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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 226 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Kenley Scarf

Coffee Break· Under $150

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Kenley ScarfOne of the gifts I gave someone else this holiday season was this Kenley scarf, and I was so impressed with the softness of the cashmere and the vibrancy of the colors that now I'm lusting after one myself. I particularly like this “snow leopard” (was $250 now $150 at DvF), but do note that The Outnet has some as low as $125. Kenley Scarf (L-4)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

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Comments

  1. K...in transition

    Got asked to post this here…

    Not sure if there’ll be a coffee break post later or if this is sort of it but I wonder if there is a specific color that makes you happy… a color you always end up buying your clothing or accessories in or home accents or whatever.

    Me? I adore peac*ck blue or a deep turquoisy/cerulean color… there’s just something about it that makes me always gravitate toward it, I have since I was a kidlet. Anyway, what color(s) make YOU happy?

    • JessBee

      Erm, red patent leather. I gravitate toward anything in red patent, but I can’t usually justify the price. So instead I snap up “great deals” and end up with things I don’t love. Sigh.

      But, seriously…red, shiny, anything. <3

      • Ellen

        I personaly love purple, but the MANAGEING partner often insist’s that I dress in Fire Engine Red, with Red Lipstick, which I do NOT like. For some reason, he think’s that I can get peeople to listen to me and AGREE with what I say when I am dressed in RED.

        I am not sure I agree with him, but as long as HE agrees when I ask for something, I will wear ALL red!!! Yay!

        I just got an E-MAIL from the ABA, askeing me to be a JUDGE. Acording to the invite, I have been aksed:

        “to participate as an oral argument judge for the 2012-13 New York Regional National Appellate Advocacy Competition (NAAC). You may have received this message previously and responded that you were unavailable; however, we are resending our invitation in hopes your schedule may have changed.

        This year’s problem involves two questions. The first is whether an officer’s actions were beyond her “discretion” to the point that they would not be entitled to qualified immunity analysis in a § 1983 case. The second examines the extent to which a grand jury indictment breaks the causal connection between that officer’s allegedly unconstitutional actions and the plaintiff’s subsequent seizure.

        As a judge, you will have the opportunity to interact with the finest advocates that the nation’s law schools have to offer. With 226 teams from 130 ABA-approved law schools competing at the regional level, the NAAC is one of the largest moot court competitions in the country. Teams from law schools in 15 states are preparing to compete in the New York Regional.

        ===============

        I can’t WAIT to tell the manageing partner that I am goieng to be a JUDGE!!!!! Yay!

        I am NOT an expert in either issue, but will have to bone up and figure out what this is all about!

        Is anyone else in the HIVE goeing to be a judge? If the answer is YES, mabye we can colaborate and figure out how we can look smart!!!!

        I will talk to the manageing partner to make sure he is OK with being a JUDGE! I hope they provide me with a nice clean robe. I would hate to wear a robe that some smelly guy wore and they did NOT dry clean it! FOOEY!

    • AJ

      My favorite color is actually teal/peacock blue myself – but the color I keep collecting things in purple. It’s fun, it’s feminine. I probably have four purple sweaters, a purple pencil skirt, and purple tights (I don’t wear them all at once, but I am in the purple tights today). I also used to carry a purple Cole Haan handbag and my glasses are purple plastic frames.

      It’s so bad now that I got a purple Wisconsin t-shirt for Christmas. Wisconsin’s colors are red and white, but apparently the giver thought of me when she saw the color.

    • AJ

      Gah, moderation. Again:

      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      My favorite color is actually teal/peacock blue myself – but the color I keep collecting things in purple. It’s fun, it’s feminine. I probably have four purple sweaters, a purple pencil skirt, and purple tights (I don’t wear them all at once, but I am in the purple tights today). I also used to carry a purple CH handbag and my glasses are purple plastic frames.

      It’s so bad now that I got a purple Wisconsin t-shirt for Christmas. Wisconsin’s colors are red and white, but apparently the giver thought of me when she saw the color.

    • NOLA

      For me, it’s periwinkle and coral. My bedroom is periwinkle with spring green accents and it makes me happy.

      And, JessBee, I also have a thing for red patent leather and purple suede shoes.

      • Jules

        My favorite actual colors are deep purple and fern green, although in clothing they tend to be accents to my usual black and gray. (I’m trying to convince my DH that we should paint the living room sage green on three walls and deep purple on the fourth, but he’s dubious.) However, I’m on the team with JessBee and NOLA, since I am currently wearing one of the THREE pairs of shiny red shoes that I own. (Plus two other pairs of non-shiny red shoes or boots.) And I confess to owning two pairs of purple pseudo-suede pumps, one sling-back and one regular.

      • JessBee

        For some reason, I have a block on suede shoes — maybe because I tend to stick to cheap shoes, and cheap suede looks oh-so-very-cheap. But even I get a little excited over purple suede! If anything breaks my resolve against suede, it will probably be purple. Or red. ;)

        • Jules

          The Payless pumps and wedges from yesterday’s post both come in red fake suede, and the heels also in shiny red I have no idea what the quality is like but they might be worth checking out (but 3-in. heels are just about out of my height range).

          • lawsuited

            The quality of the red “suede” Payless pumps is pretty dire. Of coarse, I’m speaking as someone who has 4 pairs of suede boots and 6 pairs of suede pumps :)

    • Cb

      Dark purple and dark, dark teal are my favourites for clothes but I prefer a deep pink as my happy colour.

      *I’m not being pretentious with my ‘our’s, I swear, I’m just trying to force myself to adopt British spelling for my academic writing and feel like the only way to do this is to be consistent.

    • Bunkster

      Posted in the earlier thread, too. For me, it’s always red. Sometimes I have to restrain myself from buying the sweater or the shirt in red because I’ve already got 4 red sweaters. My car is red. My new puffy coat is red.

      • anonypotamus

        I never thought of my favorite color as red (especially because cooler tones look better on darkheaded, fair skinned me), but when thinking about it: my favorite purse is red, my sunglasses are red, my car is red, and most of my house accents are red. I still am on the lookout for a pair of perfect red pumps though…

        • Esquared

          Me too! My whole kitchen is red & every time I have the option of buying something colorful– it’s always red. Except in my bedroom… there’s something about pale yellow that just means comfy cozy bedtime to me.

          • anonypotamus

            Yes – the bedroom is the main exception – pale aquas, whites, and tans with dark wood. The color scheme makes me think of a tropical escape :) Other than that though, red all the way!

    • SoCal Gator

      Not a color but a pattern — polka dots make me happy! Was just thinking that this morning as I was getting dressed and realized how many polka dotted items there are in my closet.

      • JessBee

        Oooh, yes, I love a good polka dot…something. I just spent an Eloquii gift card, and I know my order involved polka dots!

      • a.

        I love polka dots too! But somehow do not own a single polka-dotted accessory or piece of clothing. Paisley though…I’m all over that.

        I don’t really know what my happy colors for clothing are. I wear a lot of black and gray, honestly? But I feel like those are not happy colors? And then have a rainbow of scarves and sweaters. I really like burgundy, but its only representations in my closet are a single dress and in a paisley pashmina.

      • lawsuited

        Polka dots are my jam! I used to work as a costume designer, and found a way to incorporate them into every show I designed.

        Now I wear polka-dot blouses/jackets/jeans/scarves/bags on the regular….including in my professional wardrobe…a lot.

    • Cornellian

      I buy everything your color. I’ve gotten much better, but from 12-22 everything I owned was that color. It’s calming, it reminds me of my late mother, and it works well with my blue-green eyes and strawberry hair.

      I sort of want a bright red-accented kitchen, though.

    • phillygirlruns

      kelly green and cobalt blue. about 1/3 of my closet includes one of those two colors. orange is up there, too, but i have less of it.

    • zora

      Purple.

      Anything purple. Any shade of purple. If I could marry purple, I would….

    • hellskitchen

      Sunny yellow. But it has to be a warm, orange-based yellow, not green-based

      I don’t have a lot of clothes in yellow because I don’t often find good pieces but I have lots of yellow pillows, vases and knick-knacks around the house

    • Petunia

      Fun!! I love anything jewel toned. Although my DH picked out all by himself a new DVF dress for me for Christmas in a cornflower blue and I’m surprised how much I love it. Never hurts to branch out!!

    • NLMJ, Esq.

      Burnt orange. I loved it so much that when I got a tattoo of a plum blossom, I made sure the artist knew what orange I loved and he colored the flower appropriately. It was perfect, and calms me down whenever I’m in crisis.

    • Houda

      The color that makes me happy is Coral in all its variations.
      But the color I buy the most is navy, it’s my comfort color that I can never get wrong with.

  2. anonymous

    I am curious as to the hive’s thoughts about formal versus casual atmospheres for professionals. For example, would you be less likely to go to a doctor if s/he was wearing jeans under his/her white coat? If your therapist was wearing jeans? What about the opposite, say, if your dog groomer was wearing a business suit?

    In some settings, especially with many older higher-ups (typically more formal as was standard in the past decades), it makes sense that you wouldn’t enter a law firm in NYC and see lawyers wearing jeans and sweaters, for example, but what about more one-on-one situations (such as when it’s just the doctor and you or the therapist and you)?

    • Cb

      Super interesting point, my doctor was wearing a tunic dress and skinny jeans today and this + her very young appearance struck me as a bit off. She’s probably only 25-26 (we graduate them young here) and I appreciate that she can connect with me but I’m quite formal and kind of appreciate it.

      I’m in academia though so I see all manner of ‘professional’ dress. I want to march half the department to a Hobbs or John Lewis.

    • mascot

      If I was a doctor, I would want to wear scrubs. Or only items that could be washed. And the fact that they look like pajamas. So yeah, if your job involves bodily fluids, please don’t dress up. As a lawyer, I always “suit up” for client interactions. Most business/professional clients want their lawyers to dress like lawyers.

    • TO Lawyer

      This is interesting. I’m fairly young but I like to see the professionals I see wear perhaps not formal attire but to stay away from jeans. Part of it may be a respect thing i.e. I’m at a more laidback firm with casual fridays, but if I’m seeing a client that day, I’ll be more dressed up. Maybe not a suit but definitely not jeans.

      Maybe it’s because I feel like people tend to take what they’re doing more seriously if they’re dressed for the occasion.

    • Rural Juror

      Once my doctor was on vacation so I went to see her replacement – she was wearing long bell bottom cords that were dragging on the ground and ripped at the heels, with a hooded sweater on top. If I can dress up for my job I’d appreciate it from my doctor, just a little. I mean, proper length cords and a non-hooded sweater would have been a-ok. If I was a new patient I might think twice about seeing her again.

    • Brant08

      Actually, I don’t mind at all if my dr. or therapist or accountant is dressed “down.” I just want them to be dressed nicely– so if you’re wearing jeans, make sure you have your hair done nicely and makeup/jewelry. And non-scuffed shoes. No schlumpy sweaters, baggy/old jeans, sneakers, etc. I want the idea to be “I knew you were coming in so I made myself nice and presentable.”

      If anyone has a job that allows/requires scrubs, by all means, wear them!

      • Nancy P

        Ditto. One of my doctors is always wearing something fabulously non-formal (like leggings and a huge chunky sweater), but it looks fabulous on her and so it doesn’t bother me. In fact, it makes me jealous that I can’t dress like that every day.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I have no issue with my doctor/lawyer/whatever wearing jeans, but I would want them to look polished and put together (ie, no frays, no big hoodie, whatever). I’m pretty casual at heart.

    • a.

      I’ll go against the grain here and say they can wear whatever the f*** they want, as long as they are accomplished, qualified professionals who will do the job I’m paying them for. I mean, yes, on a certain level I do judge people for the clothing that they wear, but if I am, say, going to the doctor with something hideous, I want her to fix me, not worry about her shoes.

    • Susie

      For a doctor, if they are not wearing scrubs I would expect them to wear business casual and yes I would be biased against one who is too dressed-down. Lol to the suit-wearing dog groomer, yes I would distrust that person too.
      When I was in private practice law I loved how our more elderly clients got dressed up to come into the office, you don’t see that much anymore. The older gentlemen in their suits and hats were so cute (I mean in a grandfatherly way).
      I hate hate hate how people think it is appropriate to show up to church in sneakers, flip-flops, sweats, ratty jeans, etc. Whatever happened to Sunday best?

    • lawsuited

      Because I wear a suit every day, and don’t really like it, I sort of feel glad when I see others dressed more casually at work. I would be fine with jeans and a polo shirt/dress shirt/ blouse/sweater (sort of “casual business” as opposed to “business casual”) but not clothing more suited to working out or gardening.

      • SoCalAtty

        Me too! I think nice jeans / polo / sweater or blouse for women with nice professional shoes is just fine. That being said, I wear a suit whenever I am meeting with a client – just because I feel that way does not mean the client or potential client does. Unfortunate, but true.

    • Susan

      What about public defenders who go to the jail? I used to wear jeans but they were tailored with a button down top. It would drive me crazy to see young women wearing tight, below the belly button jeans with tight tops. Hello! You are going to see prisoners. I also appreciate when my child’s teachers look more than teachers than young college students.

    • Houda

      I like all my doctors to look sharp (therapist, GP, etc.) or wear scrubs (dentist).
      I travel to another city to see an eye doctor, and soemtimes have to wait for hours, but her being so well dressed and polished makes me stomach it more as: she must be busy and takes time with every patient (true) instead of she doesn’t care.

  3. Time to go?/Anon for this

    Threadjack – sorry. Would have posted on this morning’s board, but it was naturally very full. I do want to say I loved the conversation and how well thought out a lot of the points were.

    I’m heading into my third year of BigLaw/fourth year of lawyering. I got an interesting call from a recruiter for a job in the industry I want to go in with compensation higher than I would have imagined. However, I actually have a really sweet deal with my firm. I’m in a smaller group even though I’m at the main office of a huge firm. The people I work with are generally very nice and understanding, and my hours really aren’t that bad compared to other BigLaw attorneys both here and elsewhere. There are certainly busy times but it’s really not that bad. Regardless, I don’t think I’m on a partner track – it may be a good place to be an associate, but I don’t want the type of responsibility partners have or the lifestyle of always being on call for clients, family vacations and school plays be darned. I just don’t know if it’s time for me to leave? I wouldn’t have thought so because I do have a good gig going at the moment, and a lot of loans to pay off, but the possible job sounds GOOD. Any thoughts on how to make such a decision? Any advice for how to decide if it is time to leave a biglaw gig for in-house? Any regrets in the hive?
    Reply

    • IA_Eng

      I’m not a lawyer but is there anything to lose by looking further into the job the recruiter contacted you about? It can be a little jarring to switch jobs before you were expecting to, but since you know you don’t want to stay at the firm long term it definitely sounds worthwhile to at least consider it.

    • a.

      I would look into the new job, maybe apply, see how it goes. You have nothing to lose by learning about the organization and the position. Filling out a job application doesn’t mean you have to give your 20 days’ at the firm where you’re at now.

    • lawsuited

      You only have to decide to leave a big-law gig for in-house once you have the in-house offer and have to choose whether to take it or stay where you are.

      The decision you have to make right now is whether to get more information about the in-house opportunity/possibly provide your resume/possibly interview, or whether to eschew the opportunity with a firm hand.

      I’d say it’s pretty low risk, so go for it!

  4. ano(ny)

    Does anyone have recommendations for a good GP and OB/GYN in NYC? Midtown West / Hell’s Kitchen-ish would be best. TIA!

    • e_pontellier

      I go to West Care Medical at 200 W 57th St (corner of 7th Ave & 57th). I usually see a Nurse Practitioner and she’s great. Their number is (212) 663-6604.

    • Cornellian

      Martin Malachovsky at Bodhi Medical Care on West 58th is amazing. Calm demeanor, listens very well, and is sort of an old- school doctor, despite being about 40. He does a lot of work with doctors without borders, and I think that might be why he insists on takeing his own samples, looking at them in the lab himself, etc.

      In general, I would recommend checking out zocdoc (dot) (com). You can put in your insurance, your preferences (languages, sex, etc), and have it pull up lots of doctors for you. You can then book and rebook and cancel online.

  5. Bonnie

    This is a lovely scarf. Any recommendations for leggings that could be worn as pants with a long sweater? Ones that are warm and not sheer. Fleece lined perhaps?

    • Ellie

      Looove JCrew’s pixie pant. Sort of expensive, but very much like real pants. They even have a zipper, so I tell myself they pass Kat’s “are you wearing pants?” flowchart. The only things I dislike are aforementioned price, they’re dry clean, and the zipper is kind of uncomfortable when I’m slouched over on my couch. They’re fine for normal sitting but I wouldn’t wear them on a laze-around day.

      • Nonny

        Seconded. I love my Pixie pants. However, I wash mine in the washing machine (hang to dry) – no way am I going to send what are essentially leggings to the dry cleaner.

        • Ellie

          Good to know this works. I was tempted to do this (I wash my wool and cashmere in the washing machine) but didn’t want to ruin $90 leggings to find out :) Thanks!

          • Nonny

            Actually I did it by accident the first time – I didn’t even consider that they might be “dry clean only”. After all, who would dry clean leggings? I just noticed the tag by chance later. They came out a touch wrinkly but were fine once they had hung out and I suppose I could touch them up with the iron if I was really being particular about it.

    • DC Association

      I recently got some at Loft. They’re thick and have a button and zipper. I want to say they are “Julie Skinny”.

      • Suzer

        I love those – alas they’re sold out in black in tall sizes. Anyone know of thick leggings that run long?

    • JessBee

      This may be a little weird, but also check out the winter running section of sports stores. Some running pants/tights look *just* like leggings, and they are super warm.

      • phillygirlruns

        seconded. i wear my lululemon “wunder under” crops as leggings all the time.

      • a.

        Yup. I wear my UnderArmor Cold Gear leggings as pants all the time. I also got a really great pair of thick, ponte-knit leggings (with a zipper, for those who care about that kind of thing) at Zara. And will probably pick up another pair before too long, since they’re danged comfy.

    • Kontraktor

      I bought a fantastic pair of super thick leggings from the Talbots outlet recently, but they should have the regular store version online. They might even be part of the big sale. I also have another pair of pants I wear to work that is made out of a heavy ponte and they are cut slim/straight but probably aren’t as form-fitting as leggings. Something like that could be a good option too.

    • Anna

      The Victoria’s Secret leggings (called something like classic or favorite, I think) are very thick. I bought some to run in, but they’re too warm for that so I wear them as pants.

  6. [insert clever name here]

    Looking for recommendations to purchase swimsuits and coverups for an off-season trip. I’m a 12/14, going on a trip with spouse’s work. Thanks in advance for recommendations!

    • k-padi

      I just bought 2 swim suits and some dresses for my scuba trip from Target Boutique. I got the suits in-store and bought the dresses online.

    • Niktaw

      My favorite suits are from Miraclesuit (Sonatina) and Tommy Bahama.
      You can try them on in-store, then look for the best price online.

    • EndlessWinter

      I love Freya for suits because you can buy tops in bra sizes. Bare Necessities usually has a lot of options year round.

      • Need To Improve

        Freya is THE BEST, especially if you are bustier. They have them at Nordstrom.

    • Meg Murry

      I love Lands End suits since you can mix & match their tops & bottoms to get the size and style you like. Google for a coupon code before you buy – they always have promos going. And you can order in more than one size, try on at home & return for free to Sears, no questions asked.

      Some of the women I swim with swear by swim outlet dot com, but I’ve never shopped there myself.

  7. Rural Juror

    I want to make a resolution to help curb unnecessary shopping, but I don’t know how to phrase the goal in my mind to make it achieve what I want and still be attainable. I thought about setting a monthly or yearly shopping allowance, but that doesn’t really do it for me since I don’t think I spend too much on clothes necessarily, I just buy more than I would like. What kinds of resolutions do you guys have re clothes?

    • momentsofabsurdity

      This year, my resolution is a shopping waiting period. I have an issue with impulse buys and coming home and realizing something doesn’t fit *that* well, or there was a coupon I could have used, or I look online and find a similar dress I like better, or whatever.

      So now I have a 5 day shopping waiting period. I can go to malls and try things on all I like but if I like something and I want to buy it, I am going to make myself wait 5 days before I go back and purchase it. This should theoretically mean I spend less and buy less, since I am definitely prone to “post-purchase regret.” But who knows, since it’s still early in the year!

    • Cat

      I’ve decided to adopt extrapetite’s motto of only buying / keeping something if I love it – a more mindful approach regardless of price. So, that sweater I bought at Ann T because it fit and was a nice color and was on good sale? It’s still $60 out of my pocket for a top that I don’t really love, so even though I’d wear it from time to time, it’s packed up to be returned.

      Also, giving new shoes a more thorough test run at home than parading around the bedroom full length mirror for 3 minutes. Maybe picking up something heavy to simulate carrying around binders, or standing and doing some ironing in them so I can tell if they’re going to be hell if I’m on my feet for more than 2 minutes at a time. I have a few pairs that could easily make it through the easy-peasy test that have me limping by 3pm – no more!

      • mintberrycrunch

        I am stealing the shoe test from you. Not sure why I haven’t thought about doing more than a 2 minute test before, but I have several pairs of shoes in my closet that would not pass a more strenuous test… and they just sit there. Thanks!

    • JessC

      One of the things that’s helped me a bit lately is to resolve to only buy things that have a “place” in my wardrobe. I think of these as items that either (a) fill a hole in my wardrobe or (b) will work with several items in my closet. For me this helps me avoid buying this things that I genuinely like, but never wear.

      • MaggieLizer

        I try to do this too. I make my decisions about whether to buy something when I’m getting ready in the morning. It’s much easier for me to really think through how I would work a piece into my wardrobe when I’m actually trying to get dressed.

    • MB

      I wrote a response, but it was eaten.

      I am currently on a full shopping ban. I have everything I need and do not have any wardrobe holes. In fact, I have way too much stuff that comes from impulse shopping and seeing something that someone has and “needing” it, too (by way of example, just reading this thread and having sometime talk about the J. Crew pixie pant and the Ann Taylor Loft pant made me do a split second think “maybe I should look at those, I love thick black leggings.” Then, shopping ban me said, “Yes, you love them, but you have a pair from the Gap and a pair of skinny ponte pants from the Gap and a pair of Paige skinny black leggings and you do not need the J. Crew pants or the Loft pants or ANY OTHER PAIR OF PANTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE THOSE PANTS!”

      One of the things I want to do is to identify the things that I wear all the time and the things that I feel great wearing. I’m trying to make mental notes of the clothes that I love and reach for time after time so that when I do shop again (because things will eventually wear out), I can look to purchase similar items. Also, I can purchase higher quality pieces of those items because I know I’ll get use out of them.

      Thus far, I haven’t been keeping a spreadsheet or anything, but more like mental notes.

      If I make it half the year, I’m going to reward myself with something really nice. A splurge bag or a trip somewhere (maybe to keep shopping out of it entirely).

      It might be unrealistic to not shop at all for you, but if you could hold off for a few weeks or a month or two and do an assessment of what you are wearing and what you are loving. Also, if you see something you like in a store or magazine, try writing it down (in your phone or on paper) and revisiting whether you want it at a later time.

      • linnet

        I have the same issue…I keep buying stuff I like over and over. At first I was justifying it that I was “stocking up” on stuff I knew I liked and might not find again, or cutting down on wear and tear on each item individually…but really, there is a limit, and I definitely reached it. So I’ve put myself on a shopping ban for pretty much everything too.

    • Elysian

      You could try to put a numerical limit on things in your closet – then you would have to have a “one in, one out” kind of system. You could even do it by piece if that makes more sense for you – like “no more than X cardigans.” We do that in my house for books, since we have far more books than bookshelf space and eventually we had to set a limit.

    • K...in transition

      What about something opposing, of a sort? Instead of “no spending money,” what if you kept a list of items you’d buy if you weren’t doing this and their cost/links to them on the websites, etc.

      At the end of each week (or 2 weeks or month, whatever you decide), review the list and put the money you didn’t spend into your retirement account or a vacation account or whatever you’re saving for. If there’s something on the list you still feel you -must- have, then review your closet to see if you already have it or if it’d go with what you have, etc.

      That way, you still -do- get the stuff you really love and need and the money you wouldn’t have missed can be going toward something amazing that you know will be great in the long run, so it’s a win/win.

      Just an idea :)

    • aBr

      This always helps me. Organize your closet.

      When I organize I take stock of: (1) what brands and clothes I’ve had for years and keep wearing (focus on those brands and types of clothes for new purchases); (2) what clothes and brands I buy at the store thinking that I should like it and never end up wearing (avoid buying more); and (3) I always organize sweaters and tops by color then I can take a mental note of what colors are missing and what colors I buy way too much of.

      Plus, half the time after I orgnanize the closet I realize that really I don’t need any more clothing…

      • gov anon

        Yes, please. Someone buy both so that I can also live vicariously through you.

      • Herbie

        Hah! Thanks. My bank account does not like my taste in dresses.

        And *cough cough* I bought that Donna Morgan dress from Nordstrom. $76 was too good to pass up. We’ll see how it looks on, though.

    • Susedna

      Herbie, if there was something like Birchbox, except for dresses, and picked by you, I would so sign up.

    • anonypotamus

      Enabler! I am now buying this dress – how does Donna Morgan tend to run? I am large of chest but fairly small of waist.

      • Herbie

        Yay!! Unfortunately, I can’t speak to how Donna Morgan runs– I’ve never tried this brand before. Fingers crossed for both of us!

        Also, your handle cracks me up.

        • anonypotamus

          Haha thanks! I am ordering based on the size chart, and will post back with a review when I get it. I did just realized that I already have a cobalt dress similar to this, although I am justifying this purchase because it is ponte and not wool. *self enabling*

    • z.

      I own it. A little on the shorter side, but still wearable for work with a blazer.

  9. In need of wardrobe revamp

    Long-time lurker here. I have a question and would love your input. With Christmas and yearly bonus, I have allotted $1,000 to myself to spend on work clothing and to revamp my wardrobe. I practice litigation in a formal, larger law firm. I just turned 30, and am looking for professional and conservative pieces to look, well, more professional. I currently own a few suits, which could be better-fitting, and my wardrobe needs a serious update. I usually shop at Banana Republic and Ann Taylor, but am open to other options (so long as they are in my price range). My question is – what new pieces do you suggest I purchase? Thank you in advance!

    • Houston Attorney

      Congrats on the bonus!

      You’ve probably considered this, but I recommend making an appointment with a personal shopper at Nordstrom. Somehow, these talented ladies can decipher your style and know what would work on you (even better than your friends). They might suggest you try on something that makes you say, “what is she thinking?!?” but twice, I’ve purchased something I never would’ve tried on without her suggestion.

      Also, you mention you have some suits that could be better fitting. You might take one to a tailor and see how it comes out. Hem the skirt or pants if needed, make sure the jacket’s sleeves hit at the right spot. Truly, tailoring really can be a great investment.

      Let us know what you buy!

    • Kontraktor

      Talbots is having a good sale right now where you could stock up on some basic pieces (I’m thinking layering shells, basic cardis, etc). I think a Nordy’s shopper could be helpful, but $1000 isn’t a ton to do an entire wardrobe revamp (although Nordy’s has okay sale prices on some things right now). Maybe you could go there first, get a few anchor pieces, get the suggestion of the stylist on what other pieces might be good, and then fill those in from Talbots/AT/other similar store sales racks?

      • AnonAz

        I went to Nordstrom to a personal shopper there with a $1,000 budget in mind, and left with over 3x that amount! She was not pushy at all, it was more that I really didn’t realize that creating even 2 weeks worth of outfits using some basics multiple times was not realistic on a $1,000 budget.

        • Sugar Magnolia

          You mean it wasn’t realistic on a $1K budget at Nordies, right? Because this can easily be done elsewhere. I know, because I did it. :)

    • Herbie

      In need of a wardrobe revamp–

      You say you have a few suits which could fit better. Can you allot part of your $1K to getting them tailored if that would improve fit?

      Otherwise, it sounds like you could use some basics, and I think the key is to find quality pieces that you *love* and that are versatile enough to be work horses in your wardrobe. A new skirt (or pair of pants), a new pair of shoes, a few tops, and a jacket. Or maybe one suit you love plus a few tops you can wear with it. Anyway, I’d focus on quality and how excited you are about the piece as opposed to quantity.

      Have fun!

      • Kontraktor

        I think if you were able to shop the sale and discount racks (that have okay selection right now due to post-holidays), you could maybe get 2 skirts, a jacket, 2-3 cardis, 3-5 blouses, and maybe a pair of shoes and/or a bag to start things out. I think it would be best to focus on a ‘capsule’ mindset and get items that all coordinate together and can be mixed and matched with each other. If you wanted to shop higher priced items, however, I would probably get 1 new suit (maybe charcoal gray) that looked nice as separates (so you would be getting a separate bottom and top out of it), a black skirt, 2 blouses, and 2 cardis. I think this would offer a good starting point for combinations if everything coordinated.

      • Kontraktor

        Just thought I would do a breakdown for the OP. I wrote the target price for each item and did the total price based on the higher number in the range (so there is wiggle room). This would be the sale route, shopping sale racks and also discount stores like Ross/TJ Max/Marshalls (especially for the bag). I think you might also be able to look at some full price items at lower end stores (for example, Kohls for some basic poly layering blouses). Prices like this are reasonable with a bit of effort, though definitely not out of the question. This route also would not necessarily be the ‘buy everything at the highest quality’ route, but rather the ‘buy a mix of higher and lower end things that you love to revamp yourself and get started again’ route

        2 skirts: 50-60 each; 120
        a jacket; 100-150; 150
        2-3 cardis; 40-50 each; 150
        3-5 blouses; 20-50 each; 250
        =670

        bag, 100 (770)
        1 pair of shoes, 50-60 (830)
        jewelry, scarf, or accessories that tie pieces together, 70 (900)

        100 extra for maybe 1 or 2 nice basic dresses (50 each), a pair of pants, anything else you see

    • Houston Attorney

      Another idea if you’re wondering what to buy. You could tear out magazine pics of things you like or notice people’s clothing and even jot down what you like whether “ohmygosh, that’s so me” or “ohmygosh, could I pull that off?” You can then keep your eyes open taking into account what someone mentioned in another thread on this post – see what fits in to what you have. Great things to buy are things you want to wear that make you feel confident and happy. Only you know what those things are. :)

      • OP

        Thank you so much to everyone who has responded! I truly appreciate your time and input! Now off to begin my shopping adventure!

  10. Jo March

    Every time I feel better, things go awry again. Now my mom is saying she will not consider a retirement home, despite what her doctor says. I am trying to tell myself not to freak out, that she just needs some time to get used to the idea, but she’s all hung up on this idea that she is too young and will hate it there. Frankly, she never talks to her neighbours anyways so I don’t know why it matters if her neighbours are old. Not to mention that’s pretty ageist, since we are NOT looking at nursing homes, but retirement living.

    This morning she started yelling at me about how I’m trying to ruin her life. Needless to say, I have not been a very good bail crown today :(

    (The Dunfield was way out of our price range…I am still looking and have at least one good possibility, plus of course there are dozens more to look into, but now she’s also telling me different stories about how much $$ she has available every month.)

    Any suggestions on how to help convince her that this is the best thing for her and that she should listen to me and to her doctor? I’m just at a loss. I’ve tried patience, crying, anger, everything. I guess time might be the only solution, but I’d really rather not wait until she tries to set the place on fire again, or we won’t be able to put her anywhere but a psych ward…

    • mascot

      Has she gone to actually visit a community? The staff is good about answering questions and I imagine they are pretty used to people being dragged in kicking and screaming. Are there communties that start with “active adult” as their highest level of care, rather than just independent living. Those may attract a younger demographic.

      • Jo March

        Nope, she hasn’t been anywhere yet. Working on that. I”m hoping the MS society will be able to give us some referrals to places that cater to younger residents. I just really hope that time will help convince her. Plus, this personal care worker spending 3h in her house twice a week. That’s got to be pretty annoying…a retirement community would actually be significantly less intrusive in terms of the monitoring she’d be under.

      • Meg Murry

        This! Or if you are worried she will refuse to look any further if you show her one that isn’t up to her standards, you could go pre-screen them yourself. My sister works at a retirement community and often gives tours first to the children, then the children with the parents if the children think the parents will like it (and is willing to keep quiet that the children have already been there, if that is what they want). Most of the communities with active adult or independent living options are pretty much just like a condo, only with no kids living there. Honestly, the ones at my sister’s community are so nice she and I have joked that we’ll move in there together as soon as my kids go off to college.

        • Jo March

          Problem is that we are not in the same city :(

          I’m going to back off for a little while and hope that she comes to her senses…This is just tearing me apart.

    • JessBee

      I’m so sorry. I’ve been reading along your story, and I wish I had some advice — I really do. You seem to be making the best of a terrible situation, and I’m constantly impressed by your patience, compassion, and wisdom. Sending you internet hugs.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Jo, your mom aside, what kind of support are YOU getting (other than from the Professor)? Do you have a therapist, or someone else you can talk to who is looking out for you. This is a lot to deal with and I think you really need to look out for yourself a bit in this process. You are doing so, so much for your mom already. Hugs.

      • Jo March

        You mean other than you guys? And better living through chemistry? Not much. I will have to try to make some time for myself…EAP may be getting a call from me once this week of bail court is done.

        We also have a weekend getaway planned for 2 weeks from now, and HEY! I’m going to Cuba in February! So at least I have some stuff to look forward to….

        • Mary Ann Singleton

          Seriously, use all the resources you have available, including EAP. It’s there for times like these. Good call on planning some getaways too.

        • Susedna

          I hope this won’t freak you out, but if you’re OK with it, we could coordinate to send you care packages. :-)

    • L

      This may be too drastic, but have you considered taking her to “tour” a psych ward? You can say look it’s this or a retirement community. It may scare her into realizing that she needs this more than she wants to admit.

      • Jo March

        Except I can’t make her go into either of those at this point. Things will have to get quite a bit worse before that would actually be doable. So I have to try to reason with her, which is much easier said than done. But it’s a thought I will keep in the back of my head.

        • L

          While this is true, you can present it as a choice to her. If she decides to not go into a planned community (maybe try that phrase) then if she lives on her own and has another episode (which may be likely if she doesn’t have help similar to that she’d get in a planned community) she won’t have any option but a psych ward. And I bet you could find a way to make it so that the cost of living on her own, plus care would be less affordable than in a community setting.

          This all presumes that she’s open to being reasoned with. It may just take her time to get adjusted to the idea. And honestly a lot of communities have a lot of fun activities (tours, museums, cooking classes) so maybe try to find those features and point them out to her.

        • Silvercurls

          Iis there another “authority figure” (primary care provider, social worker, therapist, clergy person, good friend, another relative…) in your mother’s life with whom you can work and to whom your your mom would listen? If yes, can you enlist this person to gently but firmly present your mom with her two choices: either a planned community that she chooses more or less voluntarily or a psych ward that she may have chosen for her? This conversation might need to be repeated several times.

          Apologies if this suggestion is just plain unhelpful.

          +1 on Mary Ann Singleton’s suggestions re self-care and enjoying your scheduled breaks!

          • Saacnmama

            Don’t know if you need a devil’s advocate here, but with whatever treatment she’s getting, is it possible that her condition is well enough under control that she’s unlikely to do this again?
            Is there any way she could swing the cost of keeping her home while “trying out” the retirement place?
            Would she be more amenable to your suggestions if you were able to visit, and is there anyway you can get out to where she is before your vacation?
            I’m glad you have a getaway scheduled. Cuba sounds perfect, because it’ll be hard to be in touch, so you’ll be forced to really take time off.

    • Houston Attorney

      Jo, I’m so sorry. Really. I don’t have worthwhile advice, though I agree with Mary Ann Singleton. You deserve some support because you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders right now, and you deserve to talk with someone who will listen and help. It’s your mom, and family can be messy and hard. You owe it to your fabulous self to talk with someone who isn’t involved, who can hear you and really listen to your concerns. Please keep us posted.

  11. BMBG

    Need shopping help! (Which, for me, is unusual.)

    Following on the winter coat thread yesterday, I’d like to find a navy blue duffel coat that costs no more than $250. Anyone have ideas?

    I’ve checked the usual suspects to no avail, and I’m not in love with the JCrew version because it doesn’t have the awesome buttons/hooks/elephant tusks (best way I can think of to describe them).

    Thanks!

  12. e_pontellier

    Have we talked about how the big grey arrows are gone? Because I can’t decide whether I miss them or hated them!

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I hated them originally but then I got used to them and now I miss them.

      Kat, maybe it would be helpful to add the “previous post” and “next post” links you have at the top of the comments, to the bottom of the comment section as well? I usually scroll all the way through and then have to scroll back up to find the link for the next post.

      • Parfait

        Agree. I’m glad the giant arrows are gone, but I would like the previous/next post links at the bottom as well, just so I don’t have to scroll back to the top again.

    • Bunkster

      I was just going to post about that. I miss them. I love the way they indicated that there was a new post available.

      • e_pontellier

        This is what I miss about them. I agree with momentsofabsurdity that having a “Previous Post” and “Next Post” links at the top and bottom of the page would be great instead. Kat, you’re doing a great job, hope we’re not being too demanding.

      • JessC

        Me too! I liked the arrows. I tend to keep a window open on whatever is the current post and periodically hit refresh – when the arrow appeared, that’s how I knew a new post was up!

        • e_pontellier

          Agreed, but some days I’m restricted to checking this site on my iPhone and the grey arrows effectively prevented me from posting.

    • saac n mama

      I AM SO HAPPY THEY’VE VANISHED!!

      Excuse my Ellenish enthusiasm, please

  13. AnonInfinity

    Someone posted a few days about the DRI Women in the Law seminar.

    I may have responded too late, but I will be there. Anyone else? If there are a few of us, it might be a good opportunity for a r e t t e meet-up.

  14. JessBee

    Styling advice needed! I just used a Christmas giftcard to buy these ridiculous pants: http://bit.ly/UyYBeJ

    When I first saw them, I hated them, but the more I looked at them, the more I liked them, and…well, now they’re on the way to me! But what do I wear with them?? Am I restricted to solid black, white, or navy?

    Also, tell me someone out there likes them, too? I’m not totally nuts?? :)

    • Parfait

      Those are some pants! I used to have a wide pair of riotous paisley pants in my youth, and these kind of remind me of those. I would say you can wear them with any color that appears in the pattern.

      • saac n mama

        +1 on both counts
        They remind me of several things I once had too and I also think any color that shows up in the pants will work.
        Have fun!

  15. JessBee

    Sorry if this double posts, but I tried to shorten the link the first time, and that got me stuck in moderation! Fortunately, I figured out how to trim the link down a little on my own!

    Styling advice needed! I just used a Christmas giftcard to buy these ridiculous pants: http://www.eloquii.com/Soft-Printed-Wideleg-Pant/268960135780014,default,pd.html

    When I first saw them, I hated them, but the more I looked at them, the more I liked them, and…well, now they’re on the way to me! But what do I wear with them?? Am I restricted to solid black, white, or navy?

    Also, tell me someone out there likes them, too? I’m not totally nuts?? :)

    • Maybe...

      I may be crazy, but I’m thinking a navy and white polka dot blouse (smaller polka dots I think) with a wider tan leather belt over the waistband of the pants. If you’re in to pattern mixing, that is.

      • JessBee

        That does sound super fun! I have a black and white polka dot top that, now that you mention it, could be great with these, I think! And I may have to get myself a tan belt!

      • JessBee

        Oooh, good idea… I don’t own any chambray, though – the closest I have is a blue blouse that’s, um, paisley. So maybe not.

        I’ll have to keep my eye out for a nice chambray top!

      • HSAL

        I don’t get the appeal of chambray. I despise it, but there are several fashion bloggers I enjoy who wear it pretty frequently, so I figure I must be missing something. I pretty much think it’s the devil.

        • Sugar Magnolia

          I don’t get it either. It’s like faded blue jean, but in a shirt. I thought Chambray was something old ladies wore, but I guess not. Very confused about this fabric. Then again, I am going on 4 hours sleep, so I am confused about a lot today.

    • Scully

      Charcoal or rust would go too. I think you could get away with a lot in the red family. Champagne? Camel? Possibly some gray tweeds and small houndstooth. Cobalt if you are feeling adventurous.

      • JessBee

        Thanks for the ideas! Hmmm… I’ll be interested to see if the color is as red as I think it is when it arrives. You all are giving me some great color inspiration!

    • Lalo

      I just saw really similar pants in the Free People catalog, except they were blue and white. They paired them with a white gauze-y top and a fitted denim jacket (or maybe vest?). It was really cute! I hate dressing in red/white/blue though, so I’m not sure I would go this exact route, but I think you can do more than you think.

      • JessBee

        I like the idea of a gauzy white on top, and a jacket sounds like a good plan, too. I just want to avoid looking like I’m wearing a hippie costume! :)

    • Susie

      I would not be brave enough to wear them personally, and if I did it would surely be with a black top. But as I’ve mentioned before my wardrobe is very black and grey (today’s cobalt blue excepting). I try to go for classic shapes and good fit but don’t like things that stand out.

  16. Management Tips

    I need some management tips, my friends.

    Several months ago I got a new-to-me-and-the-firm assistant (she has many years of experience prior to this job). The first two months or so were rocky because of some unfortunate personal issues that took her out of the office, but she’s always been very eager to help and concerned about getting her work done.

    The problem? She gets distracted very easily and can’t wrap up even a small project without getting distracted and seems to have issues prioritizing what should get done. As a result, I feel like I’m repeating my instructions and, more importantly, that I’m overwhelming her when I ask her to do things, even though I think I’ve laid out the instructions clearly — including writing things out on post-its and putting them on files, and then explaining things.

    The type of work we do inherently requires a little work on a lot of files, and it’s sometimes hard for me to predict what I’ll be working on, so it can be over-whelming, especially since she’s still fairly new and not familiar with our clients and dockets. She’s also assisting another attorney who also has a fairly extensive workload. But, everything I’m asking her to do is in her job description, and she was hired with the understanding that she’s very experienced.

    Any suggestions on how I can help us work better together? She’s very sweet, but based on her interactions with other staff, I worry she won’t react well to ANY criticism, no matter how nicely or constructively I put it.

    • TBK

      Can you approach as a “you” problem instead of a “her” problem? As in “this isn’t working — tell me what you need from me to make this work.” Maybe there’s something you’re doing that isn’t working for her but she doesn’t feel like she can tell you. This at least opens the door. Also, if you can make it a collaborative process, not to blame anyone, but to figure out how you two as a team can work together to get the client’s work done.

      • Management Tips

        I like this idea. Thanks! After reading my post, I realized it sounded more like I was blaming her than I really am — I’m as open to suggestions (either from the hive or from her) about how I can better present work to her.

        • AJ

          I don’t know if this is at all possible, but maybe you can try doling out tasks one or two at a time to get an idea of her speed. Also, I feel it’s really helpful that if I get seven tasks at once, there are discrete deadlines for each. For instance, I currently have eight pieces of work. One is due by the end of the day (and yes I should get the heck off r e t t e), five are due tomorrow by four, one on Thursday, one on Friday. So it’s manageable.

          • Management Tips

            That’s where I started — e.g., this needs to get done by the end of the week. But it falls off her radar because of other intervening assignments and then doesn’t get done. And since I’ve already mentally put it over to her, I forget about following up with her, or when I do follow up, it feels like micromanaging and nagging.

            Maybe the solution would be to keep a list on my whiteboard that she can see of things I’d like her to do?

          • AJ

            Hmm…see, at some point it needs to be her responsibility. So I suppose I’d take TBK’s tack, and perhaps suggest she suggest ways to keep your (“our”) work organized.

            For reference, I’m a corporate librarian, so in a support position, but not an assistant.

          • linnet

            I like the whiteboard idea…but maybe the list should be on her whiteboard, not yours?

    • ITDS

      Is she getting distracted with the internet and personal phone calls, or with work from the other attorney? If the second one is the case, could it be that the other attorney comes across as more demanding and dominant and you come across as more easy going? I work with several different execs, and it is sometimes hard to make sure that I am not putting off finishing things for the more laid back execs when I get “distracted” by the execs who are more demanding. Not that you should become a total meany, but make sure you are assertive in following up on tasks that need to be completed so she will not always put your work aside for later.

    • Cornellian

      Could you send her assignments with calendar invites? It may be super overbearing, but you could send her an invite for Friday at 5PM when it’s due, and a reminder 24 hours before that (or however long is appropriate). I do that to myself, and it’s very helpful.

      • Cornellian

        Plus, this tactic can be more or less overbearing overtime. You could add more reminders, or you could stop totally and let her keep them up. I would obviously present this idea to her in a friendly way (I think this could be really helpful in allowing you to keep track of mine and other attorney’s assignments….), but it sounds like it could both allow you to continue to feel “done” with it now that it’s on her plate, and allow her to start a similar system for herself.

  18. Monday

    AIMS, do you copy? I missed your gift follow-up question this morning.

    First, well done with the dude sweater! I was wondering about that and am thrilled that it was a success.

    As for the gloves, I’d say his reaction to the gift went like this: 1) Whoa! …Cool? 2) Polite hesitance to say anything 3) Admission of ambivalence –at this point I told him I’d just hang on to the receipt and not to worry about it if the idea didn’t grow on him– 4) Detailed discussion of why I chose these gloves as opposed to many others that I considered 5) His apparently genuine embracing of the gloves, cutting off tags etc 6) His bragging to friends and associates about the gloves 7) His constant wearing of the gloves. This is the phase we’re still in.

    It’s hilarious because I had no idea he’d be so wary of gloves with a bit of a twist! Some things he wears are pretty daring for a man, but this was one accessory he apparently never thought to get creative with. In the end I think my willingness to be wrong paid off, though. I still think that with someone who’s all about the Amazon wish list it’s fun to give a surprise once in a while as long as you’re not devastated to be a bit off in your choice, or to undergo a process like the above.

        • Monday

          I actually like those a lot, and have a similar pair of my own! Not joking.

          • e_pontellier

            Awesome. I like them too, but would be nervous to give them to someone who was not adventurous.

          • AIMS

            I really like those! They are just different enough to be cool but without being frivolously outrageous. So glad it went well! My favorite gifts are actually the ones that take a little time to set in and then you kind of get to feel like, “I know you better than you even know yourself, at least in some small silly way.” Years ago, I got Mr. AIMS these ridiculous madras pajama pants (the online review said something like, “You’ll feel like Holden Caulfield in these babies”) and totally did not know how they would go over. But now, he still raves about them as the best gift he never knew he wanted. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. I am so happy yours panned out :)

            And as for the dude sweater, it has been in heavy rotation. If he starts to drink White Russians, I am going to get nervous.

            P.S. — I love those LE gloves. Along with polka dots, leopard prints and paisleys, I have a serious tartan problem!

  19. Miss A

    TJ – I am going to be the youngest panelist giving career/life advice next week and I’m at loss as to what to wear (I’m travelling to be on the panel and need to pack tonight), as the “lawyer” on the panel. The weather will be low 80s.

    Any suggestions?

    Thanks in advance!

    • Batgirl

      I would wear a suit without the jacket or whatever looks like that. So nice pants/skirt and a nice top (not sleeveless, though). I would wear a blouse more than a button-down but that’s just me.

    • Cornellian

      Second Batgirl. Nice blouse, maybe three quarter or short sleeve, bottom half of an “informal” suit (I guess I’m thinking slightly interesting, not black/navy), maybe even interesting jewelry. I guess it depends on the audience, but I’m imagining you need to connect with those younger than you while still being authoritative.

    • Miss A

      Interesting thoughts… perhaps I’ll pack a silk/cotton peasanty blouse + pencil skirt. I was going to add a blazer, but perhaps it’s over the top for a tropical location.

      Audience = high school.

      The problem is that I’m going home, to the beach, and I usually never pack anything remotely professional.

      Thanks, ladies!

  20. Weee!

    Gotta share- I just scored a pair of the Chloe scalloped ballet flats in my huge size for over 75% off. I guess sometimes it’s worth having giant feet! Now the only problem- they’re SO comfortable that I’ve gotta start saving for other colors!

    • MJ

      Please share for other bigfeet to share in your largesse, as it were. If offer is still available, of course!

      • Weee!

        It was from Saks.com in navy suede, the 42’s are gone but still left in 36!

  21. Batgirl

    This is oddly specific but does anyone know a blog that shows Michelle Obama’s clothing choices and where she got everything? I’m realizing that she’s short-waisted, smaller chested, and pear shaped…just like me! So I want clothing advice from the First Lady!

  22. Regular Anon

    Regular reader, anon for this for obvious reasons.

    Have any of you just known intuitively that you were pregnant? I mean, before any obvious symptoms, and before measurability with a pregnancy test. I am facing this right now – I am basically 100% certain that I am, but have to hold off on the test because it is so early, and it is killing me. Plus I can’t say anything to anyone because if it turns out I am wrong, well, that would be bad.

    • mamabear

      I only intuitively knew with my third child (fifth pregnancy) because he was an unplanned pregnancy and I had a weird craving that reminded me of cravings with my second child (as in, god I haven’t wanted to eat this since I was pregnant….. wait a minute)

      • Greensleeves

        This was pretty much me with my third, just substitute heartburn for cravings. “I haven’t had this much heartburn since I was pregnant . . . oh crap.” Very surprised and initially not thrilled because we thought we were done, but no worries – now I couldn’t imagine life without her and she makes me smile every day!

    • Regular Anon

      Well, this is unplanned – not necessarily unwelcome, but definitely unplanned. But I woke up about 2 weeks ago just feeling, I don’t know, pregnant. Development of certain symptoms since then has only supported that initial feeling, but it is still about 4 days before Shark Week is due to occur so the suspense is killing me.

      • CW

        4 days beforehand *might* be enough time to take a test. Take one tomorrow morning, the first time you go to the bathroom.

      • Anonymous

        You had the feeling two weeks ago? Like 14 days ago? If so you are well past the point you can test. Every drug store should have a test that measures 25mlu/ml of HCG. That is the amount that is average at 10 days post ovulation. If you had the feeling 14 days ago, one of these test would likely be accurate. (HCG levels in a normal pregnancy double every 48 hours on average at this stage.)

        • Regular Anon

          Well, I just went to the drug store and bought a couple of tests. Will try tomorrow morning and if it is positive, you can be sure I’ll be announcing here under my usual name!

    • Another Regular Anon

      This just happened to me the same way. It was unplanned but not unwelcome. I did not realize it until I was two days late because I lost track of time. However, as soon as I realized “Oh wait, there’s a potential reason I’m late,” I was certain it was because I was pregnant. Took a test two days later because the holidays intervened, and now I’m 7 weeks pregnant.

    • hellskitchen

      I did -and it’s my first pregnancy. I had a feeling a few days before my period was due that something felt different. I waited a whole week after first day of missed period to test and it was positive. I was TTC so my period date was front and center of my mind

  23. K...in transition

    Just wondering if there’s anyone here in Northeast Ohio (or near enough that they’d commute) for a meet-up. If so, shoot me an email and I’ll coordinate something munchkin 16 16 at juno dot c.o.m

    Signed,
    Jealous of Everyone Else’s Meet ups ;)

  24. Leigh

    Tickets for vacation in March are bought! We’re going to England, Scotland, Ireland and probably Paris. We have 11 days including travel time…Where would you spend the most time? I would love some advice on where to stay in each place, where to visit etc. as well, and I’ll do some past thread searching too. We will be a group of 6 if that changes any of your advice.

    • midlevel

      Other than Paris, have you chosen cities in each country? Now that I am older and crankier, for me four places in 11 days, including the travel time and factoring in a group of 6, would be too much. A greatest hits circuit of London, Edinburgh, and Dublin would still be really active while still leaving you some time to actually see each city. JMO.

      • Leigh

        We will be doing London for sure, Edinburgh, and Dublin. My husband tends to want to cram everything into a very small time frame, but this time we are traveling with his parents (oh joy), and my mother with her friend. Which means we will probably need to slow down the pace a bit. They’re all over 50, and none of them are in great shape.

        • Nonny

          That being the case, those three cities may be all you can manage. 11 days is not very long. You may just have to use this as your “taster” trip and plan to see more of Great Britain on another occasion…

        • hellskitchen

          Paris requires a lot of walking if you want to see all the museums…. it can get exhausting. Perhaps do a city bus tour of some sort so you can take in all the main sights in a few hours and then choose a few things to check out at leisure. Def check out the Museum Pass – it allows you to cut the lines at the arc de triomphe, the louvre, the seine river tour, and lots of other museums and sights and it pays for itself since you don’t have to buy tickets at any of these places. But check the list of places it lets you access and then see how many of those you’d like to check out and decide whether it’s worth it.

        • ss

          Agree with mid-level about cramming in too much into too little time but perhaps you can consider the option of hopping on the train to Paris with your husband while your folks enjoy London ? Book them a day-tour and perhaps a show, and hopefully both halves of the group enjoy themselves in the way they like best ?

          On where to visit, I have to say the smaller towns of the UK are ENORMOUS hits with the older members of my family. Any of Edinburgh, Bath, Oxford or Cambridge have reasonably compact and super-pretty town centres, with interesting sights and shops. Oxford is do-able as a day-trip from London, Bath and Cambridge probably better as an overnight stay.

    • Miss A

      My friends and I did a mini road trip from Edinburgh in 2 days/1 night and spend days before and after in Edinburgh (so around 4 days?).

      London is one of those places you can stay as long as you have time for.

    • Dreaming of traveling

      In Edinburgh, 23 Mayfield B&B is absolutely lovely. I would stay there again in a heartbeat.

    • Cb

      Edinburgh! So nice of you to come visit me! With a group that large you may want to consider a flag rather than hotels as the really centrally located hotels can be a bit pricey.

      A recommendation, the Hairy Coo highlands tour. It’s fun, accessible for people at different levels of fitness, and is a good way to cover a lot of ground without feeling a bit like a cattle herd. And you get to feed the coos which is definitely my favourite part.

      I have a weird love of Glasgow but since you are hitting other big shopping cities, it probably isn’t necessary (EDI can be a shopping wasteland). St Andrews is great for the day as well.

    • Curlyesq

      Have a great time! Is there a way to limit the visit to 2 countries? Edinburgh is lovely – one of my favorite cities. And, if you have time, take a tour of the highlands in Scotland. They are amazing. Loch ness, Isle of Skye, Oban.

  25. Anon

    May be too late in the day for this, but what do you ladies think of Kate Spade’s “Primrose Hill Goldie” bag as an interview bag? (link to follow) I’m in litigation, but honestly I’m hoping that I won’t be after this interview.

    For non-interview purposes, this could be an every day work bag for me as it looks like it will fit my laptop, and it has a detachable shoulder strap which I would really like.

    They also have the “Charlotte Street Miles” bag right now. Of course I’m looking after all the sales, and I would love cheaper suggestions, but I need a new “work” bag because mine is falling apart. I can’t blame it – I got it right out of law school which was 5+ years ago and paid under $50 for it at the Calvin Klein outlet. No complaints, just time for a newer, nicer one!

    For interviews I usually just carry a leather portfolio and tuck my car key into the pocket, but I think I’d like a bag now.

  26. anon

    I know it’s late in the day, but I’m looking for tips on how to handle work-related travel. I’m in a routine where I’m gone for about a week once a month, and I am missing my family and my 2 y.o. child terribly. Does anyone have suggestions for how to handle this? Skype seems to actually make it worse — my child does okay talking to me on the phone, but video just makes her sad (and it makes me sad, too). The work travel is unavoidable for the time being, and I just hate it. Any suggestions?

    • saac n mama

      I wish I had suggestions, because that sounds miserable.

      When my son was that age, I traveled to a couple of conferences per year, hired a sitter via sittercity.com or a campus newspaper before we arrived, and took him along.

      When he was a few years older, I traveled without him. His preference is almost always not to talk to me because it makes him sad. I try to throw myself into my work, but don’t do that well enough to be giving advice.

      Can you at least give yourselves lots of time together before and after the trips? Try to get her to laugh without tickling her. That can let out a lot of the emotion she’s feeling and help her through.

    • Silvercurls

      Somebody somewhere has suggested recording yourself reading one (or more) of your child’s favorite books aloud. You could also try giving each of you a photograph of the other. If you (or someone else in your life) is really up for being creative you could get your photo printed onto fabric as a pillow or even a doll…something cuddly and soft, anyway. I think this might have been a suggestion for deploying soldiers. I hope your work travel eases up soon.

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