ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Lydia Cashmere Jumper

A woman wearing a sweater with the British flag (in red, pink, and white) and blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How fun is this cashmere sweater from Boden? This 100% Union Jack-inspired jumper (I’ve always loved that term!) comes in an unexpected color combo and would look perfect with denim for a fun casual Friday look. To jazz it up for business casual, I might add a detachable collar and pair it with some navy trousers.

The sweater is $175 at Boden and comes in sizes S-XL. (It's selling out quickly, so here's another cashmere sweater from Boden with a fun print ($175, take 20% off).

Sales of note for 12.5

329 Comments

  1. I need some opinions on brooches/scarf pins.

    I’m moving towards an aesthetic that involves scarves as the “third piece” to my outfit, since my workplace runs casual enough that blazers are a bit odd. I fidget and move around a lot and need pins to keep the scarf in place. (Also they look nice.) I have a whole lot of hard enamel pins – these are the flat kind. I hate to make the comparison, but if you’ve ever seen one of the Disney collectible pins, the vast majority of them are hard enamel. Assuming a design that’s something like birds or plants rather than Disney characters, do they seem reasonably adult? Or would it be best to stick with the fancier ceramic/metal/etc. kind? (Actual gemstones would be considered overly flashy/fancy for my workplace, but something where the expense is in quality should be fine.)

    Thanks!

    2. That sounds perfect! My local native plant nursery sells a bunch of pins like this and I need to check them out again. Thanks for the idea!

    3. That sounds cute to me! As a fellow scarf lover enjoy – they add such nice color and jazz up a simple outfit. If you decide to learn more different ties you may want to check out Mai Tai collection, she’s got some amazing vintage Hermes scarves and ties them in such cool ways.

    4. I am not adverse to pins, but I hate stabbing through the fabric of a nice scarf. You can also find scarf clips (clips the scarf to the substrate of your clothes / a jacket) and loops (for tying knots). The Mai Tai site is like a fever dream of scarf wearing with compliant scarves that don’t take 30 minutes to do. I just have to knot once and go otherwise it eats my morning.

      2. I use hijab magnets from Amazon for things like this. No damage to the fabric and they stay hidden from view.

        1. Wait — I do not know what these are. I’ve been trying to use quilting clips and binder clips (also with wrap dresses, to no good effect).

          1. If you search “hijab magnet” you will find tons of them. Hijabs are headscarves worn by Muslim women. The magnets come in sets of two that go on either side of the scarf to hold it in place without damaging the scarf. Some of them are decorative but a lot of designed to be inconspicuous.

    5. I would pick whatever is simple and lowest profile because pins read sort of overly formal and not the most current. Scarves as a trend sort of come in and out of fashion (why I always hold onto mine and don’t mind spending a lot). I’d do an Instagram search to get ideas on how they’re being worn these days for inspiration and to avoid looking too 90s.

      1. It sounds like OP wants to be unique and isn’t particularly concerned with what is trending.

    6. Random scarf tip that might be obvious to you but wasn’t something I thought of – if you want to tie more complicated knots (like Mai Tai) it helps to fold the scarf into a rectangle and then lightly press it so that it holds the thinner ‘man’s neck tie’ shape more easily. I’ll also do that when using a scarf holder from time to time if I want a particular sharp/angular look.
      I have an overdyed Hermes scarf from a pop-up they did in the early aughts (they would dye and wash the scarves in stores) which really drove home the point that these silk scarves aren’t as delicate as you think – so enjoy them!

    8. Unless you work somewhere very casual (and, if you’re wearing scarves you probably don’t), I think enamel pins are way way too casual or childish to wear to work.

    9. I always kept my scarves in place with lavish applications of fashion tape — it allows multiple points of invisible attachment

  2. Boden has so many fun things but I know they will not fit me somehow no matter what size I get.

    I am hoping to get an outside opinion. Last weekend at a barbecue for my nephew’s birthday I overheard my SIL tell her friend” Let’s get Anon drunk”. Then they laughed. They didn’t know I heard. SIL proceeded to fill up my solo cup with wine every time she thought I wasn’t looking, even when I said I didn’t want any more. I kept pouring it out on a bush behind me. My question is, do you think this was a harmless prank or do you think she really doesn’t like me. I thought we were friendly if not friends but now I wonder if that was just a facade. Thanks.

    2. They sound like childish mean girls. In the future, you can just put your cup down and pick up a water bottle or the like.

    3. I wouldn’t say she dislikes you – some people have not grown out of being teenagers who think it’s funny to get their friends drunk and see what they do. That said, it does have an unpleasant mean girl vibe so I would not be worried about being anything more than friendly with her. Next time, say no thanks when she goes to refill. If she tries to push it, ‘actually I think I’ve had enough wine, don’t want to get a headache so I’ll switch to water’ then do that.

      And why are you dumping it out? Just don’t drink it. If she’s weird about it, “sorry, didn’t realize you were paying so much attention to my drinks” then change the subject.

      2. +1 I think dumping it out is a really strange way to deal with this. Is there something else going on here?

    4. I wouldn’t assume bad intentions here automatically without knowing more about you, your relationship and dynamics with her. For example, I’m typically a very reserved person while sober. If I have a drink or two, I am much more outgoing and “fun” than normal. And by fun, I mean, I’m much more likely to dance at a wedding or participate in games at a birthday party. I tend to talk/laugh more when I’ve had a few drinks also. Is it possible that they were trying to bring something like that out of you rather than trying to get you so drunk you throw up/embarrass yourself?

      1. I am the same way, but I would feel very insulted if someone were secretly trying to get me drunk. That is seriously uncool.

      2. Agree with this. It’s immature and agree, not cool, but wouldn’t assume the intent was necessarily malicious.

      3. I’ve thought about it but I can’t come up with an angle where OP’s SIL isn’t a jerk. My SIL knows I can be uptight. She will ask me to my face if I want more to drink, not whisper to her friend in a corner. That’s immature at best.

      4. Um, it’s like shooting a celebratory gun in the air. It’s festive until it ends poorly.

        Bad intentions don’t matter to someone this thoughtless.

        1. OK, this threw me. I assumed they were immature and maybe not past the partying stage and assumed they were 23. Dosing people is still very uncool at that stage, but I was willing to chalk up their behavior to needing to grow up. But 50 is outrageous. If someone is trying to drug their friends at that age, they have their own serious issues and this has nothing to do with you.

        2. Oddly I’ve seen a lot of weirdly immature behavior from some friends of friends/relatives in their 50s, it’s like once their kids are older teens/in college they revert back to wilder behavior/try to ‘reclaim’ their youth. Not to generalize too much but it seems worse with the people who had kids earlier or express that they feel like they ‘missed out’ on their wild and crazy 20s.

          3. I know aging parents rediscovering MJ is a whole thing with laws changing (I don’t have strong feelings about this but also kind of want to be left out of it).

    6. I don’t think it means they don’t like you, but I would not be happy with that behavior among friends/people I’m friendly with. I would continue being friendly with them to the extent you want to, but not trust them with anything menaingful.

      1. If it were dudes doing it, I’m not sure how it wouldn’t be scary and the express bus to being a rape victim.

        Here, it’s cute until she drives home. These two should meet a torts lawyer and a victim’s advocate for a come-to-Jesus talk.

      2. I very much enjoy a good cocktail but it’s very uncool to do secret alcohol. If you think someone is “uptight,” take time to engage with them and get to know them.

        2. It sounds like OP was already drinking wine and they were just keeping her filled up. There’s no way anyone is going to take a big sip of wine and not notice it’s different than water or soda or whatever was in the cup before.

      3. As someone who is accused of being “upright,” I can assure you that pressuring me into *anything* will not get me to “loosen up.”

        You know what does get me to to loosen up? A supportive, comfortable environment wherein I’m not judged and people aren’t trying to play games with me behind my back.

        1. Look, I’m not saying it’s cool or a good idea, I just wouldn’t assume bad intentions.

    9. Yeah viewed in the most positive light, she thinks you’re boring, at least without alcohol.

      1. Yeah, same, my answer to your literal question is “neither” but that she is trying, in an immature and dumb way, to get you loosened up. This might be out of a weird confluence of “friend self” and “family self” that can happen at parties — saying that’s a reason, not an excuse.

    10. While I’m not sure whether it means she doesn’t like you, she does sound rather childish. My one sibling has a friend like this. A 40+ year old woman’s reaction to learning I drink occasionally was “we should get her drunk!”… I think some people just get stuck in their early 20s and don’t realize some of us move on…
      Next time this happens make sure you use your words and tell her to stop instead of dumping your cup.

    11. I don’t know the intentions.

      However, attempting to drug someone without them knowing and consenting isn’t ok. I’d be really wary of SIL going forward.

      If this is spouse’s sibling, can you discuss with spouse?

      1. Thanks for the excellent advice as usual. SIL is DH’s brothers wife. I will discuss with DH and stick to a water bottle next time.

    13. She doesn’t like you at least in the sense she thinks you should have a different personality. Maybe you’re uptight. And? She could just choose not to engage with you. She could hang out with the people whose company she does enjoy. You’re not required to be her idea of fun even if she thinks she’s just trying to loosen you up by getting you drunk. It’s just not her place to do that. No is a complete sentence.

    14. I can’t believe no one has asked this yet – why were you dumping it out? Why not just sit there with your cup full of wine and not drink out of it? When she poured more, since it sounds like you DID see her doing it, why not just say, “Oh, no more for me, thanks.” Why not just switch to water? Why the heck were all of you, presumably grown adults, drinking wine out of solo cups? This story is very strange.

      1. She said she asked SIL to stop. I honestly would also pour it out or get rid of the glass if someone poured me alcohol without consent just so I don’t absentmindedly keep drinking. However, your point about adults drinking from solo cups stands. I really want to know if SIL was impressed that OP apparently has an iron constitution. SIL sounds like a person who is not very smart, I bet she is full of newfound admiration for OP after this kind of magic.

    15. This was rude and disrespectful, and borders on cruelly malicious. It’s not appropriate to attempt to get someone else involuntarily drunk.

  3. My husband and I are taking a kids free trip Nov 30 – Dec 3. Want to go somewhere warm on the east coast where we can relax at the pool / beach. I’m thinking that pretty much limits us to Florida. Any thoughts on Marco Island? Are there any other places I should consider? Just want to stay at a nice hotel, relax, go for walks, etc.

    1. I’ve been to Marco but my understanding is that what is relaxing in October May fill up with returning snowbirds once thanksgiving hits. It was great though — very relaxing.

    2. Naples might give you more variety in walking distance. The Inn on 5th is in the middle of town (extremely convenient to lots of dining, cute rooftop pool) but you can walk, bike (rent from Naples Cyclery, they deliver), or get a golf cart ride to the beach. Actual beachfront hotels are a bit further from town; the Ritz and La Playa are both repaired and reopened since the hurricane, I think. The week after TG should be ideal — fewer families with loud children but the snowbirds don’t descend COMPLETELY en masse until after the Christmas holidays.

      1. +1 to Naples over Marco. Marco is very much a get to your fancy hotel and stay there type situation, where as Naples has more to do.

    3. I spend a lot of time on Marco. It’s not super walkable, but if you’re interested in shelling or wildlife watching, it’s fantastic.

    4. I’d look at Miami. You don’t have to participate in the party scene, and it’s much easier to reach than Marco. We loved 1 Hotel South Beach. I found Marco blah and filled with old people (even by Florida standards).

  5. Where do you find queen quilts and bedspreads that are just “queens” and not “queen/fulls”? I am so tired of seeing flats sheets hanging down past the top layer.

    Also, I tried to wrestle a weighted blanket into a duvet and will never get that time back, so I can’t handle anything but a quilt or comforter or matlasse for now.

    1. Obviously too late for you now and not at all what you asked, but for others who have struggled: what I’ve found works best for me is scrunching the cover up and putting just the very top of the cover over the top of the insert, then I pinch the top corners of the insert and cover together and hold them up over my head (it helps if you can do this on a staircase) so the bottom falls naturally down over the insert, and give it a couple shakes to settle in place.

      1. This is what I do. I also turn pillowcases inside out and sort of roll them down the pillow like putting on a condom. It’s extremely easy.

    2. I recently bought a blanket from Muslin Comfort and it is lovely and intentionally oversized. It’s surprisingly insulating and has a nice weight given how cool it is – I highly recommend it!
      Restoration Hardware and Serena and Lilly also do oversized quilts.

        1. Ha — I might love to, but then I’d have to crab-walk around it. And I’d like to keep this as a 3-figure problem, not a 4-figure problem.

      2. +1. I have a king quilt on my queen bed, and it fits great. Hangs down the sides a lot, but doesn’t hit the floor or anything. It has the added perk of less fighting over the covers.

    6. I think the Company Store sells actual queen size comforters, and they’re intentionally oversized. Possibly the same at Land’s End.

    7. QVC’s Northern Nights line sells queen size blankets and quilts. I bought their down blanket and love it!

    8. I’ve been happy with my Garnett Hill comforter. It’s a king for a king bed and has sufficient room.

  6. How do you get better at handling criticism and taking it less personally? I have always been somewhat sensitive to this. My job is putting me in situations that leave my work more open to commentary from, well, everyone we interact with. And some of it is very harsh; feedback is fine and normal, but nastiness is not. There’s a lot of other dynamics going on here, but part of it is the nature of the position. But I find myself dwelling on it so much and defending myself (only in my head, not out loud).

    1. In case you need to hear this: there’s a bright line between taking criticism and people being inappropriate/mean. I also tend to personalize things. but was recently in a situation for 3 years at work, the last year being the worse, where I realized my boss wasn’t criticizing the work, she was being nasty to ME and our team constantly in her coaching/feedback.

      For your actual question – as long as the feedback is about the presentation/work product/whatever – just know that your first reaction may be to take it personal as a way to process. Don’t respond as if it was delivered as a personal insult (I’m sure you’re not), even if it may feel that way when you’re processing.

      1. Concur on this. Some criticism IS meant as a personal attack, and the way to heal doe that is to find a new job.

    2. This is so hard! I have struggled with this at work, too.

      Can you try to time box the amount of time you’ll think about it? Like, “I’ll ruminate about this for the next 5 minutes guilt-free, but after that I’m going for a walk and listening to a podcast”? That usually helped me in situations where dwelling on criticism made it worse in my head.

    3. Unless it’s actually mean spirited, take it as candid, refreshing, efficient and part of the process. Know that it’s normal and not personal. Don’t get attached to your work and see it as a first draft.

    4. Hmm, it’s one thing to receive constructive feedback about your work, but harsh or mean spirited commentary isn’t fair! Is there anything you can do to push back against it?

      1. When it’s appropriate, I do try to briefly explain why things were done a certain way. And, sometimes I don’t even necessarily disagree with the feedback, but our teams are way overworked right now and sometimes compromises have to be made. (To be clear, nobody’s safety or wellbeing is at stake!)

        What’s hard is that the criticism is happening behind my back and I find out about it later. I’m a staff member in higher ed administration. To say my job gets harder every year is not an exaggeration.

    5. I think it helps to get really proactive about asking for feedback.
      – For major projects, i structure period check-ins to say what’s working/what’s not. I identify 2-3 things i can adjust, communicate we are changing them based on feedback, and do the change. Even if they are super minor (example.. someone wanted a weekly summary in email instead of onenote).
      – For items that can’t be done for whatever reason, i log on our RAID board and try to keep them statused. Sometimes they end up getting resolved due to that (example.. get extra IT support to make a new dashboard). I also do after action reviews.
      – For individual stuff, i ask harsher critics that are important I deliberately ask for feedback: I say i’m working on xyz, you have given me feedback about it in past, can I ask you for feedback on how i’m improving next time I do the action.
      – For anyone that isn’t leadership/key stakeholder, i just learn to ignore feedback that isn’t actually constructive. If someone is being really nasty, i generally try to just guide conversation away.

    6. You probably do need to work on this. As someone who has to give this kind of feedback of others’ work, it’s miserable when someone is taking it too personally, getting defensive and upset. etc. Unless you own your own company, someone is going to be your manager or your customer and your work is going to get reviewed. And heck, I do own my own company, and my work still gets reviewed by third parties.

      Try to separate your self from your work product. Your work product is just a thing you did for a customer, internal or external, and if they want it another way, you can change it for them. It’s not you, its just a work product.

      There’s no excuse for nastiness, but there’s also no reason for someone to have to be super gentle with anyone “What a great work product! I can tell you worked hard on it! But there’s a mistake on page 3 I need you to correct. But great job!” – this is for kindergarteners, not professionals. People have a million things to do, and you should expect them to be blunt in their feedback and not have to sandwich it in all kinds of nonsense to protect your feelings. Just know that it’s not you they are criticizing, they are critiquing the work product.

      1. This. In fact clear feedback without being sandwiched between false flattery is easier to process. It might feel good to everyone in the moment but sets up for being issues down the line.

        Not sure if it helps, but I try to think of the reviewer as a coach. It’s on you to do or not do anything with the comments or edits but it’s pointing out an area worth focusing on to excel.

        1. If the critiques are from the person you’re preparing the work for, it’s their prerogative to want it the way they want it, even if it’s subjective.

          1. I’m a writer so I receive edits constantly, often by executives at large companies who may or may not have a communications background. Some comments are helpful and others are plain wrong. But even for the ones that are wrong–absent anything clear cut like grammar, etc.–I think it’s important to view that “something” didn’t hit right. If something is feeling off to one reader, it’s likely to feel off for others. I may or may not agree with the fix suggested, but I always appreciate that the feedback draws me to an area that needs work. Not sure if it helps, but I try not to think too hard about whether I agree with the edit or whether the person is reasonable–instead, I try to focus on the area under review and see if there is a way to rework that would please the reviewer and myself. I don’t think there is too much that can be deemed truly subjective. Because the reality is that what you are doing could be better in some way merely by the fact it has grabbed attention. Something that creates a stumble for a viewer or approver could benefit from rework. Now “good enough” is a whole other discussion.

    7. Ah, this is so hard! But just a fact of most professional roles. If anything, it means people care a lot about your work. I only have three pieces of advice beyond what’s already mentioned here –

      1. Be really careful about explaining why things were done a certain way; in most scenarios it can come across as defensive and like you’re not hearing any of the feedback (some of which may be valid!). Sometimes it’s appropriate to explain but more often it’s appropriate to thank them for the feedback and just move on.

      2. At my company we talk a lot about feedback being a gift. There’s two sides to this – one is that it’s actually really hard to give (helpful, constuctive) feedback, and so if people are taking the time to be honest with you in a way that can help you improve, that’s something to be grateful for. However as you said, there’s really no call for nastiness and so when I get mean-spirited feedback I think of it more like a thoughtless tacky gift from a distant relative – it’s their choice to give it to you, but it’s your choice about what to do with it (give it a place in your home or throw it away)

      3. For the really mean meanies, I just accept that it’s probably more of a “them” thing than a “me” thing, I thank my lucky stars that I only have to deal with them at work, and I send a psychic sympathy wish to their significant others/family members who have to deal with them 24/7.

    8. The more you hear this feedback, the thicker your skin will get. It’s not clear to me what kind of role you’re in. I am a lawyer, and as an associate, I got constant feedback from EVERYONE. I learned that you just can’t internalize it, which is easier said than done. One thing that helped me was literally starting a folder with notes like, “Partner X doesn’t like split infinitives.” “Partner Y likes short conclusion sections.” “Partner Z likes one-sentence emails only.” It really put in perspective that most everything I got feedback on was a preference and not an indictment of my character. It’s different when people are nasty about the “feedback.” My solution to that was to commiserate with other associates and just also try to remember that nastiness is not about me, it’s about the other person venting frustrations that have nothing to do with me as a human.

      I also enjoy creative writing and interact with some writing groups where we critique each other’s work. So that feels like it is personal sometimes. With those critiques, I usually let them sting for a moment, sit in my feelings, then go back to the suggestions the next day or the next week. Letting that initial sting work its way out is helpful in seeing the value of the suggestions.

      It can also depend on if the feedback is verbal or written. If it’s written, just close your office door, say mean things in your head, then apply the process above. If it’s verbal, I usually have a notepad with me, so I’d write the feedback down in neutral language so I have something to do with my hands and face and then just say something neutral like, “I’ll take care of it.” or “I’ll let you know if I have questions.” I basically never “defend” myself during critiques unless the person has a huge and important fact wrong because it typically makes me seem defensive instead of willing to sort through new ideas.

    9. I’ve worked to differentiate criticism of me versus my work and how my work lands. My work has been my identity for far too long. Just because a superior or colleague doesn’t like my work product doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I also realized there isn’t one answer. Most of us don’t have work that consists of math problems or fact checking where there’s a clear right and wrong. There’s likely several, equally valid, ways to do things. If someone wants it done a different way, that doesn’t mean my way was wrong. Having this perspective has helped me become more open to feedback versus feeling defensive or needing to explain myself.

    10. I just ignore it when people criticize, unless it is the manageing partner and the judge, but they NEVER say a bad thing so it is a mute point for me. The people I care about care about me also and we get along fine! I don’t know what I am going to do when they retire. FOOEY on that!

  7. Do you like where you live? How much does it matter to you that you like it?

    I’ve lived in the same major city my entire adult life. The pros are many: deep friendships, extensive personal and professional networks, close to family. It’s also a dynamic and interesting place, and I am mostly politically aligned with the mindset.

    But the cons continue to annoy me and I don’t see them getting any better: corrupt and inept local government, crime, (the former surely not helping the latter) and on a shallow note, a very sports-and-beer fratty vibe in many areas that is just not my thing. I find myself fantasizing about moving somewhere more artsy, less segregated, more creative, like New York or London. But would that really change my life? Or would I be creating a whole new set of problems? Starting over at my age would not be easy m, but I don’t think it would be impossible (I’m in my 40s and single).

    I love my job and I could work remotely anywhere in the US, so that helps. And I have a lot of savings and own a place that I could rent if I left.

    Interested to hear thoughts.

    1. Is it possible to try out a new location for awhile? You can always go back to your current place if you don’t like what you find.

      I am dismayed by the state politics where I’m at. But it’s also where my family is, my networks, my people. So far, relationships have outweighed the things I’m less thrilled with. Not everyone feels that way; it’s such a personal decision. I have had several friends move to “escape,” if you will, and yes, they left the things that were driving them crazy. However, that doesn’t mean their lives suddenly become perfect. New struggles emerge; it’s part of the human condition, I’m afraid.

      1. I’d take a week and work remotely while catching up with anyone you know in the cities you’d like to audition. If anything, it could show how the grass isn’t always greener and give you a bit of a reset. I’d say vacation, but that’s often not a good way to check out a new place unless you’re retiring with some $ for nice resort-y areas.

      2. +1 to this.

        DH really doesn’t have a deep personal network of old friends and his family is a bit scattered and the relationships aren’t as deep (not a criticism, just a fact). I’m the partner with deeper roots of family and friends – like my kids play with my cousins kids regularly, at a recent milestone birthday I had 6 friends there, all of which I had known for 20+ years – so if we had to move somewhere new it’d be really hard, even if it had a lot of the things we don’t “get” right now, including competent state government.

        We also live in a major city so with the exception of nature outside of local parks and trails (which is enough for me), we have access to a lot of different things.

    2. Family and friends outweigh everything for me. I’m lucky that I also live somewhere great, too, but I wouldn’t move if I didn’t. Building a meaningful life takes time and a new place is just a location not a magic solution to unhappiness.

      1. Exactly this. I have friends who live in objectively much better locations than I do. But they often complain about feeling lonely and disconnected, despite their best efforts.

      2. Yup. As someone who had to move to a city where I knew no one for my husband’s academic job, I would never voluntarily move away from family and close friends. They’re more important than everything else.

        2. I am an introvert through and through who needs very little social interaction, and sadly I have realized that this is true even for me. I moved a few years ago for my husband’s job to a new city where I have no friends and am now further away from my family and I did not expect it to be this hard. Finding friends here has proven impossible and is compounded by the fact that most people in middle age are not eager to make friends anyway, or if they are, don’t really have the time or energy to do so. I’m not sure we will move back to my old city but I deeply regret moving here.

          1. Same here, I’m an introvert and really don’t need more than one local friend that I see periodically. I’m not someone who needs weekly or even monthly social events. But having literally no one outside my nuclear family is hard and lonely.

    3. New York is plenty segregated. I’m of the mind that you have the life you build. If you want more diversity get out there. If you want more art go after that.

      1. There’s segregated and then there is SEGREGATED. It can make a big difference in quality of life.

        1. I think so, and it can be strange how it works out. I moved from a place where housing isn’t very segregated but everything else is (coffee shops, restaurants, malls, everything) to a place where housing is much, much more segregated (and this plays out in predictably bad ways!), but there’s more diversity overall and social settings aren’t segregated the same way. So it feels much less segregated and more diverse to go anywhere.

        2. Fwiw though it isn’t necessarily liberal areas that are less segregated. I live in a politically conservative rust belt state now and this area is way less segregated than the very blue areas where I lived before (Boston and the Bay Area).

    4. I live in MA and I do like it. I grew up on the ocean and I don’t love the on-ocean options for live in MA so in theory I’d live somewhere within walking distance to the beach. I think I need a summer home.

      FWIW I have kids so good schools and an area that aligns with our political beliefs is important to us. It’s wildly expensive and I wish it weren’t but I’m not moving any time soon.

    5. living in a city (albeit not one as large as NY or London), yes I enjoy having easy access to things like shows or sportsball games or other events, and being able to try things like new restaurants on a whim without having to plan out a whole thing about which train to take or where to park, but tbh daily life hinges way more on catching up with friends, neighbors, and typical house stuff. Starting over with no local friends or family at midlife sounds exhausting. Occasionally I fantasize about moving somewhere we’ve vacationed (peaceful, remote) but then thinking about having to like, take a boat to go to the real grocery store pops that little bubble.

    6. I’ve benefited from relocating, so I know that even something as evasive as vibes can make a difference for me in terms of day-to-day quality of life. I actively like the city I live in now, the attitude and the culture and even the physical appearance that comes from the choices people and local government make, and it just feels like I’m in a better mood at baseline.

      But in your situation where the pros are irreplaceable, I might wonder if you considered a new neighborhood? If some areas are segregated and fratty, what are the artsy, creative neighborhoods like? Are there any higher ed institutions that project their own culture onto some neighborhoods, or immigrant communities that do the same?

      On the other hand, it sounds like you have the opportunity, if you wanted, to take the digital nomad approach and just try out some different cities, which sounds amazing to me.

    7. Can you move to the suburbs of the city to escape the crime and inept local government while still retaining all of your ties?

      I like the suggestion of kicking the tires in other cities. Maybe you move; maybe you just spend a lot of time visiting other places.

      Personally: I HATE where I live. Absolutely despise it. It’s also a professional dead end for me, we (myself and husband) have no family here and not many friends at all, and the politics are an old boys network. The sexism is horrifying. The schools are somewhere between awful and mediocre. Our salaries are low. We are in the works for moving in 2024 or 2025, just figuring out where.

      1. I don’t think moving to the suburbs is going to get her a more artsy & less segregated & less fratty-sportsbro cultute!

    8. I think it’s important to love where you live. Unfortunately, the overturning of Roe has changed the calculus for me. I had been exploring moving to a state that now I would never consider living in as a woman. I would never want to raise girls there now, even though I have family there and the state is noted for its beauty and recreation (Idaho). Maternal health clinicians are fleeing the state in droves and it’s going to become an unsafe place for women in additional ways – it will be harder and harder to access Pap smears, contraception, and other essential services. I don’t think women can fully thrive there now as second-class citizens (and it’s important to realize that they are negatively affected by the climate even if they never intend to become pregnant).

      With that change, I am sticking to my overpriced blue state. It has a lot to offer as well and I have other family there. Recreation and the outdoors are really important to me and luckily it’s great for that.

    9. I’ve always thought that if I worked remotely that it would be nice to spend a month or two of the year in a different part of the country looking like a non-retired snowbird.

      I lived in Paris in my twenties and while it was an amazing experience, it’s really hard to be away from your network. I’m sure it’s even harder as you get older and people are more settled.

    10. I follow the subreddit r/samegrassbutgreener for this conundrum. Are you in the the southeast? I am and it’s getting harder, especially because I absolutely love my immediate community despite major climate, insurance, and political environment concerns. Anyway, no advice, just commiseration.

    11. I’m trying to think of a place I’ve lived, my beloved nyc included, where there wasn’t corruption and ineptitude in local government.

    12. DH and I do not like where we live. We talk about it at least monthly. But our current locations has a lot of benefits: high paying jobs that are flexible, good schools, we already own a home here, crime is low, it’s relatively outdoorsy, we’re adjacent to a big city, and we have a network of child care that we’ve built over the years. The biggest problems are the weather sucks and we have no friends. We’ve been trying to make friends for 5 years, with limited success. I know it’s partly an “us” problem, but it’s very discouraging. We’re in the process of trying to decide whether to move or stay til all the kids graduate. It’s not easy.

      2. This sounds like me. I’m in the upper midwest, where on paper everything should be great: we both have good jobs, schools system is great, cost of living is reasonable, low crime, politically aligned … but it’s f’ing cold 8 months a year, and we’re far far away from the mountains and ocean that I grew up near on the west coast. It’s not logistically feasible to move any time soon, but I’m banking on my kids going to college out west so they can decide to settle there and I’ll move back once I retire.

    13. I would try working remotely from other places and see what you think. You can get a good sense of a new city by doing everyday activities there and see what it’s like. I work in the burbs but love being in the city, I find it really energizing.

      1. This is what I did this summer. I rented a VRBO for a month in a state and town I was considering moving. While a month is not a super long time, it was long enough for me to definitely enjoy my time there but also to realize I did not want to live there full time.

    14. I love where I live. It is crazy expensive and way more red leaning than I’d like. But my whole family is very close. I drive by a picturesque waterfront view every time I get in my car. I can walk to go out to dinner or lunch. The schools are amazing. We absolutely made concessions to live here, and we could get a much better house and yard elsewhere, but we’re really happy with our town.

    15. If I didn’t have kids at home, I’d just keep my home base but do multi-month stunts in other places. If remote work is an option, I certainly wouldn’t pick up and move before trying out living somewhere for 3-6 months first.

    16. I live in Atlanta. I spent a long stretch of my adult life other places, but came back here in my early 30s. The city has its issues (terrible traffic, incompetent city government, lots of poverty), but the richness of community life that I have here is invaluable to me, and I feel powerfully committed to this place and it’s people despite the flaws. I’m also a southerner through and through, and ten years of wandering the US and the world taught not that no place else will feel like home. The only other place that I’ve lived that I thought I could have made a home was Hong Kong, which I loved fiercely despite its challenges.

    17. I love where I live and I always have. It’s stupidly expensive but I am lucky enough to be Old and bought real estate a while ago so housing costs are reasonable. My husband and I remark almost every day on how lucky we are to live where we live.

      As far as starting over, I didn’t move far (just across town), but when I left my former husband at age 55, I pretty much started over and it was the best thing I ever did. It took a while but now I have a great husband and wonderful friends and really feel like I’m living the dream!

      1. You deserve it. I’ve read your posts over the years and you sound like a wonderful person SA.

    18. Why not try a new place or two? You’re single, you can go anywhere! Try a couple of places one year at a time and see what you think. I’m excited for you!!

    19. I like where I live – Charlotte – but this is not everyone’s cup of tea. For context I grew up in Massachusetts and my husband grew up in Los Angeles. Overall, life (for us) is pretty easy here. I like it for a lot of very selfish reasons. It’s where my family and my husband’s family have moved to. We have high paying jobs in a much lower cost of living place than where either of us grew up. While we are both back in the office pretty much 4-5 days a week, Neither of us has any real commute to speak of. We were lucky in finding a great house in a great neighborhood. We’re both invested in making the city a better place through groups we’re involved in. There’s a large airport making traveling easier. The city is growing and we feel that you can “get in on the ground floor” for causes and organizations that matter to you. It’s not stressful like NYC. We do wish the schools were better, but if we decide it’s right for our family, we are very open to boarding school (which I went to). I recognize this is all said from a place of a lot of privilege.

      1. I’m wondering — are your kids in public schools now? I beg people to at least try them. The more people who are in the “open to boarding schools” bucket have a stake in the biggest issue with what will ultimately let the city succeed or suburban counties leave in the bin (DC, Chicago, other cities with bad schools and thriving suburbs), the better off everyone will be. And when the top earners abandon urban schools, you know what will follow. It won’t be good for anyone, especially in close-in areas far from private or Catholic schools, so even our fancy neighborhoods will be ones that no one wants. Privilege can only insulate people so much to the pain that comes with failing schools.

        1. I’m that Charlotte poster. I understand where you’re coming from. No, my child is still in daycare right now. Our neighborhood elementary school is great, and I’ve been pushing for that. When I made that statement, it’s more that we wish we had the level of schools where we went here in Charlotte.

          1. Catching up on the morning post after a super long day, so you might never see this, Charlotte poster, but are you really saying that none of Charlotte’s private schools are adequate for your needs? Charlotte Latin, Charlotte Country Day, Providence Day? You’ve toured all of them and found them all lacking? I can’t imagine sending my child away when there are really good private schools in town.

    20. Your city sounds like mine. I’ve thought about other locations and always come to the conclusion that there isn’t a better option long term. Dobbs and the Republican attacks on education eliminate all red states for me. I like the idea of somewhere sunnier but climate change makes those areas a no-go. I don’t want to own property that will get destroyed by a wildfire or flood, or lose value due to increased risks and insurance costs. If renting I still don’t want to live somewhere with frequent disruptions (heat waves, wildfire smoke, power outages, evacuations).

    21. I know there is a lot of value placed on having existing friends/family in your city. But I think the “vibe” of a city can really make a difference. It can be hard to make new friends if the types of people who live in your city aren’t the type of people you are compatible with. This could be for all kinds of reasons – politics, interests (e.g., what the “core activities” of the city are), the types of industries/jobs in the city, etc. And if you really love art but live in a sports focused city, that’s going to be harder for you to find stuff you like.

      My best friend moved from Boston to San Francisco ten years ago and it totally changed her life. She had a lot of friends and professional connections in Boston but it just…wasn’t her place. She’s very outdoorsy, likes to ski, hike, try new outdoorsy things, etc. Her first 2 years in SF were hard as she had to rebuild the networks she had but she was still infinitely happier than she had been in Boston. But now she’s 10 years in and she has the deep connections/professional network, she can zip out to go hiking on a week night, she spends every weekend doing intense outdoor activities. It was much easier for her to make friends because she had more shared interests with the people living in SF and her job was more similar to the jobs people have in SF.

      I think this ultimately comes down to your personality. If you moved, would you actually take advantage of the art scene? Would you be outgoing enough to make new friends and put yourself out there? I know I am not like that personally so moving at this stage would be difficult for me. But I have other friends who have no problems making a move like you are describing.

      1. I agree with this so much. I see so many things written about how great California is to live there, and then the “great” part is the access to outdoor activities like hiking and camping. If that is your jam, then it does sound great. California has great natural beauty that wows me each time I’m there. While I value my time outside, but that’s more to garden or go swimming or go out on the lake on a boat than camp or hike, so the access to lots of intense outdoor activities holds little to no value to me.

    22. I like where we live (rural Wisconsin), DH does not like where we live – primarily due to the long winters.

      We moved away for a year and came back; both moving away and coming back decisions were largely driven by DH. So now when he occasionally complains about the seasons (particularly the long winter) I generally just ignore him since we tried the better climates and choose to come back home. Sometimes if I’m salty or he’s going on too long about it, I’ll give him a side eye and remind him that he is the one who wanted to move home. :) To be fair, SAD definitely affects him more, and he’s not terribly annoying about where we live – but if he could pick our whole life up (including people, especially family businesses) and put it somewhere else, it definitely would be further south.

      But it is home and I do like living where we do. We live 30 minutes from where we grew up, which is a nice distance and allowed us to make our own community while still easy to get to family home. I like the seasons even if winter is a tad too long. It’s a safe long term place for us, we have deep personal and professional networks. We’re 30-70 minutes away

      The lower cost of living makes it easy. We are big fish in a little pond, so to say. No kids, but our little school is well regarded and has broad community support and I think that is a nice aspect to our community. Our little local village is well run and open to new things, and I feel a strong sense of connection to the community here.

      On a state level the politics are a sh!t show due to gerrymandering and that is infuriating. Politically the community I live in votes 60% red in a purple state, so I feel like being blue voters here makes a bigger difference than being a blue voter in a blue state. Our abortion laws are infuriating to me on a personal level that still surprises me sometimes. But I think it’s important to be a visible liberal member of my community, and I think we have to live here to be effective activist to affect people who think differently than me. I have seen this in action – my Trumper neighbors have a harder time demonizing all the Biden voters when they know that I am one and we work together so closely on community projects. When they try, I am just like – hey, remember me? And it’s humanizing for everyone involved. (OK and in the moment, infuriating! Humans be humans.)

      Overall, I think I am the kind of person who can be happy in many places however I feel a deep rooted connection to this community/place and do not want to move at this point. I do think it was good for us to move away for a year and come back. It felt a built stifling when we lived in the same state for our whole lives. Moving away for a year really helped quench that wanderlust. We are also much braver with our lives now than we were before we moved.

      So all that said, don’t dismiss the idea of moving for a year and coming back and that being enough to make you feel happier about your home. It sounds like you are well positioned to do s.

      1. Another Wisco girl here! Today’s newspapers will have some very encouraging news on the abortion front!

  8. Work travel packing question. If you work out when you travel for work, how many outfits for that do you pack? I started running since my last work trip and don’t want to stop while I have a rare for me work trip. I will wear my sneakers to the airport, but my athleisure will be too warm for a run, so I will need to pack at least a separate outfit for that and my work clothes. Just let things air out? Try to rinse or wash in the sink? Or just pack multiples? I have one of those light-up things with a light on it that I will bring charged b/c it is starting to get dark early now.

    1. I guess some people will think this gross, but I just wear the same things to work out in over and over – I figure they’re meant to get sweaty, so who cares how they start out? I typically run about twice a week and just wash my workout wear when I get to it (every 2 weeks or so). Hang things over the tub/shower/drying rack to air out in between. So, I just bring a set that is clean, and wash it when I get back.

      3. I got cellulitis wearing the same sweaty, dirty sports bra over a very active camping weekend. Ever since then, I’ve followed my doctor’s advice to wash base layers every single time. But the way to balance that with convenience on a trip is to rinse out workout clothes in the sink after the first work out and hang them to dry over the shower rod. It’s very quick and easy and much better from a bacteria perspective.

        1. +1 I once got a mastitis infection from rewearing sweaty sports bras. I don’t have kids (it’s common in nursing women). I used to go 2-3 times before washing a sports bra and gosh…way too long with regular underwires (couple weeks). Not anymore!

    2. I pack multiples of shirts/sports bras but wear the same leggings or shorts (with different underpinnings).

      I also make it so the loungewear tank top I wear Monday is tuesdays running tank.

    3. One set, and I just let it dry out and wear it smelly the next day. Not what I’d do at home, but I don’t care on the road and I’m not giving up space for that stuff, nor am I ever guaranteed to use it on a trip.

      2. Plus honestly if you’re running alone, out of doors, not with co workers and/or on a gym treadmill who cares how you smell? Obviously if it’s a long trip I would want a couple changes of socks and perhaps a backup bra, but otherwise would not worry that my shirt smells. Maybe febreeze it when you get back to the hotel room so YOU don’t have to smell it.

        1. It’s hard to put on damp-ish workout gear. It’s hard even to get out of them sometimes.

    4. I don’t mind rewearing shorts or outer layers but really don’t like it with a sports bra or tank, so bring extra of that layer only.

      1. That makes sense — I can rinse out things, but hate having those bra cookies drying in a bra or left out in a hotel room.

    5. I bring multiples of all workout clothes because I get very sweaty and smelly. Also rewearing sports bras makes me break out. They don’t take up so much room that it pushes me into a checked bag or anything.

    6. I bring two sets, in quick-dry fabrics. I rinse one after wearing, wear the other the next day, and then alternate rinsing and wearing for the rest of my trip.

    7. I sweat like an absolute racehorse when I exercise (and especially when I run), so I would never re-wear exercise clothes under any circumstances because they are thoroughly disgusting after I exercise. If I had the ability to pack laundry detergent and was willing to wash things out in the sink and air dry, I might do that for a longer trip. But honestly exercise clothes take up so little space that unless you’re talking about a really long trip where you’re trying to fit everything in a carryon and for some reason can’t do any laundry, just pack a set of clothes for each workout.

    8. I am not a workout person but I am a business travel person. Since you say your travel is rare, I’d just bite the bullet and pay for hotel laundry of your athletic wear. Consider it a nice little luxury for yourself.

      I am no stranger to sink laundry, but I don’t think more substantial items like a sports bra are going to get fully dry every day in between wearings. Most hotel laundry is same day if you get it to them by a certain time each morning.

      1. You shouldn’t put sports bras or most athletic clothing in a dryer anyway though – it greatly diminishes the life of lycra.

    9. I’ve never had good luck hand washing athletic gear at a hotel, even when I bought these detergent sheets, so now I bring multiples. Maybe I’m just extra pungent! I like to roll clothes and put them in packing cubes to take up as little space as possible, and I never check a bag.

  9. I am updating my resume for the first time in 8 years and it is so hard! It’s time to leave my job but I feel like these skills are really rusty and I’m trying really hard not to procrastinate because it feels like a big hard task. I don’t know what I’m looking for, maybe just venting into the void.

    1. Start by adding a ton of bullets, everything you did/worked on. When you see it all in one place you can pick out themes and edit it down.
      This is also a good way to prep stories and examples for interviews

      1. This, and it doesn’t have to be remotely coherent. Just brain dump to start with. If you can, just keep the doc (or a doc) open and add things as they pop into your head. So much easier than trying to think of everything at once.

    2. Ask Chat GPT for help. Give it iterative feedback. Obviously edit what it spits out heavily but it will give you a start to work from.

    3. I also work backwards – look for job postings of the sort you’d be interested, see what kind of skills/functions they mention, and start to structure your resume in a way that highlights those (assuming you have them.. don’t make stuff up!)

  10. It’s getting cooler, so it’s leggings vs shorts season for me for running. I sized up in the pandemic, so it’s also time to go shopping. I am tired of black and solids. Sweaty Betty seems to have very pretty color / pattern options – are they good for workouts (vs just pretty)? Where else should I look? I have a birthday gift card and want to get something I’ll use soon that also makes me very happy.

    2. People seem to love Sweaty Betty, I see lots of people engaged in actual exercise in them.

      1. I wear Sweaty Betty and like it a lot. Holds up well and is functional for actual exercise.

      2. Another plug for Sweaty Betty. Their leggings are all that I wear anymore, and they hold up for running, weight lifting, and Pilates.

    3. Lilly Pulitzer is having a sale now, so might be worth checking there if you are ok with the super bright colors/patterns. I appreciate that much of their athletic clothing has UPF built in which seems to be rare.

    4. Yes, they’re good for workouts–I have several pairs of their leggings in various styles/patterns. I will say some particular patterns/tights can be a bit too thin, but most are great. Pretty much all my workout attire is either Sweaty Betty or Athleta.

    6. I like Costco leggings with pockets for my phone! They’ve held up for years. Great for a workout.

    1. My partner (10-lawyer firm) uses this and likes it. It is significantly cheaper than the two big services, and he actually uses it for out-of-state content we don’t pay for on the other service we use. But it lacks a lot of secondary sources, which is why we will never drop the big service firm-wide. I will say I have not used it myself and this partner is quick to use nontraditional services that save money even if they lack some quality. He wanted to switch the whole firm over exclusively to Casetext and we pushed back.

    2. I use it occasionally because I (small firm) do not subscribe to either of the big 2. (Is it still 2? I don’t even know any more; maybe 3 if you include Bloomberg.) It works fine for my very occasional case-law research needs, and it is free through my bar association. I am not a litigator, though. A litigator might need more, although I noticed that Casetext just added a negative-citation feature, which might be handy even for me. I use it solely for researching case law. I have never tried to use it for regulatory or sub-regulatory guidance, so I don’t know if it even covers that. I use a secondary source for regulatory guidance that is relevant to my field.

    3. I do! I got it when I started my own practice three years ago. I do a lot of research and writing and I think its actually better than Westlaw, which is what I used before (3 years ago). I was fully prepared to pay the $400/mo or whatever it was for Westlaw and budgeted it into my plans for starting my own firm, but I gave Casetext a shot and was very pleasantly surprised. I think I pay $77 a month.

      The other commenter is correct that it doesn’t have a lot of secondary sources but I don’t mind that because my practice is almost exclusively in one area.

  12. How do you manage when a partner is going through an incredible stressful time, and just isn’t available? What are the things you do for yourself?

    I should be clear – partner knows I’m there/present for them AND partner is not doing anything to or at me, and is pretty good at saying “I can’t handle XYZ right now”, but I’m just someone who can take on a lot of emotional responsibility for others (and yes, working on this in therapy).

    1. Honestly, I broke up. I’m not saying this is always right but you say partner not spouse and there was only so much I was willing to deal with for the rest of my life. Sometimes love isn’t enough.

      1. We are married with kids! And no interest in breaking up – this is like a specific time where he has a certain things going on at work for a finite time. I’ve just had a lot of my stuff going on where he’s been super supportive, so now I want to make sure he has the space he needs.

        1. And not to be rude, but this is why describing everyone as a partner now (from boyfriend-of-two-weeks to husband-of-25 years) makes it hard to give advice. I doubt Anon 10:33 would have given the same advice if you had said “my spouse (married x years, y kids)”. I know my advice would differ dramatically depending on relationship length, legal status, and presence of children, (but probably not the genders of the couple involved), so hiding behind a generic “partner” just means you get advice that doesn’t help.

      1. I lean this way. I take care of what I need to take care of, make any decisions I can make, and try to remain at least neutral and definitely not a net negative in his life. But I have been single a lot so I am not super dependent and certainly don’t need to seek self-soothing when my partner is temporarily disengaged.

      2. This. I’m capable of doing everything in my life for a while. The question changes if someone needs a lot from me while they are going through a tough time – that’s harder to manage – but I’m a responsible adult and can at least take care of myself.

    3. Well, first, you have two different questions: your first paragraph asks about what you can do for yourself when a partner is going through a stressful time and isn’t available. It sounds as if maybe you are used to him giving you emotional support or practical support and he can’t do that right now.

      The second paragraph sounds like your issue is that you take on emotional responsibility for him.

      Is one of these the primary issue? Or are they actually jumbled up together?

    4. This is a good time to strengthen your connections to other friends. Make plans to see people you haven’t seen in a while, have a long phone call with a far-away friend or family member. Even posting here can be a good way to vent and connect with other people. It’s so easy to make your romantic partner into your primary support system, but it’s better to have a wider base.

      If your partner is leaning on you a lot, it’s also a good time to work on your boundaries. This can mean limiting the time you can let them vent to you, or maybe disconnecting yourself from the stress either through mindfulness exercises or just being otherwise occupied (see first paragraph). Check in with yourself regularly to see how the situation is affecting you (because it won’t always be the same) and try to make adjustments accordingly.

      If the two of you are in it for the long haul, it can be comforting to know that it won’t always be this way, and that you will go through similarly stressful periods. Hang in there.

    5. I think you need to take on extra responsibility for “doing and deciding” during this period and find a way (I see reference to therapy) to avoid taking on extra responsibility for “feeling.” This is in line with the idea that a “50/50 relationship” doesn’t really exist on any given day. It is usually going to be “60/40” and sometimes “80/20” and hopefully it works out cumulatively in the end to be around “50/50” or at least that each partner stepped up to do the 80 when the other needed it.

  13. Another exercise clothes questions. I’ve been cycling 3 miles to and from the train station and it’s gotten COLD! I don’t want to cycle in a big jacket, and I mostly change when I get to the office, but is this a case for smart wool?

    1. I prefer a long sleeve thermal shirt of some kind, whatever you prefer, with a windbreaker on top. I don’t mind being cold for just 3 miles and would rather be that than drowning in layers. Gloves help a lot.

      1. That’s what I was thinking, the bus and train are pretty warm (it’s a multistep journey…) and I don’t really want to carry more on my back. I use the city hire bikes so it’s not a problem better panniers would solve.
        I have a band for my ears that seems to make a huge difference in my head warmth.

    2. Athleta fleece-lined leggings are wonderful for this. Eddie Bauer makes fleece-lined hiking pants that have some stretch and bend (for me, the rise is lower than many other 2023 pants).

    3. If you’re not wearing a windbreaker of some sort, start there! REI’s wind vest is great down to the 50s for me. An Ibex or Smartwool undershirt is great. I believe Costco has some 100% merino long sleeve shirts right now on their website that are really inexpensive if you’re not quite sure wool is your thing. I find that Smartwool hasn’t held up for me as well as Ibex. Patagonia Capilene baselayers are also really good if you prefer synthetic and as far as I can tell never wear out.
      Once it’s in the low 40s, I wear a thermal cycling jersey, wool undershirt and wind vest or windbreaker and full fingered gloves. Don’t skip the windbreaker – it makes as much of an impact as layers. If you use clipless pedals, toe covers are the best $20 you’ll ever spend on cycling equipment.
      My hands are, weirdly, the last part of me to get cold and the first to sweat, so I wait a lot longer to wear full fingered gloves than most folks. Go with your comfort level – they’re easy to stow in a pocket if you find you don’t need them that day.
      Lastly, chapstik makes a world of difference in my ride comfort on cold days. It’s a little thing, but when it’s cold, that little bit of protection is huge. I have really thick hair, so don’t need much in the way of a hat, but find my merino BUFF fits nicely under my helmet on really cold days. Other friends prefer ear warmers/covers.

    6. Icebreaker makes windbreakers lined with merino wool. Get a wool buff to warm your neck and ears. Wool or fleece lined gloves.

  14. Springing off the discussions about US travel and relocating: what MCOL (or LCOL) cities have you all enjoyed living and working in?

    Looking for dynamic cities, good schools (doesn’t have to be Wellesley/Weston/Needham quality – just want solid), thriving economy, ideally politically moderate, good access to nature (bike paths, hiking trails).

      1. We live in a college town. I hate it, because everyone not affiliated with the university seems to be stuck in 1950.

        1. Co-signed, from a Midwest college town that is geographically not far from Ann Arbor but culturally very different. There’s this huge divide between the university people (educated, left-leaning, pro-science) and the people who aren’t affiliated with the university who mostly work in factories and hold extreme MAGA views, and it makes for an extreme sort of culture clash. There have been some uncomfortable events here, including KKK stuff, and I think I would feel substantially less safe if I weren’t white (I am) or if I had gay or tr@ns kids (TBD, this is the thing that would most likely necessitate a move for us).

          I do think Ann Arbor is more progressive in the sense that there are a lot of educated professionals who aren’t in the university bubble and it has more of a big city vibe in that sense, BUT it is also way more expensive. Our friends there had trouble finding even a small home close to campus for under $1M and that was pre-pandemic and before the crazy inflation. That’s not NYC or Bay Area prices, but definitely not typical Midwest college town prices. Our town has lots of nice houses reasonably close to campus under $500k.

          1. Right – and it’s not like cute Midwest college towns are teeming with professional, non-university jobs.

          2. Yep. In my town your options for jobs are basically the university, the local hospital or the public schools. So if you’re not in higher ed, healthcare or a teacher, you’re kind of SOL for a professional job.

    2. York County SC is where people move if they don’t have to do into downtown Charlotte all the time. MCOL. Charlotte schools are a hot mess and I would avoid (currently have kids in it, which I regret, but private school waitlists are a mile long if you aren’t an alumnus and/or don’t enter in the TK year). It borders Lake Wylie but the taxes are much lower.

        1. York County is basically Charlotte (like you can hit it by throwing a rock in some parts). Purple in a purple area. SC as a whole is different than the CLT suburbs and SC of 2023 is not even SC of 1990, much less 1890.

          1. Sorry, if your state keeps electing Lindsey Graham, you’re not liberal yet. Even if you’re more liberal than you used to be….

      1. I’ve gotten to know a handful of people from Minneapolis and they love it.
        Check out Cincinnati, too.

      2. I generally am happy living in the suburbs of Minneapolis, and the schools really are top tier (I graduated from a public school alongside the children of multiple F500 CEOs, and felt better or just as prepared in college as my peers who attended elite private schools like Dalton, Deerfield, etc). But I’m not sure I would classify Minneapolis as moderate. Ilhan Omar was my representative for several years and I was living in a suburb. It’s certainly more moderate than most other big cities, but definitely skews liberal, even at my large corporation. This is likely because it’s also one of the cities with the highest education levels in the country :)

        1. I’m the original poster! My definition of “moderate” is relatively expansive.

          Not trying to start a debate on reproductive decision making, just using this as a reference: I have lived in areas with taxpayer funded termination up through the third trimester, and in areas that don’t even have an exception for 10 year olds who were assaulted. (My language is meant to avoid the moderation queue.) That is a symbol of a larger problem: there is no sense of “how do we make laws that people can live with, even if they disagree with us?” There is also very little fear of getting your rear end handed to you in an election, which creates a lot of perverse incentives.

    4. Atlanta but it is heading into HCOL territory quickly and salaries reflect an outsized reduction for MCOL (esp in law).

    6. My in-laws live in Indianapolis and they love it. I initially hated the idea (I lean left politically) but it appears that the city itself is fairly moderate, has good schools, great facilities like museums, arts, etc. and is still fairly affordable.

      1. The city itself is liberal, not moderate. The suburbs are moderate. The state government is conservative though not (currently) as wacky as Texas and Florida.

    7. I have only lived in HCOL cities – but based on visits, I’d be very interested in living in Minneapolis, Columbus, Pittsburgh. Basically, midwestern or Rust Belt cities with civic infrastructure.

      1. I’ve lived in Columbus and Pittsburgh and confirm it’s a nice pace of life. There are enough cultural events, restaurants, and outdoor activities to keep you busy, and you can also afford a nice house. I travel 6-9 times a year to experience big cities and enjoy what they have to offer. I am happy with my decision.

    8. I live in Raleigh and love it. But apparently so does everyone else, because it is growing fast and moving toward HCOL, but still a bargain compared to say, NYC or California. The state politics swing right, the city is left, so it works out moderate most of the time. (North Carolina is truly a purple state, but it’s because of the rural v urban divide). I used to live in NYC, for comparison.

      1. In CLT and feel the same. There are tons of people moving here from NY/NJ metro area, so houses go for crazy prices even though mortgage interest rates are relatively high.

        1. I grew up in Raleigh and the relocation of northerners was happening when I was little. (My parents moved from NY/RI). I don’t live there anymore (my family still does), but I think either the Raleigh area or Charlotte are great places to live.

      3. Thank you for this perspective – Raleigh is on our list. I’m originally from the NYC area and DH is from the south, so I think we could both be comfortable there. Trying to avoid HCOL cities (Acela corridor, San Fran, LA, San Diego).

        1. Raleigh OP again-I’m originally from the South (not NC) and we decided to leave NYC because I could not take another northern winter (and I didn’t want to live in an apartment the rest of my life, because there was no way I could ever afford property). Husband is not. Raleigh really is a good combo for us–it’s what I’d call “new South.” As opposed to my hometown, which was very much old South and I had no desire to ever live in again. It may be a bit of a culture shock if you’ve only lived in NYC, but quite frankly anywhere will be a culture shock if you’ve spent your whole life in one of the biggest cities in the US.

    9. Consider the rest of New England? If you want that city setting, Burlington and Portland are both very nice. But the many smaller college towns are as dynamic in terms of arts, dining, and culture as mid sized cities elsewhere. As someone else pointed out below, college towns really offer a lot at a LCOL price.

      From what I’ve seen, most city centers are struggling right now. I’m not aware of any larger cities in politically moderate states where the downtown isn’t full of empty storefronts and office buildings. They’re depressing, not dynamic.

      1. I feel like there is empty and then there is Philly-level zombie apocalypse. I’d live in Pittsburgh but Philly seems to have turned a corner. Allentown is a lot better than I recall it (grew up nearby and still use the airport over Newark).

        1. I had to do a case in Pittsburg once and I was able to figure out the entire city over a weekend where I had nothing else to do. I am not sure people from really big cities can get used to smaller cities like that one, tho Pittsburg was where they filmed Flashdance, the great movie with Jennifer Beals where she was a welder and took up ballet at the Academy after she got involved with her boss and had great s-x with him, but got mad at him for helping her get a tryout for school after the old lady ballerina died.

    10. Oak Park, Illinois

      Urban suburb adjacent to Chicago.

      I consider Chicagoland moderate COL, compared with other major cities I have lived in (NY/SF/Boston), with great value for the money.

      1. We have family in Oak Park and they love it and from what we’ve seen while visiting it’s a great place to live.

        Not to be confused with Oak Brook, which is way more suburban and way snootier. I always mix up the names but they’re VERY different.

      2. Thank you for this rec! I would have a lot of job options in/near Chicago (particularly on a hybrid basis), but we don’t want to live in Chicago.

      3. I would call even the city of Chicago itself MCOL, at least compared to many other big cities in the US. It’s more expensive than most southern and Midwestern cities, but cheaper than northeast and west coast cities.

    11. I currently live in Louisville, KY. School’s aren’t grade and we recently made the national news for our county school bus mess. I don’t have kids in school, so I enjoy everything else about my city! 4-season weather, sports, arts, decent food scene, the Ohio River, proximity to other cities. A lot of people choose to live in an adjacent county with excellent schools; most people who can afford/care about quality education inside Louisville send kids to private schools.

    12. Having lived in low, middle and high cost of living cities I am a firm believer in you get what you pay for. Just like anything else in life.

      1. Disagree, the place I liked living the least was also the most expensive (Bay Area).

  15. I have extremely thick, slightly wavy hair. I’d like to start styling it and taking a bit more care with it, but I’ve never bothered before because it’s too heavy to hold a shape and so thick blow drying it takes forever. I have recently got it cut to shoulder length (it looks great!) and I’m wondering about getting a straightener or the dyson airwrap thing. Is it worth the money? Main concerns is that I’d like it to look more professional and less frizzy / pouffy.

    1. Try a keratin treatment, that will get you a lot less pouf and frizz out of the gate. I use a ton of hair tools, a straightener is a must. Don’t have the Dyson because air styling doesn’t do much for me, I need more heat.

    2. I have similar hair and just got the Revlon one step volumizer. It’s the first time I’ve ever been able to blow-dry my hair and make it look like a professional blowout.

      1. +1 same here. I use a clip and dry in three different sections, starting at the bottom layer and moving up. I do sometimes run the straightener over each layer quickly if I’m trying to get a super smooth look, but it’s pretty fast.

    3. +1 to the Revlon blow dryer. Caveat is that I also have extremely thick hair and I have to use a regular blowdryer to get my hair 90% dry before using the Revlon to shape and style it. It’s the only way I can have nice hair without paying a professional!

    4. I have had this issue my entire adult life/decades. I got Magic Sleek keratin treatment three months ago. My hair was straight for about a month, but the other benefit I had not anticipated is that it is so much faster to blow dry and, once blown dry straight, stays that way more reliably. That is a major benefit. It is wearing off slowly, so no obvious line where I got it done.

      Cons:
      * cost
      * time (4 hours, plus it seems that will be 3x or 4x/year)
      * along the hairline, new growth is still its native texture

      I have a Revlon One-Step dryer (purchased for $35 on Amazon in the early days of the pandemic!). I also have my former regular dryer. Both are easier to use now.

      1. Adding:

        One thing I have noticed – but do not understand – about professional hair after watching both journalists and webinars/Zooms for the last three years is that I think hair that is just above the shoulder looks more professional and that some women’s hair looks more “structured” (if that is the right word). Not shellacked like it’s been over-hair sprayed. Just not limp and simply falling, but like it has some heft. I would like to be able to replicate that, but I don’t know what it’s called or how to make it happen.

        One example: Margaret Brennan. On the Face The Nation set, her hair has “structure.” But when they play clips of her interviewing someone earlier in the week, her hair kind of hangs limply. Obviously same hair and same cut and color. So it must be a styling thing.

        1. Having worked in TV once upon a time I guarantee you that anyone who is on air has their hair styled with a LOT of product. I would guess volumizer, mousse, and then ‘soft touch’ hairspray (Elnett is the classic). The other thing it looks like her stylist did is set it in rollers to give it some lift at the roots.

    5. I have very similar hair (though probably more wavy as mine will form ringlets in sections). I swear by the ‘regular’ Dyson hair dryer (which is on sale at Ulta right now). It dries my hair at least 30% faster than any other dryer. You can control the heat (and even the hottest doesn’t get too hot) which is key to avoiding damage long term. In case your stylist didn’t mention it – use some sort of heat protectant as well. Using a microfiber towel and rough drying a bit first also make a big difference.

    6. Try using a lamellar water rinse. I like L’Oreal’s. Low effort and inexpensive.

    7. I have super frizzy / pouffy hair. I’ve been getting a Brazilian blowout (the kind that permanently straightens your hair right away, not the older kind where you have to wait three days before shampooing) for over 10+ years, every six months. It pains me to say that when my hair is professionally and freshly blown out, members of the public treat me much nicer than when I sport “unprofessionally” curly/frizzy hair. But that is the reality, and I prefer how much easier it is to handle my hair when it is straightened, so that’s how I roll.

  16. Does anyone have recommendations for slimmer fit wicking material joggers? I like the fit of the Athleta Headlands Hybrid Trek Jogger, but not the stripe on the side. Like something between the Athleta brooklyn jogger and a legging. Thanks!

    1. Check LL Bean. They have a couple of joggers that are more wicking material. No band down the side.

    3. Lululemon Adaptive State jogger. I particularly like the summer version with holes down the side of the leg.

  17. Does anyone else have a dog that isn’t a cuddler (or even affectionate)? This is my first pet and I feel like I didn’t do something right. We got him as a foster when he was 3 months old and we were home all the time curing COVID (household includes two tweens, so plenty of humans to interact with). I guess it’s good I don’t have to deal with a giant dog trying to jump in bed with me but maybe he just doesn’t want to cuddle with ME (or us)? Maybe some dogs are just like this, happy when you get home but otherwise not interacting much except waiting for you to drop food on the floor or counter surf. He tolerates petting and brushing.

    2. It’s just personality. Some dogs are cuddly and some are not. Just like people.

      1. I am a non-cuddly person and think that my large non-cuddly dog who clearly loves me but is not always in my face is the most perfect dog in the universe.

    4. Maybe? But 95% of dogs are “our best boy” and my dog is just sort of there. He likes when we come home and I figure it is a better life for him than a shelter, but I’d like just a little affection or even not leaving the room when I sit down on the couch he’s on.

    5. It’s just a personality thing. My sister has two dogs– same breed and she raised them both from puppies in a similar environment. The older dog is very independent and prefers to be alone. Doesn’t like to snuggle and prefers to sleep on the couch. The younger dog will literally try to sit on your lap (at 90 pounds), can’t get enough affection, lives for being pet, etc.

    6. It’s a personality thing and can tend to be breed specific. My current terriers mix dogs are not cuddly. My previous dogs were a maltese mix and a lab/pit bull/visla mix, and they were cuddly. The lab mix was a Velcro dog, taking cuddly to whole new level. Every Newfoundland I’ve known was a giant hairy floof ball of cuddly. Ditto labs and retrievers. Pretty much every terrier that I’ve met was at least somewhat aloof.

    7. My dog is like this! I’ve had many dogs over the years, and they’re all different in terms of cuddling and affection.

      But my current dog is the least affectionate of them all. She will sometimes sit on the couch with me (not touching!!) but often leaves to hang out by herself in a different room! She does sleep on the bed with me (not touching!!). Every once in a blue moon she will sit right beside me on the couch with, like, her foot touching me, but that is quite rare. She never ever sits on my lap.

      She loves my in laws SO MUCH, but she also doesn’t cuddle with them and will hang out in a different room for part of the day. So I think it’s just her personality and not a simmering hatred for me.

    8. My rescue dog is a golden-livestock guardian mix. She is extremely independent and not at all cuddly. She prefers to spend the entire day squirrel-watching in the yard and absolutely refuses to come hang out in my office while I WFH. It took her a full year after she was adopted to really warm up and relax. She will not jump on the couch to snuggle, but if you ask “do you want pets?” she will come over to be petted, and if you sit down on the floor with you she will paw you if you stop petting her. She will also come and sit behind me while I am practicing singing or piano. She is most affectionate on days when she gets to go for a long walk—those evenings she will often come upstairs to hang out with me. Honestly, I prefer having a dog that isn’t a needy “velcro dog” and doesn’t get up on the furniture.

    9. Our GSP was this way; he really loved me but we never cuddled. About a year ago I fostered another GSP (mixed with lab) and omg he was so NEEDY. An 80 lb lap dog is too much for me. I miss my dog roommate.

    10. We’ve had plenty of dogs like this (most are working breeds), and paradoxically my cats have been more cuddly than dogs. The dogs like to be near their people, play, have jobs but don’t need constant attention. Had one that was a sofa dog, but insisted on sitting on the opposite end of the sofa on her blanket and her spot.

    11. My dog isn’t super cuddly but definitely is more so in the winter. Especially if I share a blanket with her.

    13. You didn’t do anything wrong! I have a dog and 2 cats. Dog is cuddly, 1 cat is sometimes, other cat won’t even sit in my lap. They all have different personalities! Maybe try feeding your dog treats in your lap or playing catch from the couch.

  18. I need to negotiate a salary today. I am 15 yrs in practicing law at a non-equity partner level. I am currently paid on an eat-what-you-kill basis and would be moving to salary and benefits. Is there a way to look at projected billing to determine what is appropriate? Another way to derive the right number?
    Also, I am going to need to push back on the quick timeline they want to move on. How do I do that? Picking up my practice and abandoning my firm on a two-week basis is not practical under any circumstances, but particularly mine right now, and makes me reluctant to take the job. But I probably need to make a change for financial and career trajectory reasons. If I do want to move forward, how do I convince them to wait for me?

    1. They likely know your situation so negotiating time will be easy. On salary, let them name the number and then counter (I’d say roughly 20% higher, back of the napkin). That will give you a sense of their range, reasonable doesn’t really factor into most of these negotiations.

      1. To clarify as to the timeline — they are hiring because they are “drowning” and want someone “yesterday.” They recruited me and only me, effectively offered me the job yesterday and insisted that we negotiate terms today, but say they will post the job immediately if we don’t get on the same page. I have been in this situation before and it is a red flag that makes me want to reject the job despite otherwise seeing a fit. Also, I am in early stages with another firm, very different situation, and I would at least like to see if I can get somewhere with that before jumping on this. I think I am just going to tell them I may not be able to move on their timeline and understand they need to post the job but hopefully we can resolve this. Other suggestions welcome.

        1. Ask them how long it will take them to post the job, get qualified candidates to apply, interview them, make an offer, get the offer accepted, and then have THAT person give notice and start at the job. Absolute bare minimum time for that is probably 4-6 weeks, potentially much longer if they don’t get many bites or if their preferred candidate also needs to give more than 2 weeks notice or otherwise can’t start right away. How much time are you asking for? If it’s somewhere less than 6-8 weeks, you’re still within the same window as if they post the job publicly. A good employer wouldn’t ask you to burn bridges at your current employer, and it’s at least an orange flag if they’re not taking that into account.

          Also, if they are really drowning, it’s good to examine why that is. Is it because they just won a bunch of new work that they didn’t expect to get, so they need to hire up for it? Or is it because they’ve lost multiple people unexpectedly and been unable to fill the roles? If it’s just this role that’s vacant, there’s no reason the workload couldn’t be spread amongst multiple other people, unless those people are already spread too thin and can’t take on anything more. If that’s the case, is that the kind of environment you want to be working in?

          1. It’s new work (and steady expansion of work/clients) and not enough people. They have been aggressive in saying they will hire under me to fill any voids, but I also know that is going to take time and a demonstration of need after a period. This is exactly why I am hesitant. But the new work/steady flow of work is appealing, which is why I’ve continued discussions.

        2. This is a red flag. They aren’t going to get there any faster with a job posting; they have to review resumes, phone screen, interview in person, blah blah blah. Sure if they want to do that in parallel to working with you, great, but they shouldn’t be kicking you to the curb this fast.

    2. This is what I’d do–I’d negotiate a base salary, plus bonus, but if you bill above X (not collect, bill!) you get Y, with escalators that go up and up as your life gets insane. I’d also ask for origination credit on matters you bring over. Ask for bar dues and $5K for prof dev per year (they will negotiate down, but you want to be able to go to a good conference annually to keep your network fresh). If they say bonuses are always discretionary, say, “I’m sorry, but I need a floor, so we can up my base if you can’t guarantee a bonus of at least X if I bill Z.”

      I also echo that high pressure sign-on tactics are an enormous red flag. This is where they should be wooing you and treating you with kid gloves. If they are not doing that now, imagine how they’ll treat you when you’ve signed on the dotted line? LIsten to your gut.

      AIM HIGH, do not settle.

      Look at Lawyer Whisperer blog for good salary nego and career guidance. They focus mostly in-house, but not always. Barker Gilmore too. Good articles on nego and what to ask for.

  19. Can anyone recommend a shrimp based dinner menu that is tasty, looks impressive/beautiful but is accessible for a beginner cook? My bf’s bday is coming up and I want to make him a nice dinner but I’m honestly not a great or very experienced cook. Not big gluten, bread or carrot eaters. No other dietary restrictions. TIA!

    1. Ina garden has a shrimp scampi recipe that you can make in the oven. Her recipes in general are accessible for beginner cooks.

    2. I’m not a good cook and I’ve successfully made Ree Drummond’s Speedy Shrimp and Grits. Very tasty and can be plated to look really pretty!

    5. Risotto with champagne and shrimp sounds (and is) very fancy, but it really easy to make.

    9. Shrimp with some veggies and a jar of really good curry, plus rice on the side. Really easy and delicious!

  20. I was really delighted during the recent discussion on scoop chips that a commenter here used to work with the machines that made the scoops.

    We have so many lawyers here, but there any other readers/commenters who have more unusual jobs/industries?

    1. I don’t think this place is lawyer-dominated actually. It used to be probably 75% lawyers but that percentage has gone down dramatically.

      I’m an ex-lawyer, now higher ed marketer.

    2. I used to make the chips! Not those specific ones, but salty snacks. It’s hard work, but can be really interesting!

    3. Not anymore, but I used to work in a little shop making gourmet chocolates. For about a year. I learned that I am not very compatible with a commercial kitchen job.

    4. I’m an actuary which is not that unusual but I also worked briefly in a tomato paste factory that fed into Campbell’s tomato soup.

    5. In b-school I did a consulting job for the company in Burlington, VT that made the original cookie dough mix-ins for Ben & Jerry’s. It was so fun! We worked on an ice cream sandwich project though!

  21. Hi, I felt the urge to share some random products that I’m loving lately. Would love if others shared theirs.
    -Lume deodorant; I have the unscented one, this is the best deodorant I have ever used. It eliminates100% of BO.
    – K18 hair treatment mask, this is the only expensive hair product that is unquestionably worth it for me
    – caffeine pills; I can take one immediately after waking up before I even get out of bed, and then coffee is more of a choice and not a “NEED IT ASAP OR ELSE”
    – Dr. Dan’s cortibalm lipbalm, the single best lip balm on the planet, in my opinion

    1. Big fan of Lume.
      Some recent buys I’m enjoying:
      – COSRX snail mucin essence – late to the game on this one, but I really like how soft + smooth it makes my skin feel.
      – chili crisp – again, latecomer to this but I put it on EVERYTHING
      – Hard as Hoof nail cream – really helps my weak, peel-y nails without the messiness of a cuticle oil

    2. Oh, this is fun!

      Drew Barrymore’s Flower cosmetics line at drugstores, specifically the cream blush bombs. Fun and cheap!

      Jewelry from Etsy.

      Buying myself whatever fun stamps I want. There are so many good designs lately!

      1. +1 would love a k18 rundown from a real user.

        As a grey-haired grow-out gal, it is heavily marketed to me on insta, but I don’t know how to incorporate it into my routine.

        1. K18 is super easy to use because it’s a leave in treatment. You shampoo your hair and skip conditioner. Towel dry hair. Pump 3 pumps of product into your palms, rub your palms together so that the inside of your hands are white. Then run your hands through your hair to evenly distribute from root to tip. Wait 4 minutes, that’s how long the product is active, and continue styling as you would normally, and you’ll have the softest, healthiest hair of your life

    4. Dr. Dan’s Cortibalm is truly amazing, my dermatologist recommended it and the whole family relies on it in the winter

  22. Any advice for getting a food stain out of a silk dress?
    I have a beautiful Yumi Kim silk wrap dress that has a couple nickle-sized stains on the front from food of some sort. I’m not sure what or when, so I’m also not sure how long it’s been there.
    I was reluctant to try anything myself for fear of ruining the dress, but the dry cleaners weren’t able to do anything either, so now I feel like it’s worth the risk. It cannot be worse than it is.

    1. If it is an oil-based food stain, there is a spray you can get in Japan called Dry Solvee. You spray it on the stain, wait a bit, and it magically disappears.

    2. I’ve never tried this on silk, but my go to for stubborn stain removal (in particular oil stains) is to use Dawn dish soap.

    4. Spot test a non-prominent place so see if the dye is colorfast when washed? It might run.

      Then either machine wash silk handwash setting, no agitation, or handwash? Luke warm?

      I machine wash all my silk, on reverse in a washing bag in front loader with silk delicates program, with wool&silk soap. One garment per wash.

      I hang to dry, and steam with hand steamer.

      But my philosophy is that I cannot be bothered with dry cleaning. If it’s ruined, it’s ruined and wasn’t suitable for my lifestyle. Nothing has ever been ruined so far.

      I have a Vanish brand wool & silk gel for stains and odors. Whatever product you use, do a spot test at the back hem or something, to check for general discoloration before washing the whole garment…

  23. Vicarious shopping help needed–I have my 20th year high school reunion coming up. Dress code has been described as “dressy casual.” All my attire the last 3 years has been athleisure or work clothes, so I’ve got nothing.
    Looking for some sort of casual but not too casual dress. It’s the South, so is still likely to be pretty hot. I’m pear shaped veering toward pear-apple (is that even a thing?) thanks to late-30s pandemic weight gain. Not a fan of large prints. Ideas?

    1. Tuckernuck. Plenty of dressy casual dresses without obnoxious prints. And, book an appointment to get your hair blown out before hand.

    2. I’d check out vineyard vines, Tuckernuck, or Lilly Pulitzer. A big +1 to getting your hair done and spending some time on your makeup – that always helps me feel my best!

    1. When it’s homemade I’m not above eating it with a spoon. Otherwise make lemon bars.

    3. I eat oatmeal with a bit of lemon curd and jam. Other possible uses – sugar cookie filling, thumbprint cookies, filling for a cake.

    4. If you have enough of it, make or buy a graham cracker pie crust, fold lemon curd and whipped cream together, and top with berries. Feel like the fanciest person in the world for minimal effort!

    10. It’s amazing on top of overnight oats/chia with some walnuts added for crunch.

  25. What is a good virtual thank you gift for professional help? Particularly for an executive not hurting for money?

    1. A thoughtful email.

      (I am an executive not hurting for money, and I don’t need or want stuff, but notes are meaningful.)

    2. I agree. When I left my last big job, some of my staff gave me a restaurant gift card. It was so lovely of them to do it and I know they liked/like me, but I also know how much I made and how much they made, and I wish they hadn’t spent their money on me!!

      Heartfelt notes or cards are best. I haven’t forgotten the kind things people said & emailed to me when I left.

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