Engagement Rings: Have You Ever Upgraded, Downgraded, or Swapped It Out?
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So here's something that I know people do but never really hear people talk about: upgrading engagement rings. If you're married, engaged, or just fond of thinking about rings: when, if ever, can one “upgrade” an engagement or wedding ring to get a larger diamond, adding more stones like baguettes or upgrading the setting to something like a Halo? When, if ever, can one replace a wedding ring for fashion/style reasons?
(Obviously, the easy answer is “whenever the heck you want,” but there's an etiquette issue here with your partner, as well as budgetary issues, fashion/lifestyle issues, and more.) We've talked about whether you have to take a diamond ring off to interview — but we've never talked about an engagement ring upgrade or anything else from this angle.
A few questions, to focus discussion: is buying “too much of a ring” ever a problem? For example, if your partner were to propose with an engagement ring — but still be in the midst of paying it off when you get hitched — how do you feel about that? Would you prefer zero debt in your union and a smaller ring — or did you have a mindset of “hey, you only get one engagement ring so let's make it huuuuge!”, but then be OK with a monthly loan payment to which you contribute (or where your partner pays for it alone but then has less resources to contribute to family discretionary spending)?
(After all, there are lots of different married money management methods!) Irrespective of engagement ring size, I know of several women who found that ultimately they preferred to just wear their wedding bands, and leave their engagement rings in the drawer (or safe, as the case may be)…
But, while buying too much can be a problem, buying too little can be another — so at what point is it acceptable to upgrade? (“I buy my own diamonds…” … riiight?) Has anyone had that conversation with your partner — and regardless of “whose money” paid for the new ring, how did that conversation go? (Did you have it right when he or she proposed? Wait until an anniversary?)
Still other women wear multiple engagement/wedding rings. There are two ways I've seen this play out. One girlfriend of mine inherited both her mother's and grandmother's rings, so in addition to her own wedding rings she wore six rings on a regular basis. (It was extra in the best way!)
Psst: these are our favorite ways to store jewelry...
The OTHER way I've seen it (well, read about it) is featured in this old post from You Look Fab where Angie describes swapping out her wedding rings like fashion accessories.
(On a much smaller level, I suppose I've also seen this with women who have “traveling” rings, usually a very simple band they wear in place of their $$$ diamonds when they travel, particularly to foreign countries.)
When I first read the You Look Fab post years ago, it really appealed to me — and I could see myself doing it, if I found the right rings — but I've been married for almost nine years now and a) I never take my rings off, and b) I never shop for diamond rings because, well, why would I? Still, it's an intriguing idea to me.
Hunting for great jewelry for the office? As of 2024, we're long been fans of affordable brands like Mejuri and Jenny Bird, as well as mid-tier brands like Monica Vinader, David Yurman (especially this line), Dana Rebecca, and Stephen Dweck. For our $.02: spend money on things like a good watch (or watch strap), gold or diamond earrings, a pearl necklace, and more. Some of the earrings we've featured recently:
And some of the necklaces:
So let's dish, ladies — is your ring your partner proposed with your “forever” ring? If it wasn't, have you upgraded or downgraded it? Did you ever felt like you “outgrew” your diamond ring in terms of fashion/style, lifestyle, or with physical changes (e.g., arthritis, weight change, etc?) Would you ever consider swapping out an engagement ring for fashion reasons?
We've also talked about how to deal when your boss makes rude comments about your engagement ring, wearing engagement rings at work (and how much jewelry to wear to work), and fine jewelry vs. fashion jewelry at the office.
Picture via Stencil.
We got engaged in our early twenties. He wanted me to have something I wanted, so insisted I participate in the selection process. At the time, our income was VERY DIFFERENT from what it is now or even what it was a year later, and I felt ill at ease picking something that really struck me. I ended up choosing a modest ring with lab-created blue diamonds and some small diamond side stones that has kind of an S-curve on the upper.
Later, when we were shopping for wedding bands we discovered that there were virtually no bands that would lay flush against my engagement ring. Custom would have cost more than we were interested in. Beyond that, because my didn’t fit the typical, “engagement ring,” aesthetic, people were confused about it and I found myself explaining myself way more than I should. We decided to upgrade it *before* we got married to more traditional-looking ring. The center stone is a sapphire (love it!) and there are small, channel-set diamonds halfway down the sides. It is still not an expensive or luxury ring, but I love it more because he participated more in the selection process (I was basically on my own with the first lol); it has greater sentimental value, and the sapphire is prettier than the blue diamond. My band lies properly, and no one interrogates me.
I still have the original and wear it for travel, active things (like hiking, amusement parks, etc) because the setting is shorter, and when my ‘main’ ring is being serviced.
As far as now, I don’t know. I’d like a bigger, brighter sapphire but it is so far away from the priority list that it isn’t funny. Perhaps for a milestone like 5 or 10 years. :)
Oh – and as a follow up, since we got married I don’t wear my engagement ring every day. Although my engagement ring and my wedding band are the same size, my engagement ring seems a little looser and turns a bit sometimes, which annoys the hell out of me. If I need to get work done, I just wear my (plain 14k white gold) band. :)
Got engaged when both my DH and I were still in college. I love my ring, but yes, it is modest by the standards of friends/family who got engaged at more established stations in their lives. That’s cool! I bought my own wedding ring–it was just easier that way–and he did the same, so we have exactly what we wanted there. I need to get my ring inspected/looked at, and I might get it re-set (well, the prongs redone), but not planning to upgrade or change because I’m happy with my .75 solitaire that is a near perfect diamond.
My parents have been married for 47 years, engaged also when they were in college (and when my dad was in the Navy). My mom loves her simple ring. My dad also loves it, but decided to surprise her with an “upgrade ring” this Christmas and she was floored. He’s simply NOT the romantic type but he really went all out as a romantic gesture (and got her a cz replica of the diamond ring so she has something to travel with).
Late but figured I’d chime in. My husband and I got engaged when we were both just out of grad school. My ring has a center diamond (~.7 carats?) with two small pear-shaped diamonds on either side. The center diamond originally had a pronged setting and the two side stones are semi-bezel. When my kids were born, I started wearing my ring less because I felt like I was always scratching them. One of the prongs get bent somehow last year. I took it to a jeweler and they reset the center stone in a semi-bezel and it is wonderful. I LOVE that it’s low-profile now and I won’t scratch any kiddos. My wedding ring cost $45 and I love it (simple white gold band). I wouldn’t want to upgrade because I’m super minimalist on jewelry and the sentimental aspect is important to me.
Two days before my 23rd wedding anniversary, the diamond fell out of my engagement ring. My husband had brain cancer at the time and he died two months later. I never replaced the stone even though my husband wanted me to, and I was so out of it that I never even reported it to insurance. I miss my ring but I miss my husband more.
My engagement ring (sapphire with diamond side stones) was stolen a couple of years ago. I picked out that ring with my now-husband and loved it, but I’m not a huge jewelry person and am not sure that I really want to attempt to replace it. I’ve been debating spending some of the insurance money on a simple diamond band to stack with my plain platinum wedding band (and putting the rest towards our upcoming minivan purchase).
Am I the only one who doesn’t wear my engagement and wedding rings? I haven’t worn my ring (they are a set and I had them fused together after the wedding) for a few years and neither has my husband. His ring is too big and he keeps saying he’ll go get it resizes but never does. He would take it off to work out and forget to put it back on and eventually just stopped wearing it. I developed a rash under mine and stopped wearing it for a while so that could clear up. Then when I started wearing it again, it got smooshed from a (mostly) circle to an oval. Got it fixed and then it happened again only worse (I’m still not sure how I managed to get it off my finger).
My husband and I were just starting our careers when we got engaged 27 years ago, and I thought it was crazy to go into debt for a ring, so he bought me a very nice quality but not large stone in a completely plain setting. For our 10th anniversary, we upgraded the setting but I never wanted to upgrade the stone itself. I am really happy with the decision.
As for the wedding band, though, I never liked the one I picked for our wedding, and we did not have matching ones. So, for our 25th I asked for a new one. I got a much nicer one that also better complements the engagement ring. I felt a little bad about abandoning the ring with which I was married, but I abandoned the ring, not the marriage.
I don’t wear anything probably 90% of the time. Honestly I hate having things on my hands and am not a jewlery person so I would have preferred to never have a ring in the first place (which my husband nixed because he felt it reflected on him). I love the ring we chose- it is in the smaller side but a very high quality diamond that actually gets a lot of attention. After having kids my ring is impractical because it scratches them if I am getting them in and out of car seats. I have a spare diamond wedding band, a white sapphire band I got when I was pregnant with #1 and my hands were too swollen, several fake cheap rings and silicone rings but I really prefer to wear nothing. My husband doesn’t wear a ring either.
We just got back from a trip to North Carolina on a gold mining adventure. We found a bunch of sapphires. Thank you for sharing this KAT! I had fun.
Well. This is all interesting as I’m in somewhat of a predicament. I’ve been married 15 years now- 16 this year and I’m now obsessing over needing an upgrade (3/4-1ct. When we got married we didn’t have it and while my husband spent a lot on my wedding band, my solitaire was from Argos and about £100. My original engagement ring was an eternity style ring, but was not diamond (cubic zerconia) which I no longer have. I’ve always said that I would love an upgrade on/after 10years. I’ve recently spoken to my husband about possibly upgrading but he categorically refuses even though we are now better off financially than before. He thinks it’s waste of money as I already have a ring. I’m now willing to buy my own as I can afford it and would love something a quality diamond, ring. I love my band as it was expensive and Good quality diamond, but hate the solitaire. I’ve bought my husband a replacement wedding band as he lost his and gave it to him one anniversary. I would love to have your opinions.
If you wear lots of yellow gold, you might want to stay in that metal family. If your everyday accessories tend to be silver, platinum seems like an obvious choice.
I love wide ‘fat’ wedding bands- mine is a 9mm white gold polished shiny wedding band that I wear with my 1.23ct diamond marquise solitaire that is in a high-setting that rises above my fat band. I also have an 8.75mm wide fat yellow gold wedding band with a polished shiny finish that I sometimes wear with my fat white gold band with my solitaire diamond between both fat wedding bands. I like the way they fill my wedding band hand and it makes me feel ‘very married’!
I like the idea of having traveling rings so that your real engagement ring stays safe while you’re away. Once my parents went to Italy for vacation and my mom got her purse stolen! It’s good to protect your ring from the same fate, especially if it’s the original one. You can replace a ring but you can’t replace sentiment.