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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 176 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Structured Jersey Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Donna Karan Collection Structured Jersey JacketDonna Karan has a number of jersey jackets for sale right now that look like they have strong seams to give structure (or at least the appearance of structure) to a fairly casual material (jersey), as well as interesting details like the folds and tucks. This particular jersey jacket is my current favorite. I'd probably primarily wear it open on top of colorful sheath dresses, perhaps with a long necklace to better frame that low V. The jacket is $1295 at Nordstrom. Donna Karan Collection Structured Jersey Jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

    • IDK

      I like jersey blazers in theory, but this seems very expensive for something that looks like it doesn’t fit in the bust.

      • Seattle Freeze

        Though that’s probably more to do with a mismatch between model’s bust and jacket than flaw in jacket construction.

        • lkhlkhj

          Good to see the gape though (I have heard that lots of catalogs, etc., pin garmets in the back so they lie perfectly for pictures) — it probably wouldn’t work on me and I’m not sure what it would cost to have that part of a jacket reshaped (if it is possible).

  2. Anon

    Wedding Guest TJ – My sister is getting married. I am a bridesmaid, and my daughter (15 months) is a flower girl. The rehearsal dinner starts at 7 pm, so I would guess it will be between 8 and 9 before we’ve eaten. We’ll also be coming from eastern to central time, so that would be between 9 and 10 on my daughter’s internal clock. That gets her to bed super late (usual bedtime is about 7:30 pm), and she will be a bear the next day for the wedding. I am thinking of not attending the rehearsal dinner so I can have a well-rested kid the next day, but I feel awful about it. Should I feel bad? Should I make an effort to go?

    • Anonymous

      How about a babysitter? Just went through this (sans kid), and I talked more with people at the rehearsal dinner. It’s more relaxed. The wedding just goes by so fast.

    • AnonInfinity

      Is there any way you could have your spouse or someone else stay with your daughter while you go to the rehearsal?

    • SugarMagnolia

      It’s your sister. You have to attend the dinner if at all possible.

      People get really weird over wedding stuff, and you don’t want to have that happen with your own sibling. I would see if your hubby or another relative could stay with your daughter during the dinner.

      If not, make sure you call your sister and explain why you cannot attend the dinner. (Just putting it in an email is a bad idea.)

      • Brant

        Agree. Your sister might know of someone that could watch your kid while you’re at the dinner (maybe she has friends coming into town early, or there is a teenage guest who will be in town early and would love to make a quick $50).

    • mascot

      Can you go to the cocktail hour and feed your daughter ahead of time? Have you aksed your sister about whether she minds if you duck out early? Is there a family member or babysitter that could get your daughter to bed if you need to be at the dinner? I don’t think you are being unreasonable in wanting make sure she gets enough sleep.
      I would make sure you protect her naptime on Saturday, regardless of what happens on Friday night.

    • Anon

      If your husband/wife/partner/SO is also attending the wedding, then why not have them take charge of daughter for the evening? They can get delicious take-out in the hotel, daughter can go to bed early, and you can attend the rehearsal dinner.

      If not, I say talk to your sister. Tell her exactly what you told us, and see what she says. I’m not married, but if you were my sister, I’d much rather you be happy and relaxed (you plus daughter) on my wedding day and skip the rehearsal dinner than try to force a 15 month old to reset her internal clock by 3-4 hours just so you could make an appearance.

    • V

      1. Absolutely not.
      2. If you feel like it, to be decided that day.

      One thought: are you traveling alone? If not, maybe you could go and your husband / whomever could stay with your daughter (esp. once she’s asleep)? Or a family friend you trust could sit with her for a bit?

      If not, relax and decompress from your travels and set the stage for a great wedding day for your sister.

    • Silvercurls

      If you’re not a single parent, can your spouse/partner stay with your daughter while you attend the dinner? Perhaps you have personal connections in the wedding party or wedding location who could be or help you find a sitter? However, the emphasis here is on being able to find a skilled, experienced sitter who comes with foolproof references. You don’t want somebody who can’t get your daughter to relax, or who will let your daughter stay up too late.)

      Bottom line: I absolutely agree that it’s most important to have a well-rested flower girl during the wedding, even if you have to skip the rehearsal dinner to ensure that this happens! Hopefully your sister will completely understand. Maybe you could write out a brief toast for someone else to read aloud during the dinner in your absence.

    • Brant

      Babysitter (or spouse). Or, just go for the first hour and duck out. But before you skip it entirely, talk to your sister and see what she thinks. If you were my sister, I’d re-arrange the toasting etc. to the beginning so you could be a part of it, and get you and your daughter a meal-to-go.

      FWIW my nephews (DH’s sister’s kids– her husband didn’t come), who were 2 and 4.5 at my wedding, were TERRORS both at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself. They ran around like crazy at the rehearsal (throwing food, crawling under tables, bothering patrons that were NOT part of our party–etc etc). My SIL, who was NOT in the wedding party, kept the kids out late that night (def. past 10), and not only were they awful at the rehearsal, they had to be removed from the wedding ceremony (BY DH’S LIVID FATHER- since SIL didn’t take them out when they kept kicking the pews so loudly the minister stopped… and throwing crayons…). They also got kicked out of the reception since they were basically left unattended by SIL and ran around like little heathens and caused servers to almost trip with platters of hot food. Yes, we had activities for them and yes, their table had legos, coloring books, etc. etc. SIL just let them do their own thing while she enjoyed the wedding.

      Not that i’m bitter. But I’d have GLADLY sprung for a babysitter (we even had a bored 13 year old at the wedding! She’d have loved to make $20/hr!) if it had even occured to me. Which it didn’t because I was a young and childless bride and nobody brought it up.

      • Bewitched

        Agree with Brant. PS: terrible idea to have 15 month old in the wedding, unless it’s 2 years away. My son was a ring bearer at age 5 and even he was marginal in his duties (at best).

      • Anon

        Sympathies for your aggravation, but you got a great story (aka Example of How Not to be a Parent at Someone Else’s Celebration). Maybe you’ve paid it forward by saving another young, childless, clueless bride (Hey, I was one, too) from such an experience.

      • TCFKAG

        To give the alternate story – we had a 1.5 year old (almost 2 year old) flower girl, a 4 year old ring bearer and a 6 year old ring bearer. They were great. The older boys took “responsibility” for getting the little girl down the aisle (and we made sure mommy proceeded down first) and it went smoothly.

        We had a table with coloring books, stickers, etc. and some kid specific candy set up at one table during cocktail hour and all the kids used it during dinner (there were about 10-15 kids at our wedding in various ages) and then during dinner the band was playing music and the two two year olds (my neice and my little cousin) and a couple of the younger cousins danced and played on the dance floor (provided great pictures AND kept them out of the way of the waiters.)

        I mean – their parents helped by keeping an eye on them and getting them tucked away in hotels and/or strollers when they got tired – which is critical also – but little kids don’t always have to be bad members of the wedding party. You just can’t expect too much of them (or expect much in the way of decorum – which was AoKay with me…it brought comic relief.)

        • Lyssa

          I think that children being children is the absolutely best part of a wedding. The last wedding I want to go to is one where everything goes completely perfectly!

    • Diana Barry

      I would go to the dinner, but get a babysitter (spouse? other relative who’s attending?). Also, if you haven’t done so yet, ask your sister if you can walk down the aisle with your daughter (probably carrying her) – that way she doesn’t have to go to the rehearsal either. My daughter was a flower girl in my sibling’s wedding and she was 2.5, but definitely NOT old enough to walk down by herself!!!

      • anonymama

        My son was a ring bearer at not-quite-two, and he did fine. It helps if they are walking down with a slightly older child (the flower girl was a very responsible 6 year old), and have a lot of practice/prep beforehand (and treats at the front).

        And yes, baby-sitter for the rehearsal dinner. Even if you aren’t comfortable with leaving the baby with someone else, consider having someone there at the dinner to watch her. Also, will she fall asleep in a carseat/stroller? I took my son to weddings at that age, and at bedtime would tuck him in the stroller and walk around for a bit until he fell asleep, then park him in a corner at the wedding. Even better if you have a friend/relative who is willing to do the walking. My son is not that great a sleeper, but he was usually really worn out by all the excitement, and ready to go to sleep.

    • darjeeling

      I’ve done this twice (a sister got married when each of my children was about that age) and we did a babysitter for the rehearsal dinner both times, which worked out like gangbusters. I would have hated to miss the dinner and the kids did fine.

    • another attorney

      this happened to me. When my son (first child) was 6 mos, my brother got married. My husband wound up missing the entire rehursal dinner and the entire wedding reception. My husband (who was also in the wedding) and I went to the rehursal and brought our son. We planned he would skip the rehursal dinner and let our son get some sleep (we were also going from central to pacific time zone). We planned he would go to the actual reception after the ceremony the next day, but due to something that is not worth recounting, my husband wound up having to take my son home and missed the whole thing.

      It was kind of lame from our perspective, but as far as i can tell, from my brother and sister-in-laws perspective, it was totally fine. They felt bad my husband (and son) were not there, but were glad i was and were glad my son was not screaming throughout their reception. there is no ill will going forward.

    • Divaliscious11

      You need to line up a sitter for both evenings. My wedding was at 4 pm, and we had sitters, a kid room, complete with pallets, a kid menu and games etc… for the kids in the wedding party (only ones permitted at wedding) After pictures, the went to the kid room. It was accessible to parents and other family members, but not disruptive to the other guests.

      • Bea

        All these great ideas…One of my sons is getting married this summer (I’m so old). His brother is invited to be in the wedding party, and expects to bring his 11 month old while the child’s mother is on a business trip. We will find a way to make this work.

      • Anon (OP)

        Thanks, everyone! We do have a sitter for the wedding, so that’s covered, but I’ll be asking around for an available babysitter/family member/family friend for Friday night. Why didn’t I think of that? Need more coffee.

        • TCFKAG

          If its a place local to your sister – ask her if she knows anyone (maybe there’s a teenage cousin coming into town for the wedding who isn’t coming to the rehearsal dinner who could do the rehearsal dinner at a discount?) I once babysat for a bunch of kids at my counsin’s sister’s wedding during the wedding – as in people brought their kids back when they got tired…thought it was brilliant.

    • Anon

      I would be upset if you didn’t come. I say hire a babysitter! This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing for your sister. You need to do it.

      • Hel-lo

        Agree. And don’t necessarily assume that you won’t be eating till 9 – at my rehearsal dinner, we ate immediately and then did the toasts/gifts/etc after food.

  3. AIMS

    Very pretty though even if my budget allowed for it, not sure I would spend $1200 on a novelty jersey blazer.

    Also, big thanks to everyone for their easy desert ideas from the weekend thread! I ended up doing individual shortcakes (biscuits really) and bringing whipped cream and strawberries for assembly at our destination but all the other ideas looked really delicious and I printed out a bunch of recipes for future use. You guys are awesome, as always.

    • Anonymous

      OK, since this is now the second time— you know it’s spelled “dessert,” right?

      • AIMS

        Yes, thank you, I also know that “there” and “their” are two different words and yet I am sure I have occasionally typed too fast and mixed those up, too. I suppose this is one of those things I really should spend more time proofreading. Instead of, you know, doing my actual job.

        However, I truly am grateful that you, dear internet stranger, have managed to not only notice it and anonymously point it out to me (what courage), but have also kept a tally of how many times I have actually done it over the scope of four whole days and two different threads! Well done, truly.

  4. Courtney

    James Perse makes a jersey blazer that is probably the most worn thing in my closet. It came out last year, so I’m not sure if it’s still available, but I love it.

  5. SoCal Gator

    For a less expensive alternative, I bought two really lovely jersey blazers from Zara, one in winter white and one in coral. They come in a range of colors and are only $80. I have already gotten a lot of wear out of them.

    • Cb

      Do you think this would work over a lacey but casual dress? I am looking for something to wear over a dress for a pretty casual wedding (ceremony in church, reception in a summer camp).

  6. Cb

    Happy Monday! Passed my first year progression board (basically a check that you are making some progress / on track to finish). Had a bit of a crisis in the midst of writing the report so it was good to hear that other people think I am on the right track.

  7. Ms Van Squigglebottoms

    TJ: Is $54 an appropriate gift for a boss’s son’s bar mitzvah? We work in public interest law, and I cannot attend the event.

    • Marilla

      Yep, perfect because it’s a multiple of 18 and it’s an appropriate amount. Aside from the whole debate over giving gifts to bosses..

    • rosie

      I think that’s fine. I’m assuming you were just invited because you work for boss and not because you have some particular relationship to the son, right?

    • Silvercurls

      Sounds good to me, especially as it’s a multiple of $18. (For anyone unfamiliar with this custom, 18 = the numerological value of the Hebrew letters spelling the word “life.” This is the reason that some Jewish people give–and some Jewish charities offer the option of–donations in “odd” amounts such as $36, $72, $1800, etc., etc.)

      If you have time to shop you could instead get the young person a book that he or she can grow into and use in later years. I like to give Haggadahs or Jewish cookbooks (either a comprehensive how-to-cook-everything-from-challah-to-rugelach or something that combines recipes with family history).

    • Ellen

      It is FINE. I realy dont know what the thing is with 18, but whatever, it is FINE! I LOVE the blazer, but way to low cut for me and FRANK would be stareing at me. It is also to pricey for me, even if I COULD wear it to work, which I can NOT. FOOEY!

      I had a NICE mother’s day with MOM and Dad was very complementeary to me for a change, even tho I ate almost all of the ALMOND cookie’s. I simply can NOT find almond cookie’s in the CITY useing the almond paste that MOM use’s. YAY mom! I even brought 5 home to the city for MYRNA, b/c she LOVES them also. Dad said that I was slackeing off on the fitbit last week, but he know’s that 8 pound’s is all I have to loose before the summer, and I have OVER a month to do that. He warned me that everyone in the Hamton’s will be looking at MYRNA, but NOBODY at me if my tuchus does NOT shrink quickly. I said I was workeing on it.

      Dad told me that Philip live’s alone in his apartement, and that it is a condominum worth about $700,000. Yay! I am NOT sure how he got this information so quick, but he know’s peeople that I do NOT. He also say’s that Philip has a car (YAY!), so if we do date, he can take me shopping to New JERSEY on Sunday’s—I love PYRAMUS MALL, or else he can take me to Nordstrom’s b/c I LOVE Nordstrum’s.

      Dad said he would make my 2013 Capital COUNTRIBUTION to the Manageing Partner BEFORE 6/30 so that I will be entitled to a 50% share for 2013 next year after Partnership share’s are computed. He warned me that my tax return’s are goeing to get more complecated and that I would need a separate CPA person to do this b/c Dad does NOT want to have to do this degree of auditeing at his age. He said that if I married a CPA, I could kill 2 bird’s with one shot. I told him the last CPA I dated was a drunk, and probabely could NOT figure out the Partnershep arrangment that Dad put together for me. YAY DAD. Now I know he will continue to help me, but he REALY want’s me MARRIED to a guy like ED, who he say’s does ABSOLEUTELY EVERYTHING for ROSA (other then Child Birth, that is).

      M0m was happy b/c Rosa came out with the BABY, tho Ed was stuck in Chapeaqua baby siting and doeing something for work. I think he is embarased that Philip is so mousey but he say’s Philip is goeing to apologize! YAY!!!!!

  8. eek

    Nordstrom is preselling for their 3 for 2 mascara sale. I think the actual sale date is May 26.

  9. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

    Okay ladies, I haev my first work clothing conumdrum. I have an all day summit meeting for work. There will be a number of high ranking members of our Department at this meeting, but I don’t know if I’ll have any opportunity to interact with them. I would normally not have such an issue deciding what to wear, but the meeting is taking place at our local fairgrounds making it a little more complex. A little help here? Or am I just really overthinking this?

    • notowhat

      Can you give us some more details? If the meeting were at your worksite, what would you wear?

      • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

        If it was at my site, I think I would go with a skirt-shirt-heels combo, but the fairground is what is throwing me. Do I follow my first mind and do business casual or try to adapt to the conditions?

        It doesn’t help that we don’t really have a dress code here at work and I could wear jeans everyday if I wanted to.

        • Diana Barry

          How about skirt-shirt-flats instead, with weather-appropriate layering? If a fairground, it is probably not paved and may be grassy and/or muddy.

        • NOLA

          Whatever you do, don’t ruin clothes/shoes by wearing something way too formal for the conditions. I also think that overdressing in this situation might look silly? I’m wondering about nice dark wash jeans, flats, and then whatever you would have worn on top with the skirt?

          • NYNY

            Aren’t you in Denver? I’d go skirt, shirt, boots – even cowboy boots, if I had ’em – for the fairgrounds.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

      Thanks all. I completely forgot about dark jeans as an option. I think I’ll go shirt-jeans-flats and bring an optional blazer with me.

    • Ginjury

      I just checked my email and it looks like the only coupon they had ended yesterday. I’d just wait a few days for a new one to come up before buying anything.

  11. Actuary?

    I’m interested in making a career change and am learning more about becoming an actuary. I understand that there are some certifications an actuary earns over the course of a career but can someone explain to me what barries to entry there are to get into the field and how the certifications play a role in career development? Is there a certification you need to become an actuary? Are you paid more based on these? Please help – I don’t know anyone who is familiar with this field! FWIW my bachelors is in business.

    • Lady Harriet

      I believe Mamabear is an actuary, so she can probably give you good advice. There are a series of actuarial exams, and typically you need to have passed at least the first one for entry-level positions, from what I’ve seen.

    • Anon in ATX

      Not an actuary myself but husband is one. There are actually multiple exams that are needed to get your “letters”, which is the designation after your name, like a JD. There are two different versions if I remember correctly.

      Anyways, DH was a math major (graduated before the new “actuary” degree programs existed) and the exams are NOT easy. It is a major commitment to study and prepare. You should check out the actuarial society websites for the specific info re: testing or I know DH hangs out alot at ActuarialOutpost dot com, which is a discussion forum with tons of info on it.

      DH was able to get a job as an actuary with 2 or 3 exams passed. More pay generally goes along with more exams, but each employer has their own guidelines. Right now DH works for the state so it is more lockstep than at his previous private company. Good Luck!

    • Anonymous

      You have to pass a series of seven exams to fully become an actuary. You are typically hired as an actuary ‘student’ after you pass the first two exams. At that point, you work for an insurance company while taking your other exams.

      Often, the company will pay your for study time and provide time off work – in other words, your job responsibility is to study for and pass the exam. So you will work for six months, study for six months, take the next exam.

      So long as you keep passing exams, life is good. However, they have a ~70% failure rate. When you have to re-take an exam that you failed, you are typically not given the same study allowance and have to do it in your off-work time.

      There’s not really a mid-point career. You’ve either passed all the exams, are in the processes of passing exams, or are looking for other career options. There is a lot of pressure to keep passing exams.

      You’ll need a solid statistical education to pass the first two exams, more than the typical business student. However, a couple of mathematical statistics courses would prepare you for the first two exams. You don’t need a full second degree or anything. Example exams are available online.

      There are different ‘branches’ of actuaries, ranging from a stronger business focus to math focus, but the exams are the same.

      I highly recommend that you have informational interviews and review the example exams.

  12. Diana Barry

    Ladies, I fired my nanny at the end of last week. It was the hardest thing I’ve done in years! I felt awful all day leading up to it. BUT – now we have a new person who will be much more active and involved with the kids – I hope!!!

    If anyone has switched care providers with young kids, please tell me how you explained to the kids when they inevitably ask for the old person. Also, how should I deal with saying goodbye to the prior nanny? Should I call her after a few weeks (I REALLY DON’T WANT TO) and ask her to come over? And should I change our locks? (she still has a key)

    • Samantha

      Good for you! I remember your posts about the nanny. Glad you found someone better.
      I switched from nanny to daycare when my toddler got older, so it was easier to explain. Maybe say that the nanny now has another job/is going to school/has other things to do? Maybe have the nanny come over still for date night or occasional babysitting? That way it will be a ‘phase-out’ rather than cold turkey.
      I would change my key, because I’m uncomfortable with the thought of other people having my key.

    • TBK

      Good for you. If I remember correctly, this nanny has been causing anxiety for you for awhile, so I’m glad you were able to find a replacement. I don’t have young kids, but it seems to me that having her come over after a couple of weeks is just asking for drama (from the kids and/or from her) and for extra anxiety for you. And, yes, I’d change the locks.

      This will out me to anyone who knows me, but I’ll just take a minute to tout my husband’s amazing idea for our front door. He installed a keypad entry system (not terribly expensive at Home Depot and comes in a nice brass that works on our front door). We have a code for ourselves, a different code for the dog walker, and a different code for the housekeeper. If we need to let anyone close to us in (friends, relatives) while we’re not there, we tell them our code. If we ever have to let the housekeeper or dog walker go, we just delete their code. No extra keys floating around. No need to change the locks. Plus no fumbling for keys in the rain. No need to bring a key when you go for a run. It’s amazing. (As is the guy who thought of it, aka, Mr. TBK.)

      • mascot

        We just got a keypad entry for our new place. I am very excited about not carrying keys or being locked out.

        • Jo March

          I’ve had keypad entry before and I would recommend still having a back-up key. The battery in the keypad died once and thankgoodness we had the key with us, or we would have been very locked out!

          • mascot

            Good to know. I was afraid it was too good to give up the hide-a-key forever.

    • COS

      I simply told my children that the old nanny was not the best person for them, and they deserved the very best care. I found that the children immediately wanted to know about the new nanny – their biggest concern was that someone was going to care for them and who it was. We’ve had 3 nannies in 11 years, and I’ve found that each time the kids adapt surprisingly quickly.
      I think whether you have the prior nanny over again depends on how bad the situation was before you fired her and how long she has been with your family. The only nanny I’ve fired had a fairly short tenure, so we kept it brief. Whether you change the locks also depends on what the break-up was like. I’ve changed locks over maids but not nannies. Good luck!

      • Diana Barry

        Thanks. The prior nanny had been with us for 5 years and this was our first one. I told her that “work changes” were the cause, but had been dissatisfied with her for a while – so I guess I’m also worried that the kids will tell her they have a new person, if we see her again. Also I do.not.want. to have to talk to her any more. Rrgh. I am probably overthinking it.

        • Anonymous

          I wouldn’t say the nanny is not the best person, just that the nanny had other opportunities and won’t be with you. Resist the urge to badmouth, and focus on the new fun person who will be with them….

          • Divaliscious11

            So this was me…forgot about the name not sticking… Anyhoo, especially because you may run into her, I would not bad mouth – you don’t want your kiddos to say We got a better person etc….

          • Diana Barry

            Thanks. Definitely will not badmouth! My oldest seems to get that the new nanny will be with them now, so maybe I’ll just leave it at that.

    • Aria

      I don’t have children, but when I was younger we had a somewhat revolving door of live-in and non-live-in nannies until I was about 12. When I think really hard about it, I can only remember two of the nannies, and the second one was the one who was my last one (she wasn’t really a nanny at that point, more like the housekeeper who also watched me after school). I think my parents were fairly honest about why nannies were no longer with us and the only time I ever saw a nanny after her employment with us stopped was one who quit for better opportunities — I’d be really surprised if my parents ever let a nanny who was fired come back to visit. Like COS said, I think each time I was mostly concerned about who the new nanny would be — I don’t remember ever feeling upset about losing one…

      If you have this much anxiety over seeing her again, I wouldn’t do it. The kids may not be upset about it and, if they are, hopefully those feelings will go away really quickly when they meet their fabulous new nanny.

  13. Bonnie

    I’m so over jersey. Who wants to go shopping for me? I have to spend $270 at Zappos. What would you buy? I want a new neutral work bag for the summer (not black).

  14. Paging Sydney Bristow

    I finally got my act together at least a little bit and wrote to one of my connections, asking to be introduced to someone she knows who works for a company I’m interested in. It’s not even an application, and honestly I was terrified to do it, but at least it was a little step. How are you doing?

    –Lady Harriet

    • Sydney Bristow

      Nice! I tracked down someone who used to work for a company that I’m interested in who is connected to a friend of mine on Linkedin. I need to take the next step and ask my friend for an introduction.

      I also found 4 job postings that I think are interesting and I’m likely qualified for, which I’ll be applying to this week. My resume is pretty close to where it needs to be with a few tweaks for each position and I still need to write my cover letters.

  16. anon in tejas

    I’m going to a training next weekend. it’s not for work, but for personal professional development. I don’t know how casual it will be.

    It’s a training related to politics and running for office. I know that I want to make a good impression, but I don’t want to come off as too stuffy. It’s being held at a chain hotel, and being put on by a non-profit.

    Suggestions on what to wear?

    I was thinking jeans and a blouse, but I’m not sure. I don’t know if that’s too casual.

    • Godzilla

      Bring a cardigan or jacket to boost up the formality as needed and to battle air conditioning. Nice jeans and a blouse sounds fine to me.

    • Anonymous

      I did one of these recently. I’d wear a blazer with your jeans/nice shirt, nice shoes. You’ll probably be surrounded by pretty casual dress, but it’s really a networking event at its heart. Dress the part.

  17. Winter long weekend?

    Need suggestions on where to go with the extended family for a little mini-family reunion. We’ll have 4 days, in January. Everyone’s coming from the East Coast (Philly, NY, Boston). Kids range in age from 2 to 14. I’d love to just drive somewhere and ski, but my in-laws won’t go for that. My mother in law has already suggested a yacht in the Caribbean (not really toddler friendly), the Grand Canyon (in January??), and San Francisco (an awfully long way to go for just a few days). I’m trying to head her off at the pass by coming up with a better idea. I’d like to keep the travel time to more like 4 hours of flight time or under. I’d prefer somewhere warm, but would think about a city where there’s fun stuff for the kids to do.

      • Godzilla

        Plus there are swamp boat rides in wildlife reserves where you can see alligators and crocodiles. SO MUCH AWESOME.

      • Winter long weekend?

        Ah, I should have said, my mother in law is a huge snob, and there’s zero chance she’d ever agree to Disney. Since the get together is at least in part to celebrate her 50th wedding anniversary, I feel like I can’t push an idea that I know she’d hate.

      • A

        My first thought exactly. I went for 3 days and LOVED it (without children). I’m sure the kids will love it too.

    • mama of 2

      I echo the Disney idea. Alternatively, you might try Puerto Rico. It’s warm and beachy, there’s enough culture and nature exploration to keep adults busy, and I think beach/pool vacations are very toddler-friendly. I’ve not been there in January, but it was perfect in March so it might be worth checking out. It’s also relatively straightforward to fly there (direct flights from just about every major east coast airport.)

    • Sydney Bristow

      What about a cruise? If you pick one of the more family-friendly lines, then there should be plenty for both the kids and the adults to do. It’s not really a private yacht in the Caribbean, but maybe a nice compromise.

      • Wannabe Runner

        I also thought of a cruise. Fun for all ages. If the grandparents want to foot the bill, one of the higher-end cruise lines would be great, but Carnival will totally work with kids.

    • NatalieR

      The Charleston, SC area – very casual and friendly with lots of good restaurants. The outlying islands/beaches have nice condos and homes that are both family-friendly and affordable during the winter months. Plus, having a kitchen can make feeding kids easier in the mornings. The weather is still pretty nice (obviously not beach in a bathing suit warm, but nice enough for a stroll on/around the beaches). There are also tons of parks, great shopping and “historic stuff” to see. I’ve never been with kids, so I don’t know about specific kid-friendly stuff, but since the area is fairly family-friendly, I’m sure there are kid destinations.

      You are also within driving distance of Hilton Head and Savannah, about an hour to an hour and a half away, if you wanted to do a day trip to one of those locations.

      • Sweetknee

        Let me second the Charleston idea. I live about 1.5 hours from there, and there is so much to do, even for kids. The Aquarium is really good for kids, and there is an attached IMAX theater. The Yorktown aircraft carrier tour is something guys usually like, and there is a place called “Charleston cooks” that does Food Network style presentations in person, and you get to eat the food. The carriage rides are fun for the whole family. The open air market is fun for everyone, and the food can’t be beat. Folly Beach and Isle of Palms and Kiawah Island are within 15-20 minute drive from downtown Charleston.

    • AIMS

      My mother goes to the DR in the winter and loves it. They usually go to one of those all-inclusive places, but do your research, they tend to vary in quality (some are amazing and some are just so-so). I forget which side they went to last time, but she said it was one of the nicest beaches she’s ever been to and my mother is a bit of a madwoman when it comes to good beaches and her swimming. She usually gets a group of friends to go with them and everyone always has a nice time so I would imagine that it’s a good spot for a group vacation.

    • Kiki

      My family spent a long weekend at Mohonk Mountain House (north of NYC) with all ages – it was great. Grandparents loved having everyone in one spot. Not really a “destination” like the carribean/a cruise – but lots of fun activities (even in winter – we did a lot of ice skating, cross country skiing, etc), family friendly and everyone had a great time.

    • NOLA

      Well, New Orleans would be warmer than the Northeast, but not warm in January, usually. January can be cold and/or rainy. There are, perhaps against what many people would say, lots of things to do with kids here – the Aquarium, Insectarium, Zoo, Audubon Park, City Park, streetcar rides, etc.

    • Anonymous

      Try suggesting Sanibel/Captiva. It’s a short, direct flight from those three cities.

      • Lady Harriet

        Oooh, yes! I live in SWFL, and Sanibel is excellent. Some years it’s warm enough for swimming that time of year, some years it isn’t, but the area is lovely–beautiful beaches, lots of seashells. My best friend lives in Ft. Myers and we have often gone fishing off the causeway leading on to Sanibel. There’s a children’s museum in Naples, which is fun, but can get pricey if you have a big group ($10 each for adults.) I don’t know if they’ll have started yet in January, but both the Red Sox and Twins have spring training in Ft. Myers, and the tickets are reasonably priced. I would definitely rent a car while you’re there, especially if you want to do things in Naples/Ft. Myers too. January is also a great time of year to see the Everglades, which are not very far away. It won’t be hot or buggy there they way it would be in the summer. My one warning is that January is the height of Season there, so beaches will be more crowded and traffic will be worse than it is during hotter months. That early in the year it will mostly be other tourists and snowbirds, so at least you won’t have to deal with drunken college students on spring break. Let me know if you do decide to go there, and I’ll come up with more activities for the area.

    • LH

      I’d vote for Miami or Puerto Rico. Can be very upscale if you stay in a nice hotel but has a lot more for kids to do than being on a yacht.

    • michelle

      Paws Up retreat! VERY upscale ranch in Montana – here is a trip advisor review from someone who was there in December so similar timeframe to what you’re looking at…
      Our family traveled to the Paws Up Resort in Montana for Christmas this year – our first Christmas ever away from home. It was one of the best vacations we have ever taken! Paws Up exceeded our expectations in every way. The staff could not have been more friendly and efficient. We went snowmobiling, skiing, dog sledding, clay shooting, tubing, skating, horse back riding, on sleigh rides, and hikes in the snow. Each and every one of our guides was so knowledgeable and friendly. They also provided us with every bit of equipment we needed to make our activity fun and comfortable. The food was absolutely delicious at every meal. The huckleberry muffins are a must in the morning! And the property is absolutely gorgeous. Our cabin was the perfect mix of cozy and spacious. We even had a Christmas Eve visit from Santa who brought us each a stocking full of gifts! Paws Up thought of everything possible to make our vacation one we will never forget. We highly recommend the resort for Christmas vacation and our looking forward to visiting again soon ourselves.

      Room Tip: We stayed in a Timber Home and it was absolutely gorgeous! Perfect for 2 adults and 2 children, and…
      See more room tips

  18. Brahbrah

    Had an epiphany this weekend. I feel most put-together and comfortable when I throw on a cotton sheath dress, basically exactly like this Jcrew number:

    http://factory.jcrew.com/womens-clothing/suiting/dresses/PRDOVR~95643/95643.jsp

    I want to buy like 10 of these kinds of dresses in various neutral colors and patterns and have that be that (I’m not super into clothes, but I do want to feel comfortable and presentable — right now I feel dumpy and all my clothes are pilling).

    The problems are: (1) I’m on a budget and (2) I’m 6’1″ tall, in an era of mid-thigh dress lengths for even normal-height women. It’s getting to the point that I special-order “tall” dresses and even they don’t come down to my knee. I’d like the dress to at least hit the top of my knee when I’m standing, which means it probably needs to be 42+ inches long.

    HALP.

    • Anon

      Boden. Most of their dresses come in Tall sizes, and for my size (6 or 8), that is typically 41-42 inches in length.

    • MJ

      Second Boden. In my case, bc I have hips, their sheaths fit me perfectly, after I size up AND take in the chest region at a tailor (usually pretty easy). Also check out Long Tall Sally. They are not as nice in terms of quality, and their catalog customer service is sometimes not good (if so, just call the Mall of America store in MN, and they will charge-send whatever you want). BR occasionally has tall sheaths, but I don’t think their clothes size up well–that is to say, their talls are way too long in the waist for me (I’m short-waisted, long-limbed). Also, Pure Collection/Pure Cashmere (which is a sister company of Boden) sometimes has really lovely dresses that run quite long. Hope these recs help!

      • Anonymous

        Just FYI – Lands End Canvas isn’t very tall friendly. I’m 5’10” and the only thing I’ve really kept is a pair of shorts. Sleeves aren’t very long, pants have a 32″ inseam, and the dresses tend to hit me funny. Unless it’s specifically listed as tall (which Lands End has, but I don’t think LE Canvas is yet), I’d skip it.

    • Ditto

      I am 5’11 and am basically building the same wardrobe. JCrew, regular website, has tall lengths for dresses. Boden also has some good suiting dresses that are reasonably long enough, sometimes even in the regular length.

      You’re actually in luck right now and could get some deals. JCrew has 20% off dresses right now and I just checked out the site and there’s a couple tall dresses in the sale section which could make them significantly more affordable.

    • Carla

      Love your name!

      How about getting some made, if you already have one which fits?
      A tailor in Bangkok, Siam Emporium, sends me fabric swatches and I post them back along with a shirt to copy along with any other instructions about sizing, so you could ask them to copy but add 5 centimetres to the length. We are really happy with the quality of the fabric and the finish.
      You could also get them lined in any fabric you choose, add pockets and even a matching jacket made.

  19. Open bar?

    Quick survey on what my options are here – I am getting married this year (yay!) and come from a different area as my future husband, so the weddings of our respective friends/family have been quite different. We are stumped on whether or not to have an open bar. Where I am from, this is very common and there has been an open bar at every one of my friends from home’s weddings. Future husband on the other hand comes from a place where they always have a cash bar (partially because heavy drinking is more popular there). We have never seen an open bar at one of his friends’ weddings. Obviously we don’t want to spend extra money if we don’t have to, but I see an open bar as a nice treat you give to your guests to thank them for coming. I don’t want my guests (from my hometown) to be shocked to have to pay for their own drinks. I also don’t want his friends to go crazy drinking and ring up a huge bill. We have thought about giving out some drink tickets – is this a good compromise, and how many drink tickets should we give each guest? Anyone have any other compromises or comments/suggestions/advice? Thanks!

    • Mpls

      Could you have an open bar during a cocktail hour before the reception dinner starts, and then switch to cash bar after dinner? Or open bar on wine and beer, but cash for anything else? I feel like I’ve seen both options at weddings I’ve been to. So, some open bar, but not unlimited.

      • Anonymous

        In contrast, my friend had a cash bar at the reception then open bar during cocktail hour (2 cocktails + choice from wines/beers they pre-selected) and during the reception.

        A different friend had prebought liquor and just hired servers with a select menu of cocktails/wine/etc … she was proud of herself for just buying enough of everything not to have leftovers nor run out and guests were pretty sloshed anyway…

        • TCFKAG

          Yeah – most venues won’t let you do this – and a lot of states liquor license laws won’t let you do that either. But if they do, its definitely not a bad way to save money.

    • Mpls

      Could you have an open bar during a c-tail hour before the reception dinner starts, and then switch to cash bar after dinner? Or open bar on wine and beer, but cash for anything else? I feel like I’ve seen both options at weddings I’ve been to. So, some open bar, but not unlimited.

      • Cat

        I agree with Mpls’ first suggestion — it helps prevent people from getting TOO bombed but the “open bar is normal” guests won’t be thinking that you cheaped out. Somehow not even offering hard liquor at all seems less “cheap” than having it be available for purchase.

        Other suggestions: instruct the bartender that no shots are allowed; tell the venue not to go around topping off people’s glasses during dinner constantly (maybe just checking at each course); don’t issue the “hangover helper” style welcome bags for out of town guests (you know, the ones with bottled water, aspirin and salty snacks in them – while fun and sometimes practical they do send the message that you’re expecting your guests to thoroughly imbibe)

    • Diana Barry

      We had beer and wine at our wedding (two wines we picked in the tasting) and then cash bar for other things. I think my husband’s parents paid for some of the cash bar. Neither of us are big drinkers, and neither are our families, so it was a good compromise.

      • Lynnet

        We had open beer and wine, and hard alcohol was not available. I think it was one of the better decisions we made. It was fairly cheap ($600?) and it limited how drunk our wedding guests could get, which limited in turn the amount of drama at the wedding.

        Granted it was a compromise between my mom (and by extension, her side of the family), who was completely horrified by the idea of alcohol at the wedding, and my dad (and by extension, his side of the family), who was equally horrified by the idea of not having alcohol at the wedding.

        • Mpls

          And if you do open beer/wine – can you set it so that when it runs out, it’s done? Or once it runs out, it switches over to a cash bar? This might be something to discuss with your vendors – what kind of arrangements have they set up for other parties and how has it worked/not worked.

          • Lynnet

            At ours, there wasn’t an actual bar, so the liquor store we brought it from had to bring everything they planned to serve, and there was no liquor on site at all. They had a virtually unlimited number of cases of wine, and we got charged per case for each they opened. They had 2 kegs and 1 mini-keg of different local microbrews. We had about 150 guests and I think finished 1 of the kegs, and then kept on serving the other two beers and the wine. I suppose if they had finished all of the kegs then they woulad have just kept serving wine until the end of the night, but they didn’t really have any way to get more alcohol on site.

    • Susie

      Hm, I’ve never gone to a wedding where they used drink tickets. Most wedding I’ve gone to were beer/wine. Maybe add one punch or signature drink? I don’t think an open bar is necessary. (But, as you said maybe it’s a regional thing, I’m on the west coast for reference.)

    • roses

      Cash bars are generally considered rude in areas where they’re not common. And drink tickets also seem weird in my opinion too – it’s like you’re telling someone how much is OK for them to drink. If you’re worried about people over-drinking or trying to stick to a smaller budget, just host beer and wine and don’t offer liquor at all.

    • AIMS

      Where is the wedding going to be? In his neck of the woods where an open bar is uncommon or yours where it’s more or less expected? I’ve only been to one wedding where an open bar wasn’t the norm, but I think I would be less surprised to not find one if I was traveling to a different location as opposed to going somewhere local where it’s sort of the default rule.

      I have to say that in all honesty I don’t love the drink tickets idea – something about it feels off-putting, but I think a wine and beer only open bar could be a good compromise. It will still reduce your bill substantially and most of your guests won’t mind very much.

      • Anon

        Sounds like your options are either beer and wine only, or open bar. I am all for personalizing your wedding / doing your thing / going against the rules and what not, but a cash bar seems odd to me (and sounds like it would seem odd to some of your guests too).

    • Nonny

      In my region (PNW), tickets are common and not considered weird at all. Generally the bride and groom choose a couple of wines, maybe a beer or two, and give the guests two tickets each. Often, glasses of champagne are handed around for toasts as well (so that doesn’t come out of the drink tickets). At my sister’s wedding, the bartender kept a secret stash of Scotch behind the counter for the two dads, grandfathers, and select other family members. :-) It usually seems to work well and I’ve never heard anyone complain about tickets. Besides, there are always a few people around (myself included) who don’t use both their tickets and are happy to give away one of them to someone who wants a third drink.

      • roses

        Uh, the secret scotch thing is really, really rude. I’d be pissed as hell if some “special people” got to drink unlimited scotch at a wedding and I was stuck with two drink tickets for beer and wine.

        • Nonny

          I think you have to know your crowd. In this case no-one really even knew about it, and would not have cared if they did.

        • Julep

          Would you be upset if “special people” got corsages or sat at the head table or gave a toast? Bring a flask.

          • rosie

            Would you be upset if “special people” were served steak and lobster and you got chicken? I think that’s a better analogy.

      • Anonymous

        FWIW, I’m in the PNW (my family has been here for generations) and have never been to a wedding with drink tickets or known anyone who has.

        We did beer and wine for free and other drinks were available if the guest paid. We were able to do it because the reception was in the ballroom area of a restaurant/bar, so they could bring the drinks from the stocked bar downstairs. Most if not all weddings I’ve attended have been beer/wine only.

        Honestly, I’m not a fan of the tickets or cash bar. I do think the open bar through dinner and cash bar after would be a good compromise, though. Our venue also offered the option of cutting off the free drinks at a certain price-point.

        • Nonny

          Oh well, guess that goes to show that these things are not based on regional norms at all, but just on what your particular group of friends likes to do!

      • Anonymous

        The drink ticket thing is one of the tackiest things I have ever heard of. I can’t even imagine if I got handed a ticket to have a glass of wine.

        I think you should do either open bar cocktail hour- cash the rest of the night. Or free beer/wine all night would be ideal I think.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I’m in Portland, and I’ve never heard of or seen drink tickets at a wedding here. Just open bar for beer and wine, with one signature cocktail.

    • dancinglonghorn

      If you are concerned about etiquette, not that if you are having any kind of system where guests are expected to pay for their drinks, its supposed to be stated on the invitation. Otherwise, it may be too late for you to have a cash bar.

    • NatalieR

      If you haven’t picked a reception venue yet, you might consider one that allows you to bring your own alcohol. Your caterer would be able to help you figure out an appropriate amount to buy, but you would avoid the crazy venue mark ups.

      Another thought is to find a place that does a per-person bar package (usually available in tiered levels: beer/wine only, add well drinks for the next level, add call brands for the next, add premium liquors). These are billed per person, per hour (for example, they’d figure $6 per person per hour, so a 100 person wedding with a 4 hour reception would end up being $2400-no guesswork on what everyone is going to drink or how much). That way, you are offering an open bar but are controlling the cost (or at least knowing what it will be ahead of time), instead of being billed by the drink, which can get expensive quickly.

      Other ideas are to see if you can do beer/wine only (with perhaps the addition of a signature c-tail, especially if you and your fiance have a drink you really enjoy), and negotiate that the venue charge you by the bottle of wine, rather than the glass.

      I would avoid drink tickets or a cash bar if you could, but I do live in an area where an open bar is more/less expected.

    • Anon in NYC

      Just to clarify something: with an open bar, the cost is not affected by how much your guests actually drink. You pay a certain price per head, and just know that you’re going to lose money on Aunt Myrna who only has 1 drink, but your buddy Joe will have 5 drinks. If you’re talking about a consumption bar, that’s a different story.

      Open bars are the norm for my circle of friends, too. I just went to a wedding where I believe it was beer/wine only. They had bottles on the table, which they replenished when they ran low. They didn’t have champagne, except for the toasts, and I don’t think I saw anyone with a mixed drink. To be honest, I didn’t even notice the lack of liquor. If you know that your crowd are heavier beer and wine drinkers (rather than mixed drinks), that is an idea to consider. Even with free flowing wine/beer, it’ll still be less expensive than a full open bar.

      • Anonymous

        Some venues charge open bar by the drink (or by the bottle for beer/wine).

      • rosie

        You can either pay this way or by consumption (so you get the tab at the end of the night), depending on what the venue offers. They both have their advantages and disadvantages. Seems like the cheapest way to have an open bar is if you can bring in your own alcohol (and bonus if you can return what is unopened).

    • Anne Shirley

      I think cash bars are rude. I know they’re common some places, I know open bars are costly, but you know what? Buying you a wedding gift, traveling to the wedding, finding something suitably cute to wear, attending a bridal shower- these things are all expensive for me. If you’re worried about heavy drinkers running up the bill, look for a venue that charges a flat fee per guest for open bar.

      • Anne Shirley

        Posted too soon- dry wedding, fine, just been and wine, fine, but I don’t want to open a wallet at your wedding.

      • Nellie

        I mostly agree with this, although “rude” might be stronger than I feel. I can’t think of another context in which you’d invite someone as a guest and then make them pay their own way. That’s not what hosting is. If cost is an issue, then I think you treat it like anything else: if you can afford to provide it you do, and if not, you don’t have it. If you can’t afford flowers, for example, wouldn’t you just do without instead of asking the guests to buy them for you?

      • MsZ

        Agreed — in my circle of friends and family, cash bar is considered inconsiderate / lacking in hospitality. To me it seems that it means the bride and groom spent their budget on items other than making sure their guests felt welcome and had a good time — maybe they invited too many people, maybe they have too extravagant of flowers or dress. Open beer, wine, and a specialty cocktail that isn’t too bizarre would be sufficient.

    • Pumpkin

      Congrats! We got married in Sep and did an open bar with wine, beer, and 1-2 types of mixed drinks. We did not have a designated cocktail hour — we just had the bar open during dinner and dancing. We did not have champagne because we couldn’t afford the good stuff and didn’t like the cheap stuff. When we ran out of hard alcohol, we served beer/wine. Guests were sufficiently buzzed to enjoy the dancing and not $h!+fAc3d. No one complained about our alcohol options. I’ve never been to a wedding where guests have to pay for drinks or were given drink tickets– I feel like if $$ is an issue it’s better to just limit it to wine/beer– but that’s just me. It’s your wedding– do what makes sense to you.

    • V

      I’d vote for simplicity: either all open bar all the time or just beer + wine + soft drinks (etc.). It gets complicated when people have to deal with transactions / tipping / etc. or keeping track of tickets, especially if they may not be expecting it.

      Think: ladies’ formal attire usually doesn’t have pockets and those tiny purses are good for lipstick + phone + cabfare home (maybe). Cash for drinking or keeping track of drink tickets? And then who dispenses drink tickets and what about children or just getting a soda?

      FWIW, I’m in the south and while I’ve been to dry weddings (everyone usually knows beforehand and the people who want flasks bring flasks), I’ve only been to one cash-bar wedding (recent grads and no parental $ help).

    • SJ

      We had an open bar with beer, wine and margaritas and also had a dollar limit on the bar. We talked it over with the caterer and they alerted my dad when we hit the 3/4 mark. Our wedding was smallish and only one person got super drunk and from what I understand, she pre-gamed so she was gonna be smashed no matter what. The nice thing about it was they gave us the price of all drinks for open bar and cash bar so we could do the math ourselves and figured 3 drinks per person and guessed on the non-alcoholic drinks for the people who didn’t drink. Everyone had a good time and nobody had to open their wallet. My dad’s stance was “I’ll pay for your wedding but not for your friends to get sloppy drunk” and I was totally okay with that.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      If it is going to be true cash bar, as in no credit cards allowed, please make sure your guests know. The only time I really resented a cash bar was when my husband and I had to leave a reception and walk five blocks to an ATM to get cash to get our drinks. There was an open cocktail hour that changed to cash bar with no warning so we looked like fools at the bar where we already had our drinks and hands walking away when they called us back to pay, handed them our credit card, they said cash only, and we had to leave them on the bar to get cash. So embarrassing.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      If it is going to be true cash bar, as in no credit cards allowed, please make sure your guests know. The only time I really resented a cash bar was when my husband and I had to leave a reception and walk five blocks to an ATM to get cash to get our drinks. There was an open c0cktail hour that changed to cash bar with no warning so we looked like fools at the bar where we already had our drinks and hands walking away when they called us back to pay, handed them our credit card, they said cash only, and we had to leave them on the bar to get cash. So embarrassing.

      • This.

        I don’t really have any strong opinions on cash bar/non-cash bar but please let your guests know in advance. I once had to stay completely sober at a wedding out in the middle of no where where I knew no one but the bride because I showed up to a wedding that I didn’t know was cash bar, without any cash.

        Since it seems like whichever way you decide to go on this issue will be unexpected for at least some of the guests, I would discreetly put the word out if its a cash bar or not.

    • TBK

      Do NOT make your guests pay for anything they consume at your wedding. I guess some people are okay with them, but I find cash bars to be beyond tacky. We served only wine and beer at our reception and I don’t think anyone minded (if anyone would have, it would have been my grandmother and my aunts, and I definitely would have heard about it). Ditto on the tickets. I think drink tickets are also extremely tacky. You are inviting guests to a party — that means you are extending hospitality. Would you give guests to a dinner party “tickets” for how many dinner rolls they can take? Or charge them for the entree? Serve what you can afford to serve, no more and no less. If you can’t afford wine and beer or open bar, don’t serve it. If you can, be gracious about offering it without making your guests pony up.

    • TCFKAG

      I had no idea this was a regional thing! I had an open bar at our wedding – and one of the best things was finding a venue that charged by the *head* for the bar rather than by the drink – so I didn’t have to worry about how much each guest was drinking (or if they were leaving wounded soldiers around the room).

      I’ve been to a few cash bar weddings…its not my favorite. But having budgeted a wedding, I can totally understand why people might do it. I also have been to lots of “beer and wine only” weddings and they have been some of my favorite weddings I’ve been to – especially when they’ve done a good job of picking local beers and nicely paired wines. So – for budget savings that would be my go to.

    • New Bride

      I got married a few months ago. We had wine and a few kegs, and a licensed bartender to serve them. So it was wine/beer only, but open bar. (Our venue was ok with this, check with yours.)

      I would be a little disappointed if a bar changed from being open to cash sometime in the night. We changed kegs from one kind of microbrew to another, but I don’t think anyone really cared.

      I’d discourage drink tickets.

      I also recommend http://www.apracticalwedding.com to any bride. The blog and the book its authors wrote saved me so much hassle and emotional turbulence!

  20. Emmabean

    I know I’m on the late side for this thread, but am wondering if anyone has an advice for me. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment this afternoon to discuss the results of an ultrasound of nodules on my thyroid.

    They were discovered last year, and after several ultrasounds and a biopsy, it was decided that we would just monitor them for size (instead of removing my thyroid).

    My appointment today is with a new doctor – I wasn’t happy with the ENT who saw me last year – I felt like she didn’t answer my questions (partially my fault, I should have pushed more, but I was freaked out by the whole thing) properly. She basically gave me the option of monitoring the size, or removing my thyroid, but wouldn’t elaborate when I asked her questions about cost, necessity, which option she thought was best, etc. When she wouldn’t help me decide, I went with the option of monitoring it because it was easier.

    Has anyone been in this situation? What kind of questions did you ask? What did you decide to do?

    Thank you so much!

    • Tuesday

      I had nodules that went away with treatment (Synthroid). DH had nodules and had his thyroid removed because (1) thyroid cancer is more common in men than women; (2) the biopsy was inconclusive; (3) the consequences of thyroid removal is to have to take Synthroid (not a big deal to him / us); and (4) not having to worry about whether it was cancer, not having to go through repeated inconclusive biopsies, etc. made the surgery worth it for him.

      AFAIK, monitoring is a very common choice, especially for women. I don’t remember all the questions I asked when I had nodules, but I did a lot of searching on Dr. Google, which gave me a good list. I was also lucky that my PCP knew enough to get me comfortable, and backed my decision to monitor (in addition to the endo, who was new to me — my PCP and I have a good relationship).

      If you do end up having your thyroid removed, just make sure that your surgeon has a lot of experience with that exact procedure.

      Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know if it’s the same but my dr was concerned and thus ultrasound led to blood tests/consult, which has been simply monitored/ignored (since the blood test wasn’t abnormal).

      I recently had a physical and am back on monitoring, so while my situation may be a little different, monitoring seems to be common.

      Good luck!

    • Thyroid

      Were the nodules biopsied?

      A close family member of mine had thyroid cancer which resulted in their having half of the thyroid removed as well as the isthmus. She did not need chemo therapy and is currently able to control the issue well with synthroid. She had to undergo some more specific testing and monitoring when pregnant but no issues arose.

      We joke that the cancer actually worked out really well for her because its recommended that the dosage of synthroid is such that you remain slightly underweight for remission purposes. So losing the baby-weight was pretty quick for her!

  21. Paging Z.

    Z, thanks for your response on my question about cleaning my Kate Spade cardigan last week.

    • Anon for this

      TJ – Big Career Change – I am considering leaving the practice of law to start a Staffing/Recruiting Agency. I am seeking the thoughts of the hive on how you would perceive one of your peers making such a move. I know perception is critical with all things.

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