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If you're on the hunt for crazy soft pajamas for women for gifts (or for yourself), I happened to touch some of these Jockey Generation PJs the last time I was in Target (I'm one of those tactile shoppers who touches everything). They are CRAZY soft to the touch. I wasn't crazy about the colors I saw in store that day, but now I'm drooling over this nice burgundy.
The pictured PJ is $22 and comes in sizes XS-XL in four (mostly neutral) colors; there are also sleep shorts and wide cropped PJ pants.
(In fairness, the reader favorite PJ brand Stars Above was also pretty soft… but I still say this one is softer.)
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Psst: some of our other favorite PJ brands include these…
As of 2024, some of readers' favorite pajama brands include Nordstrom's Moonlight line, Soma Cool Nights, Lake Pajamas, PrintFresh, Under Armour, Lunya, Anthropologie, and (on the budget side), Stars Above. (Pajamas also make great gifts!)
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Does anyone else think they feel their emotions bigger than most people? For example, when a pet has died, I am inconsolable for days and it takes a long time to adjust whereas I’ve known some who are sad for a day or two and then either get a new pet or just seem to never say anything about it again. When I am in love, I want ongoing conversation and connection and affection whereas some are fine not to see each other or talk much except on weekends.
Is this abnormal? Sometimes I wonder if I invest too much or am overboard or something or if people just care less about me than I care about them.
Anonymous
Feeling things more strongly isn’t “wrong” or “bad” unless it’s causing intrusive thoughts or greatly interfering with your life. I do have one friend who feels things very strongly and I have to set some boundaries with her because she seems to want me to feel the same emotions sometimes (I think she thinks we’re not connecting unless I’m also very sad/upset/whatever the issue is), but that’s on me to set that boundary.
Anon
I think everybody feels and expresses things differently. Your behavior is well within the range of normal human behavior. Don’t worry about it.
ElizabethCS
It’s so easy to feel out of step with others, but your comment resonated with a book I heard about recently: The Orchid and the Dandelion, https://www.amazon.com/Orchid-Dandelion-W-Thomas-Boyce/dp/0670070106 This book speaks to raising children, but it talks about how about 20% of us feel things differently than the 80%. It might help you to understand yourself better. Good luck – we’re all worthy and have value.
editor
Did you recommend The Orchid and the Dandelion on here a few days ago? I just picked it up from the library half an hour ago! I am highly sensitive, yes, capital H, capital S, and it’s caused me no end of trouble my whole, long life. When I see a book Im interested in, I alt-tab over to a waiting library tab, and boom! It’s requested.
Also — I just had to euthanize my beloved cat two days ago. She was way too young but we were — well, *I* was very bonded to *her.* Work is awful or I’d just let myself go and cry.
Anyway, thank you for the recommendation, if it was indeed you. If not — what a coincidence!
anon
I don’t think that’s abnormal at all. People are all over the spectrum in terms of attachment and how they process emotions. It sounds like you’re someone who goes deep. That’s a good thing!
(FWIW, I lost a pet 6 weeks ago and I am not ready to adopt another!)
anon
So I am the friend who doesn’t feel emotions as deeply as some of my best girlfriends who sounds more like you. It’s completely fine to feel differently! I completely appreciate they are different than I am, and they me, and we respect each other so it’s not an issue. I understand that I need to be sensitive when they are in their FEELS and they don’t find it odd when I am not sentimental or get upset about things they do. They are my best friends and I think they are awesome!
Anonymous
It will take me weeks/months/years to get over the death of either of my dogs. But I am okay going quite a while without seeing my BF, though seeing him more would be fine. (He, too, will take weeks/months/years to get over the death of either of my dogs, but does not need to see me that often.)
Anon
Vent: My toddler has been home from daycare with the stomach flu, and the doctor said she should stay out all week. Then the daycare shut for the rest of the week anyway due to a breakthrough COVID-19 case from one of the workers in her room.
I give up.
Anon
Could her G symptoms be from
COVID?
Anon
Tested negative. The stomach flu may have saved us from covid.
anon
Ugh given the choice I’d rather have covid than a stomach flu!
Anon
Ok, glass half full: she was going to be home anyway with the GI bug, and the covid closure is while she was going to be home anyway? This is a WIN! So much better than having her home all this week and then having the closure next week.
And yes, my life now counts this as a major victory.
Anonymous
My favorite charity thrift shop has two vintage St John’s suits on the rack for about $75 each. My budget would never allow me to buy them full price, but this, I could do! only problem – they are two sizes too big and I would definitely need alterations. My normal tailor is fine for things like Kohls pants for inseams, but occasionally there is a screw up. I would be heartbroken if my budget buy became a dust gatherer in my closet. Anyone out there successfully have St John’s tailored? I live in a fairly rural area (2 hours to Denver) so am willing to take measurements and ship if needed.
Anonymous
I would look into Nordstrom tailoring because they will have experience with St. John. They will do the work even if the item was not purchased there.
Anonymous
Call first on this — My local Nordstrom’s is now saying they will only do alterations on things things that are not theirs that are new with tags. But I’m not at the Denver store.
Anon
For suiting, I think the expensive part is taking in the shoulders and adjusting the length of the jacket. Have you considered taking it to a men’s tailor? They may have more experience and could offer you a quote. If the suits are timeless, I would spend the money on alterations. You don’t have to do them both at the same time.
Anon
I’d hesitate on two fronts unless you have $150 to burn. 1) vintage St. John can be classic or campy and I’d be very clear which it is here; 2) St. John IMO runs big and can be blocked bigger, so there may be heroic altering involved on the jacket (skirt should be easy), which may wreck it. Maybe get the blander one and take to a tailor?
Anon
I would buy the suit, then make a day trip to Denver to drop off the suit for alterations. Pay for return shipping if they let you do that.
Anon
Two sizes is a pretty big change, I’m not sure I’d go for it.
Anonymous
Those alterations will cost well over $100 per suit.
anon
I’m not sure it’s worth it. Two sizes is a big difference. That’ll cost a load to alter and will likely wreck the shape of the suit in the process.
anon
+1, I have tried this in the past with suits (granted, lower end than St. Johns) and it never worked out well. The fit was always slightly off and it bugged me enough that I rarely ever wore them.
Nesprin
That’d be basically building a new suit from the material. I.e. >>75 ea
anon
My mom gave me one of her St John knit dresses when she retired, brand new with tags. It is below-the-knee, and I’m short, so I took it to my tailor to see if it could be hemmed. My tailor does excellent, complicated work. She once re-made a bridesmaids dress with a fitted lace bodice for me to wear at 7 months pregnant. She refused to alter the St John dress and said it would never look right.
I left it hanging in my closet, and now below the knee dresses are in style, plus I’m closer to 40 than 30. So now I wear it occasionally :-)
Cat
You might be able to get away with 2 sizes on the skirts if they’re the pencil skirt style, but 2 sizes on a jacket is a big job… I think this would ultimately cost you way more than expected and still not have great results.
Anonymous
If they are the classic knit, they can’t be altered by a tailor like regular fabric. I would give this a hard pass. There is a lot of used St. John on eBay.
Anon
Yes, there’s lots of relatively cheap used St. John out there on the resale sites as well.
Anon
If I were a “praise be” sort of person, I’d be exclaiming it loudly now. Kids were home from school for 18 months. I don’t have a home office (more like bad hoteling and on the struggle bus for getting stuff done in a typical time frame). They have been back in school for about a month now. Masks are mandatory except when eating and then they are spaced out, 2 to a table. There have been some cases at school, but it seems like no spread that I’m aware of. The bus situation is not great, but I have been so much better from a work perspective that I feel like not blowing my stack 1000% of the time or like I may randomly start screaming into a pillow or crying in the drive-through. I’m not all the way to normal, but I’m not feeling like I’ve been on a tightrope over boiling oil 18 hours a day anymore.
Now, if they’d just greenlight the 5-11 group for vaccine (they have to soon, right? no one else is going to step it up and get shots in the US and this is sort of the only lever left to throw) . . .
Anon
I am soooo looking forward to getting my kids vaccinated!
Anonymous
I am glad you are having a good experience. In our house, the only thing worse than on-line school has been the readjustment on actual school.
Anon
OP here.
To be clear, *I* am having a good experience. Kiddos are struggling, albeit differently than last year where they were just wilting, day by day, and learning basically nothing except from when they watched “Horrible Histories” and can now sing you a sing about Rasputin (ra-ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen . . .). The return to math with an actual teacher and not via YouTube is not beloved, but it is for the best.
Anon
To be fair, knowing the lyrics to Rasputin is a good life skill. Could they learn some choreography this year?
Anonymous
Oh, my kid’s return to school has made *my* life even more hellish than it was when she was on line. I am still on that tightrope over boiling oil every moment, and the flames are getting higher.
Anon
Hugs. It is rough out there.
Anon
I was right there with you a couple months ago! It was so freeing when my kids were not at my elbow as I was trying to work, and there werent random thuds and screams/crying coming from the other room while I was in a meeting.
My mornings are busier now before 8am (packing lunches, breakfast, waking them up, getting them out the door) but I heave a sigh of relief between 8:30-3pm.
Anon
Just found out I have a bit of free time in NYC coming up this Saturday and Monday. I’ll be solo and won’t have much money plus I am covid conservative (so no long dining indoors or concerts for a while). How would you spend your time and why? What’s worth a bit of time or money and what have you wished you’d have skipped or not spent money on? (If anyone wants to meet or do something together, post a burner and I’ll email!)
Anon
I love walking through the very old part of the city, down by Wall Street and the WTC, looking for old Dutch-ish buildings, seeing “CUNARD LINE” in the sidewalk. Maybe start at Battery Park and walk north if the weather is good? You could easily walk to SoHo, which IMO is the best for window shopping and cool cast-iron facades. If you go to Trinity Church, you can see the graves of Eliza and Angelica, if you are a Hamilton fan.
Or High Line.
Or Roosevelt Island.
Anonymous
If you have a window of time, I would probably go to MOMA or The Met. I miss culture right now and this would be good bang for the buck.
Also, this may just be me, but when I travel to NYC solo, I often set aside a whole day to just walk aimlessly. Once that landed me in Central Park. Once I ended up walking through the flower district (I had no idea) and onto the Highline (not a fan) and down to Chelsea Market and then all the way to Hell’s Kitchen and across Broadway. Once I crossed the Brooklyn Bridge. I don’t spend much on those days — coffee and a cheapish lunch generally — but they are my favorite times in NY.
Anonymous
Will you be based in Manhattan?
If you’re willing to travel out to the other boroughs, I’d recommend the NY Botanical Garden in the Bronx (Kusama exhibit is there until end of October) if the weather will be decent. The fee for NYBG is about $25 for outdoors only, which is pretty reasonable for botanical garden. Bit of a haul from midtown but once you get past the long subway ride you’ll be outdoors! The next time I head up to NYC I’d want to visit the Met Cloisters.
High Line is always a good option for wandering about outdoors, but I believe they have (free) timed entry requirements now.
No Face
I had free time in NYC years ago, and I spent hours walking the High Line. Loved it.
Anonymous
The Kusama show is great but the best parts are indoors. The NYBG is worth it just for their regular exhibits though.
Anonymous
I’m Anon from 3:09 and I agree that the NYBG is even better if you buy tickets to both indoors and outdoors. It can get pricey though, with the add ons and ticket fees, so I offered the cheaper version. Up to OP to see what works for her budget!
Anonymous
If you are willing to go, the theater is a huge bargain right now – look on TodayTix for offers. Six looks like a lot of fun. Theaters are requiring vax + masks and compliance is pretty good.
Anonymous
Sorry – rereading – if you are really not willing to do things indoors, I would focus on people watching in Central Park, walk the Brooklyn Bridge, maybe visit Governor’s Island, and ride the Staten Island Ferry for a free boat tour. There is an Indigenous People’s Day event on Roosevelt Island that looks interesting; Roosevelt Island and the tram to get there are generally somewhat off the beaten path and fun too. I find the High Line a bit overwhelmingly crowded and touristy but the capacity limits might make it more fun.
anon
I would probably visit the Morgan Library and then sit in Bryant Park and read a book.
Anonymous
You can buy a book at Kinokuniya across the street, and maybe even a bento box lunch (unless things have changed)!
NYCer
Ride the ferry. It costs $2.75. You can get on in Manhattan (east 34th or Wall St.) and take it to DUMBO or Williamsburg. If you take it to DUMBO, you could grab some excellent pizza, walk around Brooklyn Bridge Park, and walk the Brooklyn Bridge back.
Anon
NY Waterway Ferry to Weehawken
NaNoWriMo
Hello! Is anyone else doing NaNoWriMo this year? For the uninitiated, it’s where you set a goal to write 50,000 words in November. I have the first third of a novel I’ve been working on this year and think I’m going to use NaNoWriMo as a motivator to finish the first draft.
Anyone done it in the past? Any tips?
Dr. The Original ...
I wished it’d fallen during my dissertation as it’d have been a guaranteed win. This year, I’m using it not for one project (as intended) but to keep on myself to journal more as I got a bit out of habit with the dissertation going on.
If you need support, they have groups. Same for accountability. But be mindful of the frequency of the messages, some of them can clog an inbox very fast!
Good luck!!
Anonymous
I’ve done it three or four times but never “won” (ie, met the goal). Set aside dedicated writing time daily or weekly. I usually start of strong and then taper off after a week or two. I would get distracted reading the forums during my writing time instead of actually working on my writing. And plan around Thanksgiving, which for me comes with a large number of family obligations. I can’t get any writing done that week.
Anon
I won in 2005 and not since. My problem is that November is full of family birthdays and anniversaries in addition to Thanksgiving, so I’m behind from day 1 and never have a breath to catch up.
I started doing another month instead, which works well for me. People who need the camaraderie may find that hard, though.
anon
The moms in my ‘hood have gotten into Zyia fitness wear. One of my BFFs swears by their clothes and the quality, but she’s very lean and I am much curvier. In looking at the size chart, it appears to run small (but how much smaller?) Is it worth looking into? I can’t say the styles strike me as unique, but I’m always on the lookout for nice workout gear.
Anonymous
It’s an MLM. Hard pass. LuLaRoe of fitness.
Anonymous
can’t speak to the actual clothes myself, but isn’t Zyia an MLM?
anon
OP here … ugh, you appear to be correct. Gross.
Anon
The All-Star bra is the best sports bra I’ve ever owned. Their styles aren’t particularly unique; their clothes are not inexpensive; however, the quality per dollar is remarkably high.
Anon
In my late 30s. Never married or engaged. I always planned to be, hope(d) to be someday- monogamously. Lately though, I’ve been hearing about friends and friends of friends and that person here where there are affairs going on. Some where it’s years or decades, where it’s emotional and deep and whole relationships with plans and traditions and habits and everything. Where the other spouse doesn’t know. Where people don’t leave because of kids or a shared house or wealth or whatever reason, but they don’t actually want to be there monogamously.
While I logically knew about these in the world, I’m realizing that hearing about how many are happening in near proximity is making me question marriage overall. I always thought it was an “us against the world” thing and I wanted that with someone. Now it feels like maybe most (or at least more than none) don’t know what their spouse is up to, they don’t want to be with the spouse by choice (but stay for circumstance or obligation), that maybe many marriages I see or hear of aren’t so great behind the scenes, that the social media posts that make me hopeful or envious may all be pretend rather than real love, etc.
Is this just the evolution of going from childhood to adulthood realization? Am I becoming too jaded? And I don’t know the remedy because happy marriage stories seem rough because it’s what I don’t have and sad marriage stories further this feeling.
Cat
I will just say that stable / healthy marriages aren’t usually the ones that stick out on social. The people that can’t go out to dinner without documenting it complete with hashtags aren’t usually super happy IRL.
Tora Bora
This. Also, the kind of people who habitually cheat on their spouses have other issues. The ones I anecdotally know about hit all the cliches. My spouse and I have a team mentality. Many of the healthy families we know have the same dynamic. Where this dynamic is missing is where other issues can creep in. But like PP said, I don’t have the need to publish gushing posts about my spouse. I’m too busy doing stuff with him :).
Anon
Thank you. It has been my experience that the bigger the wedding (and all the events leading up to it) the quicker the divorce.
Anon
This is a really judgmental take that I seriously doubt would be true if one controlled for other mitigating factors.
anonshmanon
yeah, despite my smugness at my cheap wedding, I don’t think this is a predictor.
Anon
Also problematic when you consider how culturally-driven a big wedding can be.
Anon
They have done studies on this, controlled for other factors, and found that a less expensive wedding = longer marriage.
Anon
This hasn’t been my experience, anecdotally. We’ve had two divorced couples in our friend group – one went to the courthouse and another had a fairly small and modest wedding. A high school friend called off her engagement a few days before what would have been a very simple, low budget wedding. My husband and I have been to two weddings that really stood out to us as tacky and ostentatious – not just because of the size and cost, but because the couples seemed to be focused much more on the “things” than the guests or their upcoming marriage (one bride was telling anyone would listen they spent $50k on flowers). And both those couples are 15 years in with 2-3 kids and seem to show no signs of breaking up. Even tacky, shallow people can find their perfect match, you know? We had a small, modest wedding ourselves, so this isn’t my personal bias speaking, but it’s just not what I’ve observed. It’s actually not terribly surprising to me because the statistics suggest that delaying marriage and having more education both reduce divorce rates significantly, and people who marry older and with more education generally have more money to throw splashy weddings. If you marry at 22 right out of college, you’re going to have a simple wedding unless you have family money, and statistically you’re more likely to get divorced than high-earning professionals who marry in their mid-30s and can throw themselves the wedding of their dreams.
happily married
This, social media is not real life. That’s not to say that the picture-perfect marriage on social can’t be picture-perfect in real life… except “picture” is the key word here. Like no one goes about their life in such a well-posed, well-lit, well-curated situation. People move, the wind blows, crackers have crumbs, etc.
On the flip side, I’m usually too busy enjoying the moment with my spouse to take the perfect picture. We take selfies and videos for personal enjoyment and nostalgia, but I don’t have time to post AND enjoy whatever we’re doing. We’ve been married for over a decade and dated for a couple years before that, so we’ve been together for almost half our lives. I still just like hanging out with him and talking with him and doing life together. Cooking dinner together rarely makes for “social media ready” photos, but we 100% randomly dance in the kitchen together. We’re quite mushy when we’re alone, but not overly affectionate or giggly in public. So even what you see in person is not telling the whole story.
Anonymous
This seems pretty jaded. And honestly with three young kids I’m always fascinated that people can even find the time. Jobs with travel I guess? It seems so odd to me that ppl don’t know where their DH is. My experience has been that marriage/family/kids is very much a team sport. NO divorces or affairs that I’m aware of in my immediate circle so far. Divorce rate is often cited at 50% but it’s actually a chunk lower for college educated couples that marry after college. I assume that’s b/c people marry for love and compatibility vs economic need/limited options.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t rocky AF on occasion but I also don’t have a 100% smooth relationship with my mom or BFF etc. But it’s definitely a team sport and great the vast majority of the time.
LaurenB
Divorce rate was never actually 50%. Some journalist years ago noted that there were 2X marriages in a given year and X divorces and concluded that the divorce rate was 50%, but that was the wrong denominator – the denominator is all marriages that existed at that given time, not just those newly married. It would be like noting Smallville Hospital had 200 births and 100 deaths in a given year and concluding the death rate was 50%.
No Face
The best marriages are between people who truly act like a team, support each other, and communicate well. The marriages that revolve around one person, where the spouses compete and take score, or where the spouses can’t have tough conversations fall apart. A selfish person who gets married is just a married selfish person. A bad relationship or unhealthy dynamic doesn’t improve when you add the stressors of major financial obligations and raising children. Social media does not reflect reality.
I’m happily married, and I know plenty of people who got married in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. A good marriage is still something you can have! The best thing you can do for yourself if you want to get married is become very selective about who you date. No more wasting time with crappy partners, liars, people who are not really into you, etc.
Senior Attorney
Agree with all of this. And I will just add, as a person of advanced age who is in her third marriage (third time’s the charm!), the one thing I know for sure about marriage is that nobody really knows what somebody else’s marriage is really like.
Anon
If you are looking for advice on avoiding marrying a cheater: don’t marry someone who has cheated in the past. Marry someone who always takes one for the team, even at his own expense. Do not marry young (but you’ve already gotten that covered).
Source: I had a whole bunch of boyfriends cheat on me, and it took a long time to figure out the warning signs. Learn from the error of my ways. (My husband is a genuinely good man who would rather literally fall on a sword than commit adultery.)
anon
I don’t want to say “once a cheater, always a cheater,” but it’s kind of true? The exceptions to that rule are rare. Once you’ve opened Pandora’s box of infidelity, I’d never be able to trust that you wouldn’t explore that during rocky times with me. Or when you just got bored and decided I wasn’t adequate in some way.
Anon
Yes, it is true most of the time. The first person I dated technically wasn’t the one who cheated; his girlfriend previous to me was engaged to someone else when they dated. Shockingly, he cheated on me, and shockingly, he never trusted other men around me. Lesson learned.
I had other men cheat on me – twice, men whom I had been dating for a couple of months met my friend group and started dating one of my friends. I once knew a woman who did this, too: cheated on her boyfriend of three years with his best friend, whom she married. From what I understand, it’s not a very happy marriage, although I don’t think either one has cheated. The short-sightedness always surprised me: what’s the harm in making a clean break with the current person, let everyone lick their wounds, and getting together once it’s no longer a scandal? What is the allure of someone who is that selfish and impulsive that they can’t just clean up their lives and meet you on terms that aren’t gross?
Anon
Ehhhhh so fact dependent. In my 20s I wasn’t thinking about sustaining a life long relationship and I cheated and had a lot of dramatic (and frankly fun times), but by the time I decided I wanted to settle down, I knew that behavior was destructive and terrible for a LTR. I’ve been married 15 years and have never once considered cheating on my spouse. We both appreciate the wisdom that comes with both age and experience.
Anon
I think the key here is that you weren’t married when you cheated and you’ve never come close to cheating on your spouse. Someone who cheats on a spouse will almost always repeat the pattern on spouse #2 in my experience. It says something about how seriously you take marriage vows and that attitude is unlikely to change. I can see a narrow exception for someone who is VERY young when they got married the first time (like a fresh out of college 22, or younger) because people do grow up and mature. But those people are the exception, not the rule.
Anon
7:08, that’s a very good point.
Anon
Is this our regular weekend poster looking, again, for justification for continuing the affair with her married man?
He’s never leaving his wife, my dear. And why should he?
Anon
Ding ding ding!!!
Dr. The Original ...
Why is the assumption that only one person could be talking about marriage or affairs? Heck, I wish that was just one person’s situation. I have a friend right now whose husband just told her that he’s been having a multi-year affair with someone at work, wants to marry that someone. Maybe people in their 40s are having midlife crises or maybe this is just statistically likely to happen to someone we know and/or to us?
anon
You never really know what’s going on in another person’s marriage, and it’s a fool’s errand to try. If you’re on the outside looking in, you will find plenty of both good and bad examples of marriage. All you can do is try to make your own relationship as strong as possible and to marry someone who has good character. In modern dating, so much emphasis is placed on lifestyle compatibility (which is important!); probably not enough time is spent asking whether someone is actually a fundamentally decent person.
I’m married, and most of my friend group has been married between 10-18 years. A LOT can happen in that time. One of the couples I thought was the strongest split suddenly and dramatically recently because of infidelity. It was shocking. Now that the dust has settled a bit, I can see, in hindsight, that the one who cheated had always shown signs of selfishness. So maybe it isn’t such a surprise that he turned to infidelity when he felt bored and bummed out about having grown-up responsibilities.
Relationships WILL shift and change over time. I’d describe my marriage as happy, but I fully recognize that it’s all a bit of a crapshoot. So far, we’ve been fortunate to grow together rather than apart. I’d say deep friendship and teamwork is what has made that possible, in addition to just plain enjoying one another.
As far as the marriages that have fallen apart: Marriage doesn’t save people from making bad, regrettable decisions during a lifetime. It doesn’t mean they didn’t enter the marriage with good intentions. Sometimes bad things happen to once-good couples.
Also Anon
I saw on the morning thread a post asking for help with blackheads, and I decided to post here because it’s a bit late: I’ve found that the Proactiv MD has an excellent face scrub that is really great for treating blackheads and keeping my adult acne at bay. I know it’s a bit of a splurge, but totally worth it!
Anon
Just had an interview for a job I should want but don’t. I’m comfortable where I am. Please keep me with the stay comfortable pep talks!!
Anonymous
Sometimes interviews help you to realize your current situation is good. Don’t take a job you don’t want.
Senior Attorney
I’d call that a win because you learned something: You don’t want to make a move because you’re happy where you are, at least for the moment. Congratulations!
No Face
You like your job and you know your skillset/resume/networking can land you an interview. Win win.
Anon
Why “should” you want this and why don’t you want this?
Anon
I should want it because it’s a logical step for my career. I don’t want it because I like what I’m doing now, even if I’m earning less.
Dr. The Original ...
You like what you’re doing AND you are financially secure enough to make choices? You are living my dream! :)
Anon
There’s much more to life than money. In fact lots of people would gladly trade money for better hours, nicer co-workers or more interesting work.
Sounds like you’re happy where you are and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Anonymous
My first close friend just had a baby! What can I get a brand new mom that she’ll love?
No Face
Food! Especially food that does not need to be cooked in any way.
anon
+1. When I had a newborn, I loved snacks that could be eaten one-handed. My favorite was trail mix. Someone sent me an edible fruit arrangement, and though I usually think they’re kinda corny, cut fruit was amazing at that moment in time.
Other ideas, if you want to send something just for mom, are a soft jersey robe, comfy slippers, witch hazel bath soaks (if she JUST had a baby), or one of those water bottles that track how much you’ve had to drink.
If you want to get something for the baby, and your friend doesn’t have a registry, I recommend Aden & Anais muslin swaddles and “burpy bibs,” which can go over mom’s shoulder.
Anon
I was going to say pizza! I’ve always shown up with a big ole pizza and it’s always been a hit.
You’re a sweet friend
Healthy snacks that last a decent amount of time and are easy to pick at (individually wrapped trail mix, protein bars, cold cuts, etc.). Some bottles of wine for if/when she gets a breather. Mani gift card if she’s into manicures and feel comfortable venturing out.
Anon
Food is good. Everybody is different, but I would have preferred complete meals or sweet treats to a healthy snack like power bars. I didn’t eat that stuff pre-pregnancy and the newborn period is a time for self care, you can worry about weight loss (if that’s a goal) later.
I read a TON and watched a lot of TV on maternity leave (it’s easy to do with a baby attached to your b00b), so books or streaming services would have been good gifts.
I would have appreciated cozy lounge clothes that were a bit nicer than the stuff I bought for myself at Target and Old Navy, and especially as the weather turns colder something like a cashmere cardigan or ‘fancy’ joggers could be nice.
I would be very leery of giving a spa gift certificate if she’s at all cautious about Covid – with kids ineligible for vaccines, many parents I know are being more cautious about going to those places than they otherwise would be. And honestly even in pre-Covid times this wouldn’t have been a great gift for me. I consider beauty treatments chores and getting my nails done is an obligation I make time for, not a treat, and it wasn’t a priority for me on maternity leave.
Bottom line is everyone is different and if you’re not sure what she would like, ask her!
Agree you’re a very sweet friend to think of a gift for her.
Carrots
I do mostly food because feeding people is my love language. For my friend that recently gave birth, I brought her a soup that they could eat that week, but also freezer burritos that they could microwave at a later date. For a co-worker, the day before she came back to the office for the first time, I sent her a Grubhub gift card to help lighten the load that particular week
Anon
Exciting! Agree on the suggestions of food and comfy clothes. I also so loved just getting texts or occasional cards – there is so much focus on the baby it’s nice to have someone think of you. If you have a minute to address and stamp a bunch of envelopes and then can write a quick note or drop in a magazine article or whatever once a week, your friend would be really touched.
Anone
I like the idea of food a lot too. And maybe I’m the odd one out, but I had a friend who gave me a really darling set of brand new Gymboree clothes for my first baby to grow into, and it really made me happy. At the time I didn’t have a lot of money to buy such things and it was so fun and luxurious-feeling. The set even came with a matching little toy and blanket. I still remember every detail about that set even though my oldest is now almost 17 years old. Just throwing it out there.