Coffee Break: ‘Grant’ Round Chronograph Leather Strap Watch

Fossil Watch: Fossil 'Grant' Round Chronograph Leather Strap Watch Ooh: I’m digging this navy/rose gold watch from Fossil (which also comes in a ton of other colors). It looks earthy and smart, but still stylish — perfect for a minimalist wardrobe. It’s $135 at Nordstrom. Fossil ‘Grant’ Round Chronograph Leather Strap Watch



  1. Anonymous :

    Bonus season has started/is coming up! Do you expect a good one? What are you doing with yours? I hope some of you have fun treats planned!

    • Anonymous :

      I’m a government contractor, so not part of the Big Law bonus cycle/pool, but I did get the largest merit bonus in my company this year (also the largest merit increase!) at 6% – triple what I got last year. It is a good feeling to be rewarded for my hustle. Our CEO called me a top 10% performer, but I was worried when she said that it would just be “lip service.”

      I bought myself a new duvet (Matteo, linen custom made from LA) and a Dagne Dover tote I had been wanting, threw a big chunk at debt, and saved some for an upcoming international trip.

      • getting older and better :

        Congrats!! Great to be rewarded.
        Your spend of the bonus sounds perfect… somethings for now, some for debt and some for future fun :)

    • Anonymous :

      Mine was lower than expected, and from talking to others it sounds like that was a common feeling (we are not on a biglaw scale). Threw it all at retirement and loans.

    • Anonymous :

      Government lawyer, so no bonuses, but am selling back a chunk of sick time that will go toward student loans, so I’m looking forward to that. I hope to get those paid off this year!

      • I didn’t know this was a thing! I’ll keep this in mind in the future! And, good luck with your loans!

      • Anonymous :

        I didn’t know it was a thing either – good to know! Though somebody told me they are now cashing out sick leave at 100% on retirement/separation? (which is ridiculous, but, also good to know)

        • Anonymous :

          It all depends on what government entity employs you, and they all vary state to state, county to county (or parish, for our LA folks!), or city to city. I’m a county employee, and in our county you can cash out a portion of your sick leave when you retire, and I believe the rest goes to your length of service, but you need to have quite a bit for that to do much for you. The 60 hour once a year buy-back is a benefit we just had restored to us last year.

    • Meg Murry :

      I wish. Not a lawyer, LCOL area – my annual salary is lower than many bonuses mentioned here. Then again, my entire mortgage is lower than many of the salaries I’ve seen posted around here, and my work week is truly only 40 hours, so maybe that’s the silver lining?

      • Anonymous :

        I’m the anon from 2:03 and I also work a true 40 hour week. I love it! I work a side job too because I have the free time and mental/professional bandwidth and it is pretty awesome. HCOL area, though.

        There’s always a silver lining if you look for it. :-)

        • Just curious, because it’s been something I’m thinking about doing in a year or so–what do you do as your side job? I can’t manage it in the next 6-9 months for a variety of reasons, but then I’m hoping to pick something up. But I can’t decide whether to go with something more like being an independent contractor/consultant/?? where I would use all my Learning, or get certified to teach at my barre studio, or do retail at a store I’d want a discount to.

          • Anonymous :

            I think there’s a reason people don’t like working retail by and large. If you have enough skills to do something else, do that! Why take on lower paid work as a side job instead of leaning into your real career?

          • Anonymous :

            Anon @ 2:44 – I know a lot of smart and educated people who work retail part-time. Many people want to do something brainless after working a challenging job all day. You don’t have to spend every second of every day furthering your primary career. Also, if you work at a store you shop at any way and want a discount to, as emeralds suggested, you can earn more than just what you bring home in a paycheck.

          • I like the idea of doing something that’s completely separate from my professional career, where I can be reminded of life outside the weird bubble of academia (I’m staff side but it still percolates over) and not have to use the same parts of my brain I use at my real job all day. I’ve done retail and food service in the past, so I know what I would be getting into and what the tradeoffs would be. I’m also not in a field that lends itself immediately to the consulting/contracting stuff, although I could find something if I really tried. I also have a lot of interests (fashion! exercise! building women’s strength, health, and fitness in a size-positive, supportive environment!) that my day job does not involve, and would like a way to explore outside of volunteerism. And none of that is to say that I won’t do something that involves leaning in, just that I’m in an information-gathering phase at this point where all options are on the table.

          • Emeralds, you sound like you could be a great Girl Scout leader.

          • That's me! :

            I freelance (well, all our non-full time staff are 1099’s, not just me) for a gym I go to. I definitely had to straight up ask for the opportunity. I handle a bit of everything – mostly events, planning, written products and social media. I do not do admin or client relations, though it’s an area I’d be willing to take on if needed. I am part of an awesome, supportive, encouraging team and I love it.

          • That's me! :

            @2:44 – I like the change of pace. There is structure at my day job that would prevent me from pouring these extra hours in to it, but I am well-paid and I like the flexibility it affords. I come in, work hard, then go home and do the other things I like doing.

            My side job also overlaps with my professional one, and I think applying my skills to a different industry keeps me sharp, excited and diversifies my resume. I also have the opportunity to take risks that I can’t take at my client site, which by and large benefits me and my employer. I love it and right now, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

          • Senior Attorney :

            I taught martial arts a couple of times a week some years ago. It was less for the money than for the free classes at the studio and just because I loved it and it was a great change of pace from practicing law. It was about as far away from law as it was possible to get, plus I got to be with a whole lot of people with whom I would never have come in contact otherwise.

      • Definitely. Many of the biglaw lawyers work the equivalent of two full-time jobs for their biglaw salaries, live in HCOL areas where the big money doesn’t go as far, and are paying off huge student loans.

      • Anonymous :

        Same boat, Meg Murry!

    • Deep breath and all to debt :( but we got ours right before Christmas. But the usual percentage of 401K w/d came out. Looking forward to this thread next year when I can at least spend some of it.

    • Anonymous :

      I got a puppy! Worth every penny.

    • My planned bonus is 30% of my compensation so it is never really a splurge thing but rather my planned savings each year (non retirement.) unfortunately we have recently been informed that the bonus pool will not fund at 100% this year so my colleagues and I are all wondering what (if any) we will get.

      There was a round of layoffs in the fall and I was not impacted so to celebrate that I pulled the trigger on the French drain project my house has been needing, which is noisily and muddily underway right now.

      In case this all doesn’t make it clear, I live a pretty exciting life.

      • Same boat. My bonus is 60% of compensation, so I wait all year for it……….to fill up my retirement accounts and tackle home projects I couldn’t otherwise fund throughout the year.

        • Not a lawyer, but my bonus is roughly 40% of my total compensation, so it is a big deal. While I do save throughout the year, my bonus is where I can really grow our savings, so 85% of my bonus goes directly into our savings account. I am planning to get myself a little something (probably a Roomba – go crazy!) to celebrate a good year (I got an above-expected bonus due to good performance), but it pretty much always goes to savings.

    • Anonymous :

      Mine will probably end up being about $15-20k after takes etc.

      Think I’m getting a promotion this round, so if I get that too I’m buying a bedroom set. Otherwise it’s pure savings. For the reno.

  2. Anonymous :

    Jumping off this morning’s convo on doctors, is an OB/GYN necessary or is a GP fine for female exams? For reference, I wasn’t active until my late 20s and now haven’t been for a few years, have never had an abnormal pap, and given my age and singledom do not see children in the future. I’ve always just had an exams as part of my annual wellness checkup at my GP’s office ([email protected] exam is now every 3 years, [email protected] exam annually). Do I really need an OB/GYN? It seems like everyone I talk to and has one regardless of childbearing status or prior health issues, so am I missing something?

    Fwiw, my GP has never commented that I should consider seeing one, but maybe I’m like “Rossie” still seeing his pediatrician because no one told him it’s weird ;)

    • Mrs. Jones :

      I have never heard of an adult woman who didn’t have an ob/gyn.

      • Anonymous :

        I am 31 and have never had an ob/gyn.

      • (Former) Clueless Summer :

        And I’ve never heard of an adult woman who wasn’t pregnant/TTC seeing a ob/gyn. Many women I know continued seeing their GP even through pregnancy.

        Is this a Canada vs US thing, though? I’m in our largest city so its not like I’m rural.

        • Anonymous :

          Yeah this is a Canada thing

        • In Canada it’s standard to see only a GP and see a OB/GYN only for specific issues or late stage pregnancy.

        • TO Lawyer :

          This might explain it…

        • Canadian mom of three here. I went to an ob for all 6 of my pregnancies (3 miscarriages) because my first pregnancy was when I was still in university and the campus clinic referred all pregnancies to an ob. Turned out for the best when I had my losses & was diagnosed with an issue that made me moderate risk when pregnant. Since then I’ve always just gone to our gp for my annual check up.

          Many of my friends with low risk pregnancies went to their gp who then delivered their babies. This was in a rural area, though. Not sure what women do in the city – most of my friends are finished having babies.

      • I’m 35 and just see my GP. No need for a specialist for routine gyn care.

      • I’ve never had an OB/ GYN – even when I was pregnant!

        I saw a midwife when I was pregnant, and GPs otherwise. Internists have always been able to do a gyn exam.

    • Anonymous :

      I am 26 and just got an OB/GYN next year. Not, “not active” but not currently active in that I’m single?

      She’s great and I’m glad I have the relationship.

    • TO Lawyer :

      my GP does my paps/breast exams. I could see getting an OB if I was TTC or pregnant but I don’t really see the point in having two doctors right now.

      Maybe I’m missing something but I’m relatively healthy so I don’t think I need to do anything different.

      • I really only saw an OB/GYN for pregnancy and IUD. I’m fine with letting my GP handle the well woman stuff assuming that this was something that they were comfortable handling.

    • Alpaca Lunch :

      I don’t have one. I use a local women’s health practice run exclusively by two nurse practitioners. They won’t be able to do everything an ob/gyn can do, but for run-of-the-mill checkups and care they’re great.

    • Anonymous :

      I have a GP only. 28 and coupled, no abnormal paps ever, and my GP performs the same exam. I’m happy with having to have one fewer doctor.

    • Anonymous :

      I have, at various times, had either a family medicine doctor or an ob/gyn as my primary care doctor. Either way, I went to the doctor for an annual exam that included an internal exam, a pap smear (now every 3 years because I have had a bunch of normal ones in a row), a breast exam and sometimes bloodwork. I see no reason you have to have an ob/gyn, so long as you are getting the right exams. I will say that, at least in my limited experience, the ob/gyns are WAY better at paps. For years, I thought paps were just supposed to be painful and long, and then I switched to an ob/gyn and it lasted a nanosecond and was mildly uncomfortable but not really painful, so I think the family med doc was just not very good at doing them. But if you’re happy with your general practitioner, I see no reason to switch.

    • Anonymous :

      You don’t specifically need a Gyn because your regular doctor can do all the checkup things the Gyn would do. I only started seeing one because I had abnormal paps and needed a colposcopy, which a GP can’t do in their office. I kept going because getting test results sent over is kind of a hassle.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I just see my GP since my OB/GYN closed her practice.

    • Anonymous :

      Does anyone have just a GYN and no general doctor? I’m otherwise healthy and see no reason to go to the doctor except for an annual pap smear/breast exam (which the GYN obviously does) but these comments are making me wonder if I should be going to the doctor for regular “well person check ups” (I thought those weren’t really a thing for adults, only for kids?)

      • Anon today :

        That’s all I do as well. I go to a specialist if something in particular is causing me problems. I do have a GP, but I haven’t been in several years. When I was on Lexapro, my GP made me go in every year to get a refill – so maybe medication is the reason so many people still go to one?

        • Anonymous :

          There are tons of reasons why you wouldn’t want to go to a specialist. Even if you had some kind of fancy insurance, which most people don’t, a ENT is probably overkill for treating your run of the mill ear infection or strep throat.

          • Anonymous :

            Couldn’t you still go see a general practitioner when an issue like strep throat arises even if s/he’s not your PCP?

          • Meg Murry :

            In my area a lot of the GPs won’t take you for something like strep or an ear infection for a same day appointment if you aren’t already an established patient.

            That said, I haven’t been to a GP in at least 3 years and I’m hoping if I get the plague again that will be good enough for them to take pity on me because I’m still in their electronic system.

      • Maddie Ross :

        I only have a GYN. My GP retired nearly 10 years ago now and I was too lazy to find another. I go for my yearly at the GYN, and see a doc at the urgent care when I have an infection of some type (very rare – like maybe every 3 years). My office does flu shots for the entire office. And I get my blood panel done every year for our wellness policy.

      • This is all I do. I haven’t needed a GP in 5 years. All I need is a BC prescription.

      • This is is me too. I just see my OB/GYN – I haven’t been to a GP since I got my physical that my undergrad required before starting ten years ago. There hasn’t been a reason for me to see them and any one-off thing (like when I came down with vertigo), I just went to the local MedExpress. I’ve thought about if I should start seeing a GP for a “well-person” visit but I know my body and if something felt off, I’d go see someone about it.

      • Anonymous :

        If you need to see someone quickly, you will get into see your doctor because of the prior relationship. Or if you are away from home, and need medication called in, again, the relationship with the doctor is important.

    • Anonymous :

      Thanks for the replies, all. I moved recently and am coming due for my annual so starting to get names, and was trying to figure out if I really should be asking for both GP and OB/GYN or if a GP who does well woman exams was sufficient.

    • My GP/PCP is an GYN. Had gyn problems, randomly assigned to him and have a great relationship with him, so much more than any PCP.

    • KS IT Chick :

      I have an internist who is part of a multi-specialty practice that includes OB/GYN’s. When I have concerns or issues that the internist can’t manage (usually surrounding birth control), he sends me to one of the GYN’s. He does all of my annual stuff, along with managing my general health concerns. I’m 43, about to turn 44.

    • GP only (well, family practitioner), in the US. I go to a midwifery practice for prenatal care and delivery, but otherwise do everything at my family doc, who is also my kid’s pediatrician. That’s actually a big reason I chose this practice – I feel like having the whole family see one doctor for almost all our care creates much better continuity of care, and she can see our whole family as a system. They even do prenatal care and deliveries, but I prefer the midwifery model.

    • lucy stone :

      Never saw an OBGYN as an adult until I was pregnant.

    • My GP always tells me he can do the pap, breast exam etc. but I have it done by the (female) nurse practitioner in my ob/gyn’s office. Because my GP is a man, not because I don’t trust a GP with these exams.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      My prior PCP wouldn’t do them for some reason so I started seeing a gyn. I liked her and had some abnormal pap results so I’ve continued to see her.

    • Red Velvet :

      I’m in the UK and am registered with a GP. They will refer you onto a specialist if need be. If you are over a certain age you get called up to the hospital outpatient clinics for regular checks. And you’re assigned to whoever is on duty.

    • Annoniest :

      I’ve always seen Nurse Practitioners for annual exams. Originally I went to someone who was part of my GP’s practice (she essentially had a sub-practice of women’s health) and these days, I go to someone who’s part of the gyno health portion of my enormous health system. There wasn’t even an option to get an Ob/Gyn for a standard annual exam as part of the enormous health system’s online scheduling system, so I imagine seeing an NP or otherwise a non-specialist is relatively common.

    • Yeah I have an OB/GYN, skin doctor, allergy doctor, and shrink but NO GP. Former GP retired suddenly a year (or two?) ago so I’ve just been lazy about getting a new one and have luckily not needed one.

    • Until recently, I went to an internal medicine doctor for general and gyn visits. Then, I tested positive for HPV and my doctor over reacted so I went to a gyn for a follow-up.

      Recently, I got on a Kaiser plan (insurance company that has its own hospitals, clinics, doctors, etc.). As part of enrollment, they made me choose a gyn and a PCP. I guess it makes sense that they don’t want their PCPs being scheduled for gyn care when there is a gyn department right next door. I am not crazy about this set up but I am playing along.

    • One person’s experience – I wasn’t in childbearing mode so I decided to let my primary care physician do my annual gyn stuff along with my physical.

      I got an abnormal result on my pap. Their office called me to tell me. I asked questions. They couldn’t answer. I asked to speak to the doctor. She called me and was vague and non-specific and just said that they’d test me again next year.

      Lots of late night googling convinced me that waiting a year was a bad idea for my specific result (more commonly associated with uterine cancer than cervical cancer) so I got a copy of the test and went to an OBGyn for a second opinion. The Doc there took it very seriously and not only did additional tests right away, but monitored me more frequently for two years.

      I’ve continued to go to the OBGYN for my annual since then because their level of knowledge is superior. Fortunately, my follow up testing has all had good results (which frankly makes me wonder if the primary care physician messed up the sample in some way)

  3. I love this watch! I have a chunky rose gold Fossil already which I love. I see a gift to self in the future…

    I know people are always looking for nice warm winter coats; I just saw a woman wearing an Ilse Jacobson coat and she looked warm, cosy, and smart.

  4. Ladies, I’m done with law. I’ve done it for 6 years, different size firms and I just don’t have the stomach for it. My physical health has actually been affected by this job. I miss sleep. That said, my area was too specialized to “spin” in to anything (zero lit experience) and I’m thinking about doing a career 180. Any recommendations for books, podcasts, website, career counseling to help me figure out what is next? Help me think outside the box and forget the four job categories my high school guidance counselor shoved us into?

    • When I made a career change, I found the most helpful thing was to obsessively scour job boards with an open mind for anything remotely related to any subject I find interesting, skill that I have, or position that I might potentially be qualified for. I threw out preconceived notions and just read the listings, and fell down Internet search holes where a keyword in one job listing would lead to a category of jobs I didn’t even know existed. After a month or so of doing this off and on in my free time, I had a much better idea of what was out there, and what I might like. Then I applied to lots of different things (after some quiet reflection in the bathtub as to what fields looked most promising). Went on interviews in different fields, which was illuminating. Lo and behold, I’m sitting in a weird unicorn job today that basically only exists at this company and that is perfectly tailored for my expertise – I wouldn’t have found it any other way.

    • Anonymous :

      No advice, but good for you! I hope to be in your shoes soon and I always think it’s awesome when someone finds a new career they’re more passionate about. The idea that you have to do one thing your whole life is becoming so antiquated.

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      I have heard others recommend the the book What Color Is Your Parachute for this type of thing. Haven’t read it myself.

    • Anonymous :

      You might try reading “Life After Law: Finding Work you Love with the JD You Have.”

      • Coach Laura :

        Life After Law – She also has a website: lizbrownjd[dot]com that is useful.

    • My boyfriend is thinking the same thing after only 1.5 years out and he’s pretty upset he “wasted so much time” going to law school and he doesn’t know what he wants to do.

      • Sorry I had to take a call and hit send. Anyways, he’s been doing a lot of networking in addition to what is mentioned above to see what other people do. He has a history undergrad so he has no idea. But he has found it very helpful and when someone has an interesting (to him) sounding job, he makes a connection and asks them to lunch to find out more about the job. But, it’s been 2 months. No prospects yet.

        I read what color is your parachute after undergrad and remember it being very helpful for HOW to job search but maybe that’s because I thought I already knew what I wanted to do and didn’t explore that part of the book. I recommended that book to him as well though.

      • Senior Attorney :

        He might want to hang in for a little while longer. In my experience it took more than two full years before I stopped hating life as a lawyer. And now, 28 years later, I’m very glad I stuck it out.

    • Anonymous :

      I made the switch to regulatory affairs (medical device, and I’m really enjoying it), after a discussion with my law school’s career center. I wasn’t really expecting much out of the conversation because some of our career center staff at the time weren’t very helpful. The career center put me in contact with some alums I talked to, which branched out into more informational interviewing before making the leap.

      Talk with your colleagues/law school classmates about people they know from law school that are not doing traditional law jobs for inspiration.

    • Best Coast :

      When I was looking to make a career change, I made a list of all of the things I wanted from my career, and all of the things I wanted to stay away from. I included everything from capabilities to duties to preferences- public speaking, developing relationships, wearing high heels and suits! I also looked around at the people who’s jobs I admired and worked backward at what steps they took to get there. Then, as I was searching for the next move, I viewed every opportunity through the lens of what I wanted, didn’t want, and how it would help me get closer to one of the jobs that I admired.

      • If you’re still reading — can I ask what you came up with.

        I’m in a gov’t legal job I don’t like right now and as much as I say I just don’t like it, when I sit down and think about it, I find myself missing client contact, leading teams, and yes – wearing suits (and traveling a bit more).

    • When I was looking for a career change I, like Best Coast, made a list of likes and dislikes, which I found helpful to narrow down a good fit. I also read A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Ekhart Tolle. While making a big career change, I found exploring the spiritual side of my career helpful as well.

  5. This is gorgeous. I am quite partial to my Swiss army watch but could be tempted by this.

  6. Someone posted a couple days ago about feeling guilty for feeling a bit of schadenfreude about someone who had hurt them previously and was having a tough time. Related to that, I am feeling thrilled because I found out that I have a business meeting in a few weeks with an ex-boyfriend (who works in my industry). I’m feeling a little guilty for my glee, but am really looking forward to it because I will be in a position of much greater power during the meeting (I am the “ranking” person from my company; he is basically attending as a minion.) Even better, he used to harp on me all the time about my weight and getting more fit, and I have gotten way more fit and lost a fair amount of weight in the past year! (We broke up ~2 years ago and I haven’t seen him hardly at all since then.)

    Part of me would like to be very gracious and above all of this, and I hadn’t thought of him in quite some time prior to seeing his name on the attendee list. But he made me miserable for months at the end of the relationship and I can’t help but be pleased by this small victory.

    • Anonymous :

      Wait no this is totes different. Zero guilt. You’re living well and happy not celebrating his demise. Enjoy!!!

      • Anonymous :

        Agree this is totally different. To me
        Schedunfrede is when you watch the person who cut you off get a flat tire. The comments the other day were straight horrifying and kind of evil. This is much more in line with what I think of as that glee- you are doing so well and you are excited to rub it in a bit- it’s not like you are plotting or hoping he gets fired

    • Kudo’s to you. I like to think I would be in the same boat if my ex ever got to the position that he would be abel to apply for work in my bootique law firm. When I was dateing him, Sheketovits always said I had a big tuchus (which he loved to grab), and that I could loose a few pound’s. But believe me, he was NO bargan — he had a beer gut and he picked his nose and women did NOT flock to him. The ONLEY reason I stuck with him was b/c Grandma Leyeh was aware that there was some royal bloodlines in his family, even tho she agreed he was a schmoe.

      So now that I am an important partner at my firm, with over 3000 more billeables that anyone else in 2015, I would love to be abel to say to Sheketovits that we demand more of our profesionals, and that his acounting skills are stale and NOT of the quality that we would demand for our cleint’s. FOOEY on him! But then again, it would NOT be likely we would be hireing an acountant, unless we were to see Frank go (which would NOT cause me to many tears). YAY!!!!

    • Men can be jerks :

      I’m sure it will be amazing but I’m going to give you one crazy story so you can prepare a response in your head in case your ex is as much of a d-bag as my cousin’s. She was looking fabulous when they ran into each other and he dead serious said “so I guess I was right, huh?” And she was confused and he said “that you could lose the weight and you would look so much better if you did.” She said something back like “my appearance has nothing to do with you.” He replied “then why did you change?” She said “for me” and he said “sure, it had nothing to do with being single again and realizing if you didn’t do something about it no one would date you.” She just walked away but I wish she had punched him. Well, not really; don’t want her arrested.

      • I’d want to reply (but wouldn’t think of it till much later), “Well, I guess I was right then too, about you being a jerk and better out of my life than in.”

      • Hahaha this is a great/terrible story, and actually a fair warning. I know he’s enough of a “told you so” type person that if we weren’t in a business meeting, he would say something like, “Now, see? Don’t you feel much better and happier?”

        Your poor cousin. If she HAD punched him and gotten arrested, and I were on her jury, I would steadfastly vote for “not guilty”. It was self defense – of her sanity!

      • Anonymous :

        My response to this:

        “You were right, and I was right too: I am better off without you.”

        Drops the mic, walks away.

      • Epic ex stories :

        If only we could always be prepared with the perfect replies. I had an ex ask me if I still liked using the backdoor. (Trying to keep anyone reading this from getting flagged by IT). I was not expecting that and got flustered and said don’t talk to me like that. What I should have said was that only worked because your ___ was so small and it hasn’t worked with anyone since who has a normal sized one. Nor was it necessary with anyone since because they were able to pleasure me in the mainstream ways that you always failed to do. Stupid exes.

      • “I am so glad you were.”

    • You are actually going to live the dream of so many people who have had bad breakups.

    • I had an ex who treated me pretty badly call me about a year later and ask to get lunch (it turned out he matured a lot and wanted to apologize for how things went). I reluctantly agreed. At the time I was in great physical shape and doing really well (killing it in undergrad, working at a cool internship, and about to start law school) and he was supporting his new GF who was sort of a dead beat. When we were finished eating, a woman came over from another table to enthusiastically tell me (in front of the ex) that she needed to let me know I had the most beautiful hair she had ever seen in her entire life. It was pretty awesome. I hope your experience is equally satisfying!

    • This is the stuff my dreams are made of :)

    • He’s going to hit on you if he gets the chance, be prepared for that.

  7. Anonymous :

    Does gold nail polish look weird on someone with pale skin and cool coloring? Trying to figure out what color to do my nails for a wedding I’m in. Our dresses are maroon and the wedding colors are maroon, cream and gold.

    • Veronica Mars :

      Depends on how warm the shade is. You should look for a platinum color (which in my mind is 50/50 mix of gold and silver and looks like a cool gold). OPI’s Designer De Better is a great example of this (and there are some dupes available)

    • Go to a nail salon and use the little discs with the gel nail colors on them. Then take a fake call and leave :)

  8. Anonymous :

    My husband and I are wanting to go to Riveira Maya/Cancun for Easter weekend, and we would like to pay with our Amex points. The trouble is that I’m having a hard time using the site to find a resort. So, two questions:

    1. Are the travel agents they recommend on their site free, and is this something they could help with?
    2. I had thought about buying Fairmont gift cards with my points and then using them to book the Mayakoba. Is there anything wrong with that plan?

    • Anonymous :

      Yes the Amex travel concierge is free and could probably help. Is the Mayakoba a Fairmont property though? I thought it was Rosewood which I believe is an independent chain not associated with Fairmont.

      • Anonymous :

        Ok I googled and I guess there is a Fairmont Mayakoba too. Confusing! The Rosewood one is more famous. Don’t see anything wrong with that plan but worth a call to Fairmont before doing it to make sure there’s no fine print that would cause problems (e.g., blackout dates on gift cards).

        • Anonymous :

          Okay, that’s good to know that the Rosewood is the one everyone talks about. Now that you say that, you’re right, that’s what I was thinking of.

    • in case you check this so late…

      i got married at the fairmont mayakoba and it was fabulous. i checked out the rosewood and the third hotel in the mayakoba complex and they looked somewhat more luxurious and expensive. that said, i am a travel snob and certainly didn’t find the fairmont lacking! i think it’s one of the best travel deals i’ve seen in terms of value for the money.

  9. Graduation Gift :

    My younger brother will be graduating from undergrad in a few months and heading to (probably) osteopathy school, likely on a military scholarship but TBD. If he does not go to school, he will be trying to go to OCS and commission as an officer. (he is already working with recruiters, etc and I work for the government… just a little TBD)

    I would like to give him a nice graduation gift. Any ideas? Hoping to stay under $400-500, but more expensive ideas are in play because my dad has said if we come up with a great idea we can pair together.

    I wanted to take him on a trip abroad I am doing to southeast Asia in June but he said he wasn’t interested in that. Really the only idea I have so far is giving him an authorized user card on my account for $x of expenses a month (I don’t make a ton – around $70k – so this wouldn’t be a lot, but probably enough to help with gas each month) but really that doesn’t seem like a great gift.

    • Anonymous :

      A watch.

    • Senior Attorney :

      If he does go into the military he will have to buy his own uniforms and that can get expensive. A contribution towards that would be greatly appreciated.

    • Anonymous :

      A card with a check inside.

      • Graduation Gift :

        Meh, I know he will just blow money on fancy beer/video games/other daily things as it kind of just gets folded in to the slush. Was hoping for a nicer item with value he could keep and use for a long time. Guess it’s not up to me to tell him what to do with his dollars…

        • Meg Murry :

          Wait until he figures out where he’s going to land and with your dad’s help buy him a decent mattress/bed/couch/actual piece of furniture that doesn’t come from Ikea?

          If he does go on to higher ed, a new laptop/backpack or messenger bag?

          I got married straight out of undergrad and the best gift ever was the washer and dryer my inlaws got us.

          Have his undergrad diploma framed, because otherwise it will just sit in a drawer forever from now on?

          • Graduation Gift :

            I joke that I would love an engagement student loan payment. ;)


    • A nice rugged watch and a Leatherman multi tool. Essentials for all military peeps.

      • Something like this that he can wear all day, including during training:

  10. Damn, that watch is gorgeous! I own too many watches but I think I have to get this one…

    • If you need enabling, I have a navy watch that I looooove! It’s so versatile and neutral, but the navy is a little unexpected. I say do it.

    • Anonymous :

      I was just checking out the sand/nude for me Fossil, and noticed it also seems to work as a step counter & calorie counter, like a more attractive Fitbit? I’ll have to do more research on this!

      • Argh, I just noticed it’s a men’s watch and 44 mm…usually those are too big for my stupidly tiny wrist. I need to measure my regular watch and see, but based on the pic with the male model, I’m worried this wouldn’t work for me. BUT I LOVE IT. And I agree with emeralds that a navy watch is genius.

        • pugsnbourbon :

          This is my own style quirk – I have proportionally small wrists and enormous hands, and I LOVE wearing men’s watches. It makes a bold statement that I like – so maybe don’t write it off just yet!

  11. "Thinking of You" Gift? :

    What is an appropriate “thinking of you” gift for a neighbor who recently lost her spouse? We are/were very fond of these neighbors but not particularly close (enjoyed saying hello and sharing small talk, spoke with them at neighborhood events, etc.). I feel really sad for her for the loss… but I don’t know what is appropriate. I’m thinking about sending a box from somewhere like Harry & David (maybe some snacks she can eat when so probably doesn’t feel like cooking).

    • A card with a few thoughts/memories of the spouse plus sending whatever (flowers or donation) for the funeral. Attending the funeral, if you can. You might think you’re not close enough but people are often very, very touched when people they don’t expect make the effort to go to the funeral. And then, if you’re inclined, put reminders in your calendar to check in on her every [week/month/few months — whatever makes sense for you ] just to let her know she’s in your thoughts. If you can/want to, reach out at major holidays especially this year. The first _____ without the person can be very difficult.

    • Anonymous :

      Consumables are great. If it’s very recent and you’re still seeing a lot of activity around her home, you might think about sending an assortment of sandwiches and sides so she has something to feed people who visit her. And to eat herself, of course. Breakfast dishes are also a big help. Lots of people bring a lasagna or a casserole, but a quiche is wonderful because few people think about it and it will get the grieving person to actually eat breakfast.

  12. Bad Hair Day :

    Please help. My hair has ALL THE STATIC. Product recommendations?

    • DisenchantedinDC :

      Static Guard. I grew up in the mountains and used it religiously. Spray on brush, brush hair.

    • Super-rich moisturizing conditioner. Humidfier at home. These are the two things that made my hair feel not gross and cut down on my electric potential even outside of home.

      But neither will solve the problem immediately – for that I say hairspray and a bun.

    • Foil by R&Co. It’s a lightweight spray-on product.

  13. Anonymous :

    What’s an appropriate way to send love to a friend who just found out her dad has cancer? Just a card? Are flowers too funereal?

    • Call her.

      • Previous reply sounded really abrupt but wasn’t meant to be. In a similar situation what I remember most is people who sat with me, let me pet their cats, and one friend who gave me a manicure. I took a lot of comfort out of people’s presence.

        • Anonymous :

          Thanks for this, Terry. We just spoke (briefly) this morning and planned a fuller conversation for this weekend. I wish I could be there — unfortunately, she’s many states away, and her parents are in a third state.

          • When a dear friend on the opposite coast was dealing with her father’s degenerative disease, I sent small care packages with a mix of little things. I recall one package had a Fresh sugar lip balm and lip-shaped cinnamon gummy candies. It was a way to show I was thinking of her even if I couldn’t be there all the time.

    • When my mom got diagnosed with cancer, people sent me gift cards to restaurants so I didn’t have to cook if I didn’t feel like it and VISA cards to help with travel expenses to make it easier to go visit my mom more often. It was greatly appreciated.

      • When my Dad was diagnosed with a degenerative disease my friends did a few incredibly helpful things. The ones who were local brought my mom and I food for the first few weeks in the hospital which made life so. much. easier. A few others checked in on my pets knowing I was concerned with how little time I was spending with them. My friends further away were great in making me know they were “there” – one sent me stupid movie quotes everyday. One texted every other day with “hugs”. And when people sensed I needed to talk they dropped a lot of things to listen. Also – I have a few friends who are very close to my parents – and they specifically did things for them – one sent chocolates – one sent a DVD set she knew my Dad would love – and one came and visited for a weekend and cooked dinner. It was overwhelming that my friends had such love for my parents. So, if you are close to her parents and it is something where this would seem appropriate think about that option too.

      • When my dad was in hospice for the last ten days of his life, we stayed with him in the dorm there. My cousins, aunts, and uncles arranged it so someone drove the 35 miles to the hospital every day to bring us food. The dorm had a kitchen, but this was a city far from where any of us lived. We didn’t have a car – didn’t want to leave to go to the grocery store – didn’t want to cook.

        I used to laugh at the idea of taking a casserole to the home of someone bereaved, but now that I have lived through it, it is really one of the best things you can do for a person.

    • Yes to the food that will make life easier and/or comfort your friend. Even when I am grieving, I don’t lose my appetite, even if I don’t want to eat — I just feel hungry (and then sad and angry). When my mom died, a neighbor of hers I didn’t know sent a Corner Bakery basket of sandwiches. I have never loved that place more. I could nosh without thinking or cooking or doing. Just sit with my family. Even when dealing with the aftermath of a diagnosis, sending your friend some food or treats that will help her take care of herself without worrying about taking time away from caregiving/worrying could be very helpful.

  14. I’m a second year associate in big law and reviews are coming up. I’m nervous because I work for a tough group (where “meets expectations” = “you made no mistakes”) and I know I’m going to get a really bad review for one project in particular (what the partner wanted was not at all what he asked for and somehow I was supposed to intuit that). I want to showcase the improvements in my work, though, which are real and measurable. Is it a bad idea to ask for a review from a partner with a description that reads something like, “Draft X for client; sent to client after only one revision.” ?? Or do I save that sort of thing for the actual in-person review?

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t understand what this means: “Is it a bad idea to ask for a review from a partner with a description that reads something like, “Draft X for client; sent to client after only one revision.” ??”

      You get your reviews, you don’t ask for them. I do think it’s a good idea to come prepared to your in-person review meeting with tangible examples of things you have done well or improved on. (FYI, many things are sent to a client after only one revision – I’d say it’s more significant whether it’s a major or minor revision, and you can’t really be the judge of that). If you have a partner who likes you and who has been an advocate for you, it might be worth calling that person to discuss your written review before the meeting (assuming you get a copy in advance).

      • At my firm, we request reviews from partners and it’s up to us to write the descriptions that the partner receives with the request. My question is mostly about the phrasing–is it a problem to include that reminder (that I did a really good job, so please write a good review, or at least a “she didn’t suck” review) or do I just write “Draft X for client” and hope he remembers that I did a good job and bring it up in the review (with similar examples from recent months) if I need it?

        And FYI, I may be young in this game, but I do know that not many 80-page agreements are sent to a client after one revision. :) So YA it was a big deal, especially coming from a very, very critical partner.

        Also no, I don’t have a partner who is an advocate for me, and no, we don’t receive our final review until we are sitting down with the head administrative partner.

        • Anonymous :

          Ok, in that case I think that question has to be answered by a more senior associate in your firm. No one here can tell you how to phrase your review request in a way that’s appropriate for your office culture.

  15. Sydney Bristow :

    I’ve been trying to ramp up my water consumption in advance of the Whole Life Challenge (our team is January 2016 Healthy Hive if you want to join) and I have to go to the bathroom all the time. On the plus side, the bathroom is on the other side of the building so I’m getting lots of steps in but on the negative side it’s been taking enough time that it is impacting my billable hours more than I’d like. Will my body ever get used to drinking more water or is this par for the course?

    • Wait, you stop the clock to pee? I guarantee the male attorneys in your firm aren’t stopping the clock to pee. (Several senior male partners have told me at various times that female lawyers are awful about stopping the clock or taking time off because they “should have been faster.” Male lawyers don’t; they just bill.)

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Wait, really? I never shave time and was told during my review that my timekeeping was “impeccable” so I think I’ll keep doing it.

        • Anonymous :

          I would’ve thought a comment on “impeccable timekeeping” was more a reference to entering time as you go on a daily basis, vs. those attorneys who procrastinate until month-end (or whenever the internal firm penalties are about to kick in) and then have to reconstruct via email and document history and are always the holdup for bills going out.

          I don’t really know how they could tell what you are and aren’t stopping your timer for that to be what they’re calling impeccable.

      • Anonymous :

        Yeah no. There is a big difference between cutting time (bad) and stopping the clock when you’re not working (ethical).

        • I’ve never thought of using the bathroom as a time to stop the clock. When I was in school and worked at jobs that paid hourly I still got paid when I went to the bathroom. I usually think about what I would find reasonable if someone were doing work for me in my home. When I’ve had movers whom I’ve paid hourly I never thought to deduct the time they spent in the bathroom. The time they took to sit down and eat a sandwich, yes, that was deducted, but peeing? That’s crazy.

          • It’s not crazy in this circumstance, though. You’re not getting paid by the hour when you’re billing time in a firm. You’re getting paid in tenth of an hour increments. If you don’t spend one of those working, then why should you get paid for it?

            I firmly believe that women are more inclined to cut their own time then men, that there are some attorneys out there that believe time spent thinking in the shower is billable. I’m not here to say one is necessarily right or wrong. But when your clients require you to keep time in 0.1 hour increments, they’re doing it because they expect you will keep it with that degree of accuracy. In contrast, a literal hour is the increment your movers keep time in.

          • Anonymous :

            I agree.

          • Anonymous :

            I don’t bill because I am a government lawyer. If I am working on a brief, I am usually still thinking about it when I am going to the bathroom. And in the car on the way home, etc. Seems like ti would even out in the end. No billing for car thinking, yes to billing while peeing.

      • Agreed. I never stopped the clock for bathroom breaks, even while doing doc review.

    • Yes, you will get used to it. Also, and the rules have possibly changed, the WLC was pretty restrictive about other beverages so most of your beverages for meals are may be water. It’s what, 1/3 of your bodyweight in ounces of water or some metric? If it is really impacting your life, try drinking more when you are at home instead of trying to down it all during the work day.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I’m really overweight so it turns out to be quite a lot. I’m only drinking water. Hopefully I adjust soon!

        I tried drinking more at home and I had to get up all night to pee. It seems like 3/4 consumed at work then the other 1/4 at home will be ideal once I get used to it.

        • You will adjust. Just be careful that you aren’t getting into an over-hydration scenario. I think at one time the daily cap for WLC was around 100 ozs, regardless of weight.

    • Anonymous :

      You must be incredibly efficient if five minutes every couple of hours is significantly cutting into your billable time. I take breaks that frequently anyway. Anyway, I don’t think it’s healthy to hold it. Go when you feel like you gotta go, even if it results in staying a half hour later each day.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        It’s been 5 minutes every hour, sometimes every 45 minutes. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing.

        FWIW, I do document review and am not an associate so I think my time is more efficient simply because I’m not switching back and forth and 99% of it is just through a computer program.

        • Anonymous :

          Oh wow, that is a lot. Maybe drink slightly less water then :) and good job on the efficiency and impeccable timekeeping!

        • Meg Murry :

          Rather than sip water all day, can you stop once every 2 hours, pee, drink a glass (or two) of water and then get back to work? Or drink a glass of water an hour after your bathroom break?

          When I sip water all day I take significantly more bathroom breaks than when I consume 1-2 glasses back to back.

    • Wildkitten :

      There’s also a chat function in the WLC group, for when our discussions get really specific and distracting (like, next week). I’m also doing trial runs this week, and water has been a big one.

  16. Possible Paralegal? :

    Ladies, I was wondering if I could get some input since many of you are in the law field. I currently work at a job where I spend a lot of time researching historical and public information, but also have other duties such as database management/input/teaching people to use it and some administrative type work. I am two years out of undergrad, and am considering what I really want to do as a career. I think I want to switch industries. I do not feel that I can really grow as most entities have one or two people in my role, and there just aren’t that many opportunities to gain new responsibilities until you are 15+ years into your career as most people are waiting for people to die in order to move up. I absolutely love what I do, especially the research questions.

    Would becoming a paralegal be a good fit for me? I am often responsible for really weird questions, and enjoy that sort of digging. I don’t like public speaking, and really am happy working mostly on my own with occasional interactions/group projects, which I think means I am not a good fit for becoming a lawyer. I do really well with answering questions given to me, but not about figuring out questions to ask, which is why I haven’t gone the academia route. Are paralegals respected? I would definitely make more than I make now, but are the hours crazy? How many paralegals have an undergrad degree? Does it matter which school I go to if I go this route? All of the colleges from the ritzy private school to the community college in my city have paralegal courses. FWIW I live in Texas if that changes answers.

    • I am an attorney in Texas. I am in-house, and we don’t have paralegals, so I don’t have much help there.
      However, I would suggest a couple of other ideas.
      I would recommend looking into title insurance work in the short term if you are wanting a career that you can grow into. The title companies that I work with on a regular basis promote from within, regardless of the starting position of the person. With the Texas real estate market, they don’t experience as many of the downturns of other industries, and when sales are low, they are busy with refinancing. I would say that many of the title company employees are well respected. The hours seem to be fairly normal with occasional periods of late hours based on the amount of work and nearing the end of the month for transactions. From my understanding, there are no additional courses you would need to go into this industry.
      Also, from the description of your work, it sounds as if you would make a great landman or working in an oil and gas land department. If the market were doing better, it would be easy for you to hit the ground running and take on lots of responsibility. You don’t need additional education to go into this field, but there are courses out there to help you get a step ahead if you were interested in the area.
      Good luck!

      • I think title company work is a great recommendation. A couple of my law school friends are landmen in Texas and Colorado and love the work and the pay and are much happier than they would be in a law office.

      • Anonymous :

        I think that there are a lot of options for paralegals, like attorneys:
        — working for the govt
        — working for a firm
        — working for a small practice

        all have their pluses and minuses. You would likely need to go back to school, but depending on what interests you (govt over firm or firm over govt), it may make sense for you to see how well ranked the programs are and what their job placement is. Also a lot depends on the type of law as well. family law is a totally different type of practice than transactional work or appellate work.

        Additionally, you might want to see some of the places you work, if the paralegals are listed on the firm website, what their background is (where they went to school, etc.).

    • “I don’t like public speaking, and really am happy working mostly on my own with occasional interactions/group projects, which I think means I am not a good fit for becoming a lawyer”

      This totally sounds like most lawyers I know! There are many law jobs out there that don’t require much/any public speaking and it’s a very solitary type of work. Not trying to push you to be a lawyer (you can read all the threads on this site about what a joy it is/loans!), but don’t let this dissuade you.

      “Are paralegals respected?”

      It depends. Good paralegals are (should be) treated well, and they are very valuable. I know a lot of the partners I’ve worked for have had solid relationships with their paralegals for 20 years, know each others’ families, are very close. But there will always be a percentage of lawyers who don’t treat support staff well/ respect them. There will always be a divide between you and the lawyers.

      “I would definitely make more than I make now, but are the hours crazy?”

      Generally no, unless you’re going to trial or you work for a huge firm. You can be quite busy, but you will generally work set hours and be able to leave your job at work.

      “How many paralegals have an undergrad degree?”

      In my experience, most. Especially at smaller firms, you may find paralegals paralegal/secretary hybrids who don’t have them.

      “Does it matter which school I go to if I go this route?”

      I wouldn’t think so. Work experience is more important, and whether you can learn quickly on the job.

      You might find that being a paralegal doesn’t allow you to research as much as you’d like. Some paralegals do- it depends on the firm, and how good you are at your job. If you’re good and show yourself to be smart and reliable, you’ll likely get more sophisticated work from your attorneys. But be aware that paralegals can be used for tasks as menial as scanning, copying, mailing, answering phones and emails, scheduling, to more advanced tasks like planning what attorneys need for motions or depositions, organizing documents, reviewing records, some legal research, tracking people down, basic pleadings, basic discovery responses.

      I’d say the biggest skill set for a paralegal is attention to detail, being proactive and forward thinking (which comes with time), organization and data management, and managing attorney egos. If those things turn you on, you may really excel.

    • Anonymous :

      What about becoming a librarian? In my firm, our law librarians do a lot of research, particularly into corporate structure. The description of your job sounds like exactly what our law librarians do.

      • I think law librarians have a JD and a masters for library science. At least all the ones I know do.
        I agree with recommendation for a job with a title company.

      • Anonymous :

        This is really interesting. I have actually been applying to title companies already, just no one has bitten yet. Also a former co-worker has strongly encouraged me to become a law librarian, which is something I am seriously considering, but also is a lot of debt to take on.

        • Anonymous :

          Don’t. It’s a ton of debt to be the easiest person to fire. Librarians don’t generate income, and while they’re certainly valuable now they are less and less needed.

          Do not get a JD unless you want to be a lawyer!

    • look into law librarian work. im considering the switch!

  17. Does anyone remember which post it was a while back where there was the good discussion about when you judge other women? I think it was within the last month, but I can’t find it on this site. TIA!