This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Oooh la la: I love this wool blend blazer with inverted darts, exposed seams, and slightly padded shoulders — it looks modern yet classic at the same time. I might wear this with different shades of gray (lighter, darker) for a fun monotone look — and throw in ONE bold pop of color somewhere (necklace, shoes, brooch). The blazer is $1,560 at Net-a-Porter. Haider Ackermann Knitted wool-blend blazer
(Here are three less expensive versions ($471, $89 and $30), and a great and interesting plus-size version. Note that the plus-size shop Navabi is having a sale (prices up to 50% off) — a reader mentioned it a while ago as her little secret; it's a German site with free shipping to the US. Not everything is work appropriate, but their inventory looks interesting and pretty sophisticated.)
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Diana Barry
I can’t see the picture, but the link works. Gorgeous! (Although I think the sleeve is a bit long for the model, but from the runway shot it looks like it was supposed to be?) I think if I were super rich I would live in Boss, Helmut Lang, Theory and Haider Ackermann all the time for work. :)
TCFKAG
I haven’t worn my sleeves that long since high school when I would cut holes in my sleeves for my thumbs.
Which is actually a lie because I have a fleece jacket I got a few years ago that has thumb holes…but that’s not for work so its okay.
Bless your heart
I want to love this, but I can’t quite bring myself to do it.
It looks high-concept. Someone thought a lot about this. But it looks like the execution fell a little short. It has an inadvertently-unfinished look to it (a bit Project Runway), especially at the back. It’s like it needed a little nip and tuck to fit and the way they did it doesn’t sit well with me. For four figures, I want a little bit more in a jacket.
Meg Murry
Yes, are the long sleeves part of the “boy borrowed look”? There’s also a zoomed in shot of the collar and lapels having black edging, but in the photos of the model wearing it I can’t tell if its edged or just a shadow.
Either way, pretty inspiration but not something to really worry about since I don’t have $1500 to drop on a blazer. Filling away in my mental “ooh, nice” file.
Senior Attorney
This jacket is a similar color to a tweedy moto jacket I bought at Ann Taylor last week: http://www.anntaylor.com/tweed-moto-jacket/340446?colorExplode=false&skuId=17229401&catid=cata000017&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=3269
I like the light colors for fall, and it goes with, like, everything.
Anon
Good Morning Hive! I found out last week that I have an interview in my city’s in house legal department. Squeee! I’m so excited! Any of you fabulous ladies have advice for the interview? I’ve done my homework about the department (its pretty small), but am wondering if there are any unique pitfalls/highlights or things to say/not to say for this type of interview? TIA!!
Ellen
Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey monday’s and this blazer, Kat, tho not for me b/c it is to styleish to wear into court, so the manageing partner will NOT reimburse me. FOOEY!
As for the OP, congratuleations on the interview. My advice is to dress VERY conservatively, bring extra copies of writeing sampels and resume (b/c public sector peeople are notorious for NOT haveing your file in front of them), and be very deferential. Depending on what division you are interviewing for, figure out via GOOGEL, whether their cases are in the news and be sure to talk about it — after all, if they are at all smart, they will be GOOGELING you too. After the interview, be sure to send an email to all peeople you get addresse’s for b/c they will enjoy getting email, even if it is the same email. Do NOT try and be to much person specific b/c the others will not get it, and NEVER get personal (like telling anyone your secret’s for avoideing perspireation odour. FOOEY!
When I was interviewing for the goverment, that is what I did to get the internship’s and it worked, but the peeople mainley stared out the window rateing women walking by on Independence Avenue. I hope you are NOT interviewing there. DOUBEL FOOEY!
This weekend my dad embarased me by showeing me off to David’s father and David. He had me come over then told me to show them how much wieght I had lost. What kind of person start’s encourageing men to start stareing at my tuchus? Mom told him to stop it so he did. I felt like chattel being auctioned off, and to David, no less, who is NOT a winner. I was mad at dad so I did NOT stay over on Saturday night.
I did meet Noah to go to the Opera, and the woman in the play had a very nice voice. I did NOT realy understand what she was singing about tho. Noah said that I looked very nice, but I was NOT dressed like other women who went to the opera, b/c I onley had a littel black dress and pump’s when other’s had evening gown’s. Mabye when I get MARRIED, I will buy those, but I am to young to start with those, especialy b/c the short dresse’s are what attract men to me.
This week will be VERY busy for me. I have a CLE to go to as well as one to start workeing for the manageing partner on law firm billing practice’s. I do not think there is much law on it, so I will just use our billeing system as a model for the CLE. Myrna want’s to meet tonight b/c I have been so busy I did NOT see her all weekend. YAY!!!!!
lucy stone
That’s great! I’ve worked for a city for the last six years and enjoy it more than I don’t, which I think is all you can ask for from a job. Ask about how work is assigned – will you be the assistant/deputy in charge of one specific area and staffed to certain departments, or will assignments rotate? I’d expect to be asked about your knowledge of public records and meetings laws. I do an absurd amount of contract drafting/negotiating and risk management, so they will probably ask about those areas as well. If you’re making a lateral move, they will want to know why you are transferring. Government hours are generally more stable, but not necessarily better. I work about 55-60 hours a week, but I usually know what those hours will be, as opposed to my firm friends who get staffed to something last minute.
I’d also expect to be asked how you prioritize work. It’s not uncommon to have your police, planning, and finance departments all needing something RIGHT NOW and you have to figure out what is important.
This goes for any interview, but be nice to the staff when you come in! If you are snotty to my paralegal, I am not hiring you. I don’t care if you’re the love child of Clarence Darrow and Atticus Finch.
Marie
LOL @ “love child of Clarence Darrow and Atticus Finch”… haha!
Bette
I would also discuss why you want that job and what attracts you to the work. I want to hire someone who is generally passionate about helping make the City a better place and specifically about the policy area that they will be staffed to.
Also, I would really echo the be nice comment. I work for government because I like helping people. I have no desire to work with jerks.
Marise
If it is a small department, they will probably expect you to be willing to jump into everything. Emphasize you are eager to work in areas even outside your expertise and are eager to learn all new areas. Brush up on public records act laws and open meeting laws (Brown Act if you are in California). Good luck! It’s very interesting work!
Anonymous
Can anyone comment on the quality of jcrew cashmere sweaters, particularly on whether they’re too thin?
Hildegarde
I have one from 2009 that is of decent quality (not amazing, but good for the price). Last January, however, I ordered one of the basic cashmere crew neck cardigans, and it was so thin it was see-through, it was shapeless, and it was clearly a victim of J.Crew’s insane vanity sizing practices. I just returned it – I didn’t even bother exchanging for a smaller size – because I don’t see the point of having a sweater that is so thin (and likely not warm at that weight).
I wish this weren’t the case, because J.Crew has such pretty colors of cashmere. Does anyone know of a brand that has so many interesting colors, but higher quality? Even if it’s at a higher price point than J.Crew, I’d rather have one good quality sweater from some other store.
Anon
I *generally* agree with what Hildegarde says. However, on a lark, I purchased two of the Collection Boyfriend sweaters last year and they are MUCH BETTER than I’ve come to expect from J.Crew. The style is definitely weekend-casual (oversized, slouchy, not so good for the office), but they are thick and warm. The knit is thick enough that I can wear a lace bra underneath without it showing/poking through, if that helps.
Hey Nonny Nonny
Agree with this! The quality had become so terrible in recent years — thin, scratchy (felt more like wool than cashmere). but I just bought two of the boyfriend cashmere cardigans and they are thick and soft. Was very pleasantly surprised.
Anonymous
Any issues with pilling?
Cat
avoid. thin and prone to pilling and becoming misshapen. Talbot’s has better quality at that price point IME (at least they have the last two years – love the Audrey sweaters).
Cat
aside from Talbots, I think L&T and Neiman house brand cashmere is very nice.
Anonymous
are the Talbots ones boxy like most other talbots items? I’m very petite and curvy so boxy is really not flattering on me.
Cat
I haven’t tried the other styles, but the Audrey is not boxy IMO. I’m a shortish pear/hourglass 6 and the Small fits nicely/fitted but not too snug across the bust, the waist is looser but not a ton of fabric, and the banded hem is snug around my hips.
lucy stone
Also like Talbot’s cashmere, and find it more fitted than some of their other sweaters. I own quite a bit of Lands’ End and Charter Club (Macy’s house brand) cashmere as well.
YouSaucyMinx
Way too thin, and pills almost immediately. I’ve found Talbots’ cashmere sweaters to be quite nice, and even Lands’ End was a better quality than J. Crew’s.
Duchess
If they are the Collection cardigans, I just saw them in store this weekend and they were very thick. Some of the colors were really beautiful, too. It was hard for me to walk away from them, but I hate paying full price for anything at J Crew since they are always running sales.
MJ
JCrew has cashmere of different weights, so it’s not really fair to say that _all_ of it is too thin. My bigger issue with them is that they do not use yarn that is heavily twisted which leads to a great handfeel (so they feel amazingly soft in store), but then they have really bad pilling problems once you wear their sweaters. I am a huge cashmere freak, and I own some Brora (a UK brand that is VERY pricy, but I have sweaters that are 10+ years old from them), some older Brooks Bros (their older cashmere is also very high quality), lots of Lord & Taylor, lots of Talbots Audreys, some Aqua from Bloomies. The Audreys are really lovely. I also sometimes buy “disposable” cashmere from Macy’s (lots of 39.99 in early December), knowing that their stuff will not last.
I will buy JCrew if their cashmere is cabled, which limits the pilling, but cables don’t seem to feature heavily in their fall looks right now.
TL:DR – don’t buy JCrew cashmere, no matter how cute it looks or soft it feels in store. Major pilling problems.
Nonny
Once again, I am pitching for Brora as well.
Like MJ, I have multiple Brora sweaters. Mine are about 6 or 7 years old now and still in great shape. I allow myself to buy one per year and will probably wear them forever.
For cheaper sweaters, I buy Uniqlo merino wool.
SuziStockbroker
I like that. I just bought at Eric Bompard today, online, after reading this discussion and seeing them mentioned before in previous cashmere discussions.
I bought two, to justify the shipping, but they were on sale. I will give one to my husband to give me for Christmas.
So, maybe that will be my rule, two per year :)
Lyssa
With apologies for an early threadjack – I wrote a few weeks ago about my grandparents, who live very far from me, suffering my grandfather’s Alzheimer’s. I really appreciate the tips and support that I got. Unfortunately, in the time since, my grandmother had a stroke. She’s recovering, and will be moving from inpatient rehab to a new assisted living apartment this week. She’s been quite depressed about this whole situation, and has not seen my grandfather (who’s in a nursing home-style memory care place) for quite some time. My dad took some video of him saying hi to her the other day, and it was just heartbreaking, as he clearly did not know who he was saying hi to.
Anyhow, I would like to send a care package of sorts to my grandmother in hopes of trying to make her new home a little more homey, but I’m sort of at a loss over what to send. Any suggestions? She’s still having trouble eating, so nothing consumable, and I don’t think that something like a gift card to a spa would work, as she can’t really get around well yet.
anon
what about a digital picture frame pre-loaded with pictures? Might be a bit of work on your end but it wouldn’t take up too much space in her room and would give her something to talk about when visitors come by.
Or maybe a nice notecard set so she can write notes to your grandfather that your dad could bring over. Even if your grandfather can’t understand them, it may be cathartic for your grandmother.
Miss Behaved
This is probably out of your price range, but my mom’s friend just got her the pix-star digital picture frame (available at amazon). It comes with its own email address. So you and all your family members can email pictures and they’ll immediately pop up in her slideshow.
Anon
Do you have one? If so, how is the quality and ease of use on this frame? I have been considering getting one for my grandparents but haven’t found anyone who has one in real life to get an honest review from. TIA!
Miss Behaved
Yes. My mother has one. It’s really cool. The pictures look great. You can set it up in straight slideshow mode or collage.
You could do all the setup yourself and then send it to your grandparents. You could even set up the email address so that people in your family could send pictures before they even start using the frame. And then you can log in to the account online and make changes. It allows you to set the times it’s in sleep mode. For instance, I set my mother’s up so that it goes to sleep at 10 pm and wakes back up at 7 am.
Meg Murry
I would only get something like this if you plan to be at their house to help get it setup on their network (assuming they have internet) or have a family member that can. My mother would love something like this, but it would not get used it there are any more steps than 1) turn it on. 2) plug it in. Filling in wifi settings is beyond her level of expertise and would frustrate her to no end.
Unicorn
Our family uses the Ceiva frame and its online service – we all have a password to the web site where we can upload pictures that show up on the frames of all family members subscribed. It works well for us. My gramdmother also has Alzheimer’s and I think (IMH-non-medical-professional-O) it helps her remember faces since she sees new pictures of the family all the time, instead of posed pictures that are years old, if this makes any sense.
Another suggestion is if you have a picture of her home (pre-hospital), you could consider hiring someone (a decorator maybe) to try to arrange her new assisted living apartment to look similar to her familiar home. Moving lots of furniture might not be possible, but maybe hanging familiar artwork on the same place on the wall as it used to be, and moving in familiar rugs, throws, etc. This can help with making a memory patient feel less lost.
This is a difficult experience, especially with both grandparents having memory issues. I wish you and your family the best of luck.
Blonde Lawyer
I would worry about this getting hacked and inappropriate pictures popping up!
Anonymous
How do you make it through the day? Who is out there hacking photo frames? Really. Silly. Worry.
PolyD
And really, one of my grandfathers (at least) for sure would have gotten a kick out of surprise inappropriate pictures.
Blonde Lawyer
I probably used the wrong term. I didn’t mean “hacked” in the sense that someone wants your pictures. I meant that there are lots of nerds in their mom’s basement making viruses that sends porn to all of your email contacts. Does that just happen to me? I think the same nerds would love to send dirty pictures to random email addresses if it would cause them to pop up on random picture frames. I wouldn’t worry about it so much that I wouldn’t buy one of course. This is just not something I had heard of and I can think of a lot of ways to be mischievous with it. Like sending a “I Love Hannah Montana” picture to a coworker’s picture frame.
Miss Behaved
There are all sort of filters and checks on it. I read the FAQ on the site.
Anonymous
A nice throw blanket, pictures of the family in frames, a hard to kill plant might be nice.
Diana Barry
Oof. So sorry about your grandparents. I think pictures would be great, or even a card with news clippings of something she is interested in, or a few magazines.
tesyaa
So sorry about your grandparents. If not too bulky to ship, one or two pretty throw pillows would brighten up her room.
Meg Murry
Deleted since I re-posted below
Meg Murry
Sorry for the double post, attempting to get out of mod:
Can you call the assisted living place and see if they have an on-s!te salon? The one my grandmother lived in did, and she loved going to get her hair washed and set weekly. In her case its was especially nice that the same person who she had been going to at home was able to continue to go to her in the nursing home, so it provided some continuity. Perhaps see if you can find out if the same person she had been seeing would do a house-call?
I’m sorry to hear about your grandparents. Is there any possibility that there is one facility that does both memory care and assisted living that they could both be on the same campus for in your (or your parents) area? Or once she is a little better is there a shuttle she could take from her facility to her husbands? Or is it just too hard for her to go there if he doesn’t know her?
My grandmother loved getting photos of her family, especially grandkids. Could you just order prints from Walgreens or Shutterfly to send to her regularly (like a few photos every week)? The nurses put them up on the wall for her, and then every aide that came in commented on the pictures and her beautiful grandkids, which made her very happy. Her eyesight wasn’t that great, so she liked zoomed in shots of the baby’s face best. A few small items like photos once a week go a long way more than one big grand gesture.
anon2
Having grandmother’s current stylist come to the nursing home is a great idea. Even if it’s a new stylist, a “spa” day would be a great idea. Even if grandmother can afford it herself, the idea that it’s a treat from Lyssa and family should put a smile on her face. Maybe a mani/pedi or a neck or hand massage too if you could bring in someone?
Carrie..
Such good ideas here. I am familiar with this situation and they are excellent suggestions.
The digital picture frame is excellent for both of your grandparents. Cannot emphasize this enough.
I also completely agree with trying to find an assisted living facility long term where both grandparents can be together… even if they are in separate apartments.
Make sure your grandmother gets treated for depression. If she wasn’t depressed already with your grandfather’s situation, the stroke and new move will push her into it. A huge proportion of people become depressed after stroke, and they are being more aggressive about treating it because it increases your chance of recovery and working hard at rehab when mood is better. I cannot emphasize this enough, and unfortunately, many (?most) doctors forget this.
Red Beagle
I love this jacket, and if it were in my budget, it would be a staple. The $30 Tar-jhey ponte version is intriguing to pop over a dress, but not in the grey. IMHO, a ponte heathered grey fabric looks like a sweatshirt no matter what the style of the garment.
YouSaucyMinx
Agreed. Heathered gray ponte always looks like a sweatshirt to me. Find for a casual weekend look, but nothing I could wear to work. I’d stick to a more classic wool or tweed-ish gray.
loco
I’ve loved my stitchfix boxes so far – for casual clothes more so than for work clothes since I don’t have the time/effort to figure out what kinda trendy things I want. I’ve kept 3 casual/happy hour-type tops that I LOVE and a pair of great dark wash super stretchy jeans.
ANP
Any StitchFix users out there? I just signed up and will be getting my first box later this month. I picked The Cheaper The Better and am looking for biz-casual work clothes as well as some weekend wear. I’d love to hear about how you liked (or didn’t like!) the service.
anon
It didn’t work for me. I realized that I have a definite style and taste that an on-line service was not going to readily understand. My first “fix” was so far off base that I immediately cancelled.
Anon
I tried it and was looking for similar items (business casual that could double as weekend wear) and didn’t like it. I ended up buying a cardigan because I didn’t want to waste the money I spent on the box, but I felt like all of the items were really expensive for the quality and that I could have found cheaper and higher quality options in stores. I have friends who really enjoyed it though, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Diana Barry
Like the 2 above, I didn’t like it. It was wayyyyyyyyyy too casual – I said “black ankle pants for work” and they sent me a pair of black cotton khakis. No, no, no. Plus an ugly statement necklace and a waterfall cardigan when I specifically said I didn’t want waterfall cardigans. I ended up keeping one of the blouses, which is okay but not great. I think if you have a casual workplace AND hate shopping AND have a specific pinterest board they may be better on matching your style.
anon
I also received a really, really ugly and cheap-looking necklace!
Wildkitten
My first fix was TERRIBLE but the 3 since have each gotten better – good enough for me to keep an item from each box, that I wear regularly, and appreciate the new injections into my casual wardrobe. Its definitely best for weekend wear and not work wear.
Wildkitten
One thing I did that seems to have improved my fixes is pinning more clothes I liked to my pinterest board. I started doing things like pinning clothes I own or buy, not just clothes I wanted, to give the fixers a better impression of my style.
Erin @ Her Heartland Soul
I really like the service! I’ve got some pretty dresses through it, although I tend to pick a higher price point so they send me Tart dresses.
k-padi
I have had two “fixes” now and I love it. I am going to an event this week to hear the CEO speak. I would say that the cheap pieces are cheaper for a reason. I do get pretty good pieces in the $50-100 range.
I am not too picky when it comes to clothes and I have a pretty strict set of “rules” for myself. I have those saved in my profile and always re-iterate them when requesting my next fix. I was also pretty lucky–one of their “style profiles” in the sign-up flow fits me exactly and I wasn’t shy about “hating” the others.
Maddie Ross
I personally really like StitchFix. My office has veered business casual in the last few years and I’ve found that the shirts particularly have been useful for me for work. I’ve not asked for anything specific like black work pants or anything – I figure if there is something specific I need like that, I’ll find and shop for it myself. I’ve used it more for pieces, colors and prints that I might not pick on my own. Frankly, I’m surprised how much wear I’ve gotten out of some of the pieces. I’ve definitely returned about 1/2 the stuff though too, so it’s not foolproof or 100%.
Anon
Sorry, accidentally hit report instead of reply! Meant to just say +1, and also that you will probably have more luck in the $50-100 range than “the cheaper the better.”
Bette
My sister who is a SAH mom uses it and loves it. She’s gotten a lot of cute stuff out of it, that isn’t necessarily something she would have chosen for herself but looks great. I think it would be a great way to perk up your weekend wardrobe.
I work in a business formal environment so it wouldn’t really fly here.
LH
It didn’t work for me. The clothes were not really my style, didn’t fit well (I’m tall and they don’t have tall sizes – or at least didn’t when I tried it) and were more than I would spend on casual wear. I know a lot of people who love it, but they have jobs that don’t require business casual.
Anonymous
Ahhh, I have a Meeting in an hour, and the blazer that matches the skirt I’m wearing isn’t in my work closet!
I really thought it was. I have on a plain navy skirt (the super 120s pencil), my blazer options are
– a cream sweater/jacket,
– a navy pinstripe jacket (the super 120s one),
– a grey wool schoolboy blazer,
– a camel schoolboy blazer or
– cropped blush blazer.
I feel like such an idiot. I also need to stop wearing clothes exclusively from J.Crew, but that’s a problem for another day.
Becky
Don’t do the pinstripe, it’ll look like you didn’t look close enough before leaving the house. I’m a fan of grey and navy though. Good luck!
Terry
You’ll be fine! I vote for 1,3 or 4, depending on the shirt you’re wearing. Walk with confidence and no one will give it a second thought.
Red Beagle
Depending on the top you’re wearing, any of the jackets you listed would work. Sorry couldn’t be more helpful. What color top?
Anonymous
My top is a cream/navy patterned shell!
Unicorn
Definitely grey blazer!
Anonymous
Seconded!
NYNY
What shirt/shoes are you wearing and what’s the weather like? Both factors will inform the decision.
Anonymous
I have a variety of shoe options- I can wear pretty much any color shoe. My top is a cream/navy patterned shell.
Anonymous
As to your last point, I actually think that J. Crew is the one store where it makes sense to buy all your clothes from the same store. They tend to repeat their colors and their colors are always in their patterns. I have a lot of J. Crew stuff and it always look like it “goes” when I wear it together. Even across seasons
Montreal
Any recommendations on where to have a romantic dinner this weekend? Staying in Old Montreal. THANKS!
Montreal
Oooh, and a second request: any recommendations for a spa that does couples massage?
editrix
Chez L’Epicier
311 St-Paul Est.
Lovely atmosphere, interesting menu.
http://www.chezlepicier.com/index.php?lang=en#Menus
AnonInfinity
Toque! It’s not in Old Montreal, but it is delicious.
Anonymous
Just stumbled into this:
http://www.tastingtable.com/entry_detail/nyc/18017/Weekend_Getaway_The_Best_Places_to_Eat_and_Drink_in_Montreal.htm
KS IT Chick
Funeral threadjack…
A colleague’s father passed away over the weekend. He has requested that our entire department attend the funeral tomorrow, a full Roman Catholic funeral mass. I grew up in the Episcopal church with a lot of friends who were Roman Catholic, but it has been a long time since I’ve been to one of these.
I’ve got some different options for what to wear, since we’ll be going as a group from work and coming straight back to work. I’m trying to decide what is the most appropriate.
#1: black sleeveless sheath dress, black & white houndstooth blazer, black wedge heels
#2: navy skirt suit, lightweight shell, black wedge heels
#3: black pant suit, shell, black ankle boots
Meg Murry
Would you kneel in the service? If so, the one that you can get on and off your knees easiest in. Otherwise they all sound fine.
AIMS
I know you can wear other dark, sedate colors, but I still think all black is best at a funeral so I would opt for option 3.
Unicorn
I agree – plus yes to Meg Murry’s suggestion – Catholic funeral masses include kneeling (if you choose to participate) and I think getting up and down in pants is easier than worrying about a skirt.
lucy stone
I’d go 3 because some kneelers are easier to get up from than others. Not every diocese kneels anymore, but if yours does, it will be easiest to do the stand up/sit down/fight fight fight in pants.
Blonde Lawyer
Also, ask around if you are going as a group or not. I recently attended a memorial service for a colleague’s wife. The support staff went as a group but the (male) attorneys all went home and got their wives and attended with them. Luckily, I had said to one “what time are we leaving for the service” and found out his plan so I was able to call my husband to throw on a suit and be ready for pickup. I would have never anticipated this was a “bring your spouse” event but it was very clear that it was expected. Is that a cultural norm? It seemed very odd to me. If my husband knew my coworker well then of course but he had only met him once or twice and had never met his wife. The other female attorney went solo b/c her husband was traveling on business.
Anon
I’ve attended two services for family members of colleagues – spouses did not attend. Large SE city.
Wildkitten
All of your spouses are at home just waiting to attend funerals at a moment’s notice? That would so not work for me.
Blonde Lawyer
This was more like a wake and it was at the end of the traditional work day but still involved leaving work a little early. Most of the other spouses in question are stay at home. My husband is not but he happened to have work training that day and was home early anyway. I do occasionally leave work early to attend his work events and he occasionally leaves work early to attend mine.
At my prior firm spouses (or other guests) attended the holiday party and the summer retreat. I’d imagine the “and family” events would be a PITA if you weren’t coupled up. I doubt “and family” means bring your mom!
To your point though, I thought bringing our spouses to the memorial was very weird.
Wildkitten
We have spouses invited to the holiday party but it’s scheduled in advance and held outside of standard office hours.
Diana Barry
+1. I find it kind of odd that colleagues are expected to attend not a colleague’s own funeral or a colleague’s spouse’s funeral, but another relative. Maybe people are closer with their co-workers than I am?
Bless your heart
I used to work with my husband and even then we never went to funerals together. One of us was always home with the kids, even for people we both knew well.
S in Chicago
I’ve attended for spouse and parent funerals on several occassions. I would also do for loss of a child. My company is about 150 or so. Almost all who have attended are from the same department as the person greiving or a member of our executive team (departments of less than 20 and exec team of about 10 or so). In none of these instances did anyone bring a spouse. I think bringing the spouse to a work-related funeral is really odd. I don’t think attending as a co-worker is odd at all.
Anonymous
Three. When all black is so easy to do I always find it disrespectful when people can’t manage that sign of respect at a funeral. If you’re close family I’ll assume you’re following the deceased ‘s wishes but if you’re peripheral just wear black.
Sacha
It never occurred to me that wearing all black was a “sign of respect.” I’ve always tried to wear dark colors with a little something less sedate (e.g., I veer toward option no. 1 for the OP) because in my experience, there is generally an attempt to make a funeral a positive remembrance of the deceased, not an entirely somber occasion. Maybe that is just cultural or ignorance, though. (I was never really “taught” how to attend a funeral.)
Mpls
I believe black is the traditional norm for Western/Christian funerals, though some will break with that based on the wishes of the deceased or family (celebration of life! Gma always liked orange…). So in the sense of wearing the “correct” thing as a sign of respect and observing cultural norms, wearing black or other sedate colors to a funeral is the safe bet.
But other cultures have other colors for their death rituals. Shrug.
UK
In the UK it’s considered rather old-fashioned to wear all black to a funeral. At all the funerals I can remember the only people wearing all black have been the undertakers.
TCFKAG
I’m a northeastern Roman Catholic and I’ve never been taught to wear all black to funerals – especially if the person was old or the death was expected. I don’t know, its considered kind of … overkill?
Though I have to say, generally people who don’t know the decedent don’t go to the funerals up here – they would go to the wake if anything.
Maddie Ross
Maybe it’s just me, but I never thought black specifically was necessary, I just understood that it was sedate colors – so navy, dark browns, dark grays. Things that match the general somberness of the occasion.
MJ
Ladies–I feel like the change in seasons has made me seem like I need eye cream. But if I wear eye cream overnight, I get all puffy by morning and feel like my eyelids are super-heavy.
Please recommend gel eye creams that you love, or makeup review sites which might direct me toward something lighter but moisturizing. (Does such a cream exist?) TIA.
KinCA
I really like Alba Botanica Revitalizing Green Tea Hawaiian Eye Gel, which is about $11 on Amazon. A little bit (as in not even a pump) goes a long way. As a bonus, it’s not tested on animals either.
lawsuited
I use Clinique All About Eyes gel formula in the morning and it’s lovely and light and makes my makeup smooth on like a dream. And someone thought I was an undergraduate student the other day!
holidays
I know splitting family time at the holidays has come up before, but I have a sort of unique scenario. DH’s mother (who is very manipulative) invited herself to my family Christmas (in a totally different state, involving air travel, hotel, etc). My parents would prefer she wasn’t there but are afraid to say anything. How do we deal with this?
Anonymous
Suck it up, put on your big girl panties and deal with it since you were all too chicken to say no.
Or, if she sprung this in the last day or so, have your husband call her back and say “actually, you weren’t invited and you can’t come. I don’t want you to impose. We will see you another time”
Anon
+1 Just say it.
Diana Barry
Get your DH to make clear that she is not invited. “Mom, this is a WifeFamily event and you cannot attend. We are looking forward to seeing you at Next Special Occasion!”
If he won’t (!!!) then your parents will have to bite the bullet and do it, but in that case I’d say you have some bigger issues at hand.
Unicorn
I agree with declining her self-invitation (?) but maybe doing it more gently. Could you or DH say something like “Unfortunately will not be able to have you join us in [Akron] for Christmas as you had hoped. We would be happy to have you over [weekend before Christmas] for a celebration with just the three of us.”
anon
Hmm – disagree here. I think you suck it up and include her & tell your family that she’s now also a part of your family. She’s your H’s mom. Even if she’s bananas, unless they no longer talk to each other I think you make the effort to include her.
Anonymous
Nope. She does get to impose her MIL on her own parents. That’s rude. If she wants everyone invited she can host and invite everyone.
Anon
I kind of agree with both of you, it is pretty rude, but it sounds like she invited herself so she wouldn’t be all alone on Christmas? If that is not the case and she has other family to spend it with, or if she’s particularly heinous and difficult to get along with, then disinvite her. Otherwise it is kind of include her in the celebration.
anon
I think “rude” and “polite” fall out when you’re talking about family, but if we’re going there, I think it’s pretty “rude” of OP’s parents to not include OP’s MIL at the holidays.
Anonymous
Yup. This. I think its rude not to include H’s mother if she specifically wants to be included. It seems so hurtful to tell her she can’t come. Who would do that to a person?
anon
I agree w/ Anonymous at 1:13. Unless MIL is completely obnoxious and will ruin the celebration, it seems like a small thing, a kindness, and certainly in the holiday spirit to include her.
ELS
Really? (Not sarcastic — curious)
My family is 12 hours by car from my husband’s (he and I live locally to his parents). My MIL is particularly difficult and manipulative. We make an effort to see her at Christmas, even though it usually ends with me in tears because she is just that awful to me.
However, if she invited herself to Thanksgiving, including airfare and a hotel back in my home town, I would balk. Especially because this is the one time of year I get to see my family, and she would expect that H and I would pay her way.
It should be noted, further, that my parents and his parents aren’t close. Because of the geographic distance, the only times they’ve seen each other are when my parents are visiting, and at our wedding. They have met exactly none of my extended family, and i would find it weird even if my FIL (who is the nicest person on the planet) asked to come home with me for Thanksgiving.
Anon
It depends on the circumstances of your family, I think. For example, if I had a mother who was unmarried, had no family around, no other kids, and was a little difficult but clearly lonely, of course I would include her and hope that my spouse and their family would be receptive to it. But if she’s just being difficult and could visit her sister or go to another kid’s place for the holiday, then yeah, I’d tell her to do that instead. Though I will say that in my family, whoever wants to come is welcome – and that includes in laws. My sister in law’s family often comes to holidays at my parents’ to see my nieces and nephews, though I don’t ever see my family going to their place (a few hours away) for any reason because we don’t like them that much. It just depends on the dynamic of things.
Bee
Two questions – (1) What is the basis of your parents’ preference that MIL not attend? and (2) Does MIL have someplace else she could be for Christmas?
(1) It’s your parents’ celebration and they can invite or not invite whomever they want. But it strikes me as antithetical to the holiday spirit to exclude a family member who clearly would like to attend. Now if your parents REALLY don’t like her and don’t want her there, that’s their decision and I think you have to respect it. But if their “preference” is just that they would like to have their insular family + your DH over for the holidays, then perhaps you could prevail upon them to be more inclusive.
(2) If MIL is going to be all alone for the holidays, you should really consider doing something about that. If your parents don’t want her there, maybe you could see your parents another time and invite MIL to stay with you. If MIL could be with other family but chooses to stubbornly impose herself where she knows she’s not particularly wanted, then have DH tell her she can’t go but he knows Other Family Member is excited to see her.
lawsuited
I think it’s better to have the Spouse 1 Family Christmas in all its glory with all the traditions and trimmings of that family one year and then do the same with Spouse 2 Family the next year rather than compromise for both families every year. My siblings, and my parents to a lesser extent, would be furious if I ruined our family Christmas my bringing in-laws along!
I strongly suggest that you and your husband set a good precedent by telling your MIL that you are spending Christmas with your family this year and will spend Christmas with her next year. Arrange some sort of celebration with her shortly before or after Christmas so that you can still exchange gifts and share a special meal, etc. I recommend being honest and having your husband explain kindly, “holidays’ parents didn’t want to hurt feelngs by saying anything, but we’ve decided to spend Christmas with holidays’ family this year and we’ll spend next Christmas with you. We’d love to spend Thanksgiving with you though, and have you over on December 20th for a Christmas meal so we can exchange gifts and decorate the tree.”
editrix
Rotating holidays works well if you are an only child or the first one married. For me, having two sisters and four sets of parents to juggle became cumbersome and unmanageable.
Now that our children are nearly grown, nobody can keep track of who’s going where for what, and the result is that we are seldom all together at holidays. Which is fine if you have your own family, but two of us have been separated or divorced in that time.
Not terribly helpful, I know, but . . . it’s complicated.
anon
Agreed. Plus when people start breaking off, traditions tend to end & there isn’t the “whole big shebang” to go back to in alternating years.
lawsuited
Some of my siblings are also married, and we all alternate on the same ‘schedule’, meaning that my parents have the whole family together one year and then just celebrate alone or with whichever single siblings want to be at home the next year.
Best man
Can you ever tell your fiance that he can’t have the best man of his choosing? About a year ago, before fiance and I were engaged, fiance’s childhood BFF got drunk, backed me against a wall, threw sharp objects at me, and screamed in my face and pounded the wall next to my head. He didn’t actually touch me, but I was afraid he was going to hit me. A bunch of fiance’s friends saw this happen and did nothing. Fiance was in the bathroom at the time. I have refused to hang out with this group ever since because I don’t feel safe around them. Fiance still sees them, but not as much as he/we used to. No one has ever apologized to me for the incident and I suspect that everyone thinks I’m being uptight by taking it personally.
Fiance now wants childhood BFF to be his best man and wants to invite this group to the wedding. I could maybe, begrudgingly, compromise on the group coming to the wedding, but I do not want best man to be invited period, and I certainly don’t want him IN the wedding. Fiance understands my feelings but has always envisioned his childhood BFF standing up with him at his wedding. I hate giving ultimatums, but I’m at the end of my rope and I’m pretty close to saying, either childhood BFF doesn’t come to the wedding or there won’t be a wedding. Am I in the wrong? Should I accept fiance’s choice in best man? Should we invite childhood BFF and/or the group to the wedding?
TXLawyer
I think it’s extremely fair (and necessary!) for you to say “Fiance, I don’t want to share my wedding day with a man who threatened me with physical violence.”
tesyaa
I think if BFF physically and verbally attacked you, he really shouldn’t be BFF anymore. Not quite sure how he’s still in the picture.
Monday
My educated guess is that the friend at fault is still in the picture because he has a drinking problem, he’s in denial about it, and the whole friend group has committed to looking the other way/making excuses/covering for him out of misguided loyalty. It’s very sad, but common. It doesn’t mean you’re any less justified (I agree with the other commenters), but just some potential insight.
OP
Yeah this is pretty much the case with this friend group. The behavior that was once commonplace in college has developed into a drinking problem, but no one wants to own up to that because they all want to keep the party going.
S
+1 Denial is powerful, unfortunately.
Anonymous
Wrong question. How can you marry a man who considers someone who assaulted his fiancée to be a friend, let alone his most important friend? Lots of people imagine wedding plans. Grown ups have to live in reality land. Invite him to join you there.
Other
Co-sign: “. How can you marry a man who considers someone who assaulted his fiancée to be a friend, let alone his most important friend? ”
I’d be more worried that he isn’t taking a situation that threatened you seriously.
Erin @ Her Heartland Soul
This! I would not be okay with that.
Diana Barry
+1.
Anastasia
+1
But sticking to the question at hand, absolutely put your foot down that friend cannot attend the wedding. If your fiance can’t understand why you feel that way, I think your ultimatum is totally reasonable. You shouldn’t marry a man who is more loyal to his violent friend than to his wife.
Anon
+1 My husband has some super questionable friends but all of them have always been nothing but respectful (and downright protective) of me. Rowdy, drunken behavior is one thing (particularly considering we don’t see them that often), physical violence is an entirely different thing.
Wildkitten
+ 1 Your spouse should care about your safety as like the most important thing (tied with his own safety).
Senior Attorney
This. I absolutely think “either childhood BFF doesn’t come to the wedding or there won’t be a wedding” is the only appropriate position for you to take.
A Clark
Just wanted to chime in to agree that an ultimatum is not inappropriate in this circumstance!
Anon
Agreed. I would not have gotten engaged to this man unless the engagement was preceded by his disowning his former BFF. I don’t have many bright-line rules, but “you can’t be friends with someone who threatens me with physical harm” seems pretty reasonable.
Just don't
No, no you are not in the wrong. Sentimentality aside, what the BFF did is just plain wrong and unreasonable for any adult. It is your special day – you get to enjoy it the way you want to. Talk to your fiancé and don’t pose it as an ultimatum, but let him know very clearly that the incident will always hang over your head, and you don’t want it (or the friend) to color what should be the most special day for you and your soon-to-be-DH.
If he had been my DH’s childhood BFF, I’m pretty sure that had he done this to me, my DH would no longer be in touch with that person, let alone think about inviting him to our wedding. There is a larger conversation you need to have with your fiancé before you get married.
anon
you are not in the wrong, you should not accept his choice, and should not invite BFF to the wedding. On the fence about other friends in the group.
I would not marry someone who thought it was acceptable to remain friends with someone who had threatened me with physical violence and not apologized profusely/sought counselling or help for whatever issues caused him to threaten someone.
Anita
What?? Your fiance’s friend acted violently towards you, and no one did anything about it? That is insane. This man should not be his best man and should not be at your wedding. I can’t even understand how your fiance could consider it. Please have a serious conversation with him, now.
SuziStockbroker
+1 This. Absolutely.
If your fiance really cannot see why someone who assaulted you cannot be his best man, then I am very worried for you!
Blonde Lawyer
Weird. Take out the “throwing sharp objects” and my now husband’s then good friend and college roommate did something similar to me. Except there was only one witness and it was one of my good friends. My husband immediately stopped living with that guy and took me at my word that this had occurred. I felt like I put him in an awful position because he never would imagine his friend would do that. I think what made it easier though is his friend, rather than denying that he did it, just made excuses why I “deserved” it. There was no “he said, she said” for him to sort out. We lost a lot of friends. The “bad guy” was an otherwise fun party guy so many of our friends stayed loyal to him instead of us. They all agreed that we were “right” but when it came down to inviting us or him, they chose him. It sucks. It still sucks. We saw him ten years later at a wedding and he made some kind of half assed apology about how he wished our friendship hadn’t ended how it did but no “I was wrong and sorry for punching a wall next to your head.” I can’t believe how similar your story is to mine.
Your soon to be husband should be backing you, not him but I understand how hard that is in reality when it is his entire social world at stake. I think you are absolutely justified in issuing an ultimatum.
OP
Thank you for this. Fiance has tried to take a middle ground. He wants to stay friends with these people but also wants to be with me. On the one hand, it bugs me that he’s still hanging out with someone who acted violently toward me. On the other, I don’t think it’s my place to tell him who he can or can’t associate with. What I can do (and demand) is that I will not hang out with this group and fiance will not pressure/guilt me to hang out with them. I feel like he’s going back on that promise now by asking for this guy to be his best man.
Anon
While I understand that your fiance has a history with these people and is reluctant to give that up, his BFF was violent towards you. My SO has wonderful, life-long, awesome friends, but if any of them acted towards me the way your fiance’s BFF acted towards you, they’d be gone. And my SO wouldn’t be asking me if they could be in the wedding – he’d be acting me whether or not I remembered to knee his former BFF in the b&lls before I elbowed him in the throat and got the heck out of there.
Senior Attorney
IT IS ABSOLUTELY YOUR PLACE TO TELL YOUR FIANCE NOT TO HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO VIOLENTLY ASSAULT YOU!!
Come on now!
Or, put another way, it is absolutely your place not to marry somebody who doesn’t consider “violent conduct towards my future wife” an absolute deal-breaker with regard to his friendships.
And really? I am sad that this is even a discussion, and I think it’s a big red flag, and I think you need to do a major gut-check before you get married, BFF-at-the-wedding or no BFF-at-the-wedding. Have there been other instances in which he’s demonstrated such a stunning lack of loyalty and/or empathy?
L
Amen. Literally, I can’t even imagine a way in which this is a serious conversation.
DTMFA.
PrettyLawBelle
Thank you.
Anon
Are you guys doing some type of pre-marital counseling at all? This is something that would be good to talk about in a session. Or at least have a heart-to-heart about. The only way I can see this becoming ok (to me, I realize it is different for everybody) is if the friend has profusely apologized to you and it was due to some medical reason for which he sought treatment, like a drug interaction or some mental condition, or he was an alcoholic and is now sober, etc.
Anon
Your situation is much more egregious than mine. My DH’s BF had created some uncomfortable moments with me. Our compromise was to have him do the readings, but not be the Best Man or in the wedding party.
Anonymous
My apartment building seems to have a fair number of smokers. The hallway always smells like smoke, and I’m getting concerned about exposure to secondhand smoke myself, especially since my apartment started to smell of it this morning. Smoking isn’t allowed in this building, but I’m not hopeful that the management will do anything about it, and I’m not in a position to move right now.
Any advice on limiting my exposure to the bad stuff? I’ve been keeping my windows open as much as I can. I’ve also thought about getting an air purifier, but I’ve heard that doesn’t really eliminate secondhand smoke.
Anonymous
Get one of those draft blockers for your door. Ask the landlord to send a reminder that smoking isn’t permitted I side (it’s worth a shot). Get an air filter ( it’s better than nothing). Remind yourself that there’s no real evidence that the smell of smoke occasionally wafting in from a separate apt has any impact on you.
Brit
Totally disagree on the smell of smoke doesn’t affect you. If you can smell it, it’s affecting you – there is some serious research out there now that secondhand smoke is just as bad for you.
Anonymous
Yup. And all of that research involves being in the same room as a smoker for an extended period of time.
Anonymous (OP)
Yeah, my use of the term secondhand smoke here is a little misleading, but I just didn’t know what else to call it. I’ve read that nonsmokers in apartment buildings with smokers have higher nicotine levels than nonsmokers living elsewhere. I’m not sure what that means in terms of effect on said nonsmoker or health risk though
L
Get the foam weatherproofing strips and put it on your front door. This will help keep some of the smoke out of your unit. This works better than the door drifters because when you leave for the day often they’re not wedge tight enough to prevent the smoke from entering.
If smoking isn’t allowed in your building, just be that annoyingly persistent person (I am too!) who emails every time there is an issue with it.
Carrie..
Get an air purifier, one with a HEPA filter – clean it regularly, change filters as directed. Seal up your doors well to prevent leaks.
Does your apartment ‘rules’ have any regarding smoking in the hallway? If so, complain to the management. Be careful about putting up a fuss around your neighbors, or it could backfire… sorry….
But honestly, you will not have any health ramifications. Your genetics will dominate your risks. If you have brittle asthma, then you should consider moving if you sense you are having symptoms or more flares.
Apartment living…
I’m a doctor.
MJ
I have asthma, and this would really bother me. In fact, my asthma wouldn’t be bothered until I lived with a few days of constant secondhand smoke. I won’t even sign a lease if it doesn’t prohibit smoking in the building (and I get assurances from LL that all tenants are subject to the same restriction).
I am very sorry for the OP.
My issue a few years ago was a downstairs neighbor that smoked so much pot, so much of the day, (and we had shared internal vents) that I came home and my apartment had essentially been hot boxed. LL dealt with that one pretty quickly–pot is illegal.
Anonymous
I’m going to guess they aren’t actually smoking in the hallways, but just that the stench is so powerful within their units that it carries out into the hall when they open their door (it’s possibly also leaking out through poorly insulated doors, but for the most part it goes out in a big sucking action when the door is opened). This was my experience, anyway.
I bought a very large Rabbit Air air purifier with HEPA filter and it really did help. Some other things that helped: bags of charcoal in the cabinets under sinks, and always closing my plumbing drains when I wasn’t using them (a lot of air-travel between units is through the pipes), change AC/heater filters regularly, and keep leaving windows open overnight (especially if your landlord is responsible for heat–mine was, and seeing the bill from me leaving my windows and patio door open in January sure got him on the anti-smoking bandwagon!).
Anon
If there’s shared exhaust venting, keep your bathroom door closed if there’s a fan in there.
Sue
At one point I had this problem. I made a sign that said “Please NO SMOKING” and hang it in the hallways near the apartments where some of the offenders were. I made sure that no one saw me post the signs because I wasn’t sure what people’s reaction would be. Either way it worked. The smoking stopped. One more thing to try
Leigh
OK, I have a question regarding undergarments. I bought a Michael by Michael Kors faux wrap dress that was posted on Capitol Hill Style recently, and the fabric is relatively thin. It’s a gorgeous dress, so I would love to keep it, but the fabric lends itself to showing every single line of my undergarments. Since it’s pretty low cut, I wore a camisole under it, plus my regular br@ and seamless undies. I also wore a thin-ish shaping slip to keep everything in place. Unfortunately, every single line showed in the back. The dress fits well, so I don’t think it’s a size issue. What are your favorite ways to tackle this problem?
anon
Actually sounds like a size issue to me – if I can see lines through my clothes, I deem them a little too small. It stinks because sometimes you don’t need a whole size up.
Mpls
Eh- If it’s a knit wrap dress, then it’s a fabric issue and sizing up will only help if you get something big enough to not touch your body at all.
Unicorn
Try a non-shaping full slip. It will glide over the other undergarments, rather than squishing them into you and making the lines visible. I have one from g@p body I like.
Anonymous
Why a camisole and a slip? Is it really a good dress if it requires an army of foundation garments?
Anon
Wear a regular slip, something like the Gap Body full slip in black. You don’t need a camisole in addition to it, that’s overkill. The top of the slip looks like a camisole.
Toffee
Doing my self evaluation and I have absolutely no answer for a project that resulted in acknowledged client satisfaction. What do I do? Skip it? Already know my review will be terrible no matter what. I’m just not very good at what I do.
Unicorn
If you don’t have any “acknowledged client satisfaction” to report, you might say something like “None with documented client feedback; however, I feel most proud of the work I did on xyz project: … .” If you know the review is going to be negative, be prepared to provide examples of areas in which you recognize you have room for improvement and the specific steps you plan to take in order to improve. Don’t be negative about your failings; acknowledge your weaknesses, and be positive about your eagerness to improve. Good luck.
Toffee
Excellent advice. Thank you! This actually makes me a bit better since it’s something I can do.
Maddie Ross
I’m certain that’s not the case! You’re an attorney, aren’t you? Can you think of an internal client who complimented your work? Certainly someone has complemented your contributions to the team and timeliness over the last review period. Be bold and toot your horn! You can do it!
Toffee
Honestly, not really. In the last couple of months I’ve been told I make every single mistake possible and an entire 12 page memo I spent an entire weekend and Monday on was all wrong. I pretty much just work with this one senior associate. I can’t even keep up with the work he gives me, so I’m reluctant to seek work from others.
Anon
I know it’s hard, but you really need to seek work from others. You can’t have one person being the only person who knows your work well. Even if he loved everything you did, it would be a mistake. And, based on what you’re saying, he doesn’t love everything you do. It may not even be you–he could be overly negative, bad at explaining assignments, bad at constructive criticism, a million things. You need to find a way to develop other relationships with people who at least don’t make you feel so poorly about your work, and best case will be in your corner if you need someone there.
mascot
+100. You need other people to give you work and review you. Don’t hang your career on the whim of one person.
Anonymous
Absolutely do not skip it! Do you want to get fired? Pick something you worked on that won- I research issue xyz for the motion to squish, which was granted, resulting in positive impact on client a.
And pls pls make sure your review doesn’t sound this whiny. You must must reframe this in a positive way. You’ve learned. You’ve grown. You’ve contributed.
Toffee
We haven’t won anything since I joined this law firm in March. We’ve only filed two things with the court that resulted in one ruling, served two others on opposing counsel.
Anonymous
Ok. Has anyone responded to discovery requests? Has a disposition happened? Has there been a mediation?
If you’re telling me not a single good thing has happened for any client since you started, I’m saying get yourself to your EAP and get help. That’s just not reality.
(Former) Clueless Summer
Given an opinion that resulted in something good (client pursuing/not pursuing an option that was in their best interests)? Negotiated something with opposing counsel or assisted with it? Provided research that persuaded/dissuaded a client/lawyer from pursuing a certain path?
What do you do all day?
Anon
Any advice on how to find a good therapist? I haven’t been able to get a solid referral from friends or family and have found internet searches to be overwhelming. I’m in NYC FWIW.
Wildkitten
I got a list from my insurance and then narrowed it based on location. I also found someone online with a specialty I am interested in but did not take my insurance, and she personally recommended some folks who took my insurance.
KinCA
Try the PsychologyToday “Therapist Finder” feature on their website. Also, does your employer offer an Employee Assistance Program? They can often help you find a therapist in you area and will sometimes even assist with insurance payments/covering the cost.
Also Anon
Piggybacking for any ideas on how to screen a therapist before meeting them? I tried once based on a referral from a friend, and it did not go well. Lots of “so how are you” followed by long pauses where she would stare at me without saying anything in the hopes it would elicit some sort of revelation. I’m pretty self aware about what my issues are and really am looking for someone who will have an active discussion with me about strategies. Is there any way to find this out on a web site?
Anonymous Poser
Does what you are looking for in terms of method of treatment fit a particular style of therapy? I’ve not looked into the styles, but have heard the terms “talk therapy” and “behavioral therapy”. Maybe you could look up some different types of therapy, see which description best fits what you are looking for, and look for therapists who offer that?
I don’t know whether you (or someone in your family) also have anything like ADD or depression that you have a handle on: It could still be beneficial to see someone who is acquainted with that background, if I’m making any sense here. Searching for therapists who specialize in, say, whatever area you think might be beneficial, and then narrowing it by the type of therapy offered, may help narrow down some. It doesn’t have to be an active issue for a background in it to be helpful, is what I have found.
Good luck. I’ve had lousy matches before. It’s not fun. I wish I had something more to offer.