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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Lacy Split-Neck Blouse

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I think a white blouse is something that you should refresh your wardrobe with reguarly, especially as we head into spring. I think the details on this one are very bohemian but still professional, and I like the split neck. I would probably wear a white camisole under this rather than a nude camisole (or nude-for-you camisole), but you do you. This top comes in regular (XS-XXL) and petite sizes (XXS-XL) at Loft, and — wow — it was $59.50 but is now $15.88, with no code needed! Lacy Split-Neck Blouse Here's a plus-size option. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 1/16/25:

  • M.M.LaFleur – Tag sale for a limited time — jardigans and dresses $200, pants $150, tops $95, T-shirts $50
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles with code — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything
  • L.K. Bennett – Archive sale, almost everything 70% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Sephora – 50% off top skincare through 1/17
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer; 50% off winter sale; extra 15% off clearance
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 50% off + extra 20% off, sale on sale, plus free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

346 Comments

  1. It says it’s $40.00, not $15.

    Anyway, it seems like so many people on this site are so motivated. You all are willing to work 10-12 hours a day, spend forever commuting, etc. It’s like your work is your life.

    I just want to sit and watch the clouds and spend my days relaxing. Being a housewife actually sounds kind of fun. Is this normal?

    1. I think there is a good mix of 40 hour a weekers and 50 – 80 hour a weekers here. Neither is right or wrong, it all depends on what people’s priorities are.

      I have no desire nor am I willing to work 10-12 hours a day or spend forever commuting. I work 40 hours a week and my commute is 15 minutes and I live in a LCOL small “city” to do so. I strive to do excellent work while I am in the office, but I do not think about it once I walk out the doors.

      Work is definitely NOT my life, nor how I define myself. I work to fund my hobbies and live my life. I am absolutely motivated. Motivated to not get fired and to do a good job so that I can continue to fund my hobbies and life, but I am not motivated to work a bajillion hours a day or spend 4 hours commuting like I used to.

      1. +1 I am motivated to my best, but I work in a government job that allows me to keep it to 40-45 hours and generally leave things at the office. However, if I was financially able to, I would be a housewife in an instant.

        1. I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM. So much so that when I had to leave maternity leave and go back to work I cried and was so upset. But then when I got back to work, I was surprised that I was not upset and sad. As it turns out, I rather like working. I love my job and what I do, and I enjoy the challenges and like working – but work is definitely not my life – I’m not one of those people who lives for work. (I applaud those who do love their work that much, I’m not saying that like it’s a bad thing!) Let’s be real though, if I won the lottery tomorrow I would probably not continue to work full time like I am now – but I think for my sanity I would always work at some level. I think I’ve realized that I am the kind of person who needs to work. When I take time off work for a staycation, I always think I’m going to do so much! I’m going to do a DIY project, clean the house, prep freezer meals, etc. What do I actually do? Watch movies. Maybe vacuum. So I think I am the kind of person who needs to be busy enough that I have to get things done. When I’m really busy and don’t have loads of free time, I am so much more productive. Too much time and I get lazy. That’s just me. I so admire moms who stay home and have a schedule and do things and are productive – I’m amazed! But again, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I’d probably work part time or maybe start a business, or something like that – to have an outlet for work but more time to enjoy not working :)

          1. This is me, and I’m staring down a few months of housewife-dom as we relocate for my husband’s job and I become a trailing spouse. I’m simultaneously excited for a break (after working non-stop in stressful jobs for the last 8 years) and terrified of so much unstructured free time (what am I going to do with myself?! what I get super bored?!). We can technically afford for me to never work again, but I think that would make me crazy after a few months (or at least until we have kids).

            This is probably not the last time we’ll be relocating for his job, so I’m trying to find a remote position or something that’s more ‘lean out’-ish, which feels weird to admit but is probably the best fit for our family.

    2. Eh. I am motivated about some things and not others. I busted my tail to become a CPA and I really enjoy doing taxes. Tax season is exciting. It can be stressful, but there’s all this energy and adrenaline to it too and a camaraderie with my coworkers about working overtime during busy season. I love the sense of accomplishment of getting returns off my desk and out the door. That said, I am in a lean out tax job at the moment. Sometimes I think about going back to public accounting but eh. I also like seeing friends and family and having time for hobbies. There’s no room for advancement and little room for raises where I am now, but I make a comfortable living and there’s not a lot of pressure about billable hours or all the extra-curriculars I used to have to do. There are trade-offs. If I go back to public accounting I’ll work a lot more but I’ll also make a lot more money. We’ll see.

      One thing I will say– I’m not willing to spend time commuting. I have a 10-15 minute commute and that’s plenty far enough for me.

      1. I hear you on that adrenaline/camaraderie. In my previous position, I loved that satisfaction of tackling a busy day and handling crises with my team.

        Also f@ck long commutes. There was a Dan Ariely column on commutes a couple of years ago – a shorter commute is one of the few things proven to improve overall happiness over time.

    4. I work 40 hours a week and spend less than 20 minutes commuting (door to door, the drive is more like 12-15 minutes). I really enjoy my job and know I would be bored out of my mind as a housewife. Being a SAHM is more appealing but I don’t have kids yet so I can’t really say. I definitely don’t think of my work as my whole life. My family is obviously the most important thing in my life, and I have lots of hobbies outside work. I’m lucky to have 25 vacation days per year and am actually encouraged to take them, so I definitely don’t spend my whole life working.

    5. I work 40 hours a week, 35 min commute, HCOL city. But there’s a balance. I think that imagining being a housewife or a SAHM is a “grass is always greener” situation. Being a SAHM is really hard and exhausting work. Being a housewife without kids would make me bored after about a month, even if I went to the gym every day. To each his own.

    6. Not working sounds super fun. Which is why I would like to retire someday with enough money to enjoy it. Which is why I work hard now. Because being financially dependent on a man doesn’t actually sound fun at all. If I won the lottery id quit tmrw.

      1. I’d have to win a >10M lottery (5M after taxes). Otherwise, I’d worry about outliving even that $ (which looks good, but my family lives into their 90s and often outlives their mental faculties and/or their $).

    7. You’re not alone. I’d retire now if I could. I hate rushing around and spending the best part of the day stuck in a chair at the office when there are so many great places to visit and things to do. I hear about all the routines people have to optimize every second of their lives (meal planning, calendars for home, etc.) and I just want to check out and lie on a desert island for a while.

      1. Oh, to add – it drives me insane that all the jobs in my field are far away from ski towns (my main hobby in the winter). I’d love to live by a mountain and ski during the week and just…not work. Too bad you need money for that.

      2. +1 I miss seeing the sun. I go into the office when it’s dark and leave the office when it’s dark.

      3. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this blouse, but the split neck is NOT something I would want to have b/c even with a Cami, Frank would be poking at it with his accountant’s pencil, and you KNOW where he will be looking. FOOEY!

        As for the OP, I am like you and alot of you. I would NOT be workeing, even at my boutique job, if I had money or was MARRIED to a guy who would support my NY lifestyle. I would be perfectly willing to leave all of this behind and give all of my attention to my husband (and children). Mom told me it was NOT a big deal for her to become Dad’s wife — all she needs to do is keep him happy, but her days are free once she prepares his meals for him.

        I can’t wait to find that guy so I do NOT have to be here at work, slaveing away to please my cleint’s and the manageing partner all the time. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    8. I work 40 hours a week and spend 20 minutes door-to-door commuting! I care deeply about what I do and sincerely love my job, but in my dream world I’d work 20 hours a week and spend the rest of my time napping, running, reading, cooking, playing with my dog, and painting. I think I’d really enjoy parts of being a housewife–I take a lot of pride in having a clean, beautiful home, I’d have time to garden, I love to cook. And I’m good at keeping myself occupied, so I don’t think boredom would be a huge issue.

      And yet! I love my job and I value being financially independent. But my job is not the most important thing in my life.

      1. +1 I can’t imagine not working at all, but I think I’d be very happy working 20 hours per week and having more time for hobbies, cooking healthy meals and taking care of my home. I wish job-sharing/part-time jobs were a bigger thing.

      2. Co-signed to all of this, although I don’t have enough hobbies yet to fill the rest of the day. My current hobby is looking at real estate in the Caribbean and daydreaming.

      3. +1 I love my job, and as it is I’m pretty pleased with my current balance of work demands/ flexibility/commute/ potential for advancement. But I’d be just as happy working 20 hours a week, playing with my kid, running, reading, writing, and cooking more elaborate things.

    9. I like working the long hours when the project is engaging and I’m making good progress. When work is slow and things scale back, I’m out the door at a decent hour. The flexibility to work long hours when I’m busy and cut out early when I’m not yields my best job satisfaction.

      1. What kind of field are you in? I’m the poster from above who posted about skiing and my big problem with my last two jobs is that we were expected to bill 8 hours a day every day. We couldn’t just skip out during really slow periods (it was apparently better to twiddle our thumbs at work), which drove me insane on sunny days.

        1. I’m in tax and my flexibility has been earned with years. Not in public accounting.

      1. Maybe some of us prefer to achieve PRs in ultramarathons! Feel free to check out of this conversation if you have work you must do.

        2. Also, good luck in your ultras! If all things go according to plan, will do my first this year. Gulp!

      2. I wish that I could find the unicorn of an intellectually stimulating, well compensated job, that confines itself to traditional working hours. I’m not willing to trade either of the first two requirements, because I’d be miserable bored at work, and I value financial independence and saving for retirement. But oooooh do I want to be able to “leave work at work.”

      3. *eyeroll* There are many interpretations of overachieving, mine does not have to be the same as yours! Bless your heart.

      4. You’re wasting time on this s!te on a workday, you can’t be that overachieving.

      5. Sometimes once you achieve what you want to, you realize it’s not as great as you thought it would be.

        1. +1

          Or simply, your goals change. There are other things more important than $ and opportunity for advancement. The earlier you discover this, the better.

          There also are different personalities. Some people are on the more activated side of the spectrum, and thrive under pressure/stress. For others, this breaks us down over time.

        2. +1.

          Or your life changes or evolves in ways you didn’t expect or anticipate. There is so no one way to succeed or overachieve.

      6. There’s part of me that thinks I could NEVER stay at home. But I’ve cried twice this week so ….maybe. I know I would be so good at it. My mom stayed at home and I see the challenges and limitations that gave her (couldn’t divorce my dad, doesn’t have retirement, can’t advance in her career so going back to school at 60, etc.) so while I suppose I appreciated her doing this (until I left for college), I also recognize the limitations. But then again that 9:15 am yoga class is so intriguing….

        I don’t have to worry about it anytime soon though.

        1. I cried at work recently, on a Friday after my boss left. I never thought I would want to be a SAHM, but maybe it’s not so bad!

      7. Overachieving means various things to various people. Your definition isn’t the only one.

    12. Work is *not* my life. My work often demands large portions of my time, and impacts my life significantly- both good and not so good. My work is very important to me.

      The fact that I’ve worked 12-13 hour days all day for the past 10 days doesn’t mean I wouldn’t prefer to be at a park, eating icecream, laying face down on the couch not talking to anyone for days, drinking wine, traipsing through Italy, drawing pretty pictures. Alas, I have to buy things.

      It doesn’t matter what is normal, and there is no normal. This is a self-selecting group. If you went on to the BabyCenter boards, and said “you all seem so devoted to your kids. You spend all day with them. Its like they’re your whole life. I really want to have a career that’s intellectually stimulating and provides me a degree of financial autonomy. Is this normal?”

      (actually, that would be fun. Go do that and then let us know how it goes.)

      1. I am active on the Baby Bargains Board. There are people on there that are a very different demographic than on here . . . and also a lot of them that probably also are Corpor3tt3. There are homeschooling parents, divorcing dads, grandmas, part-time employees, and plenty of women devoted and committed to their professional lives during and while childbearing and parenting (although we pretty much all love a deal)!

        The takeaway there: kids make you crazy, but they are worth it; the only question is what “it” means to you. Be the parent you want to be and don’t guilt yourself if you do not become CEO or if you cannot throw a Pinterest-worthy Harry Potter birthday party for your seven year old (or if you do both or neither).

        It’s trite, but only you can make you happy. Figure out what makes you happy and works for your life and FTW otherwise.

    14. Being a housewife sounds fun. Being a SAHM is HARD, thankless, exhausting work. There’s a huge difference!

      1. Really? I’m the complete opposite. Being a housewife sounds insanely boring. There’s only so many books you can read and TV shows you can watch, and I’d feel pressure to keep the house spotless and cook all meals from scratch because literally what else am I doing with my time? But I’d love to stay home with my kids and I wouldn’t feel guilty about outsourcing or expecting my husband to share in cleaning, grocery shopping and cooking, because my primary job would be childcare, not house care.

        1. If I was a stay at home wife I would go to barre class everyday, read interesting books and articles, take online or community college courses, and experiment with delicious meals for my husband! I would be happy, relaxed, in amazing shape and well fed! Alas, I’m an attorney.

    15. I just started a job that’s 40 hours a week with a 5-10 minute commute. I’m excited about the type of work, and I feel like this is the right balance for me right now.

      I posted about this last week, but I left a 60-hr/wk job last summer and stayed home for 5 months. I have a son, but he was in day care about 80% of the time (and home sick about 20%). For me, it was neither easy nor boring. Our finances were really tight, which added to the work–grocery shopping at multiple stores for the best deals, cooking every meal or pulling something I’d already cooked from the freezer, all the housekeeping and gardening, keeping a close eye on our budget, the morning and evening routines with our toddler, and being home with him and taking him to the doctor when he was sick. My husband didn’t do anything, not even easy stuff like bringing dishes to the sink or putting dirty clothes in the basket. I also managed a pretty big renovation project for a rental unit we own. Basically, I worked about 10-12 hours per day, as if it were a job. I also walked probably 10k steps on a normal day without trying. Maybe it would be different for a SAHW/SAHM who was also wealthy enough to outsource all that.

      The major difference between staying at home and the 40-hr/wk job (at least in terms of work/hours) is that now we have do all that stuff after work and on the weekends, plus struggle to find backup care when Kiddo is sick. With the 60-hr/wk job, I had to come home and log in, but we also “outsourced” a lot–we had a nanny who did dishes and laundry while the baby napped, plus a housekeeper and a lawn guy and a gardener. Besides daycare, we can’t afford to outsource much with the 40-hr/wk job.

      1. Would also have been different if your husband were an equal partner and hadn’t left everything for you to do. If he can’t bring dishes to the sink, he can find them in the driver’s seat of his car where I put them. If I have to pick up someone else’s crap, they’re not going to like where it goes. (Don’t get me started on the dirty clothes as I have a theory everyone over the age of 8 should wash what they wear themselves. But as a SAHM, if you were willing to do his laundry, which is perfectly nice, he can put the d*mn clothes in the basket. Or they’ll be in his car floorboard with his dirty dishes.)

      4. Agree that husband was being terrible. TBH I started applying for jobs in earnest and went back to work when I did because I was so fed up with husband that I wanted a divorce, and figured that to get a divorce, I needed a job. Those feelings have calmed down since then, but it’s not completely out of my head. Now that I’m back at work, husband and I have divided up the household responsibilities again in a way that I think is fair if he actually follows through, although I’m not particularly optimistic that he will.

        1. I hope that this situation resolves itself in a way that will make you happy in the long run. Whatever that is.

          Take care of yourself.

    16. I feel like there’s a good mix of readers who book 60+ hour weeks and those work 40-50 hour weeks. I think the common denominator of our ambition/dedication is that while we’re at work, we work hard and want to do well. Yes, we come on this site for a brain break, but on the whole we don’t just twiddle our thumbs at work and count down until 5pm (or 7pm or 10pm…) on most days.

      That said, I cannot wait to move away from my crazy HCOL city where everyone works insane hours because that’s the culture. I’m willing to work hard at work or why else would I have sought the type of education and previous jobs that I have, but I want time for my family, religion, health, and to a read a book every once in a while. I’m counting down the years/months to being eligible for the kinds of opportunities that can afford me that type of balance.

    17. With respect, I think this comment says more about how you feel about yourself than about the readers on this blog. A fair number of us post about how we work 40-50 hr/wk jobs and have short commutes on a regular basis. It seems to me like you feel like you’re underachieving (which, maybe you are, and maybe you aren’t, but either is OK if you think it’s OK) and you’re overemphasizing the comments from people who work long hours in your own memory.

      Stop comparing what you’ve “achieved” to what other people are “achieving” and ask yourself: What do I actually want to do with my time? Then, go do that thing.

    18. i work 40 hours a week and i love it. when i took extensive periods of time off (like 3-6 months) between grad school and work to travel etc., i really enjoyed it for a few weeks and then started itching to do something more intellectually stimulating and challenging (which is what i find my work to be!). i hope to have kids and hope to still return to work full time because i think i would go bananas without it.

    19. I think I’m the anomaly more than you are (based on the other responses) but my job is crazy important to me. I’m a cancer surgeon. I trained 14 years to be able to do this, and the patients I cure and the residents I train are the contribution I make to the world. There are a lot of times when my job is incredibly stressful, and exhausting, and I fantasize about being a SAHM for sure, but I don’t think I could walk away even if I won the lottery. I hope that once I have kids I can reduce the hours a bit, but this work is my legacy and my gift to the world and when I get up at 3 AM because a patient needs me it’s definitely not for the money (you couldn’t pay me enough to do this job if my motivation was $- I would have defected to work for pharma a long time ago!)

      I wouldn’t say that my work is my life- I love my fiance and friends and hobbies and I love watching the clouds go by! But my work is probably the most profound impact I will have on the world and I love knowing that every day I am doing something good. I think I would miss that sense of satisfaction if I stopped doing this.

  2. 1. Winter lips: what’s your favourite lip balm, and more importantly how do you stop yourself from licking dry lips or picking at them? My lips are so dry, and they’re in awful shape because I pick subconsciously.

    2. Protest march participants nationwide, my thoughts are with you this weekend. I was going to go to the local one, but toddler is sick and standing around outside in the cold seems inadvisable.

    1. Dr. Lipp nipple balm for lips. Pricey but amazing. Helps with the licking/picking issue bc it’s thick and stays put but isn’t annoying.

    2. when my lips are really bad (like if I have a cold) I get aquafor’s lip balm. You should try getting a lip scrub (or make your own — just google recipes) to get rid of the flakes.

    3. I find the Burts Bees classic lip balm (not the flavoured/scented ones) to be the best for when I have dry lips. Exfoliating (with a toothbrush) to get off the flakes and then putting that on really helps in the winter.

      1. I don’t like the classic mentholated Burts Bees for dry lips, some of the other flavours are much more moisturizing.

        1. Which ones? I bought the Burts Bees Ultra Conditioning and it doesn’t seem quite thick and moisturizing enough.

      2. I’ve been very happy with my Burt’s Bees Replenishing with Pomegranate oil. It’s very moisturizing without feeling heavy and waxy.

    4. I like Dr. Lipp Miracle Balm this winter. I got it in my birchbox then purchased the full size with points. I am not sure it’s not just non-scented vaseline but I am obsessed. Otherwise, blue blistex has been my go to for winter.

    5. My favorite is Desert Essence. I get it from Whole Foods. No advice on the lip biting though – I struggle with it myself!

    7. Are any of these recommended balms extra-moisturizing? I’ve been oscillating between lip balms that are ok but seem to just slick over the chapped-ness and not really help alleviate it. Is there something that will sink into the lip and make it feel better? Like lotion but for lips? I’ve been using Rosebud Salve (also pretty sure it’s dressed up Vaseline) and a lip scrub at night, which helps, but the next day it’s back to the dryness. Any recs?

      1. The fresh sugar scrub lip balm is $$ but the best I’ve ever tried. I used it when I was on accutane and it was the only thing that worked at all.

      2. This may sound ridiculous but what about a lip serum? I use one after scrubbing (either the fresh scrub or the bliss scrub) and then I put on the Fresh lip serum, let it soak in for a few minutes and then put on my Rosebud balm and let it all soak in over night.

      3. Bite Beauty Agave Lip Mask. I put it on at night (it’s too sticky/heavy to wear during the day) and it’s like I wake up with a whole new set of lips. It’s pricey but super effective.

        1. Which one? It looks like there’s one that’s a stick in a tube (called “Everyday Agave Lip Mask”) and one that’s in a tube with a twist cap (called “Agave Lip Mask”).

          1. The tube with a twist cap – it’s $26 at Sephora right now. I think the clear (my fave) is sold out, but the champagne one works just as well and doesn’t read too tinted.

    8. Bobbi Brown Yogi Chapstick – expensive but amazing. I also use the little Blistex tubes with vaseline.

    9. the only thing that works (for me, horrible lip picking habit) is pure pharma grade lanolin.

    10. Blistex Medex (in the blue pot) is the best lipbalm I’ve found. I’m permanently dehydrated so my lips are very dry and it’s the only lipbalm that appears to improve the condition of my lips. I keep one at my desk, in the car, in every handbag, so I can apply frequently and avoid the urge to pick at my dry lips.

    11. I love Eucerin’s chapstick but I can only find it in Canada =(. After that, aquaphor. I’m allergic to most lip products, including normal chapstick and vaseline.

    12. When I put on argan oil at night, I make sure to smear it on my lips, too. My lips are too sensitive for most balms. Rosebud salve on top if I really need it.

    13. I used to lick my lips all the time, and the only way I got myself to stop was to have lip balm on me all the time and substitute putting it on for the lip-licking reflex. That means not 1 but 2 lip balms in my everyday purse, one next to my computer at home, one in the living room at arm’s reach from my couch seat, and one on my bedside table. I liked Blistex (in the little yellow jar) for long nights at the library in the NYC winter, but my new favourite is the Fresh advanced sugar treatment (in a tiny cream tub, but the solid white stick is also nice), which is a nice splurge if you can afford it. My home office lip balm is Farmacy’s Lip Bloom, which is somewhat cheaper, and very effective as well.

  3. Someone yesterday mentioned Orangetheory classes, I’m interested because they just opened near me. I haven’t done ANY intentional exercise in a little over a year, would it kill me?

    1. Hi! I have drunk the Orange Theory koolaid. The classes are tough but they might be a good fit for you. Part of the reasoning behind OT is that you are supposed to get your heart rate to a certain zone. So if you haven’t exercised in a while, maybe you are power walking or jogging to get in the orange zone, whereas if you are used to running you might have to run relatively fast to reach your personal orange zone.

      Try it!! I started last February to get over many months of no consistent, structured exercise, and I am still going (1-2 per week) to my surprise.

    2. We have one by us and it is definitely my favorite group class (barring pilates reformer, which unfortunately isn’t available in my town). It is definitely a HARD workout, but that being said, you’re responsible for your own pace. The trainers are absolutely not going to yell at you, or force you to go harder than you’re comfortable with, and they always provide lots of modifications for the weight exercises. I’ve worked my way up to running during the push/all-out phases, but I have no shame in power walking for base, or if my heart rate is in the red and I need to recover. Try it! I’ve got a kiddo, so I love that in 1-hour I get my cardio, weights, and some stretching in all along with some SERIOUS calorie burn.

  4. Sorry for such a heavy question on Monday morning. I need some advice about what I think might be an abusive situation. Is throwing an object in anger a stop on the path to hitting your partner?

    There is a lot of background here but the main story is this. My sister’s fiancé got blackout drunk one night when his kids (my sister is not their mother), his friend, and my sister were around. He and my sister got in a verbal argument so my sister went to bed. Later in the night, he got in an argument with his friend and threw something at a wall in anger during the argument. His kids witnessed this and told their mother. Their mother has now said that the kids aren’t allowed at sister and fiancé’s house.

    When I heard this, my big concern was about him lashing out physically in anger even though it wasn’t directed at a person but at a wall. He has a drinking problem, which I’ve always been concerned about. He also behaves badly in front of his kids, so that part wasn’t a surprise but is obviously not good either.

    One other relevant piece of background is that he was recently fired from his job less than 1 month after starting. He claims that a coworker “jumped” him and he was defending himself. He was fired for physically assaulting his coworker. I don’t know what happened to the coworker.

    I’m worried for my sister. Does it seem like he is on a path that will result in him physically hurting her? I’ve always been concerned about emotional issues in their relationship and this incident makes me even more worried. I feel like I need to say something. I don’t know how to approach it though. I’ll be there for her whatever she decides to do, even if that means following through on their wedding this spring. Im just worried and don’t think I can sit by and never say anything.

    1. You are right be concerned. I have thrown something in anger before. But not in front of anyone, especially children. Here, there are additional concerning factors of alcohol abuse and physical assaults on others.

      A first step would be to access local resources for DV situations. That may assist you determining next steps and how you can best support your sister whatever her choices are.

    2. Yes. He’s a violent drunk. If she doesn’t see that I’m not sure what you can do. I hope the kids mom holds onto them.

    3. He doesn’t seem like a good guy, but I do think there is a pretty big difference between hitting or throwing something at a wall and hitting or throwing something at a person. When I was growing up my father punched walls a couple of times when he was very, very angry (alcohol was not involved though). He never touched me or my mom. Personally I’d be more concerned about him assaulting the co-worker than about him throwing something at a wall once. I do think you should talk to your sister at least once about your concerns, but make it clear as you said that you’ll support her no matter what.

      1. Yeah…throwing something on its own is a red flag, but not necessarily indicative that he’s an abusive jerk. My boyfriend admits to having punched a few walls in college, and once threw his phone across the room while trying to deal with a really f*cked up situation with his ex. I’ve never seen him punch a wall and the phone was an isolated incident. I have zero concerns that he will ever lay a hand on me.

        Throwing something + assaulting a coworker + being blackout drunk + pre-existing concerns about their emotional dynamic = very different situation.

      2. I threw something at my DH. It was a baby pacifier (all rubber, not even a plastic one) and it was around 4am when he was being a useless @ss with our very difficult baby for the like, 3rd night in a row. I was crazed and hadn’t had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time in more than 2 months. I also came embarrassingly close to suggesting divorce. I was really, really not myself at the time.

        That is to say, throwing is NOT normal.

    4. Throwing something at a wall is “normal” depending on how you grew up. I’ve seen it plenty of times and nobody ever physically abused anyone else. That I would not say is necessarily an indicator of physical assault – but then, this dude apparently assaulted a coworker! In any case, he’s incredibly immature (and/or an alcoholic) and it’s a sign that he basically throws a temper tantrum when something doesn’t go his way. It would be tough to marry someone who can’t handle the bad parts of life. I think that is something to discuss with your sister, if she’s receptive. You know your sister best, but maybe it would be good to mention that you’re worried he may one day hit her – but don’t get stuck on it. If she doesn’t see it that way, she’s going to dismiss you.

      1. I am normally of the mind that it’s better not to get involved, but (a) she is family and (b) this sounds like it a potential big issue (with the additional work incident). In addition, god forbid anything ever happened to her, I think you would have a lot of guilt for not saying something directly to her about this. Just choose your approach and your words carefully.

    5. Talk to her. Someone with anger issues now is not going to magically dispense with them in 20 years. A dear friend married someone like that and it just got worse and worse and worse. He didn’t hit her (that I know of), but he became so verbally abusive to her, her friends, his own friends, and pretty much everyone he came into contact with. He died young-ish (65) an angry, unhealthy jerk and while she stayed pretty loyal to him, she now admits it was a relief in many ways. Even if your sister’s fiance never gets that bad, anger problems just can’t lead anywhere good.

    6. I am a violent drunk. I have thrown things sober, but I have also physically assaulted people while drunk (black out usually). I have taken a knife and destroyed someone’s property. None of those things is remotely acceptable, drunk or sober. It is completely unacceptable to me and I am deeply ashamed of my behavior. The only solution was for me to stop drinking. I have zero of these tendencies while sober and would never think of hitting someone or throwing something in anger while sober.

      It is certainly possible that he will never ever touch your sister or the kids. However, it’s also unlikely that this behavior will stop if he doesn’t stop drinking IMO. I wish I had a good answer for your, but I am glad you will be there to support your sister no matter what her decisions are. I hope things turn out okay.

      1. EDIT BUTTON. I haven’t thrown things while sober, but I HAVE physically assaulted people while drunk.

    7. Having anger management issues and being physically abusive are two separate things, though they often go hand in hand.

      My father and brother argued a LOT when we were teenagers. A couple of times, my father punched a wall or threw something. It was scary at the time, but I realize in retrospect that he probably felt an urge to hit my brother and chose to take it out on an inanimate object instead, which is a better choice if not necessarily great. My father never laid a hand on any of us (or my mother) in anger.

      Some men have been taught their whole lives that the only way to express strong emotion is through physical expression. As long as that physical expression targets inanimate objects and not people or animals, and doesn’t seem to have pre-meditated malice (i.e. she made him angry, so he got her cherished teapot from her grandmother out of the cupboard and smashed it), I don’t think it would become abusive. Consistently breaking or throwing stuff would probably be cause to suggest anger managemnet classes or therapy.

      I would be more concerned about the co-worker incident than throwing something at a wall.

    8. Had the kids’ mother ever complained of domestic violence? I’d ask your sister about fiancé’s previous relationship and see if there were any signs of dv there/if that was the reason the relationship ended.

    9. Thank you all. You’ve given me a lot to think about.

      To answer a question, he actually has another kid with another woman but that kid was not there that night. I know the relationships with both mothers is extremely strained. My sister has made both women out to be a little crazy. But at some point you need to look at the common denominator within different situations, right? I do not know if there have been any assertions of domestic violence from either woman or any of the kids.

      1. For you (and her, if that’s something she’s interested in), read Why Does He Do That? It’s an AMAZING book about how abuse works. The common denominator is true- at a certain point, women leaving a man and he saying they’re all crazy says something about him, not the women. All women who leave a man aren’t crazy. The man might be.

    10. Not normal. I say that as someone who grew up in a household where object violence (that’s the technical term for punching walls, throwing objects, etc.) led to verbal and physical abuse. The verbal abuse touched all of us and my father physically abused my mother, occasionally in front of us without realizing it. Also, sometimes the punch in the wall is FRIGHTENINGLY close to the head or body of a loved one (ask me how I know). Granted, my father didn’t drink alcohol (there were a number of issues, including undiagnosed mental illness). Still, I would be very concerned, given the description you provided. Offer her support in whatever capacity she wants it, but have DV resources researched in advanced, in case she decides she wants out.

  5. Are khakis completely unfashionable? I live in Florida, so they keep me cooler than jeans. The types I wear are well-fitting, lightweight, and either a capri, ankle, or boyfriend style. I am slender and prefer simple, more traditional clothes (I’m not talking full on pearls with a Talbots twinset…maybe a little more how Eddie Bauer used to be before they turned into Athleta). Is there anyway to style them to make them more fashionable? I only wear flats. TIA!
    PS. If anyone has thoughts on stores similar to how Eddie Bauer used to be before they got into athleisure wear, I would be grateful.

    1. An ankle length flat front khaki (especially in a grey) would read as classic to me. Go with more modern/trendy top/accessories so it doesn’t look dated. Flats are fine – just pick something modern.

    2. I think knee-length capris are, but ankle length is fine. As long as there’s no cargo pockets included :) Try switching things up with khaki material but different colors (light grey, olive green, etc…)

      1. Yes, some of my favourite work pants I guess could be considered “khakis” (they are cotton twill fabric) but they are different colours, NOT khaki coloured.

    3. Omg. Stop it. Kahkis are completely unfashionable. Just like fanny packs, scrunchies, and skorts. Wear them if you want, but no, they are not even remotely fashionable.

      1. LOL NO. You’re not the fashion police. And if you are, get on your own blog.

        1. I hit post too soon. Khakis come in many different colors, too. Gray khakis are very modern. So get over yourself goodbye.

          2. You can take my boot cut out of my cold, dead hands. They just work better for some body shapes.

          3. Boot cut is back! It hasn’t been widely adopted yet in America, but by next year it will be.

          4. Yes, some of us will always wear flare/boot cut trouser because that’s what works for our bodies.

          5. Boot cut pants are great for visually balancing out wide hips. I don’t care if they are out of style, they are so much more flattering on me than skinniest and especially ankle skinnies.

          7. I look like a bowling ball on toothpicks when I wear skinny jeans. I promise you, you do not want to see me in skinny jeans. Bootcut and straight leg jeans look immensely better. I have one pair of skinny jeans that is specifically for tucking into knee high boots.

          8. Let’s talk style. A woman honestly looks ridiculous with skinny pants and steel-toed boots. And while style is a matter of taste, boot cut pants do not look terrible on many people. I’m not talking flare here. I don’t think OP was talking about steel-toed boots but please don’t think that YOUR narrow definition of pants is the only acceptable one.

          9. While it may not look great, I personally like to wear skinny jeans with my steel toes when I go on construction sites because they stay out of the mud. And let’s face it – no one looks that fashionable in a hard hat and safety vest anyway.

        2. Godzilla, I love ya, but in-style is not subjective. Khakis are not in style. Not stylish. I.e., unfashionable. Wear what you want but you’re just wrong.

          1. Bull carp. There is on-trend – khakis are not particularly trendy. But just because something isn’t trendy, doesn’t mean its out of style. That would be ridiculous, given how fast trends come and go. So, I wouldn’t equate trendy with fashionalble, like you are doing. You can be stylish/fashionable and not be on-trend.

          3. You’re conflating stylish and in style. Just because both terms have “style” in them doesn’t make them the same.

    4. I wear boot cut or straight cut khakis to work (I’m an engineer). They’re more comfortable than jeans and a good compromise between office business casual and field attire.

        2. Just spit my Honest Tea out (fortunately I turned my head away from the keyboard first). Ponte Python, you owe me a a quarter — that stuff’s expensive!! :)

    5. I have a lot of male co-workers who wear khakis M-Thurs. I don’t want to wear jeans, because those are more casual, but I also don’t want to wear dress pants because that’s more formal. So I bought these pants in a bunch of colors: https://www.ae.com/women-aeo-twill-x-skinny-wine/web/s-prod/1328_2716_558?cm=sUS-cUSD&catId=cat6470529
      They’re super comfy and nicer than jeans without being super fancy. They have some in khaki colors. But they are pretty warm, so I’m not sure they would serve the function of keeping you cool like khakis do.

      3. Yeah, I have the straight cut/boot cut version of these. Trust when I say that don’t look UNFASHION.

    6. I used to wear khakis before I went to a capsule wardrobe and I think I looked fine. I stayed with slim cuts, not too high-waisted, and generally wore them with a button up or a cardigan, so it looked preppy and intentional. Sounds like you know what you like and you style it well.

        1. I went to a black/gray base. My pants are all slim cut and hit right at or just below the ankle. Three black, one gray and one wine-colored.

    7. Slim, ankle length khakis are fashionable. Boyfriend and capri (unless they’re so long they long like ankle pants) are not “in” right now.

      1. What length do you define capri pants at? I only have one pair, and they are maybe 4-5 inches above my ankle. (They are actually “petite ankle” pants, although I am tall so they are shorter than ankle length on me).

        1. Ankle length pants are fine, very stylish. Those should hit right at your ankle bone. Anything shorter is very outdated.

    9. I have a pair (maybe…actually they may not have survived the purge) that are very light stone colored and very thin. They are wide leg but I like wearing them in the summer. But I read on here so many times they aren’t fashionable I may have got rid of them. Guys in my office wear them all the time with different colored jackets and ties. I feel like they look like Chris Farley as the motivational speaker but that’s just me :)

    10. I’m in the “completely unfashionable” camp. But if they’re a uniform, or the best / most practical thing to wear for your job, so be it. What can you do? Function trumps (ew) fashion sometimes. In general though, I find them to be frumpy and sad outside a work context.
      Slim, ankle length pants (not capris, shudder) are a different animal, IMO. I don’t equate those with readitional full-length khakis.

    11. They’re not in fashion currently, but as long as they’re slim-cut and not capris, they’re not really outdated. I live in a hot climate (hotter than Florida) and they’re my go-to in the summer. I work from home so I’m usually in casual clothes, but I like to style them with loose t-shirts or a tank with a button-down on top. H&M makes some good ones, in their LOGG line, and they cost $25-30 full-price. If their pants in general work for your body shape, give them a try when they start releasing their summer collection.

      1. Oh and a few people have already mentioned this, but please don’t get them in actual khaki colours. I have a black pair and a light grey one, which incidentally works as a substitute for white pants when living in a dusty city, and I’m looking to get a navy blue pair.

  6. If you’re talking about, say, the JCrew Sunday Slim Chinos, that’s fine.

    Capri length strikes me as very “mom jeans equivalent in 2002.”

    1. Nah. This country got through the awfulness that was Andrew Johnson. We will be OK.

        1. True.

          We had just gone through the civil war (and battlefield amputations in July at Gettysburg sans anesthesia — did you know they fought in wool?) and I’m sure that AJ would have done a reboot of that hoping for a different ending if he had had his way.

      2. Yep. Everyone in America survived Andrew Jackson just fine.

        Wow.

        Are you serious? I hope you’re kidding.

        1. Andrew Johnson was Lincoln’s vice president and took office after Lincoln’s death. Andrew Jackson was a different president.

      3. Yeah, “the country” survived Johnson, but individuals suffered and individual rights were set back or eliminated.

        1. I think the point is that Andrew Johnson was truly horrific. And with any luck, he will continue to be the worst president ever.

      4. I’ve heard this a lot and I always want to ask who “we” is in the sentence “we’ll be ok”.

        Did “we” include black people under slavery or segregation? Or gay people under Reagan?

        1. I’m disabled and I’ve been saying “We’ll be okay,” a lot- maybe if I say it enough times, I’ll think it’s true. But this is a good point- “we” are not all going to be okay. Groups are at serious, serious risk.

    2. Today is a hopeful day with a president who will Make America Great Agrain!

      MAGA!

      You ladies will benefit in spite of yourselves.
      Here is hoping you all wake up and take a red pill.

      Perhaps then you can get rid of your therapists, anti anxiety meds, and boyfriends that always need job advice.

  8. The black blouse I’m wearing today is very professional and non-partisan.

    But underneath my tank top says “Pro-Choice, Pro-Feminism, Pro-Pugs.”

    Saving my Nasty Woman shirt for the rally tomorrow.

      2. All black. But I think my southern coworkers just assume it’s because I’m an ex-NYer.

    2. I don’t have black jeans and I didn’t want to give up my jeans day, so I’m wearing dark blue/gray jean, a black blouse and a white blazer in solidarity with the suffrag*ttes.

    3. Black jeans, black boots, black blouse, black sweater. Though I just found out it’s National Penguin Awareness day so I wish I would have worn a white blouse….

    4. It’s great to see folks standing up for our beliefs during this time. THANK YOU! I live in DC metro, my office is closed for Inauguration and I’m feeling blue. Without the pleasant distraction of work, my mood is sinking quickly. I love to see and hear about good people who are staying strong. (PS. Wearing all black, but it kinda looks normal.)

    5. Black dress, bracelet with copper from the Statue of Liberty restoration, silver rattlesnake jawbone necklace by a designer that I have seen Hillary Clinton wear.

        1. Google Gogo Jewelry. She does lost wax casting of various nature-y things.

      2. Ah, I was thinking Gogo Borgerding (N.O. jewelry artist), but I see it’s someone different.

        I’m wearing a black dress, black cardigan, oxblood Coach pumps, a favorite custom quote necklace and my button that says “I will do my best to stop any bigot who messes with you.”

        My SO thinks the button is “stupid” but I don’t care. I almost broke up with him last night after he was being a snot about my political leanings. Ugh. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore.

        1. so sorry that you had to deal with that. He should be celebrating that you are willing to stand up for others, no idea why doing that could be ‘stupid’.

          1. Oh, it’s the whole mocking of wanting “safe spaces” on campuses that the Republicans do. Many of my students are minorities or LGBT. I stand with them. He started going on about how he supports all of T-rump’s picks and I asked him WTH was up with Betsy DeVos and the grizzlies and what did he think about that. He hadn’t heard any of that, but he thinks she’s a great pick. I just don’t know.

          2. yeah – that would be a bridge too far for me. I could live with indifference if he was otherwise ‘the one’ but actively approving of Trump/discouraging you from doing things that make you feel better and could assist your students? Not okay.

            How on earth can he be onside with all Trump’s climate change deniers?

          3. We haven’t even discussed climate change. We mostly stay away from talking about politics, but that became harder right around the election. Last night, he said that I just thought every Democrat walks on water, which I don’t. It was difficult to avoid last night because, of course, I said I was not watching the inauguration and no, students wouldn’t be skipping classes to come watch the inauguration. Ugh.

          1. 100%. I couldn’t be married to someone who didn’t see me, my views, and my personhood as valid and equal to his (or her — I just happen to be married to a man) own.

          2. +1. And someone who actually is actively feminist, not someone who claims they’re feminist but still expects you to be in charge of the kids.

          3. @MegMarch: good point. No kids here, but DH does his fair share of housework. This discussion has made me feel extra warm and fuzzy about him today.

    6. All black here, too: Dress, blazer, boots. And Lovely Husband is wearing a black suit and black tie, and we are flying the flag on the front of our house upside down.

        1. Yeah, I feel for you. LH was a lifelong Republican who changed his party registration when Trump was nominated. I feel so thankful that we are on the same page here…

      2. Black here, too! Black boots, tights, skirt, longsleeved silky t-shirt.

        I’ll probably change into black jeans when we go to our friends’ house to watch Idiocracy this evening.

    7. I’m wearing black pants, black casual blazer, and a vivid blue sweater, because I am NOT A REPUBLICAN, d**nit.

      I hate today. I hate the news updates I keep getting. I. hate. this.

    8. Also in all black, with the exception of my leopard print pumps. RAWR!

      1. Black sweater with a white crew neck underneath (all I have in white), black pant suit, black socks, black lace-up shoes, Italian “silver” bracelet – a gift from my father who was a UK army medic during WWII (and that still fits me).

    9. I’m all in black too. Didn’t even mean to be, really, just couldn’t work up the energy to put any effort in.

      Purple tomorrow, unless I can get my hands on a pussyhat!

    10. All black and white here, except for my PP 100th Anniversary pin. Anyone who doesn’t like it can go soak their head. I will have a PP pin of some type and my safety pin on all weekend, probably with my bright pink “I stand with PP” t-shirt tomorrow.

      And the hubs has put his PP tie into the regular rotation now . . .

  9. Where have you bought your favorite white shells/blouses that are your work staples?

    I recently realized I buy all these black shells, but they really don’t work. Why do I keep buying them?

    My coloring works best with pure white/black/jewel tones. Not cream.

    1. Can we trade? Cream works best on me. I bought too many white shells a while back. (See LOFT sales above.)

    2. I buy the Calvin Klein Shell from Macy’s in both black and white. All my girlfriends have it too in this field. It’s pleated at the top kind of and sometimes comes in other patterns. It goes on sale several times a year and I usually buy 5 in 2 sizes since my weight tends to fluctuate a little and sometimes it’s nice to have it looser or tighter under a suit jacket.

      1. Do you have to wear something under the white one or is it opaque enough to wear alone?

        2. I don’t wear anything except a nude bra. There is a double layering on the top half of the top on the inside.

      2. Is this the sleeveless pleated top for $25, with a touch of spandex. I do like the pleating. Thanks!

    4. The directrice has a cute lace shirt under a jacket today that could work for casual friday. I am not her, I just like her blog thedirectrice dot com

  10. This is what it must feel like to wake up on your daughter’s wedding day if she’s been gaslighted into marrying an abusive a—ole.

    1. Good one, if depressing. Totally relatable. Thanks for sharing!

    2. Relatable, albeit depressingly familiar. And yeah, I had to chuckle at the authors point about caring about ‘income inequality and world hunger’ more in her 20’s before she had kids (and presumable became aware of all the ways that business is not set up for two-working parent households).

    3. Thanks for sharing this article – I am going back to school for a behavioural economics MSc and Iris Bohnet’ work on unconscious gender bias and nudges to rectify them was my primary inspiration in deciding my course and chosen research topic !!

  12. Anyone else love Melania’s coat? It’s gorgeous.

    Kellyanne Conway looks like a Spice Girl or something. I’m not sure what’s going on there.

      1. I thought that I had no more tears to cry over this election, but she walked out and I learned I was wrong. She is made of steel.

        1. That fact that she was smiling and looking so happy…all the tears.

          (Compared to Michelle who looked so pissed lol.)

      2. Melania needs to age herself up though, since her husband is so much older. I think the mother of the bride look is appropriate and makes them look less creepy as a pair. She does at least look elegant.

        1. This makes sense. I could never figure out why her style is so ‘old’ for someone younger but I think you’re right that it’s about minimizing the age gap with her husband.

      3. OMG, HRC is there? (I’m not checking the news today; keeping busy and looking forward to marching tomorrow.)

        The election has made me admire and respect HRC so much. She is such a trooper. She’s the person I think about whenever I’m being mansplained to, shouted at by male opposing counsel, the only woman in the courtroom (other than the court reporter), and being told to “get over it” or “it won’t be that bad.” She’s my heroine.

        2. + 1 million. I knew of her but not a lot about her before the election but totally inspired by her when I’m in all those scenarios you just described.

    3. That coat is lovely. Not as wild about the matching shoes, but that’s me. I have no idea what Conway is wearing. Toy soldier maybe?

      1. Conway is wearing what your six year old wears when your MIL made her an outfit to match her American Girl doll.

        1. Haha such an apt description. It makes me feel sorry for her, actually. Like, does she not have any friends that could tell her not to wear that?

        2. I wouldn’t have worn that, but I reserve the right to wear my Frye Deborah boots should I ever need to be prominently featured at similar festivities. They are super comfortable.

          Enjoying the winter coat porn. So pretty! I wonder if anyone is actually comfortable and not envying anyone at this point. Nice to be toasty warm and sitting inside.

        4. I fully expect that coat to show up on he Memedocumentaton Tumblr in the next 8 hours . . .

      2. The only good thing about the Conway Coat is that it has angry cat buttons. I thought that was hiiii-larious, though certainly unintentional on her part.

        2. Now I want angry cat buttons — that is amazing. Very Hamilton. I’d wear this to a Patriots game in a heartbeat! I think think their cheerleaders should also have these to wear b/c it is so cold in Boston most of football season.

          #TEAMANGRYCATBUTTONS

      3. It’s apparently Gucci and the red white and blue was supposed to be about London, not the US

        I’m looking forward to a copycat meme of the Jared Leto/ Gucci one but featuring Kelleyanne.

    5. It’s super unflattering to Melania’s belly from a front angle.

      And Donnie is clearly wearing so much makeup.

      1. thought the same thing- it’s bunching weird.

        I’m only looking at what people are wearing and nothing else, and then judging them for wearing terrible things.

    6. I love Melania’s coat and the gloves. Agree about not loving the shoes as much. But I love the powder blue. I searched for avocado gloves for a year after the Obama inauguration, so maybe I am just predisposed to love what they are wearing. HRC’s white coat is beautiful. Kellyanne, bless her heart.

        1. As are Ivanka and the other daughter who’s name I can’t remember because no one ever talks about her.

          2. I am dying for Ivanka’s coat. +1 to poor forgotten Tiffany. I don’t care for Melania’s outfit. I think I would like to coat by itself, but paired with the gloves and shoes it looks weird.

  13. I have a friend who is so caught up in her concern that her daughter, who is quite outgoing and talkative, doesn’t have any close friends at school. The girl is 8 and attends an private and exclusive all girls school and I suspect that my friend is also having trouble fitting in with the moms at her school as my friend works full time and most of the school moms do not. She is at the point of asking me whether her kid needs therapy to develop better social skills and I am finding myself annoyed at that suggestion because I have a child who needs therapy for a real issue and it is exhausting and expensive and I wouldn’t wish my child’s condition on anyone. Anyway, I am trying to be a good friend but there are times when I think she is equating her situation with mine and I just want her to STFU and get some perspective. She is extremely smart (she’s a judge actually) and has everything going for her and she’s worrying way too much about normal kid behavior (cliques, not being invited to a playdate, etc). Any suggestions for me on how to deal with my friend without saying stuff I’m going to regret?

    1. Perhaps she can reach out to the school counselor with her concerns and to see if they have recommendations? And please give your friend some grace. She’s trying to do right by her child like all parents are. Maybe her child would benefit from therapy. I wouldn’t turn it into a competition about whose child has what issues.

    2. “if you think therapy might help, why not go for it? With kids it’s so hard to tell whether they are perfectly fine or in need of some extra help. I think you should trust yourself on this.”

      Idk why you’re being so judgy. Therapy could be really great for a kid struggling to make friends.

    3. Maybe the kid has some social anxiety (perhaps through osmosis from the mom)? You can need therapy for all sorts of things, some not life or death, but very much QOL issues.

      Maybe there is some sort of parent/child yoga classes they can go to together, chill out, and maybe meet some nice people (and if not, have a more relaxed frame of mind).

      “Hi, friend, I saw Family Yoga classes at the Y. Why don’t we all go some day and bring little Patricia?”

    5. I agree with you, I don’t think therapy is the answer, nor is being socially awkward anyway comparable to having a true mental illness issue.

      However, I was the awkward outgoing kid who didn’t have many friends and I really wish someone would have taught me basic social skills like don’t be negative, don’t humble brag (which I got from my dad), listen before speaking, think before speaking, etc. Maybe your friend knows someone who can “coach” her daughter? Maybe there are books she can read and then teach things to her daughter?

        1. Oh my god, me too. :/ And you know, maybe a child therapist could help with that.

    6. This is not about your child. Her child doesn’t need to be worse off than your child to deserve happiness. They both do. Maybe therapy is good for both of them. This is not about you.

    7. Hmm, I disagree with the other posters. I was that socially awkward kid and I think it did so much for my self esteem that my mom didn’t rush me off to therapy. She told me I was great and kids who didn’t want to hang out with me were mean. I have friends who parents were hard on them when they didn’t fit in (including sending them to therapy) and many ended up with mental health problems like eating disorders, cutting themselves, etc. So I think you’re right that therapy is probably not the answer just because a kid is shy and has no friends – but I’m also not sure it’s really your place to get involved. Tell her once that probably the best thing she can do for her daughter is just love her, support her and listen to her when mean girls are nasty to her, but after that I think you kind of have to mind your own business.

      1. Yeah, I agree. I was the socially awkward kid whose parents did rush them off to therapy and it was frankly pretty traumatic. Maybe if they had managed to explain it better that would be one thing, but instead I just internalized a belief that I was inherently flawed. I think it’s a delicate balance with these things, and therapy really works only when you’re invested in it.

      2. I’m the opposite. I was socially awkward and my mother telling me I was perfect cemented my beliefs that everyone who didn’t like me was just mean and made it that much harder for me to make friends. I figured it out by college, but man, middle and high school were rough. “Coincidentally,” senior year of high school was when I started going to therapy for anxiety/depression and taking lexapro. It’s one thing of your kid is socially awkward but overall pretty happy. If your kid is socially awkward and miserable, stepping in might not be too bad. So really, the question is – is the kid generally happy? Maybe she doesn’t get invited to all the parties, but does she have good friends? If not, it’s worth exploring whether therapy (I went to a social worker, had bad luck with a psychiatrist) might help her. The kid does have to be on board, though.

      3. I wasn’t super socially awkward, but I didn’t have tons of super close friends, in part because I lived a little further from my (private) school and, like your friend, my mother was the only careerwoman and had me a little bit older. Everyone else’s moms stayed at home and had them when they were 24. My mom had me at 35 and was a bad@ss lady, but I learned that a lot of the social girl cliques were also the daughters of mom cliques. I was pretty friendly and social, but I didn’t have a huge group of friends or really close friends. I got a couple of really good close friends at about 6/7th grade and have been friends with them ever since. My mom never said those girls were mean but to pay no mind to their reactions. In perspective, I think that was absolutely the right approach; she didn’t demonize them (after all, they were just being children), just told me not to worry about it. Childhood was happy!

    8. I have a socially awkward child and it is an outer manifestation of ADHD and anxiety (not looking people in the eye, literally having to run off energy, which leads to odd darting around if she’s indoors too much). She really comes alive with some friends and does so much better outdoors that I will do everything I can to faciltate being with the good friends and/or doing things that complement her wiring and aren’t at odds with it.

      This has lead to changes in after school care and activity and camp selection.

      I’m not treating her as broken but I give her opportunities to play to her strengths and to stretch her horizons a bit (she hates singing in public, so we’ve agreed that she could quit choir and instead try music lessons, which she enjoys b/c it’s more one on one with a teacher).

      1. I think your approach is wonderful, and your daughter is lucky to have you as her mom. I was an anxious child, and socially awkward. I wish my mother would have adopted this kind of approach. Instead she told me to “get over it” and put me in therapy without explaining why. I was a little older than the OP’s friend’s kid, but it was pretty traumatic nonetheless.

        Good on you for balancing caring for your daughter’s self esteem with managing her mental health and encouraging her to keep growing.

    9. There’s a mean girl here and it’s you. Why shouldn’t she be concerned about her daughter not having any friends? That’s “real.” You don’t get to decide what’s real.

      I hope your friend has better friends than you. Do her a favor and let her go.

      2. Yes! “a real issue”?? I didn’t know there were “fake issues”.

  14. I will be spending the weekend in Atlanta in March with my nieces (both age 30). I have never been, other than for work. Any suggestions on where to stay, and what to do?

    3. I took my little boy to the the Atlanta Aquarium a few years ago, expecting to be bored out of my mind. I absolutely loved it and would go back if I ever visited Atlanta again – even without kids.

    4. So many suggestions! I would recommend staying in Midtown (and not just because it’s my neighborhood). There are a number of good hotel options – I’d recommend the Loew’s or the Hyatt Place; the W is also well-located. If you have good weather, you should definitely take a walk down through Piedmont Park to the Beltline (you can also rent bikes). I’d walk the Beltline to Ponce City Market – stop on the way to explore the funky shops at Paris on Ponce immediately before the bridge. There’s a great food hall at Ponce City Market and fun shopping. After a snack break, you can keep walking out toward Krog Street. Along the way there are various restaurants and bars to explore and a nice connection to Old Fourth Ward Park, which you can explore as well. Krog Street Market also has great restaurants and shops.

      The aquarium is super-awesome, and not just for kids.

      There are tons of great dinner options; if you can get a reservation at Gunshow, I’d do that one night.

      You could also take MARTA out to Decatur Square and explore the shops and restaurants there. I like Iberian Pig, 246, and Cafe Alsace. If you have a car, you could drive out to Stone Mountain (about 35 minutes from Midtown) or Kennesaw Mountain (about 45 minutes from downtown). The hike up Stone Mountain is fun and it’s an interesting an unique ecosystem; you can also visit the Civil War Memorial at the base which is, with the carving itself, an enlightening look at the south’s problematic history of romanticizing the Civil War. Kennesaw is a tougher hike, but also very beautiful and there’s interesting historical stuff to see (it was a Civil War battle site).

      I haven’t been to the Museum of Civil & Human Rights or the College Football Hall of Fame yet; I hear both of them described as “okay/interesting but not amazing”; that said, if you’re not familiar with the history of civil rights, it’s probably a good orientation. Would not recommend the King Center itself as worth a visit, but the King birthplace and the neighborhood around it are super-interesting.

    5. My two favorite ATL restaurants are Cakes & Ale in Decatur and BoccaLupo in Inman Park. Also the food court at Ponce City Market.

    6. Chili dog, onion rings, large Orange Whip at the Varsity. “May I help you please?”

      That place is classic. Go to the big one downtown.

  15. I’m going to what is lovingly referred to as “lawyer prom” next month. It’s really a bar association gala and most women wear long dresses. When I got the invite, I instantly went to RTR, but I’m not having any luck because it’s in a few weeks and my sizes are gone for the dresses I really like. I’d much rather do RTR because I don’t want to spent a lot of money, but in case I can’t find anything do you have any recommendations for formal dresses under $125? I already checked Macy’s and Nordstrom’s websites and didn’t see anything either. Here are the dresses I really wanted from RTR, but my sizes aren’t available. I’m a size 10 and pear shaped, so I want something that has volume on the bottom. TIA!
    https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/slate__willow/simonetta_gown
    https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/slate__willow/simonetta_gown

      1. While gorgeous it doesn’t look like the skirt is large enough to accommodate a true pear booty, which means the top may need to be extensively tailored. I will say Nordstrom Rack provides free tailoring for those with the card!

    3. Have you tried Lord & Taylor? Additional 20% off clearance — I have gotten so many dresses there for great prices, like under $50. The really great deals are in stores only, but there are a few cute ones online: http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/brands/wa-gowns-evening/v-neck-empire-waist-gown-0500048234355–1 , http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/brands/wa-gowns-evening/riva-cutout-gown, http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/brands/wa-gowns-evening/fit-and-flare-maxi-dress

      1. Whoops, that first one should have a two hyphens and then a 1 on the end, I think the site changed it to a long dash.

    7. A tip on rent the runway- you do actually have to put in your zip code to see true availability.

      Monique Lhullier dresses dont usually work for me, given that I’m a pear with a loooooong waist, but they might for you- and there are some gorgeous options out there. This one in particular is a favorite of mine: https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ml_monique_lhuillier/bordeaux_satin_stripe_gown

      I have liked Theia in the past, but keep in mind they run snug through the rib cage- I’m usually an 8 or 10 and wear a solid 12 in Theia. I think a high-low hem might take bottom half attention away from your hips to your feet, so something like this: https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/theia/block_party_gowncould be beautiful, given the right fabulous shoes.

      A few other great options:
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/david_meister/cloe_gown
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/badgley_mischka/floral_butterfly_gown
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/badgley_mischka/louisa_gown
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ml_monique_lhuillier/tena_gown
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ml_monique_lhuillier/burgundy_center_stage_gown

    10. Late, but chiming in to recommend the Mari Maxi Skirt at NY&Co. Less than $50, nice heavy/silky fabric. I just wore mine to our state’s “lawyer prom” with a bodysuit from H&M and got tons of compliments, and the best part is I can wear it again next year with a different top and no one will be able to tell. Actually, just kidding, the best part was having super deep pockets and not having to carry a clutch for my phone.

  16. What on earth could Obama and Trump be talking about in that limo right now, I wonder.

    1. Trump is asking about how the nuclear codes work, again, because he did not pay attention at the briefing. Details, details.

    2. I suspect Trump is bragging about something and Obama is going “umm-hmm” and nodding politely.

      1. With that look he had right after the election when they met, that suggests he would literally rather be doing ANYTHING ELSE, in the whole wide world.

        2. Talking about this with a colleague- she said he’s probably thinking “Is my freedom worth saving the country? Will the Secret Service stop me if I hit him? I am still President…”

    3. Trump is telling Obama what a “tremendous” president he will be and Obama is counting down the seconds until he can get the hell out of the limo.

    4. I doubt they’re really talking. I think Trump is too scared out of his mind to say anything. Obama probably made a couple of polite attempts at small talk and then gave up.

  17. I want to take a vacation overseas with my family (husband, kids aged 12 and 16) this summer, probably to Europe. We have traveled widely within the US but not outside the US. We will have 10-14 days. Typically when we travel in the US, we pick one major city as a home base, rent a house, and take day trips within the region rather than being constantly on the road. I’d like to do something similar from a European city. My husband is lobbying for a destination in the UK because he’s nervous about language barriers (none of us is proficient in a second language). Where should we go? Do I need a travel agent?

    1. Go to London. It’s incredible, accessible, fantastic for kids that age. Do not rent a car. Take day trips to the Harry Potter studios, Oxford (get your littler kid The Golden Compass now), Bath, Stonehenge. And part way through your trip take the Eurostar to Paris for 4-5 days depending on your interests. Spend a day at Versailles. You absolutely do not need a travel agent and you don’t need to worry about language barriers.

      1. -1 to Versailles. It was so unbelievably crowded when I went there that it was not worth it at all. The gardens were nice, but I could not see a single thing in the house because we were packed in like sardines and I couldn’t see over the crowds of people in front of me.

        2. I love Versailles! It wasn’t ridiculously crowded when I went. Maybe it’s just a timing thing.

        3. I vote Hampton Court – the gardens are beautiful. If you go on one of the rare days Windsor Castle’s gardens are open, definitely check those out. Versailles is pretty crowded in the summer, but its opulence is impressive nonetheless.

    2. Go somewhere in France, Italy, or Germany. You can get by with English in most places as long as you learn a few words in the local language (hello, thank you, etc.). While there are great things to see in the UK, you shouldn’t necessarily go there out of language fears and maybe it would be good to stretch out of the comfort zone.

      1. +1. We got around Italy and France (even in the countryside/more rurual regions) with no language barrier issues.

      2. I took two years of French in high school over ten years ago and got along just fine in Paris.

      3. That’s what I keep telling him. The language barrier concerns are my husband’s, not mine! I think I can overcome his fears by planning to stay mostly in the UK with a shorter visit to the Continent so he can see that we can handle it. I’d like this to be the first trip of many. My goal is to have a fun, successful trip without a lot of logistical challenges.

    4. For your first time in Europe, I would suggest a small group tour (like 12 or less people) for a week or so (2-3 stops) and then the other 4 days/week in one location. Maybe do 4 days on your own in the UK, then take a week long tour in Europe – like France/Netherlands. I’ve used G Adventures but there are lots of companies that specialize in small groups or specific interests (e.g. family cycling tour).

    5. If you want to go to the UK, London is definitely a ‘must-visit’ place imo. You don’t necessarily have to stay in London though. I’m from a London commuter town that’s only half an hour-ish away from the city centre on the train but it’s fairly in the countryside and relaxed compared to the city, I’m sure there are a bunch of lovely holiday houses in towns like mine. There’s also a huge number of things to do just outside London too, like old country houses and buildings (Hever Castle, Canterbury Cathedral & Ightham Mote are especially amazing) and cute villages and pubs – check out Kent, Surrey and East Sussex for that kind of thing! You would need a car if doing that though.

      You could always go somewhere else in the UK and then stay in London for an additional couple of days – York is lovely (I study there) and only an hour and a half-ish on the train from central London. Bristol/Bath and the West Country aren’t too far by train either and very nice. Oh, and make use of the trains in Europe! Apparently trains aren’t so common in the States but they’re extensive and generally good here. Everything in the UK is pretty close together time-wise because of them, you can get from Edinburgh to London in about 4 hours.

      I wouldn’t let language barriers stop you with regards to going elsewhere in Europe though, people will mostly be able to understand English fairly well especially in hotels and holiday houses etc. I’d recommend learning to say ‘hello’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ obviously, but that’s all you really need. Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands are all wonderful places and well worth visiting. If you really do want to stay in an English-speaking country though, don’t forget about Ireland! It’s beautiful and small enough that you can see a lot of it if you hire a car. Stuff in Europe is much, much closer together than in the US which is also worth bearing in mind.

      Hope that helps, and have a wonderful trip wherever you end up going! Let me know if you have any other questions about the UK too, I don’t think there are too many UK people on here (I could be wrong though, I’m pretty new!) so I’m happy to give UK-specific advice.

      1. Ah, thank you for those recommendations. I love the idea of staying in a commuter town outside of London. Can you name one or two such towns?

        1. I think it’s a terrible idea. Trains are expensive in England, you’ll be spending vacation commuting, you’ll be tied to a train schedule, you won’t easily be able to go home at 4 for a rest before going back out to dinner, and it won’t just be a 30 minute ride, it will be that plus transit to the trains on either end. If you are going to London, go to London.

          1. Agree with this. You don’t go to NYC and stay in Connecticut. Visit the English countryside or visit London but if you’re only going for 10-14 days, don’t waste time commuting.

          2. I mean, this is a good point too, if you’re really just looking to see London then stay in London!

            I do personally think that London might a bit much for a whole two weeks – obviously there’s a lot to do and you wouldn’t have trouble filling time, but it might get a bit samey and if I were coming all the way from the US I’d want to see more of England than just one city centre. From close towns train schedules aren’t an issue, they’re every ten – twenty minutes or so during the week and on Saturdays. They take you right into the centre of London (London Bridge, Waterloo East or Charing Cross if you’re near the Hastings Line) so there’s no transit on the other end as such, at least, no more than if you were staying in a city centre hotel. I have no clue how pricy stuff is in the states so I can’t comment on cost, but a return day travel card is £20-£30 ish pp, less for kids of course.

            But yeah it’s a very good point that if London is your real focus, you would be better off staying there and then visiting towns outside it, rather than the other way round! It just depends what activities exactly you have in mind and, indeed, how much time you want to spend travelling.

        2. I’m from west Kent so my ‘specialist’ (haha) knowledge mostly concerns that area. Sevenoaks is a lovely little market town, Knole Park & House is a big draw there, and its satellite villages (Weald, Westerham, Otford, etc) are all lovely too. Tunbridge Wells is also nice and a bit bigger (check out the Pantiles if you visit), and again has a lot of nice villages/areas outside it – Speldhurst is quite quaint. Tonbridge is the third of the big towns in the area and is ok, the town centre itself isn’t anything terribly special apart from the 13th century castle, but the villages outside it are lovely, like Leigh (the Plough pub there is great, especially for Sunday roast), Penshurst (which has a lovely old house called Penshurst Place which is open to the public) and Underriver. I’d definitely visit Hever Castle if you’re in west Kent, and it’s also worth saying that Tunbridge, Tunbridge Wells and Sevenoaks are all an easy drive away from each other so you can chose one and then visit the others if you fancy. East/North Kent is very nice in areas too, especially Canterbury which is a great and popular tourist spot, although the train to London from there is about an hour.

          Personally I would recommend staying in or around Tunbridge Wells or Sevenoaks if you’re looking for somewhere a bit quieter but close to London – Sevenoaks is about half an hour on the train and Tunbridge Wells is more like 45 mins, and they’re lovely places on their own merits as well has having great city connections. Check out the Visit Kent tourism website if you’re interested in the area.

          If you like the sea and don’t mind being further away from London there’s some nice coastal places too that I forgot to mention initially, like Whitstable and Broadstairs, and the New Forest is also only a couple hours drive from west Kent on the south coast and is amazing, although not too well connected with London (it’s the place where horses roam free).

          There are other really lovely commuter towns outside London too but I don’t know much about them; I’m sure London’s tourism website or the websites of the surrounding counties (Surrey, Hertfordshire, Berkshire and Buckinghamshire being the other main ones) will have more info. Hope that helps, let me know if you have any more questions!

          1. I think all of these are super cute towns and a complete waste of time and money on your family’s first big trip to Europe.

    6. I agree with London + another city. If you want to stay in the UK, I’ve had wonderful 3-day trips to Edinburgh and Dublin. But I’d probably go to Paris myself, and I like your idea of showing your husband it can be managed.

    7. A really late reply, but I have visited London many times, and I agree that staying in London– maybe an apartment hotel, or an air bnb, –( you don’t have to stay right in the middle of things, but still be walking or tube distance from many sights) and then go on day trips outside of london, then maybe a couple nights in Paris is an ideal,trip.

      We usually plan all our trips to have a five to ten day stay in London, and then add on one other city. As already mentioned, you could do several great day trips outside of London — Oxford, Hampton court, Stonehenge, Bath, some of the great houses or castles — as well as visit the galleries and museums in London. A few nights in Paris on the Eurostar train, and then return to london for a couple more nights — on our return leg we book plays, and shows— this itinerary will offer a wonderful trip– enjoy.

  18. Anyone who works in marketing have any good templates for marketing plans? I’m starting to take over more of that work in my office and am just kind of winging it and making my own, but I’d like to see some layouts to see if there are ones that may work better. Thanks!

    1. Check out Hubspot and Marketo. Both have a TON of eBooks, templates, tips/tricks for all types of marketing. You might also look up “Creative Brief” or “Strategic Brief” templates, I’ve found some good ones to follow using those terms.

      When I was first starting out, I used some of the tools from school to get myself thinking about the right questions. Depending on what your company uses, you could just put it into the branded Word doc or PowerPoint deck and use headers and sub-headers. I’ve done a mix of bullets in an outline style, charts/tables if it’s more analytics/KPI info, and narrative/paragraph if the content is shorter.

      Some thoughts:

      – For targeted campaigns: think about audience segmentation (Who are they? What are there pain points? How do they currently address those pain points? How will my product/service improve upon their current solution?)

      – For big-picture strategy on a 2-5 year horizon: PESTEL (political, economic, social, technology, environment, legal), 4 Ps (product, price, place, promotion)

      – For project management: just lay out the major milestones in MSFT Project or Excel, assign names to each, make a “notes” column for status, and include relevant URLs for each task

  19. NY Times has a useful article on how crowd size at the Capital is measured. Very smart of them to get out front of any debates about how big or small the inauguration or protest crowds are.

    Great way to refute the revisionist history that is surely coming from DJT and his fans about how his inauguration was the ‘best’ ever with ‘yuge’ crowds.

  20. What is the normal percentage (or range) for a cost of living raise? I work at a 400-person company that is doing very well, and my performance this past year was also really good. But setting performance aside, I’d like to get a sense of the threshold for raise percentage below which I should throw a tantrum.

    2. I don’t get the impression that many private companies offer COL raises these days, but those that do may be around 2 – 3%? Even in government, there have been many lean years where there were no COL raises.

      I would be thankful you are getting one at all TBH.

      1. I’ve never NOT received an annual increase of some kind. In the private sector, in a thriving industry, this is that unusual? I don’t mean to sound entitled/privileged, but at all of the companies for which I’ve worked, the only time you didn’t get a raise is if you were on a performance plan or about to be put on one — that is, you’d REALLY effed up in the past year.

        1. No cost of living raises at the company where I work now, at least not in the US. It’s an international publicly traded company with a healthy balance sheet. We only get merit increases at the end of the FY or a performance related raise at some other point in time.

        2. Based on my experience in otherwise healthy and private companies, I think it’s unusual that you’ve always had one.

    3. They don’t call it a COL raise, but my company as a standard gives 3% raises (this was eliminated during the recession and brought back recently).

  22. If you have a middle schooler or older, when did you start letting them come home and stay by themself after school? What were you considerations in making your decision? I will have a 6th grader starting middle school next year and just realized there is no after school program (except for 1-hour clubs, etc.), so he’ll be out 2 hours before I would get home. He is never into trouble, but I worry about his decision-making in an emergency. Thanks in advance.

    1. I started coming home alone in 5th grade. My mother would get home 2 hours later. There was never an emergency, and the worst stuff I got up to was watching 90210 and eating all the cookies.

      1. I went home alone beginning in fourth grade. My mom usually got home an hour to an hour and a half later. Same thing about the biggest trouble I got into being slightly inappropriate TV and eating cookies.

    2. can you get one of those apps that people use to monitor their pets on? That way you can check in on him if rules like no friends over are being followed. I’d sign him up for a few 1 hour clubs to break it up a bit, then it would only be a hour instead of two before you got home. Are your work hours flexible? Could you go in a half hour earlier and get home a half hour sooner once or twice a week?

    3. Sixth grade is when we started with our son, although we also made arrangements so that he only comes directly home from school a couple of days a week. Our middle school has several after-school clubs. You might check to see if yours does.

    4. What kind of emergency? You could get him a cheap burner cell phone if he doesn’t already have one.

      My mom regularly left me at home with my little sister and grandfather who had Alzheimer’s from early middle school age. We lived in rural Alabama and when she drove “to town” to go grocery shopping, she was at least a 45 minute drive away. She didn’t have a cell phone. It scared me to death that something would happen, but nothing ever did. She never told me what to do if something did happen. I think if you’re worried about something happening, you could give your son some easy to follow instructions. Like laminate a sheet and stick it to the fridge or something.

    5. LOL times sure change. When I was in 6th grade, way back in the late 60s or early 70s, I was babysitting infants at night.

      1. Yeah, I was babysitting infants at age 11 in the 80’s. Looking back, that was NUTS! Funny how perspectives change.

      2. In the 90s, in the 6th grade I was routinely babysitting the neighbor kids in the evening (mom worked nights, dad traveled for work fairly often).

        In the 4th or 5th grade I started coming home alone after school and watching my little brother (3 grades lower) until my mom or dad got home. It was usually an hour or two.

        The worst that happened was we watched too many cartoons and ate too much sugar.

        1. Also: I should add:

          This “come home and watch your brother” situation came with a list of emergency contact numbers, and strict instructions not to answer the door. I can’t remember if I was supposed to screen calls to make sure it was Mom or Dad when I was in elementary school, but I do remember it being drilled into my head not to tell someone who asked for one of them that they weren’t home.

          So, sensible balance.

          1. All of this. Emergency contact numbers, no answering the door, and all of the neighbors knew I was alone and were ready to help out if needed (my neighborhood had a lot of retirees).

    6. Sixth grade is totally fine, I think. Make sure he knows emergency numbers and basic safety info.

    7. Bus dropped me off at my house and I was home for a couple hours starting at 2nd grade. My dad was generally “around” but rarely at the house (farmer). My instructions were to come home, call Mom and she’d provide my chore list for the afternoon. If dad was doing something that a 2nd grader could tag along with, he would pick me up.

      In reality, I would watch TV, eat all the cookies, and when Mom came up the driveway, I would whip out the vacuum cleaner.

    8. My guy is 11 and in 5th grade. He just started coming home alone this year. In case you are wondering about the mechanics of not losing keys, we use a keypad on the garage door. I also considered a number combination doorlock for the front door.

      My son would rather have company at home but has gradually gotten used to it. He has a phone and is supposed to text me when he walks in the door. He has talked about what to do in emergencies a lot in Scouts and in babysitter training, so we didn’t have to cover a lot of new ground.

    9. We started coming home alone when my brother was 10 and I was 7. He had a key to the apartment, we’d get home on the school bus, reheat food and maybe make some pasta if my dad hadn’t made rice, and get started on homework (well, my brother did). We didn’t have TV, but then again, we didn’t have a phone either. I remember once, when I was slightly older, my dad was very late to come home and I was so worried I started crying. My brother comforted me until he came home, safe and sound. :) We never got to much trouble, besides me never once doing homework for the entirety of primary school. Man, the nineties were a long time ago!

      1. I remember a time when school got dismissed early for some reason that I don’t recall, and they did not have a way to reach my mom. I rode home on the bus as usual, got home, and realized no one was there and the door was locked. I was maybe 6 or 7 years old? Anyway, I sat out in the yard for a couple of hours til my mom got back home. She was completely shocked to see me sitting there, but I was fine. Yay the early 90s.

    10. I made my daughter go to the awful middle school after care for about 3 months but I wish I hadn’t. She’s been walking home ever since and it has been great. She’s in high school now.

      My son’s in middle school now and has been walking home from day one.

      What helped me get more comfortable is that there is a whole crowd of kids walking home at the same time, and many of them head in our direction for the majority of my kids’ trips.

      1. By the way, a cell phone is essential in this situation. My kids both have iPhones and we have family sharing set up, so I can use Find My Phone to see where they are at all times. I call it Stalkerville, and it is definitley my favorite game.

  23. Can anyone offer feedback on the width and sizing of M. Gemi and/or Shoes of Prey pointed toed flats. I am usually a 9 in shoes, often have to size up to 9.5 for pointed toe flats. I have a wide foot and narrow heel. For comparison, a lot of my shoes are Clarks and I can do the regular width, but the wide is more comfy. I can wear Born, although it is on the narrow side for me. Cole Haans are too narrow, even in wide. I’m interested to try the M. Gemi but hesitant because they do not offer wides. Shoes of Prey is also tempting but not sure whether I should try wide or extra wide. If you’ve had experience with returns or exchanges with these companies, I’d be interested to hear about that too.

  24. the pointy toe flats are pretty wide and true to size. I got the stellatos and love them. they stretch out a fair bit. I wear the C size in ferragamos.

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