Coffee Break: ‘Munich Tapisserie Boston’ Leather Tote

95 Comments

1. Recommendations for a court-appropriate tote and/or rolling lit bag? I’ve been using my Longchamp as my court tote but I have a feeling that’s a little dated. The tote should fit a 13″ laptop, letter-sized redweld, and wallet, but shouldn’t be so big that I’ll look like a beast of burden if I’m also bringing a rolling lit bag. I’m also considering getting my own lit bag because they’re in short supply in my office and all the partners seem to have their own.

   1. Try eBags – they have several “regulation” rolling lit bags made out of black ballistic nylon that have laptop sleeves, interior pockets, an outside pocket for legal pads, post-its, etc. and side saddlebag pockets suitable for bottled water or wet umbrellas. Also, 12% off through Ebates today; they probably will have double cash back on Friday. Your net spend should be about $120 (and my office reimburses the cost).

   2. I have a rolling bag that come’s from TUMI that Rosa got for me at Bloomie’s. It is great, ever since my associate left, I have to carry my own stuff to court. I am looking for a young associate, mabye female, that can doubel for me in court and is acceptable to the judge. The manageing partner has been interviewing 2nd year associate’s from big firm’s, but they do NOT want to come here. FOOEY b/c I want someone to carry my lit bag, even with the rollie’s.

   3. Tumi

2. I’ve had my eye on this for a while but it’s sold out in my size and has not come back. Anyone know of a dupe? I am not sure it’s worth the price, but I really want a nice, thick, flattering shirt that will last a long time, and that’s what I hoped this would be. I also want it to be long-ish, like mid-hip.

   http://tnuck.com/collections/ladies-tops-tees/products/navy-classic-crewneck-top-1

   1. Looks like something you might find at Everlane?

   2. I have almost the identical thing from Gap. If I recall correctly the fabric was quite similar – I was specifically looking for modal. Target (Merona) makes an equally soft but less structured (if a knit can be structured – it stretches out more between washes is what I mean) approximation for about 12 bucks.

3. Advice wording an email/phone call would be much appreciated.

   Received a job offer from Company A this morning (whoo!) and was asked to respond “in the next few days.” I had a great interview at Company B and was promised a decision at week’s end. I would rather have Job B. Salary/benefits are not highly negotiable for a number of reasons, so just assume they won’t change. I want to tell Job B that I have another offer in the hopes that they’ll expedite a decision, but don’t want to seem like I’m threatening them or am positive they’ll hire me (I’m not, it’s a very competitive decision).

   I don’t consider accepting Job A and then reneging an option, and I’d rather not ask Job A for more time. Thoughts?

   1. Can you say that you’ll be traveling where there is iffy cell service and may not be able to reach appropriate people prior to Monday while you consider the offer, but that you will let them know next week? And then try to see where you stand with B (but their people may be on travel, too)?

   2. I think you need to get a firm answer from Job A about when they need a response. You don’t need to phrase it as asking for more time, just ask when they need to know by. Then send Job B an email that says something like “I’ve received an offer from Job A and I need to reply by X date. I’m very interested in the opportunity to work for Company B, but won’t be able to consider an offer from you unless I receive it by __.”

      1. Totally agree. Lying/toying with A doesn’t seem like an option to me, since it’s a) still a very real possibility they’ll be my next employer and b) unprofessional in any case.

   3. Informing a place you’re interviewing that you have another offer is a very normal thing. They’re not going to think you’re threatening them or are being arrogant.

      1. Yep.

      2. Only caveat to this is judicial clerkships. They very well may pull an offer if you do not accept the first one you get in favor of waiting for another (particularly of the same level court).

      3. Agreed. I have done this and they have always told me they appreciated knowing the information. Two made offers and one still wasn’t ready (that position wasn’t filled for another 4 months).

         I would try something like this to B: “Hello, I’m sure this is a busy holiday week for you, but I wanted to update you on my end. I have been in the advanced stages of the interview process at a few other opportunities and received an offer this morning from one of them. Candidly, I am still interested in a position with Company B, but obviously will not be able to consider an offer if it comes after Deadline to Respond. Please do not hesitate to reach out should you have further questions or need an additional interview. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!” I would say this with a polite tone, nothing curt to make it sound like a threat or put someone on the spot- you are simply informing them of new circumstances, that’s all! Nothing arrogant or threatening about it.

         1. OP here.

            Love this wording, thank you! I especially like the ‘will not be able to consider an offer if it comes after xx/xx/xx’ language.

            1. That was pulled from someone else’s above, so I can’t take full credit! (Also, on reading it again, I would say “unfortunately* will not be able to consider” instead of “obviously.”)

   4. I would let B know that you have another offer in hand and see if they can expedite their decision-making process at all. I would also get a firmer deadline from A on when they need a response on, and share that deadline with B (if possible). My husband was just in a similar situation (had an offer from A but preferred B, who hadn’t gotten back to him yet), and was able to get B to get back to him with a very strong offer less than 24 hours after he delivered this message.

4. I am tired of trying to dress up and having to wear uncomfortable shoes and be cold.

   I am on borderline IDGAF and want to wear a LBD, some tights if truly cold, and these:
   http://www.thefryecompany.com/deborah-studded-tall/d/77860C798?CategoryId=144

   That is all.

   1. Ummm this sounds like a really cool outfit. Do it.

   2. I have the short version of these and they are fabulous (and always get lots of positive comments).

      1. How durable are they? I expect Fryes to last decades and I tend to shed bling off of sparkly things.

         I’m not a gold girl and yet the gold ones beckon . . .

         1. They seem pretty durable to me, but I’ll be honest, it’s not like I wear them every day. I’ve had them about 2 years and they look the same as when I got them.

   3. OMG I want those so so bad!!

   4. If I was at a holiday party and saw you wearing the outfit you described, including those fantastic boots, I’d definitely want to strike up a conversation with you. Go for it!

   5. Those are amazing.

5. Men just don’t realize how good they have it. Can you imagine even one day when every time a man was a mansplainy jerk the women in his life said “do it yourself you mansplainy jerk!” They’d die.

   1. I was sipping tea and just spit it out. Hahaha.

   2. My own boyfriend blithely and unaware sometimes mansplains to me. About things in my professional field (we are in the same field). Sometimes I calmly say, ‘as you know, I am well aware that X’ but occasionally I say ‘JFC! I know X!’

      1. And this is why I broke up with the last guy I dated. We were both in law school and he mansplained LITERALLY EVERYTHING to me. Including the area I’d been working in for the entirety of law school that he had NO familiarity with. To top it off, he mansplained my cancer to me. That was about the last time we talked, actually. I had had enough and told him off and broke up. He was pretty terrible in many, many other ways, but that was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. He still doesn’t understand why I was so offended.

         1. Sounds like you’re well shot of him. Congratulations!

      2. I had a classmate like this. He LOVES to say “. . . that is to say” after already having said what he was trying to say. Dang it, man. We were all in class with you.

         He was the gunner, but still.

      3. What is this called when there is no sexist connotation? Just being a condescending know-it-all? I know a woman that does this so bad and I can’t put my finger on what to call it.

      4. Blue Collar non-metro bf came up behind me at the nail salon while I was picking out a color and mansplained to me that I should pick a nail color that goes with black OR brown. Um I didn’t ask you brah. Later he said I did a good job. WTF are you talking about?

         1. Love this story :)

   3. I have one or two male co-workers that man-splain. OK, there is really just one that comes to mind.

      I always ask myself it he is like this with his significant other. How does she take it, if so? Does she realize he is an a$$hat (big interrupter of women too)?

   4. I’ve seen it proposed (I think it was a Toast commenter?) that women carry bright pink NFL penalty flags and throw them out for mansplaining and similar offenses.

6. I want a new fun nail polish color. What are your current favorites?

   1. Popular Vote, Madame President, Vamp, For the Twill of It, and British Racing Green

   2. O.PI. This Silver’s Mine, if you do gels.

   3. TJ on this, but has anyone tried the Essie Gel Couture line? I’m not committed enough to get actual gel manicures, but my polish chips as soon as I look at it, and I was thinking that might be a good option to make polish last for 5 days instead of 1.

      1. The Essie gel polishes are good. It definitely extends the wear of my nail polish, but is not as hard to remove as shellac polish applied at a nail salon. I actually find the formulas of the Essie gel polishes a bit thicker and easier to apply evenly.

         1. Nice. I’ll start replacing my polish collection with the gel ones as my bottles go empty.

         2. +1. I like them a lot, they definitely extend the wear of my manicure. Not quite as long as a gel, but I’m pretty hard on my nails, and I’ve been very impressed.

   4. I did brick red. It’s all over the place I love it.

   5. I really like to colors from Sun Polish, a new brand. Very modern. (Link to follow).

      1. https://www.sunpolish.com/collections/all

7. You guys, Target is having an amazing deal today on health/beauty items – 25% off with code BEAUTY, plus free shipping on all orders. Loads of stuff are on sale already before this coupon – so for example, I’m buying Clarisonic brush head replacements that are on sale 2 for $40.49 so after coupon it’s 2 for $30.37. Considering I usually pay $27 per brush, I’m saving almost 50%. So just a heads up if you want to check out the sale!

   1. Oh, I had no idea they had brush heads there. It didn’t even occur to me to look. I already stocked up on my face wash and mascara this morning but I might have to make another purchase.

   2. Wow, thanks!

   3. I need to check if it’s online only or in store. I need to pick up more pureology shampoo and conditioner.

8. Can you help me look less frumpy?

   I’m realizing that my outfits don’t really have the right final piece. What is the topper/sweater/blazer etc.. that I need?

   I am a slender high-waisted pear shape. No boobs so XS on top with small waist, then 4-6 on the bottom

   I rarely wear suits, and blazers never fit off the rack. My sweaters all seem to look bland or unflattering. Not sure if it is they are the wrong cut/neck/length.

   If you have my shape, what do you wear? I feel even more dowdy in winter as my sweaters get thicker/heavier and I look shapeless.

   1. Necklaces (especially those that are long enough/heavy enough to give some shape to the sweater, which I’m explaining badly but is a thing), cool shoes, cool bracelets that peek out from under the sweater, dangly earrings, printed pants.

      1. I appreciate these details. Thank you. I was so focused on a topper since I am always freezing, that I forget about the power of these small details.

   2. I like bulky cropped (so to b/w waist and hip) sweaters and straight-leg pants and 2-inch chunky heels. Makes me look longer and leaner.

      Or I do a duster sweater and an above-the-knee shift and tall flat boots. Again — straight vertical lines.

      The MM LaFleur Etsuko works on me. I may be your size, but I wear an 8 in this dress with no alterations.

      Banana wool suiting works on me — 6 pants and 4P jacket. I need a jacket with 2 buttons to give me some shape.

      1. Thank you for these specific recs. Maybe my sweaters are all too long…. I need

         I have wanted to buy MM LaFleur, but have practically given up on dresses because of my pear shape. So I really appreciate you pointing this out.

         You know, I haven’t explored petite sizes, since I am relatively tall (5′ 7″), but maybe because of my small top/short waist, I shouldn’t be for jackets. Great recs. Thanks again.

   3. Drape a scarf over the sweater to break up the big solid block of color. That works wonders. Exactly how to do the drape depends on the material and shape of the scarf. I usually pick a subtly patterned scarf where 1 color in the pattern matches the color of the sweater. In my case, all my scarves have either a trace of gray or black in the pattern, so all of my scarves match all of my clothing.

      1. I do like scarves, and need to get more that have the right colors for me. I inherited all of my mother’s scarves, but her colors were cream/tan/olive etc.. while I need the black/grey/white. So her scarves don’t work for me.

         Do you have a favorite place to pick up scarves?

         Great advice.

         1. The Vivienne files blog always has great scarf suggestions at a variety of price points and colors. Since I started checking it out I am able to put more pieces together, which looks more polished.

   4. I have exactly your shape!!
      High waisted, XS or S on top, size 4 on bottom, height 5’5′. I look best in Boden dresses. I wear them everytime I have a big meeting or presentation or conference etc. It’s the one time I can have a no-brainer decision in the morning and not feel bad later that I didn’t accessorize right or look frumpy.
      The exact type of dress that looks good on me:
      – high, closed neck (I used to wear wraps and V necks for the longest time, but this looks so much better!)
      – high waist, just a simple line stitch that defines the waist on the dress (don’t know the technical name of this)
      – slight pleats at the waistline (no waist tie, no sheath shape), I also stride when I walk and like the room

      Examples: (google images)
      Boden Betty Ottoman dress
      Maggie Ottoman dress
      Kensington day dress
      Martha tweed dress

      I wear the same thing in winter only with tights and boots.

      1. I haven’t tried Boden yet, and appreciate this rec. I will definitely try these, and am glad to hear they work with tights too.

         I would love to be able to put on a dress and call it a day…

         Thank you!

         1. I’m a fairly similar body type and agree that Boden fits really well.

      2. Here’s a target dress that fulfils all my criteria above, down to the waist stitch line.
         http://www.target.com/p/women-s-capsleeve-bi-stretch-twill-occupational-dress-black-4-merona/-/A-50940425
         Might buy it for myself, wish it came in more colors.

         1. That is a great find! Also, LOL @ “occupational dress”.

      3. I will say that I am a pear with a short body and long legs and Boden makes me look pregnant. The waist placement + tummy = baby bump.

         Uniqlo dresses (in M) have worked well on me as have DVF shifts (but not sheaths (to flat) or wraps (too flat)).

         I also just got a Lands End Canvas wool sheath that I love (in a 6, had to get the top taken in substantially).

         Also, for more casual dresses, I am an Athleta S and they work really well for me (burgundy ponte dress).

         1. Thanks!

   5. We have the same body. I love Ann Taylor petite a-lines and Eileen Fisher shifts. I’m not too fond of fit and flares — I think the large skirts err on the side of too frumpy. I’m surprised blazers don’t fit you. Have you looked at petite? I’m 5’4″ but because I’m so high waisted most of my tops are petite sized. Also, I prefer blazers that have two slits in the back toward the sides instead of one slit directly in the back (that accentuates my rear).

      1. Thanks for this. I agree with your preference of A-lines and shift dresses. I realize now I should look at petites more. I think I avoided petites because I assumed they would be too short…. Very useful rec on the two slits in the back Blazers.

         Any favorites for Blazers?

         1. I love my Banana suiting blazer from a few years ago. I gained weight and got a larger one and they cheapened it and now it’s a single slit instead of two =(. My favorite non-suiting blazers are all thrifted from high end designers so I’m not sure which brands currently make nice affordable ones.

   6. Same body over here. I stick with sheath dresses and large statement necklaces – which are “out”, according to the internet. My small shoulders look better with necklines similar to cap sleeves, off-shoulder, or big cowl neck scarves or tops. For cocktail stuff – never strapless or halter. I always look more put together with something voluminous up top to balance it out.

      Blazers, no matter how expensive or well-made, look awful on me. If I absolutely must find a blazer, I go for very clean lines, boxy, and collarless. A long topper style works well. https://www.lyst.com/clothing/halogen-textured-collarless-topper-black-dot-pattern/

   7. Kinda late on this, but I have the same body type and issues with dresses. I just go ahead and count the alteration cost in the purchase price. Getting the top taken in to fit makes a world of difference.

9. Those whole phone surveys on the ACA are true:

   http://www.snopes.com/paul-ryan-conducting-obamacare-phone-survey/

   I just tried it. Called (202) 225-06oo. Press 2 when the recording comes on and then 1 to support the ACA. Very simple!

   I still think calling our senators and representatives is among the best ways to be heard but it’s still a small and easy thing to do!

   1. Yay! I did it from my workplace in an open floor plan and I didn’t need to say a word! Thanks.

   2. Not working for me. I’m just getting a voicemail to leave Paul Ryan a message.

      1. Same here

      2. I got that, too, because I listened to the whole thing and then hung up and tried again and pressed 2 right when the message started playing and it worked. It had a different message and then prompted you to press 1 or 2. The article link has another phone number if that’s the difference.

10. Hi, guys. So, I have this romantic idea that, once you start living together with your partner, it is like a big party all the time and we spend all our time together. I may be overly excitable about this. For those of you who remember the change after moving in together, did you have these kinds of expectations? For example, if you were to spend the whole day at home together, do you spend the entire time doing things together? It rationally does not make sense (I want to read, for example), but I still have these expectations of party-all-the-time. Thanks in advance for your thoughts and comments.

    1. Ok, so have done this in the past 8 months or so, so take most of this with a grain of salt. We also live in a small apartment, so there’s only really one room to be in.

       We are usually in the same room, but doing separate things. He’s watching YouTube while I read, or he’s baking while I play Pokemon (our actual evening last night. )

       I don’t think I had “party all the time” expectations but there were quite a few “man this will be so much easier once we’re in the same place” expectations.

    2. Well, when you don’t live together, most of the time when you do spend time together it’s designated “hanging out” time. But when you do live together, some of that time has to be doing chores, having personal time, etc. So we probably do stuff together a bit more now that we live together, but ultimately we will spend time doing our own thing, and that’s a good thing!

       1. Yeah, I think you need to have conversations about what you prefer to do alone and how much alone time you need. My husband does not like to grocery shop and isn’t very helpful or companionable if I do drag him along. It’s fine with me to shop alone because I can spend as much time as I want looking at things without him getting bored. For other chores, like cleaning the kitchen or folding clothes, we may do that together or at least stay in the same room working on our own task even if we aren’t actually talking.
          Transition times are another time that it can get sticky. What’s your preference for interaction when you wake up or when you walk in the door after a long day? A lot of people need a few minutes to transition and don’t react well when someone is immediately trying to engage them. It’s not a personal affront, but having an understanding of what your partner needs will go a long way towards preventing squabbles.

          1. My husband hates grocery shopping too. We drive to the market, I do the shopping and he goes to Starbucks, has a coffee and reads. He says it’s the most relaxing time of the week for him.

    3. Well, assuming you both work outside the home and sleep ~8 hours a day, you’re probably looking at only being home together and awake for about 4-6 hours on weekdays (maybe less, depending on how much you work and how long your commute is). A lot of that time is filled with chores, personal care and maybe checking work email, so you’re not really hanging out that much during the week. We do tend to spend a lot of time together on weekends. We usually go out to brunch at least once and dinner at least once (sometimes with friends, sometimes without) and then we spend time watching TV together, taking our dog on long walks, etc. But we’re introverts and I think a lot of people spend a lot less time together than we do. I enjoy being able to spend so much time with my husband and I certainly love seeing him first thing every morning and last thing every night, but I definitely wouldn’t describe it as “party all the time.”

    4. I definitely did not have those sorts of expectations, and if I had, living with a partner would not have lived up to them. In most cases, I think trying to spend all your time together would be suffocating. For me, the key to successful cohabitation was making sure you each still had plenty of space (both physical, like your own office and man/woman cave when possible, and time space, when you each do your own things). I feel like cohabitation is about the same as your relationship before (assuming you weren’t long distance) except you add convenience because you don’t have to commute to see each other or maintain two households, and lose a little romance because you have to share chores and pay/argue about bills and things. Not that it can’t be fun (and it should be often) but having realistic expectations and healthy behaviors is key.

    5. Lol what?!? Absolutely not. God that sounds awful. We still work and have chores to do and do our own thing. We are adults sharing a living space not little girls at a sleepover!

    6. My first year living with my SO was the farthest thing from party time – I absolutely hated it. After many years living together I have mellowed and really enjoy having him around, but we’re not exchanging witty repartee 24/7. We spend most evenings at home together, eat together, and then each do separate things sometimes in the same room sometimes not. We always chat for a bit when we first get home and while we’re eating and when we’re getting ready for bed/in bed. We spend 2 to 3 evenings a week apart from each other doing hobbies or spending time with separate friends/family.

    7. Honestly, it was fantastic for my relationship when we moved into a house from a studio apartment. 24/7 togetherness was too much!

    8. Have you ever lived with a roommate? Yeah, it’s like that, except you sleep in the same bed most of the time.

       1. What I mean is, you both have tons of stuff to do that you fill your time with. You don’t just suddenly give that up. You still play cell phone games by yourself, or watch TV, or do laundry. And once you’re living together, you may find yourself offering to do something for him since you’re doing it anyway (e.g., laundry or cooking dinner). Just don’t let that get totally one-sided, because you’ll start to resent him for it, while he won’t be thinking about it beyond, “oh yeah that’s nice of you to make dinner.”

          1. +100 to the last sentence. I do 99.9% of cooking, grocery shopping, housework, laundry, etc., and I really wish I didn’t.

             1. Then don’t. Just don’t make dinner tonight. See what happens.

          2. So I always hated living with roommates but have been living together with my SO for over a year now and have been very happy. Much easier coming home to the same home than living out of a gym bag staying at the other’s house. We are pretty good with chores being evenly split. (It goes much faster if we clean at the same time or change the bed together, so we agree on a time to do it together most of the time, barring something big in which the other picks up the slack.) We love to hang out together but also have no issue if one of us wants to go do something separately or with friends. We do have a spare bedroom, which I think helps so one of us can do work while the other watches TV in another room or one of us (me) can exercise with an obnoxious workout video and close the door.

             I think the only snag we have come across is eating. If I know we are coming home around the same time, I am the type that will wait until he gets home to figure out what we are doing for dinner. He does the same 98% of the time, but there have been those 2% of the time that he will call me saying his boss is taking him to dinner and I’m hungry! The solution is (1) him letting me know ahead of time when he can if he is eating separately (2) having backup food options for me so I don’t devolve into hangry.

             I used to be in biglaw and he is in finance so for a long time we were those yuppies that stopped buying groceries because they would rot (or I had a fridge in my office but with snacks like yogurt in it.) Now I am in-house and he was promoted, so slowly getting to a routine of being able to cook at home more. (Even that we will usually split – he makes the chicken while I make the salad and we both clean up. It’s just faster and then we are so appreciative when the other offers to do it entirely like if one has a ton of work or is sick.)

    9. I just got married and when we’re home we’re usually talking and/or sitting together. I love it.

       BUT it’s also stressful negotiating different standards of cleanliness, noise levels, etc.. My (already married) sister warned me, “If you feel like you hate each other for a while after you get married, it doesn’t necessarily mean getting married was a mistake. You’ll get through it.”

       But overall I love being married so much.

11. My state has a 6 month waiting period for divorce. My ex and I filed last spring. Amicable divorce, fairly straightforward settlement agreement. Right before the end of the wait period the court sent my ex’s petition back because he didn’t date above his signature, so he filed an amended petition. This was over a month ago. I figured it hadn’t been processed due to a backlog.

    I called two weeks ago to check the status, and the clerk said she didn’t know my file specifically but yes there is a backlog and it’s been taking some time. I called back last week and talked to a different clerk, who actually pulled my file. The clerk said there was $ owing for a filing fee so the file had been set aside, but no one was informed and the file had just been sitting there for over a month! So I leave work right away and rush down to the courthouse to pay the fee. The desk person is confused and says there is no balance owing. She finds the clerk I talked to, they look at the file, and sure enough everything had been in order. They let the file sit on a desk for a whole month due to their error! I tried to be polite, but asked if they could expedite having the judgment signed and entered since the delay was their fault. They said they would send it up right away (and the online records confirm that was done the same day), but that the commissioner would still need to review and then the judge sign.

    It’s been another week since then, and I am obsessively checking the online records about every 30 minutes to see if it’s done yet. I just want to get this done and behind me. Argh!!!!!!!!

    1. Arggh that sounds awful. Hope it’s final soon.

    2. One time, I had a filing. Statute says something about certain things being accepted “at the clerk’s discretion.”

       I called to ask if clerk would accept. Clerk said she couldn’t give me legal advice.

       about 30% of my life is some variation of this.

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