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If you're wearing skirts right now, which are your favorite tights — and would you wear these patterned ones to work? (Also, does it matter how much leg is showing, either because you're wearing tall boots or a longer skirt?)
For my $.02, these remind me of the purple fishnets I used to pair with a navy midi skirt — something about only the patterned lower leg being exposed felt more appropriate than they did with my shorter skirts. (I suppose the higher the hem, the more I felt like I wanted an opaque tight.)
Thoughts, readers? These tights are highly rated at Amazon, with over 1000 good reviews; a two pack is $29. Happy Monday!
(Looking for higher end options? Check out Wolford and Falke — Target and Old Navy both have a ton right now too!)
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Hunting for more basic tights? These are reader favorites…
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
How do you prepare for the death of a beloved pet? Our dog is nearing 14, we know it’s coming soon. I love our dog whom my husband has had him since before we met, and I know he’s going to be beside himself when it happens. Is there anything I can do to help him? We already have multiple paintings of him.
AIMS
I don’t think there is anything you can do. I know someone who gets a puppy/kitten at this point because they think it helps but I would be seriously offended if someone brought a new creature into my home when I was preparing to grieve or when I was actually grieving. But I am not your husband. It does work for some people.
Anonymous
I aways think this is so rude to the animal, as the energy level of a puppy or kitten is so different and they haven’t had to share. My advice is take lots of photos and videos, do the things you want to do (take him for ice cream, bring him to the park when you can, etc.) so you know you’ve got good memories and when the time comes let his health dictate your decisions. When he passes, rescue another and think of it as tribute to the lovely pal you’ve had. It is tough though–hardest part of loving them.
Pep
Do NOT introduce a new animal to your home at this time. It will be very stressful to the aging/sick animal. You need to focus your emotional and financial resources on your current dog in his final years.
Although you may have many pictures of the dog, make sure you get a picture with both the dog AND your husband in it.
Anonymous
Unless the dog has health problems that indicate the end is near, please put this out of your head. I have an 18 year old cat and it’s clear that my husband thinks he’s on his last legs. It annoys the cr@p out of me. The cat is perfectly healthy stop acting like he’s going to drop dead at any moment. Don’t put that energy out in the universe! The cat still plays with toys and gets the zoomies and has serious issues with personal space. He’s my little guy. I’ve had him my entire adult life. And he’s going to live to see 30 god@/$!it.
Anonymous
This is what I want to say. Don’t put them in the hospice before they are dying. My dogs are 16 and 12 and I found myself making so many assumptions about their impending doom that I wasn’t acknowledging all the life they still have left in them. Now we do a lot more, we are all happier, and I will have more memories when they do go.
Anon
This is good advice. We had a dog who, from age 13 on, developed progressive health problems and we kept thinking “it could be any time” – he made it to 16! It’s bad enough when it happens without anticipating it all the time. When your pet is ready to go or needs to go, you can deal with it at that time. I wish we had spent more time enjoying the good days with our dog rather than thinking every bad day was the last one. When the last bad week finally came and we had to call the home euthanasia provider, there was no preparing for it – it hurt badly, and it was tough. But he was out of pain and I believe in a better place, and then we got a new dog 3 months later and that helped us heal.
OP
I appreciate this sentiment! Husband is actually the one who brought it up yesterday, 14 is already so long for a GSD. But we will love him til the last minute and beyond, and you’re right that there’s no need for the doom and gloom.
Anon
Oh hugs. We had to say goodbye to our GSD recently at 14.75 years. He was definitely declining slowly but not in pain or having any major issues and we thought we had more time. We accommodated his limitations but otherwise treated him like one of the family the whole time. An unexpected stroke made the decision for us. At the very very end, we were all able to be home with him, feed him his favorites, pet him and snuggle him, and just make sure he knew how much we loved him.
The only thing I would do differently if I could would be to find out ahead of time if our regular vet did house calls, and if not, find a local hospice vet who does and do an intro call so we wouldn’t be scrambling later.
Anon
I wish I had a lock of fur and a pawprint of our beloved cat. She went so quick, and I felt completely repulsed by the idea of taking those things after she was no longer in her body.
anon
You don’t prepare for this; you deal with it when it happens. Dwelling on it is only taking away the joy of enjoying your pet as he or she is now.
Source: Lost my beloved 18-year-old cat a few months ago. He was very healthy until the very end, when he suddenly wasn’t. And that was the end, and it was terrible and sad. I still grieve him but am so grateful that he had him as long as we did.
Anon
This is timely, my sweet old man dog died last week at the age of 14 (though that’s not to say yours will!). It’s been very hard – he has been with me through every major life stage/change since I graduated high school. I was semi-prepared for it as his aging seemed to really accelerated in 2021 – he was healthy/able-bodied overall, but was noticeably slowing and getting weaker. He also had started pacing at night very frequently. He ended up dying in a manner I did not expect (during a necessary but, in hindsight, risky vet procedure) and that is very hard as I don’t feel like I said a proper goodbye. At the same time, I think it’s easier to lose him like that (and he was under anesthesia, so he didn’t suffer) than to have watch him keep declining and ultimately make a call that it was time to put him to sleep. I remind myself that dogs do not have a concept of tomorrow – they only know whether today is a good day.
I don’t think there’s much you can do to prepare – we have a beach trip planned over MLK weekend and I am very grateful for that as it will get us out of the house where I really feel his absence constantly. My subconscious keeps tricking me and i find myself glancing for him/about to call him over for something, then remembering he’s gone. I would suggest a trip if you can swing it shortly after your guy passes away. I also made an album of his photos/videos on my phone, as I have hundreds. Definitely take video if you don’t have many – my dog’s favorite thing to do was have a nice roll in the grass on sunny mornings, and I love watching them now that he’s gone.
aBr
I’ll push back on the trip idea. Had to go on a trip a few days after putting down my 18 year old cat. Full on ugly cried on the plane. Anecdotally, a lot of people I know are more of a mess after losing the pet that got you through the initial years of adulting than when their family members pass. It’s like with the pet you feel it all at once whereas with humans you are in shock for a while before you get to the ugly cry stage. And, don’t count out that you are going to be feeling some big feelings too.
anon
Ahh, this may explain why I took it so hard when I lost my elderly cat. He had been with me since age 23. He’d seen it all: an early married person, a fun-loving 20-something, a new mom, etc. etc. We shared a bond I may never have with another pet.
Shananana
I just lost my old GSD mix in September at not quite 14. Arthritis and bad hips eventually got to the point where he was in pain all the time and the medications that helped gave him the spins so he couldn’t get up anyways. And still having to make the call was hard. Spend good time with them, do what they love, find a good vet who will have frank conversation with you, and the two of you need to think about what the sign is for you that its time. He’s a gsd, so picky eating and skipping meals probably isn’t it like it would be for a lab :). When mine stopped wanting to go for walks and we had run through all the meds and treatment options I knew it was time. We saw a pet chiropractor, did laser treatments, and tried every option suggested. That was what helped me be okay with the fact I was doing the best thing for him. In the end the vet sat with me as he fell asleep on my foot on a blanket on the floor and honestly as awful of a mess as I was I’m so happy I had that moment with him.
Anonymous
Stay in the moment – love him hard every day!
Anon
Many are saying that you don’t know when the end will come and that is correct up to a point. I have dogs right now who are 19 and 15, so I appreciate that there is a range. Having said that, the 15 y.o. Has declined very, very rapidly in the fast 6 months, and I will be surprised if she makes it 6 months and stunned if she lasts the year. Having been through this with other dogs, I recommend that you have a plan in mind for the end. Does your husband want to make the decision on when, or would it be easier if you made it, or jointly? Will you take the dog to the regular vet? Use a vet who will come to your home, so the final moments will be in familiar surroundings? If the latter, do the research now. Enjoy every moment. If your dog loves frosted flakes for dinner, frosted flakes it is. Think about ways to make life easier as mobility becomes more limited: extra dog beds so that there is one most any where, extra water bowls. And even if you are not religious, get a copy of Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. I don’t know if there is a heaven for people, but for dogs, I like to believe there is. This book will make you cry in a cathartic, happy sad way. All the hugs.
anon
I have been through this multiple times. striking the right balance of not preparing too much is hard, but what worked for me was just prioritizing spending time with him and the things he loved. For example, if we used to only to the dog park weekly, I’d prioritize going more often. Not a great example for an aging dog, but you get the idea. For my dog near the end of his life it was salmon patties :) basically I asked myself what would make me feel like I gave him a great life when he’s gone, and I did a lot of that. It was also fun to give him all the things he wanted and spend a ton of time with him so that made it feel less negative and like preparing for death
Anon
People talked about CTY camps last week. With COVID, my kids have never been to sleep-away camps and have aged out of local day camps catering to K-5th graders. This summer, I’d love for them to go to the sort of transformative summer camps that some of you all have been to. I started looking around and found 1) some at college campuses that you apply to and may get into or not (also: expensive, far from home, not sure they will happen with COVID), 2) some that are very expensive (>1K/kid/week), and a lot I know nothing about (and know no one who has been there). To make it drive-able and with COVID, we’d prefer VA or NC . I grew up elsewhere and don’t have any personal summer camp experience. It seems that in my city sending your middle schooler away for 2-4 weeks is standard (and yet my kids didn’t even go to in-person school last year, so they really feel disconnected from people and I think they’d like the intensity of bonds that can form at camp). [Or, really, I’d settle for no screen time — zoom art lessons just break my heart — everyone tries so hard and it just doesn’t work well for my kids.]
Anon
I think “transformative” is a high expectation. I went to these sorts of camps (not CTY… too much $$$ for my family but others where I could get scholarships) and other less “rigorous” ones, for lack of a better word. I did them because they were fun, they got me out of my podunk town and with like minded kids. Sure, there were some duds in there, particularly one that was 10 days of really, really mean girls, but mostly they were awesome. As I said, I went because they were fun, not because of any sort of transformative experience.
tl;dr – As long as the camp is accredited by whatever safety standards make it reasonably unlikely that your kid will encounter an ax murderer or be eaten by bears, don’t be too picky. Involve your kids in the process and go to the ones that they think sound fun and your wallet can handle.
Anonymous
CTY is a transformative experience for many kids because it’s the first time they’ve been around other kids like them in a learning environment geared to their needs. Add on living in a dorm with some degree of freedom for 3 weeks, and it’s heaven for 12- and 13-year-olds. I loved Girl Scout camp too, but it wasn’t transformative in the same way as CTY.
Anonymous
If your kids are in middle school and have no previous summer camp experience, I’d start with a one-week experience this year and then do CTY or something similarly spectacular next year. (FWIW, I have heard that most other college gifted camps, including Duke TIP, are mediocre revenue grabs, so stick with CTY if your kid qualifies.) College sports camps can be super fun and are generally just under a week. The US Space Camp in Huntsville, AL is a great one-week camp. YMCA camps may be a decent option if your kid is somewhat outdoorsy, but take advantage of the open house day to look at the facilities and inquire about the programming and make sure your kid will like it. I’d stay away from scout camps unless your kid is already into scouts–these tend to be the most outdoorsy and are not a good fit for all kids.
Realistically, you are looking at $1K or more per week for just about any decent camp. There are exceptions, like the college sports camp we used to pay $375 a week for until it closed a couple of years ago, but generally it’s $1K minimum and much more for academic and arts camps. The camp my daughter wants to attend this year is $6K for three weeks and that’s the “affordable” one. You definitely do not want to shell out that kind of money unless you know your kid is a good camper.
anon
$1K for a week of summer camp??? That is insane. Summer camp really does mean something different on the East Coast, I guess.
OP, solidarity but no great solutions. My 12-year-old has aged out of most day camps, but he needs more activity than being a sloth around the house all day for 9 weeks. I honestly don’t know what we’re going to do this year.
Anon
I don’t think it’s an East Coast thing. The Jewish summer camp my husband went to and our kids will go to starts at $800-1,400/week depending on age and how long you go for. And this is a nature-y camp in rural Michigan for middle class families, not a “fancy” camp like Space Camp. Sleepaway camps are just priced very differently than day camps. There are decent day camps in my area for ~$250, but they are also 9-3 at most, so you normally have to have other childcare.
Anonymous
Even day camp is $400+ a week, except at the Y, so it makes sense that sleepaway camp is $1K. SEUS MCOL.
Anonymous
Day camp counselor in training. Summer school if available (starting at 13 mine has always done summer school to free up space for electives during the year). Coding/STEM programs. Camp. Send to visit relatives.
Anonymous
Sign him up for a club gymnastics team. That always drove me crazy with the 4-hour daytime practices during the summer. Are there other sports that assume parents don’t work during the summer?
anon
Swimming. Ugh, it’s a racket. Yes, it’s totally reasonable to have kids practice from 8-11 a.m. every day of the week. It’s stuff like this that I can’t discuss with my sahm friends because they do not get that all these “opportunities” are logistically not feasible for many families.
Anonymous
I mean, 1 week of my autistic kid’s day camp (not even sleepaway, just 9-3) was $750, so i’m not surprised at all about that…
Anon
I started researching summer residential programs for high schoolers and USC, just as one example, charges $10k for their summer engineering program, which is 4 weeks. $10k is a year’s tuition at our local State U. Not doable for us financially, but we make enough money that our son wouldn’t qualify for scholarships.
Based on my research it looked like most 2-3 week programs were $3500-$5000. I am sure that’s easily affordable for some families but for us it would take some financial maneuvering to afford, or dipping into savings.
Anon
$1k actually strikes me as pretty reasonable for overnight camp. I’m in a LCOL Midwest city.
LaurenB
This is not an East Coast thing. The summer camp that my husband attended / was a counselor at, and my kids attended (son also served as a counselor), is $6,450 for 4 weeks, $11,550 for 8 weeks. This is in rural Minnesota and the bulk of campers were from St Louis, Chicago, etc. with only a relative handful from either coast.
Personally I find that sleep-away summer camps are a “Jewish thing” and that was true both on the East Coast where I grew up and the Midwest where I live now. (The camp I’m referring to has mostly Jewish campers, though it is not religious and anyone is welcome.)
Anon
I’d love to put in a specific recommendation for Nature Camp in Virginia! https://naturecamp.net/ I was involved in their adult education programs and have good friends on the board. It’s an extremely affordable, fun nature-education based camp near Lexington, Virginia, and it’s super affordable too ($975 for a two-week session). They’re really focused on helping kids get used to the sleep-away experience as well.
Anon
What’s your question?
Anon
I know, it’s always impossible to understand what this person is saying!
Another anon
She’s looking for a sleep away camp for 6+ graders in VA or NC. If reading comprehension skills are important to her, you and Anon at 4:08 should sit this one out.
Anonymous
These posts are so distinctive and always seem to be an odd anxiety dump.
Anonymous
It feels to me very much like someone who is (a) existing in a different socioeconomic strata from that of her family of origin and (b) constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses and help her kids retain or exceed this current status. I feel for her, but yes, it can be hard to follow.
Anonymous
does anyone want to refer me to celsius? would rather the referral 50$ go to someone here rather than random blogs/websites!
Anon
My referral code is 183689c4f5
Anon
Where would you go for a long weekend or maybe a week-long vacation to escape from grief? Some place that’s easy on the soul. Asked a different way, where’s your happy place?
The only ask is that there not be a lot of planning required (so, no trekking through Europe where I’d have to build a complex itinerary with different hotels every night, different languages everywhere, etc).
Anon
Oh, more info: don’t care about climate – could be cold or warm. We’re in DC, but we’re happy to drive or fly. Just need…something new to us that doesn’t ask a lot of us.
AIMS
Sedona, AZ.
anon
Sedona is truly lovely. I didn’t expect to like the region at all, but I found it awe-inspiring when I went there.
Anon
I really like to get out in nature on a local walking trail that is especially pretty (to me, some sort of water view). Just a couple hours outdoors and unplugged and I feel much better. Also something about moving the body also changes up my mood in a good way. Is there maybe an arboretum near you?
Anon
Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix would be a lovely domestic trip. The garden is beautiful and there is something magical about seeing so much of the sky and horizon around sunset. Lots of easy hiking in Phoenix / Scottsdale.
Anon
I have done a similar kind of trip by taking a long weekend at the Ace Hotel & Swim Club in Palm Springs. Of course that’s very personal to my preferences, but I needed it and it helped.
anon
NYC, which may be counterintuitive. There’s too much happening for me to wallow in grief and it is a city where being by yourself is normal and accepted. I always feel restored and more connected to the world after a weekend there.
Anonymous
When I was deep into grief I went to Santa Fe and it was deeply heeling. I went to several lovely hot springs and spas, wandered the city, did some gentle hikes, napped, enjoyed the wide open spaces. I’m not a crunchy granola person but I truly just felt the entire vibe was deeply healing.
Anon
There must be something primal with the SW US — so many of us are suggesting it.
Anon
I am a New Mexican and have done personal retreats to Santa Fe and Taos. The energy is different up there, somehow. I also recommend looking to see if there’s anything in Ghost Ranch or Ojo Caliente that might work.
If you want a true retreat in the future (post-Covid), the monastery at Christ in the Desert used to allow people to come and do silent retreats. Matthew McConaughey talks about the retreat he did at Christ in the Desert in his book, Greenlight. You don’t have to be Catholic (or even Christian, or particularly religious) to benefit from a retreat there. But I don’t believe they are allowing retreats at the moment.
Anon
If you’re looking to go soon, I’d head somewhere with sunshine. I don’t know what your budget is or where exactly you’re coming from, but my first thought is Puerto Rico – sunshine, beaches but also things to do and see especially if you’re near San Juan, a place that feels out of the ordinary coming from the continental US but not an insurmountable language barrier, and no stress about having to quarantine in a different country if you catch omicron. (If you’re coming from the West Coast, I’d suggest Hawaii for similar reasons). Reading an engrossing book on the beach is always rejuvenating for me. I also visited San Diego at a very stressful time in my life, and really enjoyed walking around Little Italy and taking the ferry to Coronado and walking around there. If you can get a trusted friend (who you’ve traveled with before! That’s important, you don’t want to find out you’re incompatible travelers in this situation) to come with you, great, but if not a solo trip at your own pace can be incredibly healing. I wish you the best, and I’m sorry for your loss.
If cost is no issue . . .
If cost is no issue, Blackberry Farm is absolutely healing to the soul. I went during a really difficult time and it was a dream and just what I needed.
NYCer
+1. I did not go during a difficult time, but it definitely is a dream and seems like it would be ideal for this type of trip.
Would also consider Alisal Ranch in California, Lake Louise in Canada, or Harbor Island, Bahamas.
Sloan Sabbith
Usually I’d say Iceland but the international travel thing might be asking a lot right now.
I’m on the west coast but I’m sure there’s somewhere in Maine with the same thing- a beach town in the winter. I went to the Washington coast this fall and it was so nice to just sit and look at the stormy ocean, take a walk along the beach when it wasn’t pouring rain, go to the bookshop in the town and just relax.
Anon
+1 to beach towns in the winter. I’m a Californian so I’m biased toward the PCH (Jenner and Cambria are my favorites) but I’m sure these also exist on the east coast. Rent a house, pack in the groceries on day one, then lean into relaxation and very few activities other than enjoying the view and taking care of yourself.
Anon
I love Maine, but would really not recommend a Maine beach town in the winter. Maine tourism is very seasonal and the tourist infrastructure really shuts down from late October to mid-April. You will likely have difficulty finding a hotel and decent restaurants to eat at, and if you’re planning to go in the next month or two the odds are high that a blizzard could interfere with getting there or it will be so intolerably cold you can’t be outside for more than a few minutes. Washington state is far more temperature than Maine, and PNW beaches are where you want to go for the “bundling up in a sweater at the beach” experience in January. For reference, Portland, ME weather in April is pretty similar to Seattle weather in January (highs in the upper 40s).
Sloan Sabbith
I have never been to Maine, clearly. Um, maybe somewhere else on the east coast? Maine just seems pretty!
Anon
It is indeed very pretty :) but I would not recommend a winter visit unless you want to spend all your time XC skiing or snow-shoeing and have the appropriate winter gear. There are beach towns up and down the eastern seaboard from Maine to Florida. You have to go to Florida, and probably South Florida, if you want reliable swimming weather, but my guess is there are many places in GA/SC/NC that would be pleasant for walking around in January. Maybe even further north than that, like Delaware or southern New Jersey would be ok. But New England winter is on a different level.
Anon
I’m very sorry for your loss. I always feel most at peace near the ocean, so I would go to Hawaii or Florida.
Anon
Has anyone had sebaceous hyperplasia removed, and how big was the scar? I have a ton of them (all benign, regularly examined) but one on my upper cheek is narrow but very tall, so it’s in my field of view and it drives me insane. Trying to decide if chopping it off will solve the problem.
AZCPA
I have – my derm did electrocautery, which didn’t scar at all. Laser and cryo are also options, which are unlikely to scar (or it will be very minimal).
PolyD
Do you mean seborrheic keratosis? I had one removed from my face by a plastic surgeon back when I was in my 20s – very minimal scarring, almost invisible. I had one on my hip cauterized off (they used a thing that looked like a car cigarette lighter) – it grows back within a couple of years. I had one on the top of my shoulder sliced off with a scalpel – it didn’t grow back but I have a slightly whiter area in my skin where it was, and it took a while to fade.
About a week before Christmas I had the one on my hip removed again. I asked for it to be cut off, since it grew back the first time (the shoulder one never grew back) and she did a combo of slicing and cauterizing (I think – I didn’t really watch, but I think there was more involved than just slicing it off). I had a pretty big divot for a while, but it’s healing up nicely and now it’s pink and it’s filled in well. I expect to have a pink scar there for a while. For reference, I’m 54 and tend to heal well from cuts and things, although I have faint pink scars for quite a while (they eventually go away, and they are faint enough that they don’t bother me).
For ones on your body, I’d just go to a dermatologist. For ones on your face, I’d consider finding a plastic surgeon. Seborrheic keratoses are rarely malignant and don’t turn into melanoma – it’s an entirely different kind of cell. But I totally understand wanting to have them removed.
Anon
I said, aloud, “oh cute!!!” when I saw these tights. I went to college in the 80s and my look was a combination of vintage straight skirts and sweater sets from goodwill + lace tights. I still wore them when starting work in the 90s (I also had a pink suit), which was probably a mistake. I don’t think I’d wear them to work now, in my fifties, especially because work is downstairs from my bedroom. But I’m very nostalgic for lace tights!
For anyone considering them, lace tights that are lace all the way to the waist are very hard to pull up without ripping them. That’s my PSA for the day.
Worried
+1 I had the same reaction as I went to university in the late 80s too and used to wear patterned tights and skirts often. I have two or three pairs of lace tights now that I used to break out on the rare occasion (Pre Covid) to add interest and texture to a plain dress or skirt. I would wear them out in the future i paired the right dress or skirt
Anon
Working on an annual report and sent one of the portions of it to my team. One of my colleauges had many, many nitpicky suggestions so I said I’d send it to them and they could make the edits and send it back to me. “No, no, it’s fine as is, no need to send it to me!” That’s what I thought.
Curious
#winning.
Anon
Wow that is a d ck move. On your colleague’s part, of course. A very important professional lesson I’ve learned is when good enough is good enough, especially if somebody else is responsible for doing the work! I can look at something and think I would have done X, Y, and Z differently but also recognize the A, B, and C are not any worse, just different. And I can keep my mouth shut!
Anon
This is not something my colleague understands. In their mind, they could always have done it better….no matter whether or not they have the expertise to even know what’s going on. They have many, many unhelpful and often incorrect opinions, so many that another colleague and I have a shorthand for when we’re annoyed that they’re providing their opinion.
voluntold
Ha, I do this, too.
Them: “I found [what I think is a HUGE PROBLEM but is actually not urgent or a big deal]!!!!”
Me: “Sounds like you have the [expertise/time/skill/desire] to fix it, when I can I see a first pass?”
Them: “Um. Wut?”
Yeah, this thing went through multiple reviews with multiple experts. Found a typo? Great, I’ll get that fixed (it’s pretty much never a typo). Have a different opinion? Also great, let’s put in the work to share your opposing view. But you just want my team to somehow intuit your POV into existence? We can’t and won’t be doing that, thanks.
Anon
I have a coworker who will do this, and will do the work to “fix” whatever she thinks is wrong, and then also be a total martyr about how busy she is. Like, half of your workload you’ve brought on yourself because you’re a control freak.
Monday
I also think sometimes people do this because they think it makes them look smart or valuable in the workplace. But no, it’s just annoying. Especially when they knew people were working on it for a year and had numerous opportunities to weigh in, but only suddenly had their brilliant insights when the final draft was already done.
test run
Yes, I actually think this was part of the going career advice at some point? Like, “make sure to always have an opinion/provide feedback to show you’re engaged.” Pretty sure that can go the way of “stop by in person and hand deliver a hard copy of your resume.”
Anon
Ugh, these people. Love when the director of mechanical engineering wants to pick apart my punctuation. Just sign off, Tom, we know you hate the Oxford comma, but it’s staying in the style guide.
voluntold
It definitely reads “early career” to me, in large part because I used to feel this way. But at least I was asked to weigh in, not just randomly popping into someone else’s work! These days, if I don’t have something substantive to add, I approve the work. If I see the same nitpicky thing repeatedly, then I’ll tell the person. And I usually acknowledge that it’s a style or preference or nitpicky thing, but if I’m the final approver, then please don’t use whatever the nitpicky thing is.
I also try to actually GIVE feedback and suggestions on what I want to see vs. just “I found a problem” or “I don’t like this”. WHERE WAS THE PROBLEM, CHAD!?!? WHAT DON’T YOU LIKE ABOUT IT!?!? If you want to change something, I’m open to considering it, but I can’t read your mind, and I’m definitely not going to take a bunch of guesses at what you want changed.
Anon
Were you asking for feedback? If someone asks me to review a document, I usually assume that they’re looking for suggestions and that there might be lots of mistakes nobody has caught yet. If it’s already in final form but they just want to make sure there are no glaring issues before they send it out, then they usually say that. Your coworker might just be annoying, but it might help if you make clear what level of feedback you’re looking for.
Anon
I was asking for the “glaring-issues” review, not the “rewrite my perfectly fine sentence because you would write it slightly differently and therefore clearly better” review.
Curious
Help distract me from anticipatory anxiety about chemo 2 (starts today) with vicarious anticipatory joy! What is something you are looking forward to? I am hoping for (1) a clean scan in May and (2) that during my recuperation we can go spend an idyllic week with friends on the Olympic peninsula. I am picturing baby crawling blissfully in grass and flowers, though the reality is probably more like touching a slug for the first time and trying to put it in her mouth (#pnw).
Cb
We are (hopefully) going to York as a family in Easter and my kid is so excited about the National Railway Museum. When he is really excited, his eyes get as big as saucers and he goes quiet, and I can’t wait to see him see his favourite train (the Mallard, it is beautiful).
And I just got funding to run a residential writing retreat for academic moms whose have had research setbacks during the pandemic and I’m looking forward to helping my colleagues (and myself) carve out space to focus on research.
Curious
Cb, I’m so happy for you for both of these things. I love your updates!
Anonymous
From a transplanted yorkshire person – happy memories of visiting that museum in York, and seeing the original Rocket then on Darlington station!
Anon
“And I just got funding to run a residential writing retreat for academic moms whose have had research setbacks during the pandemic and I’m looking forward to helping my colleagues (and myself) carve out space to focus on research.”
This is so amazing!
Anon
Tomorrow is my birthday and my daughter is coming home from college to attend my birthday dinner (after rapid testing of course).
Curious, someday you will be sitting where I am, looking forward to a visit from your college-aged daughter!!!
Curious
I dearly hope so, and I hope the visit is everything you want it to be!
Anonymous
I had been wondering how you were doing. Sending all good vibes for today. I am hoping for a clean scan later this spring myself (was the person with cancer who wrote about monitoring colonoscopy being pushed for another two months because of Covid). I’m in Chicago where it was 9 degrees this a.m. My biggest joy is when the leaves come back on trees when it’s summer and putting up a hammock in my backyard and just closing my eyes and listening to them rustle in the wind. I also plan to go raspberry picking with friends. And I want to make homemade sangria and have a long leisurely backyard dinner with my friends. To get over winter’s dreary hump, my New Year’s resolution was to get up early and watch the sunrise over Lake Michigan at least once a month. I did it last month and the whole day just felt like it was better. I got some beautiful shots of my dog with an orange-y glow while we were out there.
Curious
I’m originally from Chicago and I can picture that sunrise and the leaves (did you grow up with cottonwoods? That’s the sound of my childhood.) Thank you for sharing this and please keep us posted on how you are doing. I had been wondering how you were!
Anonymous
Thinking of you, Curious. I am another ‘rette cancer survivor. The sun is out after a couple of gloomy, wet days. I am so excited to walk to the school bus this afternoon to get my daughter.
Curious
The sun was out in Seattle yesterday, too, and we soaked it in. May the walk be beautiful.
Sloan Sabbith
It was such a nice day!
anon
Good vibes to you!
I just booked a 4-day silent meditation retreat for myself in February. I have been meaning to do it for years now, and the beginning of what looks to be yet another globally chaotic year seemed like a great time to do it!
Curious
If you are willing to circle back after you go with what it’s like, I would be so grateful. It sounds wonderful and I’d love to live vicariously through you.
anon
Absolutely!!
Ses
Wishing you well on chemo 2. We’ll all be thinking of you.
I’m looking forward to summer where I’ll work remotely near a lake and eat myself silly on berries.
Smaller and sooner, I’m looking forward to Valentine’s Day candies. I like red hot hearts and all kinds of chocolate.
Curious
Thanks, Ses. You’ve been a support all the way through. That sounds just wonderful. We get the best blueberries and huckleberries on hikes here… I love that you love berries!
AnonMPH
I am finally pregnant! Been trying for a year and a half and got the news that our second IVF transfer took just before New Years! Very much hoping for a smooth and successful nine months and welcoming a baby in September!
Curious
I have tears in my eyes for you. Our baby is a September little one too. Here’s hoping for everything to go well for you. So very exciting :).
Anon
You’re so strong, good vibes to you for the remaining chemo and fingers crossed for a clean scan in May.
I’m looking forward to hopefully going to Italy for spring break in March. It will be our first international trip with our preschooler and DH’s and my first trip outside N. America since pre-pandemic. I’ve missed anticipating travel. On a smaller scale, I always really look forward to Valentine’s Day because my daughter is a February baby and has loved hearts since she was a baby, so we always make a big deal out of it with all the red/pink and heart-shaped things and it’s very fun.
Curious
I love this so much! Enjoy the cr*p out of Italy for us. And I love that you and Ses are so looking forward to Valentine’s Day. It makes me excited too.
Senior Attorney
Much love to you, Curious!!
I am looking forward to the upcoming three-day weekend and finally getting our garage all cleared out and functioning (as in, my car parked in there!) after the latest round of big house projects.
Curious
Yassss you will Do. The. Thing!
Anonymous
All the virtual hugs to you!
I am looking forward to the possibility of snow on Saturday, when I can actually enjoy it.
Curious
My mom was just bonding with a friend of ours over their love of snow. May it be lovely and deep enough for fun and just the right amount of wet for what you want to do.
CapHillAnon
Curious, this internet stranger is rooting for you. Good luck this week and good luck with the scan in the spring. You’ve got this.
I’m looking forward in the short term to a quick ski weekend this weekend with my family (a small condolence trip in the wake of a more ambitious holiday trip that was scrapped by covid), and longer term, I’m looking forward to the year in general. It’s full of freshness and possibility, great books, sporting cool birds, planting some new plants in my garden, silliness from the children, unexpected fun times. The last two years were really something, and I feel like they (painfully) reframed my expectations repeatedly and so I’m training my eyes on the little things.
Sending you all the good luck.
Curious
What a positive outlook on another pandemic year :). I hope you get great powder and oddly empty long runs and lovely family time.
Vicky Austin
I’m looking forward to my second attempt at these to go with our dinner: https://smittenkitchen.com/2015/01/caramelized-onion-and-gruyere-biscuits/
and sending you much love and visualizing that happy week on the peninsula for you!
Calrayo
Oh! I made those for my thesis defense! It was tradition to have snacks available for anyone attending your defense, and although others in my lab offered to pick something up for me, having some stress-relief baking to do the night before was so nice. I passed. Enjoy!
Curious
That. Looks. Amazing.
The end.
Anon
We’re all here cheering you on! I’m looking forward to roasted potatoes with romesco sauce, eggs, and sauteed spinach for dinner and another day of the Move challenge for Yoga with Adrienne.
Curious
So tasty and also I love Adrienne. Enjoy her very soothing voice :)
Curious
Y’all I’m sure no one is still reading, but in case you can’t tell from me being all over this thread, you made my day..my husband asked me if I was ready and then was like, well, not ready, I know you won’t really be ready. I grinned and answered honestly that Corporette had cheered me up enough that I felt totally able to do this. Thank you.
Anonymous
You’ve got this!
Coach Laura
That’s great Curious! I’m just now getting to this thread.
Last year in February after our covid shots, our adult kids and I went to Lopez Island. We got a cheap vrbo on the water (because covid low demand) and had a great time. Saw almost no one, walked every beach and explored every park. But mainly we sat and read in front of the fire and made fun meals. Lopez is different because there is no commercial district and only one restaurant open Wednesday-Sunday so we made all our meals, which may not be what you want but we had the most relaxing trip. San Juan or Orcas might be better for meals and more variety. On San Juan, Roche Harbor and Lakedale are great and on Orcas, Rosario is the best.
We have also had great family trips to Lake Crescent Lodge on the Peninsula – get one of the cabins.
Our other great trip was Sleeping Lady outside Leavenworth. Sometimes it is sunnier there than the West/Wet side where we are.
Thinking of you tomorrow.
Anonymous
Ideas on places to travel that are like Santa Barbara – but likely a direct flight from DC? Just need to get away – though I’d wait until the thick of this surge is done. I’m looking for someplace visually beautiful with a beach [don’t need to swim so doesn’t matter if it’s cold water but I’d like temps to be 60+ degrees outdoors so I can just walk around to my heart’s content – really tired of winter already]. I’d like a town/small city feel, like a “downtown” to walk around in but don’t want anything that’s too busy; like I don’t want to go to a major city with big airports, tons of traffic etc. Just something quiet and low key where I can walk on the beach, ideally see palm trees, walk around town to cute candy or coffee shops and book shops and just sit. Can’t think of where this would be – maybe St. Augustine Fla which is a flight to Jacksonville but there must be other places.
Anon
https://www.delraysandsresort.com/
A very short drive from FLL airport, which I would think you could do direct from DC.
I also love Santa Barbara and if you love it, I don’t think it’s a terrible drive from LAX. My map app says 1 hour 38 minutes.
Anon
I think direct flight from DC and small town are pretty much incompatible, unless you stay very close to DC or are willing to drive from a major airport to small town. If you don’t want to drive, I think you’re limited to SC or FL, or maybe somewhere on the Gulf Coast in AL, MS, or LA? Not sure how many of those are warm, though. Even Santa Barbara is in the 40s and 50s most days right now. I hate Myrtle Beach, but the area around Murrell’s Inlet isn’t too bad. It’s close enough to Charleston that you could go there too, if it’s not too big city for you.
Anon
Singer Island in Florida
Anon 2.0
I love Treasure Island in FL. Lots of smaller, locally owned resorts. We stayed at Page Terrace recently. It’s tiny, built in the 50s, no frills, and locally owned and just what we wanted. If you want something a little nicer I’ve also stayed at the Bilmar. Large open beaches, walking distance to restaurants (though nothing fancy), ice cream shops, etc. It is low key and reminds me a a beach town of yesteryear where big chains haven’t fully dug in their teeth.
Anon
You can fly to Mobile from DCA.
FP
Yes – highly recommend The Grand resort (gorgeous) and downtown Fairhope, AL.
Party Animal
Clearwater Beach or St. Petersburg, FL
Anonymous
Fly to San Francisco and Uber or some such to Half Moon Bay.
NYCer
Montage Palmetto Bluff in South Carolina is lovely (45 min drive from Savannah airport).
Anonymous
Am I crazy to try to go to Disney in FL in early February? The thinking behind it: my husband and youngest son definitely got covid after thanksgiving, my older son probably had it before. My booster was 11/5 (my husband’s and kids vaccines after that) so I would be comfortable with a 3-4 month window on the booster. We live in a red state where the pandemic ended in 2020 and my son goes to a festering cesspool of a public middle school so odds are we will all get Omicron before then.
Anonymous
Will you all be recovered from omicron before early February? I’d book a bit farther out.
anon
IDK, the odds that Omicron could screw up your plans seem pretty darn high, once you factor in the isolation periods and such.
Anon
I would wait, but just because the odds you’ll get exposed and have to isolate right before your trip are high. March should be better.
anon
At this point, I don’t know that Disney is any riskier than being in the general population. If you’re Covid cautious, then sure, certain Disney activities would increase your risk level. But if you and/or your spouse are in the office, your kid is in public school, you dine indoors or attend gatherings in your large state, I don’t think Disney is going to be that different in terms of exposure risk. In February, at least the weather is nice enough to enjoy outdoor dining. I might worry that I or a family member got sick just before the trip or while there, and you couldn’t go on the trip or couldn’t enjoy the rest of the trip. I’m not sure what Disney’s current cancellation policies are, or what you could do if you got sick during your trip.
Anon
If you do Disney, February before the spring break crowds start is ideal. I wouldn’t push it to March.
Anon
Reminder that public schools in the Northeast have February break off (week of President’s Day); so regardless of COVID you don’t want that week unless that’s what you are specifically planning around.
Z
FWIW, I’ve gone to Disney in the first 2 weeks of February in 2018 and 2020 and the crowds were relatively light. Obviously “light” means different things to different people and that was pre-covid, but its been a its a great time to go for me.
Anon
February break is the third week of February (the week of the 21st this year). Makes sense that early February is calm, but I’m sure the week of President’s Day is a different story.
Anonymous
I think I’d also weigh healthcare access and anticipated trends. Also consider age and vaccination status of the oldest son. Maybe think through how you will handle if one or more of the family gets ill on arrival, during or just before you want to leave. I’d personally wait until later this spring.
Anon
It’s a gamble, because if you got COVID soon you may not be well enough to travel.
Auburn
A couple personal anecdotes to consider: I now know of two people (one a close friend, one a friend of a friend) who had COVID in November and have now been reinfected in January. Most likely they had delta before and now have omicron. Studies are showing that while omicron gives some protection from delta, anyone who had delta previously has almost no immunity to omicron. Based on your timeline, there is a pretty high likelihood you are all fully susceptible to omicron. And boosters only seem to be helping with the severity of the disease, not with whether or not you catch it. Pretty much everyone sick I know right now (including my husband and me!) are vaxxed and boosted. And feeling how I feel right now, Disney is probably the last place I would want to be. A mild case still sucks and requires a ton of rest/fluids. If you’re convinced you’re going to get it, I would wait until that point comes and THEN book. There’s not that much time between now and early February, especially since this virus is so unpredictable. My husband tested positive last Wednesday, and I didn’t test positive until today. It could take a while to work its way through your family, which would mean a high likelihood if anyone gets sick between now and early February that there’s at least one family member who hasn’t yet fully recovered by the time the trip rolls around.
Anon
I think there’s also just a lot of randomness because different people have different degrees of susceptibility. There are all these unvaxxed people out there running around who somehow still haven’t had it, and yet I have a friend who is triple vaccinated and has Covid twice now (once in early December and once now), likely Omicron both times (first time it was confirmed by sequencing). She doesn’t have known immune issues and she had fairly mild symptoms (especially the second time) but for whatever reason – maybe just dumb luck – she’s had far more than her share of experience with Covid.
Anonymous
(I’m the OP) – we’ve got cancellation insurance, and I’d heard Superbowl week was the best week to go at Disney so we also timed it for that. If we get sick obviously we’ll have to cancel. just figured we’d try to schedule a quickie trip since kids haven’t been anywhere since 2/20. (We’re regularly Extremely COVID cautious, but sending my kid to middle school basically ensures we’re all getting it. My youngest isn’t best at mask wearing either, though his school is better about social distancing during lunch.)
Anon
Make sure your trip cancellation includes COVID as a cause. I am of the understanding that most policies don’t.
Anon
+1 most travel insurance now explicitly carves out Covid. But you may have better protection through your credit card, especially if you have a “premium” card like the Chase Sapphire Reserve.
I’m booking spring and summer now, but only fully refundable hotels. My understanding is Disney is usually not fully refundable.
Anonymous
Mine doesn’t because I live in (not travel to) NY. About four other states are also excluded. It is worth checking the policy small print.
Anonymous
What happens if your middle schooler comes down with COVID during the trip? That would be my biggest concern. How are you going to quarantine and get home? Or are you just going to fly home with COVID as many people seem to be doing?
Anon
Guys, I am posting here to say I Did The Thing – and it feels so great!
Over the last 3-4 days I have done the following (all of which had been put off consistently before then):
– applied for a passport for my kid
– rolled over the 401K from my old (very old! like 2 jobs ago) job to my current plan
– initiated a return for a thing I bought
– made a big purchase I had been doing research on since before Christmas and hadn’t pulled the trigger
JustmeintheSouth
Great work, I love when it’s done!
Curious
Woot! I love every time anyone shares they did the thing.
Samantha
Reporting back on the Target Rib Knit dress by Merona that was featured on here in mid-December. I bought the pictured magenta color and my usual size. Caveat that it was a $20 dress to begin with, and Target generally does a good job with it’s dresses (I own two others and use them all the time in the summer). The rib knit dress clings to my hips and accentuates every lump and bump. I am more of a pear and small on top, and while the high neck is flattering, the lack of pleats or flare of any kind make the dress very form fitting on the bottom. I will keep it, and try to wear by distracting with a belt or jewelry, since it’s not worth the trip to the store to return it.
Elbe
Wear a skirt over it.
Anon
I don’t have the easiest relationship with my narcissist father and enabling mother and I wish I had somebody close to me who knew what that was like. It’s not like the horrifically bad stories you read on reddit and I know every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, but I’m going through a pretty bad phase right now and it just sucks. It’s hard and it’s sad and it’s hurtful in ways some people just don’t understand. Anyway, just needed to whine about that for a second. On to better things!
Anon
Hugs, Anon! I have the reverse, narcissist mother and enabling father, and it is hard.
Anon
Sorry you are dealing with this- you deserve better. Please be kind to yourself and take some space, if you can.
Anonymous
I found reading about how to deal with NPD really helpful. It gave me permission to set boundaries.
Anon
Hugs. I have a narcissist FIL and enabling MIL and it’s really hard on all of us but especially my husband. You have my sympathies.
Anon
I have the same situation. It’s benignly miserable most of the time, but aggressively hopeless the rest of the time.
Ahn-ohn
Reading about grey rock (don’t fan the flames do to speak) was helpful. Also having a few prepared sentences “ok then”; “oh look at the time I must dash”. If all else fails, picture then flying around the broomstick!