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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
There are some crazy deals to be had at Boden right now — lots of lucky sizes, but there are still a lot of really good prices (this dress is $98–$112), and I'd definitely take a look if you're on the hunt. This Ottoman dress is selling out quickly — and so are the solid black and purple versions. It's a fun dress with an unusual color pairing, and if you like vibrant colors, give it a look. If you're more of a neutrals girl, do check out the other options. The dress is fully lined, hits below the knee, and is machine washable. Note that it has an exposed zipper, but because of the scoop back, it's not as prominent. It doesn't have pockets, alas, but that's its only crime. In terms of what's in stock, tall and petite currently have a few more available than straight sizes. Kaia Ottoman Dress
This plus-size dress also comes in a pretty shade of green and is on sale for only $35.
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Cat Smell
It’s very possible that I’m imagining this, but I think my clothes smell like cats. I have 2 cats, but I try to clean the box daily and I’m pretty sure they don’t go outside the box. I’m always super paranoid that my house/clothes smell, but now I feel like it’s happening. Any tips on how to get rid of this?!
Anon
Can you ask a third party if you smell like cats? Your nose may just be smelling cat since they live there, but your clothes may not actually smell like cat.
Also, by “cat smell” do you mean you think you smell like a litter box or that you smell like the natural musk of a cat? Because those are two distinct causes. One small thing that helped me not smell like dogs (I can’t really help on the litter box front as I don’t have cats) is to change clothes as soon as I get home so work clothes never get hair on them, bathe them regularly (once a week or every two weeks), and close the closet door and bedroom door. My clothes only smell like laundry detergent now.
Leah
Do NOT bathe a cat that often. It’s okay for dogs, but cats have incredibly thin/frail skin and they cannot handle frequent water exposure. A couple of times per year is more than enough.
Anonymous
I add an enzyme cleaner to fabrics that can handle it in the wash.
Anonymous
Like a cat urine smell or general cat smell? If they might’ve peed on your clothes then try washing with an enzyme cleaner, but tbh it might be ruined. If it’s a general cat smell then I think you’re probably being paranoid. I’m not even sure what a “cat smell” would be. Dogs smell but cats don’t really ime? Presumably you’re not letting your cat sleep on your clothes so you’re probably fine.
Anonymous
Cats do have a smell, but it’s much milder than a dog smell and I’ve never noticed it clinging to a person in the same way.
Anonymous
Cats def smell.
Air, sunlight, febreeze.
anon
they do smell.
keeping clothes in a closet with door in a room that cats do not go in. Saves removing pet hair. None of my colleagues ever knew I had 2 cats, including those who claimed to be very allergic.
also, occasionally air out your abode (weekly if possible), for all of us cats or no this helps with household smells
Ellen
Rosa has cats and her freinds always tell her she smells like kitty litter. I think that is b/c the cat sleeps in her bedroom where the litterbox also is and I think they may be right. I always wondered why Ed also smelled like kitty litter and then once I went to their house in Chapauqua, I figured it out. I think that it is not imprtant if you are MARRIED how you smell but if you are single trying to attract a mate, that you do all you can NOT to smell funny, and that includes cat litter. My ex always smelled like faint urine, but that was b/c he did NOT change his underwear until my cleaneing lady did the laundry, and they were always dirty looking even after the wash. She said that his urine plus his smelley sweat made his white underwear gray, with a tinge of yellow and brown in the seat. In retrospective, I can NOT believe I dated that guy, let alone slept with him. What was I thinkeing? FOOEY!
Anonymous
Can’t speak to cat smells specifically as I’ve never had cats, but for odors in general I find that spraying clothes with vodka really helps, as well as steaming.
ME/CFS
Ugh, I posted in yesterday by accident.
Does anyone have any advice or experience at living and working with ME/CFS? It’s a new (probable) diagnosis and I’m both scared and confused. I feel like crap and my job is ending so I need to find another. Joy.
Anon
I don’t, but a very close family does. After struggling for 10-ish years, she was treated for a bartonella infection and has been doing a lot better ever since (traveling, holding down two jobs, really doing great). The research is very new there, but you should check it out. Otherwise, my advice is to work hard to protect your boundaries. People aren’t really going to understand (“but you don’t look sick!) and you will be the one in charge of determining how much is too much in terms of activity. I wish you all the best.
Anonymous
Here are some ideas.
–Look up “spoon theory,” and think about how you can ration your “spoons.”
–Do your best to find a job that allows you to outsource some daily life things so you can more easily keep your job.
–Optimize what’s within your control. This may include things like a very consistent sleep/wake routine. This may include things that make your doctors roll their eyes like IV nutrition at a drip bar. You need every boost you can get.
–Make sure your doctors are doing their job. Have they had you try Mestinon? Have you undergone thorough autonomic testing? Have you discussed antivirals? Have they ruled out everything they should have?
Anonymous
Some examples of conditions that people initially diagnosed with CFS/ME have ended up testing positive for:
Autoimmune hypothyroidism (and, by the way, if your TSH is at the top of the wider range or if they haven’t tested for antibodies, they may not have truly ruled it out)
Pernicious anemia (be aware that the labs are not sensitive, so if they’ve only run labs, again they really haven’t ruled it out)
EDS
POTS
Myasthenia gravis (the symptoms seem really different to me, but I’ve seen this misdiagnosis happen)
LEMS (many overlapping symptoms with CFS/ME, hard to diagnose without electrophysiological testing)
Candidiasis (I know one person whose ME/CFS was completely cured by antifungals)
Autonomic small fiber neuropathy (autoimmune or otherwise)
Narcolepsy
I’ve even talked to one person who was ultimately diagnosed with a genetic mitochondrial condition. I’m definitely not saying you personally need to be tested for all this stuff, but the symptoms of CFS/ME are not very specific and there’s still no good test to confirm that it’s CFS/ME and not something else. So consider your symptoms, and make sure your medical team is not missing something.
thank you
Thank you for this. Not the OP but your comment on autoimmune thyroid might apply to me (15 years of trying to figure it out)
documentaries
Hi my dear–sending you lots of love.
I would recommend watching The Forgotten Plague and Unrest. The filmmaker and producer of The Forgotten Plague is not a producer at CNN, a frequent presenter at conferences about ME/CFS, and by all accounts has a healthy, normal and robust life. So too can you.
Anonymous
Jen Brea (the woman who made Unrest) is on social media. She’s gotten some additional diagnoses since then (and also discovered some treatments). I really appreciate how supportive she’s been of the entire chronic illness community.
Richmond pants
Can anyone with Richmond pants comment on their fit through the calves? I have pretty big calves (big enough where I usually have a problem buying off-the-shelf boots, although I can get close), so anything that tapers usually doesn’t work. But I like straight leg pants usually, which end up looking almost like skinny leg ones on me.
AnonLondon
I have them with what sounds like very similar calves to yours and find that they look like skinny leg trousers on me, so may be exactly what you’re looking for?
Anonymous
We’ve had a lot of Portugal posts here – can anyone recommend a tour company? I’d like to take a day trip to Sintra out of Lisbon. Most of the tours I’ve seen on Viator and Trip Advisor don’t include Quinta da Regaleira, which I’d really like to see – the only tours with reviews that include it are a 2 person minimum. I’m traveling alone and won’t have a car so I’d prefer to take a tour vs. going on my own for the ease of transportation. My air bnb host wasn’t helpful. I appreciate any advice!
Anonymous
I just took the train and it was easy. Busses all over Sintra. No need for a tour.
BabyAssociate
+1, I did this alone too. It was so easy.
Allie
+ 2 we did it with a baby. The train was really easy to get there and once there buses were really easy to get to various sights.
Anon
+1
Although I will say I hated Sintra. I thought it was more touristy than Venice. But everyone I know who went there loves it.
Anon
+1
Although I will say I hated Sintra. I thought it was more touristy than Venice. But everyone I know who went there loves it.
Never too many shoes...
That’s funny – I loved both of them a lot. To me, Sintra made me feel like Bella running through Voltura trying to save Edward from killing himself.
emeralds
+many. Tour company is totally unnecessary.
Too good to leave, too bad to stay ... the job edition
So on the heels of my busy season at work, which ends tomorrow, I have a job interview on Friday. It’s with an organization that I’d be really excited to work for. When I talked to the president yesterday, she was very upfront that I’m one of the top candidates but she wanted to warn me about the salary situation because it’s significantly less than I’m making now. The salary is not out of line for the job, which is in the nonprofit sector. I also would no longer be managing people (which would be sort of a relief, honestly). Before I even applied, I knew there was a very good chance that I’d have to take a big pay cut if offered the job, but this is bigger than I expected. I’m having second thoughts. This would be a major career change and one that I’m interested in making, but between losing my ample vacation time and the salary cut … maybe it’s not worth it?
I don’t know. I feel trapped in my current job because the pay and benefits are so good. I know that I’m being paid at the top end of the range for my profession, partly because this job is so challenging. While money isn’t everything, it’s difficult to even consider other options outside my organization because of the “golden handcuffs” issue. I’m 38 and feel like I’m heading for a midlife crisis because I am so sick of the grind of my current job and dealing with the same issues that never seem to change. I have been with my org for a decade and would love a fresh start, but it also feels like a huge risk.
Anonymous
There are more than two jobs in the world. Apply for this one and see if you get an offer. If it’s not good enough don’t take it and keep looking
anon
I recently was in a similar position and chose to leave my law firm job for an in-house job (which I haven’t started yet), despite a pretty hefty pay cut. I had gotten pretty complacent in my firm job and just have very little enthusiasm for my work, even though my work product was still very well-received. It has also become clear that those I work with most often are individuals I really have no respect for, despite the fact that everything is perfectly polite on the surface. I ultimately decided that I only have one life to live, and if this new position, which seems to be with a good organization with a team of kick-a** women attorneys, can take me on a new and more challenging path, then it was worth the risk. BUT I gave myself a real gut check and tried not too be overly optimistic about my new prospects, like not assuming that once I leave a firm I’ll have so much free time because I will be having another full-time job.
Too good to leave, too bad to stay ... the job edition
What you said is the truth of it. I am still doing good work, but my heart is not in it. I adore my team members, but I have little respect for my boss and some of the other senior leaders in my org. It is demoralizing. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even consider looking around.
Anon
Do you expect the new job to be lower pressure, lower stress, and significantly fewer hours? Otherwise, I wouldn’t do it. It’s expected that salary is lower in the non-profit world with an expected downshift (in some cases) of weekly hours. But we all have a pain point on salary cuts. Are there really no other options?
On benefits, can you significantly negotiate vacation time? You would be taking an even better pay cut with less vacation time. With a pay cut and literally working more because you have less time off, this would be a big NO for me. One of the big plusses of nonprofit work is they can’t pay you more in money so, outside of busy times, time off is abundant, so long as you get your work done.
Too good to leave, too bad to stay ... the job edition
I do expect it to be lower pressure and lower stress, which is one of the reasons why I’m looking. I reached a burnout point about a year ago and have spent most of this year trying to get my spark back. Some days, I think I can do it, but there are many days when my frustration is so close to the surface that it feels unhealthy.
At the new position, I don’t know how negotiable vacation time would be, but it’s definitely something I will ask about. Thanks to the plethora of online resources, this nonprofit’s exec director is earning my current salary, so yeah, I definitely need to be prepared for a big cut.
anon
I love negotiating in a new job.
Some comments that might apply:
1. are there other ways for you to make up the salary gap? this could be as straightforward as securing the grants to fund additional salary for you or a small time gig (online or as a paid speaker/panelist, etc?)
2. compensation is a total package. in response to your possible boss’ comments regarding salary, you can certainly reiterate your interest and fit and ask her to partner with you to find other things that you would find beneficial: vacation is certainly one, role opps another (if you like going to conferences, or travel for work {or not!} for example), working from home, flex time or a month off in summer or their downtime (unpaid, but you would work 11 months for 12 months salary), sabbaticals, job share, having an assistant, removing some of the low level work from the role, etc. google creative options.
3. +1000 to wise poster above, this is not your only option!
anon a mouse
Only you can decide whether the pay cut is too much, but I agree with others that you should look at the total package — if it’s a 50% pay cut from your current job but you work 50% less, then that sounds like a pretty okay deal, especially if you can negotiate for more vacation.
If it’s not the right fit, that’s okay! If it’s an organization you really care about, you may be able to support them in another way – a board seat, or volunteering, or doing contract work.
Sunshine
You and I are in the exact same position, although I’m awaiting a salary offer from the new place. I have been at the same company for over 10 years and I’m just done with it. The frustration is real, and so is the dread of getting up and going in each morning.
What I’ve decided to do is keep pursuing the offer with the new place, look for an internal transfer that might make my situation temporarily more tolerable by getting away from my horrible boss, and do lots of external job searching. You may also want to consider working with a career coach.
The comment that these aren’t the only 2 jobs in the world is spot on. You don’t have to decide between A and B. Personally, I wouldn’t take a pay cut that I wasn’t totally comfortable with. I have a number as my floor and if new place can’t get there, I won’t take the job.
Anonymous
Actual numbers would help to give advice here. I’ve never made a job decision based on salary, but I work in a highly compensated field. At a certain salary point you can absorb a cut. Not sure what you’re talking about with this. And second there are more than two jobs. If not this one, keep looking.
Too good to leave, too bad to stay ... the job edition
Hesitant to post, because I know this board is full of high earners, but I would be going from $80k to the low 50s. I do have a spouse with a good salary, and we live in a relatively LCOL area.
Anonymous
Very similar financial situation here, and I would not be able to live with a pay cut of that magnitude. That extra $30K gross would pretty much be the difference between living paycheck to paycheck and being able to save, handle unexpected expenses, and afford a few modest extras.
emeralds
Meh. I make $44k and will soon be starting a job for $50k; my HHI is in the $85-90k range. We do not live paycheck to paycheck, we save money, we can handle unexpected expenses, and we can afford a few modest extras. It’s all about values and how you structure your life.
I totally understand that this is not doable for every family and every situation. But it’s just not true that you can’t live a good life on $50k + spouse’s income. It’s more a question of, are the tradeoffs worth it to you? I’m rather make $50k doing work that I care about that affords me time to spend with my loved ones + family, rather than get paid more to kill my soul so that I can afford more shiny toys or a bigger house. Remember that the average American household makes under $60k/year. YMMV.
Anonymous
I really don’t know how you do it, unless you are young and perfectly healthy, rent your home instead of owning it, don’t have children, have no student debt, and aren’t saving much for retirement. If you own a home that isn’t brand-new, you can expect to spend at least $5,000 – $10,000 per year on absolutely necessary maintenance such as replacing broken appliances, keeping the exterior from rotting, and removing downed trees. Where you live, child care for an infant will run you at least $18,000 per year, and after-school care for a school-aged child will be at least $5,000 a year. Out-of-pocket health care expenses for our well-insured family with only routine health issues will total around $5,000 this year. If our HHI were $90K, those expenses would be an enormous burden.
Anonymous
FWIW, I’ve owned a home and have never spent this much money on it. I spent $2500 the first year when a city sewer pipe under my house collapsed, but other than that, I haven’t had to replace anything or do any major work. I will soon, as my appliances are coming up on 10 years (same with hot water heater), but I have no plans to buy the top of the line stuff. I am perfectly happy with a $500 dishwasher that washes and dries. Same with W/D. I do not need anything fancy. To each their own, but it doesn’t have to cost this much.
Anonymous
She said she lives in a LCOL area – I pay less than $10k/year for very good infant daycare in my LCOL area. We have very good insurance and don’t spend anywhere near $5k annually on healthcare. The year I had the baby it was more, but generally we’re under $1k/annually since all preventative care (including immunizations) is free (thanks, Obama!). We’ve owned our home for 5+ years and have never spend more than a few hundred dollars annually on maintenance (we have an emergency fund that could cover something like a new roof or a new furnace, but these expenses aren’t an annual thing unless you own a very old home). Our HHI is under $100k and we max our retirement contributions, contribute to a 529 and occasionally even dine out and take vacations. Keep in mind we pay a lot less in taxes than a family that earns $200k+, so our takehome pay is not half that of a family earning $200k. We would certainly not have a great lifestyle if we lived in NYC, but in our LCOL Midwestern college town, $100k pre-tax really feels like plenty, even for homeowners with a child.
Anonymous
As a counterpoint, my DH and I both make ~$50k in a LCOL area and we feel quite wealthy (and we are objectively wealthy – a HHI income of $100k is high for our area). We have a 15 year mortgage on a very nice single family home and max our retirement savings annually and contribute to our child’s college account in a modest way. We have a nice emergency fund, and we travel quite a bit, albeit not super luxury travel. We could not buy a $1M home, that’s true, but homes don’t cost anywhere near that in our area. We’re certainly not living paycheck to paycheck and we have a very comfortable, fun life. More money would not make me happier if it came with added stress or at the expense of time with my family.
Anonymous
So I made exactly the same transition: $77K to $50K in a HCOL area. No spouse, so that is a difference. For me, it was totally worth it. I had to take a step down from my previous role in the private sector, but I’ve already gotten one raise and promotion in the past two years at my current org. Yes, it’s a non-profit, so that raise was pennies compared to what my raise would’ve been in my old role. That said, my quality of life is better – in my old job, I was actually saving less money because I was spending money on last minute weekend trips in attempts to recharge, paying for take out and cleaning service, etc. because I didn’t have the time to do those things myself. For me, it was totally worth it. In 5-10 years, I expect to be making ~$70K, which is an amount I can easily live on. The one caution I would say is make sure your spouse is on board with this change. If they are going to be the main breadwinner now, make sure you both are on the same page about what that looks like.
Anonymous
I’d sit down with your salary and your spouses and work out what the new budget would be, so you’d see the concrete implications of the cut. What are you doing now that you would need to stop doing, and what kind of implications would that have?
I live in a LCOL area, make the low 50s, and am doing fine. I don’t even have a spouse’s “good salary” added to it.
Pompom
I took almost this exact cut and regretted it the instant I got there, because it was not at all a step back in time, duties, or responsibilities, or a gain anywhere else except that my boss was an awesome human. The organization was using me, essentially, as a steal to get WAY more out of me than they were paying, and they were sneaky about it, and it made me feel worthless and stupid, all at the same time. Obviously, mileage may vary, but having never been in that situation before, I didn’t know that’s how it would be. I was depressed, miserable, and regret it all day long.
I applied for a few new jobs on the 1yr anniversary at the old job. I netted a 64% raise, have a totally manageable commute again, and feel happy, fulfilled, and fairly paid.
Sunshine
This is a good point, too. OP has demonstrated longevity at the current job (10 years), so leaving for this new job and then perhaps not staying for a long time won’t be a major issue.
Pompom
I hope that’s the case, yes. I had been in my earlier role–the one I took the cut *from* to take the terrible job–for about 5 years in a field where that is a substantial amount of time to stay for someone of my level. I stayed the 1 year in the crap job because of the hiring cycles in my world, and because it did not become clear that things would.not.change until that point.
Artemis
I did this almost exactly almost four years ago; I’m glad I did it and don’t regret it, but just be prepared. I’m looking for a new higher-paying job for many reasons, but one being that while money isn’t everything, being paid significantly less than I’m worth, and bringing home a much tinier paycheck than I anticipated this far into my career, feels pretty crappy lately and is starting to affect my general confidence and self-esteem. When you take a paycut of this degree, there are many ways it can be worth it, but always be looking for your next opportunity.
Never too many shoes...
This is such an important consideration. $100K to $50K, absolutely not due to impact on standard of living. $250K to $125K, depending on your situation, way more manageable.
Anonymous
Your statement isn’t necessarily true. I live in a LCOL area and $100k to $50k would not be an “absolutely not” for me. I make $55k and my standard of living is fine. And I don’t have a spouse’s “good salary” to add to it. There are a lot of women here who can’t imagine surviving on less than $100k, but most people in America do it and many of us have pretty nice lives.
Fancy maxi dresses
I was looking at fancy maxi dresses on The Modist. Swoon! But I don’t have a couple of thousand dollars for a maxi dress that will work for holiday parties.
[Why a maxi dress? I’m not of a modest dressing religion or culture, but I want to eat a reasonable party dinner and dance or sit in comfort. I think the maxi would work for this.]
What sort of mall store would stock something like this? I checked Anthro and didn’t see anything that would work. F21? Express?
If it helps, I’m only 5-4, so “petite maxi dress” would be good to try off the rack, but it needs to be fancy (sparkly) and something that wouldn’t look crazy on someone in her 40s.
Anonymous
A fancy sparkly floor length dress in winter is called an evening gown and unless you lead a very fancy life, is over the top for holiday gatherings.
What about something like this:
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/pleated-velvet-skirt2?category=skirts&color=062
With a sparkly top still def fancy but not ridiculous
Anonymous
I think that there is a difference b/w a ball gown type dress and what seems to be a sparkly velvet caftan, which sounds find for a holiday party (more importantly: WHERE CAN I FIND ONE?).
Baconpancakes
Modcloth.
https://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/your-time-to-shine-maxi-dress-modcloth-in-green/160802.html
https://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/collectif-collectif-x-mc-silver-screening-velvet-maxi-dress-in-blue/160503.html
Anonymous
Amazon. Those $35 dresses from companies you’ve never heard of are often really great quality for the price – just check the reviews.
Anonymous
I bought a maxi dress from New York and Company a few seasons ago that I consistently get tons compliments on. Like, people shouting ‘gorgeous dress!’ from across the street. Maybe check there?
Anonymous
Express, for sure. Their maxi dresses come in petite sizing.
Anonymous
Asos petites
Nelly Yuki
I say go to the interview. You are interviewing them, too, and you may learn that this salary cut is not worth it because of other issues. Or it totally is! Or you need to think about it once you have more information. All of these are reasonable outcomes from an interview.
Also, if you are unhappy, I think you will get a boost from seeing what else is out there — it’s good practice.
Good luck!
France with kids
Any suggestions for places to stay in France? Not set on location yet but leaning towards either Loire Valley or Provence. Travel would be around Easter or third week of May.
Two families with kids in 1-7 age range plus relatively active grandparents. Prefer self-catering villa or apartment on a resort so have easy access to restaurants etc but open to other options.
Anonymous
We did an Air BnB in Nice with a toddler and loved it. Great base for exploring other towns (good train and bus access), enough to do to keep everyone occupied, but not so big you feel you need to do ALL THE SIGHTS like we did in Paris, so you still get good quality family time. We had a kitchen, and tons of restaurants within a 15 minute walk.
Anonymous
Thanks! Can you link the spot you used? Or was it too small for our larger group.
MJ
Check out Karen Brown’s Inns & B&Bs. It’s a book that is a great guide for France.
BWE
If you are going on a group vacation and everyone is staying together in a rental – do you split the cost by number of rooms or number of people?
Anonymous
Lordy — we spreadsheated this for a summer rental with my SIL (family of 3, 1 kid) and us (family of 5, 3 kids, 1 of which is the gender of SIL’s kid, so they could share a bedroom).
We learned that the ratio of bedrooms needed (1.5 vs 2.5) equal to the ratio of people (3 vs 5) (for us, at least). but run the #s and that helps get to a consensus about what fair looks like. I was generous with rounding due to our feeling that we make a bit more and they had to drive longer, but YMMV on extraneous considerations.
Clementine
In general, number of people-
The exception being if you’re in a situation where you’re having like 6 adults stay in a bunk room or something.
The unspoken rule has been that the one who organizes gets the ‘master’ and then it goes from there.
BWE
What if the organizers are the “kids” of the group? Does the master rule still apply?
Anonymous
I would say, the organizers get first dibs on which room they want, whether that’s master or not. If the master bedroom makes more sense for another part of the group to take (mom and dad, or family with the baby to have room for the crib), then I would go that route, even as the organizer.
But if you go through the pain of organizing, you should realize some benefit :)
Anonymous
Is this family? If so, ugh.
What we do is the organizing family (me) picks a place they are comfortable paying for 100%. Then figures out what kinda/sorta fair looks like for everyone else. My standards are higher, so I factor that in (my dad would pick an inconvenient location, my mom would pick somewhere where many non married adults would have share bedrooms or sleep in public couches, etc). I have the big family too, so this works. If I pick a 5BR place that’s $5k, I get the master and 2BRs for my family. My sister and brother each get a BR and if they bring a spouse/guest that’s fine as long as they don’t need another room. my parents share (they are divorced and never vacation together, so it would either be split for half the time or just one would come). I’d ask my siblings and parents each for something like $700-800 (splitting that for my parents if they share the time).
If it were a few families, like, 3 families of 3-5 people apiece, I’d look at who can share bedrooms and how and maybe do close to a 3 way split with a little more for the larger families. If 2 families needed 3BRs each and one family needed only 1BR, I’d split according to BRs.
Anonymous
Depends. Usually there are disparities in room size etc. typically number of people, but adjusted for sub par situations. Couples sharing a room are still two people occupying the house in their sleeping arrangement of choice. As a single person frankly I won’t travel with couples who think I should pay the same as two of them. Those people are selfish and inconsiderate and I don’t need their company. I’m very particular about who I travel with.
Anonymous
OTOH, if we rent a 2-room house b/c you don’t want to bunk with a couple, I don’t know if you only get to pay 1/3 (FWIW, I’m in a couple, so will share a bedroom, but that leaves me sleepless with a snorer; I’d rather bunk solo but am thrifty).
It is complicated — maybe in this case it’s best if we all got adjoining 1BR places so we could visit but be at peace when the check comes (and be well rested and not be weirded out by sharing space with a couple).
Anonymous
I would never even entertain the thought of sharing a room with a couple. I’d just decline.
anon
Yeah seriously. No one wants to share a room with a couple unless absolutely necessary. You were GOING to sleep with the other half of your couple anyway in all likelihood, so it’s not like you’re making some big sacrifice by sharing a room….with the person you ostensibly love and share a room/bed with every night.
Anonymous
A nice thing about suburbia with a snorer — separate rooms once the snoring commences. Vacations can be a nightmare of sleep deprivation when one is supposed to be having a grand time.
Anonymous
I think that cruise ships charge by the room (assuming two people) so single people don’t get breaks (same with hotels).
Per person only works communally if the sleeping arrangements are relatively fungible and people get the bunking arrangement of their choosing.
We had a beach house where my SIL got like a 500 sq foot master suite with a K bed and an ocean view and I had to share a full-sized bed with my large snoring husband. Lesson learned.
Anonymous
I don’t take cruises for this reason and also don’t book group houses without being really sure the rooms work for everyone. Idk what the fact that you married a large snorer has to do with anything.
Anonymous
What do cruise ships and hotels have to do with sharing a house? Also you’re not giving single people a “break” by not charging them double when everyone’s going to spend most of their time in communal areas anyway.
If you don’t want to share a room/bed with your husband then plan better?
Anonymous
I’m not sure the cruise ship analogy is a good one – they are trying to sell the space. The ship is designed for X passengers in double rooms and if they let single people take up a double room without paying a double fare, they could potentially have a fully staffed ship sailing with only X/2 passengers and only half the expected passenger fare. That would result in a lot of lost money. Splitting a house with friends is kind of different.
Anonymous
What are the sleeping arrangements? If someone is sleeping on the couch then I wouldn’t want them to pay the same as someone who gets their own room. If some of the rooms have two+ beds, then I wouldn’t expect people who are sharing a room to pay the same as people who aren’t.
But from your question I’m guessing maybe all the rooms have one bed but some guests are couples and some are single? If that’s the case then split by person not by room. It’s not fair to make a single person pay the same as a couple. A couple will take up more of the common space and bathrooms (if sharing). Don’t penalize your friend for being single.
DCR
By the number of people with a limited exception if someone got the short end of the stick, like if they have to sleep in the living room or two couples in a room with bunk beds (in which cause they pay less). Assumedly, you are sharing a house so that you can spend time together, so the majority of your time will be in the living spaces and kitchen.
Anon
It is always easier to charge by the person.Common space is also being utilized and it’s hard to argue against it unless there is an absurd disparity (i.e. one couple sleeps on the living room floor, another couple gets master bedroom with private bath). But then it becomes very difficult to split costs fairly. So I still default to by the person.
BWE
All the sleeping arrangements are somewhat the same – queen bed in each of the 3 bedrooms. 2 couples, 1 single are going on the trip.
I would like to propose we split the cost per person but wanted to make sure that is usually how this sort of situation is handled and not splitting the cost per bedroom.
Anonymous
I think that here per person makes sense vs per bedroom. It gives a slight edge to the single person, but no one wants to go to a house where there is a room with two queens in it and the single shares a room with a couple (or a 2BR house where the single sleeps on the couch and is either woken up too early or you are annoyed at having to tiptoe around a sleeping person).
Ideally there is an equation that makes it “per person minus X” for the people who are members of couples and “per person plus Y” for the single person getting an equal bedroom solo, but IMO makes for precise math can ruin a trip or friendship, so ultimately too pricey for me.
Anon
Split the difference. If it’s per person, she would pay 20%. If it’s per bedroom, she would pay 33%. Ask her to pay 25% and have each couple pay 37.5%.
MNF
I would do per room. House rentals go up in price by the number of bedrooms, so if you get your own bedroom, you pay for it. What if the single gets a partner between now and travel, or brings home an overnight guest? It’s a double occupancy space and I’m guessing you wouldn’t suddenly charge her for that person later.
anon
What are your favorite podcasts? I am looking for something lighthearted and non-political.
I listen to What Fresh H_ll, Watch What Cr@ppens, B*tch Sesh, Sporkful, and just finished Dr. Death.
Cb
I like Mom and Dad are Fighting, The Nuanced Life, and What Should I read next. The guilty feminist is British, political but very very funny. The High Low is decent as well.
Doodles
My Dad Wrote a Porno … hilarious! I listed on my commute and am actually happy in the mornings now.
Anon
+1000000
Pale Girl Snorkeling
“Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone” is great if you enjoy her comedy. It’s very lightly scripted and not censored and I find it hilarious. 10 episodes so far, each about 45 minutes. 20 Minute Delay is by authors Gail Carriger and Piper J Drake and includes some of the best travel tips I’ve come across. Their gadget of the week feature often causes me to spend money, plus they talk about how to travel with more unusual items, such as corsets and hats. Every show makes me happy because they are happy and clearly enjoying the recording and their travels. And when I want to feel successful at being a nerd I listen to the public radio quiz show, “Ask me Another” as I can often answer the questions and Jonathon Coulton is on almost every show and usually does a musical quiz.
trefoil
Thanks! Gail Carriger’s novels are delicious guilty pleasures and i’m totally going to listen to this on my commute.
HSAL
Welcome to Night Vale – community radio show from a weird town in the desert. They have some others, but the original is definitely my favorite.
Anonymous
Call Your Girlfriend for a refreshing take on current events. I find myself audibly agreeing with the hosts!
Erin
I tend to prefer educational podcasts. Here are few of my favorites:
Sold in America- An in depth investigation into human trafficking in America. (Occasional disturbing content)
The Dream- It’s all about Multi-Level Marketing companies and how every one of your friends selling Rodan + Fields or Thirty one is being scammed.
Believed- The story of the woman who came forward and helped bring Larry Nassar down. (Disturbing content)
Hidden Brain- One of my favorites. Each episode explores the social sciences behind different topics. “Why Now” talks about why victims are hesitant to speak up about sexual harassment. “The Lazarous Drug” explores to opioid epidemic and whether drugs like Narcan may actually cause people to engage in riskier behavior.
What Trump Can Teach us about Con Law- They use current events involving the President to explore different parts of our constitution.
The Tim Ferriss Show- Always insightful interviews with authors, executives at start ups, or leaders in new social or science based research.
pugsnbourbon
Hidden Brain is great!
I also like 99% Invisible, Planet Money, and Criminal (it’s not always true crime).
eertmeert
The Mortified Podcast (adults read their teenage diaries out loud to audience, hilarity ensues)
Stuff You Should Know (2 dudes discussing stuff in great detail)
The Dollop (2 dudes telling stories from american history, where 1 guy has no idea what the story is going to be (hiliarity ensues)
Revisionist History (Malcom Gladwell)
By the Book (2 ladies try self help books for 2 weeks each to see how their lives change, hilarity ensues)
You Must Remember This (heavily researched true stories from the Golden Age of Hollywood)
Reply All (show about the internet)
Uncover (1st season details NXIVM)
Anna Faris is Unqualified (relationship advice and celebrity guests)
If you watch the bachelor/bachelorette:
Here to Make Friends, Bachelor Party, Rose Pricks, Basic Bachelor Podcast
If you like true crime:
Casefile, Criminal, Best Case Worst Case, My Favorite Murder, Court Junkie, Detective, A Killing on the Cape, Up and Vanished,
Ghost stories: Spooked
Yeah, I Iisten to podcasts all day while I work :D
Anonymous
Talk to me about Barbados. Looking to spend a few days over New Years on a beach doing nothing but eating and drinking. Any other recs close to the east coast welcome also.
cat socks
We were there in April and stayed at Infinity on the Beach. It’s an older hotel, but it’s right on the beach and they have beach chairs readily available for guests. It was also walking distance to the St. Lawrence gap area with bars and restaurants. The beach there was nice, but the waves were a little rough so swimming wasn’t allowed every day. There is place called Sand Dollar cafe right next door with good food. Also close by is Bliss Cafe – excellent breakfast food. Sharkey’s is also within walking distance to the hotel.
US dollars are widely accepted and the rate is $1US to $2BD. We took cash and got some BD out of the ATM as well, some places accept credit card as well.
We did not rent a car, but mostly used taxis. We found a taxi driver to take us to Animal Flower cave and Hunte’s Gardens and agreed on a price up front. Definitely recommend both places to visit.
TorontoNewbie
It’s wonderful!
The beaches on the west coast are better for swimming, the east coast has scary waves and cliffs (unless you’re really into surfing). Lodging is cheaper on the east coast as a result. We rented an apartment both times through AirBnB and went out for lunch, cooked breakfast and dinner at home to save on some money.
Foodwise… Brunch at the Atlantis Restaurant was exceptional and would highly recommend it as a special treat. Make reservations in advance. Oistins Fish Fry is amazing, but stay late to really get the full experience – things really pick up after 11.
Lots of rum distilleries, lots of beaches, lots of gardens. Boogie boarding on the east coast is lots of fun.
We rented cars and drove, but the buses are really common and easy to use. Pro tip with the cars is that they drive on the left hand side of the road and a lot of them are standard.
anon
Does your wardrobe ever feel complete? I am always striving to add tops, accessories, replace things that have worn out, and now that its fall, I am looking to figure out cold weather shoes. I am always striving for better and never at an end state when it comes to my wardrobe and it results in me buying lots of things online and having a near constant return pile.
CPA Lady
Nope. I have these dreams of having a perfect capsule wardrobe, but things still wear out pretty quickly even when I do find things I like. And my weight fluctuates. And I’m short and mainly gain in my lower half, so even 5 lbs means a different size in pants. My wardrobe is a confused mishmash of random crap. My cardigans all look awful and need to be replaced. I hate everything in stores right now. I live in a small enough town that we don’t have a Nordstrom or half of the places y’all talk about on here. I’d have to drive 2-3 hours to get to one, and that’s just a hassle. I actually find clothes shopping extremely frustrating and time consuming. Clearly I’m the queen of good attitude this morning.
Vicky Austin
Are you me?! I have been driving myself crazy trying to make my capsule perfect these last few months and hearing that it’s not necessarily possible, and also that somebody else on this board is several hours from the nearest Nordstrom, has made me feel less alone, so thank you!
Monday
This sounds like me, and honestly I think it’s a shopping problem. I always tell myself “I don’t need anything! I’m done!” but then fall in love with something and buy it…sometimes several times a month. We’re bombarded with ads and beautiful things, so it’s no surprise. There’s always something better.
So far what works for me is sticking to a strict monthly budget.
anon
No, mine never feels quite complete. Stuff wears out or just looks tatty, styles change quickly anymore, and I don’t have a ton of workwear shopping options in my city. I order my work pants online, but that’s only because I’m rebuying a style that I know works. For everything else, I’ve mostly given up on buying clothes online because sizing is all over the map, even within a brand. I basically force myself to do a big work shopping trip a few times a year and call it good enough. I get plenty of compliments on my clothes, so I must be doing something right!
My real shopping weakness is sporty, outdoorsy clothing. You know, for that perfect Athleta/Patagonia lifestyle that I live 7 days a week. ;)
anon
No, and it drives me nuts since I have a closet full of clothes. But they are all different categories and I never feel like I have “enough” of one category.
anon a mouse
No, but I’ve tried to be more intentional about what I add. When I am picking out clothes, I try to think “What do I wish I had to wear?” and keep a list of those items (cute casual long-sleeved tops for weekend; burgundy pumps, etc) to guide my shopping, rather than being tempted by every cute top.
another approach
I lost about 25 pounds this year, so have needed a wardrobe reboot. I’m working to be much more intentional about what I put in my closet – to the point that I am working on basically sewing a whole new wardrobe (it didn’t start out with that intention). This way I can think seriously about what exactly I need/want in my closet. My clothes actually fit my body, and I have much more control over what colors and clothing details I have. (ie not just pockets, but what style, how high/low is the neckline etc). I’ve also been taking a close examination of what makes clothes look “homemade” and staying away from that (sloppy/rushed construction, choice of print, overly fancy buttons etc)
Plus its a fun hobby that keeps me off my phone, and away from idle snacking (ie vs TV),
anon
I’m the one who posted about giving away mesh crib bumpers above.
Kat, have you ever considered doing a corporette marketplace? We all have things we are looking for and looking to get rid of. I see posts all the time on the main page about selling handbags and whatnot.
Mineallmine
I would really prefer to have the posts selling stuff segregated into a marketplace. I understand why people might want to have that feature, but to me it just feels like Craigslist interrupted the comments.
Anon.
Yesterday, another OP asked about a condescending boss, and the consensus was it’s just something we have to put up with. But what if the condescending person is a co-worker, a peer of equal level? A co-worker in my office, also in her late thirties / early 40s, constantly says remarks to me or gives me “feedback” that can be very off-putting and condescending. Comments can range from what I’m wearing, to emails that we`re mutually on and to which I respond, or things I’ve said in meetings.
I know that she is a gunner and trying to position herself for a leadership position but is there a way to give HER feedback and make her aware of how she’s coming off? I am a WOC and every comment of hers feels like she’s patting me on the head.
Anonymous
“I don’t need your feedback on my clothes thanks.”
Anonymous
Can you give an example or two? I am pretty good with turning thing off very quickly but it’s hard to say how in the abstract. I usually just use my tone to shut down anything I consider to be uncalled for.
Anonymous
Trust me, she knows exactly what she is doing and how she is coming off. Your job is to be so positive and ignore her because she is trying to throw you off. Once she realizes you will not be thrown off, it will stop …..
Political Climate
Feeling incredible “ugh” today. I am WOC and trying to bring my parents to the states, at this point simply to visit, not even to try to migrate, and it feels so impossible with every election that we will ever get to share our lives together here. Annoyed at people I know not voting blue b/c the people weren’t “blue” enough. I appreciate the progressive movement moving forward, but why can’t we understand that by holding their noses and voting, the Republicans have managed to take the S. Ct. and state governments, which for some of our states has been a complete disaster.
Hope you guys are taking care of yourselves. Thanks for encouraging others to vote and speaking out so that our families can be together again, one day.
Anonymous
Why can’t they visit now? Also, last night went great for the Democrats.
Anonymous
But many of the races were so close. The Democrats hit many of their goals, but I worry that we’re going to be dealing with a two-term president at this rate.
Anonymous
Not really. The House gains were almost all in districts where Hillary worn in 2016. So yes, Dems and Independents who don’t like Trump are energized and voting for Democrats. That’s good. But nothing suggests Trump can’t win the same areas he won in 2016 and thus the presidency. A lot of red state Dem senators lost by far more than Trump won by in their states. It was not really a good night for the Democratic Party.
Anon
Last night was almost exactly what happens to the party out of power in the House in the midterms. Senate was all about Kavanaugh.
Not in the South
Not if you live in the South.
Anonymous
Yeah it’s frustrating. I’m in Indiana and a bunch of my uber liberal friends didn’t vote for Donnelly because he’s not liberal enough. So now we have Braun, who is way more conservative and will vote with Trump on everything. I don’t get it!
Anonymous
I will never understand people like this. It’s fine if you don’t like having to choose only between two candidates, but the reality is that one of them is going to win and shouldn’t you vote for the one whose beliefs are at least closer to yours? It’s the Bernie supporters who didn’t vote for Hillary all over again.
anon
agreed! this makes me so mad.
shhhh
If it makes you feel any better, I’m an R working in politics and secretly voted for Donnelly – but will never tell a soul because of the work I do.
Anonymous
I’m glad to hear that! I’m in a media-adjacent field and I’ve heard from friends who cover politics that he’s a very likable guy and is beloved by people on both sides of the aisle. I’ll definitely miss him, even though he’s much more of a moderate than I am.
VA Anon
I’m an R who voted for Abigail Spanberger (and Tim Kaine because bleh to who the R’s put forward) and I felt even more patriotic coming out of the voting booth than I thought I would. It was very much a country over party feeling. I guess I the white suburban women stereotype who swing votes but I’m very excited about her win and I’m looking forward to seeing how she does.
Side note – I was the Virginia voter who posted on Friday concerned about my voting elegibility since neither my ID card nor driver’s license had come in the mail yet. My voter ID card came the day before Election Day so I was able to avoid the panic.
Anonymous
We were part of the redistricting so no longer in the 7th, but I was closely watching the race last night and was thrilled at the outcome.
cbackson
I’m sorry you’re disheartened, and I understand. In my state, it looks like our marquee governor’s race is going to the Republicans, but I’m managing to get some comfort from the fact that it appears the odious Karen Handel is going to lose to the super-awesome, dynamic Lucy McBath. That’s the seat Jon Ossoff lost two years ago, and lots of my friends were like, oh, they didn’t elect Ossoff, there’s no way they’re going to elect a black woman. Guess what? They did! AND my high school classmate won election to a local county commission and will be the first Asian-American and first openly gay commissioner. County commission isn’t a s*xy election, but he’s going to directly affect the lives of almost a million people.
We may not be able to win the state yet, but we’re shoring up this metro area as a blue island, and I’m proud of that.
Anonymous
I feel similarly. I’m also in a blue town in a red state and I knocked on doors for our Democratic state house candidate, who won – by a huge margin (60-40!) and flipped this district. I think a lot of important change can happen at the local/state level and I’m taking solace in the local victories her and elsewhere.
Anonymous
I voted for the best person for the job, regardless of party. The Democrats asked me to hold my nose and vote for Hillary, and I did. That’s a one shot deal though, if it becomes a strategy then they deserve to lose.
anonshmanon
As long as you vote for the best candidate for the job, all is well. When you get upset that out of two single candidates vying for the majority of a huge nation’s votes, none of them aligns with your values closely enough, and as a consequence you do not vote, that’s when your expectations are unreasonable.
Advice to intern
Any advice for giving feedback to an intern who is not technically reporting to you? Or what kind and methods of feedback has been helpful for you to receive as an intern? We work in teams and we just came off a huge project during which the intern on our team had a deer in headlights look the whole time- she did what she was supposed to, but wasn’t as on top of things as I would like, and made some questionable judgement calls- nothing damaging, just signs of inexperience. Our team leader is really her supervisor, but she (team leader) has been really swamped and not able to mentor as much as she would like. I’d love to give the intern some feedback so she will be better prepared going into the next project. What is an effective way to ask how she is doing and give her feedback a) when she is not really under my supervision, b) in a way that won’t make her defensive – she tends to say that she is fine and everything is going well, but I see her struggling.
Anonymous
I think your expectations are off. Sounds like she did a great job for an intern. She is inexperienced and you shouldn’t be relying on her to be totally on top of things or have great judgment. Take her to lunch to thank her for getting everything done!
Anonymous
Maybe you could mentor her – regularly check in, ask what she’s working on, and give her advice on it. Feedback is good but a little too late to help much.
Anonymous
Take her to lunch and offer her some gentle, unsolicited advice, in a way that makes clear that you are trying to help her. “One thing I didn’t realize about ____ workplaces when I was starting out is ______. That is definitely true here, and I wish someone had told me that along the way. I think you did a great job on the last project, and know you’ll knock out this next one. Just remember that everyone is counting on you to ______. And if you ever want to bend my ear, I’m always happy to give you my perspective.” And then genuinely be supportive (i.e., don’t go behind her back to your team and say you’re trying to help her but she “just doesn’t get it” or the like).
Owl Lover
Yeah, I think lunch or coffee. Start with the things she did good, then the things she could work on. I just started a new job and I feel like I perpetually have a deer in the headlines look because my predecessor dropped the ball and nearly a month later, I am still seeing fires everywhere. :/ But it’ll get better. I think she needs a confidence boost. I think any advice that you have from your own early work experiences would be helpful.
I would be super happy if someone on my team who wasn’t my supervisor gave me advice btw. :)
Private Car Sale
Technical question. I’m supporting MIL in her car sale. She’s in Florida and is selling a car to her brother, who lives in Alabama. He is planning on traveling to her in Florida, completing the actual sale in Florida (exchange of money, executing Bill of Sale, signing title to brother) and then driving car back home to Alabama.
How do the plates and registration work? I know she has to retain the Florida tags and turn them back in. Does her brother need to come to the sale with new Alabama tags? Temporary tags? I can’t imagine you register a car to your (brother’s) name before the sale occurs….? I know there is some variance by state, but in general terms… help? It’s been a while since I’ve done a private car sale. State webs!te is super unhelpful.
Anonymous
It sounds like she’s selling him the car in Florida, and then *he* needs to register it in Alabama. In that scenario, the brother needs to deal with the plates, right?
OP
Yes, but both need significant hand holding. The plan was to just show up, give her $2k and have him drive away. (Disclosure: we help her with all of her finances and affairs, so this is not overstepping boundaries / she has asked for this help).
I just discovered a webpage on the FL side (I was previously looking in Alabama) that might be the key to this.
Anonymous
He drives it to Alabama, registers it, and then mails her the plate so she can turn them in.
plates help
yes, this. He has 30 days to get plates on it and as long as he carries the bill of sale with him until then (as proof of ownership) that will be fine if he gets pulled over with her plates on the car.
When he gets the new ones, he mails her the old ones and she can take them to the courthouse for a pro-rated refund.
Anonymous
We just bought a car in MD and we live in DC. We got temporary MD tags from the dealership while we waited for permanent DC tags. I’m guessing your uncle needs to get temp FL tags/registration and apply for permanent AL tags/registration. Regardless, there’s not much your aunt needs to do. This is on the buyer.
Torin
Anyone here wear a 36AA and have a recommendation for where to buy bras? I have bought 34A in the past but my old bras are getting a bit worn and I’m having trouble finding new ones with a big enough band. I feel like my size may have changed but my usual go-to brands (Soma, Third Love) don’t make a 36AA. I have asthma and find a tight band totally incompatible with breathing, and don’t need a ton of support anyway because see, cup size.
Help!
Anonymous
I think Calvin Klein makes this size and also makes some seriously comfortable bras.
Torin
They don’t.
Small band big cup
The Little Bra company does 36A and 36B, but not AA. Maybe one of those would fit?
Torin
Nope. 34A has the right cup size. A 36A is a 34B. The cups are way too big.
Anonymous
This isn’t a long-term solution, but as an interim, you could use a bra-band expander. It’s a small elastic piece with hooks that you can insert between the current hooks to add an inch or so to the band width. I’ve used them when I can’t find AA cup sizes in the band size I need (38 or larger).
Anon
Aerie!
...
Zappos customer service says they never have coupons or codes and they can’t tell me if the luggage item I want will ever go on sale… is this accurate or is the rep just trying to get me to buy at full price?
2nd question, does anyone have experience with EPIC Travelgear? I’m looking at a carryon hard sided suitcase… internet search isn’t giving me much of anything as far as reviews.
BB
Totally true on the coupon codes. Things do go on sale, but usually only by 10% or so (and then if it’s more, they end up on 6PM). In my experience, things only go on sales when they’re very low on stock.
Anonymous
That’s accurate.
MJ
Try ebags dot com. They do regularly have 30% off coupons. It’s great for luggage and brands like Tumi.
Anonymous
Great that Dems won but man what an unimpressive slate. Wayne State, Cooley grads, community college grads, college dropouts. That’s who I want in charge because DIVERSITY. It’s like Dems have forgotten that there are Muslims, veterans etc with ivy level credentials or at least respectable credentials. Wish us all luck dealing with people who likely have zero grasp of economics or finance.
Anonymous
POTUS seems to lack a general understanding of legal systems, the Constitution, and checks and balances. But, hey who needs to understand law?
Anonymous
And this elitist sentiment is why democrats do so poorly with working class voters. I hop you’re a troll.
Anon
Lifelong Republican.
I loathe the hyper-focus on education that Dems often have (despite being able to hang with almost the very best of them), but I also dislike when the person doesn’t really have anything to offer.
Lori Trahan is, IMHO, the underrated Congresswoman from Massachusetts. Working-class background, Georgetown on a volleyball scholarship, chief of staff to Meehan, CEO.
It’s not about the degree so much as it being about just being a generally impressive person. What are you good at, aside from winning elections?
Anonymous
You’re right, I forgot they only teach economics at ivy league institutions. God forbid that representatives have similar backgrounds to the people they represent.
I’m a BigLaw litigator in New England — I’m no stranger to your brand of elitist nonsense, but boy is it grating.
Seventh Sister
And piping up from west of the Mississippi, we have a slew of qualified people who went to big, not-very-competitive state schools who would be terrific in public office. We even have judges who would be terrific Supreme Court justices and they DIDN’T go to Harvard or Yale undergrad *or* for law school. I find the East Coast very provincial about these things. Seriously, even Stanford isn’t up to snuff because the sun shines?
K
You must be from SE Michigan. But let me guess – you live in Oakland County and haven’t been to Detroit in your whole life because you’re afraid of it. You probably went to Cranbrook. Wayne State is a good AND affordable school. Get your elitist sentiment out of here.
Seventh Sister
And one more thing – I actually learned more about economics or finance from the classes I took at a West Coast university known more for its big big sportsball teams than its academic programs. My snotty elite women’s college econ classes = much more “angels dancing on the head of a pin” type stuff.
anon
I want to move back to my home state and run for office. I’m super not sociable by nature, and so will need to put significant effort into getting involved in the community and getting to know people. What are the highest impact ways to get involved, especially before I move back (assuming I can fly back, say, 2 weekends a month?) How should I approach this in general?
Anonymous
Move back first. Flying two weekends a month is a waste of time and money. Why should anyone want you to represent them?
Anonymous
Work your way up. 1) Get involved with a community group – church, school board, arts, animal shelter, pick a thing – where you naturally encounter locals. The goal here is to actually get to know people. 2) Run for city council, build a name for yourself. Unless you come from a Family That’s Known In Town, anon at 12:31 is exactly right – why would people want you to represent them? 3) Then look to the state level.
I’ve been really surprised by the comparatively low bar to get on city councils. A number of the candidates for Alexandria (VA) city council weren’t the all stars that I would have expected in such an affluent, well-educated suburb.
Anonymous
I say this as a non-religious person, but maybe join a church for the community of it. Something popular in the area/or welcoming of all faiths (Unitarian)? You can attend somewhat regularly but without too much commitment.
Coach Laura
I agree that much stuff will have to wait until you move back, but in my area if you want to run the first thing to do would be to find out who the power brokers are for your party. There are a few key people in the area who know everyone, know who’s running, know people that would help you get a campaign started – those are the people to find and work with. Get to know them and their friends. Ask them what groups to join.
Candidate
Party power brokers may not be who you need – evaluate their impact on your particular race. We’ve defeated the party machine in several big races in my community, by running people (especially progressives) who come from outside their establishment. And, if you announce your race and are a compelling candidate, people will come to you. You don’t have to be beholden to them if you can organize yourself.
Team sport question
Paging athletes – how important is it for a member of a high school cross country team to stay in a hotel room with 3 other athletes instead of in another room in the same hotel with one parent? Does one member of the team being diagnosed with mono on Monday change your mind (that member will not be there but had a spend the night party at her house last weekend with four of the girls)? The ask would be to let my athlete ride bus, do all night before meetings, sleep and shower in my room then breakfast with the team in the hotel. I would stay away from all team activities. Not sure why the hotel is involved since the race is at 11 AM at a course two hours away but “this is the way we always do it.” Are we just being *those* parents or does sleeping in beds and using the same bathroom as people recently exposed to mono increase the risk over just riding on a bus with them?
...
Your kid was likely already exposed, so the mono thing isn’t huge… making your kid be the only one not bonding with teammates and the only one sleeping in a separate room (let alone with a parent) sucks for your kid. Let them have some fun in this rare opportunity for them to hotel with their friends! If other parents are going, you go hang with them. If they’re not, there’s no reason for you to go spend the night at the hotel unless your kid asked you to!
Anonymous
I vote that you’re being one of “those” parents. The exposure was last weekend, your child has been with his/her teammates since.
emeralds
I coached high school cross country. I would think you were being extra. It’s important for teams to have time to bond and just…be teenager human beings together. A lot of that happens during unstructured time.
There’s no way you can protect your daughter from everything. If she gets mono, she gets mono, and maybe she picked it up from someone on the team and maybe someone sneezed on her desk in the English class before hers and maybe she already caught it from the girl who got diagnosed when they shared a Gatorade at the meet last week and maybe it’s just, life.
Anonymous
Unless any of the kids actively have mono, I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re borrowing trouble. The kids are already exposed.
DCR
What does your child want? I did three sports in high school and would’ve been so embarrassed if my parents asked for this. Sharing a room with your teammates is great bonding experience, and I don’t think really impacts there mono risk. But I would reinforce to your child not to share drinks or food with their teammates – that was really comment on all my teams – and get them or unique water bottle that will be mistaken with their teammates
OP
My child wants to have her own bed so she can get some sleep but not to the point of making a huge deal. There are several of these events throughout the school year. What she really wants is to not miss school all day Friday, sleep at home and leave early for the two hour drive on Saturday. They race at 11 but there is a tradition of missing school the day before, seeing a movie, walking the course, etc.
Thanks for all the great advice. I will leave it alone!
Anonymous
I agree with your daughter that the scenario of skipping school unnecessarily and spending time and money on hotel rooms throughout the year is very poor management on the part of the school and coach. This should be stopped. However, in the meantime, she should participate and you should not be *that* parent.
As a former HS cross country runner and swimmer, I’m pretty appalled that these are the “traditions” for races two hours away. What happened to catching the bus at 7 a.m. and walking the course at 9 for an 11 a.m. start? Seriously, you should advocate against this with the coach/principal/school board.
Anon
If this is States (based on time of year, it probably is), I had some of my favorite memories from traveling for State meets. I had pretty helicoper-y parents, and they never even thought to question the hotel component. It’s a special time, and a great bonding experience, and it set me up well for traveling for college meets (I raced all 4 years D1). Sometimes my parents went as chaperones, but always gave me a wide berth. I’m smiling just thinking about the trips — great memories!
Anonymous
Omg get a grip. This is classic helicoptering.
Greensleeves
Has anyone ever had pants stretch out in a really strange way? I have 3 pair of the NYDJ Stretch Knit Trousers and I love them. They are my go to this fall for super comfortable pants that still look professional. I machine wash and hang to dry and haven’t had any trouble with them. This morning I put on a pair and it was much tighter than usual (definitely not weight gain) and also a few inches LONGER! How does that happen? I had these shortened at Nordstrom when I bought them and checked to make sure the hem hadn’t fallen out, but it was still intact. Could they have gotten stretched out in the wash? It was bizarre and I’ve never had anything like this happen to a pair of pants before.
Anonymous
Same pants, same thing. And after a few more washes shrank width-wise and became unwearable.
Greensleeves
Well, that’s disappointing. Thanks for the reply!
anon for this
Oh you’re right! It’s a good thing republicans are led by someone who is so good at economics and finance he’s had multiple bankruptcies!
(eyeroll)
Anon
DH and I are trying to pick a location for a 30th birthday/potentially last pre-children trip. I would like to do something more adventurous that would be difficult to do with kids. DH is sort of on board but also skeptical because last time I planned a trip like this I was on a super budget and we both got parasites in rural Peru. Any recommendations?
Ideally, this would be about a 10-day trip. Would involve something adventurey/off the beaten path and some sort of bucket list item. We speak some Spanish and would prefer to get around on our own instead of tours. We generally like a mix of culture/cities/wine and hiking. We are not really into backpacking or long treks.
Anonymous
You want to go to Argentina. Buenos Aires, Mendoza, and Patagonia.
BB
Seconding Argentina minus the Patagonia part since you’re not into hiking. Spain is also a good option and give you all the culture/cities/wine.
SC
Are you planning to TTC soon (since you called this your “potentially last pre-children trip”)? If so, check out the Zika maps. If you’re looking for places you can visit without tour groups and without Zika, you’re probably looking mostly at Europe, the US/Canada, and Australia/New Zealand (but man, that’s a long flight for 10 days).
OP
We would not be TTC prior to this trip. We would potentially be TTC on the trip but would not really care if we have to wait until 6 months after the trip to TTC.
Anonymous
I vote for Galapagos Islands. I take my 3 year old all over the world, but Galapagos is *really* hard to do with little ones, because some moderately difficult hiking and snorkeling is required to see most of the good stuff. There is Zika there, so you would need to wait 6 months after returning before TTC.
Anonymous
Does anyone else use one of those glass screen protectors on their iPhone screen? Mine always cracks within days of use. I’d like to protect my phone to preserve it’s trade in value, but the screen protector is constantly cracked and in need of replacement. Is it fine to just go without?
Anonymous
Do you mean trade in value with the companies? Or to sell on ebay? B/c the companies don’t care, really and as long as it’s not totally cracked will take it. I drop mine all the time without it and it’s okay. Just dinged up a bit at the edges.
Nelly Yuki
I get my screen protectors from a repair place. They guarantee the screen protector for life. Will always do this after I shattered my screen a few weeks ago.
Anonymous
There are some at Best Buy that also come with a lifetime warranty, so I’d check those out.
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Luggage
Any luggage recommendations? I need a new suitcase for both work/personal travel. I want a carry-on size. I love the Away bags but they are so expensive. I was looking at maybe a Calpak or Heys bag – any advice? Or is the Away bag worth it?
Anonymous
I just got a Samsonite carry on and it’s really great. Perfect size, super light hard case, rolls easily. Love it.
LAJen
I got a Samsonite Freeform carry-on, and I love it. FWIW, it is actually sized to meet airline carry-on restrictions (unlike many carry-ons from other brands). I use it with eBags ultralight packing cubes and it was enough space for a five day trip to Mexico City (with exercise clothes, day clothes, and dresses for evening, as well as 4 pairs of shoes/sandals).
Anonymous
I wish that vertical line down the side of the comments didn’t appear for the top comments in a thread. It makes it confusing to tell when one thread ends and another begins.
H13
Agree.
anon
also agree! it is super confusing
Anonymous
Ooh, yes! That’s a great idea. Totally agree.
CostAccountant
Agree!
Anna
Agree
Rainbow Hair
Hey — any tips on Santa Fe with an almost-four-year-old? (OMG how is she almost 4?!)
We’re just there for two full days, and I know we are going to go to Meow Wolf first thing on the first day we are there, but those are the only concrete plans we have. It’s just me and Kiddo, because she always begs to come on my business trips, so now she gets to come on one … except it’s not a business trip! Anyway, I’d like to indulge her somewhat, do some really special stuff, but she has a pretty low bar for “special” — riding a trolley, going to a really cool ice cream shop, etc.
Advice?
Anonymous
You might check out the Harrell House Bug Museum if you kid likes stuff like that. I also like to just walk around the Plaza, you can pop into the Loretto Chapel and the Cathedral, get a frito pie from the Five and Dime, or some chocolate from Senor Murphy’s near downtown. Eat lunch at one of the restaurants around the plaza. Maybe visit the International Folk Art Museum or the New Mexico History Museum (depends on your kid though–my son loved this, my daughter at that age just couldn’t haha.) The Audoban is a really beautiful place to walk around. There’s also a Children’s Museum but it isn’t amazing.
Rainbow Hair
Thank you so much!
Ouch! That hurts
I have this dress! The purple is a light lilac so I’ve kept it in the S/S closet instead of wearing it now. Only the one Kat featured has the contrast trim at waist and hemline. I love the dress.