ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 175 Comments

Coffee Break: Knotted Headbands

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

black, brown, beige, and white headbands with knot on top

Headbands for work: yea or nay? I must say I've been on the NAY side for a while, but I've seen enough grown women wearing them that they're growing on me.

IMHO, the more plain/classic they are, the more they work with a work outfit.

Readers, what are your thoughts? Do you wear headbands at work?

The pictured headbands (pack of 4) are under $12 at Amazon.

Sales of note for 1/16/25:

  • M.M.LaFleur – Tag sale for a limited time — jardigans and dresses $200, pants $150, tops $95, T-shirts $50
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles with code — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything
  • L.K. Bennett – Archive sale, almost everything 70% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Sephora – 50% off top skincare through 1/17
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer; 50% off winter sale; extra 15% off clearance
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 50% off + extra 20% off, sale on sale, plus free shipping on $150+

175 Comments

  1. Favorite purse for traveling to Europe? I’ll be in Paris and have never been before, doing all of the normal tourist things.

    3. I like a Longchamp tote or similar – we’ve only been in fall and spring with changeable weather, so wanted to have umbrella and jacket on hand, plus guidebook, any physical touring items like printouts of reservations or the Museum Pass, sunglasses in case, bottle of water, energy bar in case something took longer than expected and I don’t want to be hangry, etc. Bonus is space for stashing purchases. FYI if you’ll be there a week, the Navigo pass is well worth the brief stop to pick up.

    5. I carried a vintage Coach crossbody with the flap over the top and their little latch in Paris last year and it was perfect. Understated (no logos), good leather for walking into chicer places, but nothing too fancy pants about it that it drew attention. It had an open pocket on the back of the purse (next to my body) which was great for my phone for quick access, while my wallet was safely tucked away under the flap and latch.

      https://www.ebay.com/itm/125992057458

    6. I just traveled with a Baggu bag purse and it was perfect – zip-top, light, can wear in front if needed. I think the viral uniqlo crescent bag is a good option if you want something smaller too.

      1. I love Baggu. Whatever other bag I’m carrying, I keep a Baggu nylon backup folded up into its own pocket inside just in case I buy something I want to carry that way.

      1. I have one of these too. They’re useful. Lightweight and a good amount of organization for my needs.

    8. Not a purse recommendation per se, but I highly recommend bringing along a canvas tote or reusable shopping bag that you like. I was just in Paris at the end of June and almost every woman carried one along with whatever purse (usually a smallish crossbody or sometimes a small shoulder bag). Very useful for going to the market, picking up a baguette/sandwich, etc.

    9. I’ve been really into JW Pei bags lately–they look a lot more expensive than they are. Otherwise can’t go wrong with a leather crossbody. You’ll want something with a zipper or top flap that has a slim profile.

    10. Get a Travelon purse. They’re ugly but slash-resistant, RFID-protectant and some have room for a water bottle. This isn’t the time to be fashionable when there are pick-pocketers galore.

      1. Counterpoint – I have been to Paris Barcelona, Rome, etc. multiple times and you don’t need some kind of special purse. (You will note that Europeans somehow manage to avoid being constantly robbed!) I wear a small leather cross-body with zippers and an internal pocket with another zipper (Lo & Sons Pearl specifically, although I also have the same Chanel crossbody from the 90s that the poster above recommended – it is great but a tiny bit small). Keep your bag in front of you, keep your hand on the side with the zippers in the Metro, keep it zipped. Don’t walk around with your iPhone in your hand with all of your cards in a pocket in the back and don’t carry it in your back pocket. Avoid the scammers (they are not hard to identify if you do any research.) Exercise basic precautions. I promise there are plenty of people who are being much more careless.

        I also usually bring a canvas tote if I am shopping or carrying an umbrella, jacket, But I don’t put anything that I don’t want stolen in there. I also have one of those small, foldable nylon bags I carry in my purse for the unexpected purchases.

        If you are really worried, get a large safety pin and pin the zipper to the compartment with your valuables closed.

        1. Yah I think these special purses scream tourist and make you more likely to get robbed.

          1. +2, if you live somewhere where you can just leave an open tote sitting behind you in a restaurant without worrying about it and you’re concerned you’ll be careless abroad, then by all means, but if you have basic awareness and street smarts you will stick WAY out carrying a “traveler safety” type bag.

        2. I’m pretty sure thieves target tourists because it doesn’t draw the ire of the local population the same way.

        3. +1000

          I have traveled to numerous countries and always carry a regular crossbody purse with a zipper so as to not be targeted by pick pockets. Best advice is having crossbody in front of you with hand over it, zippers shut and valuables inside. Also, just bought the Lo & Sons Pearl and I’m absolutely OBSESSED with it!

    11. I have a Dagne Dover Micah bag that I use for kicking around cities. It’s neoprene, so sort of depends on your style, but it’s light, has great pockets, and has an internal key fob that I attach to my phone in Paris if I’m going to be near the major sightseeing areas (honestly in Paris I’m more worried about my phone than my wallet). I usually bring a nicer purse that I can switch to if we’re going somewhere fancier.

    13. I was just in Paris and I went full fanny pack with zero regrets. I wanted to travel light and everything was in quick reach. I loved not having to carry anything (I have slopey shoulders so shoulder bags are horrendous for me) and while I like a crossbody, it would have gotten annoying with all the walking.

      1. I wore a nylon belt bag crossbody style in Italy and it was great! Easy to access, light, kept things safe from pickpockets. While I have leather crossbody bags that look more stylish, I appreciated a light weight bag—especially in the heat.

  2. My husband got me a beautiful white gold signet ring with my initials engraved on the face for my birthday. The only problem is he ordered a 6 and it isn’t a 6. It’s more like a 5.5. I can get it on, but it’s a struggle to get off. I won’t wear it but maybe once a month, so I can just deal with it if I have to, but I was wondering if a jeweler would be able to make it a smidge bigger without ruining it. For Reasons, sending it to the seller to remake it is unlikely to work out.

    1. Of course! It’s effectively just a plain band on the backside, right? It’s easy to enlarge a smidge!

      1. +1. And you might wear it a lot! I have a small signet ring – just a cheapie I picked up at an antique store – and I wear it on my right hand every day.

      2. Yes! It is plain except the signet part. I was just afraid the engraving on that would get messed up. I’ll try to run by a local jeweler this week.

    3. Adding a chunk of gold to the band to go up a half ring size is totally doable for all full bench jewelers.

      1. If one wanted to enlarge their wedding band (platinum, with 10-12 characters of engraving inside the band) by 1-1.5 sizes (Damn Covid), about how much would it cost?

    1. It’s like when the media report on crime in so-and-so city, but interview mainly the residents in affluent, safer neighborhoods.

    2. I am guessing it is hard to get quotes from institutions that would effectively acknowledge third rate status while staunchly defending the bright future. I am laughing trying to imagine walking the line.

    3. I’m just wondering, who recruits from Smith? I get that a lot of grads may go to grad school, but if you are an accounting major, does Deloitte (example) recruit from there or do you really have to pound the pavement? I went to a SLAC and entering the job market was HARD because we weren’t near a major city and I also suffered from being from a small town. In my current city, a lot of SLAC grads who have moved here like big state universities for their kids because that trauma stuck with us and none of them want it for their kids. Every local employer recruits at Local State U (which is very good but not our state’s flagship). And if you are in debt already, a job with a BA is a paramount concern. I think that is a big challenge for SLACs — we do t go to college now for social finishing but also to launch with a good entry level career type job.

      2. I’m pretty sure Smith doesn’t have an accounting major. The one person I know who went there works for the State Department. Actually most of the people I know who went to SLACs either went to grad school, law school, or work for some level of government (or some combination of those things).

        1. Smith doesn’t have an accounting major or a business major, which is not uncommon at SLACs like it. Consulting companies, investment banks, etc. do come to places like that – I went to law school right after college but I had friends who went to places like BCG, JP Morgan, etc. Some of those friends had majors that were ostensibly related to business (econ, math), but I also knew philosophy and art history majors who got jobs at big companies.

          1. I joke about this as a philosophy major. OF COURSE I went to law school right after college. The philosophy firms weren’t hiring that year I guess. And Smith may be at an advantage being in the NEUS where it’s more known and closer (so people know grads as being their mom or aunt or neighbor or kids in their class). But my BFF went to Mills College in CA and found that SLACs can be sadly regional even though they’d all make excellent employees when life moves you to another part of the country. Ditto Rhodes (like people have confused that with being a Rhodes Scholar) and probably a ton of other schools beyond the very old-school places in the Northeast.

          2. Just FWIW, Harvard does not have a business major or an accounting major. It’s pretty uncommon to have an explicit preprofessional set of majors at a lot of top tier universities. People who want to go into consulting or ibanking do economics or gov.

      3. I went to a NESCAC and most of my friends went to grad school of some ins. We all knew as undergrads that’s what we wanted to do, so it’s no surprise. Perhaps that’s what’s lost on some kids/parents. I chose my school because it’s a grad school feeder.

        I’m 42 now and as I look back at my college friends, they are all doing great. Some took very direct paths and others bumbled along the way. I also look at my friends from high school- the ones that went Ivy are split grad school and no grad school (no grad school camp is mainly in media of various sorts or government).

      4. yes Mount Holyoke here, early 00s. so lower profile and less mainstream than Smith or Wellesley and yes – a lot of firms recruited there. both consulting + finance like client-firms and their clients – Monsanto, PepsiCo, insurance firms, a ton. we weren’t all peace corps

      1. I read about that this morning and I am conflicted. They are dealing with a $45M budget deficit. They say the shuttering of majors programs affects only 2% of students, suggesting that these were tiny programs with outsized costs. But beyond closing the language departments, they are making cuts across the board, in almost all programs. Looks like an effort to really distribute the burden. It seems a very painful decision to have to make for one’s institution.

        1. hit send too soon. Ultimately, I am not surprised given the position of public education in the greater scheme of things.

        2. Is it going to mean that people don’t have to take languages at all to get a BA? That seems so odd to me, though it’s not like my German helps me at all in daily life.

          1. I think there are lots of universities without a language requirement. Both the university I graduated from and the one I work at don’t require foreign language.

          2. That’s so interesting to me! Our foreign language requirement wasn’t super taxing. If you were starting from scratch with a modern language, you had to take four semesters, but most people had to take two semesters if they stuck with a language they’d started in high school. People who were fluent speakers of a non-English language could get by with 0-1 semester in a higher-level class if the non-English language was offered.

            While I think it is valuable, I can understand why colleges have moved away from it. I bombed a test so spectacularly in an upper-level German class that they wanted to test me for a learning disability (we decided to switch my classes instead) and I knew a few people who got exempted from the entire requirement for similar reasons.

        3. I know a freshman who was really courted for their musical theater program and I think that that is now on the list. I get it — I’m not sure you need to go to college to enter that profession and I’m not sure how hard it is to enter if you aren’t in a town with a big theater industry (NYC, maybe Las Vegas, maybe Myrtle Beach, maybe Branson, MO). Theater is niche, musical theater is very niche.

        4. Yeah, agreed as to distributing cuts across the board and trying to cut programs that affect the fewest people. But clear evidence that the demographic cliff is even affecting tenured faculty in STEM at flagship research universities, not just adjuncts teaching German, third tier SLACs, and regional public universities, though those are certainly the most affected.

          1. I mean, West Virginia may be an R1, but that’s a big group (~150 schools) and the bottom of R1 is very different than the top or even the middle. Lets not pretend it’s a top tier public university. There are plenty of universities where these kind of cuts are never going to happen.

        5. I would be more skeptical than this. How many language departments have “outsized costs”?

          2. It may just be the ratio of staff to students that is outsized. Just thinking about it logistically, I imagine that the Spanish department can’t cover much teaching for the Chinese studies department, so you need separate full staff for all these majors. On the other hand, they are merging the horticulture program with the sustainable food and farming program to cut costs.

          3. Yup, and class sizes tend to be small. You can’t really have meaningful conversation in a large lecture.

    5. Wellesley alumna here. I distinctly recall when Wellesley instituted the first $100M campaign in the late 80s/early 90s. At the time, the college magazine made two points that stayed with me: (1) this money will keep Wellesley from “having to” (financially) go co-ed, and (2) most couples give to the husband’s alma mater, except when the wife is an alumna of a single sex institution, in which case they give to both.

      1. When I was engaged, I told my husband (who never gave to his alma mater) that I would not change my giving to my schools one bit. Like that was part of who I was and it was a package deal. He didn’t mind, but the thought of giving still hasn’t resonated with him (which I’d be OK with). He didn’t have the best experience (I totally did). But I have seen this especially with SAHW/SAHMs, where every school gets $ but her school (until a kid needs to apply there).

  4. Not looking to debate merits of semaglutides. I’ve been on them and I plan to get back on ASAP. They work for me, someone who has been obese per BMI for a very long time and tried nearly every other outlet available to me throughout my teens and adult life. So, here’s the actual question:

    Has anyone taken ozempic or other semaglutide under the care of an endocrinologist, or any other doc that wasn’t a PCP? I took it before getting pregnant with great success. I’m due to give birth this fall and want to get back on it as soon as possible once I’m done b-fing, maybe early next year. This will be my last child/pregnancy.

    I was prescribed it by my PCP. She’s…..fine? Not great, pretty passive and underwhelming, tbh, which has been the case for the duration of her being my PCP, the better part of a decade. I’ve never had any recurring medical needs/medication under her supervision so I just sort of automatically go back to her for the annual check in. I was surprised when she came up with this idea on her own (I had planned to ask about it). Just wondering if there’s a better approach. Kind of like how an OB shouldn’t really advise on infertility as that’s a job for a reproductive endocrinologist, should I be seeing an endocrinologist for a more wholistic approach? I am insulin-resistant PCOS but no diabetes, not regular nor gestational. I’ve had hella fertility issues, so I’ve seen a reproductive endo for the better part of the last decade but I’m done with that (praise be). I was also on metformin for the insulin resistance, which I’m off of at the moment due to pregnancy, but PCP wants me to go back on once done b-fing.

    TIA!

    1. I guess I don’t get the issue? She prescribed it before and it went well. What else are you looking for?

      1. No real issue. I have only thought about my endocrine health (?) in the context of reproduction. So, now that will be behind me soon I wasn’t sure if I should be talking to an endocrinologist – like, are they the more responsible party to Rx something like Ozempic the way a RE is better suited to evaluate and prescribe, say, Clomid, than an OB is?

        Not trying to create more work for me in finding a new doc, either. Just want to be smart – I know these meds don’t come with out their controversies. What actually sparked the question is that I read the WSJ article today about the medication and many from other sources over the last few months. They always quote endocrinologists.

        1. Since you’re not really looking for a diagnosis and would really be going to the specialist with a request for a prescription (which they may refuse to give), I don’t think it’s wrong/irresponsible to stick with your PCP. You can also ask your PCP this question at your appointment.

    2. If you’ve been on the medication before with no/minimal issues, then I would continue getting it through your PCP unless problems arise.

    3. This isn’t really to your point, but something to be aware of: There are shortages of these prescriptions in the US and Europe. I believe there are some issues with ozempic at some doses. Wegovy is anticipated to be back ordered for the next few months at least and new prescriptions are being denied from what I understand for the lower doses. When Wegovy became scarce, doctors were falling back on Saxenda. Saxenda is now very, very scarce. The maker is saying that it will have very limited product to distribute into 2024. Just prepare yourself for some difficulty in getting it.

    4. I mean, I get my tirzepatide from a teledoc across the country who somehow has prescribing privileges in my state (and a couple dozen other states). I’ve spoken to him once over the phone and weekly via an email survey and he requires labs every 3 months to make sure things are ok. I have no complaints and don’t see any reason for me to go about it a different way. I can scientifically say that my weight issues aren’t endocrine-related; I’m healthy as a horse in every respect. If you have reason to believe yours is endocrine-related, go see an endo. (If anything, my weight gain was caused by under-treated depression. I found a psychiatrist just for med management and got the teladoc for my weight. Life’s much better now in all respects (except the nausea when I step up
      a dose, blergh).)

      1. The problem with these sorts of arrangements is that coordination of care is often lacking. When you’re healthy, a teledoc giving a script arrangement seems fine. But the person actually viewing your labs and surveys may or may not be a doc familiar with your medical history, and may not be sharing and receiving medical and prescribing info when they need to with the rest of your care team (in fairness, that’s a problem with a lot of face-to-face PCPs as well). The experience level of the doc also may not be on par and they don’t hold the same skin in the game as someone with a community reputation at risk. A healthy patient without co-morbidities or a complex prescribing history isn’t likely to realize what is actually lacking because it hasn’t been tested yet.

  5. My bf and I desperately need an escape from the Houston heat over Labor Day weekend. Any suggestions on where to go where we might find cool weather, ideally a direct flight under 3 hours, some fun activities for the weekend and that’s not ridiculously expensive? I was thinking Asheville, NC, but it looks like in early September the highs are still in the 80s. I went to college in New England and remembered how hot Labor Day weekend can be without reliable A/C in most places, although maybe we just need to head farther north? Or somewhere in the northern Midwest that might not even be on our radar? TIA!

    1. The Midwest is very hot in early September. I’m in the Chicago area and think of late August and early September as the hottest time of year. Maaaybe the UP of Michigan or Minnesota, although I’m not sure you can count on sub-80 even there. Alaska? Canadian maritimes? Or lean into the heat and do a beach trip? Cancun is a super easy trip for you.

    2. Anywhere in the continental US might be hot then. I’d go to Denver! It might be hit but it’s very unlikely to be humid.

    3. Aspen or Vail would both be good options. It would be nice during the days (likely mid 70s), but in the 50s or cooler at night.

      1. Oops missed the not ridiculously expensive caveat. Both of those are obviously on the pricier end.

        1. Labor Day can be wildly variable heat wise in Colorado but the “at least it’s dry” component is huge! Some less expensive mountain cities than Aspen/Vail

          – Leadville
          – Granby/Grand Lake or Estes Park (the gateway towns on either side of Rocky Mountain national park)
          – Glenwood springs (hot springs!)
          – Buena Vista — less mountains and more a river rafting town

    4. My first thought was mountains – do you mind the drive from Denver into the Rockies? Ski towns are fun in warmer weather too.

    5. It’s always going to be a gamble at that time of year. San Francisco or somewhere in the Rockies (DEN, SLC, anywhere smaller you can get a direct flight or drive to from those airports) are probably your best bet, but you could also be unlucky and get hot and on fire. I’m from the northern Midwest, and Duluth or somewhere else on Lake Superior or further north might be okay, but you have to get pretty far north to have a good likelihood of cooler weather and it’s probably pretty booked up anywhere near the lake at this point. Same thing for VT, NH, and ME.

    7. Park City, Utah. I just visited a friend. She said Labor Day weather is cool and perfect.

    8. Montreal is a fun romantic city, would be great for a weekend escape with DH. Also Toronto and Boston. I’m not sure what the Canadian wildfire situation will be up there at that time but the weather will be in the 70s-low 80s and you should be able to get direct flights from Houston

      2. If the OP is okay with cooler than Houston but still potentially hot, I second the Boston rec. lt might be in the 90s— some years it is— but more likely it will be in the high 70s/low 80s. There are plenty of options in the city to be on or around the water. Everything in Boston has A/C.

        I think the Twin Cities could a great, easy weekend too.

    10. You need elevation, not just more north. I second the recommendation for Colorado. My sister and I went to Boulder for Labor Day weekend in 2021 it was beautiful weather. If you go to Estes Park / Rocky Mountain National Park it was even cooler than it was in Boulder because of the elevation.

    11. Consider that, if you’ve been broiling at 110 all summer, 80 in New England will feel cool to you, esp because there’s minimal humidity there. Also consider whether coming from Houston sea-level-ish if you might have trouble with altitude in Colorado. Fastest way I’ve ever ruined a weekend was going from DC to a Colorado ski resort and needing oxygen – no bueno.

      (For all you New Englanders about to chime in about, “It gets humid up here!” Yeah, maybe for a day or two, but it’s nothing like the 90%+ humidity that is every day of summer in the south. I’m southern, in Connecticut this week, and the waitress at lunch just warned me to “stay cool” because “that humidity is bad out there.” It’s 78 degrees and 57% humidity. It’s legit southern fall outside.)

    12. Any place right by the ocean in California will be (relatively) cool. Ten miles inland might be hot, but the beach communities are generally much cooler – and the further north you go, the more likely that is to be the case. You could fly into Burbank, rent a car and drive up Santa Barbara and points north (I have a soft spot for Cambria, but you might be a bit late to find a hotel that is not ridiculously expensive).

      1. Mostly agree, but as someone who lives in this area, this is also our hottest time of year, and lots of places on the coast don’t have much air conditioning. If you do hit a heat wave (we had a bad one at that time last year), it can be unpleasant. If cool weather is your top priority, I’d say it’s safer to be further north, like Monterey Bay, SF, or further.

        1. Oh man I remember the Labor Day 2022 heat wave. I was visiting friends in San Jose and the temps were 100+ in the afternoon, barely getting into the 80s overnight, and there were limits on how much we could use AC so their house got insanely hot. I thought I was going to die, and I’m from the Midwest and am used to 90+ with reasonably high humidity, but we run the AC here non-stop at those temps. I planned my next visit to those friends for January :)

          I think SF or Marin should be ok, but definitely north + coastal, not the south bay or inland. Mendocino would be even better than the Bay Area.

    13. I’m sitting here in my office in SF where it is foggy and 68 degrees. If you want to be cold in the summer, northern coastal California is the place to be. Another option is Asilomar, a no-frills but beautifully located hotel/conference center in Pacific Grove (next to Monterey).

    15. I am in New Orleans and just spent over a week in Asheville. The highs were in the 80s while we were there, but it’s so, so different and so pleasant. We woke up to high 60s in the mornings, it hit the 80s for an hour, and it cooled down to the low 70s in the evenings. Plus, the lower humidity compared to Houston/New Orleans/Florida changes the way 80 degrees feels. We woke up and hiked in the mornings, went to lunch and chilled in the afternoons, went to restaurants and breweries and sat outside in the evenings, and even lit a fire outside and roasted s’mores a couple of nights. Even at mid-day, I was comfortable sitting outside at a restaurant or on the front porch.

  6. Do most men who seem like they’d cheat wind up cheating? My friend’s new boyfriend of a year is a former playboy who seems to hit on every woman he meets and talks constantly about gardening. They are moving super quickly (she all but moved into his apartment within a few months of dating and they spend every moment together. They’ve taken an international trip to visit his family who lives abroad.) I am getting alarm bells but maybe he’s reformed? Not sure if I’m being a hater but I just haven’t met someone who smells like such a fish and didn’t turn out to be a fish.

    1. Is he love-bombing her? If so, I’d personally think of an early unexpected break up to be more likely than cheating.

    2. If he’s displayed these player attributes in front of you, I think you have reason to be concerned. It also depends on their age. I think it’s fine to be cautious and encourage your friend to take things slow but other than that, I’d just be there for her if things crumble.

      1. I was also thinking these two things. Is he a *former* playboy or still acting like a playboy? Those are two different things.
        I see people moving faster when they meet in their 30ies vs their 20ies. I think at some point you know yourself and whether you click with someone enough to take the next steps, and there is no reason to wait.

        1. So I think he is trying to no longer be a playboy, but when we hung out last night he made multiple comments that seemed off. One was a joke about wanting an open relationship and then the other was a comment about asking for a threesome and being shot down. I may be reading too much into it though.

          1. Ohhh that makes me cringe. I could never imagine my bf asking for an open relationship or a threesome, especially with others present. He sounds like a frat boy and unattractive to me but it’s your friend’s relationship!

          4. This is icky. I assume your friend was present? Could you ask her how those comments made her feel?

      2. it definitely depends on their age – i also suspect if he’s making these comments in front of HER she knows what she’s signing up for.

    3. I think what you need to do is corner her, tell her you hate her boyfriend and that you are certain he is a cheater, you can just smell it on him. You won’t have to worry how things turn out after that

    4. Is there a cultural element here? Some cultures seem to encourage a lot of machismo, at least outwardly, but not all of those men are the lotharios they pretend to be.

    5. No real thoughts about your main question, but FWIW, I had taken multiple international trips with my now husband within one year of meeting him, including to meet his family who live in Europe. I do not think that is necessarily a red flag or a sign they are moving too quickly.

      1. I married my husband a month after meeting him and still going strong 15 years later. These “quick, love bomb” concerns always make me laugh.

      2. Same, my now-husband and I were talking baby names within a month, had traveled and met each others families within a couple months and solidified plans to move into together within six months, although we didn’t actually move in until the one year mark due to me needing to finish school. People here are really pearl-clutchy about fast moving relationships, but not every couple that knows they want to get married immediately is “love bombing.”

    6. Warning signs:
      – Past cheating without therapy. Infidelity isn’t a single action that happens in a vacuum. It’s a series of steps and a symptom of larger issues. People cheat because they’re unable or unwilling to address the problems in their relationship. Unless the person learned better communication skills or addressed their personal issues in therapy they’re likely to cheat again.
      – Lovebombing. The guy gets infatuated right away then loses interest just as quickly. Or he gets away with bad behavior because the girlfriend thinks with a little work they can recreate the early days of their relationship.
      – Insecurity. These guys are never satisfied in a relationship and need validation from other women.
      – Warnings from other women. Sadly many guys defend their buddies or look the other way at infidelity. An endorsement from his guy friends doesn’t mean much. Women are more likely to give you their honest opinion.

      What does your friend think? Is she happy? Or is she insecure about their relationship? Even if the guy is reformed your friend will be miserable if she’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    7. To set aside cheating per se, I do think there are people who aren’t committed to their relationships and don’t really value commitment or respect their partners, and they also tell on themselves in ways like this. Whether they actually cheat or will cheat is not necessarily the question for me. They’re not reliable partners either way.

  7. I am in the market for a new winter coat.
    I live in the Midwest (Chicago is the closest big city to the North) and I am outdoorsy, so I will go for long walks even if it’s freezing. I need something that goes to about mid-thigh, washable, with hood, and somewhat waterresistant (e.g. when there’s a quick snowshower I don’t want to the puffer to get soaked right away.)
    I already own a simple thinner puffer jacket for those days where it’s above freezing.
    I only buy a new cot every 10 years or so, so definitely looking for something that I can wear for several seasons.

    Looking at the LL Bean Ultrawarm Coat 3/4 length right now: Does anybody own this and can speak to its quality?
    https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/42358?page=ultrawarm-coat-three-quarter-length

    Any other recs?

    1. I’m in Chicago and my go-to for parkas is London Fog. I feel like their arm holes are larger than standard, so easy to wear with a sweater on underneath.

    2. I cannot speak to that specific coat, but I have had horrible problems with staining of the Graphite Gray fabric on another L.L. Bean parka.

    3. Patagonia Tres. I’ve had mine for like 12 years and it is still going strong, very warm, looks good (no stains etc.).

    4. My Soia & Kyo puffer is the warmest coat I have owned. It is knee length, but they may have longer options if you want that.

    5. I have the full length version of that coat that I wear on really cold days in chicago. You know you’re a Chicagoan when you have 7 winter coats for varying temps and occasions. It is stiffer and decidedly less sleek than the knee length north face puffer than I and everyone i seem to know wears on just regular cold days.

    6. Eddie Bauer Sun Valley Down Parka. It’s the best when it’s under 30. Above that, IME, a normal puffy jacket will do.

  8. People who speak at conferences: is this common? I submitted a proposal to speak at a conference. It was accepted but the conference organizers wanted me to work with someone else who submitted a similar proposal, which I thought meant we’d both be speaking. Since then, I’ve been removed from a speaking role but they still want me to organize the presentation, so basically a lot of administrative stuff I would tolerate for the sake of resume building but I don’t want to do if my name isn’t on the program (which it wouldn’t be, only speakers are listed on the program). The conference organizers claim this is very common, that someone will organize the presentation even though they’re not getting any credit. That… doesn’t sound right to me, unless that person is like admin staff. I want to maintain a good relationship with these people but I don’t want to get taken advantage of. My organization likely will not send me to the conference unless I’m speaking; when I told the organizers that, they said they would get me on a panel somewhere but that hasn’t materialized. Wwyd?

    1. I’m a lawyer, so the only conferences I’ve been to are law conferences. This is not something I ever encountered. I did help partners make presentations when I was an associate, but that was a clearly defined path within the firm, not something the conference organizers asked me to do. It honestly sounds outrageous to me that you’d do such a significant amount of work for no credit, and when you now may not even get to go!

      1. Ditto this for me in law. I’d be pretty peeved in your shoes, but maybe it is standard in your industry?

    2. This is….not standard, at least in my industry. I absolutely would not go without a speaking role – and I certainly wouldn’t prepare a presentation for someone else to give.

    3. Context will matter here — how prestigious is the conference, how important is it to you, how prestigious is the other presenter with a similar idea. I’m not sure I’ve seen exactly what you describe, where someone else organizes the presentation for zero credit – often the organizer will be a moderator or connected in some other way.

      I would probably stop doing any work for it until I got some clarity, though, unless it’s really important to you for other reasons.

    5. I think you let the conference organizers know that while you are interested in speaking should there be an opening in the future, your firm does not support you volunteering as an administrative assistant.

    8. I swear someone posted something similar here within the last year. Resounding response: NFW.

      1. I think someone posted that their boss did this to them, not the conference organizers – wasn’t it like he wanted to get away from his teenage kids and thus took over the OP’s work for himself?

        Regardless, the answer is big fat no.

    9. I would email the organizers and say I have a “family situation” or “work situation” that means I no longer have the bandwidth to participate in the project, so very sorry, such an unfortunate circumstance, and that I hope everything goes well and I wish them all the best and I hope the presentation and the conference are a success. Because I would not do a ton of back-end work just to have someone else get all the credit. I’m sure you’ve got other things you can do that are a better use of your time.

      1. +1 – this is the time to say no with white lies. What a ridiculous ask. I say this as someone who speaks a lot, too.

    10. Yea, I’ve worked on the back end of these conferences (setting the content and reviewing these proposals). I would never ask someone to only organize a presentation and not have a speaking role if we were merging it with another presentation. The whole point of merging presentations like that is that you both bring valid and interesting aspects to the topic that should be shared.

    12. I would not do this. I speak at actuarial and risk management conference and have never been asked by conference organizers to do anything like this. Sometimes if I’m on a panel with man/men, they expect me to do all the slides, not just the ones I’m speaking to, but I also do not do that.

      1. And I also wonder if the conference would be assuming you’d be fine doing this if you were a guy.

    13. They almost seemed confused that you and speaking person are not at the same company. I don’t know how it would be common for a person employed by company A do the work for a person employed at company B. That is neither common in my experience or a good business decision.

    14. I’m in public policy and that’s a no. In the academic world it would be scandalous. Your work, your credit. I’d dump this conference and wouldn’t attend it again.

    15. I’m a marketing VP that regularly submits speaking proposals for an 800+ company in health tech for mostly regional and national events in the United States. Not at all normal in healthcare or tech and not for any of the conferences where I’ve personally been a speaker (national conferences aimed at B2B publishers, marketing and media). I wouldn’t feel at all comfortable and would ask that it be made into a panel session or otherwise beg off attending. The whole point in doing these conferences is personal and professional visibility and if you’re not getting any personal or brand exposure, it negates all the hard work. (Why isn’t someone at the other speaker’s company helping him or her with their slides? That would be the norm. In some instances, the sponsoring organization or event organizers will give you a template and want to review slides in advance, but that’s as much collaboration as I’ve seen.)

    17. Academic here.
      No, that isn’t common. However, I have been asked to moderate a panel that I originally planned on speaking on. Could you ask to be credited as moderator?

  9. Any reccs for wine and/or cheese tasting classes in Paris? My go-to used to be Paris by Mouth but I had a subpar experience with them during my last trip.

    Looking for something sit down vs walking

    1. Not in Paris, but one of the best excursions I’ve ever done was take the TGV to Reims for a day Champagne tasting. Cris-Event was the tour guide and we drove to several small producers and had a fantastic time. In the afternoon we wandered Reims and toured Veuve Cliquot — and were stunned to find out how bland it tasted compared to all the morning stops. The power of orange!

    2. My partner and I did the wine and cheese tasting at Caves du Louvre and it was good. The instructor was super knowledgeable, though we had some real idiots in the class with us who derailed a lot of the learning (though that’s a risk anywhere, I guess). We did the one with 10 tastes — it’s billed as a wine tasting with cheese pairing, but we spent about equal time on the cheese and the wine. They will also tell you where in the neighborhood to buy everything if there’s something you like.

    3. I did a very fun early evening walking tour in the 5th with “Wine Tasting in Paris”. We started with a presentation & tasting at their HQ, then did a walking tour stopping at a couple of wine bars and shops for snacks, plus some interesting local sights. The owner was (of course) charming and knowledgeable.

  10. Does anyone have an outdoor dining set they love? It’ll be near a pool so no glass. I’d like to put an umbrella in the table so it should have a spot for that. I prefer the look of wood but I’m concerned it might not hold up to the weather. Then again metal can rust. Suggestions?

      1. +1 for cast aluminum. We’ve had our set for over 10 years now. They do get covered in the winter, but not when in use in the summer.

    2. Look at Polywood. Made from recycled plastic and needs no babying. Would advise against light colors, but otherwise it’s great stuff.

  11. For the poster last week who asked about doom gloom cities – did you see that the federal government in SF has recommended that employees who can work remotely do so? Just saw it in today’s news.

    1. Google isn’t bringing anything up… what is a “doom gloom” city? The search results show some lighting installations and a sour-fruited beer by magic city brewing, but neither seem applicable here! Thank you!

    2. This is only true for the Federal Building, which is at 7th and Market. It is absolutely terrifying outside. A war zone, heart of the tenderloin. Not all federal employees in SF work there (for instance, the Federal Reserve is much closer to the Ferry Building down Market Street, and their mandate is that they must come in). It’s honestly not safe near the federal building. I walked by there the other day after taking the bus. I used to work around the corner. It’s gotten worse.

  12. After seeing everyone’s menus from last week I am lamenting my slow thyroid! I can’t eat as much as you all :(

    1. Portion sizes are a big factor too. I have a low thyroid (I naturally have an overactive thyroid but I take medicine that suppresses it to low levels) and eat a lot of bread products and sweets. But I’m pretty moderate about portions.

      1. Yeah, most people didn’t post portion sizes- I know I didn’t. It would seem hard to know how much people are actually eating based on those posts. I cook at home and batch cook for many meals at a time, so my typical meal is probably a third the size of a restaurant portion, but I’m not just eating yogurt and carrot sticks for every meal.

        1. Yes, or what country. I said I had big portions (a whole chicken breast is a big portion) but I’m not in the USA where your portions are the size of shared dish here. I remember ordering a side salad in the US and the salad dressing alone reached the daily kilojoule limit.

    2. Slow thyroid is usually considered treatable. I only felt this way when I was undertreated.

      1. Not OP but doctors generally don’t treat it if you’re within the normal range. But if you’re at the low end of the normal range it can be hard to keep weight off. It’s not really a question of can it be treated, but will a doctor do it.

        1. TSH would be high end of normal range if thyroid is low, and depending on the exact number, often they will treat if you say you’re thinking of TTC (yes this is because babies > their moms), or if Hashimoto’s antibodies are also elevated. Sometimes it takes seeing a specialist.

          1. (And treatment doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone. It still happens sometimes that someone just isn’t getting enough iodine! But doctors should probably not just watch people suffer from low thyroid for very long.)

          2. I’m familiar with the terms. I have Graves’ disease and as a result of treatment now have an underactive-for-me thyroid. I’ve seen multiple endos and none will do anything, because my numbers are “in normal range” – barely. I weigh 25 pounds more than I did before my Graves’ symptoms began. The situations you mentioned (TTC and Hashimoto’s) are very specific and don’t apply to everyone. It’s not simple getting a doctor to medicate you if your numbers are normal.

    3. Yeah, I couldn’t understand it either. 3 full meals + snacks a day… including whole grains/carbs… even if it was healthy, I would easily gain 20 lbs and I’m normal weight. And when I eat healthy food (especially bulky vegetables) I get full anyway so I couldn’t get in that much food some days even if I wanted to.

      Although it’s so strange when I get my favorite take out/snacks I somehow manage to eat so much much of it….. which is why I just can’t do it very often.

      1. Right, so the whole thing is – people are different and have different metabolisms, and also different priorities. Not everyone wants to – for example – still be able to fit into their high school prom dress at age 45. There are some people who can do it naturally – I have a friend who has been a size 2 our entire adulthood and she eats more than I do. But I have accepted that my size 6 days are long in the past, and so I’m going to eat what I need to eat to get through my workday and my workouts and not feel like I want to rip people’s faces off all the time.

        I dunno, these “oooh I just COULDN’T EEEEEAT so mUUUUUCH, how are you ladies doing it and still maintaining a slim and trim figure???” comments don’t sit right with me. It feels very much like 1980s Vanessa Redgrave “can you pinch an inch?” diet culture toxicity. Free your minds, ladies. It’s okay to eat food, and it’s okay not to look the way someone (your mom, society, an ex-boyfriend, whoever) has said you “should” look. Especially if a consequence of that is that you’re angry or depressed all the time.

        1. +1 million to the second paragraph. Life is short, I want to enjoy it and a big part of that for me is eating good food. I don’t need or expect to look the way I did when I graduated high school.

      2. Don’t forget, people also have different baselines of movement. I run about 1,300 miles a year and I’m one of the people who posted about eating three full meals plus snacks every day.

    4. I wasn’t one of the ones who posted, but I eat 3 meals a day (breakfast and lunch are on the smaller side) and defintitely 2 snacks, I’m a sucker for 2nd breakfast. I’m 63. I weigh 2 lbs more than I did when I got married at 25, and 85 lbs less than I did at 50. My body shape has changed, I walk for exercise now and do resistance work as well as yoga. With the exception of a brief period of aerobics, I definitely didn’t work out at 25 or at 50. My diet has changed very little, I’ve literally eaten the same thing for breakfast everyday since I started college.

  13. I swear the knotted headband was The Thing in a big way (e.g. Joanna from the Home Edit) and then swung way out just within the last few years – and here it is again? The compression of trend cycles really boggles my mind. Or did it never go out and I missed out?

    2. I thought the same thing! I really cannot decide if I think they’re cute or too unprofessional (I’m mid-30s, lawyer). I feel like I would be fine wearing them on the weekends or for errands, but not at the office or during Zoom meetings. I’d love to hear others’ thoughts though!

    3. They had a wave after the ‘hatband’ trend a la Prince Louis’ christening in 2018, particularly among preppy SAHMs in my circle. That now feels like approx 500 years ago!

  14. I know it gets slower here in the late afternoon and I may have missed all the Dallas people, but I think I am going to be purchasing my first house by the end of the year in the close-in northern suburbs and I have absolutely no names when it comes to realtors. This is a first home, >750k, any thoughts?

      1. s’ok you know what they say:
        “fail at corpor3tt3,
        first home buying is a fete!”

        just kidding no one says that

        you’ll do awesome! tomorrow is a new day

Comments are closed.