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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 214 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Long-Sleeved Geometric-Print Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. LAUREN RALPH LAUREN Long-Sleeved Geometric-Print DressHappy Wednesday! I'm loving the geometric print and the bold colors with this Lauren by Ralph Lauren dress — something about it reminds me of stained glass. It's available in sizes 2-16 at Lord & Taylor for $139 full price (but use code VETS to take 20% off through 11/18, bringing it down to $111). LAUREN RALPH LAUREN Long-Sleeved Geometric-Print Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Clueless 20-Something

    Question for the hive, and I would love any of your opinions on this issue. I’m making this relatively vague just to assuage my own fears of the big ole Internet. In the last 2 years I graduated from grad school having earned a master’s degree. I was fortunate to secure a relevant position with a company that does very dynamic, interesting work, highly values its employees, and pays relatively well. The hours are very manageable and upper management is fantastic. Unfortunately, my fiance (also, a recent master’s degree recipient) has not enjoyed the same. He works at a very small company and, while he has gained tremendous experience in project management and wears hundreds of hats, his boss is a nightmare. So much so that it’s severely affecting his wellbeing. There is no chance of his boss changing her ways or being let go.

    My company’s main office (where I work) is located in an area that doesn’t offer many job opportunities for him. However, my company does have a very small office in another state and in a city that offers more opportunities. We are considering moving, but I’m not sure if my company would allow me to transfer. The company is not very telework friendly, and transferring offices is apparently not commonplace but not impossible. I should also add that currently my fiance lives in a different city (1-1.5 hours away). We are desperate to find ways to live together again.

    Do I pitch the idea to my company first to see if it’s even a possibility that I could transfer? Is that worth doing before he has a job lined up? It seems that if he could get a job lined up first, that would be an easier sell to my company on why I need to move. Any tips on how to go about doing this? I know things like this must happen all the time, but I’ve honestly never dealt with it! Thank you so much – I have learned an obscene amount of knowledge from this site!

    • roses

      I’m a little confused…why is the first step here to move to another city without your fiance having a job lined up? Can’t he look for another job in your area first? If he hasn’t done that yet, I wouldn’t start worrying yet about transferring offices with your company.

      • Anon

        I’m wondering if the OP lives in a company town with very few options in her area for her fiance other than the company (ex: Bentonville).

      • Diana Barry

        +1. If his job is untenable, I would have him look for jobs first. If there aren’t opportunities in the other city for him, or if he doesn’t get a job there, it would probably hurt you to ask ahead of time if you could transfer to the other office.

      • Clueless 20-Something

        For the past several months he’s been looking for and applying to jobs in my area, but no word so far. Only 2-3 jobs were actually a great fit. We’ve taken an initial look over the weekend at the other city online, and it seems like there are far more opportunities for him to find a job there. He’s going to start applying to some there and see what happens. But I’m basically worried that he’ll go through all this work and potentially receive an offer, only to find out that my company won’t let me transfer. But I’m also not sure if it’s appropriate for me to talk to upper management about this issue without him having a job in hand. I may be over-thinking the issue.

          • AnnonFoo

            Wow, that is such rude and judgemental comment. She is honestly trying to figure out her options. Yes she cares about her career enough to not give up a good job right away for the fiance, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

          • Olivia Pope

            I think it’s so cowardly when posters go anon for flame-throwing.

            Why do people pretend that careers and relationships have nothing to do with each other? If OP reveals her intent to transfer and her company pushes her out, then both she and fiancé would be without jobs in the other city. That would not help their relationship or future together. She’s wise to think about her relationship AND her career.

          • Senior Attorney

            I think it is utterly reasonable to value a great job and to be reluctant to give it up for the sake of her fiance’s uncertain-at-this-point career prospectes.

            Let’s face it — relationships, even marriages, come and go, but your career is a lifelong endeavor. The only career you can be sure will support you no matter what is your own.

          • Ashley

            I am appalled by this comment. I see no justification for it at all. In fact, I read the opposite. Very few women or men would give up the kind of job the OP described for anyone, let alone someone they are not yet married to.

        • Sue

          What about waiting until he has a job offer in hand before deciding to move? With regards to your company letting you transfer to me it seems like it makes more sense to ask only in the above case. As someone who likes to plan ahead I would also say it would be a good idea to check whether YOU would have opportunities in the new city once your fiance moves. (Otherwise you could end up facing the same issue all over again.)This is incase the company does not offer you a position in the smaller office or let’s say you moved to the smaller office and didn’t enjoy working there as much for whatever reason.

        • mascot

          What is the game plan if your company doesn’t let you transfer? Does the new city have opportunities for you as well? I accepted a new job in a new city only to find out that DH’s transfer was pulled. It all worked out and he found a new job, but it was super stressful.

          • Clueless 20-Something

            Thank you for the replies so far! The new city would likely have lots of opportunities for me as well. The other issue is that it’s halfway across the country, and we’d be moving with virtually no connections. At this point, if I could transfer, we would likely stay put and figure out a new plan. By his own words, I’m currently the breadwinner and my job takes priority. We each have student loan debt – not law school amounts of debt, but low six figures between the two of us. We can’t afford to move to a new city and scrape by waiting tables or interning while we job hunt. Hopefully this all works out magically soon. We’ll likely give it some more time and see if he can snag an offer in the new city.

          • Clueless 20-Something

            Oops, just saw a typo – “At this point, if I COULD NOT transfer, we would likely stay put and figure out a new plan.”

        • D

          my 2 cents is that if he does find a job in the other city and you can’t transfer right away, do the long-distance thing. It’s difficult but i myself am doing that at the moment and i have several colleagues who are too, ive also read of many others on here who do it and said that it makes their relationship stronger. not being able to transfer right now isnt a permanent state, you might just have to wait a bit and youre both ready to marry each other so it shouldnt be a problem until you are able to transfer. bigger picture! you have debt and would like a debt free, secure future – together! long-distance is just a sacrifice for a greater goal. good jobs are hard to find and so are great relationships, you dont have to give up either! good luck!

    • Boot question

      If you’re engaged to a non-local fiance, maybe the possibility of your moving is something at least your direct reports are thinking of, especially if your area isn’t a magnet for people with your fiance’s skills? I’d just ask at this point, when the stakes are lower: Manager, what do you think about me working in City X [if that’s where fiance’s job takes him]? If you start this with blessings, it may go better (and if not, and you need to move to City X for fiance’s job, it will help get references for your eventual job search. It will tee up the issue at least, especially if your company likes you and wants to keep you. This job / happiness / location thing may be something you revisit from time to time anyway (so if you do transfer, you keep your eyes open as you and your company evaluate how it’s working out / maybe something would work out better / etc.).

      FWIW, I’m dealing with this now, except we are in the same city (and it’s my husband) — more jobs for him elsewhere but I am pretty portable. He is so miserable that an eventual move may be what we do. Happiness of both partners is when things work best.

    • Anon

      I would probably wait until he has an offer, or at least several promising interviews.

    • s-non

      If you have a good relationship with your manager (i.e. he/she knows that you have a fiance that lives out of town), I would bring it up now. Your manager should know and understand that eventually, you two will try to live together. You can mention the difficulties he has had searching for a job in your town, so s/he knows that you would love to stay and work there.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like you have a fantastic job. I agree with everyone else and would not necessarily give that up unless your fiance has something similarly amazing in hand. (You could transfer to a new office and it could not be as great as what you have now). I would have him keep trying to find a job in your area.

    • Olivia Pope

      I personally think he should explore options as much as he can in both places, and you in the other city. I wouldn’t bring up transferring at work until fiancé is further along in his search (offer, in depth interview). Also, be prepared to live apart for a while if he finds/starts an opportunity and your company needs a few months to transfer you.

      Keep your ears open at work to discern whether or not transfers are possible. If at all possible, find ways to connect with people at the other office.

    • Atlanta

      I agree with others that I would wait to formally ask about it at your job until things are a little more defined for him. But it’s my experience that these things can be highly employee-specific. So I would take the time between now and then to really step up your game at your office and be a rockstar, so that when it’s time to broach the subject, the decision makers have recent examples of what talent you are that they would want to retain.

    • Samantha

      I would try to scout out people in your firm who have moved offices, and ask them for tips. In my previous firm which had several offices, there were official channels of transfer, and unofficial channels. The official transfer application would take months to a year, but if you started working with a partner in another office and they liked you, it was far easier to move to that office. So I’d suggest scouting out opportunities to work with people either in or closer to that city.

  2. wildkitten

    Does anyone do gel nails at home? Does it work? Is there a system that’s best? Are the nail polishes interchangeable with the different systems? TIA.

    • Anon

      I’ve been doing Shellac at home for about a year and absolutely love it! I did tons of online research beforehand to determine which system best fit my needs and learn the tricks to make it work perfectly. Basically, you need to be absolutely sure with whatever system (Shellac, Gellish, etc) you use, you are getting the correct combination of product and curing light. Some products are only LED curable, while some (like Shellac) are cured with UV light. The reason this is important is that product that is not fully cured can cause a painful allergic reaction. Generally, people seem to mix and match products between systems, but I use only CND Shellac.

      I would re commend looking for DIY shellac or “SOG” (soak off gel) threads on Purse Forum. There is some animosity between the DIY camp and the nail techs who post there, which is understandable. Just understand that anyone who says the technique is too complicated to DIY is blowing smoke and just trying to protect their job. If you can paint your nails, you can Shellac.

      I bought everything on Amazon. CND shellac base coat, CND shellac color, CND shellac top coat, 60 watt UV nail lamp, acetone NP remover, rubbing alcohol. Doing one hand at a time, you use a very thin coat of each (two coats of color) with a couple minutes under the curing light in between each coat. At the end, you cure again and then wipe the nail with rubbing alcohol. When you’re done, the polish is rock hard immediately and will stay perfect for two weeks! I love it!

    • Anon

      I would add that if you’re going to try it, I would reccomend getting the “real” stuff online rather than the kits you can buy at drugstores.

    • Anon

      Last couple thoughts —
      The most important thing you’ll do that affects your nail health with gel nails is to be careful during removal. You must soak it off, rather than peeling or scraping it. Wet cottonballs with acetone, place on nails, and wrap your fingertips in foil. Put a heating pad over the top and wait 10-15 mins. The polish will rub right off. The other important thing is to moisturize the nail everyday. People use Solar Oil, but plain jojoba works just as well and is way cheaper. Just rub a bit into your nails and cuticles every night and you’re good to go.

      Also, you can do shellac in a neutral color (I like negligee), and then put regular polish over the top. The base of shellac makes the regular polish last MUCH longer than normal, and you can just remove it with non acetone NP removed and be left with perfect shiny shellac in seconds. I do this a lot when I want a fun or dramatic color for the weekend because I can have my “professional nails” back for Monday with basically no effort.

  3. Anon

    Gift ideas for a birthday present for a 10 year old boy? He hates to read, likes sports, doesn’t play video games. Budget of around $20-$30.

        • Miss Behaved

          Yup. I need something for an 8, a 9, and a 10 year old girl. I might get them all the same thing.

          • anon in tejas

            activity books, boxes of crayola art supplies went over really well with my nieces who are in that age bracket.

            also cool clothes (picked out by their cool aunt) from justice went over really well for them for their birthdays.

            both of my nieces have amazon kindles, so gift cards for books also has been a big hit.

    • Walnut

      Legos or Knex? Find out if he already has a preference for one or another kind of building system. If he has a favorite team, you might look for a jersey, hoodie or something for his room with their logo.

    • Walnut

      A different angle would be some sort of chemistry/physics/electricity set. Or a rocket kit that he can build and shoot off.

    • Anon

      My ten year old nephew loved when we got him a $10 set of headphones in neon green and a $15 itunes card to go along with it. He also likes a particular football team and so we got him a hat with his name embroidered on it and he really liked that.

      I also agree with nerf guns if his parents are ok with it. My two nephews love them.

      • Architect

        A local toy store in Minneapolis has great gift guides. You can search by interest (like Playmobil or dolls) or by age. The store is Creative Kidstuff.

  4. Reaching out?

    Career related TJ: A few weeks ago I did an informational interview with someone at an organization I’m interested in. The conversation went well, I learned abit more about the kind of work they do with regards to my field and the contact even asked for my resume at the end which I sent. My skillset would work well in the team my contact works in but I have no idea if and when they would be hiring. I have been checking the website to see if any of the vacancies would be a good fit, but still haven’t seen anything. The organization does have a programme aimed at recruiting new graduates to work in different areas depending on their expertise. Again I don’t know when they would be actively recruiting but I compiled an application and submitted it online. So my current dilemma is whether to email my contact again and say something along the lines of “Hey, I’m still interested in your organization and BTW I also submitted my application for recruitment program X”. Would this be a good idea or is it too pushy? Just starting out in my career and trying to tap into as many opportunities as I can. If I do go ahead and do it, what would be a nice way to frame the email? I have been going over this in my mind and cannot seem to come to a conclusion! Help!

    • DC Wonkette

      Absolutely email them. I would structure it as… “Thanks again for taking the time to meet with me a few weeks ago. Hearing about your experience at company X solidified my intent to pursue opportunities in Y field. I recently applied for Z job in X company (be specific so they can potentially help on the back end with HR) because you spoke so highly about the opportunities you have had. Please let me know if you have any advice as I move along with the process.”

      Good luck!

  5. Baconpancakes

    Biking TJ: Do any ladies here bike to work? Maybe I’m being unreasonably inflexible, but all the biking enthusiast blogs/friends answering “How do I bike to work and still look professional?” seem to say “Change the way you dress, the way you do your hair, your entire daily routine, and then biking is no problem at all!” I’m hoping a work fashion blog will be a good place to avoid the inevitable suggestion that maybe I shouldn’t focus so much on looking the way I want.

    I mean, yeah, I could only wear my hair in a low bun or braids (since it’s not like everyone at work thinks I’m five years younger than I am anyway), shun pencil skirts and heels, wear only patterned, dark clothing to hide sweat, or get to work an hour early every day in order to shower, do my hair, change into work clothes, and do my makeup, carrying my entire bathroom with me every morning… or I could continue taking the bus most places, and drive when that’s not feasible.

    Any actually useful advice on making biking a part of your every day life? I know in many European countries, people bike slower because it’s safer and there’s less threat of getting run over, and as a result, many of those women seem to bike in heels and full suit skirts. Is that the secret? Move to a bike-friendly city?

    • Anon

      I used to live in Amsterdam and I would bike in all of my clothes- tights, heeled boots, you name it. The trick is to go slower- it really stops you from sweating. Dress so you’re cold when you first start out so that when you heat up from biking you’re not sweating. It’s true though, in Amsterdam I noticed girls wore less makeup, their hair wasn’t as ‘done’. I gave up on styling my hair when I was there because biking would ruin it (but it was a nice change of pace for me to be more chill about my appearance). I would imagine you could put it in a loose bun and take it out when you get to work.

      Are you worried that if you bike slower you will get run over? I would assume that traffic at rush hour goes slow enough that this shouldn’t be a problem.

      • AIMS

        This.
        You don’t have to treat biking like a physical challenge. You may have to adjust slightly to better grip shoes (boots are great), and watch out to make sure your clothing is not too restrictive/won’t get caught in your bike but you really can do it. If you don’t already have a bike, look for an old fashioned bike, not some sporty monster. Go slower, have a little basket for your bag and you should be okay. FWIW, I see a lot of people in suits and office clothes biking in NYC – it’s not impossible.

      • cbackson

        I think in Amsterdam the average commute tends to be shorter and flatter as well. I bike-commuted in Seattle, and my round-trip commute was 12 miles and it was very hilly. There was no way to do that without sweating.

        • Anon

          Agreed- and that’s when no matter what you do biking becomes a workout and you have to adjust accordingly.

        • prof on a bike

          Agreed, I’ve lived in a few very hilly places and definitely had to pack stuff and shower at work. I think it’s also hard to just decide to start biking to work in your average American city if you haven’t expressly chosen your apartment with this in mind because of the scale/lack of bike infrastructure in most places.

    • Anne Shirley

      Does it have to be daily to work for you? The heels part is easy- heels live under your desk at work. And do you wear pencil skirts everyday? What about finding 4 biking friendly outfits in your wardrobe and making Tuesdays biking days for a month? So much of it us your personal preference/commute/sweatiness that it might help you make a plan tailored to your needs.

      • long time lurker

        No solution for the sweat but heels could live under the desk, and you could wear tights under some light weight pants and carry your skirt in a tote/backpack/messenger bag and change quickly in the office, and wear your regular top?

        • long time lurker

          Also my new fave thing is a mini flat iron I picked up at sephora. It lives in my office and fixes bad hair from wearing hats or just subway humidity. I usually only need it on my wavy-ish bangs. Maybe that would help with the hair.

    • Anon

      I don’t get sweaty when I bike unless it’s like 100 degrees. Biking creates a breeze that cools you off, and if you do it a lot you’ll get accustomed to the physical activity. It sounds like you may not have tried it yet? I’d do it one day and see – I doubt you’ll be sweaty enough that you’d need to change clothes, and you will probably not have sweat stains on your clothing, though I guess it depends on what the weather is like. I wear my hair in a low ponytail and run my fingers through it when I’m done. I wouldn’t bike in a pencil skirt, but you could throw it in your bag and change in the bathroom.

      • Baconpancakes

        Nope, I’m one of those people who sweats sitting in my desk chair. I used to bike to work when I lived in a smaller town with fewer cars.

      • Baconpancakes

        Also the dress code at that job was jeans and a blazer – very different from the pencil skirts and dresses at my current position.

    • Anonymous

      This really depends on where you live and how rigorous your commute is. I live in a major city, bike two miles each way to work. I wear all of my regular clothes including sheaths and pencil skirts with no problem. I also do not change how I do my hair or makeup, just touch up each before going in as I would after a walking commute too. I bike really slowly in the summer and actually find it less sweaty than walking/taking the subway. I do not bike in super cold weather or rain as that would require outfit changes. This may vary if you live somewhere super hot or have a really long or rugged commute but otherwise I think you are overthinking it.

    • cbackson

      A lot of these answers crack me up – I’m very fit, but I’m a sweat-er. And when I bike-commuted, my commute was 12 miles round-trip and very hilly. No way I could do that without sweating, no matter how cool it was outside.

      OP, I had a shower at my office, and that was the only thing that made it work for me. I got a pannier for my bike and put my work clothes in that. I kept heels, a hairdryer, and my make-up at work. If you are a person who sweats or your commute is long/hilly, the likelihood that you can do it in normal clothes or without a shower is low.

    • NWanalyst

      I live in the greater Seattle area and was bicycling to work for a while. There was no way I was going to bike in my work clothes; the ride was short, but the hills are killer. I packed my clothes in and changed in the ladies’, and I always wore my hair up (not the most flattering thing on me). Someone eventually tipped me off that there were showers on another floor, so after that I was bicycling and showering here. I had to pack in a hair dryer, as well as attire, makeup, and lunch. When the weather turned foul this fall, I realized I would need to winterize my cycling gear and bike, and I’d be riding in the dark most of the time, which is dangerous on our narrow, hilly, twisty roads. That combined with clothing being heavier/bulkier just made the whole thing untenable. Now, I bike occasionally, but most of the time I carpool with DH.

      DH works on the other side of the lake, so he carpools with me to the park-and-ride next to my work, takes the bus over the lake, and rides a folding bike for 15 minutes to get to his office. He bicycles in dress shoes, nice jeans, an undershirt, and a coat. When he reaches his office, he puts on the dress shirt and usually a vest. He’ll wear a suit to the office about one day a week, and on those days he drives.

      I see the main advantage of living in a “bike-friendly” city such as Copenhagen as the flatness and relative closeness of most things you want to reach. The way I see it, America is a city of cars because everything is so dreadfully distant from everything else. And many roads here are very bicycle-unfriendly. I think it’s a nice thing to do if/when it’s convenient, but I’m done trying to force it to happen when I’d rather spend the time and energy on something else.

      • Eleanor

        Well, also everything in America can be so distant because we have cars. That is, we can think of the distance as causing us all to have cars, as you stated, but older cities that were built before cars have things closer together. So, we’ve built cities around our cars, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

      • Nonny

        I live in Vancouver. In certain parts of Vancouver, biking is not a problem. But I basically live on a mountain and there is no way in he!! I will be biking to work in this lifetime. People do it, but I see them as superhuman. I think a large part of biking success is to live in a flattish area.

        That being said, I think that biking in an area with lots of freeways etc. would be the opposite of fun. And unfortunately the average American city these days contains lots of those things – geared to cars, not people.

    • prof on a bike

      I bike everywhere, and I definitely agree with the advice that going slow will really help. I aim to bike at a speed that’s about the aerobic equivalent of walking, even though this means that there are many other people zipping by on their bikes. For makeup, I’ve found products over the years that are really sweat/weather resistant (blinc mascara, Bobbi Brown long wear eye gel, etc). For hair, I have a pixie cut and I wear a lightweight beanie to keep my hair flat, and then tousle it a bit when I get to work. Biking in heels is no problem (although I did change out my pedals to ones with a bit more grip to make this feel less slippery), but in the winter I wear boots and change into shoes at work. The only thing I haven’t really figured out is biking in a pencil/straight skirt, it always seems to ride up on me. In that case, I wear a pair of black ponte pants (comfortable to bike in, but don’t look ridiculous to arrive to work wearing), and then change when I get there.

      It might sound like a lot of work, but truly, biking to work for me is so much better than taking the metro or walking, and driving where I am is completely out of the question. I arrive feeling more awake and less stressed, I get half an hour of exercise every day whether I make it to the gym or not, and I usually actually get to work faster than I would by another means of transit. It’s worth some tweaks to my wardrobe and routine for me!

    • Interrobanged

      I bike to work occasionally. It’s about five miles for me. I am lucky enough to have a shower in the basement of my building, so I just get off the bike, shower, dress, and go right to work. I had to bring my clothes, makeup, hair care products, and hair dryer with me. After a while I realized/discovered that no one at the building uses the locker room/shower area, so I just left the hair dryer and shampoo in one of the lockers and nothing has ever happened to either.

      If you DON’T have a shower, then I think the only solution is to bike slowly. Lots of people I know bike to work around Lake Michigan (in Chicago) and they go fully dressed. I think they way they make it work is to bike slowly.

    • Pink

      I used to bike to work everyday in heels + pencil skirt, but it was flat, and it was because there wasn’t much traffic on my country route, and my work was 3 minutes away.

      When I can snag a citibike I will bike home in my work clothes but I’ve only biked to work in NYC once (it’s uphill, and I don’t trust morning rush hour traffic with my life since my route doesn’t have the dedicated lanes). I don’t change my attire and I don’t think it’s ripped the backs of any skirts yet.

      Tips: I would wear sensible shoes in that I wouldn’t wear manolos or other pricey shoes as they could get beat up while biking. I would get heavy duty gloves because of the windchill and also be sure to tuck your scarf ends in so it doesn’t fall off while riding.

    • Baconpancakes

      Thanks for the input, ladies. Unfortunately what I’m getting here is, no, you can’t bike to work and keep the same hair and clothes, which is my reluctance to do it in the first place. I admit I’m unwilling to give up on fashion for practicality in a lot of situations. It took me six months before I caved and and bought fairly ugly commuting shoes and gave up on trying to make my cute ballet flats work for the walking commute I make half the week.

      I do like the idea of only making it an occasional, slow thing, with just a few bike-to-work outfits. That might work for me. Keeping things at my desk isn’t an option (everything has to fit in two drawers, including my actual work supplies), and lockers are 2-hour use only, so I’d have to lug everything every day. Currently, I only use the gym after work to be able to go right home without trying to look professional. Also, I have very long hair that frizzes at will, so “touseled” isn’t really a good look for me.

      • Anne

        It really depends on how fast you go, how dressed up you are, and how long the distance is.

        When I lived in Copenhagen, I biked everywhere, as did (almost) everyone else. Including the partners in my firm, some of whom were women. The thing was that it wasn’t speeding bikes – it was just regular bikes and it wasn’t so much about getting somewhere fast, but getting there.

        And it was mostly flat.

        Now I live in Norway – on top of a gigantic hill. I still bike to work sometimes, and wear the same outfits and other things, but I have a change of clothes at work *just in case*. The advantage here for me is that it is downhill to work, and then home it is uphill. I might get to work with helmet hair, but that is nothing a brush can’t fix.

      • Parfait

        I am thinking about making the leap to biking to work as well. It’s tough because (a) I live about an hour bike ride away, if I take the detours that allow me to stay on bike paths and streets with marked bike lanes, and (b) am fat and out of shape. Are you able to bring a bike on public transit where you live? Buses here have a bike rack on the front that will fit two bikes. I am thinking about starting out by taking the bus to work and biking home. That way I am sweaty and disheveled only on one end of the day.

        Of course, if other people have already taken up both racks, I would have to wait for the next bus. So I could only do this on days where I don’t have an early meeting.

        Still, it would further my goals of (a) frugality and (b) better health, so I am hoping I can bring myself to start doing it at least a couple times a week despite the challenges.

        • prof on a bike

          If the potential lack of bike racks is the main barrier, you could think about getting a folding bike. You can just fold them up and carry them on the bus/metro with you, if there’s no bike rack available. It’s not necessarily a cheap solution, but depending on what you’d save in commuting costs/gym membership/etc it might be worth it

      • SoCalAtty

        I think you could if there was an option for showering at work. I’ve done it a few times here, and I plan it and keep the clothes / toiletries I’ll need to get ready at the gym shower here. If a locker / keeping clothes / toiletries there is an option, that may work for you.

      • Alana

        Have you tries shoe inserts for the ballet flats?

        When I bike to work, I shower beforehand and use baby wipes afterward. I agree with the other commenters about cycling slowly to avoid sweat.

        Parfait, go for it! I am out of shape as well, but with consistency, cycling will eventually feel easier. If your schedule permits it, the commute is a great way to get the blood pumping to your brain before work and to decompress after work.

    • Janester

      I’ve discovered that biking in heels is actually amazing! Your contact with the petal is normally just in the ball of your foot, which is where your weight is with heels. I have a much easier time biking in heels than walking in them (but this might just be me…)

    • ExcelNinja

      Baconpancakes, how long would your commute be? Sorry if I missed it. Late to the party.

  6. Brunette Elle Woods

    I scheduled a meeting with an attorney I interned for one summer in law school for this weekend. I am currently employed, but would like to move to another law firm as soon as possible. What types of questions should I ask her? I have never had one of these types of meetings before.

    • Houston Attny

      I think some general questions would be in line along with perhaps letting her know your goal of moving to another firm. Has she done that? What did she wish she’d known before she moved to another firm? Once you are further in the process, can you contact her with some specifics (will you tell me if I should never ever work for such and such firm or so and so?)? Does she have anyone she would suggest you meet?

      I hope that helps!

  7. NOLA

    PSA – Tumi Friends & Family sale on ebags. 20% off. Doesn’t look like there is a code.

    I got my new Free People sweater from the Nordstrom sale last night. It’s perfect! The smaller size fits perfectly. I got the black and gray version (http://www.freepeople.com/after-the-storm-cardigan/_/searchString/after%20the%20storm/QUERYID/528394f28570a3686b000120/CMCATEGORYID/683d4023-53f5-4900-b5ce-ecf465df31a9/SEARCHPOSITION/0/STYLEID/29640794/). It’s so cool – long with a hood. I’m wearing it now with a black tank and leggings and slouchy black suede heeled boots. My SO is visiting so he helped me pick out which boots I would wear with my outfit and he loved the look. Just wish I’d worn a scarf – it was in the 30s!

  8. Tights

    Is there a way to wear wool tights in a semi-business formal office? It’s getting below freezing now and the pantyhose aren’t cutting it.

    For context, my office is sort of a smart business casual. I don’t have to wear a full suit every day, but the “minimum” would be pencil skirt + button down shirt. Sometimes on more casual days, I’ll wear a nice cashmere sweater and dress pants, but I find it super annoying that women’s button downs are never long enough to properly tuck into pants without coming out (at least not on 5’8″ me), so skirt + button down is what I usually do.

    • Anne Shirley

      Just put them on? Solid wool tights in black or grey are pretty conservative and should be fine, so long as you’re not talking about crazy cable knitted sweater tights.

    • backgrounder

      Also, fleece lined tights are wonderful! I bought several pair and they look like regular opaque tights but have extra warmth with the cozy fleece

      • OttLobbyist

        Fleece lined tights changed by entire perspective on skirts in the winter (and it is *cold* here). I actually find them warmer and more comfortable than pants in the depth of winter. For late fall and late winter though, I keep regular tights or hose to change into at the office.

          • S in Chicago

            Try Target. I bought some there a few weeks ago. They look like normal black opaque tights on the outside and they’re super cozy on the inside. I’m not seeing them online though. They were with the rest of the tights and pantyhose. I think the brand was Merona?

          • LizNYC

            They also stock them in Walmart. I passed them by a few weeks ago (and should have really bought them — it’s 29 today after being 60 last week!)

          • Parfait

            They had racks and racks of them at TJMaxx last time I was there (Legale brand), for about 1/6th of the price of those shopbop ones. They are so very cozy. I bought navy and purple and must go back for more.

        • Tights

          I am so buying these! My casual winter wardrobe involves Patagonia long johns all winter, but they’re not really wearable when not under another pair of pants. Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      I wear my tights with a dressy pair of high heeled black boots. I feel like the boots dress up the fact that I’m wearing tights.

    • Mpls

      I guess I’m stuck on the part where sweater+dress pants is more casual than the pencil skirt and button down. They’d be on par for me in a business casual environment. If the button down doesn’t tuck into pants (you could try looking at tall sizes, they usually have longer torso lengths too) then wear something else under your sweater. I don’t see any of this be a detriment to wearing pants.

      Unless you want to wear skirts, which is a valid life choice. And then I agree with Anne Shirley – you wear them like tights, since that’s what they are. Be sure your skirt is lined, though, so that the tights don’t pull funny on the skirt when you’re moving around.

    • prof on a bike

      I have a pair of Falke cashmere blend tights that I love and wear a lot to work. They don’t look quite right with lightweight wool skirts to me, but they look fine with a heavier/more textured wool (I have a houndstooth pencil skirt that I wear them with a lot), and with sweater dresses.

    • bankratty

      I work in a conservative office and I wear tights to work almost every day, usually in black, charcoal, brown, or burgundy. It had never occurred to me that this was a “less formal” look than hoes… and I don’t think it has ever occured to anyone else in the office either. Go with your wild self and wear some warm tights. I second the comment that tights + skirts is as warm or warmer than pants.

      • Orangerie

        I think the OP is differentiating between regular opaque tights and wool tights, which can have a more sweater like or casual look to them. Normal tights are totally fine for any office.

        • Tights

          Yes, exactly. I’m thinking more like the wool tights where you can kind of see the knit “ribs” if you look closely. But it sounds like even those would be fine.

  9. EB0220

    I am wondering if anyone can help me with a slightly awkward situation. Most of my team works from home offices. In April, my manager left the company. I was moved to a new manager, who I had never met or worked with. Things have gone well since then. We talk on the phone regularly, but we’ve never actually met in person. He’s going to be in my city next week, so we’re going to have lunch. I always feel terribly awkward when I meet people that I have an existing phone relationship with. It always feels like the work equivalent of a blind date. Any tips for helping this lunch to go smoothly? Is the awkwardness all in my head?

    • BB

      Definitely all in your head. This is a pretty normal occurrence these days. My one tip is that I would try to spend some time getting to know them on a more personal level. I feel that when your whole relationship is scheduled phone meetings, it can be very “all business” and you miss out on the water cooler type stuff.

    • EB0220

      Haha, ok. Then I’ll just do my best to put it out of my head! Agree that we don’t spend much (any) time on personal things, so I’ll try to spend some time on that when we meet. Thanks!

  10. Velvet blazer

    Calling all shopping slueths! I bought a velvet blazer but it has been sitting in my closet forever because I don’t know what to wear under it. I’m hoping to pull it out for casual holiday parties with dark jeans and boots but I’m stuck on what kind of top. I’m afraid I’ll end up looking too casual if left to my own devices. Help!

      • Olivia Pope

        Anne Shirley’s suggestions are all great. I love my velvet blazer with boots and jeans. I tend to wear a solid shirt and a necklace with mine, since the blazer is interesting on its own.

    • TCFKAG

      Assuming that the blazer is black? I would go with a simple silk or silk-like shell in a dark jewel tone, like burgundy, purple, green – something like that. Usually you can find something like that this time of year at Ann Taylor or Talbots or BR, somewhere like that. If you wanted to add some glitz, you could get a similar top, but in gold or silver or another metallic.

    • Maddie Ross

      My velvet blazer is one of my go-to items. For dressier, as Anne Shirley said, I wear a silky cami or dressier top, or even something with sequins. To dress it down for work, I wear button down shirts or cashmere sweaters. It’s all about the contrast in texture.

      • Velvet blazer

        You’re right, I need to get out of my cotton comfort zone which is definitely dressing it down.

      • TO Lawyer

        I love that top BTW! (and am now scheming ways to get it into my closet…)

  11. L

    I need some fashion help. I have a ton of lightweight cotton v-neck sweaters (from the now defunct eloquii). They’re thin enough that I should wear something underneath of them and the v is low enough that it would require a little something or else it wouldn’t be work appropriate.

    Problem: I need to start dressing up more for work. we’re business casual and have been decidedly casual for years, but for various reasons I want to start stepping it up. I don’t want to spend a ton of money redoing my wardrobe, so I’d like to start trying to up what I have. Any ideas on taking a plain cotton sweater up a notch?

  12. Sydney Bristow

    I’m not ready for winter yet. Can somebody make NYC bring back fall? My new London Fog coat shipped yesterday, which I’m excited about, but until it gets here I’m stuck with either a coat I really don’t like or a coat I love that isn’t quite warm enough.

    • Alex Mack

      They promised it would warm up tomorrow! But my hands are numb typing this right now.

      did you get the wool one that was posted here the other day?? If so I’m jealous because I waited too long and the price jumped $40 at L&T. But someone on the subway was wearing it today and it looked awesome on her.

  13. Woods-comma-Elle

    BigLaw ladies – I’m looking at a job opportunity at a NY BigLaw firm. I’m currently in BigLaw in London and of course the hours are what they are and mine aren’t exactly 9-5, but I’m a little apprehensive that my threshold for what is crazypants hours on London standards is like vacation under NY standards. So, I’m interested in knowing what kinds of hours you NY ladies (and other BigLawyers) deem to be (i) typical and (ii) excessive.

    For background, I’m a transactional attorney in finance, so hours are up and down depending on deals I’m doing. My current target is 1800, of which 1500 is billable. I’m only just going to make it this year assuming I stay busy for the rest of the year. Last year I billed 1600. The firm I’m looking at has a target of 2000, of which 1800 is billable.

    At the moment, I’m busy and I’m doing about 8am-9pm which is longer than usual, but doable. On an ‘average’ day I’d be looking at about 9.30-7. Obviously there are crazy weeks when there is a deal and these have been like 8am-11 every day and then one week of 90+ hours including 2-3ams, all weekend and one all nighter at the end.

    I’m not afraid of a bit of hard work, but I’d love to hear comparisons from those in the know as to whether I’d be crazy to even look at this job in that context?

    • Anne Shirley

      I think the hours thing needs to be a minor consideration. If you’re not excited enough about the move geographically and professionally that you’re thinking- oh whatever I’m sure the hours will be fine, then the hours probably wont be fine for you, because the job isn’t otherwise compelling enough. And yeah, barely making 1800 is going to be lower than an NYC corporate job.

      For example, if you offered me a job in London for 75% of my pay and 25% more hours, I would knock you down in my eagerness to take it.

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        Well my instinct is ‘OMG NEW YORK I WANNA GO RIGHT NOW SIGN ME UP’ but then I’ve also become sensible in my old age… I’m not sure when that happened!

        • Anon

          As someone who made the reverse move, I’m not sure if I will ever be willing to go back to NY Biglaw from London based solely on hours expectations (even in the same firm).

        • Nonny

          I’ve never worked in NY but have worked in a global firm in London. And I have to say, as extensive as my London hours were, I routinely felt very sorry for my colleagues in our NY office, who never seemed to go home at all.

    • Anon

      I routinely bill just under 200 hours a month unless I’m taking vacation, and that’s not even NYC biglaw. My friends in NYC work a lot harder than I do. They probably average 2400/yr.

      Firms in NYC vary greatly on their billing requirements. I know some firms assign you *more work if you bill less than 50 hours in any given week.

      • Anon

        What i meant to add is just because a firm advertises a 2,000 yearly target, that doesn’t mean the real expectation isn’t a lot, lot higher.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I’ve been in NYC biglaw and am in a biglaw-like boutique in NYC right now, and I’d say bare minimum hours are generally 9-7, with 9-8:30 or 9 or later being typical when even moderately busy. The one thing that I had to get used to is that NYC offices tend to work “later”, so even if you’re putting in the same hours but working, say, 7-5 or 8-6, the perception will be that you’re “not working enough” if you’re cutting out in the late afternoon/early evening, even if your hours are the same. (Of course this may not hold for every single firm or every office, but everywhere I/my friends/peers have worked, this is the case.) In general, NYC is a much “later” city than anywhere else I’ve been in the US (very little experience with/exposure to European and other cities, so I can’t speak to the comparison on that front).

      • Anon in NYC

        I agree with this. My office is late in, late out. Our other offices tend to be early in, early out.

    • Diana Barry

      How many hours do you bill if you are there for 10 hrs (9-7) or for 13 hours (8-9)? That has a big impact. For example, when I was in biglaw I would be at work for 11 hours (6 am-5 pm) and bill 10 or 10.5 hours. Other people at the firm were there for 13-14 hours, but only billed 9-10 hours. So I had more free time even though my hours were the same.

      Also, it depends on the firm. Some firms say 2000 and they mean 2200; some say 1800 and mean 2100; it really depends. If you have an offer at a firm, I would talk to a few mid-level or senior associates and ask them what the minimum REALLY is.

      • Diana Barry

        As a side note, this is non-NYC biglaw, so my hours were low by biglaw standards. But both firms where I worked had a 1900 minimum and held very tightly to it (eg over 1900 got you a bonus).

      • Anon

        I’m the anon that bills just under 200 hrs/month. This is so true and a good point. I rarely take a ‘lunch break’ so I’m pretty efficient- my breaks are really limited to checking this site. I know some people that seem to chat and relax a lot and that’s why they end up staying late.

        Also my firm is flexible in that I can leave at a reasonable hour then do a couple of hours at home (I usually leave easy work for that). I go home, work out, then do a bit more. Makes it a lot more bearable. I would check if that’s an option.

      • SoCalAtty

        I was always very efficient with time, so if I was in 10 I would be billing 9.5. I had the same habit of taking lunch at my desk and reading motions I was getting ready to respond to.

    • Anon for this

      I’m in NYC biglaw, but in litigation. My firm’s biglaw target is 1950, which I believe is on the low end. That roughly translates to 7.5 hours per weekday, I believe. Obviously, how much you bill in any given day will depend on your efficiency, workload, etc. In the past two years I’ve billed several hundred hours above 1950 (2200-2500), and this year I’m probably juuuust going to make my hours. If you were just going to hit 1950, I’d say that the hours kind of suck but it’s not insane. 2200 hours is also kind of awful but not that much different. 2500 is all kinds of terrible. That is stop buying groceries, always eat in the office, never make plans with family or friends ever kind of territory (for me at least).

    • Anon

      Hours can vary wildly from firm to firm and from practice group to practice group, but two points that might make your hours seem shorter than they do in London are commute time and “closing time”. My impression of London commutes is that they are absolutely brutal, but it’s pretty feasible to live within walking distance of your office in NY if you’re willing to have a small apartment. Also, if you are a social creature, you can go out after work in NY even if you get out at 9/10pm– the streets are bustling–whereas London closes earlier.

      • Anon

        Oh – and I think you’ll find much less difference between London and NYC in terms of day to day hours than you might expect based on the yearly average. The huge difference is in attitudes towards vacation time.

        • Anon (Different Anon)

          My commute from NYC to London went from 5-10 minutes to 10-20 minutes depending on traffic, so not a huge difference (wanted to keep similar price point).

          Agreed that attitude towards vacation time is huge, but even more so (especially for corporate) is that in NYC weekends were a gift rather than an expectation.

          • Nonny

            YES. I really noticed this even going from Canada to the UK. In the UK, the expectation is that you might work later in the evenings, but weekends are more usually your own. As well, if you book vacations, generally they won’t be cancelled (even if you end up working on your laptop). However, in North American BigLaw, your weekends belong to the firm and vacations can be cancelled at the firm’s whim. The weekend issue alone is HUGE.

        • MJ

          Cosign this…I worked in biglaw in NY and then my firm transferred me to their London office. The London office was mostly US staff rotating through. I digress. Anyway, there was a very Euro attitude toward vacation in London, not so much in NY. My hours were similar in terms of totals, but I actually did MORE all-nighters in London because it was capital mkts (vs. M&A in NY), so we would go to the printer for all-nighters relatively frequently.

          Also cosign the comments that NY is more 10-10 and London starts a bit earlier.

          I think you are in for a shock as to what NY biglaw hours are–there’s a huge quality of life difference between 1500-1800 and 1800-2000 and then upwards. Most NY firms expect 2000+, with no whining…everyone is working that hard. Elle, you have my email if you want to chat more offline.

          • MJ

            Oh–My totals were ~2500 (NY) and 2550 (London), but we did absolutely no write-offs, so that was raw hours–billables were determined by higher-ups. That also included a ton of all nighters, and we were instructed to bill for “wait time” (say, if a document was being turned at the printer). I was corporate.

    • Former NYC BigLaw

      When I was in biglaw, I billed 2900 hours/year. But I actually felt it was manageable (never cancelled vacation, had brunch with friends every weekend). It is my understanding that corporate bills less than litigation though.

  14. Romey

    Any recommendations for Keurig coffee machines? My mom wants one for Christmas. Thanks in advance!!

    • Interrobanged

      I don’t have any recommendations for Keurig. Lots of people love them; I do not. I’ve owned two of them and both broke due to excessive build-up inside the machine DESPITE the fact that I descaled it every three months or so with vinegar (per the instructions). I bought mine at CostCo, which has a phenomenal return policy. So I returned the first one, got the second, returned that, and then just asked for a product credit because I wasn’t going to buy another. Then I bought a vacuum (which I love).

      So, if your mom really wants one, awesome. But make sure she descales it regularly and I would say don’t bother if you have hard water.

    • Bonnie

      I’ve had my Keurig for a few years with no problems. Kohls often has good deals on them.

    • emeralds

      This isn’t for a Keurig machine specifically, but I’d recommend that you get your mom one of the reusable stainless K-cups. I’m a bit of a coffee snob, so am not really the biggest fan of the pre-made coffee offerings, but with the reusable K-cup, you can put in whatever coffee (or tea leaves) you want. Just make sure the coffee’s ground for a Keurig. It’s also way better for the environment.

    • Anon

      My parents have one and my mom banished it to the garage because the coffee just doesn’t taste all that great. My dad now uses it when he is working in the garage or yard. My mom bought herself a small regular coffee maker for the kitchen. They never had a problem with buildup/scaling but maybe their water isn’t hard.

    • weak coffee

      Only buy the Keurig if your mom likes coffee-flavored hot water. Our secretary at work bullied us all into chipping in for one of these and nobody uses it. The coffee is way too weak for me.

  15. Batgirl

    Anyone have good recommendations for higher quality, thicker leggings? I feel like most of the ones I’ve bought are either too thin or have a serious sausage effect on my midsection!

        • Famouscait

          Are they appropriate for non-workout wear? The description I just read on Nordie’s site says something about a “reflective logo” which makes me think they would scream “gym clothes!”, rather than just “casual.”

          • Interrobanged

            They have a very small rectangular logo right near the waistband. Maybe it’s an inch long by a half inch wide. I think they’re acceptable for non-workout wear … BUT I am not into the “leggings as pants” thing. So I wear them for bumming around the house, usually, and they are perfect for that. However, I think they would be fine for wearing as pants if that is your plan because they are thick, they stay up well, and they don’t stretch out.

          • Anonymous

            The reflective logo is just a small bar at the very top back of the waistband (vertical). Its not really noticeable, and a top with any length (basically anything other than a crop top) covers it.

            I cannot say enough good things about these leggings. I love them.

        • anon

          I find these collect lint like nobody’s business. I don’t have a pet or anything that would contribute to this, but the little fuzzies all over all of my Zella leggings drive me nuts. what am I doing wrong?

          • Anonymous

            This is interesting because I’ve had two pair for more than two years (the capri and the regular ones) and I wear them each at least once a week (possibly more) for both working out and running errands, etc and they are in perfect condition. No lint collection at all. I wonder if they recently changed their fabric content or something. I throw them in the laundry with everything else and wear them often with sweaters (for the running errands part, not the working out part).

    • Monday

      I’ve been happy with Hue, and they’re only around $30. Totally opaque and they have a good medium rise.

    • NOLA

      I just bought the Hue Ultra leggings. They are a thicker cotton with a wider waistband. So comfortable! The Hue ponte leggings felt completely synthetic.

    • anon-oh-no

      lysse — also from nordstrom. im a huge fan of zella but for non-workout leggings, i actually like the lysse better.

  17. emeralds

    Brief rant. Why the F**K can’t cyclists follow the damn traffic laws? I almost hit my third biker of the week on my way to work this morning. This week has been especially bad, clearly, but I see bikers blatantly disregarding traffic laws every. single. day. And I’m happy to share the road with cyclists! And as a runner I certainly get the fear factor of sharing road-space with giant metal machines that can crush you like a bug! So I try to be as aware and considerate as I can be.

    BUT. When you are biking down the bike lane on the wrong side of the road and pop out from behind a car to cross an intersection when I’m making a protected left turn (this morning)…or when you don’t stop at a stop sign (Monday morning)…or when you just randomly swerve across two lanes of traffic without indicating that you’re making a lane change (Tuesday afternoon)…there is only so much I can do.

    • Orangerie

      Ugh, seriously. Bikers in San Francisco are absolutely insufferable. I see people blowing through stop signs multiple times a day.

    • Anon

      I think that drivers are generally worse than cyclists when it comes to breaking rules on the road and it’s ridiculous that so many cyclists die in traffic accidents this year. I would LOVE for this country to actually invest in real cycling infrastructure – but that’s really a post for another day.

      That being said, I’m a cyclist who always follows the traffic laws and it drives me crazy when I see others running red lights. I almost got hit in the crosswalk (while walking) when a cyclist blew through the red light on Mass Ave, which anyone in the Boston area knows is an extremely busy road. I also frequently see bikers going the wrong way on one-way streets or neglecting to signal. Not only do they make it more dangerous for everyone, they make our cause as cyclists worse off.

      • BB

        Haha, this happened to me on Comm Ave. I seriously thought about punching the biker.

      • wintergreen126

        I see bikers going the wrong way on Mass Ave all the time. It scares ME, and I’m not the one on the bike.

    • prof on a bike

      Agreed with Anon above that this kind of behavior is really infuriating to me, because it gives a bad name to cyclists and we’re the target of enough road rage already. So, thank you for trying to be considerate of cyclists and I absolutely share your frustration with these people who seem to have so little interest in preserving their lives!

      This said, statistically, cyclists are no more likely to be at fault than drivers in a bike-car collision, and at least some of what appears to be terrible behavior is not just people willfully being dicks, but doing what they think is actually more safe. People riding on sidewalks or the wrong way down a one way street are a good example of this — they think that they’re being more safe because they’re riding in a less trafficked area (the sidewalk) or can see cars coming at them (on a one way), but they don’t realize that they’re far more likely to get hit this way because they’re less likely to be seen by cars. I think it’s somewhat unfair to expect bikes to always abide by the letter of the law, too, because in many places the laws were made for cars (not that this excuses all rule-breaking behavior, though). And finally, I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve had yelling matches with motorists who think I’m breaking the law, but don’t actually know what the law is — I’ve had people tell me I’m not allowed to be in a left turn lane, have to ride on the far right hand side of the road, or can’t be on the road at all.

      I wish that there some sort of bike-car interaction training included in driver’s ed, so that at very least drivers would understand that some of the things I’m doing are not designed to piss them off or out of a sense of entitlement, but for my own safety — ie, not biking right up against a row of parked cars, which I’m doing because of the risk of getting doored, but I know some people see me as just being an entitled jerk taking up the lane.

    • prof on a bike

      [edited because I apparently used too much bad language for the mod bot]

      Agreed with Anon above that this kind of behavior is really infuriating to me, because it gives a bad name to cyclists and we’re the target of enough road rage already. So, thank you for trying to be considerate of cyclists and I absolutely share your frustration with these people who seem to have so little interest in preserving their lives!

      This said, statistically, cyclists are no more likely to be at fault than drivers in a bike-car collision, and at least some of what appears to be terrible behavior is not just people willfully being d*cks, but doing what they think is actually more safe. People riding on sidewalks or the wrong way down a one way street are a good example of this — they think that they’re being more safe because they’re riding in a less trafficked area (the sidewalk) or can see cars coming at them (on a one way), but they don’t realize that they’re far more likely to get hit this way because they’re less likely to be seen by cars. I think it’s somewhat unfair to expect bikes to always abide by the letter of the law, too, because in many places the laws were made for cars (not that this excuses all rule-breaking behavior, though). And finally, I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve had yelling matches with motorists who think I’m breaking the law, but don’t actually know what the law is — I’ve had people tell me I’m not allowed to be in a left turn lane, have to ride on the far right hand side of the road, or can’t be on the road at all.

      I wish that there some sort of bike-car interaction training included in driver’s ed, so that at very least drivers would understand that some of the things I’m doing are not designed to make them angry, but for my own safety — ie, not biking right up against a row of parked cars, which I’m doing because of the risk of getting doored, but I know some people see me as just being an entitled j*rk taking up the lane

    • BB

      Oh my god, this is one of my continuous pet peeves now that I’m commuting to work daily! (And yes, I’d like to begin by saying that cars also disregard laws all the time.) I do not understand how someone makes the risk calculation to bike sometimes. My biggest annoyance are the riders who ride at night with no lights, no reflective wear…and once there was a guy like this going the wrong way down a bike lane and then came around a corner as I was about to turn right. I feel like these riders need to be forced to drive for a few nights so they can see just how much I CANNOT SEE THEM at night.

      This is closely followed by the “hardcore” bikers who just have to swerve into my lane to pass a “slow” biker in their bike lane. Newsflash: You might think you’re going really fast, but I am literally going 10X your speed. The chance I will hit you if I do not slam on my brakes is very,very high.

  18. Probably TMI but...

    I’ve been having some… tummy issues over the past few weeks. I’m gearing up for trial and so it’s probably stress and lack of sleep, but I really need to do something about it. I cut dairy, gluten, and alcohol, but I’m still having problems. I’m afraid to eat anything at this point because the aftermath is so unpleasant. Idk how I’m going to make it through trial when I have to run to the bathroom so often, and dear god what if I have an *ahem* accident in COURT??? Maybe I should just invest in some depends and call it a day. Has anyone gone through something similar? What can I eat to be kind to my tummy?

      • Anony

        Try Align. It’s a probiotic my husband’s gastro recommends. (Some are apparently better than others.) He swears by it.

    • Anonymous

      This may be a dumb question, but have you tried any OTC medications? These are not uncommon problems!

      • Anonymous

        Agreed–try some immodium. Yes, you should try the dietary changes, probiotics etc., but given that you are getting ready for trial and may not have time for those sorts of things to work, this is a situation that merits use other measures. Immodium usually works pretty much immediately for me. I would, however, do a test run with it before your actual trial in case it has some unexpected effect on you.

        • Anonymous

          +1 to Immodium as an IBS sufferer.
          Whenever I have a big event where I cannot be running out all the time, I’ll pop one earlier in the day and it holds me over for the rest of the day.
          Give it a shot before your trial though.

          I would also see a doc to see if you have any other issues.

    • Bonnie

      My stomach always gets upset before and during trial. What works for me is eating a banana in the morning, avoiding raw fruits and vegetables and eating more carbs. Pretty much the BRAT diet. An occasional swig of pepto helps too.

    • oil in houston

      I had a bad bout of IBS a few years ago, and swear by peppermint tablets – they’re natural and really help

    • anon-oh-no

      probiotics is a good option. floristor (i think) always works for my daughter when this issue arises.

      • NOLA

        Culturelle was recommended to me by the pharmacist at Target. I’m on heavy-duty antibiotics so was looking for something like this.

    • ITDS

      Try a combination of tea (black or green), rice, bananas and yogurt. This is an age-old formula for “slowing one’s digestion”. It might take a day or two, but they it’s gentle and does work to settle things down.

    • Anonymous

      Have you tried a FODMAP diet? Some foods have sugars that like to ferment in the digestive tract and cause trouble, and I know that this diet has helped me tremendously. I sometimes ignore it, and I notice the difference immediately.

      For probiotics, I swear by HMF Intensive by Genestra, which was recommended by my doctor.

    • aBr

      A bit late responding but I swear by CalNaturale Svelte protein drinks for times like that. You can order them on amazon and they also work good when you are stressed out and skipping meals.

    • Parfait

      Have you seen a doctor? I had a bout of irritable bowel syndrome that lasted almost a year, and managed it using the FODMAP diet. It is a pain and a half, you become one of those people who has to grill the waiter about everything; but it really helped.

      There’s a decent summary here, but you can find more complete lists of foods if you decide to go for it. Google google.

      http://shepherdworks.com.au/disease-information/low-fodmap-diet

      Eventually I was able to gradually add back in one category of foods at a time, and I’m now back to eating a normal diet. Except no coffee. Coffee sends me right back to diarrheaville. I’ve made my peace with black tea.

    • BB

      Peppermint spirits. They sell this at Whole Foods and other supplement stores in little bottles. Mix it with some hot water and drink it like tea. My gastro told me that peppermint actually slows down all that random movement in your guts that creates issues.

  19. Effie

    Advice needed!

    I changed jobs at the end of June. I had spent a little over 3.5 years working for a very small business (at our largest there were 20 employees; when I left there were 8) where I was the sole office administrative person and really the “backbone” of the company. When I left I created a detailed transition handbook for my predecessor/my bosses to use, and placed all my files on a well-organized thumb drive.

    Fast forward almost five months…and I receive an email from my old boss. They are hiring some new employees soon and he can’t find the in-processing paperwork. I explained that it was on the flash drive (I am very sure that it is; this was some of my most important paperwork and I clearly remember labeling the files in an orderly way) and congratulated him on the new hires. He just responded, claiming to have searched the flash drive “high and low” with no luck.

    What do I do? In August I purged my personal laptop of files related to the old job. I want to help my former company, but I feel like I’ve done all I reasonably can. FWIW, I left in large part because this boss was a little unhinged at times and I needed a new work environment. I’m in a completely different field now (and he is not well-respected in the old field anyway) so am not especially concerned about being badmouthed if I can’t help, but still want to be as helpful as possible. Any ideas on how to handle this gracefully?

    • CKB

      I’d just say ‘I’m really sorry but I purged all my files relating to your company over the summer” and then wish them luck, or something.

      If you want to be nicer than that, I guess you could offer to come in & try to help them find the files.

      • Anne Shirley

        I’m going to vote no on this. You don’t work there. You should not go in and help him find them.

      • Effie

        I like your idea to offer to help them search for the files. If they truly can’t locate them, I know I could find them all relatively quickly (online and elsewhere).

        Not sure yet if I will make the offer — I feel very much that this is not my responsibility, and need to how much that matters to me — but I am seriously considering it. Thanks!

        • Mpls

          No – don’t get sucked back in. If you remember, tell him what you labeled the file as so he can search for it. If he wants you to come back in, tell it will cost $X per hour for you to consult with them. Don’t work for free.

          • CountC

            +1 If you feel like you absolutely must go back in to help (you don’t have to), you should get paid for it.

        • Effie

          I wasn’t planning to work for free; I was planning to charge him per hour. I’m not concerned about getting “sucked back in.”

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      You’ve *already* handled it gracefully – I don’t see that there’s anything else you can reasonably do. You left your files behind on a thumb drive, boss can’t figure out (or perhaps has misplaced?) said thumb drive, you don’t have any other copies of the file . . . unless I’m missing something, there are zero more things you can do to help.

    • Annanon

      It would have been a security risk for you to keep those files. You did him a favour by deleting them. Honestly he is being a bit ridiculous contacting you at all.

      That said, I’ve had a similar situation before and I handled it by basically telling the ex-boss that I would be happy to come in and locate the files (in your case, on the thumb drive) for him, and that I would invoice him for time spent.

      If he doesn’t respond to that, you can assume that a) he lost the drive and is too embarrassed to say so, or b) it’s cheaper for him to remake the files than it is for him to compensate you for your time. If he complains to someone about you asking to be compensated, they’ll think he’s kinda ridiculous.

    • Anon

      If you do opt for going in to assist (I would not), propose it as a consulting arrangement and set a price for your services. I be the finds the files on his own once he has to pay for your assistance!

  20. AnonInfinity

    I hate all the people today. What if I just had wine for lunch and called it a day?

  21. Aria

    The general advice on here seems to be to go to the Bobbi Brown make-up counter when someone is just starting out with make-up and needs some advice/assistance. I’ve been wearing make-up a long time and am feeling like I need someone to help me figure out whether the colors and techniques I’m using are still appropriate as I’m getting older. Since that isn’t quite a Make-up 101 thing, would you all still recommend Bobbi Brown over the others (if it helps, I primarily wear a combination of Laura Mercier + Too Faced from Sephora)?

    Also, do you go to the make-up counter fully made up so they can see what your current make-up looks like, or would you go with no make-up on? TIA!

    • Anita

      I’d recommend checking out Lisa Eldridge’s video tutorials on her eponymous website. She’s a fabulous makeup artist and explains technique really well. She’s also quite knowledgeable about current trends and innovations in cosmetics and her videos often showcase a look that she’s recently done for a fashion shoot.

    • prof on a bike

      I’d recommend Bobbi Brown for the reason that the default face that they’ll put on you is a very natural looking one — even if you end up buying products from other lines, I think that the general advice they give you will probably be good. Whenever I’ve had consultants at MAC try out products on me, for example, I always feel like I look too made up even when I’ve asked them for a natural look. I usually go in with no makeup, both so I don’t have to wipe my makeup off at the store first with some dinky little cotton ball and so that they’re not responding to what I usually do with my face but rather working from a blank slate. In a way, if I end up with makeup that looks the same as what I usually wear, I find this reassuring because it’s like independent confirmation that what I’m doing works in some way.

    • NYC

      For what you are dealing with, I would go with your normal made up face and explain that you want to update it without looking like a drag queen (or whatever you want). I think Bobbi Brown or Trish McEvoy. I know people love Sephora for this, but I haven’t had great experiences there unless I am looking for a specific product.

  22. anon

    Are there really no Limiteds in NYC? How is this possible?! I hate paying for return shipping…

  23. ugh

    You know that day when you put on non-stretch trousers for the first time after wearing stretch or loose-fitting garments for a week or two and you realize that all those treats you’ve been sneaking at work really did add up after all?

    Yep. I’m having one of those days.

    • AnonInfinity

      Join us for wine lunch (or mid afternoon snack by now). It might not fix the trouser problem, but it sure will make you feel better.

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