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Updated: Oct 26, 2020 154 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Lit Stitch

Coffee Break

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I was updating our post on cross stitch for stress relief when I fell in love with half of the products — I'm going to have to really limit myself to just one or two things on my Christmas list. (I'm kind of between this kit or this kit for a bookcase styling project I'm working on, but we shall see.)

I've never embroidered before, so I think I need to start with a kit, but this book looks awesome if you're the kind of person who only needs a book to make an embroidery project come to life.

You can see some of the finished projects at this Instagram tag — they seem really smart and witty and cute.

The book is $17ish at Target, Amazon, and Bookshop.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Here are some easy kits and books to get you started on cross-stitch for stress relief…

Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Kitten

    I’m on a boring conference call so thought I’d get some opinions on an inconsequential matter.

    So the other day I was picking up a pre-paid to-go order from a take-out window just one block from my apartment. I purposefully show up a little late so that my food will be ready to go and I won’t have to wait around. I arrive and there’s only one other customer there. The woman inside hands him his food immediately but then he proceeds to make small talk with her. Talking about how nice it is to get outside, how he’s barely had any interactions, etc. The woman kind of glances past him at me which prompts him to turn around. He looks up at me square in the face and then turns and proceeds to continue making small talk, even louder than before like he’s trying to impress someone?

    I wasn’t in any particular hurry so I just awkwardly stood there another 5-10 minutes until they were done, not a big deal. But I’m wondering if at some point it would have been ok for me to say something like “sorry to interrupt, could I just grab my food and then I’ll let you two get back to it?” (in the friendliest voice possible?) The window was very narrow and there was no way for me to just reach around him. If it’s relevant to your analysis, I was ~4 inches taller than him, the guy was wearing a fedora and gave off strong incel vibes, and the two did not appear to know each other. The woman was obviously being polite and trying to end the convo, but he kept going on and on about himself. There’s no question that they both knew I was waiting. She was extremely nice to me after he left.

    I’m trying to be more assertive but don’t want to be rude. What would you have said, if anything?

    • Anon

      I hate that women have to be worried about being rude (and creepy vibes, from your description of the talker as “incel vibes.”) Just frustrating because men would never have to ask this question.

    • Anon

      If he had kept going for just, like, 30 seconds I would have waited. But longer than that is totally rude. I think you would have been more than okay to butt in and ask for your food.

    • Anonie

      I DEFINITELY would have said something. Frankly, it was the cashier’s responsibility to pause and hand you your food. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, though, in case she was young, inexperienced, and nervous. On the off chance that she WAS interested in continuing to converse with this inconsiderate man, she really needs a lesson in customer service. You are a paying customer and your food was getting cold while he was rambling/flirting/whatever.

      I will say, I made the comment above under the assumption that you were waiting closer to 10 minutes. I think 5 wouldn’t have been quite so bad.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t engage with the crazy or ragey. I would not have wanted him following me home.

      • Lilau

        This. It’s easy to question yourself afterwards but at the time you were just following your instincts. Which is the right thing to do when a strange guy gives off “I have the right to women” kind of vibes.

    • Anon

      Inconsequential note: I’m not sure what you mean by “incel vibes” and am kind of weirded out by the description.

      Substantively, I would have either asked for my food immediately (the language you use is actually too apologetic); if they want to talk, they don’t need me shuffling around behind them. “Excuse me, may I pick up my order, please?
      It should be ready by now.”

      However, when I get a feeling that the young, female employee does not want to anger a customer but also wants out of the conversation, I take on the role of designated a-hole. I butt in on the conversation, act like he’s not even there, and start talking to her. Not into caring about what sketchy old men think of me when I c-ck blok them from being leacherous to young women.

      • Anon

        Love it. Thank you for your service, Anon at 2:39 and I am going to take a page from your book from now on and will also be designated A-hole. I’ve been in the young cashier’s shoes and can empathize.

      • Anon

        I read a thing about the designated asshole at weddings – a grumpy, trusted aunt who is willing to shut down inappropriate behavior or entitledness from guests/relatives at your wedding, and I thought it was such a great idea. I volunteer as tribute.

    • Airplane.

      What? No. When he turned you can just look at the cashier and say to her “excuse me, I’m here to pick up, name is X. Should be ready. Thanks” and then he’d step aside so you can pick it up and be outta step there. If he didn’t automatically step aside you could say “could you step aside so I can grab this? Thanks” and been outta there.

      I wouldn’t wait 5 or 10 minutes. 30 seconds to a minute and I can tell you’re wrapping up? Fine. But if he turned around and saw you and then continued on with non-business talk no way I’d just let him turn back around and keep going. That’s super weirdo behavior in his part.

      Don’t apologize and don’t over analyze what happened – incel is an entire (mostly internet fueled) radicalization of straight men that I think isn’t warranted as a label based on what you’ve described here.

      • Monday

        If you actually time it out, 5-10 minutes is a geological era in conversation with a stranger. Extreeeemely looooong. Taking OP at her word on the length of time, it sounds like at best this guy was really starved for interaction and put that need ahead of everything and everyone else. I would have calculated my safety/comfort level (as we always have to do in public) and butt in on behalf of the employee more than myself.

      • anon

        “Incel vibes” is definitely a real life thing, not just an internet phenomenon. She doesn’t know for sure that he is an incel (and didn’t say he was), but “incel vibes” communicates extremely well the concerns she had about this stranger based on her interaction with him. Full-blown incels may be relatively rare, but entitled men (and the danger they bring with them) are a dime a dozen.

        • Airplane.

          I didn’t say incels exist only on the internet. I said the radicalization of incels (and PUA culture) happened over the internet and that what she described here is not really that level of radical incel.

      • Anonymous

        I had an incel in the pool for a marketing exercise. He had a barely concealed veil of urbanity over a deep pool of seething rage that he let loose on the women presenting. We had all of the women wait until he was gone before leaving the site.

    • Anonymous

      I think your reaction was perfect. I’d avoid engaging with him. He could have followed you home if he was annoyed by the interruption. You also did the cashier a solid by staying until he left – otherwise she might have been stuck with him for much longer.

    • No Face

      I would’ve said “Pick up for No Face” as they were looking at me. Handing me my food doesn’t actually prevent them from chatting.

    • Vicky Austin

      I think the script you stated would have been fine, but I also would have been caught off guard by how the guy acted (looking you right in the eye and then ignoring you again for 5-10 minutes?!) and might have felt awkward trying to reinsert myself after that had happened. As others said, maybe it was good that you were there until he left.

    • Anonymous

      Girl what? I would have waited 30 seconds max before interrupting with “excuse me, I’m here to pick up an order.” Like. How do you function day to day? I know I know the meanness but you should hear how ridiculous this is.

      • Anonymous

        Actually, this can also be cultural differences. If you’re in a crowded fast-paced city, sure insert yourself. If you’re in a small sleepy town, it’s common to wait. You can just barge around being rude regardless of circumstances if you want, but it’s not standard behavior that’s outside of every norm. Gosh!!

        • anon

          Sounds like OP’s culture is not one where you hang out to chat, especially at a pickup window during covid.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Seriously, “how do you function day to day,” was that necessary?

      • Kitten

        Lol I do sound a little bit autistic but I swear that I do just fine and was just hoping to get some nicely-worded scripts so I can handle this in the most polite way possible.

        • LaurenB

          Why are you worried about handling this in the most polite way possible? Seriously. You’re there to pick up an order, you can see it, the person ahead of you is chit-chatting and preventing the employee from handing you your order — you don’t need to be Super Miss Politeness, you need to assert yourself and say “excuse me, I’m here to pick up my order,” get it, and move on. Why is it so important not to hurt the feelings of someone who is deliberately being rude himself by engaging an employee who is probably just wishing he’d leave so she can turn back to her job? So he thinks you’re rude. So what? You’ll never see him again.

          • Anonymous

            Haven’t you ever “provoked” a man into antagonizing you? Men are terrible. You can’t trust that he’s not going to spit in your face, for example. Men are terrible. News at 11.

        • Anonymous

          “Excuse me, could I pick up my order?” I don’t think you sound autistic and don’t a) label people as autistic online or b) use it as an insult. I just think you sound a bit silly and in need of growing up a bit and valuing yourself more.

        • Anonymous

          “I do sound a little bit autistic” sounds a LOT bit offensive. Please don’t.

    • Anonymous

      I think both that you could have politely interrupted to get your order and that your reaction to this person as giving off “incel vibes” and the reactions of others suggesting he would have followed you home is extreme and disturbing. He may be socially awkward/inappropriate but I feel like these reactions also suggest some awkwardness/inappropriateness.

      • Anonymous

        Don’t tell other women not to listen when their warning signals go off. I have been physically assaulted twice, both by men who followed me when I was out biking or running. I had a stalker who followed me everywhere, and have been chased down the street in SF by a screaming drug addict. If I chime in and say be careful as you could be followed home, I know what I am talking about and you saying I am socially awkward is an insult.

      • Kitten

        Thanks everyone. I didn’t include more details bc my post was already too long and I wanted a more general answer that would apply even if it was just a normal clueless person. But if you’re curious, I don’t think he was like a full-on Eliot Rodgers incel but I could tell he instantly sized me up and knew I wasn’t a romantic prospect so was purposefully rude AF to me while overly-friendly to his captive audience whom he mistakenly thought he had a chance with. We’ve all encountered the “nice guy” who doesn’t relate to women as humans and have a chip on their shoulder for all the women who have rejected them.

        I felt like he WANTED me to say something and have a confrontation…I’ve dealt with guys like this before and they crave any reason to point out what a terrible person I am/put me in my place, ie “fu%*ing b!t##”, “I bet you’re used to guys doing whatever you want”, etc. I don’t really know how to explain this without sound like an a$$ but there was undoubtedly an element of this at play.

        When he left he almost shoulder-checked me and aggressively said “excuse me” even though I was standing far back and he had no reason to get close to me. I was engrossed with something in my phone the whole time and showed 0 signs of impatience. I definitely was never scared of him and deal with much scarier men all of the time (I’m 5’10/into weighlifting and he..fit the incel stereotype fedora and all). I’m super laid back and was not in a hurry but was thinking about how to address that situation if it actually was more urgent. The commenters on this site always have good scripts for awkward situations. :)

        • Anonymous

          Don’t take any unnecessary risks based on being able to defend yourself, you still don’t want him to further engage or follow you.

          • Kitten

            I don’t care if you don’t believe me but if friends IRL ever tell you stories like this I hope you believe them…depending on where you live this stuff happens all the time. I was just called the b- word today picking up my lunch because I was zoning out and didn’t respond quickly enough to a rando that was trying to talk to me. I wear noise-cancelling headphones now when i’m walking somewhere so that I just don’t have to listen to it anymore.

      • anon

        How do you know exactly which men are dangerous and can you please share that with the world? Because most predators are not obvious to the rest of us, and “incel vibes” or things feeling off despite no obvious flagrant misbehavior is how we make decisions to keep ourselves and others safe.

    • LaurenB

      “I wasn’t in any particular hurry so I just awkwardly stood there another 5-10 minutes until they were done, not a big deal. But I’m wondering if at some point it would have been ok for me to say something like “sorry to interrupt, could I just grab my food and then I’ll let you two get back to it?” (in the friendliest voice possible?)”

      I don’t think you need to be so apologetic. I would have just waited for a bit of a break (not 5 – 10 minutes, more like 30 seconds!) and said, “Excuse me, I need to pick up my order.” If the restaurant owner feels like she has to indulge this customer’s chit-chat, that’s on her, but you shouldn’t have to. I think you need to value your own time more, TBH.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t thing anything you would have said would have out-ruded him. He was the rude one.
      I agree on the vibes based on the details given, he sounds like someone to have zero interaction with. Sometimes avoiding confrontation is the best option, and one block from your home that’s a good idea.

      In this case, you probably saved the cashier from at least 15 more minutes of one-sided conversation, and it sounds, annoyed the heck out of him by not leaving when he (probably) wanted you to go and leave him to his efforts. Both wins.

  2. Zoom for the holidays

    Any fun ideas for virtual workplace holiday gatherings for small office?

    • anonymous

      If your office is already heavily into Zoom meetings, do you think they would want to another one for the holidays? I guess it’s a know your office thing. I would ask around and see if people are open to something like this.

    • anon

      i just did a pizza making class with a group for a recruiting event and it was actually a very fun evening

    • Cat

      Know your office… the last thing I want on my calendar is virtual holiday parties. Work holiday parties are just about the only thing I’m grateful to the pandemic for cancelling!

    • Anon

      Some friends and I have been doing virtual floral arrangement classes through Alice’s Table. They have holiday themed classes. Very much a know-your-office, of course, but my all-female workgroup and I are planning one.

    • MagicUnicorn

      Virtual happy hour with beverages paid for by the company and delivered to homes in advance. Know your office if this includes alcohol or is a fancy tea and hot cocoa event, but you say it’s a small group so I would think you can ask if you don’t know for sure. Make it towards the end of a workday but in regular working hours and then let everyone go early. Please don’t try to force a party on people who aren’t in the mood this year.

  3. anon

    Random question.

    I like to dress nice. I can’t help myself! Work out clothes are never going to do it for me. So we went to a cabin in the woods with another family (all having quarantined) and I wore nice clothes – not super nice, but like jeans and a cute hat and sweater with layers kind of nice, while the other woman with us was in workout clothes. So then my other friend (who wasn’t on the trip) saw the pics and was like, I felt sorry for the girl you were with, no casual night when you’re traveling with *insert my name.* And it’s been bugging me ever since!

    Is it annoying/rude/inconsiderate/whatever for me to dress nice when other people don’t? I certainly don’t want anyone to feel bad when he or she is around me!

    • Kitten

      I think it’s possible to reach an annoying/rude level but you were nowhere near that. But some people are weird about it: some of my gfs always want to know what I’m wearing to literally anything we do together so we can match formality, another friend was annoyed I got a spray tan before our trip without telling her…I think it’s just other people’s insecurity and it’s up to you how much you are willing to accommodate it. I don’t mind telling my friends what I’m wearing so I always provide the requested information :)

    • Anon

      No, it’s not weird, but I’d be more worried about looking overdressed/like you’re trying to be an instagram influencer when you’re wearing “nice” clothes camping for a weekend.

      • Anon

        *Not rude, I mean. Could border on weird if you’re not appropriately dressed for the situation.

      • anon

        We were in a cabin, not camping, just FYI. I wore workout clothes on a hike and then just changed into jeans and a nicer shirt when we got back to the cabin.

      • Anon

        “like you’re trying to be an instagram influencer when you’re wearing “nice” clothes camping for a weekend”

        Since this got brought up, let me just say that I have a “friend” who does this, and my kid has a friend whose mom does it, and it drives me crazy. If the dressing up is legitimately about personal choice and preference, fine. If it’s being billed as that, but really someone does it because they’re going to take six million pictures for their Instagram “influencer” account and the pictures need to be perfect and make them look like the perfect person/family etc., it’s just annoying AF and those folks need to please just stop it. Two illustrative stories:

        – My kid’s friend’s mom actually texted me once to see if my son had a particular color of shirt because they were going to take pictures during the park meetup she had planned and she wanted the boys to match. I texted back “no, sorry” and quelle surprise, no pictures of my son or her son ended up on Instagram that day (because her son refused to dress the way she wanted him to).

        – My “friend” once made me take my hands out of a photo she was taking of the cocktails we were having at drinks (pre-Covid) because my nails weren’t manicured.

        Anyone who is perpetrating the idea that we are all on display all the time and everything in real life needs to look like a perfectly planned and curated Instagram “influencer” account can get the FOH, and away from me, thanks.

        • No Face

          Wow at those stories. I probably wouldn’t social with those people unless I absolutely had to.

      • Anon

        I also thought “influencer” when you said cute hat. There’s such a thing as being presentable, but being Instagram ready at all times is another level. Be honest with yourself about what you’re going for here.

        • anon

          It was a wool hat that I wore outside only on the coldest day we were there while we were sititng on the deck.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not rude. Non-trip friend was just weird. Style is personal. Some people love the hat/sweater/jeans/tall boots thing (me) and some people think it’s very PSL loving Christian blogger (my bestie to who teases me whenever I’m in something like that)

      I wear workout clothes a fair bit because 1)they are comfy, 2) they are DH’s thing. So when I want to look cute, I go for either a dress/skirt or cute workout clothes. Athletic leggings with the sheer/mesh panels are his fav.

      Wear what you like, dress up as much as you want and have fun with it. We’re in a pandemic, fun fashion and dressing to please yourself is one of the few joys we have left.

      • Vicky Austin

        +so much to your last sentence. Your friend was being weird, OP, but there’s nothing here to really criticize you for.

      • Anon

        Seriously – I don’t dress up really, I have a wfh “uniform” that is stretchy jeans, knit top, and cardigan – but I have started doing my makeup including all the steps every day, because why not. It’s just going to go bad sitting there, and it’s kind of fun to try different eyeshadow or brow or bronzer/blush looks based on what I saw on Instagram or tik tok.

    • Anonie

      I would be a *tiny* bit annoyed to show up for a family camping trip and have the only other adult woman there decked out every night. I wouldn’t want to deal with the stress of feeling pressure to be dolled up during a supposedly casual weekend. Still, I wouldn’t let it turn into any kind of resentment that would ruin a friendship or anything. I would make myself snap out of it and, if it was a close friend, I’d ask if we could purposely plan out casual/dressy nights on future trips.

      Also, if this is a close friend and/or someone who doesn’t stress over their appearance much, it honestly might not have mattered one bit to her :)

      • Diana Barry

        +1 – we have some friends who (pre-covid) used to come over and she was ALWAYS wearing workout stuff and I had put on a nice top since there were people coming over – and I am sure she didn’t give it a second thought!

        • Anonie

          For what it’s worth, I’ve noticed that, when I feel my MOST confident, I couldn’t care less what my clothes look like :) For me, good “face days” are my superpower ha. If I have foundation, blush, mascara, lipstick on and feel like it all turned out well and my skin looks good, I can pretty much wear anything and feel confident most days. On the other hand, if I’m feeling insecure about my face (clumpy mascara, pimples, shiny foundation, weird random scratch, etc) I am WAY more likely to second-guess my outfit.

      • Anon

        Decked out? You have to be kidding me. Jeans and a sweater and a puffer vest or whatever she was wearing is not decked out. It literally takes the same amount of time to put jeans on as it does to put workout clothes on. Wear what you want, whatever makes you comfortable.

        OP – look up Jessi Klein’s poodles and wolves analogy. I am a poodle. My three best friends are wolves. It’s not “bad” to be a wolf or “bad” to be a poodle. I don’t try hard to be a poodle, it’s not really an effort thing, my hair just generally looks good with no effort and I’m pretty preppy. https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2016/07/118422/jessi-klein-book-riot-live We’ll go on a trip and I’m sitting around the airbnb in a cable sweater and jeans and they’re wearing a hoodie and joggers. I would never wear a hoodie in this situation because, I don’t actually really own one and I’m not going to buy one to make my friends feel like we’re all ubiquitous.

        If your clothes are not functional for the occasion, think again. If the way you’re dressed isn’t holding the group back in some way (no wearing appropriate footwear on a hike or something), there’s no need to change. I’m only annoyed if someone dresses like an influencer AND stages 1,000,000 photos, disrupts the festivities because they’re snapping pics for the gram. If they want to dress in their style and take a picture or two, have at it. Be you, don’t apologize.

    • anne-on

      Nope, not weird. I also think a lot of it comes down to personal preference/wardrobe. I’ve worked at home for years now so jeans + nice top + minimal make up is just my every day routine and that’s what’s in my closet, so I wear it. For the SAHMs I know they are running all over the place with multiple kids, sports practices, trying to fit in a jog or something, so I get the all athleisure all the time there.
      I will say – if you’re holding the group up for your grooming/clothing choices (can’t go get coffee without my hair done or a full face of makeup! can’t go down that hiking path in these heels! don’t want to hang out around the fire, my new coat might get smoky, etc. etc.) then I would rethink if you’re opting more for fashion over function.

    • Anon

      My entire wardrobe is either workout gear (I’m a good athlete) or lawyer attire, with a few date night dresses and symphony gowns thrown in. I just roll with being under dressed or overdressed for many occasions.

    • Airplane.

      No, not rude, so long as you’re still dressed within reasonable spectrum of casual to formal for the occasion. Jeans and a sweater in cabin? You’re totally fine. Her staying in her workout clothes post hike in a cabin? Also totally fine. Giant lashes, heavy smoky eye makeup and a fascinator for a hike or for breakfast in the cabin the next morning? That’s weird. Still not rude but…I’d remark on it as a friend if you showed me pictures. I think with her comment, your friend was betraying her own insecurity around you and your penchant for dressing nice with her comment.

      Just curious, you wore a cute hat, indoors at the cabin? Was it a beret?

      • Anon

        Your friend sounds kind of like a jerk. I have one who constantly comments on the fact that I’m wearing makeup (she usually doesn’t). Mind you, this is just cc cream, eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, mascara, lip gloss. It’s starting to get annoying…it’s so rude for someone to comment on your appearance like that. I guess it depends on whether or not your friend frequently acts like this. But I would chalk it up to her more than anything else, sounds like you and the other person were at opposite ends of a middle ground, neither extreme, who cares!

    • Anon

      Ugh, so much of dressing is knowing your audience and who you are dressing for. We live in the PNW (super casual) but in the before times, when we travelled to the South to visit family, it’s a lot more dressy (I recall stares in a restaurant because we were wearing our fleece jackets having literally just got off the plane).

      I’m starting to be done caring whether I am over or underdressed. Just don’t hold folks up, please. On group vacations, if the person with the pixie cut is delaying dinner by an hour to fix their hair, that sh*t is annoying.

      • Anonymous

        Um, what? One of the many advantages of a pixie is that it is much quicker to style than hair that requires a blowout or heat-styling. Before I had to grow out my pixie because of COVID, I could go from shower to fancy hairdo in 7 minutes or less. RIP, flattering and low-maintenance hairstyle.

        • pixie power

          Unfortunately, not true for many of us.

          My pixie is a nightmare and takes longer to deal with than any hairstyle I have ever had. The only good thing about COVID lockdown is my pixie is grown out and I will never do it again.

          Pixie is the only hairstyle I have had where I HAVE to wash it every day, I have to use the right (multiple…) products in it every day, and I have to blow it dry every day, and then I have to re-style it using the right products.

          I tried to explain to my hairdresser that I am a doctor and sometimes work all night or sleep in the hospital and can’t take a shower or get called in off hours and I can’t take I shower… and I can’t look like a homeless person when I step in front of the patients.

    • Anne

      It was rude for Other Friend to say that tbh. I think it says more about Other Friend’s own insecurities than anything you did, or what Camping Friend may have thought.

    • Anonymous

      Oh my goodness again with the made up drama. Are you unable to participate in activities because of your clothes? Are you taking too long to get ready? If not I assure you that as a casual woman I in no way feel obligated to dress up while camping just because you do.

      • Anonnn

        +1 I could not care less what other people wear. If you are dressed inappropriately for an activity you knew about beforehand, that’s on you and I am leaving you in the dust. If you are insecure because someone else is dressed more whatever than you, that’s also on you. This is just not something I waste my energy on.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      I’m also a “fancy” dresser and I wouldn’t think twice about wearing an outfit like that to a cabin retreat. I mean, you were wearing jeans! I could kind of understand if you were wearing a skirt and heels with the outfit, but jeans and a sweater seem fine! Maybe you just looked really well put-together, which isn’t the same as being overdressed. The important thing is that you weren’t holding people up, making snide comments about people’s outfit choices, or imposing a dress code each evening. It doesn’t sound like anyone on the actual trip felt “shown up” by your outfit choices. Especially if they knew that’s just how you liked to dress.

      This friend, on the other hand, sounds like she can’t deal with someone else being dressed even slightly more nicely than her, and if she were on the trip she’d feel inclined to dress like you, even if everyone else was in leggings or yoga pants.

    • anonymous

      You’re fine. I think your friend was just projecting her insecurities.

    • Anonymous

      I would not worry about this. I have been told (back when this was a good thing) that I looked like I popped out of the J. Crew catalog, and a co-worker once exclaimed at a management conference at the beach that I always have the right thing to wear. I would instead treat this as a back handed compliment and move on.

  4. occasional poster / long time lurker

    Has anyone here ever received an unsolicited purchase offer on their house, coming from a real estate developer? Our (busy) street has been re-zoned for midrise buildings to increase density near the downtown core of our small Canadian city. We are one house in from a corner lot that has already sold.

    Just trying to figure out how to determine what kind of offer/counter is reasonable, how long to hold out for a higher price, and maybe other considerations we might not have thought of. The market in my city is very hot right now with low inventory which also puts the stress on us – not knowing if we will find something comparable in the area at the right price. We don’t know anyone IRL who has been in this situation so I thought I would ask here.

    • brokentoe

      Get your own realtor to assess the property’s worth and to negotiate on your behalf. It’s in their interest to get top $$ and they will know the ins and outs of the process. I wouldn’t try to go this alone.

      • Anonymous

        Although a realtor is interested in selling your house in a residential market. This is a different creature — it’s knowing what this other party will bear.

        Find out from property records how much of a parcel may be getting assembled.

        I am in your situation for a rental I have, but it is from developers who want to tear down my house and build a SF house that is $$$ on the lot. I am also in your situation for my current house (adjoins commercial, which could be converted to multi-family as of right), but no one is assembling parcels yet (but we can tell they are assembling at the other end of my street b/c we have seen lots change hands even where nothing has obviously been for sale, so what is happening to you).

        FWIW, I am not inclined to move, but the sellers at the other end of the street are all older people who are ready to sell out / retire elsewhere.

        For a chuckle, google “Thirsty Beaver” — you will know it when you find the picture (a Daily Mail story usually pops up first or second).

    • Anonymous

      Have they given you a number? I’m also in a small Cdn city – our neighbourhood is always popular but overall market has cooled. Generally our property tax value is about 80% of the market value. Check for the increase in real estate prices since the last tax assessment. That will give you a very rough ballpark to assess if it’s worth spending your time considering further.

      Ask if their offer is firm and final. If not, it may be worthwhile for you to get an independent real estate appraiser to give you an assessment and you can use that to evaluate the offer. I think our assessment cost about $500. Note this isn’t just asking a real estate agent for the value. They’ll quote you high to try and get your business. Get an actual appraisal.

      • OP/ ltl

        Yes they have thrown out a few numbers – most with long-dated closings. Prices are up in my city about 10% year over year and perhaps even more than that in our neighbourhood due to lack of supply.

        We did have a bank-appointed appraiser come around this year, but I am not sure their assessment took into account the zoning laws. The offer on the table from the developer is significantly higher than the bank appraisal value.

        Thank you for the advice!

        • Anonymous

          I’d be cautious with the long dated closings. That says to me the financing may or may not be in place for the project. I’d agree to 60 days absolute max and only that long because you don’t have a house yet.

          • Anon in CRE

            To me this says that it’s probably contingent on entitling OP’s property – that’s very common. OP, make sure that there are no outs in their contract, which could also include a financing out as Anonymous above suggested (you definitely need an attorney for this). Their contract could be worded such that if the municipality doesn’t grant them the zoning (either height of the proposed building, use, unit count – you name it) for your parcel or the combined parcels, they have an out and don’t have to close on the sale of your parcel. Maybe that’s ok to you and it’s worth the possible sale proceeds to go along for the ride with them, but for many people it may not be.

    • Anon

      This might be a really stupid question, but why would you sell your house just because someone offered to buy it? You sell if it’s in YOUR best interests to sell, and houses aren’t something you just sell because you can.

      • Anonymous

        Lots of people sell their house in response to unsolicited offers. That’s how I got my house. Owners were thinking of downsizing and moving to the city their daughter was in but didn’t plan to go on the market for a year. They decided to sell to us and rent in new city for a year after they got our offer. They didn’t want to deal with the hassles of showing the house and were happy with our offer of $10 000 over assessed value because we really wanted that particular house.

      • OP / ltl

        Not a stupid question and definitely part of our assessment of the offer. The offer they last put on the table is a ~70% premium above what we paid for it about 2 years ago. We wouldn’t mind taking that premium and “upgrading” to a nicer house on a quieter street – but the worst case scenario is keeping our house that we do love and intended to live in long-term. I personally find it hard to assess to what degree my best interests are to stay, or sell at that premium.

      • anon

        It might make sense if the property value has gone up because of re-zoning, or if someone wanted to pay above market value for their own specific reasons. My grandparents were able to move from a tiny, 4-room house to a nice-size, 3BR/2BA house because the strip mall behind their yard wanted to expand. My FIL sold a house for way above market value because the buyer wanted to move next door to his mother as she aged (and I guess the mom wouldn’t move?). My in-laws were able to buy a much larger house much sooner.

        I have a rental property. The rental is doing really well in terms of cash flow, but prices in the neighborhood have skyrocketed because of the pandemic. We’re considering talking to a realtor, but if someone walked up to us and offered twice what we paid, we’d talk to a realtor sooner.

      • Anon

        My neighbors want my house and have twice offered to buy all or part of the property. (They want to build a bigger house on a bigger lot, and my lot is bigger and more desirable). I am not interested in moving or “property swapping” with them, but in the back of my mind, there is a price I would accept and move. I don’t think they’d even come close to that price though. It does feel weird knowing they want my property though, and we’re still living next door.

      • Cat

        Well, if the developer is going to tear down and rebuild regardless of the OP’s decision, you might prefer to cash out and move rather than suddenly have a mid-rise complex next door (like, you thought you were on a quiet street with a yard to look at next door… now you’re staring at the entrance to the mid rise parking area).

    • Anon in CRE

      Find yourself a savvy broker who works in the area and get them to negotiate on your behalf. I work in real estate development. Depending on what is zoned/proposed by the developer, your parcel could by the linchpin in a very valuable development. A hundred grand of extra purchase price paid to you could yield them, literally, millions extra, especially if the corner parcel and proposed development is anything of scale. A run of the mill realtor/residential agent may not be the best fit. See if you can find some recent sales and find the right person to advise you to your value. I bet $$ it’s more than as if you were selling it to someone who intended to use it for a residence.

      • Anon in CRE

        An easy place to start is going to your Zoning Board and see what preliminary plans have been filed for the site or find out what is currently allowable on the site for future development.

    • Anonymous

      I think this differs by market, but I would talk to either a real estate agent or a real estate lawyer. Don’t DIY something major like this.

    • Anon

      You don’t want to be the last house surrounded by high rise buildings, so sell when it seems inevitable.

      For reference see the house that long stood in the middle of the Children’s Hospital Oakland outpatient center/parking garage, which was also the house from Up.

  5. Weaving?

    Does anyone here weave on a rigid heddle loom? I’m thinking of getting into it. Advice seems to be to take a class or join a guild, neither of which is an option for me due to geography, schedule, and pandemic. I am wondering if books and YouTube will suffice, and also would love any other advice about the learning curve, good yarn for a beginner, equipment recommendations, etc.

    • pugsnbourbon

      As with any niche hobby, I suggest checking out the Reddit forum (r/weaving).

    • MagicUnicorn

      Yes! Check out Ravelry. There are active RH-specific groups as well as general weaving groups. Definitely search for the user named jeen, as she has some amazing rigid heddle projects and posts lots of useful tips.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I do — I swear by my local guild (I’m in Ventura) — I know you said that won’t work for you — but many are having online meetings right now. I’ll happily loan you mine to use if you are nearby. Guilds usually have (google spinning and weaving guild) very cheap rentals for looms and wheels. And, welcome to the adventure of being a fiber artist.

      I’ve notice some very nice groups on Facebook on well on Rigid Heddle Weaving. Deborah Jarchow is a wonderful weaving teacher and I think she’s starting with online classes in a month or two independently. She has a beginning rigid heddle online class on Craftsy (previously blueprint) that is tops.

      I have a Ashford Knitters Loom, but I think the Ashford Rigid Heddle is nice as well as the Schacht. Our guild has a harvest sale each year where you can pick up weaving, spinning, tapestry, knitting, and yarn supplies super cheap.

      Finally, Ravelry has a forum for selling weaving supplies — you might check there. I’ve seen a few online for sale (Facebook groups) where folks bought for the pandemic but not working out. Hope this helps.

  6. Anon

    Will be working at a company in Fairfax, VA. Are there neighborhoods in Virginia with access to public transport? I am moving from a location where I do not drive so will not have access to a car, starting the job in February/March 2021

    • Anonymous

      Totally depends where in Fairfax. Some parts of Northern VA are very accessible by public transport, but for many, it is a big pain. In most cases, you’ll want a car in any event.

      • Anon

        OP here: I checked the metro stop on Google Maps, it is Vienna/Fairfax GMU on the Orange line. The building is on the Lee Highway. Sorry I am not familiar with Virginia so dont know where Fairfax city is.

        • Anon

          You need to put your new work address into Google maps and map out how long the walking distance is from the closest metro station. If it is doable, then your next step is to find a place to live in walking distance to any metro station on the same line (or a similar line if you’re willing to switch lines in your commute).

        • Anon for This One

          Lol I think you’re describing my company :) Note that we’re fully WFH for now and although the plan is to start going back in January, that’s looking less likely. A lot of people will not be going back to the office at all, I think.

          In any case, your best bet would be to move somewhere along the orange/silver line metro stops, so Dunn Loring, West or East Falls Church, Ballston, Va Square, etc. (or even near the Vienna stop). Note that all of those places are expensive and are a mixed bag in terms of accessibility to your daily needs without a car (grocery store, drug store, etc.). There are of course bus lines that crisscross the whole area, but schedules are not going to be friendly. One option might be some of the new housing they just put up around Fairfax Circle, since there are a lot of amenities there and it’s a straight shot up Lee Highway on the bus (but please, check bus schedules). There are also plenty of people working for my company who live in the District and commute out to Vienna on Metro. It’s about a 30-45 minute ride from most places in DC, more if you want to live on the red line or somewhere like Navy Yard.

        • anon for this

          That area is very typical suburbia, very car-centered. I’d recommend finding something walkable to work if possible.

        • pugsnbourbon

          Congrats on the job! We lived in northern Virginia about a decade ago. The Fairfax Connector (bus) links up to the Vienna station (train) and Reston, Chantilly, and Centreville. You will want to keep an eye on the WMATA website (they probably have an app now).

    • Anon

      I’d look near Old Town (walkable) or Clarendon/Ballston (also). Other areas of VA with public transit aren’t actually all that walkable. But really, if you CAN drive, I’d just get a car. A

      • Anon for This One

        Don’t look near Old Town unless you want to spend forever on the Metro every day. But I do agree that if you can drive, you should get a car.

    • Flats Only

      Most stops on the Metro in Northern VA have residential neighborhoods within easy walking distance around them. As long as your office is walkable from Metro, you can pick any other stop with a neighborhood you like, and commute easily via Metro. Note that Metro is NOT fast, so the fewer stops the better, and you will be paying a premium in rent to be walking distance to a Metro station. There is plenty of Uber/Lyft, etc. in the suburbs, so as long as your day-to-day commute via Metro is tolerable, you can use those services for occasional trips here and there where you might otherwise need a car. If you are going to be working at ICF, there are a lot of apartments right around the office, so start with that.

  7. Anokha

    We did family pictures on the beach and now there’s a ton of sand in my leather booties! Can I throw them in the wash? Just shake them out? Help!

      • Anokha

        If I don’t have a vacuum, is this something a shoe repair store could do?

        • anonymous

          Try a piece of duct tape or sticky paper from a lint brush. I’m sure a shoe repair shop would clean your shoes as well.

          • Anon for this

            OR take them with you to the gas station/car wash that has a vacuum for the car and also vacuum them. If I didn’t feel the need to own a vacuum, I would not buy one just to vacuum boots.

        • Anonymous

          Let them dry and shake them out. Wipe them out with a paper towel to loosen any remaining sand in the toes or along the seams and shake them out again.

        • anon

          The vacuum at a gas station is going to be way cheaper than shoe repair! A can of compressed air to blow the sand out could also work.

  8. Anon

    I have a silly little question for someone who would like to help me out. I got into RuPaul’s Drag Race at the start of the pandemic and I’m trying to figure out how to watch the remaining seasons. I know they are split up across streaming platforms. I think they may be on Netflix (which I don’t have), but when I tried to search online, I accidentally saw a spoiler. I’m looking for regular Seasons 9, 10, 11 and 12, and All Stars Seasons 3, 4 and 5. Could someone maybe check their Netflix account?

      • Anon

        Awe darn. Thanks for checking. Hulu only has the first half, which is where I watched.

        • Cat

          Check Amazon though – I think some of the seasons are free for Prime, others you’d have to pay extra for.

    • Anonymous

      I read this quickly to mean that you were accepted into the show (I assume it’s a reality show…) LOL

    • Anonymous

      Go to Rupaul’s Drag Race on IMDB, below the large picture it has a blue box that says available on Amazon prime — to the right of that there are three blue dots, click on those and it tells you which seasons are available where.

    • Anonymous

      Where I live, season 9 and 10 are on Paramount plus, which I belives is CBS access (or something like that) in the US:

  9. Anonymous

    My job used to require a lot of public speaking. This year I have some zoom presentations, but think monthly instead of every other day. I’ve noticed that I am starting to trip up on my words – tree twerp would come out twee trerp. Any exercises or YouTube programs you recommend?

    • Anonymous

      Ick. I really hate drag. I guess not everyone finds it offensive, though.

    • warm-ups

      You might try some warm-up exercises prior to speaking. For example, say “red leather, yellow leather”, making sure to enunciate and articulate each word and sound, and then say it faster and faster. I also like, “The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue” over and over, it has all the consonants needed to work each articulator. And finally, I like facial stretches for warm-ups. Be as small as possible by scrunching your lips, eyes, and nose together, and then as big as possible with a side mouth, wide eyes, and lifted eyebrows. Do a little sequence of small face to big face to small face to big face until your facials muscles feel a bit looser.

    • Anon

      Do you say tree twerp a lot? Just kidding, your example cracked me up.

      I do the same and it’s on the stammering/stuttering spectrum. The only thing to do is to practice speaking more slowly. It’s a symptom that your thoughts are ahead of your words, so you also have to slow your thoughts down. Not easy but it can be done.

    • Anon

      Read aloud – Shakespeare’s sonnets and the poetry of John Donne are both good exercises. I experienced the same thing when the amount I need to speak/present dropped off sharply at the beginning of the pandemic. I also live alone, so for a while, just wasn’t speaking much at all and it showed.

  10. Anonymous

    I’m realizing through yoga that the tops of my feet are very very tight – those exercises where you sit on your feet absolutely kill me, or where (seated) you bend one leg back so the foot is near your hip, then lay down for a top-of-thigh stretch — the thigh part is easy, but the foot pain kills me. Does that sound familiar to anyone else? “plantar tightness” didn’t seem to come up with much on Google.

    • No Problem

      Sounds like it’s the top of your feet (dorsum), not the plantar side (bottom). Extensor tendonitis is apparently a thing, and so are injuries in general from exercise or dropping things on your foot. Just search “top of foot pain” or “top of foot stretches” and see if anything sounds familiar or looks like it would be helpful to try.

    • No Face

      I remember doing some top-of-the-foot stretches when I took ballet for fun. I do not know the name, but maybe looking into ballet stretches?

    • Paging Raincoat person

      Was too late this morning, but for raincoat person:
      Are you actually hiking, or are you walking outside somewhere urban? Are you going to get sweaty?

      The more watertight a rain coat is, the less breathable. If you want truly water tight, that’s best for non-sweating… For actual hiking, look for vents, zips under the pits and more breathable fabrics and go to REI or similar.

      For city use you could get a trench raincoat, a poncho (look at city cycling ponchos) or a parka raincoat. The UK does rain well, have a look at places like joules.com for inspiration. Nordstrom has some nice ones. I really like Helly Hansen and Patagonia for rain, Joules for water tight enough parkas that feel more like proper jackets.

      Rain trousers are uncomfortable, noisy, sweaty and ugly. But sometimes very, very necessary. Get something that’s not the most flimsy (if it doesn’t rain enough for a thicker one, you won’t wear it!) and be prepared to be uncomfortable. The ones with mesh inside are slightly more comfortable. If you’re not actually hiking, you could consider a rain skirt instead – combined with tall wellies.

    • LaurenB

      Are you referring to the broken-toe pose, where you are kneeling and then sit back on your feet, but your toes are curled underneath and your heels are in the air (as opposed to having the tops of your feet on the mat)? Honestly, I think it is the stupidest exercise and I refuse to do it. It hurts and I don’t see the benefit of it. I have plenty of foot / ankle mobility from all the other workouts I do, including pilates reformer where there’s a lot of foot / ankle mobility work. I don’t blame you for not wanting to do it.

  11. Anon

    Thanks all for the rec of the Max and Mia travel cardigan at Costco. I ordered the olive green one and it does feel like barefoot dreams so I’m really happy with it!

    How do you wash yours? I don’t want it to lose the ultra-soft feel, and also I can’t have it shrink. I’m tall and the sleeve length and overall length are just cutting it as-is.

    • Anonymous

      machine wash cold or warm, tumble dry low or delicate on the lowest heat setting

  12. Cashmere

    For the morning poster who was looking for high-end cashmere: Loro Piana is a totally safe choice. Other ones to look at that are slightly lower in price range (TBH I think Loro Piana get a pretty large bump from just their brand)…Eric Bompard in France and Lunaria Cashmere from Italy. Bompard is very nice cashmere, but probably not quite as good as LP. Their designs are cute though. Lunaria is just so, so good if you can get it. I’m not totally sure they ship to the US (I went in person in Italy). Softest cashmere I’ve ever had and no pilling after many years.

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