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Updated: Aug 24, 2020 258 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Zip Around Portfolio

Coffee Break

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Serapian Zip Around Portfolio

Reader M wrote in to recommend this leather portfolio at Barney's, noting: “Alas I don't have it so I can't vouch personally (so expensive!), but I'm pretty sure I would DIE of happiness if somebody gifted me this gorgeous, gorgeous zip-around leather portfolio. It should even fit legal size paper, judging from the dimensions.”

Le sigh — I love a good zip around portfolio, but they are so difficult to find online!

This one is $385… readers, where do you get great leather portfolios and the like? Serapian Zip Around Portfolio
(L-2)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

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  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anon

    Kat, do you do all of the research for this site online? It would helpful sometimes to have in-person reviews of these clothes and items, instead of just reviews of the catalog listings.

    • anonz

      Yes I agree – it’s nice to get a real-life perspective on some of the fit and quality details.

    • zora

      We do often get real-life reviews, either from Kat or from the people sending in suggestions. But she has to fill 2 posts a day 5 times a week, that would be a LOT of hours of on-the-ground research. I think the balance is great, and many times a week commenters give additional in person reviews and report backs.

  2. Leslie

    I think portfolios like that are gorgeous, but I had one that was very similar and it was SO HEAVY. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it was a pain to carry around by itself. I needed to slip it into a bag, so it wasn’t that useful. Maybe this one is lighter.

  3. Jessica Glitter

    Anyone have target mossimo valerie ballet flats..and do they stretch? [just bought some in my normal size and they are a bit snug…]

    • Merabella

      I don’t have those particular shoes, but I have found my target flats to stretch out.

    • TCFKAG

      I thought it WAS a redweld. I mean — I literally thought the Coffee Break item was a redweld. It was very confuzzling.

      • CW

        Me too. I think it’s too big for me, though. Most of my bags (even my laptop bag) couldn’t fit a legal sized redweld.

    • a lawyer

      I have the levenger redrope in letter and legal size and really like them, particularly the letter size. However, as noted, it is rare that these are all that useful. They enable to put a few briefs or the like into one, along with sticky notes or flags, if I am going to a meeting that won’t require much paperwork, but that is rare. Usually I am lugging around a couple of carts of files or banker boxes.

  5. TO Lawyer

    I love this in theory but I’m not sure if I would actually use it enough to make it worthwhile. Does anyone have a portfolio like this and get adequate use out of it?

    • Lyssa

      I have a portfolio that’s really nothing like that (doesn’t zip), but it’s nice and I like it, but you’re right, I very rarely use it. At first, I used it a lot, but after a while, it became more trouble than it was worth, as I’d have to carry a bag, too. I sometimes slip briefs into it, then into my bag, if I want to look really put together taken them out, but it’s very rare. I think it’s nice to hold resumes for interviews, but that’s about it.

    • zora

      If I actually did my current job in DC instead of CA, I would definitely be using a portfolio every day.

      Alternatively, if I was running events professionally, I would also use a portfolio pretty much constantly. I think it depends on what you are doing and what you need to have with you during the day.

  6. KC

    This morning has been crazy, so now that things are calm, a fun TJ:

    If you could spend the holidays anywhere, where would you go?

    • KC

      Personally, I would love to celebrate Christmas at least once in the southern hemisphere. A friend of mine from Australia grew up having Christmas BBQs and going to the beach. It’s so different from my experiences (my hometown usually has a few inches of snow), that I’d love see what it’s like.

      • a lawyer

        I spent the week after Christmas in Panama one year and absolutely LOVED it. In addition to meeting Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and having a drink with them as they tried to be incognito. Best vacation story ever.

        • sdchicky619

          Nice! But you can’t just say you met Brad and Angie and then leave us hanging! More details, please :)

        • Snoozy

          Can’t go home this year, but I miss the barbeque at the pool. (-8C where I am at the moment.) Sigh.

    • kerrycontrary

      my first choice would be to go to the mountains where there is a lot of snow, but my sister in law is from Sri Lanka. Every year they go to the beach on the day after Christmas, and it sounds wonderful (except for the year when they had the tsunami. Luckily they were stuck in holiday traffic and were far enough from the beach to avoid the damage–I always get goose bumps thinking about it).

      • eastbaybanker

        Me too. I always have to travel and I love my house at Christmas. It’s so cozy and well decorated, if I may say so myself. The bar is well-stocked, there are lots of pretty presents. I hate having to leave.

    • Diana Barry

      Right in my house, which is finally happening this year! I would like for there to be snow, though.

    • karenpadi

      Scuba diving in the Maldives. Sigh, year-end goals are totally ruining my holidays…

    • zora

      To Southern France. With my parents. Who are going there this Christmas. But did not invite me. :o(
      /selfpity

    • ML

      Exactly where I’m going to be: with my parents, siblings and husband, in the city where I grew up. I can’t wait!

  8. a passion for fashion

    I asked for a leather portfolio like this for christmas a few years ago. My husband got be a red leather levenger one (i think it was about a third the price of this one). It is a bit heavy, but i wanted it to take with me whenever I go to court and I always use it for that purpose. I have just recently started using it more frequently and I like it to keep my notes and things in place. I think of it like a grown up traper keeper.

  9. Cornellian

    TJ: I’m in the middle of my first huge closing as a first-year transactional attorney. Does anyone have any genearl tips? I feel like the partners are hard to communicate with, and as I’m the only associate, I’m not sure what’s appropriate to ask. I’m curious about
    -whether the closing is getting pushed back, which it seems like it has to be at this point, and what that means for my weekend;
    -what happens if I have to pull a third consecutive all-nighter after two 4-5 hour sleep nights, because I don’t think I can without becoming delerious/a hazard to the deal;
    -what else I should be doing as I wait for partners to negotiate final changes to documents, as I’m in the office 22 hours a day recently, and billing 16 in a sort of “hurry up and wait” pattern;
    etc.

    Yesterday I tried to run my system for keeping closing documents and executed pages clean past hte partner really quickly and he was definitely not interested, and said he wanted me to do it myself. That’s fine, of course, but I’ve never done a deal this huge, or a single deal for him, so I had really wanted 45 seconds of his input to make sure this system was palatable. I get that he’s stressed out, but I need answers to these questions!

    Anyone have any insight or commiseration or general tips for me?

    • anon

      Partners don’t care about your system. They just want you to have a system and not screw up. I would try to find another associate who has done a deal with these partners to ask these questions. As for whether the closing is getting pushed back, I would just assume that it is and get used to the idea that you might lose your weekend.

      As for the hurry-up-and-wait, my view is that if you’re in the office for the sole purpose of being available for this deal, it’s billable.

      • Cornellian

        Unfortunately the partners are spread all over the country and literally not a single associate in this office has done a deal with any of them, which is a big part of my problem. Usually I love being on leanly staffed deals as a junior person, but it would be nice to have someone with even 6 mos experience on me on this deal.

    • Granola

      Do you have a more senior associate you can talk to? Even a second year who has done some closings? It seems crazy that you’re the only associate as a first year on a huge closing – they should have staffed it differently so someone could show you the ropes for your first closing, but that’s the law firm world. Don’t get upset that the partners don’t have time to talk you through your system for keeping closing documents. This is the harsh world of biglaw – they have done hundreds of closings, and they expect you to get yourself up to speed more or less. And they don’t care about your weekend or lack of sleep. This is what they pay you for (and this is why most people only last a few years in biglaw). Closings almost always slip a few days (if not more) and you will just have to suck it up and put in the hours. But then leave early when the deal is done and you’re quiet again.

      Other general tips – try sneaking in a nap here and there when you’re waiting for documents; try to not succumb to eating just junk food – it’ll make you feel worse (although I’m sure we’ve all done the 6-consecutive-nights-of-pizza-in-the-office); try to move around if you get tired and keep in mind that this is for a short, limited time only.

      Hang in there!

      • Cornellian

        Staffing is definitely a bit questionable. What if I got food poisoning or hit by a car? Unfortunately there is literally not another single associate in this office who has worked for them. I have talked to other associates in general about closing, but this is a subpractice group in which we only have one lawyer in nyc. Also he’s a bit of a hermit.

        I actually feel quite fine for 8 hours of sleep in 5 days, and don’t even look all that dreadful, but I know at some point it will catch up to me, and I’m afraid of being a babbling sleep-deprived idiot when I’m actually needed. I’m used to losing weekends, but I’d like to try to figure out a way to maximize coherence if we’re closing Monday. I’ve been pretty good with food, and doing yoga/pushups in my office, and I’m actually toying with the idea of going on a walk or to the gym.

        • January

          Go to the gym if you can get away for a few minutes. It will do wonders for your sanity.

    • mascot

      Is there a paralegal or assistant that you can run things by? Are there closing binders or checklists from past deals that you can look at? When I first started doing transactional work, there were a lot of terms tossed about and I didn’t know what they entailed. It helped to see a finished product to know how to organize things. Finally, and I cannot stress this enough when you are stressed/sleep deprived, keep meticulous notes on who is requesting what changes and whether everyone has checked off on them. These details may be handled above your head so do the best you can. If a question comes up in the final review as to why a hot button term has changed, you have a paper trail.

    • Gus

      Make sure when you communicate with the partner that you’re presenting professionally (not like a stressed out first year) and that you’re focusing on the things that you have a (professional) reason to need to know. So on the question of the closing getting pushed back, while you might be concerned about your weekend, that’s not the way to frame it; you want to say instead, “excuse me, partner, but I want to make sure that I have all the documents ready to go when they’re needed so can you just give me a quick update on when the closing is likely to actually occur?” Also, not to nitpick, but if you got 4-5 hours of sleep in a night, then that wasn’t an “all-nighter” — yes, you’re running on not very much sleep, but you won’t score any points with your peers (or the partners) if you exaggerate about stuff like this. I know everyone has their own tolerance points for this, but I don’t really think that two nights in a row of only 4 or 5 hours of sleep is actually that big a deal. Wait until you have kids — you won’t get more sleep than that a night for years! Finally, I would not bother the partner with ministerial things like your system for keeping yourself organized — of course he wasn’t interested, he expects that you’ll figure out a system that works for you and do it correctly. If you have a substantive question (like you don’t understand some term in the deal and therefore aren’t sure if you’ve captured it accurately in the documents), you should ask, and be persistent until you get the answers you need. But ministerial stuff is your bailiwick, and what the partner really wants is to not have to worry about it himself. If you’re asking him about it, now he has to worry.

      • Cornellian

        I think I was unclear in my original post. I’m mostly worried about the weekend so I can figure out sleep and how to be coherent for closing if it’s on Monday. BigLaw has so far conditioned me well not to expect weekends, haha. I went from a series of 4-5 hour nights to two back-to-back allnighters, and although I feel okay, I’m afraid that if I try to stay up all night a third time in a row I’ll be an idiot and fuck everything up. I have a relatively high tolerance for sleep deprivation, I think, but I’d rather not reach it at hte worst time possible. I guess I just need to ask him when he foresees us closing in light of the time of day/situation of the documents.

      • Leigh

        Correct me if I’m wrong, but I read it as she had two nights of 4-5 hours of sleep, and then has pulled 3 consecutive all nighters. So this is her fifth day working on less than 10 hours of sleep from 3 days ago?

      • A

        I think she said she had two nights of 4-5 hours of sleep followed by two consecutive all nighters. So 8-10 hours of sleep total over 4 nights.

        • Cornellian

          Bingo. Man, three different interpretations. This is why I’m worried about drafting anything! 8-10 hours over four nights was correct. I wrote that above in a comment hours ago that is still waiting approval.

    • Coalea

      Question from a non-lawyer…

      I sometimes see posters on this site refer to conducting “closings.” Does this always refer to real estate closings, or can it be something else in the legal world?

      Thanks!

      • TBK

        These are deal closings — mergers/acquisitions, or sometimes a round of financing (e.g., issuing bonds). Typically not real estate.

      • Cornellian

        Although mine is actually a hybrid simultaneous real estate and deal closing here. so many fun pieces of paper!

    • TBK

      +1 on everything everyone said. As for your document system, ask one of the partners’ secretaries. Better yet, ask your secretary to go to the senior-most partner’s secretary and tell her (I’m assuming here your secretary is female because I have literally not once met a male legal secretary) to set up your documents for this deal just like the partner’s. It’s almost definitely a good system (partners’ secretaries are better/more experienced than associates’ secretaries) and the partner’s secretary will be able to easily access anything from your files anytime she or the partner might need them.

      • Cornellian

        I have actually had two male legal secretaries in my 14-month legal career! And we also don’t have partner or associate secretaries. Is that the norm?

        Anyway, that’s a good idea. I’ll go pick one of the secretaries’ minds while I wait.

        • TBK

          It was the case in my firm, but now that I think of it, I think it had to do with logistics more than anything else. In my firm, 2-4 attorneys shared one secretary. The building had small offices with little light along one wall, mid-sized offices with more light along two other walls, and big offices with lots of light and a view on the front wall. Guess who sat where? That meant that if a secretary sat just outside her attorneys’ offices, her attorneys would likely all be a similar rank. The newest and/or least competent secretaries would be assigned to a cluster of 1-4th yr attorneys, the best secretaries would support two partners and maybe a very senior associate.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Hang in there, your first big deal is hard, but it is all about being organised. As others have said, it doesn’t matter HOW you organise things, it’s just that you do. Without knowing anything about the type of deal or what you are actually doing, some general tips which may help you. The fact that you mention executed pages, suggests you have already done the signing, but I will give you some tips anyway, some of which you may have already done.

      Keep a checklist and keep it up to date. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, as long as you can refer to it at a moment’s notice and know what’s going on. Do a search on your firm system for ‘closing checklist’ or ‘closing agenda’ or ‘CP checklist’ for ideas. For a corporate closing I would usually have document/parties (who needs to sign)/who is responsible for it and status (eg sent to client for approval on 5 Dec, awaiting response). You may also need to keep things in a certain order (eg first you sign the share purchase agreement agreeing to transfer the shares and only THEN the share transfer forms).

      Because I’m a geek, I also sometimes colour code on bigger deals so that the things where I have to actively do something are in a different colour than things where I am waiting for someone else to do something. Every time something comes in, update the checklist so you know where you are. It can even just be a spreadsheet you keep open onyour computer all day and add to as and when stuff happens.

      Also, have a working file with everything. This is where the document checklist helps, because you number the docs on the checklist and they go in the file behind those tabs – instant index. Keep it up to date with the latest docs/versions. I usually also have a note in the corner/on a post it as to where it came from so if someone wants me to send something to them it’s easy to find (eg received from Steve on 3 Dec).

      If you are doing a signing, two tips: keep extras of EVERYTHING. Someone will spill their coffee or sign in the wrong place or have a leak in their fountain pen. You need to be ready to hand over a new document at a moment’s notice instead of rushing to the photocopier.

      Again, it doesn’t matter how it’s done, as long as you know exactly where everything is, what it is and, more importantly, what you don’t yet have. This is where the colour-coding can help.

      Also, don’t worry. Provided you are organised, there is no reason for anything to go wrong and you will also be much less stressed at the closing meeting if you know your documents.

      Probably none of this is useful to you, but it might help you because it will at least demonstrate that there are 100 ways to achieve the same goal and your system is just as good as mine or someone else’s.

      Good luck!

    • MJ

      So–I have worked on about a million closings in my day–I only do transactional corporate work.

      Cosign what was stated above–(i) find out partner preferences; (ii) get a general sense of the deal’s timeline (iii) make sure you have a checklist that includes ACTIONS and DOCUMENTS and SIGNATORIES; (iv) make sure you have a sense of constraints (hard stops, how fast you can file with DE, people unavailable for signature, market open, end of exclusivity, etc.) and plan accordingly; (v) find a good paralegal or secretary that can make changes to sig pages and/or your checklist or nits in documents on the fly. This paralegal should also “version up” any documents that are final or near final (e.g. pending dates) so that you have a working file of documents to exchange/hold in escrow that’s near-ready to go. (vi) think hard about what the closing really means (more on that below) and (vii) remember that you are the last set of eyes that make sure every little thing is taken care of, so make sure you check EVERYTHING twice, even the exhibits.

      If your closing is physical (e.g. you are making folders or using accordions or blue sheets in a conference room), make a “flag system” or folder system whereby documents that are completely done can be sorted from docs that are pending one sig/two sigs/dating. That way you can tell at a glance what is still outstanding or pending, and fix accordingly as soon as someone gives you the word/you get the sigs in via email. Make sure you are constantly updating that room/folders and scanning the finished docs asaps. Don’t date things “too early.” Don’t date anything until you are sure the closing is really happening that day (i.e. wires are moving or evidence is back from DE/the states in question).

      If your closing is electronic (e.g. you are managing everything via email), make sure to have a set of desktop folders that contains the docs that are in final form (or pending dates), separated out pdf sig pages and sig packs for each signatory (unsigned) and repositories for signed pages (combined) and signed pages (split out by the document they pertain to). Use the paralegal or secretary to help you combine the pdfs asap when sigs come in. Make another folder for final docs. Make sure to use helpful file name conventions (eg. “DE FILE-STAMPED Certificate of Merger – Sub into Holdco (12.04.12)” so that you can quickly identify and find documents that are requested. Then, when it’s time to exchange your side’s docs, you can zip either the sig pages, the finalized docs quickly to the other side to hold in escrow or to actually close.

      Another quick note–closing checklists are confusing because often they focus on documents, but when a deal is really happening, you need to think about _actions_. What needs to happen first? Do you file in DE for the first step of a merger and then initiate wires? Are there any hard cutoffs, like an escrow agent at SRS in CO being unavailable after a certain time? Wire deadlines? Public announcement/market open/8-K issues? Try to back up and think–what needs to happen for this deal to mechanically occur and then go backward from there to figure out. Also, do a hard scrub for exhibits to ancillaries–is everything signed, finalized, negotiated. At the time of closing, there should no longer be any holes whatsoever, so if previously, someone said, “We’ll draft that later”–now’s the time to make sure that those exhibits are final and actually exist.

      Last, if you have an M&A deal “slipping”, consider your weekend ruined and just get over it. Sorry, harsh but true. You should get as much sleep as you are able (knowing it may not be a lot) and then also learn to nap, caffeinate or slog through. Nobody really cares how little sleep you got, because they are working just as hard or you signed up for this.

      Good luck. I cannot emphasize enough that getting helpful support staff and getting organized/a good sense of the steps will help you shine.

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        Yes valid point, I have had a couple of physical closings recently so I was thinking about that, but obviously it is just as likely to be virtual!

    • darjeeling

      you’ve gotten a lot of good advice, I would just add to keep your time entries updated so everything’s accounted for if they’re running pre-bills ahead of the closing. You do sound remarkably coherent. I’ll go against the grain a little bit (another biglaw transactional attorney here) but this isn’t life or death stuff and your health is important- you really should not have to pull 3 all-nighters in a row! I would see if you can go home for a few hours and come back if there is a lot of waiting time and try to get a little rest.

    • cbackson

      Trial by fire, honey. It’s gonna suck like few things have ever sucked before (the first one always does) and you’ll remember it forever. You’ve gotten great advice, so I’ll just add: it is totally normal to feel overwhelmed! It is totally normal to screw something up! In fact, I promise – you will screw something up! A page will get mis-dated, a signature will be missed, you’ll have the wrong footers on your sig page packages.

      And years from now, you will look back on it with a mixture of horror and nostalgia.

    • karenpadi

      Yummy. Check out BBC’s Sherlock (free with Amazon Prime). He’s so handsome…

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

      The euphonious Mr. Cumberbatch was pretty popular in our C0rp0r*tt* version of F–k, Marry, Kill, I think.

      • Diana Barry

        Yesssssssssss…

        I think I should watch season 2 of Sherlock again. :)

        • TCFKAG

          If Series 3 doesn’t start at least shooting soon, I’m going to fly to England, track down Moffat, and do nasty things to him.

          • CW

            Colbert interviewed Martin Freeman the other night (about the Hobbit), and Freeman said it probably wouldn’t start shooting until March!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!

            Also, I normally don’t like Colbert’s interviews, but this was a good one. Freeman was quirky and funny, and Colbert was obviously geeking out about LOTR.

  11. big dipper

    TJ. I’m sure this has been discussed, but I’m in the market for a slip. Or more correctly, I have come to realize I want one because I have a few dresses that cling to tights making them impossible to wear in the winter. And I’d like to get more wear out of them and think a slip would do the trick.

    Any recommendations for brands? Also, thoughts on full slip v. half slip?

    • Cb

      I have half slips from Gap Body that I like. I also think this is where Kohls comes in handy.

      • Carly

        I also really like the seamless ones from Gap Body, both half and full. They are inexpensive and seem to hold up well with washing. I especially like that the full ones are cut fairly high in the front, so they work the way a camisole would.

    • Godzilla

      I saw some regular ones at JCP!!!! (but you all knew I was going to say that)

      • Merabella

        I’m going to have to check this out. I hate the shape wear slips – they are awful, and I think they do more harm than good. My mom gave me an awesome old lady slip, and seriously, it changed my life. I’ve been looking for a replacement ever since. I should have thought of JCP – it really is amazing.

      • eek

        I, for one, am completely shocked that you would recommended JCP. I did not see it coming.

    • Mouse in DC

      Peruvian Connections has very nice full & half slips – they’re silk, and unadorned, so there’s no lace/trim to get caught on things. Personally, I prefer half slips, but I think for under a dress, the full slip does a better job of gliding over the waistbands of panties and tights/nylons to give that smooth look. (which then makes me wonder, why on earth do I prefer half slips??)

    • zora

      I like full slips, bc i dont have to worry about them twisting, falling down, etc. Much lower maintenance. Kohls has good full slips, but ive gotten some at goodwill. And actually, I like the Spanx full slip much better than the shapewear short-ey things.

      I do have half slips for some things, tho, and I HIGHLY recommend the ones (i’ve gotten them at target and at kohls) with a lace waistband, instead of an elastic waistband. The lace waistband makes it more flexible where the waist is on your body, AND doesn’t create that obvious dip that regular waistbands make in my waist. I’ll attach a link in a reply if i can find one.

    • Kontraktor

      Most of my slips are silk knit from Mary Green. Highly recommended. They hold up well and because they are silk, they breathe well and layer well. They make thin under cami’s too that I sometimes wear. Kohls/JCP/etc. are okay options, but most things there are synthetic and might not feel breathable, which can be hot when layering.

    • SoCal Gator

      I prefer full slips. I have several black and nude from Jockey that I love. Macy’s carries them.

      • Turtle Wexler

        +1 to Jockey. I’ve been trying to find one of their half-slips in nude, though, and Macy’s NEVER has my size, but I have the full-slip version and love it.

    • Winnie

      I prefer full slips, because the elastic waist on half slips ar uncomfortable and always shows. I hate shapers too. (Some women refuse to wear makeup; *I* refuse to wear compression bandages masquerading as lingerie.)

      I luuuuurrrvvve my Commando full slip. No-show seamless edges, comfy silky knit stretches to fit but doesn’t compress. Also more static-resistant than other slips. I wear it under wrap dresses to solve cleavage overshare and peek-a-boo skirt in one fell swoop. My only wish is that they made one a little longer. $88 at Nordie’s, free shipping, free returns.

  12. Clueless

    Would love the hive’s opinion on this. At what point in dating someone do you start offering to pay? Assume that incomes are nearly the same and both are pretty decent. I feel kind of funny letting him pay everything but I don’t want to hurt his feelings by offering too early on.

    TIA!

    • DC Jenny

      Personally? The first date. I see absolutely no reason for gender to dictate who pays. If he insists, I don’t make a fuss, but I always at least offer.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Ditto. I always tried to split the first date, not some half-hearted offer but a sincere and slightly insistent attempt, and then alternate who pays with a “You paid last time, it’s my turn.” A guy whose feelings are hurt by me offering to pay and actually paying is not a guy who’s going to work for me in the long run.

        • Anonymous

          +1
          Signed,
          Someone whose husband left her because he could not handle I made more money than him

          • DC Jenny

            Ugh, sorry to hear that, but it sounds like you are well rid of that DOOSH.

      • Mouse in DC

        Even as a broke grad student and when dating non-broke people, I always offered at the first date and insisted on the second. And then we alternated. Which meant sometimes we went from very fancy & expensive dates to very inexpensive ones – but he understood that I was serious about my being an equal.

        It’s worked out well, I must say – in agreement w/ SF Bay Associate, best find out at the beginning of a relationship rather than mid-stream.

      • KC

        Agreed. He can decline, but it sets the precedent for spliting/alternating who picks up the tab.

      • s

        Second date. So it’s clear the first date is a date and I’m not trying to slide us into friend territory.

    • O.

      I offered on the first date with my now-husband (and other men I dated before him). I don’t remember when he started letting me pay, but as our relationship progressed, the convention became that I would pay when he was staying at my place and vice versa.

    • Almost There

      Yeah generally I always do the purse-grab offer on the first date, even if I expect he wouldn’t let me pay in a hundred years. But when it comes to for-real trying to pay, it depends what you’re doing on the date. On the second or third date, I try to pay for something so he knows I’m really not just doing the obligatory offer (like I was on the first date) – so, I’ll buy a round of drinks, or get the popcorn at the movies, or something like that where you don’t have to have some big gender-roles fight about whose “job” it is to pay, like you would if you busted this out for a full-on dinner. And it makes it easier to pay for dinner eventually because the girl-doesn’t-pay-ever barrier has been broken. I may have thought this over once or twice.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve never heard of a guy whose feelings get hurt by a woman offering to pay, lol.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        I know that guys have told me that when a woman insists on paying her half, they take it as a sign that she sees them more as a friend than a “date.” They aren’t angry with her or anything, but I know I’ve been out with a couple of dudes who have expressed that they feel like it’s a signal she’s sending.

        I always offer to pay my half on the first date (I’m not usually taken up on it, but I always offer) and as the relationship progresses, offer to get the check around every other time. I think it generally ends up working out to something like 70/30 with the current New Dude With No Furniture, since he usually insists on paying for the more expensive stuff, but I feel weird if I don’t pay for anything.

        That said, I was really p*ssed off on one first date where I ordered one (draft domestic crappy) beer and a chicken sandwich, and my date ordered 4 (nice bottle) beers, an appetizer, a steak and dessert and then told me, “We can just split the bill.” Uh, dude, you ordered $60+ of food and drink and I ordered $13!

        • KC

          Gah. On a side note, this is why I hate group dinners. There’s always that person that orders a ton of drinks, extra sides, and dessert and then says “Let’s just split it, shall we?”

    • MaggieLizer

      I always offer to split the bill the first 1-2 dates if I want to see the guy again. After that, I let him pay until we start doing multi-part dates, like dinner and a movie (“You took me out to such a nice dinner, can I at least cover the tickets?”). If he still wants to pay for the whole thing, cool. I don’t insist on paying for anything until we’re exclusive; I guess at that point I see it as “our” entertainment budget rather than him wooing me. I’m wooed, you can save your monies. The first time you plan to pay for something, let him know ahead of time. “I’ve been wanting to try this new restaurant, why don’t we check it out this Saturday, my treat?” Have your card ready and hand it to the waitress before she puts the check on the table so he doesn’t try to snatch up the bill anyway.

    • Ellen

      Yes, I agree. When the man PAY’s, he think’s he owns you. That is BS, Roberta told me. Men who spring for a $25 dinner do NOT get desert from me. FOOEY on that. If you like the guy, you can kiss him good night, but NEVER anything just because the guy paid for a dinner.

      I am a workeing girl, so I can aford to pay for my own meal’s. Roberta says I should even buy some time so that I can “emasculate” the guy and NOT make him think he is all that.

      When I have work lunches, I pay, and the men NEVER think twice about it. Then the manageing partner has me bill them back, both for the cost of the meal, plus tip, plus my hourly rate. So the guy actually has to pay for me after all and he does not even know it. Yay!

    • Trista

      Odd question for me since my long-term boyfriend has been unemployed for quite some time… so I’ve been paying for all the dates. I always thought it was demeaning for a man to pay for all the datea and expect some mattress time later. If you want to pay, offer. Or go dutch. Or ask HIM on a date that you plan if it feels wierd, then pay since you’re the to “host (ess)” of the date.

    • KinCA

      I always offer/do the reach for my wallet thing, starting on the first date. Around the 4thdate I always try to pay for some part of the date. For instance, with my current BF, he bought dinner on our 4th date but I insisted on picking up the tab when we went for an after dinner drink.

    • Research, Not Law

      I only did a purse grab on the first date unless I knew I was going to refuse a second date (then I seriously offered to pay to appease my conscience). If dessert was separate, I’d seriously offer to pay for dessert.

      I made a serious offer the second date and tried to roughly alternate from then on out. If I earned more than him, I tried to pay for the more expensive dates; if he earned more than me, I let him pay for the more expensive dates.

      IMO, you can’t go wrong unless you split the bill (or go dutch) on the first date, never offer, or never let him pay.

  13. Alice

    I am a 3L and I have a job interview. Yay! Where can I get one of theses the is simple clean real leather and under 50 bucks?

    • TCFKAG

      Have you tried Office Max/Staples/etc? I think I’ve always gotten mine at office type stores. Though I don’t guarantee that mine are real leather, but I don’t use them often enough to justify real leather.

      I’d also check Amazon if you can get it shipped in time.

      • JessBee

        Yeah, an office supply store is a great place to pick one of these up. Also, check your law school’s bookstore– I’ve seen several that carry portfolios.

      • Nellie

        I sort of dissent. I’ve bought these at office supply stores, and many, even for $40 or more, are cardboard covered with leather/ leatherette. It’s easy for the cardboard to get misshapen if not always treat nicely. They just don’t last (but, of course, will do nicely in a pinch). I’d recommend getting it at a leathergoods or even regular department store— but check the materials!

    • Penna

      You might also try your campus bookstore. I got a relatively inexpensive but serviceable one at mine.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I got one at Barnes & Noble a couple of years ago that’s plain black leather and was I think around $30. They may still have something similar.

    • petitesq

      I carried a non-leather but nice quality one from my school bookstore (with our emblem embossed) to my interviews as a law student. As a student, you need to look sharp, but leather isn’t necessary, and a nicer-looking non-leather might actually be better than a cheap leather one if it’s low quality, ya know?

    • Esquared

      We got ours from school before 2L interviews… but my bf lost his on the subway & I found a great replacement on Overstock (if you get something from there look for promo codes online to bring the price down even more).

    • a passion for fashion

      not inexpensive, but I love that. i feel like i might need it.

  15. anon for this one

    For those of you that have met your significant other via online dating, what do you tell people when they inevitably ask how you met?

    Currently in this conundrum with a new beau. I like him a lot/could see us getting serious. Most of my close friends know we met online. But I imagine if I tell my parents or older relatives I’m seeing someone and they ask how we met, they’ll flip if they hear it is online, and probably assume he’s a serial killer. Similarly, with casual acquaintances, I just feel a bit embarrassed and judged if I say “Oh, we met on OKCupid.

    I’d be interested to hear what other people do. Maybe I should just get over it and admit we met online, but I would love to know if I’m alone in feeling awkwardness about it.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

      I don’t think you need to tell parents or older relatives about someone you’re just starting to see.

      I didn’t tell my parents and relatives about my now-DH until we had dated a little over a year AND had had some long-term plans-type talks already.

      • anon for this one

        Oh no, I didn’t mean tell them now. Probably in 3 or 4 months. I know my mom would be really hurt if I kept the fact that I’m seeing someone seriously from her for a long time, but I also don’t need to tell M&D about every Tom or Harry’s D in my life!

        In general though I imagine whenever I tell them, they’ll ask how we met.

        • LadyEnginerd

          “We met on the internet. I guess you can find anything on the internet these days.” Said with a smile, it works like a charm on the older relatives.

          There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You just set yourselves up on a blind date.

    • Diana Barry

      Meh. My H and I met online *in 2001* so it was new and definitely weird. I told people anyway, after we had been dating for just a little while. :)

    • Blonde Lawyer

      How about “through a website we both follow.” Could be this site, facebook, another blog or a dating site.

      • karenpadi

        I like that! I might have to use it–my LGP-guy and I have started discussing “being serious”. I don’t know if I’m scared, excited, or relieved…

    • gre

      “Oh, we met through some friends.” :) I was *very* private about the fact that I was giving online dating a try and wasn’t really thrilled about people knowing.

      I had quite a few experiences where I went out with someone three or four times before deciding they weren’t right for me, and when people asked how we met, I always just said “through friends.” It’s a vague answer and no one really pressed for information. It just don’t think it’s worth exposing yourself unless you know this is someone that is going to stick around for a while.

      Once I met my now boyfriend (YAY!), I was kind of forced to come clean with everyone because he was very open to everyone in *his* world that he was online dating. But by the time I started telling people how we really met, they had all gotten to know him, gotten to see what a great guy he is, and so no one was really given the opportunity to get all judgy-judgy about him.

      But please don’t get too hung up on how you think people will react. Just enjoy and be happy! I’m happy for you!

    • DC Jenny

      I just say we met online. If there is a follow-up question or comment I usually mention that I know several married couples who met online, which is true. It’s not anything to be embarassed about, and the more you say it to people the more you get used to it. Why do you think they would think he is a serial killer? You take the same risk with some you meet at a bar or at yoga class or whatever. Do they think you should only date someone you meet through friends or have run an FBI background check on?

      Also, +5000 points for “Harry’s D”.

    • MaggieLizer

      I would have a conversation with your parents about online dating before you bring home someone you met that way. I dreaded bringing this up with my mom (who is in her mid-60s, has lived in a rural area her whole life, and is extremely overprotective), but she was surprisingly cool with it. You’re going to get the normal parent run down about safety, but just tell them exactly what steps you are taking to be safe to make them feel better.

    • kc esq

      From the other side, I absolutely don’t care how a friend met a significant other as long as I like the person and I’ve never had anything to do with internet dating. One friend met his GF on OKCupid and it’s made me recommend the site to others because she’s so great! If he’s a good guy, the background doesn’t matter.

    • Mouse in DC

      I tell the truth – we met online. If they have follow-up questions (usually because they’re interested in doing the same), I’ll tell them which service I used and some of the funnier stories about people I met/who contacted me. I usually also tell them what caught my eye about my (now) fiance’s ad, and why I contacted him. It probably helps that everyone in my family adores him.

      It’s funny how it really depends on where you’re from. In the PNW, at least in the cities, serious online dating is very common.

    • kerrycontrary

      My brother and his now wife met online. They said they met at a bar until the week before their wedding when he told us. They did have their first date at a bar so it wasn’t too big of a lie (and no one cares). I think most people have changed their attitudes about online dating these days.

    • Met husband online

      I’m very open about it. Usually I make a joke about going from online shoe shopping to boy shopping–it’s corny but diffuses the tension for people who wonder if I’m going to be sensitive about follow-up questions.

    • petitesq

      I’m very up front about it, and then move on. Verbatim: “Actually, eHarmony! [Slightly “I know, right?” smile.] It was pretty funny, as soon as we realized who the other person WAS, we found out we had about 8 mutual friends!” This usually lets people segue into questions about online dating (and many are curious), or tell me about a friend they have who met their spouse online, etc.

      I did feel awkward admitting it at first, too, but highly recommend just getting over it. When I was feeling a little self conscious early on, I’d sometimes add a comment to give the asker the context I wanted them to see it in: “You know, it’s funny, it wasn’t that I was having trouble meeting people, but I wasn’t finding the right one and knew I needed to do something different.”

    • KinCA

      I told close friends & my mom & sister that we’d met online, once I knew it was starting to get serious. Most of our friends know now.

      We are fortunate in that he works at a company where a few of my good friends also work, so that provides a good cover story for those people who you don’t want to get into all of the details with (coworkers, nosy family members, etc.). I’m young (24, 23 when I went on Match) and attractive, so I found when I did tell people that don’t know me well, I had to deal with the “Oh, but you’re so young/pretty/whatever! Why did you resort to online dating?!” questions a lot, which was not fun.

      Now that we’re getting more serious & are heading towards marriage, I imagine the whole truth may come out at some point, but oh well. I don’t really care anymore.

  16. Blonde Lawyer

    Anyone else with an iphone 4 having issues ever since the 5 came out? Mine worked perfectly before. Started having tons of issues as soon as the 5 went on market. I have done all the updates and the issues are still there. The conspiracy theorist in me thinks apple is behind this to make people upgrade.

    • Equity's Darling

      Hmmm, I’ve been avoiding updating my phone softward, because I didn’t want to give up Google maps (I really do love Google maps… I know, silly reason, but there it is), and my iPhone 4S has been humming along fine.

      • Cat

        ha, I have been doing the same thing. Flash your “1” at me all you want, Settings, but I’m not budging.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I only just upgraded the software once I realized I could keep a safari page open to google maps and get the same thing.

      • Lalo

        I tried so hard to avoid iOS 6. But then I dropped the phone and shattered the screen. At first it wasn’t that bad, but 2 weeks later I wish there was a way to downgrade. At least my iPad still works great!

    • emcsquared

      Yes!!! Mine started going black and taking forever to turn back on literally the week the new one came out. FWIW, I finally took the cover off because it was getting really hot – it hasn’t overheated since then and has only turned itself off once. I suspect the ios updates that accompany the new phones are just more than the old phones can handle, but the whole “planned obsolesence” thing really annoys me.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I love you! My scientist dad always talked about planned obsolescence and I have never heard anyone else use the term before. He gets all upset that he had a refrigerator last 20 years but the new ones have a “planned obsolescence” of 10 years.. . . Also, seeing it spelled out I realize I was wrong all these years thinking he was saying “planned oscillesense” like something that oscillates.

    • anon

      I think it’s because you’ve done all the updates that you’ve been having the problems. The new operating system supposedly runs terribly on the iPhone 4s – slows everything down, drains battery life, eats up data

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I had the problem before I updated. I only updated yesterday to see if it would fix the problems.

      • Nonny

        Yes! This has totally happened to me since updating the OS as well. Every time I run a software update now, I have to do a hard reset. Worked perfectly before that. As someone who does not like consuming more (electronics, etc.) than I have to, or purchasing things just for the sake of the new, this royally p*sses me off.

      • sadie

        It’s happening to me with my plain old white macbook too. As soon as they decided, no more macbooks…and the new model Airs and Pros came out…suddenly I have spinny rainbow pinwheel ALL THE TIME.
        I just bought this a year and a half ago, right *before* they said they weren’t making them anymore.

        So annoyed. If it gets worse, I swear to god I’ll buy a windows computer next time.

    • BB

      Ugh. This is happening with my old iPod Touch too! :( It’s definitely the new OS update. I know my iPod is kind of old (~3 years), but I don’t like how flimsy the new Touch/iPhones feel. I drop my iPod all the time.

  17. Two Cents

    Thank you for the helpful recs on baby shower gift ideas for my friends who are throwing me a shower. Much appreciated!

  18. EB0220

    Thanks to those of you who chimed in on my post a few days ago about trembling, headaches and dry mouth postpartum. I have been drinking a ton of water over the last two days, and the headache has abated, so I am hoping that it was attributable to dehydration. I went to the doctor today and he said 50/50 chance it’s a thyroid problem. The doctor didn’t mention it, but apparently postpartum thyroiditis is a thing. Anyway, he said that I will have to see a neurologist if nothing comes back from the bloodwork. So I am really hoping that it’s the thyroid. Anyone have any experience here?

    • karenpadi

      I don’t have any personal experience with thyroid but we discussed it here a looooong time ago. I guess the clinical range for “normal” is extremely broad. So even if your levels are technically “normal”, they might not be “normal for you”.

      I tried google-searching but it’s a popular topic on here so I couldn’t find the specific convo. Try googling: “site:[this site].com thyroid”.

      • EB0220

        I did a little search, too, and found a couple of helpful conversations. (In one, Diana Barry mentioned postpartum thyroid issues in passing.) A lot of people mentioned that they have thyroid problems, as well. I’ll look at some of the other posts, too. Thanks!

    • Meg Murry

      Could it just be straight up exhaustion catching up with you, plus the dehydration? How’s your sleep been lately? Did they check any other levels like iron or vitamin D?

      • EB0220

        Sleep has been awful. Baby is up 2-3x a night, sometimes for an hour or more. My husband travels during the week, and I breastfeed, so I am almost always the one up. Not sure whether they have checked iron/Vitamin D levels, but I will definitely ask.

        • JJ

          I didn’t read the previous thread of yours, but in general, BF’ing gave me serious dry mouth. Like, if I didn’t drink something immediately, I thought I might die.

          I’m not discounting that all your symptoms might be thyroid-related, but that could certainly exacerbate the dry mouth and headache.

    • Hypo

      I agree with karenpadi. I suspected that I may have a thyroid issue for years but I kept getting normal results. Finally once I got pregnant, they told me that I had an underactive thyroid and I started taking a very minor dosage (25 micrograms, which I think is the lowest you can take). My hair is slightly fuller and I do feel more energetic than before. Also, I’m not constantly cold like I used to be. So I would be persistent even if your initial results are “normal.” Also, in the event that you are hypothyroid, don’t worry about it. I did not gain any weight, I take a small pill every morning, and I pretty much forget about it otherwise.

  19. AEK

    Anyone have restaurant recommendations for Savannah? Will be there 1 night in December with my husband. We’ve heard a little about the Olde Pink House– is it actually good, or just a tourist thing? (I don’t mind being a tourist but I DO mind eating mediocre food.)

    • JessBee

      Pink House was one of the best meals my husband and I have ever had. I highly recommend it. For off the beaten track, we also ate at 700 Drayton, in the Mansion on Forsyth Park. It was nice, and the atmosphere is really cool, but the food was not as extra-special as I had hoped it would be. It’s also a fair distance (by Savannah standards) from the main downtown area.

      Lady & Sons, on the other hand, is mediocre to lousy food (although still fun if you’re a Paula Deen fan).

    • mascot

      Olde Pink House is good and beautiful, but it will be crowded with tourists. Noble Fare was my best dinner experience in Savannah so far and seems to be more of a hidden gem even among the people I know. Local11Ten is also a solid choice and they have a great rooftop bar. The weather has been mild recently so outside drinks aren’t out of the question. Alligator Soul might be an option. It’s very small and fills up fast. I haven’t been to Elizabeth on 37th which you will also see as a fine dining option. It’s been around for a while and has a good reputation.

    • Merabella

      When I was there in September we went to a place called Green Truck Pub, nothing fancy, but the food was good. And they make their own ketchup, which was delicious.

    • petitesq

      Pink House is worth the hype. Also, for a more modern-Savannah new place that is EXCELLENT, at the… base?… of Forsyth Park is a restaurant called Local 11 Ten. We went there for my birthday in August and it was outstanding. Like, I-made-myself-stop-eating-so-I-could-enjoy-it-again-via-leftovers-tomorrow outstanding.

    • Statuesq

      I went to Alligator Soul when I was there recently on the recommendation of someone on here (thanks!) and it was AMAZING. Also ate at Old Pink House–very worth the hype. Local 11 Ten was also amazing, but I preferred the other two places.

    • JessC

      Olde Pink House is definitely worth the hype. Get the BLT salad. If you’re worried about waiting/crowds, go during lunch. I’d also recommend the Moon River Brewing Company (it’s on Bay St) – the foods good and they have some beers they brew themselves. I can’t speak from personal experience, but I’ve been told Paula Deen’s place is over-rated.

    • Gus

      Sorry, but I think those are awful. Too close to being booties, but yet they’re not. And personally I hate the peep toe with tights look. Maybe it’s just because I live in New England, but I don’t get the whole open-toed shoe in the winter concept.

    • CW

      I don’t think they’re as bad as Gus does! I think they’re ok – I’d have to see them on to make a judgment call. I’m not opposed to the peep toe with tights look, and I think that these shoes could work for those purposes.

      • eastbaybanker

        If I were to buy those shoes I would get them in the light brown color and wear them in the late summer, early fall. I fall squarely in the No Peep Toes With Tights camp.

    • Anonnc

      After seeing Gus’s reaction, I had to click. I actually kind of like them even though deriding peep-toe booties ranks as one of my hobbies. I like the color and the suede. I wouldn’t buy them (because of the peep-toe), but I think they’d be okay with black tights for weekends or casual offices.

    • JessBee

      I wish they weren’t peep toe, but I actually really like them! And I think with black tights, it would barely be noticeable that you were doing peep toe and tights… also, I’m glad to hear there’s a mix of opinion (at least a little!) on peep toe and tights, because my only cute and comfy flats are peep toe, and I’ve definitely snuck them in with tights on occasion…

    • Eh

      Horrible. I don’t get the point of shoes in a winter fabric that are open-toed either.

  21. Petunia

    I have a red leather portfolio from See Jane Work. They have several different shades. I use mine every day and get lots of compliments. Paid about $65 for it, and it was worth it.

  22. zora

    Paging Bay Area Road Warrior3tt3s, i have yet another actual work-related question.

    What is the best way to get from Oakland to SFO on a weekday morning during rush hour?? I have a flight out of SFO at 8:00am. I will only have 2 bags, but I’m not super excited about trying to BART at that hour. I have only ever flown out of OAK, but I couldn’t pass up a V1rg1n America nonstop flight to DCA. So, I’m a little freaked about getting to SFO on time.

    Thanks!!

    • SF Bay Associate

      Dude, Bart to SFO is awesome. Bart a thousand times. Bart a million times during rush hour. The earliest train on the Pittsburgh-Bay Point line arrives at 6am at SFO, and then about every 15 minutes after that. Bart drops you off at the friggin airport, no AirBart shenanigans to worry about. From the SFO Bart platform to the security line is less than ten minutes walk.

      • Legally Brunette

        This. I have missed two flights to SFO because we drove from the east bay. Even if you take the carpool lane, the traffic is ridiculous and anxiety provoking. Please, do youself a favor and take BART.

    • MJ

      Sadly, BART, unless you want to drive. Traffic is _usually_ not that bad if you drive before about 730, so if you do have a car, I’d drive. If you don’t have a car, Bart it is. Be sure to note the times for the SFO connector from BART–it runs infrequently at off-peak times, so you may have to get up super-early if you do BART it. Also, the SFO connector part is a huge ripoff–like $8 each way. At that point, it might be cheaper to take a car. If you do park, ParkSFO is the best and you can get one day free off their website.

    • zora

      Ok, BART it is!! Also, since I haven’t flown out of SFO in a million years, how is the security line? Do i really need 2 hours? or is 1 and 1/2 ok? I will check one bag and only have one to get thru security, and I am super fast usually, have my security ‘undress and unpack’ system down. ;o)

      • SF Bay Associate

        It really depends. It depends on the airline, it depends on the day, it depends. One thing to check is to see if any conferences at Moscone are ending the day you fly out. I got stuck the clusterf security line of the thousands of attendees of one of those huge conferences all flying out the same morning I was. It took TWO HOURS to get through security. Usually it’s much less. Virgin’s in the new Terminal 2. Terminal 2 is super duper nice with lots of tasty foods etc, so hanging out there for an hour is really not a bad thing at all. I never check bags, so I can’t speak to how long that takes.

      • Susie

        For domestic flights out of SFO I usually get in just one hour before, never had a problem. 9o minutes to be safe.

      • Kontraktor

        Zora, BART will take about an hour to get to SFO from oakland, so plan for that. It is reliably 1 hour and 20 minutes from where I live, and I am north of you. So, don’t skimp on that. If you want to give yourself 1.5 hours at the airport, you should be on a train around 530 if possible.

        Also, try East Bay Connection (shuttle company) if you don’t want to BART. I take them all the time. They are good about being on time. If you leave that early in the morning on the shuttle, you probably won’t hit traffic. I came back on that shuttle from SFO once around 11 PM and got to my area of East Bay in about 50 minutes. Traveling at 530 or 6am, it should not take super long.

        • zora

          Ok, cool, thanks Kontraktor!! I think I will do BART. I think I’m more nervous about crazy, unforeseen things happening on the highway that would make me late, than i am about crazy, unforseen things happening in the tunnel. Altho, if there is another fire in West Oakland, I am just completely scr3wed. ;o)

          but BART sounds fine, I think i can get the 5:23 from MacArthur, and get to SFO at 6:23 which I *hope* is enough time to get thru security. I am just so spoiled with the tiny little Southwest terminal at OAK and flying thru in no time at all, so I’m a teensy bit nervous. {{exhaaaallleeee}}

          But THANKS to everyone for advice and tips!!!

    • SV in House

      For an 8:00 flight you would want to be on the road by 6 at the latest, I would think. I can’t comment on the Bay Bridge aspect of it, but as someone who drives from the north side of the city to the peninsula, I can tell you that traffic is not that heavy before 6:30. Unless it is yesterday, when traffic + rain created hell on earth.

      • anon

        God, yesterday was just terrible. I will never understand why Californians can’t drive in rain. It wasn’t even raining that hard!

    • L

      Depending on where you need to go when you land at DCA, consider using metro. It is often much quicker and less headache depending on when you actually land/where you need to go.

    • LB

      As an aside, has the traffic from the east bay gotten significantly worse in the last 5 years? When I lived in the east bay, I took casual carpool to work every day and was usually in SF in about 35 minutes. Last time I took the carpool lane, it was well over an hour. As much as I love the Bay Area, I do not miss the traffic at.all. So used to living in the east coast and walking to work every day!!

      • anon

        I think it can really vary. My commute ranges from 25 minutes to an hour depending on the traffic at the bridge. Most of the time it’s closer to 30-45 minutes.

  23. Milla

    Do any of you ladies have Raynauds Syndrome? How do you deal with keeping your hands warm at work? In my own office I’m fine with just wearing gloves, but I don’t exactly want to walk into a meeting and shake hands with clients that way. But then, without gloves I always get comments on the white fingers, and the numbness is uncomfortable. Thoughts?

    • Cb

      Yes! I wear fingerless gloves and also keep a cup of tea or hot water around at all time which I’ll make sure I’m holding when I’m not typing. I also move my hands frequently and get up and move around which tends to keep the blood flowing.

      I find if I can keep warm while I am outside, I do okay.

      • Milla

        Ooh, I really like the hot tea idea. Have you found any gloves you really like? I’m thinking of buying a new pair soon.

        • Cb

          I have a pair of wool ones bought in a village in Eastern Europe. When I am at home, I have a pair of long socks with holes cut into them as I can pull them a bit lower over my fingers.

          I try to be careful at home as well, particularly when putting groceries away. Carrying milk from the shop can leave me in pain for an hour.

    • SunnyD

      Yes to Raynauds. Sorry, but I can’t help with solutions. I”ll be interested to hear what other people say.

      • plcesq

        Heat packs/hand warmers. You can buy them in pairs from sporting goods stores, ski shops, and the like. Lot of times, in places like Walmart, you will find them with hunting supplies. Also very easy to mail order from Amazon. I run with them in the morning and then put them in my coat pockets to take them to work with me. Use them in your office to keep your hands warm, then you should be able to go to meetings and stuff without them. Or if you have pockets handy in your work clothes, just stick them in your pockets. They last up to 8 hours.

    • Bunkster

      My dad was diagnosed with it in his 40’s and I think I’m headed for it, especially now that I work in a cold office, plus I’ve always had low blood circulation.

      At home, I use fingerless gloves that plug into my usb. I might have to start bringing them into the office.

    • Reynaulds

      I just keep it really warm in my office (I’m lucky enough to get to control the thermostat)

    • M-C

      If it’s any consolation, if you keep your extremities warm consistently you may find that they eventually improve. My sister, who suffered cold damage as a child for years, has grown out of it when she was nearly 40. It took several years and many pairs of warm gloves strewn all over so she’d always have some on hand :-). I myself had it for a couple years after a snow-camping incident, but same, it went away. So I highly recommend not enduring through the cold and making sure you never go below a certain level. For the office, fingerless mittens are a marvel.. And wool socks all the time too, of course.

    • Sutemi

      No great solutions for the office, but I found that my Raynaud’s symptoms decreased significantly once I started taking a daily baby aspirin. Cardiovascular disease and Raynaud’s both run in my family.

  24. anon2

    Not a good day – I’m a solo consultant and I fired my first client today. Am going to miss that $6K/mo. :( But not going to miss their crazy.

    • Double Boo

      Hugs.

      Some jobs just aren’t worth it. Think about why you work project-based and the benefits to this type of work structure. Chances are, crazy client wasn’t letting you actually experience them. No need to keep risking stable income when you don’t get the joy of flexibility or being able to focus on projects you enjoy. And the extra hours and anguish dealing with the craziness probably isn’t as profitable in the long run as another client that actually respects your time and role. It’s not easy, but sometimes you have to cut bait.

      (I say this as someone who used to freelance in my field and now oversees a dozen or so contract-based employees for my company. I will bend over backward to keep someone good, and they’ve often proven they’ll do the same for me. Yes, everyone is due a crazy moment now and then–employer or employed. But a certain level of respect needs to go both ways to succeed.)

      • anon2

        thanks for the kind words. I had faith in our project, but client didn’t want to take my advice and wanted me to do things their way – which would not have been in line with my professional experience, standards and reputation. They begged me to stay, want to keep the door open for future work – I’ll never burn the bridge, but I also won’t risk my professional reputation on their behalf.

        • eek

          Good for you. I’m sorry you lost the income, but you can’t ever replace your reputation.

      • anon2

        A niche area where government and the public is my primary client, but there are some intersections with private enterprise. That’s where things like this project got sticky – selling stuff versus selling the right solution.

  25. SV in House

    Two unrelated requests for recommendations, please!

    (1) thinking of getting my 8 year old a sewing machine for Christmas. There are kids ones out there, should I get one of those or just go for a regular one, in case she likes it? Specific recommendations?

    (2) Every time conflict flares up in the Middle East, I think “I wish I knew more about the history of the region.” I know broad strokes, of course, but would love to read an unbiased book on the topic. Suggestions?

    Thanks!

    • KA

      Hey, I have recommendations for both of these!

      My mom has sewn her own clothes all her life (she’s 70+), and had a little part-time job in a local fabric store after retiring from her big job (I think it was mainly to subsidize her addiction to fabric and thread). She’s consistently not in favor of kids’ and cheap sewing machines — says quality is not there — and recommends people research brands and buy a used machine. She said you can get a great-brand used machine, that will last 20 years, for as much as or less than the cheapo machines that will break in a few months.

      After 9/11, I read Albert Hourani’s *A History of the Arab Peoples* — it was comprehensive, extremely well written, and didn’t seem agenda-driven to me.

    • big dipper

      I second KA’s opinion on sewing machines. I used a full sized Singer sewing machine growing up that had been passed down through 2-3 generations and I loved it. I think it’s more functional, and allows for a wider variety of projects because the machine just works better.

    • GirlMeetsWorld

      I took sewing lessons as a kid and we learned on regular machines but the instructor was vigilant about making sure that we kept our fingers far enough away from the needle. At home, I would practice on my mom’s 10+ yr old Kenmore machine. Also, overstock sells good refurbished machines (though i believe they replace the foot pedal w/ a generic one). As long as there’s some adult supervision, I would go with a simple regular one that she can “grow” into until she wants a fancier one with more capabilities.

    • a.k.

      You can look at very basic models of the nicer brands, for example, Bernette is a lower-level entry to Bernina. They still will have good parts and should accomplish anything she’d want to do, and you could let her know that you’d consider researching something higher-end if she ever feels like she outgrows it.

    • Research, Not Law

      Get a regular sewing machine for her. It should have at minimum a straight stitch, zigzag stitch, adjustable stitch width and length, buttonhole funtion, bobbin winder, and manual tension adjustment. Most (all?) basic models should have this. Anything more is gravy. Get a well-rated machine because there is nothing more frustrating than sewing on a lousy machine with a lousy stitch. I have a Kenmore that has treated me well since I was a child, but I don’t know about the recent models. I hear that Brother is the way to go now, unless you want to splurge on a Bernina. Avoid Singer; not what they used to be.

    • anon

      Just one note: be careful if you’re buying a refurbished or used sewing machine that it comes with a manual. My mom gave me a refurbished machine that did not include a manual and for a novice sewer, it made it virtually impossible to use. I ended up giving it away. Oh well.

    • Esquared

      Costco has actually had a good auto thread one for about $150, they have brother & singer & I think even have it on their site…. something that might be even better to do pre-getting a machine is to get her lesson’s at Jo-Anne’s or any fabric store… they have practice machines & she’ll get the fundamentals down. I made a bag at one of these classes that I still use today for travel & gym. :)

    • LinLondon

      -Dusts off unused degrees in Middle Eastern Politics- “A History of the Arab Peoples” is definitely a classic. For a general background of the region, I think “The Middle East Today” by Don Peretz is good, but it hasn’t had a new edition in a while, but the history is good.

      If you want Israel/Palestine and US involvement in it (since the Six Day War), I like William Quandt’s “Peace Process.” If you like primary sources, then I highly recommend “Negotiating Arab Israeli Peace” by Laurie Eisenberg and Neil Caplan. “A Concise History of the Arab-Israeli Conflict” by Klausner and Bickerton is a good reference, as well, and I believe has the texts of the original British and French correspondence and White Papers that kicked off the colonial partitions of the region. “Israel: A History” by Martin Gilbert is good, though I assume some people find it too pro-Zionist and some people find it too anti-Zionist :)

      For Iraq, I like “A History of Iraq” by Charles Tripp. Iraq’s got a really interesting history in the middle of the 20th century, so that’s definitely worth a look. For modern Iraq, I think “Iraq in Fragments” is good.

      For Iran, I really recommend “All the Shah’s Men” by Stephen Kinzer. He’s a journalist and it’s not an academic read, but it does a good job tracing the development of Iranian politics and US activity in Iran from the early 20th century through the Revolution. I think Iran is the most fascinating country in the ME, so I’d probably push this book the most :)

      And if you’re interested in the modern politics (as I suspect you are), be sure to follow Roger Cohen’s op-ed pieces on the NYT, he is amazing.

    • M-C

      I totally agree with the gorwn-up machines recommendation. I’d go with a basic Janome, for $150 you can get a workhorse that’ll take her at least through college :-).
      Sewing, like carpentry, is 1/3 good materials, 1/3 good tools, and only 1/3 skills. Don’t frustrate her with bad tools.

  26. Nellie

    May we have a moment of silence for the robbery and vandalism of the Jimmy Choo store in Chicago? I’m glad the burglars have such great taste, but really, what is this world coming to? Those poor handbags! I hope they find good homes in the end.
    http://tinyurl.com/a7dr6bj

  27. Flying Squirrel

    Work TJ:

    Need some advice.

    I work in an organization that has to handle a diverse range of issues. In my unit, we divvy. Up work by portfolio, so each of us has unique responsibilities. There are of course, cross-cutting issues as well. There is one such issue that is only tangentially related to my portfolio (much more related to some of my colleagues’) but is an area where I am the only person who has direct prior work experience. I’ve expressed to my boss that I would like to be involved when issues in this area come up, and he agrees that I can and thinks it would benefit our organization to have my perspective.

    Trouble is, without fail every time there is a meeting about this topic, he forgets to invite me. Then afterward it’ll comeup, and he’ll say, “you really should have been there. You’re input would have been useful.” If there’s follow up work he will usually involve me, but sometimes that’s more frustrating b/c I disagree with the decision that was made at the meeting I wasn’t at.

    So any advice on how to handle this? He clearly wants my input for projects in this area, I think its more that typically the person with my responsibilities would not be involved. So when things are happening I frenzy or at the last minute (which is most of the time), he forgets until its too late. Any thoughts on concrete suggestions/actions for how to get looped in earlier?

    • Research, Not Law

      Are the meetings recurring? If so, it seems like you could check in immediately prior to the meeting time to see if something related to your input will be on the agenda.

      Can you contact the meeting organizer to get on the agenda distribution list?

  28. Anon

    Should I write a thank you email after an HR phone screen interview? There are still two interviewing stages before a decision will be made. I didn’t even think of it until now (day 2 after interview). I sort of think it would come off as strange because she made it clear she was not the hiring manager. What is typical?

    • BB

      I have to admit that I am very skeptical of the efficacy of Thank You emails, especially I don’t remember to send one immediately after the interview. You might want to send one to be safe, but unless you’re adding any new information, I think they’re kind of useless.

      When I was interviewing people (not as the final hiring manager, but I did select people for the final round of interviews), the thank you emails were more spam than anything else to be honest. Do other people differ on this? I’m wondering if I’m an outlier here.

      I also have had people tell me that I MUST send a paper thank you card to interviewers, which I think is totally ridiculous in this day and age and in most professions. My interview decisions get made within a week, if not the day of the interview, so snail-mailing a card seems silly.

      • Anon

        I just sent out a 1 paragraph email thank you to be safe. I’m assuming that it probably won’t have an impact one way or another. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it until now!

      • M-C

        I think AskAManager is right, a thank-you is mostly useful if you bring up something that was said and emphasize a point or add some other nugget. Then it looks like you really thought about it, and you have a way to correct something you perceive to have not been handled ideally.

    • Sweet as Soda Pop

      As someone in Recruiting, a thank you email has never landed someone a another interview or the job. However, a thank you note with a typo or the wrong name has sometimes kept someone from moving on to the next interview.

  29. Godzilla paging ES

    I was reading an issue of TimeOut NY today (I think it was the most recent one? I don’t know, it was at my doctor’s office) and the cover story was about meeting people in NYC, whether platonical or romantical. So, maybe check that out?

  30. anony

    ack! just did my end-of-year credit score check and found out my credit score has taken a nosedive– seriously, has gone from “excellent” (last december) to “fair” (maybe borderline “poor”? oh god) this december. i think this is mostly due to racking up some credit card debt moving to a new city / furnishing a new apartment.

    my question is this: does anyone else have experience rehabilitating their credit score fairly quickly? i’m planning on moving again next year (probably late summer), and will be heavily paying off my credit card debt until then, with an eye towards having it completely paid off in 8 months or so. any other tips?

    thanks in advance!

    • anony

      oh, and the “very quickly” concern is just because i expect any new landlords/buildings will want to check my credit when i move.

    • kc

      the credit card debt should not be a problem if you are paying on time. I have 6k in credit card debt (ugh) but have a very good score. Did you get really close to your max? that could be it to

      • anony

        i think that’s the problem– i’m pretty close to the limit on two of my cards, so need to start throwing money at them asap.

    • Kady

      You should apply for new credit cards: this will raise your available credit percentage, which is one component of your credit score. Just don’t use these cards once you get them.

  31. LF

    Hi everyone! Another gift-giving related question (there seem to be many of them lately): on the advice of associates at my level at my firm, I bought an Amex gift card for my assistant. But, it didn’t come with a sleeve (d’oh) and doesn’t say how much is on the card. I’m sure my assistant will want to know how much is loaded on the card. What is a tactful way of letting her know how much is on the card? Do I let her know the amount in the greeting card that I plan to stick the gift card in?

    • c_

      Maybe decorate a cute little envelope to put the card in, and write the amount inside on the flap? Or you can buy one of those greeting cards that has a space to stick a gift card in, and write the amount on the greeting card underneath the gift card (if that makes sense).

    • karenpadi

      I might put a post-it on the card with the dollar amt but it’s not necessary. It would be tacky to write it in the card as part of your lovely handwritten message.

    • Research, Not Law

      I’ve received gift cards with the amount on a small post-it stuck to the back of the card. It’s clear but out of the text of the card (which feels funny).

  32. Carly

    Has anyone tried on the Sophie Theallet dress they have now at the Limited? How is the fit/quality? I don’t have a Limited anywhere nearby, so would have to order online. It looks really cute in the photos!

  33. also looking for gift advice

    Hope it’s not too late to get some replies. I know that the general consensus is not to gift up, but in my group we all exchange gifts. I cannot for the life of me figure out what to buy the senior associate in my group. He likes golf, fantasy baseball, football, coffee (to drink, in excessive quantities, but not to make), buying clothes at Nordies, music, his kids, and alcohol. I’m thinking of getting him a $50 gift card to the fancy movie theater near his house (he likes going there but has commented that its too expensive for date night once a babysitter is factored in), but can’t figure out the second part of my gift (I usually spend about $100 on him). I was going to get him 30 for 30, but we decided to get that as part of our joint gift for the partner and I think it’s weird to buy them the same thing. I got him a nice bottle of pinot last year. I forget what I got in the years before that. Any suggestions are much appreciated. I hate shopping for gifts for men and for colleagues.

  34. eek

    Shout out to Uber. Today I went to do a site survey for a conference next week. I was on the correct bus as indicated by a government agency (ahem) and cross-referenced with metro, but the Metrobus did not stop there, so I got off at the next stop and was unable to walk (no sidewalks, flyover ramps, major interstates). I downloaded Uber, created an account, verified account and got a driver that was 7 mins away. And, he waited 30 mins for me since his home spot was 3 blocks away from my regular office.

    • eastbaybanker

      LOVE Uber. It is amazing and definitely worth the 30% extra cost over a taxi.

  35. Plan B

    Hey everyone – I have a coupon code for Banana – 40% of full price items if you use a Visa, good Saturday only. First person to email me at planb60601 at the yahoo email service gets it.

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