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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Readers always point to Akris a source of amazing blazers and cashmere sweaters and things like that, and this sheath dress in a hot hot pink looks absolutely fabulous. I love the little pintucks down the front — they add a nice little touch to make the dress feel modern and cool and a little bit specialized. It's definitely a splurge at $1,900, but if you're going to be spending that on a dress, this is a great option. Note that it's labeled dry clean but not dry clean only. It's available in sizes 2–16 at Saks. Akris Hot Pink Sheath Dress
This Theory dress at Saks is very similar (but without the pintucks) and is much more affordable at $355, and this Eliza J dress at Nordstrom ($168) comes in plus sizes, although it does have sleeves.
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Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
So I have a situation that I would like your input on. I recently inherited a staffer who has some major personal life stuff that had resulted in staffer living in a motel long-term.
Staffer is also older and with health issues but as I’ve been told, this paycheck is used to bankroll some number of (at least borderline abusive) family members. Staffer occasionally says weird or concerning things, but I have never seen anything personally that has made me feel like I need to call adult protective services.
Okay, so I have dealt with some weird situations before, but this is one where I’m not sure what to do. I know this situation is widely known and documented and I am continuing to document and offer EAP resources when staffer says something weird. Do I do anything more?
I’ll also add that it’s not an issue of not paying staffer fairly. Because of longevity, staffer makes the same as I do, which is quite comfortable.
Anonymous
Are you not in the US? In the US I can’t imagine an employer interfering with an employee’s personal life like this unless it’s affecting his/her work performance. Calling adult protective services?? I can’t even imagine.
Anonymous
This has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Anonymous
I’ve got some of this in my family.
Often one thought one cousin has is that he needs to pay for mom’s house (inherited house is paid-off, just taxes and utilities and some $ for food) b/c otherwise mom would be out on the street, hoarded-in house can’t really be sold (and is worth <$75K), or mom would come live with him and his normal and sweet family, so he pays for mom to live not-in-his-home.
Anon
I’m unable to understand why any of this is your concern. I mean it is totally understandable that you want the best for them, but as the staffer’s manager and coworker the way they manage their personal life is not really any of your business and, tbh, you may be stepping over a line to offer anything other than work place resources and benefits.
You don’t need to do anything more, and please don’t call adult protective services, that is meant for true elder abuse and this coworker is probably just older not “can’t help myself” elderly, since he/she works and supports other people – it would be embarrassing.
Vicky Austin
Respectfully, I think you’ve done all you can until you hear anything more concerning than you already have.
OP
Thank you- I think this is the response I needed to hear.
And to those of you wondering if I’m just being a nosy Nellie- I have mentioned ‘troubling comments’ but some of them are to the point where staffer says things that make me troubled to the point where I’m staying awake at night. I think I just needed external confirmation that I’m not obligated as a human to do or say anything more.
tesyaa
I disagree with the others in that you are correct by documenting and referring to EAP. It’s protective to the workplace too. An unstable employee can cause harm to others in the workplace, either directly or indirectly… and the most important indicator of an employee that may cause harm to himself or others in the workplace is financial instability.
Anonymous
No one has said that referral was inappropriate.
Anon
Not your monkeys, not your circus. Stay in your lane. Make sure HR does a good job of communicating company wide benefits of therapy resources or help line. I would stop engaging in any conversation about this topic with your coworker. Work is about boundaries and they shouldn’t be using it as a place to vent but they won’t respect that if you keep engaging in these convos.
OP
Thank you. I don’t engage and have very strong boundaries between work and life…
These odd conversations often come up when (for example) staffer gets a screaming phone call while I’m attempting to come check in on assignment or when the staffer explains to me that the reason they were late is that they had to crawl up to their bus stop from the motel they live in which didn’t plow….
I give neutral, empethetic but short responses. Lots of. ‘Oh!’ Or ‘Just put it on your timesheet.’
CHL
If you have HR, please be sure to be keeping tabs regularly. There is validity to the comments about staying in your lane, but we’ve had employees killed by abusive partners and while it’s “not your responsibility,” there is a lot of comfort in knowing that you did everything you could with EAP, ensuring security at your building is good, being vigilant about calling as soon as possible if there’s an unexpected absence etc.
tesyaa
yeah, it’s not just this employee, an abusive or unstable relative could come to the workplace and injure or kill others also in the process. If the organization was aware and did nothing to assist (example, as you mention, related to security), there could be liability.
Anon
HR professional here…FMLA and certain state laws do have provisions for victims of domestic abuse to take leave from work. I agree with others who say to keep your HR department in the loop if you have one!
Yes, another gift question
What store is your favorite blanket scarf from? Alternatively, help me find one for <$100 to give as a Christmas present to a 20-something in the Northeast?
Clementine
JCrew Mercantile. Wearing it now.
C
ASOS always has cute ones that are warm and on-trend. I have one from 2 or 3 years ago that I keep at my desk as a wrap and it’s great.
Madewell
Madewell has some awesome ones that I look forward to pulling out when the weather gets cold! Same age as intended recipient.
Anon for This
Aritizia has some great blanket scarves.
Fadedsunrise
Aritzia. It’s a literal blanket in size, very warm wool, and comes in nice looking patterns. I bought it full price because I wanted a specific pattern that would work with most of my clothes, but it has been 100% worth it. Wearing a patterned dress or I would be wearing it today.
Anon
Does anyone love their smart thermostat? Trying to decide which one to by (probably a Nest or Ecobee) and they mostly all seem about the same. I was wondering if there was anything in particular that you like or dislike about yours.
Clementine
I have a nest and I love that when I’ve been away for a while, I can pre-heat my house using the (very user friendly) app.
MidAtlGirl
I have the Honeywell one and I love that it’s easy, doesn’t do anything I didn’t need, and was cheaper.
Anonymous
Can you tell us which Honeywell model? Thanks!
anon a mouse
I got a Nest last year. It’s quirkier than I expected but overall I think I am happy with it. It’s nice to be able to make adjustments remotely. It’s also quiet — apparently most thermostats now make a loud click when they come on, and the Nest is totally silent.
I don’t love the “smart” features though (and turned them off). Our AC tech said that our system is designed to maintain a stable temperature in the house, but the Nest wants to preserve energy, so the Nest wants to let it get warm during the day and then work hard to cool it at night. The AC tech said that the savings are negligible with that approach but we will burn out our AC faster because it will work in more intense waves rather than just working a little at a time to maintain a temperature in a 2-3 degree swing.
It’s also a pain if your router resets when you are away, because there’s no way to get it back online when it goes off.
Anon
Cooling your home all day when you’re not there IS a waste of energy, and bringing down the temp before you arrive is not hard on your A/C. It’s now it’s meant to work. Your Nest is correct, your technician is wrong.
JuniorMinion
Second this. My electric bill is a third (!!) of what the previous resident of my home’s was largely because they left the AC on all day and we utilize nest with a floor / ceiling (they are high / low – 55 / 85 respectively just so things don’t melt / freeze largely) when we aren’t there. Home compressors are meant to turn on and off intermittently.
MagicUnicorn
Constant on/off cycling is almost universally harder on the equipment (which may be why your tech recommends it) and less energy efficient than one big concerted burst to get the temp back to the at home level once a day.
Anon
I have a nest and love it, but the Ecobees have a second room sensor option which seems very helpful if you have a room that tends to run hot/cold.
Anon
Nest is now selling room sensors as well! They don’t come with the thermostat, though.
Anonymous
I have an Ecobee. My one complaint is that the app won’t keep my signed in for some reason, so every time I use it (daily) I have to sign in with my username and password which is annoying. Also it doesn’t heat or cool to the temperature I actually set it to, but within a few degrees range of that temperature (ex: I set it to 73 and it is actually 70), but maybe this is how it’s supposed to work?
Anon
I love my nest thermostat.
First favorite feature is the app – I can turn up the heat when I’m in bed upstairs and I’d like it a couple of degrees warmer. I can turn it down when I’m preparing to take a shower because I like a cooler bathroom.
I like the easy to program scheduling.
I like that it senses when we aren’t home and goes into eco mode. This has made a lot of difference for quick and long trips away from home because there’s no “oh crap, I forgot to turn down the thermostat”
I like that it gives you an estimate of how many minutes it will take to come up to the desired temp.
I can’t think of any drawbacks!
PS don’t get me started on my Roomba-lovefest
Sharon
I love our Ecobee. It was discounted by purchasing through our electric company (see if they will install for free with any Home Energy Assessment program in your area). The app has been great, no sign-off issues that others expressed. We have one room sensor and programmed the thermostat to focus on our bedroom at nighttime and main floor during the day. Highly recommend! (PS Costco is running a deal on the ecobee 4 w/ two extra room sensors.)
Patricia Gardiner
We are replacing our Nest because the WiFi randomly stopped working (according to customer service, the WiFi chip “burned out”)… on two different units now. Same thing just happened to a friend of ours. It worked well for months then just stopped detecting any WiFi, which makes it useless as a smart thermostat (can’t make schedules any more, just adjust it manually).
Jules
I have a pretty basic Emerson Sensi smart thermostat (it’s the one that’s $99 at Lowe’s); I didn’t do a lot of research but my SO sometimes has issues with his Nest, and this was what the furnace installer suggested. The only issue I have had with it is the same as someone else mentioned – if my router goes it (which has happened a couple of times) I have to re-set the app from home. Otherwise it’s great. I keep variable hours but if I didn’t I would put it on a schedule to have the house warm/cool when I get home, since I don’t always remember to actually use the app when I’m heading home. I am not as smart as my thermostat, apparently.
Questions
Our practice group chair is meeting with the associates this week and encouraged everyone to come with questions. I have nothing, though I generally ask about the future of the practice group and always get the same. Any suggestions? I want to look prepared and maybe take advantage of the time in the smaller group, but honestly I have no clue what to ask.
mascot
I’d suggest discussing opportunities for business development. Do you have ideas for webinars or articles that you want to pitch? Do you have contacts/relationships with people who work at clients or target clients- Are you keeping in touch with those people? Taking them to lunch? Making introductions? Are there networking opportunities or conferences that you want to attend?
Anon
What is the purpose of the meeting? A generic “leadership meeting with the associates” meeting is never going to yield any answers you don’t already know or receive any responses other than placating or refusal to answer a question directly. I’ve never seen any value in asking a question in these discussions other than noncontroversial things.
LAnon
It sounds like the answers you get to your questions about the future of the practice group are generally unsatisfying – maybe think about what you’re hoping the answer will be, and make your question more specific to try to get a more specific answer.
For example, if “Can you talk a bit about where you see the practice group going in the future?” gets you a generic answer of “We’ll continue to grow the group and adapt to the market,” or something like that, maybe think of something like, “Do you think we’ll focus more or less on XYZ in the future?” – ask specifically what you’d like to know instead of a broad question.
The other option is to ask something completely different than you’ve asked before. People generally like questions where they can give advice or share a personal story, like, “If you were starting your career right now, in 2018, how do you think it would be different than when you were an associate?” or “What has been the most interesting case for you this year, and why?”
Quality?
So I have a real silk fair trade floral-print-on-black dress that I got in a prior year b/c it was something bright that I could wear when I am in black tights from now until April. I like it — was from a Bay Area shop that I imagined would always make me look sharp and put together (but not fussy or too stuffy). But it has become such a common item now that it looks like an $25 cheap floral polyester dress that every high school girl is now wearing with boots or booties (at least in my city). I sort of hate that aspect of it and it makes me not as likely to buy something of high quality that is fair trade (or I’ll just keep wearing it, but feeling like what was a legit grown-up dress a couple of years ago is now just past its prime).
It’s like I’m having a reverse Devil Wears Prada moment where stuff has worked its way down market. But I don’t want to go shopping again (trying NOT to become a fast-fashion person) but it is hard to feel that I look like a grownup when your office has gone casual and you can get a knockoff of your dress at F21, etc.
Anon
If it’s real silk, it should not visibly look like a cheap polyester dress at least.
Anonymous
Did you buy it because you love it or to show off? Honestly this just sounds like some insecurity. What’s so wrong with not everyone knowing you are wearing Famcy Important Clothes?
Anonymous
I really loved it and felt good to be buying something made by people making a living wage. And I like natural fibers (other than for workout gear, I guess).
Even when I was starting out and bought cheaper suits, it was still a suit and trying to be office-appropriate. So it didn’t look like what teens wear.
I guess I’m having trouble navigating a casual office environment since now I don’t feel limited to sheath dresses.
Anon
Do you still like the dress? Then perhaps put it towards the back of your closet for a few years and bring it back out when the teens have moved onto something else, which is likely sooner than you might expect.
LAnon
Devil Wears Prada analogy continued: do you think Miranda would have shied away from wearing a cerulean blue sweater just because Andy’s was cheap and shapeless? NO! She would have known hers was higher quality, better styled, more thoughtfully selected, etc!
Knockoffs and cheaper styling are a part of fashion. If it ruins a particular dress to know that other people got a similar dress more cheaply, or that they’re styling it in a more casual way… that sounds like a frustrating way to live and dress. I think you need to adjust your mindset around this.
Vicky Austin
Haha, I feel like that’s got to be a deleted scene from DWP. Rock your fantastic dress and look like an adult!
Anonymous
Maybe? I wonder if that is when Miranda Priestly purged her closet — when her Akris outfit had a clone at F21. I mean, a chain-print DVF number could probably be worn for decades or Ferragamos (if in good shape), but somethings aren’t timeless b/c they are pricey. Sometimes they are just pricey.
Le sigh.
I wonder if Chanel is really a better value buy than something like a those Celine totes that looked like they had a face on them? B/c I see one each time I go into Harris Teeter and I’d kick myself if I’d been an early adopter of that (or paid extra for my initials on a now-also-ubiquitous Goyard tote)?
anon
IME, silk flatters everyone. At best, the goal of workwear is to make people see you at your best without ever thinking of your clothes, and I find that good quality fibers, (and clothes that I chose just because I liked them, not because of fashion) do that even if there are similar trends coming and going elsewhere.
Juniors clothes
My kids wear uniforms to school, so we usually shop at Lands End and Gap Kids/Old Navy. But my tall, skinny daughter has maxed out on pants (like a 12 bottom fits her girth, but is too shirt; 14s fall off; women’s sizes are cut for someone with hips). She is 85 pounds and 5-1 (and is 10). Help! I have uniform clothes, but we need weekend / casual clothes now that it has gotten cold and no pants I’ve tried will stay up if they are long enough (even leggings). Does any place sell “tall” kids clothes?
Anonymous
Try AG kids’ jeans. They run very long and skinny.
Cb
I’ve got a tall toddler so I’m not sure how this would translate into older kids sizes but I’d try some of the Scandinavian brands. H&M etc.
Anon
Have you tried the “slim” sizing? I think some stores carry something like 12S or 14S. There are also 00/24/XXS from teen stores like Aeropostale and Hollister last I checked (which admittedly is years ago) and the waist is teeny tiny.
Anonymous
I will check that out — I’ve seen it for jeans (which aren’t allowed at their school) but not otherwise (joggers, which she seems to prefer b/c they are soft).
Anonymous
Good to know — with vanity sizing, I am often a 4P/XS ladies, and I’ve got about 50 pounds on my daughter. If a grownup can wear a 00, then I thought she’d need a 0000.
Aeropostale
Aeropostale sells khakis that look just like school uniforms. Same for American Eagle.
busybee
I would definitely try the teen stores. I’m 5’2 and 95 pounds and 00 tends to be big on me, so I don’t think adult sizing will work for your daughter quite yet.
Worry about yourself
I remember Kohls having pants in “long” sizes in the juniors department, maybe check there? Or Macy’s?
Lots to Learn
When my daughter was in a similar boat, I started shopping for her in the Petites section of Loft. Some of the clothes were too work-y for her, but some of the casual stuff fit well. The biggest problem we found is that stuff for adult women assumes you have a bust, but she didn’t. Good luck!
Anon
I have no idea if they’re still a thing a kid would want to wear, but when I was a tall, skinny teen Abercrombie was one of the few places that was long and skinny enough. Maybe check out their kids’ section.
Anon
Hanna Andersson is supposed to be good for tall, skinny kids.
Seafinch
Hanna is actually the opposite. I have an 8 year old who is the height of a 12 year old and only as wide as 8 year old. She refuses all Hanna now, because it is vastly too baggy. Even the stuff that fits her girth is cut very roomy. Generally, H&M, Zara and Next are decent. We do a lot of Old Navy leggings.
anon a mouse
I’d check both H&M and Uniqlo – they run long and slim. Depending on her waist she might fit into the smallest women’s sizes, too.
nuqotw
If your daughter will go for it, when I was about those proportions at age 12 I did well wearing Gap men’s jeans (targeted at boys of about my age) since they were sized by waist and inseam.
Anonymous
+1 to American Eagle, Aeropostale, and other similar stores for teens.
Anon
I have found that’s Express and American eagle work the best for sizes requiring different lengths. I’m a 00 Long in American Eagle and a 00 in Express. Those sizes are so hard to find so it may be your best bet. I’d go no while they are all having sales or buy a bunch online and return the lens that don’t fit.
Anonymous
American eagle has size zero and long lengths on line
boho maxi dress with sleeves?
I see a lot of women wearing long, sleeved, patterned maxi dresses. Sort of boho looking. Is anthro the right place to look for something like this? If so, what are cheaper alternatives that I’m likely to find in the mall?
Legally Brunette
Forever 21 has a ton. My favorite maxi dress is from there and is now going on 10 years strong. Not all of it is cheap quality.
Anonymous
Aiii — I don’t think that F21 dresses would look right on me. I feel like a lot of designs are for people with implants? Like would things fit someone with a small bust? And they need a search box for “non-club wear” LOL
Suburban
This is my favorite look right now! I got a velvety leopard print maxi wrap dress from the juniors section at Nordstrom. I plan to wear it to everything this holiday season ( casual and dressier parties). This fall I got a cute print shirt dress maxi (ties at the waist) from French Connection via Lord and Taylor. And I spotted a cute stripy number at express (haven’t shopped there since college) this week in the mall. Good luck!
trefoil
The leopard dress sounds AMAZING. Where is it from??
trefoil
Aaand you answered it. Sorry. But still amazing!
coffee
I find similar dresses for super cheap on Amazon. I have a number of 3/4 sleeve midi dresses (a couple inches below the knee) in different colors and patterns and always get TONS of compliments on them at work. Search “midi dress with sleeves” and you’ll see the ones I buy — several different vendors are very highly rated. I’m sure they have maxis as well if you want full length.
Gigi
ASOS!
Anon
What are your tips for finding out if a job is really work-from-home friendly? I thought I asked all the right questions in my last interview, but once I got hired, I found out that the boss hates WFH and has only grudgingly agreed to allow it at all (this includes micromanaging a long-term employee who asked if she could work from home for a few hours before and after each workday’s core hours and requiring the one remote employee (recently became remote) to fly back to the office every month). I posted about this before as a vent but now I want concrete advice – which questions should I be asking in my next interview (which I hope to obtain soon) to make sure that I’ll be working somewhere that a) treats me like an adult who can get my work done and b) makes no big deal AT ALL about working from home occasionally to meet the plumber, etc? I want to work somewhere where a “hey, I’m wfh on Friday next week” merits nothing so much as an eyebrow raise. Asking “is the office WFH friendly?” the last time around didn’t work out.
Anonymous
“How many employees work from home?” “What arrangements are made to support them?” “I’d like to work from home one day a week.” Talk to people at your level there.
Anonymous
IDK, but I have an in-law who has mobility issues who WFH 100% now at a major corporate employer.
I also know a lot of government people who work 4×10 schedules (state and federal). Maybe asking about the work schedule will help (so if it’s 4×10 or that’s an option, it comes up under this topic vs WFH).
I also had a friend at a govt contractor who just had to work 80 hours every two weeks (so would often work 80 hours in one week to take off a week of vacay). OTOH, no vacay unless you did it this way.
Anon
I would ask not if it is wfh friendly but what is the official policy and how is it used in practice company wide and in the group in particular. Be more specific, people are less likely to lie straight to your face if they can’t skirt around the question.
Anonymous
IDK that people lie, but a company’s policy may break down w/ individual managers. But if you ask “what if I need to be home for a 5-hour window for the electrician / plumber / etc.” because something in my house breaks, do I need to schedule that in advance or can I just deal with it? Also, what if I have to take my car to the shop or take half a day to go to the eye doctor and can’t drive b/c my eyes are dilated?
When I was single, these were legit questions that I tried to figure out (and I had a beater car that would let me down at least quarterly). I was a hard worker, but it’s not like I was like the married guys I worked with who had a wife who seemed to take care of all of this (which is weird, b/c they either didn’t work or had found flexible jobs themselves).
Anon
You need to politely treat interviews like you are also interviewing them because you should be. Ask follow up questions. Just stopping at “is it friendly” won’t get you anywhere. Ask specifically how it works, who does it, everyone? Special circumstances only? Ask your potential boss how she feels about it and if she does it. Say it is important to you and you don’t want the job if it’s not an option (if that’s true). Be more open.
Worry about yourself
Whenever I interview for a job, I usually ask something like “is there any flexibility to work from home on a [regular/weekly/as-needed] basis?” or “in my last job I really valued being able to work from home once a week, would that be possible here?” It shouldn’t be the first thing you ask, you should establish yourself as a strong candidate first and foremost, but it should come up at some point, usually around the same time you’d inquire about pay and benefits. A company who believes in letting people work from home won’t be put off by a candidate asking about it.
anon
I would be very specific. Ask what the specific policy is. Presumably you are interviewing with the manager you’d be reporting to, right? I think you can ask the manager directly: “Is there a WFH policy? Does your staff take advantage of it? Do you mind people working from home?” If this question turns the manager off and they don’t hire you, you have your answer. It is as much you interviewing the company as the company interviewing you.
anon
Any slow fashion/ ethical brands you all are eyeing for discounts today? Thanks.
Anonymous
Amour vert
Cb
Academia has taken its toll on my shoulders and I realize I’m hunching quite dramatically while sitting. It’s not as bad at my desk as I have the monitors in the right position and sit in a chair which doesn’t recline but I definitely notice I am losing an inch or two if I’m not paying attention. I need to get back to my normal yoga practice but is there anything else I can do? Can I buy a device which will give me a little shock when I slump?
Panda Bear
How about standing to work part of the time? I like doing that a lot. I don’t have a sit/stand desk, so I sometimes undock my laptop and prop it on a tall file cabinet. Also, whenever I have to read or make notes on a hard copy of a document, I do that on the tall file cabinet surface.
anon
I’m having this same problem. Adjusting my chair back + monitor has helped. But, I think the best thing I can do is get up and move semi-regularly. I also try to do shoulder and neck rolls once in a while to work out the kinks and loosen the muscles.
Vicky Austin
My grandmother’s trick for reminding herself to straighten her back was to put small pink sticky notes at random places in her house. Every time she saw one, she’d remember to straighten up. Maybe you can put a couple around your desk? I like to use the little round stickers people use for garage sale price labels.
anon
My grandmother’s trick for reminding herself to straighten her back was to put small pink sticky notes at random places in her house. Every time she saw one, she’d remember to straighten up. Maybe you can put a couple around your desk? I like to use the little round stickers people use for garage sale price labels.
AnonAtty
Yes! There is a device that vibrates when you slump—the Upright GO posture trainer. $80 on Ama*on. If you try it I’d love to hear your experience!
anon
I have a device and advise against it. The device works perfectly, it’s just that after 3 or 4 weeks you get accustomed to it and stop reacting to it. You may think you won’t but you will. I have read similar reviews from others online.
Tanks -- fit q
I bought a tank to wear with workout leggings. I am 5-4 and probably short of torso. The tank bottom is so long that it would cover my butt. Is that too long? I just want something that won’t ride up (it has some grippies on the bottom). Are petite exercise tanks a thing (if so, where to buy)? Or is this just how they come now? There is some ruching so that I could blouse it up a bit, but that adds some volume and also doesn’t look right.
help!
Anon
Buy exercise tanks specifically in petite size but also see how the petite model wears it. A lot of the tanks cover the bottom by design because lots of women are uncomfortable showing the rear outline too much.
Anon
Agree with the above, with the proliferation of leggings, many women now prefer tanks that hit longer and offer more coverage. You’ll even see them marked CYA at Athleta – short for cover your assets. I am grateful for this as I am tall and long torsoed, so I now get at least partial rear coverage but mostly the entire top isn’t riding up to show my stomach when I lift my arms or do some sort of side bend. There are plenty of tanks out there that are cut shorter, and both Athleta and Old Navy offer petite sizes.
Anon
I’m in the midst of ivf and this morning my doctor asked me if we wanted a boy or a girl. Due to family history, we did genetic testing on the embryos and have genetically normal male and female embryos. I didn’t realize I’d have the option, and it’s throwing us off!
We have a 2 year old daughter already. My husband would ideally like at least one boy and I’d love to see my daughter with a sister. We’d be thrilled to have 3 kids.
Would you do girl girl boy? Girl boy girl? Have you seen pros/cons to having same gender or different gender closer together?
Thank you!
Anonymous
Boy. Your husband wants one. No reason to assume you’ll be able to have a third.
Anonymous
Can you implant one of each?
Anom
Only you and your husband can answer, but the sex of the baby could still be a surprise if you want.
Anonymous
Let the provider pick and surprise me.
Anon
Will the doctor implant two embryos for viability sake anyway? If so, one of each.
Otherwise I’d let the doctor choose randomly so the choice isn’t on either you or your husband.
If you must make a choice, go for boy since to have a new experience since you already have a daughter.
Truthfully you’ll have a healthy baby whose sex you won’t care about once they get here so don’t feel pressured that this is a “big decision”! Think of it as a “nice to have but not so important” decision so as not to feel pressured one way or another.
anon
How about leaving it to chance? No need to choose just because you have the option.
Trixie
If you plan to have three, do girl boy girl. Less competition. What about twins!!??? why not???
Anon CPA
Have a boy. Or have him pop one of each in there if that’s doable.
Cat
I’m sure they’ve grown into healthy adult relationships, but of my childhood girl friends with sisters close in age (2-3 years apart), NONE of them got along well at all as kids. I vote boy.
Anon
Honestly, I think how you and your husband work this out is far more important than the actual outcome. Advice from random strangers on the Internet about how siblings interact isn’t going to be as helpful as talking to your husband about how he feels about sons. He might have always pictured himself teaching a son to play ball, or might be looking wistfully at the male peers of your daughter.
Also talk about how you would each feel if the other person got their way.
Wow
Any favorite Black Friday purchases, ladies? Anything you plan to buy on Cyber Monday?
Cb
After 7 years in a cold climate, I finally broke down and purchased a winter parka. Ayacucho brand. I also got a dress with alpacas on it which is definitely skews trendy but it has sleeves and doesn’t require ironing so I’ll probably get plenty of wear out of it.
Worry about yourself
I was planning to check out Wayfair for furniture deals, as there are some odds and ends our new apartment could use, but I’m being told my car needs an urgent repair to pass inspection, so I’m waiting on the estimate before spending any money.
Worry about yourself
Estimate was way better than expected, got a couple storage ottomans and stuff for the Christmas tree!
Anon
My daughter did her annual demand list exactly 1 month before Christmas, as she always does, and every single one of those items was on cyber Monday sale today so I’m pretty pleased!
Anonymous
I bought my (approachable) dream laptop at at very good price, as my current one has been indicating some instability. But I am having second thoughts since my existing laptop does still work.
Anonymous
Moving from labor and employment to HR- I’m sure people here have done it. Any regrets? Happy with the decision?
AFT
Are you moving from a legal role to a pure HR/non-JD required role? How senior are you and are you staying in the same organization or moving to a new org at the same time?
I haven’t done this move myself, but I’m an in-house L&E attorney so have had colleagues make the transition over time.
Anonymous
Yes. Moving from firm to non-JD required in house role.
Anonymous
I did it and am very happy. I’m at a fortune 30 company though, and I’m not traditional HR, I’m more OFCCP compliance and responding to EEOC/DOL charges. My position is JD preferred. People here know I’m an attorney and they still pay my bar dues and CLE. I really love it because I feel like I’m still working with the law/federal regs, but I don’t have the pressures that the in-house attorneys have. I have such a good relationship with the in-house attorneys that they let me attend mediations with the EEOC, and they seem to really trust my opinion. They include me on emails with articles, opinions, etc., so I fee like they respect my law degree and license. If you have any specific questions, happy to answer them. Good luck!!
Anon
Need to refresh some of my shoes anyways and feel like I should take advantage of cyber Monday sales. Looking for comfy, cute easy to get on shoes. None of this bare ankle stuff because I live in a winter place where I need to be able to wear socks. I can’t do Danskos or tall clogs like that because my ankles roll. TIA!
Anonymous
I just started seeing a new guy I really hit it off with instantly (super rare for me!). We are communicating mainly by e-mail and it has been so hard to wait for his e-mails back to me! I keep getting distracted from whatever I’m supposed to be doing and checking my dang e-mail hoping that I have something in my box and feeling overly disappointed when he hasn’t.
Any suggestions for managing this? I feel like I am way too invested in and stressed about this but I feel like I can’t stop thinking about it and him!
Anonymous
Self control. You have to Want to stop. “Self, no, you aren’t this girl, check later.”
Anonymous
You are right, I have none right now and it is not like me! It feels awful.
Anon
I find that emails take more time to compose. Because if I only have two things to say, I don’t feel like it’s substantial enough and I will let that draft sit forever. My correspondence to friends whom I communicate with via emails happens once a week at most. My correspondence with friends whom I communicate with via text for a messenger app is more spontaneous and frequent.
Is there any reason why you guys are on emails? Can you move to texting?
Anonymous
He’s not much of a texter except to convey information (like we’ll text when we’re trying to meet up)…I think he finds it distracting from his workflow. And I am okay with that and I guess feel the same in a milder way. I rarely have meaningful interactions by text. So e-mails have been our main means of communicating between dates…
Anonymous
I would enjoy the endorphin rush! You are head over heels, that’s wonderful! No need to manage…
Ellen
You are so lucky to find a guy, just don’t set expectation level’s to high, b/c once you see him for a while, you will be able to find out things you may not like. But do NOT write him off. Good one’s are hard to find. Be a little coy and do NOT have s-x with him for a while. Let him sweat, b/c that is all men want to do with us most of the time. See if he listens to you when s-x is not on the table. That is important. He will be very attentive if he knows you will have s-x with him. Wear red b/c men love us in red. And good luck! YAY!!!
Hollis
For those of you who use prescription retinoids, did you increase the concentration at some point? What concentration did you settle on and why?
Legally Brunette
I did 0.04% for a long time and went up to 0.08% a few months ago. I’m almost 40 so I figured it was time for a more aggressive amount and also I’ve used it long enough that my skin has become used to it. With that said, I don’t use it every day. More like 2 or 3 times a week but I’m pretty sure the recommended use is to do it daily.
Anonymous
I’ve used them since my teens for acne (with a side of vanity) and I’m in my late 40s now. I’ve gone to a lesser concentration since my skin is less oily and I don’t want to aggravate it. And I’m afraid to use it in the summer due to sun even with sunscreen as I don’t want to prematurely age my skin. Overall, acne is doing OK and wrinkles are minimal and I think the thing is to be gentle while using any retinoids.
Hollis
I received some good response over the weekend but am looking for additional suggestions on gifting to important referral sources. I’m considering either a box of See’s (nuts and chews of course), the Williams-Sonoma peppermint bark, or maybe a box of fruit from Harry and David’s. Does anyone here have a strong preference between the 3? Any other options I’m not considering?
Cat
I vote for Harry & David because getting fresh, delicious fruit is SO welcome in the atmosphere of cookies-and-sweets everywhere. Alternative is a Wolferman’s English muffin basket or similar?
Anonymous
I have never gotten delicious fruit from a Harry and David box.
Saguaro
I have never gotten delicious fruit from a Harry and David box.
Anon
Does your local economy produce anything you could gift? VT/NH = maple syrup, Virginia = peanuts, etc.
coffee
This is my favorite type of gift — something edible that supports a local business. Local jams, honey, fudge, olive oils, whatever. If the recipient doesn’t like the item, it’s incredibly easy to pass along to colleagues or regift.
Anonymous
How much money do you make off the referrals? All of these sound skimpy to me.
Anonymous
See’s nuts and chews are gross. Go with a standard box, or, even better, soft centers.
anon
I would vote for the fruit creams. Not many other companies make them, IME.
Anon
Love the Zingerman’s gift sets. Their customer service is spot on. Their packaging is fun and unexpected. Their quality of goods is amazing. I always send the Midnight Feeding box for new parents and for example if the couple doesn’t eat meat or is allergic to a certain ingredient the staff over email are more than willing to bend over backwards to make sure the perfect gift set (at no extra cost) is sent to them. Once a box got delivered and was eaten by a neighbor’s dog (!) and they replaced it for free! They literally have the best customer service of any company I have ever dealt with.
Other high quality mail order goods are: Frog Hollow Farms for fruit and baked goods (waaay better than Harry and David IMO), London Tea Club for tea collections, Big Sur Bakery for their Stollen Bread (seasonal, need to jump on it now before they sell out), non food = Of A Kind Gift sets.
Allie
Our favorite to receive in the office was fancy popcorn
Senior Attorney
SEE’S!!!
And I agree that assorted is better than nuts and chews.
Anon
Are the gifts going to one person or the whole office? I just think food at this time of the year is not loved by anyone. We are all bombarded by sweets and treats. Maybe fruit but still thats kind of a hassle to share with a whole office.
If going to a whole office:
– still food but you can coordinate with the office assistant to do a bagel breakfast
– another know your office culture but some offices in their break rooms have jigsaws that everyone works on or lego sets
-Fancy tea / coffee/ hot chocolate for their break room
If going to one person:
– movie gift card
– spa gift card (for a relaxing new year especially if its been a stressful time for them at work)
– if you live in different areas of the country – a custom gift box of goodies from your country
Vicky Austin
Ooh +1 to fancy tea/coffee/hot chocolate. Somebody brought in pumpkin spice latte and peppermint mocha K-cups to our office and they have been going like hotcakes.
anon
We give fruit trays, which are always a big hit because everyone is inundated with sweets.
Anon
WAY prefer the See’s!!
Susan
I’ve had wonderful experiences ordering (and eating) from mouth dot com – small batch food gifts. Lots of choices from savory to sweet, to seasonings and beverages. They come in a really nice resuable tote bag.
Lo
Hoping you all might have some good advice as how to deal with a situation at work. As background, I’m an attorney at a small law firm (20 ish attorneys). It’s very well regarded in the area and there are a lot of things I like about working here. I’ve been here a little over 2 years now, and prior to this I completed a state clerkship. I am the only female attorney and feel that I’m very well liked at the firm and have gotten very good feedback over the past 2 years. However, I feel that I am underpaid and it’s mostly my fault. I should have negotiated my starting salary, but I didn’t. So come to find out, the newest hire, who is straight out of law school, makes more than I did my first year here (coming from a clerkship) and only a little bit less than I currently make. Further, I could go to a different firm and make a lot more money, but my quality of life would probably go down. I don’t want to make the same I could make at some other firms because I value quality of life, but still feel I am underpaid based on what other people make at the firm and similar firms in the area. We get yearly raises and I just learned that they are reviewing us this week. My plan is to meet with my firm mentor to relay my thoughts about a raise and what I am seeking and why. I have a number in my head that I want to make, which is a 16% raise. Is it crazy to ask for a 20% raise? How should I address this? I have a good relationship with my mentor and he’s pretty approachable, but I want to make sure I have a clear plan in my head as how to do this. Any thoughts or insight?
Anon
Frame it as a raise to bring you in line with market rate.
Sky
Take a look at the federal Equal Pay Act, and your state’s equivalent if it exists. Politely but firmly explain that as the more experienced and more senior associate, you are asking to be paid your market rate, and that if newbie male attorney is paid X, you should be paid at least Y. If that doesn’t work, pay for a consult with an employment attorney-seriously.
Anonymous
I’ve done this, and got a +20% raise. I said i’m really happy here, based on feedback I’m doing good work. I’ve done market research and it looks like most associates with my years of experience are making X-Y (ALWAYS GIVE A RANGE) and I would like a raise to bring my salary up to market.
be prepared to talk data – billable hours, client contact/marketing hours, presentations, etc., and also be prepared for them to counter with their own market data or give you the bottom of the requested range.
Anon
I had this issue at my old firm. Among other things though, we never had performance reviews, and I could never figure out when the partners actually met to discuss raises, so I never really got to have this conversation with my boss.
I was in a similar position in that I did not negotiate my starting salary. I also started in a bad market and was coming from a terrible job at the State. I had no idea what I was supposed to be making. Turns out, my starting salary was almost 30% lower than our main competitor, who had the same clients that we did, etc. I think that my firm had me on something like a probation salary my first year because I got really significant raises each year I was there. When I left after three years I made about what I should have made as a starting salary at the competitor firm. I’m honestly still a bit resentful about this because at first, I had thought my firm couldn’t afford to pay me the higher salary. Turns out they could, they were just choosing to be cheap. I’m still slightly resentful about working there for so long at such low pay. (I now get paid much more and negotiated a higher salary.)
So… my main advice is that you should absolutely negotiate for a raise (maybe look at info on Glassdoor?). Otherwise you are going to be resentful. Also, if you do need to leave, having a higher salary will put you in a better position to negotiate salary somewhere else.
Anonymous
I’m having a hard time focusing and really engaging with work at my new job. I left an intense and stressful biglaw job, took some time off, and have moved into a less-intense government job. I’m still doing challenging work but I’m just finding it really hard to get into that “zone” where I can focus on things for a long time and really feel engaged with what I’m working on. Has anyone else struggled with this? How do I find some of that intense focus again? I would really appreciate any advice on this.
Ellen
You need to try and focus on whatever you ARE doing, even tho it may be dull government work. I worked for the government and saw how slow everything was, and decided it was not for a high powered person like me. I did not get an offer to work there, but was happy about it b/c the guys just stared at me (and at women on the street, who they ranked). Like they could EVER expect to have s-x with any of us? FOOEY! In your case, do focus on your job, and you will do well, like I wound up doing, tho NOT in the goverment. You can do it, b/c you have the power of the HIVE behind you! YAY!!!
HireVue?
Has anyone done a screener interview via HireVue? Just was asked to do one, so looking for any tips or suggestions!
Ugh Car Dilemma - help!
Short version –
My 2013 Jetta Hybrid has ~ 83k miles on it and needs a $5600 repair (transmission). None of the repair costs are covered. I don’t have a car payment, but have only owned it two years. I have that money in savings, but am trying to decide whether to buy a cheap Prius for less than $5600 which will have way higher miles ~ 170k from my quick research – or sink the money into the Jetta. I had a TDI before the hybrid and am pretty soured on VW at this point.
I am afraid that the Jetta will have another major repair not long after I sink this cash into it, while Toyotas tend to have really good longevity and I could probably get quite a bit more life out of a Prius with 170k miles on it.
This is such a pain in my a$$. I am leaving for vacation next week and don’t want to have to deal with this but #life.
Anon
Priuses have some pretty major parts that are only supposed to last about 200,000 miles, like the transaxle. I have a prius and love it, but it is so different from other cars that you can’t really extrapolate any opinions about Toyota to the Prius.
Ugh Car Dilemma - help!
Good to know, thanks!
anonshmanon
our trusted mechanic told us exactly the same. While Toyota is known as a workhorse, the Prius is expensive in upkeep.
If you are still considering Prius, check the warranties for whatever model/year you are considering, especially how long the battery is covered.
Sarabeth
This is the opposite of my experience with two Priuses, each at 150k plus miles. Maybe it becomes true closer to 200k, but there’s a reason that Consumer Reports consistently rates it as the car with the lowest lifetime ownership costs.
Mrs. Jones
+1. My Prius is 14 years old with about 170K miles and has rarely required any expensive work. Knock on wood.
Anon
170k is a lot, even for a Toyota. All of mine have required pretty $$$$ repairs before 200k and I’ve made the decision to ditch them at that point because sinking a lot of money into a car with that many miles doesn’t make sense.
Anonymous
This is dumb. If you dong like spending on repairs certainly don’t buy a Prius with 170k miles on it.
Ugh Car Dilemma - help!
Thank you all so much re: the Prius intel. I can throw my bonus at this problem, and build back up my savings within a couple months keeping my budget the way that it is now, so it’s not the end of the world.
I’ve looked at other used hybrids and anything around the cost of the repair is going to be high mileage. Plus, there isn’t anything local so getting a non-dealership rental, plus the hassle of scrambling to buy a car right before vacation seems like more trouble than it’s worth. I think I am talking myself into the repair on the current car and hoping it lasts another couple of years at least.
Thanks for letting me “talk” it out here!
Anonymous
I would buy a brand-new Prius instead of fixing the Jetta or buying a high-mileage Prius, even if you have to take out a loan. No way would I put that much money into fixing a VW–those things are totally unreliable.
Also do some independent investigation on whether there is a “warranty extension” for the particular issue with your Jetta, which might make the repair free. My Subaru has two such issues, and the dealer conveniently forgot to mention both warranty extensions.
Ugh Car Dilemma - help!
Sadly, there isn’t. The dealership ran everything through VW and then I also put a call into customer care and they did a week long investigation into whether any of it could be covered.
Anonymous
Do not put a penny more into the VW. It’s simply not worth it. I’ve been there and wished someone had told me that betore i wasted money on Passat repairs. My mother and sister both also had VWs and had similar (expensive) experiences.
Worry about yourself
I did the same when my Accord needed a 5k transmission repair. I have two words of advice, in hindsight:
1) Seek a second opinion, make sure the repair really is needed and really will be that expensive. Also get an opinion on how soon the car will need another repair, a car that’s only five years old and under 100k miles has a lot of life left in it, and I’m actually a little surprised the transmission needs to be fixed this soon.
2) If you choose to replace the car, shop around for a bit, you probably have more time than you need so there’s no rush (if you choose to buy, the car may not be ready in time for your vacation), and consider financing or partially financing a car that’s maybe a few years old.
170 miles is a lot on a car, even a Toyota.
Do you need your car for vacation? Would it be possible to rent a car?
Funeral Ettiquette
Hoping for some wisdom from the hive, please! The grandfather of my partner (not married) of 6 years passed away. They didn’t see each other much but they had a loving relationship. My question is: 1.) is it wrong for me to miss the funeral due to the very high travel expense and challenge of getting time off work? Partner has done the “it’s be great if you were there but I understand it’s a lot so don’t feel obligated.” I think she’d be touched if I came but the cost and time off is giving me anxiety. If it were me, I genuinely would prefer she not come but I know everyone is different; and 2.) are you supposed to send flowers to the place where the funeral will be or the burial site if they are in different places?
What would you do?
Anon
Honestly, if you can get the time off, go! It’s your partner of 6 years! This is when I would hope a spouse/partner would go the extra mile for me. If you have the money/don’t have to use a credit card and pay off over time and you can get the days off, GO!!!
Anon
I would go, honestly. I can’t imagine my partner of 6 years missing my grandparent’s funeral unless there was something absolutely unmissable happening at the same time in their own life. High travel costs are pretty routine and not something that warrants making an exception IMO. And you shouldn’t have trouble getting time off work – even in Big Law, people generally understand needing to travel to funerals.
Anon
I would go unless it creates a huge burden. This isn’t so much as a way to support your partner as a way to connect with their family. The funeral home should direct you about flowers but most people don’t want flowers these days they want a donation in memory of the person to go to a certain organization. If you can’t attend call up whomever is planning/hosting the after funeral gathering and offer to help cover the costs of catering or send over a platter of food they will need.
Anonymous
I don’t find it true that most people don’t want flowers these days. I suspect this varies according to social circles and regions. Send the flowers to the funeral home (or funeral location; the funeral home will tell you where to send them).
I would go, EXCEPT, I would also take into account the financial hardship. There are times you bite the bullet and pay the costs. There are other times when money is very, very tight, and that few hundred dollars makes a very real difference.
Em
Go to the funeral. Send flowers to the place where the funeral is.
Mrs. Jones
+1
mascot
+2. The funeral home usually takes care of moving any flowers to the burial site. You can always send a basket/potted plant to the funeral home. Those often get taken home by the family and can be a nice thing to have.
Anon
Whose travel expense is it, your work’s? They should absolutely eat the cost and you should not worry about the cost. It is part of doing business. You should go.
Senior Attorney
Go. Go go go.
One of my rules is “always go to the funeral” and that applies times a million when it’s your partner’s grandparent.
Vicky Austin
Always go to the funeral! My now-husband couldn’t come with me when a grandparent passed a couple years ago because the only person who could grant him vacation time literally just did.not.answer.her.phone. For a week. I am still bitter about that. Go!
OP
Thank you all for helping me be a better human – flight booked!
Anonymous
My opinion is that If she wants you to go, and you are committed to the relationship, you should go. Unless you don’t have the money.
Anonymous
Go. Even if it’s fly in / fly out same day because you can’t get much time off.