Coffee Break: LAUDE the Label Hairpin

68 Comments

1. I wish I had the sort of hair that this would work on. I have that baby fine slippery straight hair (that is also oily), it would fall out in a hot minute.

   1. +1, and somehow I also have too much hair at the same time for these things to work with.

   2. Slippery fine hair can hold with a beach spray or similar product, but IME the hair gets so gritty and dirty from it that it requires daily washing, which kinda defeats the purpose. Frustrating!

   3. I have super fine, wavey/curly hair & am allergic to blow dryers. I always struggle with whether my hair looks professional enough as it has a mind of its own. I feel like most discussions of curly hair ignore those of us who also have super fine hair. Most anti-frizz products are made for thicker hair.

   4. You might be able to make this work if you did braid and roughed it up with some hairspray, then attached the clip and let the rest of the braid come apart. So just the section under the clip would be “braided”

2. Readers with yards, what do you wear outside to do yard work? On my hands and knees pulling weeds in flower beds over the weekend in capri length yoga pants, a longer sleeveless workout shirt from Old Navy and Lululemon zip up, some new neighbors stopped by to introduce themselves and suddenly I was VERY aware of my outfit. As long as the clothes are in good repair, match and it’s obvious I am gardening, there’s nothing wrong, right?

   1. Of course not! Though I’m from the casual PNW, so YMMV. Lots of overalls and yoga pants out on the weekend.

   2. You sound 100% more put together than I would be, typically wearing an old college event tee or giveaway corporate tee and gym shorts… “matching” is entirely unnecessary for yard work.

   3. Sounds much fancier than my usual neighborhood garb.

   4. Heck, if I’m at home, I even wear clothes in poor condition. If I am home, I am getting needing to do a Home Thing or otherwise not camera ready. That is what homes are for! [You could have been cleaning up with a dog that ate a mayo-based sauce dish that had been left on the counter, with predictable results.] If I see someone dressed well on my street, I assume they are about to leave and go somewhere.

   5. The clothes I wear to do yard work are specifically NOT in good repair because I’m going to get them impossibly filthy.

      1. This. If you’re wearing Lululemon to do yard work you’re more likely to get judged as high-maintenance than as sloppy.

         1. For real.

      2. I’m with pugsbourbon, old clothes make a lot of sense for gardening. I try for maximum sun protection for my gardening clothes (long sleeve upf shirt, hat) because I don’t like applying sunscreen and garden often.

         1. The way dirt sticks to sunscreen is really something. At least I get some extra exfoliation.

      3. My father whilst wearing ordinary clothing – usually khakis and a plaid shirt- can do the same gardening chore that I do, and he ends up looking impeccable and I look like I’ve been wrestling hogs in a pen. I’m not sure why. But this is why I unashamedly wear the oldest, crummiest clothes I possess when gardening.

   6. Yep. Usually old tshirt or tank top and gym shorts or leggings. If it’s super sunny and hot, I’ll wear a ball cap and this sun shirt I have from Columbia.
      My middle aged male neighbor gardens shirtless in shorts so I figure I’m doing better than he is.

   7. Good repair? Match? To do yardwork? That doesn’t even compute. Anyone who might care about something I’m wearing while out in the yard isn’t anyone I want to get to know.

   8. I wear rubber steel-toed knee-high boots that I’m told look like I’m going whaling, a giant straw hat with neck guard, junky long-sleeved shirts from Goodwill, and tatty yoga pants. Also leather gauntlet gloves when I’m pulling raspberry canes. IDGAF what I look like when I’m doing manual labor.

   9. Your standards are way too high for yard work! My gardening outfit is a large tee shirt from some event and exercise shorts, plus my old ratty tennis shoes and a baseball cap. If it is cold, one of my husband’s sweat shirts.

   10. How is this a question?!?

   11. Do not overthink this, I beg you. You can wear ANYTHING to garden and no one cares, will judge you, or will be thinking you should be wearing something else. “Is this gardening outfit professional” is not a thing :)

       1. Unless you’re walking to the mailbox in those clothes :-D

   12. Clothes in …iffy repair is fine for (literal) gardening! You are way ahead!

       1. Right? My yardwork look is best described as “homeless person wielding machete”.

   13. If your gardening clothes match and are in good repair, there is definitely something wrong.

   14. The only time I thought my gardening clothes might be inappropriate was when I was wearing a low cut tank over a too-small sports bra and realized I was very nearly flashing the neighborhood. Other than that, you’re fine in anything.

   15. Anything that keeps me covered and I’m fine getting really dirty or ripped.

   16. This is 1000 x more put together than I am when doing yard work. The chances I have showered are slim to none (why shower first?) and my clothes are old, don’t match, and most likely have paint stains on them. It’s a wonder I can get a bra on to do yard work (and it’s usually at best an old sports bra that isn’t supportive enough anymore for running).

   17. In my dream life I would cosplay as Martha Stewart. IRL I wear old clothes because I’m always a mess after a day of gardening.

   18. Huh?

3. Has anyone experienced surgical menopause? I had an ovarian cyst removed recently and unexpectedly had to have the ovary removed. Because it was my second such surgery, I only had a sliver on the other ovary, which apparently wasn’t enough to keep me out of menopause. I’m “only” 42 and while we’re TTC, we’re doing it with frozen embryos so this shouldn’t be a real problem (knock wood), but I’m still feeling gutted. There are all sorts of increased health risks, but on top of that, it just feels like such a sudden change, and it makes me feel older than I am. Would appreciate hearing your experiences if you’ve gone through it. Does the sudden nature of it mean that the symptoms (hot flashes, moodiness, etc) also pass sooner? Thank you!

   1. I don’t have anything helpful to say from an experience/medical perspective, unfortunately. !

   2. Not been through myself, but a close relative had surgical menopause, and she described it as not having menopause at all, which i interpreted as no symptoms like hot flashes etc. She did however have a rapid weight gain post-surgery, and said it was difficult adjusting to her body going from late thirties to post-menopause in terms of getting to know the new normal. She spent a few years adjusting activity and diet to be comfortable, and after that was back to her baseline.

      1. Interesting, thank you. I knew it was happening because I got hot flashes, but the IVF treatment sort of suspended that for now. Not gonna lie, the idea of rapid weight gain is sort of freaking me out! Hoping I can beat that back.

   3. I went through early menopause from chemo which is very similar in that it happens very rapidly. A few things:

      – When you are done TTC, you will probably need hormone replacement therapy until about age 55 to maintain bone and heart health, among other issues. Not a big deal – I wear an estrogen patch and take progesterone 10 days per month. I feel a million times better on HRT.
      It is a miracle and I’m so thankful it exists.

      – You should talk to your doctor about whether you need to take estrogen during your fertility process. I’m TTC and take estrogen whenever it works with treatment to prevent side effects.

      – The hot flashes passed quickly for me (it was like 40+ a day for 2 months and then nothing). The moodiness, insomnia and joint pain did not and honestly did not resolve until I got on HRT.

      – For hot flashes, I found I had specific triggers (caffeine; tight clothing etc) so I tried to avoid things I knew triggered them. At night I slept with an ice pack near my bed to grab if they woke me up.

      – for insomnia, behavioral modifications helped – exercise, limiting caffeine, having a bedtime routine, waking up at the same time every day, etc.

      – For joint issues I lift weights 2-3 times a week and am back to normal. I worked with a trainer who specializes in training elderly women even though I’m 30.

      Good luck!

      1. I really appreciate your response, thank you. Now I’m worried about rapid weight gain (from the above response) – did you experience that? Thank you and I’m glad you’ve gotten to a better place.

         1. I gained 15 pounds over 6 months which I lost after starting HRT. It’s not actually clear whether it was due to menopause or chemo though. I took drugs that cause weight gain during chemo and didn’t try to lose weight until after starting HRT.

            1. Obviously, it’s not always a big deal, I just want to know what I’m up against. Thank you – and I wish you all the success in the world with your cancer battle.

   4. Yes, I had surgical menopause at 37 due to ovarian cysts that ruptured one ovary…and then the other. Admittedly, I didn’t have a choice on this procedure and we never planned/wanted children, but I will tell you that I was NOT prepared for how hard it was to go through. Not to mention, you don’t exactly have a peer group to go through it with. My OBGYN, who i was with for 20 years would not listen to me or understand the hormonal challenges I had post surgery. I eventually found a new OBGYN who aggressively treated my issues and literally saved me. (I didn’t sleep, I’m about 100 degrees warmer, etc. Basically, all of menopause in one week that lasted for 2 years. It was brutal

      1. Thank you for your reply. I’m sorry you’ve gone through this as well. The lack of a peer group is really tough and ostracizing. I’m glad you found the help you needed! I’m going to meet with my OBGYN next week but (knock wood) the pregnancy should hold things off again for a period of time, interestingly.

4. How do you preserve a relationship with a friend or family member who seems determined to make terrible life choices? These choices don’t directly impact me, it’s not as if I’m going to end up financially supporting this person. I need to accept there’s nothing I can do and stop worrying about it. Easier said that done, though.

   1. Distance and limited contact. My sister is absolutely ridiculous with this stuff and actually enjoys the attention she gets from throwing her bad choices in other people’s faces. So I don’t engage. I figure I’m helping her by not giving her the negative feedback attention she craves.

      I also un friended her on most social media – all the stuff where she can comment on my posts or whatever, because I don’t need friends I work with seeing that dysfunction.

   2. I sometimes struggle with this too. It’s really, really hard to hold your tongue sometimes when a friend is ready to invest their life savings in some shady MLM scheme or wants to have a deadbeat boyfriend she’s had for a month move in rent-free. Like yeah, your life, your choices, but don’t friends have some obligation to be like “DON’T BE AN IDIOT!”

5. Randomly, if you are in BigLaw and have kids, do you have dinner with them? I feel like the upside of working in a black hole (niche practice, no boss for my entire parenting life, bad b/c I cover my own vacations) is that I leave early to beat the traffic and have dinner with my (now school-aged) kids (which is not some elegant affairs, typically <15 minutes at the kitchen counter).

   OR: like if I went to another firm, ever, would I likely lose this flexibility forever?

   1. At a certain point in your career you make your own rules. If you went to another firm you’d just keep your boundaries and bill your hours.

   2. It’s a hard question to answer, especially given the current environment. I imagine some firms are going to swing way in favor of wfh and some will be butts in seats just like always. I know there’s a lot of recruiting going on rn but I would hesitate to move until you know how things are going to shake out.

   3. Yes, almost every day. But I’m in a niche practice and would be able to do that at many firms (no going to the printer, for example).

   4. Don’t your kids play sports or do activities? Since early elementary school, our family dinner time has been 8:30 p.m. Same with most people we know except for the handful of families that let their children run feral on the street.

      1. That seems so late to me!

         1. That would be terribly late for me and my kids.

         2. That was my bedtime in elementary school! And yes I did after school activities.

      2. OP here. Even if the did things after school, I’d need to be there to drive or pick up. This is mainly about walking out of the door b/w 4 and 5 so I’m not in traffic at 6.

   5. Before the pandemic, as a senior associate in a busy transactional practice — 2-3 times a week during the weekdays on average, but for busy stretches there were weeks when I would almost never make it home for dinner. Now, working from home, pretty much every day unless a deal is really hectic and I can’t get out of calls. When I was a very junior associate and I think the only one of my very large starting class with a kid, pretty much never. Maybe on Fridays.

6. Y’all – the SCOTUS decision to hear Dobbs v Jackson Women’s Health is real scary. If Mississippi’s 15-week ban is upheld, abortion could be banned in ~20 states in a matter of months. Please keep an eye on this and check in with your state’s abortion funds/access groups for action alerts. Also check out the Brigid Alliance, which provides funds to cover travel to clinics.

   1. This scares me so much. I’ve posted this before and I will again, but all women should know how to do a safe home abortion with misoprostol. PlanCpills.org is a good place to start.

      I don’t assume that things can’t get worse for women just because we have made some gains over the last 50 years. Our progress is amazing, but very fragile.

   2. I’ve been dreading this, while also knowing it is only a matter of time with the current composition of the Supreme Court.

      Glaring in the direction of those who thought Hillary was as bad as Trump. This is the ultimate lesson of elections having consequences.

   3. Most European countries have similar abortion restrictions.

      1. But many of those countries also have nationalized healthcare and widespread access to earlier abortions. Meaning that it’s very easy to get an abortion before the second trimester. That’s not the case in this country because of state level restrictions, politicization, and terrible healthcare policies that go beyond abortion.

7. What portion of your career would you attribute to hard work vs. luck vs. intelligence vs. privilege vs. something else?

   I just read something about this and its got me thinking. My parents paid for my college and part of grad school and always emphasized education, so of course thats a huge benefit. But one of the major breaks I got after grad school was part luck and part me being bold enough to put myself out there in a way that other people told me would never work. And then being personable and good at my job got me places after that.

   1. I’m lucky to have been born smart. Both my parents were smart, my dad probably genius level, so I feel I inherited above average intelligence.

      The rest I worked my ass off for. My dad’s genius did not extend to $$$ so I was a full financial aid kid and at a huge cultural disadvantage when it came to fitting in at a work place, much less having any connections.

      I’m far prouder of the stuff I did than the stuff I was born with.

   2. I would say the vast majority of my success is a combo of hard work plus intelligence/privilege (my parents were very typical Asian immigrants and emphasized the importance of hard work and education). Unfortunately what I didn’t learn, and what is hurting me now, mid-career, is the importance of creating and maintaining long term professional relationships with colleagues and classmates. I think I assumed that if I just worked hard and kept my head down, opportunities would naturally come to me – but it hasn’t worked out that way, and I realize it’s mostly because I haven’t aggressively worked to network and foster relationships with folks (other than a handful of friends). If I could pass on one skill to my kids, it would be the importance of doing that – good work and smarts have sadly only gotten me so far.

   3. I think it’s pretty hard to pinpoint exactly – but for me, a huge part of where I am now is due to the fact that my family supported me (in all ways, not just financially) through college. They were financially able to pay my way through undergrad, which allowed me to put my full focus on school, and I didn’t have to worry about how I’d survive. I also knew that I had a financial cushion with my family if I had financial problems. Thirdly, my family prioritized school and college, so I had those motivators, in addition to the fact that school came fairly naturally to me (in a way that sports, for instance, never have).
      This contrasts greatly with my fiancé’s experience – where he has NONE of those advantages. He is clearly smart and capable, but did not have any of these supports (financial or otherwise) or encouragement to pursue college, so his path and struggle to complete his degree were very different. It made me realize that up to this point I’ve played life on “easy mode,” to some extent.
      Especially financial advantages – when you don’t have to worry about whether you can afford rent, you can feel freer to take risks, or pursue less usual paths.
      I think being aware of your advantages allows you to be more empathic, and worthwhile!

   4. For me, ranked from most to least, it’s privilege, personality (I can talk to anyone and seem to have a knack for making people feel welcome in any scenario), luck (and I include genetic luck here – e.g., I am conventionally attractive and skinny by nature), hard work, and intelligence. I ranked hard work and intelligence at the bottom because without a lot of the earlier ones working in my favor, my hard work and intelligence would not have had the opportunity to be seen. I do work hard and I am smart, but I don’t fool myself into thinking that I would be making 6 figures and living a very rich and full life without the opportunitities the first three provided for me.

      1. +1 except personality was not super easy for me (people skills took work) and I am probably a 5/10 attractive, nothing particularly impressive but tall and light haired/skinned (why is whiteness a beauty standard? Alas.)

   5. Luck and privilege:
      White (but not in US, so a different scale, but still privileged)
      Social democrat country – smaller income divides, more feminism, more equal opportunities, welfare state
      Middle class – parents (relatively) poor, but well-educated
      Stable, supportive and aware family.
      Lack of trauma and abuse.
      Name recognition.

      Intelligence and hard work:
      Sure. Both.

      I think privilege, luck and coincidence have had a huge impact in getting opportunities. After that, intelligence and hard work have been essential to develop them. But I’m not blind to the ongoing privilege, and I think it would be silly to discount that.

   6. My parents were both teachers and always made clear that education was important. We were expected to do well in school and to go to college. School came easy to me and so I always did well. My parents were not able to help with college at all, but I went to a state school on a scholarship and worked so I graduated undergrad debt-free. I had to take out loans for law school and recently (FINALLY) received public service loan forgiveness. I am the only lawyer in my family and am a minority and so really had no clue how to navigate law school or work as a lawyer. I found a job I am happy with, supports my family, and feel like I am successful, in part because of my own hard work and in part because of my parent’s emphasis on education.

   7. at least 50% luck+privilege (not sure how to disentangle these two). 30% smarts, 20% hard work.

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