?
Anon
i know that the new mask guidelines have been discussed here plenty, but as someone who lives in one of those states where mask mandates are being prohibited by the government, it’s so hypocritical to say that government should stay out of people’s lives and then prohibit mask mandates just before the end of the school year. also, the CDC guidelines should’ve encouraged places that offer the vaccine (Costco, CVS etc) to keep masks in place since ideally there would be a lot of unvaccinated people in the store
Anonymous
I agree 100%. The CDC guidelines seem to be pretty sound (although personally, I am confused about some of the studies that have come out in recent months were on Pfizer and Moderna and showed great efficacy, but then the guidance that gets transmitted to the public is “all three vaccines were highly effective in the studies.” I need to look into that one more). The issue is that there was NO coordination with the White House, OSHA, or other federal agencies that could have assisted with the guidelines and the messaging.
There 100% should have been guidance for CVS and Costco and others to maintain a mask mandate until 70% of the local county was vaccinated, OR guidance for stores on how to enforce vaccination status and then allow vaccinated people to proceed maskless. Without either of those, the CDC guidance is damaging and harmful.
Anon
The lack of coordination with OSHA is concerning. Think of restaurant workers who are around a lot of unmasked people. What should restaurant owners / managers do? It would have been helpful for this battered part of the economy to have addressed this specifically. Other than dentists / orthodontists, I can’t think of another significant area of the economy where the workers are pretty powerless and potentially very exposed. I get that they could also get shots, but if they can’t find workers due to fears, this won’t help.
Anonymous
I have been surprised that OSHA seems to have been silent on this issue, at least as reflected in the news coverage. Has OSHA even promulgated any regulations about ventilation, masking, etc.? It seems like workplace safety regulations should be in place and have a trickle-down effect on customers, students, etc. If universal masking and ventilation are required to protect teachers and retail workers, for example, then all students and customers will have to be masked in addition to employees.
Anonymous
It was just in the news that OSHA had been about to release workplace safety guidelines, but was undercut by the new CDC guidelines. Now everything has to be reworked to increase confidence that the government knows what it’s doing. IMO, the CDC really screwed up here and has left the most vulnerable workers unprotected.
Anon
Restaurant workers have been at risk since April 2020, and I don’t see how this really increases it. I’ve eaten outside on occasion throughout and pass by restaurants on my daily work, and 99% of people take off their masks the second they sit down. This is also what I saw when I would go inside (with a mask on) to use the bathroom. I don’t like how the CDC did this, I just don’t think that is a good example of an industry with increased risk as a result.
Anonymous
Yes, everyone has a very short memory about what has been going on for a year. FYI some of us have been out the entire time and states that have removed their mask and capacity restrictions are doing better than others. Don’t bother arguing with me, it is trus. See Texas.
Anon
I agree with this completely. I am supportive of the new CDC guidance (happy to not have to wear a mask unless the business requires me to – and happy to wear a mask if a business tells me to) but the hypocrisy of the right is driving me crazy.
Anonymous
So I unexpectedly got a rather big promotion. I am excited about the opportunity, but it will be very time intensive the first few years. I will have two kids starting elementary school next year. I have received the message from everyone on here that elementary school scheduling matters can actually be more problematic than day care. We have decided post-covid we are going to hire all the help we can. We had already decided to hire an afterschool babysitter, but know I think we are going to level up and hire an afterschool nanny/ family assistant for 35 hours a week. We have talked to an agency and we plan to pay competitively and on the books. The agency basically said we can ask for the nanny/ assistant to do most of our household tasks – what they do is up to us and can largely be negotiated. We are planning on keeping our housekeeper (because she is just amazing). Other than watching the kids and doing kid laundry, what should be thinking of asking this person to do? (and yes I realize this is totally a good problem to have and I am amazingly privileged to afford this).
Anon
Scheduling kids stuff (doctors appointments, camp), running errands (posting returns, dry cleaning, gift shopping), organising household repairs, cooking, coordinating family diary, occasionally making travel arrangements.
Anonymous
https://www.vox.com/2020/1/27/21083527/nanny-ad-ceo-mom-child-care-work
Anonymous
– meal prep for dinner
– if you have grocery delivery, put the groceries in the pantry
– supervise kids doing their chores (eg changing sheets, emptying lunch boxes).
anon
I would go further and say that you can have this person manage the entire grocery process – they can manage the grocery list, place the order/go to the store, etc. Same for other household stuff – have them keep track of when household stuff (TP, paper towels, toilet bowl cleaner, etc.) needs to be reordered/purchased and take care of doing it. Deal with repair people and deliveries. Keep your house straightened between housekeeper visits.
Anon
Years ago I was a full-time nanny before starting my “real” career, and I was in a similar situation when the kids I took care of for years got older and started going to school. They had a cleaning person who did the bathrooms, floors, the major jobs. I did all the other daily cleaning, and I’m a bit of a clean freak so I worked hard to keep the house nice. This included stuff like the dishwasher, kid laundry, cleaning up the kids’ messes, and making beds every day. I would feed the kids breakfast, make the kids’ lunches in the morning, pack their bags and get them off to school. If they needed cupcakes for school or a special snack or whatever, I took care of it (and I was often the one to attend school events since the parents were too busy).
I did most of the grocery shopping and made sure they always had the staples (toothpaste, toilet paper, sunscreen) in stock. If they were having guests for dinner, I would get anything they needed like special ingredients. I had my own credit card paid for by my bosses to buy everything. I also took care of the family dog and walked/fed her. I love dogs so I didn’t mind doing this. I would take the kids to get their hair cut and to other appointments. I kept an eye on the kids’ clothes and if they needed new sizes, new shoes, etc, and would often buy new clothes for them. And of course if the kids were home from school for any reason I was there to take care of them. I also often worked nights and weekends when my bosses went out or travelled without the kids.
Basically I was a third parent. It was a ton of work that mostly went unappreciated.
Bridie not Birdie
I’m sorry they didn’t appreciate you. You did a great service to those kids and that family and I hope the grown-up kids think about you fondly.
Flats Only
Start with what the housekeeper does and what you want to continue doing yourself, and see where the gap is. At a minimum I would think the new nanny/assistant would handle after school homework help, activities transport, snack and dinner for kids, their laundry, and helping keep on top of longer term kids stuff like scheduling (or reminding you to schedule) routine medical/dental visits, camp and school deadlines, etc.
CHL
We had a mini version of this and it was great. She came before she picked up the kids and did their laundry, made their kid dinner, made our Sunbasket dinner, unpacked/ packed their lunches and snack and did a “tidy up” – sweep, vacuum rugs in our main living area and wipe down counters, etc. We had also asked her if sometimes she would do errands like go pick up dry cleaning, small grocery runs, etc. and she was amenable to that but we just never ended up doing it. We didn’t have her do more administrative tasks – I don’t that would have been her strong suit and having her take all the other stuff off our plates was super valuable.
Anonymous
Grocery shopping and cooking, making kid lunches for the next day, seasonally sorting out kid’s clothes, periodically organizing kid rooms, other tasks as assigned (like, as time permits, organize xyz closet etc)
anon
My nanny type person does all the grocery shopping, meal prep (I also think she would cook, we just haven’t gotten there), errands (mostly returns/post office/library), getting the kids’ backpacks ready for school the next day (or helping them really), any kind of volunteer project that the school needs (I’ve sent her to staple packets, asked her to cut out things, make photocopies etc – basically anything that can be done that’s not in the classroom). I give her pretty specific instructions but she will also work with the kids on their scouting requirements. She does all the laundry, not just the kids. She also watches the dog, but we have a separate dog walker. And a housekeeper. In normal times she works 10-6 or 11-7, which gives her about 4 hours to do stuff before the kids come home from school.
anon
Oh, she also does the organizing tasks (she loves organizing), so especially if we’re out of town I will have her organized XYZ, pull out old clothes etc.
anonshmanon
CONGRATS on your promotion! You rock!
Anon
I have a good friend who was so attached to her nanny that she kept her on through the kids going to college. The nanny became the household manager and did basically everything my friend would have done if she’d been a stay at home wife and mom. Grocery shopping, laundry, running errands like dry cleaning, getting the car serviced, greeting appliance repair people, etc. And definitely meal prep/starting dinner. I think my friend first went to using her half time, then she did three afternoons a week. The nanny was older than my friend so it worked for her because that was her retirement glide path. She was of course also very attached to the kids.
Curious
Paging the commenter who was asking about doing something “fun” (that is, beyond her 401(k)) with retirement money — Frugalwoods just recommended The Simple Path To Wealth. I’d trust anything she recommends.
Anonymous
Frugalwoods is great. Her posts on how frugality is better for your time, sanity, the environment, and your budget really hit home for me. Being frugal is like reducing your life clutter and it’s great.
Anon
Frugalwoods is great! I’ve learned so much about money from her blog, bogleheads, and money mustache. I might not agree with everything they post or always have the same goals, but it’s super informative and been really helpful in motivating saving and investing. And like the poster above mentions, the environmental benefits of frugality really resonate as well.
white pants
+1
Those three sources are a great combo.
Anonymous
Frugalwoods are so disingenuous. It’s not their penny-pinching habits that got them ahead, it’s existing wealth and privilege.
Anon
I doubt they’d disagree with you. And “ahead” for them is not a luxury lifestyle.
Anyway, I thought Frugalwoods would annoy the crap out of me but I actually really like that blog and I’m not even an aspiring FIRE type.
Anonymous
Not true. Neither came from wealth (this is discussed in her book), although she talks extensively about their privilege. They absolutely are not where they are today because wealth just “happened” to them. It was the result of a lot of hard effort and strategic thinking about their future and what they wanted to prioritize. They made WAY more sacrifices than most people on this board would be willing to and it shows in their lifestyle now. Why is it so taboo to acknowledge that frugal choices can lead to wealth?
Anonymous
They got rich from their fancy jobs and investments. https://theoutline.com/post/3840/frugalwoods-frugality-millennials
anonshmanon
This article is just such a pile of bs. Yes, they were lucky to have their college degree paid for. Yes, they still make money, even though they initially wrote a lot about early retirement. This is all true and known, because it is information posted on their blog! It is not some dirty secret. They also are clear that you can’t build wealth from pinching pennies, but you have to have a significant disposable income. Getting there by getting a masters degree while working full time for the university, to save tuition, contributes to growing that disposable income. But so does never eating out or buying clothes for years or eating oatmeal for breakfast every single day (no, thank you).
They write a lot about privilege and they feature a lot of people with different backgrounds and different money stories on their blog.
Anon
That article was long on hyperbole and self-pity and very short on any relevant details about the Frugalwoods’ income. So the husband still works a remote job and they’ve got money coming in from book deals an monetizing their blog. Does that surprise anyone? It’s the same thing with Mr. Money Mustache, he’s not “retired” in the traditional sense and is making bank (or was at one point) off his blog and other media products.
I don’t know that I would characterize their jobs as “fancy,” and as for investments – we have about $500k in investments and we make, as a household, less than half as much money as some of the individuals posting here. We started saving early and left the money alone, and never stopped contributions even if we had financial stress and could have used the money. It adds up over time. Having investments isn’t a sign that someone is doing something dirty or somehow putting something over on someone. Here’s how it worked for us: we had no money. We got jobs. We got paychecks. Part of every paycheck got put in a 401k. We never took any money out and we never stopped putting money in. Now we have $$$. It’s not rocket science.
While I agree that telling people to buy fewer lattes is a smokescreen for why people can’t create wealth, I also am wondering what kind of logic is behind the idea that “anyone who is more financially successful than me must have done it through privilege and leveraging inequity.” Huh? Are people unfamiliar with the concept that if you SAVE money, then later on you will HAVE money? Actually – maybe some folks are, given some of the posts I’ve seen here about how much people shop.
Anonymous
Oh, come off it. They earned and still earn a lot of money, which is how they can afford to save a lot of money.
Anon
Frugual choices alone can’t lead to wealth.
Anonymous
Disagree. There are people who never made more than 50K who retire comfortably because they spent less than they made. There are people who make more than 500K who will never be able to retire comfortably because they did the opposite.
Anon
This. Frugality is great but it’s disingenuous to pretend that the reason for their financial independence is cutting their own hair and yard sales. That’s great and all but the average person isn’t going to be able to retire early by skipping lattes and haircuts
Anonymous
1:57, exactly. A lot of people have to cut their own hair and never buy lattes just to make it from one paycheck to the next. The Frugalwoods and their ilk perpetuate a destructive narrative that financial instability is a result of lack of self-discipline and a moral failing, which undercuts efforts to improve the system so it is fairer and more humane to all (e.g., subsidized child care, higher minimum wage, progressive taxation).
anonnnn
“The Frugalwoods and their ilk perpetuate a destructive narrative that financial instability is a result of lack of self-discipline and a moral failing, which undercuts efforts to improve the system so it is fairer and more humane to all (e.g., subsidized child care, higher minimum wage, progressive taxation).”
Anon @ 2:05 hit it on the head for me.
Anon
+1. She definitely agrees they are lucky and privileged, but they didn’t start with significant wealth and they really do live frugally, though obviously it really helps to make good salaries, which she also is very clear about. There are still plenty of people that make a lot of money and are in debt and live paycheck to paycheck, so her advice is useful to a lot of different people.
Anonymous
Exactly. If it were all about wealth and privilege, then it would not be possible for people with high salaries to live paycheck to paycheck. Frugalwoods and her husband have written extensively about the life choices they made, large and small, that all contributed to their success – and yes, against a backdrop of being educated and having solid jobs.
Anonymous
A high income and privilege are necessary but not sufficient conditions for being able to save large amounts of money.
anonshmanon
If you mean wealth and privilege as in getting their undergrad degrees paid for, sure. They address their privilege regularly in posts, and don’t generally presume that their individual situation will be completely transferable to others’ situations. However, as their regular series featuring financial snapshots from lots of different families shows, there are recurring themes in helpful frugal habits that pop up. Nothing disingenuous about it.
white pants
Ok, so it’s that terrible time of year when I have to get up the courage to try to find a pair of white pants that fit and flatter. What are your recommendations of this year’s offerings? Interested in jeans and other more casual pants for everyday wear.
Ideally, they should be opaque. No see through fabrics, and ideally, they should not reveal all of my cellulite. Maybe it’s a good thing that skinny jeans are “out” of fashion…..? Am particularly interested in more forgiving cuts.
Please indicate your body shape if you found a good pear to recommend. I haven’t bought white pants in years because I haven’t found any that worked for my pear shape.
Anonymous
I have the JCrew vintage straight jeans in white and like them a lot. I’m a pear shaped size 12 on the bottom and wear a size 31. I like that they’re a more modern cut but still have a good amount of stretch in them.
Cat
I’ve found AG’s white denim to be reasonably opaque/sturdy.
Anon.
Yeah, this is why I just don’t wear white pants. That dread, effort is just not worth the energy.
anon
Agree completely. Too much of a pain for something I’m likely to spill on anyway.
Blanca
I think your requirements would be universally endorsed by women. What woman wants translucent white pants? Yet, it’s still near-impossible to find them.
Anonymous
I am a rectangle, not a pear, but I like Mother’s white denim in the color “Fairest of them All.” It’s thick and opaque and holds everything in.
anonshmanon
I have never owned a pair of white pants in my life.
pugsnbourbon
Same. I have a couple white tops and my wedding dress was ivory, but I know I would immediately sit in chocolate if I dared to wear white pants.
Anonymous
If you like cream colored pants, Everlane has some good crops.
Anone
I have a pair of white jeans from BR that are made from stain-resistant fabric. They’re comfortable and I love them.
Mrs. Jones
Last month I ordered the Madewell Perfect vintage jean in tile white. Straight leg and not tight. I really like them. I am curvy.
KW
I recently got the Gap girlfriend jeans in white and they are great except they do stretch out a bit by the end of the day. I’m 6′ tall, usually size 8-10 in pants. I wouldn’t consider myself a pair, per se, but the difference between my waist and hips is > 10″. I think maybe I don’t look like that’s the case because of my height? Anyway, I got my regular size in those jeans (29) and they fit great, are not super tight, and are not see through. They are the first pair of white jeans I’ve bought and kept.
Anon
Consider very light washed denim as an alternative if you can’t find anything you really like in white.
Anon
If you wear loafers as your work shoes, what do you wear on your feet — bare feet in loafers (seems to casual and straight out of The Preppy Handbook)? No-show socks? My feet really need socks to avoid blisters and hot spots from anything other than Rothys and sandals. I’m just not sure how to complete the look, especially with skirts. I used to live in very very broken in Bass Weejuns, sans socks and with tights in the winter, but can’t see that in an office.
white pants
Yeah, I struggled with this too.
I mostly stick with wearing them with pants and using socks/knee high stockings depending upon the look/style of shoe and pants.
If I had a very sleek loafer, I might wear with a skirt without socks, but I also hate the sweat/smelly feet/blister issue that is more common with my foot shape/metabolism. And I hate the look of trying to hide no-show socks in your loafers with a skirt, as they pretty much always can be seen.
And I really feel that a lot of loafers look too heavy / odd / casual to wear in the office without socks.
No Face
I wear my loafers barefoot when it’s warm, and with tights or trouser socks when it is cold. If you need socks to protect your feet, I would get thin no-show socks. My loafers are feminine though – not the same looks as weejuns.
Anon
+1
Anon
+1 No show socks, like Peds.
pugsnbourbon
+2. Target has ones that I think are made for sports and I like those better than the regular peds. But either will work.
Anonymous
I’ll be a dissenter and say that I hate no-show socks and I think they’re bad for women. They fall down, they’re not warm, and I don’t like that men get to wear real practical socks while we get these dinky little things.
Anonymous
You are free to wear full-length socks with your loafers. I love no-show socks because I don’t like the look of socks with certain shoes and don’t like sweaty feet.
Anon
Bare feet, but I have ones (Gentle Souls) with very nice, soft leather. Peds fall off my feet in a few steps and I hate them.
PolyD
Bombas has no-show socks that a lot of people like. I find they don’t stay in place on me. But I have had luck with no-show socks by SmartWool – have found them on Amazon and sometimes Nordstrom Rack for a bit cheaper.
Hue had very thin nylon no-show socks that also worked pretty well for me.
PolyD
Oh, replying to myself, because I just remembered that people around here have for years been recommending some kind of shoe insert with silver in them? So you get some cushioning and they help with foot sweat. Can’t remember what they are called, though.
anon
Silver Linings Odor Absorbing Shoe Liners
Anonymous
Some research have shown that it’s a bad idea to wear clothes with silver. It can lead to long-term resistance to antibiotics, so it’s been recommended to avoid using these products.
Anon
Bare feet, but that’s my answer to everything.
Anon
Same.
CountC
+3
Senior Attorney
Yup.
Anon
Peds, but the ones that have silicone strips inside to hold them in place. Not the generic crappy ones that are just hosiery.
Anonymous
No show socks from Stance. They’re the only ones that stay in place for me.
ATL
I wear no show socks in either tan or black. I have really sweaty feet and it helps.
Jumpsuit Question
I’m sure someone else has asked, but my google-fu is failing.
Can anyone recommend a jumpsuit brand for the long-torsoed short-legged among us?
I’ve always stuck with dresses because of my body type, but I started biking during the pandemic and want to try out a jumpsuit for heading to the beach.
white pants
Have you tried the Banana Republic jumpsuit yet? It might be too formal for your needs…. I wouldn’t wear it biking/beach. I would try one of the cheaper Old Navy ones. Most of them are cropped so if you have shorter legs that just will look like a longer length, and the top parts are loose enough to be forgiving regarding waist height.
Jumpsuit Question
Thanks!
Anon
I would buy it for your toros and get the legs hemmed.
Anonymous
I am 5’6″ with a long torso and short legs. I have a couple of jumpsuits from Old Navy in tall sizes with cropped legs that work great.
For the beach, try Vuori but maybe go up a size from your usual Vuori jogger/shorts size just for torso length.
Michael Stars jumpsuits tend to run long in the torso, especially the ones with the blousy tops. If you are between sizes, size down.
Anon
Didn’t buy it yet, but I bookmarked the Lulu’s one that was linked here because the reviews were promising for that body type.
pugsnbourbon
I get stalked on Instagram by ads for a company called For Days. They have a “relaxing romper” that is actually slightly cropped that might work for you.
Anonymous
What are people doing about social engagements at home with the new mask rules? A friend recently had people over, outdoors, for the first time since before Covid. While most people are vaccinated, a few aren’t, and a lot of us have small kids that can’t be vaccinated. One unvaccinated person at the party had Covid but didn’t know it at the time, and now everyone is up in arms. It puts hosts in a really awkward position. Are we supposed to ask everyone their vaccination status? Tell everyone that unvaccinated people should stay home, regardless of whether they’re being safe otherwise? Isn’t that harmful to people who can’t get vaccinated for medical reasons? Curious to hear how others are tackling this.
Anon
Yes, I would absolutely ask someone their vaccination status before socializing indoors. That’s just common sense.
Aunt Jamesina
OP said it was outdoors.
Anon
I am 2 shots + 12 days out, so I am 2 days away from not caring at all about other people’s status or habits. Hooray!
Anon
I do think it is on the hosts to ask guests about this and to say to any guests that are not *fully* vaccinated that they should be wearing a mask at all times.
anonnnn
+1 This is where I am. If you are vaccinated, no mask, if you aren’t, mask. Vaccination status is 100% known in my friend groups, so this would not be a problem.
Anonymous
I’m only socializing with vaccinated adults and have no qualms about asking. If someone were to have a medical reason they couldn’t be vaccinated I’d only do outdoor masked non-group things with them. I literally ask before going places “do you know that everyone has been vaccinated” and volunteer my status.
PolyD
My book club is contemplating an in-person, outdoors meeting in June. We’ve all been pretty open about our vaccination status (everyone is, and everyone with kids old enough is getting them vaccinated, although there are a few people with kids too young to be vaccinated). The people who may host have asked that only vaccinated people attend. I think that’s fair.
I think you have to know your crowd, too, I can’t imagine anyone in this group would lie about being vaccinated, although I ca see where it could get harder as your social circle gets larger.
Anon
Most my friends have put their shots on FB/Insta, so I feel that my crowd is getting their shots. I don’t even feel like I have to ask. I guess people could have lied, but I am vaccinated, so I am not even sure I need to care either way.
OP
This is my group too so I was really surprised there are some unvaccinated people in the group. Every day for weeks, my feeds were flooded with people posting vaccine selfies. I guess I had a false sense of security.
Anon
Unvaccinated or half-vaxxed? I know a ton of half-vaxxed people who for various reasons have yet to get their second shot.
Cat
We are only getting together with vaccinated adults at this point. Everyone we know has been really open & excited about their appointments so it’s not that we even have to ask. Fortunately our entire circle of people we ever see in real life will be fully done by mid-June so it’s not a big hardship.
Anonymous
Only socializing with vaccinated adults that I trust 100% and in very small groups. I have personal considerations and need to be more cautious than others and I would absolutely not go to an event with multiple households where the vaccination status isn’t confirmed. I also wouldn’t go if I suspected anyone was lying about their vaccine status. It’s disappointing in some ways, but also, do I really want to spend my time with people I don’t trust? No.
Anonymous
Hahahahaha
Anonymous
Everyone I socialize with has volunteered their vaccination status, usually in the course of everyday conversation/comparing side effects.
I am fully vaccinated, but wouldn’t want to be in an unmasked outdoor mingling situation with others who weren’t. Something like the moms’ group I attended last summer where we sat in chairs six feet apart would be fine.
Anonymous
This is very know your crowd. I’m getting married in a few weeks (tiny tiny wedding) and have some relatives that refuse to talk about vaccine status one way or the other. They think it’s rude? Idk. It’s FH’s parents so it’s not like we can exclude them. If it were an aunt or something they’d be out. I’m just telling other guests to assume there will be unvaccinated people and I understand if they can’t make it. If it’s just his parents and mine at the wedding then it is what it is. We’ll do what we can otherwise to make it safe – which is why we’re having like 10 guests, and it’s outside in a large space, follow local mask guidance – but I’m also very candid with people who are concerned, I’m not going to spend my wedding being the mask police.
AFT
I know the vax status of most people I’d want to have dinner with. If I didn’t, I’d ask, and if I was going into a group with people I didn’t know and my unvaxxed kids were going to be there, I’d ask the hosts about vax status.
If kids aren’t in play… I probably would follow CDC guidance and just trust that I’m protected because I’m vaxxed, but also I honestly just don’t want to be around people who are not vaccinated since vaccines have been readily available to anyone for over a month in my state, so anyone who is not vaccinated now seems to have made a conscious decision to avoid (exceptions for health/etc.)
AnonMom
I have a partially vaxxed kid at home and we are not doing in person social engagements with anyone else who is not fully vaccinated until kid is 2 weeks out from the final shot. If I can’t find out or don’t trust others to tell the truth, we just don’t go. We have been doing this since last March, so it seems that a few more weeks of it is only common sense.
Anon
My partner and I are having people over for the first time in over a year next week – we’ll be fully vaccinated by then AND it’s his birthday. We don’t plan to check vaccine cards, but on the event page we did ask that people only come if they’re fully vaccinated. Some people can’t come because of this, some because they won’t be fully vaccinated yet and others because they have kids who can’t be vaccinated yet, and those who can’t come for other reasons have specifically stated they want to do outdoor gatherings in the near future. No one’s objected to the vaccine ask though.
It’s your home, and you’re allowed to decide who gets to come over. This is true even when we’re not in a pandemic, but it’s definitely true now. You have a duty to protect your family and your guests. You’re not telling your unvaccinated friends that they have to stay home and never do anything fun, you’re just not comfortable hosting them right now – that may change later this year when COVID is no longer a concern.
Anon
I ask everyone I’m going to be around, even though I’m vaccinated. Part of it is, I want to know if anyone I associate with is an anti-vaxxer because that will be the end of our association. I have no room in my life for anti-science nutjobs who don’t care about the health and welfare of other people.
I feel that people with kids should give zero Fs about asking about vaccination status. Kids under 12 can’t be vaccinated. Adults should want to protect kids. It shouldn’t be about “ooooh, this is awkward.” It shouldn’t be awkward because people should care enough to do the right thing, and either get vaccinated, or stay away from events where kids will be present.
anonnnn
What if they have a legitimate reason for not being vaccinated which they don’t want to share with you? I can’t imagine pressuing a friend to share intimate medical details with me if they didn’t want to in order to prove to me they were not an anti-vaxxer.
Anonymous
I think a straight forward, I can’t be vaccinated, but of course am wearing a mask at all times until the vaccination rate is high enough to be safe for me, would, with actually wearing that mask, be more than enough to clarify that I am cutting out awful people on THEIR behalf.
AnonMPH
We had a medium sized gathering (~20 people in total, but different people at different tiems) for my birthday last weekend. It was all our good friends and family, we knew that every adult was fully vaccinated, except for two who either hadn’t yet gotten their second shot, or weren’t yet at their two weeks past their second shot. If we hadn’t been sure of everyone’s status, we would have certainly asked.
We sent an email invitation, and in it we explained that nearly every adult was vaccinated, that everyone was at least half-vaxxed, and that we expected anyone who was not fully vaxxed to wear a mask indoors. We also told everyone that if this was still outside their comfort zone we would not be at all offended if they wanted to see each other in a smaller group/different setting.
Many of these people knew each other, but many didn’t, so we felt it was our responsibility to communicate to everyone about everyone else’s vaccination status.
Anonymous
We carded at the last house.party my BF held, in a joking and celebratory way but also sincerely. There was no issue ultimately because we only invited people who.we knew were vaccinated and shamed the couple of people who asked if they could come without having gotten the shots. In the planning stages we went back and forth but at this point, given that there is no one in our circle with a prohibitive health condition and the one pregnant person wasn’t coming, we were perfectly happy to tell anyone who hasn’t been stuck to try again next time. Where I am, there is no excuse and I’m not buying beer for the unvaccinated.
Anonymous
I would not ask people for their personal medical history. I’m not meeting with anyone until I am fully vaccinated in a couple of weeks.
Anon
You guys. I went out without a mask yesterday and it was glorious. I’m fully vaccinated and have been so for over a month, and I live in an area where vaccination rates are high. I’m just dipping my toes into the water of normalcy but it’s wonderful so far. I walked to a neighborhood restaurant and sat outside, all maskless. I didn’t go to any restaurants during the pandemic so it was a huge treat.
Anonymous
It’s so nice! I still have a mask on pretty often outside, mostly because I live in a very crowded neighborhood and want to be respectful of others with masks on. But now often I can remove it for most of a walk and it’s great!
Anonymous
We did our first post vax grocery shop, and
not having the I Could Die From This adrenaline surge during the shop was such a relief!
Anonymous
It does feel freeing. I just returned from a workout. My gym is maintaining its mask requirement, which I fully support. But what has felt like not a big deal this past year suddenly feels oppressive now that working out maskless seems like a possibility again.
Anon
I worked out maskless for the first time this week (our gym is asking people to show vaccination cards to go unmasked, which has not gone well I guess in a couple of instances, but the gym owner doesn’t GAF) and it was great. I had a much better workout than I anticipated, stats-wise, because I had forgotten what it was like to work out without a mask. It did feel strange though.
Anon-other
I am in the interview process with an organization, a nonprofit but no relation to the military. However, many of the leadership are ex-military. The hiring manager is, but the three staff are not. All of them asked me right off the bat if I have worked with ex-military people. When I asked details, they just said something about concise communication styles.
Is this code for something, or is there really a difference and should I be concerned about the culture?
Vicky Austin
That sounds like leadership are brusque to the point of offending people, and they’re trying to figure out if you’ll be bothered by that.
Flats Only
YMMV of course, but my experience with ex-military folks, most of whom were ex-senior officers, is that they were ace communicators with great people skills. Their expectations for subordinates were high, but they were universally not jerks.
Anon
Yes. I’m a civilian in government and I work very closely with the military as well as other “similar” organizations (police departments , fire departments, federal agencies like the FBI, etc). In addition to these frequent partnerships, many of my colleagues are former military. For the most part, they’re wonderful to work with (there are always a few jerks).
Communication wise, they’re direct, bottom line upfront people (which is par for the course with my industry, regardless of background).
Anon
Look up the article “How to Write Email with Military Precision” by Kabir Sehgal. That’s a good introduction to their style of communication.
Also, learn their acronyms and abbreviations. They never stop using them; my 75-year-old father’s vocabulary is still littered with it.
Anon
So interesting! My husband is active duty military, and I would say yes, the communication style is very different from typical corporate America. Expect communication to be professional but very direct, no “compliment sandwiches” for example. This has actually been an issue in our personal life, where my husband’s direct (professional but not flowery) style has offended a couple people doing work on our home over the past year. Conversely, in informal settings, expect lots of cursing (i.e., the opposite of corporate professionalism).
Anon
So much this! As an example, an email will say: “Do X,Y, and Z. Need to be completed by 14:00” That might be followed by a thank you. Even less often there will be a please. But there will none of the: “Could you”, “Would you”, etc. They are ordering not asking a favor – which is always the case with an assignment from a boss but unlike a lot of civilians they do not pretend otherwise.
Also, be very cognizant of chain of command and do not jump it. Someone in my office got in huge trouble when a midlevel gave her a task and she went to his boss with the results. They are both former military officers and they were both extremely annoyed. She wanted to be sure she got credit for her work and the (male) midlevel did not take it but it backfired in a massive way.
anonnnn
Your last sentence made me chuckle. There is a LOT of cursing in the corporate offices where I work!
Anonymous
I would not worry about it if you have a direct communication style. However, if you have a less direct and more stereotypically female style this may not be a great fit. The ex-military I know who are running veterans non-profits are amazing, but they do start everything on time, with set agendas, are very organized in their work habits, and communicate very directly. I have not seen the same style in other non-profits.
Anonymous
Now I want to work in one of these nonprofits. My nonprofit is full of PhD social scientists who cannot communicate clearly and directly and engage in political machinations and information hoarding.
Anna
I agree, this is how I try to get my nonprofit to work and its an uphill battle, so would love to work at a nonprofit where that is the norm!
editor
I work ex-DoD-adjacent. They are big on BLUF (bottom line up front), so just that — get your message out first. (This is the opposite of how I communicate.)
And OH, the acronyms! Necessary or not, mostly not. Way way overboard. You don’t have to play, just let them wash over you. They also use “vice” where we say “versus”.
Apt to be ultra conservative; remember that a third of active duty are reusing vaccinations and that many of the Capitol invaders had military ties. This is consistent with my experience.