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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Marl Peplum Jacket

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This jacket from Theory looks kind of of fabulous. I like the very sleek, very tailored style, but it still looks comfortable like a sweater — and in fact, they have a very similar sweater (made from the same blend of fabrics) that's black and doesn't have a zipper. Theory also has a few other things if you like a match-y look, including a sleeveless top that could go underneath, a fit & flare sweater dress (although it's not shown with the jacket — and it also comes in black/bordeaux), and a flared skirt. Lots of great options! This cute jacket is $395 at Nordstrom and is available in sizes P–L. Marl Peplum Jacket Macy's has a more affordable option, and Nordstrom has an alternative in plus sizes. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

390 Comments

  1. Regular commenter/reader anon for this. One of my best friends took a new job running her own kitchen and is doing a very soft / quiet opening this week to test some menu items. I’m so proud of her and this is a huge step in terms of what she can provide for her family. She’s a little nervous about this new challenge and I would so appreciate any rette support giving her a boost. If you’re in the midtown east area (54/Lex) of NYC and could order from Keep it Simple Kitchens one day this week, you would truly have my gratitude. They’re testing on the mobile platforms like seamless and take orders directly through their website.

    Also, any ideas of a little gift (under $50) that I can give her at the end of the week to mark this milestone for her? I know most of the women here skew white collar and are chasing things like partnership, but this is a big step in her career!

    1. This is a really great thermometer for the price, and they’re always handy to have around the kitchen. This one does hold up to heavy/commercial environments and is a fraction of the price of a ThermaPen.

    2. Is she a jewelry person? I have a friend who is a food scientist who often wears a “diamond” pretzel necklace, it is cute without smelt. Sometimes kate spade has nyc inspired or food inspired jewelry.

      no longer in the area but there are a lot of banks (bank of Tokyo, UBS, Barclays, Ameritrade) not far form her. She might think of a promo for them as she does a hard open, they are very loyal and spread the word on good food!

    3. Ottolenghi’s new cookbook Simple might be something she’d enjoy – it has great, tired of cooking at the end of the day/here’s what the chefs make recipes.

      1. Giving a cookbook to somebody who cooks for a living would be an insult in my eyes. I would tread VERY carefully with this. Especially with the “here’s what the chefs make” kind of recipes. That seems to set a rather “talking down” kind of tone for a gift for the OP’s friend.

        1. Yeah, I totally get that. Ottolenghi is a rock star chef though who a lot of chefs love – I have a few chef friends who I know would appreciate it and be excited to grab a copy. But I agree, you gotta know your friend & I wouldn’t want to risk condescending.

    4. Do they have a storefront? What are the hours? I can walk by there (if not on Park). That’s about the 1/2 way mark for me walking home. Are they near the Starbucks and the Harley place? I always have guys stareing at me when I walk past the Harley place, so I sometimes go to Park, even tho it is out of the way. I would normally not mind but those guys CLEARLY are NOT interested in me for my mind, as they do NOT know I am an attorney at law in this state. Anyway, I will stop by if you give us the precise address and If it is any good, I will have Myrna come with me next time after work. Yay for your friend!!!!! I think other ‘rettes in the area can easily stop by too.

    5. A friend who had a serious health emergency a few years ago and required donor blood in surgery goes with her family on the anniversary of her surgery each year to give blood. She posts on Facebook about it and basically tells everyone. If there is a specific day that has resonance to you, that is a non-pressured way to publicize it some more.

    6. I’m in the NYC area and couldn’t find it online, so she may have an SEO/listings problem. I’m in the industry and could actually help. My burner email is aggressiveexcitement at gmail

      1. Keepitsimplekitchens dot com and I will definitely pass your info along. Thank you for taking a look!

    8. The Food Lab by J Kenji Lopez-Alt (of Serious Eats) is amazing. And is currently in stock at Costco locations for about $25. It’s really good for people interested in the science behind food and gets much love.

  2. Reposting from yesterday since I posted late in the day:

    Any people out there who transferred from a traditionally legal job to a non-legal one? I was in a big law firm for 5 years and now in-house. Thinking about transferring out of the legal dept. Thoughts? pros/cons?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Are you going to a profit center or a cost center?

      Cost center jobs seem to get cut more, but profit center jobs can be a bit more brutal at some places (esp. if you are doing anything sales related).

      Also, re bonus structure — if your group made a ton of $ but overall results are bad, how does that affect your comp?

    2. I was a lawyer and now I’m in financial compliance. Most of my department has a law degree so it is still useful in this field. I’d suggest going into an area where your law degree is still valuable ie: Human Resources, compliance, etc.

    3. I was at a big DC firm and went in-house at a Fortune 200 company in the government affairs shop. 30 years later I don’t regret it. My legal skills were essential for doing regulatory work, and eventually I took over our sustainability reporting. Government/public affairs gives you the opportunity to work on what policy should be rather than interpret the law as it is. This allows considerable flexibility and creativity.

  3. I don’t know why (no medical people in my family or people with cancer / blood transfusions), but since turning 18, I’ve been a regular blood donor (like every other month unless pregnant / ill). Since having kids, I don’t really volunteer much (life is work, tend to family, work some more; repeat; retire; die). But I still give blood and then we go out to eat at a restaurant of my choice (to make up the iron, but oddly I always crave queso nachos after). I may bring my older child next time since she seems curious.

    But no one else in my family donates and only 1 friend does regularly.

    I think it is a good thing to do if you can (one friend is permanently deferred in the US due to study abroad in the UK during the mad cow era). Is there a way to gently encourage people? I feel bad when I miss, in part b/c I always perceive that there is a great unmet need and if I don’t go no one will. When I go in to donate, it’s usually just me and people 10-20 years older (rarely younger), but in college I remember people coming out in droves (maybe just for t-shirts and pizza).

    Is there a simple explanation to why more people don’t donate? I feel like it is the only superpower I have (and as I child I desperately wanted all superpowers).

    1. Unfortunately, I think it’s pretty hard to give blood! I was a regular donor, but currently still have 9 months left until I’m able to give again due to getting one cartilage piercing in November and then another cartilage piercing in July (you can give blood without the year waiting period if you go to an “approved” place which is usually Piercing Pagoda or Claires, which is only good for ear lobes). My roommate is a regular donor but got a tattoo recently so is also on a year long wait. It’s a shame, I loved giving blood, did it semi-regularly, and I’ve gotten many phone calls and emails telling me my blood type is needed but unfortunately I’m out of commission until next July. Between tattoos/piercings, recent travel, past illnesses, sexuality, etc. there’s a lot preventing people from donating (at least in my circle).

      I totally totally understand the need to be safe when giving blood and that the wait times exist for a reason, but do you know what really sucks? I have a few friends who are healthy gay men who are never going to be eligible since they are in relationships and therefore not celibate for an entire year, and they’d otherwise be very willing donors.

      1. I guess in the UK they just take otherwise healthy donors and don’t let the mad cow get in their way. I guess theoretically we can just screen them out b/c others should take their place (but man, it seems like donating is a thing that younger retirees do and maybe not much of our generation).

        When I went to NYU, the blood donor center ladies always marveled that I had no tattoos or piercings (very straight off the farm then). And when I finally got my ears pierced, I went to Claire’s and was the only person in there old enough to sign my own waiver :)

        1. yeah, a lot of people who were born in Europe or lived there in the 90ies can’t donate. It kinda sucks.

      2. +1 It is difficult for many people, for many reasons. Good for you though for doing it!

      3. I agree with this. I’m often disqualified because I’ve traveled to a place with malaria within the last year.

    2. Good on ya for doing it, but no, aside from keeping people aware of the power of blood donations, there’s nothing you can do to encourage people to do it. I appreciate you asking here, because it does raise some questions, but I’d urge you not to ask people in real life why they don’t do it unless you know them really, really well. It’s an intensely personal decision that is none of anyone’s business. Some people can’t give due to their health, medications, sexual orientation/activity, or drug history.

      Just keep donating, raising awareness, and passing this value to your kids.

      1. Sort of going to what you are saying, I always thought it would be safe to meet a guy with his Red Cross gallon pin. Like someone has really pre-screened this guy and asked a lot of very personal questions.

        [Like I’ve never asked someone whether they’ve spent more than 24 hours in jail. Maybe I should have?]

      2. Yep. All of this. Asking somebody why they don’t donate really goes into territory you don’t want to be associated with.

        1. This. I can’t donate for medical reasons, and really do not want to discuss specifics with people, especially co-workers. And if I say a vague “can’t donate for medical reasons” there will whispers about how I must be HIV+ (I’m not).

          1. There’s tons of reasons people can’t donate. If they gossip about you being HIV they’re clearly uninformed.

      3. For a long time I couldn’t donate because I was under the weight requirement. Now I don’t donate because I’m terrified of needles and cry when they have to take a couple of vials at the doctors office.. don’t really want to willingly go through that.

    3. I like to think that everyone give to the world in the ways that they can. I don’t donate blood, but I do volunteer with and donate money to various organizations.
      And yes, I did donate blood in high school and college and it was a miserable experience every single time. I’ve got small veins which means it takes forever for me to fill a bag no matter how much I hydrate beforehand and it made me feel super sick and exhausted the rest of the day. Finally on about my 6-7 visit to a blood drive, they told me to find some other way to give back because this way wasn’t working. I am registered with the bone marrow registry in case that turns out to be my superpower.

      1. My BFF died of AML almost ten years ago and many of his friends registered with the bone marrow registry to try to match. I keep my registration current just in case and have helped on several drives — you only need to give a cheek swab, no needles required to register!

        1. Has donating marrow gotten easier? I matched initially during law school and the time you’d be out for the donor surgery seemed to be at least 2 weeks. It didn’t pan out when they did more testing, but it made blood donation look so easy by comparison.

          I’m still registered though.

          ALSO: did you know that if you’ve ever been pregnant, each baby leaves some genetic junk behind? I’m not 100% sure of the science, but pregnancy is a screener question now and the phlebotomist was trying to explain why. [Also, I’m CMV+ so I can’t donate to preemies. I can’t change that, but I do hope that others who are CMV- give when they can.]

          1. There are two types of potential marrow/cell donation these days. The traditional donor surgery involves up to 24 hospital hours, with a return to work usually within a week or so and full recovery in about a month. Note that many of the donations involve travel, which can impact timing.

            PBSC (peripheral blood stem cell) donation is a lot less taxing. You are looking at five days of shots to build up your blood and then either one or two sessions of apheresis, which is similar to platelet donation. Recovery is easier here, with full recover for most people running under a week.

            I did not know about the pregnancy screener; I registered before pregnancy. Does it matter whether you carried to term or beyond a certain point?

          2. The pregnancy screening is for whole blood donation. I think it is phrased as “ever been pregnant” so I disclose all pregnancies (2 m/c and 2 to term; I’m rH- and both of my children are +, so I don’t mess with anything that can impact if I need rhogam again or future pregnancies). Sort of relieved that my children are + so they don’t have to deal with the rhogam shots (but that means fewer – donors).

            #TeamANegative

    4. I too donate regularly and feel really good about it! I think talking about how easy it is and how good it makes you feel is the best (only) thing you can do. Sometimes they won’t let me donate because my iron is slightly low. My husband cannot donate because he was in England for too long during the mad cow disease era. There is such a wide range of reasons that disqualify people, many of which people will be uncomfortable discussing.

    5. I donate platelets whenever I can, but right now I’m on a 1 year hiatus (and I actually have been quite frequently throughout my adult life) due to traveling abroad. Agreed that it is actually pretty difficult to donate, but I do love doing it. And I think the personal reasons that everyone else notes above are critical reasons why pushing people to donate should not be done.

    6. I agree some is political (I know several people who feel very strongly about being excluded due to their sexual orientation and won’t do it on principle), some personal. My job makes it very easy to donate by hosting regular blood drives and providing people with time off to do it, so if you work for a big enough employer that’s one way to encourage people is maybe organize a drive. But to answer for myself personally, I feel like crap when I do it and most of the time I just can’t afford to walk around like a zombie for a day after. I had a coworker who did it all the time because she always felt great after. I think that plays a role.

      1. My best donation was right before a bridal shower where I could sit and nibble and chat for the rest of the day.

      2. I feel awful and I train competitively in a sport and work biglaw, so basically, it hinders my life for a few days. However, I do a ton of pro bono work and I am active with several organizations local to my community that are effecting change for people of color and the underhoused/unhoused members of my community. I would find ways to organize blood drives and raise awareness by sharing on social media and explaining little known facts about the need and how people can make a difference.

    7. I wouldn’t ask people in real life. In my case I used to donate but don’t know because I had a small stroke and found out I have a genetic mutation that makes me prone to clotting. These are the types of stories you will inadvertently elicit and probably don’t want to. My husband literally passes out when he gives blood (or sees others doing it) and all the medical staff ends up having to take care of him and he feels bad and it’s just not good, so he doesn’t give either.

    8. I get blood drawn nearly daily for fertility treatments, and have for the better part of the last year. I cannot fathom being poked willingly at this point in my life. I think my example is another way of saying that you don’t know what people’s motivations are for doing/not doing something, so don’t assume you can (or should) persuade them otherwise.

      +1 to Pompom’s “Just keep donating, raising awareness, and passing this value to your kids.”

    9. So… thank you for your contribution I agree that it is really important. But please don’t try to guilt people into donating part of their body. As Pompom said, lots of people who want to donate can’t, and you “suggesting” that they should just rubs salt in the wound. Aside from that, trying to tell someone else what they should do with their body is… really overstepping.

      I would definitely encourage you to bring your kids with you, though, at whatever age you feel it’s appropriate. It’s so important to model charitable behavior for kids. Kinda hard to do that if you’re just writing a check.

    10. I’d encourage you to continue talking about being a blood donor to normalize it! A lot of people find it scary or intimidating and it’s really not. I donate when I can- my blood clots easily, I have low iron, and I have very low blood pressure, which makes it difficult to successfully complete a donation. I also travel outside the US regularly, which makes me periodically ineligible. But when I hit the sweet spot of not having traveled to a high risk country recently and my blood stats are looking good, I’ll make a donation.
      I stress to people that it’s not as scary as it seems, the people working at the center are really nice (way less stress than a hospital or doctor’s office!), and that it’s an incredible way to help people. I also offer to go with people who haven’t donated before, even if I’m not eligible at the time. It’s helpful to have a friend who knows the ropes and can tell you what to expect!

      1. I agree — it is really not bad at all for me (I don’t love it, but whatevs — it’s 20 minutes of my life where I just scroll through facebook or get a trashy magazine). Maybe if there were something where regular donors could buddy up with a nervous person willing to give it a shot, that would be something to do.

        I do take a selfie when I donate and post that to FB — maybe next time I’ll ask if anyone wants to come with (the Choco Tacos in the canteen area are pretty fab).

      2. I am pretty much you. Based on travel restrictions I try to “double up” when I am able to donate. Keep telling people that you donate blood, that it is easy and so precious for the people that receive it.

        For the ladies here that are large enough and have the right blood types, I highly recommend doing the double donation when they give you back your plasma and extra fluids. I feel much better after those donations and it takes about 10 minutes longer.

    11. I think the best way to encourage people is just to make it known you’re doing it. Put up a FB post every time. Mention it in conversations. Don’t tell other people to do it, there are all kinds of reasons that people can’t and it is hurtful to be pressured. But absolutely tell people you do it and love it!

      I don’t donate blood because I can’t without hyperventilating and sobbing uncontrollably

    12. My father was also a regular donor like you but able to donate frequently and had a rare blood type; sometimes he would get a call if there was an emergency (seems quaint now!)

      I really admired his donations, and later tried myself. First, I had weight issues (I was under 110 pounds at 5’8″ early adult due to undiagnosed thyroid issues – trust me, I’m not underweight now ; ) I tried again about 8 years ago and had a serious vasovagal reaction – I blacked out *multiple times* and the “team” of volunteers taking blood in my company cafe couldn’t get my bp up and didn’t call 911 or for a nurse. They wouldn’t even get a foil blanket. I’m sure it horrified many people watching, as well as me and my now-husband, who worked in same building and I called between blackouts. This was about an hour long thing and I should have been given medical attention.

      I haven’t tried since, but the NY blood bank was both unsympathetic and did not change or update policies to ensure it didn’t happen again.

      I think the fear of giving blood is real and blood banks could do a great deal to both assist donors and fix their donation process.

      my 2 c.

        1. calling on the phone but also calling as a means of requesting blood (we’ve had a bad car accident and we’re out of your donations, can you come in?) – doesn’t seem to be something they’d do anymore. also, the area is more populated now so hopefully more donors – with a better experience than me ; )

        2. My grandpa has the rarest bloodtype (AB-) and he’s gotten a call to come donate within the last few years because of someone in an accident locally.

    13. I don’t donate because regular blood donations make me anemic. It can be harmful to my health and I also don’t really want to explain that to people that yeah, blood donation on top of heavy periods and maybe other bloodwork is not a good combination for me. I know it is a great thing to do, but I think you should avoid encouraging people directly and maybe just promote blood drive events in a more general sense by talking about it as a general part of your day.

    14. I’m AB+, so I don’t donate because my blood is the least useful. I also think it’s bonkers that a men who have sex with other men are barred from donating. If we need blood that badly, and are extremely capable of screening donations for contaminants and diseases, maybe don’t be all puritanical about the restrictions? (Aimed at Red Cross and the like, obviously not the OP.)

      In answer to your question, more people would donate if they weren’t screened out for stupid reasons. Maybe you could lobby against that somehow?

      1. I agree that the ban on men who have sex with men is crazy, outdated, and stupid. But it is the FDA’s rule not the Red Cross’s, so at least blame the right people

      2. It actually isn’t the least useful. I’m also AB+ and they always beg me to donate, since it is pretty rare. When transfusing blood or anything, they try not to mix blood types anymore.

      3. You need to read up on why that ban exists. It’s not blind bigotry anymore. It introduces an unacceptable level of risk to the blood supply.

      4. It may be outdate but is there for a good reason. You screen out people at high risk of communicable diseases. The same way you screen out admitted intravenous drug users you screen out people at a high risk of HIV, which unfortunately is in the gay male community. A lot of it has to do that HIV can sometimes not show up on a blood screen if the user is less than 6 weeks infected. However, the same as people that get piercings, it makes more sense to put reasonable time and circumstance decisions. For men in monogamous relationships, celibate, or on PREP the ban is nonsensical. But to get rid of the requirement altogether is foolish, especially in places like DC where the gay population (in particular the poor and POC gay community, less so the more affluent) have HIV rates on par with some third world African nations. Better safe than sorry – talk to those infected by blood donations in the 80s for that lesson.

        1. Okay, so why don’t they ask about celibacy, monogamy, and PREP, etc.? Why can’t we have a less nonsensical ban?

          1. My guess is that when monogamy seems to be more normal in the gay male community, it may be or may become this in the future. Like now that people can be married, you might assume fidelity (vs before when a 20+ year partner would be a mere boyfriend).

            Sadly, my BIL cheated on my sister and she got tested for HIV for a while after finding out. I can’t recall if she was pregnant when she found out or nursing, but that’s a bad thing to go through when you know someone is stepping out. [Never mind the people who don’t know.]

            I can remember watching Sons of Anarchy (prison, tattoos, multiple partners) and thinking that no one can ever know the answer to a lot of the screener questions (and a lot that you did know would defer you anyway). I don’t know how Charming’s hospital had any blood on hand at all.

    15. I donated once a few years ago, but had a bad reaction afterwards. I ate and drank what was provided, but I was really shaky for a while and ended up being sick to my stomach. I’ve been nervous about trying again.

      1. Well, yeah, I think you have to put up with a certain amount of physical discomfort. Not everything is going to be easy.

    16. I’m gonna guess that you’re not torturing yourself out of obligation, but part of why you do this is it makes you feel good in the end – not that you enjoy the needle insertion or anything, but you come away knowing you’re helping people in need and that gives you a good feeling. Maybe talk about that, and how with everything that’s going on in the world, this makes you feel like you’re helping, you’re putting good into the world, and it helps you feel a little less helpless.

      Then, if people say “wow, yeah I should be doing this too,” say you’ll let them know next time you go to donate, and you can do it together and get food after, if you and that person live relatively close to each other.

      Just don’t guilt trip, don’t even vaguely guilt trip, this will have the opposite effect.

      1. I think of it like flossing: not awesome, but better to do than not do. Some day I may be in an accident / get cancer / have a child with sickle-cell / etc. and I’d want it to be there. I didn’t realize it, but sickle-cell patients have a great need for blood and a huge source of donors in my city comes via the HBCU located here and black churches.

    17. I first want to thank you for your donations and your modeling that generosity for your kids. I lost my father due to massive blood loss and the paramedics said they couldn’t get blood into him fast enough. As a result my mom gives blood regularly at scheduled appointments for years. I am barred from donating due to low weight, low blood pressure, and low iron.

      In short, there is no simple answer as to why (could be anything from donating restrictions to health reasons to personal autonomy to just being afraid of needles). I agree with others that it’s not fair to ask because people’s reasons vary greatly and they are entitled to that personal choice, but I do think being more open about doing it is a great thing!

    18. I used to be a very regular donor, but then I got malaria and couldn’t donate for a long time (there’s a minimum period of 3 years, but I wasn’t symptom free so it ended up being a long time). And then I couldn’t donate because I was in a relationship with a man who had previously had s*x with men (the guideline on this is more relaxed now, I believe). I think the best thing you can do is tell people you donate blood and promote blood drives – but I would stay away from specifically encouraging individuals donate, because of the many reasons you can be deb

      1. Yeah, I was turned away once for the same reason (I dated a guy who dated guys) and even though I don’t regularly expect my s3xuality/s3xual history to be something I’m judged for, in this context, hey, I’m being judged for it! So that was bleh. And then also all the fainting I do, being blacklisted for travel, tattoos, blah blah.

        I’m grateful for folks who do it, but if someone asked me why I don’t, they’d probably get an earful about my s3x life, which isn’t great for anyone.

    19. I don’t really have much to add here other than don’t assume – I look healthy but have tried to donate blood throughout my adult life with no success. Once I’d traveled to a blacklisted country, I was under the weight limit for several years, and now I’m low enough iron that I get rejected. So a lot of people you may assume are able to donate are not, for whatever reason. Probably good to keep in mind about everything, now that I think of it.

    20. I stopped because the Red Cross would let up on the telemarketer calls to come in and donate. Like calling up to two times a day every day.

    21. I can’t donate because I was doing a study abroad program in London during the mad cow era. It’s a potential problem for me–hemochromatosis (too much iron in the blood) runs on both sides of my family. Part of the usual treatment is to donate blood regularly.

      I don’t mind telling people why I can’t donate, but there are many people with medical issues who do not want to share their reasons for not donating.

      I think letting other people know that you do donate blood will get at least a few of them thinking about doing it themselves.

    22. I think you can talk casually about the fact that you donate regularly to raise awareness that it’s easy to do. I think a lot of people don’t think about it, or if they do think about it don’t go the extra step of looking through the eligibility requirements and where their closest donation clinic is. The eligibility requirements change over time, so I think there are lots of people who were not eligible last time they checked who assume that they remain ineligible.

      Of course, the eligibility requirements are restrictive. Until recently, I was ineligible because I lived in another country during a particular time period. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding on and off for the last 2 years, and now my low iron levels make me ineligible to donate. When not pregnant or breastfeeding, I’ve been going in every 3 months to test whether my iron levels have changed enough that I can donate, but it’s been negative the last 3 times and I’m starting to find it irritating to fit those appointments in with all the other demands on my time just to confirm that I still can’t donate.

    23. I think a simple way to “encourage” people is just to post about it on social media. I have a Facebook friend who always “checks in” when he’s giving blood. It’s not intrusive and can remind people who might be interested that it’s something they can check out.

    24. If you said once “I’m donating blood if anyone wants to join!” I think that’s appropriate. There are lots of reasons people can’t, in addition to those mentioned above– I’m too small. My friend is gay. Other friends are TTC. I don’t think you can push it on people.

    25. I would love to donate but isn’t there a weight requirement? I’m 100lbs soaking wet.

    26. I can’t donate because I was associated with a military base in Germany in the 1990s. This is a fairly obscure reason, but there are plenty of people who can’t donate due to vCJD (mad cow) exposure. I wish I could donate.

    27. It totally is a superpower! Go you!

      I echo the comments that say telling others that this is a thing that you do is the best way to encourage them. I have a friend who gives blood regularly and has mentioned it to me in a totally off-handed non-pressure way (“Hey, what did you do last weekend?” “Oh, I gave blood and then went to brunch.”). This resulted in me asking him about the experience and learning more about than I knew otherwise.

      I still have not given blood, though I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to try (partly due to my friend making it sound like not a big deal). When I was younger I was absolutely terrified of needles and having blood drawn at the doctor’s office made me hyperventilate. Now that I’m a bit older, my fear has downgraded to… somewhat squeamish, so it might be worth a shot. I have been absolutely shamed in the past for not giving blood and I found it both rude and unhelpful. I would not advise telling someone who confides in you that they’re afraid of needles to just stop being a baby and grow up as though their fears aren’t real!

    28. Just to chime in, I can’t donate because my veins are smaller than the needles. The bloodmobile used to bring smaller needles, but apparently they can damage the RBCs, so now they don’t.

    29. This may seem silly, but I just literally don’t know the logistics of giving blood. In college, I participated in a blood drive, and I also gave once when a blood drive came to my office… but other than that, I honestly don’t know. Do you just, like, walk into a hospital and offer up you arm?

  4. Question for MA voters… I am voting straight ticket blue for everything else (even though I don’t love Warren) but trying to decide what to do for Governor. I think Charlie Baker has done a good job and as a more socially liberal R, he aligns with my views. I am basically a single-issue voter and will never vote for someone anti-choice, but am not the most fiscally liberal (e.g., support raising the minimum wage in some areas and trying to reduce income disparities, don’t support free college). Who are you voting for for Governor? Voting for Gonzalez would basically only be as an F U to R’s and Trump (which I’m also happy to do, because F them).

    1. I love Baker. LOVE Baker. He’s done a great job in my opinion. I find him to be level headed, logical and decisive. My views seem to align well with yours. I agree that he’s a very moderate R – openly denounced Trump – and that’s good in my book.

    2. Not in MA and in normal times I pick and choose across both sides of the aisle based on issues of importance to me, but I am firmly on Team F Them this time around.

      1. I’m in MA and this is how I feel. Honestly the Diehl thing cemented it for me. He’s still towing the party line.

    3. I met Gonzalez at a meet and greet. I was introduced to him for 10 seconds, and an hour later, I raised my hand to ask him a question. He called on me by name, and I was impressed. There were 40-50 people in the room. He similarly called on other question askers by name, but its possible he knew them. He had never met me, and I am not someone in the public eye.

      I do not agree 100% with his platform, but I also don’t agree 100% with Baker. I think Gonzalez is less of a politician than Baker, which I appreciate. Did you watch the debate? Baker danced around the question of whether he is voting for Diehl, the state Trump director, for Senate. He wouldn’t answer! Then, post-debate after his handlers no doubt got ahold of him, he said he is voting for Diehl. I just camn’t stand political flip flopping and evasion!

    4. A good governor is a gem. I would keep a competent one with a track record before I’d vote straight ticket for one who’d upset the apple cart. A bad governor can really F things up in a hurry.

    5. I probably have similar views to you, and I voted for Gonzalez. I expect Charlie Baker to win, so viewed my vote for Gonzalez mostly as a way to relay to Baker an appetite for continued moderate-ism, and that he doesn’t have a complete mandate. Basically the voting equivalent of a teacher giving you a B+ rather than an A- just so you’ll continue to work hard.

    6. I have not been impressed with Republican willingness to buck 45’s agenda when the going gets tough. If we get into constitutional amendment fights (see this morning’s news), we need democrat governors. I think you should choose the Democrat.

    7. I cannot in good conscience vote for someone who chose not to vote for president in 2016, understanding (even then) what the potential consequences could be. Putting that aside, though, although he is moderate on some issues, he is still supporting Diehl (http://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2018/10/18/charlie-baker-voting-for-geoff-diehl-miles-howard), who is firmly in Trump’s camp (https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2018/09/08/diehl-campaign-trail-pledges-strong-tie-with-trump/BU4jdpD2XDo0i2dsXakvhO/story.html). Particularly given the likelihood that Baker will win, why not use your vote to stand up against someone who is still falling in line with the Republican party at least to some degree?

      1. +1 to this. this is why everyone jokes about Boston being racist and why we have a strong track record of republicans in charge in MA.

        I went with Jay because I’m annoyed with Baker’s party-lining, hedging. I’m a democrat for a reason and I don’t think voting for a republican sends the right message.

    8. I’m normally an independent/moderate R, but I just can’t with the Republican party right now. This is not the party I grew up with and stands for too many things I’m against. So, although I agree with Baker on many issues, I don’t think he will/can stand up to the party and I’m voting for Gonzalez because I’m unwilling to do anything that suggests I support the way the party is moving

    9. Please please please please do not vote for Baker. The biggest objection I have is his plan to lower the threshold for zone changes in municipalities (https://www.eagletribune.com/news/baker-eyes-changes-to-local-zoning-to-fix-housing-crunch/article_0de67678-69ff-5964-a21b-5b8c6e9cd522.html) other articles of you google “baker + zone change.” I feel so strongly about this that I may be outing myself here . . .

      The plan to change zoning code regulations from requiring a supermajority to a simple majority would be disastrous for local communities (to be clear – it would require FEWER votes to approve a zone change). We urgently need more housing in this state, but this is not the way to do it. This change would make local control over zone changes much more difficult – in my community, the city council has for too long been a rubber stamp for developers and certain lawyers who get every zone change they want. In the last two elections we’ve got enough candidates elected who are taking a closer look at these zone changes and evaluating the impact of each, and we finally (FINALLY) have the votes to block changes. Changing the law from a super majority to a simple majority would be devastating.

      There are a lot of ways to fix housing in MA, but this is not it (the way to do it is to increase support to Community Development Corporations and BTW you can get a $10,000 refundable state tax credit for donating to one).

      I could go on all day about Bakers approach to transportation and to the opioid crises, two other major issues I used to determine my vote, but I’ll stop here. Thank you for reading.

      1. actually, I think the rewrite of zoning is spot-on

        exclusionary zoning has got to go

        1. I agree – I don’t really see what’s wrong with this when I feel like a lot of the exclusions are just protecting “NIMBY” liberals from allowing affordable housing in…

          1. Where I live, YIMBY policies just opened the door to out-of-state developers of luxury apartments. I feel like we got the worst of both worlds. Taxpayers paid for a lot of the infrastructure to support the new housing, flooding has increased because there’s still not enough drainage, and traffic has gotten worse (because a lot of the people living the luxury apartments sure as heck do not take the bus). I really want more affordable housing (and enjoy urban living, take public transit, etc.). It’s wrong when the entire service class is priced out of town. But it feels like no one is really interested in making it happen.

          2. You are right that there is a lot of NIMBY-ism in Massachusetts, and I agree that it is bad.

            However, I also think local communities are the best people to evaluate the local impact. With only a majority needed to approve zone changes, it would become easier to railroad through development that isn’t beneficial. In my community, the majority of recent zone changes have been to allow luxury rather than affordable development, and I want to stop allowing those changes so easily, and force the developers to include MORE affordable units in their buildings. If approvals get easier, we decrease the ability of councillors like myself to force developers to raise the bar, since a simple majority of my council would (and has) approve(d) these high-end developments that aren’t a good fit for our community.

            I think if we want to fix housing & have smart development, we need to fix the state 40B law to encourage more housing, and we need to raise the 40B threshold from 10% to something like 15% or 20% (and see above comments about empowering and increasing support to CDCs). Those are changes that would help rather than hurt municipalities.

          3. Fixing housing has to be directly correlated to fixing cost of creating said housing, which I know is near impossible without far more subsidies than any municipality can probably support and quashing labor unions that charge incredible mark ups on materials and labor. I work on SO MANY housing developments, affordable and market rate, in their earliest stages that unravel altogether because the cost are at or exceed the as complete/as stabilized value.

            If I can throw a few million in 10 year treasuries and make 3.1% with taking essentially no risk, why in the world would I invest that same million in a housing project that BARELY makes 4.5%?, while also taking significant risk associated with construction/lease up/stabilization of a multifamily project? Risk adjusted returns are real and affordable housing rents don’t support the costs (land costs and hard materials costs) in Massachusetts. It’s math, and it’s math that lots of people like to ignore.

    10. Thanks everyone for their feedback! Gonzalez it is, if only as a message to stay Moderate. Agree that Boston is so racist.

  5. Looking for book recs for an oddly specific genre. I mostly read pretty heavy nonfiction, but I like to lighten it up on occasion with some easy fiction (it’s probably chick-lit). Looking for recs for books with characters with intertwined lives that keep connecting. For example, I like The Light We Lost, All the Summer Girls, Tabloid City, etc. I don’t want any straight up romance novels or anything that makes me feel like I’m losing brain cells reading it, just something that’s a nice break from my normal non-fiction books about depressing topics.

    On the other hand, if anyone is looking for a heartier non fiction, I love Sebastian Junger and just read Fire and I highly, highly recommend it!

    1. Ooh! How about outlander? There is romance but it doesn’t have to be the center of the story. The time travel keeps people intersecting in really fascinating ways.

      1. +1000000

        Also recommend: The Alice Network, The Nightingale, All the Light We Cannot See, Before We Were Yours, The Goldfinch, The Name of the Wind – also, it’s not light, and it’s very depressing but A Little Life is peak moving, intertwined lives

        1. I’m adding a lot of these, but also wanted to second The Goldfinch. The Secret History by the same author could also fit the bill for you.

          1. I really enjoyed The Goldfinch, but I will caution that I found it pretty slow and emotionally heavy in the beginning. Took me a little while to get into it, but I really enjoyed it.

    2. I love this type of fiction! I recently read Commonwealth by Ann Patchett. It’s about a family, so it’s expected that their lives will be intertwined, but it’s really about how certain events touch their lives at various points.

      Also, following because I’m always on the hunt for these types of books.

    4. Not chick lit (not in the least), but heavily “intertwined lives that keep connecting” to me screams Zadie Smith. White Teeth, On Beauty, The Autograph Man, and NW. Haven’t read her others just yet, but have read each of these several times. Sophisticated but easy to read because they are awesome stories.

    5. So take this at face value because I haven’t actually read these books…But the Elena Ferrante Neapolitan novels series sounds exactly like what you’re looking for. It’s about two friends whose lives keep intertwining.

      (I know it’s weird recommending a book I haven’t read, but lots of people seem to love it. I read a different Ferrante novel a while ago and kind of hated it…just could not like the protagonist the whole time, but I think it’s because I just don’t like the genre.)

    6. It’s a straight up romance novel, but really enjoyable second chance romance – Hate to Want You, Alisha Rai.

      (and there’s lots of them that won’t cause you to lose brain cells?)

    7. Only Revolutions by Mark Z. Danielewski might fit your criteria. It’s technically sort of romance, but also brilliantly (and oddly) written.

    8. A blast from the past… The Joy Luck Club (or really anything by Amy Tan)
      The Imperfectionists (interrelated short story collection with cross-over characters)
      The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
      Homegoing
      The Turner House (not light, but not super depressing and so good)

    9. Sarah Jio’s books fit this. They have a format – past + present, and there is usually some mystery and romance in both. By the end, the two “parts” come together and you see how they are connected.

    10. I’m halfway through Crazy Rich Asians, and its a trilogy that I think meets your requests. It’s brain candy but there are a lot of characters to keep track of!

    11. Crazy Rich Asians – If you saw the movie, the book goes into much more detail and follows 5 characters’ stories. I also wouldn’t classify it as a romcom like they did for the movie as there is so much more going on.
      Red Mountain by Boo Walker

    13. Station Eleven has that intertwining characters – also dystopian, so be aware of that.

      Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi also has a bit of the intertwining characters to it, though it’s generational, so you’d expect it. Three Wishes by Liane Moriarty is another where they’re related, but it switches around and interconnects all their stories to move along.

    14. I enjoy these kinds of books. I’m currently reading It’s Always the Husband. I haven’t read enough to confirm if it’s what you’re looking for, but it seems like it might hit the mark. Fiona Davis has written some books in which characters from different historical periods intertwine. I enjoyed The Dollhouse and The Address.

    15. Marian Keyes is great. I’ve read almost all of her books. The books about the Walsh sisters are intertwining (5 sisters, each get a book).

    16. I have similar reading habits: alternating between super non fiction and entertaining fiction. I avoid “serious fiction” like the plague.

      For my last vacation, I got hooked on Sarah J Maas, A Court of Roses and Thorns series. Beware! It’s addicting. It starts slow but really picks up and the other books in the series are really good.

    17. I am addicted to the “Miss Julia” series books. They are very Southern and remind me of my very proper Southern grandmother. But I laugh out loud at them. Definitely need to understand Southern and small town life to get all the jokes. I also like anything by Mary Kay Andrews and hers are Southern too now that I think about it.

    18. Next Year in Havana … It fits the bill for intertwined characters and is one of the best books I have read in a while.

    20. Recent books (O’Malley series was good, and 2010-2016 amazing) by Dee Henderson. I rarely re-read books but have read her Taken/etc. books at least 5x each. They do have some Christian themes and talk of religion but the main characters are usually mid 30s to 40s career women who occasionally find romance but not always. Many characters overlap in later books or I find while re reading that someone was casually named 3 books earlier.

    21. Not chick-lit and on the longer side I recently read Chesapeake by James A. Michener (follows 3-4 families over 400 years in the same region) and it’s definitely got a lot of intertwining family lines. This was the first of his books I read so not sure if some of the others are similar but I am looking forward to them.

      This one is a children’s (YA?) chapter book that I loved as a kid and bought used to read in law school (giving my brain a break from case law), “Sisters, Long Ago”. I wouldn’t go out of my way to get a copy but if they have it at your library or something, it’s a nice, quick read but with an interesting (to me) premise with intertwining lives.

      One more recommendation for an author/book that I got from this s!te quite a few years ago: The Gift of Rain by Tan Twan Eng. This might be my grown-up version of Sisters, Long Ago.

  6. I used to be in good running shape, but then took a long break after quitting my sport junior year of college. I’m not expecting to get back to my D1 fitness levels, but I’m really struggling to get myself back into running. When I was in running shape I loved running, it was enjoyable, and there was such a thing as an “easy run”. I’ve been trying off and on for about two years now to enjoy running again, but it’s been a huge struggle. Any tips on getting back into running shape and enjoying running again?

    1. If you like running outdoors, try trail running.

      Sign up for a running clinic for a specific race to get you focused and meet running friends

      If you like running on a treadmill inside, pick a new show to start watching while you run.

    2. What did you like best about running? The competition? Can you enter into local races to give you goals to train for? Would you like to run a race in each state? Did you like the camaraderie? How about finding a local running group and training with them? Is there a local running store that can tell you about the running community in your area?

    3. It is great you’re getting back into it! I think it just takes time. I took a zumba class last night for the first time in 3 months, and I’m surprisingly sore today after only a few months off. I didn’t gain weight, but my muscles definitely weakened. Perhaps try a structured program like Couch to 5K? I know that may be too beginner for you, but I would think you could skip ahead. It worked well for me when I hadn’t ran since high school.

    4. Consistency. It may take a few months of struggling but it’s being consistent with running week after week that will make it easier. Starting and stopping never lets your body adapt. Even if you don’t have time for a super long run that day, just get out there for some length of time to keep the fitness up.

      1. Yeah, this. My husband would do this every year or so, “I’m gonna get back into running!” and start out by running the way he used to competitively… then hurt himself, then give up… Finally he started out by going slower, and this time he’s had much more luck.

        I only have second hand experience because I f*cking hate running. Ha.

      2. This times a million. The run/walk method is great. It slowly builds up your endurance and lets you enjoy the run. Sign up for a local 5K. They’re fun, not a huge distance, and will be a good motivator. If you haven’t done any running at all lately, it might be too late for a Thanksgiving Turkey Trot (if you’re in the US), but you could definitely do a New Years race!

    6. Over the summer I started training by heart rate using a program called Heart Rate 101 offered by Another Mother Runner. It has allowed me to really increase my mileage and get into better shape without overdoing it and getting hurt. (Which I tend to do in my excitement.) The hardest part is how slow you have to go to keep your HR under the max. That sometimes means walking but you build up good fitness over time.

    7. I have found that running needs to be the last piece of my in-shape/fitness puzzle, not the first one. I.e., if I think “Wow, I’m out of shape, I need to get back in shape!” and decide to start running again, it is miserable no matter how gently I try to ease myself into it. Instead, if I take a month or two to build fitness in other ways, particularly lifting weights, it becomes easier to get back in the running habit. It will also help you avoid hurting your knees to add some extra strength to your leg muscles.

      1. That’s exactly where I am now! Months of lifting, yoga, spin, and other fitness classes and I’m getting frustrated with my inability to run.

        1. I quit racing (or rather, going to races). Maybe it’s just the vibe in my local running club, but once you drop from front of pack to mid, you might as well have an invisibility cloak on. That in itself wouldn’t be so bad, but there’s a fair bit of high school cliquishness that goes along with it. If you were into running for the social aspect, you sure do find out who your friends are when you get slow.

          I’m back in running shape now, but probably would have given it up altogether if I didn’t have the experience to know I needed to go out and do my own thing, mean girls be damned.

          So now you’ll mostly find me out in the woods.

          1. My running club has a group called the has-beens. At one point we were winning our age groups and setting PRs but after years of injuries, we can’t keep up.

            Our pace depends on the weather, usually between an 8 and 9 minute mile….far from our PRs but we have a BLAST! We color coordinate, bring fun snacks and cheer on those in the corrals in front and behind us. Your group is out there, I promise!

        2. OP, then you just have to…keep doing it. Consistently. Sorry, there’s no other answer.

          Slow down (slower than you think you need to go). Do a structured run/walk program. Sign up for a race with a community training program. But discomfort and suffering are part of the process, and you’ll never get back to having enjoyable runs if you don’t push through the misery in the short term.

      2. This! I found that it was easiest to get back into running when I had built up my fitness in other ways. I started doing Crossfit regularly (3/week) for 6 months, started running and I’m in good running shape! Suggest starting with some non-running activity first to raise your general fitness level, then ease back into it.

    8. The only thing that worked for me in your position (although I was never a D1 athlete even at my top form) was finding a group to run with and setting times to go when I won’t back out.

      1. That’s a good point! I was with some old teammates the other weekend and we were all saying that it’s so hard to motivate ourselves now that a) no one is forcing us to show up and get the workout done and b) it’s hard to push ourselves without someone yelling at us. A group might be just what I need!

      2. In fact, my friend and I were recently joking that we should join the FBI (or another job with fitness tests) for that motivation ha!

      3. The only way I get better at ANYTHING is to do it with people who are slightly better. I force myself to run with faster people once a week (it is soooo hard) but it really helps me improve in a way that I could never achieve on my own. I did not start running until my late 40’s and it is the single most efficient and effective mode of exercise I’ve tried.

    9. Honestly, can you try another sport? I was never a D1 athlete but there was a time in my life when I spent 2 hours a day in the pool. It’s hard for me to enjoy swimming now because I remember how fast and fit I was as a teenager and feel very slug-like and slow. Weirdly, running (which I hated as a kid) has been great for me.

      1. I was actually a rower in college and we just ran for fitness/cross training. I will never touch an erg again for that very reason!

        1. Another former rower here. Can’t run much due to knee issues. I got a Peloton bike and its amazing! Super fun spin classes and right now I’m doing a team challenge where I’m on a team and have to ride my 3 x a week or I will let down my virtual teammates.

        2. Also former rower here. I dont run any more due to knee problems. I have and use my Peloton exercise bike. Its a fun workout, the live and on demand classes feel like competition because you race others (or their previous output). Right now I’m doing a power zone challenge where I am on a virtual team and have to do at least 3 rides a week and check it off in order to not let down my team. Super fun and motivating and worth the expensive price.

    10. Every time I’ve had to take time off for an injury (I’ve had various issues with my right foot and left hip that took me out for between 3 months and 2 years) it’s taken me awhile to get back into loving running again. It’s something about finding the rhythm of it for me. For awhile I’ll just feel awkward and never find my groove for every run, and it’s such a struggle. Then with consistency it always comes back after a few months. For me, consistency means about 3 runs a week (distance matters less than frequency) for around 2-3 months, and then it starts to feel easy again.

      I also figured out that for me personally I can’t listen to music when I run because it interferes with my internal rhythm and keeps me from finding that meditative zone.

  7. Who would you talk to about career, school, and significant life decisions if family/partner were not options?

    3. My BFF. My therapist. Other friends.

      If you don’t currently have friends that work for these conversations, that’s something to think about working on, but I recognize that it’s a long project. So, I’d start by looking for a therapist. Or a life coach, if full-on therapy feels like to much for your current needs.

    4. My friends and former colleagues. I’ve always believed in the personal board of directors concept and cultivate that. I didn’t have a husband/partner until recently and my family doesn’t get what I do so having a strong group of trusted advisors has always been key for me.

    5. My friends! Even though I’m really close with my family, I never discuss work, etc. with them. We have very different careers and pretty different lifestyles so not only would I spend more time trying to explain things than talk it out, but I also don’t find their advice to be particularly helpful. Same goes for many major life decisions, etc. That being said, except for work-friends my friends also have zero frame of reference for what I do. However, they have the benefit of being the same generation/lifestyle, etc. so they’re usually more helpful.

    6. I don’t have a partner and haven’t for some time and am not close with my family.

      BFF, good girlfriends, therapist, although frankly, I tend not to discuss these things much with other people. I don’t usually find it all that helpful as I am pretty good at evaluating my options and risks, and accept that if I choose “wrong” life will go on and I will get another chance.

  8. I work 12.5 hour days in a job that is either pure chaos or very slow. I’d say an average day is a few hours of a moderate amount of work but the rest of the time is insane or boring (with more boring than insane). Looking for ideas of things I can do to be productive when I”m at work. I’ve started on Duolingo and also playing free rice and reading the news, but any other ideas? Looking for suggestions of “self improvement” type things like I”m already doing but also things to help productivity- working the long hours makes it hard to do much at home, etc. on days that I work.

    2. Pay your bills. Write thank you and birthday cards. Is there a gym nearby you can join for the slow days? Shop online for gifts. Order your groceries / meal plan. Join an organization and go to their daytime meetings (Rotary, a local networking or business group in your field). Set up networking coffees and lunches.

      1. Unfortunately, it’s very much a butt in seat type of position. We hardly even get a lunch break. I’d LOVE to get my workout done at work but sadly is not in the cards.

        1. Gently, can you fix that? I’d coordinate with my colleagues to text in case of emergency and work out a way we could all go get things done. Also, have you tried? You might find that the rules you’re imposing on yourself are not rules anyone else is.

          1. Unfortunately it’s a watch officer position, so leaving the room is really not an option! There’s only 1 or 2 of us staffed per shift and we’re monitoring several sources (we have 12 screens in the room to be monitored 24/7).

          2. And, do you have an office with a door? You can sneak in a 15 minute fitness blender workout (light stuff, squats and lunges, nothing sweaty) if you can shut your door for a short time. You can keep your email pulled up and respond to things if there’s an expectation of immediate availability.

        2. Learn to knit or crochet – something you can do with your hands while keeping your eyes on your screens.

    3. Can you write for an association or group representing your profession? Or volunteer for one (often there is side work that’s not too bad) or offer to do presentations? I think that’s better than playing games or surfing on the employer’s time and boosts your hire potential if you ever need it.

    4. I would do all the planning stuff we normally hate. Order holiday gifts. When planning a vacation, do it at work. If needing to make a big purchase, research the options at work. Pay bills. Research fun activities to do in my downtime. Probably read a book on kindle on the computer.

    5. Are you in a field that produces articles or some type of publication? Could you research and write an article in your work downtime? A law journal article, or something for an industry publication? Bonus if it’s something you would put on your resume, like you wrote a piece that was published in Major Industry Journal or something like that.

  9. I’ve been feeling like I just plain look tired lately, especially in the crappy lighting in the ladies room on my office floor. A grad student suggested Tarte Shape Tape concealer (I’ve been using MAC MoistureSelect) so I tried it. LIFECHANGING! My skin and eyes look brighter and I look so much less tired. It’s an Ulta exclusive. Also, I have really sensitive skin and eyes, so I normally have to try many things before I find something that doesn’t make my eyes water and this does not. I’m sold.

    1. IME tarte shape tape creased and faded on me towards the end of the day. I tend to have oily skin so maybe it just broke down on me faster than people with dryer skin, so you might totally be good. Glad you found something you like!
      Laura Mercier Flawless Fusion concealer is my current favorite. Layered with Too Faced Hangover Rx primer and Laura Mercier translucent powder.

      1. I had a lot of problems finding a concealer initially. Either it irritated my eyes or didn’t match my skin tone. I feel like I got lucky with this. It’s thicker than the MAC, which I like otherwise. I don’t have oily skin, and I haven’t noticed it creasing or fading. I was in the ladies room at the end of the day yesterday (where the lighting is the worst) and it still looked good. I use MAC prep+prime BB (which has been discontinued but I bought a bunch), concealer, then the prep+prime translucent powder. I tried Laura Mercier products, but couldn’t find a good match for my skin. I’m very fair.

        1. That is definitely my only gripe with it, I use the lightest shade and sometimes its *just* too dark. Maybe one day they’ll add more…

    3. Glad you found a great product, but please know that judging one’s appearance by office bathroom lighting is an exercise in frustration. Dorian Gray himself would walk into our office’s bathroom and wonder how the hell his portrait changed location on its own.

      1. Oh, I know. All of us were commiserating one day about the terrible lighting in that ladies’ room. It’s demoralizing. But I have definitely noticed a difference, even at home in full lighting, that my eyes look brighter and I don’t look as tired.

    4. As an FYI – it’s not an Ulta exclusive. I buy it directly from Tarte. I even get a small discount (and free shipping) for having it on auto-refill.

  10. I want to buy a heated cat bed for my cat, but it’s so hard to tell what’s junk on amazon. Any ideas?

    1. I didn’t buy a heated bed but bought two of the heat-reflective beds and my cat loves them.

      1. Thanks for sharing the link! There is a semi-feral cat I’m taking care of and I’m trying to figure out how to keep him warm in the winter. He does not like being indoors but he likes hanging out in the garage and we keep the door slightly open if he wants to make an escape. I wonder if he would like this better than something enclosed.

    4. I got a heat pad for my cat! It’s from K&H Manufacturing, and has been very good for the past 2 years. I believe they have a full on plug-in bed too. The removable cover is nice for when you have to wash it.

      1. I have 3 of these and they are super popular with my cats. I love that they only heat up when the cat sits on them so no risk of fire. If they mess up the cover it’s easy to remove and wash (or toss) and then use a small blanket. My senior with arthritis was in her bed for 23 hours a day the last 4 years of her life (she lived to be 21) Now my senior persian who had to get a haircut has taken it over. Totally worth the money

  11. Need hive suggestions please:

    Friend’s mom had broken a hip a few months ago and is moving in with family….who is VERY allergic (i.e. cannot breathe) to her adorable, sweet and calm cat. She is heartbroken as is the rest of the family.

    Any ideas for helping place an elderly friendly cat? The cat is likely 10 and has several good years of companionship left. We already have 2 and are caregivers ourselves; plus we have a feral we are trying to trap, neuter and place (ideally) or release (if not placed).

    Ideas we are trying now:
    Posting at the vet
    Notifying bereavement groups

    I appreciate your thoughts.

    2. If there are neighborhood groups you can place it in, that might work, as well as animal foster groups. If you google around, you might find a local private rescue that can it. Some of the smaller rescues act more as network for those who are fostering cats.

    3. Personally, I think the best option is to go through an animal rescue group. They are really the best situated to find a permanent home for the cat and can likely help you find a foster home in the meantime. It will not be quick or easy to place an elderly cat. I fostered a sweet elderly cat while I was in law school and it took almost a year before he was placed, but he had a cushy environment and plenty of love from me while he waited.

      1. I would not go through a rescue group. They will require expensive health checks on a cat of that age, then they will publicly shame you and the former owner for the surrender. Finding a new home for the kitty on your own will be much less stressful.

        1. This. I would just start with a Facebook post to my friends/extended network and go from there.

        2. I’m sorry you have apparently had a bad experience with a rescue group, but the group I worked with didn’t do this. They understood there are circumstances beyond your control (such as an elderly person having to move in to a long term care situation that can’t accommodate a pet). I don’t see how it would be less stressful to keep a cat that you have no space for for months on end while you try to place an elderly cat through limited networks.

          OP– if you are near a city there will be a lot of orgs to choose from. By all means, select one that does not shame you or require expensive health checks. I have adopted from, volunteered with, and surrendered an animal to rescue organizations at different times in my life for different reasons and have had good experiences with all three.

          1. Yup, and unless they’re completely nuts, they do know the difference between BS reasons and circumstances beyond your control.

            Of my time working with a canine rescue, the ones that broke my heart were folks who had to give up a pet for economic reasons, but made sure the dog was up to date on shots and heartworm preventative and all around determined to do right by their dog.

            Be sure to make sure this cat’s vet work is up to date and offer some sort of donation to offset the cost of care.

        3. What the what? No. Maybe some rescue groups would do this, but none of the ones I work with would do this. I have never heard of a rescue requiring “expensive health checks”. What does that even mean? Rescues spend thousands of dollars on animals whose previous owners did no vetting on the animal, so no, they do not require surrendering owners to perform health checks before accepting the animal. And yes, they shame people who surrender pets for BS reasons (like it becoming inconvenient), which is not the case here. This is a reasonable reason for surrendering a pet, and no one in the 3 rescues I work with would “publicly shame” this woman for having to surrender her cat.

          1. We surrendered a dangerous dog to the rescue from which we’d adopted it, in accordance with the requirements of the original adoption agreement. When the dog was advertised for rehoming on the rescue’s website, the blurb talked all about the terrible selfish family that had abandoned the dog because they cared more about their human baby than the dog. Well, of course–the dog had demonstrated that it wanted to harm the human baby and probably me as well. There was no mention of the fact that the dog was not safe around children and really should not be a house pet at all. I will never, ever do anything to support another rescue group.

          2. @Anonymous, I work with rescues and this makes me so ANGRY. False advertising by rescues causes so many problems down the line. And there are very few homes out there who can take on an aggressive dog. That was a super shitty rescue and I’m sorry you were put through that process.

        4. That very much depends on the rescue. My mom actually runs a rescue specifically for owner relinquished pets due to issues like domestic violence, elderly owners with no family, military orders, even owners who’ve gone to prison. I think it’s worth looking and seeing who might have some ideas for you. There are definitely a lot of holier than thou rescues out there, but before we paint all of them with one brush it may be worth looking in to some of the smaller ones.

        5. Uhhhh, not all rescue groups are cray. I am a foster for one who takes them in, charges a very small fee for the vet check, and then goes on about the business of finding them a new home.

        6. Yeah, I’m on the board of a rescue group and we would never do this. I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad experience.

        7. No they won’t. This is the kind of situation that rescue groups are here for. Good luck.

    4. Does posting at the vet include contacting local rescue groups for an owner surrender? Is there anyone that can foster the cat short term while a rescue lists it as courtesy listing?

    5. Post on your social media and see if friends/family will share the post. Try your local NextDoor site. Contact a local shelter or rescue to see if they will do a courtesy posting on PetFinder. Are you able to foster temporarily? I have multiple cats and I know it can be challenging, but even if you have a spare bedroom for him it would be better than a shelter.

    6. I believe some no-kill rescues will help out with family pets if you continue to pay for the cat’s needs until he’s adopted.

    7. Please don’t place feral cats with people. They’re wild animals. Their population should be controlled not encouraged.

      1. I don’t know. I loved my aunt’s wild cat growing up. I love wild animals in general. And some cats need to hunt. Better that they hunt rodents you want killed and birds that aren’t at risk than live somewhere where their hunting can do harm, right?

      2. fair point. however, I would note that we have had 4 feral cats, all adopted as kittens and they were the most wonderful cats we’ve ever owned.

        I would say once they are CATS not 8-~30 week old kittens, it might be a different story for their adaptation to a household.

        1. Many “ferals” are actually former house cats who would love to become a house cat again. It’s very easy tell whether it’s a true feral that should be neutered and released or an unfortunate house cat who just wants a family.

  12. It’s still hot in Florida, and I’m daydreaming of moving to someplace with 4 seasons. Ideally, it would be a mid-size to large city with plenty of legal (in-house)/tech jobs, reasonable cost of living, great schools, and moderate to liberal politics. Oh, and not too much snow (DH is a Floridian through and through). Does such a unicorn city exist?

    1. Tallahassee, though most of the jobs you describe would be state gov’t or university and maybe not pay as well as you’re accustomed. Schools are good, cost of living is reasonable, politically diverse and tons of outdoor fun to be had.

      1. And yes, I realize that’s still Florida, but we do have 4 seasons and it’s not what most folks think of as ‘Florida’.

        1. We’ve considered Tallahassee (it’s a beautiful city), but we would have trouble finding comparable jobs. Also, I’m a Gator, soo…. :)

          1. LOL, I’m Sportsball-agnostic and find the pervasive garnet and gold color scheme more than a bit overdone. I do wish there was more diversity of employers. We’re a bit of a company town.

          2. Well you have state government and the university, so it’s at least two companies, right? Gainesville is even more of a company town.

          3. The universities & TCC are also state government (ie, retirement benefits, insurance, etc transfer between the two). I prefer the university for more time off (winter break… woot!) and a better optional retirement plan (I started too late for the pension to be of any use).

          4. I am a Gator and live in Tallahassee. :-)

            But, I think you are right that you and your DH would likely have trouble finding comparable jobs here. I strongly disagree that there are 4 seasons here or that there are plenty of in-house legal and tech jobs.

        2. I grew up in Tallahassee and would not recommend it as any sort of unicorn city. Highly (highly) segregated, very little investment in culture that doesn’t revolve around a football game, insular, and depressing food scene. I think its worse than Gainesville, which at least retained a bit of funkiness. (Another Gator here)

    3. NC Research Triangle? Suppose it depends on what you consider “reasonable cost of living.”

      1. I thought about Atlanta, but the state’s politics disturb me, and I don’t particularly care to live in a place where religion dominates everything. Atlanta may not be that way, but I grew up in a small town in GA where that definitely was the case, and I don’t care to repeat that experience.

    5. Yes. Come join us in the Raleigh/RTP area with all the other transplants. Be forewarned that while our area is moderate to liberal, the state as a whole is not. Some of our 4 seasons are shorter than others, but you do in fact get 4 seasons.

      1. A few years ago, I strongly considered moving to Raleigh, but then there was the bathroom bill controversy, and I couldn’t even bring myself to travel to the state for leisure. I feel very strongly about LGBT issues, and I don’t care to move to a state that doesn’t support LGBT people (yes, I know Florida has it’s own issues).

        1. You currently live in Florida… not to be rude, but is NC really any worse? You don’t want a place that gets winters that are too harsh, so that rules out most of the NorthEast states that are blue through-in-through. You want 4 seasons and don’t want high cost of living, so that rules out CA and Pacific Northwest. It also sounds like you don’t want to live in a blue city within a red state. Ultimately I think you are looking for a unicorn.

          1. You’re right – I don’t think Florida is any better than NC. But if I’m going to leave Florida, I want it to be for a better place.

        2. Yeah Raleigh is far more liberal than any city in Florida. If you want more liberal than Raleigh, you’ll have to move to West Coast or Northeast.

        3. If it’s any consolation, literally everyone I know in NC was/is furious at that stupid bill and their idiot politician. It was not only discriminatory, it was financially disastrous for the whole state.

          1. SRSLY this

            You want to blame a state for a law that it repealed b/c it was overwhelmingly recognized as a bad idea. They did the right thing in the end. What else would you have them do?

            Fine, don’t come.

          2. This doesn’t really change the fact that NC is being run by idiots. “Financially disastrous” isn’t appealing to me. And just the other day people here were ripping on NC Democrats for taking a stand on this issue at all!

    6. You want 4 seasons. One of them has snow? That says unicorn to me.

      How much snow is too much? more than a couple inches in a storm? More than 4 months of snow hanging around? More than 4 months of the possibility of having snow? What if the place was cold, but just didn’t get much snow/precipitation?

      1. Not OP but you can definitely have winter with little to no snow. Atlanta has winter, Florida does not.

        1. Not Anon at 10:19, but I disagree. It isn’t winter unless you get snow, and Atlanta and RTP don’t get winter in my view.

          1. We reliably get snow in RTP, it’s just only like two or three times a year and not usually more than an inch or two at a time. It’s kind of ideal because we can’t deal with it so you get a snow day without the unending miserable cold and snow of the north. If you want a couples of inches on a regular basis, no, we don’t get that.

            I don’t know about Atlanta, but I grew up about an hour south of Atlanta and we got snow that stuck like once every 7 years or so.

          2. Ok, well the 30-degree weather that Atlanta and RTP see in January will probably feel plenty like winter to someone from Florida.

          4. +1 to Anon 10:40 – I mean you can have “winter” but it’s more of an extended fall, so you’re getting more like 3 seasons, than 4.

            If you want 4 seasons, you need a really winter. Where it at least gets cold (below freezing for most of the “winter” period) and you have a regular chance at snow. Otherwise, you aren’t getting the really 4 season experience.

            I mean, you probably don’t need to go as far north as Minnesota (me), but I feel like you probably need to go at least as far north as Nebraska/Missouri/Virginia.

            I mean, you could probably get a 4 season experience in Arizona/New Mexico too, because of the elevation. But I really don’t think of Georgia as a 4 season state.

      2. I have lived in a place with 4 seasons where it rarely snows and in a place with 4 seasons where it snows regularly, and I much prefer the latter. In the place where it rarely snows, winter is just cold and damp and gray and miserable. We get a couple inches of snow a handful of times a year. Each time there is a massive rush to hoard milk, eggs, and bread, meaning that regular grocery shopping is a hassle. The snow is never deep enough to do anything fun, like sledding or snowshoeing or cross-country skiing. Everything shuts down for a day or two, and it’s not safe to go out because even if you know how to drive in the snow nobody else does. Then the snow melts, but school remains closed for a week because there is one patch of ice in the shade on one rural road in a far corner of the county. In contrast, places that get real snow know how to handle it. Unless there is a true blizzard, the roads are plowed and life goes on as usual, and the snow is pretty and suitable for recreation.

      3. Winter to me is routinely cold weather (with or without snow). I hardly ever use a jacket in Florida, and when I do, it is a very light jacket that is only used first thing in the morning or at night. So, I want someplace where it is cold enough to require a jacket, have a roaring fire, etc. I don’t mind the snow, but DH very much does not want to spend 4 months shoveling snow every day. Ideally, we’d have some snow, but not endless months with constant snow.

        1. Well if that’s your criteria, then move to Chicago! If you don’t have a driveway, you don’t have to shovel! And global warming has meant milder winters, meaning the last few years when you get the choice between paying per visit for the snow plower or paying for the season, the per visit fee has been cheaper by a long shot.

        2. Meh, I own a home in a very cold wintery state and the most I shovel is my porch. There are services for that. If that is truly his only concern, budget yourself 400 for the winter, get yourself on a plow list, and move where you want. I moved back from Florida to said cold state I always swore I’d never return to, and its really about preparation and mindset. Get good boots, good gloves, a warm coat, 4 wheel drive, and a snow service and the winter is really a lot of fun. Oh and a garage. I swore I didn’t care but the joy my garage brings me in the winter cannot be underestimated.

      4. I’m from Boston and know winter. But, I lived in Baltimore for a period of time and really, really loved that climate. Snow every winter, but real springs that began in April. Summers were hot, but no worse than a “heat wave” in Boston (HHH, 3 days > 90 degrees). I think the mid-Atlantic climate is where it’s at.

    7. Raleigh/Durham or Charlotte, especially on the in-house legal roles option. There are four real seasons, though not nearly as severe as the north. Leaves change colors, it’s only freezing temps for two to three months and only sweltering hot for 3 to 4 mths. Spring and fall are gorgeously temperate.

    9. Philadelphia? Maybe more snow than you want, but plenty of legal jobs and a reasonable cost of living (by northeast standards, anyway). Also it’s just a nice city, and a good size.

      1. I second Philadelphia. :) We do get winter. Apple cider drinking weather, and cool spring days. And, you are only an hour and a half from a beach. :) or a shore. Depending on which direction you go.

    10. As a born and raised Floridian, I cannot recommend Kansas City, Missouri, to you enough. It’s a small city with all four seasons which are overall mild, great legal community (both in-house and firms), a growing economy in diverse industries and businesses, and friendly citizens; its a sports town/state with a variety of entertainment (restaurants, bars, concerts, arts, theater, museums, kids stuff, etc). I love it here.

      1. I agree. I’m a KC transplant from New Hampshire (by way of Houston, Memphis and San Diego) and it is strangely fantastic. Great food, art, music….no real natural features unfortunately. They do take their sports seriously (KU, UMKC, MU, chiefs, royals, mavericks (hockey), sporting (soccer)).

        It’s a very family friendly area and if you’re in KC proper pretty liberal. If you’re on the KS side (Overland Park, Lenexa, Shawnee, Olathe – more conservative, but not ridiculously so).

    11. Nashville fits the bill on all but politics, though the city is becoming more purple.

      Kansas City checks all the boxes but might have too much snow.

      1. Just got back from Nashville and was shocked by how hip, modern and young it seemed. I’d be shocked if there weren’t some blue politics there.

      3. Nashville is a very liberal city but the rest of the state is still strongly R (except for Memphis which as always been blue). No income taxes in TN either

      4. I think you’re going to be hard-pressed to find a LCOL city that fits these requirements in a liberal state without harsh winters. You’re either going to have to go with a blue town in a red state, a higher cost of living, or snow.

    12. I think the City you are looking for is Pittsburgh.

      A mid-size liberal city with low cost of living. There is a huge tech center here and lots of legal jobs. There are many fortune 500 HQs here due to its legacy. Also, we have three pro sports teams, world class art museums, symphony, orchestra, opera, ballet, etc.

      It gets cold here but very little snow – we’re too far south for lake effect and too far west for the NE storms.

      This week was a rough one but this is a great community.

      1. Emphasis on “three pro sports teams” though. I love visiting Pittsburgh, but I am not sure I could handle that much enthusiasm for sports in my daily life.

    13. Richmond, VA! I would have also suggested Raleigh or Charlotte, but it seems like NC has been ruled out due to state politics. While VA is still fairly conservative, it is more moderate than NC and seems to have become a legitimately purple state. I can’t speak specifically to tech jobs, but it’s a moderate-sized city that’s enjoyed decent growth. You would experience four seasons, and the winters are more mild than Northeast winters.

  13. (For reasons), I will have about a week to spend in either Argentina or Chile in February and I’m trying to decide between the two. I love hiking, nature, and pretty much any outdoor activities. Cities are fine for a few days, but not really what reenergizes me when traveling. Which should I go to? And any recommendations on what to see?

    1. Patagonia! You can do it from either country. My personal experience is with Torres del Paine in Chile – it was breathtaking.

    2. The answer to this is: Mendoza, Argentina. You’re right at the foothills of the Andes mountains so can do all the outdoorsy things possible (hiking, rafting, ziplining, horseback riding, etc etc). And when you need a break from hiking – wineries and amazing restaurants.

    3. Ha, I was coming here to recommend either Torres del Paine or Mendoza! Also, can I come with you? :)

    4. I agree with the other posters that Patagonia is amazing (both the Chile and the Argentina side). Just be warned that it takes a long time to get there. In Chile, it is a 4.5 hour flight plus a 5 hour drive to get to Torres del Paine from Santiago. Argentina is slightly shorter flight (~3.5) and drive assuming you fly from BA to El Chalten.

      That being said, Patagonia is spectacularly gorgeous and obviously has amazing hikes.

      For closer in places if you want to spend time in either Santiago or Buenos Aires as well (allow more time for BA, Santiago can be seen in a day or two), you could consider the lake or wine region in Chile or Barioloche in Argentina.

  14. I have muscular calves and find that skinny jeans that fit in the waist/hips are often tight on my calves. Any brands that run bigger in the calves?

    1. I don’t know if they run bigger necessarily, but I have giant calves & thighs and I love my Old Navy Rockstar skinny jeans. They’re really stretchy.

    2. I have muscular calves too, and I usually go for jeggings. Express usually some good ones, but I actually just got a great pair from American Eagle (where I probably haven’t shopped since high school!) that I absolutely LOVE. I believe the fit is called the “Super High Rise Jegging.”

    4. I also have this problem (need to buy wide calf boots) and recently found two pairs at Nordstrom that I shockingly love. They were Sam Edelman The Stiletto High Rise Skinny Jean and PIAGE Skyline Skinny Jean. Both also have a good deal of stretch.

      1. I’m a runner + weight lifter so both thighs and calves get in my way

        the Paige Skyline Skinny Jean is truly my holy grail. when Bloomingdales has Denim Days it’s time to stock up baby!

  15. Any suggestions for birthday gifts for a mid-30s new-ish mom? She doesn’t really drink and isn’t into fashion or beauty (including jewelry and massages/pedicures). I don’t think she really has hobbies besides her toddler (I hope that doesn’t sound judgy, just trying to give info). I have sent food before, but she lives in a major foodie city and I live in the middle of nowhere, so it feels a little silly to give her food. I know I can always just give a gift card, but that feel so impersonal. Budget is around $50.

    1. Candles? I love getting candles as gifts. But I wouldn’t discount the value of food, even to a major foodie city. Who says you can’t order a gift basket or something from right there in her backyard and have it sent to her? “Enjoy this on me” is nice no matter where the food comes from. And who knows, you might send her something she’s been dying to try but doesn’t have the $/time/childcare to do so.

      Tl;dr: trust your gut! You sound like a compassionate, thoughtful friend.

    2. What about just putting together a cute package for her? I love World Market for this. Whole Foods is also good for this stuff. You can include things like:
      -candles
      -small kitchen stuff – spatula, whisk, dishtowel etc.
      -chocolate
      -hand lotion
      -nice bar soap

    3. This time of year, I love to give scarves and cuddly things that are a bit of a splurge. Nordstrom has some really nice wool/silk and modal/silk scarves which are super nice. Barefoot dreams also has some beanies/hats that are super soft and lovely. I’d check and see if you can find anything like that.

      1. Yes – madewell has something called a “blanket scarf” right now that would be a great gift for a new mom.

      2. I thought this too– anything by Barefoot Dreams (you want the Cozy Chic fabric– Nordstrom Rack has some blankets in your price range right now, and a great price on a cardigan but only in lucky sizes), a cuddly scarf, a cashmere accessory (check Garnet Hill for good prices on scarves or gloves).

  16. I’m going to be in London for a few weeks in November for work and have my weekends free. I’ve already spent a decent amount of time in London, so am considering a weekend trip to somewhere else in Europe. I should be somewhere with a direct flight but otherwise I’m completely open. Where should I go and why?

    1. Try one of the Scandinavian countries maybe? Stockholm or Copenhagen are probably direct flights from London. I love Stockholm so I’d go there, but Copenhagen could be super fun too.

      Jealous of this fun little opportunity!

      1. I would not go to Scandinavia in November. It will be dark, cold and depressing and if you’re trying to see a city you can’t do they hygge thing and cozy up at home. I vote Barcelona or Lisbon.

          1. Right, the cities are great but November is not the right time to see them unless you love being cold and having a super short day. And I’m from Boston, so I’m used to cold.

    3. I’ll always answer Barcelona to this question. Weather will be decent, food is amazing, and you can just chill – people watch in cafes, etc., if you don’t want to tour. I love Barcelona. I’m jealous.

    4. Train to Paris for first weekend

      Fly to Rome for second weekend

      Road trip to Scotland or Wales for third weekend

      German or Austrian Christmas Markets for last weekend – maybe Salzburg or Innsbruck

    5. Depends on how much time you have at the weekend. What’s your limit on travel time? Paris/Amsterdam/Copenhagen are very easy hops, but you could also explore other corners of the UK where you might find really good rates on some lovely spots to say and great views as long as you bundle up. (Wales/Lake District/Cotswolds/Cornwall/Edinburgh, etc.)

    6. So many good options… Paris or Barcelona would be my first choices.

      Other “warmer” options (none will be super warm, of course): Lisbon, Rome, Florence
      “Colder” options: Amsterdam, Berlin

    7. Vienna/Salzburg for winter atmosphere
      Bordeaux for food and cathedral architecture
      Gdansk or Wroclaw for its small but nice old town amd great food (try Puro Hotel)
      Bratislava or Budapest or Prague for Christmas market atmosphere
      Barcelona – bc it is Barcelona
      anyplace in Italy – for food, wine, fashion, culture

  17. I have super short hair and dye it at home. I only need a little bit of dye at a time, but due to the mixing effect I can’t store it to use again. It’s wasteful and more expensive than it needs to be. Can anyone recommend a permanent home hair dye that can be stored and used multiple times per unit? Thanks!

    1. I don’t think one you can mix and keep exists (they keep them separate for reasons), but I would recommend either buying the root touch up kits instead, or going to a beauty supply store and getting the bottles of color and developer and mixing just what you need each time.

    2. I use wella color charm (purchased at Sally’s) and love it. Their website has lots of great info about how to color your hair properly, using developer, etc. I actually purchase 2 colors and mix my own shade. I think the first time purchase was about $40 – 2 colors, bowl, brush, developer, gloves. Each tube is $8 I think. You can use as little as you want each time. I also recommend buying a scale (I use a little digital kitchen scale) to ensure my ratios are correct.

      Happy coloring!

      1. Yes, buying large bottles a la Sally’s and mixing as needed is probably your best bet!

      2. +1 to Wella Color Charm. Super easy and way cheaper than the salon. I’ve had better luck storing the liquids than the gels — it’s hard to get the gels perfectly airtight and then they will get a little “off.”

    3. Just For Men! The color and developer come in separate tubes, so you can mix just as much as you need and cap and store the rest for later. (I use it to tint my eyebrows.) They may not have a great color selection, but other than going to a beauty supply store (which will also sell the color and developer separately), I think it would fit the bill.

    4. I have short hair also and dye my own. I can get two treatments from one box; for the first treatment, I pour the dye and activator into a bowl and use a brush to apply. The second time I can use the bottle applicator that comes with the dye.

    5. This product exists at places like Target; it’s just hard to find. Each side is in a separate can, and the pump pulls from both and mixes them together.

  18. I feel like I ask this every year and I’m still searching! Sweater recommendations for tall/larger size people? I’m 5’9″ and sz 12. Looking for more fitted than boxy. Thinking of trying Madewell but I hear they run small. Cuyana maybe? I need some new sweaters in my life!

    1. Are you big on top? I’m also 5’9″ and size 10-12 in pants but I’m pretty small up top (thanks, post-nursing body) and I wear a lot of J. Crew Factory, Target, and LOFT. I’m not sure they’d work on someone with a bigger chest though.

      1. Nope, I’m pretty small on top. I tried a bunch of J Crew Factory sweaters last year and none of them worked for a variety of reasons. I’ll revisit Target and LOFT! Thanks!

    2. I like BR and Gap tall sizes. I can size down because tall sizes are bigger where I need it – shoulders, etc. I like Everlane’s sweaters. Maybe also try Boden?

    3. I’m almost exactly your size, and I love the Nordstrom Brand v-neck cashmere sweaters (and the crewneck, and the tunic ones, and basically all of them). I take a L usually, but I like a looser fit – a Medium would probably give you the more fitted look. They’re definitely long enough, too – even sizing down.

    4. Cuyana and Theory have worked well for me – I’m 5’10 and finding sweaters that aren’t cropped and have long enough sleeves is always a hassle…

    5. Try sizing down in J.Jill’s “tunics.” I’m 5’7 and curvy and the tunics hit in the worst possible spot on my thighs…so they may really work for you! J.Jill has a bit of the flowy look going, so size down. (I’m a 10 on top and wear a M; when I was an 8, I was a S.)

  19. I would like to make a donation in memory of the two Kroger shooting victims from last week. Since their murder was racially motivated and they were black, I was thinking a black-focused charity. However, I’m not sure of the right one. I’d like it to be secular (so not the church where the shooting was originally intended to take place); the NAACP and UNCF, which I give to regularly, don’t seem appropriately focused for this purpose; and I was recently discouraged from giving to the SPLC on principle by a friend who works in the nonprofit world and is pretty knowledgeable. I know a GoFundMe was set up for one of the victims, but I’d rather give to an established charity. Any suggestions? Thanks.

    1. The NAACP Legal Defense Fund is a great organization to give to as they give direct legal aid to people that are victims of civil rights abuse, and often do campaign law suits on behalf of affected populations (think similar to what ACLU does). I personally am not a fan of the central NAACP (it’s become too political and onerous to be effective), but the defense fund is a solid donation target. It is often populated with the best of the best public service grads as well (lots of black Harvard, Yale, NYU grads top of their class that didn’t go into big law).

      Black Lives Matter is a nonprofit formed from the movement that directly targets the prevention of what happened to those poor people (and I personally like it because it is populated with young thinkers and leaders who very specifically eschew the bloated old orgs like NAACP as no longer effective and use social media and focusses on the involvement of millenials and Gen Z)

      Other good ones:
      Incite! Women of Color Against Violence
      National Action Network
      National Urban League

    2. Higher Heights is an organization dedicated to the advancement of black women in political leadership. I was inspired to donate after black women were so instrumental in defeating Roy Moore.

  20. Help an old millennial use Slack. I just transitioned from a stodgy law firm (without Slack, obviously) to a tech company and everyone here uses Slack. I have no idea when to use Slack vs when to email. I feel like I’m constantly Slacking and then getting an email reply or emailing and then getting a Slack message in reply so maybe I’m doing it wrong?

    2. I’m an old millennial and what I do is:

      Slack if it’s a sidebar, quick convo type thing.
      Email if it’s a detailed, let’s get everyone on the record type thing.

  21. Is there any benefit or disadvantage to viewing rentals with a realtor (as opposed to just contacting the owner through Craigs List and handling the scheduling myself)? We are moving to the Bay Area and found a good realtor through a reference, we do not need to pay her to use her services (unlike other cities like Boston, where you need to pay the realtor the first month of rent). We are flying in for a week and would like to see a number of places and I figured that it would be logistically easier for her to handle the scheduling. But is there any downside I’m not thinking of? Is it better for us to handle if we’re trying to negotiate a rental price? Any thoughts?

    1. For the situation that you’re describing, I would highly recommend using a realtor. I looked for apartments by myself when I was moving to a city with a similar housing market to the Bay Area, and it was a nightmare. I had 5 appointments lined up for the day I was going to drive in. 2 of the apartments got leased while I was driving up. I also felt like I got pressured into the apartment I did get because I felt like it was the only one available. I also ended up getting time-pressured in the same city to leasing a house that was adorable, but had crooked floors. I feel like a realtor is good at establishing some boundary between you and the landlord so that you don’t get pressured into these weird situations. A realtor can also help you better use your time, so that if places get leased as you are looking, which they will, the realtor can fill up your time with other rentals.

    2. I’m a landlord in the Bay Area and I won’t deal directly with prospective tenants and I don’t know anyone other than sketch or cheap ones who will. I want to do things right, have a solid lease and rent just isn’t that negotiable here – there’s a bunch of people in line behind you. I would recommend contacting more than one broker – lots have pocket listings and you may find something by calling around. Typically too the LL pays the fee so it doesn’t cost you anything.

      1. That’s a pretty big generalization! I am a tenant in the Bay area, and there are lots of normal landlords who don’t make use of a realtor.

  22. I followed yesterday’s discussion about women as breadwinners with great interest. In my relationship, I was originally expected to be the higher earner, but our careers paths have changed. My fiance will be a physician in a highly compensated specialty and I have chosen to shift to the public sector part of my field that comes with long hours, but a mid career compensation expectation of $80-100,000/year. I am okay with this change – we are not yet married and I made the public sector decision independently and purposely attended a lower cost masters program so that I could pay off my loans on my government employee salary and I am happy that he was able to pursue his goals as well. While we are shifting to the joint pot financing style once we get married, I still felt strongly that I should make career/financial decisions based on what I could afford, rather than counting on his salary before we truly became one unit.
    All that said and done, the household/gender/cultural expectations are now coming on in full force. We are both South Asian, both grew up with SAHMs and have families who strongly adhere to “kids need their moms at home” and “your husband works so much, why are you asking him to pull equal weight at home” attitudes? How do I deal with this? For his part, my fiance believes in an egalitarian marriage and is committed to learning how to undo the assumptions about gender that he and I were both raised with. But I worry that when push comes to shove, I’m still going to be the one to have to compromise my ambitions.

    1. Honestly, if you’re both on the same page now, cross that bridge when you get to it. Your family has no say in how the dynamics of your marriage work, and tbh why do you have to tell them? If you and him decide it’s best for you to stay home when/if you have kids, sure, but that’s a decision you make together. Your Mom can’t make you quit your job and just ignore her side jabs about you continuing to work (I definitely understand you can’t cut family out your life or be too straight forward as a lot of the WASPS here will recommend, ethnic families don’t often work that way, I know I’m from one). The advantage of your husband’s specialty is that you have the choice to not work, or to have a nanny, or send them to the best day care while maintaining your career.

      Basically, I think you’re borrowing trouble, there isn’t anything to manage so long as you and your spouse are on the same page, and you resolve it within your marriage when the time comes.

      1. Thanks, Anon @ 11:08. I guess my worry is that my fiance will (like the husbands that many of the posters mentioned yesterday) see our careers as equal when I’m the one outearning him (we will be getting married right before he starts a low paying but high stress residency/fellowship), but then expect me to pick up the slack once he’s the higher earner bringing in mid six figures /higher and I have a demanding but not as well paying job. I’m not worried from a financial stability perspective – we will be very fortunate to have those incomes. I’m more concerned about having to sacrifice my ambition/goals. The loss of my income would hurt, not nearly as much as his, so if someone’s career has to give for family reasons, the assumption would be that it’s mine. I mentioned our family attitude because 1) we cannot expect support from our families in this regard and that 2) I am aware that I will be in the role of explaining a lot of details about gender inequality, particularly as it relates to household/family responsibilities because we have both grown up with the example of mom does it all and dad pays for it.

        1. As long as your Husband is on board with you continuing to work (and he can’t really stop you anyway), I think you’ll be able to cope. In reality, if something happens with your family that requires someone to lean out or quit working (ex. disabled child), it sucks that it will probably be you because from a numbers perspective it makes no sense to have the significantly higher earning spouse to stop working – that hurts the family unit as a whole, but you guys can communicate as to how to handle that situation long term that allows you to work again. Luckily, at least if you’re in a federal position, leave and job protections are pretty good (rip paid leave though) so you’ll have some flexibility to stay in your career as your family grows.

          As far as your numbered concerns, I am of the opinion that you can’t convince or explain everything to everyone, and its not your job to give your family a primer on gender equality – and if you do it will sound like an excuse that they will try to dissect point by point. If they ask, simply say “I want to work and Husband agrees”. One thing I’ve often found in more conservative cultures is there is way less push back when it appears that family is questioning the Husband’s decisions (in my family this is a huge issue of disrespect and gets shut down pretty quick). It’s sexist buuuut you might as well use it to your advantage.

    2. I work more hours, earn more money, juggle my work schedule to attend more home- and child-related appointments, and still do equal childcare and home chores, so I don’t see why your husband can’t do the same :P

      But seriously, you can (and should) have conversations about these issues now so that you can test his headspace, but a lot of the pain points are only discoverable and solveable once you’re both in the muck trying to figure life out. If you trust him to care about you and your career, and engage with you openly in exploring solutions that work for both of you, then you’ll be able to cross those bridges when you get to them.

    3. Glib (because we all need some levity) but play him the clip of Christina Yang from Grey’s saying “and we’ll have money, we’ll hire a wife”.

  23. Nice ladies of the hive – I’m looking for books my husband and I can read together. The problem is that we like very different genres. He’s into sci-fi which I’m not opposed to, but I want something that is somewhat believable, if that makes sense. I’m not into books that start on another planet, for example, or are super technical. But I loved stranger things (I know it’s a show, but illustrates my point) because it was a normal group of kids in a normal town and weird stuff just started happening. I’d rather not read dystopian fiction; I’m just kind of over it. Thank you!

    2. Have you read The Martian? I thought it was really enjoyable, not too technical (though the technical parts did appeal to the engineer in me), and was semi-realistic (the science for most of it is sound).

    3. Ha, recommended it above and will do so again here: The Name of the Wind, Kingkiller Chronicles.

      I would also add the Outlander series to your consideration. The show is heavily marketed towards women as a love story, but I honestly think the books are a much broader interpretation of a love story bound up with sci-fi (time travel), history, and adventure. Bonus that you can watch the show together.

    4. I hate the term, but you can search for “soft sci fi”. Here are some pretty varied recommendations

      Ender’s Game- Earth is preparing for third invasion of an alien species and children are trained as tactical leaders. Follows one boy through battle school and beyond. “In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him.”

      The Left Hand of Darkness- starts on another planet, but from the point of a human learning about another planet’s inhabitants, who are neither men nor women. Great discussion re: effect of s*x and gender on culture.“The Gethenians do not see one another as men or women. This is almost impossible for our imaginations to accept. After all, what is the first question we ask about a newborn baby? ….there is no division of humanity into strong and weak halves, protected/ protective. One is respected and judged only as a human being. You cannot cast a Gethnian in the role of Man or Woman, while adopting towards ‘him’ a corresponding role dependant on your expetations of the interactions between persons of the same or oppositve sex. It is an appalling experience for a Terran ”

      Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy- Follows the last surviving man, Arthur Dent, after Earth is demolished by an alien constructor fleet to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Wacky- you will know whether this is your taste within the first chapter or not. “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

      The Martian Chronicles – short story collection of loosely connected stories, humans gradually explore and settle on Mars. “There was a smell of Time in the air tonight. He smiled and turned the fancy in his mind. There was a thought. What did time smell like? Like dust and clocks and people. And if you wondered what Time sounded like it sounded like water running in a dark cave and voices crying and dirt dropping down upon hollow box lids, and rain. And, going further, what did Time look like? Time look like snow dropping silently into a black room or it looked like a silent film in an ancient theater, 100 billion faces falling like those New Year balloons, down and down into nothing. That was how Time smelled and looked and sounded. And tonight-Tomas shoved a hand into the wind outside the truck-tonight you could almost taste time.”

      Frankenstein – if you haven’t read this, give it a shot. “The world was to me a secret which I desired to devine.”

      I also like The Expanse series (film noir detective vibes/world building/3D political chess) and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (a classic, but feel free to skim the fish chapters).

      2. +1 to the Expanse! Though it gets a little technical at points. But it’s a rare series my husband and I both love.

    6. I agree that you would probably like Ender’s Game.

      I know it’s a classic, but I was surprised how much I liked Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness as sci-fi.

      You may also really enjoy The Sparrow.

    7. Ohhhhh I have a perfect book for you: The Calculating Stars, by Mary Robinette Kowal. It’s sci-fi, but realistic in tone/setting. Basically, it’s an alternate-history of the space race, in which women became astronauts early on. It’s an easy, fast read, and super engaging. Tonally and thematically, it’s similar to Ray Bradbury if you/your husband are familiar with his work.

    8. Maybe Robert Wilson’s Spin? Others liked it more than I did, but I think it falls into this normal setting + emerging sci-fi elements category.

    9. Well, both of these are off-world scifi, but they focus on the people-parts and are some of the best books I’ve read in the last year.

      All Systems Red — and the rest of the The Murderbot Diaries series (Martha Wells)
      The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet also A Closed and Common Orbit (Becky Chambers)

      You could also try Stephen King’s The Dome, which is more a story about how people react when trapped and happens to have some sci-fi bits, but like every other novel of his he really drops the ball with the ending…

  24. Ladies, I need some R&R. It’s been a tough few months (parent passing, job transitions), and I could use a little getaway and some solo time. Where are your favorite places to go to recharge? I’ve looked at Kripalu, Miraval, etc., but would love more options for retreat-like experiences. Leaning towards something domestic to avoid a long flight, but open to all ideas. Have also considered just booking a fancy hotel in my own city and holing up for a weekend alone.

    Any recs for places you love or experiences that have really resonated with you?

    1. Canyon Ranch and Lake Austin Spa would suit me perfectly in your situation. Wishing you peace!

      1. I’ve been to Rancho La Puerta and Lake Austin Spa. Bith are great but I prefer Rancho.

  25. Wedding question/what did you do — I am having a small-ish wedding with a fairly high price for head (the price is all-inclusive of alcohol, cake, champagne toast, etc. at a hotel.) How do I approach feeding my vendors? (wedding coordinator, photographer, DJ/band) Should they get a plate from the normal dinner? Will the hotel provide a vendor meal at even a small discount of the price since they won’t be drinking/toasting/etc.? Do people bring in outside “catered” food for this situation (thinking something like Panera)? I’ve worked trade shows and freelanced as a photographer before but I feel like a wedding is different. I’m happy to provide whatever is both standard and most simple and want to make sure our vendors are well taken care of, but just wondering how this is typically approached?

    1. This is a question for your all-inclusive vendor. I guarantee they have their own policy/method of feeding other vendors. Usually the kitchen prepares vendor plates to the side with the same thing the guests eat. Sometimes you’re charged for the plates, sometimes its included. Honestly, don’t stress or think too hard about this, just ask the venue.

      1. Not stressed, just wanted a gut check what was the norm before I ask the venue! We haven’t finalized a coordinator yet or I’d ask that person.

    2. I just asked the caterer if he’d feed the vendors and he said yes without adding an extra per person price. I’d definitely start with the hotel and don’t assume you have to pay anything for it.

    3. Ask your hotel/caterer about vendor meals. They’re typically way less expensive than your guest meals (albeit usually still insanely expensive for a turkey sandwich).

    4. Our venue provides a vendor meal and we can stipulate the number we need. It is less than half the price of just the food portion of our guests’ meals, making me wonder a lot about the markup we’re paying, but whatevs…

      This was standard at every venue and caterer we considered, just ask the hotel, they’ll have seen this before.

    5. Our venue had vendor meals at a discount. I don’t remember how much of a discount, but it was the same food (salad, entree, etc.) minus the approximate costs of alcohol.

    6. Our all-inclusive venue had vendor meals and the cost of two were included in our wedding package. Just ask the venue – this should be pretty straightforward.

  26. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 months or so and yesterday had kind of a bad day, so was just venting to him about it. He kept coming up with solutions and wanting to help, even though I repeatedly told him I was just venting and wasn’t looking for help.

    He texted me this morning saying that he wants to break things off because he thinks I need more emotional help than he can give. I’m annoyed because I specifically told him I was not needing or wanting his help and was just venting, which I am perfectly allowed to do.

    UGH why are men like this?! Are there any decent, good 30-ish men left out there?!?

    1. I don’t think this is a “men” thing this is a “him” thing. You have one vent about a bad day and he says you need more emotional help he can give? This guy is too picky, apparently doesn’t understand women have emotions, and will never find love if he can’t take supporting someone on a bad day, let alone an entire trying period. You dodged a bullet imo, glad you only sunk two months into this fool.

      1. It may be both. Men are only interested in getting you to do what THEY want, so your venting to him made you make him waste his time listening to you, rather then to him and his issues. Men always pretend, for a minute at most, to listen, then want you to pay attention to THEIR needs. I had this issue with my ex. I would come home exhausted, and then he would only be concerned about what we would be doeing for dinner. That meant where would I call for takeout? FOOEY! He could do that but he never wanted to pay for anything! So I had to deal with that, and the few times I came home w/takeout, he would get mad b/c he did NOT have a say in what I was making for dinner. DOUBEL FOOEY on that! The same for post dinner activities. It always had to be what HE wanted. I am so happy I can watch what I want on TV and not have to go in the office and watch the 32″ HDTV. I prefer the 46″ HDTV in the living room, which I moved there once he was given the boot. TRIPEL FOOEY b/c he also had his way in the bedroom. NEVER AGAIN, I say!

    2. No, I think this is a men thing. Men don’t like not being able to fix things. It took my husband years (years!) to realize that no, I really don’t want help or advice, I just want to talk to someone and possibly just a big bear hug, despite me repeatedly telling him just that.

      You’re better off without that guy. If he can’t handle a little woman venting, he’s going to have a difficult time finding a woman.

      1. +1

        Dump him for accusing you of being too emotional. I had a guy do the same thing to me. F&ing men.

      2. “Men don’t like not being able to fix things.”

        We hear this all the time….. And yet, why do we constantly hear about massive disagreements between couples re: housework? If men want to fix problems and find solutions so d*mned badly, and it’s *in their nature* then why the hold up here?

    3. you aren’t automatically allowed to just vent at him on your terms though. He’s allowed to say he’s not interested in that.

      1. He absolutely is allowed to say he’s not interested. But saying he is not interested is different than continuing to try to help when she has specifically asked him not to. I have had this conversation in previously relationships and, while it may take some practice, all of the men tried to just listen when I told them that was what I needed. Of course, communication is key, but she did that here. He plain didn’t listen to her vs. saying he didn’t want to participate if he couldn’t help fix it.

      2. What is it with comments like these? This kneejerk, well the woman must be in the wrong. She didn’t say she was entitled to vent at him however she wants.

      3. I actually agree. You were venting and him providing you with solution was probably his way of trying to get you to stop. Some people don’t like to listen to others complaining and venting is just another way of complaining. Also, it is emotional support. You didn’t want a solution. You just wanted someone to listen to you vent/complain. Maybe it brings him down. He’s not a bad person for not wanting to listen to you vent. You’re just not compatible. Also, they say men hang out with friends to forget about their problems and women will talk about them. He’s not a bad guy! I don’t always want to listen to someone complain. I actually want to relax and enjoy my night sometimes!

    4. Ugh, I’m sorry you had to deal with that, that is really annoying. At least you know now that this isn’t the guy for you, you need (and will find) someone who’s able to listen to you vent. Sounds like this guy’s helper impulse is so strong that he can’t NOT help even when he’s been asked not to, or he doesn’t actually listen to women when they say what they want because he’s so convinced he knows what women “really want.” Not a fun thing to deal with in a relationship.

      1. Yeah, based on what happened and then his breakup message, it sounds like he is only open to 2 scripts: woman he is dating has no problems she discusses with him, or woman he is dating shares problems with him, needs his help, and resolves the problem based on what he says. He can’t deal with the possibility that she shares a problem with him but does not want or need his help.

    5. I think so, but that may just be an effort to “keep hope alive!” But given the number of bad dates I’ve been on lately, and the fact that the last guy I dated ghosted on me after 7 dates when I told him I wasn’t going to sleep with him if he was also sleeping with other people, I’m not actually convinced.

    6. If you google “It’s not about the nail,” there is an interesting video that claims to show this from a man’s perspective. It’s fairly condescending towards the woman’s perspective.

      As a woman who is a fixer, I identify more with the boyfriend in your story. I have had to learn over the years when someone (a friend, my sister, my mom) is not interested in solutions and just wants to vent. I personally do not do that often (vent without seeking solutions), because I do not find it helpful to replay the problem for its own sake. If I am going to spend time on it, I would rather solve it.

      While you should be able to expect your boyfriend to listen to you vent, I am also not sure if we get to dictate what they say after we vent. I am not sure we are entitled to vent AND to control their response. It’s a two part issue. One, he should absolutely listen to you vent. No question. He should not tell you “Too bad you had a rough day, but I don’t want to hear about it.” Two, however, is whether or not he is allowed to “solve.” I don’t think that’s your decision. It’s the inverse of point One, which is “Too bad you have some ideas to solve my problem, but I don’t want to hear about it.” Why are we allowed to say that to him, when he’s not allowed to say that to us?

      Basically when we are saying we don’t want solutions, we are saying that he must listen, quietly, and then his response must be limited to “Oh, that must be frustrating.” I am not saying you have to date anyone whose responses you don’t like– but, neither does he.

      1. And that’s fair. I did engage with his suggestions and tried to give him some helping opportunities.

        But all I originally told him was along the lines of “ugh today has sucked, work is not going well” and then he wanted to dive into why it wasn’t going well and how I was going to solve it and things like that.

        He’d previously told me that he always wants people to be open and honest with him, so I gave honest answers and was vulnerable. And then today he comes back saying I’m too emotionally needy?! This is exactly why I don’t open up in the first place.

        1. You’re not too needy. He is being a jerk. He did you the favor of saving you more time that you would’ve invested in this relationship.

        3. Yeah, he’s just a jerk then… you didn’t even really vent at all. And I agree with some other commenters who say dump him for accusing you of being too emotional. Sexist garbage.

    7. Not very helpful, but it might make you smile: search “it’s not about the nail” video. :)

  27. Just wanted to run a quick question by the ladies here in case anyone has dealt with this. I am going to Portugal in the spring, and have booked our accommodations through AirBNB. In one city, it seems to be an individual who we are renting from, and they did not ask for passport info. However, in the other city, which I just booked today, it appears to be a property company with several properties that it rents through AirBNB. They have asked for a copy of my passport. Is this normal? I g00gled it and some people are saying it is normal and required by law in Portugal. Wanted to see if anyone here has had this experience? I’m relatively new to AirBNB.

    1. Not sure about Portugal, but I’ve had to give a copy of my passport to every hotel or small bed and breakfast I’ve ever stayed at in Europe (multiple countries), even the Best Western in Paris. I think there is some EU law that requires it, or its needed for tax purposes.

    2. I’ve been required to give passports to be scanned/photocopied at places I’ve stayed, but only on check in… trying to remember if it was just in SE Asia or in Spain too… anyway, I think it has to do with licensing or something, like I know that hostels wanted proof that we weren’t locals.

    4. We absolutely had to provide our passports to the hotel in Lisbon last year.

    6. That’s pretty normal. And I don’t think of anything on my passport as sensitive data – I’ve had to give my passport number to tons of travel related companies in Asia, South America, Africa, and Europe

  28. What does everyone change into when they get home from work?
    I’d like to update my lounge wear / sleep wear. While I aim to be relatively put together all day, when I get home, tend to throw on old sweats to lounge around the house. Interested in any suggestions for go-to brands that will keep me comfortable but also be an upgrade from my current way-too-old sweats. Thanks!

    1. Sweats from Old Navy or leggings from Costco and whatever t-shirt is closest. And I usually take my bra off immediately.

    2. Usually a boyfriend t from target a few years back (i have it in a few colors), and the gap twill stripe girlfriend chinos. Or, high waisted lucy leggings (rip) with a tee/tunic-y sweater.

      In the summer/warmer weather, a knit skirt or the old navy jersey swing dresses.

    3. Leggings – usually ones that have gotten too stretched out to stay up during a workout, plus a tank top and depending on the season, a hoodie or wrap cardigan.

    4. I buy pretty much all of my casual clothes from Costco. I’ve had a few misses, but mostly have been very impressed with the quality, especially for the price.

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