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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I'm really liking the flared skirts that are starting to be everywhere (like the Kenzo skirt we featured a few weeks ago). This black and white pattern looks flattering yet versatile. Bloomingdale's shows it with a crisp white blouse; I'd also wear it with a fitted, hip-length sweater in almost any color. It's also available in a deep-red wool blend, and Neiman Marcus has it in dark green tweed. Lovely. It's $268 at Bloomingdale's. Elie Tahari Bonnie Tweed Print Skirt
Here's a lower-priced option, and also a plus-size alternative.
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
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Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
Yay! I love a Tweed skirt, but it is warm today, and I tend to sweat in tweed, Kat! I am back from DC and the manageing partner brought in a box of Crumb’s cupcake’s and muffin’s. I told him thank’s but I am watching my tuchus, and he said that my tuchus is to small and beside’s I think he is trying to stop me from buying all new clotheing by feeding me Crumbs for my tuchus! FOOEY! b/c Rosa and I can share clotheing and if Ed buy’s it, the manageing partner does not have to pay anything for it!
I am goeing with Mason to court. He has 2 motion’s that I did NOT work on, so it will be up to him NOT to make a fool out of himself. I will report back to the hive on what hapens with the judge. YAY! For now, I will eat the chocolate muffin, but that is IT for me for today. There are about 15 other thing’s the manageing partner bought on his way in to work, but NOT for me. No sireee, not for my tuchus. I want to stay size 0! YAY!!!
Diana Barry
I think I would prefer these skirts if the top portion were more A-line than pencil and then the fluted hem was more gradual. With the pencil/exaggerated ruffle silhouette and the seam across the thigh, it often looks like 2 skirts smushed together, or like there was a peplum that just got shoved down onto the bottom of the skirt.
Scully
Something about this skirt silhouette seems frumpy/dated to me. I think circle skirts are more flattering.
Hildegarde
I agree, although I think part of the frumpiness on the black one shown is because the ruffle looks kind of sloppy and ill-defined. The red and the green look crisper, but I’d be afraid if I tried to wear this that it would wind up looking like the black one as soon as I moved around.
Miranda P.
Agreed. That is all.
(Former) Clueless Summer
I have a similar silhouette in a dress and it’s actually really flattering…maybe a bit “vintage” looking but I don’t think it’s frumpy. Depends on the body-type though. Like midi skirts, it requires high heels though.
paging Separation
How are things?
Separation
Thanks. Honestly, pretty sh!tty! Hopefully my attorney can get back to me to answer some questions I sent her yesterday (admittedly, before I signed the retainer agreement, which I have now signed). This is going to be a really long road.
Blonde Lawyer
It will be worth it in the end. Hang in there!!
Diana Barry
Hugs!
Ellen
Yes, Hug’s to you! As my Grandma Leyeh says, it is better to dump a man whose a loser then to stay with a man just to say you are with a man. Once we ladie’s all (1) understand this, and (2) live with, this rule, we will be a lot better off. As far as I am concerned, the onley thing a man can do for us is between the sheet’s, but even there, most men are onley interested in satisfying themselves, and then they just grunt and roll over and go to sleep once they are thru. When I recall all the stuff I had to put up with with my live-in drunk, I now realize that I am so much better off WITHOUT him then I ever was WITH him. FOOEY! So as the other’s say, hang in there and be glad to be rid of the looser. Once your available, in time, there will be another man who will be very willing to share your life with you. YAY!!!!
Brit
Words of Wisdom from Ellen…
tesyaa
If you read Ellen closely, you will see she always has words of wisdom.
Senior Attorney
It is going to be a long road, but believe me, it will be worth it to not have to live with somebody who makes you feel bad every day.
When I was where you are, I just kept telling myself, “One sh!tty day behind me, one less sh!tty day in front of me…” And this: “The only way out is through.”
I’m cheering you on!
A I
Yes me too! Don’t forget your EAP for someone (free) to talk things through with and free legal help.
anon-oh-no
I love this style skirt. It is super flattering on, albeit a little va, va, voom.
Anonymous
Thoughts on how long after asking for a divorce before it’s acceptable to consider dating (assuming, of course, the right person comes along)? For context, I moved out five months ago and just filed for an uncontested divorce.
Anonymous
From your perspective, whenever you’re ready. From a daters perspective, you’re still way too married for me to consider. By all means have fun, but is the right person really going to be interested in dating someone who is still married and very much hasn’t finished the process of divorce?
cbackson
Agreed with Anonymous. The fact that you’re still married will be a red flag to anyone who’s looking for something serious (which may be find with you).
Anon
+ 1 – someone who is still married is a major red flag even if you’re looking for something casual. There just seems to be too much baggage, especially this soon after filing.
Anon
I think that’s true if you’re seeking someone to get super serious with, but if you just want to get out there again and have fun, plenty of people will be fine with your state of things. I also think filing and moving out is the key for something potentially serious. I wouldn’t be too scared of your situation unless there were kids involved if I was looking for something serious too.
I've Been the New Date
I met my husband over eight years ago. His first wife had moved out two months earlier, after announcing seven months earlier that she wanted a divorce (and spending the intervening five months finding a new place to rent where the kids would be near good schools etc.).
They had been married 21 years. Much of it, I learned later, unhappily. Examples: my older stepkid recalls that they fought a lot and didn’t seem happy (younger stepkid too young to notice or in lala land or both) and she had moved out for several months before kids and then just showed up again one day and they picked up again.
I remember telling myself when I learned that they were still divorcing: If you had any sense, you’d say “thank you for dinner; it was lovely to meet you” and leave the table. But I was drawn to him, so I stayed. The first year was difficult. He became healthy at a pretty impressive clip, aided in large part by regular sessions with a very good therapist with a lot of expertise in divorce/kids/remarriages/high-conflict ex-spouses etc.
Hands down, the thing I most underestimated is the amount of chaos a high-conflict ex-ing spouse can create for a new relationship. The therapy helped us both deal with that — and create some stability for the kids, at least during the half-time they were with him.
We merged households three years after meeting, which was five+ years ago. Very happy. Very stable. Most of that I attribute to my husband’s strong mental health.
The ex was already dating someone when she left. She has been engaged three times (that we know of) since she left. Unclear if she is seeing anyone now. One thing I had not anticipated: because she appears on the surface to be “alone” — dates men who live far away, does not bring them to meet kids until the engagement, men spend very little time with kids — the younger kid takes the position that mom must be favored over dad because “woe unto her, she is alone” despite the facts that: she was the aggressor during the marriage, she demanded the divorce and kicked dad to the curb, and she is not, in point of fact, alone.
Take all this for what it is worth.
I've Been the New Date
ETA: She was serious about leaving. The house she found near the good schools was purchased during those five months by her mother and she lived in it (and claimed to pay rent, but we never saw a lease).
Anonymous
Honestly, all I take away from your posts is that you have far too much of your life wrapped up in bitterness about your step-kids mom. I really hope you can someday get help for that, instead if fretting over what the kids noticed and if they’d rather spend time with mom than dad.
“She claimed” “we never saw a lease ” “appears on the surface to be alone” “doesn’t introduce new men to kids” (that’s actually a good thing) And your impressively mentally healthy husband is the one who stayed in an unhappy marriage for 21 years and them jumped right back in with a new woman. I think the world looks different than the picture you paint.
(Former) Clueless Summer
Agreed. I wonder if this is a casualty of dating someone while they are going through divorce rather than waiting until they are out of the situation. Life is too short to be this bitter.
Anon 2
I think y’all are being a bit harsh.
Based on a small sample, I’d count a few times a friend has dated a divorced guy with kids (way post-divorce) where there has been no ex-drama. Once there are children, even a placid ex can explode. These people have a past that isn’t really past (at least until their mutual children are grown and then that comes back for holidays, marriages, babies). Anything bad from the past can get stirred up once a new person arrives (or if a spouse remarries or has another child).
We are told that it would be wrong not to date divorced / separated people. Maybe we should all pause? But the state that the person arrives to us is beyond our control, as is the state of their ex.
Anonymous
I agree with a lot of what Anonymous at 10:34 am said. I’ve been the kid, and it’s not easy when your parents have an eagle eye on whether you favor one parent or another. It’s difficult enough to be 100% fair and equitable as an adult, can you imagine what stress that places on a kid? Just be happy that you have a loving partner and a stable home. If the kids gravitate towards “favoring” mom who has neither, I’d assume the kids are trying their best and I’d support them however I could.
anon
When people say this, I wonder if they have actually had to deal with a difficult mother of step kids. It’s a super sh!tty situation that can cause endless chaos for all involved, even when that difficult mom doesn’t have primary custody of the kids.
Even in the best of circumstances, blended families are tough. Ask any family therapist. Cut her some slack.
Blonde Lawyer
Also keep in mind your state’s laws in case it could muck up your divorce. In my state, we have no-fault and fault based divorces and one basis for fault is adultery. Relations after separation but before divorce still count as adultery. Fault based divorces are strongly disfavored and few people bring them. Adultery involves naming the other partner and “proving” adultery can be difficult. Most people wouldn’t bother. If you have a scorned ex that wants to make you miserable though, I’d advise waiting if your state has similar laws.
Anon BigLaw
Agreed. I live in one of those states and it is a common threat made b/w spouses going through a divorce if things are at all testy. And we have a heartbalm statute that lets the spouse sue the GF or BF for $ damages (even if that is the person who left or would otherwise be at fault).
Woods-comma-Elle
This is possibly one of the most absurd laws I’ve ever heard of!
Anonymous
Thanks – not really a concern here, but a good point nonetheless. My lawyer’s advice was just to stay away from public dating sites until everything’s final – not because of allegations of adultery but more because it would make the soon-to-be ex less cooperative for negotiations.
Senior Attorney
Acceptable to whom?
If you are sure you are mentally and emotionally over your marriage, I say knock yourself out. I went on a few very casual dates before my divorce was final. But that was just because an old male friend showed up and asked me to dinner — the concept of “the right person” didn’t enter into it beyond “is this the right person with whom to grab pizza and a movie this weekend?”
But I agree with Anonymous at 9:58 that most people (myself included) probably wouldn’t want to consider a still-legally-married person as a potential long-term romantic partner.
Burgher
Some people will think divorce is unacceptable altogether, some will say no dating until its legally finalized, some at least until the couple is no longer living together for X amount of time, etc. People are going to think what they’re going to think regardless of if it’s been 3 months or 3 years. I don’t think there can ever a prescribed amount of time, and only you will know when you are ready for that. I feel like if you are mentally done and ready to move on a week later (hey, sometimes divorces have been a LONG time coming), or just want to go on some fun dates, or whatever you want to do, that’s fine and nobody’s business!
Must Be Tuesday
Anecdata: I divorced about 9 years ago, and started dating about 4 months after my physical separation (which came 2 months after the decision to separate), but before the divorce was filed or finalized. My ex and I were seeking an uncontested no fault divorce, so we waited to file until the separation waiting period was up, then finalized in about 3 weeks after filing. Nothing serious came of those dates and I wasn’t looking for serious at that point in time. I told my dates that I was separated but not yet divorced.
About 6 years ago, I started dating my current fiancé very shortly (like maybe a month or less) after his separation from his first wife. I went into it thinking it would be a brief fling, nothing serious, but we ended up staying together. The first year was a bit rocky though, because he still had a lot of anger at his ex about their break up. I was aware of the situation, that he was separated but hadn’t filed for divorce yet. He told me when he did file, and then when it was finalized.
anon
Does anybody else get irritated with br**st cancer awareness stuff? The main thing that bothers me is that it’s become such a badge with little to back it. For example, Jameis Winston was wearing a pink towel, etc. during the game last weekend, when just a couple of weeks ago he was standing on a table cursing women and calling them foul names, not to mention the accusations of r*pe. And others in the NFL do the same thing, including the cheerleaders who are literally being objectified for their bodies. And I think it plays into gender stereotypes—OMG a man wearing pink, he must really care about women to demean himself that much. Honestly, I think a lot of it is because men like to talk about b**bs, so I think it just plays into that whole objectification thing. Not to mention the fact that if people really cared about women’s health, they would support the heart disease movement. I know that a lot of the awareness has done a lot of good for getting earlier screenings, but br**st cancer isn’t even that high on the deadly cancer list. And it’s the ONLY one that gets any attention.
Kate
I totally agree… Also, I don’t like the practice of naming things related to breast cancer in “cutesy” ways — for example, there’s a local Crossfit fundraiser called “Barbells for Boobs.” Ick…
SW
Our Crossfit does that too. +1 on the “ick.”
Red Beagle
I’m also not a fan of “save the ta-tas”…
Sacha
Also totally agree. And I don’t have any idea what going bra-less has to do with curing cancer or even equalizing healthcare research between the sexes, but I was called to do it many times this month. I rarely say out loud how frustrating I find it that certain very rare or not-as-deadly conditions have giant fundraising campaigns while others that present more threat to more people can’t get traction, because it just sounds callous, but that is how i feel.
anon
Who asked you to go br*less? Is that a campaign I haven’t seen? That is just totally over the limits.
Sacha
I think it is mostly a Facebook meme, rather than a campaign started by a legitimate organization, but yesterday was deemed Go Bra-less Day or Free the Ta-tas Day or some such ridiculous thing. The messaging has been co-opted. I think this campaign is the new Marc Marc Jacobs.
Anonymous
Wait. Your cross fit box suggested you go braless? And people wonder how they get a reputation as not always welcoming to women.
Lyssa
The cutesiness drives me nuts, too. I honestly think that a lot of it is more about 1) getting attention/publicity and 2) the person who came up with it tee-heeing about getting to make b00b-jokes. Not that I have anything against b00b-jokes, but it really seems that the disease itself falls to a distant third.
I also agree with the others noting that there are more important diseases out there. I’m really pretty uncomfortable with the idea that we’re generally supposed to have some special focus on “women’s health” (other than our own, of course). Everyone’s health is important, but if we’re going to worry about genders, well, men have far more unmet health needs.
Anonymous
Really Lyssa? I know you’re uncomfortable acknowledging the patriarchy, but men have Viagra, a thoroughly researched and easily available magic sex pill. And women struggle to find any support for endometriosis, polycystic ovaries, uterine cancers, and infertility.
Lyssa
Yes, ability to perform sexually is one medical issue that men have a better treatment for (not one that cures male infertility or even works on all male impotence). But there are actually more medical issues out there than just whether or not a person can have sex. Are you not aware that women live longer and receive far more medical treatment throughout their lives?
Also, I’m “uncomfortable acknowledging the patriarchy”? Really? What an exceptionally foolish thing to say.
Anonymous
Dude come on ! You’ve been railing against feminism/talking about women’s issues for years on here. You’re not comfortable with a world view that acknowledges the lasting impact centuries of male domination has had on women. Own it.
Lyssa
Do they give bonus points in your women’s studies classes for telling other women how they’re supposed to feel and what they are and are not comfortable with?
How on earth is acknowledging that men have health needs in any way inconsistent with feminism? That’s a twisted definition of feminism if I’ve ever heard one.
anon
Lyssa, I thought you made good points. And naming a few women’s issues that haven’t been cured does not really respond to your point that men have more medical issues than women. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but she didn’t join issue.
Lyssa
Thank you, anon.
PolyD
The NCI funds $600 million worth of breast cancer research. Second most highly funded cancer is lung, at about $286 million. Prostate gets about $255M. About equal numbers of men and women get breast or prostate cancer, and about 40k women die each year of breast cancer, vs. about 30K men dying of prostate cancer. About 224,000 people will be diagnosed with lung cancer in 2014, and about 160,000 people will die of it.
Also, contrary to what the media would have you believe, the median age for a breast cancer dx is 61. It is most commonly diagnosed in women ages 55-64, so not super-old, but it’s not really a common disease in young women. SEER dot cancer dot gov has good statistics if you are curious.
So really, funding for breast cancer research is doing JUST FINE. Spare a few dimes for the poor ovarian or pancreatic or brain cancer sufferers. They don’t tend to have big races, because there aren’t a whole lot of pancreatic cancer survivors who can run in a race and make people feel all warm and fuzzy about supporting research for pancreatic cancer.
Actually, just make sure you vote in the mid-terms and/or support candidates who will support federal funding of biomedical research.
Okay, off my soapbox now, but the idea that we need to “raise awareness” for breast cancer research just pisses me off more and more every year.
s-non
Lyssa – Totally disagree that men have more medical issues, as well as the idea that women’s health does not need to have special focus. Breast cancer may not be what needs it, but when’s the last time you heard of a paternal mortality rate?
Lyssa
s-non – Paternal mortality rate? You mean as in, fathers dying in childbirth? That’s a really weird comparison. The fact that there is one thing that kills women more then men doesn’t erase the fact that there are also things that kill men more than women.
I don’t know whether or not men have more “medical issues,” but they certainly die earlier and receive less care overall. (Here’s a good source: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/717462_4) Some of it is of their own doing, but, since most of this focus is on preventative care, the fact that people as a whole are failing to get necessary screenings, be they for heart problems, breast cancer, or prostate cancer, is a social problem.
Flying Squirrel
PolyD, I appreciate most of your points, but I have to take issue with the implication that there is inadequate funding of biomedical research. I think it’s not best spent (as your stats regarding b-cancer research indicate), but that’s different than just throwing money at the same broken system.
The biomedical sciences are funded way out of proportion to all other fields of science, including ones (like X-ray laser physics that allows for the visualization of molecules and cells) that have enabled a lot of the recent progress in biomedical research.
I don’t have quick solutions to how to improve the state of R&D funding in the US, but as a scientist I can say that the solution is not just to spend more money.
cbackson
Well…I think that it’s difficult to say that men have more unmet health needs. Men are less likely to go to the doctor, which is an issue that deserves attention (because it would improve health outcomes across the spectrum). But at a systemic level, our understanding of many diseases and conditions was entirely based on a male model for centuries. Therefore, even diseases and conditions that affect both men and women are often treated based on how that disease or condition presents in men (a good example of an effort to fix this is the campaign in the last 5-10 years to educate people on how heart attack symptoms often present differently in women).
I think it’s unfortunate to present the (very real) issues around the marketing of breast cancer awareness as a men vs. women issue. What is true is that many diseases, conditions, and risks that kill more people than does breast cancer don’t receive the attention that they deserve. Even heart disease – which is the leading cause of death in the US – receives less splashy public attention than does breast cancer. And when’s the last time you say NFL players wearing ribbons to draw attention to road traffic injury?
Batgirl
@Lyssa, I appreciate your point, but I do think that women’s health is generally much more subject to a general queasiness about women’s “private parts” and sexuality. It may be hard to believe it now, but breast cancer used to be something that women weren’t supposed to talk about. That’s why awareness campaigns have been really important–it’s about destigmatizing the disease as well. And while women seek health care more often than men, insurance coverage has tended to cover men’s ailments more than women’s (ex. infertility treatments, abortion, birth control until very recently, though that’s still in play).
s-non
Agree completely with cbackson and Batgirl. My paternal mortality rate was just to bring up the fact that only women can get pregnant and therefore only women face the inherent dangers of childbirth (as well as many others), and so I think that women’s health is an important issue to focus on, not saying that it had to come at the expense of also focusing on men’s health and getting men to use healthcare. Yes, men have organs and diseases that are unique to them, but they also typically have more power in society.
Batgirl
I’d also add that most health studies are done with only male subjects. Women are very underrepresented in these studies–one example is how we’re just learning how different women and men experience heart attacks. The lack of research and awareness into women’s experiences here have no doubt caused many women to miss the signs to their great peril.
wintergreen126
There’s a fracking company using pink drill bits…they are “doing their ‘bit’ for the cure.”
http://www.salon.com/2014/10/08/susan_g_komen_teams_up_with_fracking_company_introduces_pink_drill_bits_for_the_cure/
Awareness is great. This is silly.
cavity maker
Is it really?
Parts of this article really resonated with me.
http://time.com/3449708/breast-cancer-awareness-month-domestic-violence-awareness/
wintergreen126
I never thought about how the causes that receive a whole month of awareness are usually those that are serious but not terribly disturbing to have plastered everywhere. Plenty of things deserve the spotlight, unfortunately they don’t fit into this criteria.
Thanks for sharing the article!
Anonymous
Especially if it is true, as I’ve read, that fracking may be implicated in causing cancers.
Erisa
Let us never forget Susan G Komen’s many failings–pinkwashing, attempting to defund Planned Parenthood, agressive litigation against other charities over such trademarks as “for the cure” and using the color pink…
PP
Susan G. Komen didn’t attempt to defund Planned Parenthood. They tried to stop contributing money to Planned Parenthood for use in breast cancer screening and education. In my opinion this decision was justified because Planned Parenthood doesn’t give the best bang for the buck in eliminating breast cancer fatalities. Truthfully, most of their clients are too young to be high risk and (perhaps as a result) you can’t get a mammogram at a Planned Parenthood office. Not a fan of Susan G. Komen in general, but I felt like they were between a rock and a hard place on this one.
Anonymous
Except they admit they only did it because abortion.
Anonymous
Yes. Lots of people. There has been a huge and well publicized backlash against painting everything pink in October for years. Most product tie ins raise negligible amounts of money, it co-opts women’s health for business reasons, and many women who have had breast cancer bristle at being called “survivors” and the general battle language used to describe it.
Also query whether more awareness is really needed. The biggest issue with detection in the US is black women who statistically are dramatically less likely to get regular screenings and early treatment. A pink kitchen aid mixer doesn’t solve that.
anon
I’m glad to hear that. When I mention it to real-life friends, I have to convince them that I’m not a horrible person.
Anonymous
You need better educated friends then! Anyone who pays a modicum of attention to the world is not unaware of these issues.
anon
+1
Me too. I find the way “awareness” is marketed is objectifying. “Save the ta-tas” and “I <3 b()()bies" or whatever is in vogue now demeans the risks and losses associated with cancer. While losing one's breasts is certainly a huge deal, fighting cancer is about a person's life, not their b()()bs. You're not "saving my ta-tas", you're saving ME, the person. It squicks me out.
I'd love to think that people (read, men) would care if it was about an uns3xy part of the body. And I believe most people do, but the "awareness" campaigns like this feel cheap and degrading. It places the emphasis on the values of the potential contributor to the campaign, not the people who are, um, suffering.
Batgirl
Well put! +100!
cavity maker
I have a huge problem with the messaging. My MIL passed from breast cancer in 2006, so DH and I are super sensitive.
How about saving the whole woman instead of third base/b00bs, etc? Cause she’s worth a lot more than her cup size?
Anon2
I’m so sorry for your loss. This concept makes my skin crawl. My mom is an incredible woman and a 3x survivor. To this day I am impacted by each one of the occurrences and I promise you it had nothing to do with her b00bs, and everything to do with the though/threat of losing her and the pain and struggle she endured as a person, not as a set of b00bs.
Anon
I’m listening to npr right now and they’re discussing this. There is a spokeswoman from Thinkbeforeyoupink.org talking about the problems associated with pinkwashing. It’s an interesting listen
First Year Anon
I totally agree with you! Glad someone else sees it this way too.
Lola
I feel like this backlash became mainstream about 3 years ago. Does anyone get irritated when people pretend that they are having an original thought instead of just contextualizing their thoughts within an already known narrative?
It’s like “has anyone else noticed that women tend to do more childcare than men?” It’s this new thing I just discovered…
anon
Oh you’re just the best. I’m so glad you added that thought to this discussion (which I have not seen had on this s!te before).
anon
It’s quite a feat for you to have mustered up so much judgment this early in the morning.
anon-oh-no
the thing that frustrates me is that so, so much money is poured into bre@st cancer awareness that other cancers wind up losing out — in funds, in awareness, and in help in general. My father has a “less popular” type of cancer and when I told the Susan G. Komen folks that I was going to stop donating to them because I was giving all my donation $$ to the multiple myeloma association, they were pushy and not pleased.
there is not an infinite supply of money to go around for cancer research. I’d rather see it spread around better.
Lady Tetra
Even if your thing is breast cancer research, there are other organizations that actually spend the money on RESEARCH instead of awareness. I think we’ve reached peak awareness on breast cancer now.
Kate
The same things happens on a larger scale, too, of course. Worldwide, diarrhea is a huge public health problem — it kills 1.5 million children a year worldwide, which is higher than the number of deaths from malaria, AIDS, and measles combined. But where is the big flashy telethon for that (or even one for access to clean water)? Who’s talking about “awareness” of that?
ArenKay
Your point is excellent, but I’ll admit I’m just distracted by thinking up childish names for diarrhea awareness races: Trot for the Trots! Run for the Runs!
Blonde Lawyer
The Crohns and Colitis Foundation have some 5ks and half marathons. I don’t think they do any witty names for them but there are a ton of witty team names.
Bonnie
It really bothers me that the NFL is pushing the merchandise yet very little of the money is actually being donated to cancer research. Breast cancer research is also overfunded considering that it’s not the leading cause of death or women or even the leading cancer cause of death.
Blonde Lawyer
I really don’t think there is anyone in this country unaware of breast cancer. It does not need more awareness. Also, what about the men that get breast cancer? I have a few pink items solely because I like the color. I don’t think for a minute that my purchase is helping to fund a cure.
Baconpancakes
Same. I love my pink coffee mug, but because it’s pretty, not because one cent of the purchase price went to breast cancer research (if that).
Can we switch October to a revolving disease awareness? This year, breast cancer, next year, ovarian cancer? The year after, heart disease (#1 cause of death in women), after that, diabetes?
Think before you pink
Check out Breast Cancer Action’s “Think before you pink” campaign. They point out that many companies spend more on advertising their pink campaigns than they actually donate. Or some companies that make products that are linked to cancer are all of a sudden concerned for a month.
ICannotHandleThePink
Right now, I can hardly stomach seeing any of the breast cancer awareness stuff. My life long best friend just passed away from renal cell carcinoma. She was 28 years old. Not long after she was first diagnosed, as a Stage 4, she reached out to different support groups to join, as there were not any kidney cancer support groups in her area. She went to a couple of breast cancer support groups, as she lost one of her breasts due to a metastasis, suffered the understandable self image issues, and unfortunately, they had members her age, so it seemed like a logical fit for her. After the first meeting, one group discovered that she was a stage 4 and they asked that she “participate in the group in other ways” rather than attend the in-person meetings. Basically, she was dying and she looked like it, and they “wanted to preserve the morale of the group.”
I know I should not hold those supporting breast cancer awareness responsible for the actions of one support group leader, and I try not to. I appreciate that people want a cause. I get it. But I just wish people would use their brains and figure out what they are supporting, instead of blindly buying every pink item that they come across. Know where your money goes.
I also don’t understand why we can’t just support disease awareness and physical/mental health for everyone. Emphasize the importance of preventative care. Something. For goodness sakes, stop focusing on buying all the pink crap and start focusing on a way to TRULY lend support to your fellow humans. Life is hard. Disease is hard. We humans need to stick together.
Bonnie
I love this skirt, and not just because of the name. I think it would be the perfect combo of va va voom and work appropriate.
PSA: The Gap has many of it’s jean styles 50% off today with an additional 30% off with the code HAPPY, bringing the jeans to about $25.
anon
In other name change news, Amal is now Amal Clooney….
http://jezebel.com/acclaimed-barrister-amal-alamuddin-changes-last-name-to-1646089347
Baconpancakes
This surprises me. Lots of (maybe even most) celebs keep their names when they get married, and lots of high-level professional women with international legal acclaim seem to keep their names, particularly if they get married after a number of high-profile cases. No judgement, just surprise.
Carrie...
+1
Anon
At least in my experience, a lot of the high-level professional women (esp lawyers with high-profile cases) who keep their name based that decision, at least in part, on name recognition. But when your first name is already recognizable due it uniqueness (as opposed to Jennifer or Sarah), then that probably reduces that concern significantly.
Exactly
Yeah, I have to think she wasn’t too worried about name recognition here. :-)
houda
In my country, women keep their names.
I mean imagine if a woman gets married 5 times, then she has 5+ names in a lifetime.
If a man gets married 5 times, he has no change to do.
West coast lawyer
In one state where I am licensed, every time anyone changes their name their bar number gets a letter. I.e. bar number 9, get married and change your name it’s now bar number 9A. Get divorced and change your name again, you’re 9B. Caveat is that I don’t know if you go back to a former name if your number actually reverts, the person I knew had been married 3x and had never gone back to pre-married name. She was a 9C and getting super mad at the sexism. After all, who normally changes their name?
houda
haha, now I imagine someone reaching Z… they would have to figure out another system.
Anonymous
Probably much easier to spell on the telephone.
SuziStockbroker
I laughed so hard at this.
I kept my name but it (and my husband’s for that matter) are both hard to spell on the telephone, so I could see the allure here, ha ha.
Nonny
I was looking at this this morning and wondering about how her celebrity marriage affects her law practice. For instance, there are a whole bunch of photos today of her going into a meeting with her boss re returning the Elgin Marbles to Greece. She seems to be serious about her career and it isn’t easy to succeed as a barrister in London – so I wonder how her colleagues feel about her newfound celebrity, how it affects her clients, and how they all feel about having photo ops when she goes into client meetings.
Also – I want to be as glamorous as her when I grow up. I normally don’t even think about myself in any respect as compared to actresses/celebrities/public figures. But for some reason, I guess because Amal Clooney is a lawyer, I feel positively dowdy next to her. I wonder what it would be like to be so glamorous as a lawyer in real life.
anon
Agreed – she just oozes glamour.
PrettyLawBelle
She does! I saw the photos this morning and thought to myself, “she is SUCH a glamorous woman.” I for one am glad that she is a star attorney, ladylike, and glaaaaaaahmorous all at the same time. :-)
Tropical Tara
Ladies, I’ve never needed to wear a coat, but this winter I’m going to be doing a fair bit of traveling to cold places in cities where I’ll be out a lot, doing a lot of walking. Do I need both a formal and a casual coat? Someone told me to get a down coat. Is that acceptable to wear to work? Too casual? Will it look silly with a suit? Do I need a wool coat? I have honestly never thought about these things before.
Bonnie
Really depends on where you will be traveling. If you do get a down coat, get a longer one with waist definition to avoid the I wore a sleeping bag look. This coat will get me through all but the coldest winter days: http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/78460?feat=wool-SR1&page=classic-lambswool-duffel-coat
(Former) Clueless Summer
My opinion is that whether down is appropriate to wear to work depends on how cold the place you will be in is. If the temperature is consistently -30 Celsius, then yes, down is work appropriate because anything else is just silly. But if you’re talking just normal Northeast US/southern Canada temperatures, wool is more appropriate on most days and more than warm enough if you get thinsulate lining or something similar in a nice long length.
Anonymous
If you’re going to be out walking, I would prioritize a quilted down coat that’s at least mid-thigh length. A wool coat is more formal but if you’re coming from the tropics you’ll be cold in it all the time. It’s completely acceptable to wear a down coat to work, people do it all the time. Just go for something in a grown up color and cut.
SuziStockbroker
How much is “doing a lot of walking”? If it’s just running from office tower to office tower, you probably don’t need a down coat.
In my city a Canada Goose parka is totally fine for both walking around on a weekend and the morning commute with a suit underneath. Because it is freaking freezing here in the winter.
I do have a long wool coat that I wear when it’s not sub-zero.
In your situation, I’d buy one or the other, not both. Down (try not to get one that looks like a mattress) if you will be spending more than 5 minutes outside at a time, long wool dress coat if not.
Anon in NYC
I think this may depend on how cold certain temperatures feel to you. While I managed to survive the polar vortex last winter in a wool coat with thinsulate lining (with plenty of layers and a hat/scarf/gloves), I would think if you’re coming from a place where you’ve never had to wear a winter coat that you might want a down coat.
Anonymous
I’ve decided it’s time to develop a new good habit. What’s the best good habit you’ve picked up that’s improved any aspect of your life?
kc
Always washing my makeup off/face before bed and moisturizing? Wearing sunscreen every day.
NYtoCO
Thanks to recommendations/motivation from thissite, I started really paying attention to my skin care regimen– making absolute certain I’m washing my face every night (before, it was many nights where I only removed my makeup with a wipe). I also bought a serum/eye cream. I have to say, my skin looks fabulous compared to just a month ago.
Anonymous
What does serum/eye cream do for you? You’d say it’s worth it?
pd
What kind of serum do you use?
NYtoCO
I just went to one of the drugstores that has the upper-end products and consulted with the woman working in that area. I ended up buying an Avene starter kit (cleaner, toning spray and moisturizer) and Yes To Blueberries serum and eye cream. I started seeing improvements. However, I was at The Body Shop on Friday and bought the Drops of Youth serum– and I like it even more. It was an outlet so I only paid $18 rather than the normal $36.
MJ
I taught myself to like yogurt, after absolutely hating it for years. It’s just really good for you, if you get the non-fat Greek kind and only sweeten with fruit.
Science
It’s even better for you if get the 2% or full fat.
Hildegarde
Really listening to what people are saying, deciding whether I agree or disagree, and then stating my opinion. I used to just go along with the flow of a conversation, usually agree, laugh when I was expected to laugh, etc. But many of the things people say don’t make sense, are wrong, or are unkind, or the like. Learning to listen and respond carefully has made me more confident in myself and my opinions, and often people seem to respect me for it.
Sue
Doing some exercise daily. This is a habit I had stopped and it’s made a big difference. I make an effort to do one of the following: running, swimming or using a workout dvd.
Drinking water with lemon–Having some flavor has helped me drink more water in general. I prefer this to buying the commercial varieties of flavored water.
Clementine
Two things:
1) I stopped saying, ‘I’m too busy.’ and started saying ‘It’s not a priority.’ The truth is never that you’re too busy, it’s moreso that there are other priorities ahead in line. Often, these priorities are totally legitimate (work, family, etc.), but often I realized that I needed to re-analyze them. Believe it or not, cutting my FB checking down to 2x/day and multitasking while watching shows helped me ‘prioritize’ time for exercise. After saying this, I have never missed a dentist appointment, an annual, etc. because I can’t tell myself ‘your health is not a priority’. Laundry though… yeah, honestly not a priority for me.
2) Regular exercise. (I actually just ran a marathon and it’s taking everything I have to not be wearing my medal around at work all day.)
Baconpancakes
The “priority” rethinking is a good one.
cavity maker
I know the feeling!! btw, CONGRATS on your race.
Clementine
Thank you! I beat my ‘reach’ time, had a great experience, didn’t hate my life at any point during the run, didn’t have to stop running and walk, and have already decided I’m going to do another one. I am most proud that I ran the second half faster than the first half.
January
Yay! Congrats!
Anonymous
I like this post. My new years resolution is always “6 new habits” – I implement one for two months, then add the next for two months, etc.
Last year my best change was a “no clutter” habit. For the 5 minutes before bed, and the first 5 minutes post shower while my hair is drying a bit, I pick up anything out of place in my apartment. Sometimes I don’t get to all of it, but that 10 minutes a day feels manageable. It’s made a big difference in the cleanliness of my apartment.
Type A
Gave up soda.
Work out 4 times a week
clean eating (no fast food)
Kensington
Drinking lots of water and herbal tea, while cutting out soda.
Cooking most of my meals for my paycheck and waistline. Shout out to my slow cooker! It’s so nice to come home to a hot, delicious meal that I spent five minutes preparing.
houda
Double cleansing my skin. Because one wash is not enough.
birthday trip?
I am turning 30 in a few months and want to use it as an excuse to get out of town. I live in the midwest so I want to go somewhere warm during the depths of winter. I really want to just lay on the beach but would also like an adventure of some kind (like hike, zipline, snorkel?). I’m looking at 4-5 days in January. I may go by myself or with a friend so I’d like to avoid “romantic” resorts. My budget is flexible, but for a starting point let’s say $1500 for air and hotel. Any suggestions?
A Clark
Hawaii is cheap in the middle of Jan (after the holidays), and not necessarily romantic, and doable on all price points. Happy 30th!
Anonymous
+1 Hawaii is doable on that budget if you avoid the holiday and has great beaches and snorkeling + hiking and ziplining. I like Puerto Rico but Hawaii has much better hiking, snorkeling and beaches.
cavity maker
puerto rico? I flew there a couple years ago in Jan and it was only $250 from Houston. Also, all your prereqs are there, and you can even camp on the beach if you want.
Sue
+1 this was one of my suggestions but comment went into moderation. Would you mind sharing the info about camping on the beach i.e. location, how you went about arranging it? Thanks
Kensington
I just went to Puerto Rico and loved it. The biolumenescent night kayaking was great and I spent a lot of time on the beach.
It was very affordable because I booked through Costco.
Anonymous
Costa Rica.
Anon in NYC
+1. And it’s pretty affordable.
Sue
Puerto Rico, I think it might be cooler than in the summer months but still quite warm. You can spend some time in San Juan and then venture to other parts of the island for more outdoorsy stuff like hiking.
Bermuda–happens to be more popular with people in the summer but in winter you might get some good deals. St Georges which is where most cruise ships dock might be sort of shut down at this time, at least that’s what I heard from a local when I visited during the summer months. However Hamilton the capital should still be buzzing. It’s a small island so you can get around by bus or scooter, which you would have to rent. Taxis can be pricey. Gorgeous beaches, not sure about hiking though. Easier to get to from major airports on the East Coast e.g. Boston or Philadelphia.
Wanderlust
I really liked Valentin Imperial Maya in Mexico (about an hour south of Cancun). I went with a friend, and it wasn’t really a “romantic” resort at all, although there were some couples there on honeymoon. You can plan fun excursions through the hotel. We went ziplining, snorkeling in a cenote, and swimming with sea turtles.
christineispink
+1 for the Valentin Imperial Maya. It was adult-only, I believe. But we went as a family (my sister and I were both in grad school) and didn’t feel overly “romantic”. The staff was so friendly, accommodating, and amazing. And we found the facilities really nice for an all-inclusive at that price-point.
Anonymous
Punta Cana.
christineispink
have a similar idea for my 30th (april though). interested in follow-up.
Anonymous
Does anyone co-wash or use no-shampoo for their hair? I’ve been doing it for just over 2 weeks, and it’s been really good for my hair, it’s never been smoother or shinier, but I worry it will get greasy or be bad for my hair at some point.
Carrie...
what does this mean?
Sue
@Carrie: “Co-wash” means using conditioner only to wash you hair. Rationale: Conditioner still has some of the cleansing agents present in shampoo but it’s less drying i.e. strips hair less. But depending on what brand you are using and what other hair products (e.g. products containing silicones) you use this can lead to buildup. I wouldn’t go as far as saying it will be “bad” for you hair though.
I sometimes co-wash but mainly it’s a lazy option for when I’m in a hurry. @Anonymous, consider diluting your shampoo in a separate bottle, less stripping. You can also use Castile soap e.g. Dr. Bronner’s–the liquid one, mix some in a bottle with water before use. Sulfate free shampoos are another option. Spend some time on naturallycurly.com to research more options.
locomotive
I’ve attempted this but I just get so grossed out after a few days – no thanks. I’d rather just wash my hair. I do try to go 2 days between washes and just touch up with some dry shampoo.
lilly b
I do this on a regular basis, but not exclusively, and have off and on for years. Generally, I use shampoo in my hair about 2 times a week. On the other days, I either use dry shampoo, or if I’ve worked out, I use conditioner only.
Ginjury
I do this exclusively, using a light conditioner instead of shampoo and then a heavier one as my regular conditioner. I do avoid silicones so I don’t have any trouble with build-up.
Marie
I’ve been doing it since May. I do baking soda every 10 days or so, and rinse thoroughly with hot water almost daily. When I use product my hair feels greasier faster and then I just do some baking soda and it’s fine. My hair definitely feels “thicker” than it used to, but it doesn’t really get gross the way that I feared it would. Fwiw, I work out regularly (and sweat a lot) and this is all still true. Also, I live in a really humid place, and whereas before with biweekly shampooing my hair would get straight/frizzy, it holds a natural curl/wave much more nicely now (and if I blow dry with a round brush it holds the ringlet all day, even w/o hairspray).
Kensington
Most of the time I use a co-wash (Eden Body works or As I am). Every few washes, I use diluted shampoo. My hair is much better.
You will need to use a clarifying shampoo more often if you use silicone based pproducts.
National_Anthem
I’ve been co-washing with the trader joe’s tea tree conditioner for… maybe 6 months now? My hair is still looking lovely.
Super anon for this
Not really sure why I’m posting this here, except I guess for a perspective check. My grandmother has been sick for a while and passed away last night, and its drudging up some nasty family stuff. Long story short, my parents managed to sever themselves from both of their families when I was far too young to even remember it, and to this day I’m still not really sure what happened. I tried to reconnect with my grandmother and a cousin maybe 10 years ago, but I was a virtual stranger to them and they weren’t really interested. Fast forward to about a few months ago, when my mom finally decided to reconcile with her mom and started pushing me to try to reconnect with her as well, telling me that’s what grandma wanted. Not that it probably would have changed anything, but I didn’t realize the severity of her health situation at the time. In any case, I told her that I’m happy to pick up the phone if she wants to talk, but I had little interest in trying again without some indication from her she actually wanted to get to know me. We friended one another on Facebook but that was about it. After friending her, I found out that her side of the family has a reunion every year that my sister and I have never been invited to, even though this last one was after things were supposedly patched up between my mom and grandmother. Now all of a sudden I’m getting friend requests from family members I never knew (and some I didn’t even know existed), and my mom is pushing us to go to the reunion next year (she didn’t go this year, either). No one from that side of the family has actually invited us or told us they want us there, though. I’m sad that she passed yesterday, not because I knew her, but because by all accounts she seemed like a pretty great lady and I don’t really understand why my sister and I never got to know her like the rest of her six grandkids did. And I guess I’m confused and a little pissed that all of a sudden these people want to friend me after acting like I didn’t exist for more than 20 years. And that I didn’t get to go to this last reunion while she was still alive because I never even knew it existed. My sis wants to go next year but won’t go without me, although I can’t help but feel like we’re crashing a party no one invited us to. My mother has done a pretty good job of wrecking a lot of relationships over the years, including hers with my sister and I, but I guess this is her attempt to make things right. I have no idea how to handle all of this and had no idea I was so sad about it until now. Part of me is interested and would love to know what its like to have a family like that, because they all seem so close, and part of me just feels really hurt that we were excluded for so long and realizes its not like we can just show up and all of a sudden we’re a part of the family. I’m also afraid I’ll just be overwhelmed by the same feelings I’m having now when (if) I see them. Certainly someone here has been through something similar?
Anonymous
Whoa whoa whoa gramma died last night? You so do not need to be thinking about any future plans. You don’t owe your mom, your sister, or your extended family that. Repeat as needed “losing GrandMa was a shock, and sad since I never had a chance to get to know her [thank your for your condolences], I’m just going to process this for now.”
Anon
I’m sorry that you lost your grandmother just when you were getting to know her. If you haven’t already done this, I would suggest seeing a therapist. It will help you process all the emotions you are going through and talking through it with someone really helps. Take baby steps with getting to know the family, if you think the annual reunion is too much, then feel free to skip it. I can relate to some of what you are describing, one side of my family sometimes behaves in a similar fashion. Remember none of this is your fault, you are dealing with the fallout of other people’s choices from the past.
Spirograph
Wow, that’s a lot. I’m sorry for your loss and for the lost opportunities.
I don’t have a similar family dynamic, but I would say… go to the reunion, but don’t ascribe too much drama/importance to it; think of it as a networking event where you just want to get to know people, and see how things go. Meet your family, and don’t hold them responsible for lack of contact earlier in your life. In all liklihood, they have not been sitting around for the last 20 years kvetching about you, sis, and mom. You were just out of sight, out of mind and they’ll be happy to get to know you. It’s never too late to add meaningful relationships to your life.
Carrie...
Sure, I have.
You are thinking too much. Sounds like you want to go, so just go. What do you have to lose? From what you describe, your family is not a complete dysfunctional mess. If it is not filled with abuse or horrible things…. why not just go? Time to move forward.
Do not blame the other grandkids etc… for not ?searching for you. Why would they? You didn’t seem real since they never met you, and they are probably asking themselves the same questions….. how could YOU guys never reach out to them?
You never really know what is going on with people.
It sounds like you know your Mom is the main reason behind this family division. Good for her for trying to reconcile now. It is always sad that it takes the death of a family member to lead to reconciliation, but this is incredibly common.
I have a family where my parents also never saw their families. We did visit relatives once a year at Christmas for a few hours, and then even that stopped when I was very young. There wasn’t a clear fight etc.. but geographical distance, differing political beliefs… possibly mental illness… added to the drift. My parents and their families each had their own issues/flaws that contributed …. don’t we all?
At least your Mom and her family are open to reconciliation now. My father’s family is dying off rapidly and my father gets angry when I try to suggest reaching out. It is sad, but I realize that is probably only after my father dies that I may meet his family again.
Blonde Lawyer
My only advice is to keep an open mind. You don’t know the whole story and you likely never will. What other people “know” may be clouded and untrue. It might not be something petty. Your mom may also be taking the higher road by not telling you why she separated from the rest of the family. People do crazy things when someone is passing and they are often motivated by what tiny amount of money may be there to inherit. It is awful. I will give you a couple examples from my own life.
Unbeknownst to us, my maternal grandmother had a ticking brain anyuerism that ultimately took her life. During her downfall, she started accusing my dad of beating my mom for absolutely no reason. My mom didn’t want us kids hearing this so we couldn’t go there anymore. A distant relative took this opportunity to feed into these untrue allegations and become “the saint” taking care of the lawn and car where my dad was no longer wanted. This relative was trying to get the very small inheritance my grandmother would leave. He wasn’t successful as she never changed her will but it resulted in a full blown argument between family members AT HER WAKE. Some people who had only heard the grapevine thought my dad had been abusing my mom. Eventually we learned her anyuerism was causing her delusions but that didn’t really clear the air.
I no longer speak to my paternal aunt and cousin because I had to remove my intoxicated cousin from my grandmother’s 100th birthday party at a nursing home. I was the first person to actually step up and acknowledge the problem so I became the target instead. They berated my parents and berated me. I don’t speak with them but I’m sure what distant relatives hear is not what actually happened. My dad also put my grandmother in the nursing home because she was unsafe living with that same aunt. He doesn’t want to air aunt’s dirty laundry so not many people know the details. They just know my dad was the bad guy that forced her into a home.
Family is complicated and end of life is even more complicated.
Brant
“its not like we can just show up and all of a sudden we’re a part of the family. ” Actually, you can. That’s the thing about family. Don’t make it A Thing. Just go!
My mom and one of her brothers have a “Thing”- a falling out that they cannot get past; the rest of the family has chosen to ignore it because they both have done really hurtful things and are both really stubborn. I keep hoping one day they’ll just sit down and have a beer and get over it. (“IT” is a big deal, but happened almost 20 years ago. TWENTY YEARS!)
Bonnie
+1 I went to my half-brother’s wedding and was the only one there from our mother’s side. His father’s family immediately adopted me as part of their family. We have gotten close enough now that they came to my wedding even though we are not actually related by blood.
Anon
I have a similar issue in my family. I have gone to family members’ funerals as an adult only to find out that all of these other aunts/uncles/cousins are very close and get together several times a year. We have never been invited because of my Mom – who has ruined almost all of her relationships, both family and friends – and by extension we have also been excluded.
Go if you want to go, but don’t feel bad if you don’t want to. There are a lot of mixed emotions to deal with. I don’t think you would be crashing the party, but also don’t get your hopes up that you’ll be welcomed into the family with open arms and suddenly part of the group. That may happen, especially if your mom is back “in”, but a lot of family/family friends have shied away from me since it’s just too complicated and they cannot have a relationship with my mom. It’s sad, but I also don’t blame them…. I barely have a relationship with her anymore.
Juicy Couture
Do any of you corporettes juice? I just purchased a juicer and I’m excited to make tasty healthy beverages but I’m not sure where to start. There are a ton of websites and books out there – guess I’m looking for the best of each from folks in the know. I’m honest about my weaknesses and I know that unless I find some delicious recipes that include leafy greens, I’ll only juice fruits which are super high in sugar and that defeats the purpose (juicing for weight loss). Does anyone have a good juice recipe? Are there any helpful websites for the beginning juicer? Have you experience any notable health benefits from juicing? I’d love to get your feedback. Thanks! :)
Anon in NYC
I don’t own a juicer, but I’ve made green juice in a blender and I’ve spent more money on green juice than I care to admit. My core ingredients for juice are: apple, lemon, baby spinach, ginger. I like to add in things like mint, cucumber, romaine, kale, and celery.
I would start out slow, finding proportions that you like. I’ve learned that I actually like a less sweet green juice, so now I look for ones with less fruit. I don’t have book recommendations, but I would check out some of the combos listed on websites like Juice Press, Organic Avenue, and Juice Generation. It might give you some ideas.
nutella
There are a lot of ways to offset the veg-taste other than sugar-y fruit for a newbie. Yes, an apple is great, but you want to err on the side of more green than sugar. Things like mint, ginger, cucumber, and citrus all temper the veg taste. I also like to put crushed ice in at the end. As for greens, I usually do big bunches/handfuls of kale and spinach; celery is *very* strong and hard to counter. Regarding weight loss, I replace one meal (like breakfast or lunch) with a juice — adding a sugar-calorie-filled juice on top of your already full three meals of day may be counterproductive for you.
kc
I like red beets, carrots, oranges, and ginger root. The ginger and the orange make it tangy and you can’t taste the beets. But…I don’t really believe in juicing for weight loss. Your body needs protein, so unless you are throwing protein powder in there your body is running on very little fuel. If you replace lunch with a juice like that you’ll be starving and then probably just overeat later.
ELL
Yes! You need protein and fat at every meal. Carbs burn quickly, protein more slowly, and fat slowest of all. So if you want to have a meal sustain you, you need all three. Juice and yogurt could work well as a meal…
See also
Beware: this combo can lead to serious sugar highs (found out the hard way). Make sure you have some protein or temper it with green instead of carrots + beets.
Niktaw
I have no recipe, but I make juice that always includes carrots, lemon and ginger. Other ingredients vary, but are usually broccoli, kale, arugula, parsley and/or cilantro, green apple, celery and cucumbers. Sweetness from carrots and 1/2 apple is enough for me.
Bonnie
I drink a green smoothie for breakfast most mornings; not to diet but to get in more vegetables. I usually do almond milk, half a frozen banana, half a cup of frozen berries, a tbsp of flax seed and spinach to the brim of the mixer. I’ve tried using kale but found that it has a much more bitter taste than spinach. I vary the above by sometimes adding unsweetened cocoa powder, peanut butter, lemon, or mint extract.
Anon
I look on juice bar websites and copy things from their menu.
SH
I really like combinations of spinach, cucumber, carrots, apple, lemon, blueberry, and blackberry. I’ve found if I start with a few handfuls of spinach, by the time the cucumber and apple go in, there’s not really any more spinach-y taste.
I also don’t really juice for weight loss or to do a cleanse. I do it because I was too lazy to make a salad every day, but dumping spinach and some other stuff to drink my salad makes my life easier. I also mix in some of the left-over solids for a bit of extra fiber.
Juicy Couture
Thanks everyone! I’ll remember to add protein to the diet as well. I am also trying to cut back on carbs and exercise more. Do you folks do anything special with the pulp? Seems so wasteful… I see where SH adds a little back into the juice and I’ve seen a bunch of carrot pulp recipes…
Thanks again y’all! :D
Data Q
Random q — I just realized I have almost 20 years worth of body measurements and weights in an Excel chart. Are there any good websites or apps where I can make some fun data visualizations or whatever that is better than just a few different lines on a chart?
Anonymous
I don’t understand your question. Excel does all of that. No need for an app.
Samantha
Or try Tableau.
Celia
I’ve seen people compile charts of numbers in Excel, and then they use hand calculators to add them up and type in the total. One was a bookkeeper, no less!
Scarlet
How do I get comfortable with asking out a man I really like?
Anonymous
By doing it. And realizing that either he said yes or no and life didn’t end. There are some things in life that are never super comfortable you just have to do them any way. Like flossing.
Becky
Ugh, I just had to take a brand new dress back to the tailor because after they hemmed it, I found stitches coming out at the waist. So I have to pay for another repair for a dress I haven’t worn yet. Grumble.
Carrie...
I hear you. The same exact thing happened to me this week. It is back at the tailors right now.
And now I’m bummed because I realize I spent too much to tailor a dress that really isn’t the greatest quality and doesn’t hang quite right with all the alterations.
Live and learn. Or accept these irritations of finding functional work clothes that you can afford and look good. Some days, seems impossible…
anon for this
Posting again as I put it up a bit late yesterday, but would still love to hear advice from partners who can comment on policy or associates who have moved…
Someone posted something similar to this last week, but my situation is somewhat varied. I work in biglaw in a city but am strongly considering transferring to an office in another city, where I went to law school. It would involve sitting another bar exam. Unlike last week’s poster, I do not have a significant amount of work from this office, but they do work that I am interested in getting into much more than other offices. I don’t know who to talk to if this is even an option, and am hoping some of you ladies in biglaw might have some insight. Adding to it, that I have seen others transfer offices, but usually they are making a decision as a family, and I somehow feel like the decision as a single associate carries less weight. My reasons for transferring are mostly personal; I feel like I have no network here, nothing keeping me here, and if I’m unhappy, I should do something about it. Thoughts?
RR
I’m a partner in biglaw in a practice area that is generally looking for good people. Speaking for me, I’d be very open to championing someone moving to my office who showed a real interest in the work we do. I’d probably want to see the person work for us long distance for awhile to make sure it was a good fit.
So, I’d say reach out to partners in the area you want to work and ask if there’s anything you can do to help. If you don’t get a hard “no,” reach out a few times. I don’t always get around to figuring out what to have someone do, so a reminder that you are still interested, still have time, etc., may jog memory. I think it’s an easier sell if you are working with a group in prospective new office.
Excellence
Has anyone stayed at the excellence playa mujeres? Any tips in general for all inclusives – what to bring, things you wish you packed, etc?
Bonnie
I haven’t been to the Excellence in Playa Mujeres but love the Excellence in Punta Cana and heard many good things about the other locations. We always bring $100 in one dollar bills and tip a dollar a person for meals or per drink order. Tipping is not required but is certainly appreciated and will get you much speedier service.
Sparrow
We recently stayed at an all-inclusive in Cancun. Definitely bring small bills to tip. It is nice to have everything paid up front and not have to worry about paying extra for food and drinks. But since the drinks flow pretty freely, make sure to pace yourself! Bring plenty of sun screen and your sunglasses.
Check out TripAdvisor for reviews and more info on your resort. Some of them have may have dress codes on the dressier side. Other than that, just bring what you would bring for a normal trip. Also, you may be asked to join a “welcome breakfast” or some other event that is really a timeshare presentation. Feel free to say no. You are not required to attend those. Have fun!
Niktaw
Bring your Tylenol/Advil and motion sickness pills.
Another Lady Lawyer
I haven’t been to the Excellence in Playa Mujeres, but have been to the resort next door (The Beloved) a few times over the last few years and absolutely love it! You may want to check it out (same all-inclusive concept, with a beautiful set of pools, one of my favorite spas in the world, and suites with private plunge pools). I will note that the Excellence always seems to be a rocking party – fun music, people out and about pretty late, etc., so you may want to check into reviews to gauge how raucous it really is.
As for bring-alongs, sun screen and more sun screen! The price of sun screen replacement is astronomical. Same with a back up pair of sunglasses! The part of Playa Mujeres where the Excellence and the Beloved are isn’t really connected to anything else, so you’re stuck with the gift shop/convenience store for things you forgot at home. And also a low maintenance beach bag, since you’ll probably want to tote stuff to and from the pools and the beach.
TXLawyer
This might just be news to me, but Facebook and Apply are covering the cost freezing eggs now?
What does the Hive think about that? Anyone work at a company who covers it? Link in next comment.
TXLawyer
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/perk-facebook-apple-now-pay-women-freeze-eggs-n225011
Anonymous
There’s a biological reason why our eggs become less viable as we age. I think it’s sad that our work culture has come to this and that people are willing to be paid off to delay pregnancy.
locomotive
well, what do you expect women who haven’t found partners by that ‘biologically optimal’ age to do? just resign themselves to being childless forever? i agree that work culture can contribute to this but i don’t think it’s the only reason – we’re not all people with partners who are putting off having children because of work.
Anonymous
Well sure, if you haven’t found someone than that’s different. I’m just thinking that with Apple paying people it may be more of a “we’d rather you keep working than inconvenience us with you having a baby right now”. I’m not saying it’s wrong in all circumstances. Sorry, should’ve been more clear.
Alana
+10000
anon
I just want to say that I’m overwhelmed with life, so overwhelmed. Maybe you all can give me perspective and tell me that it’s going to be okay???
I’m 16 weeks pregnant with twins. I sleep good about 50% of time. When I sleep good I’m usually exhausted and falling asleep on the couch between 8 and 9 pm. When I don’t sleep good I’m usually exhausted and falling asleep at my desk around 3 pm. This is our busy time of year (October – March) and I’m losing between 1 and 2 months of my schedule (depending on bed rest, etc.) to get the same amount of work done that I completed last year. My boss just came in and said he wants me to plan on working long week days and Saturdays for the next 6 weeks so that “we” can try and get ahead of the game. I’m pretty overwhelmed by a 40 hour week…50+ sounds awful. If I wasn’t pregnant I wouldn’t blink at a 50 hour week but I’m just so dang tired. There is no one here that can fill in and help with my workload as we are a small department of only 3 people.
My boss suggested a few weeks ago that I find a person to hire in the near future for the long-term (not just contract for maternity leave). I thought this was a great idea…much needed help for me. I reached out to my contacts and received 3 great resumes and was ready to start interviewing. He then tells me to wait until he gets approval from the CFO to hire. Wait, what? We don’t have approval?
What is my obligation here? I understand my boss is in a tight spot. But what if I would’ve gotten a serious illness? We’d still be in the same spot. At least with pregnancy I was able to give them a heads up. Is it my fault that they run this department so lean??? What am I supposed to do in this situation??
On top of work we are having a contractor that I trust remodel the downstairs level of our house to get ready for the babies because it’s currently unusable. Putting this off is not an option to me – if it doesn’t get done now, when will it get done? Never, because noise and drywall dust isn’t good for babies. This takes time to finalize the design (walls, etc.), pick paint colors, and bathroom finishes.
On top of that we need to look at baby gear, register for baby gear, etc.
I obsess over whether I’m coming back to work or not after the babies are born. I feel fortunate that it’s an option for us. My work keeps reminding me that I have bonuses and other vesting type items that I’ll lose if I don’t come back. Nothing like knowing you’ll have to pay back around $20k if you leave before 6/30/14 to add stress to the fire. I’ll also lose a couple other vesting benefits if I don’t come back. Not sure what I’m going to do.
Sorry this is long a ranty. Maybe in my spare time I should see a therapist…
anon2
Sorry. Sounds like you are going through a tough time. I don’t have any great advice, but I would suggest re-pting this on the afternoon post or on the mom’s section so you can get more responses.
Anonymous
Oh and add to this the question of whether or not we NEED to get a different vehicle. We have a 2007 Subaru Legacy and a 2013 Toyota Tacoma 4 door. We are both tall people (5’9” and 6’1”) so leg room matters. Will infant car seats with bases fit in either or these cars and allow the people in the front to have adequate leg room? Any info. on this would be helpful.
AIMS
I have little other advice, but I think it’s safe to say you can take “vehicle” off your to-do list. Both will fit fine in your vehicle. I have a tall friend who drives a Fiat and has no problem with her baby seat in the back.
Try to outsource as much of the other stuff as you can (e.g., can a family member or friend or husband help with baby gear/picking wall colors, etc?). And remind yourself as often as necessary that people have had babies under worse circumstances all the time and it will not be the end of the world if something doesn’t get done just right. Figure out what you absolutely need, and let the rest get sorted out in due time. Good luck.
Anonymous
thanks for the response AIMS. I thought it wasn’t a big deal at first too…but with one you can put them in the middle and it doesn’t have any bearing on how far your seats can go back. With two you pretty much have to have one behind the driver’s seat so that’s what worries me….
anon
If you get infant seats that snap in and out of a base, you might have to move the front seats to get them out easily, but I agree with AIMS they will definitely fit just fine. BUT be very careful if you buy extra bases that you buy the right ones. It’s more confusing than you think. For example, the Graco “classic connect” and “click connect” bases are different and the Snugride base is different from the Snugride 30/35/etc. base.
Hollis Doyle
This actually is a concern and can be complicated to figure out. I’m 6′ tall and drove a Pontiac G6 when I had an infant, so I definitely had logistic concerns. Certain brands of car seat CANNOT be touching the driver’s or passenger’s seat or it reduces their safety (for some reason; I don’t know). Sorry I don’t have any advice, other than maybe look for smaller car seats. I had to do that when I moved up from an infant seat to the convertible car seat but my baby still needed to be rear facing.
Blonde Lawyer
Most of us here grew up before SUV’s were even a thing. Car seats and 4 door sedans were just fine. I suggest you check out the Mr. Money Mustache blog for tips on avoiding the cultural pressures to upgrade everything just because you are having kids.
On the work front, I personally think it is fine and expected to push back against unreasonable or achievable requests but at the same time, I recognize that there may be consequences.
Maybe pushing back is what your boss needs in order to be able to get the budget to hire the new person. If I were you, I’d say that I will work extra to the best of my ability but that at most, it will be once or twice per week and just a couple hours on the weekend as you are not feeling up to more than that. I’d flat out tell him that the amount of work he is currently requesting is not possible – so long as that work is not what you would normally be doing in the same amount of time.
Samantha
If I were you I’d take a closer look at what *needs* to get done and cut it to the bare bones if necessary. Getting your needed rest and sleep would be my top priority, second would be things that need to get done at work.
I’m not sure what the remodeling situation is (can the babies sleep upstairs with you for the first few months? can you remodel after a year or so when they are in daycare to minimize impact? is there that much dust if you/they are on a different floor anyway?) but ask yourself these questions, because there’s a limited number of hours in the day and you can’t do everything!
About work, why don’t you have a conversation with your boss to talk about staffing needs and workloads? If he is agreeable to hiring a new person but needs to get approval, ask him if he has an update on the approval. If not, impress upon him that you’re carrying a high workload as it is and are concerned about getting the needed support so that you can attend to the key items. It’s not about maternity necessarily, or sickness or anything else. You have more than a 1-person job on your plate currently, and your boss needs to figure out resources to throw at the problem.
Anonymous
You don’t need to make decisions about paint and fixtures. You have a husband who isn’t pregnant right?