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Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Non-Iron Tailored Fit Mini Houndstooth Dress Shirt with XLA

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Non-Iron Tailored Fit Mini Houndstooth Dress Shirt with XLAAmidst all the polka dots, abstract prints, and other occasionally crazy patterns that I endorse, sometimes one just wants a simple, small, repeating pattern, like houndstooth. And lo and behold, Brooks Brothers has these great houndstooth blouses on sale — they're tailored, non-iron, available in three colors, and marked to $39 from $98.50. Nice. Non-Iron Tailored Fit Mini Houndstooth Dress Shirt with XLA Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

287 Comments

  1. On the topic of button down shirts. I was cruising the Outlet sale that J-crew is having today, and saw this shirt on sale, which reminded me of the “windowpane” shirt you were looking for earlier from the Gap. (Link to follow to avoid moderation)

    xoxo tcfkag.

        1. I know…but I couldn’t find any good windowpane shirts. :-P And its kind of cute. Shrug.

          1. Totally cute – nothing against gingham :) I just didn’t want anyone to get confused…
            Shrug.

    2. I have some great non-iron windowpane shirts from Lands End. Not sure if they have them in stock at the moment but they are great quality.

  2. For the person who asked me yesterday to clarify what I meant by rolling Velcro rollers away from the scalp: I don’t know what I’m talking about. What I meant to say is that I pull my hair straight up, place the roller near the end, and roll it *towards* my scalp. Sorry for the confusion. :)

  3. TJ –

    What does one wear to a real estate closing when one is the purchaser?

    thanks!

    1. Whatever you want, unless you know one of the closing attorneys and don’t want to look schlubby bc of that. :)

    3. Judging from HGTV, whatever you want. Our closing was at the closing atty’s office and we treated it like any other business meeting. I think I wore a suit and my husband wore a sport coat. Good luck!

    4. We had the RE attorney come to our house for closing. I think I wore yoga pants.

    5. I think I wore khakis and . . . something to my last closing. Maybe not your moving clothes, but I don’t think you need to treat is like a business meeting.

      1. This. I wore my moving clothes, because we were going straight back to the house to start moving in. And ours was also at the attorney’s office. Also – we were so d*mn excited, I think we could have worn burlap and the closing attorneys would have been happy to see us. :)

      2. This. Everything else was packed up. And really, as long as we looked neat, who cares?!

    7. If your the ONE with the money, you can wear alot of diferent things, but basicaly, you can wear ANYTHING you want! After all, they want your money, and that means that you are the one with the money.

      My father taught me the golden rule: “He who has the gold make’s the rules”. So good luck on your REAL esetate venture. Hopefulley, if you will become the next Donald Trump, you can find me a BOYFRIEND to MARRY with money!

    8. Haha, I do commerical closings on a regular basis, and once had a seller show up in a black bra and black mesh top, the mesh of which was very wide. So, as long as you are in fact fully clothed, you’ll be doing just fine.

      1. One of the men in our company’s property management group dressed up one day – which meant a mesh shirt, apparently.

    9. I came straight from work when I closed, so I wore a suit. I was the most dressed up person in the room.

  4. Morning ladies. I have an interview in higher ed admin Monday for a position I really want; I’m leaving town tonight so I’ve got to figure out what I’m wearing today; but I can’t decide, since all of my tops that look unarguably good with my suit are too warm for the forecast. Help!

    Option I. Full suit required: gray tweed pantsuit with closed-toe, gray suede wedges, and…
    Ia. Magenta silk shell. Pros: I feel like a rock star; best-looking option by a country mile. Cons: color is extremely bright and saturated, so I’m worried it might be too much; shell’s sleeves require alterations I haven’t done yet, so I would not be able to remove jacket (unless I time-travel to 1987).
    Ib. Yellow and white striped shell, with high tied neck. Pros: colors look nice together. Cons: tie neck will require considerable fidgeting to make it look right with blazer; shirt is not super comfortable.
    Ic. Short-sleeved button-down in muted Liberty floral, in gray, blue, pink, and green. Pros: so conservative, prim, and correct I could vomit. Cons: so conservative, prim, and correct I could vomit; also I’m not a fan of the way the shirt’s collar and the blazer’s collar interact, but it’s not the kind of thing I can imagine getting dinged for.

    Option II. Separates acceptable: same tweed blazer and shoes, only over black, narrow A-line dress. Pros: I don’t completely loathe it. Cons: will have to deal with hose vs. no hose; shoes have ankle strap, so legs look a bit cut off; would look better if blazer was a smidge shorter, but again, I can’t imagine getting dinged for it.

    Thoughts? I can’t just go buy a new top, as acquiring the suit drained my clothes budget until like, June.

    1. I vote for Option Ia (magenta). You’ll do your best when you feel confident, and I think bright colors are fine for interviews, especially when paired with the type outfit you have described. (If you were going to wear magenta AND orange AND pattern it might get to the realm of “too much.”) And good luck!

      1. Agreed! You’ll look great.

        Although I have to say that your yellow and white striped blouse sounds fantastic. Did you buy it recently, and if so, where?

        1. Agreed. I’d go with 1a also. If you feel good it in, that’s what will come across. And you might even stand out a bit with having a brightly colored shirt so you’ll stick in their memory.

        2. I’m so glad to hear people think the magenta will be okay…I was sure everyone was going to be like, “Wear the floral OR YOU WILL DIE.”

          I got the yellow/white one at Beacon’s Closet last year. Sorry :\

          1. No, you will not DIE unless you wear blue nail polish on one finger and a hairband around your wrist. ;) But seriously, you’re going to be great. Knock ’em dead!

          2. Oh believe me, the only hairband within a 5-foot radius of my body will be the one in my hair. I’m not making that mistake!

    2. I work in higher ed admin, and either option sounds great for the interview, so go with the one that is most comfortable — the one you can forget about so you can focus on the interview.

    3. It might just be me but I vote for 1a or 1b- preferably 1a
      I would imagine that most of the shell would be covered by your more sedate blazer and it makes you feel the best so it balances out.
      1b works if you’re comfortable with doing the necessary fidgeting and will be able to sit still for the rest of the day.

      I vote against Option 2 and 1c… but that’s just me and others might disagree

      and yay for an interview!!!!!

    4. Option 1a. I can’t imagine you will be removing the jacket anyways during an interview so no need to worry about sleeves or too much color. I think color under a suit is a good thing. Plus you feel the most confident in that shirt.

    5. Feeling comfortable is definitely primo so Ib, or anything that requires fidgeting, is right out. Ia is in the lead for me (“I feel like a rock star” goes a LONG, LONG WAY), but Ic also seems acceptable as long as you won’t feel self-conscious in it.

    6. My only question with Ia is how warm it will be. In my experience, higher ed position interviews often include a tour of the campus and some time walking outside. Will you be a sweaty mess if you can’t remove the blazer?

      1. It’s supposed to be in the 60s, so I should be okay in a blazer and short sleeves, even if we walk around outside (I can’t imagine why we would, though; it’s a first-round interview and I graduated from the institution in question, so it’s not like they need to woo me with the period architecture). I just don’t think I could make it in a long-sleeved sweater under the blazer.

    7. I work in high ed, and would definitely be most receptive to 1a because it sounds professional from your description and it seems you will be comfortable in this outfit.

      Please do not wear separates for a higher ed interview. Our institution just went through several rounds searching for a new dean, and the candidates who didn’t wear a proper suit universally were described as “unprofessional looking” even if they were wearing something similar to Option II.

  5. Ack! Just saw my evil ex on my “people you may know” list on LinkedIn. Freaking out a little. I never wanted to see his face again, let alone the DOOSHY photo he’s using. Yuck. Just yuck.

    1. I see my evil ex all the time because we had worked together in the past and linkedin assumes we would want to reconnect. No thank you!

    2. Gah, always a bad way to start the day.

      It’s nice to know that others besides me refer to some exes as simply “evil ex.”

      1. Well, in his case it is 100% accurate. This is the guy who told me I shouldn’t go to law school because I would be “working so closely with other men.” (Yes, he obviously knew a lot about law school. FOOEY!)

    4. There is a way to click it so it doesn’t keep popping up. I think there is an x above the picture or a “no thanks” button to click. One of my husband’s college roommates (hmmm that’s unclear, I have one husband, he had multiple roommates) was a volatile a-hole that came very close to hitting me one night. Needless to say, we are not friends. He started popping up as a person I would know on every site and his picture made me sick to my stomach. I read all the help guides for each site and found a way on each to make him stop popping up. You can do it!

      I am going to have to see the royal jack@$$ at an upcoming wedding but since nearly ten years have passed I think I can deal. If anyone from my college is reading this and hadn’t connected who I was yet, they certainly know now.

      1. Nope, that’s actually perfectly clear. You used it correctly. If you had multiple husbands, you would have written “One of my husbands’…”

        1. So true. For the record, husband is also no longer friends with him and moved out after the night in question. We just have other friends that kept in touch w/ him.

    5. Every time I log into FB, which, granted, is roughly six times a year, I get that for my husband’s ex-wife.

    6. This sounds just like my EX–Alan Sheketovits!!!!!! He drank alot, and did NOT respect my request to STOP perfering the bottle to me. FOOEY on Alan!

      I just saw the SPACE SHUTTEL fly over Manhattan. The manageing partner let me watch out of his window. He was to busy stareing at me, NOT the AIRPLANE carreying the SHUTTEL. I wish he would STOP doing that.

    7. Exactly. My ex grew out a long stringy mustache to celebrate his “freedom”. More power to him but ew, just ew.

      When can I de-friend him on Facebook? It was a no-drama break-up almost a year ago, and I’m just so over him.

      1. He doesn’t get a notice on Facebook that he was defriended so I say go for it. Who knows when he’ll actually figure it out. And if he does, do you care?

    8. That’s funny. My ex is on LinkedIn (no picture) and we’re not connected (in any way, shape or form) but he has never come up as a suggestion. Good riddance!

  6. Ladies, I just tendered my resignation to my boss in person today. I cited the overwhelming job stress, on top of my current personal stress as a reason.

    His only reaction was to confirm that I would be staying for 2 weeks. My last day is Thursday, May 10th. I start my new job on Monday, May 21st.

    And for those of you who thought I’d be asked to leave immediately, you got my hopes up. It would be awesome to just leave. Unfortunately, I have to do a lot of knowledge transfer sessions.

    6. Get a big calendar and start X’ing out the days with a big black sharpie. Preferably one that hangs outside your office/cube.

      Congrats!!

        1. Or you could be like the retirees on countdown, with a “Days Left” countdown on your door =).

      2. Or a count-down calendar where you rip off the number each day. 10, 9, 8, etc.

    7. Sorry to hear you can’t leave today. But you’re a short-timer now! :)

    9. Yay!!! Take that, Bunkster’s Stupid Boss!! I am so happy for you, Bunkster. And, you are giving me hope that i can get out of my horrible, crazy-making job and it will also be awesome ;o)

    10. Congratulations!
      Remember, you still need to clean up your computer. Do not worry too much about the knowledge transfer – let the transferee(s) plan the sessions.
      If you need medical/dental checkups, physical therapy, acupuncture, counseling sessions – have them now, before you leave. Use your sick leave if you have it. Do not, under any circumstances, work over 8 hours per day.
      Plan a fun break between jobs, or at least schedule a spa day.

      2. Thank you. I actually do have to have a number of doctor appointments in the next week or 2. I’ll start scheduling them now. And I’m definitely going to need a massage.

        Also, next week is our hell week where we routinely work 10 to 11 hours a day and on the weekend. Not me. I refuse to.

        1. Good for you! What are they going to do? Fire you? LOL! Congrats on the new job, and finally giving notice. I hope your 2 weeks fly by!

          1. Hey CKB are you a lawyer? Is your handle your initials? Did you go to H/S/Y for law school? Not trying to out you on here but you mentioned you’re LDS. So am I and I think we might be friends from HS debate team if I’m right about your initials. I’m also a lawyer and went to a different H/S/Y than you if you’re who I think you are. I suspect reconnecting would be a lot easier if I would just cave and join Facebook.

    12. Sorry you have to stay for the two weeks, but at least you know you’ll be out of there in a matter of days! Definitely do not work more than the bare minimum.

    13. Congratulations! Glad it went smoothly. And I’m sorry you don’t get your extra two weeks of unplanned vacation. :)

    16. It is so anti-climatic and disappointing when you don’t get the big reveal from someone like that. But it doesn’t mean you still can’t celebrate!

      I would spend the time collecting and taking home all the work product to which you are entitled: former projects, templates, contact information, trade association information, reports you’ve written etc — in hard and electronic form.

    19. Congrats, Bunkster! I hope you have lots of R&R planned for your time between jobs!

    20. Congrats. As for knowledge transfer, I have been on the other end of these sessions many times. The leaving employee just does the bare minimum needed, no need to go overboard trying to teach or make sure they get nitty-gritty details. Doesn’t matter ! Don’t stress or waste your time on knowledge transfer. Relax, have a spa day, long lunches, reads lots of corporette and mentally check out.

    21. Congratulations!!! Can’t wait to hear about your awesome new job once your start =D

    22. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. And I’m glad you gave him a real reason, not the “time for a new challenge!” explanation that people usually use when they’re leaving an awful job.

    26. Congrats on this milestone.
      Enjoy your 11 days of vacation :d You will start fresh and happy.

    27. Congrats. Don’t let him guilt you into working late hours for the next 2 weeks.

      BTW, I love this shirt in blue.

  7. Yay! I know this day has been a long-time coming for you, Bunkster. That’s nice you’ll have some time off before starting your new position, too.

    1. I’m bummed that I missed the conversation yesterday about what to wear in a factory – since I worked in engineering roles out in a factory (i.e. had to wear safety glasses to get to my desk) for four years. So just had to put in my two cents that while cute the skinny jeans and tall boots would definitely be too-fashiony and body conscious for most factories. Khakis (decent ones are possible – J. Crew ones are often good), simple black pants, or regular jeans plus sturdy flats shoes that cover the top of your foot are my thoughts as well as nothing overly dangly accessory-wise.

      1. Ach, I can tell it’s Friday – I can’t get anything to post where I want it to! I will retire to my spreadsheet now.

      2. It’s all right, we got yo’ back =). It was really exciting to have a post DIRECTLY related to our every day, that’s for sure. And with that, it’s time for me to snuggle with my spreadsheets, too.

        1. Love that expression, “snuggle with my spreadsheets”. I’m going to have to steal that.

  8. Other than making nice with a personal shopper, any tips for keeping track of when items you love go on sale? I am thinking of something like the black Armani suit Kat posted earlier this week, or a cotton BB trench I have been stalking for a while now.

    1. Shoppingnotes [dot] com will track price changes on a specific item for you. It will e-mail you alerts when the price changes.

      1. Seriously, TCFKAG, become an official style consultant. I checked out that style consulting business someone mentioned on here a while ago (Cake?) and kept thinking you’d do a better job! We could all refer clients to you.

        1. Ah…but regular readers of this website would figure out pretty quickly that all my insights really come from spending too much time on here and having a good memory. Neither of which is really that unique a skill, I feel the market would be flooded quickly. haha.

  9. Ladies, I need recommendations. I love wearing tights in this transitional weather, but feel opaque tights are too “wintery”. I feel a bit too young for coloured tights at work, but have worn several types of black patterened tights. I recently have decided I need nude fishnets. They are just sassy enough, but not too out there. I know this is a “know your office”, but I really think it works at my office.
    My question is, does anyone have any recommendations? I purchased one pair from Spanx and did not like them for two reasons: 1. they were FAR too big and not at all “tightening” as advertised; 2. they were very, very thick (true tights) and almost seemed like dancer’s tights. I really want something more akin to panty-hose.
    Does anyone have any suggestions??? Thank you!

    1. My mom just bought some at Nordstrom. I can’t remember the brand (it may have been Calvin Klein), but the salesperson was really, really helpful. So that might be a place to start, if you are lucky enough to live near a Nordstrom. (And yes, my mom is fairly fashion-forward. And has great legs.)

      1. Weird….I always wondered how people put those Nordstrom hyperlinks in their posts. For me at least, I didn’t do it – I just typed the word and the link got added automatically. Is it because they are a sponsor or something?

        1. yeah, its an auto thing for certain sites. That’s why some people use abbrevs… also, those links don’t show up when you use adblock pro. (ftw!)

    2. i saw several versions of kate spade nude fishnets at dsw recently. i bought a pair with gold thread woven throughout that i thought would look cool for special occasions, but i haven’t worn them in real life yet. they were great when i tried them on and i’d recommend them.

    3. I wear nude fishnets or seamed stockings 3 or 4 times a week. Fine at my office. Charnos (spelling?) are fine, reasonably cheap and incredibly robust (bought on the recommendation of a roller derby type) and will let you see if you like the look before you splurge on something fancier.

    4. Hue’s micromesh fishnets are my favorites, available at Macy’s and Bloomie’s. There’s mesh a la regular nylons underneath the “fishnet” part so none of your skin is uncovered, but it’s got some texture from the fishnet, so it feels less frumpy to me. I wear them a couple times a week.

    5. Check out Kohls – they have a wide range of tights, many of quite decent quality (Vera Wang line is good) and aren’t too pricey in case you are not sure you want to commit. For this time of year I like gray and black tights with some openness to them (woven pattern).

      Target might another option. Hue has lots of styles, too (I find them at Macys or Lord & Taylor) although they are a bit more pricey.

    6. I really like both the Hue and Calvin Klein brands. Both are like regular nylons, but with the micro fishnet texture woven on top.

    7. THANK YOU!
      I am especially excited about the Calvin Klein and Hue recommendations. I like the regular weight hose . . .

    8. I wear the Spanx nude fishnets. I didn’t have the problems you mention with them.

      I also have a pair of Hue brand nude fishnets. I like the top of them them less than the Spanx but the color is good, a light nude.

      1. Oh, also, nude or any color fishnets is one of those YOU ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU WEAR THOSE (thanks a.) according to many commenters on this blog.

    9. Do any of the brands mentioned have a plain sole, like dance fishnets do? I like fishnets but feel like I’m walking on cheese graters after a couple of hours. I generally wear socks inside them but that doesn’t work for all shoes because they have to be fairly thick socks–like no-show athletic socks, rather than little foot liner socks (which I cannot get to stay on my feet anyway).

      1. Out of curiosity, what dance fishnets have solid soles? I danced for 10 years in high school and college and Capezio’s were the only fishnets available- which have a solid foot of fishnet. When I wore fishnets, I always layered solid tights underneath, which along with properly fitting fishnets, avoided the cheese-grater foot you mentioned. From the descriptions above, either the Hue or CK ones may not have as obvious a texture on the sole, so you may try those.

    3. In addition, Goodreads dot com does something similar. You can find someone with similar tastes and see what books they’ve reviewed and what grades they gave it.

    5. Oh, I see S*x Lives of Cannibals on there!! I know people / lived in one of the places mentioned in that book! (It’s small and isolated so these things make me really happy)

  11. I graduated law school in 2011 and started working at my current (horrible) job in Sept 2011. I am trying to apply for new jobs.

    Are my law school writing samples too old already? If so, will it reflect poorly on me to potentential employers if I use a sample from my current job (client info redacted of course) without getting permission from my current employer? Do I need to create something rom scratch?

    TIA for any help!

    1. What samples do you have from law school? Are they from 1L legal writing or are they more advanced, like a seminar paper or a moot court brief? (And yes, you need permission to use work done for your current employer.)

      1. I have a motion from an internship my second summer, an academic paper I wrote last semester of 3L, and a memo I wrote for “homework” assigned at a job interview in July of 2011. And, of course, some things from 1L.

        The problem is, I really want to submit something that is a motion or brief since I am applying for litigation jobs but I am worried that the motion I have is too old. And most other motions and briefs that I worked on at my 2L internship were just parts of a team effort and/or heavily based on a template so I don’t feel like they are my work anyway.

        1. Hmmm….I think you’re right to want a litigation sample, if one is requested. But if your academic piece has a section that really clearly lays out an argument, that could work too.

          1. Thanks. And while we’re at it…. I’ve read on Ask a Manager that descriptions on your resume should be “achievement focused” rather than just plain job descriptions. So how do I turn something like this:

            “provide legal analysis in oral and written form on a wide variety of civil matters, including {x, y, z, a, b, c} . Draft correspondence, pleadings, discovery responses and requests. Assist with preparation for appellate oral argument”

            into a list of “acheivements” ?

          2. I”m not sure how applicable that advice is for law firm jobs–at least when you’re still pretty junior. You could try to work in things like “drafted memorandum in support of successful motion for _____,” but I guess I wouldn’t feel too bound by this “rule.”

      2. I actually do not believe you need permission from your current job as long as you heavily redact and it was substantially your own work.
        Of course, if you are litigation type and it is a public filing, you need not redact at all. Nor do you need any type of permission.

    2. We’ve had some discussions about writing samples on this site before, so you might want to check those out. Most firms don’t want your law school writing sample. I’m in litigation and every firm and recruiter I’ve worked with has asked for a legal memo (they specifically excluded briefs or motions, but ymmv) with client information redacted. I know more than 25 people who have lateraled and literally none have asked permission from their former employer or client to use a redacted memo as their writing sample. So, if it’s wrong to do that, then pretty much everyone who has ever switched jobs in the legal field is scr*wed.

      I’m still a little paranoid about stuff like that though, so in addition to redacting all client info, including facts that are unique or identifying, I changed the memo and its analysis to be more general, like I would if I were using it as a basis for an article. If you change enough about the memo, it’s no longer the work product tailored to the client and, imo, isn’t privileged and doesn’t belong to the client.

      1. All the job postings I see just ask for a “writing sample” and I always just assumed that a motion or brief would be preferred for litigation positions.

        Just to be clear, when you say legal memo you mean something answers a legal question (like say, client wants to know if they can do A and what their potential liability would be) , as opposed to a “Memorandum of Law in Support of Motion to XYZ” such as you would file with the court.

        1. Yes, a memo to a client or partner analyzing an issue, not a Memo of Law. I assumed the same thing you did – that they would want a brief, etc. – and had a short brief ready to go, but everyone I contacted told me to submit a memo instead. This could vary by region or practice type, so I’d ask the employer what they prefer. Are you working with a recruiter? They should have a good idea of what most employers in your area require.

          1. MaggieLizer – I just did a double take at your name and thought “How do I know her .. college? Law school?” Googled it and got my answer. Hilarious.

        1. Cool. I was always told to ask for permission, but I guess that is just one reason why job-hunting is an art, not a science.

          1. Of course, they want you to ask permission. I once did, and the partner redacted so much information that the memorandum was almost incomprehensible. Since then, I use my own judgment.

    3. This brings up a question I’ve been wrestling with regarding writing samples. Other than settlement memos (which I’m not sure I would want to use as writing samples), my other writing assignments, briefs and draft agency final decisions, are moderately to heavily edited as a matter of process in my office. My last big writing assignment, which involved a LOT of research and regulatory analysis, was practically rewritten by the assignment supervisor AFTER she had told me I had done a nice job (and then the agency counsel did her rewrite with chunks of it before submitting it to the agency head). I will admit that the edited version read better than my originals. But is it ethical to use the final versions as writing samples for job applications?

      1. I evaluate a lot of job candidates and writing samples. I would rather see the final version as a writing sample for a few reasons. First, I don’t want to see anything that is secret, privileged, confidential, etc. Earlier versions of a document may be considered any one of these things or even attorney work product. Second, if you have less than 3 years of experience, I expect any writing samples to be heavily edited. I usually ask candidates about the review and mentoring processes at their current jobs. Third, I want to see the quality of the work your current employer does. That will show me how you are being trained and what the standards of your mentors are.

      2. I was always told that employers wanted an “unedited” sample. I think using something someone else polished up is really not entirely your own work, right?

      3. I wouldn’t use the final versions–the idea is to give the employer an idea of what to expect if they were to hire you and give you a writing assignment. Of course, they have to assume that your writing sample is some of your best work, but the final versions here aren’t “your” work. I would think you could submit one of your final versions (i.e., not the true final version) with some light editing.

      4. I wouldn’t (and didn’t) use the version edited by someone else as my writing sample. What I’ve always done is take my last draft, the one that went on the chopping block, and revise the heck out of it. When I applied for the job I have now, I used a memo I had written for my supervisor at my previous office, redacted and heavily edited for length, clarity, and to generally incorporate some of the issues that came up in that case after I had drafted the original memo. My original had been turned into a final product with some sections taken verbatim and others altered/updated — I felt the final product was my supervisor’s, not mine, so using it was out of the question for me. But I had no qualms about coming up with a better version of a piece that was all mine. I did put a disclaimer on my cover sheet stating that, while a final version of the document existed as a collaborative effort between me and others, I was submitting a draft version which I alone had worked on because it was a more accurate representation of my abilities and writing style, or something to that effect.

  12. Love these BB shirts. Highly recommended if you are looking for great basics at a good value.

  13. I really like BB shirts, they’re the only ones I have that never seem to “age” if that makes sense. I have one these in red from a past season and it’s really awesome because it both livens up my outfit and makes me feel appropriately conservative for my job (we’re someone stuffy around here).

    1. Agreed. My first thought when I saw this was “I love this shirt.” And my second thought was “I have this shirt, or at least a close version of it.” BB is wonderful, particularly for conservative offices, and it’s timeless.

    2. They look brand new coming out of the dryer. The BB tailored shirts are also the only button-downs I’ve found that actually fit me.

  14. The school requires a white or off-white dress. The graduate is short (5″), size 00 or 0, hourglass type. What says the hive to the Lush Print Tulip Skirt Sundress (Juniors) from Nordstrom? She has a white cardi to cover up.
    Any other suggestions around the same price point or under $75 are welcome.

    3. Check out nastygal(dot)com under white dresses
      I know the name looks bad but it’s actually a pretty innocuous website
      Some of the dresses are pretty cute, particularly
      the Crochet Tail Dress, and Pleated Crochet Dress- both of which are super appropriate for a high schooler. Some of the dresses skew a little older and or going out but there is a good chunk of stuff that would probably work

    5. Are you familiar with the website shopstyle? It is great — you can use it search the “entire Internet” in one go (not really, but it feels like it) for white, knee-length dresses in particular price ranges. It is a great resource when you have something specific in mind like this. I use it a lot.

    6. Thanks all! Great ideas and apparently there will be no need to spend $$$
      It’s really hard to find clothes that fit her so we may need to buy stuff that can be returned to a b&m store. Too bad Nasty Gal is not a mall store.
      She is small to average on top so could go braless for certain types of dresses but most likely she will wear her padded bra with clear straps :)

    7. I bought that dress for myself in the yellow color- love it! I’m an hourglass and busty- 34D- and it fits great. But I plan on wearing stick-on thingies- no bra- b/c the straps are very thin.

  15. I’m mostly a lurker and not a poster, but I was wondering–what’s a commute worth? I live in the metro area of a big city and right now work in the suburbs, with about a 30 minute door to door commute each way. I’m considering a job that’s back downtown– I can take the commuter train and it would be about one hour door to door on a good day, assuming no train delays or crummy weather. I have done it before but don’t really relish doing it again but the job would be a significant step up for me (I’m a mid-career professional, specializing in an area that makes me fairly desirable as there aren’t a lot of us out there). The commute would mean making some changes to my personal life outside work–I’d have to drop the Thursday night golf league, for example, which might seem silly but that extra hour a day on the road (and being at the mercy of the train schedule) does eat into your regular life. But, for the right salary increase I’d suck it up and do it–but the question is, how much is that worth in salary negotiation? Any suggestions?

    2. I hate relying on public transportation, probably because I’m a control freak and dealing with delays and weather would be annoying. If you live in a major city then I’m assuming everyone takes public transportation and that wouldn’t really get you far in negotiating a salary. Your qualifications, experience, and what you could contribute would be better points to bring up.

      1. In a city like DC you are just as helpless if you drive… especially when there are “weather events”!

        1. Ohhh, I’m thinking NYC, but I know DC has terrible traffic. I’m also more of a suburban girl. I like my time alone in my car, and I hate missing a train and waiting another 30 minutes….which means I’m always 30 minutes early to avoid that when meeting friends in NYC, ugh.

    3. I actually had recruiters try to offer me less than my current salary citing the reason that the commute to their location would be shorter.
      Thoughts:
      This WILL eat into your personal life and you need to decide if the career/salary win is worth it.
      On the upside, you will get new opportunities for after-work activities. You may drop the golf league but find a networking group or a good gym convenient to your office.
      Train commute will also cost you in $$, not just time – you’ll need to pay for the train tickets and maybe for parking at the station.
      If you are a desirable candidate, there may be comparable jobs with an easier commute. Be very aware of the market.
      Only you can translate direct and indirect commute implications into $$ but I would just add the number to your desired salary and give them the total, not spell out “I’d go for X-$5000 were it not for the location” when talking to the employer.

    4. I made the decision between the 2 companies I got offers from based on commute. The company with the longer commute gave me a very generous salary offer, in part to offset the commute, I think. The second company matched that salary when I mentioned it to them and has a shorter commute.

      The first company has about an hour to an hour and a half commute and I’d have to drive through Boston to get there. I can take the T to the second company. Currently, I drive to the T station and park and then take the T to my job. I’ll have to go an extra 9 stops on the T, but at least I’ll always get a seat.

    5. I can’t tell if you’re suggesting you would use the commute as a negotiating point with the company — if so, my answer is that it’s not a reason you should give to ask for more money. The company doesn’t care what your commute is. You should be justifying your salary ask by the value you bring to the company. If you were just looking for us to quantify what an extra hour a day is worth to us, taking into account the career growth the new position would offer, my personal answer would be $20K/year. Could you negotiate the opportunity to telecommute one day per week (e.g., Thursdays so you could keep up your golf league)?

    6. IMO, and I’ve not dealt with this, but I think it would depend on whether they sought you out, or you applied for the position. If you applied, I think using that as a tool in your negotiations is not a strong point (though maybe telecommunting one day a week thing would work), but if they sought you out and are woo-ing you away, I think that’s a big stick to use. You mention that you are in demand in your position. If they are trying to get you away from a job, even if the new one is a step up, that type of personal time sacrifice is definitely something to use to get more $.

    7. I agree with Anonnc–this is not a negotiating point, but it is something you just consider in weighing a job offer. One way I’ve always looked at commutes is not how much time it adds (which is rarely very much in the abstract), but how much “free” time it eats into. For example, if by the time I am done with work, chores, cleaning, etc., I might have 45 minutes of “free” time a day where I can read, watch TV, etc. An extra 30 minutes of commuting would cut away 67% of my free time. Unless the choice was between no job and one with a long commute, I don’t think the salary differential could make up for the 67% cut to my free time. YMMV.

      1. Quick correction–I also agree with Maddie Ross that the commute IS a negotiating point if they are seeking you out.

        1. I am being wooed, just to be clear. I have a job right now that I’m about 75% happy with but this other position has more upward mobility and is much more high profile. I’m probably a bit overpaid for my current job as that company wooed me away from my prior job ( where I did take the train every day) for the same salary I was making at that prior downtown job. I really appreciate everyone’s comments–this was just what I was looking for in terms of advice.

    8. My salary works out to about $50 an hour so that’s $250 for 5 extra hours/week in commuting time. So I would need at least an extra $10K to justify such a commute to me. Otherwise, not worth it.

      Plus, commuting costs money. At a minimum, I’d want to be compensated for the amount of extra costs.

      1. Also, I disagree with the commenter who that this is not a basis to negotiate. If the company’s offered you a job, they already believe you will add value to the company. It’s not like you’re bringing it up in a first interview

        And requesting the ability to telecommute is also a great idea if they’re unable to increase the salary.

  16. Yesterday someone mentioned something about Bloomingdales sending out coupons for $25 off. Was that via email? How do I get my hand on one of those??

    1. They sent it out to Bloomie’s “Loyalists” which is their rewards card program (not a credit card).

    2. I got one via mail and via email. I think they’re one time use or I’d post. Try googling for it.

    4. That was me. If you call customer service, they will also take it off your order. I forgot to put the code in before hitting submit and had to do that. Duh.

  17. Is it ever appropriate to tell a best friend that you need space? I’m going through a transitional phase in my life – new job, recently divorced, and getting used to new routines and relationships, etc. This particular friend sometimes comes off as very emotionally needy at a time where I’m really appreciating my personal space/time to work out solo at the gym or just stay home and watch movies and cooking shows. To give an example of a recent event that has me questioning my relationship with her – there’s an upcoming weekend that she wanted me to pay $200 for lessons and parties. I told her I couldn’t afford it and had some other things going on (such as moving the last of my items out of my old house). I was completely up front about my reasoning, and she has now purchased a ticket on my behalf so I can go with her. While I appreciate the generosity, it also has me thinking she’s not listening to what I’m saying when I explain my need for alone time.

    How do a I approach this conversation? Is there a sensitive way to say this without making it seem like I’m pushing her away? To be clear, I care a lot for her and she has been really supportive of me, but she doesn’t recognize that I’ve changed and am trying to get my life together. And that my life looks very different than it did a year ago.

    1. I think that you should just be up front with her. Maybe she thinks that in this difficult time you are going through you need more attention from her, not less. In any event, she’s not taking your hints, so that just leaves a more direct approach.

      1. Yea I agree. She is probably just trying to be a good friend and buy you a ticket when you seem to be tight on cash. Perhaps you are trying to spare her feelings by blaming it on other things so she is trying to be helpful and find a way for you to join. I would just talk to her nicely and tell her that you appreciate her support, but you really want to work on being independent.

        1. Thank you Pest and Miriam. I’ve been keeping it real but it sounds like I need to be more direct going forward. I told her my priorities are different now and I’m saving up for a few trips this summer – she knows I’m not struggling but I found it odd that after telling her no multiple times she still went ahead and bought the tickets. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice gesture, it just seemed like she dismissed my reasoning behind spending money differently now.

          1. Sounds like she may have assumed that you said no due to money, rather than having a bunch of other issues going on and wanting a little personal space.

          2. She probably did dismiss those other reasons and focused mostly on the money, which is why she bought you a ticket. Sounds like she is missing the point because you are trying to be nice, which is understandable of course.

          3. This reminds me of the time a friend of mine was going through some rough times (fertility issues) and said she was “taking herself out of circulation for a while.” I thought it was a little odd, but got that she wanted time to herself to deal with things. Not sure if this a phrase your friend would understand.

            My reaction (like I said, I did find the phrasing a bit odd, but whatever) was to just go along with it. I’d occasionally check in and see if she wanted to do something, usually something low-key, and if not, fine, no big deal. After a little while she started wanting to be out and about a bit and we got together more often. I didn’t really find her hiatus to affect our relationship in an awkward way. I think as you get older friends sort of drop in and out of your life from time to time and as long as you aren’t feeling used (which I wasn’t), it’s fine. But I think you do have to be direct about your needs and expectations.

          4. I agree with the other posters as far as they go, but I’d like to address your concern about approaching it sensitively: Consider scheduling an afternoon or evening with her that is far enough out to give you space, but on the calendar so that she knows she’s important to you. I’m currently out of circulation right now, too, but my friends roll with it because we’ve got a date in 6-7 weeks. It keeps my hermit tendencies in check, and lets them know I’m not going to do a slow fade.

    2. I’d want to know the truth. That’s what BFFs are for. I’d grab coffee with her in the very near future and I’d just tell her, straight out, that you feel like you need to go into hibernation for the next few months and that she shouldn’t worry because it’s a good thing… you’ve done a lot of soul searching as of late and you’ve come to the realization that for a short while, you need to just hunker down and focus on x y z and that you love that she’s such a good friend that she undertands that stuff. Explain to her that your “hibernation” plan is the reason you declined the trip invite and that you are so lucky to have a friend that would actually buy a ticket but you just can’t commit to going, etc etc.

      If she’s a true friend she will understand and respect your decision. And, good for you for recognizing what you need. This world can get very hectic without some good readjustment time (which means something different to everyone).

  19. I have a question about how to respond to certain assumptions. Specifically, I am a really excellent shopper. I don’t spend a whole lot on my clothes/accessories but a lot of the stuff I buy is “high end” stuff. So for ex., I have a Burberry button down shirt for $35; a Marc Jacobs bag I found for $400, a D&G suiting dress for $100, Stuart Weitzman shoes for $45, an Armani jacket for $10, yes $10, etc. I also work in for the state govt. I don’t dress in a flashy way. Nothing I buy has big logos, etc. But nonetheless, the Burberry shirt, for ex., has the famous plaid peek out a bit at the collar, and the MJ bag says MJ on the buckle… At times, I feel a tad uncomfortable wearing this stuff to work. Which is silly because many of the women at work wear their sizeable diamond rings and don’t think twice about it. And it’s not like anyone has ever said anything, just the occasional, “Oh that’s a pretty dress, who makes it?” and then I say, and then they say, “oh.”
    I guess the question is a) am I just crazy to worry about this? And b) how do you deal with someone making assumptions about you based on the stuff you have being perceived as expensive? Usually, when someone compliments me on something or asks where I got it, I feel this urge to explain what a good deal it was but maybe I am overthinking it?? I am located in a big city where half the train to work is in designer gear and the other half in knock-offs, so maybe it is all in my head. On the other hand, I don’t want to come off as someone who “doesn’t need to work,” with all the baggage that entails… Thoughts?

    1. A colleague told me last week that she could not register her daughter for a summer program by check and “has” to use a credit card because “I paid cash for the other program.” This program is $1,000, and the colleague and her husband are early 60s and both highly paid lawyers. I was floored. Then I realized that what people do with their money is their own d&&@Omned business.

        1. I’m confused too, but I think she means that the woman thought she had to use a credit card to avoid “showing off” that she is able to pay in cash. Which, really, just seems very silly.

          1. I thought she meant that the woman didn’t have the cash on hand – despite her high salary – and therefore had to use a credit card. Like, don’t make assumptions about how much money someone else has/doesn’t have, because you don’t know all the details.

      2. Exactly the opposite. She is not able to write a check because she does not have the money in her account.

    2. you can’t control other people’s assumptions. i shop very similarly to you and often end up in awkward situations.
      an unnamed family member once made any offhand comment to me about my closet being worth more than a small third world country’s gdp. it. did. not. feel. good. (meanwhile, he buys his wife diamonds and expensive watches rather frequently, so to each their own….)
      but clearly you enjoy shopping and nice things and it’s not a “problem” (ie, overspending), so how about you ignore the sillyness and enjoy what you buy? you don’t owe other people an explanation. maybe one way to respond to those comments at work is something like “i like to spend my shopping budget on nice work clothes instead of casual wear” or “i wear this MJ bag so much, i don’t even need another purse.” or “i waited forever to find this on sale” it might signal to people that you have reasonable priorities without u need to go into details about the bargain hunt.

      1. My ex husband made a lot of money. I had (and still have) a lot of nice things (though I no longer have the income to purchase them again, but that’s ok).

        More than once upon seeing a bag, or a pair of shoes or what have you that was obviously high end, people made a comment along the lines of “it must be nice”.

        I had a stock response when I was married, and when I got divorced I felt the urge to explain “oh but I have had this for 10 years, I could never buy it now” blah blah blah blah.

        But then I realized, they are being really, really rude. So I returned to my stock response which is “It is.”

        That tends to end the discussion. “Must be nice to have a Chanel handbag”. “It is”.

        I don’t do this for the ‘Oh that’s so pretty where did you get it” types, just the snarky nosy rude ones. :)

        1. Good advice! I’m in a similar position with a very high income fiance and I’m just recently out of law school. I try not to be flashy, but if he buys me really nice shoes or a bag as a gift, I’m going to use them. It is really no one’s business why/how/where I got it, and the “must be nice” people are being rude, you’re right!

    3. No advice, but please tell me your shopping secrets! I’m a terrible shopper,probably lazy, and most clothes don’t fit me well since I’m tall and thin.

      1. sounds like you have the perfect figure to try consignment shopping. usually, people like me take things there that didn’t fit right and never will.

        of course, it’s all about the luck of the draw, but i’ve gotten great fits that i know were sent to a consignment shop because of fit issues: vintage cognac gucci pumps for $50 bucks (perfect for my overly narrow feet), a long sleeved patterned marc jacobs silk dress for $100 (perfect for my wide shoulders), clingy cashmere sweater (perfect for my body that doesn’t hold any weight in my tummy), you get the idea….

      2. It’s mainly luck and patience. I tend to shop at stores like Lohmann ‘s, Nordstrom Rack, Off Fifth, NM Last Call. I go to Saks and the like when they have big sales. I got a pair $20 silk Armani pants at Filene’s Basement when they were going out of business. I am not above high end thrift stores, where I often find items with tags on for 70-80% off or more their retail price. I find that location really matters for this type of thing. Nice neighborhoods have the good stuff. I also don’t buy anything full price, ever. Even at the dicount stores, I only shop when they are having a sale so that I get a dicount on the discount. Sometimes it means I don’t buy anything, sometimes it means I get lucky.

        What’s funny is that I sometimes feel judged by people who only shop at stores like Macys but to me, they are paying waaaaaaay too much money for what they are getting and I actually consider their purchases too expensive. I don’t judge them, of course, but I would feel like I misspent my money if I bought half that stuff. I appreciate everyone’s feedback. I guess it really is mainly in my head that this is even an issue :)

        1. You must have really good luck. I go to stores like that routinely and never find deals that good. Even most of the good consignment stores I’ve been to still sell things for an expensive price (like, the Armani jacket will be $500 instead of $1000; still too much for me to pay).

          I guess one of the better deals I’ve found was a Kate Spade dress, originally about $500, at Nordy’s Rack for $99 or something. I’ve also gotten some KS cardigans on sale at Neiman’s with an extra % off code for maybe $50-70 or so. But I mean, even those deals aren’t great and it’s not like KS is super high end or anything. I guess the stocks of the different stores can vary a lot.

      3. qwerty and Adele, you two have inspired me to check out some consignment shops and finally go to Nordstrom Rack. Plus, I live in a pretty nice area so there should be some good things at a consignment store, and I never realized that people would bring clothes that no longer fit to consignment shops. I figure if I can find something almost in my size I can get it tailored if necessary. I will just have to work on the patience! Most brands don’t have clothes that fit me and I just get annoyed and frustrated and stop shopping after 10 minutes. If I bring my b/f or friend it will make it feel less like torture!

    4. This may vary by area, but honestly, most people I run into on a daily basis wouldn’t recognize designer (or “designer”) clothing unless the name is scrawled in glitter across the b#tt. Anyone who WILL recognize it is someone who also buys it, probably, and therefore (unless you’re swanning in truly fancy circles, which it doesn’t sound as though you are) is likewise aware of discount sites and eBay and golden thrift luck.

      I think you’re overthinking it, and as People says below, I don’t even know why anyone judges others’ spending habits (or theoretical spending habits) anyhow.

      Personally, I don’t explain where I get my clothes for the most part. Someone compliments my Comrags dress that I purchased on consignment for fifty bucks? “Thanks so much; I like it too.”

      1. This.

        However, if it bothers you, just say something like “Oh, thanks! I was excited to get it at the _ sale!” or something similar. This is what a girl I work with does, which is both helpful if you want to get the item and signals people that she really is a poor grad student. :)

    6. I am struggling with something similar, so interested to hear your thoughts. However, mine involves my family. They live a state away, but we see/talk to them frequently.
      They seem to take everything out of context and then make passive-aggressive comments about how we’re spending our money.

      A recent photo they saw showed our child (toddler age) in a suite at a professional sporting event. We were able to attend for free with some neighbors and their children. Immediately we were accused of wasting our money on season tickets and a suite, etc.

      We also, after 10 years, replaced our aging living room couch and chairs. The furniture store (where we had previously bought two bedroom sets) offered to lend us their designer to come to our house and help us choose the best use of the space before we ordered it. Somehow it got spread around our family that we hired an expensive interior designer to redecorate our home.

      It’s just frustrating that in our early 30s, we make decent money, have great credit scores, have never missed a payment on anything (or asked family for a loan-unlike most of our siblings), own our vehicles and a small airplane, have a lot of equity in our house, etc., and instead of being happy for us (“oh how fun for you guys – I bet the kids had a blast at the game!”) they make us feel like we need to hide stuff from them because of how it can be construed as “wasting our money.”

      I’m struggling with whether I should address it, not share much about what’s going on in our life, or just accept the fact that they’re never going to change and I shouldn’t let it bother me.

      Does anyone else get this from family? (Note, none of them are struggling, it’s just that it took them until their 50s to achieve what we’re achieving in our early 30s)

      1. No advice but YOU OWN A PLANE??????? You guys are my hero.

        *obviously, I’m still in airplane mode

        1. I’m with you Godzilla! Will you bring us rides in your cool plane crazy???? Yay!

          (And really, when they make their passive aggressive comments, don’t jump immediately into justification mode. Act as though they haven’t said anything judgey and just say “yes, the kids had a wonderful time with their friends — they were so lucky their friends shared with them!.”)

      2. i am sooooo not one to give advice on big life issues, but my heart is aching for you! And I will reiterate the quote I posted above: “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

        I think you should check out Carolyn Hax at the Washington Post, cause she addresses issues like this a million bajillion times better than I can. But honestly, I think you will need to accept deep inside that by being judgy and making you feel cr*ppy about your being happy with your lives, your family members are proving themselves to not be worth caring about in return. I mean really, truly loving family is HAPPY that their family members are safe, secure and happy, not resentful and holding it against you!

        So, I think it’s option 3: you have to accept they are not going to change, and that they have proven themselves to not be worthy of you caring what they think. I don’t know if that makes sense. But that’s similar to what Carolyn would say, but she would say it soooo much better. ;o) Hugs!!!

      3. I get this too. I’m in my late 20’s and bought a house on my own. I was able to do it because I’ve worked my *ss off both in school & work since I was a teenager, and lived extremely frugally to reach my goal. Now I have a great job that pays well, a nice place to live, and the ability to buy nice things once and a while. Not only do I get the guilt that I am wasting my money, but I also get asked for money all the time because I “obviously have money to spare”. I also get accused of rubbing my money in their face whenever I talk about anything (purchase, trip, experience, etc) when I’m usually only mentioning it because they asked about it directly. Other than completely avoiding talking about anything in detail, I haven’t figured out a way to avoid it.

        1. “Other than completely avoiding talking about anything in detail, I haven’t figured out a way to avoid it.”

          This. I don’t tell my family about my vacations, my house, my car, my boyfriends, anything. I reinvent nights out with girlfriends from “Chez Fancy” to “Olive Garden”. I pack clothes from Old Navy and Lands End instead of Ann Taylor and BR when I go home. I wear the jacket my law firm gave me (with the logo and all) instead of a nicer jacket. I leave my jewelry at home.

          Non-professionals have no idea about how professionals live. For them, carharts are a valuable essential (and carharts aren’t cheap) and schooling is a luxury. For professionals, carharts are something to be bought only to enjoy a hobby but schooling is a necessity and fancy slacks from Nordie’s are an essential. I have realized that I can’t fight this cultural divide every holiday.

          1. What the criminy is a carhart? Google turns up a type of sweatshirt with a different spelling, but really nothing else.

          2. Carhartts (not Carharts) are premium outdoors work-wear. Think heavy-duty coats, overalls, boots, stuff like that.

      4. They are probably jealous of you. As long as you aren’t flaunting your lifestyle in their faces, there isn’t much you can do about it. I would try to take it less personally and realize that their reactions are coming from a place of emptiness, frustration and want. The slights you are enduring are probably a lot less profound than the continual envy they are feeling. Try to be the bigger person and have a little compassion.

      5. Yeah, I do. For a few years, I sent money to Mom and Dad to repay them for some money they lent me for law school. I used my bank’s free auto bill pay. My mom thought I had hired a professional accountant and wanted to know why I wasn’t paying her back faster instead. Over Christmas, my nutty aunt made a comment like “What do you drive? A Beamer like all the other fancy California lawyers?” My Marine cousin was shocked to learn that the house I bought “without a man” in “fancy California” is “only” 1200 sq ft–he’s looking a 4000 sq ft houses in Coal Country.

        The best thing to do is ignore it and try to change the subject. There is no reason to give them a detailed accounting or justification. They are just jealous. My mom has started sticking up for me–she told my aunt that I drive a “Honda–it’s red” (my aunt then accused me of being unpatriotic). I’ve talked before about how I deal with my family by treating holidays as networking events where my goal is to practice my networking skills.

        Just don’t mention a biweekly housekeeper–trust me on this.

        1. Haha, this does make me laugh (especially the carhart part :)). I can’t quite compare but I married into a family that is VERY different from my own and I occasionally get comments. While I do rewrite stories occasionally, I’m also getting more comfortable just being me. When they say they “only shop at the thrift store and would never pay more than $X for a shirt” and then look at me expectantly, I say “Honestly, I wish there was an Ann Taylor in town.” If I feel like wearing a cute outfit to my stepdaughter’s sports/music events, I do and I answer the “my, you’re dressed up” comments with “yep!” and a big smile. At the end of the day, nothing is going to change where I’m from or how I grew up so I figure I may as well just be me and try to be polite about it and not take the comments personally.

          But that being said, I am afraid to hire a housekeeper because my MIL might die if she knew I didn’t clean my own house. She already thinks I can’t clean for crap. :)

      6. I’m back with “own our vehicles and small plane.” So cool!

        There’s no way to make your family happy for your success if they’re not already, I’m sorry.
        Rule 1: Do not engage. “Yes. we’re very happy with X.” in a firm manner can help shut down the conversation. Never talk about money, always change the sbject when any one else talks about money or spending habits. Hopefully, eventually your family will get the hint.

      7. I treat family according the expression often seen on here: know your audience. When visiting my family, which is solidly blue collar and lower-middle-class, I wear Old Navy t-shirts and jeans and carry a purse with no visible labels. I fit right in. I talk about sports and don’t mention my recent trip to the Caribbean. I never mention our bi-weekly cleaning service or the fact that we hired someone to paint our home instead of doing it ourselves. When visiting my husband’s family, I make sure to wear the well-fitting and high-quality cashmere and real jewelry. We discuss real estate investments and the advantages of first-class flights.

        I never have a problem with my family, even though I believe they all “know” that we have a lot of money and different lifestyle compared to them. We never discuss the things we have that they don’t. Maybe your family is just more sensitive than mine, but consider the way you discuss things and whether you can find better common topics or ways of speaking more vaguely about what you have/do. Even things you don’t pay for, that come to you by way of connections as you discussed above, are advantages they do not have or understand. The people my parents are friends with do not have box suites; the places they buy furniture won’t “throw in” a decorator. What seems matter-of-fact to you can come off as bragging to them.

      8. I dunno. I see everyone else’s point, but given that you see and talk to them frequently, I’d be tempted to start beating at that elephant in the room.

        Them: blah blah wasting money on a suite blah
        You: We don’t have season tickets and that wasn’t our suite. But why is that your concern?

        Them: blah expensive designer blah
        You: It was complimentary. But you seem to be awfully concerned about my finances. I promise, I will NEVER come to you for money.

        They are being astonishingly rude, and especially when it comes to family I think it’s okay to draw attention to their rudeness and let them know they’ve crossed a line. But I’ve certainly become more….combative?….since I hit 40.

  20. Anyone know how Brooks Brothers shoes run? Contemplating a clearance purchase and I own shoes in both 7 and 7.5, depending on the brand.

    1. I would say true to size, but then what does that mean, right? Most of my shoes are 7, some 7.5, some 6.5. I wear 7 in BB.

      One word of warning, some of their black shoes have the unfortunate tendency to dye the back of foot/stocking/foot through stocking black. It comes off with a pumice stone but does ruin your tights. That said, their flats are very comfy.

      1. Also, their stuff is usually not final sale, so you can order both and return to the store. Shipping goes up slightly the more you order, but I’ve done it for the convenience.

    2. I just looked through my shoes I keep at work and put one on to check…the ones I have in my regular size are a tiny bit big. I’d go with the 7.

    4. Are you considering the purple suede pumps…because I’ve been secretly lusting over those for a few weeks now. And they’d go really well with my outfit today. :-)

      1. They’re just transporting an old space shuttle to JFK, which will later be installed at the Intrepid. What’s interesting is how they’re transporting it – strapped to the back of a plane.

    2. Thank god someone next to me sounded the alarm, so to speak — got to see it basically at eye level to our building, zooming over the Hudson.

      Although, Godzilla, I am now picturing the *actual* Godzilla out there in the river, swatting at the shuttle.

    3. Kind of wish I had gone to the office today instead of telecommuting!

      Also, I wonder if any of us work in the same building.

  24. Gift threadjack – My best friend’s daughter is turning 1 in a few weeks, and I was trying to think of cute and meaningful ideas for a gift, since she doesn’t need any more toys. I was thinking of getting her some kind of wall art for her bedroom. Specifically, I was thinking of getting her a custom “recipe” (see the Etsy shop Articipe) about “what little girls are made of”. I want to make up a new recipe (beyond the “sugar and spice and everything nice”), and was wondering what the ‘Rettes would add to make up a recipe. I’m hoping that when she’s young it’ll help boost her confidence and also be a reminder to focus on her inner qualities.

    Thoughts?

    1. not sure the amounts, that’d be up to you, but off the top of my head…

      wisdom, inner beauty, confidence, grace, humility, honor, patience, compassion, laughter, resilience, strength… at least those are traits I’d wish for my child as she grew and became an adult. Hope it helps even a little!

  25. Apologies if this posts twice! Original question is in moderation.

    Gift threadjack – My best friend’s daughter is turning 1 in a few weeks, and I was trying to think of cute and meaningful ideas for a gift, since she doesn’t need any more toys. I was thinking of getting her some kind of wall art for her bedroom. Specifically, I was thinking of getting her a custom “recipe” (see the Etsy shop Articipe) about “what little girls are made of”. I want to make up a new recipe (beyond the “sugar and spice and everything nice”), and was wondering what the ‘R e t t e s would add to make up a recipe. I’m hoping that when she’s young it’ll help boost her confidence and also be a reminder to focus on her inner qualities.

    Thoughts?

    2. This is such a cute idea. I’d suggest: imagination, curiosity, independence.

      1. ack, i love all these ideas! i need this wall art for myself ;o) thanks for all these words, r e t t e’s, you made me smile, and im feeling better already!

    6. This is so cute. I wish you’d posted this a little earlier. I was invited to a 1st bday party and i was hunting for gift ideas. I ended up getting a toy from babies ‘r us but later found out their house was swamped with toy gifts. Thank God for the gift receipts.

    7. I went to her shop on etsy, and I love how in just the last 25 minutes her shop has BLOWN UP with activity and requests for custom work. Way to go ‘r e t t es!

      1. Her shop was also mentioned on younghouselove this monring which is an extremely popular home blog, probably more widely read than this little corner of the internet.

      2. Probably not this site’s doing – they were featured on Young House Love this morning.

    9. Thanks for all the suggestions, everyone (and K in Transition from above)! These are some great ideas!

  26. Question about a candidate for a job:

    I am interviewing a few candidates for a job. I had scheduled an interview with a particular candidate for this morning. I called both her cell and her land line at the scheduled time and she didn’t answer either. I left messages asking her to call me back. She just sent me an email (3 hours later!) saying that she “believed I may have called this morning” and was wondering if we could reschedule for Monday. She did say that her land line was down (yet this doesn’t explain why she didn’t answer her cell phone). This does not bode well for an candidacy. How do I respond to her?

    1. I think I would e-mail her:

      “Thank you for your interest in position X. At this time, we will be unable to reschedule your interview. Best of luck in your job search.”

      2. Agreed. No matter how good she looks on paper, this is an indication of what she will bring to the job.

    2. If she’s a reeeaaalllly great candidate other than this, I might give her another chance and reschedule. If she is not an amazing, incredible, mind-blowing candidate on paper, then she lost her chance. You could respond: I’m sorry, our time is full with other candidates. Best of luck with your job search.

      Honestly, as someone who is job hunting, and would work soooo hard to never miss a scheduled phone interview (without a major/life-or-death reason), i would be pretty upset if this person got the job over me.

      1. I agree with you. I am very irritated that she missed our scheduled call. Also, the tone of her email was not at all apologetic. Thanks for the feedback and suggestions!

      2. I agree. She should have called apologizing profusely with a valid explanation, like she was in the hospital. I don’t think an e-mail is sufficient and I would probably not give her a second chance no matter how great she is on paper. If she can’t even be available for a phone interview, then what else will she flake out on in the future.

    3. I had a candidate no-show for an in-person interview, for which I had traveled to his city. On paper, he was our top candidate. He later sent me an apologetic email saying he’d gotten stuck in a meeting and couldn’t get out of it to call me and let me know.

      I replied something like, “Thanks for letting me know. We have moved forward with another candidate. Best of luck to you.”

      And it turns out that other candidate was one of my best hires ever. Maybe mom was right – things happen for a reason.

    4. I vote you don’t respond to her.

      But then my tolerance for things like this is rather low… :-)

    5. I’d reschedule, but the very first question I would ask her in the interview is why she missed my calls.

      It’s possible there’s some sort of emergency and she was flustered – electrical fire caused landline to go out, or a power outage and phone went out and her cell battery drained, etc. I wouldn’t want to lose a good candidate without finding out the reason why she missed the call.

  27. Woohoo! Just finished my last search committee meeting and we agreed completely about the top candidate. She is fabulous! Now if I could just get her on the phone to offer her the job…

    1. I hope the poeple who are going to interview me next week feel the exact same way about me :|

      1. Me, too! And a PSA for jobhunters: Those of us in authority pay attention to how candidates treat our staff. If you treat staff like “the help” you won’t get the job.

        1. Ugh – why would anyone do that, candidate or not? I just don’t get that.

          1. Because they’re pretentious DOOSHes. I always make sure to send a thank-you e-mail to whichever HR person scheduled stuff for me and I try to be super nice to everyone I meet (but that’s also just my personality) — plus, chatting with the front desk staff about the weather (or whatever) is certainly better than sitting their obsessing about how I’m never going to find a job!

        2. Second this. We had a summer that the team was pretty divided over. The deciding vote? The office manager.

        3. Would asking a receptionist for a glass of water be considered treating her as “the help”?

          1. I’m a receptionist of sorts. If I forget to offer a candidate a bottle of water…that’s on me, but it probably means things are crazy hectic. The best impression you could give would be to ask for directions to a nearby water fountain, which will show that you’re self-sufficient but hopefully also spur the receptionist to offer you a bottle/glass of water.

          2. In our case, it was being dismissive to the committee member (who happens to be staff, but higher level) who was shuttling her from one meeting to another. She also ignored the two staff who went to lunch with her to carry on a long conversation with a faculty member at lunch.

          3. It depends. Were you shown where the kitchen is and told to help yourself? Then yes.

            If the receptionist asks if you would like something to drink or if you need anything, then no as long as you say please and thank you while looking the receptionist in the eye. Don’t be picky about ice/no ice, don’t ask for a lemon, don’t ask for a re-useable cup.

            “Treating as the help” refers to behaviors that are outright rude or cause extra work for the receptionist. An interviewee should be cognizant that hosting interviews isn’t a small job for the receptionist. Being dismissive of the receptionist, not answering the receptionist’s questions directly, playing with your phone while the receptionist is talking to you, and having complicated dietary requirements that aren’t medically-necessary (our office manager handles allergies and vegans like a pro but don’t ask for substitutions “just because” when she’s ordering food for 20).

  28. I see few threadjacks about job offers and hunting.
    I was contacted by a person from a very big company A. I myself am currently working at a company B of a similar (or bigger) caliber so I get to interact with several senior managers from company A. A very senior person in company A is an alumnus of my alma mater and he has very high esteem for me from our interaction withing alumni association.
    The person who contacted me is an alumnae too.
    She contacted me via linked in and said she had an offer, I said thanks for considering my profile (on linked in), sent my resume and my phone number.
    she called and asked me: are you actively looking for a job?
    I was very honest and answered that I keep an eye on different offers and what is going on in the market but I am not active (as in I do not send applications).

    I have a meeting with them and they’ll tell me more about the job etc.
    I’m just wondering, did I mess things up by being honest? I really do not send applications, but I am looking every now and then at what is offered. Would they consider this as me being uninterested?

    1. I wouldn’t over think it. They are still meeting with you so clearly they are interested in some fashion. Maybe they wanted to know if you were actively hunting so they could pass along any other opportunities since you are a fellow alum. Recruiters would tell you that they place people all the time who weren’t actively looking to leave, but a perfect opportunity came along. Good luck on a productive conversation. You can always ramp up your enthusiasm as the process goes along if it looks like a good fit.

    2. No. They are approaching you and know that this was probably unexpected. They are approaching you because they want you and don’t want to bother with a full search.

      I would come prepared for the meeting and ask some penetrating questions. They approached you so ask why they approached you, why the position is open, why the last person left, and where Company A is going. Of course you should show some enthusiasm but not as much as if you initiated the hiring process.

      You are doing them a favor so play up your skepticism a little. Stress that you like your company and don’t want to be disloyal. When they offer you the job (and it’s practically a given that they will), ask for a big raise/better benefits/etc.

      It’s a good position to be in for a job search. Congrats!

    3. That’s actually how I would have responded (and have responded in the past). You said enough to let them know that if they have an opportunity for you, you would be open to discussing and considering it. That’s all that matters in this particular scenario.

  29. Someone mentioned “the dress” on the news post. I have never heard of this. I have “the skirt” in several colors and have seen it praised here often, but have never heard of “the dress.” Where does one find “the dress?”

    1. They answered you. :-) Its supposed to be awesome, though I don’t personally own it.

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