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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 149 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Born Wedge BootiesSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Happy weekend, guys! I'm lusting after these black wedge boots from  Børn — they seem like they'd be perfect to wear with black skinny jeans (or even, hey, those moto leggings I posted a while back), but also be good to wear with black tights and some of the flouncy skirts we've rounded up (either on the weekend or casual days at work). They're $165 at Nordstrom. Børn ‘Faylan' Wedge Boot Psst – check out last week's Open Thread for a flatter version, or for a wide-widths version I like these Munro booties. P.P.S. I've started NROLFW after our discussion on lifting for women, and found a super helpful blogger with before and after pictures (and the weights she's lifting, listed). If you're worried about getting too big, take a look at her before and afters — and then look at her weights. She's lifting serious weights and is showing no bulk at all — and she's been doing it for months now. Just thought I'd share!

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Comments

  1. Paper-mint Patty

    Anyone have some good gift ideas for the “paper” anniversary? I have been crazy busy at work and totally snoozed on this one and now need something quick as the big day is next weekend. I’ve looked through old threads but am always interested in more ideas. TIA!!

  2. Not a lawyer

    Any good recommendations for a leather conditioner? I have a pair of brown TB boots that I absolutely adore, but the leather is starting to look dry and slightly discolored in places. I don’t want to change the color of the leather, and am worried about ruining such expensive boots (at least in my budget) but they just look parched. Any ideas?

    • (former) preg 3L

      When I studied abroad in Italy (Florence), the leather merchants always said to use Nivea cream on leather. I think any unscented face cream would work (I use my regular face lotion and it works great). Rub it in with a cloth. Make sure to clean the leather first (at least wipe it off with a clean cloth).

      • Not a lawyer

        Great! Thank you. That’s along the lines I was thinking- I had considered hand lotion, olive oil, coconut oil- but was too worried about ruining the leather to try of them. Thanks for the tried-and-true method!

    • MegB

      When I condition my leather riding (as in really on a horse) boots I use olive oil. I also use it on my saddle. You can buy lexol conditioner at a feed store or tack store but olive oil works. I clean my boots with Murphys Oil Soap and then rub the oil in until the leather wont absorb any more. Then I buff with a clean, dry cloth. Works great. My boots are by Dhaner (not sure of spelling) and were custom made in England. I’ve had them about 20 years and they look great. Hope that helps!

      • Kensington

        This is perfect! Going to use some olive oil on a leather purse right now.

        • Kensington

          Update: Just did it. The amount of olive oil my purse absorbed was shocking!

          The purse looks great. Its an older Coach purse and now with the oil conditioning, it is in pristine condition. So glad I didn’t buy a commercial product, since I already buy olive oil in large quantities. Thanks!

    • Susie

      I feel that way about flats, they never look quite right. Wedges and heels all the way!

      • Bonnie

        I love wedges too, including the featured ones. The big plus of wedges for me is that I don’t get the heels stuck in grates and cracks.

        • Susie

          I wore new heels yesterday and by midday noticed the leather was scraped on the back of the heel. So annoying!

    • Unicorn

      Yeah I think wedge booties look like hooves. (This is not a unicorn joke.)

      • Hildegarde

        I was going to post the same thing; wedges look like clunky hooves to me. Which is too bad, because they seem in theory like a great way to get a bit of height more comfortably than a heel, but I can’t get past the hooves thing.

      • Baconpancakes

        You may not have intended it to be a joke, but now I’m seeing a unicorn wearing these booties and looking FAAAAAAABULOUS.

      • Red Beagle

        I never could figure out why they were funny looking but now I can’t unsee them as hooves!

    • Medic Maggie

      I am so unsteady on heels, and am so freaking short, I need the height, but I have trouble getting past the clunk look too. I think I need to up my game with some wedges.

    • Kensington

      Same here. And I have small ankles and large feet. I wear wedge boots with long bootcut jeans, so the hooves are not visible.

  4. rachelellen

    I’m hoping the hive mind can help me style a dress. I got it at Marshall’s and found this picture online, though I’m not sure some of the nuances are totally clear from this picture: https://poshmark.com/listing/526b4e8863428028ed005a10
    Mine is navy, but a somewhat muted navy, and the fabric is crepey – I don’t know if I’m describing that well. I don’t like the look of black and navy in general and with a less-bold navy I don’t think I’d like it at all. The “crepey” nature of the fabric makes me think of something to be worn with nylons, not tights, but I’m less comfortable with nylons and wouldn’t know what color to pick.
    Also, what to wear over it? I think given how slim it is, a blazer with no collar might look better than one with. Or back to the substantial cardigan search?
    Anyway, I love the dress and appreciate any thoughts.

    • Anonymous

      I’d wear it with bare legs, nude pumps, and nothing on top of it in summer. Because I think it’s a summer dress and that’s why you’re struggling to style it for fall.

      • pls

        I don’t think it’s necessarily a summer dress. Can you go bare legged in the fall? I would wear it with a tweed blazer. I also think it would look good with brown tights.

        • rachelellen

          I’m afraid tweed would overpower it. I don’t think I can go bare-legged much longer… the other folks may be on to something about the seasonality. It may be a better summer/transition period piece than for the dead of winter.

    • Cat

      I don’t think this is a “wear with jacket” style dress. I would wear a light gray V-neck cardigan, perhaps in a slightly longer length to keep the look long & lean. Nude hose (not necessarily dowdy if you’re in the right color!) and d’Orsay pumps in color of your choice – I’m partial to burgundy, but gray would look lovely too for a sleek monochrome look.

    • Flying Squirrel

      It’s something that you’ll have to try hit-or-miss options for, but i have a similar (not the same) Elie Tahari dress in navy that looks great with a Chanel-style jacket that I have. That would probably be my first try with this dress.

      I agree that it doesn’t look to me like a summer-only dress…and even in summer you might want something to wear over it in an air conditioned office. For a cardigan, I’d look for something with a tighter weave which will give the material more heft/structure so it can stand up to the crepe.

  5. power dynamic

    here’s a kind of racy question, but it’s Friday afternoon ya’ll, so why not?

    do many of you participate in d/s or other power-related type bedroom relationships with your partners? My husband and I do, pretty intensely, and I sometimes wonder if this has to do with me being an “overachieving chick.” Once I come home and take off my suit, it’s nice to let someone else take charge. We’re talking toys, ropes, consensual violence, etc. Most of my best relationships have also had this as an element, and it’s truly something I enjoy/even require to be satisfied. Is this common with other women with powerful jobs?

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open thread’s! I love open thread’s and these bootie’s! YAY Kat!

      As for the OP, I do NOT presentley have a significant other, but when I was dateing Alan, he ALWAYS wanted to take charge in the bedroom, but not with any kind of toys. But he felt very powerful when he told me what to do and how to do it and where and how to be on the bed and around the bedroom. The onley thing was he was NOT a born leader and he was NOT even well endowed below the belt, so it was NOT like I was abel to think that I was being controlled by Dr. Dreamy or something! FOOEY b/c Alan also was NOT clean and fresh all the time and it was gross what he wanted me to do sometime’s so I would NOT do it at all.

      I think there is a time and place to let men lead, but NOT always and not in the bedroom b/c if you let them they will try to put there weenie’s everywhere but where they belong, if you know what I mean, and that does NOT do anything for me other than give me agita and a sore tuchus, so I told Alan no more of that, and to stick to where I get something (however small) out of it. FOOEY!

      I have to leave early to get to LI for our meal, so I want to wish the entire HIVE a happy new year! YAY!!!

    • anon3

      overachieving former academic and now manager in industry here, and nope, i have no interest in this stuff at all. i’ve had partners who do and i consider myself pretty ggg and have tried a lot but personally i just don’t desire it or need it. at this point my SO isn’t into it and i’m pretty pleased with our situation. i like intimacy in general.

    • Anon4

      I used to be very much into it, but that interest has waned with the realization that most men into it are complete d-bags. I still like sensation play and impact play but it is more “Here is what you will do to me and how”

      • anon19

        Agreed on the complete d-bag comment. I have had 3 different (male) partners who wanted to be rough or hurry me without sufficient lubrication. It starts out fun but quickly goes to painful and to painful in a “I want to stop” way. Each of the 3 has paused and said something like “but I don’t want to stop” and I nod, say fine, and hope it will be over soon. Then I end the relationship because that is the only way to deal with d-bags who do that stuff.

        With my current partner, I do sometimes request “rougher” “faster” “harder” and he does comply. I like that dynamic better than d/s and consensual violence.

        • anon

          Is that really a d/s relationship like the OP is talking about or more just some jerky guys? I had always thought of d/s relationship as making the D responsible for the pleasure/enjoyment of S – whatever form it took for S to find pleasure. Like the idea of being s and having DH in D role and responsible for providing pleasure but don’t think he’d go for it – he’s a great DH but definitely more vanilla

          • anon19

            Sorry, I wasn’t clear. The three had couched it in terms of a D/s relationship before we started. They sold it as something fun where they would prioritize my enjoyment. And, with two of them, we did have 2 or 3 fun sessions. But then they showed their true colors.

    • Anon252

      I’d say I like to dominate i.e. be in control sometimes. I like to be in control in other aspects of my life so I supposed this is just an extension of that. The last guy I was with has a similar personality to mine and I found that while I liked the dominance, at other times it was irritating. “Consensual violence” is not something I’d be into.

    • Jordan

      I find that I attract guys who want to be the S in this type of relationship on a more frequent basis than my friends. I’ve always wondered if it’s because I am an “overachiever” chic. But I am not into that type of relationship – no judgment to those that are – but I have definitely had an internal can I do this talk with myself and I am not into it. So I always end it.

    • anon02

      A lot of my overachieving chick friends are more s in the bedroom, or like various aspects of bsm, and we’ve hypothesized it is because we do like to let go of control. Not everyone is like that, however. One type A friend is very D, and gets annoyed when her partners refuse to go along with her comparatively vanilla power play bedroom activities.

      Regarding the type of gardeners who are interested in that kind of thing, I don’t have a ton of experience with it, as I’ve been the one to request or suggest it each time, but the limited amount of experience I’ve had has been only with partners whom I trusted implicitly. After we’d discussed preferences, my current gardening partner suggested restraints. I’d never allowed actual restraints before, but as he is most thoughtful, effective, giving partner I’ve had in vanilla activities, and I really trust him to be both aware of my responses and focused on my needs, I decided to go ahead with it, and I’m glad I did.

      TL;DR – D/s is generally only successful when one partner realllly enjoys the submission, above other pleasure, or the D is genuinely focused on the s’s pleasure. And it’s definitely different strokes for different folks.

    • Me Too

      Being an s is actually one of my biggest fantasy. Just thinking about it turns me on immensely. Unfortunately, my boyfriend of 9 years is not into that type of stuff. We have never tried anything like that in the bedroom but I encourage him to do it all the time. I agree that it might be the overachieving chic that wants to let go of control to a strong and dominant man.

    • PDXK

      Score one for, yes, and I’ve had great discussions with multiple partners laying out that that interest has nothing to do with giving up power/authority/respect in any other aspect of our relationship.

  6. Denveranon

    Not me, at all, no thanks. I actually get really pissed when I feel like my husband is “taking control”/not quite listening to my preferences. Overachieving lawyer here.

    ETA: This was meant as a reply to power dynamic.

  7. Nonny

    Reposted from this morning’s thread:

    Ann Taylor question. I am seriously eyeing a bunch of stuff in their current collection but I don’t have an Ann Taylor anywhere near me, and before I shell out an arm and a leg on taxes and duty (sigh, thank you, Canada Customs….without even looking at the leather jacket, AT already wants to charge me close to $100 just on duties), I need to know what these things are like in real life. Yes, I’ve read the reviews where applicable, but I trust my anonymous C—–te buddies more than anonymous reviewers. :-)

    The items I am most interested in are:
    – faux leather pleated skirt
    – cropped cable sweater
    – leather moto jacket

    Links posted at the bottom of the morning thread, but you can find these items easily on the AT website by searching under the above names.

    Has anyone seen these items in person, and can you comment on fit, fabric, etc.?

    For reference, I am a 5’4″ pear.

    Thank you!

    • Anon

      I have not seen those items in person, but for sizing, I’ll just say that I’m an apple and I LOVE ann taylor because everything always fits me. My pear shaped friend has trouble with their bottoms. We are the same “size” but we can’t wear any of the same brands.

    • Anon

      The leather jacket is absolutely beautiful in person – gorgeous leather. and the skirt is really cute as well. I din’t remember the specific sweater you name but I generally like their sweaters a lot and actually am wearing one with two birds on it now that I just got last weekend which is wicked cute.

  8. Vacation recs

    Ladies, I have seen lots of good recommendations here for Caribbean vacations to the DR, Vieques, etc. Wondering if anyone has a recommendation for a good family spot in the Caribbean. Looking for a spot we could go with our 10/14 year olds post-Christmas. A smaller, low-key spot is more our speed than any of the big resorts in Cancun area/Atlantis. TIA!

    • k-padi

      I know I have mentioned this before but it is my favorite place.

      Bananarama Resort on Roatan. It is smaller, low key, pretty cheap (check Groupon, Living Social, etc.), on a beautiful beach, with good food and lots to do.

      I go there for diving, but I have brought along non-diving family members and they have had a blast.

    • Anon in NYC

      Turks and Caicos. There are a variety of resorts on the island and calm waters.

      • T&C

        +1 – and direct flights from a lot of (East Coast anyway) airports.

        If you want the great beach without the expensive/crowded resort scene, I highly recommend Aquamarine Beach Houses in Turks & Caicos. It is a small property with four buildings having units of various sizes – I’m sure there are a few 3BR options. A 1BR was about $1700 for 8 days, incl. taxes. My husband and I stayed there for a week 2 years ago, and were very happy — it’s simple, not splashy, but everything was very clean and perfect for a low-key week, including grilling some meals at “home.”

    • Medic Maggie

      V!rgin Gorda, BVI. There are tons of rental houses there, and the one I would recommend is Guavaberry Spring Bay cottages. On the south/west side of the island, near The Baths. Totally laid back. We stayed in a private home one “neighborhood” north of GSB for our honeymoon, but when we were evaluating going back with family, GSB would have been ideal because of the different house-sizes/types. Great snorkeling, great beaches on that side of the island. Far away from all the touron resorts, but close to The Baths.

      You can usually get a direct flight from Charlotte to San Juan, and then you can connect straight to VG, BVI via Air Sunshine, which runs both scheduled, and charter flights.

    • mascot

      Would you consider Belize? Lots to do and see if the kids like the outdoors.

      • Vacation recs

        Thanks, everyone! Some great ideas to check out.

        Mascot, do you have anywhere specific in Belize? My kids love the outdoors/nature.

        • Cat

          Ambergris Caye is the most popular beach island – lots of hotels at different price points and a great jumping off place for snorkeling and diving. It’s a puddle jump flight from the int’l airport. Inland, for closer access to tropical jungle type activities (loved cabe tubing!) and Mayan ruins, the Coppola property – I think it has turtle in the name – gets high marks from acquaintances.

  9. Marie

    Ugh, anyone else lagging this Friday afternoon? I feel so lethargic… I don’t know if I have 2 more hours of work in me. I just did some small administrative tasks that I also needed to complete, but now that they’re done I have nothing but this assignment staring at me and I just. don’t. want. to. keep. going. Blergh!

    Also, PSA — Call the Midwife is an amazing BBC show currently on Netflix. I can’t stop watching! I don’t usually love TV, but occasionally a show will click and this one really has.

    • Calibrachoa

      I blame my overall blargh today for coming in 2 hours early for completely mindless training. You know the type, well yes we know you are a subject matter expert but because of reasons everyone including you needs to do this 101 thing.

  10. Alice

    Mindless guilty pleasure TV show recommendations needed!

    I am going home, ordering takeout, opening a bottle of wine, and watching mindless TV while cuddling with my pup. Question….what TV show should I start? Ideally free on Hulu or with Amazon Prime.

    And yes, this is my ideal Friday night.

  11. Consulting?

    I’m in an MBA program and going to meet with some consulting firms in a large Southern city next week. I’d love to hear anyone’s advice on what to wear/do!

    • West Coast

      I am not sure what kind of event it is, so it is hard to recommend what to wear. If it is a formal recruiting event, I would always wear a suit. If it is a more casual networking event, go for your best business casual. I would say that means whatever would command respect walking into a client meeting for the first time. As far as what to do, make sure you have your elevator pitch down cold and that it tells exactly why you belong in consulting. I would also focus on making positive connections with the professionals there. When I recruit, I am not only looking for talent, but also someone that I’m happy to sit with the small room for weeks on end. If you’re the type of person who is boring or maybe a jerk who interrupts their peers, it would make a bad impression on me.

    • In House Lobbyist

      Be sure and check the weather. We are in that time of year in the South where it is 90 degrees one day and 50 the next day so just be prepared.

  12. BrokenHearted

    My best friend is engaged to somebody I think is a terrible fit for her and after very little time knowing him. I am not convinced this is the right decision. Feeling sad at the situation. Feeling sadder yet and more like a bad person I am having a hard time being happy for her.

    • Marie

      I have struggled with this too. I try to reframe it as “I am excited that my friend is excited,” or “I am happy that my friend is doing something that makes her happy,” rather than “I am excited that my friend is marrying Steve.” It’s a small reframing but it has always helped me.

      I hear that you feel sad at the situation though. Have you talked to your friend about your concerns? My policy on this type of thing is that I make my feelings clear once (1), and then drop it and go on being a supportive friend. It’s not your decision to be convinced about, as hard as that is to accept. sending all the hugs!

      • BrokenHearted

        I said my piece a couple of months into this and know I cannot say anything further. I think I had hoped it would end, but of course it didn’t, and now they are getting married. I am trying so hard with every bit of my being to be excited in the generic sense, but finding it so hard because I view the situation as an objectively bad thing and something I really fundamentally disagree with. Thanks for the hugs. I need them. I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose her in this process regardless of how I act, all over an unworthy guy no less.

        • Marie

          That sounds really hard. Fwiw, it sounds like you’re doing everything you can to be a good friend despite the gross situation. Give it some time, maybe there is a way to still be close friends even while she is married to this dingbat.

        • AMB

          I have been in this position. I said my piece. She married him. I have had to tell myself that she is a grown woman and it’s her life. Due to them moving halfway around the world I at least don’t need to see him much! Bbt she and I stay I touch, because she didn’t change. Hopefully the same (or similar, without the moving super far away) will happen for you.

      • Anon

        I did this ONCE, With one friend… It killed our relationship. They just celebrated their tenth anniversary, and I’ve seen her about 5 times since the wedding (if that). The kicker… I can see now that they were a good fit for each other all along. I hadn’t thought he was “enough” for her – not smart enough, not funny enough, not good enough… But he makes a great support player. Sometimes that’s what people need, particularly overachieving women.

    • Anon

      I was in this situation but the guy took it one step farther and literally did everything he could to alienate her from everyone in her life (including me). It ended in a blow up fight. We talk now but it basically ruined the friendship. I don’t regret it though because by the time I said my piece we had no relationship because of him so I didn’t feel like I had anything to lose.

      • BrokenHearted

        Thanks for your story. I feel this is the way mine will go as well. So, there is sadness that I feel she is making a mistake with her life coupled with the sadness I feel at probably losing my best friend.

        • Anon

          I think try to leave some room to have a relationship with just her. It’s good to have girlfriends that aren’t part of a couple friendship as well. Plan activities that are ‘girls only’ – weekly yoga class or mani/pedis so you can see her and avoid him. The hardest part of that will be in the next while as the wedding planning tends to take over everything so when you do get together she will want to talk about that.

          When my sister married a guy I didn’t/don’t like – I found I was also mourning the loss of the imagined future with my sister where we would take vacations together and do various activities as a foursome or with our kids. Grateful that I have that with my husband’s brother and sister in law but still hurts that we are much closer with them vs. my sister and brother in law b/c of BIL’s values/way of interacting.

  13. BankrAtty

    I just finished the first phase of NROLFW. Enjoying it and have gotten so much stronger in just six weeks. Hoping more of my clothes fit again in 6 more weeks. :)

    • Red Beagle

      Sending supportive thoughts your way! Meanwhile, I, who am on Weight Watchers and pretty much stay on the program (and have lost 10 lbs over about 5 months, which I am happy with – another 5 or 6 to lose) said to h3ll with it and went to the frozen yogurt shop twice today. Enjoyed it both times.
      Because it’s hot today!

  14. Red Beagle

    Question that may get me laughed at, but here goes. I work in the public sector. Dressing up for Halloween is done by many, including me in previous years. I’ve been a reusable trash bag (the theme was sustainability that year) and a minion. I was promoted a year ago and have been enjoying dressing better and have improved my overall look. With that done, is there any sort of Halloween costume that wouldn’t be wildly inappropriate? I’ve been considering some sort of vintage outfit like a jackie-O suit, complete with pillbox and gloves.
    So the question is – would anyone here ever dress up? If so, costume ideas to keep it classy?

    • anon2

      I think the Jackie-O suit or other vintage suit is a great idea.

      I’ve worn a doctor’s coat that had Dr. Mylastname embroidered on it. Stethoscope in pocket, facemask around my neck. Pants underneath. If a client were to show up unexpectedly I could be “normal” in 1 minute. I’ve actually worn this more than once as I travel to different offices.

    • Anon

      I’m a lawyer and have dressed as the “devil’s advocate” – a suit w some horns from the drugstore. Easy and punny.

    • Chicago Bakery

      I have a red hooded cape that I wear on top of a shift dress – little red riding hood.

  15. a lawyer

    Any suggestions, or am I the only one who does this–how to stop re-running deposition in my head and wishing I had responded to bullying tactics by opposing counsel differently? Deposition was this week, and opposing counsel attempted to bully me into not asking two questions of my corporate rep. I did ask the questions but could have definitely responded more articulately to opposing counsel’s tirade attacking me, threatening contempt and sanctions charges. Definitely have learned my lesson and will video any other depositions, ever, with this attorney.

    Lots of other issues in my life now as well: most significantly, my identical twin sister breast cancer has recurred after 8 years, now with multiple (10-20) lesions in the liver, and in the bone.

    Weeks like this want me to check out completely from the practice of law (I’ve been doing this many years). Of course, I know I should be able to put this in perspective. I certainly know that life is too short for this kind of thing, but I’m having a really hard time now wanting to even keep working and not stewing over this deposition.

    • Wildkitten

      I re-run things I’ve said in my head all the time. I think it helps me respond better the next time.

    • Hildegarde

      I also re-run things in my head; I think lots of people do. Mostly, though, I’m so sorry about your sister.

      • Red Beagle

        So very sorry to hear about your sister. I wish her the best possible care and a full recovery.

        Secondly, with the stresses in your life right now it’s not surprising you weren’t on your best game in the deposition – just try to learn from it and move on.

        I’m not a lawyer but I replay sub-par work experiences (particularly when they involve public speaking or speaking in a meeting of peers) as well. I think that we all need experiences like that to, if not learn, keep us grounded. Someone told me when I started working in the public sector that no matter how many years you are there, just when you feel things are rolling along and you know how to deal with every possible situation, you will (not might) screw up. I’ve experienced that once or twice and it feels terrible, I replay the situation for days to figure out how I might have handled it better, and then it fades and you move on.

    • Ekaterin Nile

      First, I’m really sorry to hear about your sister. Best wishes to her.

      Re: the deposition, I do the same thing so I won’t say “don’t take it personally” or something like that (because how isn’t it personal when someone is screaming in your face?). But look at it this way–you asked the questions notwithstanding counsel’s bullying tactics, so you won. As for responding more eloquently, that’s easier said than done while you’re in the fray, so don’t feel bad. As long as you got SOMETHING on the record, you did your job. Maybe think about what sounded good and what didn’t, and keep that in mind for the next time. Also, if you have another depo with this atty and he/she acts the same way, you can say something like “counsel, as I told you during X’s deposition, your conduct is improper. You are screaming at me from a distance of six inches and shaking your fist at me. If you don’t stop immediately, I will [whatever you plan to do].”

  16. Anon

    The good news: I’m losing weight. The bad news: I keep buying clothes! Someone tell me something to stop… Anyone been thru thus before?

    • Wildkitten

      It’s so much fun to buy clothes for your new body, right? Everything looks awesome? I think its important to buy enough to get by, but really you want to hit goal weight and invest in quality again, or have your old things tailored. Don’t buy lots of expensive clothes for your in-between body. If you go to thrift stores you can try on a lot without spending a lot. Also, do you have old smaller clothes you can pull out that are newish to you again?

      • Anon

        Well, interesting you say that — I was last this size about 10-15 years ago (I had a quick upward ascent due to stress and pregnancy), and I did keep some clothes from around then. First: vanity sizing is totally crazy; now I’m a size 12P in some stores where the 14s are still tight from back then. Second, some of the trends are kind of the same, like I have a gray/black pair of bootcut jeans with zippers on the pockets. I’m trying to figure out what I can wear of the old stuff without looking dumb. :)

        • Red Beagle

          I think you can, absolutely, wear your old clothes from a while back if you mix them up with a couple of fast fashion bits or current accessories to make the look fresh.

    • SD Girl

      Congrats on losing the weight! I have been through this for the past year. I lost 15 pounds, and, like you said, everything looks great. Don’t feel bad for buying new clothes once you hit your weight goal. I think it helps to bolster your confidence and happiness level, but do set a budget. Since I know I want more clothes but don’t want to spend a fortune, I shopped at outlet stores and Nordstrom Rack online. They have a great selection at good prices. Have fun shopping!

    • Medic Maggie

      Thrift!!! No seriously. That is how I did it. I lost almost 60 pounds total and went from a 10-12 to a 00-0-2. I’ve had to replace my entire wardrobe and I have done it mostly at goodwill.

  17. Erm...

    Since other people are having fun talking about d/s relationships… My q is how do I even broach that subject? Both I and my partner are pretty inexperienced, conservative, lights out kind of people. With low sex drives (we go months without doing it, happily)! I have no idea if I’d like d/s or not, but wouldn’t mind experimenting a bit more. Where to start and how to go about it with him?

    • a naan

      I don’t have much experience with this exactly, but I have had a lot of success when I simply ask for what I want. You could do some research online, and if you find anything that sounds interesting to you, just bring it up with your partner. Like, “Oh hey, have you ever considered us doing X?”
      If sex isn’t normally something you talk about, yeah, that’s going to take getting used to. This might be a silly suggestion, but maybe when you guys are in bed, with the lights out, that might be a good time to bring it up? I find that darkness can make it easier to say things because I can’t see anyone looking at me.
      Anyway, it sounds like you have an open mind, which is great. Good luck!

  18. Wildkitten paging Killer Kitten Heels

    Hey – FWIW – journal was the absolute worst and most miserable part of law school for me. It was bad for my mental health in the way that it was like the middle school cafeteria, not in a way that was academically challenging. If I did law school over I would not write on, and I don’t value journal experience because I know how not-valuable it was for me. So – my two cents that working was a much better use of your time. Getting a root canal would’ve been a better use of mine. YMMV.

    • Ekaterin Nile

      I’ll second that. I was on law review. It was not intellectually challenging, and I give law review little to no weight when I’m interviewing candidates for my 800-lawyer firm. I’d much rather see a candidate who worked while in law school.

    • SD Girl

      I agree 110%. I wrote on the week after finals while my body crashed from all the stress of finals. I had a high fever the whole time. I thought I would learn something from it but all I learned was how to cite check, something that I never use in my transactional practice.

    • Emmabean

      Agreed, too. I had a friend who went out for mock trial instead of a journal and ended up not only making the competitive team, but being a complete bad*ss at it. I’m sure that looked ten times better on her resume than being on a journal would have.

      If you do end up writing onto a journal, try to make it more of a networking/social experience than an educational experience. You can learn how to cite check somewhere else, but the journal is an excellent opportunity to make contacts (in law school and in the legal community) that you can maintain and use post-law school. I wish I had done more of that.

  19. Lauren

    I would love updates on your progress with NROLFW, Kat! I also started after your blog post, and I’ve just finished Stage 1. I did feel heavier overall throughout it and read all the posts about water retention after weight lifting, etc, but I think I’m finally starting to turn the corner and it feels great!

  20. Wildkitten

    I need to refresh my business formal wardrobe. Are halogen suits legit enough that I can go to a Nordstrom personal shopper or should I just hit up the usual shops (JCrew, Banana, Ann Taylor) myself?

    • Bonnie

      Depends on the suit but overall I have been very happy with Halogen suits and find that they fit my curves much better than JCrew or BR.

    • a lawyer

      I have received more compliments on my halogen suits than JC and am much more comfortable in them. They seem to fit better. As for BR, I cannot find a single item that actually fits me in that store :(

    • Flower

      Is there a reason you need a personal shopper at Nordstrom rather than just going to the store and finding a helpful associate (which, in my experience, is all of them) and trying the Halogen and then ask for similar brands?

      • Wildkitten

        Personal shoppers are free. You make an appointment and they pull stuff for you in advance in your size. I’ve never done it before, but I hear good things.

  21. Inconsiderate Husband Q

    I have been working like crazy (all day every day) and am super tired and run down. My DH mentioned earlier this week he wanted to have some friends over on Saturday. I asked whether he could do it somewhere else because I wanted to try to get a good night’s sleep. Today he tells me he can’t find another place and they are coming to our house. He says it is only 4 guys. I tell him that I really want to go to bed early and he said don’t worry they will be gone by 11pm. 8 people show up instead of 4, and they do not leave by the time he said they would. A half hour after the deadline I texted him and asked when they are leaving (I am upstairs working from the home office). He says “soon.” Another half hour passes and people are still here. I can’t go to sleep with all the noise in the house, and I don’t think I should have to pull a “mom” and go downstairs to kick everyone out. This is not the first time he has pulled something like this, which is why I set the timeline with him so we could try to avoid past mistakes. I’m right to be furious, right? I am so furious (and so tired).

    • Coach Laura

      Yes, DH is inconsiderate and you are justified in being upset. Other than kicking them out, can you take a melatonin, put in earplugs and wear an eye mask (or run a fan or white noise) do some relaxation exercises (square breathing, mediation tape) and go to sleep? Or try some relaxing, restorative yoga poses so that you’re relaxed when the house is finally quiet. Hope you get some peace soon.

    • anon

      you are very understanding and he’s living in crazy town. What on earth are they doing that can’t occur somewhere else (sports bar) or some other night (poker game).

      If he tried to pull this again, I’d threaten to spend the evening sitting in the room with the guys watching romantic comedies at full volume unless he sprung for a hotel stay with a spa package (using his ‘fun money’ not joint money).

  22. Brunette Elle Woods

    Does anyone have any tricks to looking older? I’m 29 and people think I’m closer to 21 or still in college. I don’t want to do anything permanent like cut my hair short, but I would like to not look like a little girl at work anymore. Any tips?

    • anon

      I have always found that haircuts are the best solution. That aside, I found that not wearing my hair in ponytails all the time helped, and trying to project my voice more/speak from my diaphragm helped. You may want to check out that Amy Cuddy TED talk on body language and confidence – not that you aren’t confident, but your body language may be projecting something else.

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