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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 177 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Kenya Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ellen Tracy Kenya Sheath Dress Happy Friday! Here's another nice blue sheath dress marked almost 60% off. I like the interesting neckline, and the bright color but conservative shape — I might try it with a long pendant necklace, like the one from yesterday's coffee break, and perhaps a dark gray blazer. It's now $49.99 (was $119) at 6pm, sizes 2-16. Ellen Tracy Kenya Sheath Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. cb

    What is everyone up to this weekend?

    I’m headed home tomorrow night after 6 weeks of family visits, travel, language training and conferences. So, so ready! I moved 4 days before leaving and am looking forward to unpacking

    • NOLA

      Oh wow, that’s a lot. Unlike last weekend, I have absolutely nothing planned. Trying to have a quiet weekend and get some rest. Despite the four day week, it’s been brutal. I just couldn’t seem to get out of the office last night, despite getting in at 7:15 am. Bleah.

      • Miss Behaved

        I have a totally quiet weekend, too. I’m at my parents’ now and working from home. No other family is scheduled to come, which is both good and bad (less conflict, but no adorable nieces and nephew).

        I’m going to read and play with my new phone and maybe do some jigsaw puzzles (yes, I’ve officially become my grandmother – minus the phone play).

        • Anon

          In college, a group of friends and I rented a beach house for spring break. I was part of the first group to arrive, and as we explored the house we found a closet of games and puzzles. We were so excited and immediately started putting them together. The reaction of the second group, keg and boombox in tow, discovering us huddled around the kitchen table still makes me laugh :)

        • Wannabe Runner

          I love jigsaw puzzles. So relaxing. And I love having conversations with family while sitting around the card table, each with a group of puzzle pieces in front of us.

    • CKB

      We are running a 5k as a family tomorrow. DH & I are runners, but our boys (8 next week, 11 & 13) haven’t been & wanted to do the couch to 5k this summer, so we did. They aren’t super athletic kids, so we try to show them a variety of ways to stay active & healthy. It looks like we’ll be running in the rain. I’m glad we took on this project, but I’ll also be glad when it’s done. I don’t think the boys realized how much work it is running! It’s been good for them, though. They don’t normally push themselves physically, so showing them what they can accomplish with a little (or a lot) of willpower & hard work has been excellent.

      • emeralds

        That’s so great that you’re running as a family and introducing your children to the sport! I love that with distance running, everyone (assuming that you don’t have a health condition or physical disability that prevents you from participating) can improve and be successful with hard work and consistency. One of my former students’ families were all runners, including the middle brother, who had fairly serious mental disabilities–but he could still come out, run with our team and/or his family, finish races, get PRs, and have a completely “normal” experience as a young man. The last I heard he was training for a half marathon. Which is just so amazing. Annnnd I will get off my running soapbox now!

        My weekend is deliberately empty of anything except a long run, library time with my thesis, and a relaxed Sunday evening with my young man. This week has been insane and I just need to recharge and catch up on work.

        • CKB

          Thanks! You hit the nail on the head as to why we wanted to get our boys involved. I grew up thinking that if you weren’t involved in team sports, you weren’t an athlete. And I made almost no effort to be active because of that. I wasn’t 100% sedentary, but I was fairly close. In my 30s, after the birth of my last child, I wanted to lose weight & get healthy so I picked up running, and I love it. I’m not super fast, and the longest distance I’ve run is 10k, but I don’t want my boys growing up like I did thinking that just because you weren’t into team sports you might as well not try. So we hike, we started running, we ski in the winter, we encourage the boys to go out for individual sports. My oldest 2 do wrestling at school. Even though they are so tall & skinny there’s very little chance they can win a match, we still encourage them & praise them for their efforts.

          • January

            I got into running later (in my 20s) for similar reasons — wanted to be healthy and release stress, but I was never any kind of athlete as a kid. It’s great you and your husband are introducing your kids to it now! Thanks for the good wishes below, too.

    • zora

      Work, work and more work! Heading out today for DC, just in time to be there for All The Fun next week! Gah!

    • Veronique

      Baking a strawberry cake with strawberry Swiss meringue buttercream tonight/tomorrow for my friend’s birthday, then the birthday dinner tomorrow night. The rest of the time will be a mix of relaxation and organizing my house.

    • Niktaw

      Back into the school year routine with son’s weekend classes and sports meets on Saturday and Sunday. Because the activities last several hours, I have plenty of time in between. Planning to use it for a short visit with my sister-in-law and shopping at farmer’s market. The weather will stay gorgeous, so really looking forward to spending time outside.

    • Anonymous

      Working. For the fourth consecutive weekend and 26th and 27th consecutive days. I hate my job right now.

    • SoCalAtty

      Nothing much this weekend, thank goodness! Last weekend we were in Yosemite and did the 9 mile Panorama Trail, and I think I just recovered yesterday and got back into the gym. Saturday/Sunday I have my 1 hour riding lessons (jumping, yay!) and then we will probably find a hike to do. We’re doing another big all day hike in Colorado in about 3 weeks, and we need the training!

    • January

      I’m doing my first 10-mile race tomorrow morning. The weather will be gorgeous. I am totally freaking out about the distance, though, as this will be the longest I have ever run. AAAAHHHHH!

      • CKB

        Good luck! You can do it! And as I’m constantly telling my boys – much of running is mental, so only positive thoughts! (see my post above about running with my kids. They are learning that their runs go better when they aren’t complaining the whole time – go figure!)

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I’m celebrating passing the bar exam! And I have tickets for the Statue of Liberty crown tour, because that’s on my “things I must do before I move out of New York” list. (If anyone has suggestions for what else should be on that list, let me know! I’ve done all the major tourist attractions except for Statue of Liberty, but I’m sure there are lots of things I’ve missed).

    • Susie

      I’ve invited friends over for a dodgeball party tomorrow. Then I have to kick everyone out in time to get ready for my law school 5 year reunion. No plans for Sunday yet, may just go to church, gym, and the mall.

    • Miz Swizz

      I’m running all the errands this weekend. I’ve been super busy and now my recycling is overflowing, my fridge is nearing empty and my laundry overfloweth.

    • Jo March

      We are doing some street festivalling and biking around. Also, going to eat delicious delicious brisket and mashed potatoes at Rosh Hashanah dinner tonight. Because we are trying to go out and do as much as we possibly can while it’s just the two of us and we are not carrying an infant around, lol.

      On which note: we had 13w ultrasound last week and everything is looking good. Baby was super-active, dancing around and making it hard for the tech to get the measurements she needed. But that meant we got to watch for almost half an hour! It was awesome! Also, I am totally already showing and have only about 3 non-mat dresses I still fit into. So we are officially telling everyone now :p

    • TCFKAG

      We’re helping friends move (we bought a rather large SUV earlier this year and its our first opportunity to test its true capacity.) Otherwise, I’m hoping for tv marathons, cool weather, and feeling like fall.

    • ms. pacific

      Engaging in every form of distraction I can imagine – brunches, dinners and drinks with friends, badminton, running club, yoga, crafting … drew the line at the paintball invitation I received yesterday, but only just. Breakups are the worst, but ironically, this looks like the most fun and exciting weekend ever on paper :-).

    • Calibrachoa

      Workig both Saturay and Sunday, and DJing on Saturday night.

      I intend to spend most of the weekend putting together a case to my boss about why he needs to promote me to Assistant Tea Spoon. Because I deserve it. :D

    • AlaskaLaw

      This is sad but this is a migraine headache weekend. Pain pills and a dark room for me…once every 28 days, this month’s headache started on schedule today…it will last three days. Ugh.

    • Mary

      I love how the comments sections are ::never:: on topic! I am relaxing today and hopefully motivating later on… Tomorrow I have a company get together at the CFO’s house (zipline and roller coaster in the backyard- he has a waiver that must be signed…). Am I supposed to bring a gift or something? very confused!

  2. Ellen

    Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love fruegel friday’s! I have been stuck staying with the babies while Rosa and Ed are out visiting freinds. I like this but NOT when the baby is loaded. Mom says I need to learn this when I have a baby, but I think I will have mom stay with me until the baby learns to poop on her own.

    Dad talked with David in temple yesterday and now Dad says David is sorry for desserting me when Sandy hit here and he is willing to make it up to me. Yay! But he is NOT longterm marrage material for me since he does NOT make enough for me to stop working full time.

    I want to be a JUDGE who ONLEY works PART TIME, or mabye be a law professor at HOFSTRA where I could drive to work and leave after 2 hour’s to do what I want to do after the kid’s are in SCHOOL. David does not make the kind of money that will allow me that kind of freedom, and I think I deserve more. After all, Rosa has all of that and she ONLEY has a BA degree from SUNY! How did she get so lucky with ED? FOOEY, b/c I want a guy who can be like Ed but would not want to have to do whatever Ed wanted.

    Anyway, I hope every one has a great New Year, and a sucessful one! YAY!!!!

  3. Bonnie

    This is a lovely dress. It’s a pain to return anything to 6pm but they have some great deals.

    • Cornellian

      Good to know. I’m going to keep an eye out for one of those crazy sales they have. I assume it runs humongous like everything else they sell? My most recent dress from them is XS and petite (i’m an athletic 5’4 and 120) and still large.

      • Blue

        I have this dress and I think it’s actually pretty TTS (assuming it’s the same one that I bought about a year ago). I’m normally between a 6 petite and an 8 petite and I’m pretty sure I have the 6 petite in this one. Totally agree that some of their stuff is insanely huge though.

        • Mpls

          My experience with LE is also that I am pretty much the same size in their stuff as I am in BR/Jcrew/Gap/just about anything else. Yes, they cut a little more generously because their demographic isn’t really into the really close fitting clothes, but in my experience it is not outside the realm of reasonableness. I am sympathetic to the fact that smaller end of the scale can have more issues with fit than the mid range, but I don’t thing those issues necessarily carry through the entire range of sizes.

          My biggest problem is that their regular sized stuff is just a little to short and the proportion are a little off for those that are tall, but that there are not tall options for everything. I am interested to see that this dress actually has tall sizes.

          • TBK

            I don’t know, I reliably wear medium in knit dresses everywhere but LE (generally a size 8/10 in dresses). I have to go with a small with them, and even then it’s really roomy.

      • Miss Behaved

        I think it’s only one size larger, but that may be because it’s so comfortable. And, yes, don’t pay full price. You can probably google right now for a discount coupon.

    • SoCalAtty

      Really cute dress! With a dress like this, do you all feel that you HAVE to wear a cardigan or blazer with it? It is probably a “know your office” thing, but I work for a design / very casual office and I’m feeling like I could do this without a cardigan. Then again, I keep one at my desk because it is like the Arctic Circle in here. The location, not the fast food place.

      • Veronique

        I still adhere to the standard that showing bare arms in the office is unprofessional, even in casual offices, so I would definitely wear a blazer or cardigan. Most of the higher level attorneys/businesspeople do the same. I’ve seen younger attorneys go sleeveless, but they’re not the people I’m trying to emulate!

      • Susie

        For me it’s more of a “know your arms” situation. I’m just a bit self-conscious about my upper arms, and even more so the fleshy area between b00bs and armpits that some sleeveless styles let show. So while I would almost certainly wear a blazer or cardi, I think this dress would be fine on its own in my office.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      I have this dress in a bunch of colors too. It’s comfortable like you’re wearing jammies, but doesn’t look like jammies. I usually wear a cardigan with it as my office is cold, but sometimes I wear it without one. In my experience it doesn’t pill. I machine wash it and hang it to dry. Strangely one color wrinkles a bit while the other doesn’t. Once there’s another LE sale I’ll probably pick up a few more colors.

    • Anonymous

      Just ordered that LE dress and am waiting to see if it will fit. Fingers crossed . . .

  5. L

    Not getting into the whole Syria debate, but I love that the President just called out the male reporter for repeating the female reporter’s question. His response was to the effect of, “When she asked it I gave an answer, do you think my answer would change because you asked it?”

    If only more people in workplace were like that.

    • Eva

      What was the question? After reading the papers, it seems that neither the government nor the rebels are any good, and I think we stay out of there unless the UN says it has to go in.

  6. Blue

    Has anyone used Vonage for a land line? I haven’t had a land line since high school and none of my friends do (I’m 26), but I get awful cell service in my apartment so if I can do it cheap I’m considering it. It looks like they have a plan for $11.99/month, which sounds like a pretty good deal, if it actually works well.

    • AIMS

      My mom has used it for years and loves it. The only downside is if your internet is down, it won’t work. But if you get one of those international plans, you can also connect to your cell phone somehow so that you can make free international calls on your cell from anywhere.

      I remember TMobile (I think) also having some plan where you can get a “dock” for home use and have a land line of sorts through them and your cell calls would just go to that if you’re home. I think a friend of mine with a similar problem in his apartment used to use that.

    • Nonny

      My SO used it when he lived on his own, and we used it for a while when we moved in together, but we’ve since switched to a standard landline. We found that it really wasn’t any cheaper than a standard landline these days, and the signal sometimes didn’t work well – either we couldn’t hear the person calling us, or they couldn’t hear us, or there was a long delay. It was quite unpredictable and I found it really annoying.

    • Jo March

      We have a Magic Jack, which cost us about $70 for the attachment and then $20/year including all North American long distance. It is MUCH cheaper than a landline, but maybe that’s just a Manitoba thing? Reception is good, and if I’m on wifi the calls will come through to my cell phone. And if people leave a message, I get an email with the .wav file so I can listen to it. So that is pretty awesome. We are very happy for it.

      We have gotten a landline now because work pays for a house alarm system that requires the landline, but we are still using Magic Jack because it would cost too much to add call-display/call waiting/etc to the landline.

      • Terry

        My parents have Vonage in the midwest and *love* it. They take it with them on trips and use it to make calls.

      • Blue

        I’m intrigued by the Magic Jack, I’ve never heard of it. I went on the site and it’s very confusing…what is it exactly?

        • Jo March

          There is an attachment dongle that you plug into a computer that has to be on and running all the time. It’s attached to an account with a phone number and works like a landline. I will have to ask Professor Bhaer exactly where our phones are plugged in to make it work, but we are really very happy with it. Have had no tech difficulties at all once we got it hooked up to a reliable machine.

    • Samantha

      I have a Vonage landline and the way it works, it may as well be a monthly charity donation I make. Their service is down a LOT, and only some of it is attributable to our internet being down (Comcast Business, believe it or not – supposed to be faster than the regular option). I often get a message that the line is engaged when I know nobody is using it, and even though I have call waiting. Customer service is slow and tiresome (and you have to wait on hold for ages). I really need to come up with a better landline solution, but haven’t had time to figure it out.

    • Niktaw

      As long as “language bullying” does not include correcting grammar and usage in peers’ and subordinates’ work products…
      I have a problem with sloppily edited content in the public domain, but I either suffer silently or point out the awfulness to a couple of like-minded friends.

      • Miz Swizz

        I love pointing out signs to my husband when we’re out and about. He doesn’t look as closely as I do but the grocery store in our hometown used to have some horrendously misspelled signs. I also saw some “complementary” charging stations that gave me a good chuckle.

  8. LawChickie

    TJ- I feel strange that I even need to ask this, but I’m completely stumped as to what to do. I started a new job a few months ago (I’m an attorney) and I’m six months pregnant. Who from work should I invite to my shower? I was going to invite the other female attorneys (there are only a handful of us), but wasn’t sure about inviting paralegals and assistants. There are a few that I would definitely ordinarily invite. And I want them to feel included, but at the same time I don’t want them to feel like they need to get me a present- which might make them uncomfortable.
    So again, who should I invite?

    • mascot

      Unless you socialize with these people outside of work, do not invite them. Even then, consider carefully if you are close enough to them to consider them friends. The whole point of a shower is to give gifts to the mother so there really isn’t a way to make them feel like they are relieved of a present obligation.
      The above assumes this isn’t an office shower. For office showers, the person throwing it generally invites the entire department or group and people can go in together on a gift.

      • Veronique

        +1. It will look make you look like a greedy gift-grabber, which is never the impression you want your coworkers to have of you.

      • ac

        My comment just got eaten, so apologies if it shows up later…. I was going to say roughly what Mascot did.

        Definitely a know-your-office situation and proceed with caution. I’d only invite people at or near your level of seniority (and not people who work for or under you), who you socialize with outside of work and who you’ve known for longer than the few months at this job. I invited two fellow associates to my baby shower a few years ago, but I’d known them for 5+ years, they were my level or one year senior, and I regularly saw them outside of work.

        I’m also assuming this is a personal shower being thrown by friends or family. If it’s an office shower, it’s even more of a know-your-office situation and you need to talk to the other folks in your office who have been to those types of events.

    • LH

      Do you know if you’re going to have some sort of work celebration or shower? If so, I probably wouldn’t invite anyone from work to your friend/family shower unless there are people at work that you regularly socialize with outside work. In my office, there’s usually an office shower and I don’t know of anyone inviting colleagues to a shower outside the office. Personally, if I got an invite to a colleague’s outside-of-work-shower I’d feel obligated to go and to get a gift more than I’d feel included or touched that they thought of me. (In contrast, while I’d definitely feel obligated to get a gift if I was invited to a colleague’s wedding, I’d also be honored that I was included because I know how much weddings cost the host and that many people have caps on the number of people they are able to invite – I just sort of don’t have the same feelings about baby showers because the burden on the host is so much less). But I don’t have kids and haven’t been to many baby showers so maybe my feelings will change when friend’s baby showers are as common as friend’s weddings are now (in my late 20s).

      • Anonymous

        Yes, that is the distinction. Showers are purely to give gifts, while weddings are also “please come celebrate with us”

    • Diana Barry

      I wouldn’t invite anyone from work to your shower!! (Unless you have been friends with them before you started working there, etc.)

    • Anonymous

      No one. The hostess of the shower should be inviting people, and I would absolutely not invite anyone from work. Sometimes people at work do a small work shower, where everyone goes in on one present so each person can spend as little as 5 or 10 dollars.

    • LawChickie

      Thanks for all of the advice! There were/are people at my last firm that I did (and some still do) socialize with outside of work and I’ll be inviting those that I still keep in touch with. So, the advice about not inviting those I don’t socialize with outside of work is spot on. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it that way. I grew up in the South and the mentality for showers was always to just invite everyone so no one gets their feelings hurt. Though I did end up getting invited to and going to a number of showers I didn’t really want to attend.
      Also, just for the record, I will not actually be inviting these people- the hostesses will. She just obviously doesn’t know the names of my Aunts or my husband’s Aunts and asked me for a list of who I would like to invite. ;)

      • LawChickie

        Also, I have no idea if there will be a work shower or not. (I’m honestly hoping not.) I feel like I haven’t been here long enough and, again, don’t want people to feel compelled to give me presents.

      • Pregomama

        You’ll probably have a work shower. I would not invite anyone from the office that I was not actually real friends with outside of work (ie brunch on weekends, parties, etc). For me that number is 0.

      • Anonymous

        I really don’t think you should be inviting anyone from your old work that you know longer see. (IE, not ones you keep in touch with but dont actually hang out with.) Showers are for your close friends and family.

  9. Old Navy Jeans Fit

    Hive, help! I need some cheap jeans and am looking at old navy. any advice on the fit? I’ve got a narrow real waist, wide hips, thunder thighs and am short (longer torso then legs). debating between the flirt, sweetheart, and dreamer, but also tend to have jeans that are midrise sometimes look like mom jeans.

    • AIMS

      Did they get rid of the diva? I have a small waist and, shall we say, generous thighs & I think that’s what I bought on someone’s recommendation here. The waist could probably be taken in a tiny bit for a perfect fit but they work well enough as is. From what I remember the last time I was in their store, the chart they have is pretty spot on re: right fit for you.

    • LH

      No specific suggestions, but in my experience Old Navy sizing varies wildly even across the same item. For example, I’ve ordered the same size in the same style in multiple colors and had some colors fit and some not. If you live near an Old Navy, I ‘d just order a ton of sizes across different styles and plan to return most of it.

    • Anonymous

      I have the sweetheart and my shape is exactly what you describe. You will need to go a size down though. I usually wear a 2 at jcrew etc, but had to get a 0 at old navy. These are actually some of my favorite jeans! And have $100+ fancy ones too.

    • Silvercurls

      Ideas: If you’re looking for super-duper low prices thrift shops can be a good choice but this option will require time, stamina, luck, and probably going to more than one store. You might also find what you want online at eBay or maybe Goodwill (no experience here except for browsing). Are there any appropriate outlet stores within a reasonable driving distance?

  10. Anonymous

    Career/Networking TJ:

    I externed for a judge who, at the end of the semester, expressed what I think was sincere interest in having me come back after my year-long clerkship at another court to clerk for him. It’s been a few months since I’ve been in contact with him, but now that the bar is over, I’d like to touch base with him so that I remain on his radar. Also, it really is time for me to start lining something out job-wise for after my clerkship. So, any suggestions for what to say? I think I’d like to err on the side of being direct (but not pushy, of course), i.e. “Hello Judge ____, . . . If your schedule permits, I’d love to speak with you about any clerking opportunities that might be available in your chambers.” Rather than: “Hello Judge _____ . . . I just wanted to touch base with you and say hello.” Or whatever. Is this a good or bad approach? Any other suggestions? Thanks very much!

    • TBK

      I think the direct approach is best. And I think the tone you take in your first example is very good. You’re appropriately deferential and polite while also being clear about what you want.

    • k-padi

      +1 to TBK. I would add that it’s perfectly normal for someone taking the Bar to fall off the face of the Earth for a few months. You could say something like “Now that I’ve completed the Bar Exam, I’m excited to speak with you regarding clerking opportunities. Would you be available next week?”

      I wouldn’t limit your ask to his chambers–he might not have openings but would know of openings in other chambers.

  11. Romey

    Question for attorneys or other people who work a ton of hours:

    How do you handle social events on the weekends? I’m sure you have zero time to yourself Monday-Friday and some or most weekends, so do you find your non-lawyer friends to be understanding if you don’t have time to hang out as much as you would like? I’m absolutely exhausted on Fridays and do not want to do anything at all except chill in my bed. I personally like to plan Sunday brunches to see friends. I also need to build time in in the weekend to see my husband! So just wondering how you ladies handle your social lives and how often do you see your friends?

    • AnonInfinity

      This is a tough one to balance for me, but I really try to text or email my friends a couple times a week and see at least one or two friends each week/weekend. Lunches can be great for this if your friends work close to you.

      One of my most trusted advisors once told me that her biggest regret in her career was that she did not keep up with her friends during her early years and most of them fell away.

      My family and non-law friends do not understand my schedule. Even my law friends who work less demanding jobs do not understand. I’m still friends with those people but do not see them as often as I’d like. Instead, I’ve become much closer to my friends who really understand and do not get mad if we have to change plans at the last minute or meet for a 15-minute coffee on Saturday to get time in.

      I am an introvert, so I do miss alonetime sometimes. I try to spend a good evening each week alone, at least one with my husband, and at least one for friends. Sometimes that ratio gets off, but it generally works for me.

      • Romey

        If you’re just too tired to do something or want to schedule that alone time for yourself, do you just say that you’re busy working (i.e. do you lie!) or do you just say you’re too tired? For example tonight a friend of my husband’s wants us to hang out (my husband is a biglaw attorney too) and we’re just freaking exhausted.

        • Veronique

          I’d say I’m too tired, but it really depends on your friends. I know that mine would understand and wouldn’t be offended. Lots of my friends are in demanding jobs (lawyers, nurses, etc.) and so those who aren’t are familiar with the professional demands of those who are.

          • AnonInfinity

            Yeah, that’s what I do, too. I’ll say I’m too tired and usually say something vague about working a lot. Or I’ll say that I must get some things done around the house. Sometimes I will say I can’t because I already have plans (alone time is a plan!)

    • Anne Shirley

      I suck it up and go out Friday- often just for dinner with the girls. I personally don’t care for brunch when I’m busy, lots of time and little reward, but I like to suggest Sunday 5ish drinks, or whenever the giants are playing and my bf is otherwise occupied. It helps me to calendar bigger things so I don’t miss them- ie pumpkin picking in October already has a date. Maybe I’ll need to cancel, but often if I know ahead of time I can make it work.

      But I also just don’t keep up with a huge group of friends, which has always been my style and makes it easier.

    • LH

      Personally, I don’t see my friends that much. I work a ton, and am an introvert so on weekends (when I’m not working) I need to decompress and hang out with my husband. Many of my friends aren’t local to me – I only have 1 really close friend and a few not-as-close friends local to me. I’d say I see my close friend every few weeks, usually for brunch. The other friends I see only every few months when someone organizes a group get together. Also every month or two we either travel out of town for a wedding or have friends visit us, and on that weekend (often a long weekend) its usually 24/7 friend hanging out time. So it sort of comes in fits and spurts but there are definitely weekends, and occasionally several weekends in a row, where I don’t see anyone but my husband. Not going to lie, being a lawyer has kind of killed having a regular “every Friday and Saturday night” social life but it wasn’t that important to me to begin with and after being a forced extrovert all week at my job I really just need to unwind on weekends.

    • Anonymous

      It’s really hard. I haven’t seen friends for 2.5 months, but I have been billing 70 hours a week during that time period and I also have two young kids that I barely see during the week (i have seen them for a grand total of one hour since Sunday morning this week, ugh). Many of my friends are lawyers too, so their schedules are also hectic. When I have a lull, I usually invite a group of them to do something on the weeked (often brunch), and whoever has time shows up. There are a group of us who work in the same area, and we try to do a lunch during the workweek about once a month, and again, whoever has time shows up. Sometimes if it has been a super long time since i saw a particular friend, I’ll invite him or her to come with me on a somewhat fun errand (e.g., farmers market) and we will grab a coffee afterwards. Unfortunately, friend time is what I’ve had to sacrifice to keep everything else somewhat together.

      My non-lawyer friends don’t really get the demands on my schedule and get frustrated by last minute cancellations. I try to do phone dates with them on the weekend while I am doing chores, watching thr kids at the park, etc. My husband (who works much less than I do) is in charge of maintaining friendships with parents of the kids’ friends.

      • Romey

        I love hearing all these responses. It just helps to know you’re not alone. I’m just a mid level associate so not like I’ve been doing this forever, but I’m just starting to get sick of it. Maybe it’s just been one of those days/weeks/months. I’m also just sad that my husband and I barely get time to see each other. :(

    • ss

      Saturday night is a standing date in my household for having people over for dinner if we are not travelling, has been for years, and works really well for hubby and I to stay in touch with people we enjoy, at a time, place and format of our choosing. Sometimes it’s just 1 or 2 friends or a sibling popping round for easy food and plonk, but we also entertain clients and professional contacts at home, in a somewhat more structured way. The good thing about a standing date means we don’t need to consult each other before issuing an invitation – sometimes makes for a haphazard combo of folks but mostly works ok.

      The important thing is to keep things at a level you are comfy with, so you don’t lose sight of enjoying yourself. As it happens, I like the business of going to the market in the morning, cooking in the afternoon and then enjoying myself in the evening, and I have help with the clean-up, but the shopping/ cooking part is sometimes hostage to unexpected work meetings/ calls. Then, we have delivery pizza and bring out the serious wine.

    • Pest

      I think it is important to make the time to stay in touch. That doesn’t mean you have to do things the same way you did them before you started your career. For instance, rather than a dinnerwith friends you could just set a happy hour where you stay for an hour and then leave. Often I just make an appearance at parties and stay for an hour or less.

      • Romey

        Pest, that is absolutely what I told my husband about tonight. I said just tell them we can come for one drink and then we have to go, so he did, and then people are questioning, oh do you have to go back to work after? You can’t stay for dinner? So I feel like we have to lie now….

        • Pest

          When you show up you can just say that you are exhausted after a long week, but still wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone. If you and your husband go somewhere afterward, don’t check in on FB.

        • Mpls

          “No, we can’t stay for dinner. We’re looking forward to catching up over the drink, though”.

          You don’t owe them an explanation about how you are spending your time.

    • SoCalAtty

      I used to try really, really hard to go out and see friends every weekend, but I was finding that I was too tired come Monday and it was making me miserable. My non-law friends understand, and if they have a group doing something usually they know my response is “if I’m not wiped out I’ll come by.”

      Brunches are great, or breakfasts, or lunches on the weekends. They know that if it is an evening thing I’m likely to be asleep or want to be asleep, so they don’t mind. At least that’s what they tell me! In addition to work hours, I have a demanding sport (the horse) and I’m at the barn at 8am Saturday and Sunday, so it makes evenings/late nights tough.

    • Another B

      What non-lawyer friends? ^_~

      It helps when other ppl are in similarly demanding fields and get that ppl get busy.

    • k-padi

      It’s a tough balance. My circle of friends has narrowed and changed quite a bit in the last 10 years. I wish I realized earlier that non-lawyer friends are so much better for my mental health than lawyer friends. I was at a party with my boyfriend’s friends and one mentioned my area of law. If I was with my lawyer friends, it would turn into a debate and I would stress over it. I ignored the comment and had a wonderful evening.

      I will admit to pushing myself so hard socially that I do burn out. In the last 2 weeks, I had our billing-year-end, a major networking conference, follow-ups with 3 or 4 mentors from the conference, 3 late nights at work to meet deadlines, out of town guests over the weekend (first time in the area for one so we packed in a lot of sites), a last-minute breakfast with a friend to deal with a personal issue, and date-nights with my non-lawyer boyfriend. My kitchen was a mess, I hadn’t touched my garden in 2 weeks, I had 5+ loads of laundry piling up in my garage, and my house appears to be falling apart from lack of attention. My diabetic cat nearly ran out of insulin. Yesterday afternoon, I had no urgent projects, felt ill, went home, and took a nap. Then I did some laundry, weeded the garden, and bought insulin for my poor cat. Was it burn-out? Yes. Did I do it to myself? Yes. Oh well. Life happens.

      TLDR: Life happens. Sometimes I do burn myself out because my social obligations are too much with my work obligations. I’ve learned to accept this.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        So curious. Is this your garden, or your “garden” to which you are referring?

    • TO Lawyer

      I’m not sure I’m going to say anything different but here are my two cents:

      I usually force myself to do at least once social thing each weekend (sometimes more) even if I’m exhausted/burnt out and all I want to do is sit on the couch. Maybe it’s because I’m single but if I don’t do this, then I just end up working and hanging out by myself which gets depressing.

      I actually like Sunday brunches because it’s easy to go to the office after. I also like to do something either Friday or Saturday night. I find it’s more important to keep up some semblance of a social life even when I’m working constantly because it helps me connect with my friends and not feel so isolated when I’m working 80+ hour weeks.

    • anon

      Just want to chime in and say it’s nice to see all these responses. I’m a junior associate in nyc big law and I have not found a balance at all. The few friends I have with 9 to 5s and weekends off don’t understand (and I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t understand unless I was working this job either!). I’ve been moving towards occasionally hanging out with friends who have similarly demanding jobs simply because they get it if I have to cancel at the last minute and I don’t feel bad or like I’m going to get de-friended.

    • Romey

      Follow up question. For those married ladies working these hours, do you have set date nights with your spouse? How often do you spend quality time with them? To narrow the field even further, those married ladies without children (not trying to exclude anyone, just seeing what people in my similar situation do). Thank you!

      • k-padi

        Not married but serious non-lawyer boyfriend: we have a standing date night one day per week and one day on the weekend. No emails, no interruptions. I have standing late-nights at work two days per week and stay in communication with him regarding the rest of the week. And, to keep date night sacrosanct, my colleagues and one major client know about my date night (it was selected based on their schedule/weekly rhythm) and that I will be leaving the office at a reasonable hour and not checking email. Over the weekend, BF and I like to hike so I double-count that time as my work-out.

        • Romey

          k-padi, what do you do if you have an event that pops up (like a wedding, a friend’s bday party, whatever) one your standing date night? Do you re-schedule that date night or do you just skip that week?

          • k-padi

            When something pops-up, I first decide whether it’s really necessary for me to attend. Is the friend a really good friend? Is it an event that I can skip? My threshold seems to keep getting higher for me to cancel date night.

            I really try to re-schedule date night. My boyfriend is super-flexible and super understanding. So far, there have been a few weeks where it just wasn’t going to happen but I really feel awful about it. I had a relationship years ago with another lawyer that fell apart because neither of us felt like the other was making enough of an effort. I really don’t want that to happen here so, even if it means a super-late night (like past midnight–most late nights for me are 8pm or 9pm) at work or working on the weekend, I try to make one weeknight work for date night.

      • Anonymous

        Pre-kids, my husband and I generally had a late dinner together most weekdays and then I would work at home afterwards if needed. On the weekends, we usually would go for a hike for a few hours one day and would spend a few hours hanging out at home the other day. We were both out of the house for 16+ hours a day during the week, so we were sort of homebodies on the weekend. With kids now, we try to do date night once a month.

      • Person

        My husband and I do a monthly surprise date night where we do something very special (no movies or just dinners allowed). We take turns planning the surprise date. Other than that, we make a point to have quality time one night each weekend. We honestly don’t spend much qt together during the week because of our schedules, which is sad.

      • Susedna

        You know the pointed bc they’re true jokes about Black History month? (“So the other 11 months everybody forgets about the history of black people in the U.S. And the issues we still face about race?”)

        Well, DH and I emphatically don’t have date night bc it’d feel like conceding defeat – that we have fallen so far into the background of each other’s lives while all manner of administrivia leaps to the foreground that we have to set a date to spend time together. Also, I don’t like being an item on his to-do list, as if our time together was a duty rather than a pleasure we automatically gravitate to. As in: I write todo lists like “do laundry.”. I don’t need a list to remember to “eat chocolate.”

        We are each other’s priority – the networking events, the dinner w/ friendly acquaintances but not best friends – all those activities get whatever scraps of time leftover after my DH and I have had the lion’s share of each other’s time.

        I know others who swear by date nights, but I.just.can’t.

        • Anon

          Co-signed. All of this.

          And i feel the same way about the idea of scheduling LGPs. I know it probably works well for some couples, but I.just.can’t with this either.

        • Rosalita

          +1. I’ve only been married 6 months, but it seems to me that one of the ingredients for making a marriage work is prioritizing time together.

          I used to work at “work hard, play hard” office. (Before it got serious with now-DH.) People would routinely leave work for the bars at 4:00, and close them down that night. We also regularly worked 80-hour weeks. It was a bunch of single people, and there was some romantic entanglements, too.

          But I don’t want that any more. I want to come home each night at a reasonable hour, make dinner with DH, and sit on the couch. And some day, have little ones in the picture.

          We can’t all have it all. My partying friends are almost completely gone from my life now. It’s sad, because many of them were cool people, but they don’t fit very well any more.

          I spend time with girlfriends at a monthly book club, and sometimes have couple get-togethers. But I also treasure the fact that we live near extended family and can spend a lot of time with them. Can’t have it all.

      • AlaskaLaw

        No set date nights but now that Daughter is old enough to have a social life (sleepovers, birthday parties we don’t stay for, etc) we jump on those and schedule dinner out just the two of us. Though one “date night” began at the Public Hearing for comments on something involving Mr AlaskaLaw’s job. Havent’ let him forget that one.

  12. Romey

    Another TJ question – any reviews on Charles David brand shoes? Funny, there was an add for some on corporette and I clicked and the reviews seem good on amazon. Would love to hear you ladies’ personal experiences with Charles David.

    • Carrie Preston

      It’s a nicer brand, but there are a couple of lines. Charles David is the more expensive, and Charles by Charles David is more affordable (like 9 west). I love their look but find they tend too run quite narrow.

      • AIMS

        I have a pair of Charles David booties and I like them well enough when I can actually get them on, but they are a pain to actually get on in the first place (no zipper and super narrow opening). So definitely agree that they run narrow. I pretty much rarely wear them because it is such a production to actually get them on. They do seem to be well made and what originally sold me was that they were made in France, not China.

    • Blair Waldorf

      I have a few pairs of Charles David shoes and they’ve held up well. One is narrower, the other isn’t, and I think it’s the style more than a brand issue. I like them!

  13. Romey

    I’m on a total TJ roll today. I have another question, or maybe it’s just venting. One of my very dear and close friends has really changed over the past couple of years, and I’m sure it’s because she is now a stay at home mommy with two children. I am starting to get to the point where I just can’t stand listening to some of the things she talks about – bodily functions of herself and her children. It’s like she doesn’t have a filter anymore. I mean don’t get me wrong, I totally talk about “gross” stuff sometimes with friends but we always preface it with “ok this is gross but….” or something like that. But I just have no warning and no filter with her. How do I nicely say something to her without upsetting her? Do I just deal with it? Like it’s to the point where she’ll email or text me and I just don’t even want to respond.

    • Niktaw

      If she texts, you are within rights to respond “TMI!” A “dear and close” friend should be able to take this and not get offended. Also, my definition of dear and close friends includes being able to talk about _many things_ without getting in a huff.
      If she is easily offended, she will take it badly no matter how nicely you frame your concern.

      • Romey

        She was my matron of honor and I’ve known her since I was 13. Definitely a close and dear friend! But I just think things have changed….and it makes me sad. I have gone the “TMI!” route before and she got huffy and puffy about it. And I think that’s the problem, is that I can’t talk to her about it b/c she just gets offended.

        by the way, if you have not had a kid yet please do not ever google “mucus plug” when a pregnant friend tells you her mucus plug fell out. :-O

        • Mpls

          Well, to some extent, this is her life now – bodily functions. Is she talking about this stuff because she just doesn’t have anything going on in her life? I might try asking her about other things that don’t focus on the kids – is she decorating the house, growing anything in the garden, thinking about getting into volunteering, looking at schools, seen anything good on tv (that is not kid related)? Calling “TMI” could be coming across as “Ugh, the only thing you have going on in your life is of no interest to me”, and that would make me a little huffy too – so try to draw out some other conversation topics that don’t lend themselves to comments on bodily functions.

          Without knowing your friend, it sounds like her role as Mom is drowning out anything else, and she might need to reconnect with her self-identity as Herself, and Mom second. But that’s a very brief and broad analysis based on only a little information.

          • Ick

            The problem is only partly the squick factor of her subject matter. It’s also about that friend incessantly talking about bodily functions. Doing that with any subject is called being a bore.

            I know plenty of moms, some SAHMs, who don’t do this. Why do we give people a pass on being boring just because they’re SAHMs?

            It seems like the underlying meaning is, “oh, they’re SAHMs, this is the little small world they’re living in ha ha, so just let them be,” which is condescending. It says something about our diminished expectations of women once they become SAHMs.

    • Anonymous

      I’m pregnant now and I think I’m generally a private person about stuff like that and have a good filter, but all I have to say is that this is a good reminder for when little ones come that nobody, but nobody (with the exception of the pediatrician) wants to hear about bodily functions of my child, or god forbid, me.

      I don’t have good suggestions for what to say without hurting her feelings or damaging the relationship. If she’s not into self-censoring, chances are that she’s going to think that this is a your-problem thing rather than a her-problem thing.

    • R

      I have a friend like that, and of course she thought it was because I just didn’t have kids. So I used to say “I could NOT read your email. Once I got to “discharge”, I had to stop. Please please please for the love of all things holy, stop telling me those things if you ever want me to have children in the future. I need that to stay a mystery.”

      Of course now I have a child, so I say “I am so NOT at that point yet. I still cannot talk about bodily functions without gagging. You have to give me some time.” And so far it’s working. As soon as the kid gets to a year, I’ll probably change it to some version of “You’re giving me PTSD and causing me to remember horrible stuff. Just leave it in the past.”

      • Romey

        Haha that’s funny!! It’s just interesting how people change after they have kids, or at least how some people change. I have friends with kids who are still the same and still have filters.

    • Dr. Lyn

      This made me laugh/smile.

      Start making a few comments about how you are squeemish, just lost your appetite for lunch, or even a … “TMI!!!”… and she’ll get the hint. And she may start communicating with her married+children friends instead.

      Just remember – your friend may also be really lonely and going through a hard time, and hoping a little ?humor might be appreciated.

      I have had many friends drift away once they get married/have kids, as often their focus of conversations are family issues. I actually don’t mind, although it can get boring. But what has been sad to me is they eventually prefer hanging out with other couples/families who share similar experiences. Perhaps they catch the vibe that shared experiences (even gross ones!) are more fun to talk about others who truly understand.

      You also made me think of another context where friends are uncomfortable with personal (and sometimes yucky…..) conversations…. I am now a caregiver to a severely disabled family member, which has engulfed all social time. It is draining, soul wrenching work, that I have learned no one can relate to except for others who have done it. Sadly, my friends clearly cannot handle hearing about it and they stopped calling… or when they call and ask “how are you doing?”, I have learned they want to hear “fine….” or will likely not call back. It is very lonely.

      I guess it comes down to how much you value the friendship, and understand that people will change/evolve as they experience life. It is up to you to decide which people to maintain in your social circle. But try not to abandon friends who simply might be in need of a good vent!

      • Anonymous

        Dr Lyn! I’m in the same situation re: a disabled family member. You’re not alone!

        • Dr. Lyn

          Thanks for the “shout out” Anon. Hoping you get a break this weekend to do something for yourself.

    • Susedna

      I tend to tackle these things head-on so I’d probably say:

      “X, I know that w/your kids, it must feel like you’re constantly awash in poop and snot and mud, but how about we talk about you? Your dreams for the future, stuff you’d like to do, and other things like that. Your goals and wishes are just as important as your kids’ needs and I don’t want my dear, fabulous friend to get lost in the shuffle, OK?”

  14. emeralds

    Two quick wedding questions, since I’ll be going as a friend’s +1 to a wedding at the end of September. I was friends with the bride in college, but we haven’t really kept in touch outside of running into each other a few times, so while I’m really excited to help her celebrate, and while (my friend says) she was glad to hear that I’d be coming, I never would have expected an invitation on my own.

    1) I asked what my friend wanted to do/what I could contribute for a gift, and he said he’d take care of it. So I’m assuming I don’t need to bring an additional gift, and can stick with a thoughtful card?

    and 2) Is a velvet-like fabric okay for the end of September? (It has a burnout print so it’s not like in-your-face VELVET HEAVINESS.) Cause I don’t feel like buying a new dress but somehow my only cocktail dresses are either borderline winter-y or extremely summery.

    • TCFKAG

      If your friend said he’d take care of the present, I assume he’ll probably sign your name to the card, but it might be a nice touch to send a note or a card separately (or bring it to the wedding I suppose – but somehow I think it would be nicer a bit after) just saying how lovely it was to celebrate their day with them and that you were happy to be there. And, if this is someone you would like to get back in touch with, you can express a sincere desire to do so (though you don’t need to, obviously). Not exactly a “thank you” card since you’re the guest – but it would be a nice touch.

      As for the dress, I think a burnt out velvet is perfect for a fall wedding – I’m sure the colors of the wedding will probably be very fall heavy so you’ll probably fit it perfectly. Perhaps accessorize with a bright statement necklace and it’ll fit right it, I’m sure.

  15. NYer

    Unhappy: I actually put effort into getting dressed and looking cute today, and my office is so cold I had to throw my mismatched grandpa sweater over the whole thing. I should have slept in the extra 10 minutes instead

    • Sympathizing

      Haha! I had the same feeling earlier this week when I threw my big fuzzy black “emergency” sweater on over my brown-themed outfit, making me look much less chic than I had intended. Oh well!

  16. Alan

    Does the HIVE have any advice for getting rid of Bad BREATHE?

    I want to get my girlfriend ELLEN back.

    I CAN’T stop thinking about her.

  17. sigh

    Sorry for the thread jack. I had a pretty disappointing date last night, and I’m feeling really discouraged. I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE. And I’m allergic to cats so I can’t even become a cat lady.

    Ugh thanks for letting me be dramatic!

    • January

      You know, I used to feel that way a lot, too, every time a date went wrong. Sometimes I still do, but I think the best thing I did for myself was to try to make my life as enjoyable as I could, as a single person, so that if I were to die alone and pet-less (I don’t particularly like animals), it wouldn’t be such a terrible thing after all.

      I’m sorry you’re feeling down, though, and I do know how it feels. At least it’s Friday?

    • k-padi

      I’m sorry. Disappointing dates are the worst–I’ve had a lot of those. Have you considered a dating hiatus?

      How about becoming a dog lady or a rabbit lady? ;-)

  18. OHCFO

    Hair TJ. I have an above the shoulder bob, and vary between sleek flat iron straight and fun wavy depending on the day and how much time I’ve got in the morning. My hair is a warm medium brown. I am pale with pink skin undertones, and have green eyes with gold flecks. I think i want to get my hair colored and can’t for the life of me decide what to do. It’s pretty one-dimensional right now. When I was younger, I got blonde highlights and they were fun, but not perfect for my skin, and then I went all goth burgundy for a while and that was ridiculous. Now I don’t know what to do. Any ideas?

    • Ginjury

      You should be able to get highlights, regardless of your skintone, so long as their toned properly. I recommend looking at celebrities with similar features and see what works on them. Anne Hathaway or Emma Watson sound similar to you. If you just want some dimension, try either chocolate lowlights or honey blonde highlights, or both in moderation.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe a combination of highlights and lowlights? Also, maybe the tone of the blond you got when you were younger was wrong for your skin.

    • Mountain Girl

      Can you go copper or chestnut? I am pale, freckled and pink undertones and find reddish browns and chestnuts to be my favorite hair colors.

    • just Karen

      Arg! I accidentally hit “report” instead of “reply” – I am so sorry! I was going to throw out that caramel colored highlights might be really nice – if that’s not enough contrast, maybe consider going a shade or two darker for the base color and then caramel highlights?

  19. tk1

    I have green eyes and I dye my hair red, usually between an auburn and mahogany, and it really makes my eyes pop. My skin isn’t pale, so I can’t speak to that personally, but it seems to work on all the redhead actresses – Amy Adams, Nicole Kidman, Debra Messing, Christina Hendricks etc.

  20. Equity's Darling

    So, I’ve been watching Doctor Who, an episode here and there, and I just got to the ones where David Tennant is the doctor. Had I known that he was waiting for me, I would have rushed through the first bit of the series a lot faster, I’m totally his newest fangirl.

    • Nonny

      OK, I’ve never really watched Dr. Who except for one or two episodes years ago, but this sounds like something I need to download in preparation for night nursing.

    • Amelia Pond

      Welcome to the club! Doctor Who got infinitely better when David Tennant joined. While I was distraught when David Tennant left after a while you get to love Matt Smith if only because of the new companions.

    • TCFKAG

      Balderdash! NINE IS THE BEST DOCTOR and I won’t brook any arguments otherwise (okay I will – but whatever). Eccleston is phenomenal and I desperately wish he had lasted more than one season.

    • AlaskaLaw

      David Tennant was indeed AMAZING. Daughter totally fangirls Martha Jones, who is an awesome role model. You do have to get used to Matt Smith and his totally clunky charm and he grows on you. And Eccleston was one of the best. Why choose? Can’t wait for the ‘silver fox’ Doctor up next! but for sheer gorgeousness it’s Capt Jack Harkness all the way…so beautiful.

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