Corporette.com

Updated: Dec 31, 2020 149 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Folgers Coffee

Coffee Break

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

I don't have anything pre-scheduled to run, but wanted to open a post for newer threadjacks. I'm trying to be in listening mode today; please feel free to drop any links to thinkers you'd like to amplify and continue your regular discussions.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Senior Attorney

    I have been drinking Folger’s in the big red plastic tub for years. But now with the office mostly shut down, I’ve been bringing a thermos of good coffee from home, and I don’t think I’ll ever go back.

    Also, I haven’t read this whole thing but it looks pretty great. Anti-Racist Resource Guide: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a-lzdtxOlWuzYNGqwlYwxMWADtZ6vJGCpKhtJHHrS54/preview?fbclid=IwAR0rbrVBXDlMfbP2aqzh5beuyunVCdt90o0ev4bGKerP5ps8Km-eebsg_Aw&pru=AAABcppMx7o*4sC39aTc4W8_MuByC58qzA

    • NOLA

      The dude’s office is back up and running, but no longer allows them to use communal coffee makers. He has been using his home coffee maker and taking a big thermos. I bought him some really nice French roast from a local company that he liked, but I noticed, the last time I was there, he had bought Maxwell House. Oh well…

      • CountC

        Our water/ice machine is turned off, but the communal Keurigs are not. So annoying as this seems like an arbitrary distinction – I want ice (I don’t mind tap water)!

    • Lara

      I have some real questions about that Harvard IAT test – especially now with COVID going around! Overall I normally really like the concept, but these illness questions don’t 100% make sense

      • Anonymous

        Just want to check. Are you a PoC and you find MLK’s insights more valuable? If not, tell us the perspective you’re speaking from.

          • LaurenB

            +1. This whole notion that every word that comes out of a given POC’s mouth is worth more just bc it’s a POC is just as racist as the notion that every word that comes out of a given white person’s mouth is worth more. Can’t people just have opinions? Why are their opinions necessarily representative of their skin color?

          • Anonymous

            Nope. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask if the person posting a context-free comment like that is speaking from a place of personal experience/advocacy or is just repeating something she saw someone post on Facebook. I have seen lots of white people posting MLK quotes about nonviolence in the last few days, and the real intent of those quotes – which on their face, look like an expression of solidarity with black people – is to invalidate the protests and the protestors. MLK said some great things about nonviolence but he also said “a riot is the language of the unheard” which hasn’t been as popular among the wypipo I’ve seen posting quotes on social media. So, very simply, where is the poster speaking from when she tells people to read one black author/thinker/philosopher instead of another one? It’s not thought policing to ask about motivation or intent when none was provided in the original post.

            Also: I am shocked LaurenB doesn’t get it. Shocked, I tell you.

          • Anon

            Yeah, I have to agree with LaurenB. Obviously black perspectives matter, A LOT, but that doesn’t mean non-POC have no contributions and their thoughts are automatically worth discrediting. I don’t want to be part of a world where you have to have a certain skin color to engage in political speech.

          • Anon

            I thought the relevance was that white people often put MLK on a pedestal to the detriment of other civil rights leaders (especially in the school curriculum, for instance).

    • Anonymous

      My concern is that we currently have a leader who wants a race war, not one who is going to establish a reconciliation commission. The riots are a gift to him. If they continue and are organized enough for him to find ground to declare an insurrection, we are all going to end up with the military on our streets. Not the state national guard, the military. He has already taken the first step in this process. Republican representatives are already out in front of him trying to give him cover on this.

      • Ellen

        I think this country is in a mess. We have the pandemic, and now we have rioting and looting and my dad wants me to come home. But the roads are blocked so he does not want to come to get me and I am stuck here, alone, all because of the pandemic and the riots and looting. I think if we are going to be a country, we have to learn to work with each other, and not look at someone like they are a criminal. By the same token, the others have to look at each other with knowledge that we are all human and need to work together if we are going to get out of this mess. I saw Macy’s on the Today show and saw Savanah Guthree down there and could not believe this is the same Macy’s that gives us the 4th of July fireworks and the Thanksgiving day parade. Will they still be here afterward after all of this? The brick and morter stores are having great difficulty with the Internet, and this could be the end. What did Macy’s do to deserve this? There are alot of people in NYC and elsewhere that will be out of work if Macy’s goes bankrupt. Is that what we want? I don’t think so. So let’s stop and think, and when we do, we can do the right thing. I want to continue to live and work in NYC, but if this keeps up, I am going to have to go home. And if everyone did that, where would that leave us? With an empty city. FOOEY on that!

  3. Anonymous

    How about some small comforts/modest gift shopping ideas? Or favorite item/thing you learned about recently? Someone sent me a tea cup from here:
    https://www.teaforte.com/store/tea-accessories/kati-cup

    It’s nice and thick for warmth, and the patterns are so pretty. I don’t know anyone who likes tea as much as I do to recommend it to though :)

    • Anon

      A friend surprised me with a pair of cozy spa socks from Anthro (Lemon brand) and I LOVE them. I would never have bought anything like that for myself, but they are making WFH a lot more comfortable!

    • Anonymous

      I wonder if anyone reads The Sun Magazine or would be interested. It’s a literary magazine with interviews/nonfiction essays/short stories. The interview this month is “How Listening To Each Other Can Restore Our Humanity” although I haven’t read it yet.

      It’s FREE right now for everyone (and it seems their leaning towards uplifting right now), always ad-free, and I think always free to prison inmates.

    • Carmen Sandiego

      I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for exactly, but I just recently signed up for a journal/habit tracking subscription service called Silk & Sonder (physical – not an app) and I got my first one yesterday for the month of June. I spent some time filling it out this morning and it felt good/was a good way to focus on some positive things and set some positive intentions and goals for the coming month. I have been feeling very listless with everything going on, and I’m hoping this will help me feel a little more energized and productive. So far I liked the journal format and content, and have committed to trying it for three months to see if I like it enough to keep doing it.

    • blessed

      I bought this Tibetan singing bowl recently and I love it:

      https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XHN7VRG?creativeASIN=B06XHN7VRG&imprToken=g4HHCtMSV7pZ67l1Y6Gckg&slotNum=5&tag=alittlesparko-20&linkCode=ogi&th=1&psc=1

      It feels very calming and helps center yourself when you feel like the world is spinning out of control. It amazes me how you can make it sing just by swirling the striker stick along the outside of the bowl. Good vibes.

      I’m looking to purchase a felt letter board next but am paralyzed by all the various options out there. Any recommendations are welcome!

  4. Anon

    The fact that Trump tear gassed a crowd to clear the way for a photo op with the bible is terrifying. Anyone else want to commit to donating to Biden today? I’ve made several other donations already, but I haven’t contributed to Biden yet. Today’s the day!

    • VOTE!

      My yard sign arrived yesterday! His campaign is the first one I’ve ever contributed to (when he entered the primary and again before South Carolina) or put out a sign for.
      No matter what happens between now and November, VOTE, y’all. Corona? Plague of Locuts? Riots in the streets? VOTE ANYWAY.

    • Anon

      I don’t belong to a political party and I’ve never donated to a political campaign. I decided to donate to Biden this morning. Trump has got to go.

      How dare he wave a Bible around like that. I consider it blasphemy.

      This November will be my first straight ticket. All blue, no matter who. Maybe I’ll be able to back to voting for different parties after this set of Republicans is gone.

      • Anon

        This was me until 2016. I can’t vote for anyone who won’t denounce what Trump is doing, which is the vast majority of the Republican party. Trump himself is just a morally bankrupt, disgusting old man. It’s the people who enable, support and encourage what he stands for who are the problem and I’ll do everything I can to get them gone from office and anywhere else they might hold influence.

        • anon for this

          I am so gutted at the lack of any single GOP member of Congress to explicitly rebuke the president for his actions. Trump is who he is. But is there really no one who will stand up to him? So many people said “it’s not that bad” re Ukraine/lying/Flynn/etc but now, teargassing peaceful protesters for a photo op? The silence is deafening. I made several donations today to strong Democrats with a good chance to flip some senate seats (Maine, Colorado, Arizona, Kansas).

    • Anonymous

      I honestly have never understood political donations. I’m pro Biden but is my $50 somehow going to help him win?

      • Anon

        Yes? I mean $50 obviously doesn’t make a difference but if everyone thought that way he would not have enough money.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Alone? No. But yours + mine + 5,000 other people donating $50 or $100 or even $20? Yes, it helps.

        • Anonymous

          +1. Trump has a monetary advantage and Biden will need the $$$ to break through some of the noise and chaos Trump and the Trump bots create. Last election cycle I got a news article claiming the Pope had endorsed Trump. It takes $$$ and staff to get stuff like that taken down and to get real news out.

      • Anon

        I’m the OP and I have serious concerns about campaign finance and the electoral process, but I’m giving until it hurts. Trump has got to go.

    • Equestrian Attorney

      I made my first Biden donation today, and set up a calendar reminder to make it monthly until November. Just when I think he can’t get any worse, he does, and I want him out, no matter how I feel about Biden (somewhat lukewarm).

      • Sloan Sabbith

        On ActBlue you can set it to be recurring without having to think about it- they have weekly and monthly options.

    • Never too many shoes...

      Dumb Canadian question…can I donate to Biden’s campaign?

      • Jess

        I don’t think so. IIRC, there was a Canadian Judge who bought a MAGA hat. In addition to people considering that inappropriate, people pointed out he may have run afoul of campaign finance laws.

      • anon

        Politically engaged foreigner living in the US here – you can not give money to candidates or parties as a non-citizen. Anything where money changes hands is a no. That means you can hand paint a Biden yard sign and put it up, but you can not buy one from the democratic party. You may however, use your freedom of speech and give time to a political cause. It also means you can canvas, tell your American friends to vote, protest, and if you live in the US, tell elected officials what you think, as their constituent.
        This feels like forever ago, but Planet Money made an episode on what counts as foreign interference back in the day of the Ukraine scandal https://www.npr.org/transcripts/782132264

    • Of Counsel

      If you want to be even more rage-filled over the tear gassing a peaceful crowd for a photo op, Google Gini Gerbasi and read her statement about what happened (she is an Episcopal priest who was literally driven off the patio of an Episcopal church by tear gas, concussion grenades, and police with shields so that Donald Trump could stand on the front steps of a closed church with a Bible in his hand).

    • Anonymous

      A word of caution. If you donate to Candidate A, your name and contact info will be sold to Candidates B-ZZ for decades to come. It must be how campaigns pay their debts? I donated $25 once decades ago and am still getting donation requests form all sorts of knuckeheads. It never ends. I am voting and only voting. That is my contribution. Also, if you like privacy, you have to give your name, contact info, and often employer. I don’t like mixing work and non-work things and this has always made me uncomfortable, because I do not want to be so public with my beliefs and have anything I do outside of work associated with work (and trackable by work). It just rubs me all wrong.

    • bellatrix

      Donation question – is there any benefit to donating to a party rather than to a candidate directly? I’m imagining a situation where I donate to Candidate A, and it turns out that Candidate A has plenty of money and doesn’t need it*, but Candidate B (who is not on my radar for donations but also someone I would support) does need money? So a donation to the party could benefit whichever needed it more.

      * I know, no candidate is going to say they don’t need any more money, but you see where I’m going.

      • Jeffiner

        I’m in Texas. I’ve heard that the national Dem party didn’t (still doens’t?) like to “waste” money on Texas races. Texas candidates who raised donations for the party did not see that money, it went to the party and to races the party thought more likely to win. I suppose you could consider a Dem candidate in a swing state to “need” the money more, but its one of the many reasons Democrats don’t have much of a presence in Texas.

        • Anon

          Goodness I hope that is changing now. I feel like in 4-8 years (if not this year!) we’ll be more competitive in Texas than Ohio.

  5. Anonymous

    Can I make a request for people providing think pieces/links? Can you please put a brief description/why you find it valuable/what warrants discussion? A little information helps when deciding whether to click through, and even if we don’t click through we’ll still have gotten a taste.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Reddit calls this kind of summary a TL:DR: Too long, didn’t read. :)

      • Anonymous

        Well, I don’t click links when I don’t know what they are. If you can’t read a brief summary, how are you going to read a whole in-depth article? These too long didn’t readers — what, they click through and look at the pictures? Or they just complain that the whole thing was too long and don’t click? In which case, why do they take the time to complain but not read? Good thing this isn’t Reddit :)

        • Poppies

          No, the point of the TL:DR is to give the summary so you can decide if you want to go read the whole thing. Fairly effective from my perspective, although I usually prefer it at the top and it’s always at the bottom of a post…

        • Sloan Sabbith

          No, it’s just quick summary of whatever is linked or written so people can decide if they want to read a long post or linked article, like you’re asking for people to do here.

      • Anonymous

        I’ll click links blindly after I’m done wiring money to my Nigerian prince :)

      • Anonymous

        But the point is I’m not going to click them … do you? If so, what motivates you to click them?

        Clicking links blindly leads to a very low satisfaction rate personally, so I’m just not going to do it at all.

  6. PNW

    I went back and forth on what if anything to say on our team meeting call this morning (I’m back in the office but most staff is still remote). Not saying anything is like ignoring the elephant, but I am white and several of my team members are POC and I didn’t want to be performative or just, make it weird. I ended up just saying that 2020 isn’t going like any of us expected (what an understatement), that I understood if people are distracted/burdened by the news and the situation, and that I appreciated that everyone was doing a great job under the circumstances. I hope it was the right thing.

    I did also suggest a news/social media diet if anyone was feeling distressed, just as a personal reflection when I realized at 5:34 this morning that I literally had Twitter open and in my face as the very first action of the day, and that can’t be good.

    • Anon

      Thank you for being aware of not wanting to be performative. There’s a LOT of that on social media right now and I think simple, heartfelt gestures and words of appreciation can make more of an impact.

    • Anon

      While I hope I would have recognized your intentions and thoughtfulness, I might have taken this the wrong way in a lot of different ways.

      I guess no one knew 2020 would be the year, but a global viral pandemic has been expected for some time now, and I’ve also seen many warnings about policing trends like militarization as well as infiltration by the alt-right. I guess this could feel invalidating to me to whatever extent I’d been paying attention to these threats for a long time, or even sort of exculpating of those who could have done something about it, though I know this isn’t what you meant.

      I also might have felt a little like I was being asked to diet from news/social media so that I wouldn’t be as distracted/burdened so I could keep doing a great job (again, I’m hearing that in fact you realized this is something that helps you, but it’s just part of the awkwardness of the context).

      Still, this all sounds a lot better than “I’m doing well and had a GREAT weekend! How about you?” which was how we got started on Monday! (Also probably just designed to keep things positive, I am sure!) I am feeling really self conscious in several work and other relationships right now about how to acknowledge without being hurtful (and then feeling guilty over feeling self conscious since it feels self centered and unimportant), so I appreciate the topic.

      • asd fk

        So what would you want this person to say? Nobody is perfect or knows what to say in every situation.

      • Anonymous

        I think calling these times unexpected is fine in a work context as the company/management definitely did not plan for any of this to impact them, but I agree that’s how I would have taken the news diet recommendation too. But I think we fall back on “my weekend was fine, thanks” when we nothing we could say would be “right.” So what do you think goes over well?

      • LaurenB

        I feel you’re telling me I can’t win for losing. If I acknowledge how rough this past week has been, I’m being performative and requiring POC to open up about things they may not want to open up about (or at least not to white me). If I don’t acknowledge it, I’m just a stupid Karen who is oblivious to anyone other than my own self.

        • Anonymous

          LaurenB, honest, serious question: Do you believe white privilege exists?

          • LaurenB

            Yes, I believe white privilege exists. So what? I still feel I can’t win for losing. Either I’m being performative and hijacking other people’s pain, or I’m dismissive.

        • anon

          I agree with you in that I think this is truly a situation where there is not a right thing that we can say that will be comforting and welcome to those who are trying to carry on while going through trauma. There are no magic words.

        • Karen, Obvs

          To all of you who enjoy calling people Karen. Guess what? Look, I AM A KAREN. Tell me how I can use my KAREN-NESS to help you. My special skills are raising a fuss and demanding what I want in the face of any obstacle … I will go to bat for you! I get what I want, so just tell me what to want OKAY? I will go EXTREME KAREN, FULL KAREN or even MODIFIED NICEY-NICE KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS KAREN … for you. Why am I KAREN? Because I was raised that way and it’s been working for hundreds of years I guess — Let me put it to work for you.

      • Anon

        3:34 anon here. I realize I wasn’t clear that I am also white, and I can see how that was unclear in my post (I was commenting on how I might take this from my perspective as a white person on a team with white and POC, which is the position I’ve been in this week).

    • Anon

      I have been struggling with what to say to a co-worker who is a POC, and who I also consider to be my closest office friend. Last week, we shared texted messages about the inhumanity of what had just occurred. I broke the ice first, but then sat back for her to take the lead, and it seemed to be a good conversation, which she (unnecessarily) thanked me for. Yesterday, I texted her to see how she was doing after the weekend, but have not heard anything back. I understand that she may be just busy, overwhelmed, or not want to talk (at all or to me), and I absolutely respect that. I am struggling to strike the right balance of reaching out and being supportive, but also not trying to force anything or make her uncomfortable. It seems tone deaf to exchange the usual gripes about work that we customarily text about every day, but I don’t want to make her feel isolated by not reaching out either. I may be overthinking this, but I care about her a lot and do not want to do the wrong thing. There are a lot of articles about allies getting this wrong and make me worry that nothing I do will be helpful.

  7. Anon

    Is anyone else here married to LE? Let me begin by saying I do not live in the US, and in my country the vast vast majority of LE retire never having been involved in the death of someone, some never even fire a weapon in the line of duty. Now that I have cleared that up, the general public has seemly confused LE in my country with LE in the US and there are rogue people attacking LE in my country and filming it (?!). The whole thing is just so highly concerning and I’m mad and sad.

    • Anon

      I am positive the sentence “the vast vast majority of LE retire never having been involved in the death of someone, some never even fire a weapon in the line of duty” is also true in the US. Please don’t misunderstand what the protests are about.

      • Anonymous

        This. Most of the police officers I know are basically crisis social workers and see really traumatic things every day on their job: abuse, neglect, mental health crises, people who have been dead in the houses so long that their neighbors call in the stench, etc.

    • Anonymous

      What country? I just don’t believe this is a real widespread problem. Unlike our crisis of systemic violent racism.

    • Anon

      Mad and sad is an understatement for how people feel about cops killing black people, too.

    • Anonymous

      I would like to know what magic country you live in where the police force is not facing racism issues. If you are in Canada or western Europe or Australia I will gladly point you to resources explaining the situation in your country.

    • LaurenB

      I hate this “my country” stuff – either here or on Reddit – can’t you just tell us the name of the country already? Why be so coy?

  8. Bitterness/Resentment

    I have a habit of cutting out people who disappoint me in my life, and I feel bitterness and resentment.

    Anyone have advice on how to change that pattern? I tell myself to forgive and recognize that it’s a problem, hate the way it makes me feel, but can’t seem to change the way I think about it.

    • Anon

      If you cut out anyone who even mildly disappoints you, you don’t give them an opportunity to improve. Are you perfect? If not, why do you expect those around you to be perfect?

      Instead of cutting them off, tell them what disappointed you and see if you can work through it.

      If it’s a repeated thing and a pattern they’re not interested in changing, like they’re racist for instance, then of course it is ok to cut them off.

    • Go for it

      Expectations are what cause resentments for me.
      I was you, and have found in my life that it is affirming (for me) to be willing to unpack my expectations and to remember that I am human too.
      I’d suggest Alanon literature especially around dealing with resentments, and therapy for bitterness.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve done a lot of soul searching about my expectations. Would I love Friend A to prioritize spending time with me, and Friend B to be more considerate, and Friend C to be less flaky? Absolutely. But in choosing to be friends I accept that they are all people with flaws who are not going to be perfect. Just like I am a flawed imperfect person.

    • anon

      Are you me? I’ve struggled with this problem for a large portion of my life, and only recently have gotten (mildly) better at it. Instead of cutting those people out, I just give them a slightly wider berth – like maybe I’m less close to them than I would have been. Like I had a friend who repeatedly gossiped confidential information I had given her (nothing earth shattering, but things that she should have kept private since I explicitly asked her to) and I just realized that she is someone I can’t tell sensitive information to because of this tendency. But we are still friends and I share less sensitive aspects of my life with her. It’s not a perfect solution but I figure it’s better than cutting them out entirely as I have done with people in the past. Like you, I found that cutting them out entirely didn’t end up making me feel any better, and in fact I would mentally harp on the loss of the friendship anyway, so it made no sense to proceed that way. Therapy has also helped with this to some degree, btw, if that is something you’d be open to considering.

    • trying our best

      you know, I wish I did. I have a pretty crappy brother and I want to cut him out so badly – he voted for Trump, a blue lives matter guy, all that. I’m trying to talk to him but I just have to wonder – at what point did we do our job informing our family and if they don’t change then we cut them out?

      • Anon

        If someone told me I had to change my political views (not just refuse to talk politics around them) or they would cut me out, I would drop-kick them to the curb and save them the angst.

        • anon

          Disagree. Supporting Trump and blue lives matter isn’t really about politics. It’s a fundamental disagreement on core values like justice and equality.

        • Anon

          Same. It sickens me that everyone surrounds themselves with an echo chamber of people that agree with them and dump anyone that doesn’t. That’s not mature, intelligent, or healthy.

    • Anon

      The best answer to that question is more questions.

      Is this a lifelong problem, or are you overcorrecting for a too-forgiving youth?

      When you say people “disappoint” you, are you talking about them being 5 minutes late for dinner after an insane day of work? Not living their lives the way you want them to? Or is it along the lines of humiliating you or stabbing you in the back?

      Why do you feel bitterness and resentment? Is it because you feel like you aren’t treated the way you treat others, or do you feel lonely after letting people go?

      Do you have any tools to use for intermediate situations – not something you can shrug off, but you don’t want to lose the friendship over it, either? One of my big problems is that I was not taught (and was deliberately not taught by very dysfunctional and cruel family) any sort of way of pushing back on people who overstep. Or those gentle push-backs were met with such viciousness that I instinctively shy away and try to find something else that “works,” and workable method is cutting people out and just not dealing with them.

      • OP

        All good points. I definitely have told myself before that my expectations for people are too high.

        The circumstances I have in mind for my personal life are when people lie to me or accuse me of something I haven’t done (such as spread a rumor about them). I can understand subjective opinions about me, but flat out accusations- hard no. Then I go to a place where I think if someone can accuse me of doing something like that then I don’t need that type of person in my life.

        In work life- I work in a highly dysfunctional environment with lots of yelling from the higher ups and once I get yelled at by someone (the last time I obeyed a directive from boss and boss watched me get yelled at but did not ever volunteer that hey- I told her to do that), I can’t get over it and have to continue to work with them. It makes the work environment even worse.

        Would I like to change the environment? Yes, but I get paid a significant amount and it’s the middle of Coronavirus so probably won’t happen soon.

      • OP

        Also- I like your question about why I’m bitter.

        I definitely think that for me it’s not being treated the same way in return.

    • Lilac

      Idk if this is helpful or not but I have a line and actions below are forgiven and those above the line warrant cutting off. I do not allow myself to stew on actions that fall below the threshold. However, for this to work you need to decide for yourself what your personal limit is.

  9. WTF AF

    Since the pandemic started, I’ve been having extreme menstrual symptoms — think migraines plus vomiting. This is both clearly hormonal (it’s coincided with two cycles since shelter in place began) and also not normal for me (I was not experiencing this pre-pandemic). I’ve got a telehealth session with my PCP scheduled, but in the meantime, I’d love to hear from anyone who has firsthand experience with this (sorry) — what works? I’m already terrified of spending a couple of days in bed in a dark room, missing work and not seeing my toddlers, when my next cycle hits.

    • Anon

      I had somewhat different symptoms (headaches, “morning sickness” essentially, extreme mood swings, and cramps), but I found the book the Period Repair Manual really helpful in getting a handle on the severe symptoms I was having. I gave my copy away and am not sure what it says about migraines and vomiting, but it might be worth looking up (especially if you don’t want to just go on the pill, which wasn’t a good option for me).

      • Anonymous

        This or taking ibuprofen prophylactically when your cycle is about to start.

        • Cat

          +1, I don’t get migraines, but unless I start taking 4 ibuprofen every 4 hours immediately, I will be stuck in a cycle of debilitating cramps (vomiting & diarrhea, feeling faint). The key is not letting them get bad in the first place – once they reach the relevant nerves I’m done for at least half a day.

    • Anononon

      I find light can cause this for me. I am doing much better at home, actually, since the fluorescent lights at the office give me migraines – maybe the lights in your office are fine and your lights at home are causing problems now that you are sitting under them so many more hours a day? Try blue light glasses and if you have fluorescents or LEDs at home try switching them out or getting a different color of light (e.g., “soft white” instead of “bright white”).

    • Anon

      Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! 7-up, pedialyte, a cola soda if you normally drink caffeine. I was also surprised when I learned that low blood sugar could cause the same symptoms; I used to basically fast through those symptoms, but now I nibble crackers.

      Personally, I’m convinced that for me, those symptoms were related to gall stones, even though they often coincided with my period. But it’s a complicated thing to figure out. You have my sympathy!

    • Anon

      Any chance you recently weaned one of those toddlers? My first few post-weaning periods were accompanied by the worst migraines I’d ever have (and I had gotten my period back early on while breastfeeding, so it’s not like the having periods part was new). The good news is that if it’s that, it went away pretty quickly for me. I’d say within 3-4 periods I was back to my pre-pregnancy normal, which was bad but not as bad as the post-weaning migraines.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry! I have this without help from the pandemic, and it sucks.

      Are you vomiting from the migraine or from the cramps, do you know? I can get vomiting from both, and what helps (a little) for me, is different depending on migraine vs. cramps.

      For hormonal migraines with nausea, I really want some cola on hand. Caffeine is good for my migraines, and cola sits better in the stomach than coffee (or water) when I’m that sick and nauseous. But I absolutely lay down in a dark room, when migraine hits, whether it’s hormonal or not. In terms of personal “work capability” I equate migraines with 40 C fever – some things I can’t work through. I can work in between waves, but not during, or on after- or pre- waves. For all migraines I try to wear sunglasses when I’m not lying down with my eyes closed, and do not turn on lights.

      For vomiting strength cramps, the main thing that helps me is to get my preferred pain killers working as soon as possible, and to keep topping up. Fetal position, rubbing my stomach slowly, “TV style birth breathing” and heat are good things. And chocolate can help. About 100 g chocolate (I just stuff it in) while I’m waiting for the pain killers to start working genuinely work. Seriously. It’s not a comfort thing, it’s some sort of chemical reaction. I don’t do so well with water while on the vomiting cramps, but weak jasmine green tea is ok.

  10. Anon

    I use bar soap for hand washing and showering. I usually use glycerin soap but I’ve been feeling like something with a beautiful scent would cheer me up a bit. Better still if the scent is natural. I saw Tom’s of Maine has an orange soap – has anyone tried that? Any other suggestions?

    • Anonymous

      i love dr bronners bar soap in lavender and also in rose. lovely scents, and the soaps dont dry out my hands or body

    • Southern Living in TX

      Whole Foods has their in house brand as “Good Soap” and there’s lots of options and smells. I give away peppermint at the holidays. Cucumber, lavender, strawberry. You have to go in store to buy, not available online.

    • BB

      Do you have a Whole Foods near you with a beauty aisle? I am always so tempted by the huge variety of beautiful natural soaps, but have abstained because there’s a couple of perfume booster chemicals I’m allergic to and aren’t always listed. But I would totally go browse there if you don’t have that issue.

    • Betsy

      I bet you anything there is a small business somewhere near you that makes homemade soaps using essential oils. I have one nearby and I stock up once or twice a year. It’s a really nice way to support a small business right now! They are such a treat to use and smell amazing. A google for homemade soap and your town will probably come up with some local results or you could try Etsy.

    • Anon

      I have been enjoying the Equate castile soap from Walmart. It’s something I bought randomly when everywhere was out of soap, but I think I’ll be buying the lavender again. It’s not chemically, but it’s very strong.

      I also like rose scents; I think the Love Beauty Planet brand at Target has one that I liked, though it’s been a while and may be misremembering the brand.

      I am sure Etsy has awesome soaps but haven’t tried yet.

  11. Anon

    Piggybacking off the post above where the poster didn’t want to come off as performative to her staff. What do you all think about the Blackout Tuesday trend on Instagram today? It seems half of people think it’s necessary and the other half think it’s performative. Emma Watson is viral on Twitter right now for posting a Blackout Tuesday square without having publicly commented on the situation, but she’s in the same position as most people I know who posted the square.

    • Anon

      I think that particular trend is performative. I personally prefer when white posters provide links to resources, reports on what actions they plan to take, and/or coverage of injustices in their local areas. Posting the square may be a gesture of solidarity, but it feels too “easy” in a way. Others may disagree.

    • emeralds

      Ugh, I really don’t like it. I would much rather folks commit to amplifying BIPOC voices.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s a can’t win situation and people should stop nitpicking. I have a black square. It’s the only insta post I’ve ever made that isn’t food I cooked. I did it to show support. If people don’t feel supported oh well. Others do. A day ago it was all “stop posting cute text with things about white privilege” some people want white people to post links and resources, idk why I don’t have any to share, others want white people to stop talking for a day.

      My barometer is: are you trying? Great. That’s all we all need to do.

      • Carmen Sandiego

        I agree with this. It’s a can’t win situation on social media, as always. I posted it to show solidarity, because over the last week, a lot of my Facebook feed has been POC posting that they notice who is staying silent, and posting about wanting to see solidarity from white friends. I have made other comments about the situation, and received a lot of comments thanking me for not staying silent, so when I saw the black squares this morning, I posted it. If I can make POC who I am connected to feel more supported, then I’m happy to do that.

        At the same time, I agree that it can’t be the only thing we do. We do need to do all the other things on this thread, amplifying voices of POC, reading books about white privilege etc. The black square is just one small piece of showing support and solidarity, not the only piece.

      • Anonymous

        I have to agree. I posted a couple of other things on Instagram this week about white privilege, protesting, and Black Lives Matter and I posted the square today. I saw a lot of scolding going on with people misusing hashtags (which got corrected pretty fast) and also about it being “performative.” My feeling is, it was pretty awesome scrolling through my feed and seeing all my friends and the celebs and businesses I follow – including a few I didn’t expect because they usually don’t “get political” (even though this isn’t political IMO) – posting the black square. It really did feel like a movement; like something many many people are getting behind. It’s such a minor thing and it will not result in meaningful change but it is cool, I think, to have everyone in my feed sending the same message. I am doing other things also (donating, reading books, speaking up, etc.). If someone wants to judge my black square as performative that’s okay; I know what I’m doing behind the scenes, other than the black square, to support the movement. I think talking about and posting about all of that stuff would be performative, and also tone-deaf, and so for me the black square is just a way for me to signal, I am with you.

      • anon

        sometimes I forget that this whole cycle of expressing care about an issue, suggesting that others should also care about the issue, and the inevitable accusation of performative wokeness, really only helps those people that want to keep the status quo.

    • Anon

      I feel like I don’t have the energy to engage in a social media trend today, either by participating or criticizing, which is also happening extensively on social media. We’ve all got more important things to do.

    • Anon

      100% performative. It accomplishes nothing and takes no effort.

      If you care that much (and you should), take ten minutes to research how the police in your town are regulated. Write an op ed advocating for concrete change. Call up your legislator and ask them to abolish qualified immunity and allow suits against officers to proceed. Donate $20 to a disadvantaged, minority school.

      Just don’t post the square.

      • anon

        I posted a square and donated $1000 to various organizations. You can do both.

    • PNW

      Just reading about that trend made me tired. I couldn’t tell where it started and what it was meant to do, and as many POC have pointed out, right now is the worst time to symbolically silence protesting voices.

      I’m sure it was well-intentioned, just impossible to execute.

    • CountC

      I think it’s performative and would prefer people do some research and post / amplify BIPOC voices which are sharing learning opportunities and ways to support. There was also the whole issue with people using the BLM hashtag which caused its own issues. I try to educate people as nicely as possible behind the scenes and share information I thought was relevant and helpful by providing resources and pathways to the work and research that has already been done by many BIPOC activitsts and educators.

      However, I know people are trying and I am doing my best to approach it with that mindset.

    • Anonymous

      Totally performative and not accomplishing anything. Every post is exactly the same, so I’m not reading any or even looking at who posted them. Mostly I keep scrolling through my feed to see if anyone posted anything else, and there only seems to be ads that are not black squares so I log off. I feel like I can’t be the only one who feels like this. Is everyone actually reading the black square posts?

    • Anon

      It is something. I do think people with a large following should do more than post the black box, but at the same time, it is one post. Lots of people have been posting resources for days now, so one post in solidarity doesn’t bother me. Plus, I was pretty thrilled that a few people I didn’t expect to post it did. I hope that’s not all they do, but it’s something.

    • anon

      It is indeed low effort but it’s an act of solidarity — and hopefully not the only action people take. I was personally motivated by today’s social media campaign to set up monthly donations to BLM and groups in DC so that the black square wouldn’t be performative.

      White people should be listening and learning so I don’t see the problem with Emma Watson not having said anything previously. In fact, I think if she had spoken up earlier then she would’ve been met with hostility for not staying in her lane. It’s tough to know what the right move is but I would hope no one is disparaged for trying to be an ally.

    • Anon

      I don’t have an issue with it being performative as much as I think it makes people feel like they are doing something when in fact if all they did was post the black square, they did nothing. I feel similarly about most social media responses on my feed. I don’t have an issue with any of the posts themselves but if these posts are anything like the many political posts from people on my feed bemoaning various political issues by people who have admitted that they didn’t vote, then I worry that the black square makes someone feel like they’ve contributed to change when in fact they have not. That said, of course it is possible to post on social media and also donate time/money, lobby for real change, etc. and I understand that plenty of people do both.

      • Bean74

        I think in some cases posting the black square is the first time people have posted anything about race issues on social media. It’s sparked conversations in my circle already – conversations that may not have been had but for the post.

        For me, posting it was an act of solidarity. But, I was also hesitant to do so because I didn’t want others to think it was performative. It’s not, in my case, and I basically said to myself, “Who cares if someone does think it is? I know why I’m doing it and know what I’m doing to be more informed and to become a better ally in the future.”

  12. Anon

    If police departments want to say there are just a few bad apples in their forces, why are they not IMMEDIATELY and publicly arresting officers caught on video doing things like driving into crowds, pepper spraying and shooting at peaceful protesters, kicking a protester who was kneeling, etc?

    • Anon

      Right? Like, acknowledge the whole idiom which is “one bad apple SPOILS THE BUNCH” and get rid of the bad apples! But anyway, we know the “bad apple” argument is disingenuous anyway, police violence is a deeply-rooted systemic problem, not a handful of unconnected bad actors.

      • Carmen Sandiego

        Yes – I say this too! Why aren’t they including the rest of the saying?! It spoils the whole bunch! It also reminds me of that Chris Rock sketch talking about “bad apples” within the police force, and how we just… accept it:

        “Some jobs, everybody gotta be good. Like … pilots. Ya know, American Airlines can’t be like, ‘Most of our pilots like to land. We just got a few bad apples that like to crash into mountains. Please bear with us.'”

    • Anon

      It’s so annoying when people say “maybe it’s just a few looters, but it spoils the whole movement!” while also arguing that bad cops are just bad apples. At least be intellectually honest.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Had to read what you said a couple times to understand what you meant (I think?), but yes, agreed. Very frustrating. Bad cops are just bad cops who don’t highlight anything about the long-standing and systemic issue of racist policing but looters somehow ruin a whole historical movement of peaceful protest against racist policing? Uh huh.

        • Anon

          This. Let’s also not forget that police actually have the ability to decide who gets to be part of their group in a way that protesters don’t!

    • Anonymous

      I agree. It’s confusing.
      I work in a job where I have fiduciary responsibilities. If there are coworkers of mine who are abusing their responsibilities – like they are stealing money, or misusing their access – I want those people gone, like yesterday. I will participate in whatever investigations or activities I need to participate in to uncover what they’re doing and get them out. Because one person engaging in that behavior taints all of our reputations, hampers our ability to do our jobs, makes people suspicious of folks in our position, etc. Why do cops not feel the same way, when lives are on the line?
      I am genuinely asking, so if anyone here is law enforcement/former law enforcement or has close contact with someone in law enforcement, I would appreciate hearing from you.

      • BIL is a cop

        My BIL is a police officer, and honestly, I have mixed feelings about it. I know him to be a reasonable, respectful, decent man who is something like third-generation or fourth-generation police or military. This type of service runs in his family, he went into the Academy two weeks before his college graduation, etc. He worked private security for a while in college and he was frustrated to no end by the idiots who just wanted to flex, and he ended up getting a lot of high-profile gigs precisely because he preferred to de-escalate as much as possible. He’s got some very sad stories, and I’m sure he keeps the most violent or traumatic stuff out of his discussions with civilians, but I just can’t fathom that he would ever use excessive force. But how do I square my feelings about law enforcement in general with my feelings toward him? I fundamentally don’t trust cops. I don’t think they’re there to protect and serve, I don’t think they seek truth and justice, and I don’t think you should call them ever, if possible. But my BIL is the go-to cop for shop owners to call when the same homeless person is loitering and upsetting shoppers because they know he’ll find a shelter for them for the night. People know him on his beats and they trust him to help if they need something. He has the utmost patience when dealing with a call from an elderly dementia patient who is convinced that the TV people are spying on her. He’s one of the good apples, and he doesn’t condone the bad actions, but he’s not in charge. He can’t fire rogue officers, he can’t discipline or bench cops with known anger issues, etc. At most, he could request a new partner or sign a petition, but if he stops being a cop, then we’re just left with the bad cops.

    • Alex

      This. My city’s PD is actually doing okay. (Probably helps that we have unified emergency services, so all the cops are also firefighters and EMTs – apparently the people who would be bad cops are just so bad as EMTs/firefighters that they never make it through the program. Either that, or the people who want to be Big Strong Cops aren’t interested in working on ambulances.) But the big city nearest us had a cop get violent with a reporter wearing press ID over the weekend, and as best I can gather from the absurdly vague language used in the official statement, a cop shot someone who may or may not have stolen something from a CVS Monday night. There’s video of the attack on the reporter, and the PD has released an official statement acknowledging the attack on the guy who happened to be near a CVS. Those cops should be gone.

    • Anonymous

      Most police are union, and most disciplinary issues are handled under the terms of their collective bargaining agreement which provides for an internal hearing and then the discipline is handled like anyone else’s employment discipline, which is confidential between employer and employee. If you want to dig into this, your local CBA is likely posted online. Some cities have oversight commissions to provide a separate avenue to handle complaints.

      • anonshmanon

        My union contract’s disciplinary process does not allow me to select the arbiter myself. There is research on how police unions are part of the problem when it comes to accountability.

  13. Ironing board

    Any recommendations for an ironing board with a nice thick cover? My old one was paper-thin and I had to devote a towel to placing under it so as not to leave marks when I ironed. And the feet cover thingies were always falling off. My mom has one from the 70s/80s that is amazing — thick slippery cover so items glide on and off. Maybe they just don’t make things like they used to?

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions