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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Double-Breasted Wool Blazer

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Balmain’s blazers are a signature item for a reason. Every detail of this blazer is just perfect. The peak lapels and slightly padded shoulders are powerful-looking, but not too severe. With an unlimited budget, I’d be tempted to grab one of these in every color, but the dark green is really speaking to me. (It’s still a little out of my budget, but a girl can dream.)

The blazer is $2,695 at Net-a-Porter and comes in French sizes 32–46.

For more affordable options: This blazer from CeCe is $129 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 0–14, while this Mango blazer is available in XXL as well as 1XL–4XL and is on sale for $49.99.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

292 Comments

  1. I’m looking for some book recommendations. Lately, I’ve enjoyed The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid, all of Fiona Davis’s books, The Cartographers by Peng Shepherd, The Lobotomist’s Wife, and books by Lucy Foley, Ruth Ware, JT Ellison and Lisa Jewell.

    2. Beatriz Williams – reminds me a bit of Fiona Davis
      For thriller mystery – Riley Sager, Alice Feeney
      I’ve also been enjoying the Maisie Dobbs series from Jacqueline Winspear

      Some other specific recommendations:
      Jar of Hearts – Jennifer Hillier
      The Girl You Left Behind – JoJo Moyes
      The Husband’s Secret, Big Little Lies – Liane Moriarty

    3. If you liked Lisa Jewell, try Ruth Ware, Sally Hepworth, Rachel Hawkins, or Liane Moriarty.

      1. Oh, and I recently read the first Her Royal Spyness book by Rhys Bowen – it was perfect brain popcorn.

        2. I’ve read the entire Royal Spyness series. It is perfect for long days waiting or traveling.

        3. I liked them, but the anachronisms just drive me batty. And the protocol errors. Easy readying, though.

    4. I just want to plug the book recommendation chats at Go Fug Yourself. They do them every few months and commenters post books they liked and other folks make suggestions. They get hundreds of comments and I’ve found some great gems that way. You can search for “Afternoon Chat” and “books” to pull some up.

      And now that we are on the subject….

      For Lucy Foley/Ruth Ware type thrillers:
      – Blood Sugar by Sascha Rothchild
      – The Love of my Life by Rosie Walsh

      For Fiona Davis like books (I’ve only read the Dollhouse)
      – The Group by Mary McCarthy
      – The After Party by Anton Disclafani (has a thrilled/suspense element to it)
      – Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus

    5. Great Circle by Maggie Shipstead.
      Sea of Tranquility – but only if you’re ready for a pandemic novel. I’m not fully sure I was.

      1. The pandemic in S of T took me by surprise, but I was actually fine with. I’ve very deliberately avoided reading all books that explicitly include Covid, but this was subtle enough that it didn’t bother me.

    7. Daisy Jones and the Six by TJR is also amazing and flew by when reading.
      Unsinkable Greta James by Jennifer Smith

    8. I just read Hamnet, The Love of My Life and The Firekeeper’s Daughter and yhiuht they were all really really good.

  2. I am at my first major conference since the pandemic. There are 600+ people here. I have my period and whatever I ate for dinner last night appears to not sit well with me…. So I am keeping an eye out for the toilet locations. Ugh. Happy Monday Hive, may your day be better than mine!

      1. oh noooo curious! sending you healing thoughts. If you can’t taste, I recommend pure kale and ice smoothies, feels good on my throat. And after a few days of that, you’ll know FOR SURE when you can taste again.

        1. Thank you :):). Luckily I’ve kept my appetite and taste so far (thanks, Paxlovid?), but we will see what’s still to come…

      2. My whole family is down with it too. After 2.5 years, it finally got us. And it feels terrible.

      3. Oh Curious, I’m sorry! Healing thoughts.

      4. Oh no Curious! Sending you healing vibes. Glad you got paxlovid.

        PS. Round #2 – 7NE today.

    2. Ugh, take all the breaks, that’s rough.

      I went back to conferences last year (they’re a big part of my job) and it was eerie. At the first one, a colleague and I were standing there and like…”yep I guess we’re doing this….” it was a weird back in the saddle feeling.

    3. Oh that stinks. I hope you feel better but if not, that you can duck out early and rest in your hotel room.

    4. I appear to have accidentally thread jacked you. I’m so sorry. Hope Advil helps with any period things and your belly feels better!

  3. I read a lot of prior comments re Comfortable Couch Company couches. I made a field trip to a showroom and . . . can I just move in there? I have an aging leather couch to replace. I know that I need the shallowest seat depth and a tight back. Other than that, any hints or recommendations or raves on this brand? I think I will go with aniline leather (person telling me that has it + boys + 2 dogs that are allowed on the couch, which is certainly an endorsement). Thanks! In addition, any other generic couch commentary (even styles/colors). Prior couch is 20+ years old, so hoping for the same and to make a style choice that I am also happy with all this time.

    1. That might’ve been me! We’ve ordered two couches from them and have been very happy with the final result. I think you’re getting great quality for the money, and the only next step up would be Hancock and Moore, which starts at like 10k for a leather couch. In terms of aniline vs natural leather– only you can really say what’s best for your household. I’d use the leather samples they give you and really abuse them. I took my car keys all over the samples, left coffee on them, peanut butter, etc. We decided on natural leather because of my medium sized dog who ripped a hole in our super old aniline sofa by chewing his bone on it. The only issue with aniline is when it’s scratched or damaged, it’s damaged and there’s nothing you can do about it. With a natural leather you can apply oil, heat to reactivate the wax, etc. and I thought natural leather might be more forgiving if I needed to come back and have the bottom cushion remade, for example (since a hole is a hole regardless). Plus it’s so pretty. We got both Mont Blanc and Brentwood pieces. My only regret with the Brentwood was getting tufting on the back since the leather is super thick (not as neat pleats – they did warn us) and you can’t see the gorgeous veining like you can on other parts of the sofa. The Mont Blanc is amazing leather and was super comfortable from day one. With the Brentwood, it was almost like boots and it took some time leaning/using/”breaking it in” for it to soften up. For dogs, they also recommended the Cambridge leather but I didn’t like the look of it. What ultimately sold me on the Mont Blanc was a Moore and Giles video where they have a baby/dog/wine/coffee try to destroy it. But if your kids are super messy, oil might also be an issue (I’ve spilled cheese on it and it left an oil mark, but it worked itself out). Also, for what it’s worth, my dog hates the new leather couches. It’s too “slick” for him. He sticks to some velvet chairs I thrifted.

    2. Another rec for natural leather.

      Check out La-z-boy, believe it or not. They have furniture that doesn’t move, and my grandmother had a shallow depth, tight back sofa that is somehow also insanely comfortable – I’ve slept many a night on it.

    3. I got a couple of COCoCo couches and have been really happy with them. Great selection of materials, good workmanship and I particularly liked that I could customize the length and depth. Highly recommend

    1. I witnessed enough people turn against the entire idea of vaccination that I did worry some, but I thought I was catastrophizing.

      This doesn’t have to be a large scale catastrophe, but so many of the arguments for “living with COVID” apply to “living with polio” (the vast majority of people who get polio don’t even get paralytic polio; only a small percentage of the latter actually die, etc.). And I worry that there are going to be new legal obstacles to requiring vaccines for school and/or that the successful undermining of public schools will lead to continued under vaccination.

      1. The difference is that those at highest risk of paralysis are school age kids. It’s hard to quarantine them for extensive lengths of time. COVID primarily affects the elderly (median age of death is 78 or 80), and it is less hard (not easy, just less hard) to set things up for them to be in a bubble, do senior shopping hours, etc.

        2. I want to think that much of the resistance to Covid quarantine measures and vaccinations is because of the perception that the disease primarily impacts old people. I want to believe that if it were children dying rather than 55+ then we would’ve been much more cautious as a society. But then I look at who is making these decisions – boomers who are 55+ and presumably have some sense of self preservation. And I look at the pushback on vaccinations in public schools. And I just don’t know what to think anymore.

          1. Wow. Why do you want to think believe that it would be different with kids? Does that mean you are ok with the “cull the herd” theory I have heard from some who think it is fine if older people and those with health conditions die from Covid? Maybe your phrasing was unfortunate, but as a senior citizen, I am offended by the ageist stance that we as a society should care more about Covid if it affected kids.

          2. No, there would only have been support for precuations if COVID impacted fetuses. Kids who have already been born and their parents are lowest on the priority list. See, e.g., Zika response and recent Supreme Court decision.

          3. Only a boomer would take offense at the notion that a child’s life is more important than an adult’s. Honest question: what is wrong with your generation?

          4. I don’t think she meant “should” care more about kids, just that society might be more moved to take precautions if the news shows lots of little kids dying or being paralyzed.

            On the other hand, American society does seem to be okay with kids getting gunned down in their schools, so probably it wouldn’t really matter.

        3. I honestly thought both school aged kids and seniors were always at increased risk from any contagious disease because of spending so much time in congregate care settings (schools, day cares, nursing homes).

          1. Risk of getting it. But kids are usually at much lower risk of getting severely ill and dying.

        1. Of course I am vaccinated. My concerns are about the people who are not! A lot of kids that I care about have parents who have fallen for disinformation, especially spreading through religious communities. I also have loved ones who depend on herd immunity because they don’t produce antibodies in response to vaccines.

          1. There is no vaccine for stupid. The rest of us are fine and do not need the hand-wringing, There are far bigger things to worry about if you are determined to worry about something.

          2. No, everyone who is not stupid is not fine. I literally just said I care about people with severe immune deficiency (CVID — have you heard of it?), people on profound immune suppression (organ transplant meds like Rituxan), and the innocent children of people who are misinformed.

            It’s not a good thing for our communities to reintroduce contagious diseases that we’d previously eliminated. It makes it feel like we’re actually losing ground on public health.

            Within the past year we saw a virus mutate to achieve substantial immune evasion (thankfully not complete immune evasion!) partly because people who weren’t vaccinated and people who had weak immunity provided opportunities for the virus to adapt. “The rest of us” should not be so smug about what happens to other people.

        2. What a strange take- I am vaccinated but I can worry about my community being at risk of a godawful disease (seriously- my grandmother had had polio at age 6 and as a result had severe scoliosis for the rest of her life) and its susceptibility due to antivax nonsense, and of course the wear and tear on the health system (severe polio requires intensive treatment).

    3. Aren’t most of us vaccinated against polio? Is that a vaccine most kids these days still receive?

        1. Most? Yes; however, antivax sentiment is growing and right now the overall immunization rate is fairly low. The polio vaccine is exceptionally effective; however, the outbreak is occurring in a community which is particularly isolated and vocally anti-vax and anti-vaccine requirements. This particular sect of ultra Orthodox/Hasidic individuals who regularly protest any type of Government requirements or recommendations.

          Knowing a bit about the nature of this community, I’m very concerned about spread within the community… and very thankful for vaccines that protect me and my kids!

      2. I’m glad someone else asked. Also, is this a vaccine that needs a booster or is it good for life?

      3. Yes. The news is reporting this as like a random surprise that could happen to anyone. But it’s an outbreak in the insular unvaccinated Hasidic community. Normal people are vaccinated.

      4. Yes. The concern is about vaccine refusal and people who don’t form strong immunity from vaccines, not about vaccinated people with functioning immune systems.

    4. Unless you live in Monsey, or are Hasidic, or interact with the Hasidic community frequently, the odds you getting polio is extremely low. And keep in mind, they have their own schools, their own grocery stores, etc. Personally, I’m not going anywhere near the Palisades Center Mall but other than that, this doesn’t affect my life at all.

      1. +1 There was a big measles outbreak in the Hasidic community in Brooklyn a few years ago. I remember because we had an unvaccinated baby and were debating cancelling a trip to my in-laws in NYC (we ended up going, but canceling a planned excursion that would have required taking the subway through that part of Brooklyn). It never spread beyond that community, even though measles is CRAZY infectious. This is not going to be the next Covid. It’s going to be a problem in insular communities like the Hasidic community that have low vaccination rates.

      2. But the problem is there are a lot of anti-vaxers who won’t get their kids vaxed, including for polio, so that opens this up to a much larger group of people, not just the groups you mention! And while the adults here may be vaxed for polio, if the next generation is not, then there is a real and much greater risk of this becoming a bigger thing!!!

        1. The vast majority of kids still get polio vaccines. It’s not like smallpox where they quit vaccinating people because the disease was eradicated.

        2. This is what worries me… I know people who have gotten “religious exemptions” from vaccination requirements for school, college, and work… and I worry that if a battle over religious exemptions ever makes it to the SCOTUS, this may become even more common.

          1. I think Florida or Georgia or maybe Tennessee either banned or defunded ALL vaccine outreach activities, not just COVID vaccines. And I would not be surprised to see vaccine mandates to attend school start falling in states like these.

            Being old, I got all the shots. I never worried much about boosters because most of the vaccines we got as kids still are at least somewhat effective into adulthood. But that kind of presumes you’ll rarely encounter, say, measles or polio as an adult because everyone was getting vaccinated. So I guess I might check out which boosters I need after all!

      3. Not true. I know you all love Asheville. Love, love, love it. And yet, they had a measles outbreak around when the NY one was. Antivax hippies were a thing there long before COVID. I blame Jenny McCarthy for this. And even if people weren’t strong antivax, they often vaccinated their kids on a very slow schedule. And if they were un-schoolers, they often stopped bothering completely. So it’s not always just who you think and where you think. Wastewater sampling says things are wider than just the one reported case. I live in Charlotte and our damping is strong monkeypox but I hope someone is watching in Asheville.

    5. Thanks to everyone for the cool headed advice here. Due to tragic real stories from family members pre-vaccine, polio is my classic nightmare scenario and the reason I have no sympathy for anti-vaxxers. (Like people danced in the streets when that vaccine came out. How upsetting is it that folks would rather have their kids take chances with polio than get an effective vaccine against it? ) I’m taking my first deep breath a few days leading that it’s unlikely to affect my vaxxed kids. I have sympathy and sadness to the children of ultra religious people who fail their children like that, but thank science they can’t hurt the rest of us with this particular horrific disease.

      1. My mom said that the ONLY time she every saw my mean old grandma cry was in relief after the introduction of the polio vaccine. I’m not worried personally but we have GOT to deny vaccination exemptions for anything other than a legitimate medical reason.

  5. What is the 2022 equivalent of skinny jeans, booties, slinky top and blazer/Moto jacket for a late 30s apple shape? I’ve embraced more 501 style jeans for daytime but can’t get my head round what the trouser or jean is for replacing skinny jeans at night. (No hate on skinny jeans I’ve just moved on shape wise )

    1. Great question! I’m interested to hear what others are wearing. I went to an outdoor concert recently wearing 501 type jeans. I paired with chunky white sneakers and a slim cut vintage tank, tucked into the jeans. For a fancier occasion I would have tucked a silk cami. I struggled with a top layer though, so while I was out, I looked at what others were doing. I saw lots of oversize blazers/overshirts over tanks/camis/cropped tops. Not as many fitted denim or moto jackets, which are looking a bit overdone to me rn. If I needed the warmth a moto used to provide, I’d also consider wearing a peasant style top or a slouchy sweater (maybe over one shoulder?) rather than layers.

      1. Funnily enough I just picked up a few slim cut tanks for tucking into jeans which is a look I’ve not done for years! I think I’m struggling with getting my head round a 501 style as being ‘smart’ enough for a birthday dinner out for example vs wearing for drinks or to a concert. Thanks for the suggestions!

  6. Does anyone have suggestions for covering up a couch you no longer love the look of but it’s perfectly functional? I can’t justify the cost of reupholstering it right now. I tried a velvet slipcover but it looked sloppy.

    1. I can’t remember the name, but my SM feed was stalked for weeks (are they trying to tell me something???) by a company that makes stretchy sofa covers (so no tired floppy sadness of some slipcovers). They looked really good, but I’m not in the market for that so I didn’t commit the brand to memory. Better things exist!

      I also think with uphostry pins and tacks (probably even binder clips just to try it out), you can tighten up floppy slipcovers.

    2. Personally, I think any cover not made for the couch has the potential to look very sloppy, unless your couch already has the right frame for the pre-made slipcover (i.e. the Ikea Ektorp look). Is it dirty? Consider one of those bissell water vacuums or taking all the cushions off and washing them (yes, I know you’re not supposed to do this. I took a $100 Habitat couch from dingy to good enough by machine washing it. The cushions looked so much brighter and better afterward. I did not dry, just air dried to damp and put them back on). Alternatively, you could also look into painting/dying it. There are several tutorials online. You could test with an inexpensive thrifted chair or piece of fabric. Last option, strategic blankets and new pillows.

    3. You may want to make sure you know the cost of reupholstering (if it’s going to be a few hundred dollars, it may be worth skipping the covers).

    4. If it’s IKEA, I’ve had good look with the companies that make custom slipcovers (mine was Bemz, there are others). It wasn’t cheap though, but fit perfectly and saved an orange and brown hand-me-down I received for my first apartment. If not, I think you either need to embrace the “casually threw a linen sheet over this” look or a slightly ill-fitting slipcover. I tuck blankets into the couch (for dog hair protection reasons, and remove when we have people over) but it’s obviously not the most polished look.

    5. I think a slipcover looks best if it’s not trying to fool you that it’s not a slipcover. Looking at stores that sell “slipcovered couches” they’re usually all linen, so I think in the case of your velvet slipcover it was a fabric issue. So I would go with a linen slipcover that’s made to fit the arms of your couch. If you can get a nice tight fit on the arms, it will go a long way to looking intentional.

      In this version, the bottom is still going to be loose/skirted like a slipcover. In my opinion, that’s the prettiest way to handle it and you just lean into it. Works well for a coastal or modern farmhouse style. If your aesthetic is more modern, that’s going to be a harder to make it look right.

    6. I would go full on boho and cover it with big squishy comfy pillows and brightly colored throws.

    7. I think slipcovers usually look sloppy – have you considered having someone come and professionally clean it? It should be around $125 or so and may help.

    8. Short-haired lamb or sheep skins or soft Kelim rugs might work for the seat area, maybe some velvet cushions rather than cover, if you like velvet? Or again, Kelim. This would be a cozy vibe rather than stylish, but can be made to look intentional.

  7. Commuting bag question! I commute via train from a near in suburb to downtown 3-4 days a week. I commute my lunch + gym clothes (I use the office gym right after work) and on some days I have to carry my laptop/notebook too. Looking for a bag that will fit everything without being extremely bulky, but looks polished enough to bring to work and cure enough for when I grab dinner with friends after work.

    1. I do t know that this bag exists other than an OG2 plus a smaller cloth bag for gym/lunch overflow.

      1. I love this bag a lot, but think it would work well for lunch or gym clothes (or both with no shoes in the bag and if you pack your lunch in small containers).

    3. I feel like this question gets asked often enough so theres clearly a need for this product and a gap in what’s available!

      I’d check out Beis and maybe Lululemon bags (though they may be too casual)

      1. I’ve thought about this a lot and I think it just isn’t possible to have a truly trim sleek bag ( what I think we mean when we say professional looking) that also holds a large volume of stuff. You can’t fit a minivan inside a suitcase, if that makes any sense? There are happy mediums of course, and you can trum down the amount of stuff you need to carry for example by having an extra charger for your laptop at either end of your commute so you don’t have to carry it, or wearing extra light/skimpy gym clothes. But at some point you have to compromise somewhat either on the volume of stuff you’re carrying or on how sleek you want your bag to look.

        1. For me professional is material and structure. I think that’s the issue with lululemon bags at least – they’re too slouchy and nylon.

          As for cutting down on things- I totally agree. I am down to the bare minimum (laptop + notebook. Running shorts + thin tank top + socks + sports bra. This takes up virtually no room. Lunch in a Pyrex and a few baggies. Essentials are all small (keys,badge, card case for a wallet, phones, sunglasses, AirPods, travel mug or water bottle)

          Things like chargers, pens, shoes, extra hair ties/Advil/lotion/deodorant/tampons are all kept at my desk.

          I feel like I just need a skosh more room in a bag to make it fit. Doesn’t need to be huge!

          It also kills me how few of the bags I like don’t have interior pockets?

      2. Lunch + gym clothes + work stuff seems like such a reasonable ask though… I know a lot of people trying to commute with all of the above. I’d say almost everyone I know brings a lunch every day and maybe 1/3 use a work gym or a gym on their way home from work

        1. It is a lot of stuff. If you need “sleek for a meeting, just leave the stuff an extra day at your desk and go the important stuff in a not-a-hauler bag. Otherwise, I keep an IKEA bag folded up if I need to schlep more.

          1. I don’t need sleek – just professional looking and I don’t bring my bag to meetings.

    5. My Lo & Sons OG was the best giant bag for work.

      Maybe strategies for reducing what you need? If there is a grocery store near your office, buy lunch components on Monday morning and store at work instead of carrying new lunches every day. Keep gym shoes at the office.

    6. I think you need a two bag system. A reasonable looking black nylon bag for gym, lunch, etc. (tumi, longchamp, the tory burch ella) Then a really cute crossbody that lives inside it if you need to run out or grab dinner afterward if you don’t want to haul it all with you. But honestly, I feel like I’ve been looking for a holy grail bag my entire life and it just doesn’t exist. So long as you aren’t carrying something hideous or unprofessional, if you want to exercise and bring your lunch and a laptop, you are going to need to sacrifice a bit.

      1. Usually grabbing dinner is on my way home so I’d need to bring everything with me anyway

      1. I liked my my wallace bag but it would never stay up on my shoulder. The straps look different on this on though

  8. Does anyone have an Ann Taylor coupon, “ 50% OFF1 ONE FULL-PRICE ITEM $50 OFF YOUR $200+ PURCHASE OR $100 OFF YOUR $300+ PURCHASE” that you will not be using? If so, please share to burner email, riversrp at email of G. Many thanks.

      1. This needs to be an individual code that can only be used a single time, so the usual promo code sites don’t help, alas. I am still hoping that someone will email me one at the burner address listed above.

  9. Ugh. Why did o wear my white cloth sneakers to do even a bit of work in the yard on a day it had stormed? I just can’t have nice things or even white things.

    1. I can’t understand the white sneaker trend. They look so cute on other people! And I thought I wasn’t hard on shoes! But the moment I put on white sneakers they attract yuck like a magnet. I begrudgingly admit that maybe this is why golden goose shoes are popular, but ugh to paying $600 for beat up shoes! People who successfully wear white sneakers: what is your secret?

        1. They are scuffed leather, right? White cloth is just different IMO. Maybe be like the rappers and just wear them once?

        2. Lol yeah sorry, I say the same thing about ripped jeans if it makes you feel better :) Get off my lawn!

    2. The trick is white leather sneakers – much easier to wipe down and keep clean. I am a broken record, but the Cole Haan Grand Crosscourt is a classic, lightweight, super easy to keep clean, and looks good with everything. I also have GGs and love them for different reasons, but it’s hard to beat a minimal classic white sneaker.

  10. Can anyone give me taking points/rationale on why to use an estate lawyer for wills/estate planning vs something like legal zoom? I want to engage a lawyer and my husband thinks we can just go online (clearly we are both non-lawyers). We’re behind the ball on this and I want to get “the thing” done. Generally how much does something like this cost?

    Context: Two kids, own our home, sizable amount of liquid (cash, stock, bonds) and retirement assets (401k). Would like help structuring distribution of our assets upon death (a trust?) to our children, their guardians, our parents. Due to having a sizable amount of savings, we have decided to forgo life insurance (other than small policies offered by our employers). Also need healthcare proxies?

      1. Yes, you generally get what you pay for. A qualified estate attorney may present you with circumstances that you otherwise may not consider. Go to a well qualified attorney. Please don’t go to a generalist.

    2. Do you want it to work or not? If you want to check the box, sure try legal zoom and leave your kids to figure out the mess or become wards of the state. (My answer for your husband not you)

    3. Seriously? This isn’t like changing your own oil based on a YouTube video. If you screw this up, it has major repercussions. Don’t cheap out.

        1. I change my oil, brakes, belts, and small parts (e.g. power steering pump, alternator), am an attorney, and would not do my own estate plan. Reason: a lot of car repair ia extremely systematic, with very little room for interpretation. Follow the steps in order and be very methodical, and you will get it right. Estate planning? Unless you’re a specialist in your jurisdiction, even a “simple” will can be a cluster.

    4. Honestly so stupid to not hire a lawyer in your shoes. Like you needed wills years ago it’s irresponsible not to have them with kids. Just make an appointment at a lawyer. He doesn’t need to agree at least you’ll be doing your best.

    5. Use a lawyer. It’ll be a few grand but they’ll be able to also knock out the healthcare proxies/wills/any legal transfers of proprety. Fwiw, our financial advisor would agree with you on the life insurance but would encourage you to look into disability insurance (I have more disability insurance than life insurance after seeing a friend have to research long term care facilities for a partner and being absolutely gobsmacked at how costly they are). God forbid something like that happens you typically need a LOT of expensive care. It is also the reason why my healthcare directive states not to use lifesaving medical procedures if there is no meaningful chance of recovery.

      1. Disability insurance is a really, really good idea (especially if you are self-employed). In general, it’s more likely that one of you will become disabled prior to retirement as opposed to dying. Even if you’re in careers that aren’t particularly physical, something like a badly broken arm can cause a lot of missed work.

    6. Looking for suggestions for my ten year old who says her bras are too hot. She’s been wearing sports bras, which is the right amount of support for her, but she says that they get really hot, especially when she’s running around all day at sports camp and it’s 90 degrees outside. She was wondering if there are bra options that aren’t as hot? I have some camis with shelf bras for her, but she tends to be modest and doesn’t feel comfortable with the spaghetti straps.
      Any thoughts on what she should try? Or maybe I need to get her cooler t-shirts?

    7. Given that neither of you are lawyers, you NEED an attorney. You don’t even know what you don’t know, and you don’t know what you need.

      I am am attorney and worked in estate planning for about two years, but in a different state than the one I live in now. On our to-do list is to hire an attorney for this – I am not familiar with the nuances of our state law and would not trust LegalZoom.

    8. I think one important reason is that a real lawyer will keep abreast of changes in the law that will affect your estate planning and reach out to if there are important changes that impact you.

      We paid $800 in a medium Midwest city about 5 years ago.

    9. If something happens to you in the near future, having this done thoroughly and done right will take a huge load off your family members who would otherwise be stuck picking up the pieces. It’s a gift you give to your family (but hopefully they won’t even need).

    10. I used legal zoom when I was single, pre-kids (but owned a condo). I think it was appropriate in that situation since I was basically trying to a complicated situation for my family if I died intestate (which was also unlikely given my age, etc). Now, in my mid 40s, with kids, it’s incredible how complicated it’s gotten. It covers everything from custody of the kids to their financial care while they are minors, etc. It also protects the kids from adults, in many situations. For example, if I were to die and my husband were to remarry I would want the 529, etc, I set up for my kids to go to my kids, not step- or half-siblings. By tying things up in a trust we prevent a future spouse from being able to access those funds.

    11. I made my first will with the equivalent of legal zoom (a lawyer through my company’s benefit plan). I made my second with a lawyer for whom I paid full price. The difference:

      (1) I did not have to send 45+ edits for minor and major grammatical, spelling, etc issues
      (2) lawyer #2 actually asked questions and changed our minds on several points
      (3) will #2 is much simpler and clearer
      (4) lawyer #1 didn’t even do a healthcare PoA or advanced directive
      Etc etc.

      1. A lawyer through your company’s benefit plan, mediocre though they sound, is still WAY better than Legal Zoom. Legal Zoom is just forms you complete yourself like TurboTax.

    12. Even for simple estates, Legal Zoom is not ideal because every situation presents nuances. You don’t have an unusually complex situation, but it isn’t simple, and an attorney will walk you through what you need to consider, especially for your minor children’s futures. They can help you figure out if you want default rules to apply or if you want to take a different approach. Their questions can help you and your husband discuss things in depth and feel like you’ve really considered your options vs. guessing at what might happen. Finally, the signing process is not simple. It takes an attorney or their legal assistant quite a bit of time to set things up, and depending on your state, the attorney’s affidavit attached to the will provides a presumption of validity that makes it less likely that your witnesses will have to appear in court if your will is challenged.

    13. These are all very relevant points, but if it’s a question of getting it done vs. procrastinating forever bc your husband doesn’t want to go the lawyer route, might be better to just get it done. I used a cd-rom version of legal zoom back in the day for an uncomplicated estate (also did hc proxy etc) and it was fine. I realize this might be an unpopular opinion with a lot of lawyers on this thread but I have also seen how it is worse to have no will because someone thought it would be too hard/expensive.

      1. Gently, if you are still alive you don’t know if your CD-ROM will was fine. That is the essential problem with cheaping out on your estate planning. You can’t fix any problems when you’re already dead.

        1. + not an estate lawyer but just did a cle about estate planning and there is SO much I didn’t even think of. Seriously get a lawyer, get a good one!

        2. Fair, but I haven’t gotten around to a lawyer and this is better than nothing. Also, asking a lot of lawyers if you need a lawyer is not unbiased either. I’ve rarely ever heard a lawyer say no to a question like that.

          1. It’s not bias; it’s understanding how complicated it is and how much of a mess bad estate planning creates.

          3. Anon@ 1:26 And there are several lawyers on this thread who said THEY retained a lawyer for their estate planning because it is outside their area of expertise. I appreciate you consider it self-serving but that doesn’t mean it isn’t sound advice.

          4. That’s the thing. It might not be better than nothing. A will poorly drafted enough to drive your loved ones to litigation is worse than dying intestate.

          5. Most lawyers get estate lawyers to do their estate planning. I do criminal law. It took a few hours and a few thousand dollars to get my will done properly by an expert in her field.

      2. I now have a trust and a will set up by a lawyer, but add my name to the group who didn’t use a lawyer to do this. I used Nolo forms to write a will for several years. I did this when I was in my twenties through forties, not legally married, had no kids, and had few assets. I am a lesbian and knew I needed legal protection for my partner. I also used Nolo’s health care directive and springing durable power of attorney yet forms.

        I didn’t die so we’ll never know whether there were problems with those forms, but I know they were better than nothing and I strongly suspect they were perfect fine.

        If your situation isn’t complicated, doing something without an attorney could be a first step that gets SOMETHING in place. And in a second phase you could pay an attorney to review it and correct any issues they see.

    14. I just did estate planning earlier this year. I lucked out in that we had a lawyer friend who does estate planning so my husband wasn’t resistant to using them. Below are just a couple of random things I found interesting that came going through hour documents where I hink legal zoom and similar forms would have left gaps.
      1) Our lawyer has enough estate planning experience that they have a refined process down that they build upon. One example is that they put in language around having legal access to account passwords in our will. It’s something I never would have thought about. Ex. If I pass away or I am incapacitated and my surviving husband, as Power of Attorney, wants access to my brokerage passwords or on-line medical accounts, etc. In my state, it’s not automatically a given that a spouse have that right. By having it spelled out in my will it will help him gain access if needed legally. Our lawyer had a nightmare story about $400k in assets being tied up behind lack of password access for a client acting as power of attorney on a will he did not prepare.
      2) There are state specific rules around power of attorney, how trusts are treated in our state especially when the recipient is a minor (aka kids), etc. By going with a local state attorney and not just a fill in the blank form on-line, your planning documents are in line with what the state requires.
      3) Our lawyer will now have an original copy of our documents (which is important for power of attorney rights). I have a kid and I feel better knowing that if something happened to both me and my husband, our designated guardian for her will have a person they can call and get help determining next steps. Not just some random form they can hopefully get out our safe and then try to understand on their own.
      I hope these topics might help with your discussion with your spouse. We spent about $1k in a large sized city in the midwest and I feel like it was money well spent having been through it.

    16. We (2 lawyers) just did ours with an estate planning attorney in a mid-sized Midwestern city. Paid about $5k for everything, including them taking the lead on retitling all our assets into the name of our newly formed trust.

      If you have a reasonable amount of assets, as it sounds like you do, setting up a trust now will save a lot of drama in the future.

    17. I am a lawyer and so is my father; we both hired an estate lawyer. Seven years ago, the estate planning for my husband and me with all of the associated powers of attorney/healthcare documents was $3,500. I’m in a MCOL city and did not get any kind of lawyer discount.
      Because we have a child, we decided to set up a trust. Then we had to determine the terms of the trust, which can be variable based on each family’s situation. Terms of a trust include who the trustee and backup trustee are, at what age does the child get money from the trust, for what purposes does the child get money from the trust (say, educational expenses only, or medical and educational expenses only, or downpayment on a house, or for anything she wants!). A lawyer will help walk you through this process and will have some helpful thoughts.
      The situation for my parents was more complex because there is an estranged child. They wanted to structure their estate to account for that. Again, because an estate lawyer has seen similar situations many times, the lawyer can be helpful.
      There are more nuances than you may realize about how to structure your estate for the protection of your children and for tax reasons. A good estate lawyer will have the knowledge to help you set your estate up so that your wishes are fulfilled.

      1. This is so important. My child is the beneficiary of a portion of a grandparent’s life insurance (over 50k, but under 100k). There was no trust. I’m having to jump through a million hoops to be declared the custodian of kid’s money including getting a bond. Once I do, I will be able to manage it for them until they are 18, but at 18 I legally have to hand it over to them all at once. I suspect by that point it will be over 100K, which is the kind of money that seems like sooo much to an 18-year-old, but is really easy to blow in six months. This isn’t what grandparent would have wanted.

  11. Looking for suggestions for my ten year old who says her bras are too hot. She’s been wearing sports bras, which is the right amount of support for her, but she says that they get really hot, especially when she’s running around all day at sports camp and it’s 90 degrees outside. She was wondering if there are bra options that aren’t as hot? I have some camis with shelf bras for her, but she tends to be modest and doesn’t feel comfortable with the spaghetti straps.
    Any thoughts on what she should try? Or maybe I need to get her cooler t-shirts?

    1. If it is wicking fabric, then non-cotton wicking shirts. 90 degrees at sports camps is just hot, especially if it is humid.

    2. Check out uniqlos wireless options. Broader strap but probably thinner fabric than a sports bra.

    3. I would try t-shirts that are made of uv-resistnat cool and dry sports fabric. I think this type of fabric comes in a few different names. It really does keep you cooler. It’s kind of a shiny lightweight very smooth fabric. My husband fishes a lot and only wears that type of fabric in a long sleeve style (now with a hood) on the water.

      Something like this – although the more expensive versions may be worth it. But this is a low cost option to try.

      https://www.jiffyshirts.com/ultraclub-8420L.html?ac=Sapphire

      2. Another inexpensive brand is 32 Degrees. I have a lightweight long-sleeve from them and it’s great for being outside in the sun.

        OP – I wear these as my everyday bra. I’m a B cup but also really sensitive to underwires, tight bands, etc. They aren’t super compressive, which maybe is what’s heating her up? The “quail” color is really pretty and they’re 30 bucks for two: Amazon Essentials Women’s 2-Pack All Way Stretch Longline Bralette

        1. 32 degrees heat tech leggings are so warm! If they are equally good at cooling you off, I cosign the rec!

    4. is she wearing actual tshirts or ones made of sweat wicking material? also- does she need a full on sports bra or will more of a ‘light’ one work that has thinner straps and is meant for lower impact activities like yoga but might suffice.

    5. May be some trial and error in finding the right one for her. My Athleta sports bras make me sweat less than some other brands. Also look at fabric weight, wicking, etc.

      Also being sweaty down there is (unfortunately) part of developing b***s in the first place, but finding the right bra and fabric will help.

    6. Gel deodorant around the band area was a lifesaver for me when I was in HS and cotton sports bras were all that was available in my one-horse small town.
      Now I live in Florida and run/bike in the heat all the time, but with better clothes. Ice in the sports bra is helpful on the truly miserable days, along with the lightest possible tank top (or no shirt, if she’s comfortable with that). Sunscreen, lots of water, finding shade/a breeze on breaks all help.

    8. If you want to stick with sports bras then look for a more open back, like the cute strappy kind from athleta or lululemon. You might also look for bral e t t es rather than sports bras. The ones meant for sleeping are usually pretty light and airy.

  12. I feel like we’ve had some discussions about the fruitless hunt for non-legging shaped yoga pants here before – JCF has a straight leg yoga pant on sale today. :)

  13. Reposting on main site for more visibility:

    Back on the road regularly and want to invest in a new laptop bag. Needs to fit a 14” laptop.

    I want it to be something stylish (as much as it’s possible for a laptop bag…) Not the standard Tumi consultant bro bag.

    Ideally it would be a backpack with a luggage sleeve but can be flexible on that for something really compelling.

    I’m a tech exec and my style runs more towards rag and bone/COS. Open to cool men’s bag too

  14. I’d really like to get a kayak but don’t see how I can get one down from and back onto a roof rack on my small SUV (I am 5’2″). Any short kayakers out there figure out how to make this work?

    1. Can you keep a little step stool in your car? I’m short (5’0″) and keep them in various places around the house.

      2. YES! I have an inflatable two person kayak, and it is perfect for this. Fits into the truck/back seat of any car, and comes with a pump to blow it up. Comes with a back pack type carrying case. I can transport and blow up by myself. I imagine a single seat Kayak would be even easier to manage.

    3. I have a similar problem, and I have been researching foldable kayaks, which should fit in my backseat/trunk. REI had some last summer, and I almost bought one, but I’ve been hoping to find a place to test one out before I commit. All of which is to say…I can’t definitively recommend them, but you might look into them if you haven’t already.

      1. I have one and I love it. I have a tiny convertible and can take it anywhere. I have even taken it on flights…

        1. Can you post a link to the one you have? Does it feel sturdy? I looked at inflatable too but worried about time to inflate/deflate.

          1. I bought mine years ago and my exact model is no longer available but here’s a link their current offerings:

            https://www.orukayak.com/pages/compare

            It is not quite as stable as a traditional hard plastic kayak. However, I have used it in some pretty extreme conditions. I have never had a leak or any other issues. It gets a lot of use — and it gets so much use because I can easily take it with me. Every trip, it just gets tossed in with my bag – in case there is a body of water!

    5. I’m a taller kayaker and it’s still a thing! A step stool can be a big help. And find a rack that has “boots” that sort of let you slide the kayak up and into the cradle. Mine is from Yakima. Let me see if I can find a link for you.

  15. Furniture store suggestions for a solid wood dining room table? We don’t have anything in the dining room currently and I’d like it furnished by Thanksgiving so we can have visitors, which means I need to get something on order soon.

    I’m looking for a French country style with a trestle or double platform base. Really like the Pottery Barn look but my living room set is from there and don’t want the whole downstairs to match. No wood veneers or particle board, please, but I’d also prefer to spend in the $3k range, not $10k.

    1. Check Facebook marketplace, I’m not usually huge in used things here but dining room tables are often the first things to go as they’re pretty space specific and you might pick up a deal. If I was in Chicago, I’d head to Andersonville – I recall a ton of great furniture stores there. For mass market, Anthropologie and One Kings Lane might have the style you’re looking for.

      1. Agree on FB or a local consignment store.

        If that doesn’t pan out or you can’t wait, try the Perigold website. It’s higher-end stuff but not crazy pricey, and you can filter by style.

          1. Ooh these are both my style, thank you!! Never heard of Perigold but will bookmark it now.

      2. This was my thought. Really nice larger items (dining tables, China cabinets, armoires) end up on Marketplace and sell for low prices because they become white elephants for people who are downsizing and because they’re hard to transport.

    2. Honestly for dining furniture, I would look vintage, especially if you can be flexible on exact style. There is plenty of Pottery Barn, C&B and other high end dining sets being offloaded by folks whose lifestyles don’t include formal dining any longer. A decade old Pottery Barn style in immaculate condition would be a fraction of the cost of new and probably would be a different style to what’s being produced today (meaning not too matchy).

      I just bought a 30 year old American-made dining table for 6 with two additional and six beautifully upholstered chairs for $350 from a woman on Craigslist who was downsizing. She threw in the custom table pads for free!

      1. I don’t think anything from PB will be in good condition after a decade. PB is poorly made from inferior materials and doesn’t hold up.

        1. I guess it depends on what you’ve been doing to your dining table… I am not hard on furniture and have plenty of 5-10 year old new looking Ikea, C&B/PB, and vintage pieces :)

          Honestly if the choice is between something new from PB and $3K, I’d take great condition pre-owned for 10% of the cost!

    4. I have something similar from NE Furniture Mart. I paid around 2K for the table and chairs maybe 5 or 6 years ago.

    5. Have any Amish near you? We’ve purchased some beautiful, hand-made pieces in the last few years from the non-fancy Amish furniture showroom store about 25 minutes south of our metro area. They have ready-made pieces but also customize – our custom dining set (we chose height, leg style, wood, and finish stain) for 10 took 2 months. Exceptional quality, reasonable price.

    6. Antique or vintage, easy way to get solid wood and amazing quality that’s kind to your pocketbook and the planet.

  16. Inspired by the question above: for those of you back to commuting, what do you carry with you, how do you commute, and what bag do you use?

    1. I fly to work city (but have a room there where most of my clothes live so I’m not checking bags). I have a passenger backpack, that fits my laptop / ipad / notebooks, but can also comfortably squeeze in a pair of sneakers or flats, or a sweater etc. I have a charger at the office and at home, to lighten my load slightly.
      Once there, I have a walking commute, a bit more than a mile. If I don’t need to work in the evening, I’ll leave my computer at the office.

    2. Walking commute. I carry a leather shoulder tote. I buy lunch, exercise at home, and keep all my office shoes in a filing cabinet drawer, so it’s basically just my (lightweight) laptop plus my clutch that holds phone, wallet, building pass, keys, chapstick.

    3. I drive to work, so easy to commute. I take my normal purse (a Madewell crossbody), a backpack when I carry my laptop to/from the office and a zip top tote with gym clothes and running shoes. If I needed to consolidate, I could use my laptop bag for my gym clothes since I don’t carry files or anything to/from work, just the laptop and mouse.

    4. Driving commute. Usually bring a slim Lo & Sons backpack that holds my work laptop, planner, and a notebook along with any files I need to bring to and fro. I put a crossbody bag in there to take with me to lunch or offsite meetings. I don’t work out near work so no gym shoes or gear.

    5. I commute two days via walk to subway train and then a 30 min ride. My office does free address and I have a locker at one site but not the other that I go to regularly. I use an Everlane backpack that I’ve had for 5+ years. Often I have shoes and a tupperware lunch in a company cloth tote alongside me. I keep my wallet, phone and lipstick in an Everlane small cross-body and I just tuck it in the backpack. (I realize I’m sounding like a bag lady). I ordered the Lo and Sons Rowledge backpack earlier this summer and it was nice but to me the handles were just kind of weird so I sent it back. Like it was never going to be really cute as a non-backpack and if you’re just going to use it as a backpack, don’t have the giant handles. Can’t wait to hear what others are doing!

    6. Passenger backpack (I think I enabled Cb on this rather than the other way around) containing laptop and lunch, little crossbody with my wallet, phones, etc…. On days when I have my separate gym bag I try to put the things that would be in the crossbody in the backpack so it’s not a ridiculous number of items.

      1. Yep, you enabled me and I love it! It’s roomy but doesn’t present as big to gate agents as its decently sleek.

    7. I have a walking commute. I bring a Cuyana tote and a canvas bag with all my food (it’s breakfast, lunch, and usually snacks). My work shoes are already at the office.

    8. I only commute to work a few days a week, and I’m a bike commuter.

      I bring a travel backpack (2016 REI Co-op Workload Pack) with all the goodies:
      -laptop, over-the-ear headphones, and fancy upright mouse
      -2 small moleskin notebooks
      -iPad and apple pencil for my night-classes
      -gym items (sports bra, shorts, socks, tanktop, toiletries)
      -water bottle or leakproof coffee cup

    1. Aww hey! New city is great – we are mostly settled in. Wife is really enjoying her new role and I’ve had a couple interviews. I definitely need to do some shopping – my all black-and-gray wardrobe doesn’t work so well in the sunny desert!

      1. Oh, best of luck on both interviewing and figuring out what to wear. The move from Chicago to Seattle was basically a move out of dresses to pants for me, and it took some time to figure it out. I’m so glad your wife is liking the new role. Hope you keep settling in and community happens fast :)

  18. For those who saw my earlier post about the World’s Worst Bridesmaid Dress but missed the follow-up I posted late Friday, here is the original dress (now fortunately replaced by something decent if not great): https://imgur.com/a/Tve9YA7

    5. I don’t want to detract from how hideous that dress is… just feel the need to point out what a great metaphor it ia for trusting grown adults when they say something is “really bad.”

      Let’s say someone asks for advice about leaving her toxic job. Is it “all jobs can suck and you should have realistic expectations of what the workforce is like” bad, or is it “Jules’ niece’s bridesmaid dress” bad, when “just suck it up” is actually the wrong answer? Same goes for dating, marriage, paying down debt, parents who have bot saved for retirement, a child’s problems making friends….

      1. Good advice, trust a poster to know her own situation.

        But I also would kind of love it if ““Jules’s-niece’s-bridesmaid-dress bad” became a new benchmark for really really bad …

      2. I believed her that it was bad. My imagination was just not able to form this truly heinous image.

    7. It is a costume from Grease? But not a bridesmaid’s dress unless the wedding is at a retro-type diner.

    8. Omg when I read your description before I thought you were totally exaggerating. That is an impossibly ugly dress.

    10. Wait. What. Wait. It appears to be homemade? She’s making you make your own dress? I’m so confused.

      1. No, it was made by a seamstress (sewist?) – just not a very good one – from a style and fabrics selected by the bride. And the custom dresses cost each of the bridesmaids maybe $125-$150, I can’t remember.

        1. Wow….thank you for answering my question. It’s just so much worse than I could have imagined. It looks like an old fashioned home economics project made by a child. I am stunned.

          1. I didn’t post a picture of the back view, but the color blocks do not line up at the back zipper …

    11. Omg. You said hideous and yet I was just not ready for that.

      The tie neck. The gathered skirt. The color mix.

      1. Right like how did she choose a pink with a brown undertone and a green with a blue undertone so that the two colors clash to literally the greatest extent detectable by the human eye? It’s honestly impressive.

    12. Haha, thank you for the visual. My imagination did not get all of this from the description last week. Good Lord!

  19. I am someone who is unfortunately NOT a moderator (I have gained 25 lbs and am barely putting away money in savings, despite making more than I ever have), so I’m working on some spending rules for myself. I work best in a very structured environment so saying I’m going to spend less gets me nowhere, I need hard and fast rules.

    For those of you like me, do you have any examples?

    I just read someone adds to their Amazon cart over a the month but only buys things on one day, so they have a whole month to mull over those items and avoid impulse shopping

    1. Automatically divert what you want to save from each paycheck straight to savings. Check your savings balance often to feel proud of your progress.

      2. Yep. Set it and forget it. Outside of my 401K contributions (which you should max out) I have a defined amount go to savings, and a defined amount to a Vanguard account each month. Then I don’t really worry about the rest.

        I was/am a terrible impulse shopper and I do find that it helps to put all the things into the cart on a website, then sign out and try not to go back for a day or two. If I’m still thinking that I really want the thing, then I buy it.

      3. I already do this! But when I up the amount I end up just going back and taking money from savings to pay for the credit card bill. Which is why I need hard and fast rules to spend less.

        1. Make your savings less accessible? Like put money in bonds or CDs or something where you can’t get it out?

        2. Since you’re referring to liquid savings I’m assuming you’re already maxing your 401k? It’s an unpopular opinion around here, but that’s enough in my view, especially if you’re a homeowner and will have some equity in that and/or if you’re willing to move to a lower cost of living area when you retire.

          2. Ok, then put your money in your 401k where it isn’t accessible. I only assumed you were maxing your 401k because you mentioned pulling money out of cash savings to pay a credit card bill. You should have zero cash savings (other than a small emergency fund) until you have a fully maxed 401k.

          3. I don’t think that advice is necessarily correct…

            What about sinking funds? I have several: very slowly saving for a down payment, a vacation fund, a fund for offsetting the cost of going to weddings, a sinking fund for when my phone dies and needs to be replaced.

            Plus, for someone making 60k, fully funding a 401k is 1/3 of their salary. Not many can do that…

          4. I’m not suggesting that someone making 60k needs to be maxing their 401k. I’m suggesting that if they’re trying to save more money, they should up their 401k contributions, since that money is basically untouchable and it sounds like one of OP’s issues is dipping into savings.

          5. I don’t agree on the 401K and zero savings. You can purchase CDs to keep you from accessing the savings and use the CDs for your emergency funds.

      4. Ugh, I forgot that slash marks are forbidden.

        Yep. Set it and forget it. Outside of my 401K contributions (which you should max out) I have a defined amount go to savings, and a defined amount to a Vanguard account each month. Then I don’t really worry about the rest.

        I was and kind of still am a terrible impulse shopper and I do find that it helps to put all the things into the cart on a website, then sign out and try not to go back for a day or two. If I’m still thinking that I really want the thing, then I buy it.

        1. I swear, I cannot get a handle on what triggers moderation around here! So, apologies for the multiple posts if they ever show up.

    2. Have you considered moving to a cash system? Credit cards have many advantages (points or cash back, purchase protection) but for things like groceries or restaurants or casual shopping, literally having to hand over the cash (and when it’s gone it’s gone) may be a good “check” on spending.

      1. The one time I tried this I ended up misplacing my wallet… I feel like this system is not ADHD friendly!

        1. Try moving to a debit card. Having a finite amount of money did wonders for my impulse shopping.

          1. Are you likely to lose your phone and wallet at the same time? Many stores take Apple pay. If you only shop at limited places, you could also buy gift cards that you can keep on your phone

        2. What about a hard rule about what you can use a credit card for and what you have to use cash for? Credit cards are only for groceries, gas, etc. then move to cash system for everything else. Don’t keep the cash in you wallet. That actually creates another barrier from spending. You have to decide you want something enough to specifically get cash from
          The envelope you’ve set aside for the relevant category.

    3. There’s a lot of overlap between my overeating and overspending. I tend to use both food and shopping as an outlet for stress and anxiety, as a pick me up, to treat myself with something fun… it fits so many needs. I lean on them more heavily when I’m missing social interaction and have let my other hobbies lapse. So, it’s helpful to think of rules like – no food/shopping after dinner, you must find something else to do with your hands like a puzzle or painting. If you have time between work and dinner then you must do something physical like take a walk or yoga or uh garden. Filling my down time with something that isn’t food or shopping is the best way to cut back.

    4. I’ve been using a new current account/debit card with cashback (so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on points by not using my credit card) and automatically transferring £5 per day into it for little spends like a croissant or the bus. Anything above that I have to actively consider whether I want to spend the money.

    5. I pretty much only buy from Amazon on subscribe and save, which is a monthly order. This saves 15% on each order, reduces environmental and labor costs, and has the effect of keeping my spending to consumables, as those are the only things on subscribe and save. I try to mostly just buy things that get used up- food, toiletries, household items, etc. I did buy a pair of running shoes last week when I realized my old pair had way too many miles on them and was causing foot pain, but I include clothes that are actually worn out or don’t fit anymore as “consumable.” Similarly, if my phone or laptop breaks and can’t easily be repaired, I buy a new one, but not until then.

      I think the exact rules that work for you will depend a lot on what you’re buying. I’d start by tracking your spending and then try to pinpoint where your money is going that isn’t a need or really making you happy and then set a policy for spending on those categories.

    6. Tell me what you are spending your money on and I will give you rules. Here are some anyway:

      1. No restaurants or take out. You cook. Nutter butter and jelly with a side of fruit and veggies is a meal when you are exhausted.
      2. No books, audiobooks, magazines, or movies. Use the public library instead. Go in person or use the Libby app.
      3. Research the free days at fun institutions (botanical gardens, museums, community choirs, whatever). Calendar those days. Proactively invite friends to join you.
      4. No clothes buying for a month. If you need something for a particular event, borrow from a friend.

      I can do this all day.

      1. I’m with you on most of these but the free museum days are so awful. It’s worth it to pay to avoid the crowds. I would almost go the other direction and say it might be worth getting a museum membership if you think it will help you cut down on other entertainment costs (e.g., meeting friends at the museum instead of at a pricey brunch restaurant).

    7. Something that is important to me is saving money but not feeling deprived. Once I feel deprived, I go buck wild in the opposite direction. So instead of never xyz I replace with xyz only if abc.

      For example: now I only get pedicures if I’m going to a wedding, and I always do my own manicures. I invested in dazzle dry so j can get lasting nails done at home. I only eat out when socializing with friends, I only get takeout once a month on the Friday night I’m on call. I only buy one gun thing a month, it must be under $100 and it must be something that I have on a list of things I want.

    8. It’s time consuming, but make a list of everything non-essential you bought in the last 6 months and then categorize it as worth it or not. Try to cut back on or eliminate the types of purchases you think aren’t worth it.

      Everyone is different so my list probably doesn’t help you that much for but for me…
      Worth it: travel, regular restaurant meals and takeout at non-fancy places (I love food but hate to cook), very occasional splurge meals, fancy desserts, theater tickets, experiences and activities for our kids, high quality daycare, cable TV (for DH)
      Not worth it: most ‘stuff’ especially clothes, books (I use the library) and kid toys, streaming services beyond what we have for free through cable or family, beauty treatments other than occasional haircuts and very occasional pedicures, “fancy” food for home cooking, fancy coffee, alcohol, concerts and sporting events

    9. Tracking my spending has really made me become more self-aware an intentional about my choices. I let myself spend more during the pandemic because I was stressed and had a high paying job. Now that I’m shifting into a lower paying but less stressful job, I want to be more intentional. The tracking has really helped me become more mindful about it. People say the same thing about food tracking. You can allow yourself treats but it’s good to be intentional about it so they matter more.

    10. A new rule to me is that I can’t say, about anything, “It’s just $5/month; that’s nothing.” In other words, no amount is too small to be saved from the chopping block. When I started reviewing our household expenditures a couple of months ago, I started a list showing how much the effort was saving me. $5/month for a subscription I could do without; $80/month on our cell; $65 to cancel Hulu (that was supposed to be free with our cell phone and somehow inflated to $65/month); $20/month on books became $0 at the library; I changed internet providers for $30/month and joined Sam’s Club during an $8 membership promotion so I could get gas and Parmesan cheese there. All of these are small amounts, but added up, they (and dozens others like them) were so shocking that I was embarrassed at how much money I had wasted over the years. But I literally started with a $5/month service and, since then, have looked at nearly every item in our budget and found ways to trim it.

    11. Have specific savings’ goals for your auto transfers. It’s easier to keep the money there if there’s a budget and plan. So for one sinking fund “Big Euro trip 2024” (or whatever). So if you take money from that one, you are visibly stealing from your goal. Use sinking funds like “Emergency fund long-term”, “Car or bicycle fund”, “Exercise and health”, “Gifts” etc. Have different accounts, or a budget for your savings account.

      For online shopping, I like to always wait at least two days from research to actual spending. You could also try asking yourself if you could get either the item or cash, right now, what would you choose? Or would you buy those pants if you had to get dressed and walk 15 minutes to the corner shop to get them instead of clicking? Do you think you would have thought “OMG finally I found these unicorn pants!” and put them in your cart at Aldi?

      If you think having a designated shopping time would work, I think choosing a time like Sunday afternoon or whenever in a week that you are the most rested and not in need of emotional comfort would be the best time.

  20. Hope I’m not too late (may report in the afternoon thread)! Wise Hive, I need advice on how to have a delicate discussion with the powers that be at work about continuing to work from home on a permanent basis. Our office is open concept and I have ADHD, so I find it near impossible to get any work done at the office. As such, I could request a mental health accommodation (which my therapist has already said she would support me in), but I fear the accommodation offered will just be to give me my own office instead of allowing me to work from home. Aside from the ADHD part, I have gained so many benefits from working from home through the pandemic that I’m honestly just not willing to give up. I’m single and live alone with my dog, and was legitimately suicidal before the pandemic because I was working constantly and simply did not have time to do any of the things that bring me joy, or to properly take care of my puppy, maintain my house and chores, have some semblance of a social life, try to date to find a life partner etc., I was floundering and not sure how to go on. During the pandemic I experienced such a positive transformation that I now actually credit it with saving my life. I am now able to keep up with my job while also balancing my life, I’m saving money on commuting, food and daycare for my dog, I’m not anxious about going to a toxic office environment every day (as an aside, I also changed jobs during the pandemic to one with a less toxic environment, but same job), I’m able to workout and eat properly to maintain my physical health, which is directly related to my mental health, I can work in my home office distraction-free and actually am much more efficient and am performing at a higher level than every before at work – I’m truly living a different life now, and one that I am not at all willing to give up. We are currently being told that we need to be in the office one day a week, and that day of the week is now the day on which I get the least work done and am the most stressed and unhappy, but I am sucking it up and doing the one day because I have been told to. Because of this, I would have to look for another job if I were to be told that I need to be in the office more than that one day, and I really don’t want to do that. I only work with one other person directly (my supervisor), and that person is in the same boat in terms of wanting to work from home/not seeing the benefit of in-person work. Our job does not involve much collaboration, and when it does, we have been able to do that perfectly fine over Teams. I wish that our office was allowing people to choose how they best work, such that people who want to go into the office are welcome to and people who don’t are also welcome to work from home. I totally understand why working in the office is better for many others socially, but in my position, my social life is outside of work and I do not go there to socialize. In fact, I find office “extras” to be a huge drain on my personal time and it’s one of the many reasons I left my former job. So all of this is to ask, any advice on how to best approach this with my boss? I don’t get the impression that my boss would understand my perspective on this, as they are a very in-office person to whom their career is everything (which is great for them, but not for me!). I have been hoping to approach the discussion with them without having to ‘go above their heads’ and request an accommodation through our formal mental health accommodation process, but perhaps that’s not the way to best go about it? Any advice is welcome! I’m starting to feel very anxious about this as fall approaches and would like to get clear on what I’m going to do before they tell us we need to be in the office more. TIA!

      1. Yep. As you said, they can accommodate your ADHD by giving you a private office. They don’t have to accommodate your preference for a WFH lifestyle. It sounds like this job is not the right fit for you if you’re determined to be 100% WFH.

        But is one day in the office really that bad? It’s totally different than five days a week in the office. I’m on the other side of this as someone who is WFH not by choice (my employer took away my office) and I wouldn’t be eager to return to a fulltime in the office schedule, but one or two days a week to see work friends and catch up on gossip sounds really fun to me. I miss casual workplace interactions. Most weeks I don’t talk to any adults in person except my husband, and that’s weird and isolating.

      2. This. I’d also be very hesitant to disclose anything mental health related to my Fortune 500 company. Discrimination is very real; especially among the old white men in charge and the bro’s under them. (I realize not all big business is like this but my company is).

      3. Yep. Get a new job. Don’t say why you want WFH, just say you are looking for it. No one will blink an eye or question. In my field, the norm is now WF and employers that require in-office work are outliers.

    2. are you borrowing trouble? Has your company made any noises about expanding beyond one day in person? Why not just casually chat with your boss if the status quo is going to remain that way for the foreseeable future?

    3. Think I can be helpful here as an employment lawyer who has been helping businesses work through these issues.

      First, if you request an accommodation, don’t go over your boss’s head. Ask them about it in those terms, and if they don’t automatically involve HR, ask them to involve HR. Then you’re not going over their head, they’re involved.
      I think you should make one request, that encompasses all of the reasons you want to share, including, and focusing on the medical condition and need for accommodation. When employees ask to WFH, and then make an accommodation request when it’s denied, employers tend to disbelieve them, even if it’s legitimate, simply based on the timing, which can affect how the issue is handled.
      If your workplace is adamant that everyone is coming back, the only way you’ll convince them to treat you differently is through a request for accommodation, and even then, they may decide your job has to be performed in person. If they’re being a little looser about it, maybe they’ll consider your non-ADA reasons. But really, the only sure-fire way to make this happen is by requesting an accommodation. Most of my clients who have made a conscious decision to bring everyone back are not making exceptions unless required by law, even if it means losing some of their good employees, which is the right decision – if you make an exception for one person, you have to do it for everyone else too.
      Hope this is helpful from an employer’s perspective!

      2. I think the get a new job or consider whether 1 day a week in the office is really a problem is better advice. As OP admits and most employers would argue (also an employment lawyer here) she can be accommodated at the office. WFH is not the only solution for ADHD so making an accommodation request isn’t likely going to yield the result she wants if the company wants people back.

  21. If you get facials “regularly” — how often is “regularly” and what kind of facials do you get? Do you vary it up? what is your day to day routine?

    I love how my skin looks and feels after a facial and I’m finally in a place where (financially) they are affordable…

    1. I get monthly facials (at HeyDay, a chain with relatively low prices for members)! I started in the lead up to my wedding and got hooked. When I was going monthly and following a basic at home routine, my skin truly never looked better and got a lot of compliments. With wedding motivation gone, I’m back to my ways of mayyyybe washing my face once a day and using some lotion. I think the monthly facial is a good reset and temporarily helps get me motivated to take better care over all. It, of course, doesn’t have as big of an impact on my skin since I’m slacking the rest of the month.

      I change it up but generally focus on hydration and a peel. Sometimes try red lights or ask for more focus on massaging. Regardless of how much it helps my skin, I find the experience very relaxing.

    2. I get facials about every 6 weeks. In the winter, I focus on hydration and peels (mostly to correct any sun damage I’ve gotten over the summer). And in the warmer months, I have them focus on extractions and massage. If you’re looking for a “wow” type of facial, I highly suggest a microdermabrasion series with a peel. By far, it’s the best thing I ever did for my face, many years ago.

    3. I found an esthetician I like and see her about every 5-6 weeks and we leave it booked as a custom facial and decide together day of what my skin needs now based on what I am trying to get to long term. I have basically entrusted her with all, and the results are so worth it. I am a big believer that finding a trusted person is the most important thing if you want to start doing regular facials.

  22. Thoughts on Quince, Able, Faherty, and Mango? How’s the quality?

    I’ve never shopped at any of them, but I like what I see!

    1. Quince is great quality, love the classic style with current twist. If anything they run a bit small.

      I haven’t shopped at Mango since soon after college, but I remember it being more trendy and not the greatest quality. More like Zara.

      2. I bought a couple of things from quince and have been very disappointed. I bought a cashmere sweater and it pills like crazy. I realize that cashmere pills and I have cashmere from all price points but I’ve never experienced it this much. I bought a silk t-shirt that was practically see-through. Your mileage may vary, lots of people love Quince but they won’t get anymore of my money.

    2. Mango feels a lot like Zara to me. It is very stylish, but I’m always disappointed but cut and quality.

    3. Mango sizing is hard for me. Their smallest size is VERY small, maybe equivalent of an XXS. Be sure to look at the size charts.
      I also found it was not good quality. I buy trendier cuts there that I don’t need or expect to last.

    4. The quality at Able is great. I have been happy with everything I have gotten there, plus it is all fair wage and sustainably produced. I have wide-ish feet and their shoes fit me really well.

      I am not a fan of Mango. Haven’t shopped the others.

    5. I like Quince and agree it is cut a bit small but the product quality is very good for the price. I have purchased silk satin and cashmere tops and a lovely pair of earrings and like them all.
      I also like Faherty. I find the pants to be cut small, at least at the upper end of the sizing. Tops are cut generously, I find, and the look is very casual (intentionally so).
      I like Mango but also found the pants to be cut smallish or, perhaps, for a curvier figure than mine in a high-waisted style.
      Haven’t bought from Able.

    6. I really liked the cut of the Able shirt I got and they seem like a good company.

    7. Quince – I like the sleeveless silk blouse I got enough that I’ll be buying more in other colors. It hits me perfectly and drapes nicely. The white is lined but if I’m wearing a nude-for-me color bra I can see a light outline, however I’ve had better luck with the white bra not showing through.

      Able – I’m still using my leather tote that I got in 2019, have used it daily since I got it. It certainly doesn’t look new but I knew I would be abusing it and wanted the worn in leather look; and it still looks good if that’s what you’re good with. It’s worn better than my leather Modalu Pippa purses I used before.

    8. I don’t know the other brands, but Mango is Spanish fast fashion, like Zara. I like Mango a lot better than Zara, but the fit is quite similar.

    9. Quince is a mixed bag for me. I’ve gotten cashmere sweaters, silk shirts, a linen shirt, ponte pants (returned), bedding (returned), shorts, and a purse from Quince. They have nice fabrics and materials and really good prices. BUT seems like they all have a minor design flaw / finish detail that makes the whole piece feel “off” and not look polished / refined.

      Like the white linen shirt has thick fabric and is not see through…but the sleeve cuff is a smidge too tight to easily roll up on my petite-armed self. And so it sits in my closet.

      I’ve been very tempted by their silk wrap and linen shirt dresses and other clothing, but started seeing the design flaws in the photos: hem too short, too deep of a v-neck, buttons are too large and too closely spaced together, collar proportions are slightly off, etc.

  23. Any recs for NYC prepared food delivery options? I’m coming to the realization that my husband and I are better off throwing money at weekly meal deliveries rather than bickering about who takes the mental burden of meal planning and execution. We both have big jobs so cost isn’t very important.

    A few notes:
    husband is vegetarian,
    we have big appetites,
    we prefer to eat healthy (veggies should appear on the menu!)

    I am considering both true meal delivery plans and/or ordering from somewhere like fresh direct that has “family sized” prepared entrees.

    1. I can’t speak to meal services because I’ve never tried one, but the fresh direct meals are fine but not amazing and there’s not much variety. I’ve gotten them occasionally to get through a tough week, but I wouldn’t want to rely on them for more than a couple of weeks in a row.

    2. I’m in Chicago but I get weekly meals and prepped food from a local woman who does catering but also will do meal delivery. That model might be an option. I’ve also heard of people using students from the local culinary / nutrition programs. It is LIFE changing!

    3. We have been using a chef service from the Culinistas. I highly recommend.

        1. Thanks both for the rec! Their website indicates each chef visit yields 3-4 days of meals. Is this every 3-4 days of 3 square meals? Did you plan to have them come 2x a week or have another strategy to handle the other days?

          Appreciate all the feedback. I’m a smart woman and enjoy cooking when I have the time… but quick and easy meal planning/execution has never been a skill I learned.

  24. For those of you that have a bathroom with a separate toilet area, where do you store tampons, extra toilet paper, etc?

    We are renovating our main family bathroom and want to make the shower/toilet separate. The bathroom is shared by 3 girls. We were going to keep the window over the toilet but I just realized if we do that, we will have tampons and toilet paper all over the place in a few years. HELP!

    1. Can you get an over the toilet storage cabinet or a shelving unit thing that straddles the toilet?

      1. Oops I just realized you said there was a window over toilet. You could get one of those stand toilet paper holder things to stack extras but I hate the look of that. Is there room on a wall for a skinny shelf? Not a lot of great options, I’d probably kill the window to get storage or see if you can move the toilet and keep the window but above the toilet is going to be the best storage option

    2. I just have a basket on the floor between the toilet and the wall that holds 3-4 rolls of TP and tampons.

    3. In the bathroom closet or under the sink. I’ve now lived in three houses and have never had storage in the toilet area and it’s never been a problem.

    4. This little cabinet was recommended in a FB decorating group and I bought it for the water closet in the main suite bathroom. Took all of 5 mins to put together and it does the job well. I can store toilet paper and menstrual discs exactly where I need them.
      https://a.co/d/4J83xgi

    5. While you are sorting this out, can you go in to the office on a Monday or Friday? Plan for the day to be less productive and know the next 4 days you will work from home. This is much less disruptive for me as compared to moving the one day around or scheduling it mid week.

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