Coffee Break: Jade Tassel Y-Necklace

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1. I am participating in my boyfriend’s family’s secret santa this year. I was assigned his older brother, who is in his 40s (I am in my early/mid 20s, for reference). Price limit is $50 or less, I would ideally like to stay around $30. I don’t know him super well- he likes our local Div 1 NCAA football team, the local NFL team, is a beer drinker. My boyfriend is helpless at brainstorming ideas, so do any of you have ideas for what to buy a middle-aged guy who could really buy himself whatever he wants/needs?

   My intial idea is for a Bottlekeeper, basically an insulator for beer bottles that comes with a top to seal an open bottle (link to follow), but I’m not sure if that would be a weird gift…

   1. Beer gifts: Gift card to a local brewery? If you have time to pick up a day before, a growler + gift card to a local brewery? Depending on the liquor laws of your/his state, I wonder if you could get him a cool sports-team branded growler (in CA, for example, that wouldn’t work, but my understanding is that in IL it wouldn’t be a problem). Team branded pint glasses? My husband loves his [interest]-branded pint glasses!

      1. Those are great ideas! This is the link to my original idea, the Bottlekeeper, http://www.bottlekeeper.com, but I loke the team-oirented pint glasses too.

   2. Set of Team branded pint glasses + selection of 6-8 different/specialty beers. Avoid the bottle keeper thing, no one in their 40s is saving a half bottle of beer. I could see maybe a budget conscious college student resealing a beer bottle but not an adult. Wine bottle sealers are different because wine isn’t a single serve packaging like a beer bottle.

      1. My husband (in his 40’s) saves half bottles a lot – once open decided he didn’t want another whole beer or something like that, or wasn’t the taste he wanted.

   3. A few years ago, I bought my BIL a soft-sided cooler branded for his college football team, and I put some cool beers inside. It was a hit.

   4. Maybe scout out his favorite kinds of beer and ask your local bottle shop for recommendations and/or check BeerFinder or Untappd for a couple pricier beers in that style that might be a treat for him. Alternately, a four/six pack of his favorite beer and a t-shirt from their brewery?

   5. If he drinks and likes beer, get beer. Maybe add glasses or a koozie or whatever but no need to go overboard being creative. My DH is sorta hard to shop for, and default gifts that go over well with him are Home Depot/Amazon gift cards, beer, and nice winter socks.

2. What is everyone’s favorite wallet/wristlet to go inside a larger workbag for lunch, errands, etc.
   I have been using a coated canvas wallet from sakroots which is great but the leather detail has started to fray. Since phones keep getting larger I am reconsidering a wallet that will fit a phone (hard to find) and am also looking at a small pouch that fits a separate wallet inside. I think I’m over thinking this but would be grateful to hear others’ systems. Ideally would be able to hold full wallet (not just two cards), small keyring and phone.

   1. I’m using the Hobo Lauren wallet for that right now. It fits my phone (8+ in an Otterbox case) in one side and I can throw a chapstick and nail clippers in the other, with my main cards/ID in the middle section. It’s perfect for what you want, with the possible exception of it fitting a keyring. I used to use a Hobo Danette with retractable wristlet strap (I have a Hobo problem) but when I upgraded my phone it was too tight a fit.

   2. I just got this one from Nordstrom and it has a little insert that fits some cards and cash that you can remove to put in something smaller if you need to. Probably wouldn’t fit a phone, though. https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/nordstrom-leather-zip-around-wallet/4659956?top=72&brand=540

   3. I have a super cheap one from Target that I knew would be large enough to fit my phone and I wouldn’t care if it got scratched in my bag.

3. Jumping on the ‘What do I get this person anyway?’ train:

   My mom and her boyfriend. They’re very active, still working, both very into hiking/kayaking/being outdoors. Her boyfriend is a bit of a hermit though and that’s what’s killing me. They absolutely 400% do not need any more stuff (including sporting gear, of which they have plenty).

   Normally, I would go full on experience gift, but… he doesn’t really like to go to restaurants, doesn’t like big crowds so tickets to the theatre are out, and they’re far from major sports teams.

   My ‘I don’t know what to get you’ gift is a Yeti coffee mug or a hydroflask and I’ve already done that. My other gift is consumables (basket of smoked meats and cheeses FTW).

   Is this the year I just donate to the food pantry and some mountain conservation charity in their name and give my mom a framed piece of my kid’s art for her office? Bueller?

   1. A national parks pass might be a good gift in this case.

      1. Bonus points- if they like it, you can give it to them every year since it’s an annual pass!

      2. If they’re over 62, I believe they are eligible for the lifetime Senior Pass.

         1. So my in-laws are actually getting an annual State Parks pass, but mom + BF are in another state… Actually, there is a gift option which is a travel mug + 10 free trips to a State Park… This might be happening.

            They’re not near any national parks, otherwise I would get them one of these. They’re also not quite 62, so no lifetime pass.

   2. Would they like a piece of art? Like something that fits their aesthetic from a national park + a pass? Or something that fits their aesthetic from a local nature area + donation for conservation?

      1. They have too much art! Like, it’s actually an issue… They just recently moved in together and he has an adult lifetime’s worth of stuff + heirloom art inherited from his family… then they added my mom’s stuff to the mix.

         1. My parents have that problem (does not help that one kid is a legit artist) so I hear ya.

   3. A photo session with the grandkids with a local photographer?

      1. That’s good for her, not for him.

         Again, something we gifted my in-laws with- a photo shoot with all the grandkids.

         1. So? Give it to your mom. Give him a box of fancy oranges. You are way over complicating this

            1. Gah. I know you’re right. I’m trying to get a gift that says, ‘Yay! I acknowledge that the two of you are partners and I am getting you a thoughtful gift as a pair.’

               I go out of my way to be nice to this dude. He makes my mom happy, which is really what matters, but he really sees us kids/grandkids as… well, I don’t know what. A complication? He doesn’t really talk and is impossible to read, so that makes it extra challenging.

               (Can anyone tell that my mom is stressing me out lately??)

   4. Land conservation non-profit in their area? Donation to the Fresh Air fund – gets inner city kids outdoors? Package with nice hiking socks – everyone wears out their hiking socks – Smartwool socks often go on sale for a reasonable price.

      If they overnight kayak/hike, you could buy them ‘dinner’ by doing up a basket of hiking/camping food from a local outdoor shop.

      1. Great ideas! I’m going to keep the Fresh Air fund one in my back pocket.

         I got them nice freeze-dried meals as stocking stuffers (although now apparently maybe they’re coming after Christmas after telling me they were going to be here for Christmas morning but maybe he’s not coming?)

   5. REI gift card and call it a day!

   6. Pendleton has a beautiful series of
      National Park blankets

4. I need help. I’m dealing with somebody aggressive online who is starting to really scare me. This person is somebody I was in a relationship with who now lives in another country. Right now it’s mostly unwanted email messages, but based on the messages, I’m afraid it is going to escalate. Are there any steps I can take to protect myself?

   1. Have you spoken to the police yet? That should be your first step. They can advise you on whether to block or to keep the emails for evidence. Are you worried about him coming to you? What does your work look likr- is there security?

      1. I haven’t gone to the police. I thought because this person was in another country, there wouldn’t be anything they could do. I’m not worried about him coming to me, but I am worried about the different ways somebody online can manage to disrupt your life.

         1. Maybe there is not much they can but you can start the paper trail and ask them for advice

            1. +1
               There’s not much they will do most likely but a paper trail is always good. A friend of mine is dealing with an out of state harasser and while her local PD hasn’t been helpful, she makes a point of calling them anyway.

         2. Depending on what state you live in, your state may have a law that protects you from cyberstalking that was initiated anywhere, as long as you were in the state when you received the messages. (There are some resources online that break this down state-by-state, and explain where to find each state’s laws on online harassment/stalking.) It’s definitely worth getting your paper trail in place. Obviously it’s harder to take action if the person is in another country, but if he ever comes to visit your city, and you have a paper trail, you could serve him with a restraining order or take some other kind of legal action that might pack more of a punch.

   2. What are they threatening to do in the email messages? Have they done any other thing other than send some emails?

      1. It’s just emails right now. I don’t want to get into a lot of detail, but the emails are getting increasingly menacing … threatening to disclose private information, reach out to family members and employers with information about me that I would like to stay confidential … things of that nature.

         1. If you haven’t already, save all of the messages. This link might be helpful: https://www.justice.gov/usao/file/851856/download

            You should look up the penal law for cyberstalking in your state, and consider going to the police.

            I’m sorry you’re going through this.

            1. +1 on saving ALL the messages. And if there are phone calls, send yourself an email summarizing the call, so that you have contemporaneous proof. It’s useful both from the cyberstalking/police side of things, trying to prevent him from doing the bad thing in the first place, and (if he does do something) proving that his intent was malicious, which can help you get stronger penalties against him.

   3. Dad says you can get your ISP to block his IP address so that you will NOT get his mail. You should NOT have to change your internet mailing address just because some blubberlips from another country is still pining away after you, Dad says. You can also find out his internet service provider, and have HIS internet service provider not allow him to send messages to your ID. I am not sure how this is all done, but Dad is a Cybersecurity expert, and he can help if the authorities are not sophisticated enough on this issue.

      This is a sad lesson for all of us, Dad says. So many men from overseas want to get pretty USA women to marry them that they will do anything to get us to sign the green cards that let them stay. Once they are here, they will impregnate us so that we are forced to keep them around. I dated a guy from England who was very interested in me, but he wanted me to go back there, where medical care is subpar, dad says. He also had bad teeth, and I did NOT want that mouth anywhere near me, so I kept it platonic. That was a good thing b/c he had a huge dental bill before he went back to England. FOOEY on blubberlips men like that who onley want us for our Green Cards! Double Fooey!!!!

   4. I went through this about five years ago, it was an ex. He threatened to tell various people various things (mostly not true) about me. He emailed a partner I work with and told her that I cheated on him (which wasn’t even true). Luckily she just thought he was a nut. But it got to the point where he reported me to the state bar for things I did not so, and I had to have an ethics hearing, hire a professional responsibility lawyer, etc. It was terrible. I wish I would have gone to police/documented better, as it would have helped me with the bar. Everything turned out OK, but still.

      1. Yep. This is basically my worst nightmare.

         1. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Another perspective: I have a male friend who was sexually assaulted by another man in college. That man sent threatening emails saying he would disclose this information about my friend, ruining his engagement to a (prominent and wealthy) woman and alleging it was a consensual relationship. (My friend didn’t report the assault.)
            The jerk did what he threatened to do. Shared pictures and everything. It was hell. My friend came out on the other side, is married to the woman, and now speaks publicly about being sexually assaulted. So even if the worst case scenario happens — which I hope it doesn’t — know that you are stronger than any crazy person who would want to hurt you.

   5. You’ve already gotten great advice. I would also recommend the Gift of Fear because it talks about how to react to stalking (not cyber, but I think the same principle applies) and it might help you come up with an approach. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

5. Paging AIMS
   I am pro two crib and left you a longish response that is in mod on the morning post.

   Basically, we bought the second crib used and sold it for exactly what we paid for it, and it made our lives so much easier for the 4 months or so we had it.

   1. Thanks! We’re also in a two bedroom, new baby needs to sleep somewhere and, due to other issues, a mini crib looks like the way to go for us. I actually looked on CL but with the sales I’m seeing the price difference between new and used is minimal, so I’m just going to get the second crib and then sell it on CL when we’re done. If I get 1/2 price back I’ll be happy enough. And I would love to hear your thoughts on double strollers, since you offered :)

      1. Ok!

         My thought on the double strollers is that you need different strollers for different ages and different uses.

         When younger child was a newborn to infant, I bought a sit n stand stroller I could snap his car seat into and my 21 month old daughter could sit on a step facing me or stand on the ledge facing forward. We kept this one in the car.

         For home, because we live in a big walking neighborhood, we bought a side by side stroller that had the option for a completely lie-flat position. My husband and I used this all the time to exercise walk or to run local errands. He took it to the gym so much that people recognized him by the stroller.

         When baby got a bit bigger we switched the sit n stand for a cheap collapsible double stroller to keep in the car. This saw us all around Disneyland and countless trips to the park.

         All of my strollers I sold on CL and got back a good percentage of what I paid. For the sit n stand, I bought it used and actually sold it for a bit more than I had bought it for (mainly because I forgot what i had paid at the time and figured it out later)

6. I’m trying to find my holy grail of stylish booties with an almond toe that I can comfortably walk about 2 miles in and that look flattering with both tights/dresses and skinny jeans. I’d like them to be reasonably flat (under 2 inches) and fit my foot snugly through the instep (that seems to be the key to a comfortable fit for me).

   I’m a size 10.5, so I often find that size 10 is too small and size 11 is a little too big. And I have narrow heels but a wider forefoot, so either my heel pops up or the side of little toe gets squeezed.

   Please help! I have been trying on boots like crazy and nothing is quite there…

   1. JCrew Outlet, Reagan Black booties, available online in a 10.5 for $70.

      I have similar feet and they’re great. The leather is soft, they zip up, and they’re just a good all around bootie.

      1. Where? Because I’m not seeing 10.5 at the Factory website. Just the normal 10 and 11. Which is what I would expect for a mall store (not having 10.5)

         1. J Crew factory does it as “10h” which, to my eye, always gets lost. They do have them.

            1. You mean, they invented their own size naming convention (which you can see if you click on the size chart link)? That’s…weird. And unnecessary.

            2. Yeah, it’s obnoxious and puzzling haha. I always always skip over the little cutesy h…like, numbers exist for a reason, J Crew: I know you don’t understand how sizing works, but come on!

               In any event, glad you found them and I hope they work!

         2. J. Crew styles their half sizes as “10h” not “10.5” – are you missing it?

            1. Yes, I missed it because I did not expect Jcrew to invent a new way to name shoe sizes.

      2. Thank you! I ordered them in both 10h and 11 and will report back!

      3. I can’t speak for J.Crew Factory’s booties, but I have a similar issue being between the half sizes in a lot of shoes and I find their flats fit great.

   2. Try the Sole Society Vixen! There are still larger sizes left at Nordstrom.

   3. Try Miz Mooz – I think the one called Bangkok (?) is what you are looking for.

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