Workwear Hall of Fame: Feathers Flat

86 Comments

1. For the organized among us, do you have any favorite tools you use to plan outfits/what’s in your wardrobe/what you are looking for? My wardrobe is severely depleted due to wear and size changes and I need to refresh, but am fashion-impaired and hate shopping. I’m hoping having something that can help me figure out exactly what pieces I am looking for will help motivate me and avoid my fear of closet orphans.

   1. No idea if this will help you, but here’s what I do– bear in mind I’m tediously organized :-):

      1. When doing a wardrobe overhaul a few years back where I purged probably 75% of my overstuffed and underused wardrobe of not-quite-right items, I decided on a few rules to simplify new purchases: no navy or brown anywhere in my wardrobe(so they wouldn’t clash with my predominately black and gray foundation pieces), bottoms had to be in a neutral color so I could more easily wear them with more of my tops (black, any shade of gray, camel, and white or cream are the colors I go for), predominately natural fabrics since I prefer the feel and wear of them, and they tend to be more sustainable, and no more purchasing of “just because” orphan items that required purchasing multiple pieces to work in my wardrobe. I took a loonnnng time to build my wardrobe back up, and while I did, I maintained a target list of ideas of a few key items that would help fill in my wardrobe for each season (camel loafers for fall, black textured blazer and non-neutral cashmere sweater v-neck for winter, etc). I only bought items from this list of ideas, and only when they were just what I was looking for.

      2. When I did my wardrobe purge, I made Pinterest boards of all of my clothes, with a board for pants, one for dresses, one for long sleeve shirts, etc. This took a *really* long time (and some older items I had to find substitute images for), but has been really easy to maintain ever since, since I just save a link to clothing as I buy it. I use it every night to decide what to wear for the next day, and I wear a wider variety of my wardrobe since I can “see” it more easily. It’s the closet from Clueless, but updated! I downloaded the Stylebook app a few years back, but since I’d already started with Pinterest, it was much easier to continue with it.

      3. I’m ridiculously picky when acquiring new items and refuse to compromise. I follow the rules above, and I reject anything that either doesn’t fit right or can’t be easily tailored (so tailoring hems is fine, but needing taking in in multiple spots or with tricky fabrics is a no-go). If I find an item I *think* will be a workhorse, I buy multiples right away if it’s from a store with an excellent return policy, since I sometimes find later on that they have wear or quality issues, so I can return the colors I haven’t yet worn. If it’s from a store with a less-generous return policy, I absolutely only ever buy one initially, and then only go back to buy more (if it’s still available) if I’ve worn and washed the item in question a few times and put it through its paces.

      1. Oh, and for basics (camis, socks, bras, underwear), I tend to buy a bunch of multiples in the same style once I find what I love so I don’t have to think about it for a few years. All of my socks within one category (dress socks, athletic, and boot/comfy socks) are identical so if I lose one, they still match. One less thing to think about.

      2. Not the OP, but this is so helpful! Thank you!

         1. You’re welcome!

      3. This is so similar to my rules, although my basic colors are navy and grey (no blacks or browns for me). But yes to neutral colored bottoms and mostly natural fibers and identical socks. Also three versions of my favorite summer and winter tops.

         I’d add that I only ever buy things that are machine washable and don’t require ironing. I will do light steaming, but nothing more. I don’t care how pretty something is, if I need to iron or dryclean it, I’m not going to wear it often enough to justify the space in my closet.

         1. Yes, fussy clothes that are dry-clean only don’t happen for me either. The only caveat is that so many manufacturers now put dry clean instructions on clothes that definitely don’t need it and I just wash in cold water and then air dry (I air dry all of my clothes, so this isn’t a burden). I make it to the dry cleaner’s maybe once a year!

      4. This is great advice, and I echo points 1 and 3 enthusiastically.

         Buying multiples is the way to go. I basically wear a uniform, but because I wear a fair amount of color, I don’t think too many people notice.

         Summer: J.Crew Factory cotton pencil skirt + scoop neck tank top + 3/4 sleeve cardigan (casual day) or fun blazer (Talbots, dressy day) + tan suede block heels from J.Crew Factory.

         Winter: Talbots wool a-line skirt + black tights + lightweight merino turtleneck or crewneck + black boots.

         My summer wardrobe base color is navy, and I pair it with kelly green, sunny yellow, tomato red, or white. In winter, it’s black with cobalt, red, gray, or white. Because I buy multiples of tops and skirts, it’s easy to just plug and play with whatever’s clean that day. For example, today is a navy skirt with a white tank and a yellow blazer from Talbots. Tomorrow will be the exact same skirt in kelly green with the exact same tank in navy and a white and navy polka dot blazer also from Talbots. Easy peasy.

      5. Being tediously organized is the best way to save money on clothing! I would echo that I am extremely picky and only keep pieces that I love and that will wash and wear easy. Shopping online has made the entire process much easier, because i can use filters on my search results and can read reviews about how the item has worn.

   2. I have a long answer stuck in moderation!

2. Has anyone taken the CIPP-US? I am not coming from a privacy law background and trying to figure out how much I need to study and what I need to study. The website estimates 30 hours of study time, and I am curious to know others’ experience in taking this test! Thank you for your help!

   1. yep, and I’ve taken the CIPP/E and CIPM too. CIPP-US is pretty easy, but I came from a privacy background. You just have to read the book they provide. I probably studied 10-15 hours but if you’ve never done any privacy work 30 hours may be needed. Take the practice test (you may have to buy it separately). The questions clearly haven’t gone through the rigorous vetting that bar exam questions go through so they’re a little strange (e.g., out of the following four correct answers, which is the MOST correct) (OK I exaggerate a little but you get the idea). I don’t think you need a high % to pass.

      The IAPP offers a course (I think over two or three days?) on a regular basis. I thought the course was a waste of time, but again, I was already working in this field. The course may be helpful if you’re new to privacy law.

      1. Thank you!

         1. Also, if you’re in the Bay Area or otherwise have access to a prep course offered in collaboration with the law firm Field Fisher Waterhouse, take that course. (I think IAPP and FFW offer it together?) That is going to be worth your time.

3. Really random question…we got my soon to be 4-year-old son a passport when he was just under one. We will be traveling overseas again in six months and although his passport is still valid he looks a lot different from his picture that was taken when he was 11 months old. I’m concerned this may cause us trouble at the airport. Anyone experienced this before? I’m probably overthinking this.

   1. This is very normal, and shouldn’t be an issue at all. If it’s valid, it’s valid. Passports also now have biometric info on them as an additional layer of verification.

      1. … and I say this as an aunt of a 6 year old with two passports (American and an eastern european country), and her parents have never had any issues with her passport pictures.

   2. I think you’re overthinking it. We got my daughter’s passport when she was about the same age and just recently used it (she’s 3). Not a problem at the airport at all.

   3. The passport rules specifically contemplate this. Child passports are only valid for 5 years (requiring a new photo every 5 years), and the FAQs state, “If the appearance of your child under the age of 16 has changed due to the normal aging process, you do not need to apply for a new passport for him or her.” https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/requirements/photos.html

4. It’ll be fine.

   1. For Passport.

5. Is there a legal or consumer term for this situation?

   Say there’s a fitness club that has a number of different membership levels on its website. But when you go to talk to them about the most inexpensive one, they say they don’t offer that one anymore.

   It’s not bait-and-switch, is it, because you haven’t been wronged *yet*. Thanks for any help.

   1. False advertising.

      1. And you can’t force them to honor it, can you?

         1. They probably have a disclaimer on the website that prices/plans are subject to change without notice. So no.

            1. They don’t!

            2. Even if you could get them to honor it, this doesn’t sound like a company you want to be doing business with. It will no doubt lead to millions of headaches down the road. They’ve shown you who they are. Believe them.

   2. Call your State Attorney General’s Consumer Protection Office. It is generally illegal to advertise a product that is not offered. Check for disclaimers.

      Don’t be afraid to negotiate over it–as in: “Hey you offered this and now I am here and you are not–sounds like I need to contact the Consumer Protection office, or maybe my lawyer” Sometimes the “offer” can be made “this one time.”

      Don’t get bullied in these situations. Also–make sure you read the termination clause very closely…

      1. Why would you start a relationship with a service provider on this foot? It’s one thing if you’re already a member and they start doing sketchy things, but before you’re even through the door? Walk away.

         1. It’s a very well known organization and while I can see how it’s an oversight, I still want the lower price.

      2. Ok, but don’t threaten to “call your lawyer”. Actual lawyers just roll their eyes when someone says that. Especially under circumstances like these.

6. This morning’s sub-threads about aging gracefully got me thinking about a related question: how you do stay positive in your 30s and beyond when there is no question that you have nothing to look forward to, e.g. no family to watch grow up, no expanding career, etc.?

   I think about this a lot when it comes to weight creep but also more broadly. I’ve gained about 8 pounds in the last 2 years, which is a lot on my small frame. I know I’m still well within “healthy” range but frankly if no good men wanted me at 115 pounds then they won’t want me at 125 and beyond. Similarly, my career is dead and I’m too old to be attractive to new employers. Most of my limited free time is taken up volunteering (which you are supposed to do as a well-rounded person!), so I have no personal life beyond volunteering and caregiving for my disabled brother.

   So many of you talk about how gains in wisdom, grace, etc. made these and other declines bearable and even a net positive. I don’t feel any of that applies to me. I have been playing the role of ‘the only adult in the room’ since childhood. I have plenty of maturity, selflessness, and grace; any more might kill me. But I am still alone and will only get heavier and less attractive with no incremental gains in all these other qualities (because I ALREADY HAVE THOSE QUALITIES).

   And for those of you who will chime in with “well, you will acquire the wisdom to be happy with the life you have” – yeah, I had that “wisdom” in spades for almost a decade of being single. It was useless at best and destructive at worst, as evidenced by my still singledom.

   1. You get therapy and treatment for your depression. Listen to yourself. You aren’t rational. You’ve gained 8 pounds and concluded life is over. No. Stop. Get the mental health treatment you desperately need.

      Newsflash. Good men, bad men, all men, like women of all shapes sizes and weight. You are wrong. Stop stewing in self pity and do something about it.

      1. I disagree with the above labeling of this situation as “self pity”, but I do agree that you sound depressed and I urge you to consider therapy and treatment for that. It sounds like you are in an incredibly stressful situation as caregiver for your brother on top of working and have little to no supports right now.

      2. +1 (but more gently). I met my husband (online dating) at 30 at 20 pounds overweight, with limited hobbies and spending most waking hours working. We’re now happily married and have a 1 year old girl. I still have no hobbies, but there is always room for improvement. This board is filled with women who met their SO’s in their 30s and beyond. But I really do think the adage is true that you need to love yourself before you love someone else. Try to find something you enjoy doing and stop worrying about singledom for 3-6 months. Try to get that out of your mindset and focus on one or two things that will make you happy (or try 1-2 new things that might make you happy).

      3. I would say this more gently, but I agree you sound depressed and would benefit from working with a therapist. My current career began in my 30s, my husband’s in his 40s. I have never weighed much less than 150 pounds in my adult life. You do not need to do anything you don’t want to do, including volunteer if it isn’t making you happy. It sounds like you are trying to please a lot of other people but not yourself. Can you take some time to listen to what YOU really want?

      4. Be nice to her. She is like me. Hugs! You can turn your life around. I did (and am still a work in process). Of course men will still want you at 125, or 135 or even 145. Men are always interested in a woman who is interested in them and that is the secret. Even if a guy has bad breathe, if you pretend to be interested in them and tell them they are witty, you will go far. I had alot of sucess getting men to be interested in me, but they just wanted s-x. With you, you too can get at least s-x, but alot more, as you are still in your 30’s and at 125 are not overweight at all. Men want to be with women like us, and if you are positive, and flatter them, they will want to do more then have s-x with you! My probelem is that men look at me as for my money — as a paycheck, not for my personality. If you have a nice personalty, they will come in droves and you will have your pick of which guy you will let into your private kingdom. Best of luck to you! YAY!!!!

   2. Gently, your statement that “you have nothing to look forward to” is very worrying. This sounds an awful lot like my thought patterns when I’m depressed. Being a caretaker is hard work, both time-wise and emotionally. You need respite from work (which includes both your career and taking care of your brother) and I think giving up your volunteering is completely understandable if it’s not bringing joy into your life. Frankly, I think taking care of your brother more than “counts” as volunteering. You need to put on your own oxygen mask.

      And if we’re talking about being well-rounded, you can’t be a well-rounded person without having passion for something. It’s your life, not a resume! What do you want, and what is truly in your control?

   3. Honestly, you sound depressed & I’d get some help for that. Beyond that, stop volunteering if it doesn’t make you a happier person – you don’t have to do that, no one’s forcing you to. Figure out what inspires you, what you like to do & do that. You’re the only person with control over your life, so exercise it.

   4. My Dad was a stay at home dad and went back to school and graduated from college the same year I did… he was well into his fifties. He found a job afterwards. I think therapy is a good idea too for straight-up self-esteem reasons. Employers still hire people older than 40! People over 40 fall in love! People over 40 who are single make their own families too… caring for parents, adopting or fostering children or just having one as a single mom… all these things you are concerned about are changeable. Not necessarily easily, but your life isn’t permanent even at 80. DEFINITELY not permanent in your thirties.

   5. Why do you think you’re too old to be attractive to new employers? This is a huge mistake people make in their careers. And yes…men love women of all shapes and sizes. Maybe you’re not having any luck because you sound like such a downer to be around? I’m sorry you have to be a caregiver to your brother – that must be extremely hard. Have you considered that you are burnt out and need a break? sometimes communities or churches have respite care available for you to get a break.

      Lastly – people have extremely full lives without children and/or high-powered careers. Any chance of saving up for an amazing trip or travel? Or working towards buying a house? Or if you already have one – working on a new home improvement project? There’s plenty to look forward to as an able-bodied 30 something.

   6. Okay, I can’t talk to a lot of what you’re saying, because honestly I feel the same way a lot of the time. But how is your career dead? And if you’re only in your 30s, you’re definitely not too old to be attractive to new employers. I don’t actually know that that age exists. If you’re as awesome as you say you are — and I totally believe that you are — you can find better, more fulfilling, more rewarding work. I’m sure of it.

   7. I have been thinking this same thing, OP. I am early 50s and married but everything else you said is so true for me. I didn’t think I was depressed though.

   8. Please go get therapy. You are so young. You have a lot of life in front of you. Please, please talk to someone about this. It is not normal to feel like this and you don’t have to be resigned to how sad and hopeless you feel.

   9. Yeah… I’m having trouble with the conventional wisdom that the 30s are better than the 20s. In some ways I suppose it is, but certainly not in all ways.

   10. OP, you sound deeply and terribly depressed and agree with the above posters that you should seek out some therapy. Caregiver burnout is real and you are probably exhausted which is impacting your ability to see things clearly.

       There are many great men who could not give a fig about a woman’s weight. There are many employers who hire based on experience and qualifications of people even after 40. Hell, there are amazing people who start careers after 40.

       I think it is fine to throw yourself a little pity party every now and then, but you should recognize it for what it is.

       1. I think that my spouse’s only statement about size/shape/weight of women is that he doesn’t find rail-thin attractive. They are not as critical as the OP.

   11. I’m a caregiver to a disabled child… I think a lot of what I’m hearing from you sounds like the bummer of knowing that no matter what you do for yourself (lose weight, get married, get new career) the weight of that moral responsibility and care will still be there, no matter what. It sucks. Therapy might help. Try to stay optimistic and appreciate the happy things. Get rid of the things in your life that you don’t enjoy but do because you “should.” I don’t mean caregiving for your brother here, but more the other volunteering — if you don’t enjoy volunteering, don’t. Do what you enjoy (cooking, romance novels, paddleboard yoga, whatever) because sometimes adulting is hard enough by itself between career stuff and caregiving.

   12. Hugs. I agree that you sound depressed and that therapy could help. I also agree about switching out your volunteering for something that might make you happier. The urge to help is a great one, but maybe in a way that would also, directly, make you happy? I have a friend who loves horses and volunteers with a place that does equine therapy; I have done painting with people with alzheimers, etc. It’s something we would like to do anyway (play with horses, paint) but also with a helping side.

       Re: weight, if there’s a man who would’ve liked you at 115 but won’t at 123, you’re better off without him. But seriously, there’s someone for everyone, and plenty of men find plenty of non-model bodies HOT. Trust me.

   13. No advice, really, but all of my sympathy. I totally get where you’re coming from. Fellow caregiver here. In my 30s my life became an ongoing trainwreck across the board– career, family, love, health, you name it. And guess what? It still is! Save for career (and I feel the same as you about aging out of opportunities) most of this is out of my control. For the last 5 years whenever I’m out at a restaurant “catching up” with a friend, invariably the table next to us stops talking and just eaves drops while I talk to my friend about what’s going on with me. It’s that weird and awful! (I actually had a reality show producer approach me about filming my parents. Um…nope! Anyway…)

       I soldier on because I’ve developed a great sense of humor about it all (but also two chronic stress-induced health conditions) because what else can you do? I’m determined to persevere but I often feel like a cockroach crawling through the muck. No one else I know has dealt with any of the things I’m dealing with. But I’m also not a refugee, you know? I have a home and a cr*ppy job.

       I try to remember that not all days are bad. I remember that things go through phases and transitions. Sometimes it gets much worse, but then sometimes things transition into a place where I can keep my head above water for a while. I know you already dismissed this as “a positive”, but I’m absolutely a better person for everything I’ve gone through. That wouldn’t have meant anything to me a few years ago, but it does now. Maybe because as time goes on my friends have started to go through illness and losses of their own and I know how to support them. I’m proud of that. If I could trade my life for an easier one I totally would. But since I can’t, accepting it and enduring it with grace is the only way I know how. Scratch that. Grace not so much, humor absolutely.

       You’re getting excellent advice to consider therapy and reaching out for help. I totally agree. But here’s my secret down and dirty advice. Write it all down. Journal, diary, whatever! When the dust settles and the key players are gone, I’m writing the most ridic memoir around. Running With Scissors has got NOTHING on my life. This is probably just a fantasy but I can’t tell you how happy it makes me. I’ve heard that writing your own story helps you reframe your perspective on the past. That’s been true for me. Maybe it could be for you. Wishing you peace and happiness.

   14. Long post in mod. Check back!

   15. You sound depressed for sure; it’s possible for the illness to creep up on you. I followed a totally rational thought process (I was going to find out what worked for others!) but it wasn’t until I saw the Google results for the search string “what makes life worth living” that I realized I was having a touch of the ole depresh.

       But also you sound sad and like you have had a hard life; you had to be an adult as a kid, now you are taking care of your brother even though you are still young, you haven’t had good luck with men and don’t understand why…maybe you want to talk to a therapist? You deserve to put yourself first. It sounds like no one else in your life is going to, even when you were a little kid, so you are in charge of that kid now. Time to buy her ice cream and a resume-writing service.

7. I just bought a pair of flats… but they’re a little bit big in the heel box (not sure what it’s called — but my heel slides from side to side.) Can insoles fix this? If so, any recommended insole brands?

   1. You’re not stepping out of them as well? Maybe heel grips around the sides – like instead of one, curve two around? Or, could you do a heel cushion that would make your heel rise up a little, so the foot surface area is wider?

      1. I’m not yet stepping out of them — but they’re only two days old, and I could see them getting stretched out and stepping out of them as well :(

   2. I’ve used “Back of Feet” cushions for this, “Helloheel Contour Slim Heel Grips” on Amazon are good

      1. Thank you!

   3. This is called having slightly triangular feet. Welcome to my world! Generally insoles don’t help as much for this, but occasionally they will a little. I usually put in those heel pads, which vary a lot in stability/adherence. They can fill up the space nicely, but I find that I have to replace them over time.

      Things like this

      https://www.macys.com/shop/product/fancy-feet-by-foot-petals-back-of-heel-cushions-shoe-inserts?ID=2449447&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&CAWELAID=120156340003561821&CAAGID=40807911356&CATCI=aud-325772346175:pla-378684925679&CATARGETID=120156340018182924&cadevice=c&cm_mmc=Google_Womens_Shoes_PLA-_-G_WS_PLA+-+Shoe+Accessories_Foot+Petals-_-185562619081-_-pg1859627_c_kclickid_a18c0552-a04f-4bd6-baac-8da6954fb254&trackingid=456×1859627&gclid=CjwKCAjwyMfZBRAXEiwA-R3gM74jaB5uP7CXfIYVaR3M94oF4i6IGTAcEoFztbCjVE5vsgm-kYxDZBoCU-QQAvD_BwE

8. Your scenario is the exact definition of bait and switch.

   1. +1

9. Inspired by this morning’s college admissions discussion: do you donate time or money to an alma mater, and if so, why?

   (I donate every year to my undergrad to help their alumni giving rate and to do a small part to help other students access education, and donate quite a bit of time because I want to give back. Curious about others.)

   1. I went to a private school growing up, and I donate to the need-based scholarships because I was on need-based scholarships some years.

      And my law school just sent out a letter asking for support just for the clinics. They said they understood that many of us were still paying loans, but if we could help the clinics “do more with less,” they’d be very appreciative. They said they’d even welcome $5 to cover the cost of copying a client’s file. I thought it was a very sweet letter (and the clinics director was my fave prof ever, so there’s that, too).

      1. The way I feel about my law school is that they can use some of the $$$$$ they charge students for tuition, housing etc. to help the clinic’s clients. I’m going to be paying these loans forever.

   2. I don’t donate right now to my undergrad alma mater, but plan to start once my undergrad loans are paid off (halfway there!). Once I do, I’ll probably try to direct my donations very specifically to my department/division, or a scholarship that was set up in the name of a friend that passed. I won’t donate to my grad alma mater – I don’t feel a deep connection to it like I do my undergrad.

   3. Neither. I paid full freight for college and thought it was an OK experience but don’t think the best destination for the money I have available to give away is my school and its $$$ endowment.

      1. +1 me too and it is 813832749 down the list of charities I want to support. Except my tax dollars pay for it.

   4. Nope. My parents paid full tuition (over $200k) for me to attend an elite private school. I had a so-so experience and although the school name has opened doors for me professionally, they really don’t need my money and there are many charities I’d much rather support.

   5. I donate time and money to my alma mater (small, liberal arts college). I interview prospective students, attend college fairs, and write some fundraising letters for my classmates. I wasn’t a very involved student, but once I got out, I realized how much I grew up there and how supportive the school had been, so I give back.

      Child no.1 is in college now and did not choose to go to my alma mater. It won’t be a good fit for child no.2 either. My ongoing support is so that the school can continue to provide financial aid and quality education for others.

   6. I donate time to my law school and money to my undergrad (specifically the department I got my major in). I’m still paying my loans for law school, so they don’t get more of money, but I’m happy to meet and talk with students. My ugrad (public liberal arts) will actually benefit (buy lab equipment!) with my modest funds, so that’s where I send my money.

   7. No. My parents paid full freight for undergrad, and I paid full freight for law school. The schools in question received PLENTY. My law school in particular was very aggressive about alumni donations even less than a year after graduation (into a recession! classmates were being laid off!) which really put a bad taste in my mouth for life.

      1. Did you go to NYU for law school? I got something where the first checkbox for quantifying your donation was something like 5K or 10K. Um, no. They have found me every time I moved. They own most of lower manhattan — and they still want $ from me.

         1. No — but yikes that is terrible also!

   8. I was an out-of-state student at a State U (parents paid tuition, which was much less expensive back then; I worked for room & board). They don’t give scholarships based on need to out-of-state students, especially now that the all-in cost is $65K or so. So I give b/c OOS students of even average means are priced out now. We don’t have an endowment, just an annual fund.

      A lot of kids who would love to go there to to private schools with bigger endowments or who give need-based grants to students regardless of which state they are from.

      So I give to even the playing field. To make it fairer for kids like me.

      IMO, $65K/year would be a lot for me to pay if either kid of mine wanted to go there. If they truly wanted to go and were good candidates, I’d seriously consider moving to that state (could transfer offices) to get in-state residency (or have them use a gap year to get residency or move in with my MIL who lives in that state).

   9. I donate to my graduate school happily (but in small amounts, because, loans) but not my (expensive, top 25) undergraduate because it was not a great experience and the school had issues they were sweeping under the rug on rampant cheating and poor treatment of non tenure track faculty. Side note– several years out of undergrad, my alumni mail from undergrad started coming to me as Dr. [Last Name] so at least I appreciate the promotion so I otherwise am not nor will ever be any kind of doctor.

   10. I donate time and money. I went to a small school and live within the region, so giving my time is relatively easy. Honestly, the network from my undergrad is so strong that it is 100% of the reason that I am where I am today success-wise. So many alums met me for lunch or drinks or coffee or made introductions and/reviewed my resume. In turn, I’m paying it forward- anytime someone from there calls or emails, I answer and do what I can to help.

       I donate to funding research trips that my former professors lead so that students who might not be able to afford them can go and have that experience and I donate to the capital campaign that works to be able to meet 100% of need based familial aid so that people don’t have to take out loans. I also plan to leave most of my estate to the school. Law school, however, no. That was a means to an end and.i don’t feel much loyalty to them. The jobs I’ve had are based on my undergrad, not law school connections.

10. I am itching to move on from my current job for many reasons, but given the job market in my city, I need to sit tight for awhile longer. There just isn’t much available in my field at the moment, and relocating is not going to happen.

    Remind me that my job funds my lifestyle, and liking it isn’t a requirement? Remind me that it helps pay the mortgage, my special needs kiddo’s therapy bills, and greatly relieves the pressure on my DH to be the sole breadwinner? I’m trying to remind myself that I like most of my colleagues, it pays well, and I’m a subject matter expert. Still, I’m dwelling on the fact that a) I’ve been pushed into a more senior role that I don’t actually enjoy that much; and b) upper leadership is deeply frustrating me because they aren’t leading and are more focused on fighting with each other, and that puts up a bunch of roadblocks that make it harder for me to do my job. (Which in turn affects my motivation.)

    Also, I’ve been here more than a decade. Some of this is just getting stale. I have a bit of the “is the grass greener elsewhere?” syndrome.

    1. Yes! All of those things! Work is not supposed to be fun. That’s why they have to pay you! Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to stay at that particular workplace forever, as you know. So keep doing good work to earn that paycheck, and keep networking to find something else! Your husband and son appreciate you!

11. When is the right time to start seeing a podiatrist? I’m late 20s and have the very beginnings of a bunion on my left foot (thanks Mom for that great genetic inheritance!) as well as what I just learned is a corn on my left pinkie toe. Right foot has some very minor issues as well, but nothing is major. I also feel like my toenails are not as healthy as they should be.

    Do I need to see a podiatrist or can I be okay with a bunion fixing split from Amazon? Should I see my primary care doc and ask her to fix foot issues?

    1. I’d just go straight to a podiatrist! Especially because of the nail health issue.

    2. Toenails can likely be dealt with at your GP, but bunions and other issues should be seen by a podiatrist. Go now! Foot issues only get worse as you get older, and it’s good to have a baseline and plan in the early stages.

       I’ve had a bunion since I was 12 (thanks, pointe shoes!). It’s minor and I haven’t had surgery, but I go to a podiatrist every few years to get a checkup.

12. The everyday, fairly low-level sexism in my job is grating on me, and combined with the news as of late, has me feeling really down. Advice? Commiseration?

    I’m a biglaw associate. I’ve gotten all kinds of belittling comments from opposing counsel over the years, but have mostly chalked that up to the adversarial nature of the job. I’ve received well-meaning but off-the-mark advice from male mentors, which I’ve chalked up to generational differences. But lately the little stuff is really getting to me. We have two opposing counsel in a matter (both partners and basically the same level): John Doe and Jane Smith. The senior associate routinely refers to “Mr. Doe” and “Jane”, even within the same email. I’ve spent a lot of time with a client over the past few days and he’s made numerous comments that made me uncomfortable: at one point he made a joke about gardening tools, then blatantly checked out a woman walking by on the street and commented to a male attorney about her appearance. Neither of these comments was targeted at me in any way, but the fact that none of my male superiors seemed to bat an eyelash just underscores the level of bro culture at play here.

    I have no real question. Just annoyed and not expecting this will get much better.

    1. Preach sister. I met the bankers for an IPO that kicked off yesterday. All they could do was talk about their last Closing dinner in Amsterdam and how great the red light district was, and how much time they spent there. EEEEEEEEEW. Not something I want to learn about colleagues around the table on a deal with me.

       I wanted to say something really bitchy, like, “Oh, you just reminded me why I left banking to join law–I had a little flashback to my team always going to Stringfellows!” but I bit my lip because I just met them. But inside I was like, “Has ‘MeToo’ fallen on completely deaf ears?” UGH UGH UGH.

    2. UGH yes. My particular employer is unusually decent (in my last job the Big Boss gave a company laptop to one of the two escorts in his employ who frequented the office), but we’re in a male-dominated industry so a lot of the people I work with outside my employer are… sigh… like I *don’t* want to host Event in Location because the women there are hot, but thanks, Board Member, for the suggestion. I *don’t* appreciate the telling of an explicit joke from the microphone at a membership meeting, but VIP was the teller, so what can I do? One Important Dude always winks and me and elevator eyes me, and it makes me want to barf. Once a leering “nice outfit” at a conference sent me spiraling into panic attack (in defense of my overreaction, it was a week or so after I confronted my r@pist and a few days after Trump got elected, aaand the night before a drunk guy had tried to break down my hotel room door, oh and also I was on new meds — and I did make it to my hotel room before I cried). I hate the “don’t use that language in front of Rainbow” jokes. Have they met me? I love to swear!

       I hate that my choices are to be The Cool Girl who laughs when you imply another woman got her job because of her figure, or to be The Angry Feminist who can’t hang. I mean, I am an Angry Feminist, but I’m also fun! As long as you’re not a trashcan of a person.

       Have I told this story? A committee was discussing nominations for This Field Person of the Year. Here’s how a suggestion went: “When Jack hired Jane he made such a good move. Jane is such a go-getter. She goes to the Women in This Industry event every year and has totally enlivened Group and Organization. I’ve noticed how she’s recruiting blah blah and doing positive blahs and also blahs. She’s really elevating the whole field. Yeah, Jack was so smart to hire Jane — I think Jack should get the award.”

13. Steve Madden shoes are like Nine West, attractive but feel TERRIBLE.

    1. I won’t buy them. The only Steve Madden shoes I have left are my fabulous Liliane studded combat boots. Everything else has gone into the giveaway bag.

       1. https://www.pinterest.ie/pin/522136150521041761/

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