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Coffee Break: Jonnie Bag

Kooba Jonnie KP13103E Shoulder Bag It seems like everyone has Kooba bags on sale right now — Amazon has a number of colors in the Jonnie bag marked from $500 to $375 (including classic black and camel) . I like this violet color, though; it looks fun and like a great way to add color to an otherwise drab outfit. It's $373.50 at Amazon (eligible for Prime and for free returns). Kooba Jonnie KP13103E Shoulder Bag Update: Zappos has the same bag marked to $330 today (as well as a bunch of other colors). (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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119 Comments

  1. After twelve years of marriage, I just learned I’m pregnant! six weeks. this is ridiculously crazy (and entirely accidental), but we are overjoyed. I know this is not a mum’s blog, but I have one question: I’m trying to hide it at work AS LONG as possible. Can anyone recommend tricks of the trade for hiding a belly bump for 5-6 months?
    I seem to remember there’s a band? can someone let me know what it is called? I, of course, never paid attention because we have been told for eight years no children.

    1. Congratulations!!! There was a discussion similar to this one on the morning thread, but I would say the best tip is distraction – distraction – distraction. Namely, long scarves, lots of jackets and cardigans, wrap dresses, big jewelry, etc. Depending on how you carry, it might be pretty challenging to hide it for 5 – 6 months. I certainly could not have done so and would not have wanted to either – regular clothes get really uncomfortable by that point.

      The band you mean is this one: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Be-Mine-Maternity-Belly/dp/B000OSAH8I, although lots of people make them.

      1. thank you!
        and I will check out the morning thread. was too busy this morning.
        billable work is so annoying . . .

    2. Congratulations! It’s been 8 years since I was last pg, so I’m not much help in the what to wear department. However, I wanted to express my congratulations. After being told for so long no children, you must be so thrilled!

      1. right now I am in utter shock — but thrill is just starting to creep in. I have just shut that part out for so long, I can’t even process it!
        thank you.

    3. I just did this and everyone swore that they had no idea I was pregnant until I told them. Stop tucking in your shirt right now! It’s tough in the summer, but layers are your friend. I wore sweater vests or v neck sweaters over button downs — less form-fitting, but it looks businesslike, not sloppy. Also, blazers are great — they obscure any profile view of the bump, which is where I think it usually shows first. Congrats!

      1. so funny – I had already embraced the “flowy tops” trend, so I think I need to expand on that!

    4. Black tops. It really is slimming. +1 on the layers. I got away with 16 weeks before I felt like I had to announce or it was going to be too obvious. My goal was 18, because a friend had said that was what she was able to do. Some people didn’t seem to guess even up to 18 or 20, but I think that’s because they didn’t know me well.

      1. I already wear tons of black – so thanks! I’ll keep that up. and layering is so much better in the fall. I want to hide it as long as possible because i have a big trial in October. if work knows too soon, I am scared they will replace me.

    5. My secret weapon was Theory maternity pants with an actual snap and zipper. There are panels on the side with a little stretch, but they are not noticeable because they look like pockets. Those pants, plus some Brooks Bros non-iron shirts in the classic fit (so blousey!), tucked in with a belt. This works even better if you can wear a matching Theory suit jacket from their regular, non-maternity line.

      Also check out Ann Taylor and Loft for “bubble hem” shirts. They are silky shirts that look like they are tucked in, but actually they have elastic around the bottom and blouse out. Those work really well when you’re trying to stay in your regular pants with rubber bands / belly bands. Good luck!

      1. theory makes maternity pants???
        rock. my. world.

        I just bought two more “bubble hem” shirts in the next larger size. I plan to wear them a lot this summer.

    6. Congratulations! I haven’t been pregnant so I am not very helpful, but wanted to be sure to share in the joy of your unexpected news – your handle makes me smile every time I see a post :)

      1. thank you!!!! It’s so funny — I came on here to post and thought “wow. I get to actually have a kiddo who will read these books with me!” never thought I’d say that.

    7. Yay congrats! I think you should get a few things a size up as you need them. You’ll need them again after the baby is born until you get your shape back. I know some people use regular pants plus a rubber band or whatever, but I feel like you might as well be comfortable!

  2. Those who have taken the bar:

    BarBri MBE questions are the devil. Is the best way to improve on them just to do a zillion of them or are there other things I should be trying? I noted a couple commonalities among wrong answers, but beyond addressing those?

    1. I actually found Kaplan’s PMBR questions to be better preparation, so maybe look into those for something closer to the real deal.

      As far as improving, I would definitely try to determine which subject areas are the weakest for you. Since you still have plenty of time before the big day, your scores will likely go up as you retain more and more info, but you’ll likely get the most bang for your buck if you’re really studying up on, e.g., just torts and real property rather than dividing your time between all six subjects. Utilize BarBri features that break it down even further — is First Amendment really the struggle or is it all of Con Law?

      For me personally, trying to analyze commonalities just distracts me from the real meat and potatoes of the question. I’d recommend studying the subject matter rather than trying to learn something about the test itself… because, sure enough, it will be different on game day.

      Good luck! You’re doing to do great.

      1. Oh, by commonalities I mean like certain sub-topics of a subject–like, I’m acing easements, but the mortgages questions are eating my soul.

        (That does make me feel better. Thanks!)

        1. My fault; you’re definitely on the right track if that’s what you’re doing. I genuinely think some subjects or sub-topics take longer to master than others, especially if you didn’t cover them as extensively in law school.

          anon in tejas is right… just stick to a schedule and the numbers will come. And for the record, mortgage questions eat everyone’s soul. :) But do focus on them, they’re everywhere!

    2. I worked at them consistently, and my scores went up remarkably. Just make a schedule, stick with it. Even if you don’t like one subject particularly. I had a few that I was just better at, and some that were really bad. But I tried to stick with them, instead of just doing the ones that I was good at.

    3. Yes, good luck! You can do it! Yay!!!

      And study every day b/c you do NOT want to do this again. I swore I would NEVER take the bar twice and did NOT take the DC bar b/c I did NOT want to be a goverment lawyer unless I had to. Thank God for the manageing partner comeing along (actualy it was me who bumped into him), so I onley had to take the NY Bar.

      You have PLENTY of time. This was MY recipe for sucess. If you stick to this you will Pass the bar. YAY!!!!! First, go to class in the morning every morning and do NOT skip out (approx. 9-12), then take an hour off for lunch, walkeing and socializeing, then from 2-6 go to the LIBRARY to study (you can get up once an hour for 5 minutes to walk, go to the toilet and get something to drink), eat diner at 6, rest in front of the TV until about 7 or 7:30, then read for tomorrow about 3 hours until 10:30 or so. This will give you time to watch a littel TV, and Jay Leno, and mabye a little more, then go to bed and get rest and do it all over again tomorrow. YAY!!!!

      Oh, I LOVE THE BAG, but a littel to expensive for me. Dad would skewer me if I showed up with it. FOOEY!

    4. Do a zillion of them–but mindfully. Don’t just do them, score yourself and move on–it’s won’t help you improve. Take a close look at the ones you got wrong and the explanations. Heck, even take a quick look at the ones you got right to confirm that your approach is correct.

    5. When I first started, my scores were in the low 60s. So I went through each question I missed, categorized it (e.g. Hearsay, Impeaching a witness, etc.), and forced myself to very carefully re-read the MRC for any category where I missed more than 2 questions. Then did another round. Then went through and categorized my wrong answers again. And so on. By the last round I was scoring in the upper 80s.

    6. i took the bar in 2007 and did barbri only. i had friends who did both barbri and PMBR for the multistate. when we took the practice MBE during barbri, i failed – don’t remember by how much, but it was by a decent margin. i kept up with barbri’s schedule to the letter, and by the time of the actual exam felt completely prepared (and passed).

      just remember – you don’t have to get an A on the bar exam.

      1. Yes, BarBri’s practice MBE is intentionally much harder than the actual Bar’s. It’s only June. You will do poorly right now. That’s totally ok. You have tons of time to prepare. Keep up with your homework as best you can and you will be 100% ready by mid July. And as phillygirlruns says, all you need is a C :).

    7. What I did (and passed) was outline my answers to as many MBE questions as possible. I got through a lot more questions that way than I could have writing them out, and it helped me make my answers simpler and more to the point (I tend toward verbosity). For every five or six questions I outlined, I would write out my answer to one, so I didn’t completely miss practicing the essay writing.

      I’ve never heard anyone else mention this before, but I also did all of my bar study on paper (rather than the computer) and I think it really, really helped me focus. The bar is so much about memorization, that not having the computer with all of its distractions available to me helped a lot. And really, you don’t need a computer for most of it anyway if you’re doing Barbri.

    9. You probably haven’t reached the section yet where you do a part of an MBE practice test, but when you do, I found that listening very closely to the video explanations and taking notes from those helped a lot. I would then go back and review the “big book” outline in those sections where I felt weakest.

    10. This is late, but dump the BarBri questions and do all the questions in the Strategies & Tactics MBE book. I used BarBri for PA, then used the Strategies & Tactics for Virginia. Granted, I was much more relaxed generally when taking my second one, but I found the S&T book MUCH better and MUCH more useful than anything BarBri had to offer. Good luck!

  3. I need new commuting shoes. Should I buy these? They only have the red in my size. I kind of love them. But I like to be able to wear my commuting shoes out to meet friends for a casual after work drink, etc. So my ideal commuting shoes are: (1) comfortable to walk for miles; (2) clearly not my “real” shoes (i.e., made of athletic materials so it doesn’t just look dowdy); (3) but also have a slim enough profile that they don’t look completely clompy the way wearing my running shoes would. Thoughts?

    http://www.6pm.com/cole-haan-air-bria-mary-jane

    1. I think they’re cute. If you are interested in more of a ballet flat, I’ve had a lot of success with the Air Bacara flats. If you put an insole in them (not necessary), they’re even more comfortable.

    4. I bought red Oxfords on a lark a few months ago and have gotten so much wear out of them. They go with everything and are rarely too dark or too light. These look like they would fit your needs well.

  4. Yes, good luck! You can do it! Yay!!!

    And study every day b/c you do NOT want to do this again. I swore I would NEVER take the bar twice and did NOT take the DC bar b/c I did NOT want to be a goverment lawyer unless I had to. Thank God for the manageing partner comeing along (actualy it was me who bumped into him), so I onley had to take the NY Bar.

    You have PLENTY of time. This was MY recipe for sucess. If you stick to this you will Pass the bar. YAY!!!!! First, go to class in the morning every morning and do NOT skip out (approx. 9-12), then take an hour off for lunch, walkeing and socializeing, then from 2-6 go to the LIBRARY to study (you can get up once an hour for 5 minutes to walk, go to the toilet and get something to drink), eat diner at 6, rest in front of the TV until about 7 or 7:30, then read for tomorrow about 3 hours until 10:30 or so. This will give you time to watch a littel TV, and Jay Leno, and mabye a little more, then go to bed and get rest and do it all over again tomorrow. YAY!!!!

    Oh, I LOVE THE BAG, but a littel to expensive for me. Dad would skewer me if I showed up with it. FOOEY!

  5. Hello ladies – need a little advice on interpersonal skills at the office. I’m in the difficult position of having been assigned to work with an admin who is vocal about not wanting to work with me. I would chalk it up to a personality conflict and waive it off, but I ‘ve recently been surprised to learn that her complaints about me are shared by others. I was blindsided, but am eager to find a way to fix this. Problem is, no one speaks to me about it directly so I do not know exactly what it is I am doing wrong. Should I meet with the admins at issue and ask directly for their feedback? Get a therapist to “fix me” (said tongue-in-cheek)? Any other suggestions? ‘preciate it!

    1. Nice handle! I think it’s good that you’re looking to steps you can take to fix this rather than writing it off as the admins’ issue. I wouldn’t opt for the approach of meeting with them directly — the power dynamics are all wrong there for you to get any kind of honest feedback. I’d seek input from a coworker who’s up to date on the office gossip and ask him/her to give it to you directly. How you fix it will probably depend on what the main issues are, once you identify them.

    2. How’s your relationship with your manager? Or do you have a colleague that you are friendly with and trust that you could talk to? I would try to sit down confidentially with a third party before trying to address it directly without having any idea what the problem is.

      Do you have any inkling of what their issue might be? Are there personality conflicts that have cropped up in the past? Reflecting on those items might help you start to figure out what they’re reacting to, if there’s any basis for their reactions, and what you might do to improve those relationships. Getting along with people at work is super important, at least as important as doing good work. Good for you for trying to address it and good luck!

    3. Also, unfortunately, once one person complains, others tend to jump on the bandwagon. It may be more of a “one-person” issue than appears, but the bandwagon can get loaded up anyway.

      Good luck!

  6. After finishing grad school last Nov, boyfriend has been unemployed. He is a chemist and despite many applications nothing. For context grad school didn’t end well, he was supposed to get a doctorate but things went awry (long story) and ended up with a Masters, it was a huge psychological blow. He’s been tutoring alittle bit and currently lives at home with family in NYC. Have been encouraging him to even seek out teaching positions, college, high school etc. They can be hard to find I know but I figure in such a big city it’s not entirely impossible. He says he’ll do it but procrastinates and frankly it’s been getting on my nerves. I’m tired of pushing him and have been wondering if this is some kind of rut or depression he’s in, I currently live in another state and so we mainly speak on the phone. Most days he’s on the internet applying for jobs or watching TV from what he tells me. Other than encouragement, I am unable to offer much else at the moment. I have encouraged him to pursue any other job, just to avoid being home all day and also to get out there and meet new people. Been asking myself is this normal?? He’s past mid-thirties now so I’m just wondering how one can allow their parents to support them at that age without trying harder? It worries me especially if say we got married and something similar happened i.e. no job and I ended up having to support all of us on my own. Thought about it even more when a friend mentioned it in conversation. For those who have had a S.O. especially male who was unemployed, would like to hear from you. I have been wondering whether some guys have an ego or something that prevents them from taking a job they deem “lower” in order to keep going until the job they want comes along.

    1. Well, a few things:

      (1) I was in chemistry prior to law school, and my experience with that job market was horrible. There were quite a few jobs available in my area, but only barely-above-minimum-wage lab tech positions that (in all honesty) a decently smart high school student could probably handle. It’s tough for someone with a PhD to find a solid position right now. It’s going to be very tough with a masters only. That said, non-PhD applicants tend to do better if they apply for industry jobs rather than pure research positions. For example, I was eventually able to snag a decent job in the oil industry. A few friends work for a plastics company. Etc. If your bf has been looking for pure research positions, maybe he could expand his search horizons a bit and look into applied or lab management positions.

      (2) I do think it’s a bit strange that he isn’t willing to take any job in the meantime. While I was looking, I worked as a tutor making ~$20/hour. It wasn’t prestigious, but it did allow me to pay the bills. The few employers I talked to told me that they preferred to see SOME work on my resume rather than a large empty gap.

      1. I know someone that left a chem/bio-chem PhD program after the Masters (he decided he didn’t want to go any further). He’s teaching at the community college level – and my impression (although I don’t know the veracity) is that the CC level is totally game for a Masters level education. You know, if he wants to be a teacher. If he doesn’t want to teach, then I wouldn’t want to inflict him on anyone trying to learn…

    2. My SO/now DH was un/underemployed for over a year and it was really, really, really hard. Your SO sounds like how mine was – he’s depressed. This is not how he expected his life to turn out, and most men have a lot of ego/self worth/identity wrapped up in career success, which he currently does not have. He’s a mid-30s guy living at his parents’ house. What a blow to his ego, especially if he has lots of successful friends. He also may think you won’t like him anymore now that he’s a “loser” so he’s both pushing you away so you can’t do it first, and in a shame spiral because you keep nagging/encouraging him to do better and yet he can’t bring himself to do it because he’s depressed. I had the same worry you are having – what if this happens again and I have to support both of us and our kids?? He’s also thinking the same thing, and also thinking that makes him less of a man, more of a loser because a man is supposed to provide for his family. Read the Hyperbole and a Half blog for a wonderful description of what depression brain is like, link to follow. I’ve been depressed twice and have never seen it explained any better.

      My SO needed professional therapy and medication to get out of it. I also needed therapy to deal with my anger and resentment and disappointment and anxiety regarding his depression/lack of career success. It was a really hard time, but we got through it, and having survived that, we are both sure we can get through anything together.

      2. This, exactly. My dh is still not where he wants to be professionally, after 5 years. However, we’ve adjusted our family plan & goals & I think he’s most of the time OK with it, but that whole ego/self worth/identity being tied to your career thing is tough, especially when society does not fully accept men who are lower wage earners or SAHD.

        My dh needed professional help with his depression, and it really helped. I sat down with dh and said “I know you’re sad/depressed and things aren’t working out as you had hoped. What can I do to support you?” and listened to what he had to say. If he said “I don’t know” I told him to think about it & let me know because I love him & want to do what would help him most, but that didn’t include leaving him alone.

        Also, be careful that your encouragement isn’t coming across as nagging to him, if your SO is anything like mine. Nagging is the WORST way to try to encourage my dh, but he has a defiant streak in him that can come out when I’m bugging him to do something.

        Good luck! You are definitely in a tough situation!

      3. I think we’re dealing with a similar situation and I’d be interested to hear whether it was difficult to get your husband to realize he was depressed. My husband has a history of depression/anxiety. He’s a lawyer but doesn’t really like practicing. He’s done other things for the last few years and at first they seemed to make him happier. But that also coincided with him getting treatment for his depression and going on drugs (I don’t remember what he was taking — a mix of different ones for depression and anxiety). It was so much better. I was unemployed at the time and he provided the emotional stability we needed since I was a bit of a wreck. That was two years ago. For the last 6-8 months, he’s been going downhill again. He talks about how successful his friends from law school are and how he thought he’d have achieved a lot more by now, and he feels like a loser compared with them. He’s in a temporary job right now but he believes he’s never going to find another good job and can’t see why anyone would ever want to hire him. He also lost his brother during that time, so I know that’s part of it, too. Plus he’s been very upset by some things in the news lately. But literally every day he says “everything s@cks and I hate it,” “everything is f#$cked up,” “I feel like the world is changing into a place I don’t want to be in, but I’m young enough I’ll be stuck here for a long time,” “I’m too fat and lazy to do anything.” I have said everything I can think of in response to this. All the reasons why he has lots of skills that employers would want. Ways to build skills if he feels he needs new ones. I’ve explained how much it hurts me to hear him run himself down. I’ve told him that saying “everything s@cks and I hate it” over and over again is a deeply unhealthy outlook. I’ve asked if he wanted to see a doctor again. Nothing helps. He says he doesn’t need a doctor because his feelings are totally rational because everything really is f@#cked up. I can’t completely disagree with him on that (especially about his brother – although they were never close) but I also think his spiral of complete despair suggests there’s something else going on. I just don’t know what to do. He asked me recently if I was thinking of leaving him. No, not really. But I also feel trapped when I think about a lifetime of this kind of thinking.

        1. Dear Anon, your husband sounds like me, when I’ve been depressed, and also like certain members of my famiy. And now that I’m a little better, I too feel trapped even just thinking about that kind of thinking. Because while it may be true that everything is awful (right now) — and maybe becoming depressed is actually kind of a rational response when everything is awful! — it’s just not helpful or good for the person. It’s totally a spiral. And…I can’t offer you any concrete suggestions because for me it felt like the depression just went away, but I know in fact it was many tiny things that all worked together. Fwiw, you have my sincere sympathy. I hope things improve with you and your husband. It sounds like your supporting him and that you want to keep doing so and maybe that’s all you can do at this point.

    3. I have some sympathy for your BF — grad school can be pretty demoralizing even when it’s all going well, and when it goes badly it can be seriously hard on one’s mental health. Getting booted from your PhD program with the goodbye Masters and trying to find employment in a cr@ppy job market definitely sounds like a recipe for depression. Some ideas:
      1) Focus on addressing potential mental health issues, if you think he may be depressed. Encourage him to see a therapist and find some closure so he can move on from the grad school experience.
      2) Consider easing up on the job search conversations, and not making suggestions (even ones that you think are helpful). You may think that teaching jobs are a perfect fit, but there may be barriers you don’t know about or he may not actually want to do that job. After a while, the suggestions can feel like just more pressure from the person he most needs support from.
      3) I’d also table any discussion about what would happen if you were married and your worries about whether he’d be able to pull his weight. These valid things to think about when you’re at the point of deciding whether you want to marry this guy, but right now you’re not marrying him and you’re not depending on him. Bringing that stuff into the mix now won’t help.

    4. I’ve written about this here before, but I ended a two year relationship over something like this. I was supporting both of us, which was a big factor – I would work 12+ hours a day and come home to find him sitting in the same spot on the couch he was when I left. I would take him to networking events, he’d refuse to talk to people. I got multiple contacts for him to do pro bono work and he refused to call them. My firm offered to send out his resume to other firms that were looking, and he refused to send me or my contact his resume to forward out. He was very depressed and knew it, but refused to see someone about it. He had been on an SSRI and just stopped taking it without medical supervision. I finally couldn’t take watching him waste away anymore and I couldn’t see a future with someone who clearly had a mental health problem and wouldn’t do anything about it.

      If you haven’t already encouraged him to seek counseling for depression, I would focus on that rather than the job stuff. Having too much pride to take a job that’s “beneath” him is just an excuse, imo/ime. Like, if I lost my job tomorrow, and the only job available was flipping burgers, you can be d!mn sure I’d be flipping burgers. You don’t just give up and check out of life without a serious mental health issue going on. It’s really going to be up to you and where you are in your life and what you want out of this relationship to decide how long you want to stick around until he finds a way out of this. It’s an incredibly helpless feeling, and I’m very sorry you’re going through it.

    5. My sister was married to a Ph.D. biologist who could just not seem to take criticism/suggestions about his work at college level. He wound up unemployed and they eventually divorced. He later got an industry job out of state. It was a long, hard road. I don’t recommend marrying someone who thinks they are too good for a job if they cannot find their dream job. I do think depression plays a major role here and the sooner he gets counseling, probably the better.

      Good luck.

  7. Urgent TJ – I am scheduled to deliver a bay several weeks early than I thought I would. If you have only 24 hours to prep, what would you recommend are the must-dos so I can be ready

    1. No kids yet, but – delegate. Enlist the help of a few close friends and/or family members. One person comes over to wash/fold all the newborn clothes. One person does a diaper run. One person stocks your fridge. Etc. You do nothing – you just relax on the couch, watch your favorite movie, and have a good dinner.

      Seriously.

    2. Will you be coming home right away after? Several weeks early sounds like maybe a hospital stay for a while? Wondering if the focus is on getting your home ready or getting ready for hospital stay.

    3. There’s really nothing that HAS to be done before the baby comes, so don’t stress about it. You’ll need an infant car seat to leave the hospital, but even on that you’ve got a couple of days and no reason your husband can’t run out to Babies R Us for an hour and buy one even after the baby comes. Just relax.

    4. Relax. Seriously, if you are having a scheduled c-section several weeks early, you must be in a very stressful situation. Pack your hospital bag if it’s not packed already, and try to relax.

      I also like the delegate advice, but even that can be done after the baby arrives. For now, just relax and try not to let you mind race too much.

      Good luck! I hope everything goes well!

    5. First of all, I hope that everything works out ok. I wouldn’t even worry about too much now. Just relax. The hospital will give you what you need to wear in the hospital, pads for after and even a small supply of diapers. You need a carseat for going home. If your baby is premature, the hospital will likely let you use a hospital-grade pump and give you supplies for those, so you don’t even need that. In your situation, I’d sign up for amazon prime. You can get anything delivered in two days. You could even order the carseat from the hospital and it will arrive before you depart. That way, you can just order what you need as you go along. Best of luck to you and the baby.

    6. Oh, congratulations! How exciting to meet your baby earlier than you thought. I totally agree with the advice to delegate/accept all the help available.

      Both my kids were early. I had the nursery and some clothes/diapers but zero else including a hospital bag. Threw a bunch of stuff in a bag on the way to the hospital and sent my husband for pads while there. Don’t do this unless you can be sure he won’t grab the first, most old-fashioned, thickest kind he can find! We did have a carseat but partner/friend could pick one up for you in a heartbeat. I was also starving after both experiences so having somebody who’s prepared to go get yummy stuff for you to eat might be quite helpful.

      Second baby 5 weeks early (everything awesome in the end) – so, still no bag, a trial briefcase of files in the trunk, court scheduled the next day and a 4-year-old at home! Husband halfway across the country at a conference. Girlfriends totally stepped up to the plate and all went well. (Daddy made it back in time for babe’s arrival in the end).

      My advice – throw some stuff in a bag including sleepers, diapers and the thinnest maxi pads you can find, your most comfortable maternity clothes, comfy pj’s, personal care stuff you love, and just roll with the delights that are to come. Once your beautiful baby arrives all this other stuff will totally fall into place.

      Congratulations again and enjoy every second. Keep us posted on your arrival!

  8. I bought a pair of black pants that are loose/flowy, black, cotton. No pockets or embellishments, just a drawstring for the waist. They’re super comfy and very cool for the heat/humidity but now I worry they look like pajama pants.

    What tops should I wear in order to keep myself from looking like I forgot to get dressed for work? (I’m in an office where Editors pants and a basic top are the norm.) PS Bonus pts if the tops are under $20!

    Thanks!

    1. If they’re what I’m thinking of, I really can’t think of any way you can dress them up to be appropriate for work, sorry.

      1. Agreed, it sounds like they’re actually loungewear and that is to be avoided at all, except maybe the most casual, work places.

    2. I agree that these don’t sound like work pants. You might be able to get away with them, as in, not get in trouble, but no one’s going to think they’re real pants. Kind of how some people try to pass black yoga pants off at the office during cold weather… not worth calling them out, but no one is fooled by it, either.

      I will say I wish I were wearing those pants right now, though. They sound comfy.

      1. Agreed. I have similar pants, and love them, but would never wear them to work, and we are pretty casual on the business casual.

          1. PS: In summary, I might try your black pants, with a light pink top from above and the red linen jacket and ballet flats. I *think* it *could* work :-)

    4. I’d try a sharply-tailored off-white blazer, gold jewellery and a pair of tan loafers. This is actually a combo that works well for me on travel days. My flow-y trousers are usually silk and fit precisely so as to look like a deliberate choice, not like repurposed pajama bottoms.

      Unfortunately not much of this will come in under 20 dollars, but perhaps you already have something along these lines ?

  9. I need office help. My supervisor has told me on several occasions that I should be in his office 15 to 20 times a day. I am completely dumbfounded by this and don’t even know how to respond. I asked him what I should be doing/saying at these visits and I was met with a blank stare. I’ve tried to ask a few different ways and he still can’t answer. My job is not very fast-paced and this amount of “updating” is just ridiculous. I’m also not an AA. These office visits are on top of required daily updates and summaries (only required of me, nobody else). I recently got a bad review for my “lack of communication skills” but when I ask what I can do differently, I am again met with blank stares. I ask about specific projects and how they could be done better – no answer. I have received zero constructive criticism or advice…just a lot of ranting and raving about how I am not in constant communication. I’m in the process of looking for a new job but obviously I have to deal with the situation at hand for the moment. Is there anything I can say that says “you’re nuts if you want to see me 15 times a day” in a professional manner? It is starting to give me the creeps and a little voice in my head wonders if I am just eye candy…? But I don’t have any supporting evidence for that.

    1. Something is off here. He should be able to explain right away what kind of issues should prompt you to come speak with him directly. His blank stare suggests he’s either too fed up to explain, or that he’s in over his head and doesn’t have a grip on what’s going on in his department etc. Fifteen times a day seems like an excessive amount to be updating someone in person. Every office is different, but where I work, frequent emails for quick questions or brief phone calls are the norm. Maybe once or twice a day I will speak to my boss about something in person. Is there someone else you can talk to about this since he seems unable to communicate what he needs or expects? If I were you, I’d be looking for another job though, because you aren’t on the same page, and you may never feel comfortable working for this person. Sorry!

    2. Either way, start looking for another job. Any manager who cannot perform basic managerial duties (providing specifics on what you’re doing wrong/how you can improve) is not someone you want to be working for.

      For the time being, I would just continue asking him why exactly you need to be in his office so often when he brings it up. It might also be a good idea to ask him if there’s something you’re doing that others arent’ that requires only you to provide daily updates and summaries. This sounds terribly awkward. Good luck!

      Oh and you might also want to look around/ask ‘ask a manager’ because she’s generally spot on with advice for awkward work situations.

    3. If I were you I’d a) ramp up the job search ASAP and b) become very pro-active in communication. It seems like he’s concerned about what you’re working on. Are you meeting deadlines? Can you ask for more work?

      I would start with 2-3 emails a day (this way you have it in writing and can avoid the office interactions) and set up a quick debrief meeting that reoccurs Monday and Thursday. Emails should go 1. plan for the day, 2. update on where you are with x projects/questions 3. completed work with drafts for review. Seriously break everything out so he can see you’re doing your job. Also use these as a documented chance to ask for more work.

      Monday meetings are to review the planned work for the week and ask for new projects. Thursday meetings are status updates. Slowly you can back off this, but if your boss is this much a control freak you want to document as much as humanly possible.

    4. I had a boss like that, it was awful. Thankfully I got out of there. Honestly, if your boss is like mine (and it sounds like he is) there is no reasonable way to resolve this – just keep your head down, pop into his office every 30 minutes as he requested (15x per day over 8 hours = every 30 minutes). If he isn’t available when you stop by, send an email.

      If you ever had a sucky part-time temporary job in customer service or something, start approaching your current job the same way – a means to a paycheck while waiting for your next step in life.

      And then go out for drinks with friends and win all the “who has the craziest boss” contests.

      1. I agree that you should increase your drop ins by his office. I don’t think you need to take him literally, but I think you should ramp up what you’re currently doing. So if you’re not stopping by his office at all, up it to 2-4x per day.

        As for what to say…. (this assumes you’re an attorney, but change the language accordingly) maybe if you’re working on a motion you can pop your head in and say, “Still working on that motion, just finished the section regarding the legal standard, think I’m on track for the deadline we discussed.”

        Or, “I’m still looking into that research for you. One case says Y, which I think could be an interesting angle to run down.”

        Sounds awful. Good luck finding a new job.

        1. I agree with this. I’d also try altering your approach for getting suggestions from him. Instead of coming in with an open ended question like “what would you like me to do differently?” come up with a plan like others have suggested, explain it to him quickly, and then ask if that will work for him.

          I also agree with looking for a new job. That sounds like an awful place to work!

  10. I will be in the Twin Cities this weekend, by myself for most of the time. If you have any recommendations of places for me to check out while I’m there, neighborhoods to explore, (vegetarian-friendly) restaurants to try out, etc., I would love to hear them. Thanks!

        1. Check out the St Paul Cathedral (west on Kellogg, up the hill, kind of hard to miss) and the surrounding neighborhood. There are some beautiful old houses on Summit Ave (different area) including the James J Hill house, which might be open for tours? Grand Ave has shopping/food, as well as the Selby-Dale area. Most of that is not downtown St. Paul though, which has a reputation of being kind of dead on the weekends. Summit, Grand Ave and Selby-Dale are all relatively close so they wouldn’t be to bad if you had to cab or bus it.

          1. Also check out Cossetta’s for some yummy quick Italian – their new gelato bar/pastry shop is to die for! Generally agree with Mpls; downtown St. PAul can be pretty grim after hours but Grand Avenue has lots of shopping and restaurants to explore. Cafe Latte is good, as is the new French bakery Chez Arnaud. The farmer’s market on Saturday & Sunday can be fun to browse, walk along the Mississippi River or Raspberry Island. Highs in the low 70’s forecast but bring an umbrella!

          2. Oh, and on Selby Avenue near the Cathedral & Hill House, the Cheeky Monkey Deli and Fabulous Fern’s have good brunch, Mango Thai is good, and La Grolla has incredible Italian.

          3. Other ideas in the downtown area depending on interest in things MN: tour the Minnesota State Capitol, visit the Minnesota History Center or the Science Museum of MN (currently showing Tornado Alley at the Omni Theater in IMAX – will scare the bejesus out of you, especially after events of the last few weeks).

          4. Last post: Black Sheep Pizza or happy hour @ Kincaid’s. And dinner at the St. Paul Hotel is always delish ! :) And for a sweet treat after all your rolling around St. Paul, don’t miss CandyLand, a St. Paul institution on Wabasha.

          5. Definitely agree on the Cathedral! I visited friends in St. Paul a couple of years ago and it was great. There’s even a Lego model that someone made of the church in one of the basement rooms.

      2. My response seems to have been swallowed. But I won’t have a car, and I will be in downtown St. Paul.

        1. If you don’t want to cab to the Grand Ave area that so many have mentioned there are some good restaurants in the Mears Park area downtown that should be walking distance from wherever you’re staying! I think they may have a farmer’s market on Saturday as well.

        1. You could explore the Lowertown neighborhood. That’s where the Farmer’s Market is located. The market is open everyday this time of year. There are many good restaurants as well as some galleries. Many artists live in Lowertown. The Union Depot was also recently renovated. It’s a cool historical building. I agree with other comments that downtown is a bit dead in the evening. Minneapolis is only about 20 minute cab ride away if you need more nightlife. Enjoy!

  11. I’ve had bronchitis and have been coughing like crazy for over two weeks. Saw doc last week, and he said that while it was likely regular old viral bronchitis, I should start an antibiotic if it didn’t improve in the next few days. Now I’m doing somewhat better, coughing less overall and mostly at night. I think antibiotics are overprescribed and I’m very fond of the good bacteria in my body; I’d rather not murder them unnecessarily. However, I’m also worn down from being sick and looking forward to starting a vacation next weekend. So, not looking for medical advice so much as the wisdom of your collective experience— think taking the Z-pack is a good idea or should I continue to just ride it out?

    1. You should listen to your doctor. If it’s not viral and you don’t take antibiotics you won’t “ride it out” you’ll get pneumonia.

      1. Eh…did he? He said it was viral (antibiotics won’t help) and then said to take them anyway if it doesn’t get better. That sounds like “I can’t do anything for you, but if it makes you feel better you can come back and get some medicine.”

        So, I guess my question would be, do you feel better? You know your body best. Do you feel like you are on the mend? Are you getting enough rest? Did the doctor give you a sense of what “better” would look like with viral vs. bacterial?

        1. I would add to this that most bronchitis is viral, meaning antibiotics will do zilch for it. It’s not like this a situation of “you will heal faster this way.” So, if you are feeling better, why take something that will do nothing for you?

          1. With many viral bronchitis cases, if they go on for long, you get a secondary bacterial infection. And then it gets dangerous.

    3. I don’t think you should take anything. Your doctor said that you should take antibiotics if you didn’t improve. You say that you are doing better and are coughing less. That seems like improvement to me. If I were you, I would get the rx for the z-pack filled and take it with you just in case. Otherwise, just keep drinking plenty of water and taking it easy. I agree with you that people take (and are prescribed) way to many antibiotics and unless you actually need it, I would not take them.

    4. Don’t take the antibiotic, especially if you’re hesitant. Doc said it was viral and the antibiotic won’t help at this point. Also, I recently read that coughs take 2+ weeks to go away and people often think they should be better after about a week. I’ll try to find the article and link it…

        1. Wow, that’s uncannily responsive. Thanks.
          (And thanks to everyone who responded with their views.)

          1. It might be helpful to get an inhaler. I know that those have helped me get through a nagging cough without resulting to antibiotics.

  12. This is admittedly dumb but bear with me. Despite being almost summer, it’s supposed to be 66 and rainy tomorrow in NY. Would it look out of place to wear black tights? Obviously, I can wear whatever I want so long as it makes me happy, social convention be damned, yadda yadda, but I hate wearing pants in the rain because the bottoms get all wet and I’m afraid I will be cold if I go bare legged. Plus, as much as I complain about it, I secretly love wearing tights. Thoughts?

    1. I say no. Black tights in the Spring or Summer look quite out of place to me. Can you wear rain boots on your commute?

      1. Agreed on the tights. If you don’t have a pair of tall rain boots, what about commuting in just knee high boots? My solution in the rain is a skirt and rain/tall boots. And wear a pair of sheer hose if you think you’ll be cold.

    2. In my neck of the woods, this is what our “summer” weather is frequently like until well into July. I wear black tights, otherwise I freeze to death. That is life, and I don’t care whether it looks in place, out of place, whatever. I also love wearing tights. Do what you need to.

    3. I also like tights, and find it easier to put on and take off rain boots if I have tights over my legs. You might get a comment from a close friend (I do when I wear tights well into summer) but I don’t think it’s so out of place that anyone else would notice. Most people really don’t care.

    5. Thigh highs! Wear them on your commute (despite thissite’s obsession with how one looks always, I could care less what I look like until I walk through the door), and then they’ll be much easier to take off when you get to the office.

    7. Black tights in the summer look stupid. Maybe you don’t care, which is totally fine. But they do look out of place, there’s just no way around that.

    8. I say no as well. It was cold and rainy here today. I wore a skirt and knee high boots to commute, and on my way in to work noticed a girl who was appropriately dressed but for her black tights. It was pretty jarring.

      I don’t think it is a big deal, but the idea of wearing black tights in June just strikes me as so depressing. I would much rather wear a rain coat, wear nude hose, and/or wear boots than black tights this time of year.

    9. I live in San Francisco. It’s cold & rainy all year. I wear black tights all though the summer & have them on today. I don’t think it looks either stupid or out of place, but rather weather appropriate. Wear the tights.

      1. Also in San Francisco, also wear black tights year round. I think it’s pretty common here.

        1. Wearing black tights with knee high boots in SF today. At least it’s warmer than yesterday….

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