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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 307 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Pleat Shoulder Drapey Ponté V-neck Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Land's End Pleat Shoulder Drapey Ponté V-neck DressHappy Friday! Land's End is offering 30% off everything (plus free shipping with a $75+ purchase with code SUNNY and PIN 1014. (Big savings if you're a fan of their coats — also, it looks to me like you CAN combine a Land's End order with a Canvas order to get free shipping.) For today's TPS I think there's a lot to like about this V-neck dress — the pleat details, the long sleeves, the inset waist, and the pockets. And the price, of course — it was $79, then marked to $29.99, but with the code it comes down to $20ish. It's available in blue, green, black, eggplant, and “cranapple,” in regular, petites, and plus. Land's End Pleat Shoulder Drapey Ponté V-neck Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2) Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!

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Comments

  1. TCFKAG

    (a) I want this dress very, very badly. Its super cute.

    (b) I have started applying for a specific type of non-legal jobs in ernest for the first time … it is something I believe I would be good at. My personality really fits with the type of job requirements. But…it still feels weird. But, I’m kind of excited. In all likelihood, nothing will come of it – but at least it gives me something to do. I still love all of you. You’re awesome.

    • Anon

      I get the weird feeling. I’ve been in a non-law job for about a year now, not entirely by choice (the legal job market is still so cr@ppy!) and it’s strange to feel like a not-lawyer. Still, people leave the law all the time. Law is such an easy default for people who are smart, do well in school, and do well with words (as opposed to math or science or engineering) that I think many people whose temperment doesn’t suit lawyer work still wind up as lawyers. And nothing says you can’t go back to law down the road! Sounds like an exciting opportunity to try something new!

      • Ru

        Not to take away from TCFKAG’s enthusiasm (go get it, gurl) but something about your math/science/engineering comment is bothering me, a lot. Many people make offhand comments about the STEM fields this way and it drives me crazy. “Oh I could never do _insert science soundy thing here_ because MATH AND SCIENCE!!!!”

        Math is a language, a skill. Anyone and everyone can be taught math – I firmly believe it, I don’t care how dramatically bad one’s math scores are or how you just don’t get it. You can get it. Just like how people learn how to use computers or speak another language or sew or whatever. It can be learned.

        Science and engineering as a career path – you’re trained every step of the way. It’s not like someone hands you your diploma and says HERE YOU GO, PLEASE INVENT STUFF YOU SUPER GENIUS. Super geniuses do that on their own.

        And there are plenty of women in the STEM fields that read thissite and speak and write pretty amazingly well, thankyouverymuch. I contemplated attending law school myself because I love reading and writing so much. For the exact same reason you mentioned – I am smart, did well in school and do well with words. I figured out soon enough that those alone are not good enough reasons to go to law school.

        So, to end my PSA vent, please stop characterizing STEM as “other”. It is not. Thank you.

        • cfm

          Just to defend’s anon’s comment what I believe she was talking about was how easy it is to get into law school. There is no background to go into it, as opposed to med school or engineering. To go into STEM you have to have the right background or start at the right time in order to do it fluidly instead of going back to do prereqs. (For example, anyone with a BA in any subject reading this site, could take the lsats and apply to law school) I think anon that was saying for those who do well with words and don’t have the background, it is an easy default. (I wish more people recognized that they don’t need to do the default!)

          • Anon

            What I meant was the mind-set (just what annoys you, Ru) that “Oh, I couldn’t do [STEM] field! But I’m smart and good at school. What should I do? Law of course!” Which is not the best way to choose law as a field. Which is why we have huge numbers of unemployed lawyers (among other reasons).

          • Ru

            Actually, it is not easy to get into law school. In the United States at least, it is easy for someone who is trained in American English, logic and debate/analysis skills. Again, things that are learned – you’re not born with these skills. You have to learn these just like you have to learn math and chemistry and physics and biology and how to do labs and homework and projects and powerpoint and excel and everything else.

            You bring up another point. If someone has a BA and wants to go to into the engineering or science fields, there are ways to do it without a degree. I work with them. And I also went to school with many people who started off with a BA. I think we’re all old enough to know that life isn’t as “fluid” as we think it is. We think we’re born knowing what we’re going to do but we don’t. It is my not-so-humble opinion that it’s less grief to take the post-bac courses and switch careers than to force yourself into a career because you did the education and must use it or you become a failure. That is complete bull.

            I hope nobody takes my positions personally, I just feel very strongly on this issue and its related topics.

          • KC

            Ru, I appreciate you sharing your view (I think your warning about forcing a career because of education is spot on), and I also hope no one takes it personally, because that doesn’t seem to be your intent.

          • cfm

            No I appreciate your position. But I disagree that you have to be trained in english, logic, debate or abalysis. You just need to take a test. You don’t need to even do that well on the test. I completely agree that it is less grief to take the post-bac courses and switch careers than to force yourself into a career, I just think a lot of people do it because of a variety of reasons, (think its glamorous, makes money, fits certain definitions of success. Each which are poor reasons to go to law school!) and a lot of people shy away from redoing the post-bac work

        • Noelle

          I agree with Ru. I am also a lawyer who is good at math and science, and I hate when people (= lawyers) talk about how lawyers are so bad with numbers. Maybe you are, but I’m not. And it definitely helps me at work (transactional) to be good with math.

          • Ru

            Yes, thank you. Just like it makes me a superstar at work to be able to speak and write well. Many skills are helpful in any industry.

          • Alanna of Trebond

            100X this. I am an engineer and a lawyer, and I did not go into law because I did not know what else to do with myself. I am a litigator, and in our recent trial, my science background was invaluable because of the nature of the case and the very science-heavy expert reports.

            Also Noelle–this drove me mad while studying for the bar–lawyers SHOULD be able to do math and should not just give up when it is a “math” or “science” issue. While teaching Wills, the barbri prof just basically said, this is math, so I know it is hard guys so just write out the steps if you can’t figure out how to do basic multiplication.

            Please google, “math doesn’t suck, you do.” (It’s really NSFW, but hilarious).

        • NYCG

          @Ru: Great points. I do believe, however, that many folks who end up in law and the humanities, including myself, have real limitations when it comes to science.

          As someone who has always struggled with sciences (please do hear me out), I admire people who do serious work in sciences / engineering. And not being naturally athletic, I also admire runners who finish marathons in less than 3 hours. My standards for fields I am good at are much higher — it takes more than good grades in an elite philosophy or English literature program or in a top law school to impress me (although I think there are plenty of people who are very impressed with themselves for those reasons — but that’s another topic). So yes, I am in awe with people who have talents I don’t possess, even if they aren’t superstars. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

          Where I think the mistake lies is that many of us project our own limitations on others. We assume that if we are only good in one or two fields, others must be similarly limited. But life is unfair, and talent is unevenly distributed. Some people have one great talent, some are overall mediocre (or worse), and then there are folks who have talents in many different areas.

          I can see why this knee-jerk reaction is really offensive. You may have a “math brain” but that doesn’t mean you don’t also have a philosophy brain, or a language brain, or a literature brain, or a music brain. I should say that I have encountered plenty of scientists / engineers who have broad interests, are well-read, and fluent in several languages. I haven’t met so many folks in law and the humanities who are even conversant on science.

          • Ru

            I agree with your last paragraph so much. But I’m still sticking to my original point – you may have struggled with the sciences but that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily bad at it. I do think of the brain as a muscle that needs to be exercised like any other. Speaking of which, I’ll never be an Olympian but I miss exercise =(.

          • k-padi

            Ru, I agree with you. Learning math is just as difficult as learning to read. But the pedagogy of reading is much more advanced than the pedagogy of mathematics so more people (at least in the U.S.) succeed at learning to read than at learning mathematics.

            Case in point: I had an elementary school math teacher who insisted that every student was able to “self-teach” math. As in, no lectures, no exhibits, no individual tutoring. That structure is a pedagogical joke and would never be accepted in a language arts setting! But it was there, in a math classroom.

            I’m really sorry that you struggled with STEM but I blame your education, not your innate abilities.

          • Alana

            I also admire STEM-oriented people because science is not my strong suit. Looking at things under a microscope makes my skin crawl, and I felt frustrated on a near daily basis in chemistry class. In addition, it seems that a person must know a lot in order to have a solid foundation and execute things in a precise manner because of the way everything works together. In contrast, within the rules of grammar, spelling and syntax, there are many ways to write the same thing.

            Having said that, developing gardening as a hobby has encouraged me to learn more about science.

            What knowledge base do you think the average American adult should have regarding math and science?

        • TCFKAG

          I count things on my fingers. So….I really DO fall into the “numbers and figures and maths….there be dragons there….” world.

          But you’re right of course. :-)

        • Anastasia

          I love this, Ru.

          I heard a story on NPR the other day about how the U.S. is the only developed country where it’s socially accpetable to self-deprecatingly joke about being bad at math. It got me thinking how weird it really is that people just write math off as something you either know or you don’t, that’s not worth LEARNING to be good at just like you learn any other skill. Not to say people don’t have aptitudes in one direction or another, but most people don’t give up on reading just because it doesn’t come easily…

          • Homestar

            Totally. I feel that hearing an educated person say “I can’t do math” is like hearing them say “I can’t read.” They are both basic skills that any educated person should have. One should not be joking about not having a basic skill.

          • Annon2

            I grew up outside US and first came here for undergraduate education. I majored in Computer Science in one of the top 5 engineering colleges. At first I was rather surprised to find so few females in STEM field especially in the US where everything else is so much more progressive in terms of gender equality. I grew up witnessing a good share of gender bias in my culture but I never felt being good at math/science as a female was something odd/exception or out of the ordinary. Back in high school, me and a good number of top students in most math/science classes were girls too. Now that I look back, even the so called “popular” girls (i.e fashionable, lots of friends, has a boyfriend, good at sports/activities) were also fairly good at math. I never really associated “not good at math” == popular. May be this is a pressure that unique to high schools in US.

          • Esquared

            I think there’s a A LOT of bias in schools too. I’ve always been pretty decent at Math & the Math-y based sciences. Yet, my parents and I had to fight every year to get me places in upper level math or science classes & when I was there the teachers were kind of mean and not supportive (also, all male). My dad (an engineer) worked with me nightly to make up for their lack of teaching and I always did really well. In college, as a philosophy major, I even took advanced math classes… but at a certain point it was just easier to stop fighting the system and go into humanities. In the US we are also discouraged from taking classes for fun (maybe it’s like this everywhere?) because grades are SOOOO important. I think this is a real failing, I think I might have gone into STEM if I had had any support whatsoever outside of my immediate family. Even in Law, if you have a STEM background I think you have a huge bonus over other lawyers without it.

          • k-padi

            Esquared, funny story. I tried to sign up for the advanced physics course in high school but was told “it’s all guys and you might not be up for the challenge.” I didn’t fight it because I was already in trouble for not taking both semesters of advanced chem (took an extra semester of bio instead). Turns out, they had 4 guys sign up for the class but needed a minimum of 5. Oops.

          • Anastasia

            Gah, I feel you, ESquared. I was always good at math and science and LOVED science. But I needed my 8th grade science teacher’s permission to be allowed to register for the class that would have put me in the higher level science track my freshman year. He refused to sign off on that because I’m a girl and 8th-grade-me wrote on my career survey that I wanted to be [I don’t even remember what, but it wasn’t engineer or doctor]. So there was “no reason” for me to do the fast track that would have allowed me to take AP bio and chemistry and/or participate in the polymer lab. The boys who wanted to be journalists or lawyers still got to register for the fast track if their grades qualified, but not the girls. My parents stomped around at the principal’s office, but he backed up my science teacher and the guidance office wouldn’t overrule. And so was my science curriculum stymied by sexist man with a Napoleon complex. Like you said, at some point it was just easier to stop fighting the system and go into humanities.

            I’m now taking post-bac classes to switch to STEM, and two decades later I still want to punch my 8th grade science teacher in the face.

        • k-padi

          Add me to this complaint too. As an engineer and a lawyer, I think it’s bogus that science and math are somehow “different” than other fields. STEM education has it’s issues but it’s not this boogey-man that some people (especially women) make it out to be.

          It’s doubly bogus that just because you “are good” at STEM that your writing skills are somehow lacking or that you don’t write as much. Bullsh!t. I roomed with two journalism majors in college. One night, we compared how much writing we were expected to do. Turns out, I, as an engineer, was expecting to write over 100 more pages that semester than the two journalism majors combined. As someone who has since reviewed writing samples from STEM and non-STEM majors, let me just say that the quality is about the same. STEM people have a slightly different style than non-STEMs but grammar, structure, vocabulary, and content are all about the same.

          • Cat

            Yes. Also an engineer and a lawyer. I think learning the rigors of more technical writing actually benefits me as a lawyer — precision, logic, setting up defined terms to be helpful to you, etc. It’s also given me great credibility with consultants and other business people working on the deals — if they think that I can actually understand what they’re talking about, they’re less likely to throw bullsh*t around.

          • Alana

            As a non-scientist, it seems from the outside that a person needs to develop a LOT of knowledge before they can get to do more innovative work. It also seems like a lot of memorization is required. In contrast, an English speaker in Paris who knows no French can figure out that “sortie” means “exit” based on context, when a sign and a picture are next to a doorway. In contrast, many facebook users appear to have forgotten the order of operations. In addition, when it comes to the sciences, I often hear that a Ph.D. is required, unlike other jobs, where a BA or MS is sufficient.

            Math concepts such as addition, subtraction, division, multiplication, algebra and more, are useful to all. What science concepts do you think non-STEM major adults need to know?

          • Godzilla

            Patience. You need to patience to learn math and science. It’s a different way of thinking, or expressing something. One person can look at a building and see all the architectural/art details and someone else will comment on the structural skeleton and yet another person will see that it’s just a library.

            After a while, it won’t seem like you’re memorizing. You’ll start to understand patterns and applying previous lessons to future problems. There’s a process to it all.

            When I was in school, I repeated IT’S SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE over and over and over again when I didn’t understand something. Either I was doing something wrong, the teacher was doing something wrong, the problem was written wrong or the data is wrong. You will learn to trust yourself and enjoy it. Welcome to our world.

          • k-padi

            The requirement for PhDs in biotech (where it’s most common) is more a function of a too-large supply of biotech PhDs than it is actual skill. The flood of PhDs originates from biotech-related university departments needing cheap labor (aka grad students) to run labs and discussion sections for undergrads.

            Like language, most of science is based on context. Empiricism is the foundation of science and is basically the practice of observing stuff and drawing conclusions (like sortie meaning exit) only it’s observing a seed being planted, sprouting, and generating more seeds. Unlike language, that replaces words, science builds on earlier observations–being more cumulative. For example, in language, you don’t need to know the etymology of the words you use to understand them. It’s helpful but not necessary. In contrast, in science, you do need to know what a charge is to understand electricity.

            For adults, it’s important to know the basics well enough to understand the limits of science and math. For example, I can’t “do” calculus anymore but I have internalized, through practice, what it means to take a derivative or to integrate a function well enough to know when someone is BS-ing me.

            A failing of an adult knowing “enough” math and science was a math teacher who claimed that “imaginary numbers are useless and I-don’t-know-why-I-have-to-teach-them”. That math teacher should have known that imaginary numbers are incredibly helpful in applying the principles of physics to electrical engineering.

    • Bunkster

      2 of my best friends went to law school and neither one of them is a lawyer now. One is a teacher and the other is head of fundraising for a university (not the university I’m at).

      • anon

        Love your handle! Love those books.
        I was able to do it by applying for Claims positions in insurance companies. Lots of lawyers as co-workers. You need to look for the more complex claims jobs that manage litigation or have intensive coverage issues.

        • AnonAz

          You are so funny, TCFKAG. So sorry you’re dealing with this, but you have a great attitude and will end up with an amazing job. Sending postitive thoughts your way!

          • Sivercurls

            TCFKAG, have you thought about moving into advocacy work? Are there any causes near and dear to your heart? I say this because in addition to being articulate and succinct you seem to have strong beliefs and opinions–and because every time I dip my toes into the waters of advocacy I end up complaining to myself that I lack the additional clout of being either A Certified Expert or A Lawyer (any kind).

            This is probably just my own insecurity talking but heck, it can’t hurt to have a legal education so you can actually suss out the meaning (and possible changes to propose) in the current laws on whatever situation you are working to improve. It’s both my hunch and my unscientific observation that elected leaders, appointed leaders, their staff, and most lobbyists tend to give someone bonus points for his/her legal knowledge even if the lawyer is now advocating for something completely unrelated to his/her previous legal work.

            If you want to continue this conversation offline, you can reach me at Silvercurls18 (at)gmail (dot) com. Be patient: I have several deadlines the next few days but will get back to you even if only briefly until things calm down.

            In any case, continue to go forward with good humor and hope. (Offload all your grouchiness on exercise or housecleaning. I know–fun times!) You have a lot to offer and eventually you will find an employer eager to add you to the team.

        • cc

          oh shush you didn’t get fired! your contract term ended. We are all rooting for you! I feel like you have a creative side that a new job could potentially nurture. I think you will look back at this point in your life, when it seemed like such a low point, and realize it was the point in your life when you embarked on a new beginning!

          for traditional law jobs, is your real life name connected to your blogging handle? We just had a seminar in law school about the potential pros and cons, and I think the consensus was in traditional law jobs it was more likely to be a con than a pro.

          • TCFKAG

            Nope – though close friends and/or colleagues might be able to figure it out, it definitely wouldn’t come up in a google search. Mama didn’t raise no fool.

          • anon

            just fyi it is connected to your real life name I because I have googled you before because I thought you sounded exactly like a friend of mind. You are not the friend but share many similar excellent qualities

          • TCFKAG

            Seriously though – what did you search? And when? I just googled and didn’t see a connection between my “real” persona and my “TCFKAG” persona but now I’m worried.

          • Was able to find you on google

            But this is because on one occasion many moons ago, your corpore… username linked to your gmail address or something like that. I don’t think it would be so easy (and that was literally years ago).

            –a non-stalking admirer of your comments

          • TCFKAG

            I feel better than. That would be one hard-sleuthing hiring manager. :-)

            Feel free to e-mail if you like non-stalking fan. haha.

          • anon

            Sorry didn’t mean to creep you out, I thought it was common knowledge what your real persona was. I love your tumblr- maybe it was because of the username linked is how I know who you are in real life. I have not visited this site for years though, I have only been around for some months, since mid 2012 I think.

          • than/then PSA

            TCFKAG, I noticed that you frequently use “than” when I think “then” is correct and vice versa. So, out of curiousity, I looked up the grammar rule. I did not realize mixing the two up is such a common mistake. For those curious, here’s a brief explanation of the rule: http://grammarpartyblog.com/2011/07/19/than-vs-then/

          • TCFKAG

            I do know the difference actually, but sometimes when internet commenting I’m a bit loose in my grammatical form. But then and than is probably one of my top two or three hardest grammatical things to remember. With affect/effect and…..

            Basically just those two. Stupid English.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            than/then PSA: grammar is a bit of my Achilles heel and I am always reading rules to fix it. I’ve recently brushed up on effect/affect which you may have noticed I frequently get wrong. If you catch me making the same mistakes frequently (beyond sloppy fast-typing typos) please clue me in as well.

    • January

      A friend of mine did that. She ended up finding something that is perfect for her and sounds like an absolute dream job. She jokes about her short legal career, but I don’t think she would rather be practicing law than doing what she’s doing. All of which is to say, I do believe there’s life on the other side. Good luck! Fingers crossed for you.

      • ML

        CAn you elaborate a little more at all (if your friend wouldn’t mind?) like, the general field?
        I love to hear inspirational stories of lawyers who found non law jobs. Concrete examples are great to get my gears spinning (like the insurance one…great idea, never even thought of that!)

    • aimless

      How did you find a non-law job that you’re excited about? I don’t want to leave law, but I’m not sure I want to be lawyer, so…yeah, I have ish, I’m working on it.

      Also, I just want to apologize to those of you who are job searching. I’ve been doing it for about five minutes and I want to scream and cry. Let’s all have some ice cream.

      • TCFKAG

        Well – I literally *just* started applying, so who knows if anything will come of it. But I’m a very extroverted person and I’m good at building connections and networking – so I thought I’d apply for account management/business development type jobs. It uses a lot of the same public presentation, research, and client service skills that lawyers need I think. And I think its something I’d be good at. Maybe.

        • Anon

          What about business development for law firms? It seems that often this position is held by a non-lawyer and I would think that that having actual legal experience would be a big plus for the job. I do bus dev for investment management and also am a lapsed attorney and when I was between jobs recently, several lawyer friends strongly encouraged me to look into legal bus dev for the foregoing reason. You might also look into bus dev positions with consulting firms that provide services to law firms or in-house legal departments.

  2. Brahbrah

    I ordered this dress on the recommendation of some others from [thissite], and it should arrive today! I’m pumped.

    Here’s my unrelated question: are expensive tights less likely to get runs? I’m going broke buying cheap black tights, but I don’t want to spend $40 on tights unless I know they’re going to last.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I have gotten runs in my expensive tights about exactly as frequently as runs in my cheap tights. I recommend buying your expensive tights at Marshalls, where I get really fancy tights for $4.99 and don’t feel bad if they run.

        • kerrycontrary

          How large do they run? I’m a 4-6 (but 5’8″). I ordered a small, do you think it will be too big?

          • Anne Shirley

            Yes- double check the size chart, but I think a small in this dress equals 6-8

        • Honey Pillows

          Yes, I wear a Medium in Lands’ End dresses, and a Large or Extra-Large everywhere else. But this dress is amazing! Ordered it in eggplant a month ago (ugh, I should’ve waited), but I’ve worn it every week since then, so I’m getting my money’s worth.

        • lefty lawyer

          On me, Lands End is large in the waist and small in the shoulders, exactly the opposite of my body. Also tends to be short-waited, and I’m only 5’1″.

    • JJ

      My Spanx tights have now lasted four years, and I am notoriously hard on my tights. Can’t recommend them enough – opaque, well-made, comfortable, etc etc etc.

        • JJ

          I get the Tight End Tights and have a few pairs of those. I also have a few pairs of the reversible tights and they’re basically the same, except double the use value.

          • phillygirlruns

            i like these as well. i also think the reversible ones are a bit thicker/warmer.

          • MJ

            Love the Tight End Tights–they are not like normal Spanx…e.g. you’re not smooshing anything in. They are just comfy. And I especially love them because they come in sizes that accommodate long legs, not just more weight without height (I’m looking at you Hanes–some of us heifers are tall heifers, mmm-kay?!?!?!).

          • darby

            awesome – thanks everyone, I’m going to give them a try. Have been a DKNY tights girl, but the last few pairs I’ve had had sprung holes in the LGP area, which I find odd.

      • Merabella

        My Spanx knock off from Target lasted 2.5 years of hard wear and tear. I just recently replaced them.

      • SFBayA

        Third Spanx tights. Warmer and virtually indestructible. Totally worth the higher price.

    • Cb

      I’ve had a pair of DKNY ones for 2 years and they are just now starting to rip? I bought them at TJ Maxx though.

    • Gus

      Spanx Tight End Tights. They have comletely changed my view of tights forever. I used to hate them — they didn’t stay up, ran, etc. Now I wear tights at least three days a week. Yes, they’re expensive-ish. But they last forever (and I’m notoriously hard on pantyhose and socks). Also, you can often find them half price at DSW.

      • NOLA

        Totally agree. I’ve gotten little snags in my Spanx tights and they don’t run. No idea how that works but they do last.

    • Sheila

      My darling husband picked me up two pair of Wolfords when he was at a conference in Germany last year (such a sweetie – he sent me an email with a picture of the store saying, “hmm, weren’t you saying something about these things being reallly good?) . I wore them all winter and again so far this year and there are no runs. There are a couple of minor snags, but they aren’t very visible and the tights still feel great. So worth it.

    • K.P.

      Commando tights never run and are super opaque all the way up the leg. Plus, they don’t pinch my gut. I just wish they came in a heather gray.

    • Sasha

      I have tights that were my mom’s from JCPenney – I used to steal hers when I was a teenager. I think they must be at least 15 years old and are still going.

    • Anonymous

      Buy a size or two up (seriously, size charts? feh) and make sure to file your toenails, sand down your heels, and moisturize.

    • J

      On the off chance you live in the Pacific NW, I highly recommend GNW brand from Fred Meyer. I wear hosiery of some form every day these are my go-to for plain black opaque tights. I’ve worn out a heel in a pair of these puppies before I got a run, whereas I got a run in Wolfords on my first wear (I will never ever get over that). I wear DKNY sheer hose for more formal events and have a huge stash of polka dot hose from Nordstrom, but I always go back to Freddies for my basics. They’re $10, but almost always on sale (at least buy one get one half off). Plus their sizing goes up to 6′, which is kind of rare outside department store brands. Not a shill, I swear!

  3. joy

    Phone interview in 90 minutes. After spending 6 months of 2012 job hunting, and finally getting a job, enduring another job search is the LAST thing I want to do – but I need out of where I am, and the job I’m interviewing for is amazing. And the woman I’m interviewing with knows one of my former project managers…network win!

  4. anon

    A few friends and I (all women) are running a 5k and are trying to come up with cute team names. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    • KC

      I always chuckle when I see names with a sense of humor about running:
      -Last One to Finish Buys Brunch
      -Run Like a Girl
      -Baby Got Track
      -WTF (Where’s the Finish?!)

      If the race is themed, sometimes that can be a good jumping off point as well. Have fun!

  6. regular anon

    You guys. Pregnancy-related vent ahead. I’m 8 weeks pregnant (and happy to be so), but I am SO scatterbrained. If I don’t write something down on a Post-It, it doesn’t exist. I’m making minor mistakes at work now, and it’s driving me crazy. Nothing major – emailing the partner but forgetting to attach the document, not catching a misspelled name in a signature block in a draft, not catching the wrong opposing counsel’s name in the certificate of service in another draft – things that aren’t a big deal.

    However, I can’t stand making these little mistakes and just wish I could explain to people, “I’m sorry! All I want to do is puke and sleep and apparently this placenta is being made up of my brain cells!”

    Why does it have to be that the most miserable pregnancy symptoms happen while you don’t want to tell anyone why? Grumble.

    • Reg anon too

      I hear you. I had 2-3 weeks of pregnancy brain and was constantly forgetting small things. The nausea was bad too and I just wanted to sleep all the time. But I got over it in a few weeks – knowing that I was likely to forget things made me take time to double check everything

    • midwest anon

      I was right there with you for about 3 weeks. I left my phone in two different places in the span of two hours one day and that almost broke me. It does get better, though! I am 1o weeks and feel much less forgetful now. Or maybe I becoming so much more forgetful, that I can’t tell.

    • another reg anon!

      I hear you. I’m 11 weeks along and my memory is completely shot. I keep forgetting things like names and dates. Silver lining: I’ve decided to use it as an opportunity to be better at my job. I am forcing myself to be more organized, making very detailed task lists, taking lots of notes during calls and meetings, putting EVERYTHING in my calendar, and meticulously recording my time. It’s actually the only way I can function, but I might as well develop some better organization and task management skills along the way, right?

      • regular anon

        Yes, if there’s a silver lining it’s that I finally took the time to color-code my Outlook calendar and my time entries are done before I go home every night. My husband just laughs at me now. Yesterday I dropped our kid off without changing him out of the shirt and pants he slept in (but his diaper was clean, at least…right?) and forgot to leave a check out for our housekeeper.

    • NE Attorney

      Right there with you!! I’m seven weeks and completely scatter-brained and exhausted. Add in the feeling that I’m going to yak at any moment and its a good time!

      On a related note, I looked at the dress and was about to order when I realized that it will most likely emphasize my now growing mid-section (I swear I am showing WAY earlier with no. 2) and it will be a while before I could wear it. Le sigh.

  7. anony

    I have this dress in the malachite green and endorse it wholeheartedly — it’s got a great shape, the thickness of the fabric skims over imperfections, and the color is wonderful. I agree with some of the LE reviewers that the V in front could be a *bit* too low for some people, so you may or may not want to wear a cami underneath. I’ve machine washed a handful of times with no signs of wear. I’m going to pick it up in a couple more colors now that it’s on sale!

      • CKB

        I’d like to know too. I’m SUPER tempted to order this dress, especially considering very reasonable shipping costs to Canada. I’m pear shaped & would buy a medium for sure, except everyone is saying it runs big? I’m sure a small would fit fine on top, but does the skirt have enough fabric to fit over pear shaped thighs? By their size chart I’d be a 12 on the bottom.

      • Mpls

        Lands End tends to be cut to fit a bit looser, if that makes sense. Does that count as running big? If you are a 12 in BR/Jcrew, I’d probably go with a large (which is how the chart assigns it). If you want it to fit more snugly than order a medium.

        I wouldn’t buy a small. It doesn’t run THAT big.

    • Susie

      It’s not the deep v I’m concerned about, it’s the hips. It looks like it would make my hips look bigger than they already are?

      • Honey Pillows

        Nope, I’ve got Thunder Thighs, and it looks just fine. It’s a great cut. Also there are pockets!

        • Susie

          Oh, I think it’s the pockets that are making it look more voluminous around the hips. :/

    • Bonnie

      I tried this dress in the medium regular and medium petite and returned both. Hoping that a small regular ends up working although you guys beat me to some of the colors!

    • PharmaGirl

      So funny. I very rarely miss the lab science years of my career but still appreciate the humor

    • Cb

      Amazing, right? I have scientist friends get stroppy about ‘social science research methods’. At least I test my hypotheses on actual institutions rather than Ivy League undergrads?

      I keep trying to include a case study from a warmer climate. #Nomorecoldcases

    • JessBee

      Me, too!! I laughed out loud for at least ten minutes at a restaurant Tuesday night when my husband showed it to me. So, so funny.

  9. Miami Business Casual in Winter -- help?

    Can someone give me a quick tutorial? Am in the northeast, clad in dark neutrals and wool and black tights / boots.

    What does Biz Casual mean in winter in warm weather? And I need to err on the side of business.

    No linen in winter, but pencil skirt + sweater (but wool? wool if not tweed?)?

    Ponte 3/4 sleeve jacket and pants with happy-color blouse?

    Are cardigans stuffy or allowed (I have many sleeveless sheaths, but fear that they are either too-summer or I will be too cold without another layer).

    Any legware? Black tights do not seem Miami to me.

    Ayudame, por favor :)

    • Alana

      As someone from a warm climate, I interpret business casual in Miami to include separates and more color. Bare legs are common, and cardigans are useful to deal with air conditioning.

      Your choices sound appropriate.

      • petitesq

        +1. My firm has an office in Miami, and this seems accurate. Blazers or cardigans over dresses, but don’t have to match, and happy colors are fine :).

    • B

      Am in Texas, but can at least comment on warm weather winter attire. I find dresses to be the best solution when you aren’t totally sure what the appropriate attire is. Bare legs are fine, and you can dress up or down with accessories, plus throw on a cardi for AC or cool evenings.

    • IronGirl

      Miami lawyer here – business casual in winter??? we don’t have winter. our homage to winter attire is to wear darker colors or stronger colors, and no linen or summery cotton. dresses or pencil skirts with cardis work well. khakis or slim pants with 3/4 sleeve blouses or jackets also work. just remember that we still have heavy a/c in the office. right now it’s 84 degrees and sunny with 60% humidity.

  11. Blue

    I bought this last week and like it. Something about the fit is a *tiny* bit off for me, but for such a good price it’s definitely worth it. I may order it in another color.

    • Anon

      I have this in Palmetto. I love the color, but did have to size down. Depending on your build I would recommend 1-2 sizes down, otherwise, it can look a little Grandma

    • meme

      I bought 2 for Christmas. I am normally a 4 in most things, but a 2 or even sometimes 0 in JCrew stuff (what is up with JCrew’s ridiculous sizing? – you can’t fool me I know I haven’t shrunk). Anyway, I bought XS and they work. The fabric is nice. The fit will be boxy if you don’t size down.

  13. R in Boston

    I bought this last week in what I thought was my right size. It arrived yesterday and it is HUGE. Order down, I think. I’m going to exchange for a different size though, since the dress felt comfy and the material was nice.

  14. ITDS

    I got this dress and returned it. I am 5’1″ and ordered a petite size, and it was just too short for my conservative office. If the hem had been at the knee, as shown on the model, it would have been great, but it was at least 3″ above the knee.

  15. Toronto Anon

    I posted at the end of day yesterday, but does anyone have recommendations for a good therapist/psychologist in Toronto? A friend of mine is looking for recommendations – thanks all!

  16. v

    I want to give props to Lands End. I ordered a coat earlier this week, before the 30% off sale. After seeing Kat’s post this morning mentioning the sale, I used the Lands End Customer Service Online Chat to request a price adjustment to get the 30% discount and they took care of it right away, no hassle. This is Nordstrom-level cusotmer service, which I am not used to seeing at other retailers. (Or maybe I am just cynical becaue Ann Taylor’s customers service is such a PITA – they ignore emails, agree to give adjusts/refunds over the phone and then don’t actually process them, ugh . . .) Anyway, yay for Lands Ends customer service!

    • AIMS

      LL Bean and Pendelton are also fantastic with this. I got a bunch of stuff at both for the men in my life over the holidays and once the post-holiday sales hit, they were both able to give me price adjustments with no hassle and within minutes.

    • PharmaGirl

      Thanks for this. I just did an online chat and was able to receive the discount for an order I palced last week (for the blazer Kat recommended).

    • anon

      I am looking at Lands’ End coats/jackets (the down ones). Any advice on the sizing? I’m 5’3″, 120pounds – would a Small petite work or should I really try for XS?

      • TFS

        I’m 5’2″, 110 lbs and have a Lands End down coat in small petite from last season. I think it’s similar to the Essential Down coat (mid-thigh length)? Length is fine. It’s puffy but I’m OK with that.

    • kiley

      Ann taylor loft has the WORST customer service. I swear all their emails are done by a robot. “understand angry you are. damaged item received you. You can return the item. No pay return shipping we will. nice day you have!” goddamn it yoda why would you not pay my return shipping when you sent me an item with a huge stain on it!

  17. Anon for family issues

    Sorry for the TJ, but I need to rant someplace safe.
    My husband’s grandmother is 94 years old and has been slowly dying for a week. We all love her very much, and I feel awful saying this but I wish she would just die so her pain would be over and we could start grieving and moving on with our lives – and I suspect she feels the same way when she is conscious enough to think. She fell and broke her hip Friday, and had sugery Saturday. Since then, we’ve been told she probably wouldn’t make it through the night or day 4 time – but she keeps rallying slightly, but never enough to give hope for a full recovery. She and her daughters decided to stop all extrodinary measures on Tuesday and move to hospice, and she hasn’t even been able to drink water since Wednesday. My mother-in-law and aunt-in-law are a wreck and have barely slept all week, my husband and I have been alternating sitting with Grandma so they will go home to sleep/eat/shower, bringing them food when they won’t leave, and taking care of our two kids. My older son doesn’t understand why Daddy is never home and is sad/tired when he is around and the baby knows something is up and has decided that he needs to be held by me and only me from the time I walk in the door, all night long (he will only sleep when I’m sitting in the rocker with his head on my chest) until his daycare teacher helps me pry him out of my arms, screaming, the next morning. We’ve been trying to prepare my older son a little bit (Great-Grandma is very sick, when you get older your body doesn’t work as well, etc) but I’m dreading having to explain that she died to him now that he’s old enough to ask tough questions. And I’m terrified that if I don’t get some sleep soon I’m going to come down with the horrible flu that’s going around and that will only make it worse.
    Sorry for the long whiny rant, but I appreciate that I have this community to rant to.

    • e_pontellier

      That’s so sad, and I’m so sorry for you. Can you try taking some vitamin supplements to help ensure you don’t get sick? I’m a huge fan of airborne – dissolves by itself, I can drink it quickly because it’s not a whole bottle of water, etc. {{{hugs}}}

    • Eleanor

      This sounds awful; I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Of course I don’t have anything to say to improve the situation, but I really admire the way you and your family are pulling together to support each other and your husband’s grandmother. I hope my family does the same if we’re ever in such a situation. You and your fmaily will be in my thoughts.

    • hellskitchen

      I am so sorry. This has to be really tough. You are not whiny, and I don’t blame you for wishing that your husband’s grandmom is freed from her pain sooner rather than later. The mental and physical exhaustion would get to anyone. I am sending lots of hugs and good vibes to you.

    • Ellen

      This is VERY sad, and I also am very SORRY you have to go through with this with your grandma. My dad say’s we all will be there some day so be kind to other’s and they will be kind to you.

      Myrna’s mom just went thru this just after new year’s and it was traumeatic for her and Myrna. As a result, I went to the Shiva Call and it was very sad. I usueally don’t talk about bad thing’s but b/c you brought it up, I figured I would provide my INSIGHT and persepctive. Myrna is hanging with her mom so I am not abel to see her as much and we are NOT doeing thing’s together every day. I guess once her mom is less emotional and I get back from Saint Louis, Myrna and I will go back to hanging out and goieng back to Crumbs! Yay!

      In the meantime, you have US at the HIVE to vent (or rant) to. Yay!

    • mascot

      Hospice nurses are generally good at gauging how near the end you are (once you get to the final days, it seems like the body goes through some predictable stages). If she’s somewhat lucid, she may just be waiting for people to leave to pass in peace. Take care of yourself. Also, the hospice may have some age-appropriate material on talking to children about death. Many also have loss-support groups that families can attend. We have been through this recently ourselves and I wish your family lots of strength in the days to come.

      • Inlander

        You have my deepest sympathy! What a difficult time. What Mascot described is exactly what happened with my sister; she kept clinging to the barest thread of life day after day and we never left her side. The hospice nurse finally said, “Death is very private for some people, maybe your sister wants to be alone for this final step.” It was hard to hear (and harder to do!) but she passed that very night.

        • Anon

          This is similar to what happened to my friend’s mom. They had been keeping a nightly vigil, until the hospice nurse gave the same advice, and so her daughters went to sleep, and just as her husband finally fell asleep, she passed.

    • L

      I’m so sorry, that is awful. If you can, why not hire a babysitter for a day/ask a friend to watch the kids so you can get a nap during the day. Someone has to remain vaguely coherent to help deal with all of this and that means sleep!

    • anon

      I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It’s incredibly difficult to watch a loved one die, even when you know they will be better off, and there is no hope of recovery. Once they stop hydration and nutrition, it’s very rare for someone to last more than 2 weeks. I had a close family member in hospice, she was on strong doses of pain meds and had cancer, but still lived for 2 weeks after they stopped nutrition/hydration. She was basically in a coma the whole time. I did not think anyone could go that long without water, but apparently if you are unconscious, you can.

    • emcsquared

      *hugs*

      I just went through something similar with my grandfather, only without the added pressure of small children. I’m so sorry. It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love suffer, and to watch their caretakers struggle with their own pain.

      I’m afraid I don’t have any good advice, except – be nice to yourself and give your husband permission to be nice to himself as well. Would your parents or close friends be able to take your kids for a few days? It might be less disruptive to the kids and give you some time to take care of yourself and DH. I also found that it was very helpful to let my coworkers and friends know what was going on – they found ways to take things off my plate or send me little notes of encouragement, and they have helped me get back on my feet after the funeral.

      I agree with the suggestion to ask for hospice’s help with any question you have. Our hospice service was amazing, and did a good job of providing some on-the-fly family counseling when needed. We also pre-planned the funeral, including setting some tentative times and dates (based on hospice’s prediction of how much longer my grandfather would survive) and letting extended family know in advance. It helped prepare us for the pain of his actual death, and gave us some time to remember happier stories as a family.

      We also hired 24-hour nursing care for my grandfather, which was crazy expensive but probably saved my mother and myself from totally falling apart. We could get some sleep between shift changes, and came to trust several of the nurses very much. I suspect they also shielded us from some of the painful moments that come with a dying elderly person.

      Best of luck, and know that we’re thinking of you.

      • Sivercurls

        Sympathy and hugs. This sounds like it’s draining for everyone.

        Several years ago we had to explain to our child that a great-uncle had died. As per my mom’s suggestion (longtime preschool educator) we just transmitted what we really believed about what happens after people die. Whether that’s going to heaven, joining any particular god or Divine being, living on in other peoples’ memories, or just being at peace without any more suffering, if you’re comfortable giving the explanation, your child will be comfortable receiving it.

        There are many books written to help children with bereavement. Follow your own preferences and instincts. I’m sorry I can’t upload a list right now; try a bookstore, public library, or any other trusted source (family, friends, clergy person if that’s your preference). Also as per my mom’s suggestion we told our child that dying meant that the uncle would not be in his home any longer. When we next visited the residence our child went carefully from room to room…no uncle, but no trauma either, just matter-of-fact acceptance.

        May you and your family be comforted by good memories of your husband’s grandmother. It’s hard to lose someone, but at least you have been enriched by knowing her this long.

    • No Problem

      You’d be surprised how much little kids can understand about death. My grandmother died when I was 4 years old, and I distinctly remember finding this out by asking my dad where my mom was. He responded by saying that grandma had died and mom was taking care of things. Maybe I did ask a bunch of questions, but I don’t recall doing that. I just understood that when someone dies, you don’t get to see them again.

      Try to take care of yourself and the little ones. It’s fine to eat a little too much chocolate or drink a little too much wine right now. But also get some real food, even if it’s takeout. The baby is probably missing your usual good mood and sing-songy voice (who doesn’t do that around an adorable baby?).

      • Saacnmama 4 hr in moderation.

        Book for kids dealing with death of a loved one:
        “Badger’s Parting Gifts”. I’ve given it several times, and gotten really grateful thank-you notes every time.
        If there are numerous other grandparents still healthy, you might like “Nana Up and Nana Down”.

    • Anon for family issues

      Thanks for all the commiseration, support and tips everyone. In my mind, I already “said goodbye” the first few times we were told she was at the end – so in my mind I’m ready to move on to the funeral, cleaning out her room at the nursing home, etc so we can all heal and move on, but we can’t do that just yet. I guess you don’t make it to 94 without hanging on tightly, even when you are near the end, no matter how many experienced nurses, doctors and hospice staff predict the end is within a few hours! We’ve made all the arrangments we can make at this point, and my parents and daycare have been great about helping out as much as possible with the kids. I just really feel sorry for my husband’s aunt – she’s a nurse, so she sees the little negative signs that the rest of us don’t really notice (and the signs she’s hanging on after they stopped food/water), and she’s here on her own from out of town – her husband and kids are sick and can’t be here with her. She also has medical power of attorney, so all tough decisions are hers to make the final call on. We’ve tried to give her some support, but there is only so much my husband & I can do for her. Another sticky point is that my MIL is very religious, and Grandma was slightly, while my husband, aunt and I are not at all – so there has been a parade of people from church in to visit Grandma and offering up religious platitudes, which comforts my MIL while irritating my aunt, husband and I. That’s another sticky point for us on dealing with death issues with my 5 year old – he generally understands what death means when other relatives have passed away, but I’m sure there’s going to be lots of talk from my MIL about Grandma being in heaven – which is not something my husband and I believe. Its a fine line to dance with respecting my MILs beliefs without specifically reinforcing them or outright rejecting them, especially now that he’s a little older.

      But thanks everyone for the support and sharing tips and personal stories. We were unaware that it could go so long without food and water (2 weeks was certainly never mentioned) so I think it will actually be easier now that I’ve adjust my mindset to “it could be any day now, but it could be longer too” from “today will probably be the day”.

  18. GL

    Love the rec for a long sleeved dress for work….I wish there were more out there! My favorite colors were the blue and green.

    Ladies, a little advice please: I am young (26 yrs old) and I have noticed a frown line developing in between my eyebrows. It’s not too deep but enough that my make up by the end of the day settles into that crease. What would your recommendations be to prevent this frown line from developing any more? I feel that I am a little young for botox or am I wrong? Would creams or some other treatment be a good solution and less extreme? What have some of you ladies tried and felt work for similar situations? Any suggestions will help!
    Thanks all!

    • AEK

      Apropos of your first comment— I was at a Lord & Taylor near Chicago last weekend. I never shop in bricks & mortar stores, and I was blown away by their selection of long-sleeve dresses. They don’t have nearly that selection online, at least not anymore. In case you’re near one…

    • kerrycontrary

      Try a retinol cream. It makes your skin cells turn over faster so it works for fine lines (and the earlier you start using it the better). The best are prescriptions from a doctor ( a regular PCP will prescribe one, or you can go to a derm), but you can try starting out with Philosophy’s Help Me. Retinols take 8-12 weeks to work. Any anti-aging cream will take this long to see results so do not just start and stop treatments. Ultimately, you’ll probably have to do Botox as it works best for those sort of frown lines.

      • GL

        Thanks kerrycontrary…Do you have any recs on how to break into using a retinol cream for the first time? Is there a particular reason you like Philosophy’s Help Me over other brands?

        • kerrycontrary

          I wash my face, let it dry, and then put 3 small dots on my forehead, one on my nose, and one on my chin and rub it in (My cheeks don’t need it). You should use about the size of a pea, I use a little more but my head is big haha. Start out every 3 days if your skin is dry, every 2 days if your skin is normal/oily. Eventually switch to every night. Some suggest waiting 5-20 mins before putting on moisturizer but I don’t. Retinols are deactivated by the sun so only use it at night. Make sure you use a sun screen during the day. I like Philosophy’s products in general, but it has a high concentration of retinol for not being prescription. You can read the reviews on Sephora or Amazon and people go into great detail about experiences. (Most of the bad reviews are people who quit after a week).

    • SunnyD

      I started Botox for that problem when I was 26. I’m now 32 and the line has not gotten worse and, in fact, is less pronounced. I go for injections 3-4 times per year at $300 per treatment.

    • anon

      I am 29 and just got my first Botox shot and am super happy with it. If you don’t want a deeper line to try to get rid of later, just start the Botox now. It’s really easy and works.

  19. Nellie

    I’m going to an Inn of Court meeting with a colleague on Tuesday (in Chicago). I’ve never been to one. What can I expect? I assume I’ll be comfortable in a suit?

    • v

      The younger women and all of the men in my Inn of Court always wear suits to our meetings. Some of the older women rock seperates, but no one would be out of place in a suit so that is probably your best bet. Also – have a good time. Of all the networking/professional groups I belong to, the Inn is by far my favorite because everyone lets their guard down a bit.

    • Anon from Chicago

      if you dont mind me asking, which Inn are you going to? Im also in Chicago and have been thinking about getting involved.

  20. Erin

    I found this blog last week and ordered “The Skirt” from Nordstroms and this dress in black. I have almost no work appropriate clothing as I currently work in an extremely casual office. I just started a professional MBA program so I need professional clothes ASAP. This blog has been extremely helpful so far. Thank you!

    • v

      Target has a version of “The Skirt” for $20 — the Mossimo Womens Ponte Pencil Skirt. I think would be fine for an MBA program, if you want to build up your wardrobe for less $$ (although when Nordstrom puts The Skirt on sale, it isn’t much more than $20 anyway).

  21. anon56

    So, any tips on building a maternity wardrobe for a working woman and for the weekend? How many work outfits did you buy? What were your best or worst buys? Any other tips?

    Basically, I’m looking for the equivalent post to yesterday’s “how to pack for a long trip” but instead “how to buy for a long pregnancy.” Thanks, gals.

    • Two Cents

      Me! Me! I’ll answer.

      I’m a few weeks away from my due date. I am extremely happy with my maternity clothing for work and received as many, if not more, compliments on my maternity clothing as compard to my non-maternity work clothing. Here are some suggestions:

      1) Tops from Isabella Oliver. They can be pricey but there are often sales. I live in these tops, both for work and for weekend (don’t get the wrap ones though, they are too complicated to put on). My favorites are the scooped maternity top and the urban ruched maternity top.

      2) Shift dresses from Seraphine Maternity. I have three similar shift dresses in black, blue, and gray, and wear them all fhe time for work. Super flattering and great quality.

      3) Consignment/thrift stores – I bought some casual shirts and pants from these places. If you can find an exclusively maternity consignment store, that is ideal. We have one in our area, which is great.

      4) Nordstrom – they just opened up a maternity section. The tops from Olian are beautiful, although I wear a cami underneath because some of them are too low.

      5) Target/Old Navy/Motherhood Maternity – I had no luck with these stores and found the quality of the clothes really cheap. I did buy a bunch of tights from MM, which I like.

      6) Ebay – I did not have any luck with this but several others on this site have recommended ebay.

      I know that there are many people who think it’s a waste of money to spend a lot of money on maternity clothes, but I found it totally worth it to investment in some quality pieces because I ended up wearing them a lot throughout my pregnancy. Congrats, and good luck!

      • NE Attorney

        Ohhh question regarding Isabella Oliver: The wrap tops look beautiful but I think I would have a tough time making them look as pretty as they do on the website. Did you buy any of those? Are they manageable for the less-coordinated?

        • NE Attorney

          And…. there’s the pregnancy brain, again. You answered my question in your post. Avoid the wraps, got it.

        • Two Cents

          I never ordered the wrap tops, but I tried one in a a consignment shop. I asked the owner to help me put it on and she eventually did it for me, but it took such a long time and was waaaaaaay too much fabric. I don’t want to spend 10 minutes putting on a shirt! I would say stick to the non-wrap IO tops, which are gorgeous.

    • Constant Comment

      I’ll reply in more detail later, but dresses are your friend. I had 8 or 10 that were appropriate for work or the weekend, and dressed them up with cardigans, scarves, statement necklaces, etc. to vary things a bit. My favorite work pants were the Gap perfect pant (or something like that) and I wore those a lot, but it’s much harder to find pants that fit throughout. In both my pregnancies I ended up buying more stuff at the end as clothes got tight and just b/c I was sick of everything. I bought some nicer pieces at a maternity boutique but got a lot of workhorses at Gap and Old Navy, and Loft has some really great sales online. Ebay is another good resource for gently used professional maternity clothes, although there’s the downside that you can’t always send it back if it doesn’t fit.

    • JJ

      I lived in dresses at work, a business casual law firm. I actually did find a few from the Liz Lange line at Target that worked for me. I didn’t find anything that Motherhood that I liked or that fit well. All of my maternity jeans and pants are from Gap because it’s really difficult to find maternity jeans with a 36 inch inseam…

      For weekends, I lived in Old Navy’s v-neck slub knit maternity t-shirts. I also got a lot of shirts from Gap. I was able to wear most of my regular cardigans and sweaters, just unbuttoned.

      For work pants, I lived in Gap’s options and probably wore some version of them at least once every week. Towards the end, I was wearing maternity blouses and tops (as opposed to my regular tops) and I got many of those from Isabella Oliver and the like. It was nice to have a few “go to” professional looking maternity tops for big meetings, etc.

    • NoVAAtty

      I am now 2 weeks away from my due date so I’ll give you what worked for me. Not sure your price range…I was not interested in spending much money on Maternity clothes, and wanted to be able to get through at least 2 weeks without having to wear the same thing all the time. If you’re looking to go on the cheap, I would highly recommended signing up for GAP, Old Navy, Pea in the Pod e-mails. Anytime there was a sale I picked up a few more pieces. Almost all my shirts made it the whole 10 months as did the dresses. It was only the pants I had to switch to full panel at 4-5 months. I also started wearing leggings as pants, which I know is a no-no but is so much more comfy when you’re pregnant. All my shirts were maternity so they were plenty long enough to cover anything from showing. I also wore primarily form fitting shirts pre-pregnancy, whereas if you have a “looser” more boho style – many of your shirts could work much longer than mine did. This also depends on the season. If the bulk of your pregnancy, where you’re really showing (from month 5-10) will be during the summer/warmer months, I think you have it way easier – I’d go dresses all the way instead of separates.

      I’d estimate I spent $1000, not including nursing bras, or maternity tights and made it through 10 months on the following:
      1 pair of GAP maternity jeans in the demi panel
      1 pair of GAP black maternity pants in the demi panel
      2 pairs of GAP maternity pants in the full panel 30% off (black and grey)
      1 pair of GAP maternity jeans in the full panel (again I stalked my e-mails every day for 30% sale)
      1 pair of hideous khaki pants from Motherhood Maternity (GAP has no khaki pants in full panel) – wouldn’t recommend
      3 GAP dresses that I bought when they were 30% off, around $30-$40 each – 1 was more casual, the other two I dressed up for works with tights/leggings, boots, cardigans, etc.
      1 Pea in the Pod wrap dress (on sale $60; for work, a wedding, a wedding shower)
      1 Motherhood Maternity wrap dress (cheap fabric but really a workhorse of a dress, could wear it to work, baby showers, nice night out, etc.)
      3 light weight Pea in the Pod shirts – both could go with either jeans or work pants + suit jacket or cardigan
      2 GAP maternity sweaters that I bought 30% off (again versatile)
      2 heavier Pea in the Pod sweaters (bought on the sale rack) – these were cowl neck sweaters that could again, go to work with black pants, or just leggings on the weekend
      4 Target sweaters ($25 or so each) (versatile)
      2 GAP Maternity G-Flex pants (A weekend/nighttime staple)
      4 GAP Maternity PureBody Shirts (I LIVED in these on the weekends – super comfy)

      Best of luck!

    • ANP

      I’m late to the party, but like NOVAAtty, I’m in the home stretch of my second pregnancy — 19 days to d-day and counting! Here’s what worked for me:

      – GAP full-panel black trousers, two pairs. I agree with the posters upthread who said dresses are your best friend; you can also wear leggings (instead of tights) underneath with boots, which is comfy and can work for the office (depending on dress code) and weekend. However, if you’re buying pants I highly recommend full-panel over everything else. The demi and half-panel stuff just doesn’t work all the way to the end.

      – Leggings + tunics + long sweater. This kind of outfit is comfortable for the weekend and is totally wearable in the “4th trimester” as well. You can swap out leggings for work-appropriate trousers and have a work-friendly look as well.

      – I bought lots of tanks and wear one almost every day. Helps with belly and b00b coverage. For some reasons, TONS of maternity stuff is low cut — which is silly b/c every pregnant woman’s chest gets huge, so why would we all want to display the ladies like that? Tanks are your friend. I got some great ones at Old Navy and Gap.

      – I agree w/not spending a lot of money on a maternity wardrobe — you wear the clothes to death and get sick of them by the end. I’ve recommended this on here before, but I’d pop into the occasional nearby thrift store. All it takes is for one person roughly your size to make a donation and bam! Instant maternity wardrobe.

      – Think about shoes and accessories. I did some fun stuff with long scarves and statement necklaces while pregnant. I also bought a couple of pairs of flats — nothing super expensive, but a couple of less expensive pairs so I could rotate shoes more than I could clothes. Slip-on anything is your friend, especially late in the 3rd tri. Although they’re not the cutest shoes in the world, I’ve come to really appreciate the Toms I got for Christmas for this very reason.

      – Some may disagree with me, but I bought doubles of stuff that was super-comfy or that just really worked for me. Ex: black yoga pants, aforementioned Gap full-panel work trousers.

      – Ask around and see if you have any friends with maternity clothes they’d be willing to loan you. I’ve shared my maternity clothes with two girlfriends over the last two years, because if I’m not using the clothes they’re just in storage.

  22. Brant

    Business travel to Hawaii dress code question:

    I am giving a presentation to a client based in HI. This is the first time I’ve been, but I’ve asked around, and the dress code at the client is “the formal side of business casual- for Hawaii”. This apparently means fancy sneakers, slacks not jeans or shorts, and a casual button down.

    Our company has a policy that one must be in a full suit if one is presenting to a client. No exceptions. My question is how to “dress down” my outfit to remain in my “client formalwear” without looking goofy in a room of folks in golf shirts and slacks.

    I’m thinking lighter colored suit–is that appropriate in January in HI?

    • Gus

      Yes, I’d go with a lighter colored pant suit (pale gray, taupe, tan), a patterned blouse (preferably not silk to make it less formal), a belt with a chunky buckle and some funkier jewelry.

    • JessC

      Would non-matching suit pieces be ok under your firms policy? Like a sheath dress and a colored blazer?

      • Brant

        Eh- it’s done, but not strictly to code. My boss is going and she is a frequent breaker of the dress code. So I have a bit of flexibility there…

        But I also have a Boston winter wardrobe :) I can dig out a sheath/blazer, perhaps.

    • anon

      I don’t want my daughter to ever date her son, at least after she gets through with him. He sounds like a cutie right now, though.

    • Muddy Buddy

      I saw this earlier and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I live in the South, and it seems like “gentlemanly” behavior (meaning opening car doors for women, letting women go first always, standing when women enter the room, etc.) is a lot more prevalent around here than in other areas of the country. I went through a phase where I’d internally sigh when a man opened a door for me or insisted that I get off the elevator first. However, a couple of years ago, I decided to embrace it, and it actually makes things flow a lot easier. When the elevator stops and 2 people are equally far from the door, there’s no awkward moment where you figure out who gets off first (obviously, this gets tricky if there’s more than one woman close to the door, but the who-goes-now dance typically only involves a couple of people rather than the whole elevator). And my disclaimer is that when I’m walking with a man and I arrive at the door first, I don’t stand there and wait for him to open it; I just open it and go through. I find that most men who observe these conventions are also generally polite to everyone, which is the most important thing.

      So, I don’t feel entitled to go first or to have others do things for me, but I do think it can have its place in just helping move things along.

      I also don’t think that practicing these conventions has a real effect on women’s salaries and power. I get the argument that it makes women seem different, but my anecdata shows that there’s no correlation between men who always open the door and men who have preconceived notions about women’s ability to work. For example, my boss will open car doors for women, always opens the door if he gets there first, etc., but he is one of the most outspoken advocates for treating women equally as far as pay, assignments, and prestige that I know.

      • JJ

        I live in Texas and agree with pretty much all of your comment, Muddy Buddy. Yes, the men in my firm will hold a door open for me or let me board the elevator first, but they’re also advocates for equal treatment/pay in the workforce.

        Totally agree that many of the men that follow these customs are just generally polite to everyone, which is not a bad thing.

      • mascot

        That’s such a good point about the “who goes first dance” I live in the South too and find this to be a part of the greater etiquette emphasis. It’s a know your area thing and I actually think you would be judged for not following some of the customs. That article irritated me.

        • Muddy Buddy

          So true. The judgment here goes both ways about not following the customs.

          I find it amusing to watch the young men lawyers’ behavior when they’re out with the VIP man partner, and I’m the only woman there. Some of them will practically trip over themselves to open the door for me to show VIP man that they know the rules. It’s especially fun to share a “silly dude” snicker with VIP man who is able to carry off the etiquette with much more subtlety.

      • kerrycontrary

        I don’t know if it’s a southern thing, but I agree that just following those social conventions leads to less awkward moments in elevators/doorways. I work in a large office and all men hold doors and let women get out the elevator first. It’s just easier.

        • MMM

          I think it’s a southern thing. It makes me really uncomfortable when men do that for me, and it often makes situations more awkward, IMHO. I grew up in the midwest and live on the east coast now.

    • JessC

      This actually reminds me of a guest article I wrote for the love/dating column in my college newspaper. A male friend of mine took a girl on a date. He was a total gentleman (no, I wasn’t on the date but he and I had dated briefly so I knew what he was like on a date) and his date was obnoxious and rude. She ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (we were college students and she ordered a steak/lobster dish) and proceed to ignore him for half the date while she was on the phone talking/texting. It became clear he was being used for a free dinner. So he excused himself to the bathroom and made for the door. While the last part of the story was not the most gentlemanly behavior, I used his story to state that if we as women want men to behave gentlemanly, we need to show similar courtesy and consideration to them in return.
      So I kind of get the point that she’s making. But I also think she’s overreacting. I think teaching little boys to treat little girls with kindness and consideration is a good idea and will likely spill over into treating other people courteously.

    • Divaliscious11

      There is no problem with the idea of men and women being different – we are. Equivalent value and treatment is important.

    • saacnmama

      I used to get really irritated at the holding the door thing, until I was carrying a baby, a pump, a bookbag full of papers to grade, my lunch leftovers, and maybe a laptop or the groceries all at once. During that time I felt like I was being admitted into a secret society that I had never known existed right in front of me and that older women were welcoming me in by holding doors and handing me things I dropped.

      But have some sense about it! A guy who holds the door when you’re 20 feet away so you feel rushed to get there isn’t helping you out. Women are not inherently weaker, at least to the point that opening a door is hard. There are times that the guy reaching over for the door or interrupting the flow of people through it is just awkward. Women can also hold the door open for anyone who’s weighed down with too much stuff to carry.

      Lest you think I’m a mannerless cretin: at my parents’ recent 50th wedding anniversary, my son helped my mom put her coat on, gave her his arm as they walked across the ice to the car, opened her door for her, tucked her coat in the car and closed the door…he can do all the manners, and at times finds it really fun. He can get a table for us in a restaurant, order his own dinner and has occasionally ordered mine…but what I’m trying to teach him (he’s 10) is to look for someone who won’t be dependent on him for any sort of open door. I think he’s got it, but we’ll see who he brings home!

      More important to me is that he is truly considerate, as in he considers the situation and responds correctly. Recently I suddenly did not feel well in the middle of grocery shopping. He took the list from me and told me to sit down at the front of the store. When I walked over to sign the credit card statement, the cashier paid him a huge compliment. At the car he told me to sit down while he loaded it, and at home he sent me to bed while he put the groceries away. That kind of attention and care is what I really value and want him to continue.

      I note that in the last lines of the article, the mother is headed over to tell her little boy to share with the girl he just took the ball from.

  24. Sweet as Soda Pop

    Vacation Threadjack – I have some frequent flyer miles to use, and am looking at taking a trip with my SO in April. Right now, I’m looking at California (Central Coast) and Hawaii, but I figured you ladies might have some ideas for places to go that I haven’t thought of. We did Mexico last year and both got food poisoning, so we’re not really looking to go back there any time soon. Also, any advice you have on fun things to do in Hawaii or California would be appreciated too!

    Thank you!

      • Sweet as Soda Pop

        Houston. And that’s a really good question about what kind of vacation we’re looking for. It would be to celebrate our anniversary, neither of us is especially adventurous, but we also wouldn’t want to sit on the beach or just wander around vineyards for a week either.

    • CKB

      We had lots of fun in San Francisco when we visited there a couple of years ago! Tons of things to do & see there.

  25. Jo March

    Hey ladies,

    Just when I needed really good news, I found out yesterday that my position at work has been made permanent! They didn’t have to do that until September, so that was a really unexpected and wonderful surprise. YAY!

    • Equity's Darling

      With the Crown, yes? Congrats!

      I know a few people from law school that are on their one year contract and hoping that a spot opens up for them….I guess it’s a similar battle regardless of location, soooo many people want to be with the Crown.

      • Anonymous

        Yep, with the Crown. I’m so glad! I articled with Legal Aid, but they don’t keep anyone these days…

    • TBK

      So happy you’re getting some positive news in your life! Hope you have some time (and energy) to go celebrate this weekend. Sounds like you and the prof could use some happy time.

    • Jo March

      Thanks, everyone! We happen to be going to the symphony tomorrow night, and we will extra-celebrate by going for a nice dinner beforehand.

    • saacnmama

      Oh thank heavens! Now enjoy your weekend and the anticipation for next month–your mama and your job are both safely tucked away and taken care of :)

  26. Anyone doing IBR for their student loans?

    I was on the phone with fedloan last night and turns out there’s a new payment IBR plan that has a lower percentage of your salary, and for a shorter time period than the original. Thought I’d share! (Especially for Frugal Friday, how appropriately timed!)
    -De

  27. Nice Cube

    I have this dress (‘rette first for me!). I ordered a petite, I am 5’1, and it is pretty short on me. Beware – read the details.

  28. kerrycontrary

    Bought it in black! I think I’m going to wear it with some patterned tights, maybe a nice belt. I’m surprised by the selection. I never shop Lands End but all of the dresses look like great basic pieces. And you can’t beat the prices with the sale today.

  29. KinCA

    My mom and I are considering taking a 4-day, mother/daughter vacation this spring to explore a new US city. However, we’re not entirely sure where to go! Our only criteria is that it’s outside of CA, NY, or Hawaii. Any suggestions?

    • anonahol

      Austin/San Antonio, Miami, Asheville, Seattle are all places I’ve really enjoyed. Also, that is a super cute idea and I might bring it up to my mom!!! lol.

      • AIMS

        Or better yet why not go to DC? If you time it, you can catch the cherry blossoms, go to all the museums, eat some great food – it would be such a great memorable experience for you.

      • NOLA

        April is a good time to visit N.O. as long as you avoid the end of the month (jazz fest – unless that’s what you’re looking for).

    • anon2

      How about the Twin Cities? It’s a Delta hub and there’s the Mall of America, good museums, the Guthrie Theater, lakes, biking, etc. If you have specific interests, put them out there and we can probably all give you more specific suggestions.

    • Carly

      Ive been wanting to go to Charleston, SC with my mom. It’s supposed to be gray for a short-ish trip, great food, etc.

    • L

      Charleston, SC is a lot of fun, and there are some great home/garden tours in the spring.

    • ABQ

      Four days is actually a pretty long time. I would choose somewhere where there is a lot of stuff to do. Therefore I would go with either Santa Fe or Philly.

      Honestly, I think you would get bored spending four days in Charleston, Nashville could be cool if you combined it with a whiskey tour. After 72 hours as a tourist in Nashville though, I felt like I had pretty much seen the whole city. (No offense to either city – they were great – I just couldn’t imagine trying to sustain 96 hours of tourism in either.)

  30. Susedna

    I know some of you don’t like Belle’s tone (or employer). (Belle of the Capitol Hill Style blog)

    But setting all that aside, I really like her post on weight loss/fitness resolutions today. It’s very sensible and sane.

    • MB

      I love Cap Hill Style’s style but I had to unsubscribe because I really couldn’t abide her employer. Its my own teeny, tiny, teeny protest against the NRA. And I don’t need fitness or weight loss inspiration, so I’m not tempted to sneak a peek.

    • Nonny

      Yes, I just read it and think she is bang on the money with this one. Go Belle.

    • ABQ

      I treat Cap Hill Style basically the exact opposite of how I treat Corporette.

      There all I do is look at the pretty pictures of the close, only skim the text, and never ever read the comments.

      Here I usually ignore the actual post and just skip straight to reading the comments.

  31. Starting therapy

    How many therapists did you interview before deciding on one? What do you look for during the first appointment to decide whether the therapist is the best fit for you?

    I’ve only interviewed one so far and I have one more appointment set up; I contacted two others that may not work out due to logistics. The one I met with was compassionate, I felt comfortable talking to her, and I liked the way she framed some of my issues, but seemed to have an attitude like, “It’s not you it’s them.” As much as I like being told I’m wonderful, I’m not coming to therapy to be told I’m perfect and it’s not my fault that everyone else is terrible. Clearly there is something about me that attracts and holds onto damaged people – there have been far too many of them in my life for it to be coincidental – and I want to know why and learn how to stop it. The therapist I’m meeting with next week seemed to get it during our phone consult, so we’ll see how it goes. I’d really appreciate any insights as to what kinds of therapists I should be looking for, questions to ask in my first sessions, how many I should meet with, or any other advice! Thanks all!

    • anonahol

      I have always just gone on gut instinct- does this person sound knowledgeable, helpful, are they listening to me? I don’t think accreditation/education/etc really matters. I’ve had both PhDs and LICSWs and I like social workers better.

      I would ask their philosophy and what type of therapy they practice- I really did not like CBT as practiced by my last therapist, though my current therapist, who does not explicitly espouse CBT seems to be doing a better job of getting me to think the way CBT is supposed to work. If that makes sense. Also, be open-minded. My psychiatrist is all about meditation, hypnosis and art therapy. I still think he’s a huge hippie, but I find him really helpful.

    • n.

      Keep in mind that most therapists are looking to build an alliance with you during the first session, which may mean that they’ll be unlikely to bust out the tough love approaches with you on the first day. If you want to get an idea of how they’ll operate in the long term, you can ask how long most of their clients are in therapy, and what their theoretical orientations are. If you’re in there to get things done, you probably don’t want someone who has a whole bunch of longstanding clients who have been seeing him/her for years. Similarly, cognitive behavioral therapists tend to be more short term/results oriented than psychotherapy traditions.

      • Susedna

        This.

        I’ve answered this question recently before here, and while it’s on them to be upfront about what they can do for you, you should upfront with them about your expectations.

        I had a problem I wanted tools to resolve, any therapist that seemed like s/he’s primary business was being a venting place without necessarily being goal-oriented would not fit.

      • Susedna

        I meant to type, “s/he’s got a primary business of being.”

        New Year’s Resolution — be a more coherent typer.

    • AnonaHippie

      I don’t know – it sounds like the therapist giving you the “it’s not you, it’s them” impression might be trying to get you to see that you are choosing people LIKE them for a reason, or perhaps future sessions will yield information that you are being too hard on yourself and blaming yourself for the actions of others. Either way, therapy is a “you get what you give” thing. Be open to exploring your own perceptions about yourself – you might find that you are wrong. This was the big thing I gained from therapy. I found that my attitude of, “my mother doesn’t play a huge role in my life – she’s a useless alcoholic and I don’t have time for her” was actually masking some deep issues I have about attachment, motherhood and my own self-worth. (ie: I was wrong in my early assessment of the situation, and realized that through exploring with my therapist)

  32. Color help!

    I’m getting the Dooney nylon Victoria tote for a work carry-all. Problem is, there are SO MANY PRETTY COLORS to choose from yet I’m leaning toward getting something neutral because I’m planning to use it year-round. Would you lovely ladies help me pick a color? Should I go with black, navy or light gray? Or could I get away with a color?

    – I wear gray/charcoal pants the most. Black is next popular, and navy or tan makes it into the rotation every few weeks.

    – For tops, I tend to wear a lot of purple/eggplant, blues, cream, gray year round, more burgundy and green during the winter, and corals and pinks during the summer.

    – I rotate between a black coat and a deep red coat during the winter.

    • Veronica

      I’d go with light gray. I think it would transition nicely between winter and summer. Black always feels too dark in spring/summer and I feel like navy would be tricky when wearing black.

  34. lawsuited

    Has anyone gotten a short-term prescription for anti-anxiety or similar medication?

    I usually deal very well with stress, but I have 2 trials starting a week and a half from now and have to draft 2 summary judgment motions in as many days. I’m feeling overwhelmed, but need to spend less of my time crying and more of it working.

    I am seeing my doctor today to get a prescription for anti-biotics (my immune system is also crashing in a serious way) and thought perhaps I could ask about anti-anxiety medication too?

    Any ideas of experiences would be appreciated?

    • kerrycontrary

      I have a friend that takes anti-anxiety only when she needs it (so not on a daily basis). Her brother died suddenly, and dealing with the aftermath was a lot to handle (understandably so). So she’ll just take it on nights she can’t stop thinking about stuff or can’t sleep, or if she feels an anxiety attack coming on randomly.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I take one for flying/travel anxiety. My doc gave me the lowest dose .25 so I can adjust based on my anxiety level. One the night before a flight, one the morning of a flight, two on the flight, and so forth. For me, if I am anxious the xanax doesn’t make me feel tired or drugged. If the anxiety goes away (the flight is over, in your case, the hearing is over) and the xanax is still in my body, I will feel exhausted and drugged. I can drive w/ it only when the anxiety producing stimulant is still affecting me. I can’t drive after. It takes a little practice to gauge this so I would be a little leary of trying it for the first time while you have to be very “on” – but, if you can try it out with various levels of stress over the weekend or something then go for it, with doctor’s permission of course. Can’t hurt to ask the doc about it. I find if I’m stressing and take it at night before bed, I will wake up rested and less stressed the next day and might even not need the morning dose. It breaks up the anxiety cycle.

      One thing I did notice though, is when it is fully engaged (say mid flight) I can sometimes have a bit of an issue speaking clearly. I think the thoughts but the words stumble on their way out. It also makes me super thirsty and a total light weight for booze. I would never intentionally drink on xanax but since I only take it to fly, I will sometimes forget I took it after I land and end up having a drink with friends. Halfway through, I’m drunk and remember why. So, if you do get it, be careful w/ drinks with colleagues at the end of the day.

    • TCFKAG

      Anti-anxiety meds are frequently prescribed on an as-needed basis. So I don’t think it would be a huge problem. If you can fit in some time for it, I bet you’d benefit a TON from an occasional yoga class right now too. Or something similar.

    • Anonymous

      I got an Rx for Xanax as-needed from my doctor with no trouble at all. I only use them to sleep or reduce anxiety during very stressful times at work, and they’ve been a huge help in getting past the stress so I can sleep and be more productive.

    • Sheila

      I have Ativan and Klonopin for occasional use, mostly for daytime anxiety (I can usually get to sleep, but my morning anxiety can be awful sometimes). In theory they’re supposed to have less addictive potential than Xanax, but they’re still only for once in a while. I only use my Ativan (Klonopin didn’t work as well and sometimes left me feeling really low) a few times a month at most. As I understand it, it takes a daily dose for a few weeks before the potential for tolerance and addiction sets in. My dad got hooked on Ativan for sleep a number of years ago and it was pretty miserable getting off them.

      • Anonforthis

        Same. Except for me the Klonopin works better than the Ativan, and the Xanax has not worked for me AT ALL (in fact, it made me MORE anxious). I have used the Klonopin as a one-off (as opposed to daily use, which is the official prescription) and it is great.

  35. East Coaster

    Just threw up in my office. But now I feel OK. Really hoping this was bad food and not something else.

    • roses

      Seriously, go home now just in case. Not only is the regular flu spreading like crazy, but norovius is too. Better safe than sorry-that-you-infected-your-whole-office!

      • AnonDC

        Second this! I had the norovirus in December and it was the worst three days of my life.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Food poisoning usually takes at least a couple of hours to show symptoms, so if you ate more recently, I’d assume it’s something else and go home. Don’t infect the office! (I’m a big fan of self-quarantine)

    • Sheila

      Hugs. I came down with a stomach bug once at work. My husband had to come and get me from the office bathroom. It sucked, but at least it’s usually over quickly.

  36. negative self-talk

    Regular poster, anon for this. I’ve been feeling so ugly lately. I’m going through the usual beauty routines, and even after makeup and styled hair, I look in the mirror and think, “That’s it?” I’m 32, so I’m starting to develop lines, and my face just looks… droopy. To top it off, I have small eyes to begin with, and they look even more squinty and beady than usual.

    Typing this out, I’m embarrassed, because I realize how self-absorbed and navel-gazing it sounds. And I’m always the one to tell my friends to stop with the negative self-talk! I never say any of this out loud. But I feel totally unattractive, and the negative self-talk in my head is not helping.

    I don’t want to get surgery or Botox or anything, but does anyone have any tips on how to feel better about my aging face? I know it’s not going to get better. How do I stop hating the way I look? Should I just stop reading magazines? (I’m not kidding. I wonder if that’s part of the problem).

    • e_pontellier

      Don’t feel bad – this is what we’re here for! If you’re unhappy with your face/eyes, I would suggest getting (fake) glasses, even just to see yourself differently for a bit. Also, studies have shown that the more time we spend looking at ourselves in the mirror, the less satisfied we are with how we look. So maybe take down the mirror you have in your bedroom and limit yourself to using the bathroom mirror? I don’t really have any brilliant advice, but just know you’re not alone. {{hugs}}

    • Monday

      I’m a fashion magazine junkie, but I always skip the sections about aging and all the products and procedures we’re supposed to use. I’m 31 and feel fairly good about my skin, but I’m just not interested in reading about all the things that I’m sure are “wrong” with it. I probably look my age, and why shouldn’t I? I guess my short answer is, you can still enjoy these magazines if you use them only for purposes of relaxing. This could mean putting them down altogether, or reading selectively as I do.

      In terms of curbing negative thinking, it might help to appreciate the mature beauty of women who look natural at your age and older. There’s a lot to admire, around you in real life and in the mags too.

    • Eleanor

      When my mom was quite a bit older than you (mid-40’s) she got a makeover – new haircut and color, new makeup – and she looked so much better. Not younger, necessarily, but way better. She didn’t just go to a counter at the mall, but someone who specialized in this sort of thing. I have no idea how she found this person, but maybe do some googling in your area and see if there’s anyone with good reviews or pictures who could do something like this for you. 32 is not very old, so I would be surprised if you look as bad as you seem to think. Maybe you’re just maximizing the bad things, and not seeing the good things? Alternatively, maybe trying to sleep more and drink more water would make you feel and look fresher.

      In any case, good luck. I’m sure you’re lovely.

  37. NOLA

    Well, ladies, I have just been put on jury duty. I thought I would want to postpone to the summer, but when I went, it is now only 3 days (used to be 2 days a week for a whole month) and I don’t have classes on those days, so I decided to get it over with. Oh, it’s going to be so much fun. Criminal Court!

    • Nonny

      Actually, I am kind of jealous. In my jurisdiction, lawyers aren’t allowed to serve on juries so I will never be able to do this and I kind of think it would be interesting.

      • NOLA

        I’ve only done it once before. It was right after Katrina so I practically knew everyone on jury duty with me. In the whole month, I was only selected once, although I went through selection several times. At the end of my month, there was a death penalty case and most of our pool was sent for that so the remaining people got sent for everything. At that point, I was well versed in how not to get selected for a jury. The only time I was selected for a jury, it ended in mistrial and the circumstances were somewhat comical (except for the poor man who was held up with sawed-off shotgun). Criminal court in Orleans Parish is a bit like a circus.

  38. FedTaxAtty

    I love frugal (aka fed) friday! As it seems that Lands End runs huge, I bought the Women’s Regular 3/4-sleeve Drapey Ponté V-neck Dress (black) in XS instead. Hope it fits!

  39. Middle of Blah

    Ranting TJ – I am currently getting my LL.M. in taxation at one of the only 2-3 schools that matter for this degree. OCI started today and I am still getting screwed by my grades in my J.D. I didn’t do terribly in J.D. – I ranked slightly above the middle. Whenever I manage to actually get a job, my employers always love me but getting a toe in the door is impossible when employers only look at one metric – those effing grades! Gar!

    • LLM

      I completely understand where you are coming from. I had the same issue going through OCI. None of my LLM friends got jobs through OCI but we were all gainfully employed by graduation or a month or two after. The OCI employers look closely at JD grades, but other employers care more about the LLM grades and what courses you take. Don’t let the OCI experience get you down!

    • pumpkin

      So glad you’re going to a school that matters!! I’m not, but I have a job after graduation. I applied everywhere, including at Big 4 accounting firms. I also talked to my tax professors about jobs. I did not rely on OCI to make it happen for me, as like you I lack stellar JD grades.

  40. anon just in case

    My alumni network has a database which allows people to say that they’re available to offer career advice, assistance finding a job, etc. There is one person that signed up to offer advice, etc. that works where my husband (who graduated from a different school) is applying. I’m fairly confident the person won’t mind giving advice to my husband (given the “culture” of my alumni network) but should I contact the person first, or should my husband contact the person directly and simply mention that he received the contact info from me, through the alumni database?

    • Eleanor

      I think your husband should contact the person and explain how he got his/her contact info. If someone contacted me on behalf of her spouse, I would wonder why the spouse wasn’t doing his own networking.

    • k-padi

      Your husband should contact her and explain how he received the contact info. Otherwise, it screams of the spouse version of “helicopter parenting”.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      As usual, I disagree with the group. I wouldn’t try to network for your husband but I would think it appropriate to see if she was okay with her contact info being shared. I would probably say something along the lines of “while searching through the alumni database I came upon your post. My husband is actually considering applying there. Would you be okay with me passing your info on to him? I imagine he would like to speak with someone from the company. Thanks.

      • anon just in case

        Why do you think that’s a better approach–because the person is more likely to care/respond/help if the alumnus contacts first, or because it’s more proper ettiquete-wise?

        • Blonde Lawyer

          Both. She is offering her services to the network, not everyone that everybody knows in that network. If I were in her shoes and got an email from someone not part of the network, I would be annoyed and less likely to respond. If I’m the lone dissenter though, go with the majority!

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