Gift Idea: Interestingly-Scented (and Named) Candles

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1. Re: the Eileen Fisher Slim Ankle Pant: am I the only one who they really did not look flattering on? I’m a tall 16 with athletic legs and bought a 1X as I was worried the XL would be too small. The waist was on the big side but they really cling to my legs and calves. They do feel incredibly comfortable and stretchy, but I unfortunately have to return, they’re just too tight in the leg and thin feeling.

   Any suggestions for something similarly comfortable that’s a little looser in the leg?

   1. Hmm, I really want to try them but I also have pretty muscular legs in proportion to my waist size, so I’m worried they’d be too clingy as well. I have Everlane’s Italian GoWeave Easy Pant and I don’t have that problem with them, but the waistband isn’t quite as polished.

   2. They also looked horrible on me! I wanted to like them so much, but they were the most unflattering pants I’ve put on in the last five years.

   3. Wish I could help you with a replacement but I too am one of the (apparently) few for whom they are not “magical.” Alas.

2. Maybe I’m a plebe, but I could not imagine spending $65 on a candle.

   1. +1000! I love the idea, but can’t spend a week’s grocery money on one candle. If they were $20-25 I’d totally but three though.

3. $65 for a votive? If I’m going to pay $65 for a candle, it had better be the size of a bucket.

   1. The product page says it’s 4″x3″? Not that that makes a $65 candle ok, but at least it’s not a votive.

4. Looking for some of that Hive wisdom: do I get a Christmas gift for my trainer? We’ve been working together for a couple of months, I met her at a class she was leading and started the PT from there. She works out of a training space on, I think, a rental basis but isn’t working for a gym or out of a gym: she offers training and leads a bunch of different classes at different places, so as far as I know she works for herself. Does that mean the not tipping the business owner guideline applies? If I do gift, what would be appropriate? We’re both pleasant during sessions but not chit-chatty, the most personal thing I know about her is that she has a dog. I expect to keep up the PT for several months more at least and to be attending her classes for longer. In the U.K. if that makes a difference.

   1. The cost of one session in cash

      1. +1

   2. I have worked out a lot in my life in a lot of different gyms, studios, and settings, and it would never occur to me to do this.

      (Granted I don’t tape a Christmas tip to the side of my garbage cans, have publicly admitted to being Bad at Gifts, and devolve all emotional labor on gift-giving to my husband who is a human-sized Christmas elf, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

   3. When I innocently asked about a possible update to the “not tipping the business owner guideline”, I was pretty roundly shamed here, by a few anons in particular. This was hair salon salon etiquette of (apparently) many years ago. So I will read any replies with interest!

      1. Good grief, nobody “shamed” you, they just said that a woman who rents a chair at a shared salon isn’t really a “business owner” in the traditional sense. It was constructive advice that you asked for and you weren’t attacked.

         1. +1 to this. It was certainly not a shaming.

         2. One person got really cutting about me personally. But you are indeed correct about the hair condo ownership arrangement (not *quite* renting a chair in a salon, but I do take your point.)

            It’s nice, though, isn’t it, how we absorb the questions here such that we can recall them? I really appreciate this space and the different life experiences.

      2. Listen to Awesome Ettiquette Podcast #248: Smile
         I think the easiest thing to do in any situation where there’s a tippable service and you’re unsure is simply ask the person, when paying, “I know you work for yourself, do you accept tips?”

   4. No, this falls under the same category as the inquiry a couple weeks ago re: a hairdresser who rents a chair in a collective but works independently. The ‘don’t tip the owner’ guideline applies when that person owns a business in which they have a team of employees who they make a cut of the profit on.

      She’ll probably appreciate cash the most, you can tip up to 1 session’s fee. Or, you could do cash and a small gift.

   5. U.K. norms are totally different from elsewhere. I’d say most people give my trainer something along the lines of a nice bottle of wine, spirits or foodie but healthy like weirdly a salmon! I think a bottle though is fine and most non drinkers in the U.K. wouldn’t be offended by that but a nice candle would work too. I wouldn’t do cash.

   6. I’ve never given a gift in this type of circumstance. Like the poster above, I also don’t put a tip on my garbage can or generally give a huge number of people gifts around the holidays– just a few friends and family members. When I had a housekeeper, I did give her a tip of one service in cash. If you’re really inclined to do something, that’s what I’d recommend here.

      1. Yeah, this s*te has made me feel very bad about tipping and holiday gifts. I do holiday gifts for close friends and family and our nanny when we had one and now our daycare teachers. When I lived in a building with a doorman I tipped the doorman at the holidays. That’s…it. I’ve never given anyone else any kind of gift or tip at the holidays.

         1. It would never occur to me to tip a mailman or trash collector, any more than I’d tip the cable guy or the cashier at the supermarket. They do a job, they get paid.

5. Has anyone here ever purchased the Softies Ultrasoft Hooded Lounger? I am wondering about the fit. Is it true to size? This might be a perfect gift for my Mom but the reviews are wonky.

6. Thanks to everyone who advised on depression/ADs/etc. Got some blood tests done and Vitamin D was 19 so I’m getting a prescription… here’s hoping that helps!

   1. Glad to hear it! I forget if you mentioned immune issues, but a Vit D supplement helped my immune system a lot.

7. Recommendations for drugstore make up products for a tween? My niece wants to try out some make up for upcoming b mitzvah parties, my sister has ok’d the request, but doesn’t wear make up herself. I’m buying for her xmas gift. I was thinking a couple of lip glosses, a pink/nude eyeshadow palette, an eye shadow primer and a couple of eye shadow brushes. Point is to allow her to explore a little, but not give her products that are too mature. Recommendations on brands?

   No need to debate the appropriateness of cosmetics on tweens. She’s a great kid (good grades, athletic, kind to others, generally right priorities) with terrific parents — this is just to give her room to explore.

   1. For Christmas? Go to sephora!

   2. I really like Covergirl lip glosses (dumb name of Melting Pout Vinyl Vow). Caught Up color is a pretty pink.

      For eyeshadow, I would get something a little nicer than drugstore – it will be more richly pigmented so reduce likelihood of just layering gobs on, which is not great for your eyes or skin. Urban Decay is popular with teens.

   3. I don’t know, honestly I think you should just give her higher quality products. It’s not the brands that are going to be too mature, it’s the products themselves. (I assume by too mature you mean stuff like contouring.) I’d go to Sephora and just get the things you listed there.

   4. Maybe NYX. Decent quality, good color variety, trendy, drugstore prices. Ulta carries it.

   5. I want to go drugstore/target rather than sephora, because I’m looking to spend no more than $50.

      1. For cheap but high quality, order colourpop. They have wonderful palettes in different shades for a very reasonable price (think 12 dollars for a 6 piece coordinating shadow palette). For lips, any Maybelline/Covergirl lip gloss or sheer lipstick will do, as will entry level brushes from the drugstore or Elf brand. I’d also get a Maybelline mascara and gentle highlighter that she can dab on her cheeks – that’s a very on trend item using pinkish or nude highlighter lightly (emphasis on lightly) at the height of the cheek bone.

         And best of all, you should sit down with her and show her how to put it on.

      2. As a tween new to makeup, the products that made me feel most grown up were mascara, lip gloss, blush, and a compact powder – things hard to mess up. Go drugstore for the mascara and gloss, slightly nicer for the other two? Clinique?

      3. Physicians Formula is, I think, better on the “chemical” front. I’d also prioritize pretty packaging. I really love my Burts Bees “all aglow” cheek and lip stick. That would totally be up a teen’s alley. It would be hard to over do it. It also means no brush required for blush. I’m also a big fan of stick eyeshadow. Maybelline has one.

         Don’t forget to include eye makeup remover. Maybe throw in one of those makeup remover cloths? Failing to take off makeup will not be good for her skin, and those things won’t be around if her mom doesn’t use them.

   6. I really like NYX / ELF for this kind of stuff – I think they do some high quality products at the price point.

      I would do NYX ultimate palette (16 shadows – they have a nude / nude adjacent one that is pretty) + inexpensive brush
      NYX BB cream / ELF tinted moisturizer
      NYX bright idea shimmer stick (because glitter is lyfe)
      one or two of these glosses cause they are adorable even though from the river site and are also moisturizing (I am wearing one): https://www.amazon.com/TONYMOLY-Petit-Bunny-Gloss-Bar/dp/B005WNDGOM
      Maybelline great lash / almay (both are hypoallergenic) in black brown (mascara for the win!)

   7. NYX, Elf, Essence (my fav) have cute palettes. I’d also get her a nice (drug store brand is fine) brush kit.

   8. ULTA would probably be your best bet. Morphe, Revolution, NYX and Essence brands should keep in your price range, plus they also carry drugstore brands as well.

      1. +1 Morphe. It’s a super high quality product that’s affordable and fun.

         1. +1 – for eyeshadows.

   9. Maybe too late in the day but my Nordstrom has a 20 minute beauty consult for free. I’m bringing my niece as a birthday gift and have let the consultant know she’s young

   10. Close to skin color but subtly sparkly eye shadow – single color
       Mascara (honestly you can’t go wrong with the good old pink and green bottle)
       Blush in a pale pink or peach depending on complexion. She might appreciate a dual blush with color + highlighter
       Lipgloss in sheer pink

       My daughter is a few years out from this but this is how she and her friends dipped their toes, and honestly this is what they’re still wearing.

   11. I’d do concealer instead of eye shadow primer – can be used for both. Swear it works better anyways.
       I’d also do a nude/pale pink/brown lipstick instead of lipgloss.
       On eye brushes, I’d suggest a blender and a regular shadow brush.
       Think you should also include a tinted moisturizer and pressed powder/powder brush. You gotta set primer/concealer with powder, and this makes it monumentality easier to apply eyeshadow and blush.
       Definitely mascara and a pink or peach blush.
       Like the idea of a nude palette, but I wouldn’t be afraid to get one with dark browns too.
       Smoky brown eye liner pencil?
       Agree brands don’t matter as much as color. Not sure of her skin tone, but if she is warm and/or darker, she can likely wear more heavily pigmented makeup and not look overly mature.
       On cheap brushes, e.l.f. Milani makes great eye pencils. Almay for the tinted moisturizer. Otherwise, Cover Girl/Maybelline/Revlon should suffice.
       I’d recommend shopping with her if you are down with that to get the colors of the moisturizer/powder right. I struggle with not doing this in person and if you cannot tell I am a heavy makeup wearer. :)

   12. If you are looking at Target, try e.l.f., nyx, or maybelline for eyeshadow palettes. Quality is pretty good for the price. Cover girl makes great mascara, clump crusher is a workhorse and easy to use. I think Nyx makes a highly rated eye primer too. Do her a favor and get her some Garnier Micellar water too for make up remover so she learns to take it completely off.

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