Corporette.com

Updated: Jan 27, 2023 382 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Elaina Collared Knit Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a bright blue collared dress and strappy nude sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The shade of blue of this collared knit dress from Reiss really caught my eye as I was scrolling through the Bloomingdale’s dress section. As we’re getting pelted with snow in the Northeast, I’d probably wear this with my coziest black tights and boots, but I can also dream of wearing it with a white blazer and heels when the temperature is finally above freezing.
.
The dress is $285 at Bloomingdale’s and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in navy.

Donna Morgan has a more affordable alternative at Nordstrom; it's $118 and available in sizes 0–16.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Cat

    Guessing my meetings are going to be full of a lot of hoarse people today… GO BIRDS

    • Lily

      GO BIRDS. I stayed up late last night reading the hysterical comments on the Empire State Building’s tweet about how it lit up the spire in green and white for the Eagles. A lot of very distraught New Yorkers. Thoughts and prayers!

      • Liza

        I mean, injuries suck for sure, but unclear what the point of this comment is. They beat the team y’all put on the field. What else were they supposed to do?

      • Anon

        This should be the entry on “Sour Grapes” in the dictionary.

        And I’m a San Franciscan.

        • Anon

          Celebrating by climbing on the back of an ambulance trying to get through the crowd?

      • Lily

        No one trashed the city… a bus stop caved in but that was clearly unintentional (albeit really dumb). I’m not saying people don’t behave badly, but last night was a joyous occasion for many, and largely safe/uneventful. I was on Broad St when they won the Superbowl in 2017 and even though I’m super uptight about being in crowds, I didn’t feel unsafe.

      • Anon

        This is the city of Gritty and the Philly Fanatic. Don’t try to push sanity on the sports fans in the city of brotherly love.

      • anon

        It’s not trashed. It was trashed during the 2020 riots, not for this or for when the Eagles won the Super Bowl a few years ago.

      • Anon

        I remember multiple times that there has been true distraction of property to celebrate a championship win. I may think it’s dump, but it’s common and not one city specific

  2. Anonymous

    Help me with my work from home / casual outfit? I’m going to mention I’m overweight and I think depressed which I am working on separately , in case you are like why can’t she figure this out. I’m looking for pants that I can wear all day comfortably. I don’t find leggings or yoga pants comfortable all day , they compress my mid section and take a little effort to get on. so something more like a sweat pant that doesn’t look so sweat pant-y. I do daycare drop off and by no means do I have to be dressed up, but I would like to look more “athelsiure” then “very depressed recluse”. I’d also like a scoop neck tee that is nicer quality that I can buy in a few colors so I can throw a blazer or sweater over for work from home – can’t be too high neck and scoop is better than v for me. The pants has been the hardest for me to find

  3. Anon

    I feel like collars are a liability on clothing. Even if they lay flat, something about the flare (or lack thereof) or length always seems to get stale quickly. I like them in theory and then weeks later they are the collars of regret. See DVF wrap dresses, etc.

    • anon

      Whenever someone mentions DVF wrap dresses around here the consensus is that they look good on no one. Maybe it’s not the collar itself that looks bad but rather your chest isn’t the exact right size for the dress. Whose chest DVF fits I’ll never know. And TBH most collared v-neck dresses are dated. I’ve had better luck with French-style dresses that come up higher toward my neck (like Sandro or Alexia Admor)

        • Anon

          So are ribcage jeans though. Fashion now does not seem geared to working adults.

          • Anom

            Was it ever? Isn’t by definition elite fashion for the elite? I.e., people who have both time and money?

          • Anon

            Now it seems to be expressly aimed at youth. Like there is no attempt at adult clothes being stocked in a store you can visit for try-ons. IDK what older women (like above 35 but also for my mom) wear if it isn’t athleisure. But for a funeral — can you even buy something in 2023 that would be remotely appropriate?

          • LA Law

            Today’s dress comes in navy, which would be completely appropriate for a funeral. And go to either Nordstrom’s or Bloomingdale’s websites and sort for black dresses for work and you will come up with multiple options. They are just not “fashionable” options.

            But as someone who is probably your mother’s age, I can say that by the time a woman is in her mid-50s she likely has given up on trends and just trying not to look hopelessly out of date by continuing to wear old trends. In my case that means going with classic shapes (or silhouettes) while avoiding extremes and updating shoes and accessories in a moderate way (so loafers instead of ballet flats, but not lug soles) rather than concerning myself with whether collared knits are (or are not) fashionable in the moment. I am never going to get the precise combination of boot and jean cuff right – so I do not even try.

  4. Anonymous

    I decided I finally need more help with taxes than Turbotax can provide. Is something H&R Block OK, or should I seek out a local tax accounting group? I don’t have anything super complicated but I did move states last year, buy and sell a house, and receive money from a trust.

    • Anon

      H and R Block just uses a proprietary version of TurboTax. We went there for years and then discovered they had royally screwed up our taxes. Now our tax situation is simpler and I use TurboTax. If you don’t feel comfortable with TurboTax, go to a real accountant.

      • anonshmanon

        h&r block are frustrating. They don’t even properly retain all the information that you painstakingly enter during the intake process.

      • anon_needs_a_break

        I once paid for H+R block and sat there with her while she used turbox tax and I answered all the questions. It felt like a total scam. Never again!

        • Anon

          Yeah exactly. They’re not doing anything you can’t do yourself with software.

    • Liza

      I’d look on Yelp in your area for a very well rated tax accountant. It’ll probably cost you $500-1000 to have your taxes prepped which depending on your situation may be well worth it.

    • Anon

      Don’t use H&at block. They basically just hire people off the street and give them a little training. If you are going to pay, hire someone for whom this is their profession

    • dear reader

      So no specific advice, but find an accountant with availability asap. We had complicated taxes one year when we had moved states three times, had weird income/different jobs, and I waited until first week of February to call around and couldn’t find an accountant who would take us; they were all booked. I ended up having to use Turbo Tax and really carefully and methodically just worked through all of the prompts, and I bought the extra audit protection whatever at the end. I did have one issue come up with one of the state returns; I contacted the audit group, and they were very helpful and we solved it together easily. So if you can’t find someone, Turbo might still be a good option for you. I was really worried about it but it turned out okay.

  5. anon

    Any recs for therapists in Texas who work with high achieving people/ppl in high stress careers? The recs I’ve got so far are great but out of state and it’s TBD whether I can actually start working with them.

    • Anonymous

      Ashley Dawn Sheppherd at Get Out of Your Head Therapy was amazing for me as a Big Law lawyer. She does virtual appointments. Highly recommend!!

    • Anonymous

      High achieving people are also just people. You don’t need a specialty therapist.

      • Anon

        I disagree. My experience is that a lot of therapists look for the easy way out (“get a less stressful job!” “divorce him!” “stop talking to your mom!”). It really helps to know if a therapist is prepared to help me overcome challenges or would rather just validate the choice to opt out.

        • Monday

          Unfortunately I have seen some therapists like that. To be honest, I think it’s more an issue of their skill and effort levels, than their expertise working with “high achieving” clients. It’s just as lazy and unhelpful to tell someone to, say, stop all communication with their ex with whom they share child custody, or quit their retail job with no backup plan for paying bills. So I assume they’re the same in (not) dealing with all kinds of life circumstances.

        • Anon

          I wouldn’t say “works with high achievers” is a specialty. It’s more about finding a therapist who is good/a good fit for you. A good therapist shouldn’t be thrown off by someone with a high achieving career and should work collaboratively with their client to find an approach that works for them. And sometimes validating the choice to opt out is okay, even if you are high achieving. You can be a high achiever and also stop talking to your mom if that relationship is incredibly problematic, the two aren’t related at all.

          Psychology Today has an excellent online database of therapists and you can search by location, gender, therapeutic modality, degree/licensure, issues treated etc. If you’re looking only for therapists who work specifically with people in certain professions, you’re going to severely limit your choices and you might miss out on someone really great!

          • Anon

            Maybe it’s just hard to find a good therapist in general!

            But I had one therapist tell me that she felt intimidated and unfamiliar with my context and didn’t know how to help.

          • Monday

            12:33, I know that this happens. It’s still a sign of a weak therapist, not about your suitability as a client. The criteria really is, then, “therapist who isn’t weird about my job,” not “therapist who knows all about my job and is used to hearing about it.”

        • dear reader

          +1 DH is a VP of a startup company and has several times tried to find a therapist, and they end up being really bad fits specifically because he isn’t their normal patient and the same strategies don’t work. He actually had one try and convince him that he really was doing just fine (he was not, he was stressed to the max) because he wasn’t getting OWIs or ending up in court.

          • Monday

            That’s so obviously bad practice! It’s like a doctor who told someone to ignore their symptoms because they’d seen worse, or a lawyer who said 10 years in jail is fine because at least it’s not longer. Yes, these professionals exist, and they’re bad at their jobs! If there are a lot of them, that just means you need more time to find the right person who does their job correctly.

          • Anon

            Even with doctors, I think it helps to consider who their usual patients are. “I’ve seen worse” is not a rare reaction to encounter!

            When I was a grad student and fairly broke, I saw an endocrinologist who practices in a disadvantaged community. She said that I was doing significantly better already than the patients she typically sees, and she had nothing else to offer me.

            I had a similar experience with a different specialist who mostly sees patients much older than me with a condition I have. They just weren’t experienced with younger patients and felt like I was already doing great compared to what they usually see, almost like I was just complaining or demanding something unreasonable. “You seem fine enough; what do you want from me?” was the message I got. Another doctor actually said “you’re not in a wheelchair” as if this meant I shouldn’t complain.

            One doctor (a woman) advised me to just quit my job and let my husband support me if my symptoms were so bad (again I think because it seemed like I should have that option if we were doing so well financially compared to patients in more difficult circumstances).

            In each case, I ended up getting help from another doctor for the same complaint, so it wasn’t like I was just in denial about untreatable conditions; they were totally treatable. I guess I think I probably did seem pretty privileged and out of touch until I started seeing doctors at the “nicer” hospital in town.

          • Monday

            1:34, I get this. I’m a provider myself who has had both homeless Medicaid members and Ivy League college students as my patients. Population experience matters.

            By this point though, I think what we’re really talking about is the type and severity of someone’s illness, not what kind of career they have. In this case, it looks more like this person needs a therapist who is used to patients with milder symptoms or high functionality. It’s still not about the patient’s socioeconomic status.

            I’m concerned by the idea that a high-SES person thinks they need a high-SES therapist. To be clear, I’m not saying anyone has said this. But if it’s the case, even if it’s rational for various reasons, that is concerning.

          • Anon

            I didn’t mean that a doctor or therapist should be “high achieving” or privileged or high SES themselves. My point was more that different treatment may be offered to patients with milder symptoms or high functionality who have more resources and aren’t struggling as profoundly with circumstances outside their control. I experienced better access to medication and diagnostic testing when I saw doctors who didn’t think I had set my goals too high in explicit comparison to their typical patient.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I think this is misguided and in and of itself a subject on which OP should seek therapy. Or maybe just go out and meet more people to realize that people in many walks of life have problems and are also very smart and juggling a lot.

      • Duckles

        Also disagree. I tried a therapist who allegedly specializes in career changes and in our first session he said “wow I don’t usually work with people this established in their career” and he really had nothing to suggest. I found someone else online and after a screener seems a much better fit.

    • anon

      OP here. the issues I’m strugging with my current therapist is similar to the poster who’s husband is VP at a startup. she’ll basically be like oh you’re fine, when I’m so stressed I can’t sleep (or insert whatever other symptom here) or she’ll be like your job sucks why do you want to make partner anyway, just find something less intense. I have seen that some therapists have more experience working with people in situations similar to my own and market themselves as such. I’m not super experienced with therapy and appreciate any other suggestions on how to filter.

      • Nesprin

        I think its great that you’re thinking about what you’d want out of a therapist! They’re people, and people vary a ton. It’s really important to find someone who is receptive to your experience and needs.

        It’s worth asking a few possible therapists, “what’s your experience in working with people like me? i.e. high functioning, high stress career that I will not leave, but still experiencing these symptoms? Any specific techniques you’ve found helpful in this population? What is your usual practice area?”

      • Anon

        Business executive with therapist training here. I think you’re on to something, so I want to validate your perspective (even though I agree with some of the other posters that you might have mis-identified the issue). In my opinion, the entire therapy profession is a huge lemon market, because even though there are lots of hoops to jump through to get licensed, we are not doing a good job screening people out, or measuring anybody’s outcomes/patient satisfaction. This is not to say that all therapists are bad, just that it’s really hard to tell with any particular one until you’ve paid to work with them for a while. Which is why asking for referrals makes a lot of sense.

        The kind of comments you are describing here may indeed be signs of laziness — the therapist can’t be bothered to do the work to imagine your reality and join you in looking at your problems from that vantage point. I can guarantee that any therapist who’s doing that to you is doing it to most everybody else. So it’s likely not specifically a response to your high-achieving/high-stress career.

        Here are some ideas if you don’t get very far asking for referrals – in no particular order:
        – Don’t limit yourself to therapists that your insurance will pay for. They are more likely to focus on diagnosing you and reducing your symptoms (which is what your insurance wants them to do).
        – Look for therapists with advanced training — like Internal Family Systems, or Jungian analysts, or somatic experiencing practitioners (or other therapy models that appeal to you when you read about them). The various training societies usually list therapists by region on their website. A certification like this should at least be proxy for their willingness to do more than the mininum and commitment to their own development.
        – If your high-achieving/high-stress career is part of why you are seeking therapy, consider whether an experienced executive coach might be able to help with some of the more professional aspects of your problems. That’s something that you can ask for referrals for in your professional network.

        Hope you find the help you are looking for!

  6. Anon8

    I’ve lived in upstate New York my whole life and am ready for a change but don’t have a compelling reason to move to any particular place. Work remotely, so anywhere in the US is on the table. When I think of possible cities I get overwhelmed by choice. For fun I write, hike and rock climb. I don’t do well in extreme heat and humidity. Any suggestions? Where would you move if you were in my shoes?

      • Nesprin

        Agreed- we have no humidity, all the rocks to climb, so many parks to hike, and exactly 3 days a year of high heat.

        • Anon

          Wut? Three days of high heat? How ’bout weeks on end of triple-digit highs… in Southern California and the Central Valley. Yes to the rocks and parks, but unless you live in the Bay Area or on the actual coast in an actual beach town, you’re going to have lots of heat.

          • Anon

            I don’t understand why someone who could live anywhere would move to anything other than the Bay Area or a beach town.

          • Anon

            Even the Bay Area has way more than three days of high heat now. It was triple digits in San Jose when I was there last fall. And the energy grid can’t handle it. There are rolling power blackouts when it’s really hot so you may have to endure the heat without air conditioning.

        • Horse Crazy

          LOL where do you live in CA?? I live on the Central Coast – supposed to be lovely and temperate – and it’s been horrendous the last few summers.

    • Anne-on

      I’d think about the Pacific Northwest (more Portland than Seattle) or Colorado? Other states that might work are Vermont, Maine, MA (just not too close to Boston for cost) or Rhode Island if you want to stay on the east coast/in a red state. It might help to know your budget and preferred weather (are you ok with lots of snow? rain? do you want to be near a coast or lake? any family you want/need to stay within driving distance of?).

      • Lily

        I’m confused by your assertion that NY and RI are “red states”? Did you mean blue states? Even if she’s willing to consider red states, I can’t think of many that would satisfy her criteria anyway. The south is out, including TX and FL because of the weather. Much of the midwest is flat – no rock climbing – or just places no one would really move to without a good reason.

      • Ses

        +1 Colorado. Easy to make friends and there’s a lot of outdoorsy climbing and hiking people. It’s a really fun place to be in your 30s.

        • NYNY

          If you can truly work from anywhere, a mountain town in northern New Mexico or Colorado could be ideal. Look at Taos or Raton in NM or Longmont and other Boulder-adjacent towns in CO.

          • Anon8

            Thanks for these ideas! A good friend is moving to NM, so maybe worth checking out…

          • Duckles

            Like I mentioned above— Taos is great to visit but I would NOT move there as a single person. A friend visited and they were at a bar and the bartender said they were the first people he had seen, even had tourists, under 60 in weeks. Move where you want to live, not where you want to vacation.

          • pugsnbourbon

            Hello from Santa Fe! It’s beautiful out here and there’s lots of hiking and rock climbing. I will caution that it’s a bit sleepy and almost everything is closed by 9pm (even bars). Housing is pricey but not San Francisco or NYC levels. If you want to come visit let me know and I’ll buy you a drink!

          • pugsnbourbon

            Oh yeah and Duckles is 100% right, it skews older here. We see more dogs in strollers than babies.

      • Anonymous

        These are good suggestions assuming OP is White and seeking to live with or fine with living with White people. That is probably fine coming from NYS but just a consideration if diversity matters. Coming from ATL, even as a White person, Portland and Boulder are uncomfortable.

    • Anon

      IDK, but if you could work from anywhere, why pick just one place? Now, I’d try places that will be too hot for you in the summer just to explore — Charleston, Savannah, Miami, New Orleans. Maybe you’d like Asheville? Or Chicago? Or Denver? Or Tucson (cooler than Phoenix in the summer, but you may not be an arrid climate dry heat sort of person if you are actually used to some moisture in the air). Philly is not too expensive. Date around with your choices — can you go for a week each month somewhere different? Hotels don’t have to be pricey and can give you a place to base your explorations out of.

    • Anon

      If I were doing this, I would move to somewhere I (or my husband) had a personal network or at least some personal connections. I guess I don’t understand the appeal of moving somewhere random just because you like the city. I’m also 33 and I would never want to start over completely. We constantly have discussions about how making friends as an adult is hard. Even as an extrovert, I wouldn’t have the energy to start over and build a network again. I enjoy frequent ladies nights, random dinners at each other’s houses, family events (I live 15 minutes from my parents and in-laws). I don’t see a reason to give that up for the sake of geography. I have 2 kids but the answer above would be if I didn’t have any.

      • Anon

        Completely agree. I’ve had to move repeatedly for career reasons, and while I really appreciate the chance to get to know different parts of the country and and different types of people, I’ve gotten increasingly jealous of my friends and family who have been able to stay in one place and build real communities. It sucks to have to keep moving and starting over in new places where you don’t know anyone or anything! Also, moving wasn’t so bad when I was younger, but now that I have more stuff, it’s a lot more expensive and stressful. Unless you’re really sure you want to stay somewhere, it gets harder and harder to keep moving as you get older.

        • Anon

          One of the biggest reasons I did not join the military was that I didn’t want to have to uproot myself every few years.

        • Anon

          Just adding to my response as Anon at 9:55. I’d also say it got a lot harder to make friends with new people as I got into my mid 30s. I’m married, but don’t have kids, and at that point, most people my age did have kids, which made it much harder to make friends because people are so busy with the little kid years. Moving in your 30s and 40s is just really different than in your 20s, when lots of people are looking to meet each other.

          • Anon8

            Yeah honestly part of what makes me want to move is that my friends here are all having kids and I feel like there’s a larger pool of childless adults in bigger cities.

      • Anon

        +1 I moved to my home city (Philadelphia) when I was 24 because after being “away” for two years I was ready to be “home”. Late 20s now and still single/childfree but I really, really value the proximity to family and friends. I also found it way easier to make new friends here than I did in my last city because I’ve met and befriended a lot of “friends of friends” or “friends of friends of friends”.

        Would I love the weather, geography, and activities of San Diego or Denver? Absolutely. But I’d rather have my community.

        • Anon

          +1 – Moved to my home city of Houston after being away for most of my 20s and 30s. Do I love the red state politics? Nope. But do I have people here, including family and friends? Yes. I agree wholeheartedly on the making friends from friends of friends as well. Plus I get all the big city stuff that I really enjoy.

          I’m also making an active effort to make and cultivate more neighborhood friends this year, and so far it’s been fun.

      • Curious

        That said, the rock climbing community is awesome in many places and may be an instant friend group. I know that has been true for my cousin in several cities.

    • Anon

      I would try out different cities – get a Residence Inn for two weeks, explore, join groups that align with your interests, and see what clicks. You will pretty quickly figure out what feels like home and what just feels different.

      • Anon

        +1

        Take advantage of working fully remotely and try out several places before deciding where to settle

        • Anon

          Seriously. I’m a nomad at heart, but that’s hard for a grownup. How do you get your teeth cleaned if you don’t know where you’ll be in 6 months. But make a Top 3 list and start doing a lengthy visit.

    • MagicUnicorn

      You may have already done this but if not, make absolutely sure your employer does indeed allow you to work anywhere in the US before you plan a move. Too many people in my circle thought “remote = anywhere” and found out when trying to update their address that their workplace only allows remote work in certain states where they already have a tax presence.

      • Anon

        This! I’m trying to find fully remote work now and it’s tough because many employers will only hire people who live in one of a handful of designated states where they do business.

      • Anon8

        Oh yes, good point! Luckily I work for a big company with employees in all 50 states and multiple coworkers have made big, cross-country moves with no problem, so I’m good domestically.

    • anon_needs_a_break

      hiking and rock climbing?
      no humidity?
      colorado is your friend.
      However, the sticker shock from upstate NY to a place like Boulder will be huge. I’ve also heard that making friends in Boulder as a single post-college woman can be hard but I think that is true most places.
      It is gorgeous here. It’s not perfect but it’s wonderful in many ways.

      • Anon8

        If Boulder was more affordable it would be at the top of my list! I visited in 2021 and 2022 and LOVED it. The real estate prices put a damper on that though.

        • Anecdata

          I moved to Denver *from the Bay area* and was astonished at how expensive it is – more than Portland (which is where I’m from originally). Good news is renting is relatively cheap compared to how
          house prices, but if you were hoping to buy …

          In terms of making friends – there are tons of great outdoor communities, so you might find your people there. You also get a lot of younger adults moving there & therefore looking to make friends, so it’s easier than eg. a big city like Philadelphia, where a lot of folks grew up there and already have their circles

          For the Pacific NW – I absolutely love Oregon, it’s gorgeous, and I would love to live closer to home if only it worked careers-wise for me… but I always tell folks thinking of moving there to make sure they spend a week visiting in February. Then think about that much rain, for 8 months straight, and make sure you’re still excited about it :)

    • Duckles

      Depending on a LOT of factors—
      – if you can afford it and stomach the natural disasters, California, Seattle, or Portland (I have the same hobbies and those were all a no go for me for the mentioned reasons, but I also like heat and humidity so South was my choice). Western US hiking and climbing is excellent
      -if you want a smaller and more affordable city, and don’t mind some summer humidity, Arkansas or Chattanooga
      -Keep in mind dating/making friends can be really hard if you go too small. Have friends who moved to Asheville and Maine and it’s gorgeous but they hate it because the lack of friends and romantic prospects.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Lol I guess this is an unhelpful answer, but I don’t understand why you would move if those are your interests. There is such great hiking and climbing near there and it is so beautiful! The East Coast has so few environmental disasters compared to those other places folks are suggesting.

    • Anon

      I’m a Californian so I’m biased but if I could live anywhere I’d live in the Santa Barbara area or the central coast around Pismo.

      • Anonymous

        Literally the only thing I know about Pismo is that there was a beach disaster there that featured prominently in “Clueless.”

        • Anon

          Haha it’s a great little place. Lots of central Californians vacation there so you get the hillbilly aspect if you’re in the touristy areas (I say this as a person originally from the valley) but the people who live there year round don’t really go there.

    • Anonymous

      I’m in Portland (OR) and would suggest a medium city in OR (for COL purposes and if you’ve liked upstate NY). Bend? Hood River or the Dalles? the WA side may be lower COL too (e.g. white salmon, Camas, Vancouver WA). Or Corvallis or Eugene if you like college towns. the PNW is really mild and temperate, gorgeous hiking and mountains. Not a ton of good rock climbing other than Smith which is near Bend, but you can travel to dry warm places for that. It does get hot in the summer but not bad at all relative to the SE and midwest and NE in my experience (from Chicago, lived in DC and Boston for ages)

      • Anon

        My husband is a professor so we had to be a in a college town or big city and neither of us likes big city living, so our top choice for where to go was Eugene. Blue state politics, affordable COL, diversity through the university, good airport access relative to other college towns, not too far from beach and other nature, good weather (but I like rain and hate heat). We ended up in the Midwest but we still joke about moving to Eugene, especially when it’s snowing or 95 degrees here.

  7. anon

    I have resolved to stop biting my nails/putting my fingers in my mouth, mainly as an attempt to make my hands look a lot nicer. Any intel on how long it’ll take for my nails to grow thicker again and my hands to look better? and any specifc suggestions? I ordered some cuticle oil yesterday along with the nail polish that tastes bad.

    • anon

      Lifelong nail biter who starts and stops with limited success. Occasionally have gone years without it.
      In my experience, it takes a solid 2 weeks for nails to look decent and then at least a month to look good.
      I’ve found having other things to bite on helps me a lot. Crunchy things like pretzels or hard candy or even gum. Sunflower seeds are a favorite, but messy with the hulls.
      Good luck.

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1 as a lifelong picker. One thing that helps is smearing aquaphor on my nails before I go to sleep. The kids call it “nail slugging.”

    • Anon

      Are there times you are most likely to bite your nails? If so, get some kind of fidget toy (stress ball, fidget spinner, etc) to use during those moments.

    • Anonymous

      Lifelong nail biter. I highly recommend going to get a gel manicure on your nails. The gel is tough enough that it doesn’t peel or chip. I think it also helps to keep your hands moisturized so you don’t have ragged edges that are attractive for biting.

      • Anonymous

        Definitely try this OP, but as a counterpoint: I used to be a nail biter, kicked the habit, and now I find gel makes me more prone to picking, not less. I stoped biting my using Sally Jansens hard as nails: it helped my nails grow faster and it tastes bad.

    • Anon

      I bit my nails for years and years and then just decided to stop. And I did. The key was always keeping them trimmed short enough that there was nothing I was tempted to bite. If there is, I trim it immediately.

    • Anon

      Maybe a bit extreme but getting Invisalign finally broke my habit. Couldn’t bite my nails or cuticles with the trays on.

    • Bette

      Don’t just put on the cuticle oil once a day – slather it on every time you think about it! When I was trying to break my cuticle picking habit I literally kept like five little clicky pens of oil stationed everywhere (desk, car, nightstand, etc). Now I use the Dior apricot stuff everyone raves about once at night before bed. It really is as good as everyone says.

  8. Cb

    My work city housemate has covid and is really ill. I’ve booked a very cheap hotel and will mask up and get my stuff tomorrow after work/bring her anything she needs. I don’t want her to have to mask up at home, when she’s already feeling rubbish, and I’m immunocompromised so can’t just chance it. But argh… it’s only 2:30pm and I’m already over this week.

    • Anon

      No wonder you are feeling over this week. Sending you wishes for quiet and sleep and continued covid negative test results.

      • Cb

        Yes, we last saw each other Thursday night and she didn’t start feeling poorly until last night, so hopefully I avoided the exposure.

        • Pogo

          UGH same. My dad was over Saturday night, started feeling sick yesterday and tested positive. So technically we’re all close contacts, though the CDC is like, “live your life!” ugh. just not what I wanted to be dealing with this week.

        • Anon

          My daughter was home the weekend before last week, and came down with COVID on Tuesday. She may have had it already on Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t catch it. All of us are as vaccinated as can be but I’m also high risk (take humira and a DMARD for RA) so I’m really really careful. In your shoes I’m not sure I’d go into the apartment even masked.

    • Anonymous

      I think you can ask her to mask up briefly while you pick up your stuff right? Or are you saying you don’t want her to have to wear a mask 24/7 and that’s why you’re getting a hotel? Even if she wore a mask at home the contact is too close and too prolonged for that to be an acceptable solution if you’re immunocompromised. So, you’re doing the right thing! Sorry this happened and hope you stay well!

    • Anonymous

      Didn’t you just have COVID over the holidays? It is possible to get it again quickly but pretty unlikely.

      • Anon

        Household contact is a high viral load though. The only people I know who got it twice in quick succession had a household contact with it the second time.

        • Cb

          Yep, a mild case just before Christmas. But it’s probably worth the £300 in hotels for my sanity.
          She’ll mask while I come in and get my clothes, yoga mat, etc.

      • Anon

        Are you sure this is correct? I thought that most countries weren’t counting reinfections prior to 90 days, so we had no good data on this. But a few studies that used sequencing to check if a reinfection was “the same infection popping up again” or a new one were able to confirm reinfection is possible within a few weeks if it’s a different variant.

          • Anon

            I just don’t see how we could know how likely it is given the way data is being gathered. We know it’s possible. It could be more frequent than we realized if people are chalking up symptoms to the previous infection (for example, a cough) or assuming they caught something else like a stomach bug.

      • Anon

        I live a careful life, no restaurants or parties, except for a few big work meetings that are mandatory and where I stand out as in the 2% who are masked. I contracted covid with about 10 weeks between transmissions after two of these meetings. Also fully vaxxed and boosted, FWIW.

  9. Anon

    Re home-use COVID tests, OMG they seem to expire quickly. The tests from our last bout (September) all seem to expire in February. Do you all just perpetually toss and rebuy? A family of 4 goes through at least 8 tests when anyone has it (and often at least 4 if anyone has a symptom). Then we go through some uneventful months. But for travel, elderly relative visits, etc., we often test. I guess we need stronger household inventory (FIFO is what we are currently doing). Is an expired test likely to skew negative? Ugh. I guess I need to bring my readers into the store to make sure I’m not buying things about to expire.

    • Anon

      I know the government announced that the expiration dates could be extended for most tests, but I forget by how much. Google should be able to tell you, though.

      • Anon

        They did, and it varies depending on brand – definitely check that info before tossing!

          • anonshmanon

            just to elaborate on that: Know how a positive test is two lines, and negative is still one line? That one line is the control line (so unhelpfully labeled C but I digress). It will not appear if the test is not working as designed. There is a very high chance that this would happen if your test ‘goes off’, so you know instantly to take another test. That is why I don’t worry too much about the expiration date. There is of course a remaining possibility that the control line will appear and something is wrong anyway, but at this point, the chance that you test negative and three days later test positive because the viral load progresses is much higher.
            In practice, I use expired tests for peace of mind (i.e. after traveling or I woke up with a mild headache), and non expired tests if the stakes are higher (I’m going to visit someone vulnerable or attend a big meeting).

          • Liza

            This is so helpful re: understanding what the control line means. My MIL took a COVID test at our home over the holidays that had expired one month previous, and it was positive. She was very skeptical of the results based on the fact that the test was expired. I had a feeling there was almost no chance an expired test would show a false positive (if anything, the reagents would expire and show a false negative), but I didn’t really know how to explain it.

      • PolyD

        Yeah, I think the expiration dates were really conservative when the kits were issued so they have been updated. And, good points about the control line.

    • Anonymous

      We are having this problem too! I recall that the FDA (I think, it was someone official) extended the expiration dates of a bunch of tests last year, so I am proceeding on the assumption that the dates are more like guidelines and they don’t immediately go bad. Going with the same FIFO procedure you describe.

    • Anon

      Yeah I just use them. Fwiw when my husband had Covid he showed positive immediately on tests that were technically expired. I wouldn’t use one that expired a year ago, but a few months is no big deal.

    • Anon.

      FWIW, many OTC tests have a much longer shelf life in Europe, due to different regulatory requirements.
      I work for one of the big healthcare companies with Covid tests in their portfolio, and PERSONALLY I would use up the tests you have, unless you’re, let’s say, years over the date. Of course this is not what the official and approved message is.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Just FYI – I did get false negatives from expired tests. They had the control line.

      • anonshmanon

        Does this mean that you ended up testing positive a few days later, or on the same day with PCR or with a non expired test?

      • Anon

        To be fair, false negatives aren’t really rare on brand new tests (I think it’s a 30% false negative rate with current variants).

  10. Going off antidepressants

    I am looking for personal experiences and insight into going off antidepressants. I started Wellbutrin for depression in September 2021. My main symptoms of depression were extreme irritability and rage and a general lack of confidence in myself resulting in a lot of irrational indecision. The Wellbutrin helped a lot. Looking back now I am really amazed at how my attitude and behaviors have changed, especially the way that I treat my kids and husband (mainly not yelling and being able to stay calm and not bothered by minor annoyances and problems). I also started weekly therapy in September of 2022.

    I have been thinking of going off the Wellbutrin. My therapist had me complete the Beck’s depression inventory over the course of a few weeks and the results indicated that I was not depressed currently (while on medication). I did that to get a baseline so I could see how things changed if I decided to go off. I’m really just torn between feeling like things are great now so why rock the boat vs. deciding if I am okay with being on medication long term. I’m also wondering what it will feel like to go off.

    Can anyone share their experience making this decision or their experience weaning off Wellbutrin? I am discussing this with both my therapist and the psychologist who prescribed the meds, so I am not looking for medical advice. I understand this is a very personal decision. I’m just curious what others have experienced.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve never taken Wellbutrin solo, only in conjunction with SSRIs, but don’t recall having any trouble weaning off of it specifically. I have taken antidepressants for periods of several years or more at 3 different times in my life and then stopped taking them in between for several years. For me, I always stopped because of long-term s*xual side effects associated with SSRIs that bothered me. If I tapered slowly, I was generally fine going off. One benefit of not being on medication is that sometimes it can make your symptoms easier to notice, which can make therapy a bit more effective I think (I mean only if your symptoms are very mild!); I didn’t really realize how much anxiety I deal with constantly until I went off medication for a while. But that also didn’t allow me to free myself from it, and I’m back on medication right now after a 7 year break. It is nice to know it is there if you need it. One other thing to note – it is possible to relapse while still on medication; that happened to me in my 20s (I’m now 46). I had been taking SSRIs for a few years at that point. After trying something else that didn’t work for a few months, I went back on the medication I had been taking and it worked. In hindsight, I probably should have just been told to increase the dosage, but I wasn’t getting the best medical care at the time.

    • Curious

      This is a wonderful story! I’m so glad you’ve had such good results.

      I went on Citalopram in mid-2015 and weaned in mid-2016 after therapy. I was good for a year or so, but symptoms returned and then some in 2018, and I waited too long to go back on. I think it’s totally reasonable to try weaning off, but have a system with yourself and your partner to detect relapse and return to meds with no shame. Some of us just have a baseline that does a lot better with meds, especially in certain circumstances (in my case, living in the PNW with dark, rainy winters).

      So much love in your journey!

    • Anon

      I can’t speak to whether or not you should stop the medication, but I didn’t have any issues with withdrawal, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s much easier to stop than lots of other drugs I’ve taken.

      • Nancy

        Yes, Wellbutrin is supposed to be an easy-on, easy-off medicine. That’s why my therapist put me on it (vs. a different antidepressant).

    • Anon

      Those are my depression symptoms and I tried weaning off various drugs several times, only to discover that I liked myself better when I was on them than off. I’m glad you’re feeling better, but if you discover you’re better on them, there’s no shame in continuing a drug that helps you be your best you. Good luck whatever you decide. Ditto the others that Wellbutrin isn’t bad to come off of.

      • Anon

        Agreed. I’ve been on and off Wellbutrin several times and I am better off on it. It’s possible that I have undiagnosed ADHD in addition to diagnosed depression. The depression comes back after a while if I go off meds, and I find it easier to just stay on than constantly keeping an eye out for symptoms, and then having to make an appointment to get a prescription, etc.

    • Anonamoma

      Wellbutrin is one of the easiest antidepressants to stop in terms of withdrawal symptoms, IME. The only real side effect I had from stopping Wellbutrin was fatigue. I have also weaned off of SSRIs without any major issues (even when I had to go cold turkey due to throwing them up when I had severe pregnancy sickness).

      Now in terms of the reappearance of depression symptoms- that’s another story. I definitely think it would be a good idea to keep some sort of log or journal about your mood and overall feelings. For me, depressive and anxiety symptoms reappeared slowly over quite a long time. When the change is gradual like that, it’s pretty easy to miss until you get back to a breaking point.

      Is there a reason you want to stop taking Wellbutrin? Are you having side effects?

    • Anon

      I’ve gone on and off Wellbutrin before. Wellbutrin isn’t known for having a discontinuation syndrome (it’s not like SSRIs). The half life is also super long!

      Wellbutrin is known for having a kind of long ramp up period, so if you quit it and feel worse and decide to go back on it, you may have to go through the ramp up period again.

      One thing to just know is that Wellbutrin is off-label for ADHD. If Wellbutrin is treating a bout of depression which has now passed, going off it may make more sense than if it is treating e.g. emotional dysregulation from ADHD (which would likely come right back since ADHD isn’t a temporary thing).

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      I stopped Wellbutrin probably about 2 months ago (had to stop cold turkey as it turns out you cannot be prescribed it in the UK for depression or anxiety and I had run out…). I feel fine and haven’t had any side effects from stopping. Years ago, I stopped Lexapro and had a huge anxiety flare up, but my anxiety seems to be maintaining at a relatively under control level this time.

    • Anon

      You just described how well Wellbutrin is working for you before abruptly saying you want to go off it. Why????

      • Anon

        Maybe because she wants to? What makes you think your entitled to more of an explanation than that?

      • Seventh Sister

        While I know that some physicians believe you can take certain SSRI-type meds indefinitely, I’m skeptical of that position.

        Though I’m usually pretty pro-conventional medicine and treatment, it does seem like there is a long and storied history of various prescription meds being touted as wonder drugs that anyone can and should take for X, then that drug gets pulled from the market for some real dangerous side effect.

        Related: I am kind of appalled at the new AAP recommendations for obese kids because using that particular drug in kids is an off-label use (unless there has been a recent change I couldn’t find online).

        • Anonymous

          SSRIs have been around for roughly 25 years though; they aren’t exactly new wonder drugs at this point. Wellbutrin is also not an SSRI.

        • Anon

          Wellbutrin has been around since 1985. It’s not like it just came out.

          SSRIs are really different because (a) they poop out, (b) they really do cause discontinuation, so people can get trapped in a cycle of treating withdrawal from the previous SSRI.

        • Anon

          But would you say that for someone who has to be on insulin long term, or blood thinners? My brain needs these medications to work correctly, hence I will eb on them for the rest of my life. I am not taking psychiatric meds for the fun of it.

          • Anon

            +1 I’m on Synthroid for life.

            The reason I asked why you wanted to go off, OP, (and this is my only follow up comment, I don’t know who those other people are) is because when people are medicated and feel better they often think they’re “fixed” when it’s actually the medication working. That’s why I asked. Just a data point to consider.

            Mental health is health. There is no shame in needing a medication to function properly, just like any other health issue.

    • Anon

      My husband and brother want me stay on Lexapro. I can’t tell the difference, but they can.

  11. Creepy emoji face

    that Monday morning I have 474743 meetings this week, 58348282 projects, and even though my raise seems to have processed I still hate it here feeling.

    oh, and the new kid starts. hopefully he’s better than our last hire, who is still here and still doesn’t know how to make a peanut butter jelly sandwich, even with step by step and repeated demos and training opportunities here at the pbj factory.

    • test run

      Sending much sympathy and hopes that at least a few of those meetings get randomly canceled.

    • Anon

      If your experience is anything like mine as a manager, it’s just about time for the last hire to start bugging you about promotion and new opportunities.

  12. Cora

    I applied for a job last week and just got an email to take 15 minute assessment. It turned out to be a SAT type test, with the same type of algebra problems and vocab questions and reading comprehension questions. This is for a mid level position. Is this normal / common?

    • Anon

      I have seen this a few times. I am not bothered by short assessments; I decline any project that takes multiple hours.

      What I always tell people about tests: it’s not the test that matters, it’s what they do with the results that matters. Is it a very basic cutoff to ensure that people they hire have an IQ above 95, or is it used as a replacement for your work experience?

      • Cora

        This is what I thought – 15 minute test, sure I can take it. But it makes me wonder about the decision making process of a company that decides to give this test.

        • Anon

          Ask them. If they are weirded out by explaining their interview process, they aren’t a good company.

          I will caution you that a lot of companies use all sorts of proxies for raw intelligence and no one bats an eye. There are degree requirements for jobs that do not really require a degree. When companies hire huge numbers from Ivies and not from state schools, they are hiring kids who got into those top schools because they rocked the SAT (or maybe were legacies or athletes). Sometimes, people with hard degrees (like engineering) leave the field, do something else, and get a boost in hiring because their degree says “smart.”

      • Anonymous

        If you’re administering a test to make sure your applicants meet an IQ cut off your whole hiring process is trash

        • Anon

          There was a time I would have agreed with this, but in our efforts to expand our applicant pool we are looking at people who graduated from small, regional, rural colleges for entry level positions and honestly I am not sure how some of them graduated from high school.

          Don’t misunderstand me – a lot of them are great. They went to those schools because that was what they could afford or they had family reasons for staying local, but we have hired people with college degrees who are just not intellectually capable of doing the job without so much hand-holding that they are useless.

          • Anon

            This exactly. My husband is a prof at a regional comprehensive, and his students run the gamut from brilliant kids whose parents have a 9th grade education to kids who just don’t belong in college. If you want to expand your applicant pool and not leave talent on the table, you look at those kids but find some way of quickly sorting them.

      • Anon

        Agree about the long tests. The last place I interviewed asked me to write up and present a detailed plan for a certain type of specialty finance transaction. It was the kind of thing you’d pay a niche consultant tens of thousand of dollars to do. I noped right out of that one.

        In fact, I then became a niche consultant.

    • Anon

      My company is required to do this by our private equity investors. So I wouldn’t assume it’s a reflection of the firm, since I don’t think we would do it if not mandated.

      • Anonymous

        Out of curiosity, what is the rationale for the requirement and what does the company do with the data?

      • Anonymous

        If the private equity investors can dictate that you use an employment screening test that is at best meaningless and at worst counterproductive, then what else are they dictating about how the company is run and what it’s like to work there?

    • Anon

      My old company does sort of an IQ test for potential employees. I think it’s weird but on the other hand I had some great colleagues, so

  13. Curious

    Any tips for cleaning an anti-slip bath mat? We have the kind that attaches with a thousand little suction cups, and while it’s great for keeping kiddo sliding around the bath, it collects the reddish sediment in our water, as well as soap scum. Putting it in the washing machine alone hasn’t helped. Should I wash it with towels or something else that would rub it? I can clean it manually, but not nearly as often as I’d like.

    • Lily

      Are you rinsing it after ever bath and hanging to dry? That’s what we do and it works to prevent any mold from growing. If your water itself is causing the issue, can you rinse off soap, then spray with a non-toxic cleaner and hang to dry?

      • Curious

        This is probably our issue. How do you hang it to dry — rest on side of tub or sticking it to the side of the shower? We don’t have mold, luckily, but the rest is still gross.

        • Lily

          i hang it over the bath faucet and i take a moment to press it on there so that the suction cups hold it onto the faucet. sometimes it’ll fall off overnight but usually it’s already dry by then.

        • Anonymous

          We flip it over and hang it over the side of the tub with suction cups facing up.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Are you talking about the plastic kind? I spray it with bleach tub cleaner when I do the rest of the tub. I’ve never put it in the wash but that reminds me, I need to wash my shower curtain + liner.

      • Anon

        I keep a spray bottle of bleach water and periodically spray down my shower curtain liner and non-skid mat at night. Then in the morning I spray it off as I am getting in the shower. It keeps the mildew from growing. And I pull it up and clean it when I clean the bathtub – but getting it on and off is a pain so that does not happen with every use.

    • Anon

      I use a bunch of separate, small suction cup “flowers” that I can place where I choose. When they get scuzzy, I toss them in a mess bag and wash in the washing machine with bleach. I don’t know if they are still available as mine are years old.

    • Jules

      I take mine off and use the suction cups to attach it to the tile walls of the bathtub/shower (moving it around from one place to another each time, so no one spot gets that moisture all the time). And I do wash it in the machine, with the bath rugs and the old towels we use for wiping the dog’s feet and as rags. It probably would be fine to wash it with the good bath towels, but I don’t.

  14. Florida recommendations

    This group is great with vacation suggestions so hoping for some advice: my husband and I are looking for a Florida destination in April where we can go for a few days, sit by a pool, eat good food, and just relax. Ideally would like something that is a short Uber from a major airport and we don’t need transportation once we’re at the hotel either because it’s in a walkable area or because it is more of a resort that can keep us entertained for two days. Don’t need adults-only, but don’t want to be in a total kid zone. Would love to hear any location or specific hotel recommendations from people more familiar with Florida than me!

    • anon

      It’s an older crowd, but I really do love Naples as low key relaxing. Walkability is a bit hit or miss between resort and downtown but once you are in downtown it is very walkable.

      • Cat

        The beachfront hotels may or may not be reopened by April, though – a lot of places are still closed for repairs from Ian.

      • DeepSouth

        I did Marco Island, outside of Naples, at Christmas. It’s a great low key beach town. Lots of restaurants in walking distance of the big Hilton and the JW.

      • Anon

        Really depends on how strongly the OP feels about the short Uber ride. Naples is 30 miles from the airport and Marco is 50 miles from the airport.

    • Liza

      30A, Seaside, seems like a cute walkable community with a chill vibe – not sure about airport proximity

      • Anon

        I wouldn’t describe 30A as walkable, even by Florida standards. It’s a highway that runs along the coast through lots of cute towns and pretty beaches. Staying in tiny Seaside village without a car would get boring and you’d be missing out on a lot of what the area has to offer.

        I think Miami Beach and Palm Beach are a better bet for what OP wants. Much greater variety of restaurants and things to do within walking distance.

    • Smokey

      I would look into Tampa or Fort Lauderdale. By April most of the snowbirds and Spring breakers should be gone.

    • Anon

      Fly into Orlando and go to Winter Park. Stay at the lovely Alfond Inn. Walk to so many good restaurants on Park Avenue. Shop on Park Ave or enjoy the small museum full of Tiffany glass. Or take the train (the train station is in the park in front of – you guessed it – Park Avenue) elsewhere. Or just chill and let Alfond Inn staff pamper you. Enjoy!

      • Anon

        I wouldn’t go anywhere near Orlando if I was looking for an adult trip. I had to fly there for work and 99% of the plane was families. (I don’t dislike kids and I’m a mom, but I can’t imagine choosing to vacation there unless I was with my kids and looking to be surrounded by kids.)

    • SC

      I’d look at St. Petersburg, Florida. The Don Cesar is a beautiful, beach front resort. Not kid-free, but not kid-friendly either. I don’t know that I would consider the area walkable, but you wouldn’t need to leave the resort for 2 days. The Vinoy is in downtown St. Petersburg, which is walkable and has great museums and restaurants. It has a large pool, spa, and golf course, but is not on the beach.

  15. Anonymous

    Wwyd: DH and I recently moved to an area where I know a couple of people, somewhat distantly but enough to hang out, and he knows no one. I caught wind from one of the single ladies that a bunch of the guys hang out to watch sports every week. She doesn’t attend, and she knows I don’t sports, but thought DH might enjoy the guy time. DH connected with one of the guys to find out where and when. He went yesterday, I guess there was some big sports thing happening?, and it was all couples, he was the only solo person there. I felt badly for not going with him, I thought it was going to be all guys. Idk if the ladies were there because it was a big game or if they’re always there. A lot of them like sports, so now that I think of it, it makes sense that it’s more of a couples thing than a guy thing. Is it weird if I don’t go to these hangouts, given that I’d be the only woman SO not there? The thought of spending hours in a loud packed bar gives me hives a little. And having a couple hours to myself at home is blissful. But I don’t want it to seem like I don’t like these folks.

    • Lily

      How about attending occasionally (maybe 1 out of every 3 or 4 times?) to show your face, support your husband and maybe even meet some new friends?

    • Anon

      I’d make an appearance but take separate cars so you can leave at halftime. Go, have a beer and some food and then have some set excuse to leave early. That way you are both still socializing but you don’t have to stay as long. In the alternative, go every other get together. I think this also lets you socialize more with the women, if that’s something you are interested in. Also, yesterday was a big game. I think it was the championship playoffs to see who makes it to the super bowl. My employer had an event at an upscale bar and I went even though I couldn’t care less about football.

      • Anon

        This is a good plan. If your husband felt awkward, it was probably just at the beginning before he really got into the game.

    • Anon

      Could you go on occasion but not every week? Or go for a half and then go home early? My friends (both men and women) are all sports fans, but many of the women (myself included) only care about watching our team. I’ll go over to watch my team but the guys will watch every game played so I’ll hang out for a while and then head out.

      The big sports thing happening was the AFC and NFC playoffs (the 2 leagues in the NFL); the two winners of yesterday’s games will be playing in the Super Bowl on 2/12. Since it was the playoffs, there might have been more women attending as opposed to a regular season Sunday. That being said – lots of non-sports people love Super Bowl parties (for the food and the commercials at the very least), so you may have more fun getting together with everyone for that in 2 weeks.

    • Anonymous

      I mean we had our friends over yesterday for football and the women just ate snacks and drank wine in the kitchen. Maybe try it once and see if it’s fun? If it’s not you can explain that you like them, you’re just that into the game or the bar or whatever. Or do what I do and say you have to do x and show up toward the end of the game to say hi for a little bit.

    • anon

      I think you go at the beginning to support your husband and help ease his transition to becoming friends with them. Once he is entrenched as one of the group, you could go less often, leave after an hour, etc.

    • af dskj

      I think go for the Super Bowl at least – you can meet some more people and its not such a sports-people-only event

    • Liza

      What does your s/o want you to do? He would have a better sense of the answer to these questions, i.e., is it typical for people to attend as couples, was it weird for him to go solo, is he planning to go back, etc.

      Definitely not weird for you not to go if you’re not into sports. In fact as a lady-who-is-into-sports, I am not a fan of “couples'” outings where the women don’t actually watch the game and I’m expected to also ignore the game in favor of small talk, lol. But that may be the vibe in your case, that the women stand around and chat while the guys watch the game. Maybe go once and see what’s up for yourself. If everyone else is glued to the game and you’re scrolling your phone out of boredom, don’t go back. You can even leave after a drink or two if it’s not fun!

      • Anon

        Yes! As a woman who likes sports I hate that these gatherings often divide like a middle school dance: men watching the game, women chatting elsewhere

  16. Duckles

    Design question: all design content I see starts out with 11’ ceilings and reading nooks. I have 8’ ceilings and absolutely no built ins, paneling, or other vintage charm in any way. Any recommendations for more realistic design inspo sources?

    • Anonymous

      Try a pintrest search for the style of your home. “60s ranch style home renovation” or whatever. You’ll get a better idea of what people are doing with homes like yours. I love houses and decorating and I find my “charmless” 1960s ranch more fun to decorate than my super charming Victorian was. You’re not boxed into any design style and you don’t need to worry about ruining original features when you tear out walls or redo floors. I whitewashed all the floors and added awesome lighting and cool art and now it’s got a Scandinavian beach house vibe. But really you can do anything.

  17. Anon

    I NEED this week to be a good week on the job search front. I need either a positive reply to a job I applied for recently, or new jobs to be posted for me to apply to! PLEASE JOB GODS!

  18. I'm trying but failing

    Apologies for the jumbled thoughts I’m about to share, but I needed a place to vent…
    I feel like I’m just treading water until I get laid off or fired. I graduated with my MBA in May and started this job in June. I’m part of a rotational program and this is my first rotation of 3. I just cannot seem to do a good job for more than a few days at a time. Every time things are looking up and I score a few wins, I have a 1:1 with my manager or a team meeting where it feels like I’m so behind, making so many mistakes, dropping balls left and right. It’s one step forward, two steps back. I like my team and manager, and I don’t think my manager is bad at managing… in fact she’s on the short list with our rotational program as one of the best managers for new hires to the company. In everything that’s gone wrong, I’m the common denominator and I can’t figure out how to dig myself out of this hole. In a few instances, I’ve been able to see in hindsight how I could’ve been more proactive or communicated better, but something is off/goes wrong often enough, that I’m sure my manager thinks I’m underperforming and not worth my salary. What makes this worse for me is that critical feedback is vague and I can’t point to explicit instances where I’ve been told I disappointed expectations or didn’t deliver, but it’s the undertone of basically every conversation. I find myself seeking guidance/advice from my manager and a high performing teammate frequently because I want to make sure I don’t make mistakes, but I think I’m starting to get on their nerves and they feel I should be able to figure it out for myself. However, every time I try to talk about it, my manager softens feedback with questions asking how she can support me better, which is appreciated but not the direct evaluation I’ve asked for. My annual review (my company does them every January) wasn’t glowing, but didn’t include any clear actionable feedback or constructive criticism, despite my explicitly saying I want to improve and asking for it. In light of this, I’m not expecting a bonus or raise, but maybe a COL adjustment. With so many layoffs in the news recently, I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time until it’s my turn. I’ve always been a high performer everywhere else I’ve worked, and was a high performer in college and my MBA program, but I can’t figure out how to course correct here. In the context of the rotational program, our current managers are asked for their input before we transition roles and I feel like she’s only going to have lukewarm things to say about how I have a good attitude but nothing positive on my actual performance, so I can’t start fresh on a new team either. I just feel like I’m drowning despite trying my best.

      • I'm trying but failing

        I have, but I’m afraid of what that will do to the professional relationships at my current company. Bailing on a rotational program before finishing it is one of the easiest way to burn bridges from what I’ve seen. Of course if I find a great opportunity that feels like a much better fit, I wouldn’t ignore it, but I’m also concerned about the risk of being last in given the recent lay off news…. what if I switch companies only to get laid off within weeks or months?

        • I'm trying but failing

          I should add, I received significant sign on and relocation compensation as well, so that also motivates me to want to stick it out until the 1 year mark at least so that I don’t have to pay those back.

          • anon

            That all makes sense, but it can take awhile to find a new position. So I’d start now, even if you’re hoping to make it a year.

    • JTM

      Can you find a peer mentor? Maybe someone who has graduated from the rotational program, or is at least 1 rotation ahead of you that can give you pointers, be someone for you to bounce things off of? Or even someone else in your rotation that you can talk to & bounce things off of?

      • I'm trying but failing

        Thanks, JTM. I have a good relationship with most of my cohort have two people in particular I’m able to discuss issues like this with. I’ve also reached out to someone in who is in her 3rd rotation (out of 3) in an attempt to build a closer relationship/be able to ask for guidance.
        However, they all just assume that I’m a high performer here like I have been previously (one of them attended the same MBA program as me and another knows a former boss of mine from a different organization) and that it’s just imposter syndrome talking so they tend to offer encouragement rather than advice.

    • Anon

      Can you give any examples of the type of mistakes you’re making or balls you’re dropping? Otherwise it’s pretty difficult to evaluate whether this is imposter syndrome/anxiety or well-founded concerns over your performance. It could just not be a cultural fit if you’ve never had this experience before.

    • Anon

      Is this a situation where everyone is terrible at first, like every new lawyer is going to have their first few assignments torn to shreds and it’s a huge shock when they are used to being so good at everything? I would try to talk to your manager, peers, someone you know from your MBA program, etc. I would keep all options open as far as talking to someone for guidance as well as getting your resume together unfortunately. I think leaving this company so soon is a worst case scenario though.

    • Curious

      One thing: “I feel like” isn’t useful data. If you feel like you’re underperforming, but you don’t have concrete data, it’s even possible that you have anxiety that is blowing this out of proportion (and causing you to act in ways that are irritating, like seeking constant validation, which eventually does mean underperformance). Is there a way you can get more specific about what’s going wrong? (“I got overwhelmed with the four tasks for Project X and didn’t alert people to the risk.” “I missed a deadline for Project Y.”) Just getting that down on paper can help you seek more concrete feedback (“I noticed I was late here. I’m thinking I need to course correct by doing X, but that means I’ll need to spend less time on Y. Is that the right choice?”) and mitigate your own anxiety.

      • I'm trying but failing

        Thanks, Curious this is helpful to flag the possibility that anxiety could be making this worse. I am a somewhat anxious person and always have been, but this feels different to previous workplaces where I may have been anxious about achieving my goals but could still gauge my performance somewhat and performed well overall (though your point about “I feel like” isn’t useful data is well taken). I consistently receive cues from my boss and team that they’re underwhelmed by my work. I’ve been volunteering for tasks that I think I can do better at to show that I am more capable than I’ve been appearing so far, but they’re not core to our work, so wins there aren’t as valuable as wins related to our core priorities.

      • Curious

        (And if you don’t have anything specific about a task, you can also narrate facts of others’ reactions. “Hey, Jane winced when I said X last week. Can you help me understand why and what I can do better?”)

    • Anon

      Can you give us concrete examples of what you did wrong? I am a manager and have had rotational MBAs in my team (do we work for the same company? I know I’m not your boss though since I haven’t had anyone in my team in the last year) so might be able to help with specifics.

      • I'm trying but failing

        Responding to you and Anon 12:08pm both here:

        -a recent presentation where the verbal content was great but the slides were underwhelming (maybe even “a mess”). I worked very hard on the research and incorporated feedback along the way, but the final visual product was just meh.
        -a recent meeting with another team where I didn’t prepare an agenda because I thought my manager wanted to to drive the conversation in response to some communication difficulties we had been having with that team. I thought the meeting was a more re-set type of conversation to make sure our teams can communicate better and boss wanted to clarify expectations and such. Boss thought it was a normal meeting and was not happy with me not sharing a more detailed agenda.
        -a project where I misunderstood what my boss wanted and delivered only half the analysis she was looking for, so I had to take another month to re-do the analysis and by the time I did, it was no longer relevant
        -Needing significantly more guidance than other teammates to get started on a new project or task and leaning more on my manager to help with cross-team communication whereas my teammates seem to be able to work independent and simply share updates with her and pull her in as needed. To the point that my manager has said at least twice, “I think it’s time for you to own/drive this”

        • Anon

          The common thread I hear is your manager is not a great communicator. Please re-post your question early on the Friday morning thread and include your 4 examples. I think people need to see your examples to give accurate feedback. Hang in there!

  19. Anonymous

    Ladies with ADD/ADHD, what careers have you found rewarding? And what types of work/careers ran counter to your ADHD?

    Same with school- what were some of your most successful subjects vs ones you struggled with?

    I’m helping my daughter navigate school and we are both trying to figure out where she can really lean in vs where she has to fight her ADHD the entire time. Part of it is personality, too, of course, but from what she’s describing to me, a lot of what she’s pushing back against has a lot to do with her learning style. We were talking about careers/jobs this weekend and I thought this board might be a good place for some suggestions!

    • anon

      I was a prosecutor for 8 years and although I don’t have ADD or ADHD it would be a great fit for people who do (assuming they can get through law school and pass the bar.) I always had dozens of different tasks at once, would run court lists of about 50 cases daily, and it was super fast paced. I very very rarely had to spend multiple hours on one particular task and would spend only about half the day at my desk. I thrived on being in court, juggling many things at once, switching back and forth between things, talking to people, and NOT spending time researching and writing.

      • anon

        I think this is perhaps a misunderstanding of what is difficult for people with ADD. It’s not simply inability to sit at a desk. Being a prosecutor is keeping track of dozens of deadlines at a time, having to be really organized, having to be very self directed in moving your cases forward, and having to both be on time and deal with different judges wanting you to be in multiple places at once. There’s evidence that those with ADD actually do better where they can focus uninterrupted on something they are interested in doing.

          • anon for this

            I have ADHD and enjoyed my years as a prosecutor quite a bit. Unlike my current law firm gig, I didn’t have time to wonder which project I wanted to work on – I just had to keep moving. Lots of unitasking, lots of drama to keep my interest.

        • Anon

          Just for whatever it’s worth (I answered with a book below), my particular flavor of ADD loves, loves, loves the intensity of managing a tricky schedule or something with lots of logistics. It’s extremely calming for me to jump in and organize/manage all the things, and to jump from activity to activity, especially if I have a tight timeframe in which to accomplish the things. I cannot do open ended tasks. As a great example, I can manage logistics for the entire 6th grade band to fly out to an international band competition, but I have a really hard time remembering to have groceries regularly at the house. So, like everything, to answer the OP, a lot depends on what your kid likes, and how their ADD manifests.

          • Anon

            This is a great description of my sister and my BFF, both of whom are adult-diagnosed ADD.

        • Anon

          I found being a public defender with 100 cases and quick turnaround was easier to manage than working a case load of 10 with intense litigation requiring detailed reading, research and motion practice. I did find, as a PD, that it was helpful to keep every single file on top of my desk in standup wire files. Years later, I learned the files out thing is an ADHD hack.

      • Anon

        +1 to this, but for me, the anxiety associated with fear of missing something eventually became overwhelming, so I switched practice areas. Long story, but I muscled my way into going in house, then eventually started a solo shop where I provide general counsel work for small businesses. Solo work is the best for me because I don’t have to be accountable to anyone’s schedule and I can be really flexible in how I bill. I offer a retainer option with a monthly hour cap, which means I have moved away from billing every minute (which I really struggled to do — I just need to generally track how close my clients get to their cap, and even then, I can use my discretion in whether to write off the overage), and I can schedule my days so that I’m working during the hours I’m most productive, rather than being chained to a schedule that doesn’t line up with my most productive hours.

        I add in exercise as well, which is necessary for me to manage my anxiety, and helps keep me more productive. I’m also the parent of a big family of kids who do all the activities. Although I’m sure we appear to be the stereotypical overscheduled family, my neuro diverse crew needs a lot of physical activity in structured activities, and knowing I have lots of evening activities also helps me stay on task during the day.

        Pre kid, I filled extra hours with competitive sports leagues. The structured practice schedules help add a routine to my day that I now get from my kids.

        I struggled the most in my life during open ended periods where I had lots of time to do broad tasks — law school was hard for me (lots of stuff to do, not a ton of structure in how it got done — in hindsight, I probably would have gotten better grades if I had also worked through law school), as was a job where there weren’t many deadlines for long term projects. Also, I absolutely excelled professionally, but struggled immensely with anxiety, in jobs where I was hyper busy but the consequences for a missed deadline or dropped ball were significant.

        Since you are working through this with your daughter, I wish I would have been able to identify at an earlier age that I used anxiety to fuel a lot of my early successes. I was an extremely successful athlete and student, but I was basically being driven by being hyper focused all the time and was constantly operating at like a 10. I don’t have an answer, but I’m working on it with my own kids right now.

    • anon

      It really depends on your daughter and what she finds interesting and what she finds tedious. If it is a subject that she finds interesting, it will work better as she leans into her hyperfocus. And, if she is someone that really needs a lot of physical activity, you might want to actually consider the trades (which make a lot more than you think).

      • Anne-on

        This. I truly think that college can be a dream for kids with ADHD because you can hyperfocus on your chosen interests for about the first time ever (aside from the required courses) AND you have so many supports/guardrails (meal plans, counseling services, office hours, etc.).
        I’d encourage her to figure out what she likes, what is tedious but bearable, and what is AWFUL for her. For me – writing/reading/researching/communicating is amazing, tedious but bearable is business courses/econ or practical science/maths (biology, earth sciences), and awful is rote memorization/theoretical math/languages/debate centric courses (philosophy, statistics, advanced calculus). I’d also encourage her to have conversations with adults – what do they like, tolerate, and hate about their jobs – it can help her get a better sense of what some options might be.

        • Anonymous

          Not all colleges have those supports and guardrails, though, and even if they do some students with ADHD may not be able to access them. I went to a top-tier large public research university and I guarantee you that even in my small classes where the professor should notice if someone was skipping class, no professor would have bothered to reach out if I had suddenly stopped showing up. I went to office hours exactly twice. The first time was helpful but the second time the professor of an upper-division course in my major didn’t want to bother to discuss the reading with me.

          Even at a smaller school, kids with ADHD may refuse to go to office hours because of anxiety or shame. Kids who struggle with appetite and/or with starting tasks may not bother to walk across campus to the dining hall for meals. I am convinced that kids with ADHD need to be at the kind of small school where the adults are really looking out for the kids or they will fall through the cracks.

      • Anonymous

        Interesting that you mention trades- of my 3 kids, my ADHD daughter is the one that would be the most suited to skilled labor but…the whole aspect of running a business is totally beyond her capabilities. In fact, based on all the tradespeople I know this might be super common!

        DH is not diagnosed but has many, many of the same hallmark traits as our daughter. He’s trained as an engineer but works in a non-licensed business-of-engineering role. He got through all the schooling by brute force intelligence, did absolutely no homework ever.

        My sister was diagnosed with ADHD later in life; she’s a nurse. It’s not exactly a trade, but it’s not a desk job/very physical and comes with a lot of flexibility in terms of her schedule which I think helps. I’ve always thought my kiddo would be a great gym teacher/coach/trainer; maybe she could go into physical therapy or something like that? I’m not even a little bit kidding when I say she’d be making 80s style Jane Fonda workout videos if she even knew that was a thing :).

        My other two kids and I have, like, the opposite of ADHD– an extreme ability to pay close attention to all boring things for extended amounts of time, no need for physical stimulation, etc.

        • Anon

          I thought that statistically people with ADHD were disproportionately likely to be business owners.

          • Anon

            I’m the solo above you, and interestingly, most of my clients also have ADD/ADHD and started their own shops/gigs (I don’t take a ton of clients at a time, so we get to know each other well, and I’m obviously pretty open about my ADD). From what I’ve seen, I think it’s a combination of learning that it’s hard to fit into some else’s puzzle and that you have the energy/hyper focus/vision to start your own thing. My most successful clients know their shortcomings and work around it — for one of my clients, it was hiring an extremely effective COO to help operationalize her big picture ideas, and for me, it’s automating my admin stuff. For the OP’s daughter, it’s helping the child see her racecar brain as a huge asset, and then just scaffolding the other stuff that is a struggle.

    • Nesprin

      ADHD here. I was miserable doing admin, logistics, selling things and data entry.

      Bench science is great! You’re in charge, you get to largely set your own hours and work on interesting problems with neat people. If you can survive the training, it’s a really freeing flexible career which works to my rhythms.

    • Anon

      I need a job where I am not doing the same thing all the time. The career part has been based on my own interests and I don’t think those are necessarily swayed by having ADD. The actual job is where that becomes important.

    • Anonymous

      Just diagnosed ADHD! I did well enough in all of my subjects but I just wasn’t interested in science so dropped out of honors. Coding was interesting but the detail-oriented aspect of it made it difficult for me and frustrating to troubleshoot.

      The stuff I hate most is rote memorization (I’m decent at it but whyyyy) and having to do things a specific way because someone else decided that.

      Agree with others that having my own schedule to do things is the best – being able to hyperfocus on what I want to and when is the best. The rest of stuff gets done because there are deadlines and a schedule.

    • Trixie

      There are so many flavors of ADHD it would be difficult for this group to respond. I have ADHD, but I am well organized and have good people skills. Concentrating for a long time–especially on things I am not excited about–is very difficult for me. I suggest working with your daughter to make a list of her strengths and preferences vs. her don’t likes and cannot does. This will be a basis for generating career ideas. Focus on who she is, and what tasks and functions suit her, and ignore the ADHD for now.

  20. anon

    I’ve come to realize that I am absolutely not getting enough time to myself. Married, two kids. I don’t need a big getaway (though wouldn’t turn it down), but I am consistently not getting enough time in the day when I’m not trying to meet someone’s needs. I’m becoming resentful and anxious, like my nervous system can’t handle this much stimulation. Just hoping that it’ll happen isn’t doing the trick; I think I need to carve out some specific times when I’m Not Available. And this needs to be a daily thing, not a situation where I try to make it through until the weekend. If you’ve successfully solved this problem, how much time do you require, and how did you make it happen? I realize that I am part of the problem here because I haven’t been upfront enough about my needs.

    • Anon

      I am a morning person, similar family situation to you. Tend to get cranky towards the end of the day when I’ve finished cooking and serving dinner to the kids and dealing with all their stuff, and just need some downtime.
      My system is this – I am “off the clock” at 8pm, my husband handles bedtime. This means I sit in bed or on the sofa with a book or doing the NYT crossword and I don’t get up unless there is a real emergency. You can’t find your favorite pajamas? I may verbally tell you which drawer it is in, but I’m not getting up. I’m available for a goodnight hug or any cuddles but that’s it. My older kid will sometimes sit quietly with me and help me with a puzzle and that’s ok, though sometimes I retire to my room if I need the alone time.

      • Anne-on

        This. I started telling, not asking. My husband takes 2-3 nights a week to go to the gym? Cool. I have 2-3 nights a week to myself too. Husband isn’t home for dinner/bed routine and it’s all on me for 2-3 nights? Cool, I’ll sleep in so he can handle the morning routines those days. This does mean we only have family dinner 2-3 nights a week, the other nights the parent that is ‘on’ does dinner OR arranges ‘their’ time for after our (admittedly early) dinner time.

      • Anon

        We had something similar to this when the kids were little. By elementary school, their teachers recommended and hour of reading every night, along with a reading log. So we got them through dinner, bathing and teeth brushing and into their pajamas by 7:30 or 8:00, and then they were in their rooms with a book. That was when I went off the clock.

        When they were pre-elementary school they were in bed earlier so that helped.

        And from pre-teens on, they rarely wanted anything to do with either of us!

        Now they’re both in college and I miss all of that. I text with both of them a lot, which can be fun texting, or “I’m so stressed out, Mom” texts, but at least they still need me? When you get to this point, it feels good to be needed.

    • anon a mouse

      The only way I could make it work, and protect it from other stuff bubbling up and taking over, is to take my alone time first thing in the morning. I wake up an hour earlier than I used to and that time is MINE. Sometimes I work out, sometimes I journal, sometimes I just sit in the silence with my coffee.

    • Curious

      My best thing for this has been negotiating that I swim twice a week during the only two lap swim hours that aren’t during working hours. This makes me rigid about enforcing the time and means I get out of the house and away from it all. It’s not daily, but the total disconnect, doing something I LOVE, has really helped. Best of luck to you.

    • Anon too

      This is how I started “running,” which got me out of the house by myself for the 45-60 mins I felt I needed. My DH still does long walks most days for the same reason. If you need not just alone time but alone-in-your-house time, then I’d set up an agreed amount of time and literally schedule it with your spouse. Be fair, and flexible for when unusual circumstances come up. The first decade of parenting is really tough on this front. I’m now in my second decade of parenting, and easily have 2 hours of alone time every day after work/dinner if I want it and far more on the weekend; the teens do their own thing.

    • Anan

      My Husband and I trade off being “off the clock” from the end of dinner until bedtime, which usually ends up being about 90 mins a couple times a week. So after dinner one of us will take over clean up and bedtime and the other will disappear until the kids are ready for bedtime books. Even if I’m just using that time to pay bills, I’ve found it incredibly helpful to not have to be responsible for other people.
      On the weekends, I also try to go for a run by myself at least once.
      I also schedule happy hour with friends once every 4-6 weeks.
      Sometimes I feel guilty that I take so much time for myself – I probably take more than my husband. But he doesn’t prioritize seeing his friends and exercise as much as I do. I agree with Anne-on – you just have to “tell” not ask.

    • SC

      I get my alone time in the mornings. I wake up before my husband and son many days. My husband handles the entire morning routine, including packing lunch and morning drop-off. So, I get about 2-3 hours to myself. I try to exercise, read, get ready for work, have my breakfast and coffee, call my mom, and unload the dishwasher. (Some of these things are simultaneous, like I’ll read over breakfast and talk to my mom while unloading the dishwasher.) On weekends, my husband and son sleep in, which I am entirely incapable of doing, so I get about 2-3 hours to myself then, and I mostly stay in bed and read.

    • Anon

      Same here … married, two kids, Big Job, hardcore introvert. Every hour of my day is already scheduled – before school / work time / after school until kids’ bedtime / bed. Me time has to come out of one of those buckets, so it’s either the before school bucket (I take a 6 am yoga class and return home in time to take toddler to daycare, husband preps kids while I’m gone)or a long lunch when I can shake it and when I’ve blocked the time on my work calendar long in advance.

      I also have a recurring date with myself Thursday nights beginning after the kids go to bed until 10 or so … I wander aimlessly around Target, or exercise, or take myself out for a drink with a good book in hand.

      Also have breakfast with my parents every Sunday and leave the kids there for a couple hours afterwards … those 3 or so hours are some of most restful of my week.

    • CapHillAnon

      Oh this resonates. Night owl introvert with demanding job and three kiddos here. After years of trying all manner of things, what ultimately works is getting up for a 5am workout class and then luxuriating in the silent hours after my workout before my husband and children need to wake up. I love late nights, but this switch to extremely early morning workouts has been easier than I expected, and having a good workout plus 1.5+ hours to read, shower, eat, and THINK MY OWN THOUGHTS in a silent house is restorative and exactly what I need. It also forces me to go to sleep earlier, which feels wholesome and healthier. Good luck, and I hope you find what you need. It’s not easy.

    • Anon

      Your husband needs to either handle dinner and clean up, or bath, and getting kids ready for bed. Either way, you get 45 minutes to yourself. You absolutely deserve to go in your room to scroll or go on a walk, alone.

  21. Anon

    My DH is traveling for a few weeks and I miss him! It’s making me sappy about love. Share any sweet or cute things you love about your partners / friends / pets here if you are so inclined.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Our 14-yr old pug generally prefers my wife, but last night she cuddled with me for almost an hour. I love that crusty old lady.

        • Monday

          This is cute!

          I like…don’t think I really believed in romantic love until I met my current partner? When I was 37 and divorced? This tells you how I feel about him. What the hell was I doing for my entire life before this.

    • The intern

      My little sister is back from a month long trip (we both live at home) and it is so nice. She arrived last night (with gifts!) and I helped her unpack while we talked and then I brushed and braided her hair.

    • Notes

      Whenever we are separated because one of us is traveling for work (n.b., has not happened since March 2020 because pandemic), I write a note on fancy notecards for each day we are apart. If he is traveling, I hide them in his luggage. If I am traveling, I hide them around the house. We still have them all, and this has been going on for over a decade.

  22. Anon

    I just bought these Sketchers Easy Going – Latte shoes which are warm and comfortable. Link below.
    I have a history of dressing frumpy. Help me wear these as part of an outfit to reduce the frump factor?
    40s, size 6 pear, typically wear sweaters, jeans, pixie pants, knee-length or below skirts with flats.

  23. anon for this

    I did the thing: reached out to a few therapists over the weekend and have short chats scheduled to meet them over the next few days. What should I be asking and looking for? Is this just a general “fit” check? I’m mostly worried my overwhelmed-ness will spill out all at once and I’ll become a sobbing mess, so I want to have a few talking points to fall back on and keep me focused.

    • Monday

      Please remember that they’re used to meeting people who are overwhelmed and may cry! This is a routine part of their job. If they’re thrown off by that–connecting back to my comments on the above therapy thread–then that’s a sign that they’re just not very good. It’s not about you doing it wrong.

      If you think you may really freeze up, you could bring in a quick note to self about what you’re seeking help with. But a good therapist will lead with questions prompting you to flesh it out, at a pace you can handle. Good luck.

    • The intern

      I was a sobbing mess at my first consult with both my therapist and my psychiatrist. Don’t worry, they are very used to it (both had plenty of tissues to offer). I started on why I was there (depression was impacting my performance at work and school) and they asked some questions, but I brought written prompts or bullet points on weeks I felt there was a lot to discuss and it was well received. Also, you won’t cry every time. The only other time I did it was at the session the day after I was fired.

  24. Anon

    I am hoping I’m wrong, but my boss told me today there are going to be some organizational changes with a new exec coming in and that I’ll be impacted. Not a layoff but a reorg where I’ll focus on work that will “help me grow”. She still doesn’t know the full picture, but me and a few others will likely move, but a lot is TBD until a meeting they have in the coming weeks. I appreciate her honesty but also feel like it is ominous.

    I’ve literally worked in this job through the worst times of my life and worked hard. Nothing is ever good enough from me to my boss, and I’m just so tired. I finally have put down boundaries with work creeping into my life and now this just makes me feel like crap.

    • Growing

      Is “help you grow” a euphemism in this context? Like, for “you’ll be doing other stuff, that you don’t know how to do, that you may or may not like, and if you want a job with this company, you’ll do it and be happy about it?” Or is it really stuff that will push your career trajectory in the direction you want?

      • OP

        I have 0 idea. I’m thinking it’s probably the former. There was also talk of making sure that we were optimizing value to stakeholders (ugh) and allowing staff to shine.

        And then I was asked if I was nervous during a presentation I made on an internal call because I said “um” a lot. I let boss know I wasn’t nervous, but I’m congested and behind a mask so that was the reason. Sigh.

      • Anon

        Yeah, like “We’re giving you all these other responsibilities but we won’t be paying you more.”

  25. Anonymous

    how are you guys wearing tissue turtlenecks? by themselves? under sweaters or blazers? what necklaces are you wearing with them? TIA!

      • Anon

        Agree with no necklaces with turtlenecks, but I’m fondly/not fondly remembering when my mom’s generation were all wearing cowlnecks with thin chain necklaces and charm holders. What a look. The chain part was around the neck (not under the collar) and the charm part was sort of balanced on the cowl. I thought it was the height of sophistication at the time, but then again, I was in 2nd grade.

    • Anonymous

      I’m wearing a black turtleneck sweater with a long beaded necklace today, and I like it!

  26. MBAMags

    Paging management consultants! I just graduated from a top 20 part-time MBA program and have been applying to pivot into consulting. I’m getting feedback that due to my interior design degree and career, I have “a lack of direct and applicable experience.”

    So, do you know of volunteer/pro-bono work I could do to gain some experience and possibly network with people working in the field? Any tips/ leads appreciated!

    • Anonymous

      That seems odd to me. The point of getting an MBA is to be able to give you that pivot. I wonder if it’s snobbery around the part-time nature of the program?

      • Another Anon

        Mgmt consultant from a top 20 b school here. It’s not odd at all. This is the feedback on candidates all the time, either not enough or wrong type of work experience and school does not make up for it. Some firms care less, as long as you can really ace a case interview and speak specifically about how your skills are transferable. OP that’s my suggestion for you, as no amount of volunteer work is going to overcome a lack of actual work experience. Have you asked your career office for help?

        • Another Anon

          Shoot, used a t word.

          Mgmt consultant from a top 20 b school here. It’s not odd at all. This is the feedback on candidates all the time, either not enough or wrong type of work experience and school does not make up for it. Some firms care less, as long as you can really ace a case interview and speak specifically about how your skills are applicable. OP that’s my suggestion for you, as no amount of volunteer work is going to overcome a lack of actual work experience. Have you asked your career office for help?

    • Anon

      I work at a very large management consulting firm. Since you have already graduated, most large firms would be considering you under their experienced hire programs. My sense is the pipelines are a bit slow across all large firms right now, and most have reduced experienced hire recruiting significantly as a result. If you’re applying to large firms, this is likely something you’re encountering.

      For networking, your best bet is probably reaching out to alumni from your program. In terms of experience, valuable things to show are experience working with corporate clients (ideally with multiple stakeholders), analytical projects, and strong relationship building abilities. The most relevant volunteer work would probably be offering to do strategic projects for local non-profits.

      Can you say more about what draws you to management consulting? Is there a specific industry or type you’re interested in? You may have more luck at boutique firms, especially if you can find ones that have design as one component of their offerings (e.g., there are boutiques that focus on retail design).

      • MBAMags

        Thank you all for the feedback!
        Career services:
        I have been actively engaged with my career services team throughout my program and am still taking advantage of all the help they can offer. According to my career advisor, I am “doing all the right things.”
        Doing the networking and informational interviews with alumni at local firms here in Atlanta- both MBB/ Big 4 type and boutique- for over a year.

        I’ve been actively searching for over six months, having spent the year prior to that building a network and doing those connection interviews. I went through on-campus recruiting, as well as experienced hire applications for over 40 different firms. Out of all that, 5 first round interviews and 1 second round.

        Why consulting:
        My ideal career is varied and fast-paced, where every day is different. I love solving problems, and all of my previous work experience is project-based work with clients. I have been drawn to operational excellence/ continuous improvement, which is what prompted me to begin my MBA program, but am also interested in strategy work.

        My career advisor and I have worked hard on my resume and cover letter to highlight that I have experience working directly with clients as well as multiple stakeholders (architects, contractors, franchise representatives.) We also worked to give equal space to the practicum consulting and data projects I did in school.

        All that to say, it just doesn’t seem like “enough,” so I’m trying to think of alternate ways to show what I do have to offer.

        • Another Anon

          If you’re getting the interviews, it sounds like the work experience is less of an issue than you may think. Were they case interviews? My hunch is that you should practice your case skills rather than looking for pro bono / volunteer hours.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions