Coffee Break: Hammock Shoulder Bag
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I tend to drool over Loewe bags — the puzzle bag is delightful! — but this new (to me) hammock shape caught my eye at Net-a-Porter. I like it as pictured — a sort of unusual triangle-shaped bag — but I was amazed when I looked through the pictures on the site.
Because… the bag changes shape! It can also be a boxy east/west bag, as well as a basket-shaped handbag. How clever!
The bag is $2650 at Net-a-Porter (available in four colors), as well as in various sizes and colors at stores including Nordstrom, Saks and Neiman Marcus. (Love this artsy version!)
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Dumb Q that I’m sure was discussed plenty early in the pandemic: this winter I have begun drinking All The Tea, and I’m getting annoyed by getting up so frequently to refill my normal-sized mug with hot water. Is there the equivalent of a Big Gulp for hot beverages that would also keep it hot? The only thing I can think of is one of those car travel mugs with the pop-on lids, but that’s not really what I need.
Make tea in teapot, bring with you?
That’s exactly what a car travel mug is for. But I’d try to think of this as a feature, not a bug. Sitting all day is terrible for you, so having an excuse to get up and move around frequently is actually great. For me, at least, it also helps keep me warm.
A Thermos? I know guys on job sites who bring a big one of hot whatever to get them through the day.
I don’t think getting up is a bad thing. But they make mug warmers. Google “mug heater desk” and you’ll see a bunch of results for coaster heaters (most have USB plugs)
I think a Hydro-Flask would be great for this. They keep water cold for 24 hours but advertise 12 hours for hot. They sell different sizes and different lid/lid functions like sip, pour etc.
This is what I use. I make my morning tea in the Hydroflask, then refill it from the hot water dispenser and it is good for two more mugs. Keeps it piping hot.
Yes! I just rediscovered a swig mug someone gave me earlier in then pandemic. It’s too big for the car but keeps my tea warm all day.
What about something like a yeti mug?
The ember mug.
I got one for Christmas and I wanted to love it, but at the temp I like my coffee, it barely lasts through my first morning pot. So SAD!
There are insulated plastic mugs that all of the hospitals use for their patients that hold about 30 ounces. That is what I use. They also have a top and a straw which is great. You can get them on Amazon for like 10 bucks
Thermos. Decant into a mug.
Same! I drink about 75-80 oz of tea every day. I have a whole prep routine in the morning of starting the electric tea kettle and filling my 18 oz ceramic mug (with tea bag) with warm water and THREE 20 oz Hydroflask and Klean Canteen insulated water bottles with boiling water. Note: there are larger sizes insulated bottles like others mentioned. We already had these 20 oz ones.
The mug stays on my desk on a felt coaster (totally makes a difference!) and when the mug’s low, I replenish with hot water from the water bottles.
I’m still WFH and try to limit kitchen trips to avoid my toddler catching sight of me (it’s a whole process of “momma no bye bye”). But use a similar system in the office since my desk is one of the furtherest from the kitchen area.
Will add that I don’t mind weak tea (basically flavored water at the end of the day). But I am very particular about temperature—I like “medium warm” tea rather than piping hot. So when my mug is 1/4 full and I top off with hot water to make the perfect drinking temp for me.
My husband who’s a coffee drinker really like Miir’s Camp Mug…and it looks like they make a 20oz version
I have a one-liter Zojirushi carafe. I put two tea bags in, make the tea. When I figure it has steeped enough, I remove the tea bags using a really long pair of tweezers (like, twelve inches). That way I can have a hot “pot of tea” without it getting stewed and woody.
I decided this week that I’m definitely not going to a friend’s destination wedding. She was one of my bridesmaids and I feel so guilty about it, especially because I’m planning other international travel over the summer…but the date is horrible for my work schedule, my husband can’t go, the travel logistics are complex, I’m not interested in visiting the location, we’ve drifted a bit the last few years, etc. etc. etc.
I’ll try and find another way to help her celebrate but just…ugh.
I didn’t travel to two destination weddings of my friends. I had an infant and I just did not and do not have the family support to leave the baby with someone for travel, their weddings were child free, and I couldn’t quite get to the point of being comfortable hiring a stranger in another country to watch my baby.
People who plan destination weddings understand that not everyone is going to be able to attend. They really do.
I hope so! I don’t have kids but the logistics still seem overwhelming to me right now, especially since I’d be traveling by myself and this isn’t a location where I’d feel comfortable as a solo traveler. In theory I could try to travel with other friends but they’ve all been cagey on their plans so far.
In case you haven’t pulled the trigger yet, I get an invitation isn’t a summons and destination weddings are a pain, but I have very few regrets and the ones I do have involve not going to close friend’s weddings because “reasons” similar to what you’re saying. The friends understood and were gracious, but it’s a thing that added a bit more distance and made me the person who doesn’t show up. If you’re tight enough that she was in yours, you may want to just rethink the no.I suspect if you felt 100% about it, you wouldn’t be posting here.
+1
Obviously totally your prerogative (destination weddings are usually a PITA!), but if I were your friend I’d be really hurt. I work really hard to prioritize showing up for people and do my best to never miss a wedding/funeral, but I know not everyone shares this priority. My view of relationships is that you should put in the effort to be there for each other as much as possible (especially for the big things!), but it’s become very clear to me as an adult that many sadly don’t share that view.
On the flip side… I am annoyed by weddings/events that have complex travel, are on weekdays, or have other hurdles – it shouldn’t be a burden for people to come to your wedding!
This just can’t extend to complex travel. Or really travel at all. Intown weddings, I’m all in.
How is a destination wedding not a burden tho?
Destination to Miami or a resort in Jamaica is very different than what Emeralds is explaining.I get mildly annoyed by destination weddings when the couple is local (when they’re not local, I have to travel anyway so I don’t care if its flying to Boston for a wedding in a random suburb/my friends hometown vs flying to a resort in the Caribbean).
On the flip side, I think that couples planning a destination wedding need to be 100% okay with people who are important to them not attending (and they absolutely cannot count other people’s money/vacation time/travel priorities).
A good friend had her wedding aboard a two week Alaskan cruise a few years back during late August (most of her friends are teachers and had young kids and couldn’t make it work with their school schedules). It required open jaw plane tickets and would have cost over $3000 for just me alone and burned up all of my husband’s remaining vacation time. That is a LOT to ask of wedding guests! We’ve actually always wanted to do an Alaskan cruise, but I wouldn’t want to go without my husband and two weeks is a long trip with a group of people I didn’t know that well. She ended up having 2 out of her 5 siblings attend (they’re all younger and were in their college/broke 20s phase of life) and a few random less-close friends and got openly upset about people for not going. Sorry, but that’s the risk you take with a destination wedding. I will 100% be there for my friends when needed and provide emotional support and be excited for them, but I’m not shelling out my entire travel budget and vacation time for the year under those circumstances. I threw her a shower and attended the reception at home.
One of the brides in my extended family had a complete meltdown that very few of her relatives were able to attend her destination wedding. Her grandparents couldn’t attend – I don’t know how she thought limited mobility seniors on a very fixed income were going to swing it, but her viewpoint was that people were “showing their priorities.” Or at least that’s what she said on facebook!
I’ve never thought about her the same since.
She’s said multiple times that she understands if people can’t come, so hopefully it won’t be a relationship ender, and she’s generally a reasonable person (or we wouldn’t be friends).
I think I’m going to try and figure out a way to send some truly extravagant flowers and champagne in addition to whatever I’d be giving her as a gift. I really do value her friendship, I just don’t want to burn my entire vacation and PTO budget on a wedding in a place I don’t want to go to and would not feel comfortable turning into a solo vacation.
I’m glad your friend is being gracious! Sounds like you made the right choice. Honestly, my friend’s reaction really changed our friendship for the worse.
Yeah, when you plan a faraway destination wedding you forfeit your entitlement to be “really hurt” if people can’t come.
NOPE NOPE NOPE this is so bridezilla. You chose to have a destination wedding, you live with the consequence that fewer people can attend. That’s just math. Not everyone thinks you are as special as you think you are.
Anon at 3:37 here – I agree that destination weddings are a PITA. I will be getting married in my home city – have considered my hometown (30 mins away) and the local beach area everyone vacations at (1.5 hours away) and decided that those were too inconvenient. As I said in my comment, it should not be a burden to attend a wedding (obviously some/many weddings will require travel – I live in my home city and have many friends also local to here, but zero of my college friends live here and thus I will always have to travel o those weddings, local friends may marry non-local people and get married there, etc). Thus I think the couple should do as much as possible to make attending the wedding as easy as possible.
Two things I want to push back on though: making a wedding easy to attend for some guests automatically makes it harder to attend for other guests. I’m attending a dear friend of mine from college’s wedding this summer. It’s in a rural area, probably 2-4 hour drive from the nearest airports, will have to rent a car bc no public transportation, etc. They’re having the wedding in the small town where she and her fiancé grew up – so for anyone not from this town it will be a PITA to get to. However, their extended families live here so this makes it easier for grandparents, etc. to attend. The couple + most of their friends have all moved away, so really its only convenient for family but I couldn’t ever imagine not going because its an inconvenient place to get to (and trust me, it is).
As far as not everyone thinks you’re as special as you are; I absolutely think my friends are special and I would hope they think the same of me. I love how much my friends and I hype each other up and celebrate each others milestones. I WANT to be the friend that someone calls at 3am with a problem. Admittedly my friends and I are all pretty low key, so we wouldn’t be asking our friends to do anything crazy or be bridezillas. But, I hate the idea that your loved ones don’t want to go the extra mile for you because “not everyone thinks you are as special as you think you are”.
+1 3:37, I get really sad whenever I read the wedding related responses here and I eloped, so no one was put out. I really value the people in my life and if we’re friends, I’m actually going to try to move mountains for you because I do think you’re that special. I’m okay being a bit inconvenienced by someone else’s plans and big life events. I’m honored to be included.
I had a “destination” wedding in the sense of having a wedding in the city I lived in (and still live in), but moved to shortly before the wedding. It’s directly between where I grew up and my husband grew up – think, San Fran for me, KCMO for him, wedding in Denver. No matter where we held it, about 3/4 of our family and very close friends would have to travel.
I put all of the events in a central location, offered airport rides, and helped coordinate hotel rooms and rental cars for those who wanted to share. The first was really the most important: people kept trying to push all of these “amazing” venues that would be a PITA to get to, think, 50 minutes from the church.
If you have a destination wedding, you have to expect that not everybody is going to be able to make it work. And this is coming from someone who tries really, really hard to be at all the big things and it would take a lot for me to turn down a wedding invite.
A destination wedding is a burden (and by destination, I don’t mean “the bride is from Seattle and the groom is from Cincinnati, so they are getting married in Seattle” — I mean a destination that is not the home town or current residence of the players). You’re hijacking someone’s vacation time. It used to be considered highly tacky to host a destination wedding; I don’t know when that changed. (Of course, it also used to be fine to wear a mostly-white or cream-colored dressy silk dress to a wedding because duh, no one would confuse them with the bride, and now that’s like a crime.)
+1
I’m definitely not 100% confident that I’m making the right decision, but it does appear to be the decision that I’ve made. FWIW, I would 150% be showing up if it was anywhere in the continental US or reasonably contiguous locations, or probably even Western Europe or northern South America.
FWIW, I think you’re making the right decision.
I feel very strongly about showing up for people’s big events, etc. but it sounds like its a very remote destination so I think not attending is okay.
On the flip side: I have a friend from the West Coast who went to a state school on the East Coast and moved back out west right after college. Naturally, all of her college friends are getting married on the east coast (I think they’re all in the state they went to college in, albeit spread out in it). My friend complains that all of the weddings she has are on the opposite coast and skips most of them, but then complains that she’s not very close with her college friends anymore. She even ended a friendship over not wanting to go to her college roommate/BFFs wedding because it was not only on the East Coast, but in an “inconvenient” location (the bride’s hometown; probably 2 hours from a major airport… this state is mostly rural so many of her friends at the state school are also from rural areas and will likely also have rural weddings, but this woman was the first). She complains about these weddings to me, and I just do NOT see her side of it!
Now I’m just really curious where this wedding is
Me too!
Lol same! I was assuming Mexico, but now I have no idea.
Same! Emeralds ya gotta spill!
I went to a friend’s destination wedding that was at a bad time for me, required us to leave our kid at home, involved expensive and complex travel, etc. and afterward I totally felt like I should not have attended. I love my friend but the wedding was exhausting (not just the travel logistics, but he and his bride are not really “planners” and so many of us got pressed into service working to put the wedding together) and I would have much rather saved my precious vacation days for a better use of my limited time off. The only good part of it was getting to see my other friends, but – we were all so tired from travel and being put to work we didn’t get a chance to really hang out the way we wanted to. As we were leaving for the airport, my husband said, “if (friend’s name) gets divorced and then decides to get married again, I would prefer to send a card.” I wholeheartedly agreed, and it’s made me think twice (or more) about other destination invites we’ve gotten since then. I have more bad memories of my friend’s wedding than good ones; I don’t feel like skipping it would have negatively impacted my life in any kind of long-term way; and would have preferred to just see the pictures someone else took on social media. Future invites to complex or difficult-to-get-to weddings are likely going to be greeted with a decline and a generous gift, as a result of that experience. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think it’s pretty narcissistic to expect that people are going to plan their lives and make significant sacrifices of time and money to attend your wedding. It’s been said here before, but no one cares as much about a wedding as the two people getting married (and maybe their parents). As a result, no one should be disappointed that people don’t want to drop $6k and a week of vacation time going to their wedding in the Outer Hebrides, or whatever.
If she wanted to make sure everyone could come, she would have picked a more convenient location. She chose the location over her guests. That is absolutely her prerogative and not a reason you should feel guilty about not attending. If anything, she should feel guilty for putting people in an awkward position, but perhaps she gets the bargain. If, however, she does make you feel guilty about it, then she is showing herself to be a selfish and oblivious person who doesn’t need to be in your life.
Are you prepared to lose her friendship? A lot of people I thought I was close to skipped my wedding for the reasons you mentioned. For two of them in particular, I was pretty hurt (it sucks realizing that people you consider close friends don’t want to celebrate a major life event with you) and we are no longer in contact at all. So just understand that could be a consequence.
Was your wedding in another country?
Ew.
This is so narcissistic. I can’t.
Ugh they are lucky to have found this out about you.
Just for the validation, this doesn’t make you a bad friend and it is fully acceptable to do this. I am just not a wedding person. You are lucky if I come to your in town wedding so a destination wedding is one great big basked of nope from me.
I get why you feel bad, but brides that choose a destination wedding know that this is the likely reality of it, and they likely baked that in when they made this choice.
For me, it was a plus! I wanted a smaller guest list, but both of my parents have HUGE families, which I like, but am not super close too. Way too much drama to pick and chose, so I let them chose for us – about 30-40% of them came, which was okay with me.
how old is too old for platform Converse sneakers?
108
I’m 110 and I will fight you.
<3
Link to the livestream, plz
When your doctor deems you a fall risk, and not a day earlier.
Whatever age you reach where you have to wear the thick bottom shoes because there is not enough fat on the bottom of your foot to wear regular shoes. 65? 70?
Ahh, but the question is for the platform Converse, nice and thick on the bottom. Maybe youngsters should be prohibited from wearing them.
No I get it. In real life I’m 57 (I’m only 110 in my imagination) and the chunky white sneakers that look cute and hip on my daughter and her friends just look like I’m all snazzed up for a trip to the Senior Center on me.
Snort !!!
Same, 52
My daughter and her friends Look awesome
I look like I have no fashion sense
Never! I wear converse every day but we’ve established this week that I think I’m forever young :) I am sure I will regret this in my old age but my feet are happy now?
My jewelry-class instructor is in her late 70s and that’s what she wears to class. And she rocks them.
I think it’s the other way round. I would say twelve is too young for those, and beyond that who cares.
My cousin had a cord accident at birth and is an adult who can’t live independently. He lives with his parents, but they are getting old and he may need to go live with either adult sister at some point. They have mentioned whether it is better (for insurance and any other purposes) if they should adopt him legally or if that messes up some disability programs he is eligible for. He’s not elderly, but is this what an eldercare lawyer helps with? Family law seems too generic. I’m the lawyer in the family (but do patents, so I don’t know where to start).
There are lawyers who practice T&E with a specialty in special needs trusts who are probably well positioned to help.
Yes. My aunt is a lawyer who does ss disability and elder law. This is exactly the kind of stuff she does.
Estate planning or trusts & estates lawyer.
I was going to say Eldercare.
Yes, Eldercare.
He is likely eligible for (or receiving) social security disability payments. Some, but not all of those programs have income limits. I’d talk to an SSI lawyer or do some poking on SSA’s website on how his living situation may impact his eligibility to receive cash payments / stay on medicaid.
One correction – SSDI requires that you have personally had income in your life. That doesn’t sound like the case here. So it’s probably SSI you are referring to.
this is highly state specific so definitely connect with someone local (both where he is now and the state where he may go to live when parents die). some (all?) states also have STABLE accounts that you can use for savings for disabled folks that don’t affect disability eligibility. look into “supported decision making” instead of guardianship, it’s the newer trend in disability rights.
I’m having an issue with communication, I’m wondering if people could help. I don’t consider myself on the spectrum but I’m having trouble lately with getting hints.
Case in point: someone was looking for volunteers. It really is the kind of work I’m looking to get away from so I didn’t volunteer. My boss emailed me and a few other coworkers. She just forwarded the email of the person who wanted volunteers and and said “you’d all be great at this but there is no pressure from me.” I later found out that all of my coworkers took it to mean they HAD to do it, but I took it at face value and didn’t. There has been no fall out but I’m frustrated that I’m supposed to read between the lines. I’m fully convinced that if I’d seen or heard her say these words I’d feel better about what she actually meant. I’m going to lose my mind if I have to assume that “no pressure” means “huge pressure.”
I’m also not the most socially savvy person but I would not have taken that message as “had to do it” either. If your boss had left off the “no pressure from me” I might have thought it was voluntold
Nah, that is not a you problem. I don’t make any effort to read between people’s lines. They need to say what they mean and mean what they say and I am not responsible for not catching whatever subtle hints they are throwing my way.
I am neurotypical and am VERY tuned in to social cues and in the same scenario with the same email, I would have also continued on my path of not volunteering.
To add, your coworkers are being martyrs and creating extra work for themselves here – don’t get sucked into that BS.
+1 I’ve been the person sending out this type of request and I genuinely, truly, did not care when staff said no. Unless your boss is a jerk, they’ll feel the same way. If people don’t mean what they say in plain language, that’s on them, not you.
Absolutely this. I have a whole bunch of coworkers in a pattern of always pulling this stuff towards them, feeling pressured to respond immediately to non-urgent things, then complaining about the workload. They bring it on themselves. I shake my head at this, meanwhile I get great performance reviews.
This exactly
This is absolutely my take on it as well. OP, your coworkers are making life harder for themselves. You don’t have to do that and have made the smarter decision, IMO.
My work life got a lot easier when I stopped listening to all the Annie Apple-Polishers of the world who would try to make me feel bad for not volunteering for the crap jobs in the office, or not staying late to color-code the boss’ project folders, or not serving on the Birthday Committee and making sure everyone got a cake and a card for their birthday. I stopped doing all of that when I realized none of the men in the office were participating in those activities. It was all women. As has been said so often here, I decided to adopt the confidence of a mediocre white man and I just declined to do any of that stuff and resisted all social pressure from women trying to get me to do those things. Over time, as I moved ahead in my career (because I was spending my time and effort on work that actually mattered to people) I figured out that not being on the Birthday Committee wasn’t hurting me too much.
It’s worth figuring out the things that really matter to the Powers That Be in your organization and saving your time and energy for that stuff. P.S., it usually isn’t the stuff they have to beg people to volunteer for.
+1
I believe what people say. If my boss said it was optional, I would have treated it as such. If my boss later asked why I didn’t volunteer/was upset about it, I would tell them if they want me to do something, they need to make it clear (I’m pretty outspoken at work).
Your coworkers are being martyrs/overacheivers; their problem not yours.
Couldn’t agree more with this. If you can’t trust the actual words on the screen, then Lord help us all.
No kidding!
+3. Too bad so sad for your coworkers but you took the right path here imho.
Preach!
It drives me absolutely mad when people hear literal, concise, explicit words come out of my mouth and try to “read between the lines.” I have taken to asking, “If there had been a better way for me to communicate X, what would that be?” Inevitably, there is no answer because the best way to communicate X is to say X.
This is one of the biggest aggravations of management, IMO. I say to my team members when they join my team, I am pretty direct and I am very careful to say what I mean and choose my words carefully. If for some reason you aren’t clear about something, please ask and I will definitely answer your question. Yet, I have overheard conversations where they’re trying to parse what I meant when I said “Please bring your updates on Project XYZ to the staff meeting tomorrow.” I mean, bring your updates to the staff meeting. That’s it. I just want your updates. The project is not in trouble or getting canceled. No one is getting fired. There is no subtext here.
I’ve started giving that context “Please bring your updates to the staff meeting, I know we’re in the middle of ABC and I’d like to hear whats going on”. It’s overkill, but I don’t want people to wonder either.
I do think I’m on the spectrum, and this would absolutely frustrate me and drive me crazy! Growing up my parents weren’t fond of saying I had to do something, but it was explained to me when I was like six that “I’d like you to do this” meant I was expected to do it, and I couldn’t really say no. That still screws with me today! Because I know there’s a grey area where something isn’t technically mandatory, and you can say no, but it will impact how your boss and colleagues perceive you. At the same time, if I take what someone says at face value and it does mean no cool projects for me going forward, that’s probably a sign that I’m not working for the right people. I have enough to worry about at work, I don’t need to be playing silly mind games! So in this case, I would take what the boss said at face value, let my coworkers who are accepting out of perceived obligation do the work I don’t want, and let my performance at my actual job speak for itself, and it my boss does complain, I’d simply say “Oh, I was confused because you said ‘no pressure,’ I wish you’d been more honest about your expectations.” YMMV.
Nah, you interpreted the email correctly, IMO. If I let my team know about something and say “no pressure from me,” I mean it. If there was actual pressure or expectation to Do the Thing, the email would not include those words!
There’s a difference between someone expecting you to read between the lines and someone straight up lying to you. Either you’re boss is bad at messaging or your coworkers are bad at interpreting messages. In either case I don’t think you did anything wrong here.
I’m an attorney. Out of school about a decade. A time sensitive practice area fell in my lap as I got older and I enjoy it 80% of the time. I am having a horrible week (multiple clients have urgent and unexpected deadlines, actually urgent deadlines, while my key associate is out of the office) and for the second or third time in a decade I am seriously hating this career and practice area. I know – I think – it’ll pass, but would appreciate any insight from those who maybe feel or have felt this way.
Not a lawyer, but professionally really down in the dumps lately and feeling like I want to quit but I know I’m probably not going to feel this way in a few weeks and frankly I think the only way out is through. And taking a vacation.
IANAL but I love my work and despite that, l have had a few episodes like this. Honestly, listening to how others feel about their work I feel almost lucky that this feeling is so infrequent.
If it’s only a couple of times in a decade, honestly, I feel like you’re ahead of the game. That’s the nature of the beast, I think.
That said, if you were asking about your relationship, I’d say “judge it by the worst parts, not the best parts.” So there’s that.
Good luck getting through this phase. It sounds sucky.
If it’s any comfort, apparently George Washington once told his Cabinet that he had only regretted being President once, and that was every moment since he was elected. (TJ wrote after that: “An awkward silence ensued.”) So you’re doing better than good ol’ George.
I think of work as a roller coaster–there are ups and there are downs. I was at my old firm just shy of 14 years and had been on the roller coaster many times. I knew there were things I didn’t like, but also things I did like. And there were a few times during the downs when I polished up my resume. You see, my barometer was the last job that I left where I would be depressed Saturday evenings because my weekend was half over. I knew it was time to quit that job when I couldn’t get over what had happened the previous week. Because that was my barometer, it took me a long time to realize that I actually really did not like what I was doing at my current job anymore. I had been feeling a motivational slump for many years and kept thinking that I would just get over it. Well, I didn’t. The motivation that I needed was to get out of that practice and go into something new. It’s scary, because I was leaving a “safe” place where I knew everyone and had made myself indispensable. But, the return I’ve gotten in mental stimulation is worth it. So far.
Has anyone been in a situation where you hesitated in buying a house [or didn’t buy] because you were getting “wealthier” renting – in terms of liquid cash/investments? Currently renting in Arlington N. Va. for about $2200/mo. Thing is I REALLY want a house [TH likely] – I don’t want to live in a one bed with minimal storage space forever. Yet I wouldn’t buy the type of place I live in now because I want/need 3 bed, tiny outdoor space etc. – like I wouldn’t buy anything permanent without those features; which puts me in the 700-900k range depending on size/fanciness and then I come down to – hmm that’s $4000/mo at least, whereas I pay half that now and save/invest. I can afford it though savings – and consequently investments – will go down [I realize equity will be built but that’s over years and years and not something that you can easily access unless you tap into a loan for it – it’s not like selling stock]. How do you balance a “want” [house] vs. being prudent and saving more and more? I feel like saving more and more gives me “options” like switching fields/jobs etc. but then I also feel like I’m 41 – have been the type who has been “responsible” and saving 25-40% of my salary yearly for decades [and this is separate from retirement] – do I really need to do this forever?? How do you balance this?
Wait until the next time the housing market crashes and buy then?
Sadly I’m not in an area that crashes hard – even in the Great Recession my understanding is that it stabilized/slowed but didn’t crash like other places did; my only guess why is that there is so much federal/federally related employment that unemployment rates don’t spike here as they do in other places that are more tied to finance industries. And I don’t think the other factors involved in the Great Recession will be an issue this time – like I don’t think there are tons of people sitting on variable rate mortgages who’ll suddenly be forced to sell because they can’t afford their payments.
This is your answer right here.
Pretty sure that answer doesn’t apply to Arlington, where housing flatlined but didn’t decline during the last recession.
OP, the answer is that you think about your long term plans and what’s most important to you. Consider your retirement strategy and overall wealth projections, and also your income growth potential. Yes, you are giving up the shorter-term investment amount in favor of investing in a house. Owning is more expensive than renting – not just payments but maintenance. But 10 years from now, your housing costs will be relatively unchanged while if you are at the mercy of your landlord if you are renting. Maybe you’d come out ahead, maybe you wouldn’t. But ultimately it’s about what matters more to you — do you want to stay in Arlington for the next decade or two? Do you want a paid off house to take into retirement? Do you have the capacity to deal with maintenance, or are you comfortable renting and letting someone else deal with it? Only you can answer those questions.
Following b/c I am in a similar situation (same current rent/potential budget for buying and everything) except I’m finding that I’m less excited about actually buying something. I’m curious what others say. I understand logically that we’ll be getting more by buying a bigger place (so it’s apples and oranges comparing the lower rent with higher mortgage payment) but mentally/emotionally it’s hard for me to get past the big increase in monthly expenses and that money going to house equity instead of cash reserves. Even buying the same type of apartment we currently live in would cost us an additional $1,000 in mortgage/HOA fees compared to renting our current place, so I’m really having a hard time seeing the upside of buying right now.
If you REALLY want a house and you have the means, what are you waiting for? I don’t understand people who buy just to buy, but you really want a house.
Are you hesitating because you live alone? Single people worry they will be judged for buying a house, while married people and/or people with kids don’t hesitate. You don’t have to deprive yourself just because you are single (and if you are not, maybe you and your partner aren’t on the same page and that’s a totally different situation). This is where you live every day; you should live in a home that brings you joy.
The other question I have is, maybe you have a relationship with money where you feel the need to build up savings and don’t ever spend on yourself – even if you have the means. If that’s you and you want to change it, look into therapy.
To the poster above that sounds lukewarm about buying – I wouldn’t. It’s just not worth it if you don’t want it. To the OP though – don’t deprive yourself of your WANTS forever. You clearly WANT a house and have the means, so buy one. If you want to be financially prudent – and I assume you do because you are such a saver/investor etc. – maybe just don’t engage in the bidding wars of today; like if you get the right house in the right price range, fine but don’t chase something just to chase it because I assume you could regret that.
Were you posting last week about snow removal concerns?
No – didn’t see that but this DC area doesn’t get a lot of snow anyway.
Maybe think about what you’re saving for. Is it a big purchase like a house or something else?
We’re still renting in a somewhat similar situation, though we’re paying more for a rental and are in a bigger/nicer place. It would be another $1000-$1500 per month to buy a place similar to what we’re renting, except that there’s essentially nothing even on the market in our price range right now and all those places would require a fair amount of work and therefore extra expenses and work I’m not super interested in doing (I don’t really enjoy renovating or decorating or any house stuff). Also, we’re not sure we want to stay in our current city, which is the biggest thing keeping us from wanting to buy. For now, we’re sticking with renting and just really hoping our landlord doesn’t decide to sell, since the rental market is also crazy and then we’d have to make some tough decisions about whether to move cities, buy, or keep renting here for a probably much higher rent. If you know you want to stay in your current location, can afford to buy, the market isn’t crazy in your location, and you really want a house, I’d probably go ahead and buy.
You don’t have to buy a house if you don’t want to buy a house and conversely you can buy a house if that’s what you want even if you don’t think it’s provides maximum optimization of your finances. You’re allowed to take into account your own preferences here and not live your life by a formula.
Go for the want house. I waited much longer than my compatriots to buy a house and the house we bought was double the budget I wanted, but exactly the budget hubs would thought I would spend (and still half what the bank would have given me). Even before involuntary staycation of never ending 2020, I had zero regrets about just pulling the trigger (once I got over my hang ups about the permanence of the house). I’d also run the numbers, depending on your tax bracket, interest rate and property taxes – you could very well get some of the added cost of the house back in itemized deductions.
Dude, you’re in your 40s and it’s time to set yourself up in a situation you love. If you’ve done well saving in your 20s and 30s, it’s time to shift into spending wisely and living life. If not right this minute, then sometime in this decade. If you want to buy, buy. I personally love when I can own my home and the maintenance, control, and responsibility. (I’ve gone back and forth between owning and renting 3 times and it was fine.) If you want that, then do it – even if you get 2 beds instead of 3 because it works better with your budget. You can trade up later if you want something larger.
I’m a homeowner so I come at it with that bias. I have a close friend in a super nice rent controlled apartment in a desirable neighborhood in the city. She’s getting a better deal than I am, obviously, month to month, but isn’t building equity. I have to pay for unexpected repairs and regular maintenance, she doesn’t. It seems to me a lot of time she’s getting a better deal, but she has her own hassles. The landlords would LOVE to get her out (her rent is basically set at early 00s prices), and she’s actually had to go to court with them. She won, but it was expensive and emotionally draining. She has less control over noise than I do because she shares walls, and again, her landlords do not GAF.
All this to say, there isn’t one right answer. Do what works for you. It sounds to me like you really want that 3br house with a bit of a yard. It also sounds like you can afford it. You have my permission to go for it.
It might help your money worries to consider that you will be building wealth by owning and creating equity in an asset that will only appreciate with time.
But also, what are you saving for, if not to use your money in a way that improves your life?
The answer depends in part on how stable your housing costs are likely to be over time. Homes appreciate (generally, depends on location) so you’re not throwing 4K away each month, you’re investing in a piece of property you own that’s an asset. You’re also stabilizing your housing costs, which can be very good for long-term planning purposes if you intend to stay in your area.
hopping on the travel bandwagon! We’re going to a wedding in Lyon France in late June. Where should we go around there for about 2 more weeks after? A friend recommended Annecy which looks gorgeous but I am honestly a little afraid of how crowded it will be in the summer. We’ve also floated the idea of the Black Forest in Germany (e.g. Strasbourg then…somewhere?) or the French Alps area (like Annecy) but DH is NOT a hiker so the Alps are kind of lost on him I’m afraid. We are interested in a mix of bigger cities (e.g. Lyon) and maybe some smaller villages or smaller cities. Thank you all!!
I would rent a car and head to Burgundy for all the wine-tasting, ending in Paris! Or, if beaches are more your thing, off to Marseille!
Fun! I would spend some time in Lyon, which is a fabulous city with great food. I’d then spend a night or two in Annecy, and then I’d take the train either into Paris or down to the Cote d’Azur to see Nice, Antibes, etc.
…and Annecy is very enjoyable without doing any hiking!
If you head down to the Mediterranean, check out Avignon, Arles, and/or Aix-en-Provence en route!
+1. I would 100% recommend Côte d’Azur… Antibes, Cannes, Eze, St Paul de Vence, etc. Bonus is there is a decent size airport in Nice with direct flights to the US (JFK and Newark) in the summer.
I’d recommend 1-2 days in Annecy, and another 1-2 days in Chamonix (Mont Blanc). We didn’t hike in Chamonix–we walked around town, ate fondue, rode the cable cars, that type of thing. It was all lovely.
Another travel question — has anyone had experience with JayWay travel? I want to go to Prague and Croatia and they have a tour that looks great, but I’m reluctant to commit without more reviews of them than I have been able to find. Thank you!
No experience with them, but both locations are very easy to do on your own without a tour group.
I can create a tour plan for you for Prague for free – have lived there for 10+ years :)
oh my goodness . . . will you please do that and post it sometime?? Prague is on my “want to go” list, and I’d love an insiders view. I’d most likely be traveling by myself, and don’t have an enormous budget.
Actually, I am going to do this anyway for a coworker who is heading that way, so might as well share further. I will post in two or three weeks from today on Weekend posts, so stay tuned!
Dinner Parties! I’ve never been to one, and have a vague idea that they might be a thing I could enjoy. What number of guests do you prefer at a dinner party, and why?
If hosting, 5, because that is how many chairs I have.
If attending, 6-10.
For similar reasons, I like 8, because that is how many people my table can fit. It’s also a good size for conversation and fun.
I think 6 is a good number. Table is small enough that everyone can be part of the same convo, but large enough to stimulate small conversations if needed. It’s not just two couples on a double date. But not so big as to be unwieldy to cook for.
Agree on both counts: conversation-wise and cooking-wise.
5-6 is the max that can have 1 conversation. Also 6 is the max I can fit around my table, the number of plates I own and the max number of incompatible food peccadilloes that I’m willing to deal with.
Also dinner parties are great! get to eat and talk with nice people in an environment you get to control.
We can seat 8 (6 guests plus us) at our dinner table, so that’s our usual number. However sometimes we do 6, and when we do we always go, “Wow, six is SO MUCH EASIER than eight!”
Oh my, this is my favorite subject ever! I used to host all the time before COVID. (And sadly, before I married my adorably-grumpy-but-dude-yes-we-have-to-see-other-humans husband.)
I feel like 6 is the minimum number of people to call it a party. A few tips:
– It’s ok to use store-bought short cuts. When I first started, I had Martha Stewart dreams and made everything from scratch, and thus wasn’t ready (was frazzled) when guests arrived.
– Have drinks and apps sitting out so guests can help themselves while you’re still finishing up the main dish, if necessary (cheese, crackers, and grapes, and wine with glasses out, is great for self-service)
– I only do “sit-down food” for small groups where we can sit around a table and talk. If I’m doing a big parties, I do what I call “perching food,” meaning you can balance on the arm of the sofa with a plate and not make a mess – think little cocktail sandwiches, etc – things that you only need a fork to eat – never a knife
– Have little sweets people can pick at – people often won’t dig into a giant cake or something at someone else’s house, but they’ll help themselves to a brownie or a cookie – chocolate’s always a big hit
– Along with the first items, save the complicated dishes for intimate groups – big groups love homey food, I promise. Biggest hits have been a brunch party with ham biscuits and an egg casserole, and a homemade pot pie party in the autumn.
And also, plate the food in the kitchen. Trying to pass serving dishes family-style at the table is a recipe for spills and all manner of disaster (ask me how I know)!
I break from the crowd and prefer one other couple, so 4 is perfect, 6 is about my max. Easy to cook for and go a little OTT at the same time. We also do it a lot because 4 total is a manageable number. Our other favorite move is hosting cocktails before going out to dinner – best of both worlds, we do a little entertaining and don’t have the hassle of cooking.
Or, similarly, drinks and dessert after a show or other event.
I prefer non couple-based dinner parties. So the number is irrelevant, but don’t have guests that are going to act like twosomes. I think seven-eleven is the perfect number, because it lends itself to two parallel conversations. If there is too few people and everybody is part of the same conversation at all times, it’s not a dinner party but a chain monologue. Avoid.