How to Keep Calm and Carry On

I've noticed a lot of stress from — well — everyone lately. It's so damn tough out there. The holidays, the pandemic (let's make year three the best one yet, guys!), the state of democracy/women's rights/climate change. Deep breaths. As the old meme says, can we Keep Calm and Carry On? Here are some of my ideas — as well as some ideas from the Corporette team — but I'd love to hear yours…

Kat's Way to Keep Calm and Carry On: Romance Books

As I've written about before, I leaned hard into romance books a few years ago — there are so many delightful ones out there now with smart, funny, well-written heroines. The genre is literally defined by HEA or HFN (“happy ever after” or “happy for now”) and very, very few of the books have ever made me cry. Most books are written as a series, also (e.g., the first Bridgerton book is about Daphne & Simon but you're introduced to brother Anthony; the second book is about Anthony finding love), so if you like one book it's often really clear where to go next. Hurray for binge reading!

Just a note on the Bridgerton books — I thoroughly enjoyed them when they were written and would still recommend them if you're new to the genre and enjoyed the Netflix series. But the books feel a little dated in some of the ways characters interact and resolve situations — the newer books I'm recommending are a bit more feminist/empowered even if they're set in Regency era… if that makes sense.

Pro tip: If you've found a list for the best romance novels to read and it includes Nicholas Sparks, keep looking for a better list.

Some of my favorite authors and specific recommendations: (links go to Amazon but don't forget to check your local library, including for ebooks for your Kindle! — also, please note content warning below)

• historical romances: Tessa Dare (start here), Sarah Maclean (start here), Courtney Milan (start here); Joanna Bourne (start here)
• modern romances: Alyssa Cole (start here), Jennifer Crusie (start here), Annika Martin (start here), Kristen Callihan (start here) — I know the readers often recommend Jasmine Guillory also
• my comfort reads (specific books I've reread a ton because they're kind of perfect): The Devil in Winter (it's apparently a lot of people's comfort read) [CW: psychological/physical abuse by family, mentions of abduction, rape], Managed [CW: mentions of suicide], and The Master [CW: murder, gore] — I read Rafe the Buff Male Nanny after a lot of readers recommended it and would also put it as a comfort read [however, CW: mentions of psychological spousal abuse].
• books that you can never, ever, ever admit to reading to your English-major friends but are secretly a lot of fun: the Immortals After Dark series (start here), Billionaires of Manhattan series (start here), Ice Planet Barbarians series (start here; CW: (abduction, rape, murder, gore)

{related: how to find fulfilling hobbies}

Kate's Ways to Keep Calm and Carry On: Reading & Reality Shows

I definitely have some, er, unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as scrolling social media for way too long, and eating far too much ice cream, but I do have a couple of others to recommend…

Reading

First of all, I must agree with Kat that romance novels — with their reliable HEAs — are an excellent escape. I used to be a book snob (I was an English/creative writing major, so…), but no longer — because life's too short. Besides, two years of living in the worst timeline doesn't exactly improve your attention span for reading, say, serious literary fiction.

I always used to picture romance novels as the stereotypical cheesy-covers-with-Fabio-lookalikes sort of books, but there's so much more out there! I usually read “contemporary romance,” which has a lot of crossover with “women's fiction,” which is a newer, better way of saying “chick lit.” The predictability of the romance genre is a feature, not a bug, and I'm happy to read the same tropes over and over: fake relationship, friends to lovers, and so on.

Here are a few recent faves:

• Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn (an unexpected relationship blooms via shared NYC adventures)
• Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall (a perfect example of the “fake relationship” trope, yay!) [CW: listed here]
• Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (a fun romance between the First Son and the Prince of Wales) [CW: listed here]
• Life, Unscheduled by Kristin Rockaway (L-O-V-E vs. a Type-A woman at a tech company who has way too much on her plate)
• In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren (shades of Groundhog Day…) [CW: listed here]

Here are some non-romance books (fiction and nonfiction) I've really enjoyed recently:

• Bonfire by Krysten Ritter (a dark thriller set in a small town — and yes, Ritter can act and write!) [CW: sexual abuse, rape, suicide]
• Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell (The MC in this YA novel is a college student with social anxiety and family troubles who's immersed herself in Harry Potter-esque fandom.) [CW: listed here]
• Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries by Kory Stamper (a behind-the-scenes look at how dictionaries are created — way more interesting than you'd expect)
• Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City by Matthew Desmond (a Pulitzer Prize winner that gives an up-close-and-personal look at poverty and housing instability)
• Prognosis: A Memoir of My Brain by Sarah Vallance (what it's like to suffer a severe TBI and recover … on your own)
• Educated by Tara Westover (an incredible, harrowing memoir about Westover's isolated and unusual — and abusive — childhood and her eventual escape from her dysfunctional family) [CW: listed here]

Reality Shows

Speaking of escapism: While I have zero interest in watching certain reality series (The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, Real Housewives of anywhere — no judgment if you're into those!), I got sucked in by — and now recommend — a bunch of reality shows on Netflix: Queer Eye, The Circle (all countries!), Selling Sunset, Selling Tampa, and Love Is Blind.

For a few months, I was really into The Great British Baking Show aka The Great British Bake Off, and it's the ideal Comfort TV — wholesome and relaxing (except for aspects of season 11, apparently). As this Shondaland piece noted, GBBO is “the kind of cozy, low-stakes hour of TV we all need right now.”

{related: arts and crafts for stress relief: subversive cross stitch}

Elizabeth's Ways to Keep Calm and Carry On: Baking

I have been a stress baker since my first year of law school. Busying my hands with a relatively mindless task tends to calm my brain, so I love recipes that require lots of kneading, stirring, or other repetitive motions. Following a particularly contentious negotiation a few weeks ago, I made a double batch of carmelitas because I knew that unwrapping a million caramels would be an easy, delicious way to unwind. Afterwards, I was significantly calmer and had a pan of treats to enjoy. Win-win!

{related: the best hiking gear for women}

Ann's Ways to Keep Calm and Carry On: Houseplants & Exercise

Houseplants

I’ve always had a few houseplants at home and in the office, but over the past year, I’ve become a full-blown plant parent. Most mornings before I start work, I tend to my plants for a few minutes — watering, misting, trimming, etc. I find it a relaxing and calming way to start the day. I’ve read that nature (houseplants count) can help your mental well-being, and as a case study of one, I can personally attest to their benefits.

If you’re looking to add a little greenery to your home or office, I’ve recommended Lively Root and The Sill as places to get you started. You can also search for plants (especially more unique ones) on Etsy. Worried about killing your new friend? Read through the free resources from places like Lively Root and The Sill to make sure you pick something right for you and your home or office. Some good ones for plant novices are ZZ, pothos, and snake plants.

Exercise

Another thing I like to do when things get overwhelming is exercise — it clears my mind, and as a ruminator, helps me put things into perspective. I’ve figure skated since I was a kid, so the ice rink is my happy place. I also like running because it gets me outdoors, and swimming because I can pretty much zone out doing laps.

If you’re looking to add an exercise routine or change things up, there are lots of places to get started. For swimming, I swim at my local public pool and get my gear from SwimOutlet. For running, check out your local running store (in the D.C. area, I go to Pacers and Potomac River Running) for gear, classes, and camaraderie. For figure skating (there is a whole adult figure skating community!), check out your local or seasonal rink for lessons. The coaches and pro shop (if there is one) can advise you on skates if you’re ready to move beyond rentals. Finally, there are lots of (free or subscription) online workout classes — we subscribe to Peloton’s. In addition to cycling, they have everything from stretching to bootcamp.

Looking a relaxing stress-reliever? Check out our recs for fun coloring books…

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Stock photo via Stencil