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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Cowl-Neck Cap-Sleeve Silk-Blend Blouse

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A woman wearing a burgundy top and burgundy pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I know it feels like it’s too soon to start thinking about fall, but the retailers beg to differ. This burgundy cowl-neck top from Vince looks perfectly autumnal, especially with the monochromatic look. I would layer this under a camel blazer once the weather starts turning a tiny bit cooler. 

The top is $325 and comes in sizes XXS–XL and 1X–3X. It also comes in navy, black, and “oat.” 

Add a “Camuto” to that “Vince” to get a more affordable option: a cowl-neck that's available in a few colors in XXS–XXL and 1X–3X for $69 and $79, respectively.

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

365 Comments

  1. I had a facial yesterday for relaxation purposes and the esthetician recommended adding a Vitamin K serum (for redness) and/or a peptide serum (for anti-aging). Before I jump on the recommendation, wanted to check if anyone 1) uses either or if this is just product bloat to sell more stuff, and 2) has product recommendations.

    Throughout the week, I already use Vitamin C serum, a retinol, moisturizer, hyaluronic acid serum, glycolic acid serum, and sunscreen.

    2. You’re using all that’s needed. I use the same as well. Never heard of Vit K
      Peptides might be in your current regimen already

    3. Don’t mess with your skin if it’s not broken. I use none of that but luckily have naturally great skin. If I didn’t, I’d go to a dermatologist not a facialist.

      1. You may not realize this because you have great skin, but as someone who does not, I haven’t honestly had much luck with dermatologists so far. They have a few tools in their belt (some prescriptions that may or may not work, or that sensitive skin may or may not tolerate), and then if they turn to OTCs, the OTCs are often very spendy and not insurance covered anyway (but I still have to pay that hefty specialist co-pay for consulting a derm!). So I still see dermatologists for cancer checks, but I think it makes a lot of sense to see an esthetician for skin appearance.

        1. My skin is not great as well (adult hormonal acne) and I’ve done the whole lot of dermatology appointments and treatments and kind of feel the same way after it all. I pretty much lost faith in my derm caring about my physical appearance when I got done with a course of accutane, my skin was still a MESS from the months of purging, and she was pretty much like, yep you’re done. Here’s a month prescription of antibiotics again because there was still active acne. I asked about what my options were for actually clearing up the scarring (which again, got worse due to the accutane purge) and she recommended chemical peels – but it was a little frustrating to have to be the one driving the conversation. Perhaps that’s just health care. After doing accutane (which I had resisted for a few years because it felt extreme), I just generally got the feeling that the derm’s bench is not very deep for treating hormonal acne. I go yearly for cancer checks.

          All that said, I haven’t found an esthetician that I love either, and I agree that I think the products recommended after facials are meant to just be upsells. I think it’s just normal for them to recommend something.

          Honestly, I heard about an AI app that is being developed that is meant to treat acne and I really intrigued, because 15 years of the traditional dermatology has left me pretty unimpressed.

          1. Not sure if this is the OP, but in any case: if you’re still getting the adult acne, you might want to look into topical tretinoin or adapalene (applied at night) and using a benzoyl peroxide wash (in the morning).
            I managed to get 90% of my acne under control with tretinoin, but still get a few bumps here an there. BPO wash is now sold where I live and it seems to be enough to eliminate those tretinoin-resistant 10% culprits.
            And after 5y of regular use of tret, my acne scars are nearly invisble (and I had a lot of them and quite deep).

          2. My hormonal acne was only helped with spironolactone. I don’t think topicals cut it, since it is deep cystic acne. After that healed, everything else got easier (skin was able to handle laser to deal with hyperpigmentation and redness). These days, I’m fortunately no longer getting hormonal acne. My skin regimen is an oil-based cleanser that removes everything from the day and is still gentle. Occasionally I use a vitamin c serum. But honestly, I think a lot of times that less is more. I’ve only heard vitamin K’s use before in reference to reducing bruising.

          3. Thanks! But seriously – 15 years of dermatology appointments: have definitely tried topical tretinoin or adapalene, benzoyl peroxide wash, and spironolactone. I’ve went on various kinds of birth control, and then no hormonal birth control. Lots of “one month” antibiotic treatments. Accutane is sold as the “cure” and it was awful and I don’t think I’d recommend it because it totally didn’t cure it for me (and now 5 years later is what my derm goes back to as a possible treatment). I really really wanted spironolactone to work and was on it for 6 months, but all it did was make my feet purple (must have been a weird circulation thing).

            I totally get the inclination to share what worked for you and I know it comes from a good place. Unfortunately skin is such a weird thing, what works for someone really just doesn’t do anything for others. It’s also a hard thing because you have to try a certain kind of treatment or topical for quite a while (1-3 months) before you can really tell it’s working. My cycle greatly affects it, which gives me hope for menopause. LOL really it does. I’ve gotten better at trying to figure out all of this in my thirties, but it’s not easy or simple.

          4. Have a look at Platinum Skin Care on the tube of you. This company seems to help a lot of people, and is also on FB. Phone consults are free.

          5. Bird in flight: full get it, it’s a long, exhausting, and frustrating journey. Especially when the doctor is not getting it’s not ‘just’ about beauty but quality of life. Fingers crossed you’ll find something that will work for you – maybe some new meds will pop up soon.
            Was just asking as sometimes, it’s the simple things that are overlooked. But yeah – you’ve left no stone unturned…
            Only other thing I can think of is to check with a research hospital whether they are running any studies you could be enrolled in. My friend got into a study for eczema that resisted all previous treatments.
            Good luck!

      2. +1000 Dermatologist all the way. These goofy facialists are like manicurists. Don’t trust your skin to someone who just wants to sell you product.

        1. I agree, and this is from someone with bad skin. I tried to fix it with facialists and their expensive products for a long time, but what actually fixed it was spironolactone and tretonoin prescriptions. Those and maybe vitamin c topicals are the only things with any scientific backing, along with sunscreen, of course.

          I get compliments on my skin now, which bowls me over.

    4. The retinoid, moisturizer, and sunscreen are all you need for anti aging purposes. Everything else is optional so don’t bother purchasing something expensive.

    6. Take this from a beauty/skincare/pharma enthusiast:
      While I like my peptide serum (somehow makes my skintone even), it is completely not necessary, if you are: using a gentle cleanser, use SPF daily and use topical tretinoin /adapalene. These three things are the holy grail and I would focus first on ticking these boxes. If you want to add more things bc of specific concerns (e.g. melasma, brightening…) go ahead. But there is a good chance that most of your concerns will be taken care of by those 3 products (texture, skin tone, UV protection, moisture).
      I highlight tretinoin as you wrote you’re using retinol (not the same). You can get tretinoin prescribed or you could try adapalene, which is available without prescription. They deal with acne, texture, skin tone and also prevent/manage aging. And both are backed up by actual clinical studies.
      If you can’t tolerate or use tretinoin/adapalen, then sure, retinol and some acids are as good as it gets.
      I wouldn’t buy any Vit K or Peptide serums, it’s just a selling tactic.

      1. Thanks, love the skincare enthusiasm! The retinol is tretinoin. I’m willing to spend money on skincare (and have, for the tretinoin and vitamin c serum), but didn’t want to just waste money.

        1. Great, so you should be all well set with tretinoin (and Vit C). And I am now going to do a Scholar search for studies on Vit K and peptides on skin :) thank you for this enjoyable rabbit hole.

    1. Love the style, but don’t love the print–unless you’re very young or planning to use it primarily for social events, not the office. To me it reads 1) summery and carefree/vacation, and 2) a bit frivolous–not a “power” b&w graphic print.

      1. Nothing about this this dress reads vacation or young. This is office attire. And idk what a “power print” is but this print is perfectly office appropriate.

          1. I agree! I would be so sad to pull this out on vacation. Though I’m wearing a blue and orange dress AT THE OFFICE today, so this responder would be clutching her pearls big time!

    2. I don’t see it as frivolous at all. The print doesn’t stand out to me at all. I think it’s a perfectly lovely dress and appropriate for the office.

    3. Wondering about that fabric…do you have it in another style? Is it heavy? Light?

    4. I love it! The cut looks fantastic and the print is interesting without being weird. FWIW I don’t think it reads as too young, frivolous, or vacation-minded at all.

    6. I think the print is fine. I personally would not buy it because it is 100% polyester, though.

    7. I really like the print and the cut of the dress is great, but how wearable it is for you will depend on a few things. This type of high-contrast print looks best on people with significant contrast in their coloring. So it’s great on someone with pale skin and dark hair, or dark skin and light hair, but less successful if your hair, skin, and eyes are all similar in depth of color. It also reads as more white than black, so I would likely limit wearing it to warmer weather. I don’t believe in the old no white after labor day rule, but I’m more attracted to darker colors in general, and white feels best to me in warm weather.

    8. I like it – I don’t think it’s silly at all. Not sure I’d go as far as “gorgeous” but it seems like a pretty standard professional print for women.

    9. Print and style together feels a bit dated. Maybe it’s so dated it’s back in? But I wouldn’t say it reads timeless or current. That said, it’s also not bad in any way.

    11. The print is great – I like prints with black in them. Much easier for suiting separates. Great pick

      1. Agree — I need prints with black otherwise the outfit effect never comes together for me.

    12. I have a dress with a very similar style and dislike it. It makes my hips look huge (and I normally look great in wrap-type dresses). That diagonal hem is a nightmare.

  3. Going on a 7 day Caribbean cruise with the in laws in January. Will be me, husband, 3.5 yo boy. I have not been on a cruise since I was a child. Any tips on what to expect?
    It’s princess cruise lines and in laws are big cruisers and treating us to this family trip.
    They are already nagging us about booking excursions and all these other plans.

    1. cruisecritic.com is a great resource for tips on specific ships and sailings if you haven’t checked it out yet!

    2. They’re “nagging” you about excursions because the excursions are expensive and fill up quickly. If you wait then all the good ones will be gone, not to mention it’s much easier to stick to a budget (and not get pigeonholed because only the most expensive options are left). Don’t drag your feet and prevent your hosts from doing fun things on their vacation because they’re too polite to book without you. It’s really quite rude to let someone treat you to a vacation and then make them ask you about plans more than once.

      1. You need to book the excursions early because the good ones sell out quickly! Please take some time ASAP and let your inlaws know what you’re interested in.

      3. This is definitely an “everyone do your own thing and meet for dinner” vacation. My BIL and SIL are coming too and they also have small children
        I did look at the excursions and the only ones that are toddler friendly are the beach clubs plus 1 reef tour.
        Good to know that they do book up fast though.

        1. You might be best off jumping on a phone call with your in laws to check the box on the must dos. Cruises are a unique breed of vacation, so lean into your in laws expertise.

          Definitely don’t feel like you have to book excursions if you’re meh on the options. My favorite days on board are when everyone else gets off.

        2. If your in-laws are fine with you doing your own thing, I’d take it easy and not pre-book any excursions. You can normally taxi to a nice beach in any Caribbean port, and you’ll probably want a lot of down time on the ship too.

        3. A beach club sounds good. I personally wouldn’t try to do a snorkeling tour with a 3 year old. The time in the water is usually limited to begin with, and then you’d have to trade off supervising the kid with your DH. You’re not really going to get much of the tour experience.

          The beauty of cruises and beach resorts is that they have so many activities on the ship or at the resort, and they offer kids’ clubs where staff entertains the kids so parents can get some relaxation time. I’d lean into it, and plan to spend most of your time on the ship. Book some spa treatments for yourself.

    3. Have not cruised but have relatives that are HUGE on it. 9:36 is right about choice of excursions etc.

      My other suggestion is to plan some days where you each do your own thing and meet up for dinner only, but that applies for family vacations of all types!

    4. Princess is nice. We used them in Alaska (pre-kid). If you like chocolate the “love boat” flourless chocolate cake is excellent.

      Honestly with a 3 year old, I’d opt out of excursions and just do a nearby beach or the ship’s pool. Maybe one short excursion if the in laws really want a family day. But a lot of excursions are too long and boring for little kids. Let the in-laws book whatever they want ASAP and explain that you don’t want the 3 year old to hold them back from their planned activities.

    6. Go with the flow! If they are planners and want to start booking, that’s not wildly unreasonable. I’d take a look yourself at the ports and see which ones you are interested in, see if their excursions will work for you, and don’t be afraid to say you want a day at sea chilling. But generally trust they know what they are doing.

    7. Yeah, you need to book the excursions ASAP. But the beauty of a cruise is that you book the excursions far in advance then don’t have to think about logistics after that. Many cruises have an early dinner seating and a late dinner seating that you pick beforehand. If your kid needs to eat a certain time make sure your in laws are aware. And if possible, fly into the port city two days before the cruise leaves. One day in advance used to be fine but with air travel being so unpredictable these days you’re safer with two days as a buffer.

    8. Check out cruise YouTube to get excited about the trip. I’ve never been on a cruise and likely never will be — at least not an ocean cruise— and I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole in YouTube. Tips for Travelers channel seems to focus on higher end lines like Princess and has many, many videos that are actually informative. I like Emma Cruises, too, but she is a budget cruiser.

      1. I like Princess, but I wouldn’t really call it a higher end line. It’s not the cheapest of the cheap, but (along with Holland America, Royal Caribbean and NCL) it’s in a big group of what is known as mainstream cruise lines. Celebrity is a smidge fancier than those, then there are the “upscale” cruise lines like Azamara, Windstar and Viking and then there are the true luxury lines like Seabourn and Silversea that are fancier still. As you can imagine, the fanciest lines can cost 5-10 times what cruise lines like Princess cost for similar itineraries.

    9. A plague barge.

      Plan a few days off upon return because you’ll come home sick.

      My parents go on Princess and have never once come home healthy.

      1. As a counterpoint, I got Covid in Europe, my husband got Covid on a plane or from a Mexican resort, all my in-laws got norovirus from the same Mexican resort (a very highly rated one) and my husband got some kind of GI illness from restaurants in Thailand. Between us and our in-laws we’ve done at least 10 cruises, including a couple post-pandemic, and no one has ever come down with anything. Sickness is always a risk when you travel. To the extent cruises are higher risk for things like norovirus, it’s definitely not specific to Princess.

  4. I’m in a funk and struggling to get out. Over the last year, I ended up in a toxic work situation, dealt with debilitating health issues, and lost several relatives I was close to. Now I have a new job that I like and my health is improving, but it’s like everything about my life has been stripped bare after so long of doing the minimum to get through. I’m so disconnected from everyone except very close family and friends. I felt this way about COVID and right as I was starting to get my life on track, all of this happened.

    The health issues meant I stopped reaching out and couldn’t really make any plans. I lost touch with a lot of people. I’d like to start reaching out and getting more involved. But I don’t even know where to begin. Nothing that happened to me really fits into the small talk category. I don’t want to dwell on the past, but I also want to be true to who I am, and the truth is that I am not the same person I was before all this happened.

    I used to be a fun, energetic person with lots of friends and acquaintances. Now I just sit at home alone most of the time.

    Why can’t I snap out of this? Any ideas on how to move forward?

    1. If I were your friend, I would not think it was weird at all if you texted me saying “I’m resurfacing after some health issues – would love to do x soon. Are you free next weekend?”

      I’d be excited to reconnect and I bet your circle will be too.

      1. +1 Your friends probably miss you but haven’t wanted to be a burden, so reaching out will be very welcome!

      3. Yes! This is the way.

        I had a very bad anxiety/PTSD flare up around this time last year. I felt like I was in a deep well for months and couldn’t crawl to the surface. When I finally did, I would invite someone out that I hadn’t seen in a while and would say something like, “Sorry it’s been a while— I’ve had a really difficult mental health summer.” They were all very understanding and we were able to pick right back up. Most everyone expressed concern, appreciation for being honest, and no one pried into what was going on.

    2. You can quickly remedy the “sit at home alone” part even if you’re not sure how to reach out to your former friends. A good first step might be going somewhere low-commitment just to be around other people, like a library, coffee shop, park, sporting event, or museum.

    3. Could I suggest that you lay aside the thought of “snapping out of it”? None of this sounds like the kinds of stuff you can “snap out of.” It sounds like the stuff you have to heal from. Right now, you’re a more weathered, thoughtful person (who may still be grieving). And that’s OK. As your social energy returns (and it sounds like it is), that side of you will pick back up and you’ll find your way to a new normal.

      1. Agree x1000. You snap out of a bad mood, or maybe a hangover. Give yourself grace. Text one friend today – I’ll bet they are thrilled to hear from you.

    4. I have reached out to friends after a long while (for various reasons, doesn’t matter why!) and I say “Hi! It’s been awhile, I would love to get together to catch up soon!”

    5. Slightly off the wall idea, but if you want to 1) signal that you’re around and want to hang out, but 2) don’t really want deep one on ones with a series of people because you don’t feel like small talk about what occurred: throw a party! Invite friends and proto-friends. Even if people can’t go, get the invite and it will signal: look at OP, they’re interested in hanging out. Have some basic low-key theme like end of summer ice cream social.

      I think other posters are right that just texting your friends is 100% a great way to go. But sometimes I need captain P plans to get me out of a funk or convince myself that it’s a new, better chapter.

  5. Campers and outdoors-people: do you use dry bags? I seem to have a million (read to, bought, got as presents the year I admitted to camping during COVID, found randomly in a bin). I have camped a LOT since 2020 and am now realizing that I use a ziplock for my phone, a thicker trash bag for my laptop when I need to take that, ziplocks for extra batteries, etc. When I backpack, I use a large compactor bag to line my pack with and I even have a backpack cover (but haven’t had to break that out yet). I also have a CleverHood in part to cover a daypack and I guess it could go over the backpack also. I think that one issue is that the bags aren’t clear and another is that the ziplocks are just so much faster to open / close. I do have one canoe trip coming up, but all gear will likely remain in our tents (and TBH, I would likely want a good drybag I could firmly attach to me, like a dry bag / fanny pack combo for that). If you regularly use yours, give me some tips and I will try before putting these on the eviction list (and would they just get tossed from Goodwill? Not sure who would want secondhand dry bags.).

    1. Put them on Freecycle or Buy Nothing. It’s amazing what will go. Our grotty old fountain with a cherub with a missing head went in a few hours!

    2. Yes, donate or Buy Nothing them, they will get used. We don’t typically use them when camping. I could see maybe using them for laundry, esp swimsuits.

    3. It depends what you’re doing and where you’re going. If you’re white water rafting to your campsite, hiking under waterfalls, or through a rainforest, or across a glacier you need dry bags. If you’re diving or fly fishing or otherwise spending a lot of time in the water then you need dry bags, if only because all your gear will be wet and salty or sandy or mucky – ie not something you want all over even the most water resistant phone. Basically if you’re on a boat or getting drenched then you need dry bags, otherwise you’re probably fine with rain shells.

    4. I’ll pay for shipping and take one of them off your hands!! Lizzyhicken01 at gmail

      1. +1. I would happily pay for shipping to get some. Dry bagels are expensive new, and I use them a lot because I do a lot of water sports. But I don’t use them when just camping, so I can see why you would not find them helpful.

    5. I would absolutely buy second hand dry bags so I wouldn’t worry about them just being trash if donated – I live in a very outdoorsy city with enough demand that goodwill would probably want them but stick them on a buy nothing group or a local outdoors group

      As for what to use them for – it sounds like you’ve got a water system that works for your activities and climate so don’t feel like you “have” to switch to dry bags. But what I use them for is:

      Backpacking – drybag on my down sleeping bag, large enough to stuff my down jacket into. Since I’m heavily reliant on down for warmth, this is the place where I want to be 100% confident in my waterproofing for safety – I’ll add trash bags for my food/tent/etc if I’m intentionally going out on a rainy trip, but none of my other gear is mission critical to stay dry. Also doubles as a compression sack.

      For phone while paddle boarding – self explanatory :). Like you, I go with just an electronics ziplock for hiking and camping though

    6. We canoe camp–meaning we’re putting all of our gear in canoes and moving to a new backcountry campsite every day–and use a ton of dry bags because we need our stuff to stay dry if fully immersed. For normal backpacking, I always just used trash bags within my pack. I would happily take some off your hands, although we mostly use/want the giant ones.

      For your canoe day trip, you don’t need a fanny pack. Just attach the dry bag to the canoe – you are not going to want to get separated from the canoe.

      1. What footwear do you wear when you canoe camp? Keen Whisper / Newport type shoes? I fear open toe ones like Tevas except at the beach.

        1. I’ve been using cheap aqua sox type shoes from Amazon. I’m not sure they are ideal but they do keep pebbles out better than Tevas. We’re not doing any extended walking at all, and we go in the summer. I wear knock off plastic birks around the campsite usually.

  6. I feel like people would definitely want them, because they’re expensive to buy new. We use them a ton, but our outdoor activities are water focused (canoeing/kayaking, saltwater fishing). Other than that I’ve only used them in situations where I knew I was going to be hiking or camping in heavy rain, like when I lived in the PNW.

  7. Any thoughts on how Boden runs? I am a petite pear and have a few dresses that I have my eye on.

    1. depends on your proportions. They tend to be too short-waisted for me so if you carry your height (such that it is) in your legs it might be a good match.

      1. +1. It is TTS, but the more structured dresses all seem to have a short-waisted cut (falling just above the natural waist on me – I’m 5’4, size 4 and slight pear with small bust). I’m long-waisted so they don’t flatter me; I still to the wrap styles or dresses that are more of a true Empire style.

    2. Agree that they are short-waisted. I also find that the sleeves run short. I am not even tall-5’5″ on a good day. I gave up on Boden because it never looks good on me.

    3. Boden puts actual garment measurements on their website and I have found they are very accurate.

    4. I am a short-waisted busty hourglass, 5’6, and their regular sizes are too long in the waist and arms for me.

      For tops I use petite in my regular size, same size as Banana Republic.

    5. I’ve read year for years about how Boden is short-waisted and it has always worked perfectly on my long-waisted self.

    6. It’s all about the waist with Boden – their designs are short-waisted. I’m an hourglass and my waist really is in my middle, and the waists on their dresses are up around the middle of my ribcage! Buying a tall can sometimes alleviate this.

      So in other words, best to buy one or two items and make sure you can and want to do returns if they don’t work out.

  8. We’ve had the fan on in our bedroom because it’s been quite stuffy and I’m sleeping so much better now that I can’t hear the yowling cat, clumsy milkman, etc. But I can’t keep a fan on all winter.
    White noise machine recs? I don’t really want to run my phone speaker all night.

    1. I have an air purifier that makes a nice soft noise as it runs and sometimes use that. If you have an Alexa device, the Sleep Jar skill has a good selection of background noises. I like “distant thunderstorm sounds” at a barely discernible volume.

        1. Haha, it’s like the Tiger Who Came For Tea over here. They deliver milk in GLASS bottles! And collect the bottles.

      2. My parents live in a large midwestern city and had a milkman until a few years ago, when they decided they weren’t using it enough to justify weekly orders. He also delivered bread, eggs, and all kinds of other dairy stuff. It was pretty handy when they had teenagers at home, though.

    3. We use a humidifier all year round with just the fan part in the summer for white noise, so if you need a humidifier in the winter I’d go that route.

    4. Old-school Dohm sound machine all the way! (Which are now apparently called Yogasleep) It’s not a lovely object, but the sound of it helps me fall asleep fast and I don’t wake up when my husband comes to bed late. Love it.

    6. I run an air purifier at night because I have respiratory issues and the noise helps, and I have a lectrofan white noise machine I use during the day if I nap or need to drown out my husband’s zoom meetings and don’t want to listen to music. But even with all of that, I’ve also been sleeping with ear plugs recently and I sleep better and my resting heart rate is noticeably lower (4-5 bpm). I don’t live in a particularly loud area, but there’s still apparently enough background noise to bother me.

    7. We used to use a box fan all the time for white noise, winter and summer. We did this for years. Then a few years ago we moved into our new construction house and I fought a good fight against construction dust for a while, so got a pretty good air purifier that we like quite a bit and still use primarily for background noise. It has a 8 hour timer on it, which we use for the weekdays – the air purifier turning off is a gentle wake up before the alarm goes off a few minutes later.

      We did try a white noise machine, but didn’t love it. Also I’m generally very much not a conspiracy worrier, however something about playing a programmed white noise app or machine all night while I’m sleeping makes me worry about subliminal messaging…. I know this is a very weird fringe worry. :)

      1. At some point during those sleepless baby nights, we were convinced the elephant white noise machine was talking to us :)

    9. I prefer silence but my air purifier fan provides white noise when it’s on (and I really do notice the improved air quality from running it).

    10. Yes, you can have a fan on all winter! I use one year-round. In the summer, it’s pointed at the bed. In the winter, it’s in a different part of the room, pointed away from me.

    11. Why can’t you keep a fan on in winter? We use one in a kiddo’s bedroom because otherwise it gets stuffy. Just don’t open the window!

    12. I have the LectroFan Micro and the MarPac SoundScreen (the original Dohm). Both work, but the SoundScreen is a richer, more satisfying range of sounds than the LectroFan, which sounds more electronic and tinny. Kind of like the difference between how closing the door on a big heavy car sounds compared to closing the door on a tiny light car.

    13. are you sure you won’t need a dehumidifier in winter? those make loud sounds – so do hepa filters, good for when allergy season starts.

  9. Lightweight bed covering recs needed. I always sleep hot but like the weight of a thin blanket when it’s chilly. Have been using a cotton bedspread from Ikea but honestly it looks as cheap as it was. Any recs for something a little more lux, that’s still lightweight?

    1. I have one from Ugg. I think it is the Koolabura by Ugg brand? I found it at Kohls along with another lightweight bedspread. They had several options in in store and they’re always having sales.

    2. Look at kantha quilts. I use a cotton one that is very lightweight, fun, and easy to launder because it is thin and cotton.

    3. I have a quilt from Boll and Branch that I like a lot. My boyfriend is a hot sleeper, and it’s light enough for him (I just use a extra blanket on my side).

    4. I stayed in a home exchange with this double muslin blanket that was so, so lovely. I was never able to suss the brand but I’d look on etsy etc.

    5. We have a cotton blanket from Macy’s that does the trick. We don’t use the actual top layer of our bedding (medium-weight quilt) for sleeping in the summer – it just lives dangling off the foot of the bed while sleeping.

    6. This is where linen really shines. I bought mine too long ago to have a link, but a woven linen blanket or bedspread is just perfect when it’s warm.

      1. I bought this on your recommendation years and years ago and we love. Has held up great.

      2. I have this in grey! Because we live in TX, it is our winter cover. Not too hot, good weight for sleeping.

    13. Linoto linen sheets are perfect for this. They use heavy Belgian linen in a wonderful weight, so they are thicker than a regular linen sheet and absolutely perfect as a light blanket.

  10. Need a gut check from parents here, especially parents of older or now-adult children.

    My son just started 12th grade. He has always liked to be busy, and from an early age, we tried to put him in activities that would help him be busy and get his energy out (he has ADHD) without being overly scheduled.

    This year, it’s seeming like a lot of things are culminating all at once – he’s been in Tae Kwon Do since he was little and is now the co-captain of the school’s “demo team” that does exhibitions and competitions (they practice 2x per week minimum and then have periodic events on the weekends); he is co-captain of his school mock trial team (been involved with that for the previous two years), he is taking 4 AP classes and an online class at the local community college, and he’s going to work as a lifeguard for two or three 4-hour shifts a week (mostly weekday evenings from 4-8, although he will work some Saturdays) as he really loves the job, they love him, and he makes enough money doing that to keep him in clothes, gas and pizza through the school year. This morning, he left at 7:30 and I won’t see him until 8:30 tonight as he has school, then mock trial practice, then goes to work until 8.

    I am worried, though, that this is too much, even though he likes to be busy and is actually fairly good at keeping himself organized (thanks to some executive-functioning coaching we got him a couple years back). I think it would be a lot for him to do school, plus TKD and mock trial. Adding the job in seems like it’s going to be too much. I don’t want my 17-year-old to burn out midway through his senior year.

    We had a sit-down talk this weekend and I told him that if his grades slip (he got all As and 1 B last year) then we’ll have to talk about dropping something, and the job is the first item on the list. He assured me that he can handle it and got annoyed the more I wanted to talk about the situation. My husband has a degree of concern, but also has the perspective of: this is life; you have to juggle lots of things. My son is looking at going to business or law school after college, and probably going into some kind of busy career, so the earlier he learns to manage his time, the better, is my husband’s perspective. And that we should wait until our son starts indicating he’s burning out/has taken on too much and then handle it. But I know from my own experience, as a person who has sometimes taken on too much, that by the time you realize “wow, I am in over my head” the burnout/overwhelm may already be pretty bad.

    I know I am probably just being Worried Mom but I feel like I learned the hard way in life that what you think you can do, and what you say you will do, is sometimes different than what you can actually accomplish without making yourself sick or getting into a bad headspace. Part of my thing here is that I was that very busy kid, from 11th grade until my freshman year in college, and I made myself too busy and got so sick in the second semester of my freshman year that I had to go home for a week and my parents almost didn’t let me go back to college (I had walking pneumonia and a sinus infection because I wouldn’t stop to take care of myself). I want to acknowledge his autonomy but also keep him from hitting a brick wall, if at all possible. I know there are people here who were busy kids and have/had busy kids, so perspective is appreciated. TIA

    1. I had a similar schedule as a teen and for summer jobs and while occasionally I would look at my schedule and say oh man how am I going to get this done – I did. You’ve given him permission to admit he’s taken on too much and take a step back.

    2. Please stop creating problems. Your kid wants to do these things. Let him. And let his grades slip. If he gets some Bs in his 4 AP courses or a college course in his senior year that will not matter AT ALL. IF he gets sick, deal with that. IF he is stressed, deal with that. He is neither right now.

      1. +1

        Kid is happy, you’re making up worries, and a B is not the end of the world. Time to lean into his independence – he will be at college next year where you won’t know what he’s doing all the time (been there) so best to get out of the habit now.

    3. If his grades are good and he’s happy, don’t worry about it. When I was in high school, I was usually out of the house from 7 am until 10 or later (I worked until 10 and I regularly studied with my friends at the local college library that was open until midnight). I got straight As and not enough sleep, but learned to take care of myself. That’s how you learn!

    4. It sounds like you’re projecting your own history onto him. Having activities until 8pm doesn’t mean automatic pneumonia. You made it clear that dropping something is an option, which is reassuring for him, but he told you he isn’t interested in that right now.

      If he feels burnt out later he can quit his job at any time. It’s not like he has a mortgage to pay. And once he gets accepted to college it doesn’t matter if he gets two B’s instead of one this year. Don’t threaten to make him quit the job as punishment.

    6. You’ve gotten good advice – he sounds like a great kid.
      I will say that I pushed myself pretty hard in high school, and looking back I wish I’d let myself have more fun. But if he likes what he’s doing, I’d say carry on.

      1. Thanks for this response – part of my concern is that I don’t feel like he’s leaving himself time and bandwidth to just have fun and be 17. Similar to you, I look back at my high school years, and the first two years of college, and regret that I’d pushed myself so hard (and for hard-to-define reasons, that I now don’t even remember) and I wish I had not done that. My friends who didn’t have multiple extracurriculars and hard classes and a job in high school were so much more relaxed, and look back on those years with a lot more fondness and with better memories than I have of that time. I don’t want him to cut himself off from that outcome.

        1. When I look back at high school, it’s precisely all the time I spent out of the house at my job, my sports practices, and studying for AP classes with my friends that I look back at fondly. The absolute last thing I would have wanted to do was spend more time at home sleeping or hanging out with my parents. The best part of high school and college was being constantly busy and able to spend all my time with friends. I could never keep up that kind of schedule now, which is exactly why I’m so glad I made the most of things then! If my parents had tried to stop me, I’m pretty sure it would have been counterproductive and I would have actually been less likely to pull back on things when I felt like I was overcommitted.

        3. What does “just have fun” and “be 17” mean to you? Is he turning down social invitations because of the job? Skipping football games, hangouts, and dances (or whatever the equivalent is nowadays?) because of other commitments? That to me would be a concern if he wants to go but can’t (if he doesn’t want to go, and has other friends he sees at activities, then that’s fine too). The only other thing I’d be concerned about is whether he is socializing outside of work with older teens/20somethings at his job rather than HS friends – they would be a hard no from me, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

          FWIW, I was a similarly “well rounded” kid with a part time job, sports, music, and challenging academics and my parents let me control my schedule (of course I had a curfew, though). I was not neglected nor do I resent them at all – if anything, I resented their high expectations about my academic performance (though I am a perfectionist too) because in my mind, I was a great kid (good grades, no drugs, no drinking, heading to college) compared to many of my peers. And I had chore responsibility at home and expectations about family dinners, etc. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. It honestly sounds like your kid is doing great.

    7. I am in the same position with my 17 YO daughter who just started as a Senior. She leaves at 6:00 am and gets home at 4:30 pm. This is just the school activities. And then she works and loves to go to the gym. We have had many talks about this schedule this year, and that the job is the first thing to get cut back/go, but she really likes the job. I told her she needs to keep her work schedule to only 1 day during the week, and 1 or 2 days on the weekends at the most. I would prefer she quit the job but she does not want to.

      I told her I would give her some money, and she can do additional chores around the house for more money. I had her pick me up this past Sat night from a party so I didn’t have to drive, and I paid her (cheaper than an Uber!). I have stressed the importance of her getting enough sleep, because she likes to stay up late, so that can’t happen during the week anymore, but this is hard to enforce. School started last week, so we are going to see how it goes.

      Signed, Another Worried Momma

      1. But why. Your child wants her independence and is handling it well. Having jobs is great for kids.

          2. What?!! I said I was in the same position with my 17 YO daughter so YES I AM A PARENT.

          3. OMG, Anon at 12:48! Calm down! Maybe tomorrow try decaf, lol. I think you got lost in the comment threading and responded to the wrong thing – go back and read through the thread again.

          4. I’m a parent and I think you need to let go. My kids are now 20 and 22. Pretty soon your kids will be at college and out of your reach. Let them figure this out for themselves, and let yourself get used to staying out of it.

      2. OP here – thanks for the empathy, I was counting that amongst all the snarky hostile responses that are so popular here :-) there would at least be one person who was in a similar boat. My son also loves the gym and is trying to go 2x per week to lift.

        Enforcing good sleep habits is huge for us because we’ve seen in the past that when our son doesn’t get enough sleep, there’s a tendency to go toward depression/catastrophizing about his life and the state of the world that resolves when he gets back on a normal sleep schedule. Ditto with eating well – he’s not a kid who can live off of cereal and protein bars and be okay indefinitely. But with kids this age – telling them to go to bed or eat their vegetables does not work the same way, at all, right?

        We’re also going to see how it goes, and I fundamentally think it’s going to work out okay. I am glad he’s involved in many things and is busy, but I also want him to enjoy being a kid when he is still a kid, and doesn’t have bills to pay or a scholarship to maintain. It’s a tough balance.

        1. Your responses were not snarky. If the only acceptable answers were to agree with you, then you should have said so up-front. People are giving you realistic advice, which it’s clear to me you need.

        2. You know, he’s going to be in college next year, and his diet is going to be …. not great and he will have a lot of stressors to juggle. Let him juggle this year.

          You need to take a breath. You’ve been great by showing your support so far.

          If he does have serious mental health issues (not sure if you are starting to reveal this….) that may not be well managed, that is a separate issue. Is this what you are suggesting, and most worried about?

          2. OP here. My son doesn’t have any “serious mental health issues.” Thanks for the concern.

      3. Fun looks different to different people. I was very much like your daughter at that age and absolutely get where she’s coming from. I encourage you to give her the space she’s asking for to do her thing.

      4. I agree with you. With so many of us complaining of being burned out and how dangerous grind culture is, I support keeping your high schools kids from falling victim to overwork.

    8. He’s 17? Almost in college and working soon? He needs to be this busy and learn how to manage things. The time to helicopter parent has passed and it’s time to let him launch. Sounds like he’s doing that and you’re trying to hold him back. Be happy here.

      1. Being concerned about your kid is not “helicopter parenting,” just FYI.

        I feel really bad for some of the folks here who apparently had parents who didn’t care whether they lived or died, and are transparently still carrying the damage from that. That must be extremely difficult to live with.

        1. Stop it. Letting your kid have some independence as a senior in high school is appropriate parenting, not evidence of parents who don’t care. You need a reality check.

          2. You need to stop being so angry at strangers. Get a hobby or go to therapy and stop yelling at the OP. What a terrible look for you.

          3. Maybe she didn’t? Even if that comment wasn’t OP, the person needs a reality check. Allowing an older teenager to manage their own schedule is a FAR cry from not caring if they live or die.

    9. I think you approached this in a rather harsh way, as if you’re waiting for him to slip up and will punish him by taking away the job if he does. To say nothing of the fact that sometimes you get a B instead of an A because the class is simply harder or that’s not your subject (says someone with a PhD who got a very low grade in high school chemistry).
      In this situation I’d simply tell your son that it is normal to sometimes need a less scheduled life, that energy levels naturally ebb and flow, and that if he needs to take a break from any of the things you’ll support him 100%.

      1. +1
        From what you told us about the conversation, I worry that if your son is struggling to balance everything he will be afraid to come to you for help, because the second he admits to concerns, you will take something away from him. I would try to leave him room to come to you if he’s having a hard time without fearing punishment or an “I told you so”. There’s probably going to be weeks when it IS hard but that is part of life, but it’s ok for things to be hard sometimes.

    10. I think this is just a type of high school senior. Whenever I’m on a scholarship committee and going through scholarship applications, I flash back to my junior and senior year of high school where I did alllllll of the things and it was very normal to not be home before 8 or 9pm. As a 35 year old, I can’t believe that I did all of that. If I’m not home already chilling out by 8pm, it is a big deal now – and if it happened two nights in a row I’d probably need a vacation day. LOL. Totally different from high school.

      I was fine, while maybe a little over scheduled it was all my own doing and I don’t regret any of it it. If anything, I wish I would have not felt like “my future” was riding on being excellent and great at all of the things and as many things as possible. I was salutatorian of my class and that ranking did get me a full ride scholarship to a state school, but realistically I did not need to do all of the other things to a high level of achievement too. It would have been nice to be told – calm down, you’re doing great; try and enjoy the things without feeling like everything is make or break your future.

      Granted, I was perfectly happy with a good state school + full ride scholarship. I wasn’t shooting for Ivy’s. So ymmv based on that.

      1. “It would have been nice to be told – calm down, you’re doing great; try and enjoy the things without feeling like everything is make or break your future.”

        OP here – that’s exactly what we want to try to get across. As much as we’ve tried not to get involved in the college arms race, he’s gotten enough messages from peers and school that he has said he feels that if he can’t do all of the things, and do them at a high level, he won’t get into the college he wants to go to. Which, the colleges he’s targeting are not particularly selective – he’s not interested in the Ivies at all, or anything close to it. It’s hard to counter-program some of the programming teens get just by living in the world – one message being that the college you go to as an undergrad will make or break your entire future. Which we all know now is not true.

        1. I think you are underestimating the power of just telling him that clearly. Not all the time, just once in a while. I really think that’s all you need to do.

        2. But you’re saying those things too, right? Focusing on A’s in his academics?

    11. I’d let him try. My daughter is a high school senior who also prefers to keep busy with a structured schedule. My rule is that it’s fine as long as she maintains straight As (no, this is not unreasonable given that her school sets things up so that the only way you don’t get an A is if there is a real problem), goes to bed at a reasonable hour on a regular basis, and doesn’t turn into a sobbing basket case (what she does when she overextends herself). My daughter is actually much more efficient at schoolwork when she is at after-school activities getting exercise and structure until 6:00 p.m. every day and has to plan around games and performances. In less busy seasons she is lethargic and unmotivated.

      FWIW I think a job is a very good thing for a teen to have. It builds responsibility and self-efficacy in a way that other activities don’t. If the job allows him reasonable hours I’d encourage him to keep it if possible.

        1. No kidding! I hope “sobbing basket case” isn’t what this poster calls her daughter to her face, and also maybe she’s “lethargic and unmotivated” sometimes bc she’s burned out or resting?

    12. Will his college applications take much time? This took so much time for my kids during their senior year.

      1. OP here – this is something I am concerned about. And also, in general, other stuff that might crop up during the year. I want to make sure he is leaving space to work on college applications and also be prepared for the ACT and SAT – he took the PSAT last year and his score was okay, not great, and he indicated he’d like to improve it if he can. He may need tutoring for AP Calculus. I am somewhat concerned that if he has scheduled himself to the max and then he needs to do a review course for the SAT, or tutoring for calculus, or even just gets a girlfriend, he will have to drop something he’s currently committed to just to make time for that extra thing. And over the years we have seen that disruptions to his sleep and his nutrition definitely affect his mental health, and so as much as he likes being busy, I don’t think we can let him get into a situation where he’s only sleeping 5 hours a night and eating protein bars on the run because that will cause him to hit the wall, mental-health-wise, pretty fast.

        1. I commented above – who makes the decision about if he needs tutoring for calc? An SAT review course? If it’s him (and I hope it is – this does not sound like a kid who is at risk of failing out or panicking at a standardized test) then he can choose what to drop. I mean, I did not grow up in a place where such things were the norm or available, but if my parents had told me that I had to, no choice, drop something I loved because they wanted me to do better in school when I was objectively doing fine or do better on the SAT I would have felt terrible, not good enough, and like a failure. If it’s his choice, as I think it should be, then he can choose what to drop and when.

        2. This is so funny to me. Tutoring for AP Calc? Why wouldn’t he just move down a level (maybe advanced Calc instead of AP) if he was at the level of needing tutoring?

          God, the comments on this board sometimes are SO out of touch.

    13. Wait and see if he has enough time to do his homework and study with 4 APs. When I was in HS, I was on a year-round swim team that had practice 2x a day several days a week. I would have practice from 5:30-6:45, then school, then practice from 3-6, and then got home around 6:30 or so, and still managed to carry 4 APs with all As and 5s on the exams. I was exhausted though – I thought I had mono at one point but was just tired – but I was not athletically gifted and the practices took a lot out of me. It just depends on how taxing his classes are for him. His activities sound pretty social and not entirely stressful, so in some ways I think he has a good balance going.

    14. I’m listening with interest, because I come from the same background as you do. Learning the very hard way (many times!) that having the ability and having the bandwidth are two very different things. I do think you can follow your kid’s lead and pay close attention to his stress levels.

    15. I too was an ADHD teenager who thrived with a million things to do. I think you’ve done what you should (the discussion of grades & expectations) and can go ahead and let him sink or swim at this age.

    16. I graduated late 90’s and this was pretty close to my normal. I loved it. Hockey, marching band in the fall, yearbook editor, youth symphony, band festivals, played in several local college bands, AP classes, church stuff, part time job. I don’t think I could do it now, but I was in my element then. I don’t think I saw my parents long enough for them to have any sort of talk about taking on too much and I’d have been beyond p*ssed if they tried to make me cut back.

    17. Sometimes and for some people learning the hard way is the only way to know where your limits are.
      Otherwise he might resent you for holding him back.

      1. +1
        Also, It’s high school. If he makes a mistake or two, he will learn and that is a good thing!

    18. Some kids really need all that time structured out for them–I was one of them. I always struggled in school despite being pretty bright (probably some undiagnosed attention issues there) and was perceived as being a lazy/unmotivated kid all of my elementary and teen years. My sophomore year of college I was put in a position where I was taking 18 credit hours, working a part time job, and involved in two student organizations that required major time commitments. Like your son, I would regularly have days where I left the house at 6am for work and wasn’t home until 7-8pm at night.

      It was like I changed overnight–I got great grades, was happier, more confident, better attention span and focus, and overall just enjoyed myself. I realized I am an example of “an object in motion stays in motion”–too much downtime in between activities meant that I could easily get sucked into being on my phone/lying in bed/wasting time, and the mental effort it took to pull me out of that time suck and into my next activity could often be prohibitive. I got energy from all the tasks I was accomplishing, and switching between activities gave me the mental simulation I needed to focus.

      I don’t know your kid, but it’s very possible that he’s like me, and this level of scheduling is actually “filling up his cup”, energy-wise, rather than draining him. As long as he’s getting enough sleep and has time to spend with family and friends, I think he’s probably okay.

      1. I agree. As someone with 24 year old twin sons (one with ADHD that was so challenging throughout K-12) who have successfully graduated from challenging college majors, found well-paying jobs in their careers, and were allowed to plan their own schedules senior year of HS and all through college, I am here to tell you that you need to let HS seniors self-manage to some degree. If you see him struggling, then it is time for a conversation about time management, but if he is excited to follow this path for his senior year, please let him at least try.

    20. Let him go. Some people (I was/am one) thrive on being busy. Draw boundaries: if the grades slip, something has to give. Absent that, there is no problem here.

    21. He probably has a crush on a coworker :). Also, chill, mom! it’s no big deal if your 17 year old senior doesn’t get home until 8.

      My babysitter plays varsity sports and is *often* rolling in at 8pm or later (away game, late practice, volunteering to coach younger kids etc), and that’s only one activity.

    22. I hate the rat race of AP classes and busy schedules. That said, just let him know that you support him if he wants to drop any activity including one or two AP classes AND assure him that he will still be a sucess in life and college if he does so. They get pressure from other teens and the school to pack their schedules so they can be competitive in college. And I agree with others – who cares if his grades slip?? I was most proud of my son when he got a well earned C in a tough history class as he excels more in math and is terrible with writing.

      1. A well-earned C in a subject that does not come naturally is totally different from a B or C that results from slacking off.

      2. Grade slippage matters when scholarships are granted based on academic performance, i.e., having a high GPA.

    23. I was that kid, minus ADHD. What I needed from my parents (and didn’t get) was a safety net: if I became over-scheduled and burned out, a way to downshift and figure out what to cut out.

      IMHO, part of the point of high school activities and jobs is to figure out how much you can handle and how much is too much. If he falls flat on his face and gets a few Bs, he falls flat on his face, gets a few Bs, and learns a lesson with basically zero repercussions to his adult life.

    24. Mom of a college freshman and high school sophomore here. What you’re describing doesn’t sound all that much out of the norm for a high school senior although the specific activities will vary. Sounds like he’s doing great. I’m a little concerned that you approached it from a punative perspective, threatening to take something away, rather than a check-in perspective (you have a lot on your plate, let us know if you ever need help evaluating how to handle it). You’ve incentivized him not to tell you if he starts to get overloaded. I suggest you have another conversation with him, telling him you came at it wrong, and that you will find ways to help him problem solve if things get overwhelming.

    25. My sixth grader leaves at 7am, has sports after school and won’t be getting home until 7pm most days and even later on game days. He attends a rigorous school and is top of the class. So your son’s schedule while it is a lot, does not sound unreasonable. I would just keep an eye on things!

    26. Parent of a college-aged kid and a high school senior. I understand your concern, but agree w/other comments that the approach probably came across as punitive to your son. Does he know about your experience? Might be helpful to apologize for initial framing, tell him your story (so he knows why you are worried), and ask if he feels like he knows how to track his coping. It is time for you to switch from control to sounding board role, and it can be really helpful for our kids to hear us talk about mistakes we made and what we took from them. (I just had one of those conversations with one of my kids this weekend.)

    27. My high schooler is a bit younger, but I’d let yours try this out and let him dial back the activities and/or the job as needed. I’d also consider giving him a modest lump sum for senior activities/entertainment/etc. so he doesn’t feel like he has to pay for all of that stuff out of his earnings.

      FWIW, I was a very very busy teenager because I wanted to be out of the house and away from my parents, but my end goal was that I wanted to be out of my town and as far away from my high school as humanly possible for the rest of my natural life (and wanted to do that in the most middle-class American way, by going to A Good College). I was a little sleep-deprived in high school but it all turned out fine.

      1. Related: I hate this time of year and this kind of decision-making situation is the thing I like least about having teenagers. The decisions that you have to make both for and in conjunction with teenagers are so complicated and specific in a way that decisions just aren’t when your kids are little. Yes, this isn’t life or death or Yale or bust stuff, but it’s still a lot. I wish my job was beach.

  11. I will be getting a signing bonus that will be approximately $10,000 after taxes. I plan on saving most of it, but would like to use $1,000-$2,000 of it to treat myself. This new job is a big accomplishment for me, so I’d like to buy something to mark the occasion, but I’m not totally sure what. FWIW, this new job also comes with a $40k raise from what I’m currently making (plus an annual bonus), so overall my financial situation is changing a LOT. This will be the first time I make 6 figures, the first time I work in the private sector, and the first time I’m leading my own team. I was in a bit of a rut professionally at my old job, so this really feels like a monumental change (money aside).

    The typical signing bonus expenditures don’t really apply to me: I’ve been in the workforce for 8 years so I already have a full work wardobe (I might buy a few new things for fun, but I don’t “need” anything). I already am well situated in my apartment (so I have no moving expenses, security deposit, or need to buy furniture). I paid off my undergrad and grad school loans and have no other debt. I am currently single, no pets or kids and don’t plan on buying a house or a new car for another 5 or so years.

    I will throw the vast majority of the bonus into savings / investments, but I would like to take a chunk and use it to treat myself. After years and years in non-profits and living on a tight budget I am struggling to brainstorm fun ways to treat myself. I used to like the idea of jewelry to celebrate something momentous but I realize that I very rarely change up my jewelry (I wear nap earrings that I don’t have to take out, have a permanent bracelet from Catbird, and a necklace that I don’t take off. I am a runner and wear my Garmin watch every day so don’t need a watch). I am not a nice purse person, but I was looking into work bags (but haven’t found one I want yet). I also don’t want to put this money towards a trip; I won’t be able to travel until the new year and want something more immediate. I will probably get myself a massage or a manicure the weekend before I start, but I don’t want to do a spa day. I could upgrade something that I already use, but I’m not totally sure what (and I do want to be mindful of lifestyle inflation and the golden handcuffs; I don’t know if I’ll stay in this type of job forever). I also kind of want something that’s not super utilitarian and a little frivolous. I am also planning on spending $400ish of the money for a one-time deep clean service in my apartment.

    I know the logic would be don’t spend money just to spend money, but this really is a big accomplishment for me and I want to mark it somehow.

    Also, to fend off comments about signing bonus payback periods: yes, I am aware and I have read the conditions for the signing bonus. I obviously don’t plan on leaving before my one-year mark but also, I have enough in savings to cover it if for whatever reason I did leave.

    1. I bought a totally frivolous iPad pro with all the bells and whistles and it brings me so much joy as a splurge. Obviously YMMV based on your own life/interests.

      1. Curious as to what you use your iPad for? I have an old one (bought an old version for $300 when I was in grad school) and now that I’m out of school I find that I hardly every use it, except for watching movies while flying. I read ebooks on my phone, and I can’t really think of other uses for it? I’m sure there are plenty though!

        1. I use it for reading ebooks/graphic novels, sketching and garden design (procreate), handwritten journaling, most web browsing, and watching TV in the bathtub. I haven’t travelled much but will obviously use it for that. I’ve used the LIDAR scanner to make scans of my room, measure things in the garden, etc.

          My personal laptop no longer had a working battery and required plugging in to use, so this was a significant change.

        2. When your eyesight ages, reading a book on a tablet will be much more possible than reading a book on a phone. Signed, “I had perfect vision when I started law school decades ago”

    3. Congratulations!

      Maybe a nice meal out?

      I /love/ the idea of a deep clean as a personal splurge – might steal that!

    4. I usually go for jewelry or bags, but if those are out, do you own your apartment? If so, what about wallpapering something in there? Or getting a new bed or something fun in the home goods category?

    5. How about a meal at a nice restaurant? You could either do upscale and treat a group of friends, or like, Michelin star nice with just yourself or one other person.

      Alternatively, how about something like linen sheets or artwork? Something nice for your home that you can enjoy for a long time.

    8. These are the times I buy myself jewelry and art, but you don’t want the jewelry route so what about art!? I am in the phase of my life where I can buy original pieces. It’s a luxury and it feels that way and the art on my walls brings me so much joy.

      1. I’ve used first pay checks / bonuses to buy expensive-for-me furniture and purses. The furniture was one of my favorite purchases. A partner at the firm recommended buying art, which I love as an idea (but haven’t done)

        1. I do love the idea of buying furniture but I very luckily need or want nothing! My grandfather downsized right before I moved into my first apartment and I was given a lot of his furniture (which is both sentimental (he’s since passed), high quality (solid wood), and it is my style (mid century modern but it’s stuff he actually bought in the 60s!).

          I do like the idea of art / decor or a rug though!

      2. Along these lines – it’s deeply boring, but a really nice mattress is an upgrade you’ll use every day.

    10. Depending on your climate, what about a splurgey winter coat? It could be a beautiful parka (something like Moncler) or a dressy wool or shearling. I never regret investing in attractive winter gear.

      1. This is a great idea, thank you! I have a wool coat that I really like but it’s gotten a little small on me so a new one could be great.

        A great coat always makes me feel bad@ss, this new job makes me feel bad@ss and I want this gift to myself to reflect that.

    11. I was going to suggest a deep clean of your place until I read down far enough to see you covered that. I would probably take the money I was going to spend and put it in a special savings account and the next time I saw something I really wanted I would get it. I feel if you buy something just to buy it, it’s really a waste. Or I would take a friend out for dinner and just say you are treating.

    12. I would do some combination of:
      -art, as others have said
      -upgrade frequently used items in my home (knives, pots/pans, furniture/area rugs, sound bar if you like listening to music or podcasts, closet/dresser organizers, a matching set of dishes or glassware if you are still using miscellaneous leftovers from college)
      -very nice dinner out with friends or family
      -some kind of local experience (concert tickets, dinner cruise, etc.)
      -Invisalign if you never had braces or need a touch up, or a professional teeth whitening
      -laser hair removal
      -I know you said no to a trip since you won’t be taking one for a few months, but perhaps set some of it aside to upgrade yourself to first class for that trip; alternative would be a weekend getaway trip to somewhere this fall

    13. I always like a change of scenery – even if small – before I start a new job. Something about it helps me reset. I know you said you don’t want travel, but have you considered a day trip? Rent a fancy car and drive into the country with a friend, have lunch, look at scenery, return. Or if you live somewhere it’s feasible, take the train or fly somewhere close by to a nearby city, go to a museum, take yourself to lunch, come home later that night. Something a little bit impulsive that you wouldn’t normally do, to help give yourself a mental touchstone when you look back on it.

      Alternatively, is there a hobby that you could take a workshop or lessons to improve? You mentioned running, any interest in a running coach?

    15. I know that you said that you are not a jewelry person, but I’d encourage you to consider whether this is a diamond something occasion. Further along in my career, the splurge prize shoes, purses, etc. never really hold up. Nice jewelry however does, and always gives me a little boost on those “big meeting” days.

      1. Thanks for this push. I love the idea of jewelry (because I love jewelry and wear it every day!). Maybe I could add a second bracelet or necklace to layer with the existing ones I wear. I do love the look of a dainty gold chain with a solitaire diamond.

    16. I try to use bonus “treat yourself” money to buy back time. In the past this has included setting $$$ aside for a monthly maid service for the year or getting laser hair removal to reduce how often I had to shave my legs (which I hate!)

      Given that this is a new job in a new field, it may have new and different demands on your time. I would spend the first month or two being mindful of the inconvenient points in your life and think whether $1000 could help fix them.

    17. Also, inspired by the comment below – do you drink coffee and do you want an upgraded coffee experience at home (Breville, Nespresso, etc)?

    18. Here are some suggestions:

      Fancy E-bicycle, skis
      A ski-diving jump!
      Spendy concert tix (think, Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, something fun and ordinarily unaffordable)
      Expensive kitchen appliances — Kitchen Aid mixer, Dualit toaster, fancy coffee-maker
      New winter coat from Aritzia
      Flying lessons

    19. I would buy myself a beautiful coat or bag, make a substantial recurring donation to a cause I cared about, and fly to my best friend or pay for her to fly into town to hang out for an overnight. And I’d also buy beautiful flowers for all my friends for their birthdays for the next year.

  12. I have a friend who just had a very premature baby (born at 26 weeks). She said the doctors and nurses are optimistic about the baby, but she will be in the NICU until November. My friend had to be in the hospital herself for 7 days. I learned about all this after she got discharged.

    I plan to take some meals over, and I’ve asked if they take diapers to the hospital (they don’t!). Is there anything else I could include with the food delivery? They didn’t even get to have a baby shower or anything.

    1. Depending on the parking situation at the hospital, a gift card to cover that could be nice (though, PSA for longterm hospital stays check with the hospital / social worker about a weekly or monthly pass for hospital parking).

      Likewise, a gift card for eateries / coffee shops located in or near the hospital. Meals are nice, but when I’ve been visiting someone very ill in the hospital, I am usually there all day long and so by the time I get home I’m ready to just take a shower and go to bed, I don’t want to heat up a meal (I probably already ate, but if I didn’t I’ll just grab something quick).

      Maybe a care package with single serve packs of some of her favorite snacks (easy to quickly grab and throw in your bag on your way out the door).

      She probably already has a long charging cord for her phone, but I find those helpful in the hospital too.

    2. Call the hospital and see if they sell parking passes or gift cards towards parking. For some hospitals, parking costs are negligible. For others, they are significant, and it sounds like there will be months of visiting the hospital. Gift cards for food providers who are located at the hospital. Laundry service, so no one needs to worry about clean clothes.

    3. just continue to support her the best that you can with food delivery, etc. having a baby in the nicu for any amount of time is exhausting and for that long is both physically and mentally exhausting and expensive. at some point (not yet) the baby will get to start to wear clothes and when that happens, some moms enjoy putting their babies in NICU clothes. a very close family friend had a baby who was born super early and weighed 1lb at birth and he is now a PhD student (so this was years ago). obviously every kid is different and this baby will probably need some PT and perhaps some other interventions, but medicine truly is amazing. also depending on how close you are with your friend, check in on her. moms with nicu babies are much more prone to post partum depression. depending on her and her spouse’s work situation and visiting policy, you can also offer to drive her to the hospital sometimes.

    4. Is there a coffeeshop near the hospital or other food delivery option for that? My guess is they will be spending a lot of time there. If not, maybe some easy to bring snacks and other things you’d want at the hospital – maybe some nice, rich unscented hand cream since she will be washing her hands a ton.

    5. I have a family member who is frequently hospitalized, and I agree with other people who say gift cards for things either at the hospital or near the hospital, and parking. The parking cost can be really enormous particularly in city hospitals. I’m talking $27 a day, and no discounts available. I also agree not to send food. They won’t be home enough to make it. The laundry ideas or paying for a lawn service for them are also nice ideas. Or somebody to put their trash out every couple of weeks. Hospitals are a lot like casinos, and that it is really easy to lose track of what day it is. This time sensitive kind of stuff falls off your plate.

    6. Cash. If you want to put more thought into it, give them small bills for the vending machine and bigger bills for parking. There is no need for a cutesy gift here.

    7. Am!zon carries cute outfits for preemies that are designed to allow easy access to tubes and such. I got a few from a coworker. She said it was so nice to see her baby looking like the little bundle of joy she expected to bring home rather than the tiny skinny baby fighting for its life with tubes coming out of it. Really helped her anxiety.

    8. No to baby clothes until the kid gets discharged- lots of stuff can happen in NICUs and saddling grieving parents with unused baby clothes would be horrible.

      1. I actually asked about clothes because I could see it going either way (enjoying dressing the baby or wanting absolutely no baby stuff like that at this time). My friend said no clothes needed, so I definitely don’t plan on that or anything else I’d give at a typical shower.

    9. Thanks for the ideas, everyone! I plan to get a good mix of a lot of these suggestions. Hospital parking where the baby is actually is free. I didn’t realize how lucky we are for that.

    10. My baby was just discharged after 2 weeks in the NICU. Nowhere near the same timeframe, but her NICU neighbors had been there for months. Is your friend planning on pumping? If so, extra pump parts so she isn’t constantly washing her only pair. One-handed snacks, electrolyte packets like Liquid IV, long cell phone charger, wet wipes or hand sanitizer that you can tie onto your bag like from Bath and Body Works, cozy cardigan like Barefoot Dreams or the Costco knockoff to ward off hospital AC, insulated water bottle, insulated lunch bag to bring in breast milk and my lunch, and large diaper bag like the Lululemon New Parent Backpack all came in clutch for me. I also appreciated having friends I could text throughout the day about normal things like TV and current events to take my mind off things. Best of luck to your friend and her family!

      1. Thank you! She is pumping— I know this because I ran into her husband at Costco yesterday frantically buying a new small fridge for the milk. That’s how I heard about the whole thing!

        Thanks for the suggestions, and I’m glad your little one is doing well.

    11. Cash, snacks. Pumping bras/tanks.
      Help with stuff at their house (mow the lawn, pets etc) so they can be at the hospital with one less thing to worry about.

  13. please help me choose a dress for my SIL’s wedding. i am in the wedding and fortunately she is very flexible with dress style. it just has to be long and we have an assigned color, mine is navy. i am a size 8/10, 38 year old mom of two (my twins are the flower girl and ring bearer) and the wedding is in early september in NY on a saturday night, but it is not black tie, it’s cocktail attire. My MIL is a fashionista (and a size 0/2) is wearing a dress she bought for 4k from bergdorffs. i just want to make sure i don’t look too matronly. one dress is more forgiving to my arms and one to my tummy. links to follow

      1. Can you do the YMCA in either? That is the one I’d pick. Not your wedding so I care more for comfort than pictures.

      3. Honestly, the second dress is a bit matronly. The first is a bit dressier than dress code calls for but if you’re in the wedding, I think you can be more dressed up than the rest of the guests.

        I like this one – along the same lines: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dahlia-illusion-yoke-pleated-inset-gown/7171864?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FFormal&fashioncolor=Blue&fashionsize=size%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F10%2C%20M%7Csize%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F8%2C%20M&color=418

      5. I much prefer the first one, but think it’s very dressy. I guess it depends on if the other bridesmaids are also wearing long dresses.

    2. Full length + cocktail, not black tie, seems internally inconsistent to me. Length seems like the principal differentiator between black tie and cocktail, and for that reason, these both read to me as black tie, not cocktail. That’s especially true because of the full skirt and satin on (1). That inconsistency aside, these are both beautiful. And better to be over-dressed than under. I’d give the slight edge to (2).

      1. Most of the weddings I go to see cocktail attire but bridesmaids are in long dresses. So, I think it’s fine if the wedding party is dressier than the guests.

      2. OP said that the bride told her to wear a long dress and i’d assume the other bridesmaids are doing the same. i’ve been to many weddings where the bridesmaids wear long even though it’s not black tie

        2. The last wedding I went to was exactly like this. The bride and bridesmaids were the only people in full length.

        3. +5, this is really typical. Of the two I vote for the strapless one. The second looks like mother of the groom.

    3. I would look at Anthropologie bridal, filter by bridesmaid dresses and blue. There are quite a few navy options that are great.

      1. The BHLDN Leila Deep V Flutter Sleeve is chic, comes in navy and has sleeves so will be forgiving on the arms.

    4. Number one is stunning! Assuming you’re comfortable wearing strapless I’d do that!

      The ruching in number 2 could look matronly, so I’d avoid that.

    5. hi everyone, thanks for your input. not looking for additional options at this point, trying to decide between these two. i’ve tried on probably 20+ dresses and these are most flattering to my body. wedding is next month. i was told to wear a long navy dress and otherwise the bride is very flexible.

      2. I like the first one better. I really don’t like all the extra fabric on the second one.

        Honestly, these flexible dress codes make things harder for everyone! I can’t imagine how multiple styles + multiple colors will end up looking at all cohesive, but whatever. I like when brides give people a choice in style, but choose a specific line/brand that is meant to work together! I even can get on board with multiple colors, but having a choice for both factors seems unnecessarily complicated.

      3. I think the first one is gorgeous! I don’t hate the second one as much as other people seem to, but I prefer the first.

  14. I am looking for a website/book for truly quick recipes (for all meals – breakfast/lunch/dinner). Or actual recipes. Life is crazy but I really value good food so want to put in some effort, but not spending over 20-30 minutes to cook a meal.

    1. Lol. I was with you until you said 25 to 30 minutes to make a meal. In my mind truly quick cooking is five minutes. I would imagine there are a lot of websites that can satisfy a 25 to 30 minute time frame.

    2. These are recipe blogs I follow. You can filter for 30-minute recipes:

      Skinnytaste
      Budget Bytes
      Damn Delicious
      Easy Dinner Ideas
      Iowa Girl Eats
      Mel’s Kitchen Cafe
      Damn Delicious

    3. I don’t know if this exists. Most online recipes underestimate the prep and cooking time. And other than a basic sandwich or omelette it’s hard to make a quality meal in 20 minutes. You’re better off looking at normal recipes but prep the components in advance. Maybe twice a week you precut all the ingredients or roast your vegetables. That means most nights you just throw your protein and prepped veggies in a pan. Your rice, quinoa, pasta, or whatever can boil unattended in a separate pot.

      1. I’m glad you posted this.

        I also prefer quick meals. But for me, it is so irritating that even “simple” meals that involve interesting mixes of flavors often means marinating and lots of gathering/cleaning/prepping/chopping and for me doing the mise en place takes a lot of time that is never included appropriately in the recipe cook time.

        But I like Budget Bytes.

    4. Mark Bittman wrote a cookbook called “How to Cool Everything Fast.” which I have found very useful. It has meals that are even 15 mins. – I mean at that point it’s about assembling components, but Bittman has lots of good inspiration.
      One of the things I love about it is that the recipes are written so that you know when you can multi-task- ie chop this while that boils.

    5. Do you want no more than 20-30 minutes prep time (with cooking time extra), or do you want something that is truly ready in 30 minutes or less? The latter is a lot harder, but you can take shortcuts if you get precooked rotisserie chicken, kielbasa, etc.

      I’m a huge fan of sheet pan meals because I can usually prep them in about 15 minutes, then they cook for 30 minutes or so. I do rice in the rice cooker as soon as the meal goes into the oven. So it’s longer to the table, but it’s very minimal hands-on time. Also there are so many different varieties, even though the method is the same the flavor profile really changes if we do salmon, chicken, steak strips, etc.

    6. The trick is learning about 4-5 recipes by heart so you could make them in your sleep. If you’re starting from scratch each time, there’s too much time lost getting through the recipe even if it could be done quickly.

    7. I measure quick by active cooking time. So if it takes 15 minutes to prep but then I throw it in the oven and forget it for an hour, that’s fine. But if it’s 15 minutes to prep and then 30 minutes of active stove top management, that is challenging.

      Meals I regularly make in 30 minutes or less (links to follow except for sausage meal which I don’t have a link for):

      Red curry – put brown rice in rice cooker, proceed to cook, poach chicken in the curry as an added step

      Spicy meatballs – put brown rice in rice cooker, make meal

      Spinach/farro/sausage sautee – cook farro, while farro is cooking, cook sausages in a skillet with spinach and any other veggies of choice, when farro is done, add to skillet with a little oil and fry it (let it sit for 3 minutes, stir, sit for 3 minutes, stir), add parmesan cheese at the end

      Pumpkin alfredo – pasta cooks while I make the sauce

    9. I am pretty sure this is what Rachel Ray is all about.

      My kids used to love to watch her with me because of her cartoony voice and exaggerated gestures.

    10. When my kids were small, I was the queen of the speed dinner. Sheet pan dinners … I’d prep some of the veggies on Sundays and bag them up, leave the sheet pan on the counter in the morning. Come in from work, throw everything on the pan while the oven was pre-heating and the food was cooking while I changed my clothes.

      https://www.forksoverknives.com/how-tos/sheet-pan-dinners-101-with-recipes/

      I used my crockpot a lot! But I guess an Instapot would help as well these days. Dump and go dinners are the best.
      https://www.sixsistersstuff.com/25-of-the-best-dump-and-go-instant-pot-recipes/

      A well stocked pantry, a plan, and a little prep on the weekends or the nights where you have time really help get things started. I also really loved 2 for 1s. Roasting a chicken? Roast 2, strip one down and freeze the meat in casserole or future meal size portions. Making a lasagna? Make 2, bake one for that night and freeze the 2nd for a future dinner. Roasting veggies? Roast 2 trays and switch their oven postions half way thru, you can use the extra veg with pasta later in the week. Making rice? Make a lot, it takes the same amount of time and you can use the 2nd batch for fried rice later on.

      1. I totally agree – and definitely subscribe to the “cook once, eat 3 or 4 times” theory!

    12. The Eating Well website might be a good resource for you. On the site search “15 minutes” and you will get numerous results.

  15. Different OP from above with another camping question. We are planning a 4 day hiking trip this fall and decided it is time to replace our ancient make-do camping gear from our long-ago college days. We have sleeping bags, sleeping pads, and a tent but need just about everything else. Any favorite must-haves you all suggest? This is for a short (<quarter mile) walk-in reservation that has facilities, although I prefer to go with basics that I can pack in and not end up lugging a bunch of extra, bulky stuff. Online packing lists act like I'm moving in for a whole season.

    1. Backup batteries, spare batteries for headlamp, crocs to use as camp shoes, some comfy camp chair. Rope.

    3. These are my favorite hiking / camping luxuries:

      camp stove – cheapy one from am-zon is holding up great for me, and if you’re feeling spendy there’s the jet boil. I am a coffee snob and bringing my aeropress camping feels like the ultimate luxury for little weight.

      a good headlamp – mine is black diamond.

      battery pack for your phone if you’ll be using it

      kula cloth for peeing in the woods

      helinox camp chair – ultra lightweight. There are cheaper knockoffs as well.

      Merino wool everything – Icebreaker and Smartwool are my favorites.

      Extra spendy – Arcteryx atom LT hoody. Could write a whole book about how much I love this jacket. Can handle temps from 60-30 (with baselayers). It doesn’t ride up when you raise your arms or move around, easily machine washable and is SO high quality. I’ve had mine for 6 years and it looks brand new.

    4. Love my upgraded headlamp and Kula cloth! (you might not need the Kula if your campsite has facilities)
      I also enjoy my backpacking cooking and eating gear – I have a Jetboil, Sea to Summit mugs, and Snow Peak spork – Sea to Summit makes nice stuff especially if you’re camping so size is less of an issue; Snow Peak is a bit more expensive but has very lightweight and packable stuff for backpacking.
      Do you have a good backpack and water bladder? Do you need a water filtration system?

    2. It looks a little… pilgrim-style to me? But I think it’s fine for a biz-casual environment.

    3. I’d only wear it to work, here’s nothing fun happening with it. That said, it would be way too short on my 5’10” frame so I’d pass.

      1. Same it would be way too short for me. If it’s long enough on you I think it’s ok.

      1. Yeah, I was gonna say I would wear it to work any day, and on Halloween I would wear it to work with Wendesday Addams makeup!

  17. My refrigerator is 12 years old (GE). Over the weekend, it started to freeze everything in the refrigerator. I’m guessing the thermometer gauge is broken (or something like that). At this point – is it worthwhile to pay to have a repair person out to see if it can be fixed? I’m guessing a couple hundred dollars to do that (I’m in the DC area). Or, given the age of the fridge, is that going to be a short term patch and a waste of money given that something else in the fridge might break relatively soon?

    Relatedly- any recommendations for refrigerators? I will likely be selling my house in a few years, so want something that won’t break the bank.

    1. So funny – my 10+ year old GE started freezing things too. There must be a design flaw. I got a new fridge. Repair was expensive.

    2. It is likely time to replace it. You may be able to extend the life a bit with a service call, but nothing will be covered under warranty, and expect to pay for at least 2 visits (one to diagnose the issue, one to replace parts) plus the cost of the parts. Total cost will probably be more than a couple hundred for this.

      We have this fridge, it is nice, and we haven’t had any issues with it.
      https://www.kitchenaid.com/major-appliances/refrigeration/refrigerators/french-door-refrigerators/p.25.8-cu.-ft.-36-multi-door-freestanding-refrigerator-with-platinum-interior-design.krmf706ess.html?

      If all of your appliances are the same ages as your refrigerator, you may want to shop assuming that you will be replacing them all within the next couple of years.

    3. I’m perfectly happy with my Hisense, which was what several people recommended to me to replace a 30 year GE that was still kicking, but things were getting “freezer burnt” too quickly in the freezer.

      It’s the “Hisense 17.2-cu ft Counter-depth Bottom-Freezer Refrigerator” at Lowe’s and was around the price I felt willing to pay as the kind of person who was fine with a 30 year old GE until it developed issues.

    4. If it’s in a specialized cabinet, get a repair person out. Refrigerator specs change a lot and it can be hard to replace built ins with the right size. If. not, replace it. I’ll go against the cheap grain and suggest getting something pretty like a Big Chill or SMEG if you have free standing space and plan to sell, it’s a very inexpensive way to make an older kitchen feel updated in a staged kind of way.

      1. I love pretty retro fridges, but don’t they have a lot of personality for staging? I feel like the trend in staging right now is still for everything to be as blank and neutral as possible. Also I would hate to leave one behind!

        1. Depends on what you get, a fancy cream one has just enough style to pop a little while still being a blank canvas. Plus you get the benefit of using it for a few years before you sell.

    5. At ten years old, replace it. Sadly the last time I bought a fridge I was told you are LUCKY to get 6-8 years from a fridge these days. I absolutely hate how appliances do not last anymore.

    6. Of course I would try to fix, especially if you aren’t planning to stay in the house long term.

      What brand is it?

      Do you know a large appliance repair person? It is always great to have a person on your list.

      My last rental had a similar thing happen. My landlord was just going to buy a new one and I can’t believe I told him to use the repair person I knew. He fixed it for nothing. My landlord was so grateful he never raised my rent again!

      I mean, unless you know you’re stating in the house long-term and want to invest in an energy efficient fridge…. why waste the money?

      1. Because the repair can often cost as much as a new fridge, one part going out on a fridge that age is a harbinger for more parts to soon reach their end of life, and a new fridge is likely more energy efficient.

        When our 20 year old no-name brand fridge started freezing things (and running up our electric bill accordingly), our longtime repairman told me that the most likely part would take several weeks to arrive, would cost $400 plus his service fee to replace it, and that once that part died it was a sign other parts would follow in short order.

        It is great to research and educate yourself on what is fixable and what the costs are, but it does not always make sense to repair things.

  18. Wedding vent. I’m in two weddings this summer/fall (BM not MOH) and both of the brides are driving me nuts. They both dragged their feet on the BM dress. One picked the dress so late that I get it back from the tailor a few days before the wedding. The other picked a dress, we ordered it, and then she changed her mind, so I’m out $75 in shipping and restocking fees and I still don’t have a dress. Both weddings are in small towns that are not local to anyone, everyone is traveling and will need to eat somewhere. Neither will make up their mind about what is happening the night before or morning after (the rehearsals are early so no rehearsal dinner, and they don’t want brunch at the hotel). One said, oh are you hosting dinner the night before thank you! Excuse me no I asked what is your plan I did not offer to host. They both seem to think they can wing it, but perhaps you should not show up to a tiny restaurant in a small town on a Friday night or Sunday morning with 40 people and no reservation. They both asked me to plan the dinner and brunch. I’m already planning the getting ready breakfast/lunch the day of the wedding – I am not planning events 3 days in a row in a town I’ve never visited that has next to no information online. I told them both, I really think you should tap someone else, but today I’ve been getting texts asking where I made reservations. I love my friends but man sometimes people are hard.

    1. Bad move, bride who changed your mind. Inexcusable once someone has ordered. I hope she reimbursed you for her foot fault on this.

    2. I would ask the bride to reimburse you for the shipping costs since it was her fault, and suggest they hire a wedding planner if they want the level of support they’re asking for. Ridic.

    3. I’d probably write back “lololol, no, you misunderstood, I’m not planning anything, I wanted to know if YOU were planning something” – sometimes you have to be direct.

      2. It was over the phone so i thought there was less chance for miscommunication. I said basically what I said in the post – “no I am not hosting anything, I want to know what you’re planning” – and she said something like, I thought you were getting an Airbnb so you could host, and I said absolutely not, I am staying in the hotel like everyone else I am not sure where you got that idea. It was a very strange call.

          1. No idea! At first I thought she was confusing me with someone else. Looking back on the conversation I think perhaps it was wishful thinking.

        2. Even if you were in an Airbnb, no one wants to host a group of 40 at their Airbnb they day before or day after a wedding they’re in! That’s nonsense

        3. Ohhh I have been the person in the rental house when everyone else was in a hotel room and I learned the hard way you become everyone’s living room. I’m glad you’re not in that situation! Keep being firm with the bride, put it in writing (text or email) so there is no misunderstanding or “you said this” kind of stuff.

          1. Oh yes this! Our AirBNB became the temporary storage location for the venue decorations and the wedding party’s outfits. It was also the after party spot, and the wedding party took turns using the parking space too!

    5. As a bridesmaid your responsibilities are to show up to the rehearsal and wedding day, on time, wearing the assigned outfit that was within the agreed upon budget. Everything else is optional. If a bride asked me to plan events the week of the wedding (especially in an unfamiliar town) the answer is no, I don’t have the knowledge or bandwidth to do that. If she wants an event planner she can pay for one. And if the bride is so angry that she kicks you out of the wedding party then she’s not someone you want as a close friend anyway. Maybe I’m petty but if the bride won’t reimburse the dress fees I would deduct the $75 from whatever gift I planned to give.

    6. Unbelievable.
      Can you tap the other bridesmaids/MOH for these, especially if any are more local or have connections to the town?
      Please update us later about how all this turned out…

      1. I wouldn’t ask others to do this stuff either, personally! It was so rude of the bride to assume anyone other than someone who’s getting married or a event planner should do so, and I wouldn’t want to put anyone else in an awkward position like that.

    7. WTF. these brides are both nutso. no, you cannot change your mind about the bridesmaid dress after people have ordered it!

      1. I ended a friendship before the wedding when the bridezilla became too much, changing her mind in very expensive ways and wanting me to pay for things I had not agreed to and could not afford. We were not lifelong BFFs anyhow, did not run in overlapping social circles and were clearly not going to continue a friendship after all of her drama, so I cut my losses and bowed out of the wedding before it could get worse. No regrets.

    9. Here’s the thing about wedding planning: if you are not going to throw insane amounts of money at it, you NEED to embrace “any of these reasonable decisions is better than no decision” and just move on to the next problem/decision.

      I planned a wedding five years ago, so relatively recently, and it was a lot of “this is good enough.” Our wedding was beautiful, don’t get me wrong. But it was things like, I don’t care if there are “better” invitations out there, these are pretty, within my price range, and would be printed fast. On to the next problem. After maybe five or ten hours of looking at flower options, I ordered a set that was pretty, matched, would be delivered on time, and was within budget. On to the next problem. I almost stroked out when someone wanted to approve the programme ten days before the wedding, and I was like – it’s at the printer and it’s only guaranteed for the day before, so we can throw them out if you have problems but I’m not getting it redone.

      Which is to say, I think these brides are deep into “my perfect wedding” territory and there are too many moving parts for that. If you can, give them a gentle “coke to Jesus” speech – the “best” bridesmaid dress is the one that everyone has the day of the wedding and fits. The “best” restaurant the night before is one you have reservations at. The best place to stay? Same hotel and if she needs lot space she can get a suite.

  19. Someone talk me out of buying a ridiculously expensive Breville espresso machine. Remind me that I have no interest in adding a latte crafting and bean hunting hobby to my life. Remind me that my daily (sometimes twice) drive to the coffee shop is a cherished part of my daily routine and not a superfluous expense to cut out.

    The reality is that the payoff period on even an outrageously expensive machine is under a year if I can cut out the daily run for my household.

    1. I’d never use a fancy machine or hunt beans personally. If you haven’t tried Nespresso, that scratches all the itch for me and comes with none of the hassle. It’s also far superior to any other pod type machine, not even in the same category.

    2. I find a lot of satisfaction in those cafe visits, especially when working from home. I walk there, spend money in a local shop, connect with my community, etc and that seems really valuable.

      2. Nespresso commenter here and I so agree with this too. I just cannot wait for my first cup of the day so I do both.

        1. I start my day with drip coffee, so I echo the “first cup” need. I’ve used nespressos before and they just don’t hit the same way for me. My mind treats it as another class of coffee to add to the routine, rather than replace.

          And yes, I consume too much coffee. :)

      3. This was my in person experience with coffee when I worked in office, but my WFH reality out in the ‘burbs is different. I do occasionally work from a local coffee shop and I don’t expect that to change. This would be a replacement for the drive thru coffee hut run that is purely transactional.

      4. This is me. I realized about a year ago that buying my coffee a couple times per week ticks an emotional box for me that making coffee at home doesn’t.

        1. I think you hit on the real reason for the hesitation. I use the coffee run for reasons beyond the coffee. Usually when I’m blocked on something or am crafting a response that just isn’t flowing. So I step away, get a coffee, and use the break to trigger a different thought process.

    3. I love coffee and drink like 5 cups a day, but am too lazy to add yet another machine that would need counter space and cleaning (and regular deepcleaning) and me hunting for ‘the beans’. I would happily use that money to buy a nice drink (and a bit of me-time) in a cafe, where they know how to prep it and they will do the cleaning too.
      Alternatively, a Nespresso machine or Ikea espresso stove-top coffee maker (whatver is the proper name, paired with Illy or Lavazza Espresso blend) and a milk warmer/frother could be a nice & cheaper alternative.

    4. IMO, anyone who is doing a daily (or sometimes twice daily – really?) run to get coffee really needs their own espresso machine. You don’t have to “learn to craft” lattes or “hunt down” beans if you don’t want to? Breville machines are really easy to use; shouldn’t take you more than 5-10 minutes to figure it out by watching YouTube videos. We have a machine. We buy espresso beans from Costco and we grind it to the appropriate grind (and leave the grinder on that setting, no guesswork involved) and pull two shots and add whatever amount of whatever milk we want and that’s it. It’s way more convenient than always running to the coffee place and it will save you a ton of money over the long run. And also will cut down on disposable cups/lids, etc. if you’re not taking reusable vessels to the coffee place every time.

      I won’t speak to the “cherished part of my daily routine part” because there is no way I “cherish” any part of my life that is spent in my car; and that goes double if that time is spent waiting in line at the coffee place.

    5. I cannot in good conscience talk you out of a Breville. Love mine. Had one for 10 years, then moved countries and gave it to a friend, who still uses it. Have had the current one for 6 years. You don’t have to become a bean hunter. Just buy halfway decent beans (mine are from Costco), and the machine will give you good coffee. Also good to impress guests if you care about that. Less driving to the coffee shop. They sell parts if you need to repair anything or replace a worn out gasket. No coffee pods or other trash.
      All that said, coffee shops are nice places to be!

      1. Same. My Breville is the best present I’ve ever received. I rarely get Starbucks anymore, and when I do, I’m reminded that my lattes are superior to theirs (and I’m not a coffee snob).

      2. I wouldn’t have spent the money on a breville myself but my landlord offered to leave one in the house and now… when I move out, I’m buying one. I make fancy coffee every morning now, instead of occasional weekend coffee shop trips. Sorry!

    6. Can’t talk you out of it. Our favorite thing is our Jura machine. We look forward to coming home from vacation just to use it!

  20. We installed a fence around our pool back in early April, as we have a young toddler. Cost about $8,000. It has had problems ever since. The magnetic gate lock does not always work, and now several posts of the fence are loose. The company came out to “fix” the lock twice but both times it stopped working again.
    After I told them about the broken posts, they advised they’ve submitted a warranty claim. That was in mid-June and it’s been crickets ever since. I finally got through to them last week, after several unanswered emails and voicemails, and they promised they’d have an answer by Friday. It’s now Monday.
    Do we have any recourse here? We spent 8 grand on a non-working fence. I’m afraid to hire a repair person for fear of voiding the warranty.

    1. I’ve never heard of a fence warranty, but given that summer is a short season, if it’s interfering with your use, I’d personally just get a handyman out to fix it. You’ll probably need to do minor repairs going forward and I’d just chalk it up to starting sooner. I’ve also never seen any warranty really pay off.

      1. Most fences have warranties. My fence is like 30 years old and the contact info for the contractor is still on a little plaque close to the house. Pretty sure the warranty has expired by now though!

        I’d call the contractor back and ask them for the manufacturer’s contact info so you can bug them. But, parts are taking a long time, it’s not shocking that you wouldn’t have heard anything for a few months. They should at least be able to give you an ETA, though.

        In the meantime I’d get on YouTube and see what you can do yourself.

      2. Why pay a handyman to fix a lemon of a fence? Shouldn’t the burden be on the fence company?

        1. I would in the interest of time and getting it done. Should the fence company do it, yes, are they doing it, no. I like to move on and just have things done.

    3. Does your state have a consumer protection office? If so, I would contact them, give all the details, and see what they say.

    4. I’d give them one more chance and if it’s not fixed by the end of the week, I’d go on their social media accounts and complain, and also submit a complaint to the BBB. It’s absurd they’re giving you the run around, especially on the gate which is a major safety concern for your kids.

  21. dumb question of the day: i tried to reset my chair so my knees are at a 90 degree angle (for ergonomics). this is great and much more comfortable than before. but i feel like a little girl at the adult’s table, the writing surface of the desk is way too high for me to comfortably write. any other shorties with this problem? what did/do you do?

      1. This. Also because you mentioned being short, check to see if the chair (width, seat pitch) is the right size for your body. I realized late in the game that they make chairs of different sizes (duh).

    2. Get a foot stool so you can raise the chair to a comfortable height relative to your desk. Otherwise you’re going to have shoulder problems in short order. I have an ergonomic foot stool at the office, but home I use an old nursing stool.

    3. Thank you for making me realize that my desk chair was set too high. Now my feet are finally on the floor (ugh!).

  22. I have made the embarrassing realization that I have forgotten so many facts/figures/timelines of events in American history. I know I learned them at one point, but there’s nothing like having your kids quiz you about various events to make you realize that you’ve forgotten some important details. I really think this is a case of “use it or lose it.” Is there a good “History for Dummies” resource that I could check out?

    2. What a well-timed question! The NYTimes just unveiled its new game called Flashback. It has you try to assign historical events to the year or era in which they occurred.

    3. I like reading historical fiction or biographies and it does refresh my timelines of historical events.

      1. Same. Also non-fiction. I just read a Watergate book that refreshed my memory about that.

    5. second recommendations for narrative non-fiction or historical fiction. It’s an investment of time but I love Robert Caro and he’s great on audio book
      podcasts can be good. in particular Presidential by Lillian Cunningham at the Washington Post. from 2016 but I’m re-visiting with my kids and it hds up

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