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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 353 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Slub Suiting Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. navy slub blazer rebecca taylorOooh: this slub suiting jacket from Rebecca Taylor looks kind of awesome if you want a simple but slightly feminine blazer. I like the puff sleeves (they're coming back!), the wider lapel, and the shape to it. Rebecca Taylor has it in navy and a nice light pink, marked from $450 to $279; Bloomingdale's, Saks, and Neiman Marcus also have the blazer in navy marked to $270. (There are also matching pants on sale at Rebecca Taylor, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, or Saks, but annoyingly, no store has a full shot of the pants with the blazer.) Pictured: Slub Suiting Jacket Here's a navy blazer in plus and petite plus sizes; this plus size cobalt blazer has a nice fitted look if you want something a bit different. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Mailbox Help

    How do you all organize bills and mail, daycare papers, etc? How much do you throw out or save? Most of my bills still come by mail (I prefer that to email because they’re less likely to be overlooked) and I’ll sit down once a week to pay them but then what? I tell myself I’ll file them but never do so they end up in a very tall pile that I dump into a box about once a year. I find I only need something from the pile a couple times a year. I feel like I’m holding on to way too much paper but always worry I’ll need something later.

    • Anonymous

      What? You’re not 90 right? Get all your bills on electronic auto-pay. And you don’t need to save any of them. Just throw it all away.

      • Anonymous

        Not everyone is comfortable auto-paying…things get hacked. Also my parents were audited and they were very happy they saved a years worth of bills…

          • Anonymous

            1 years back does not a hoarder make. It takes all of two seconds to manually pay a bill online to check that the amount is correct.

        • Anonymous

          News flash. If you do electronic bills they are saved on line like magic.

          • a lawyer

            Chase went down for about 4 days when I was trying to do taxes. Never again do I rely only on electronic copies stored with the company. I have a fujitsu scansnap and scan and save electronic copies of the bills for tax purposes. I shred after several years. You can also save electronic copies directly but I learned the hard way that these copies (from my bank) were not actually in accessible pdf format. P.S. I’m pushing 60.

        • anon

          FYI, stealing checks is a much more common and easier way to commit identity theft.

          • Anonymous

            +1 million. A few years ago we used to pay our rent by dropping a check in a small mailbox at our apartment complex. Apparently a thief stole a whole bunch of checks, including ours, out of the mailbox and drained all the accounts. We eventually recovered the money that was stolen, but it was a huge hassle – we had to spend hours on the phone with the local police and FBI and the banks and we had to open new accounts with new #s and switch over all our auto payments. As young, recently graduated people who literally didn’t have any assets other than what was the drained bank account, it was unbelievably stressful (my parents loaned us money before we got it back and I don’t know what we would have done if not for that). I have paid all bills electronically since then except when it’s absolutely not possible.

      • Anonymous

        Eh, I work in the technology field and I don’t have my bills on auto pay. Not because I think they’ll get hacked or anything but just because when they’re on auto pay it’s really easy to forget that amount of money is coming out of your budget. Going into the system every time I get a bill and paying it from my account forces me to have a sense of how much money I’m spending on utilities and it’s significant (about $800/month on average). Knowing my exact expenses and seeing the money actually taken each month helps me cut down frivolous spending.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Yes, I agree about it being a smart financial move. It also meant I caught (ugh) Comcast more than doubling my bill last month before I’d paid, so I was able to negotiate down.

        • cbackson

          FWIW…using checks is really unsafe from a data security perspective. All of the information that is necessary to drain your bank account is present on a check. I never, ever use checks unless I have no other option.

      • Trollhunter

        Why are you attacking an internet stranger for the way she may or may not pay her bills? You must be Trollnonymous 2.0 (or maybe you’re just her after a brief period of quiet). You are not helpful.

    • Cb

      Definitely move towards electronic payment but I think it’s totally logical to have a file box for each year. You’ll spend more time creating files / sorting / organising than you would digging through a year’s worth of paperwork, particularly if you reduce your overall volume.

      • Paper files

        This is me. I have an expanding folder, when I pay a bill I file it in the folder, front to back. I label it and 18 months after the end of the year I toss all the papers in it, unless I need to save something longer than that.

    • Anonymous

      Keep your utility bills for a year at most (toss anything older). I’d probably hold on to the bill I just paid until the next one comes, in case there are any discrepancies to clear up.

      I also continue to get bills by mail – I like the exercise of sitting down and writing out the checks. Though, my internet bill is autopaid by a credit card. I’ll only do auto-pay on a credit card though – I’ve seen some (probably isolated) cases where auto-pay by bank account didn’t get shut-off as requested and would rather have the buffer a CC provides than an auto pay against my actual money. Shrug. I’m happy being a luddite in this regard.

      • Anonymous

        Many of my utilities would charge me something like $2.50 each time for using a credit card so I have to mail a check (no) or pay electronically via bank account. I do the latter but it’s annoying. I want the reward points and also the peace of mind that a CC company provides.

      • mascot

        I don’t like auto-pay either and avoid it when possible. This trend of giving a discount for setting up auto-pay annoys me. I can pay my cable bill on-time, on my own, thank you very much. Online banking with electronic/paperless bill pay is a good solution to reduce paper and to prevent me losing things in my paper pile. I can log into my account, review the bills, and make electronic payments. I also have access to copies of old bills through the banking interface.

    • Anonymous

      I prefer electronic bills but I can’t get all my bills delivered that way, so I still get a couple in the mail. I hang onto them for about a year and then toss them. But since I just get two bills/month this way, it’s not a huge amount of paper even by the end of a year. In your situation I might toss them once they’re paid. And anything with a credit card number or account info on it should be shredded to be safe.

    • SC

      Agreed, I put my bills on auto-pay. For bills that can’t be on auto-pay (doctor’s bills, professional services, home repairs), I write “paid” and the date at the bottom of the bill and keep it in a pile until I confirm my credit card has been charged or a check has been paid. I throw away any paid bill unless it’s tax deductible or there’s another good reason to keep it (for example, reimbursing myself out of HSA, which is subject to audit). I keep a file folder labeled “tax deductible” in my desk drawer and throw it all in there. I don’t both organizing it until the spring, when I give it to my accountant. After he prepares my taxes, all of the paperwork goes into a tax return folder for each year.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I used to be the same (afraid to get online billing, because it might get lost in my deluge of email). But I (mostly) remedied this by getting my personal email inbox empty. I archive anything I don’t actively need and use filters to get everything into subfolders. Any spam or marketing email gets filtered so I don’t see it. Takes work on the front end, but it really streamlined the process for me, and now there’s no way for bills and other important emails to get “lost”.

      As for everything else, if it’s mail that takes less than five minutes to take care of, I do it immediately, no excuses. Go through your mail right away and sort into toss, deal with now, and deal with later piles. Everything I can’t do right away gets saved for the weekend in a bin on my desk. I do occasionally skip weekends, but I generally take care of everything in the bin at least every two weeks.

      • SC

        I created an email account specifically for bills, finances, doctor’s offices, (now) daycare, and other business/family matters. One huge advantage is that bills and other important messages don’t get lost in the deluge of personal emails. Also, my husband and I both have the passwords and both get the messages on our phones, so either of us can handle an issue. (By agreement, I usually handle the bills and finances, but if he needed to step in for me, he could do it without much trouble.)

          • Anon

            I did this, too. I have one that I use for nothing but purchasing, so ALL my junk emails, sale flyers, etc., go there, and then one that’s only for personal use.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Oh, and for my papers to file… I try to do this more regularly, but truly, very few papers actually merit filing. We still get paper financial statements for a lot of our investments despite opting out, so I shred those. Anything with an online record can be tossed or shredded.

        Each year after I file our taxes, I go through our filing cabinet and get rid of anything that’s no longer needed. We have one TINY filing drawer on purpose, because it’s easy to justify saving things.

        I used to have a huge folder with the instruction manuals to all of our appliances and kitchen do-dads, until I realized I could just save PDFs of them (easily found online, and I even found one for the 1972 Singer my MIL lent us!). That cut down on a lot of papers.

    • Off-key Valkyrie

      I keep and file itemized medical bills and car repair invoices becausee they’re a helpful record.

      On the medical bills, I often handwrite the date paid; whether it was by mail, online, etc.; and the check number. If I am filing for HSA reimbursement, I’ll write down the claim number, date filed, date the reimbursement came through. Then if I need any of that info, it’s all on one page.

      Other day-to-day mail I usually toss, except that for each bill I keep a file folder with the initial contract or policy and an example of a monthly bill because it shows account numbers and the vendors contact info. I often file the invoice the month that I get around to setting up autopay, so I will add a handwritten note about whether the autopay is through the bank or the vendor, what date I set it up, and whether it starts “this” month or “next”. After that, I only add to the file if I need to dispute a particular bill.
      Taxes I keep, although I’m young enough they don’t need their own cabinet yet.

    • Wordy

      I have a thick accordion file for every year (just a plastic one from Target–can sit up on a bookshelf). My categories are something like: Taxes, Health Care (such as prescriptions), Health Care Bills, Child Care, Child Care Bills, Misc Bills, etc.

      I save all health care and anything tax related for the year. For bills, I try to save one hard copy for each bill, in case I need to quickly find the customer service number, account number, etc — so I have one water bill, one gas bill, one mortage bill, etc.

      Checking, credit card, brokerage statements are all delivered online. I pay all my bills online and –except for the one hard copy I save — as soon as I check that the last month’s payment was received, I shred the bill.

      I have a small shopping bag that I throw everything shreddable into and take it to work every couple of weeks — we have a shredding bin.

      At the end of the year, I put the old accordion file on a closet shelf and start a new one.

      Most important–I try to deal with the mail the day it comes in. Otherwise all the catalogs and junk mail pile up and the pile becomes way more intimidating than it needs to be. (I do have a small wood box by the front door where I put all the bills as they come in and then pay them in chunks.

    • Amelia Bedelia

      Generally (absent fraud or substantial understatements of income), the IRS will only go back three years to ask questions about your finances. So, I adopt a three year approach to all of my financial documents.

    • LunaLu

      I keep a 12 month rotating file system for bills/medical expenses/etc. I have a folder for each month of the year, and when I come to the next month, I shred that month from the previous year. So, for example, we’re coming up on April, so I’ll go in and shred the docs I have saved from April 2016 to make space for those coming in from April 2017. So far, I’ve done this for 4 years, and it’s worked well for me.

      • Yes!

        Yes! Husband and I have the same “filing” system except for a two-year span. Take 24 folders label January-December Even Year and Odd Year.

        We’re currently in the March OddYear folder. As receipts, invoices, packing slips, etc enter the house, they either get recycled or “filed” (aka thrown) into this month’s folder. The beauty of the system is that it saves us the mental energy of categorizing each slip of paper and it is self-culling every two years. When we switch to April Odd Year folder, we’ll shred or permanent-file papers from 2015.

        All tax related items goes in a separate Tax 2017 folder.

    • Bonnie

      I try to schedule the payment online as soon as the bill comes in. I used to keep copies but no longer do so. Will you ever need your electrical or cell phone bill from a year ago. IMO, once I confirm that the bill is accurate, I don’t need it anymore.

    • Jen

      I keep bills for a year and then print out the end of year view online and save only that. It shows my monthly bill & payment for all 12 months.

      I get my bills by a mix of email and paper, but have only one thing on auto pay. Some bills (trash service) don’t have an online option and require mailing a check. Some I receive and review paper then pay online. Some (cell phone) I receive online. My cable and Netflix are on auto pay.

      Should probably write it down in case I get hit by a bus…

    • NOLA

      I bought a really pretty white wooden filing cabinet and put hanging folders in it. I have one for each of the companies or items that I might need to keep bills or receipts, plus hanging files for each month for regular receipts like groceries, clothings, etc. At the end of each year, I pull them all out. I take the file box from five years ago, shred or burn those, and put the previous year’s bills and receipts in the box with the year on top so I can find it easily when I’m looking for it in five years. I have rarely needed to go back to an old box, but I have it, and they don’t take up that much space.

  2. Blazer & shoe shopping

    Anyone feel like doing some vicarious shopping? Two different items:
    1. What are your favorite cropped blazers (ending above the hip) that come in petite sizes? I find that length works best with a lot of my dresses. No color preferences, but I’d prefer not linen because of wrinkles.
    2. I saw a woman with great shoes today on my commute but didn’t get a chance to ask her where they were from. They were taupe pointed-toe flats with a small block heel (maybe one inch) and a really thin ankle strap. I liked them because they were elegant but subtle – often I think that style can look exaggerated, but these didn’t.

  3. DC Happy Hour

    On yesterday’s morning thread about non-alcoholic date ideas, someone suggested, “Instead of happy hour being about booze, treat it like tapas and go for half-priced apps.”
    This sounds really fun (I love food), but I feel like a lot of happy hour apps are greasy/fried or just not that great. Does anyone have recs for places to do this in DC? Bonus points if your pick isn’t crazy crowded, though I know DC loves happy hour…

    • ollie

      Cuba Libre has a great happy hour for food – empanadas, ceviche, guac with plaintain chips. Yum!

      • Baconpancakes

        Mandu for the win.

        Also Tico has great appetizers. And if your friends DO drink, trying to drink out of the porron is hilarious.

    • DC Happy Hour

      These all sound great so far. In fact, they’re making me wish I had happy hour plans tonight…
      Please continue to chime in if you have suggestions!

    • Wildkitten

      This is not an answer to your question, but is some of my strategies to make HH less boozey:

      I have a tendency to go overboard at happy hour (I just have way too much fun) and some of my tips are to alternate alcohol with non-alcoholic drinks. You can get soda water with a splash on grenadine if you want the non-alcoholic beverage to be pretty. I also read something interesting that said to drink IPA at HH. I don’t like IPA, and it’s so hoppy, that you drink it much slower than you would something yummy.

    • DC Anon

      Dollar oysters (and other delicious seafood) at Hank’s Oyster Bar in either Dupont or Cap Hill.

      Dollar oysters at Pennsylvania 6.

      DGS in south Dupont also has a pretty amazing hh spread. Mmmm the fried chicken slider!!!

  4. Cb

    So if there is any doubt that sexism is alive and well, check out today’s Daily Mail cover – focusing on the legs of two political leaders rather than their policies.

    • Anonymous

      The Daily Mail is tabloid trash though and this article was met with a massive public outcry. I’m not condoning it, obviously, but I’m much more concerned about more subtle sexism from more mainstream sources that isn’t immediately decried.

      • Cb

        The Daily Mail is tabloid trash though and this article was met with a massive public outcry. I’m not condoning it, obviously, but I’m much more concerned about more subtle sexism from more mainstream sources that isn’t immediately decried.

    • Never too many shoes...

      The Mail sucks but still, that cover makes me want to just cry. It is 2017 for fecking sake. These women lead *countries*.

    • Anon

      I suspect the article only got published as it was written by the wife of someone who got dumped out the cabinet by TM.

  5. Triangle Pose

    The other day we were discussing dated/out of style jewelry and someone brought up those j. Crew bubble necklaces. I agree they are totally dated but I have at least three in my jewelry collection (gifts, baby shower party favors, etc.) Anyone have any creative ideas of how to repurpose? Either into a more sublte necklace by removing the links, or…maybe taking all the pieces apart and making a picture frame or something?

      • Anon

        I know it’s what I’m going to get reading the comments in this place, but this consumerist attitude makes me so sad. “OMG, that’s so last month how could you possibly wear that throw it in a landfill immediately!”

    • Anonymous

      Can anyone direct me to the date of that conversation? I’m really afraid I’m still wearing pieces that others would consider “dated”… Thanks.

      • S in Chicago

        I missed. But what I’d consider “out” right now–the bubble necklaces, those Kendra Scott Harlow necklaces that were everywhere a few years ago and similar statement necklaces. A lot of the modern costume jewelry (which seems to be more influenced by trend) is more delicate and often layered. For non-costume jewelry, it seems to me like turquoise and pearls are sort of dated. (Pearl studs might not stand out, but it’s unusual to see pearl rings.) Broaches seem dated for the most part. And nothing overly matching–like the “sets” that were so popular in the 80s and 90s. Watch dials were oversized for awhile, and that also appears to be a trend that’s run it’s course. I’m not seeing Michael Kors watches everywhere like I used to. Now folks either don’t wear one or have something higher end but simple in design.

        • Ariadne

          I agree with your points; I have noticed with costume pieces that buying more ‘art gallery’ type costume pieces — such as more ‘artsy’ or ecclectic pieces tend to have more longevity. Personally, I never liked the bubble necklaces to begin with, though I have bought bright colored, simple ‘modern art’ type looking beads (just a simple, shorter strand) for my mom as a gift from when I visited Spain, and it still resonates and does not look dated. Obviously, some things are more current and of the moment, but I still think that if something is well designed, it stands the test of time better. (though of course good design is obviously in the eye of the beholder)

        • NOLA

          I wear a peachy-pink pearl ring with a vintage type setting every day. I get a lot of compliments on it and I don’t think it’s dated looking.

    • anne-on

      I’d donate them. Or, if you know any little girls who like to play dress up, they would probably adore them!

    • Gray

      I was the one, who started that discussion. I don’t have anything like that, but I kept some plastic/wooden/etc beads from my teenage years to maybe sow onto some boring tops for summer. I don’t know. Or wait till my daughter reaches princess age and make cute jewelery with her.

      • Cat

        Ha I was just about to mention that I think even JCrew’s newly released jewelry already looks dated!

      • Triangle Pose

        This looks completely different than the J. Crew bubble necklaces. I don’t like the “bauble” design here either.

      • Anonymous

        This looks pretty different than the iconic bubble necklaces. And I think this is fug also.

    • Wildkitten

      I keep some of my outdated/tacky jewelry if it might be appropriate for very specific circumstances. Example: do you have a green bubble necklace that you never wear but you’re going to wish you had kept next March 17th? Do you have an orange one you hate except you’re going to want to for cheering on the vols? Etc. Some of my random outdated tacky stuff is obnoxiously statement colored that makes it perfect for certain occasions.

  6. SC

    PSA: If anyone needs makeup, Saks has 10% off beauty products (and fragrance) with the code Saks10off, plus free 2-day shipping with Shoprunner, plus 8% cashback with Ebates.

  7. Anon

    What would you do in a work environment when a new business contact is…well, for lack of a better term…being ugly?

    I need to temporarily work with someone from another company on a project. We’ve interacted 3 times – one conference call, one email, one phone call. We are otherwise strangers. He is aggressively hostile, curt, and dismissive every time we communicate. Not just a little grumpy – hostile. This isn’t just a question of misreading emails – my boss sees it too and is equally baffled. Our shared project is a actually a pretty warm-fuzzy one that’s not adding a lot to either of our plates, so there’s no conceivable reason for him to be acting this way.

    While this project is temporary, our field is a small one, so I’ll run into this person for the rest of my working years. If he treats me this way again, I want to ask him if I’ve done something…but we’re strangers! We’ve never even met in person! Asking a near stranger if I’ve offended him feels beyond weird. Should I keep killing him with kindness as I have been and chalk it up to some issue on his end?

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like a peach. Some people are just plain rude. Keep killing with kindness!

    • Gray

      What is the worst that could happen if you asked him? Find a reason to cc communication? Then you would know if he is able to modify his behaviour or someone else could take it up with him. But anyway it’s not you, its him.

      • me

        I agree.

        I confronted someone once who was acting like this. It worked out well, actually.

    • tribble

      No, don’t ask him if you’ve offended him. You know you haven’t. If he says something blatantly inappropriate then call it out in the moment. “What did you mean by that?” or “That was unnecessary” or “Why are you shouting? I can hear you” are all polite responses to someone being a jerk.

      • Anon

        This is what I do. Assume it’s a “him” problem and continue as I would with anyone else having a bad day. Basically just overtly assume good intentions as a way of calling them out. For shouting, it’s usually “Oh I think we have a bad connection, your voice sounds like shouting on my end. Let’s hang up and try again.” One time the hostility was so bad that I point blank said “It sounds like this may be a bad time for you. Why don’t I reschedule this call for later in the day?” Something fake with a legitimate excuse to take a breath and let myself calm down, even if he doesn’t. I once had some guy much more senior scream in my face, of course about nothing related to me or my work, so I just had to sit there stonefaced. I tried to think of it as “Wow he is really worked up about this. We sell consumer goods, no one is dying because you think the Sales VP was annoying on that call. Glad I can keep perspective about this.” It didn’t help, I totally had to go in the bathroom and vent afterwards, but still.

      • Bonnie

        Agreed. Don’t start off assuming that you did something wrong. This is a him problem.

  8. Midwest Mama

    DH and I are invited to a birthday party this weekend at someone’s house. We’re mid-30s and the guests will be mostly men but some couples in their 30s and 40s. What do I wear? What do cool moms wear to go out these days? I’m in the midwest, so temps should be in the 50s. I have skinny jeans and black and gray skinnies. But what kind of shirt? And shoes? Help out a fashionably challenged mama!

    • Anon

      Do you have a longer, flowy top that you could pair with the skinnies? With cute flats and jewelry, you’ll look great!

    • Baconpancakes

      Is a kid’s party? I’m confused as to what cool moms have to do with it if there are mostly adults going. If there are all adults going, I’d say an oversized silk button down over your black or grey skinnies and mid-heeled booties. If you’ll be wrangling kids, I’d switch to a dark-colored, thin sweater and a light-weight puffer vest over the jeans with either flat boots or loafers.

        • Wildkitten

          You can pry my puffer vest off my cold dead body. Patagonia didn’t get all these feathers from the geese for me to wear for only one season.

          • Scarlett

            Same here. Also in the Bay Area & while I will grant you, it’s not “fashion” it’s not “out” in the sense that it looks like another era to wear them. And you can pry it off my cold dead body too. Perfect for colder climates with temp swings.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            I don’t hate puffy vests at all, but I think they fall more into sporty gear than a fashion statement (though they were big maybe five years ago). I don’t love the army jacket vest things I posted earlier, but they’re definitely on trend. Since OP was asking what was in style, I put in my two cents.

            I guess the use for a vest escapes me– your core is the warmest part of your body, if that needs insulation, don’t your arms as well?

          • Baconpancakes

            If you keep your core warm, your body can more easily regulate its temperature, so your arms stay warmer but let you cool off when it gets warmer. I’m a little biased towards sporty/classic outdoorsy due to the town I live in, but vests are definitely practical.

        • Anonymous

          You obviously don’t live in the mountain west, where we’ve been wearing puffer vests, quilted vests, down jackets, etc. for years as actual functional outerwear and not a fashion statement. And will continue to do so, I imagine.

      • Midwest Mama

        No, it’s an adult party. No kids will be there. Sorry for the confusion.

    • Anonymous

      no offense at all to OP, but as someone who is pre-kids, this kind of scares me. do parents really socialize so little that they don’t know what to wear to a casual gathering of friends?

      • Aunt Jamesina

        I’m in my early thirties, and my two best-dressed friends are moms (most of us aren’t parents yet). So no, according to my very scientific data set!

      • young parent

        I find that the vast majority of my socialization happens with the children, so when I have the opportunity for an adults-only gathering, I don’t know quite what to wear. With the children in tow, I go for functional clothing that’s machine washable, and I don’t worry about it.

        • anon

          Yeah, you socialize differently. Your disposable income and time to shop/follow adult trends also decreases. It’s not all bad, just different.

      • Anon

        I think some people (mostly women) let their identity be so tied up with the fact that they have kids, that they can’t separate it out.

        You probably wouldn’t have had this reaction if the OP had just said I’m going to a birthday party at someone’s house this weekend, I’m mid-30s, any outfit suggestions.

        But the OP had to make it about the fact that she was a mom so it seems like a bit of the martyr complex i.e. I’m a new mom and I can never go out…

        • Midwest Mama

          Oh geez. I have a preschooler so I’m not a new mom and definitely not a martyr. My point was, 10 years ago I was going out more consistently and knew the trends (skinny jeans, heels, tank top, chunky jewelry, etc.). That look is dated, so besides tops with the cut out shoulders, I was wondering what kind of outfits are popular these days because I don’t go out as often as I used to. And this is a fun opportunity to get dressed up in a non-work way. I was trying to be funny. But yes, my more general question is – what do 30-something ladies wear to go out these days?

          • Spirograph

            FWIW, I took it that way. And I am in the same boat, so I’m glad you asked the question!

          • Wildkitten

            I’m not a mom and I have no idea how to dress cute for daytime. I have the jeans and black going out top down pat, but don’t own anything for daytime that is more put together than a t-shirt to go to Costco.

          • Anonymous

            I’m not a mom but I knew that you meant you haven’t kept up with trends, not that you literally never socialize with people. Not sure why everyone is so cranky on this thread.

        • Anonymous

          I’m sorry you’re so bitter and have more issues than Vogue, but try not to take it out on other people. It’s not nice.

      • tribble

        This happens to everyone at some point, it’s not just a mom thing. I get busy at work for a season or two and when I reemerge I discover that the trends have all changed and my casual wardrobe looks dated. I spend a lot of energy keeping my work and date night wardrobes updated but the casual get togethers… not so much. On the rare occasion that I’m invited to a Party with New People I Want To Befriend, I have a minor meltdown about what to wear.

      • Gray

        First kid. I have no idea what other moms wear if not in the park. And these sound like a new group of friends.

      • Lyssa

        A lot of it is just a function of aging – I definitely socialize a lot less than I did in my 20’s, though not really substantially less than I did in my 30’s pre-kids. It’s just the natural fall-off of getting older and more settled, at least for a lot of people.

        I’ll add that specific to the what-to-wear issue, most of my “going out” clothing is leftover from that 20’s period, since I didn’t buy a lot when I was in the “pregnancy corridor” and it seemed fine to keep wearing my 20’s clothing when I was, say, 32, in a way that feels less appropriate at 37. So, for me at least, I’m a little unsure what I should be wearing now, just because I sort of tuned out on purchases for so long.

        • CPA Lady

          Ugh, this. There are some fundraisers I go to and the answer of what to wear is “funky casual”. And then I stand there in front of my dresser filled with target t shirts and talbots cardigans and gently weep.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            WTF is funky casual? Boo to made-up dress codes!

            I have a bridal shower with a “whimsical tea party” dress code this spring. A dress code for a bridal shower, are you kidding me?!

          • tribble

            Whimsical tea party is kind of cute. I actually have the perfect dress for this; I got it for a point to point. Purple with white polka dots, fitted top, flared skirt with just a touch of crinoline around the hem to keep it poofy.

          • cbackson

            Okay, I hate made-up dress codes, but I am All There for whimsical tea party (probably in a Lilly Pulitzer dress and a quirky hat or fascinator).

          • SC

            I think Senior Attorney says that the invitation should describe the event and let people decide what to wear. So, if you’re actually throwing a whimsical tea party for the baby shower, tell people that. It’s just strange to put “whimsical tea party” as a dress code, particularly if the event is not that.

          • PrettyPrimadonna

            LMAO, Jamesina. I am guilty as charged. I had a tea party to celebrate my birthday a couple months ago, and the dress code was “Winter Whimsy.”

          • anne-on

            The benefit of having to regularly travel to our ‘funky’ Miami office (but still meet with senior leaders) is that I now have a whole wardrobe of casual but fun but still office appropriate clothes that do beautiful double duty for weekend wear in the spring/summer. Still totally screwed in the depths of winter, but in the NorthEast we all seem to default to leggings/skinny jeans + snow boots + warm sweater anyway.

          • Anonymous

            +1 WTF with people having dress codes for birthdays or bridal showers. That seems really high maintenance and obnoxious

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Tribble, that dress sounds perfect! My problem is that I’m tend towards more minimalist styles, so I have almost no prints in my wardrobe, and lots of neutrals. I have two or three outfits I can think of which would be appropriate for a spring shower, but not one is at all “whimsical”. I’m really not a fan of buying single use clothing, so I’m going to see if I can borrow something.

            Whimsical tea party is a cute party theme. Telling your guests to dress up to go along with your theme isn’t so cute. We’re not décor!

    • H

      Gosh everyone seems so testy today.

      For what you are describing, I would wear skinny jeans, booties (mine happen to be wedges, but flat booties would be good too), and a chunkyish sweater or puffer vest or plaid button down (with a puffer vest?). Apparently I missed the memo where puffer vests are out of style. I see them everywhere so I’m not sure I believe this. FWIW I’m an early 30s mom of a toddler and I tend to wear the same kinds of outfits regardless of whether or not toddler is with me.

    • Anon

      Wear whatever tf you want? I don’t know how you people have the energy to be so obsessed with whatever’s “trendy”. You know what’s always trendy? Wearing something that makes you feel good and not giving a damn what other people think. Y’all are so insecure today.

      • Wildkitten

        That’s what she’s asking! She’s saying she wants to feel good and needs ideas.

      • Alana

        I strongly agree. It’s ok to have a personal style that is not dictated by trends. Some people enjoy certain cuts, colors, patterns, textures and embellishments, regardless of what the stores are selling.

    • A

      I’d wear your gray skinnies with that blush Halogen open-front jacket that Kat posted not that long ago. A silky top in a light color or print and some simple but modern jewelry. Probably booties, but when I go to parties at someone’s house we all take off our shoes anyway.

    • Anon

      Check out the Mom Edit blog – they have helped me transform my casual/weekend wardrobe.

  9. Atl trip

    I’m going to Atlanta with teen daughter in for a long weekend (4 days) in April. This is my first visit to Atlanta – does anyone have recommendations for restaurants, fun things to do, etc? Staying in Midtown.

    • Mrs. Jones

      Ecco in Midtown is delicious. You could check out Ponce City Market for shopping and an awesome food court, plus rooftop activities.

    • lost academic

      The aquarium is a not-to-miss. Downtown, you might as well hit the CNN tour and World of Coke (I liked the old Work Of Coke better). Hiking Stone Mountain is also fun. Walk in the botanical gardens, the weather will be great. Walk around Little 5 Points. See what’s playing at the Fox, and at Dad’s Garage. There’s a movie drive-in (the Starlight) to catch a double feature at too. If you want to drive outside the city, you can check out the mountains and local state parks to the north, and Lake Lanier.

      There’s a ton of great restaurants at all price points. I actually would not bother with Ponce City Market myself (or as we call it, the Hipster Barn) but it doesn’t take long to walk through anyway. For restaurants at mid or low range price points: Fox Bros. Sweet Hut on Peachtree. Mary Macs and/or Silver Skillet. R Thomas. The Vortex (go to the one in Little 5 if you can). Bone Garden Cantina or Taqueria Del Sol. For higher price points, Rathbuns, the Optimist, One Midtown Kitchen.

      • Frozen Peach

        Just have to say that I’m a local and the “Hipster Barn” had me spitting out my coffee from laughing so hard.

        • lost academic

          The minute that thing went up that’s what we christened it. I have yet to be disproved in all my reluctant visits (though some of the food is pretty good)

    • Anonymous

      I like Ponce City Market and I think your daughter would too (hipsters notwithstanding). I think Mary Mac’s is overrated but it is considered an ATL icon. Definitely check out the aquarium, and I thought the Civil Rights Museum was AMAZING (not too big and really interactive, so I think your daughter might find it interesting). Decatur is a cute little downtown with shops and restaurants for walking around. And Midtown is a great area for walking around as well. Atlantic Station (close to Midtown) and Lenox are the best places for chain store shopping.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to all these. I love Ponce City Market and Krog Street Market – if I were looking for a nice afternoon, I’d walk from Midtown through Piedmont Park and down the Beltline to Inman Park, exploring and stopping along the way as something strikes your fancy. It’s probably a 3 mile walk and full of art, great skyline views, cute shops, etc. Also, Decatur or Virginia Highlands for great shopping and restaurants, plus some pretty historic architecture/homes.

      • Anon

        I took my teen daughter to Atlanta last summer. She loved the Center for Civil and Human Rights, the Aquarium and walking around Centennial Park. She was unimpressed with World of Coke. She also enjoyed the MLK site.

  10. Baconpancakes

    There was a thread about podcasts the other day, but my interests are on the completely opposite spectrum, so does anyone have suggestions for podcasts that are fun and informational? I currently listen to 99% Invisible, Splendid Table (so sad we’re losing Lynne), Radiolab, and Science Friday. I also listen to Welcome to Night Vale, and adore it, but it’s so unique I have a hard time imagining there are others like it that aren’t made by the same people, and it feels less work appropriate somehow.

    I was not a fan of Serial.

    Alternately, I also like audiobooks, but generally they require too much attention to be able to do even the moderately mindless tasks I need to get done while listening. If there are any that are along the lines of the podcasts, that would be great!

    • Anon

      I recommended the HistoryChicks for that thread, but they also fit this category! All about women in history and things you might not know about them

    • Carrots

      The Freakanomics guy recently started a new one called “Tell Me Something I Don’t Know.” It’s a mix of information set up like a game show with a panel and guests with weird, random facts. My boyfriend turned me onto Still Processing from the New York Times, which is a fun commentary on different things happening in the country. Twice Removed takes different people and traces their genealogy to a “mystery relative” that they introduce them to.

      • sweetknee

        I got hooked recently on ” Up and Vanished” a podcast about a cold missing persons case in Georgia in the mid 2000s.

        • nutella

          If you liked “Making a Murder” and “Serial,” there is a new one out I plan on starting today called S-Town.

    • Fishie

      Just a Story, Stuff You Missed in History Class, not informational but interesting – Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People.

    • Miss

      I listen to Happier with Gretchen Rubin. For stories I listen to Snap Judgment. And I still listen to Car Talk reruns and laugh nonstop.

    • anonshmanon

      The Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe might be interesting for you. It’s a talkshow about current developments in science and medicine.

    • Macademia

      I like podcasts about religion. Two I like are On Being and the Collect Call. Day 1 is fun if you are up for hearing an extra sermon that week.

    • KateMiddletown

      I am in love with Ask a Clean Person (of the Esquire column fame.) It makes me feel more organized just listening.

    • trefoil

      Podcasts: Lore (folklore and ghost stories), Under the Influence (advertising and branding) are my latest two.

      Also: for audiobooks, I love Caitlin Moran reading her own books. I used to do a lot of driving and listened to mostly mysteries/thrillers/humour because my attention span wanders and i need something that keeps me engaged. (While i love reading literary fiction, i get bored in audiobook form.) Also, Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter. Or, really, just about anything.

  11. Anonymous

    Any lawyers out there have any experience with Axiom? Thinking of making a switch.

    • Scarlett

      Anecdotally I’ve heard it’s decent for a temp agency, I’d be careful about it if your move isn’t to become a temp/contract lawyer. Can be great if that’s already what you do or you’re looking to work part time, for all the reasons one might want to do contract work.

    • Anon

      I don’t have experience working for Axiom but I have a fair deal of experience working with Axiom lawyers — my financial institution tends to use them for contract work and outsourcing run of the mill negotiations.

      My observations are as follows:
      – the average quality of the Axiom lawyer varies, often widely. A few are “long term” temps here and are treated essentially the same as any direct hire. Some get hired permanently. However, the majority I have come across tend to be pretty junior or otherwise have minimal relevant legal experience/skills. Training also seems minimal.
      – the work they are given (other than the treasured few with longer term, essentially permanent positions) is the lowest-level stuff. Mind-numbing mass negotiations, remediation projects and project management. Very, very process-oriented and not much real “lawyering.” We had a few contract workers where the project is unexpectedly dormant and so they … just sit around all day?
      – Due to the nature of the work and the status as a contract lawyer, they are definitely regarded as second-class citizens within the legal department.

    • Anonymous

      A friend of mine has worked at Axiom for the past year. She’s 2 years out of law school. Very project-based, startup culture, relaxed. She loves it. She primarily works on contract review on a long-term project. I think it could be a great fit as long as you aren’t looking for a traditional law firm.

  12. Anon

    My husband is a senior associate at a large firm and I’ve recently found myself worrying that he might be on the verge of an affair of both a sexual and emotional nature.

    He’s always been extremely busy, but lately he seems to be in a better mood when going to work/having to stay late/etc. He’s mentioned that a young associate has been making his life a lot easier. I hear her name somewhat often since they’re in the same practice group and she seeks out work from him. He works from home sometimes and I’ve heard them chatting. They seem very comfortable, make jokes, etc. She’s very beautiful and I’ve heard her compliment his work. Do I have anything to be worried about? Am I imagining things?

    • Anonymous

      I can see why these feelings are arising, because it’s tough when your spouse has an all-consuming job and spends a lot of time with an attractive colleague he likes. But I really don’t see any concerning signs here. The fact that he chats with her in front of you and tells you about her are all good signs. If anything remotely inappropriate was going on, he’d be hiding it and probably her entire existence from you. Of course he’s happier going to work now – he has a friendly colleague he enjoys and he has a competent junior who he can offload work too. Both of those things make a big difference in terms of quality of work life. I would try not to read more into it than that.

        • Anonymous

          Thank you for saying this. I’ve been the female junior attorney in this situation. It would drive me crazy if people thought I was getting good assignments from the senior associate because of some hypothetical affair that never would have been hypothesized if I weren’t a woman. No one would ever throw around that hypothetical if I was a man getting good assignments. I got good assignments because the senior associate had too much on his plate, and I was good at my job. Sometimes (often?) there isn’t anything more to the story than that.

      • Jax

        I disagree that chatting in front of his spouse means nothing is wrong. Half the fun of an affair is the thrill of almost getting caught. Listen to any betrayed spouse list off all the places their spouse carried on their affair and you’re sure to think, “Was s/he really that stupid?” They either felt invincible, or they wanted their spouse to find out, or they just got sloppy and couldn’t juggle a double life anymore.

        OP, if your gut is telling you something is off LISTEN TO IT. Ask yourself, “Am I a jealous and insecure person? Have I accused past partners of cheating when really nothing was going on?” If your answer is no, then your instinct isn’t off.

        You mention he’s much happier about work, but how is he at home with you? Has he changed? Any drastic change in behavior (from being cruel and pushing you away to super touchy/wanting s*x a lot) are signs you shouldn’t ignore. Where is your relationship at? Do you talk openly, still have fun and joke together, cuddle and try to go to bed at the same time? Or are you going through a time where you’re not connected at all?

        Lastly, if you are at all comfortable with it, I’d try to talk openly and honestly about your fears. You don’t have to say, “I don’t like Sara and I’m starting to think you’re having an affair!” You can say something about how you don’t feel as connected, or that you want to be each other’s “person” that you can’t wait to share good news and bad news with–that you don’t want to turn into the couple who has more fun/connection with coworkers than with their spouse.

        • Anonymous

          The first time my former boss put his hand down my shirt, his girlfriend was standing outside his office door and knew we were both in there alone. Looking back, I think the thrill of getting caught was something he got off on.

          I left the company because of him, the two of them got married (not sure if he ever told her – I highly doubt it), and he made partner last year, so I guess it worked out for him.

    • Anonymous

      We had a very flirty person in the office. She was sharply predatory and wouldn’t have bothered with an associate. Only equity partners IIRC.

    • Cat

      I’ve been the junior associate in your scenario, although the “senior” for me was a partner. We worked together, very well, for a number of years. His wife and I chatted from time to time at firm events and she actually told me she was so grateful that her husband got more time with her because of my work; it was clear they sometimes talked about me at home.

      As a junior, it is SO refreshing to have someone senior that you have a great, friendly, working relationship with, and then from the perspective of the senior associate… to have a really GOOD junior that can actually handle substantive work and be trusted? Makes life SO much better.

      He’s telling you about her openly and his work life has gotten a lot more pleasant. I wouldn’t read more into it.

      • Ellen

        I can have a very freindly relationship with the men in my office WITHOUT any hint of me having s-x with them. I know some women look at me and think that the onley reason I am a partner is b/c I slept with the manageing partner, but that is totaly FALSE. He does NOT think of me in a s-xeueal way, even tho he knows that that is the reason men flock to me. He subsidizes my clotheing allowance b/c he want’s me to look good, both in court and in social situeations where I draw in new BUSNESS for the firm. So it works out for both of us. I get new clotheing and I get new busness for the firm, and I do it with ALL of my clotheing left ON! Sorry to disappoint those who think I am using my s-x for this improperly, but I am NOT doeing anything s-xueal! It is difficult to understand this sometimes as the “other woman” who think’s I am doeing stuff to get BUSNESS. I am NOT and FOOEY if peeople think I do. YAY!!!

    • nasty woman

      Don’t forget that it would be an enormously risky, pants-on-head stupid move for her to engage in any such affair. This is a generalization and you never know what people will do, of course, but in my experience most women associates that have the self-discipline and wherewithal to make it to big law are pretty conscientious and career oriented. Blurring lines with a senior associate she works with is flirting with career suicide. Count on her to be looking out for herself as well.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t disagree that OP’s husband is almost certainly not doing anything sketchy, but fwiw I know several female junior associates who had affairs with senior associates or partners. It would definitely be risky for her career but it’s a risk plenty of people take. Sad to say, but I also knew plenty of female junior associates who were in Big Law just to get their MRS degree. If you are talking about senior associates who have stuck it out and succeeded for five+ years then I agree they’re all pretty committed to their work and much less likely to engage in behavior that would be such a career risk. But a huge number of first years (male and female) never really intend to stick around Big Law.

        • Anon

          THIS. A very small number of people go into biglaw actually wanting to be there — that’s esp true nowadays. So don’t assume that a first yr is SOOO career oriented just bc she was smart enough to go to a good law school and get good grades and get a biglaw job thru OCI. You’ll know how career oriented she is if she actually makes it 4-5 yrs — which 80% don’t.

          • nutella

            I did not want to stay in biglaw, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t know not to fool around with coworkers.

        • anon

          Um, maybe it’s possible for women to be attracted to people they work with and even have an ill-advised affair AND ALSO be serious about their careers? You know, the way men can do both?

      • nasty woman

        I never said that my comment applied to all people or that it never happens. And even if you don’t plan on sticking around in biglaw, being That Associate is going to make for a much tougher road, assuming it eventually gets out. You still need your reputation for those years so you get good work, class promotions, and to maximize your relationships at that firm to find your next job. Again, not saying it never happens, but I can’t think of anyone in my peer group whom I could see doing something like that… even back when we were just slacker first years. Also, lol at the idea that you can’t know if someone is career oriented until they make it in biglaw for 4-5 years.

    • Obviously Anon

      Oh dear. Trust your gut. I wish I did. I confronted my then husband about a very similar situation. He assured me it was nothing. But it was. We got divorced. They got married. She’s now the bosses wife and comes and goes as she pleases.

    • Anon in NYC

      Why don’t you just tell your husband that you’re feeling a little insecure about his relationship with this associate and gauge his reaction?

      FWIW, I think it’s entirely possible that he’s developing a bit of a crush on this woman but also equally possible that he just likes this woman and she’s a decent associate. When I was in biglaw I worked with a few more senior associate men that I just really liked working with – they were nice, normal, not crazy people who gave me substantive work, and we got along. Maybe your husband is that guy to this woman.

      • Anonymous

        +1. I think his reaction will tell you a lot. If he gets defensive or turns on you as being “crazy” or “jealous” I’d be more concerned (assuming this is something you’ve raised once – repeated nagging would annoy even a completely innocent person). Personally, I’d also see it as a good sign if he can acknowledge her attractiveness but still assure you he isn’t interested in her romantically, rather than just acting like he’s completely oblivious to her looks, which he’s almost certainly not. I always think of that scene in Love Actually where Emma Thompson comments that Mia (who is aggressively pursuing her husband and ends up having an affair with him) is attractive and Alan Rickman acts all dumb “Oh, is she? I hadn’t noticed” and Emma Thompson says “You know she is, darling, be careful there.”

    • Anonymous

      Can you both meet up with her (and her partner if applicable) outside of work for drinks or something? Obviously your husband is responsible for upholding his vows and you need to trust him, but developing a relationship with her may help you trust her more, which can’t hurt.

      • Frozen Peach

        + 1 million. My friends are the junior associate in this scenario, and I used to be, and all of us acvitvely want to get to know the wives of the young partners or senior associates we support. Part of being a good junior associate is learning what makes the people you support tick, and spouses are an invaluable source of that information. If you meet resistance to this idea, then I would be worried.

        • anon

          All of this times a million. Plus, I think that making this junior associate in your husband’s life more of a “real person” by spending time with her will make you feel more comfortable.

          A very good friend of mine dates one of the senior associates in another group at my firm (I joined the firm after they started dating). Despite the fact that I have told her a million times that(1) her boyfriend would never cheat on her and (2) there are no women in our office interested in her boyfriend she still had some jealous tendencies because she didn’t know of these people, they were all just work stories about “Ashley” or “Laura,” etc. At our holiday party, I made sure that she got to meet all of the women in our office so now when her boyfriend mentions “I’m working with Ashley on XYZ” she has met Ashley and she realizes that Ashley is just a colleague and nothing more.

    • Anonymous

      It’ll be time for summer associate events soon. Go to these and get to know the junior associate.

    • Never too many shoes...

      This is not about the OP’s situation particularly, but on a more general note, and I ask this seriously – when are women associates going to be free to just be awesome and beloved by the people above them as smart and fun when they have to contend with this kind of stuff?

      So much of being successful in a law firm is about getting people above you to like you and trust you and advocate for you. And you do that by being smart, and engaged and getting them to like you. Sometimes that involves joking around, or taking an interest in their interests or going out for shots…whatever. But for women this somehow has to be tempered by also making sure that the wife of the partner does not suspect you or view you as a rival when you are helping their husband do better at his job and enjoy his life more. Male associates never worry about this stuff. Like ever.

      It just makes me see red. And I worry for the juniors that read this board. Just be awesome. Do not moderate your awesomeness because of these stories.

      • nutella

        Amen! I left biglaw and like to think I was an eager and helpful junior associate when I was there, but sheesh!

        My fiance is in a different field and regularly has younger people (right out of college) working under him and he is so much happier when they (man or woman) are helpful and smart and proactive because they are a team and they each have a role as does he. And guess what? The team performs better, too, when it actually works as a team as opposed to him doing the job of 4 people.

        But all this is to say, why is the blame (of a suspicion!) being put on a young associate who happens to be attractive (not that that even is a necessary factor)? If she is inappropriate, your husband can only control his actions, which is to say he should distance himself from her. And if he didn’t your anger isn’t with this woman but your husband.

      • nasty woman

        Seriously. The best part is when male bosses start pushing the boundary (either intentionally or not). And junior associate is left wondering, do I call him on his behavior and risk ruining our relationship? I am I overthinking/overreacting? Or let me spend a tremendous amount of mental energy trying to navigate all of our interactions so that they’re perfectly friendly so that I can still form a good bond with him and be liked in the firm, but not *too* friendly so that he thinks he can put his hand on my thigh during happy hour or starts to look at me like a target/s*x object.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think you are being paranoid. Both times I got cheated on, I noticed that my SO uncharacteristically mentioned the woman’s name in casual conversation, and it struck me as odd. It almost felt like he wanted to work her name in, and she was the only specific work person (other than the normal close work friends) for whom this happened.

      Not saying he is definitely cheating, and I hope he isn’t, but I just wanted to say I don’t think you are being unfair is having these thoughts about either of them.

      The other option is that this is not a full on potential affair, but just a crush. Apparently crushes are normal in a long-term relationship and you just need to talk about it.

      • Anonymous

        There is a third option – that her husband just likes this woman as a colleague and friend and isn’t crushing on her or sleeping with her.

    • anon

      Dude. We need some straight talk here. This is not junior high. He does not have a “crush” on someone and write her name with hearts in his notebooks. But if she’s an attractive young woman who he likes, he probably wants to bang her. End of story. And since he’s also married and presumably a decent person, he also probably will not do so, and will try his best to maintain appropriate boundaries.

      That being said, all data on cheating suggests that cheating is the product of opportunity more than maliciousness, selfishness, or any other character flaw. This is true for both men and women. So, both of these individuals may have the best of intentions. In fact, they probably DO have the best of intentions. But even people with the best intentions, when put into a situation that might magnify their sexual attraction (such as very long hours and late nights alone together) can make mistakes. It’s human. It doesn’t mean that the woman is “after” him or that she is “looking for her MRS” or the man is a “creep.”(Seriously, can we stop with these stereotypes about women already? Sheesh). But mistakes can happen, and they do.

      So where does that leave you? If it were me, I would have a serious conversation with him about how you feel and what your concerns are — without being accusatory. Say, “I know you are a good person and mean well. I don’t mean to suggest that you have any bad intentions. And you might be attracted to this person, which is normal and human. But I am worried about you putting yourself in situations where you might be tempted to cross a line. So, if you travel with her, perhaps don’t draw out dinner, or have that second drink, or talk about anything too intimate.”

      And then leave it at that, because that’s really all you can do. By approaching him honestly this way, you don’t make him feel defensive, but you are alerting him to the risks of the situation, which maybe he hadn’t quite thought of before in those terms.

      • DCR

        And then you are basically asking him to have a different relationship with junior female associates then he does with junior male associates, which screws over the junior female associates because they don’t get as many opportunities. Either you trust your husband or you don’t. But don’t punish a junior female associate for being good at her job and a nice person

    • Jax

      I’m surprised posters are so dismissive of the OP.

      Speaking as a former betrayed spouse, it took me a long time to go from wondering in the back of my mind if he was crushing on his co-worker (“No, no, I’m being insecure…”) to feeling those twinges that our relationship was off (“He’s just depressed/overworked and we’re going through a rough patch…”) to finally admitting he was definitely up to something and it more than likely involved her (“But he would NEVER EVER do something like that! I must be wrong!”).

      For the OP to reach the point that she’s posting on an anonymous web site that she thinks her husband may be having an affair means SH1T IS GOING DOWN in her marriage. Is he cheating? Who knows. The main point is that the OP feels so lost and disconnected that she’s wondering if he is, and he’s shown enough…interest? enthusiasm?…in his coworker that it’s causing her to doubt everything she knows about his character, his boundaries, and his commitment to her.

      It’s a big deal. That’s all I’m saying.

      • cbackson

        +1 to all of your third paragraph. I think that the “feeling that the relationship was off” piece is key. It’s really important for the OP to think about how she feels in terms of her marriage holistically. If all is well in the marriage, it’s far less likely that someone will stray. But I’m guessing that she’s not sure that all is well.

      • Anonymous

        I just think you’re leaping to conclusions that she feels lost and disconnected. If she said “he’s suddenly started being mean to me,” or “we never have s*x anymore,” or “I really get the sense he’s lying to me” I’m pretty sure the responses would have been completely different. But all she said is that her husband works with a beautiful woman and that he seems to like the colleague and her work and he has lots of friendly, joking conversations with her. Nothing about that suggests an affair. Obviously we’re not inside her head or the marriage and there could certainly be more to the story. All people can do is respond based on the facts presented and the facts she stated here don’t suggest an affair is going on.

        And I completely disagree that the marriage must be bad for her to be posting here about a potential affair (fwiw, she doesn’t think her husband IS having an affair, she thinks he may be headed down that path, which is a bit different). We all have moments where we get a bit paranoid or irrational and seek out objective advice, which I think is exactly what the OP is doing. I’ve certainly had moments where I was jealous of women that I know my husband wasn’t sleeping with. It didn’t mean our marriage was imploding, it just meant that it can be hard to see your spouse getting friendly to an attractive person of the opposite sex, especially when your spouse and the person have a huge thing in common that you don’t share (in this case, work) and spend a ton of time together as big law lawyers tend to.

        You’re obviously not coming at this from a very objective stand point because of your history, but the overwhelming majority of men who are friendly with their attractive female coworkers are not sleeping with them. That’s just a fact and we’re reassuring OP that there’s nothing objectively wrong with the behavior she’s described. It’s up to her to decide if there’s something off besides what she described here, or if this was just the gut check she needed.

  13. Anon

    How do you find a therapist for disordered eating? Any recs for DC/NoVA?

    I’ve previously been in therapy for anxiety and do take something for it, so I can recognize that my disordered eating is coming from anxiety and not so much about body image. (I’d like to lose 5-8 lbs, but know I’m objectively fine.) Everything I found when I googled was about body image. Should I reach out to the therapists for eating disorders (they all seem quite serious) or should I find a regular one who does anxiety?

    • cbackson

      Look for someone who does CBT. It’s highly effective for eating disorders and it’s also highly effective for anxiety, so it sounds like you’d likely be a good candidate.

    • me

      I’d tend to an eating disorders specialist. It is incredibly, incredibly common for those with eating disorders to have anxiety too. The clinician will be able to manage that.

      Agree that CBT is good.

      Good luck.

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1, comorbidity rates for anxiety and disordered eating are super high. In many cases, disordered eating stems from needing to feel in control (of one’s body, future, etc) and so does anxiety.

        If you have a good relationship with your PCP, you can ask for a referral.

        And I’m going to gently push back on the “super serious” comment – disordered eating IS serious and you are smart and proactive to recognize the pattern you’re in and take steps to address it. You can absolutely reach out to those docs and see if they’re accepting patients.

        Take care and good luck.

  14. Gray

    Are puffy shoulders back? Haven’t seen them here in Scandinavia. Maybe our culture isn’t for girly stuff, beyond teenage years. A grown woman must wear black/grey practical but clothing, preferably something men would wear. And look serious and competent at all times. Ok, enough of complaining. I’m just surrounded by men at work, and I can’t anymore.

    I have some exaggerated shoulder tops I’d love to wear again. They have a bit of fabric sticking out like a corner on the ahoulder. What do you say? Keep hidden in closet or wear? At least I could take up almost as much space as any man with my fake shoulders!

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I don’t know that they’re back in a big way, but I do like how tailored this blazer is in contrast with the shoulders. I veer far away from anything too sweet-looking since I look like I’m 12 otherwise, but I think this is a nice balance. If you love the look, go for it!

    • ann

      I think they are. I’ve been seeing them around a lot more lately. Or maybe I just want to since I have a great suede jacket with gathered shoulders.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I’m not a fan, either. I have very wide shoulders, so the “puff” either accentuates it or pulls funny so it looks like it’s too small. Which it is, but it looks fine on other people.

        I was browsing J.Crew before work today and many of their new tops had ruffles, gathering at the sleeves, etc. So I’d say go for it.

  15. Murzle

    My go-to outfit is generally a sheath dress, but I’m noticing I only have shades of black/grey. I’d like to get some more in solid colors. I normally like the Boden style (think Elsa Ottoman Dress), but I’m not in love with any of their current offerings. Does anyone have a recommendation for where I should look? Looking for a range from party-wear to conservative office-wear for a few different events.

    • Anon

      J.Crew Factory always offers a few colored sheath dresses every season. They fit me perfectly and I love color, so my closet is full of them! (I even have multiples of several dresses.) And with their frequent sales (they’re running one now), I can normally pick up a work dress for $64.

      That said, Boden doesn’t fit me at ALL, so if Boden fits you, then maybe J.Crew Factory might not?

    • anne-on

      Brooks Brothers Red Fleece line, they have a few every season, and usually in more interesting patterns.

  16. Anonymous

    This jacket is too formal for my office and way too much money for me but I looooove it!

    • Senior Attorney

      Me, too.

      And surprisingly, what I really love even more are those crazy tuxedo-stripe jeans they’re showing with it. If they had a waistband instead of a raw waist I’d be mightily tempted to order them!

  17. East Coast Mini Vacay

    What are some good ideas for an east coast mini vacation? A few friends and I wanted to get away from DC for a weekend next month (April).

      • Anonymous

        Unless you really like cold weather, don’t do Portland. I love the city in summer and early fall, but the average low is still in the 30s there in April, and blizzards are not unheard of at that time of year.

        I second Charleston, Nashville, Asheville. Also New Orleans, Miami, Atlanta.

  18. AIMS

    This is a weird question to ask here but on the off chance someone can point me to a solution (the internet has failed me). I have a Le Creuset sauté pan and two all-clads that I have neglected for years. They’re fine to cook in but the bottoms look a mess: the colorful LC is covered in a black layer of grime and the silver-y shiny All Clad is similar. I’ve tried using cleaners specifically made for both with very little luck despite a LOT of elbow grease. I’ve tried googling for solutions but most of what I find is for burnt on stains in the pan, not on the bottom. I’d really like to get my pans looking pretty again but can’t figure out how. Are they beyond saving? Anyone have ideas?

    • Anonymous

      try filling the bottom with ketchup and let them sit for a while before cleaning

      not a joke

    • SC

      Have you tried Bar Keeper’s Friend? It should work like a charm on the All Clad. It’s not usually recommended for Le Creuset because it’s a mild abrasive, but if all else has failed, it won’t ruin the pan to use it very occasionally.

      • JayJay

        There’s a Bar Keeper’s Friend that’s a a white liquid, and it has worked wonders on both my All Clad and Le Crueset for this problem.

        • AIMS

          I’ve tried the Bar Keeper’s Friend (powder and liquid) and neither did anything. I think the stains are heat set, maybe, since I continued to cook with them for years now.

          • NYNY

            I’ve had good luck with BKP powder on bad cooked-on grease. Make a thick paste with the BKP and a little water, apply it to the stained surface, and let it sit for 15-20 minutes before scrubbing. I can get smaller stains without letting it sit, but this is for the big guns.

    • Scarlett

      My housecleaner soaks mine in oven cleaner and water and that seems to work and hasn’t damaged the pans yet.

    • Senior Attorney

      I agree with the Barkeeper’s Friend recommendation. And if all else fails and you conclude they’re ruined anyway, how about trying a Magic Eraser?

      • AIMS

        My “all else fails” was going to be a brillo pad. Maybe I’ll try the magic eraser too.

        • Cat

          For my saucepans, I’ve used very fine steel wool (they sell different gauges at the hardware store) — it’s gentler than Brillo’s steel wool and just doesn’t have the soap baked in.

          I couldn’t believe how well it worked. My pans haven’t been cleaner since I bought them.

    • anon

      if your LC is that ivory colored enamel inside kind, I’ve had success putting in a splash of bleach, filling it to the brim with water, and letting it sit a few hours/overnight. Just wash as normal afterwards.

    • Pesh

      Le Crueset isn’t ruined – they are supposed to be heirloom pieces that will forever. Fill it with water and bring the water to a boil. Let it boil for a little while, trying to get some of the gunk off with a wooden spoon (as if you’re de-glazing a pan when making gravy). Then scrub off what you can and fill with hot water, Dawn dish soap (the blue kind) and throw in a couple of denture cleaning tablets (yes, the ones for teeth). Let soak for awhile – at least overnight. The gunk should be loosened! If not, repeat!

      • AIMS

        The gunk is on the outside. Both pans are fine and perfectly usable on the inside. Picture a yellow LC pan that looks black outside. Or a All Clad that is clean and silver but with a black outside. I cook in them with no issue. There are no stains inside.

        • Kindergarten boy

          Not sure about the LC but for all clad keep using the barkeeper friend made into a paste a water and a super fine steel wool (if you don’t mind tiny scratches but shiny instead of black) or a softer but still strong sponge. It will take multiple multiple multiple rounds but will see the darkness diminish.

          • SC

            With the Barkeeper’s Friend, make the paste and let it sit, then scrub with a paper towel. It will take multiple rounds. When one of my pans gets a burnt-on stain, I just do one round a night until it looks better.

        • JayJay

          Ohhhhhhh. I was thinking it was on the inside. I also have this problem with my LC’s and I’ve honestly just given up on trying to get that off of them. Now I’ll be interested to see if anyone has a solution.

  19. Veronica Mars

    Home decorating question–would you prefer to buy smaller original pieces of art, or larger prints? I’ve seen a number of local artists who offer affordable small pieces (under 10″ square) or larger prints (30″ square) for about the same price. Which would you pick? Obviously the larger prints have more of a wow factor, but there’s something about an original that’s appealing to me.

    • H

      I would pick the larger ones for the simple fact that I have a ton of wall space. But do what you like and what works for your space. Gallery walls can look great with a bunch of small pieces.

    • TorontoNewbie

      I love originals as opposed to prints, so for me that’s important. The collection will grow over time. Pick art that you love and the rest will follow.

      • Veronica Mars

        That’s true. My test is always if I would be willing to hold it on my lap when moving cross country. If so, then I must really love it.

    • Anonymous

      I’d buy whatever appeals to you more. We have original art and love it.
      If they’re smaller, maybe you could buy a few pieces and group them for impact?

      • Veronica Mars

        That’s a good idea. I could buy 4 of the smaller pieces and group them together for the same price as one big one.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just feel like small and large pieces are apples and oranges. In my view, there are spaces that just need larger pieces, and if you need to temporarily fill those spaces with prints, that’s fine.

      If you love the local artist, though, by all means start with a small piece and hang it someplace appropriate.

  20. MIL Help

    Please let me know if I’m being irrational about my MIL watching our daughter! By way of background, MIL is from a foreign country, has very little education, and doesn’t speak any English. She is elderly and her hearing isn’t great. She is very sweet and has a good heart, without question. My husband keeps insisting that we should use her as a babysitter, but I just don’t feel comfortable from a safety perspective. First, our daughter is just starting to crawl and I’m concerned about her stamina/ability to follow baby around the house. She can’t hear when our daughter is crying in the next room, and doesn’t seem to read her cues well (when she’s hungry or fussy). And the language barrier is huge for me – I don’t feel like I can give her instructions/warn her about all of the things that first time moms freak out about, because we don’t speak the same language. And I’m concerned about her ability to respond in a rational manner in an emergency – not to mention that she couldn’t drive to a hospital (she doesn’t drive) and would have trouble communicating with a 911 operator. I get that husband wants his mom to spend time with our daughter, but I only feel comfortable doing so when we’re there. Am I being irrational? Has anyone encountered a similar situation?

    • Anonymous

      How old is your baby? I would try letting her watch the baby for a short period. Like you go out to brunch or lunch with hubby for an hour or two. Pick a time when baby is likely to be awake, fed and ready to play for a bit.

      Giving instructions can be addressed by your husband providing them to her. For emergencies, she can call 911. Does she have literally zero English or would she be able to say your address and ‘baby sick’ or similar? If you’re just gone for a short period, like an hour or two, it is extremely unlikely that an emergency would occur. For urgent, but not crisis situations, she can call your DH and you can go home. Once baby starts crawling, usually they are not crawling around the entire house. She can just close the door and stay in one room with baby.

      I think you’re a bit irrational to never leave her alone with your daughter for any period at all but I can see that you wouldn’t want her to be responsible for bathing and putting baby to bed for example.

    • anon

      Post on the moms site. I’ll tell you my first reaction is wondering why your husband can’t translate all of your instructions/warnings to her for you. And honestly we often have people babysit who can’t drive – because you can’t drive an infant anywhere without a car seat and they don’t know how to install it, etc. So some of these may be rational and some less rational.

    • Anon

      My rule is that anyone watching my kids needs to be able to either drive to the hospital or call 911 – in an emergency situation, I wouldn’t want to rely on sometimes spotty cell phone coverage. She can do neither.

      After that, we both have to be comfortable with the person. If one of us isn’t comfortable, then they get crossed off the list. If you don’t feel you can give instructions, then that would be a deal breaker.

      Also, being alone with baby is not the only way to spend time with baby. I would absolutely use MIL as a “mothers helper” – someone who watches the baby downstairs while you both take a nap after a rough night, or someone who plays with baby while you do outside gardening (the real non-euphemistic kind), or someone who watches baby while your husband sorts through the next size of clothes. So one/both of you is still home but not engaged or not doing a safe activity for a baby.

      • Karin

        Me, I wouldn’t leave a baby that young with anyone (but I’m from a country where the maternity leave is one year +). But yes to the mothers helper idea!

        If you need an actual babysitter this doesn’t solve anything, though. FWIW I would’t be comfortable with what you’ve described, either.

    • Anon

      I don’t think you’re being irrational. If you were to describe your nanny in the same fashion (hard of hearing, elderly, doesn’t speak English, wouldn’t know how to contact anyone including 911 in case of emergencies), I would suggest you find someone else asap. By the way, if your hubby thinks emergencies can’t or won’t happen just b/c his mom is watching the baby, he’s out of his mind.

      It sounds like what your hubby really wants is for your daughter and grandma to bond and thinks baby-sitting is the only way for that to happen. We all know that is not true. I see no reason why you can’t hire someone to watch baby and when grandma feels up to it, stops by to hang out/bond with baby. Or, why can’t she come over after you come home so she can watch baby while you guys change out of work clothes, get dinner ready, etc? I’m sorry but elderly people don’t have the energy to provide daycare day in, day out and for the entire day.

      I’ve had my MIL watch the kids plenty of times so I’ve “been there, done that”. She was in her mid-60s the last time she took care of our youngest (think 6-9 months old). But even then, we did it on occasion and she was always completely wiped after watching the baby. We quickly stopped asking her b/c it bothered us seeing how tired and exhausted she was afterwards.

      Has your hubby watched baby all alone for an entire day or the entire weekend? Maybe he doesn’t fully appreciate what it really takes and doing it on his own will help him realize that MIL shouldn’t be watching baby full-time.

    • ohc

      No kids, so have never been in a similar situation, but I think the fact that she doesn’t drive and that you do not share a common language mean that she is not going to be able to offer what you need from a first-line babysitter. That seems pretty straightforward to me. Have you discussed this with your husband? What are his thoughts, especially on the language barrier? How would MIL get to you to babysit if she doesn’t drive (or does she live with you)?

      The fact that you cite other things–concern “about her ability to respond in a rational manner” and her education level–make me wonder if there are other things going on that need to be unpacked, either with your MIL’s capacity to care for herself (let alone someone else) or with your relationship/feelings about your MIL. But I don’t think those issues are necessarily appropriate to explore in tandem with settling the babysitting issue, especially because they might trigger deeper emotions than what you want to take on in an already stressful period of life.

    • Erin S

      You are not being irrational! Trust your gut. If you’re not comfortable, then don’t have her babysit. Speaking from personal experience (I have a 2 year old daughter and my son is due any day now), it’s best to stand your ground from the get go with MIL’s. My MIL has watched my daughter 2 days a week since she was 6 months old, and it has basically been driving me nuts for the past year and a half, for some of the reasons that you mentioned (she won’t drive her places, her knowledge on certain childcare safety aspects is outdated, etc.) and I regret agreeing to have her watch my daughter 2 days a week (although we are now changing that and having my nanny take over full time – thank GOD) but my point is stand your ground up front or you could be in for some long term stressful situations!

  21. Anon for this

    Meeting with a doctor soon for a consultation about sterilization procedures. Working on my list of questions for what to ask. Any suggestions/advice? I think I am leaning towards the procedure branded as essure based on discussion with my OB/GYN, but am not sure I’m wild about having something implanted. I am a little overwhelmed with searching online, given that there are so many sites/facebook groups/etc that talk about things going wrong. I’m sure this is disproportionate to people’s actual experience (who makes a facebook group for a successful medical procedure?), but it’s still not super fun to read.

    By way of background for those who may be wondering, I’m early/mid-30s, have been on the pill for years and years, but am high risk factor for it due to migraines, so I’m looking for a non-hormonal solution that’s as permanent as possible.

    • BabyAssociate

      No personal experience, but I am also interested in this, very interested to hear what your doctor says!

    • Anonymous

      Why not get your tubes removed? It is a laproscopic surgical procedure, and the recovery isn’t fun, but it’s permanent and reduces your risk of ovarian cancer (in case that’s an issue).

      • Anon for this

        Also a possibility! Essure is non-surgical, which is I think the big appeal as far as my existing doc views it. To clarify, open to advice regarding any type of sterilization procedure (and questions I should ask about them). This is the initial consultation after years and years of having doctors say to me “we won’t even consider this until later”.

        • BabyAssociate

          If you don’t mine me asking, why did your doctors tell you they wouldn’t consider it until later?

          • Seattle Freeze

            Most likely because the medical establishment still does not trust women to know themselves and trust that they’re capable of making their own decisions not to have children. Women in their 20s and 30s are actively discouraged from sterilization because of course they’ll change their minds and decide they want children after all /s/. Gag.

          • Wildkitten

            Lots of doctors assume women will change their mind about wanting to have kids and so refuse to sterilize you until they think you are old enough to really know you want to be sterilized. It’s a problem, but it’s a Thing.

          • Anon for this

            Yup, SF and WK hit it right on the head. I’ve run through three or four doctors who were all unwilling to even consider it until I was in my 30s. Pretty sure the biggest thing working for me now is that my migraines have made the pill a less sustainable option than it used to be.

            My husband is coming with me to the consultation just in case, since I have also had doctors tell me that they wouldn’t consider it without my husband’s consent. I stopped seeing those people very quickly.

        • Dr Sis

          According to my Dr sis, its an issue of takesies backsies/malpractice. To do permanent sterilization on fertile childless women, you are looking at psych evals, long wait and reflect times, and multiple opinions. Insanely patriarchal, but a monetary risk and partly due to the fact that sterilization procedures have a really nasty social history (i.e., involuntary/without informed consent) that doctors are especially careful.

          • Anonymama

            Also consider that doctors don’t necessarily think that all women will change their minds, but they know for a fact that some women who firmly don’t want to have kids in their 20s do later change their minds, so even if it’s only 1 in 20 from a statistical standpoint it might be much less risky for them to encourage all women in that cohort to put it off until later, since it is an irreversible procedure.

    • Parfait

      I had Essure and I’m really happy about it. In this day and age, I’m glad to have a permanent solution that they can’t take away from me.

    • Fallopian Tubes Removed

      I was (sort of) you a year ago. I’m 43, get migraines, and had endless spotting from my Mirena. (Lest anyone think I didn’t give the Mirena long enough, I had a first Mirena for the full 5 years and the second for 3 years.) I found a doctor in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area who didn’t bat an eye when I went in seeking elective sterilization (married, no kids). No psych eval, no second opinion, no long wait and reflect time.

      I didn’t want Essure because I was leery of implants. I had my Fallopian tubes removed rather than tied or cauterized because there may be a marginal reduction in the risk of ovarian cancer from removal. Had the procedure done Friday morning and was back at work on Monday. I have no regrets–would make the same decision in a heartbeat.

    • Wehaf

      I have heard very bad stories about serious complications with Essure. There have been lots of lawsuits, reports of coils piercing the tubes and moving into other tissues, and other issues. Essure’s FDA approval was fast-tracked and I don’t think it was properly vetted. It has been recalled/banned in some other countries. I personally would not consider it.

  22. cbackson

    Okay, all the Atlanta ladies came out of the woodwork above, which makes me realize how many of us there are. Anybody interested in a meetup? If so, email me at my username at the mail of google!

  23. Anon

    I’m 6 weeks postpartum and am about to restart my workout regime! I have about 20lbs to lose before I’m back to my prebaby weight and have a definite lower stomach pooch I’m a little self conscious about. Most importantly though, I feel SO weak after not really exercising much during the end of my pregnancy. I was just so tired! But I need to get stronger so that carrying baby and car seat isn’t hard, especially as baby gets bigger.

    I went to Athleta yesterday and got a bunch of workout pants in my current size so I can feel good about getting out and to the gym. I didn’t like any of their shirts- I found most had a very high neckline that I found uncomfortable. My usual gym shirts are just American apparel t shirts, but I feel like the V shows a littttle too much now that I’m nursing and everything’s a little bigger.

    What are your favorite gym shirts? I’m not even sure where to start looking. I tend to do a mix of circuit and interval classes, Zumba, and Pilates. And any general advice for getting back into shape after a baby? Thank you!!!

    • Suburban

      Congrats and good luck! I actually liked my althleta tanks- they were kinda ruched at the bottom so it hid the low belly. I also want to say they are anti-stink somehow- they hold up nice. I’ve also had luck with Zella at Nordstrom rack.

      Real world advice? Take it slow and track your food. Working out is great but it doesn’t actually help me lose weight. Get an app and track everything. And don’t be too hard on yourself.

    • tribble

      I got a bunch of scoop neck Ts from H&M a few years ago. Target usually has nice stuff too.

    • Anonymous

      I wore my ruched maternity workout shirts for a while postpartum. Gap were my favorite, and they were already cut to accommodate a stomach pooch and huge nursing chest.

      As for getting back in shape… do something enjoyable. The hardest thing for me about working out post-kids is prioritizing it over the million other things I have to do. Depending on your body type, just getting back into your normal routine and time may be all you need to take the rest of the weight off. Also, if you’re anything like me, breastfeeding might make you ravenous, and it doesn’t burn as many calories as you’ll want to eat. So yeah, keep an eye on that to stay on track. You’ll develop “mom muscles” naturally, but if you want to jump start, add some push-ups to your morning routine.

    • Anonymous

      Congratulations on the baby!

      If you like a lower neckline, what about Under Armour? Their tanks seem to be cut slightly lower than Athleta’s.

      General workout advice:
      – Don’t be afraid to take it slow. It took months to get ‘out of shape’, let yourself take the time you need to get back into shape.
      – I found that because I was nursing, I needed extra hydration after working out, over and above what I’d normally drink. If you don’t like the sugar in Gatorade, consider electrolyte drink tabs like Nuun.
      – Finally, not all trainers or instructors understand the needs of postpartum women. Some good info on diastasis recti here: http://www.strong-mommas.com/blog/understanding-diastasis-recti-and-how-to-begin-the-healing-process

      • Anonymous

        +1 to figure out the diastasis thing first — you can inadvertently make it worse by doing traditional core exercises.

      • Anonymous

        Also recommending BirthFit for info on this and working out in the “fourth trimester” (not a mom, but a recommendation from a friend/fellow coach who is and coaches post-partum women)

    • Betty

      Take it slow! At 6 weeks pp, your body still has relaxin, which helps ligaments to stretch while pregnant and for labor. It is very easy to get an injury in this period. I injured my knee by jumping back into running after my first at about 6-8 weeks pp. Start slow and work up to where you want to be. With my second, I started walking at 5 weeks pp, running a few weeks later and by 4 months pp, I had dropped most of the baby weight and was back to running 3-5 times per week.

      I also found that it was easier for me to focus on regaining strength as opposed to losing weight in the early pp days. I was ravenous while BFing and cutting too many calories affected my supply in the early days but was doable at 3-4 months. The other practical tip is to pump/nurse before you exercise/strap on your bra, and take off your bra as soon as you are done. I found that the compression that I required to be able to exercise was also enough to cause mastitis if I left it on for too long.

    • Gray

      Oh, and make sure to squeeze your pelvic muscles extra firm when lifting or jumping. At six weeks pp the nerves might not be working 100% right down there.

    • CHJ

      I agree with everyone on doing something you enjoy and taking it easy. I eased back with hiking and yoga, which are two of my favorite hobbies anyway. If you like gym time, then go for it .

      Also, I struggled with anything that involved jumping/running while I was still nursing. Once I was done with nursing, the #1 thing that got me back in shape was T25 (the Beachbody/Shaun T videos). I give those videos all the credit for taking me from post-pregnancy stomach to pre-pregnancy (close enough) stomach.

    • Anon

      The Old Navy workout line is cute and affordable. I used to go to TJ Maxx, but that become too much of a treasure hunt without enough treasure, so it’s ON for me all the time now.

      • pugsnbourbon

        True – I love Maxx/Marshalls but it definitely takes time.

        My cheapo brand of choice is 90 Degree by Reflex – they come in a million colors, scoopneck, and available on Amazon for $9-$12.

    • Anon

      Only if nursing, otherwise ignore. For pp advice, if you are nursing, be sure to drink lots and lots of water and get enough calories to keep up your milk supply. There were a few times when I cut back on calories to lose the baby weight while nursing and saw a direct impact on volume of milk I pumped. I think with the combo of nursing, running after baby, some walking, and healthy eating all of baby weight was gone by 9-12 months pp.

    • LunaLu

      My fave gym top post-kids is the Under Armour Victory Tank. It’s heat gear (so wicks sweat), has a ribbed texture (so helps hide lumps/bumps better than a smooth one), is extra long, and doesn’t ride up – even when doing inversions. You can find them cheap at UA outlet, or with coupons at sporting goods stores.

  24. OG Monday

    Does anyone have a web plugin for sending articles to Kindle that they like? I’ve been using Amazon’s, but too often it loses parts of the text or truncates. (I miss Readibility! RIP.) Thanks!

  25. Anonymous

    Feeling more left out than usual bc I’m not married. I have friends who’ve worked hard and have recently bought themselves beautiful new construction homes in places like Bethesda. They’re married w kids so these are the forever homes to raise kids, kids will graduate HS from those school districts in 12+ yrs. Then there’s me. I’ve worked just as hard professionally. Will see a gorgeous huge home come on the market and bc I’m single and childless – I know it’ll never be my house. If I even mentioned to family or friends that I went to look at a $1.4 million home in Bethesda – I KNOW the responses would be – why do YOU need that kind of house; you’re going to live in a huge house in a family neighborhood alone; just buy an apartment/townhouse. I know I shouldn’t care what others think but time and time again those comments make me feel bad enough that I just drop whatever idea I had. FYI – I’m 37.

    • cbackson

      Frak them. If you want to live in that kind of house and you can afford it, buy it. Make sure you have a sense of how you’ll fit into the community (because being the only non-kid-having person in a very family-oriented neighborhood can be kind of isolating), but if it’s what you want and you have a game plan for how you’re going to find your new circle in your new neighborhood, then do it. I’d vote just not telling anyone that you know will bring you down until you’re at the point of no return.

    • tribble

      Single people buy SFMs. I wish I’d known that before I bought my current house. I ended up with a perfectly lovely townhouse, but I passed on a SFM I loved because I had reservations like yours. I thought I’d be manifesting an emptiness in my life. Now I’m a few years down the road and as much as I like my townhouse, I wish I’d gotten the SFM. I could have a craft room AND an office AND a guest room! I could take all that furniture my elderly family members have been trying to give me! I could try my hand at different design and color schemes in rooms I don’t have to be in all the time! And e f f what anyone else says about the house being “too big” for one person. Unless you live some sort of unusually Spartan lifestyle, will use the space if you have it. Live in a space that makes you happy.

    • A

      You can still buy the house if you want to, assuming you can afford it. One you buy it, what are they going to say?

    • OG Monday

      I’m so sorry people make those comments. I say if you can afford it and want yourself a big ol’ house, go for it. This isn’t some waiting period before your real life begins, this is your real life.

      I know of what I speak. My husband recently left me and after a lot of internal debate, I decided to stay in the home we shared, which is far larger than anything I would have gotten for myself alone. For a few months, I felt like I wasn’t entitled to all this space, and a little embarrassed to be in it on my own. But the fact is, I can comfortably afford it and I love it, so I’m staying put. There’s no mandate that an unmarried woman has to take up as little space as possible, or wait for others to justify her wish for more.

    • Anonymous

      FWIW, I bought a SFH in Arlington as a single thirty-something in a neighborhood of smaller brick ranches and cape cods (so 2/3/4 BRs, but smaller older houses that might be out of favor with families with kids at home). FWIW, 80% of my neighbors were not DINKs (or even married w/ kids). All sorts of other households, so you might not stick out as much as you think.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve bought two SFH’s as a single woman. After I left my second husband (after living in a SFH with him and/or my son for 20 years) I moved into an apartment, thinking that maybe I was ready to give up having my own house and buy a condo. Ugh. I hated it. I couldn’t buy my own house fast enough because I craved the space and the yard. I bought a house and had the time of my life remodeling and redecorating it exactly the way I wanted it. It was awesome! Even though I’m remarried and living in a larger house with my new lovely husband, I still miss the heck out of my very own single family house!

      Go for it!!

    • Senior Attorney

      The answer to those stupid questions is “because I can afford it and I want it.”

      • January

        Seriously – if that’s what your friends would say, you have judgmental friends.

        (But I hear you on feeling left out. I’m going to SO MANY WEDDINGS this year, and I’m sure babies are soon to follow).

      • anonymous

        +1. I make a lot of choices that aren’t really typical. When I get asked why, I say “because I want to and I can.” People always want a reason that THEY think is valid. It’s not about them. They’re not going to get it.

      • Fishie

        And then throw yourself a big old housewarming party and let them all buy you presents and celebrate your milestone!

    • Anonymous

      Sorry but I have people in the DC area to be particularly petty, jealous and competitive re housing. So they make comments re your relationship status but it is a way to “pull you down a notch” or point out something “negative” (not that being single is negative to me) to compensate for the fact that they’re thinking how did SHE come up with a 300k down payment alone, while my policy wonk husband and I are freaking out about how to buy in a good district. Ignore them and do what you want.

    • Anonymous

      Shows the double standard that people are still rude to a single woman re real estate – as if she can only buy a SFH if a man wants it. Yet I had guy friends who bought SFHs alone at like age 24-30 – some are still single and 35 and everyone lauded it as such a great investment; not once have I heard anyone say – well why buy now, why not wait until there’s a wife and you can buy together? Nope – it was always assumed that it was HIS house and bc he was a homeowner, he wasn’t gonna uproot his life – any wife or gf would have to come live in his house.

      • Anonymous

        This comment really hits home for me. I bought my house before I met the ex. Ex owned his house too. My house was bigger, better location, MUCH higher quality than his… the list goes on. It clearly made more sense for him to move. He resisted anyway. He eventually relented, but he complained about it constantly and he resented me for “making” him move. I’d never thought of it before, but I think your comment describes part of what was going on. He bought his house when he was like 24 and always assumed whatever girl was in his future would move in with him. The idea that he, at 30+, might move in with a woman who had a much nicer house than he could afford at 24 had legit never occurred to him.

    • Anon

      Agree that if you want it and can afford it, go for it. Also want to mention – is this a grass is greener situation? I live in the ‘burbs with toddler and DH and generally love my neighborhood and house, but sometimes I think it would be nice to completely downsize and move to a part of town that is walkable and where more stuff is going on besides taking LO to the park (which is great, but).

    • Anon

      I am 39, single and bought a 3500 sq. ft. house in a family neighborhood last year, and I love and use all of the space. My neighborhood is very safe and higher-income, so there will likely always be demand for this location if I need to sell. Screw the haters. There will always be people wanting to bring you down because you don’t fit with their boring societal conventions. Your opinion is the only one that counts here, so do what will make you happy.

    • YouDoYou

      F those people. Get the house you want and decorate how you like. My sister (single, 41) did that and she loves it. She has a ton of space for all her hobbies and her geographically-spread-out friends. In the meantime I’m on year 3 without a coffee table because DH and I can’t agree on one.

    • Anonymous

      Well, I’m 40 and just bought a small SFH and my family disapprove that it is too small, not in a neighborhood that projects an image of status, and not expensive enough. I bought it while my parents were traveling, told them after I was under contract, and showed it to them after closing while making affirmative statements about the home and my decision, but I’ve not solicited their opinion in any way. It’s working for me. Maybe you should do the same.

  26. Anonymous

    I’m in search of a female relationship therapist in NYC, ideally Union Square. Any recommendations appreciated.

  27. casual shoes?

    Thanks to that thread I ordered a pair of Supergas and a pair of chelsea boots. Also saved a pair of Rothys for later (loved them but sold out in my size right now in the colorway I wanted) and bookmarked two pairs of leather sneakers. I’m still trying to find a replacement for my beloved wedge booties but I love these new options. Thanks, hive mind!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for pointing out Rothys. I’d never heard of them. Interesting shoe construction that looks promising, but what is with the color schemes? Why ruin a beautiful plum shoe with a ?sporty strip of blue around the back heel?

      Are they supposed to also “look” like gym shoes? I don’t get it….

      • Anonymous

        I have 2 pair of Rothy’s – navy houndstooth and black. I don’t find the strip at the back to be as noticeable as it seems in the picture. They don’t look like gym shoes imo. I got them because I liked how professional they looked on a colleague. I wear them in the office and I’ve even worn them to court in a pinch.

        • casual shoes?

          I was planning on getting the ones with the bright orange bottom so I guess I’m their target market?

          • Anonymous

            I would love a pair for casual wear. Any idea if they would fit my broad toe and narrow heel?

      • Triangle Pose

        Yeah I agree. I ordered the orchid solid pair – I love that shade! I will report back. I don’t like the sporty look and plan to wear them as commute flats or work-appropriate flats.

  29. Gray

    PSA: mid season sale at COS. Cashmere, merino, wool etc.

    I can see you have the same catalog, but the models are styled completely differently! Here they are much more androgyn. Natural hair (or must seem untouched), makeup can’t show, boobs are best if flat, models slouch to hide boobs, no protruding behinds, minimal geometric jewelry. Heels are out mens wear shoes in.

  30. Help me spend a GC

    If you had a spare $75 gift card what would you spend it on? It’s a visa e-gift card, so I can use it anywhere online. I typically buy what I want/need and I can’t think of anything right now that I’m dying to have. Should I put it towards nice skincare (my acne drives me crazy sometimes), something for spring/summer, books on amazon….I’m at a loss. And no, I don’t have to spend it but I do like to shop.

    • Anon

      There’s absolutely nothing you’ve been eying lately? New sandals for summer? A new handbag? Home decor? Skincare is good too. Any experiences you’ve been wanting to do? New restaurant, theater production, etc? You can just keep it and use it as you buy stuff, even it is your weekly groceries.

    • anne-on

      Are you into asian skincare at all? I follow a few blogs (and reddit) and their suggestions TOTALLY changed my skin. For $75 I’d blow it at Amazon on a full routine: 1st cleanser (I like banila co clean it zero) 2nd cleaners (CosRX lowPH cleanser) toner, the Mizon aha/bha toner, a red box of stridex wipes (BHA) or cosrx bha, the cosrx whitehead power liquid (aha), a mizon or cosrx ampule (light moisturizer) a laniege multiberry sleeping pack (for super dry spots) and the acne pimple master patches plus some good sunscreen (biore watery essence) That’s a pretty solid starter routine for acne/oily skin.
      Otherwise – fancy perfume! cute tops! shoes!

      • Tecan

        Instead of blowing it on Amazon, blow it on veteran- and woman-founded Soko Glam! I do not work for them, but I am obsessed with their business.

  31. Botox PSA

    We’ve talked here about finding a reliable doctor to talk to about Botox. I just discovered today that my eye doctor’s office partners with an oculofacial plastic surgeon who does Botox in their office once or twice a week. It never occurred to me to talk to my eye doctor about Botox so I thought I’d pass along the tip!

  32. MidLevel

    Hi, long-time lurker. First time post. Anyone been to St. Louis, MO? Will be there for a couple days in early June for an ABA conference. Looking for shopping/dining tips for the day before and/or after the conference. Solo traveler. Loves thrift and vintage clothing and shops. Thanks in advance!

    • anonypotamus

      I’ve been once and I had a fantastic time. I think I’ve posted on here about it before, but can’t find the old post. Bogart’s smokehouse for burnt ends and ribs. The City Museum – (I can’t describe it, but trust me, TOTALLY worth it. I’ll leave it at “10-story slide”).

      • Annonny

        STL native here!

        Shopping:
        -The Loop in University City for shopping, lots of independent boutiques

        Other Activities:
        -The Zoo and the Art Museum are both free and in a lovely park
        -Missouri Botanical Gardens
        -The Muny has an outdoor musical theater series, you can get tickets for reasonable prices

        Food:
        -Pi for Chicago Style Pizza
        -Bailey’s Chocolate Bar for drinks and desserts
        -Pastaria for Italian Food

        • Alana

          I lived in St. Louis for several years and agree to all of the above.

          If you’re a fan of creative burgers, Bailey’s Range has them downtown.

          Additional boutiques
          -Central West End
          -Cherokee St. has antiques and vintage wear east of Jefforson and many Mexican restaurants, bars and boutiques and thrift stores west of Jefferson

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne

      If you’ll be at the convention center downtown, check out Anthony’s Bar or Tony’s Restaurant. They’re in the same building and use the same kitchen, but Anthony’s is a little more casual and has a more limited menu. Tony’s has been around forever and is much more formal.

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