Coffee Break: Halloween Candy No-Show Socks

78 Comments

1. Rent the Runway monthly subscriptions services – any reviews? I’m intrigued, but would like to hear more about others’ experience before taking the plunge.

   1. I did it for a few months and cancelled, and tried both the Update (limited number of pieces monthly) and Unlimited plans. I did find some really amazing pieces, but overall got frustrated by the amount of time eaten up by transit to and from the warehouse (which from my city ran around 5-7 days per piece from drop off to receiving a new item). It seemed like I was losing a third to half the month in transit, per “spot” in my subscription – which was a lot for the subscription price. I also found that I was around 50% success on sizing and getting items that were in good condition to wear. Many items had more wear or fading than I would leave in my own wardrobe before donating, and the stretched out or older ones were off on sizing as a result.

      So a lot of items went back immediately and it felt really wasteful. If you do it, look closely at reviews and photos, and try to pay attention to how old the reviews are. The older the review, the more likely the item is on its last legs.

      I did find a few new brands I really love and look for to purchase now, but it ultimately wasn’t worth it financially for me. I do think there’s merit if you live in a city near a warehouse or are really good at picking sizing based on brand/online reviews/photos.

   2. I subscribed to it for a few months. It was really nice to have for special occasions (much more cost effective than doing separate dress rentals, and there were tons of options for both cocktail and black tie), and I would absolutely do it again if I had a stretch with a lot of weddings/galas

      The everyday/work clothes were fun to supplement my wardrobe, but I found that 1) shipping took long enough that I had to rely on my own pieces much more than when I had Le Tote or Gwynnie Bee subscriptions and 2) I was sized out of a lot of the options. I’m a 12/14 in most mall brands (Ann Taylor, New York & Co, Talbots, Express) and a lot of the clothing they carried topped out at a 12 that fit more like a 10.

   3. I dropped it after a month. The pieces I was really interested in were often not available, and I tend towards knits, which I think show their wear more quickly than other pieces so several items felt like I’d gotten them from the thrift store.

   4. I do unlimited and it works really well for me. I attend a lot of events that are cocktail/black tie (at least 3 a month?). I could obviously wear a simple black dress to all of them and it would be fine, but I really enjoy getting to wear new dresses. It’s my fun fashion splurge – I don’t get manicures, blowouts, facials, etc. and otherwise wear a lot of simple basics for a long time. Now I’m pregnant and I find it really useful for nice maternity clothes that I wouldn’t otherwise purchase.

      I do look at the reviews and have been an RTR customer for years, so it’s easy for me to select good picks based on long experience with certain brands.

      As far as the shipping, I live within 4-5 hours of their shipping warehouse in NJ, so when I order, I often get my clothes the next day.

   5. I did unlimited for a while post BR surgery.

      Likes:
      Fun to always have fresh wardrobe options
      Great for vacay or special occasions
      Nice to wear high end (mid end?) designers or pieces I wouldn’t normally buy
      They take care of drycleaning upon return

      Dislikes:
      Unless you are in the NYC area, it takes 2-3 days for a shipment to arrive. They don’t ship on weekends so if you choose a piece on a Saturday, it probably won’t get shipped til Monday/Tuesday. It takes a minimum full day for them to note your returns so there is often some lag in between when you drop items at UPS and you can pick new ones. I wouldn’t count on getting more than 2 shipments a month, 4 if you stagger 2 pieces per week. So likely 8 pieces a month.
      Larger/cusp sizes are extremely limited.
      Their interface is terrible. Sometimes I would search through 7 out of 10 pages of items, and then click for more details on one item, and end up back at page one.
      I chose a size at the beginning and it defaulted to that size forever. I could not undo it or change it no matter how hard I tried. It always told me my changes could not be saved.
      App is not available on android (or wasn’t when I was using it about a year ago). Not sure if searching is better/easier on the app but the website is horrid.
      People keep pieces for a long time I think. I had several favorited pieces that never became available in my size the whole 3-4 months I was signed up.
      Some of the stuff looked pretty beat up by the time I got it, esp. sweaters.
      Some of the colors were way off from the website.

   6. It’s fun if you have some money to play with. I use to it to curb shopping– i.e. $160 a month isn’t cheap but is less than I was spending on clothes so it’s worth it to me, and I’ve gotten some truly fun/crazy things I’d never buy.

   7. I had a horrible experience where they charged me for a bracelet that “Wasn’t returned” (it was, in the box, in the same pocket it arrived in, and I tied the bag with their zip tie thing) when I was ending my membership. I paid with my amex thank god and backcharged it because it would have been $200. I’d only do it again if I was returning to a store location. Use a good credit card.

2. I am attending a fundraiser/gala for a local art museum this weekend. What should I wear? I was planning on a sheath dress with a blazer, but should I wear more of a cocktail dress?

   1. Cocktail dress or even sheath with fun jewelry/shoes. Blazer reads too close to business formal for a weekend event, IME. Also, check social media for pictures of the event in years past.

      1. +1 ditch the blazer.

   2. If its friday night and people would be coming right from work- then your outfit is probably fine. If it’s Saturday night, I’d wear a cocktail dress.

   3. When in doubt, call and ask the Development staff at the host organization – they can advise. At arts organizations in particular, development staff tend to be heavily female. Arts events tend to involve more dramatic fashion choices, which gives you a lot of leeway, but my instinct is to err on the side of fun. So skip the blazer or go for the cocktail dress.

   4. Jumpsuits are my go-to for events in the arts community.

3. On the topic of online dating – I seem to have many more matches than time to actually meet up with people, and yet many of my first dates are blah. I’ve definitely had a few good first dates, but I’m wondering if anyone has tips on how to improve my good date:bad date ratio. My criteria do not include anything related to work (they have to have some), height, background – just someone reasonably nerdy that I can have fun and banter with, and obviously am attracted to. I generally screen for a funny or at least interesting profile and/or pics, and a reasonably fun/bantery/interesting conversation. What am I missing?

   1. What is the typical first date? Does having coffee first as a screening count as a date?

      What is wrong – just no chemistry or something… worse?

      1. I usually do a drink as a first date, but have done coffee and even lunch. The problem seems to be that even if the conversation/banter is great on messaging, on the date the guys freeze up. I’m pretty attractive, but I don’t think of myself as “render men speechless” level attractive, and that’s the feeling I get – guys just clam up and I’m doing most of the talking, asking questions, pushing the conversation along. I don’t bother with second dates with these guys (I always text and let them know).

         1. I may be in the minority here, butI would give those guys a second chance. So they’re shy. Some people are, and some people have a hard time initially finding something to talk about. Give them a second chance. If they are still like that on the second date, then I’d call it quits. I’m sympathetic to the shy guys who might be too quiet on the first date because of nerves.

            1. Hmmm I guess I am coming out of a long term relationship with someone who was so shy that he avoided social situations to the point that I felt like I was single for social purposes. So while I have no issues with shy guys in general, I’m in the mood to be in a relationship with someone less shy right now.

            2. I think there’s a fine line on this… but lately I think if you lower your expectations for a first date and go on more second and third dates, you might find dating a little more pleasant. Just my experience in my current round of online dating. That said, of course, not everyone deserves a second date.

   2. I tried on line dating, and even met 2 guys, but they were ONLY interested in 3 hour relationships with me, b/c they never read my profile, just looked at my pictures. I think men don’t want a long term relationship with anyone who is to successful, but they DO want to be abel to tell their friends that they have had s-x with me. But that is NOT going to happen, so the date ends right on the spot, once I figure out what their angle is. I have NO intention of being a pin cushion or repository to fulfill their s-xueal needs, and I don’t care if they are the CEO of their companies (both said they were). One was a phony and the other one drove a food truck. Big deal.

   3. No kidding. I went on three first dates this weekend and they were all blah. (One was worse than blah – the guy was a non-stop interrupter and mansplainer.)

   4. I don’t think you’re missing anything. You just have to go on a lot of bad or mediocre dates to find the good ones. There’s no life hack for this.

      1. +1

         I met my husband online, and dated using various apps and sites off and on for about 6 years before meeting him (before that I was dating, just not using any online services to meet people) and I had a lot of boring dates. Husband said the same thing about his experience before meeting me. I think it’s normal to just not click with most people and when you don’t click your date is boring.

   5. Commiseration. One of the (many) reasons I hate dating.

   6. Try to do something interesting–board game bar, concert, etc– that gives you something to talk about. Otherwise it can feel interview-y. If it’s still stilted, its just not a match.

   7. OP, having read your response below – without wanting to stereotype, I think there’s truth to the idea that there’s quite a bit of crossover between ‘shy’ and ‘nerdy’ guys. If your profile doesn’t already specify that you want someone who’s more sociable I would try adding that and see if you find the guys that attracts more closely fit what you’re looking for.

4. It seems like you think trouser socks are almost a replacement for trousers, in the length and thickness.
   I disagree.

   I believe – and will argue with you as if you are my husband – that trouser socks are designed primarily to cover ankles and the lower calves, below knees, so that when you wear trousers (and probably Oxfords or similar flat shoes) and you cross your legs, your bare skin does not show, akin to a businessman’s “socks”. We have “trouser socks”.

   Can I get an AMEN?

   1. Wait I don’t understand this at all…are you implying people skip pants and just wear socks? What.

      1. This makes me think of that Risky Business dance scene. Just shirt and socks.

      2. Know your office!!

   2. Agreed. I totally don’t understand what Kat is trying to say. Trouser socks are basically crew socks, length-wise.

      OMG, these patterns from J Crew are cuuuute. I really want the foxes and the coffee/eggs/bacon patterns!

   3. I mean, maybe?

      But also some people live where it’s cold and it’s nice to not have frozen legs and ankles at work or when commuting. That was why I liked them when I lived in the cold and windy north.

   4. I think it’s more an expectation as to the weight/thickness of the fabric. I would consider “trouser socks” to be thin enough to wear with shoes that I would also wear with tights — heels, strappy pumps, flats, etc. Whereas I would want a thicker sock to wear with boots or sneakers. (Although I think a “boot sock” is generally something that’s much thicker, like for hiking.) Too many sock names!

      I would also expect a trouser sock to NOT show at all if you cross your legs — hence the knee high, tight nature of them — whereas whatever the calf-height socks are at JCF may show a bit.

      1. I understood “trouser socks” to be hose that you wore with pants. So back when ladies had to wear hose, if you wanted to wear “slacks” to work, you could wear trouser socks with your slacks and work appropriate shoes so you didn’t have to wear full hose under said “slacks.”

         1. Ah, slacks! I also think of my father, tbh – he always wore tight, thin knee-high black socks with his suits to work, and then around the house in shorts and so forth — and my mom always called those trouser socks also. They weren’t athletic sock material but something thinner, more akin to tights. (In reality they may have been compression socks.)

         2. Those types of hose were called “knee hi’s.” They were the same gauge as panty-hose. They came in the same colors as regular hose (e.g., nude or black). Trouser socks are a fine-gauge knit sock, either crew, calf, or knee length, generally in darker colors to match the shoe/trouser color. Sometimes they have patterns woven in. Basically the same thing as a men’s dress sock.

            1. Back when I was in choir in college in the late 70s, our director had us do a warm-up exercise that involved us singing “Knee high hose! Knee high ho-oh-oh-oh! Knee-ee-ee, high-igh-igh, ho-oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh! Knee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee high hose!”

         3. My 75yo father used to swear than men wore trousers, women wore slacks. I don’t think I’ve heard the word since our last argument about it, circa 1992.

      2. Agreed. Trouser socks for women are socks that I can wear with heels. They are super lightweight and possibly even sheer and come to mid-calf or higher. Anything thicker than tights is just a sock and is going to fit / look funny with pumps.

5. Any recommendations for good resources on residential “green” building options? While I know we can rely on our architect and contractor, we’d like to do some of our own research into solar panels, graywater systems, insulation, etc. The websites I’ve found so far seem unreliable or a maze of gov’t programs. Thanks.

   1. Not sure where you are, but my sister is an architecture/interior design student and they do lots of sustainable design research. Maybe check out the universities near you, see what they know?

   2. There’s geothermal. If you’re in NY, check out Dandelion Energy.

   3. Try the US Green Builiding Council. They are responsible for the LEED program. Their resources push LEED certification, and you can ignore that part because who needs the paperwork, but they should have reliable, reputable information about green building techniques, too. Start here: http://greenhomeguide.com/articles

6. ARGH. I told two people on my team about an impending retirement at our organization. It is not inherently good or bad news, just a change. This is being announced publicly in about 10 days, organization wide. Just got busted by our HR Director (my peer) for doing this. It is 100% my fault and I should not have done it, but I’m mad at myself and my teammates both (I know, I know, it is my fault for burdening them with a secret). Still. Argh.

   1. Good grief. Don’t be mad at your teammates. You told. Why wouldn’t they tell, as well?

      1. Exactly.

      2. I know. I am mad that this happened but I realize I am 100%, no holds barred, the one at fault (and am therefore mad at myself for doing this). Just posting anonymously into the universe to vent.

7. I live in LA and work in a business casual office and I don’t have any idea what to wear.

   I came from big law so I’ve been relying on suiting separates, but I don’t need to dress that formally. My attempts at less formal business casual seem a bit twee.

   There is a huge range of work wear across the women in management so that isn’t a guide.

   I have foot issues so I have a hard time finding non-frumpy footwear, which I feel also drags my outfits down.

   I’m hoping that there are some good business casual fashion blogs with actual outfits, maybe LA based so I can figure out what to do/how to layer for our mutli-seasons-in-a-single-day weather.

   1. Putting Me Together
      Jo Lynne Shane – not L.A. based, but features outfits I’d wear in real life.
      Savvy Southern Chic

      1. Thanks!

8. Anyone have some home security cameras that you like? Looking for wireless, three or possibly four cameras (front door, back door, side door, possibly driveway), like to stay under $500. I want it to be a one-time purchase and not a monthly subscription. (Already have a monthly home security system, not interested in their camera options.) Any suggestions?

   1. Simplisafe?

      But geez, where do you live that you need a security system AND 4 cameras?

      1. It has nothing to do with where I live, which is a lovely neighborhood; my husband is in law enforcement and we have received some threats, and I want to feel safer in my home, and not everyone has the same security needs. What’s good for me may not be good for you.

   2. How much video would you like to store?

      1. Just the current video up to about a week or so. Long enough to get relevant video after a break in or something, but I don’t need to be able to view historically other than that. Thank you!

   3. Arlo by Netgear. Got ours from Best Buy. No subscription fee.

      1. This is the exact one I’m looking at– my hesitation is that many reviews say it eats through batteries very quickly. Have you had any trouble with this?

         1. I have an Arlo camera and I don’t think I have to recharge it that often. Maybe every four to six weeks?

         2. Unfortunately we have had issues with a couple of the cameras going through batteries quickly. My husband takes them down and charges them with a cord. Ours are a couple of years old, so the newer models may be better. If you get the protection plan through Best Buy, you can return them…I think you get store credit. If you have an outlet outside, you could plug them in.

         3. Yes, just dumped our Arlo in favor of Ring because the batteries were always dying.

   4. Are you open to wired? I went back and forth between Nest and Arlo. I ultimately decided to suck it up and get the corded Nest over Arlo, because Nest’s power source means it can record continuously. Arlo conserves battery life by only recording when it detects something, which means (1) there’s a slight delay from when it first detected motion to when it starts recording, which may mean you miss a face because they’ve astutely moved out of the camera’s sight, and (2) sometimes the camera doesn’t detect anything and there’s no way for you to go back and manually review the video if it never triggered a recording (and I’ve seen this happen at a friend’s house where an extended commotion happened in the front yard and her Arlo caught none of it, so there was no video to go back and look at). Nest has its faults–IMO it’s primarily the ongoing subscription cost if you want to be able to go back more than a few hours–but spending the extra time nailing down the power cords from our outdoor outlets has been worth it for me to be able to go back and review all the archived video regardless of whether the camera set off a motion alert.

9. Anyone carve any fun pumpkin designs this year?

10. I started dating one of my childhood best friends two years ago. He is kind and caring but I can’t see a future – he wants kids, I don’t, he plans to eventually get a PhD/MBA, the mere thought of him going back to school for 5+ years makes me cringe. My other breakups have been more “this sucks now, I need out” rather than “this is nice, but forever seems really unlikely.” We have tried to talk through things, but while he believes things just work out, I believe people have to work and compromise to make things work. I can’t seem to bring myself to leave but at the same time I can’t see us together long term. Is this a go get couples counseling thing or a breakup thing?

    1. Sorry, this is a breakup thing. You have some pretty fundamental disagreements about your future — children and career are REALLY significant! I don’t think this is something that counseling will help you with. There’s no middle ground on a child…

    2. This sounds like a break-up thing, if you both feel strongly. I’m not suggesting either of you is wrong in your preferences, but nobody should give up the education/career they want and an opportunity to have children they want for the sake of a relationship. If there’s a specific reason for the impasse that you both might be able to work through, then counseling could help. But if there’s just a fundamental difference of opinions on these things, I don’t think it will just work out.

    3. If you’re both quite certain about wanting vs not wanting kids, this is something you break up over, in my view.

    4. If you don’t agree on having kids, then you need to break up. Doing it sooner rather than later will be better and kinder for both of you.

    5. how old are you and how old is he?

       1. We are both 29. Thanks to all so far!

          1. It’s a breakup thing, but it doesn’t have to be ugly. It can be one of those “oh if only we wanted the same things/ let’s keep up” breakups. I’ve had a few of those and they aren’t painful inthe way that unrequited love breakups are.

    6. Unfortunately this is a breakup thing. Couples counseling is not going to fix a fundamental disconnect in your life goals. This is one of those unfortunately situations where you are both good people with valid viewpoints who are just not compatible long term.

       It is not as urgent as it would be if your position regarding children were reversed (i.e. you want children and were dealing with a ticking biological clock) but if your long term goal is to find someone for “forever” this is not the guy. You can break up now or you can break up when he leaves (assuming he is going to go somewhere else) for grad school, but sometimes ripping the Band aid off is the way to go.

       Sorry you find yourself in this situation.

11. Do any of you ladies use a face primer? If yes, does it really help your make-up stay on longer, and what’s your favorite brand? TIA!!

    1. I use Beauty Shot Face Blur (a Korean brand). It helps keep my foundation on all day and minimizes pores. The best part: it’s only $12 on Amazon.

    2. I use Beauty Shot Face Blur (a Korean brand). It helps keep my foundation on all day and minimizes pores. The best part: it’s only $12 on Amazon.

12. “That Gal” brightening primer from Benefit, reduces natural redness, feels lovely. I think it minimizes pores.
    Smashbox is the one they have always recommended to me at sephora, but I don’t like it.

13. I’m in a weird situation at my job and could use some guidance. I work in an office job and a few months ago was asked to wear an old fashioned costume to dress as our company’s founder so I could take pictures with people. I cautiously agreed because I was relatively new and felt I didn’t have a choice. I think the woman who asked me to do it could tell I was hesitant but didn’t really seem to care. The problem is, is that now my work just assumes I will dress in this costume for all work events that have any relevancy to this person. They only asked me the first time and now just list that as my job duty for special events. I almost feel like I was bullied into doing it and now can’t get out of it. It’s not like I signed up to be a mascot or to wear a costume. I don’t really know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? I don’t want this to become a thing that I have to do multiple times per year. No one is asked to do this except for me.

    1. Is this real?? I’ll bite – Obv you send the organizing party a polite email stating that you are honored to have been asked, but must politely decline and let someone else have this opportunity. Repeat ad nauseum and NEVER put on a costume at work again if you want any respect…

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