This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Ooh: these teeny tiny wedges (which came up on a search for flats) look great — like the perfect amount of lift if you want some, but still the comfort and general look of flats. They've got great reviews at Nordstrom, interestingly from reviewers aged 25-44. Nice. Piperlime has it in black and navy, Anthropologie has it in a speckled black and white, and Nordstrom Rack has a few lucky sizes in a mint green (but for $65!). The burgundy shoes pictured are $168 at Nordstrom. Matt Bernson Izabel Wedge
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Responding_to_hiring_manager
Hello Ladies,
Sorry for the immediate threadjack.
I want to get some advice about how to respond to an hiring manager. I had an interview yesterday for a lateral engineering position in my company. I am really interested in the job and I kind of prepared for the job for a couple of years.It was almost a full day interview with many technical rounds.
I did all the technical rounds very well except one. The person who interviewed me in the round that I didn’t do well didn’t belong to the organization that I was being considered for. He had no idea about the job that I will be doing and the kind of skills required from the candidate. The questions were way off from my prior experience or my engineering discipline. In fact he didn’t ask any questions, he just wanted to know what I have to say in area a, b and c (all of which I had zero experience). I finally asked him how much of what he was asking me was required to do the job. He told he doesn’t know about the job. He conducts same interview for every one in the exact same format.
This morning, I wrote to the hiring manager thanking him for the arrangements that he did and giving me the opportunity and when I can expect to hear the results. He responded saying the has not spoken to the interviewers yet and he will get back to me in a week or two. Then, he specifically pointed out that the interviewer in which I did performed badly didn’t belong to the organization. He had no idea about the work done, what was expected from me etc but he couldn’t find any other person who could interview me for that skill set. So he thinks he needed a better interviewer to assess me. So I am assuming he as spoken to at least this person.
Should I respond to this mail? If so, what can I say? Can I propose him to review my work to gauge my skills in that area? I really want to salvage whatever I can as I am very much interested in the job.
Wildkitten
“Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you in a week or two. Let me know if there is any additional information I can provide.”
Jen2
+1
Parfait
What a dumb way to conduct an interview. At least the hiring manager realizes that he didn’t get any useful information that way.
Holiday Question
What would you do?
We are moving across the country around December 18. For a few reasons, we would like to make this the first year that SO and I spend the holiday together. We don’t envision wanting to take a flight to visit either of our families (two separate places, both several hour flights away) for the holidays, just a few days after moving to a new city. Also, budget constraints.
Is it too optimistic to invite both families (about 3-4 people each) to our new city/apartment, and have a just-moved-in, not-yet-unpacked, fun casual thrown-together Christmas dinner in a 1BR apartment? They would stay at hotels. They may or may not actually come, but this would be our compromise.
Anonymous
Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Wildkitten
It sounds like a stressful plan to me, but if you do that route make sure you are picking up dinner not trying to cook it in your unpacked kitchen.
Anonymous
Which is why I think this plan sucks. I don’t care how excited you are to be living with your boyfriend, I don’t want take out on Christmas.
Holiday Question
I think I over exaggerated the “unpackedness”– this would be about a week after we move in, so it’s not like our main stuff will still be in boxes. Maybe I’m optimistic but I don’t see an issue with cooking the meal myself. And yes, I am an experienced cook who routinely cooks for large groups. I appreciate the other perspective though, so we will talk about the implications of this plan. Thanks!
mascot
Eh, I don’t think take-out has to be boxes of chinese food. A pre-ordered whole turkey/roast and sides from Whole Foods could easily ramp up to fancy dinner, even with a few boxes.
agreed
+1
Anonymous
Why would your families want to miss their holiday traditions and happily decorated homes to fly to see you, stay in a hotel, and have a thrown together dinner surrounded by boxes? What about that plan actually sounds at all good for them? How is this a compromise?
I think unless you have very happy easy going flexible families there’s no way they want to do this. If you just don’t feel like going home this year that’s totally fine, but don’t pretend to yourself that you offered a great compromise and it’s on them if they don’t want to come/hate your plan.
Holiday Question
I see your point, but nowhere did I say they were in the wrong if they don’t come. We would be perfectly understanding if they didn’t want to do this.
I just want to invite them– not force them!
Anonymous
You asked if your plan to have funtimescasual Christmas was too optimistic. I think yes. I know you’re not commanding them but honestly you’re in no position to host and, especially if your family is inclined to feel like they have to do things (even though they’re wrong) you shouldn’t be issuing a potentially disruptive invite.
It just seems like you want to have your cake (do what you want) and eat it too ( make sure no one can be mad at you).
anon-oh-no
I totally disagree with this. Maybe your family wouldn’t want to do this, but mine would. And I think it sounds like a lovely idea.
Solo
Mine would too. Depends on the family. I did this a couple years ago when I moved into a new apt by myself. I had just started a new job and couldn’t take any days off. My parents came and hung out for Christmas, we got take-out Indian food, and it was low pressure and fantastic. Some people are more uptight about holiday traditions than others.
College stuff -- for any aid / admissions admins and/or parents
This sounds fantastic.
Holiday Question
Thank you for the encouragement. I’m only even considering it because it’s something both families would be into– neither has set yearly Christmas plans, and I think they would both see it as a nice trip (the city we’re moving to is a great place to spend a winter holiday).
Senior Attorney
Well, then. If your families would be into it, and they won’t be expecting a home-cooked holiday feast, then go for it. If I were your mom I would love it! Some years ago my family started doing Chinese takeout for Christmas dinner rather than repeat a full-on-all-the-trimmings feast just a month after Thanksgiving, and we love it. It’s nice and relaxing and everybody has a good time and nobody is stuck slaving away in the kitchen.
Anonymous
Mine would too. I’m really surprised by the negative reactions.
PrettyLawBelle
I do, too. I also think it would be awesome if OP and her beau spent their first Christmas living together in new city with just the two of them making their own traditions, etc.
I am getting super excited about the holidays now!
Lorelai Gilmore
Speaking only for myself and no one else, based on personal experience: I get frustrated when family says “We’re not coming to you but you can join us if you want to,” and then doesn’t do anything to actually host the event. It feels selfish – like they want to have the family time without doing any work at all (defining work broadly to include either traveling on the one hand, or hosting on the other hand.) I think it’s fine to invite them, but make sure you actually want them to come and are prepared to do the work to host them if you go that route.
Anonymous
Nail meet head.
anon
My father does this. He claims Christmas is no fun and it’s a kids holiday and that he doesn’t want to do anything to celebrate it. He refuses to travel (albeit, without a legit excuse like just having moved), and says I can come visit him if I want, and he does nothing. It makes me sad and comes off as very selfish.
It’s almost a bluff- when I tell him I won’t come to visit under those circumstances he balks at spending the holiday alone and comes to join the rest of the family.
Senior Attorney
Again, this is a know-your-family thing. Not everybody expects a full-on hosted holiday.
And I kinda think it’s okay to want to spend time with the family even if you aren’t up to hosting a big fancy party, for whatever reason. If you don’t want to go, by all means don’t go. But I don’t think there’s anything inherently offensive about the invitation.
AFT
Mine too. I say go for it, maybe they won’t come, but hopefully they will understand why you’re not traveling and appreciate the invite. Christmas is Christmas because you’re together, not because you’ve decked out your house for company. As long as you’re planning to serve a nice meal and have an attempt at festive decorations (like, red candles on the table would check this box for me), I think you’ve fulfilled hostess duties under the circumstances.
I’ll be 39 weeks pregnant for Christmas this year, so we’ve let our families know we’re not traveling but happy to include anyone who wants to come to us in our minimal-effort celebration. We have several takers, despite the low bar.
Amy H.
+6. My family would totally do this just to get to be together. And would help unpack boxes and hang pictures. (And I know how lucky I am!)
Anonymous
“How is this a compromise?” Because people should trade off visiting each other? I don’t think it’s fair to say people in 1 bedroom apartments should never get to host holidays just because their family members might have large houses where people can stay for free. And a “thrown together” dinner doesn’t automatically mean take-out or frozen entrees, I interpreted it is as just more casual because they won’t have formal place settings and things like that.
Anonymous
Sure. People should trade off. But not when some of those people move a week ago!
Mpls
Shrug. We (30-some extended family members) invited ourselves/got invited for Thanksgiving at my cousin’s house shortly after she moved in (like, the same week). We usually pot-luck Thanksgiving anyway, and we’re a pretty casual crowd, so it can work if you’ve got the right crowd.
Holiday Question
Yes, that’s what I meant by “thrown together dinner.” I love to cook and host, so it wouldn’t exactly be takeout on the floor… but it might be rented chairs and folding table with a lovely festive tablecloth :)
Senior Attorney
You say “takeout on the floor” like it’s a bad thing… ;)
PolyD
Because maybe sometimes traditions have to change. Maybe the OP would like a chance to host her “own” Christmas.
Full disclosure – I always travel for Christmas and would love, just once, to host Christmas at my own place. I would love to cook a full-metal Christmas dinner, too. But since there is just one of me to travel vs. my 2 parents + sister, I always am the one to travel. So I sympathize with the OP.
Anonymous
But, can’t she do that next year? When she has unpacked? Then I’d be all for it.
Platinomad
Yeah I also think this response is out of proportion as it totally depends on your family. My immediate family has always done a pretty casual but very fun, intimate, wonderful christmas. Im pretty sure my parents and siblings would think this was fun, and whether or not they came would depend on a variety of factors that we would talk through. Not everyone’s family does a really fancy or planned christmas, for some people its just about spending time together (which is really the point of the holidays…)
Im not saying this plan would work for everyone, but just like with everything around these sort of things, its know your family and yourself.
For the OP- Does your family or your SOs normally have a really formal, structured christmas? Are they fussy types or the type that takes the attitude of “its just nice to be together”? I think as long as you have thought through the traditions and personalities, you know whether this is silly or not.
Anonymous
Read yesterday’s open thread on exactly this topic on a practical wedding. Lots of options discussed.
Gail the Goldfish
Probably too optimistic, unless you are 1) catering dinner and 2) not working at all between the move and christmas so you have 6 days to unpack. Otherwise you’re trying to cook in a half unpacked apartment, not to mention where are 10 people going to sit in a 1-bedroom apartment that’s got a bunch of moving boxes to be unpacked?
Wildkitten
Are you both only children?
Anonymous
That actually is why I’m reacting so negatively to this! If my little sister tried to do this my parents would feel like we have to go! Because she’s be so lonely! And far away!
And meanwhile I would get stuck tagging along or being alone, when she could have just enjoyed time with her very significant other.
Wildkitten
My BF is an only and his parents would totally cross the country to eat chinese food on his floor. I am one of many and my family would not all uproot themselves for Christmas in my studio apartment.
anon-oh-no
sounds like you are projecting. . . .
Wildkitten
But I think that might be why the opinions are so binary, if they are coming from different perspectives/backgrounds/families.
anon
This sounds really unpleasant for everyone involved. Have you ever moved before? Stuff always comes up. I can’t imagine adding the extra pressure of knowing I was going to host a party for 10 people a week later.
If my family member invited me to do this, I’d be annoyed and think they were being selfish, not actually offering to compromise. I don’t want to pay for a plane ticket, pay for a hotel, and maybe rental car, to eat take out in someone’s tiny, unpacked apartment. Sorry. All of the reasons that you don’t want to fly to visit your families are valid reasons for them not to want to fly to visit you, just for a last-minute, stressed out, thrown-together evening.
Blonde Lawyer
Why don’t you just do the holidays you and your SO w/o the rest of the family. Perfect excuse and a good way to set a precedent that you don’t always have to spend the holidays with the fams.
Diana Barry
+1, I think cozy holiday by yourselves would be GREAT.
cbackson
I don’t think it’s a great idea, to be honest. I think you’re too narrowly focused on Christmas Day and the meal – you’re in a position in which it’s difficult to be hospitable to a large number of people for an extended number of days. Where is everyone going to hang out during this trip? All 8 family members in your one-bedroom apartment? They’re not going to fly cross-country to spend the afternoon in a hotel room, you know? What about other meals? Are you all going to eat together? At restaurants? This sounds pricey for your families (hotel, flight, rental car, meals…all with holiday mark-ups).
Honestly, in a similar situation, what my ex-h and I did was to let everyone know that we loved them and were looking forward to spending a quiet Christmas alone in our new city. It was actually really fun.
Wordy
Great point about all the other meals/entertaining. It’s not just Christmas dinner.
marketingchic
You could also go out to eat – in many cities there are lovely places to have a holiday meal – a grand hotel, a historic restaurant – someplace that would be decorated and festive. My family did this in DC one year visiting a sibling who had a tiny apartment, and it was really nice.
gouda
I think you’re being optimistic. I had weekend guests two weeks after I moved in and it was touch and go to see if my place would be presentable-ish for them. Remember, you’re not just moving, but painting, starting new jobs (maybe) and learning where everything in your new neighborhood is. (I got lost on the way to the grocery store the first couple trips in my new city.) Maybe invite everyone for a long Easter weekend instead?
Anonymous
Now that is a nice compromise!
LilyStudent
I would have Christmas just the two of you enjoying your new place, and invite the families for a funtimescasual New Years.
anon
I’d either take a pass on holidays as a family & explain “because moving” or I’d invite them & plan to do dinner out somewhere (you may want to make reservations now – easier to cancel). All dependent on your own family. I wouldn’t personally want the pressure of being unpacked and entertainment ready & I also love an excuse to do my own thing at the holidays.
Holiday Question
I was not expecting this post to be so controversial! Thanks everyone for your replies… we have a lot to think about.
Anon
I LOVE entertaining and am pretty good at pulling it off flawlessly. That said, I considered having some friends (2 couples) to our HUGE house the day after we moved in. Thank God the plans fell through because it was so hectic. I just had some friends over for a simple lunch this week (two weeks after moving in and with everything unpacked) and it was still stressful and I was frazzled because a repair had to be done at the exact same time. Moving is stressful. I would caution adding more stress to that situation.
Anon
I LOVE entertaining and am pretty good at pulling it off flawlessly. That said, I considered having some friends (2 couples) to our HUGE house the day after we moved in. Thank God the plans fell through because it was so hectic. I just had some friends over for a simple lunch this week (two weeks after moving in and with everything unpacked) and it was still stressful and I was frazzled because a repair had to be done at the exact same time. Moving is stressful. I would caution against adding more stress to that situation.
Yes, you can do it
My partner and I moved on a Friday and had a Monday afternoon (it was a 3-day weekend) housewarming for 20 people. Admittedly, we had been to the new neighborhood a few times before and knew where to get supplies, but we were able to pull our 2-bed apt together in time to look pretty presentable in 2.5 days. If you have full days to dedicate to unpacking, you can do it. And if your families are into it, why not? I think it sounds great.
Puppy at Heart
I don’t really have an answer to your question, but just wanted to comment to share my support. I’ve been a happy adult child that always returns to the nest for important holidays for a while. My boyfriend and I have really wanted to begin our own holiday traditions, but we’ve put it off for the last 2 years because we don’t know how to broach the subject with our families (read: mothers) without making them feel rejected. There doesn’t seem to ever be a correct course of action and I’m still navigating this, too.
Congratulations on your upcoming move! If you’re an experienced hostess and your families are easy going, fun people, I don’t think logistics alone should stop you. Wouldn’t they love to have been a part of your very first holiday in your new apartment?? Will it be perfect and go off without a hitch? Doubtful. But holidays are about the memories and if things go bad you’ll have something to look back and laugh about for years to come. I think if you can swing it this could be a very special holiday for you! Good look!
Anon
Your response warmed my heart. It’s nice to see a positive response on this website every once in a while. :)
Shopaholic
How do you ladies hang up your skirts? I use those clip hangers and usually stick a few skirts in one (or umm 5 skirts) but it’s becoming a disaster and my skirts keep falling out of the hangers. Any suggestions? I have limited closet space
Anonymous
I use clip hangers and only put 2 skirts on each. When I run out of space I buy more hangers or get rid of skirts. How many do you need?
Topanga
I use something similar to this:
http://smile.amazon.com/Whitmor-6021-185-Chrome-Collection-Folding/dp/B000L1KN14/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413488119&sr=8-1&keywords=skirt+hangers+space+saving
Wildkitten
I use a tiered skirt hanger with one skirt per tier.
mascot
Tiered skirt hangers are your friend here.
Unicorn
I use those tiered clip hangers that have 5 sets of clips and only one hanger.
ETA: realized my explanation made not much sense. Like this: http://www.amazon.com/Tier-Trouser-Skirt-Hanger-Chrome/dp/B000K1A91O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413488209&sr=8-1&keywords=tiered+skirt+hanger
Shopaholic
AMAZING. Thanks ladies!
anon prof
the best ones like that I’ve found are from the Container Store. Super sturdy.
Blouses poking out
Dear ladies:
This is silly, but I have this problem right now and I have had enough. When I wear blouses (both button-ups and more “soft” blouses) and I tuck them in (which I like), the blouse inevitably ends up “poking out” of my skirt/pants and it just keeps on happening. It annoys me so much and I hate it. I am 5’4″ and 115-118 pounds, build mostly straight-ish but also size 32D. Note, please, that I have tried so many times to tuck the blouses into my underpants or tights, but it keeps happening. I am definitely wearing the correct sizes. Thank you for any tips!
Clementine
I often safety pin my shirts to the waistband of my skirts. It doesn’t work with all of them, but it often does. For ease and comfort, I just do the front and sides and make sure to ‘re-tuck’ the back frequently.
Unicorn
The only thing that has worked for me is tucking them into sp@nx. But then you have to worry about the sp@nx peeping out of the top of your skirt. Blergh.
Anon
I only wear blouses like that with high-waisted skirts because they’re the only thing that holds the tuck.
Bonnie
To avoid the issue, I wear camis with silky blouses and tuck the bottom of the shirt under the cami.
AIMS
The 90s are back. Get a body suit.
Anon
Have to second the bodysuit. I recently saw some in Eva Mendes’s collection at the Limited.
Red Beagle
Love the concept of a bodysuit but they always feel too short in the waist and ride up on me. And I’m not even tall – just 5 ft 4 on a good day.
POSITA
I need some perspective. I have two little sisters. One has been living abroad for the past 4 years getting her PhD. She is moving to California in two weeks to start her first real job. She is not taking any time off in between because she can’t afford it. She wants us all to come to Thanksgiving at my parent’s house on the East Coast. She hasn’t been in the States for Thanksgiving since 2011. She’s not even certain that she can get the time off since she’ll only have been there two weeks, but plans to beg her new boss.
The rub is that my other sister is a costume design major who is a senior in college. Her final project (the big school musical) is being put on two weeks before Thanksgiving. I promised her a year ago that we’d come see her show. She’s been working her butt off on this show and is crazy proud to show it off. I haven’t made any of her other shows because of work conflicts.
My little sister’s show and my parent’s house are roughly in the same place about five hours from us. We really can only manage to make one trip given our work schedules. Which one would you go to? Who to disappoint? (On top of this I have a one year old who my ex-pat sister has never met.)
My husband really wants to go to the show to avoid facing Thanksgiving traffic with a baby, but my ex-pat sister is really upset at this prospect.
Lorelai Gilmore
I actually am not sure why you can’t go to both; five hours is not that long of a drive, even with a baby, but I will respect the statement that you can’t do both.
I’d go to the musical. It’s a one-time event; you made a promise a year ago; it reflects a huge amount of work. There will be other times to see your ex-pat sister (and it sounds like she can’t even guarantee that she will be at your parent’s house for Thanksgiving.) In addition, the ex-pat sister can always come to see you (even if you have to pay for it); the musical can’t come to you. In my view, one-time-capstone-event trumps but-I-haven’t-seen-you-in-ages.
Diana Barry
Actually, I agree with this too – I know it is a PITA to travel with kids but you could go to the show by yourself, then travel out 2 weeks later for Thanksgiving with the family (and go on Thanksgiving morning so traffic won’t be as bad).
POSITA
My husband has an on call schedule. He can trade to take Thanksgiving weekend because someone else will want it off, but he has to work one of those weekends.
Anonymous
Then I’d take baby with you to see the show or get a sitter for that weekend. Make it work.
Anon
Go by yourself to your sister’s show (with baby? perhaps some family member who saw another night of your sister’s show would be thrilled to babysit?) and then go up as a family for Thanksgiving. Your sister probably doesn’t care if your husband sees her show, she wants you to see it.
POSITA
My baby hates being in a car seat. I’m not driving alone. Its only barely tolerable with someone distracting the baby.
Lorelai Gilmore
This may be too late, but have you tried driving with no one in the backseat to distract the baby? My baby does really well in the car when all the adults sit in the front and there’s no one in the back to distract him. He eventually just falls asleep. When I sit in the back with him, it’s a disaster – he sees me and wants to get out. Anyway, just a thought. Good luck with whatever you decide!
Wordy
When mine was a baby, he couldn’t stand being in the car seat either. I think not wanting to drive five hours alone with a screaming baby is totally valid.
Anonymous
Really? You can’t make both? What if just you go to the show and leave baby and husband at show? And leave your house at 7 am on Thanksgiving so you can make it there at 1?
I wouldn’t support this as an annual obligation but seems pretty compelling for this year. And traffic sounds like a sh!tty reason to miss seeing a sister you haven’t seen in years.
roses
Can you afford to pay for ex-pat sister to come visit you another time?
POSITA
She’s saving the rest of her vacation time to fly back to far-away-country to defend her dissertation. We’ve offered to fly to Cali at Christmas, but this doesn’t jive with her Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving plan. (Though I do understand her desire to have us all in one place. It changes the family dynamic. )
Senior Attorney
Tell her Norman Rockwell has left the building and Cali at Christmas is the best you can do. Too bad, so sad.
Alice
Agreed.
Anon
I think if you already promised your sister you would go see her show (a year ago!) then that is what you should do. Maybe your ex-pat sister can make a trip to visit you when she goes to your parent’s house.
Diana Barry
You promised sister 2 that you would see her show, she wins, no question. Invite your expat sister for Xmas instead?
Lorelai Gilmore
Alternatively, can you host Thanksgiving at your house and have your parents and sisters come to you? If ex-pat sister is flying in from California, maybe it doesn’t make a difference if she flies to you instead of flying to parents.
Parfait
There you go. That seems perfect.
POSITA
We’ve offered but my ex-pat sister also wants to see her college friends who she hasn’t seen in years. And my parent’s have farm animals which make it hard for them to travel.
Anon in NYC
Both of my siblings live abroad so when they come home my schedule has to suffer a bit to accommodate them. And I am very nostalgic about Thanksgiving (it’s my favorite holiday), so I get your expat sister’s desire to have a perfect Thanksgiving. But something has to give here. It seems like your parents’ obligations pretty much negate any chance of them traveling for the holiday.
You promised your college sister that you would go to her musical, so I think you should keep that promise. Unless your husband is really dying to go to that, I’d have him work that weekend rather than Thanksgiving. You can take the baby with you to the play or get a babysitter. If your husband winds up having to work Thanksgiving weekend, what about going to your parents just you and the baby? You can set out first thing in the morning, stay the night, and drive home the next day.
Alice
I’d go with the senior in college. You promised her first, and if you miss her show, you miss her show. Also, I realize perhaps the older of your little sisters can’t afford to take time off, but she’s more likely to be in a position with the time/money to travel in the near future.
Could you make plans to see the older of your sisters another time? So she knows she can see the baby, visit with you?
I’m sure there is a bit of the backstory but it seems a little much that someone who is presumably at least in her mid-twenties is attempting to dictate where her entire family spends Thanksgiving, and is “really upset” that you haven’t committed, when she isn’t even sure she will be there herself.
sweetknee
Is the show on a Friday or Saturday ? If so, why not do an “early Thanksgiving” at your parents house with ex pat sister ? It is only a couple of weeks before the actual Thanksgiving Day. Assuming the show is on a Friday, the faux Thanksgiving could be on Saturday, and your ex pat sister would not have to miss work to attend a family Thanksgiving. She could fly in late on Friday, so T’giving on Saturday, and fly back out on Sunday. Also probably cheaper for her to fly rather than around the actual holiday.
Unicorn
How long ago did you find out about this Thanksgiving request/ that expat was moving back?
POSITA
She accepted the job about two weeks ago. It’s recent.
Unicorn
I agree with Alice that “it seems a little much that someone who is presumably at least in her mid-twenties is attempting to dictate where her entire family spends Thanksgiving, and is “really upset” that you haven’t committed, when she isn’t even sure she will be there herself.” Especially when you only found out about this two weeks ago. Especially when she is making these demands on her family in part so it’s more convenient for her to see her college friends. This seems like “I-demand-you-drop-everything-so-I-can-have-everything-I-want” behavior.
One thing that seems to be missing is any excitement on your part to actually see expat sister.
hoola hoopa
+100
Yup
+100 from me too. I have a former-expat sister who acted very much like this. She was able to a couple days off work as an au pair because the family she worked for graciously did not want her to miss my wedding, and she decided she needed to fly to my hometown (a few states away) for her friend’s wedding (as a guest, she was not in that wedding) the night before rather than spend any more time with my family. And then we were expected to drop everything to pick her up from the airport an hour away literally hours before my wedding. Everything worked out, but I’m getting annoyed again just remembering it.
Anyway, she’s back in the States now. You’ll see more of her in the coming years. Don’t let the prodigal sister steal your little sister’s moment that she worked hard for and you promised you’d share with her.
That said, I’d probably try to find a way to make both work… but if I *had* to choose only one, I’d pick little sister’s show.
rosie
I certainly don’t blame you for not wanting to make that drive twice in one month, baby or no baby (to the posters who think both is totally fine, think about traffic issues, taking time off from work to do the drive, etc.). I would go to the show, tell your ex-pat sister that you already committed and don’t see two trips working out, but you look forward to seeing her some other time soon.
Anonymous
Oh, I did think about those issues. And unless she wants ex pat sister to think she’s hateful she needs to drag her Tushie up there. It’s 5 hours.
Unicorn
Wow, “hateful” seems a bit extreme.
Anonymous
Yeah but so does ex-pat sister! Personally I think sister seems really immature and OP isn’t all that far off base here, but this seems like a really easy thing for ex-pat sister to turn into a “thing”. And sometimes it’s good to just avoid those.
Mpls
Uh – that’s when you nicely set your boundaries and say “Ex-pat sister, I love you, but it’s not going to work this year since I’ve already made other plans. How about alternate arrangement?” You don’t drive 10 (round trip) freakin’ hours to stave off a tantrum from an adult..
Alice
Yeah, and I don’t understand why there is a need to bend over backward for ex-pat sister. She’s the sister, and will likely be around for years. The OP will hopefully have a good relationship with her for years. And at some point they will have to have a nice, mature relationship wherein both parties put in an effort and also understand the constraints and limitations of the other party.
OP might as well start working on establishing that sort of relationship now. I mean, she’s not going to want to be bending over backward to avoid being thought “hateful” for the rest of her life!
rosie
If the expat sister thinks the OP is hateful under these circumstances, that’s not OP’s issue.
Senior Attorney
+1,000,000
Platinomad
So many strong responses to these family holiday things today haha!
I haven’t had a baby, but I have been abroad for extended periods of time, have a very close family, and at least one extremely unreasonably demanding sibling. I, personally, would 100% make both for at least me (husband/baby ideally at thanksgiving). Basically, I have made cross country trips to my family within in an equally small time period for probably smaller, sillier things. This is a priority for me, and I deal with holiday airports, traffic, expense, whhattteevverr because I love spending that time with them, and I would never want to miss either of the things you describe. Things like traveling alone with the baby/hiring a sitter may be inconvenient/expensive, but to me they would be worth it. These things don’t always repeat themselves and our families/loved ones aren’t around forever.
I think this is a personal decision, and I agree with earlier posters that if you must choose one, you committed to littlest sister first, and it is more of a “once in a lifetime” sort of thing anyways. Good luck with whatever you choose!
Anon
Just to put things in perspective – your child was born a year ago, and she hasn’t managed to make an effort to fly back to meet her niece/nephew during the course of the past 12 months, but she’s now going to be very put out if you don’t rearrange your schedule to spend Thanksgiving at your parents house with her?
Um, sure.
POSITA
She’s been writing up and wasn’t allowed to travel. I give her a pass on this. I’m a bit upset that it’s more important to her to see her college friends than to meet her niece. I’ve offered several compromise options.
Anon
Wasn’t allowed to travel? What kind of other-worldly phd program was this? I’ve known many many people who obtained phds in many different countries that weren’t their country of origin, and everyone travels. Even during proposal/defense years.
Either way, I wouldn’t change your plans for her (tentative) plans.
POSITA
If you piss off your advisor by traveling instead of working, eventually they eventually will issue an ultimatum that you need to focus and graduate before your funding runs out or not come back. She hit that point and chose to stay and finish. I understand that she couldn’t travel.
Anonymous
But your parents can’t travel either. Why can’t you leave baby behind for the show and get a sitter? Assuming an evening show it could be leave at 1pm, show at 7, you drive back at 6 am.
Senior Attorney
You have to go to the show. You promised a long time ago and no fairsies backing out now because (spoiled/entitled/self-centered?) other sister has gotten a wild Thanksgiving scheme in her head.
Bonnie
I’d try to go to both and only have your husband come for Thanksgiving.
Puppy at Heart
I agree with the majority that college sister wins. This is a little presumptuous of me, but I feel like from the way that you phrased it, you were leaning in that direction yourself, but your ex-pat sister is maybe someone that it’s not fun to disappoint? I know this is reducing the intricacies of the situation drastically, but the person that stomps their feet the loudest doesn’t have to always get her way (especially when she opted to live overseas when her family is in the US. She had to have known the impact this would have on seeing her family when she made this decision).
Sorry you’re having to choose between siblings like this! It’s got to be the worst.
Bonnie
I really like these shoes Kat. The burgundy and navy versions are also at shopbop and are 25% off there.
HM
Has anyone taken an online photography class and would recommend it? (I’ve recently realized I have zero talent framing a shot.) TYIA!
Sue
I would actually recommend taking an in-person class instead. Look for them at community arts centers and in some cases community colleges may have affordable options. I took one of these and what I found useful was the criticism and camaraderie with other people and the teacher. If you have to do it online, then maybe you could also find some photography group on meetup to supplement. I also recommend you check out the “Better Photo Guide” books by Jim Miotke. They have some really good pointers with examples. Some things like composition–which is what framing falls under are not that hard to pick up. Good luck with the class and have fun!
E
Weird/random question: I have a gorgeous black bodycon dress with glitter chevrons all over it. I bought it on ebay but it’s originally VS. there’s a reason VS pulled it from the site: it sheds glitter like crazy. Anyone have any advice for what I can do to get it to stop shedding glitter? A quick google search said spray the whole thing with hair spray. I also saw “translucent spray adhesive” as a suggestion which is sold at craft stores. I’d like to attempt something before I just get rid of it for fear of shedding glitter everywhere.
Peter
Embrace it, Tinkerbell! :)
hoola hoopa
With two young daughters, a LOT of glittered items have passed through our house. I’m familiar with more types of glitter-on-clothing than I’d like to be and know exactly what you’re talking about. There’s really nothing that will stop it from shedding glitter.
I’d be wary of the spray adhesive because it will remain tacky and you’ll add to your problems. I’d save the dress for NYE at a club or something of the sort where leaving a trail of glitter is remotely acceptable. If an item like that enters our home, it’s immediately thrown out… in the outside garbage can.
E
I’ll probably just get rid of it then. I don’t care enough to shed glitter anywhere. I’d have to get dressed right before I head out the door and my boyfriend understandably wouldn’t want to go anywhere near me.
Ellen
I think this is the same as what Alan got for me! I threw it out b/c of the shedding and it also had alot of disgussting bodily fluid’s on it that stained it. FOOEY!
Frumpy Fashionista
Love these flats, especially the color. A great color to transition from fall into winter.
44
It’s “interesting” if I like the same shoes as a 24 year old? We are talking about black wedges.
Anonymous
Why are you trying to sensationalize your age? 44 is not 144, yes you can certainly like the same shoes as 24 year olds. Why do you think it is “interesting”? You are ok, really.
Anon
Perhaps a 24 yr old said something to make her feel bad?
Jamie
I think this comment is in reference to Kat saying that it’s interesting that the good reviews are from ages 25 – 44.
alwayslookingfortheperfectblackpants
I have to comment on these shoes–I noticed that they were very stiff and had a strange type of paper lining but figured I could break in the shoes over time. So I had them professionally soled and tried to wear tights at the beginning. The back of this shoe cut into my heel and my foot literally bled each time I wore these until I decided to take these shoes as a loss. These are the worst shoes I have ever bought, and they are supposed to be quality shoes.