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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 108 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Max Mara

Suit of the Week

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Corporette's Suit of the Week: Max MaraCorporette's Suit of the Week: Max MaraFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. As I noted in yesterday's post on the buying suits beyond interview colors, brown has never been my favorite suiting color — but a lighter, almost reddish brown was, perhaps because I felt more comfortable wearing it with black accents. This brown is somewhere in between, but it looks like it's gorgeously tailored, and I always love a wool/silk blend. The jacket (Max Mara Olinda Wool & Silk Blazer) is $995, and the pants (Max Mara Tondo Wool & Silk Pants) are $515, both at Saks. Readers, do you wear brown suits? What are your thoughts? brown-womens-suit Psst: here's a less expensive option, and a plus-size option.  

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Comments

  1. Aggie

    There’s some odd retouching in these photos. In the full body shot, the pants look fine. On their own, they look horrendous. But I love the color and the idea of a wool-silk blend suit.

    • Ellen

      Yes, Kat, I DO wear brown suit’s, and I love them, but I must wear SKIRT’s, NOT slack’s. The manageing partner insist’s NO SLACK’s in the office, except on Snow day’s when we should NOT even be comeing into work. FOOEY b/c on those day’s I would just perfer to stay inside and use my elypetical machine, and NOT even go to NYSC for excercize. DOUBEL FOOEY b/c it is COLD here in the Winter.

      The manageing partner said he want’s me to come out to close up his house in the Hamton’s at the end of October, and he will have a cookout for the Partner’s. He want’s his brother to come, but I told him it would NOT be busness if he was there. But the manageing partner said it is not suposed to be a busness meeting, and the other partner’s can bring their spouse’s. I hope he is NOT thinkeing that I am to be his date (or worse yet, his spouse–FOOEY!). I already have to hear all these storie’s about how viral he is b/c he can beat Harold at Tennis and Basketball. Do I realy care? No. Period. Not interested.

      I saw Gonzalo on Lex this morning but he did not see me. He was comeing out of the same apartement building I saw him come out month’s ago. I wonder if he is liveing there with that girl with the big tuchus, or mabye by now he is MARRIED to her? OMG, I am SO glad that is not me. I do NOT think I could stand haveing to wake up every morning and deal with his bad breathe! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Sacha

      What about the pants looks horrendous? Genuinely curious, because I’m not seeing what you’re seeing.

      • Aggie

        A weird lump on the left hip and left inner thigh on the front view and odd dart positioning on the rear view. If this is how the pants lay on a model, I’m concerned with an average person.

  2. Susie

    This article could use more pictures, but nevertheless and interesting piece on lady carriage drivers in the World Equestrian Games discussing dressing for their sport, and how much easier the men have it.

  3. Sibling help

    Immediate TJ – I have a sibling who lives in another country without any family nearby. He has always been a bit immature and has a tendency towards self-destructive behavior (mostly drinking too much, some marijuana). In the past he has had issues controlling his temper when he feels wronged. He’s had a few serious relationships with women (although he does date). He recently went on a trip with a female friend that led to some expectations on his part that it would become more than platonic. Nothing he has said has indicated that she had the same feelings. Well, she had a fling with some other guy while they were on this trip and it threw my brother into a downward spiral – drinking too much, anger issues, depression, etc.

    I’ve chatted with him a bit about what happened, and honestly, I think this is his misunderstanding. But he is despondent over it – excessively so. He feels sad and lonely, and like he has no emotional support where he is. He has reached a point where he wants to settle down, but can’t find the right woman. I can’t do much for him, other than act as a sounding board. I feel like he actually has some big issues that he needs to work through, related to self-worth, anger and depression, that I am not qualified to help him with. I’ve urged him to find a therapist, although Western-style talk therapy is a bit challenging to find where he is. Any other thoughts on what I can do here? I am at a loss.

    • Ellen

      Hug’s, b/c it sounds like you need one. I have no solution, other then to note that if your brother get’s over his anger issue’s, and take’s care of himself emotionaly, he should be abel to find a woman to date him, and if she like’s him enough, she will mabye marry him. But no woman want’s to get emotionaly involved with let alone marry a guy who is a mess. FOOEY! Tell him to get counseling if they have it in whatever country he is liveing (you did NOT say where) and then have him ask his freind’s to fix him up with suitable women. We can all hope and pray for him that he will find someone and he will be happy, b/c in the end, that is what all of us want. To be happy and healthy! YAY!!!!

    • anon

      More weed, less booze.

      Sorry, inappropriate. That sucks, but other than being a supportive sibling, it sounds like it’s something he’s just gonna have to learn from. I’ve never gotten good “advice” from therapy, but just having someone listen helped.

      • Sibling help

        Haha – I have definitely offered the “less booze” advice. I tend to agree that this is just something he needs to learn from… I just wish there was a magic button.

    • Wildkitten

      Could he find a western therapist and meet via skype? (I don’t know the rules with therapist licensing or insurance coverage so this might not be possible.)

      • Sibling help

        That’s a good idea – I hadn’t thought about a Western therapist via Skype. Thanks!

        • anon

          I think one of our members does this? She hasn’t been around for a while but if you post your email, I’ll pass it to her to reach out to you!

      • MJ

        My freshman dormmate is the founder of Breakthrough dot com , which is legit online therapy. Try there!

      • Anonymous

        Typically, therapists must be licensed in the area where the “patient” resides. There are many who flout the rules and a few have been admonished. Usually the local licensing board where the “patient” lives has been made aware of the situation. In contrast, the licensing board where the therapist is officing is fine with the situation, as the therapist is licensed to practice where the therapist is physically located.

    • Basics

      Can he call the local US or UK embassy or consulate and ask for help finding appropriate resources?

  4. MJ

    If this model looks broad-shouldered in this suit, I can only imagine how my ex-swimmer shoulders would look. Normally Max Mara is really chic, but I am not feeling this (esp. at the price point). But I do like the color….

    • Kathryn

      This is honestly about the most awkward I’ve ever seen a model look. Also, is it just me or are her legs unnaturally long?

      • NYNY

        I think most catalogs photoshop the clothes onto model faces, hands, etc now instead of taking actual pictures of humans wearing clothes. And yes, the legs are too long to be believable: in the full body shot, look at the fingertip to knee distance.

        • MJ

          My arms are that long relative to my legs…I have a super-short torso and really long limbs. I’m 5’11” with a 6’5″ wingspan. Not proportional. I am nowhere near that thin though. My nickname in HS was “Stretch Armstrong,” mostly due to the crazy long limbs (I was not flexible!).

  5. 2 Cents

    Styling help! I have a black tiered skirt (similar style in the comment to follow) that hits me about knee length. I’ve lost enough weight to finally wear it (60 lbs total!) — except I have no idea what to wear with it! I’ve tried several things on in my closet and they just haven’t worked out. Help! (Also, I’m plus-size, if that matters.)

  6. Health Ins BBB?

    TJ: Is there any way to report an insurance company the way you’d use the BBB so that there is incentive on their part to arrive at a timely outcome/resolution? Health Ins companies apparently don’t give a hoot about BBB. The BBB was how I won my SiriusXM dispute of similar length of time and frustration levels that I’m going through now.

    I will spare gory details, but I’ve been battling my health insurance for almost 2 years on a charge. Here’s what happens: I get billed by hospital for full amount (ins covering nothing), I call insurance, representative researches and admits it should be paid (I have employee names, dates, times of calls when this has happened for 19 months). I hang up from these calls, the charge gets sent for payment by representative I spoke with, then it gets denied 5-10 business days later. I call back, representative agrees it meets criteria for full payment, actually approves it over the phone by conferencing in another manager/approval person they sent it for payment, and it’s denied. This has been going on since February 2013. Help! Ideas?

    • sweetknee

      What about your state department of insurance ? In my state, they investigate consumer complaints. This might not apply if it is an ERISA plan, but worth a shot.

    • 2 Cents

      You may need to write a formal letter, sent by certified mail, to show the sequence of these events. It’s great you’ve kept these phone conversations and their logs, but now you may have to elevate it to the next level. Your plan should have instructions for how to contest a rejection either on the EOB or in your original plan materials. You could copy the state insurance commissioner and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau while you’re at it.

      • NYNY

        In moderation…. changed a word, so sorry for the duplicate.

        Patients are allowed to file appeals and complaints with their insurance carriers, and there is usually a formal process. Look in your insurance company’s webs*te for “grievance procedure” and follow the instructions (usually there’s a form). If they do not respond to your grievance in a timely, appropriate manner, the next escalation point is the state insurance commissioner.

    • NYNY

      Patients are allowed to file appeals and complaints with their insurance carriers, and there is usually a formal process. Look in your insurance company’s webs*te for “grievance procedure” and follow the instructions (usually there’s a form). If they do not respond to your grievance in a timely, appropriate manner, the next escalation point is the state insurance commissioner.

    • Dulcinea

      Contact your state Attorney General’s office, and also look into filing a complaint online with the new federal agency – CFPB.

      ALSO, like someone else says, you need to send a formal letter disputing the charge. In the letter you should write up the entire story in chronological order with dates, names, etc. This way you are creating a record. If you ever eventually end up filing a lawsuit over this, your attorney will high-five/kiss/hug you when they see a copy of the letter.

      (Yes, as a matter of fact, I DID just spend 2 hours doing witness prep with a client who can’t remember who he called about what, or when things happened, or how long certain things continued)

    • Former Biglaw

      Sounds like an experience I had with Cigna–also known as the Devil.

      Please appeal the denial of the claim–instructions should be on the denial paperwork.

  7. animal print

    I bought a leopard print belt, and while it’s pretty, I’m having a very hard time deciding whether it works for me or not. Generally my style tends toward understated/minimalist, and I’m not really fashion forward or great at anything fashion-related. I wear simple things that I know look good and work. Any general thoughts about leopard print, what it works with & what it doesn’t?

    • Wildkitten

      It works with everything. Meow. Is it black based or brown based? I like my leopard with a lot of black so I can wear it with all my black clothes.

    • Ginjury

      As an owner of a leopard print belt myself, I think they’re actually a pretty classic piece and fairly easy to style. Leopard generally looks great with black, navy, and jewel tones. I avoid wearing it with bright colors just because I find it tacky. When I wear my belt, I do generally keep everything else very understated, so I might do a simple black sheath dress, plain black pumps or flats, a small gold necklace that hits just below my collarbone, simple gold studs, and the belt around my natural waist.

    • Parfait

      Leopard is a neutral. You can pair it with anything that you’d wear any of its component colors with.

    • Anon

      I will say, however, that you might just not be a leopard person. I’m not. I think it can look fantastic on other people, but it just doesn’t work for me. It feels too bold (my style is super simple). So even if you find great things to pair it with, if it doesn’t feel like “you”, that’s okay!

    • Unicorn

      Start off with a white button up tucked into black pants (maybe skinny) with flats. Work it. Go from there.

      • In the pink

        I like to tie in black jewelry with the leopard belts or shoes…to make it look intentional. I always wear animal prints with solid (non-patterned) clothing; but that’s just me. Perhaps that is why I do not have an animal print handbag :)

  8. In Laws (sort of) Question

    I will be moving in with my boyfriend in a few months (by way of background – we’re definitely on the marriage track, and have had a lot of discussions about it and are fully on the same page. I’m moving in to his place for logistical reasons instead of my place or a new place). BF’s mother doesn’t work and his father works in the next neighborhood. Once or twice a week, she goes to BF’s place, cleans it, leaves him some food, and plays with/walks the dog. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this when I first found out about it but eventually came around to it – it’s her way of getting out of the house, and it’s not about him being incapable of acting like an adult (she has been visiting family overseas since May so I know what his apartment is like without her). I’m not sure how I’m going to feel about this when I’m living there as well. I mentioned something to him about it recently (since she’s coming back soon) as to whether she would continue this when I move in and he seemed to indicate that he had no intention of it stopping (I would guess he probably just didn’t think about it). Would this make any of you uncomfortable? I could see it being a bigger problem down the line, but if I don’t nip it now, how could I stop it in the future? What do I do? I also don’t want to alienate her – or him. I hope this made sense – anyway, thanks for any advice!

    • animal print

      I would talk to your boyfriend about it. Just say that you don’t have an issue with the idea of her coming around all the time, but you’re not sure how you’ll feel about it when you live there too. Can we see how it goes and revisit this after a few months? If he’s not potentially open to having her stop coming over or at least drastically reducing the frequency if it ends up being problematic for you, it’s something you’re better off knowing now.

      yes, it would make me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t like it and generally like to keep respectable distance between me and in-laws. Your home is your personal space. If it were me, I would tell boyfriend that I had reservations, but I could be willing to try it out. But if it it really doesn’t work for me, I’d expect it to stop.

      ETA: I cannot stress enough the importance of keeping a respectable distance from your in laws, even if you totally get along wonderfully. It’s easier to keep getting along wonderfully when there isn’t weird sharing of personal space going on. I’d be inclined to put a stop to it for that reason even without the other ones.

      • animal print

        So it sounded like you were sort of on the fence about whether this would be a problem or not., which is why I suggested that you frame the issue this way. If you’re really not happy with it, I’d just put your foot down. My personal inclination would be to try to find a compromise a little bit, but really this would not be okay with me.

    • Anne Shirley

      Oh hell no would be my answer. I would not live with him and let his mother be my maid. But then again, I put my foot down about this absurdity and got dumped because of it, so ymmv. In my book I’d rather be alone than in a marriage of 3.

    • Senior Attorney

      Gah. This would not only make me uncomfortable, I would not consider, for one single minute, moving in with somebody who had such an arrangement with his mother. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even date him.

      The fact that she is currently out of the country and is not doing it makes this a perfect time for him to tell her, “Mom, it’s been awesome but Lady Friend is living here now and we will be needing our privacy. So thanks for all the help but we’ve got it from here. Once you get back, no more popping in unannounced.” And then, of course, he has to stick to it. I might suggest changing the locks just to be sure.

      • Ginjury

        I don’t think it’s as weird as other posters seem to, given that different cultures foster different types of familial relationships, but I do agree with Senior Attorney that now is a good time to put an end to it and her choice of wording is appropriate and diplomatic. I think waiting and revisiting it in a few months would make it more awkward and more likely to alienate her.

      • PinkKeyboard

        +1 to Senior Attorney. This would make me very uncomfortable AND this seems like the perfect opportunity to change things up. Maybe set up a new tradition where you take her out to eat? I feel like if you add something in it will help smooth things over versus just taking away.

    • 2 Cents

      Aside from the others’ advice, I’d add that perhaps when he asks her not to stop by during the day, he suggests an alternative time when he’s home/you’re both home when she can stop by to see her son, drop off food, etc.? That way she won’t feel like she’s being cut out of his life, but just redirect the energy. Maybe (big maybe) she can cook dinner with you at his place once a month or something as a way for you to bond?

    • Anon

      Nope nope nope. Not comfortable. The only time I want my mother or MIL dropping by on a regular basis to clean and stock the fridge/freezer is when I’m postpartum. And I love my mother and MIL. But we’re grownups, and we handle our own business.

      • Pet lover

        Agree with these- but if they live so close, could he drop off the dog with her in the morning? Seems sad for his pet to lose out! Plus that would give her something to do- just not at your apartment!

        • Anon

          If she only plays with/walks the dog once or twice a week, then someone is doing it on the other days. Dog walker? Up that to 5 days a week = problem solved.

          I’m pretty sure my dog thinks our dog walker is a member of the family who is very rarely home. He freakin’ loves her.

    • Bonnie

      Definitely. My in-laws live close by but do not drop in without calling first.

    • posey

      I’m really lazy and therefore can only see the positive here: a few times a week, while you are not there, a magic fairy comes and cleans the apt and leaves food. Amazing!

      The one boundary I would draw is that she isn’t allowed into the bedroom.

      • Anonymous_

        +1. I would love this. Plus it sounds like she does this while you’re at work, so I don’t see the “3-person marriage” issue here at all. Your MIL sounds really sweet, actually, assuming she’s doing this without any manipulative/controlling intent.

        • Wildkitten

          Since I pay a dog walker, pay a housekeeper, and buy food, this would free up so much money – money I could have so much fun like, buying shoes with.

        • So So Anon for this

          +2

          My SO’s mother does this and it’s actually quite wonderful.

          I was weirded out by it at first, and only said ok on a trial basis, but upon realizing how wonderful it is to never have to take care of the floors (we have a cat) and that she literally would have nothing else she’d rather do (I tried getting her to find a hobby or hang out with friends, or find something she enjoys), and because she really doesn’t meddle, I appreciate her help without any weirdness.

          • anon for this too

            Yeah… my mom does this sort of thing for me, too. I’m single, and in Big Law, so I could use the help with household management. I do have a housekeeper because I felt guilty, so she doesn’t do much of the heavy cleaning for me anymore, but still, I appreciate the help that I do get.

            I wouldn’t be totally surprised if his mom backs off a little on this once you’ve moved in, though I could see it going either way.

        • Serafina

          I agree – this sounds wonderful! Though I also agree that keeping the bedroom off-limits makes sense.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I agree – so long as she isn’t the nosy type that will be going through any mail left out, looking at paystubs left about, etc. Many people have family act as childcare and no one seems to frown on that.

    • Calico

      I wonder if people would feel differently about this if your BF were a woman. My uncle married a woman whose mother comes in unannounced and cleans their entire house while they’re away at work. The MIL did this for her daughter when she was single and working as well. From what I can tell it’s a cultural difference. The MIL does not insert herself in their lives in any other way and seems genuinely happy to help out her family.

    • Mischief Managed

      I’m going to be the voice of dissent and say that this wouldn’t really bother me much, as long as I knew when she was coming ahead of time and she didn’t otherwise rub me the wrong way. It’s weird, sure, but I hate cleaning and cooking enough that I would be happy to reap the benefits of this weird situation.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Same. As long as I knew when she was coming and she didn’t otherwise bother me, I’d be fine with it. But I too hate cooking and cleaning.

    • AIMS

      I think everyone is right – now is the perfect time to stop this. But also agree that you should make it clear that she is still welcome for say a weekly dinner. This way you’re making it clear she is still going to be involved in your life but no more cleaning.

    • BB

      Honestly, you’re getting a ton of “no way, NEVER” comments and some “feels fine” comments. Here’s how I see it: YOU have to decide for yourself what your gut reaction to this is!

      Maybe you’re fine with it due to cultural reasons, in which case awesome. I can tell you though that this is one of those things that you are probably not going to just “get used to” if it already feels awkward to you now. It is very much a deep seated cultural / you have to have been raised with it thing.

    • Dulcinea

      I would be really uncomfortable with her cleaning up after me, and buying my food. Plus also I like my privacy.

    • Unicorn

      Just wanted to add that if you do agree to it for now, maybe you can ask her to set a specific day she comes (without making her sound like a housekeeper) so you know when you need to make sure you don’t leave $exy lingerie laying around and what not?

    • Bee

      Do you know if MIL would want to continue to do this if you moved in with BF? It’s one thing to pick up after and feed your own kid; it’s another to clean up after and feed a couple.

      I’d also be concerned about potential gender dynamics here – does MIL think she’s doing this for her son because he’s a man and men can’t clean up after/cook for themselves, but that a wife should take over all household responsibilities? Will MIL resent you or think you’re not good enough for her son if you’re not doing your “wifely duties”?

      I’d also be a touch concerned that BF hadn’t thought about this issue. Maybe you can take this as an opportunity to have larger discussions about turning “his” home into “your” (together) home.

    • Sundae Funday

      This would not make me uncomfortable and sounds like a dream come true!

    • anon3

      So.. I’m a 28 year old woman guilty of my mom helping me out and doing this. Mostly when I’m really busy.. but my mom will stop by during the day some times and do laundry, put groceries into my fridge (with my money that I leave her) or cook something and stick it in the fridge for me to heat up when I come home. She also plays with my cat sometimes and watches TV on my big TV and takes a long bath. In any case, I’m home so little that I rarely run into her during some of these visits and she always lets me know ahead of time so it hasn’t been a worry. If I had an SO living with me, I’d be open to stopping, but honestly it’s not a big deal and I don’t think it always needs to be interpreted as she now has some hold/control over my life just because she wants to help me out and put some food in the fridge.

    • Hey, hey!

      I think that you have to decide what matters to *you* and do whatever is necessary for your own situation.

      That said, I would strongly encourage you to not alienate her and, if you do decide to put a stop to this, tell her in a way that continues to make her feel included and loved. In many, many cultures, these types of things, along with much closer familial ties/behaviors, are absolutely the norm. (For example, I am from a Central European country and now live in the US, and this would not really bother me that much, along with many other things I bet most US-based peeps would find gasp-inducingly intrusive.)

  9. tazdevil

    Just wondering if I am the only one here who finds Cupcakes and Cashmere overly precious? I hate read this blog, whose main theme is “I’m thin! I’m blond! I’m preggers! My life is perfect!” This is contrast to the cool intersting women who are Corporette, many of whom have overcome signigicant emotional, financial and other issues and are not ashamed to admit that they are not perfect here.

    • houda

      I: short, african, chubby never been kissed (you know complete opposite of anything that CC stands for).
      But I like to look at the pictures. TBH, I never bother reading anything but I like looking at the pretty arrangements even if I know that nobody has pencils which are all facing the same way and never been sharpened.
      Some blogs are made for reading when others are just eye candy.

    • Goosebumpy

      This is late, but I wanted to tell you that you’re not alone! I hate-read her, too.

    • anon prof

      It’s not even a great blog, imho. I do not understand how it gets the traffic it does. I suppose my lifestyle is just too different from hers to find it interesting or relevant.

  10. letting a friend down easily?

    How do you let down friends who ask to borrow clothes from you? I’m in the just-barely-out-of-college age range where borrowing clothes still seems to be common but I have never really been big into the loaning-clothes thing.

    As the only one of my friends with several black tie gowns, I’m finding myself getting asked routinely by different friends to borrow the dresses for a one-off event that they have to attend (ie they wouldn’t have need enough to buy a dress, and I know that Rent the Runway would be a big hit from a starting paycheck for them). Not only do I not want to share my clothing, but these are also articles of clothing that are extremely expensive by my standards, and are ones that I hope to keep pristine enough to wear for a very long time. How do I say no, while still being nice and not letting my friends feel like I value my clothing more than their friendship?

    I’m finding that the old “oh too bad this is so last minute- it’s at the dry cleaners!” trick I used in college doesn’t work when they are asking about the dresses several weeks in advance…

    • Anon

      Uhh it does sound like you do value your dresses more than your friends. I understand not letting every random person who asks you borrow your clothes, but for your close friends, I don’t see the problem unless they have a habit of destroying things.

      FWIW my friends and I do lend each other things like dresses for weddings or black tie events and personally, I always feel really special when my friends ask to wear my clothes.

      • tesyaa

        See below. I KNOW I don’t value my clothing more than my daughters, but I don’t lend to them, either.

      • Anon2

        I may get lot of flak for this, but I don’t lend or borrow any piece of clothing from my friends/sister etc regardless of the price. But I love my sisters/friends more than my clothes. I just don’t feel comfortable doing so as I feel clothing is very personal, like a toothbrush. I have lent my jewelry (which is generally more expensive than clothing) many times though as sharing jewelry doesn’t make me uncomfortable.

    • tesyaa

      Friendship is about way more than clothing, so no reason they should assume you value your clothing more than their friendship. Just say no. You can say it’s not personal and you no longer share your clothing with anyone, so they don’t think it’s directed at them alone.

      If they take offense, they are the ones who are not being reasonable friends.

      My daughters constantly share clothes, but I refuse to share mine with them because I take very good care of my things and they, well, don’t. It’s not even a question of expensive items; I’m very careful to keep my white t-shirts white, and I know from experience that my shirts will come back with yellow stains. No thanks!

    • Calico

      I had this problem too at your age. Luckily the requests get less and less as people age/acquire more money. Why not try some version of, “Oh! I’m sorry I can’t help you. I recently lent something out that came back damaged and I realized I didn’t want to be in this position with friends. I hope you understand.”

      • Ginjury

        Is the issue that you’re afraid that they’ll ruin your expensive dress or that you just don’t want to share? I can understand being concerned that a dress will come back ruined because that makes the process of replacing it awkward since not everyone would take on that responsibility.

        I wouldn’t necessarily lie like Calico suggests (not for moral reasons, but because if I said that to my friends, they’d expect more details). I do think you could just say that these are expensive dresses and you don’t feel comfortable lending them out because, if something were to happen to them, you’d want the dress replaced and you don’t want to put that kind of financial pressure on a friend. Put the blame on your selfishness or whatever. Then, if they say they’ll replace it if anything happens, take them at their word.

        • Missk

          I think it’s weird that your friends are asking (I’ve only borrowed from friends who offered first), and you should be able to say no without giving a reason, but in addition to the replacement cost, you could also point out that you would have trouble replacing it if anything were to happen.

    • Flying Squirrel

      Why not just be straightforward? I won’t comment on whether you should say no (I’m assuming you’ve got your reasons since you know that they don’t really have an alternative but still prefer not to loan them out). If they are good enough friends to ask to borrow a really expensive (from their POV) item (expensive enough that even renting it would be unaffordable), then they should understand you are not just being mean-spirited by not loaning them out. Your reasoning of wanting to keep things in good shape makes sense to me. I actually find it odd that so many of your friends are asking to borrow these things when it’s clear they couldn’t replace them if damaged.

      • animal print

        I find it odd too. I’ve never had anyone ask to borrow things from me, nor have I ever borrowed clothes from friends.

      • Unicorn

        +1 …. if they’re close enough friends to borrow your clothes, they should be close enough friends to say: “I’m sorry but these are articles of clothing that are extremely expensive by my standards, and are ones that I hope to keep pristine enough to wear for a very long time. I hope you understand. Have a great time at the event!”

        And let that be that.

    • Pesh

      Two possible routes you could go here…the truth broken in a gentle way or a white lie:

      1. Sorry, that dress is really special to me, so I love you, but I’m not comfortable lending it out

      2. The last time I let someone borrow one of my dresses, they spilled something on it, so I decided not lend them out anymore. Sorry!

      • Carly

        No. 2 is the route I take when people ask to borrow my car for the day to go on a road trip. Happens more than I would have ever believed.

    • Parfait

      What you need is to be friends with people who don’t wear the same size.

      • Senior Attorney

        What you need is to be friends with people who don’t wear the same size.

  11. Julia

    I never borrowed clothes or had people borrow from me…people asked when I was in college, but I always said no. My stuff is my stuff! ( might be an only child thing.) but you can just say no, politely, make an excuse if you want, but in the end, they are your clothes and you don’t have to justify your feelings or actions. ( I have let some people borrow items of jewelry.)

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