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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Flat Front Wide Leg Pants

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. wide leg trouser pantsI keep eyeing these relaxed wide leg pants at Nordstrom, which seem to be selling out incredibly quickly in petite sizes at least. There are three colors I've found (navy, black, and a “denim” trouser that in real life doesn't feel very denim-y); at one point they all came in petite sizes as well, and they're all down to $52 right now. I'd wear them with a structured or fitted top; there's a matching navy vest/jacket should you like that look. There are a few petite sizes left in the black pants, but lots of regular sizes left in all colors. They were $88 originally. Halogen® Flat Front Wide Leg Pants Hee's a similar wide leg pant in plus-sizes. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

240 Comments

  1. Is it weird to talk about personal qualities in a cover letter for a conservative industry? I’m super committed, determined, and focused on my goals, and I’ve done some pretty unusual things that speak to that. I want to convey that I’ll set a goal and move heaven and earth to make that happen. Is this weird, inappropriate, or not worth it? I haven’t had to write a cover letter since college, so I’m out of practice.

    2. Those sound like great qualities to highlight in a cover letter. State them, like you did here, and use examples of an accomplishment or 2 where you used those qualities.

      1. Thanks. I think telling the stories and the accomplishments will be easy, but I’m not sure how to state the qualities. Everything I wrote above either sounds to me like “yeah that thing is my job and I did it,” or kind of over the top/ too casual in its style of expression. What’s a good way to phrase this?

        1. Ask A Manager’s cover letter advice touches on things like this, including somewhat quirky examples. You might check her out.

  2. There have been several posts recently from women in their 30s who are on a faster timeline than their partners. Am I crazy to think that I would want someone who knows he’s in it for the long haul within the first six months? At this age, I think we know ourselves better and it doesn’t take as long to figure out if a person is right.

    I’ve seen enough people meet and commit quickly in their mid/late 30s to know it can happen. But I’m reminded of that SATC episode where Miranda says men are like cabs — if their light isn’t on, they’ll date you for ages without a full commitment. And women’s lights are always on (they’re always ready to commit with whomever they’re dating).

    What do you think?

      1. I f you want it then it is reasonable!! We really need to encourage ourselves and other women to feel entitled to their needs in a relationship!

    2. I don’t think you’re crazy. I met my husband when we were 24 but we both knew within a month or two that this was “it.” At that point in my life, I wouldn’t have hesitated to date a guy who didn’t know if he wanted to marry me because I wasn’t chomping at the bit to get married, but I also took the view that if he didn’t know if he wanted to marry you, he probably didn’t. My sense it that if a guy is hesitant to commit (and I mean that broadly, including talking about spending your lives together and making future plans) after three months, nothing is going to change the longer you date him. Six months seems like a very reasonable timeline.

      1. +1 I started dating my husband when he was in his early 20s and after about four months, I moved for work. I told him if he followed me, great. If not, we couldn’t keep dating. He found a job in my city and followed. We moved in together after dating for about 9 months. It was pretty clear he was serious about us, well within the six month timeline you are proposing.

      2. +2. Met my husband when we were in our late 20s. We both knew within 3-4 months that we were in it for the long haul. We didn’t get married for another 4 years, but we both felt it was the end game from a few months in.

      3. I was in my early 20’s when I met my husband and I knew within the first 3 months that it was something serious and knew we’d get married after about a year of dating. He was in his late twenties and says he “knew” that we’d get married within the first three months of us dating. I think his age helped him come to that conclusion much sooner than I did. It took him roughly three years to propose, but that’s a different story. :)

    3. I was in my early 20’s when I met my husband and I knew within the first 3 months that it was something serious and knew we’d get married after about a year of dating. He was in his late twenties and says he “knew” that we’d get married within the first three months of us dating. I think his age helped him come to that conclusion much sooner than I did. It took him roughly three years to propose, but that’s a different story. :)

      1. I agree. Six months into the relationship, my now husband made it very clear that he was in it for the long haul (he was 31). We took our time dating and getting married, but I appreciated that we were on the same page about our potential destination.

        1. Same here. My husband was 31 when we started dating and when I moved in 8 months into our relationship it was after we were both clear that we were heading for marriage in the next few years. We weren’t in a rush but it was important to me that we were on the same page. He then proposed about 2 years after we started dating.

    4. I don’t think it’s crazy, I think it’s like any other quality you seek in a mate. If your goal is to move in, be married and have children, you need to look for someone with the same goals. I think six months in today’s world may be a bit fast for actually doing those things but it’s plenty of time to know if you’re on the path to them. I think the reason you’ve seen plenty of people commit quickly at a later age is because they tend to make that the goal. If you don’t have both people on the same page though, it becomes more complicated.

    5. Annecdata to be sure, but I know three guys (maybe more ) who were with someone 10+ years without getting married (but still got houses together etc.). I think it tore up some of the women that the guy would make a 30-year promise to a bank but not to them.

      Two of the guys broke it off and then were married to someone new within 2 years (so engaged within 1 and married at the end of the next year).

      The third guy got married when she found out she was pregnant. I still think that it is bad for him to want permanence and stability (more in case of untimely death) for the baby more than he wanted it for her (the law treats you much better as a widow than a surviving girlfriend).

      In short, if I were in my late 20s/early30s, I’d be wary of spending >1 year with a guy who isn’t about to get you a ring and a date if married is what you want. I’m not saying he has a year to do it, but if you’re wondering at the end of 2 years, I think by wondering you know: that dog won’t hunt (with you).

      1. All of the women in your story chose to buy houses with men who wouldn’t marry them, but they were unhappy about not being married? I don’t understand people sometimes…

        When I met my now-husband I was in my early 30’s and recovering from a bad breakup. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to marry, but I knew that I wanted to see how the relationship would develop. We moved in together for convenience, and lived together five years before marrying. If I didn’t want to live with him without a deeper commitment, we wouldn’t have moved in together.

        1. I know! I don’t think that anyone in her late 20s sees this as the end game, but the thinking seems to be:
          — moving in is a step towards getting married
          — buying a house is a step towards getting married

          I may be a cranky old person, but setting a wedding date is the only step towards getting married (and I can’t tell you how many people I know who are engaged for 5+ years but never seem to get married — isn’t there a character on OITNB like this???) that seems to get the job done.

    6. I have a friend who has been with her guy for 3 years and he wasn’t interested in marriage. He loved her, he just didn’t get the whole point of marriage, and she is the complete opposite. She basically spent 3 years hanging on, pressuring him to get married. Well, she finally managed to get him on board and they’re getting married this summer, but I can’t help but wonder (speaking of SATC) if it’s going to last. It was really hard as her friend to see her spend the last 3 years hoping and waiting and making excuses for him.

      Anyway, all this to say, I’d rather be single and happy alone then in that situation!!

      1. Eh, I do think some guys just need to come around to the whole marriage idea. 3 years really isn’t that long, especially if they’re <30. I don't think there's a reason to doubt it will last, unless she gave him an ultimatum. and even then I know a bunch of ultimatum marriages that are still going strong 10+ years (and kids) later.

    7. “And women’s lights are always on (they’re always ready to commit with whomever they’re dating).”

      I don’t think it’s true that women are always ready to commit to whomever they’re dating. I think that this idea comes from the outdated notion that men are the keepers of commitment, and commitment has to be on their terms. I reject this. There are a *lot* of men who want a committed relationship.

      I *do* think that women are less likely to stay in a relationship that doesn’t show promise of commitment. It makes sense- why invest time and emotion in something that won’t give you the end result you want, when you could save your energy on something better? I really think that women are more attuned to markers of commitment, timelines for commitment, and things of that nature, because a) biology and b) society has trained us to be on the look out for these things. I think a lot of men are less aware, and then they wake up when they’re 34 with their d*cks in their hands, wondering why they’re not married, and then they date a 24 year old.

        1. Yup. I had an, ahem, riotously misspent youth, plus have seriously-dated-but-not-really-committed to 4-6 men. My boyfriend dated two girls in high school, one woman for six years, and then me. I would be surprised if he’d ever had a one-night stand and he is the 2.5 kids, yellow lab, and a white picket fence member of our relationship.

          1. My husband (eee! still so new!) has been a serial monogamist since he was 17, while I’ve spent most of the last 10 years single (but casually dating/LGPs) because I wasn’t ready to settle down or be with someone who didn’t make my life better.

            That being said, we talked commitment really early (~2 months?) and I asked him to marry me.

    8. In general I think this is wise advice for dealbreakers and serious dating. Each person’s threshold for “seriousness” and dealbreakers are a little (or a lot) different, but its just not wise to put a lot of time, effort, and commitment into a relationship with someone who ultimately wants different things from you. For instance I don’t even bother going on a second date with a guy who says he is looking for a partner to have kids with – because I know I don’t want any. If you know that you want to be married and having kids with someone soon there’s no reason to date a person who doesn’t want that too. It’s a conversation you can have in the abstract early on (“what are you looking for?” “what would you like your life to be like in the next 5 years?”) without it being about your feelings towards each other.

    9. I think 6 months is absolutely appropriate to have had “where are we going?” conversations. We had the convo at 3 months. We’re at 6 months now, and we’ve covered a ton of emotional ground in the intervening 3 months. I can’t imagine going along all this time not knowing! If you want marriage and family, I think you owe it to yourself to find out early if he does too.

      (We’re both 35 and divorced.)

    10. 26 here, and after dating a lot of guys who either stunk at monogamy (didn’t cheat but had very weird ideas about what was appropriate to do with other women while committed) or just flat-out didn’t want it, and had this attitude that monogamy was so outdated that no one else should want it either, so I started to feel jaded. It seemed like most guys in my generation just didn’t want to settle down and it was unrealistic to think I could find someone who did. Seemed like all the men my age who were interested in settling down already had, or were in the process of doing so with someone else, and all the men who were left just wanted to mess around for the rest of their lives.

      But a little over a month ago I started seeing a guy who – on the first date – told me he did want a serious relationship and didn’t like to date around. It was like the clouds had parted, a beam of light shone down on the apartment, and angels had started singing!

      1. I’m not sure if this is the same as what you experienced, but in my city I’ve observed that even as women are more likely to be unmarried later and okay with being single for longer periods in between relationships, the men are less willing to go any period of time being single. So they all have “placeholder” girlfriends to satisfy social expectations (and their physical wants, I’m sure–a girlfriend, even a less than ideal one, is better than playing the bar lotto every night I guess). Then they continue to try to meet the “right” girl and go through the entire getting-to-know-you phase with new girls they meet while still in their placeholder relationship–they’ll only break up with the stand-in if they meet someone and it gets to a certain point with demonstrated potential. It’s just strange to me, and it also makes the dating scene hard when you’re not someone who wants to participate in the game of flirting with a guy currently in a relationship.

        1. Yes, this makes a lot of sense. I was keenly aware of some of these guys continuing to seek out better romantic prospects, and I figured they were just building a pipeline of women to date or hook up with once the relationship went belly-up. I mean, to assume your guy might leave you for that woman he’s flirting with at the party is would be “insecure” and “crazy,” riiight?

          (obviously it isn’t, if this is really the game plan for a lot of dudes).

          And I mean, I’ve broken up with one guy to be with another, but the idea of continuing to actively look for someone else while in a relationship just seems . . . I don’t know, disrespectful, I guess.

        2. Ughh I don’t know where you are but this is definitely a “thing” where I live. This is why I tell my friends that until you have the conversation with someone on where you are at in terms of exclusivity, relationship, whatever, dont EVER assume anything. You dont have to be a skeptic or negative nancy about it all but just be cautious and protect yourself (emotionally and physically even).

          I know girls that do this too who are afraid of being alone. But I think guys do this more. It seems super exhausting and how does one even have the time? Do they have spreadsheets for this crap??

          1. Oh I know not to assume we’re exclusive until it’s stated, but I’ve even had guys get into a relationship with me when, in hindsight, I was still just a placeholder.

            And there’ve even been times where I have tried to date two guys at once, and even two people can be difficult to juggle if you don’t have a lot of free time. It’s so much easier to date one person at a time, even if it’s not “official.”

        3. +1. This has been my own personal experience as well. Signed, former placeholder who now knows better.

    11. Completely agree that 6 months is plenty of time to know if you’re on the same page or not. I’m at the point in my life where we both need to dating towards a goal, not just having fun. For me that goal is marriage and within 6 months we should both know if we see the other person as a potential partner.

      I also agree that women’s lights aren’t always on, but due to socialization and biology we are more conscious of wanting to make a commitment and not “waste time”.

    12. This makes me a bit worried about my relationship now. I’m 28 and my boyfriend is almost 30. We’ve been together for over a year and moving in/getting engaged doesn’t seem like it’s on the table until close to 2 years in. We had another timeline but he felt pressured by it so we moved it back

      1. Eh, I don’t know. I think I am a part of a small minority on this board who felt pretty relaxed about my long-term-committed-but-not-engaged relationship. My now-husband and I got together when we were young (early 20’s) and we moved in together about 2 years after we started dating, and then we lived together for about 6 years before getting engaged (I was 29 when we got engaged, I think). We were 100% committed to one another and our relationship, but it took me a long time to feel ready to legally tie myself to someone. I would have felt more ready to buy a house with him than get married (there was a distinction in my mind, even though I know others disagree). Now, when I was ready to be engaged/get married, I was READY.

        So long as you feel like you and your BF are on the same page and that you’re able to talk about expectations and timeline, I think, you do you. It sounds like maybe you two are not, given that he sort of panicked about the timeline. In that case, I think you need a few conversations about where you both see the relationship going.

        (I will also add that after I was ready to be engaged, it took a while to actually be engaged. I finally said something to my husband and he admitted that he wanted to build up his savings to buy me a big fancy ring. I told him I’d rather be engaged than have a bigger ring. My cousin’s husband wanted her to pay off her student loans before getting engaged. All that to say, there might be other factors that he is considering.)

      2. I met my now-husband right as he turned 29 (I was 23). He claims he “knew” we would get married within 3 months of dating. However, knowing you want to marry someone and being ready to actually do it are two different things. We dated for two years before we moved in together and it was another year before we got engaged. He needed to move at his own pace and accomplish certain things, personally and professionally, before he was ready to get married. While it was frustrating at times, it’s worked out for us in the long run and we’re a year in to a pretty happy marriage after 5 years together.

    13. I’ve been married twice. Each time we both knew within about 4 months. There wasn’t a “where is this going? could you see yourself marrying me?” conversation, but it was abundantly clear to both of us that we were excited to be with the other person for the long haul. Actually getting married was then more a matter of logistics (when it made sense logistically to plan for a wedding, etc.) and moving in together wasn’t a trial run but instead a logical thing that two people who are mad about each other and want to be together long term would do.

      In my mind, it’s not about “are we moving towards getting married.” It’s a very strong sense of “this is it for me” and then marriage just kind of obviously follows after that. Anyone who is that psyched to be with you is not going to shy away from getting married (unless they happen to have other issues but then do you really want to marry those issues).

      I am of the strong opinion that you want someone where you both feel “f__k yes” about each other and about the relationship. That’s not something that takes a long time to develop… I have had no interest in trying to “see where something is going” with someone who isn’t very clearly enthusiastic about being with me in both the short and long term.

      1. Totally agree with this. +1 million. When you don’t know, you know. And when it’s right, it’s immediately obvious and everything else is just logistics.

    14. I don’t think it’s crazy at all. I’m 37 and actively dating – I don’t anticipate spending more than a few months (maybe 3-6) with anyone who isn’t sure he wants to be with me for the long term. I’m also a lot more upfront about wanting to have children – in my previous relationships I stupidly wouldn’t talk about that and it only wound up hurting me in the long run (and caused me stay in dead-end relationships).

    15. The taxi light thing for men is very real.

      I disagree that women’s taxi lights are always on, though. I wasn’t looking to get married (knew I didn’t want children and that’s an enormous factor, obviously) when I met my now-DH at 33. We dated long-distance for 2+ years and when he moved to my city we moved in together. It took me 2 years of living together to feel comfortable getting engaged. . . .

  3. For those of you at small firms, what is you salary in relation to the revenue you bring in? Does the 1/3 rule still apply at small firms?

    I am considering a move to small, boutique firm with Fortune 500 clients. I know I will be billed out at $200 and I imagine I would bill 1800-1900 a year. The only way the move would make financial sense for my current situation is if I were being paid ~ $190,000 , which is about half of the revenue I expect to generate. I will broach it with the firm, ofcourse, and know we may be too far off on salary to make it work – but I just wanted to get a sense of what the typical relationship between salary and revenue is at smaller firms.

    1. My sense is that the 1/3 rule applies pretty generally. I would be shocked if they pay you $190K and bill you at $200 an hour.

      1. That seems to be really high. We have paralegals who bill out higher than that and we don’t pay them that. We have associates who bill into the mid-300s and we don’t pay them 190K. I think that the rate sounds very low. If you’re just doing the work they give you and not bringing in any clients, 1/3 seems to be very high. 1/3 seems to be what partners get who have the client relationships (so for matters I originate, my comp is roughly 1/3 of that, but those people walk out the door with me if I leave).

      2. totally agree with this. at a big firm, when I was making $190k, my hourly rate was around $500

      3. $190k… no. When my rate as an new associate was between $160-200, I made $85k in a fairly large city. That’s less than 1/3 of the revenue I was expected to bring in. At my current larger firm (200 attys), my base rate is $265 (some have negotiated lower rates, so average rate is probably around $230), and I make $135,000.

    2. I think the 1/3 rule is pretty standard across the board, although you can always ask for more. Maybe an alternative would be to negotiate an original percentage on top of your salary. So you could negotiate x% of what you originate on top of the salary, regardless of which attorney in the firm is doing the work. That way, if you original case a case and an associate bills 50K (which is collected), you could get a percentage of that 50K. In my experience, small firms are open to this type of arrangement instead of a larger salary.

      Or, you could negotiate that your salary will be X and once your collections surpass $300K (or whatever), you get an additional percentage over that threshold or Y dollars for every 25K over the $300K (or whatever threshold).

      2. +1. My small firm has arrangements like this with high-level associates. They get a percentage of revenues over a base amount as an end of year bonus. But even with such an arrangement, $190 seems really high for an attorney billing at $200.

    3. I am billed out at $210 and billed 1650 hours last year. I make $110K as a fourth year at a small firm with Fortune 500 clients with a bonus in the 15-25K range. Do not live in a HCOL area (medium, certainly not low) and am happy with the salary for the number of hours I bill, but I have always wondered how comparable to the market my salary is, so will be following along.

      1. I would take this gig.

        I think that an hour worked =/= an hour billed =/= an hour collected, esp. for associates. But what you make doesn’t seem to be unfair.

    4. It is highly unlikely they will pay you $190k when you are being billed out at $200/hr. When I was in private practice and being billed out at $175-$200/hr, I made just over $100k.

      1. +1, I billed at $250 and made $110 (this would have worked if I made my hours but I never did).

    5. I’m billed out at $150 an hour and my billable target is 1700 and I make $85K, which I believe is exactly 1/3 if I hit my target. 5th year, LCOL area. There is no way you’re going to get $190 for that bulling rate and target.

      1. I made $135 at small firm, billed out at $400-500 an hour and billed 2100 hours plus a lot of hours spent on firm admin.

    7. Wow. When I worked in public accounting my billing rate was $190 and I made $63k . Hours expectation was 1700. Maybe I should have gone to law school! (I kid)

      1. I can’t speak for all CPA firms but in Big 4, one’s billing rate is nowhere close to what the firm actually bills. At my old firm, my bill rate was over $900 but they collected maybe 30-40% of that. It’s a ridiculous system. I often longed to be like a law firm and be able to bill all the hours, at a standard rate, without all the percentage nonsense.

    8. I’m a senior associate. My base is $91k. My billing rate is $250. I get a small bonus around the holidays that goes to all employees, say $3,000. My personal bonus structure is if I exceed 3x my salary, I get 1/3rd of the excess. Some years I get nothing. Other years we close a huge contingent fee case and I get a great bonus. The firm doesn’t care as much about my hours as it does about money in the door. Last year I billed 1900 total hours (including those to the firm for marketing etc) and 1400 real billable hours. This is lower than most because of the small firm nature I do a lot more non-billable stuff. I vet most of our potential clients for example and those meetings with potential clients count as billed to the firm not real billable. I typically work 9am-6:30pm but have a lot of flexibility.

    9. I’m not a lawyer, but I am a junior consultant making $63k. I bill out between 1900 and 1940 hours a year at a rate somewhere between $65 and $75.

    10. Worked at a midsize firm as a 2nd year billing $205-215/hr at 1800 hours, made around 80k (satellite office). Those in the main office in a city made around 100-110k

    11. What do you expect your realization rate to be? I do think $190k at that rate and hours sounds really high, but some of the comparisons being offered might not be useful if they are from junior associates where the firm expects to be writing off a lot of the time. Let’s at least compare apples to apples.

    12. Painful subject for me. I am at a 10-atty. firm and I am billed at $375/hour but make only $115K. Billable hours expectation is low at 1500 but that still means I’m closer to 1/4 than 1/3.

  4. My dress pants and jeans always seem to stretch out at the knees after one or two wears. It didn’t seem to matter the brand or cut.
    If it makes a difference:
    -I have a narrow hip and averaged bum, with muscular thighs
    -I tend to buy quality pieces (Vince, theory, etc.)
    -pieces are not usually lined

      1. They go back to normal after washing/dry cleaning… So not sure it would work, unless I never dry-cleaned again (hmmm, would save $)

    2. This doesn’t happen to me on straight leg or flare pants. Just on skinnies. I think that skinnies put to much pressure on the fabric at the knee and that is what stretches out.

      1. This may be part of it, I feel like it happens mostly with skinnies and even my tomboy cut. Sigh. I think I might be transitioning back to boot/straight cut earlier than anticipated.

    3. I pretty much sorted this by starting “hitching my trousers above the knee before I sit down. Just copied my dad…

  5. Hi ladies – you all have helped prod me into finally applying for life insurance, and now I have some questions. Is it ok to apply with a few different companies at the same time, to compare rates? Since we’ll be locked into these payments for the next 20 years, it seems important to get a good deal. All the companies provide a “quick quote” but don’t give you the final rate until after your med exam and reviewing your full application. DH and I are in good-but-not-perfect health, and I assume the final rates will be higher than the initial quote. But each application asks if you are applying for other policies, which would seem to count against you or be seen as a fraud indicator. Is it ok to apply with more than one company, and if not, how do you find the best rates? (And if anyone uses usaa for life insurance, do you recommend them?)

    1. Is there some reason not to use a service like select quote? We need to get more life insurance too (besides the work provided one) and this is what I was going to do. Would love to hear of any experiences with this.

      1. I used Select Quote for our life insurance. I don’t remember the order in which everything happened… I think we did a long questionnaire + phone call with the agent and he selected a company based on that before the physical. I’m not sure if the results from the physical could have changed the company we’d go with.

        But in any event, it was a fairly easy process. I remember we scheduled the physical for some obscene hour of the morning so we wouldn’t have to actually miss work for it. The nurse just showed up at our house with a blood draw kit and a scale at 6 am or whatever, which was extremely convenient.

    2. I use USAA. It’s $32 a month for $750,000 for me. I am a healthy 32 year old woman who has never had any major medical problems and I don’t smoke.

      Before I went with USAA, I got a policy through John Hancock. They compared a bunch of different policies and I went with the most reasonably priced. I ended up switching to USAA after I had a kid and needed more because I have all my other stuff through USAA and just wanted the convenience.

    3. We went through an insurance agent, and he submitted applications to three companies for us. Then we chose the one that made the best offer. So I think it’s ok to apply with more than one company (whether you use an agent or not).

    4. I would use an independent insurance agent and get quotes – we probably got 4 quotes for ours and just chose the best one.

    5. I am in the exact same place… need to finally get life insurance for husband. However, what about disability? Do those of you with life insurance also have disability? I have been surprised that there really don’t seem to be joint life/disability insurance policies.

      1. Yeah, I have both — and I’ve heard that youngish professionals are much more likely to need disability than life. Mine happen to be from the same company, but there’s no requirement that they be, nor benefit other than it’s one recurring payment versus two.

      2. I have so, so much disability insurance. I am maxed out on what they will allow me to purchase. At my age, its a lot more likely that I won’t be able to perform my (demanding) job anymore. I don’t have life (I have no dependants and my estate will cover my funeral expenses should the worst happen) but I have so much disability insurance.

        As my salary goes up over time I become eligible for more disability insurance so I remember to increase it every 2 years or so to keep it as high as allowable.

  6. Suggestions for high quality heat and eat (or minimal prep) dinners from Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, standard grocery stores? We’re pretty plain eaters so Blue Apron and Plated don’t appeal (plus I don’t want the prep). I like the curry dishes from TJ’s (I just make rice) but wondered what else was out there.

    1. I used to eat quite a few of the frozen italian (ex. gnocci) and mexican (burritos) from Trader Joe’s. Often times I will supplement a little. So I heat up the black bean burrito, and maybe add on top some cut up fresh tomato, avocado and sprinkle some cheese. Or add a bit more simple tomato sauce on the gnocci if it seems spare.

      Also, I look at some of the refrigerated Trader Joe’s entrees. They have several that are a two person main course that are decent (ex. Chicken Marsala/parm).

      I also now get a roasted chicken from Whole foods about once per week. Easily can be eaten for a couple meals.

      Also, a favorite and easy dinner is …. breakfast for dinner. Simple, scrambled eggs, sometimes a chicken sausage from Trader Joe’s on the side.

      With every dinner, I make a protein + two veg. No starch per se, except the occasional sweet potato or the rare pasta. Rice is a rare treat. I also drink skim milk, a habit I picked up as a child. Pretty healthy.

      1. Re: supplementing frozen food, I often add extra, better cheese or herbs or whatever I feel like to a frozen cheese pizza to make it a little more interesting.

        1. I often dump out a can of tuna onto plain cheese and tomato frozen pizzas. It makes it feel a lot more like a healthy choice!

    2. I love the multigrain veggie lasagna from TJ. It takes a while to cook in the oven, much like a regular lasagna, but there is no prep or clean up and it’s delicious. I like to sprinkle a little extra cheese on top in the last 15 min.

      Also: TJ’s veggie gyoza (we usually add a salad to make a meal); the “veggie melange” mix in a bag + rice/quinoa; and the chicken chili burgers + TJ’s guac on sandwich sized english muffins.

      1. I like all the TJ’s gyoza, we have those for lunch a lot on weekends. We use the gnocchi and pastas (arrabiata, pesto with tomato, alfredo) and I’ll add chicken and veggies to them for an easy meal.

        The quinoa, kale, veggie pilaf is really good if you mix it with the reduced fat frozen mac n’ cheese.

        1. I think my TJ’s discontinued the sweet potato gnocchi, I haven’t seen it in a while :(

          2. I bought some sweet potato gnocchi from Trader Joes a week or so ago. Maybe it’s just sold out at your store?

    3. Depending on where you live, if you have a Snap Kitchen near you, I highly recommend it. The entire premise is ready to eat meals that can be put in the oven or microwave. They are balanced meals and a lot are carb-conscious. I know the Whole Foods near me has recently started stocking similar meals but I haven’t tried any of them yet.

    5. I also like to get stuff from the Whole Foods hot bar and freeze portions for future quick dinners.

    7. I like Amy’s Kitchen. They’re vegetarian and organic frozen meals available at most grocery stores. They’re only a couple bucks and a couple hundred calories, so one alone is not a meal for me but I usually supplement with veggies (or if I’m having a week like this week, Thin Mints). My favorite one is their broccoli cheddar bowl and then I usually mix in fresh spinach. It’s really yum.

    8. Trader Joe’s food samples are almost always really tasty combinations of different foods they sell and they’ll have all the ingredients there for you to grab at one time. I haven’t been there in awhile since there aren’t any convenient to my home, but I always liked getting the taquitos and doctoring them up with cheese and my other favorite taco toppings.

    9. Mac and cheese with an add-in (can of tuna or cauliflower). Raman with frozen veggies added.

    10. I would pretty much starve were it not for the Trader Joe’s frozen section. In addition to the Indian frozen meals + naan (I swear their chicken tikka masala is just as good as Indian restaurants), other favorites include lamb kofta with marsala sauce, plus one of their mixed veggie sides (they have one with balsamic sauce that’s the current favorite. they had one with a tomato and mozerella sauce that was good, but I haven’t seen it in a while), gyoza, tamales, and the brie and tomato tarte (which is really just a very thin crust pizza). Do you get the trader joe’s circulars? They have suggested combos in that that are helpful. You can pick it up at the store if you don’t get it in the mail.

      1. I’m obsessed with the chickan tikka masala. That’s something I wish came in larger portions like their curry does. The rice is so perfect every time in the microwave.

        1. I know this is about TJ’s /convenience foods but someone posted a crockpot chicken tikka masala recipe on here a few weeks ago that is really good. You might google for it if interested. My kids even like it.

    11. Trader Joes: “Reduced-Guilt” cheese and spinach stuffed shells. Sooo good. As others have already said, all gyoza from TJ’s is delicious. They also have two fish meals (salmon and cod) that include a veggie and a starch that are decent.

      Standard Supermarket: Evol is great (especially when you find it on sale! I have a hard time paying >$5 for a frozen meal for one – maybe that’s just me!). Healthy Choice Steamers are decent. The chicken marinara ravioli is my fave!

  7. Ladies, how do you deal with a job you love but you’re feeling the effects of overwhelming stress? I’m in my mid-thirties and fearful I’m headed towards burnout. I’m CFO and COO at a large nonprofit (my dream job!), and while I love the mission, work, and people, I just can’t figure out how to turn off my work when I get home or how to get out of caring about the constant crises we face. Those of you in big law or other stressful workplaces – how do you deal and when do you know that enough is enough?

    1. I work at a nonprofit too (albeit in a much smaller role than you) and I feel the same way. I’m not necessarily burned out, but I think because we work in an area that has a real impact on people/the community, and depending on the kind of nonprofit you work for, we often see firsthand the suffering people are going through, it’s hard to turn off thinking about it or caring about it, especially if you’re a really nurturing person like me. No advice, just commiseration. :)

    2. I work in biglaw and love my job, but burnout is a real risk that has to be managed. It’s funny, but one thing that has really helped me is doing recruiting – when I talk to law students about my firm and my practice, it helps bring to the forefront the things I love about what I do. I think you could probably achieve the same effect by (i) trying to lead with the positive when people ask about work and/or (ii) keeping a journal where you lead, each day or week, with writing down the good/fulfilling things that have happened.

      The other thing that really helps me is to mentally say “I’ll worry about that – but not now. Now is the time for [sleeping/walking my dog/running/cooking dinner/etc.]” I used to have trouble sleeping because I couldn’t turn off the mental to-do list; this helped me build a wall between time-for-worrying and time-for-other-stuff.

    3. I am not at your level, but I work at a non-profit that deals with a harrowing issue. Take a vacation. I have found that really, the only way for me to get in a good headspace in is to get away for at least an entire week. I’ve also found that I just can’t talk about work outside of work. I do everything I can to avoid the “what do you do question” and when I am asked, I typically do not say where I work, only what my role is.

    4. You need to figure out the top priorities and set boundaries with the things that aren’t top priorities. I am focused on improving on this – my boss is amazing at this. She has come in and completely transformed our company while having shorter hours than pretty much everyone in the company. Oh, and the other thing that she is incredible at is delegating, which helps her focus on the big picture and prioritize things. I think if you can focus on fewer things and let other things slide for now (still on the list, but dealt with later), then you will get more accomplished in the long run and will have a bigger impact than if you burn out and leave the organization earlier. Easier said than done!

      Do you have someone that you could make a project manager? She/he can help you organize all of the projects that need to get done, what the deadlines are for them, and the detailed steps that are required to get them completed. This helps make sure anything that gets pushed doesn’t get lost (may help take your mind off of it because you know it will be dealt with at some point), and it helps you get a list of everything so you can decide the top priorities instead of reacting to whatever is most urgent. It will also help you focus at a high level instead of the details.

  8. I know flared/wide leg pants are back in a huge way but I just can’t shake the late 90s/early 00s feeling about them. How would you make sure you look current wearing them?

    1. For me, pants are just….. a necessity. I need something on the lower half of my body. My goal is to find something that you don’t notice and simply allows the rest of my outfit to work. It is hard to find pants that fit, and the wide leg is very forgiving and works best for my pear shape. Although you think it feels dated, for many of us it is our timeless staple that works forever for… work.

      So I focus on good, interesting heels, and my top and accessories. And my goal for work is to look timeless and chic, rather than “current” if you know what I mean.

      Recently I have started to go back and forth from a black and white outfit (or all black/white/neutrals), and then the next day an outfit with a bold color or print in my favored jewel tones. I am a “winter” if you know about that stuff.

    2. Wear them with my Steve Madden slide platforms and go to the nearest frat house on a weekend night!
      Sorry, college flashback.

      I do feel like the flares are much narrower now, more bootcut than flares? That’s my opinion as someone who’s not that into fashion (and wasn’t in the 90s, either, even when underage drinking, ha)

    3. I wear them with a shirt tucked in, usually semi-fitted and pointed toe shoes — either flats/kitten heels or higher pumps depending on how I have the pants hemmed.

    4. There’s a difference between flares and wide legs. Flares are a trend that comes and goes. I agree the flares are narrower and sometimes shorter now.

      Wide leg trousers are a classic menswear-for-women look. Think 1940s, Katherine Hepburn. Wear them with something more fitted on top and a wedge heel, hemmed to a proper length just a bit off the floor.

      Wide legged or classic trousers are objectively more flattering to more women’s bodies than skinny pants are. Your eye has adjudged to skinny pants so that is all that looks right to you, but you should be open to new styles. After all, that is how women get stuck in a time warp rut, thinking what they wore in their twenties is their style forever.

      1. +1. Wide-legged trousers are most flattering on me for work (pear shape and muscular thighs). I aim for Katherine Hepburn — or lately, Lucy Liu on the current season of “Elementary.”

    5. I feel like color/tone/fabric will keep it current. Also, keeping the top, shoes and accessories modern will help.

  9. Speaking of pants, I just went to the AT Loft website to order the awesome 99% wool “pencil” pants they had as recently as a year and a half ago only to find that they no longer make them. Current offerings seem to be the pencil pant in different fits (not how it was before) and the fabric is mostly synthetic now. These were my favorites. So, so disappointed.

  10. Do you bill for time spent getting a new assignment? I never have but now I’m working with a very chatty partner who likes to spend an hour going every last detail of the case, no matter how minor the project and it’s killing me.

    1. Of course. Meet with Partner X to discuss [issues]. (1.3). Partner can always write it off

      2. At my firm that would automatically be written off and I’d probably get a stern email – we never make note of inter office meetings in our bills. Instead, it’s Attention to ____.

        1. Can I just say that, as someone who reviews bills for our outside counsel, I really cannot stand “Attention to.” It is completely meaningless to me as a client.

      3. I usually record inter office meetings as “Analyze issues related to ___” or “Strategize re ____” or something similar.

    2. Yes, but I usually roll it into whatever task we were discussing. If we are talking about a case, I account for it somehow, but I do not put on my bill “Discussion with Partner X.” Some clients really do not want to pay for that, even if it is unavoidable.

    3. While we’re asking billing questions — do you bill for reading emails? I never have before, but I’m now involved in a case with a ton of email back-and-forth that goes all night, so I’m wondering if I should bill time for keeping up with all of it.

      1. God yes. Why wouldn’t you?

        I wouldn’t bill another 0.1 if a client wrote back “thanks” but yes, emails are billable.

      2. Absolutely. “Reviewed Email Correspondence” – don’t bill for minor things usually but anything that I read and need to think about if a reply is required or not, is in my view, completely billable.

      3. of course!
        “reviewed and responded to email re —” or “attn to email re –“

      4. Absolutely!! If some client wants to rent my brain for the purpose of paying attention to his email, he is going to pay for it.

      5. I find that if the email pertains to the case, it is certainly billable. Treat reading those emails as “research” for the case – you wouldn’t want to not read the email and then miss an important detail – that is how I consider it to be a billable event.

      6. Absolutely. I usually say “correspond with,” but I worked with someone in London who always billed this as “liaise with.” For some reason that always made me laugh.

  11. What are the best functional fashion brands? I’m talking blazers with pockets, dresses with pockets, jeans that can fit a phone, jackets with side pockets that aren’t cut sideways so everything falls out, shoes you can walk and run for the train in, etc. I don’t like carrying a purse when I can avoid it and I’m getting tired of all my clothes having fake pockets, “flattering” instead of useful cuts, etc. A plus would be clothes that don’t require a ton of maintenance – no dry cleaning, no excessive ironing, travel well, etc. Thanks in advance!

    1. Gosh, that really sounds like a tall order. If I’ve ever found any of those things, it’s been incidental to finding clothes that a) fit, b) I like, and c) I can afford. Lands End ponte dresses do have pockets and are washable, though whether you want to support them in light of the GS controversy is your own call.

      This doesn’t answer your question, but when I don’t want a purse, I just use a small cross-body bag. Hands are free and I’m not schlepping the universe around on my shoulder.

    2. I love my NYDJ jeans and can easily fit my phone in my pocket. Because they have some stretch, they travel well and dont get wrinkly.

    3. Seconding the suggestion of Lands End. Their clothes are definitely on the more practical, less trendy side.

    4. I don’t have specific brands to recommend, I just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you on wanting functional pockets in my clothing! My biggest pet peeve is blazers where they bother to make a fake flap like there is a pocket there, but no actual pocket. Pants with just barely too small pockets taht cause my phone to fall out every time I sit down is my #2 pet peeve.

      Lands End does have pockets on a lot of their dresses, but at least on the sheath I have the diagonal cut means I don’t trust anything to stay put in that pocket. And they are cheaping out a lot of their items – for instance, in the past their fleece jackets had zip up pockets, this year they aren’t zip up but the same (or higher) list price.

      One thing to look for – some of my pants have “secretly slim” or “slenderizing” or some other term meaning they are supposed to slightly flatten your stomach, and that “slenderizing” panel often means there is a full pocket from side seam to zipper. So that might be one thing to look for online. Unfortunately, the last pants I found that hand magical unicorn pockets were Jones New York, and that company is no more.

    5. For the shoes – Clarks. I’ve lived in a pair of their Oxfords for the last two years and am about to replace them like for like and relegate the current pair to weekend wear.
      I really like Gap for dresses with functional pockets.

      1. Which pair of oxfords? I’d love a specific rec since their shoes do look great for this purpose!

        1. It’s actually the ones they make specifically for their Outlet stores – the main line Hamble Oak ones don’t fit my feet.

      2. Seconded. I have rediscovered Clark’s recently and they are sooo comfortable. I have several pair.

    6. You might check out eShakti. They sell customizable clothing and pockets are usually an option.

    7. My suit jackets/blazers from J. Crew, Banana Republic and Gap all have functional pockets. Usually they’re basted shut so you have to open them, but they all work well!

      The one Theory black blazer (safari-style jacket) I have has two functional pockets as well.

  12. Help please! I have to feed a crowd tonight that includes very preferences. I need to feed a few children, one of which is an extremely picky eater (think plain pasta and cheese quesadillas only), a vegetarian adult, and two other adults in addition to myself. We did a taco bar last night, which worked well b/c everyone got to pick their own fillings, but I need something for tonight. It would help if there is minimal prep, b/c I have a small kitchen that gets quickly crowded with hungry kids and other helpers. Thoughts?

    1. Get premade pizza dough and toppings so everyone can make their own? Or pick up a few different premade fresh sauces to throw on pasta.

    2. Pasta primavera. Make a giant pot of pasta, cook up a mix of vegetables, and grilled/sautéed chicken or shrimp. Serve “taco bar” style and let people add what they would like.

    3. Pot 1 = Pasta
      Pot 2 = meatless sauce
      Pot 3 = meat to add on top (Meatballs, sliced baked chicken)

      Put someone on salad duty and through some take&bake baguettes in the oven.

    4. Stir fry with the components separate (buy bags of precut broccoli and other prepped veg) so people can make a plate w their preferred combo of rice, veggies, and protein (and the picky kid can have rice)?

      Pasta w marinara and meatballs/veggie meatballs (available at trader joes or in the natural foods section of store)?

    5. Thanks guys! I forgot to mention we did pasta the first night they were here, but the pizza might be perfect. They have been eating pizza during the day, but I can’t think of anything else to feed them?

      1. Pasta again. They’re the picky ones. I wouldn’t do pizza for dinner if you know they are having it for lunch.

      2. 1) A deconstructed taco salad would work.

        2) Frozen lasagnas (3 different types) with salad & garlic breadsticks

        3) Chili w/optional meat? The WW recipe is basically a dump together meal and is VERY tasty. You can make it in 30 minutes. It is tasty with cornbread muffins from a mix.

      1. Or make something for everyone except the picky eater and he can have the leftover pasta from night 1

    7. Baked potato bar.
      Can you grill? Black bean burger or grilled portabello for the veggie, everyone else can go with frozen beef/turkey burgers. Pack of hotdogs for the kids.

      1. Second baked potato bar. Lots of toppings: shredded cheese, diced ham, broccoli, left over taco meat if you have any, black beans, sautéed mushrooms, sour cream, etc. Easy for everyone to fix their own.

        Chili is another option – big pot of rice, then do one red chili, one white chili, one veggie chili.

    8. Are there leftovers from the taco bar, at least enough to feed the kids (or the pickiest of the picky kids)? Make something you and the other adults like (preferably with meat on the side so you can add it yourselves but the vegetarian won’t go hungry) and if the picky kids whine let them make something out of the taco bar leftovers.

      Alternately, skip cooking altogether and order a bunch of Chinese food entrees. The pickiest eater can have plain rice and sweet and sour chicken without the sauce (we call that “Chinese Chicken Nuggets” to our picky eater).

      1. I grew up as a picky eater, definitely a “plain pasta with butter” kid who didn’t eat a lot of what my family ate and had to have pasta made for me when the family was having something fancier, and I freakin’ HATED those Chinese Chicken Nuggets. My parents tried to tell me they were “just like the ones at McDonalds,” and they most definitely were not! The taste was fine, and the texture didn’t make me gag, but the dryness made them very unpleasant to eat. I think I would’ve rather had some of the meat from one of those Happy Family dishes, had someone thought to order it, the sauce is pretty thin and the flavor’s not super powerful.

        1. Yikes, you musta been a peach to feed!

          When did you start to grow out of it? Curious…

  13. My role was eliminated at my company. I was offered a very generous severance package. As the news spread, I was offered roles in 2 other departments.

    I took the package (the roles would have paid the bills but were not what I want to do long term, and the package was really, really generous).

    I am starting the job search- is there a better way to word this than “I was laid off?” Meaning, I had some options and I went with the layoff. But my boss/department didn’t give me options; they came from elsewhere in the company once the news got out.

    Thoughts?

    1. First of all, I don’t think you address it in a cover letter or in the job search until you get to the interview stage. But if you’re asked in the interview why you were laid off, I think you simply tell the truth – you were laid off from your previous role and offered a different role in the same company but it wasn’t what you were looking for, and then go on to explain why the job you’re interviewing for IS what you’re looking for.

      2. I’m specifically talking about the interview stage. “Offered other roles” to me sounded like my boss said “you can do X Y or not have a job” but there was no role in my existing unit, it was all elsewhere in the (massive) org.

    2. I think you can tell them you were laid off because your role was eliminated due to [budget cuts, industry downturn, whatever]. You could leave it at that or you could say that your company recognized your [hard work, experience, skills] and you were offered roles with other departments but that they weren’t exactly the types of roles you were looking for because you want to focus on [your niche, goals, whatever].

    3. When I was job searching after I was laid off, I said I was laid off. Plenty of hard working, smart people get laid off every day.

    4. Could you say something like, “I was offered a buyout following a reduction in force in my department, and I chose to accept the buyout rather than accepting roles in other departments?

  14. I’ve decided that this is my year to start getting in the habit of biking some places – and my commute is perfect for it (currently ~40 minutes by transit but biking should cut that in half). I have no idea how to handle clothes, though. My office is business casual – anyone have experience with the specific “professional bike clothes” sold or other recommendations?

    2. When I was bike commuting, I wore clothes that were comfy clothes that did not scream “bike” or “fitness” for the trip in (think a simple jersey dress, capris and a t-shirt, etc), and brought my work clothes along in the bag. Properly folded, I never had a problem with wrinkles. I keep my work shoes at work. Then change clothes in the work bathroom. I didn’t feel self-conscious about walking in the door at work in the biking clothes because they were just normal clothes (i.e., no fitted spandex). I felt so much fresher to change at work, especially since biking can be dusty, or splatter mud, or get chain-grease marks on pants, or whatever. And it gave me a chance to pat off sweat with a paper towel, dust some powder, use dry shampoo, swipe on lipstick, whatever.

    3. Betabrand makes clothes designed specifically for biking. You can do the rubber band with a skirt thing. You can keep clothes at work or pack them in a backpack. Some issue will depend on the weather – you can use baby wipes on yourself if you get sweaty but don’t want to or can’t do a full on shower.

    4. Do you have space at work to put a week’s worth of clothes? If so you could get transit on Mondays and put the other four days’ clothes in your desk drawer so you don’t have to carry them on the other days.

    5. Can you change at work? I bike in when the weather is nice and usually bring in a backpack with a change of clothes. I have a fairly hilly commute, so being able to freshen up with clean clothes, etc. is helpful.

    6. Posted big reply that was eaten…hope this isn’t a duplicate.

      Just purchased betabrand’s “yoga riding pants” which look great but I had to return for a smaller size so haven’t worn them yet (this style runs large). Planning to wear them on casual Fridays.

      I have a suit bag pannier from twowheelgear[dot]com that I love. I use that when I’m wearing a professional suit with skirt/pants. If I’m wearing a knit dress and cardigan or something that doesn’t wrinkle, I’ll roll everything (dress, necklace, undergarments) up in a ball and stuff it in a regular pannier. Shoes live at the office.

      To ride, I’ll wear fitness-type pants like capris or ankle zip running pants. I’ve also worn bike shorts and a biking skirt over them (skirt from Terry[dot]com which is a good source for women’s biking wear). Occasionally I’ll wear cargo shorts over spandex bike shorts. For tops I wear wicking shirts, usually the Costco variety.

    7. Late to the party, but:

      I just went to a goodwill that is generally well-stocked and bought about 5 pairs of (fun colored for visibility) ankle pants. I wear basic t-shirts on top (with various layers over depending on the weather). In all–this cost me almost nothing.

      I carefully roll my work clothes into a messenger bag and change in my office. I keep all my shoes under my desk at work, and I keep one suit at work for when clients show up.

      One of my coworkers keeps a weeks worth of clothes in the office in a small wardrobe and changes them out about once a week. That, to me, sounded like a pain, however. I’ve actually found that having to change out of my work clothes in the office keeps them much nicer for much longer (this way I don’t end up getting a big sticky hug from my toddler before I manage to get out of my work clothes when I get home).

  15. I live in a 3200 sq ft house built in the 1970s. The taxes, mortgage, and upkeep are technically affordable for my budget, but I constantly feel trapped and like the cost is becoming uncomfortable. Within the next few years will have to take on some major projects like the HVAC and roof replacement. It’s a beautiful house, but I could sell it, pay off my school loans, and still have a nice chunk for a down payment elsewhere. I think we could live in roughly half the space with two children (we already have one). On the other hand, it all feels like such a big undertaking and I am worried I will regret it down the road. Anyone been here?

    1. I live happily in 1100 sq ft with 2 kids in a well-designed apartment which we customized for storage space (and we try to be thoughtful about what we bring into our space). A huge part of this happiness is the knowledge that we could still easily and painlessly afford this apartment without changing our lifestyle even if our current joint income was cut in half. The peace of mind is amazing, and I encourage you to go for it! At least start going to some open houses and explore – there’s no commitment until you sign the papers, so why not check it out?

      1. This! While we could afford a bigger, fancier place, having the peace of mind that if one of us got laid off or had some kind of emergency that we would be able to cover all of our bills anyway is amazing.

        1. Yes! Husband and I have rented places that are around half of what we could afford. It’s been amazing, and was such a relief when he was between jobs earlier this year– it meant we had plenty of financial reserves and were able to cover our expenses without an issue without depleting our savings. It’s also nice have a smaller space to clean, heat, and furnish.

    2. Yup. Sell it.

      “technically affordable” is always worrying to hear.

      How does your husband feel?

      1. Technically affordable to me means we can pay it all and still have money to save for emergencies and retirement, but can’t realistically take a pay cut or travel as much as I would like. The idea of stomaching a major project does seem impossible. Husband loves the house too, but is definitely open to a change that might allow him to stay at home with the kids for a few years.

        1. But can you afford the costs that would come with kid #2 (daycare, etc)? I agree with others that selling it should be an option, and yes, 2 kids in 1500-2000 sq ft that is well laid out seems perfectly do-able.

          How far along are you on your mortgage? 15 year or 30 year? We recently refinanced our mortgage for a lower interest rate, and decided to go with a 30 year mortgage officially, but we are sending in additional pricipal payments to equal the 15 year amount. In other words – we could have our mortgage paid off in 15 years, but if we had an emergency like one of us lost our jobs, we would only technically owe the lower 30 year payment amount.

          If you can’t weather one of you getting laid off or being unpaid out of work for a few months due to illness and still pay the bills, I think selling the house makes sense.

    3. Yikes, so much house! We have two kids in a 1900 sq foot house and it is plenty – we have five bedrooms(!!!). We would be lost in any more space.

      1. Five bedrooms is not normal for 1900 square feet. We have 2400 square feet and 4 bedrooms plus a small den.

        1. This entirely depends on the house. I grew up in a 1900 square foot house with six bedrooms. If the house is well laid out and doesn’t have duplicate spaces like formal and informal dining, great room and family room, you can get extra bedrooms.

        2. I mean, it’s not every house, but it’s not weird either. Pretty typical for 1950s-era suburbs. Our house is a classic post-war Colonial that was originally about 1600 square feet and was extended in the 1980s to add a first floor bedroom suite.

    4. To offer a counterpoint, we have ~2500 square feet (4 bedrooms) plus another ~1500 of finished basement and it feels just right for our family of 3 + grandparents who regularly visit. People can certainly make do with less space, and if you’d rather put the money elsewhere I think it’s a perfectly reasonable decision to downsize, but I’m surprised by the “so much house!” reactions. I have that kind of reaction when I hear about a family of 3 or 4 living in a 5,000 square foot house, not a 3,000 square foot house.

      1. i agree with your main point, but why does anyone have to have that reaction at all. if 5000 sq ft feels right for your family, great. if your family is more comfortable in 1500 sq ft, great. who cares.

    5. Technically affordable does not mean affordable. I know mortgage lenders approved for wayyyyyyy more than I would feel comfortable with.

      If your home stresses you out, ABSOLUTELY sell it, pay off debt, but rather than buying another, smaller home, I would suggest renting for a bit to see if you can handle 1000-1500 sq. feet before you commit for the long-term. I have no problem in a 1100 apartment, but my friends think I’m crazy.

      1. She said “Technically affordable to me means we can pay it all and still have money to save for emergencies and retirement.” That’s way different than what the bank will approve you for (which I agree is a terrible measure of what you can actually afford).

    6. If you stay in your house for now/make the expensive repairs, would this be the home you see yourself in for a long period of time (e.g., with teenagers, college students, adults coming home with spouses)?

      I ask because my husband’s parents live in a 3BR that’s about 1500 square feet, in a home they purchased when my husband was a toddler and his brother was on the way. It was plenty spacious when the boys were physically small and, for example, could do their homework at tiny desks tucked in a dormer window — but as 6-foot-tall teenagers with gangs of friends, and now at holidays with both daughters-in-law, it feels like everyone is on top of each other.

      1. I don’t know – some people might see this as a plus. Disincentive for anyone to stay too long (kids boomranging home, houseguests, loud friends)…

        Might not be ideal for occasional guests, but does them all right the rest of the year.

      2. FWIW, my grandparents’ house is around 1500 sqft with only one bathroom. There are 4 bedrooms, but one is my grandma’s hobby room. They host Thanksgiving every year, and there are often 10+ adults and up to 6 younger children there, most of them staying overnight for at least 2 nights. It’s crowded, sure, but it’s cozy and fine for short stays with creative sleeping arrangements. I think my grandparents kind of love that we’re all piled on top of each other giving the effect of their house being overflowed with family. My mom and her 3 siblings grew up there and I assume had gangs of friends, but everyone survived. People had different ideas of space back then, though.

        The real question is, is it important to you that your house feel spacious? Or is it more important to have the financial flexibility? I’d talk to some Realtors and do some research into what you can get for your desired budget, and get a solid idea of closing/moving costs. Maybe also look into refinancing to see if that would reduce your costs to a more comfortable level.

    7. Any other house you have is going to require maintenance as well, and a roof for a 1500 sq ft house is not half the price of a roof for a 3000 sq ft house.

      You should also take into account the costs you will pay to change houses – realtor commissions, transfer taxes, income taxes if applicable….

  16. I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions on KEYBOARDS. I use a full-size keyboard at work. And I hate it so much because it’s loud and it hurts my fingers to type all day. I have always found the keyboards on laptops to be so much more comfortable and so much quieter.

    I’m hoping to find a stand-alone keyboard that will sound and keep like a laptop keyboard. Soft, quiet keys for smooth typing. Has anyone found such a keyboard? I’m willing to buy this myself (rather than just use my firm’s keyboard) because it would make a big difference in my daily life!

    2. I have an Apple Bluetooth keyboard that I bought for my iPad back in 2011 and it’s my favourite thing to type on.

      1. +1 I have the Apple Bluetooth keyboard (and a bluetooth trackpad) for my computer setup at work (macbook air on a stand, big second monitor next to it) and it’s exactly like typing on the MBA keyboard.

        1. I want your set-up for my Home Office. What other adaptors etc.. did you need to make this work? I assume you take the Macbook Air home occasionally? What monitor did you get and why ( brand/size)?

    3. I have the Logitech k800 wireless keyboard and love it for the same reasons you describe. Could not deal with the cheapo Dell keyboard my office provided. I’ve had it for a while so there might be a “newer” model.

  17. Does anyone have a recommendation for a pencil/skinny pant that is full length? Everything I find is ankle length, and I have very long legs, so ankle length on me is more like mid-calf, which is absolutely ridiculous looking. Bonus-points if the pants run small because pants are usually swimming on me.

    3. I like the Gap slim cropped trouser in tall sizes for this — I’m 5’8″ and the tall hits me at normal trouser length.

  18. I do like the plus size alternative Kat recommended today. However, as a tall plus, a 32″ inseam is going to hit me around my ankle, not the graceful look I would go for with wide leg pants.

    Any suggestions on longer-length plus size wide legs?

    1. Do what makes you happy, but as a fellow tall lady, I caution you against trying too hard to find wide-leg pants for you. It’s counterintuitive, but they really work better proportion-wise for smaller ladies.

      2. +1. I’m tall and hippy and find that wide leg anything (or maxi skirts for that matter) just feels like loads of fabric flapping around and I feel inelegant.

        1. That’s so interesting! I am tall and hippy and I love wide-leg trousers because the feeling of all that fabric draped and swooshing as I walk makes me feel elegant. :D

    2. Lane Bryant has some new styles recently released of wide leg pants that come in tall lengths

    1. I live in the Be Free Knickers. Not only are they incredibly comfortable and great for workouts, but they have pockets!!! That fit my phone!!!

      The high-rise Chat leggings are what I wear pretty much every weekend during the winter.

  20. Do J Crew button-front shirts accommodate larger busts? I usually take a size 14 or 16 but I’ve never tried their shirts before.

    1. It depends on the cut. I’m a 34B and range from 4-8 in the tops and 6-10 in bottoms at JCrew. Their “popovers” and “boy shirts” I found to be more forgiving (I take a 4 in the popover, 6 in the boy shirt). The “perfect shirt” seems to run narrower despite its more hourglassy appearance in pictures, and I tend to take an 8 in that.

    2. I have a few of their “perfect shirt” style. Even as a 32B I feel like the chest area is pulled tight. Doesn’t hurt to try if it’s not final sale, but my guess would be that they’re not that accommodating of larger cup sizes.

      FWIW, one of my large-busted friends (who is pregnant so even more busty than normal) swears by the Brooks Brothers button ups.

      1. Thanks for be tip about BB, there’s actually an outlet in my city but I’ve never been.

  21. I remember seeing commercials when I was a kid with people in the shower singing, “I’m gonna wash that gray right outta my hair…” I don’t know what the product was, but does anything like that exist today? I’ve never colored my hair and don’t want the hassle/upkeep, but I’m starting to get some gray hairs (white actually – I have maybe 50 of them now) and I’d like to use something semi-permanent or temporary to blend them in. I have blonde hair so they don’t stand out too terribly much, but I expect that will change as I get more. Does anyone have suggestions for a low-maintenance way to do this?

    1. If you’re blonde, I’d suggest just doing highlights – either at home (which I’ve done with success in the past) or at a salon rather than trying to specifically cover the white.

    2. I remember that commercial/song, but I have no idea what it was for.

      However, I use Clairol Natural Instincts Semi-Permanent hair color to blend in my grays for my medium brown hair. I use a color one shade lighter than my natural color so the grays look more like highlights, and I leave it on for the maximum recommended length of time. Not sure how well that will work if your hair is already light blonde, but it would probably be ok for medium-dark blonde.

      They used to sell it at drugstores near me but now not so many carry it. Ulta has it as as well, if you want to look at the colors on the box rather than just ordering online.

    3. You could also buy the cheap, old shampoo “Jhirmack”. It is in a grey/purple bottle at Walgreens.

      This is a purple tinted shampoo that you leave in your hair for a couple of minutes. It takes away the brassy grey overtone. That may be plenty, and your greys may fade into the background as highlights.

      This is what my hairdresser recommended.

      Easy.

    4. Thanks ladies. These are just the type of suggestions I was hoping for. I’m medium blonde, so I don’t think it would take much to blend the grays in/make them look like highlights.

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