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We've had a lot of discussions on love and dating over the years, but I don't think we've ever had an open thread on how you met your partner… so let's discuss! Share your stories, readers!
Just as a reminder, in the past we've rounded up dating advice for career-driven women, dating apps that cater to smart women, talked about whether a “marriage mindset” is helpful (and how to recognize it in others), discussed dating at work, and, of course, shared tips for finding time to date when you're super busy.
How I Met My Husband
I'm pretty sure I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again… My husband and I met at a friend of a friend's birthday party. I knew the birthday girl, L, through my friend S, and my husband knew L through his friend M. It was a Friday night at a dive bar on Avenue C, and I may have been coming from somewhere else because I remember I was wearing a black Banana Republic summer dress (probably too casual for work but a bit too schmancy for Avenue C) and red strappy heels.
My husband and his friend walked in, and — for whatever reason — I noticed my husband immediately. I have never been the kind of person to notice people across a crowded room, at least not in a “Who's THAT guy?” kind of way, which of course is immediately what I asked my friend S.
S took a glance and then excitedly said OOH, that's M [my husband's friend] — L is supposed to set us up! So we definitely shouldn't talk to them until they talk to us.”
Okay…
An hour or so passed, and they never came over — meanwhile I kept glancing at my future husband, wondering if I knew him from somewhere, or was he maybe an actor in a minor movie?
A few vodka sodas later and I found myself in line for the one-room bathroom at the bar… and my future husband was immediately behind me. “Oh hi!” I said. “You're with L's party, right? I'm here with my friend S.”
We started talking, and we kept talking, even letting a number of people pass us in line for the bathroom. The conversational flow was very easy and fun, and he bought me a drink (or two).
Meanwhile, my friend S was ready to go and came over to say bye… I liked this guy but figured it was best to leave on a high note and connect later. (Also, my heels were killing me.) So I threw my card at him and split a cab home with my friend.
Before I passed out that night, I kept thinking about this new guy, and how he was really intelligent but so laid back. He was pretty different from a lot of guys I'd dated before in that he wasn't in law, finance, or medicine and didn't have that alpha/bro male thing going on.
A day or two later, he called to ask me out, and we made plans to meet up… and honestly it's been really smooth sailing since then. The early dates were easy, the middle dates were easy, the decision to get married was easy, and so forth. Parenting is hard, of course, but we complement each other in really important ways, and I've never regretted my decision.
Readers, over to you — what's your story? How did you meet your partner?
Cb
At work… I was a PhD student working part time for the uni’s IT service. Took him an age to ask me out but we had gotten to know each other well by that point. We had to report it to HR because I was a student and he was staff, I was 27 though so not a fresher.
Anonymous
We met in college. He was dating a roommate of mine when we met. I was also dating someone. The next year we were both single and had a class together and only knew each other, so we started spending time together. I think he asked me to be his date to a formal (or maybe I asked him) because neither of us had dates. Rest is history.
Anon
We were roommates and had already been living together for about a year before we started “dating” so we already knew we were extremely compatible. I pretty much knew we were going to get married from day 1, and while life hasn’t necessarily been easy in the 15+ years since then, our relationship always has.
Anon
Are you my sister?
Anon
I hate that this sounds like a “just stop looking and you’ll find him” story. DH likes to say we met at a bar, although it the bar portion of a restaurant and we are both too boring for bars.
I was taking a permanent break from online dating and was acknowledging that meant I wouldn’t suddenly meet a partner through my normal life. We met through a Meet up group for local singles that was definitely not a hook up or dating pool group. It was actually against the etiquette to show up and leave with phone numbers of people you just met. After we got to know each other through group hangouts for a few months he asked me out.
I was 36 with no desire to have kids in my remaining fertile years. I felt like a lot of guys even 10+ years older thought I was too old to have the 3 kids they wanted “someday”. He was 5 years younger. After working my college graduation year into the night’s conversation, I left thinking that this nice, cute, smart, but younger guy was an example of why I wasn’t trying to meet men any longer.
Today is our 10 year wedding anniversary.
Anon
As a woman in her late thirties who is taking a permanent break from online dating, I wish I had a story like yours!
Anon
I spent my early 30s fending off men ten years older who wanted kids “someday.” No thanks buddy – you’re just going to waste my time too. I also ended up marrying a younger man. :)
Anon
The Bergen Record, NJ paper, 1995, he answered my ad. Celebrating our 23rd anniversary this December, together, for 28. I found my first (good) apartment and my husband (also really good) through the Record. For those who may not know, the ad was linked to a voice mailbox where you could retrieve your messages from people interested in dating or other stuff. I met a lot of interesting men actually. But he was the best one.
Anon
We met the summer before high school at camp. We were friends in high school, then he left for college. We ran into each other at a baseball game after he moved back to our hometown and we started dating at that time. We have been married for almost 18 years, together for more than 20 now. We have three kids.
Anonnn
He helped me out with some tech support questions when I joined an online class after the orientation meeting had already been held. We were both teens. But we didn’t meet in person until finishing high school and weren’t together until we were nearly finished with college.
Amy
We were set up on a blind date at a wedding reception by the bride and groom. I knew both the bride and groom from church and my now husband was coworkers with the groom. We had our first real first date two weeks after the wedding reception and we’ve been together ever since. It will be 20 years of marriage this coming May 2024.
Anon
I met my second husband at age 35 on Tinder in 2014. My divorce from my first husband (amicable – married young and were just good friends rather than lifelong romantic partners) was finalized when I was 33 and I knew I wanted to get married again. I moved to my dream city and was fortunate to have a large pool of professional men to sort through. I had a pretty low-stress job at the time, so I tried to go on 2-3 dates per week. My biggest thing was that if I wasn’t absolutely thrilled with the guy after the first date – if I didn’t have butterflies, if I wasn’t excited, if I wasn’t super attracted to him – I said no to a second date. (I had had a marriage where I hadn’t been excited and attracted at the outset, and I didn’t want that again.) I probably went on 100 first dates in ~8 months.
Anonymous
Work. Super loud annoying co-worker who I couldn’t stand became friends with my work bestie so I sucked it up and was nice to her. Annoying co-worker tried to make it her mission to fix me up even though I was dating someone. My boyfriend broke up with me suddenly one day and I was feeling vulnerable so I agreed to go out one time with the guy she kept pushing. Apparently she was pushing me on him as well. Anyway, we went out to dinner and ended up closing the place down. We got engaged in three months and didn’t tell anyone that we had kept dating until we announced our engagement. (By the way, he also found her annoying but was very close friends with her husband.)
I try to keep this in mind anytime I have annoying coworkers now. You never know when being friendly will pay off. ;)
NYCer
We met at a bar (or more accurately as a poster above said, the bar portion of a restaurant). He was there with work colleagues after a work dinner, I was just there with a friend.
Anon
My best friend moved across the country shortly after college and my now-husband was in her extended friend group in her new city. I saw photos of him on her Facebook page (hello, 2006) and told her he was cute, and she decided to set us up when I visited her city for an internship. Her version of “setting us up” was telling a good friend of his that I thought he was cute, and the friend promptly told him, eighth grade style. I was pretty annoyed at her initially, but my husband is shy and we likely never would have gotten together if not for this. We only dated in person for a couple of months but knew immediately we wanted to get married and were informally engaged by the end of the summer. I moved to their city after finishing my final year of school and moved into an apartment with my now-husband.
HSAL
He was the sibling of a friend of a friend who I had thought was cute in her Facebook photos for years. Found out he was moving to my city and I called dibs. Met him in person his second day in the city, engaged in four months, married in less than a year, just had our ten year anniversary.
emeralds
Tinder.
Anon
We met in a grad school class, but we’re in different programs. He got me to join his group for a semester long project on the first day, probably bc I was a girl in a class that was 70% or more guys. He asked me out at the end of the semester. I was 28, he was 32. It’ll be 20 years in February, 12 years of marriage, 2 kids. Neither of us are perfect, but we’re happy.
Maudie Atkinson
Bumble.
Anonymous
Through a mutual friend. I met a guy while working on the newspaper in college. We both got jobs in DC after graduation. In DC, Guy Friend invited me to a party he was hosting. His high school best friend, who was also working in DC, was there. We were introduced and basically that was that. We went on a date the next weekend. married 10 years.
anon
We worked together for nearly a decade. I was newly divorced when we met; he was married. I was attracted to him but since he was married, I relentlessly suppressed that feeling. Over the course of 9 years, during which I paid money to every dating app in the world and had a series of fine-but-not-amazing boyfriends, we became really good friends – but work friends, not “real” friends. When he got divorced, he suddenly needed “real” friend help – like a bunch of us co-workers helped him move into a new apartment, took him to dinner, and did social stuff to try to cheer him up – and I started getting to know him differently. Once we started dating, we were married with a child within two years.
Anonymous
At a bar. Like a bar bar.
Anon
OkCupid
Anon
OkCupid
Anonymous
We lived in the same dorm freshman year of college.
anon
We were in the same extracurricular activity in college. I always thought he seemed cute and fun but didn’t feel romantic vibes until suddenly I did, after we became friends. He claims he was attracted immediately. We’ve been happily married 20 years. I feel so lucky that our relationship has evolved as we’ve grown up and gotten older. The friendship is still at the core, and I still think he’s really cute and fun.
Pep
2009 on Match.
He had been on Match for years without much luck. On a whim, he shaved off his beard and updated the photos on his profile.
I had been on Match a matter of only a couple of weeks. I noticed his profile and reached out. (I’m not attracted to facial hair, that would have been a non-starter if I had seen it).
We’ve been together 14 years now.
BeenThatGuy
Speed dating.
nuqotw
Mutual friends’ party. Didn’t even know his last name. I told my friend I was interested; could she find out if he was interested and if so put us in touch. She asked him and he told her he was too busy with law school to go out with anyone. I FB stalked him anyway. To my everlasting shock, he asked me out when the semester ended. We’ve been married 11 years.
Vicky Austin
College – we did student government stuff together. I asked him out first and he actually said no! But we kept showing up to student council budget hearing meetings neither of us had any reason to be at…
Anon
Law library circulation desk, where we both worked while in school.
Anonymous
High school theatre
Jules
At the weekly Friday night wine tasting and music events at our local wine shop; the owner is a mutual friend and SO helps out at the tastings. How can you not go for the handsome man who keeps pouring you wine? I flirted shamelessly (and, as I have said before, violated Senior Attorney’s rule and chased him a bit) but once I got his attention that was that, and we’ve been together for four and a half years. (We are both divorced and currently over 60.)
TelcoLadyJD
OkCupid in late 2015. I had just gotten back into online dating after a long break and went on dates with three guys in a weekend. (This was a function of the algorithm and not reflective of my luck with online dating…it was pretty much always feast or famine for me.) He won! (At least I feel that way…hope that he does!)
We’ve been married since early 2018, and been through a lot in eight years. His dad died, my mom died, three job changes, bought a house/moved, renovated that house/moved back in, infertility/IVF, had a newborn during a global pandemic, had a super difficult second pregnancy, and now parent two kids two and under. Neither of us are perfect by a long shot – but after meeting later in life, we feel pretty lucky.
Anon
I sat next to him on a plane. I’m a nervous flyer, and he started talking to me because the pilot announced a bumpy takeoff and I looked about to pass out. We talked for the whole four hours, I gave him my number at the end of the flight and we had an incredible first date a few days later. It’s a great story, except that I had just finalized my divorce from my awful exH, so it did take me a while to find the right guy.
JTM
I met my husband on Twitter – he slid in my DMs and the rest is history, LOL. This was during the “golden age” of Twitter, we started following each other because we had a lot of mutual follows, and once we started talking, we found we had a ton in common. Now married almost 9 years and 2 kids later, and I’m still amazed that social media led me to the love of my life.
Paula
I met my husband at work. He was my boss’s boss’s boss, not quite divorced, and 19 years older than me. A recipe for disaster, but we had a a great marriage and one of the happiest healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen. We used to comment at least twice a week on how unbelievably lucky we were in each other and in life. Then he died, suddenly one morning with no warning or sickness . . . Five years later, I met a really great guy on match.com and after a year, we both believe it’s the real deal. I always use the word lucky with a mental asterisk, given how the universe really screwed me that one time, but I have been unbelievably lucky* twice.
Anon
1998 on Match. Early days! Everyone in my family thought I was going to get murdered, then in the years since, pretty much all family members have met their current mates online. I’m what you call a trailblazer haha.
Anon
We met through a friend. She had fixed up several successful couples before trying her hand at finding someone for my husband.
Anonymous
I had just started a new job in my new city, and a colleague invited me to join a rec sports team her friend was putting together. Her friend had invited a guy to join the team, and I will never forget the first time I saw him walk up – he was exactly my type and I was immediately interested. As he walked up, he bent down to pet my dog, who to that point hated everyone, and the dog immediately rolled over for a belly rub. My dog liked him? Well, now I was smitten. We’ve been together for 17 years, coming up on our 15-year anniversary in January. We lost the dog that picked him a little over a year ago, but now we have three dogs, no kids, and a pretty great life.