Thursday’s TPS Report: Three-Button Striped Knit Blazer

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Three-Button Striped Knit BlazerI’ve been ogling this black and white mixed stripe blazer for a few weeks now, and it’s at the best price I’ve seen it at: was $125, then $85, today marked to $55.25. I think it’s a fun, summery piece that will be easy to throw on over all sorts of dresses and simple tees. Sizes S-XL are still available. Three-Button Striped Knit Blazer

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  1. Diana Barry - Karolina report :

    Hey ladies,

    For those of you who (like me) have wide forefoot/bunions but narrow heels and highish arches: I tried the Kate Spade Karolinas earlier this week because I had heard that KS shoes tended to run wider than Cole Haan, etc. HOWEVER, they didn’t work at all for me – they were still pinchy across the ball of the foot and then came up weirdly high on the outside of my foot toward the heel. So no dice.

    • That’s really interesting that they were recommended. I tried on (I think) the Kate Spade pumps last summer that were a chunky heel with two shades of pink patent, kind of a spectator. They were waaaay too narrow for me. Didn’t fit at all.

      FWIW, Ivanka Trump heels tend to fit me perfectly. They run wide so I can wear my real size (more of a 7.5W or 8W than an 8.5M).

    • This describes my foot exactly! Any other ideas for wide forefoot with narrow heel shoes? I don’t mind cheap shoes but I’d also pay almost anything at this point for a pair of shoes that actually fit properly.

      • I have a narrow heel and my only solution is to always have a strap so that my foot is held in. Mary janes, ankle straps, and sometimes a shoe with a high vamp (like a lace-up) will work.

        • Thanks! Any suggestions for specific brands or shoes?

          • The Ivanka Trump ITLEEA3 (on 6 PM right now) and the Adrienne Vittadini Cecilia are both really comfortable and pretty shoes. The Ivanka Trump pump has a higher strap, not quite around the ankle and the Adrienne Vittadini is a t-strap. I have the Adrienne Vittadini in red but would consider buying it in pewter as well (on Amazon).

          • I also have “triangular feet” (hello, bunions!). I just discovered a brand called Fidji that seems to be fantastic (and they actually have size 11.5/42). I have two pairs of lower-heeled Fidji pumps that both have straps (links to follow).

            Also, Payless has done pretty well for me in terms of roominess in the toe box. The quality is what I consider “disposable”, but they look pretty nice for several months of regular wear, and are quite comfortable. I use those stick-on foam heel inserts in order to wear the Karmen pumps, but I’ll give you a link to a Mary Jane that has been great, too.

          • Links:




          • I usually buy Gentle Souls because they’re made with such great leather (or is it deerskin?) on the inside that they will conform to my wide forefoot without being painful. I know shoes usually stretch, but I find it painful to wear them for the first dozen or so times before they get stretched out, even in some wide widths.

      • Search “triangular feet” on thissite. There was a discussion a while back.

      • This is me too. My favorite plain black heels are Naturalizer Lennox. I’m on my 3rd pair! I paid $90 bucks for the first two pairs and then when I went to buy the third they were on sale for $50. They better no be discontinuing these! I buy the in a regular width and they fit my wide toe box and narrow heal perfecting. Beware – when you try them on they’ll feel pretty snug but they do stretch a bit.

      • Well, that’s my foot type too & I love the Karolinas.

      • I’m currently wearing a pair of Clarks brogues which fit *perfectly* – and I have that shape foot. I generally find Clarks and Marks & Spencer’s shoes to fit me the best.

        I have a very shallow foot as well, when I got my ski boots the fitter was like ‘whoa, this is a strange foot’

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Good to know, thanks! The amount of Zappos boxes that are at my house right now is pretty absurd. I’m trying to find comfy shoes for an upcoming trip and finding something that fits my odd feet is so complicated!

    • This blazer isn’t really doing it for me. I think it’s too strong for me, with the wide horizontal stripes. I prefer clothing that isn’t quite so loud. But I do think it’s nice that they have made the stripes smaller around the waist and hip area – I’m guessing it is to create a bit of an optical illusion that make the waist look smaller.

  2. I don’t like this blazer at all – too busy. Following up to the budget question earlier this week, what is your monthly budget for:

    Lunch during the work week

    My numbers:

    Groceries – $800 a month. This seems absurdly high for me, DH, and my toddler, but we shop at Whole Foods (aka: whole paycheck). This includes non-food items too like toilet paper, dishwasher liquid, laundry detergent, etc. Curious if we’re spending way more than others.

    Lunch during work week – $80 a month.

    • That does seem a tad high, but if you really care about your food and can make that number fit in your budget, I don’t see a big problem with it. My fiancé and I spend about $500/month on Whole Foods in a HCOL city and I’d like to cut it down, but at the same time, food is important to me and I’d rather spend on that than on other items.

    • I'll Play :

      Groceries – $800 as well for a family of 4. Very pricey but we entertain quite a bit and so our grocery bill tends to run high.

      Lunch – $50 a month.

    • I just checked my mint a few nights ago and discovered I spend like $250 groceries and $250-$350 on restaurants/lunch per month.

    • I don’t think that seems too high. It’s about the same for us with me and my husband, toddler, and a 7-month old baby. For reference, I can count on one hand the number of times that we eat dinner out or pick up at a restaurant and I cook dinner most nights. Most of our meats and produce also come from Whole Foods and each weekend, we’ll splurge one night and I’ll cook steaks, seared ahi, and we’ll open a pretty nice bottle of wine. We also don’t go out to drink (see: toddler and baby).

    • $80 on lunch per month is pretty low, so I am assuming your grocery bill may include items for lunch too. Ours is high (though not that high) but it covers so many meals because I cook at home every weeknight, usually bring leftovers for lunch, and eat breakfast and drink coffee at home. With all of that included, it’s not that high and certainly lower than it would be to eat out more. So you really have to know stuff like that before you can make a fair comparison.

    • For just me, I spend about $80 a week at the regular grocery store and about $30 a week at Whole Foods (a little produce, some prepared foods like hummus, some things to eat over the weekend), and probably a little more on things like cereal and whole grain Goldfish at Target. Hard to pin down. But I hardly ever eat out and, at most, I might buy lunch one day a week now that we have Subway.

    • I average about $150 a month for groceries for one. I usually take leftovers or large salads for lunch, but buy lunch 2-3 times a month for an average of about $45.

      • good work! I’m trying desperately to get mine down to below $150 (i was at about 200 a month) by mostly just forcing myself to eat the same things over and over, since I’m in penny pinching mode for a while.

        • I’ve tried to do this (and failed) because inevitably I get bored and end up ordering like a 3-course takeout meal. Good for you if you can make it work! I haven’t been able to figure out how to make meals are healthy and that I actually want to eat…

          • What kinds of food do you like? Have you considered taking a cooking class, if you’re not naturally inclined towards cooking? I really believe that cooking food that you like, that you feel good about eating, might involve a lot of effort on the front end (getting a few recipes down, learning basic- to medium-level cooking and meal planning skills if you haven’t already, etc.) but will pay dividends on dividends on dividends over the course of your lifetime.

          • emeralds, I agree completely. Meal planning has helped me tremendously. I like cooking, but was wasting ingredients by shopping and then deciding what to make throughout the week. Now I pick a new recipe to try each week, then figure out what else I can make using the leftover ingredients. Meal planning also lets me consider what’s in season or on sale. The freezer is also my friend when there are specials like $1.75/lb chicken breasts. :)

          • TO: yeah it’s only working right now bc I’m telling myself it’s a temporary situation so that I can save money right now … I don’t think it would work if i tried to do it forever… I just Love Food! ;-)

          • emeralds – I’ve actually done that more over the last 3-6 months and it is making a difference. Only problem is that I also love unhealthy things like pasta and cream sauce so I’m trying to apply a discipline to eat and cook healthier

          • I hear you. The key for me is adding something just for flavor. So, 90% of my meals these days are veggies & chicken sauteed and then dumped over a bowl of quinoa. But i keep ‘flavoring’ things and spices around so I can change up the flavors, and add LOTS of flavor so I don’t get too bored. por ejemplo:
            – jar of olive tapenade, a couple different chutneys, salsa/sourcream/cheese, parmesan…
            If I want to go indian: add in some curry powder and raisins or chopped apples, and then add chutney when done. Italian: mix in tons of olive tapenade, dried thyme & basil, top with parmesan. I don’t really buy prebottled sauces (bc sodium, sugar, etc) but these are things I can just stock in my fridge that have a long shelf life and always have available.

    • My boyfriend and I spend about $650 a month on food for the two of us, but that includes groceries (Whole Foods and Trader Joes), going out, takeout, etc. I found that it was easier for me to budget for food as a whole rather than allocating money separately to groceries and eating out/takeout because in a week that includes more going out the grocery bill is much smaller and vice versa. I almost always pack my lunch because I work in an area that is a food desert (which is good for my budget and my waist line!).

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Anywhere from $300-500 between me and my fiancé. The higher end means we are ordering more from Fresh Direct instead of going to the grocery store. I don’t typically buy lunch so that is included in the range above.

    • I’ve started budgeting this year, and am still trying to figure out where the grocery budget should be. Set it at $450, went over, then $500, went over, now $550 this month, and still went over. Sigh. So, I’ll say about $600/mo. This counts basically everything consumable (toiletries, paper products, cleaning supplies, etc.), for two adults and a toddler. We shop mostly at Kroger in a low cost of living state. Buying specialty items online has killed it, too. (I spent $71 dollars ordering spices from Pensey’s this month- yikes!)

      We probably eat out around 3 times a month, and I very rarely buy lunch, so no real budget for that (Eating out goes into the “fun” budget when it happens, which I’m putting around $300/mo., but that also counts admissions, parking to do fun things, non-meal treats (i.e., Starbucks, ice cream out), etc.)

    • I love shopping at WF, but I avoid buying my non-food items there. For those items, I use Amazon or CVS. You might be able to save a few bucks by going that route.

      • Great idea!! Will try the Amazon route.

        • Or, if you buy those things at WF because you have preferences of an environmental / sustainability / fair trade / animal-testing nature, the amazon-run Vine (Market?) dot com (the same family as soap dot com etc.) is a good place… It’s free shipping over $49 so I stock up on stuff.

    • Our grocery bill is about $500 or less. But this is for one adult, one four year old (girl, which I hear makes a huge difference) and one 18 month old (also girl). I think it would be lower if I didn’t use local farms for meat and dairy. We buy some organic fruits and veggies, but for some things (like bananas) I don’t think organic is worth the cost.

      I don’t buy snack food at all. (Except yogurt.) That probably keeps the cost reasonably low, too. Also, the girls eat lunch at daycare, so the cost of that is in the daycare bill, not the grocery bill. I freeze everything, so we have a lot of leftovers that never go to waste.

      • In case anyone is wondering which organic produce items are worth the money:

        (list is from the Environmental Working Group)

        twelve most contaminated (dirty dozen):
        • celery
        • peaches
        • strawberries
        • apples
        • blueberries
        • nectarines
        • bell peppers
        • spinach
        • kale
        • cherries
        • potatoes
        • grapes (imported)

        Clean 15: (organic not really worth it for the money)
        • onions
        • avocados
        • sweet corn
        • pineapple
        • mangos
        • sweet peas
        • asparagus
        • kiwi
        • cabbage
        • eggplant
        • cantaloupe
        • watermelon
        • grapefruit
        • sweet potato
        • honeydew melon

        • The general rule I always heard, which is pretty consistent with this list, is that its more important to buy organic for produce that doesn’t have a skin or has a skin that you eat (like tomatoes, blueberries, etc). Things that have a removable outer covering that you do’nt eat, like avocados, cantaloupe, etc are less important to buy organic because the pesticide doesn’t contaminate the edible part as much. From my research, milk that is free of added growth hormones is very worth the extra cost as well. All organic milk is, and more and more conventional milk is going that way. Organic milk is also from cows not fed antibiotics, although I think that’s more of a societal concern and not so much a risk for the individuals drinking the milk.
          I always buy milk, meat and the more contaminated produce organic – will also buy other produce organic if the price is close (surprisingly, sometimes it is) or if the organic produce looks more appetizing.

    • $500/groceries for family of 4
      $20/month lunch (I only eat out once every other week or so)

    • We spend about £350 – £400 (£600-$650) a month for 2 adults and a cat (grocery bill includes cat food, household items, wine). It seems really high to me but includes breakfast (cereal and milk, or eggs, porridge etc), 5-6 lunches (often leftovers), and 6-7 dinners. No meat, we’re veggie at home.

      I’m sure we could go cheaper (Aldi or Lidl versus Waitrose delivery) but I feel like a diverse range of meals makes us less likely to eat out.

      • I agree with this. We’ve made a decision to to try to cut our grocery bill too much because it is inevitably cheaper than eating out (at least for the types of places we would eat out) and healthier too. I know I could spend less at the grocery store, but then I would be tempted to go pick up something instead of cooking my bland food.

        • Definitely! I eat meat but my partner is veggie so the restaurant options are pretty limited for him anyways, a £12 plate of pasta doesn’t seem worth it. Plus it forces me to be a more creative cook.

          I went from eating cereal for dinner on a fairly regular basis to making lasagna that sent a dinner guest back for thirds this weekend so I’m pretty pleased with my progress.

          • This is another good reason to get some cooking skills, as someone mentioned above. I am a darn good cook, and we hardly ever eat out because every time we order a $15 pasta or $20 chicken dinner…I could have made it better. For 1/4 the price. So we only go places that make stuff that is much harder to recreate.

        • This x 1000. I did cut my grocery bill when we realized that families of 4+ were spending less than we did (it’s me, DH, a stepkid 50% of the time whose lunch is provided by the school, and then my MIL eats dinner with us 1-3 per week), but I told DH that I needed a budget where I was cost-conscious, but not penny counting or else I’d be resentful about how little we eat out.

    • Nope. Not high at all, not even for shopping at WF in my opinion. I do 3/4 WF, 1/4 normal market, and I spend $800-900/month for 2 people.

    • My husband and I spend about $500 a month at Whole Foods.

      And another $100 a month at places like Costco and Target getting toilet paper and such.

      Good food is super important to me. I prioritize organic and whole foods because 50% of cancers are preventable with diet and exercise. The extra money is worth it to me.

    • About $450 per month for two adults and a toddler (who I think eats more than the adults), split between Sprouts and the farmers market. His daycare feeds his lunch and two snacks, so that reduces our food costs some. We don’t generally eat out during the week.

    • Me and my husband spend $500 on groceries (while includes other non edible stuff like detergent, shampoo, kitchen towls and other daily necessities) and I may spend $10 per week for lunch (as I pack lunch most days of the week). My husband spends more for lunch as he doesn’t like carrying lunch to his work. I think he will spend $40 to $50 for lunch per week.

      I used to shop at WF a lot. It made sense as well when I was single as I could buy small quantities. But now as I live with my husband, it saves a lot to buy in organic section of costco. We buy milk, eggs, juice, fruit preserves, almond butter, vegetable broth, fruits and vegtables at costco….all organic. It costs almost half as WF. Something to thnk about if you are trying to save money but not compromise on the quality of food,

    • My grocery budget is wacky, because I live at home (woo grad school hoo) and chip in odd amounts at random times, so I don’t think that’s relevant here.

      But for weekday lunches, I budget myself like…$20 a month and usually don’t use it. I make it a priority to pack lunch every day, so I only eat out if it’s related to some kind of work thing, which doesn’t come up too much. For me, it’s an easy way to 1) save money and 2) make sure I’m eating healthy, tasty, and non-processed food.

    • AnonLawMom :

      Fam of 4 plus nanny – $900/mo for groceries in HCOL area. Mostly at TJs. This includes stuff like detergents, etc. About $250/mo for just me on lunches. But I do soft “networking” type lunches fairly frequently on my own dime. My goal is to get these #s down to $800/$200 next month and maybe $750/$150 permanently.

    • Kontraktor :

      We’re at about $100-150/week for groceries for almost all meals (smoothie or juice for breakfast usually, leftovers/frozen items/sandwiches and a few items for lunch, starch/protein/veg usually for dinner) for 2 adults in east bay area of CA. We spread items across 4 grocery stores (Sprouts for produce and meat/seafood, Safeway for dry/canned goods, Costco for the few bulk items we can get that are astronomically cheaper than elsewhere, and Target for home/cleaning goods), although don’t visit all each week. Occasionally we will visit Whole Foods for certain vegan items I need/eat that regular stores don’t often have (although they are getting better). We usually eat lunch out 1-2 times on weekends (at sandwich/cafe type places) and 1 time a week for dinner. How much we spend seems to depend on what’s on sale, what runs out all at the same time, what incidentals (like olive oil) we need… things like that.

    • Clementine :

      Just me- about $250 a month on groceries- Trader Joe’s, Farmer’s Market and our local co-op with another 50 or so on household and personal supplies. When my husband is out of town for work (which he is for 6 months a year), our grocery bill skyrockets to something like 600-800/month. I am learning to be more okay with this because when he is at work, he has no say over what kind of food he eats, so when he’s home he is much more willing to splurge on really nice groceries. We also entertain frequently.

      We also prioritize good, organic food. When my husband’s working, I eat out once a week as a social opportunity. When he’s home, we eat out two or three times per month. We don’t really do takeout but I genuinely appreciate knowing that the option is available.

    • We spend about that much for our family of five in a low cost of living state. We eat almost every meal at home and I bring my lunch. Two of the children are not in daycare (stay with my husband) so that includes their lunch at home as well. We buy very few snack foods, but lots of produce, especially fruit. The 200/week also includes shampoo, paper and cleaning products and dog food. I know we could get the bill down more by buying fewer fresh fruits and veggies, fish and expensive cheese, but that is what we like to eat, it is healthy and we can afford it. So I don’t worry too much about it. We do have to be diciplined with not eating out often though! With a family of five, even a trip to a casual chain restuarant is expensive.

      • Oh, we also buy most of our bulk items (shampoo, body wash, dog food, paper products, flour, beans, etc.) at Sam’s Club and most of our produce at Sprout’s. I try to go to our local farmer’s market in the summer and here, it is a really good price on produce.

    • For reference, I’m single, big law associate in a HCOL city. According to Mint, I average $140 for groceries and $390 for restaurants. I eat dinner at work an average of 2-3 nights per week, though, which my firm pays for. Really trying to cook more and go out less, but in my group of friends going out to dinner on the weekends is the primary way that we all get together, and it’s never somewhere cheap. I have no idea about lunch, because we have a cafe at my firm and it just comes out of my paycheck each month, and breakfast/lunch/snacks are all lumped together (I eat breakfast at work every day). But it’s probably $150 or so, at least, which brings my food total to $680. Yikes. This thread is making me feel like I spend way too much on food :( $800 a month for food for 3 people is pretty awesome.

    • Wow, my numbers are way higher than everyone else’s, but hubby and I love food and have decided to keep this budget high as long as we can afford it (while I am working big law). Our mint “food and dining” budget is $1500 a month. Some months we’re under, some (but rarely) we’re a tad over. In a typical month, 55-65% of that is groceries (family of 4 with 2 preschoolers), and groceries includes all money spent at the grocery store (so toiletries, toilet paper, etc. are all in there). We entertain a fair amount, so sometimes the grocery portion is higher if we’re buying wine or otherwise throwing a party. We like to try all the new, fun, higher end restaurants around town with our friends (we get babysitters and that is our escape), so that is why the eating out part of the bill is so high. We could (and have previously) easily cut back on the eating out cost if we ever had to, but we enjoy the flexibility of having it in our monthly budget in case we want to take advantage.

      As for lunches, completely varies. I try to do a lot of business development over lunch, so the firm covers it a fair amount. Other days when I have to grab food in our building’s cafe, it’s around $10 a day. If I know I will be eating in the office, I try to bring my lunch more for health reasons than for the cost.

    • My grocery budget depends on how much I eat out – there have been times in my life when I’ve gotten a lot of takeout or restaurant meals and been spending <$50 a week at the grocery store, but then I'm spending a lot more on restaurant food. When work is manageable for both of us, our goal is to eat dinner out only once or twice a week, brunch once a week and lunch once during the week and the rest at home . For 5-6 dinners at home plus most breakfasts and lunches, we usually spend about $75-100 weekly at the grocery store for two adults in a HCOL area (I shop at Safeway, not WholeFoods, but I buy organic milk, meat and most produce). But then our restaurant eating for a couple dinners, a brunch and a lunch for the two of us is at least $100 a week (and that's a regular week with no fancy or special occasion meals) – so I'd guess we spend at least $800 a month on food for the two of us.

      If you're looking to trim your food budget, have you thought about shopping at a regular grocery store instead of WholeFoods? You could still buy all organic and save a lot of money. At least where I am (bay area) the Safeway has a huge selection of organic stuff and the prices are a LOT cheaper than WholeFoods. Trader Joe's is also a good place to look for reasonably priced prepared food like cereal without a lot of artificial ingredients.

      For lunch during the work week – I typically have lunch provided for free once a week or so, typically have one lunch date with my husband ($25 for two) and the rest of the days I bring food from home (either prepared by me or frozen entrees – either way its counted in the grocery budget).

    • Kontraktor :

      As much as I agree with trying to pack lunches being generally cheaper in theory, we’ve found it’s not really as cheap as it seems. Really you save more on the health benefit in the sense that you know what’s going into your lunch. The bread loaves we buy are about $4 each if not on sale, fruit (we need 10 pieces, 1 for each of us per day) is usually anywhere between $4 and $7, Kind bars (the only granola bars we will eat because they seem the least bad for you) are $1.50 each, nicer lunch meat is $10-12/lb (and that’s barely enough, if enough, for 10 sandwiches), cans of no salt tuna are $2.40 each (on sale, cheapest I’ve found, more expensive otherwise)… then add in any additional fixings for salads or sandwiches, or my hubs likes some extra crackers. Better frozen meals like Kashi or Annie’s are $3-5 if you can find on sale. IDK all the little pices just add up. Our lunches are probably at least $5 each, sometimes more depending, which isn’t that much cheaper than being able to go buy a sub sandwich with a small salad for $7 at a local cafe/supermarket or something.

      • Yeah, but $5 for all my food all day that I bring with me is really cheap, because in the neighborhood around my office there is NOTHING you can get to go that is less than $9-10. I also do some TJ’s salads that are $4 each, way cheaper than anything by my office. Plus, that extra $2 per day does add up.

        • Kontraktor :

          That’s true, you forget how much that few dollars extra does add up over time. I think I also bring a lot of random/extra things… I really wish I could be one of those people who has only a frozen meal or a Tj’s salad for lunch and that’s it. It’s all the extras, especially for my hubs’ lunch as he eats way more, that seem to drive the cost up. Food is just expensive :-P

      • With a little tweaking, you can generally recreate stuff like the Kind bars and Lara bars at home. We buy dates and cashews in bulk and it works out to be cheaper (at least for our frequency).

    • $400 a month for myself and my fiance in relatively LCOL. That is just a regular grocery store, not Whole Foods. I rarely eat out during the week but if I do it comes out of my personal money (separate area of the budget).

    • For just me I spend about £190 per month on food, including meals out but not including other stuff I pick up at the supermarket.

      I made an amazing refried bean quesadilla for dinner on Wednesday which was super cheap. The recipe was from BBC Good Food so if you search for it you should find it easily.

    • fancy foods :

      I spend 250/month AT most, more like 150/month in the summer. This is an unprocessed vegetarian diet for 2 adults. Its from my country’s “healthy” grocery store but its better priced than luxury grocers, and only marginally more expensive than bargain grocers. We don’t buy lunches we make them out of groceries.

  3. Two Cents :

    I’m looking for a place where I can buy inexpensive but good red wine. Online or in store is fine (I’m in Boston). Looking to buy a large case so that we can save some money. Any recs?

    • Killer Kitten Heels :

      Trader Joe’s! And they sell cases.

    • MBAwannabe :

      winestilsoldout dot com

    • Miss Behaved :

      Kappy’s, Blanchard’s, Costco, BJs…

      I think the BJs and Costco that sell wine are on 24 near ikea. There’s a Blanchard’s in Brookline and one in JP. There’s a Kappy’s in the Somerville/Arlington area and one on the Cape. There are probably others, but those are the ones I know of offhand.

      • Miss Behaved :

        I’m not drinking as much these days, but I used to pick up cases of Lindemann’s at Kappy’s every few weeks. They have a 10% discount on cases. So 6 bottles at $9.99 each would be $54.

    • This is a great selection, Kat, but Dad say’s I must save now b/c my taxes are due soon. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, Yay! I know where you can get a great deal on RED Wine. If you are in NYC, just go to Garnet Liqour’s on Lex and about 66th Street. Look it up on the INTERNET. When I was dateing Alan, he alway’s stopped in there and at the TIME, I did NOT know that it was goeing to be a probelem with his drinkeing, but he alway’s got good RED Wine there. The peeople were also very helpful, and it is near a subway stop so you do NOT have to carry it to far, and also they deliver. Yay!!!

      So once Alan got the drinkeing probelem, I told the peeople at Garnet NOT to sell him wine any more b/c he got drunk to often and made a mess in my apartement, includeing throwing up as well as peeing on the floor of the batheroom when he missed the toilet bowl. FOOEY! They recomended that he drink dry grape juice, which would solve the alchohol probelem, but not the peeeing probelem if he was to tired to see the bowl at night. I thanked them and now recomend them to anyone that need’s a place to buy wine in NYC.

      Dad told me NOT to forget all my tax stuff. The acountant will be at Dad’s house Saturday, and we BOTH have alot to go over with him. Dad told me they changed the HOME OFFICE RULES, so mabye I can get a bigger deduection this year!!! YAY!!!!!! We will see. Dad does NOT want for me to pay more taxe’s then I have to. YAY!!!!

    • Mark West pinot noir. At TJs, Von’s and sometimes Costco.

    • FYI: You can’t buy wine online to ship to MA. We have a wine club membership and we get the boxes shipped to the in-laws out of state.

      • This is technically true, unless you ask the shipper to send it unlabeled. (Ask me how I know….) Not legal but possible.

    • Diana Barry :

      The TJs in Cambridge or Brookline have wine – not sure if the one at the Pru does. If you go to Newton, Marty’s is good.

    • Trader Joe’s has some really great Argentine reds for about $5.

    • I like – it’s like a wine flash sale site and it suggests some interesting wines I would never have tried otherwise (wines typically cost $20 or less on the site). Trader Joes is also always a good option. Also, a lot of the supermarkets here (CA) offer specials where you can get 6 bottles for 20-30% off. That, combined with your grocery club card, can be some pretty good savings.

  4. Miss Behaved :

    Grr. Sorry for posting so much, but I have a migraine. And a manager has a conference call on speaker phone with her office door open. My head is pounding.

    • Shutting the door with a smile is acceptable in my office, regardless of rank. Hopefully it is ok in yours too.

      • I’m sorry, but I think that would strike me as so rude (ruder than having a call on speaker with the door open). It comes off as passive aggressive or something.

        • To be clear, a “smile” is more of a “do you mind if I shut this” gesture? Not a glare and a slam. I guess it is a know your office.

        • Nah – you smile because you can’t say anything with the call on. It means you are just trying to help out, because the caller didn’t realize how loud it was. I’d rather have someone do something about the problem than sit and stew about it.

        • Senior Attorney :

          Right. I agree. What else is anybody supposed to do if you are bothering the whole office/possibly unaware that everybody is overhearing your call? I think this is pretty universally acceptable office etiquette.

          Funny story: I was in my doctor’s office the other day and she was on the phone with the insurance company in her office, really going at it about getting paid for something. I could hear every word so I got up and did exactly what we’re talking about (we’ve got a good, close relationship so I felt like it was okay). It’s a new office and she didn’t realize everybody in the waiting room (which, mercifully, was only me) could hear her. She was mortified and was very grateful that I’d taken action.

      • This is usually ok in my office too. One manager will get pissy about it, but others and the director get it and don’t mind at all.

    • Mountain Girl :

      Have you seen a physician recently for your migraines? I saw a new neurologist in the area who specializes in migraines. He totally adjusted my medications and gave me a new script to try when you actually have a migraine. If you haven’t seen a physician in the last couple of years you need to schedule an appt as there have been new treatments developed that could help.

      • Senior Attorney :


        I suffered for years and when I finally got myself to a neurologist he had ’em knocked out within a month or two.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        I just started getting them in the last year and haven’t bothered talking w/ my doc b/c I had more pressing medical things. This is the kick in the pants I needed to bring it up soon.

    • Sorry, strong coffee may knock it down a rung.

    • Seeing a new doc for this issue, but in a pinch dramamine (for the nausea) + Excedrin migraine + regular coke will take the edge off of one.

    • I will sometimes do this (call with the door open) if I think it’s going to be short, and not many people are around (8am calls and neighbors aren’t in yet). But a coworker came and shut the door with a smile once, totally ok and I’m glad they did it rather than sit and be annoyed.

  5. Just had to make an emergency call to my husband to bring me needle and thread – the seam stitching for the slit in the sheath dress I’m wearing started to pull out and my slit migrated up about 3″!!! Quell horreur! Today – you can go ahead and end early, thanks.

    • Yikes!

      Note to self: Find sewing kit to bring to office.

    • Your husband is awesome!

    • seriously? is there no drugstore near your office? this seems quite imposing in my view. i’d be furious if my SO expected me to do an errand like this.

      • Wildkitten :

        I’d be insulted if my BF asked me to bring him thread, but I think he’d feel delightfully useful if he could do the same for me. People are different.

    • S in Chicago :

      At least you know you could sew it Bravo!

      One of my all-time favorite dresses was purchased on a lunch hour after such an emergency. I like to think the clothes karma gods were shining down on me that day. I also once purchased a pair of khaki pants at Old Navy after an hour or too sitting in wet pants that had battled too large of a snow drift before work while shoveling out my street parking spot.

  6. If you could get a iphone 4s for free or a 5s for $180, what would you choose (2 year term for both)? Is the 5s that much better?

    • Almost everyone would go with the 5S. I am a frugal contrarian and I basically did the former (actually, a year ago I got an iphone 4 for 99 cents instead of a 5 for $200. It depends on your budget and desires. Both will do email, web surfing, etc. The 5S has IOS7 so you can use newer apps without draining your battery (which supposedly happens when you update an older IOS to 7). I am happy because I was going from a feature(less) phone to my first smartphone, but if you’re going to be constantly comparing your phone to everyone else’s, get the newer model.

      • And of course, you can split the difference by getting the 5C for $100.

        • Killer Kitten Heels :

          This is what I did, and I’m a huge fan of the 5c. H has the 5s (because he’s an Apple junkie), and when the phones are in the cases, you really can’t tell them apart. The only difference is that his does the fingerprint recognition lock and mine doesn’t, but I find the whole “my phone memorized my fingerprint” thing creepy anyway.

        • I got a 5C as well and love it. It is MUCH faster than my previous 4S.

      • A Nonny Moose :

        In my very humble opinion, the 5S is worth it just for the fingertip unlock, which in addition to being very convenient when my hands are full makes me feel like a spy every time I do it.

    • I recently went from a 4 to a 5s and I am much happier. As apple rolled out later updates to the iOS, my 4 got crankier and froze more. Perhaps they fixed that with the 4s. But, it’s something to keep in mind that at the end of a 2 yr contract, you will be 4 years behind in hardware and the newest software may not work as well.

      • Good point. I didn’t even update my current 4 to the new OS because I heard it causes problems. But that means I can’t download some apps which gets annoying.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          I wasn’t going to update my 4S but did after the security concerns recently. It’s been ok but my battery life is shorter now.

          I’m out of contract but like my 4S just fine for now. I’m planning to get my phone unlocked so I can try out a non-contract service. Once the non-contract plans up the data limits a bit I’m going to test them and if I’m happy with it them I’m ditching AT&T. Even paying full pice for a phone, I’d be saving money by the end of 2 years so I think it could be worth it.

          • Senior Attorney :

            I got a couple of external batteries for my 4S and that has pretty much solved the battery life issue. I’m due for an upgrade but I think at this point I’m going to hold out for the 6.

      • This. When we first got iphones we got older models because they were cheaper, and by the time we were eligible for an upgrade they were so glitchy because they just couldn’t handle the newer operating system and newer apps.

      • I just got the 5s. My 4s was still in nice condition after 2 1/2 years (one of the longest periods I have had a phone) but it started freezing and having other kinks. I didn’t realize it was possibly the result of the update, but it finally motivated me to buy a new phone (it helped that my firm paid for it). I don’t know if it is offered everywhere, but Verizon threw in a free $200 Bose wireless speaker when I got my phone (my friend told me he got the same offer).

    • I’ve heard friends complain that the iOS7 operating system does not play nicely with the 4s, so I’d recommend getting the 5s if you need a phone right now.

      If you can wait until fall, a new iPhone usually comes out around September/October.

    • it is worth investigating how much longer updates for the 4s will be supported if an iphone 6 comes out later in the year.

      • She won’t be able to get the iphone 6 (without paying full retail price ~$500+) if she is locked into a 2 year contract to get the free 4s.

        • Yah i thought about that- if i locked into a 4s contract- it would cost a lot of money to break it to get a 6 right? because logically, i thought i should get a 4s, then wait for teh 6 to come out….

          I would wait until the fall but my phone is taking its last breaths (going on almost 3 years now). Freezing, sending messages late etc

          • Look into buying a used phone off of ebay or craigslist if you want to hold out for the new release. That way you don’t have to renew your contract just yet and are eligible for a discounted price on the 6. Just make sure the phone you buy is compatible with your network.

          • Or find out if any of your friends are upgrading and buy their old handsets off them? Then you know the provenance.

      • Does the iPhone 6 have an expected release date?

    • I would get the 5s. I have the 4s and the 5c ( work related) and really want to get the 5s for personal use.

    • I am a pretty late adopter for most technological things (did not have a smart phone until 2011). I had an iphone 4 (my first smartphone) that broke in the fall (always use a case!!), and was thinking about just replacing it for free with a new 4 (because my 2-year contract was up), but my friends convinced me to get the 5S for some extra $$ instead. I thought I wouldn’t care, and actually had some buyer’s remorse for the first day or two (wasted money!) but I am SO SO SO SO glad that I upgraded. I didn’t even realize how much the slowness was bothering me until I started using this phone. It’s worth it, if it’s in your budget.

      • I have the 5c and my bestie had the 5s, and I am sure hers does stuff mine doesn’t do but whatever it is I wouldn’t know because it’s nothing I’ve ever used, apparently. I’ve never had an issue with the 5c, which I got at target for $49.99 and they activated using my existing line/number service with at&t.

      • I guess I should clarify I’m comparing the 5S to the 4. I haven’t tried the 5C, which might be a better pick… the cost with my discount at the time wasn’t that big of a difference so I just went with the 5S.

    • I’ve heard from the techy folks that if you’re getting a phone now it’s better to go with the 5 rather then the 4, because some new systems will be launched in the next couple years and only the 5’s will be able to take advantage of the new bands. .. but that’s 2nd hand info ;-)

    • Interesting consensus. Personally I’d go with the free one. I use my phone for email, text, and talk, and not much else. I never download apps. I’m not an iphone user but recently got a (free) Samsung Galaxy 3S and have no regrets for not paying to upgrade.

  7. Any thoughts on this article? I don’t know if someone already posted it but it seems to go with the threads from earlier this week. I’m torn. I agree that often women are harder on other women- or just maybe more upfront with gender bias towards other women. But I don’t like how the writer characterizes the women talking about her clothing engaging in “high school gossip” like this is something only women do. I’m sure the men were “gossiping about the courtroom halls” about her outfits as well.

    • I also agree that if she is wearing really short skirts or a lot of cleavage, the men were likely talking too, though they were probably saying something different .

      I reject the idea that ‘women don’t have a uniform’ to wear to court like men do. That’s BS. You wear a suit with an appropriate shirt, which for court means no cleavage. I wear a DD so I know that it’s harder to find, but I have a closet full of court appropriate shirts. It’s not mission impossible. You wear a pantsuit if acceptable in your area court (I live on the west coast and pantsuits abound, but I hear this is still an issue other places). You wear a skirt that comes to the knee or thereabouts.

      It’s really not that complicated. The truth is it’s not HARDER to dress like a minion as a woman, we just don’t LIKE to. We have so many more options and we like them and want to wear them. I don’t think there is necessarily anything wrong with that, but if you don’t dress like a court minion you’re going to hear about it. You have to decide if your individuality is worth the cost.

      There’s a guy who appears in appellate court here a lot. He always wears a bow tie (often polka dotted) and a flower in his lapel. People talk. A lot. Judges talk. Older judges dislike. It’s “disrespectful”.

      It doesn’t only happen to women, it is just that men are more likely to go ahead and put on the dark suit and white button down and unobtrusive tie and call it good. And women’s fashionable attire has a far greater likelihood to skew “sexy”.

      • I agree completely. I really don’t know why people keep saying that women don’t have a uniform for court the way men do. Yes, we do. It’s called a suit, and it pretty much looks the same for both sexes: shoes, suit bottom, top, suit jacket, something to hold your wallet, pen, and notepad.

        Anonish, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, it’s not harder to dress like a minion as a woman, we just don’t like to.

      • Killer Kitten Heels :

        One thing I always try to keep in mind when I’m tempted to judge is that, especially for younger attorneys (who aren’t always getting paid very much, particularly relative to the average debt load), sometimes “too small but I can’t afford to replace it” can skew “s3xy” without the wearer intending it to be that way. I’m a short pear, and it’s a quick ten pounds from “that looks nice” to “nice a$$.” It seems kind of sh!tty to judge someone who is otherwise well-prepared, professional, and skilled by the fact that her suit doesn’t fit. Obviously some women who are dressing “s3xy” are doing so intentionally, but I know others who truly can’t afford a new suit, and do the best they can with what they have.

        Regardless, of whether he has a point, I’m pretty much appalled that a federal judge thought his public blog where he talks about being a federal judge was an appropriate place for use of the phrase “ignorant slut” (and yes, I know that it’s a SNL reference, but that doesn’t make it okay). When people with that much clout and authority in the profession normalize this kind of language, it’s bad for all of us.

        • I still call BS. I have bought suits at Goodwill for $20.
          Target and Kohls both have very inexpensive workwear options, and Kohls sends out coupons constantly, I have gotten a full suit at Kohl’s for under $50 with combo of sale & coupon. Again, I’m a curvy woman and I know what you mean about it being a short trip from “fits ok” to “Whoa there”, but if a dude was wearing pants to court that were so tight you could see the outline of his c0*% down his leg, people would comment about that, too. It’s just that men don’t generally do that.

          I agree that the language was appalling but then let’s call out the LANGUAGE, not lament that women should be able to wear whatever they want in all situations. There is such a thing as appropriate attire in some environments, and court is one of those environments.

          • Killer Kitten Heels :

            To be clear, I never said I thought it was appropriate, I was only saying that, when I feel myself tempted to judge other people or snark on them, I try to remind myself that not every woman in a skirt that doesn’t fit is doing it to be an “ignorant slut.” Is it inappropriate? Sure, no arguments from me on that front. Does that mean I get to act like a gossipy school girl as I tout my sartorial superiority? Nope.

  8. An FYI in light of the conversation on contraception earlier this week:

    “Emergency contraceptives or “morning-after” pills will soon carry a warning about their reduced effectiveness in heavier women, Health Canada says. The regulator said it’s asked four companies selling emergency contraceptives to add labels to their packaging to alert women that the pills are less effective in women weighing 165 to 176 pounds and are not effective in women over 176 pounds.”

    • Sydney Bristow :

      For some reason I thought this had already been done. I remember hearing about concerns that it was less effective for women over a certain weight. Not working for women over 176 pounds is a little surprising to me though.

    • Anne Shirley :

      WTF?!! 165 really isn’t that heavy. This is shocking.

    • Any chance that is actually 165 to 176 kg? which would be about 300 pounds. I realize that the above is a quote, but I just can’t fathom that being accurate.

      • Although, I am seeing other reporting that, yes it is 80 kg or 165 lbs.

        What bothers me is that in the same article, EC not working for overweight women is discussed. Like being over 165 lbs is overweight. Which it might be at some heights, but not all of them. And now I’m grumpy, being in the normal BMI range, but over 165 lbs.

        • Agree that calling 165 overweight is judgmental and very often incorrect. I imagine (in my nonmedical experience) that different dosages could be developed based on body weights, like for kids’ tylenol, which is dosed by weight.

          • To be clear, there wasn’t the direct connection that 165=overweight. But that was the implication from the articles I saw.

      • Anonymous :

        It’s accurate. This is a well-known but little mentioned risk, until recently.

        • As is regular birth control.

          • Really?! I’m on a standard BC (cheapest one the NHS here can get, I think) and I’m quite a fair bit over 165lbs, and it appears to be working. I’m not using it as a contraceptive, though – just to control things so I don’t spend a week every month hating my body – it’s more like three days every three months :D

    • Cornellian :

      WHOA, that’s terrifying. Seems like they should have a couple dosage options, then. I have taken that! Thankfully I’m not near the weight limit.

      I did know that birth control pills should take weight in to account, so I guess it makes sense.

      • Completely agree! Instead of warnings the regulators should be making companies develop effective products for women in all weight ranges. As a tall woman – I’ve concerned that I could be well within my healthy BMI and yet ‘overweight’ for birth control efficiacy purposes.

  9. Ciao, pues :

    Argh, can’t stop thinking about how I *should have* answered various interview questions earlier this week. seriously, like i’m dreaming about it! out of my head, damned botched interview questions! job postings in my field are so few and far between these days and i feel like i sunk…

    • Sorry to read that – I know how the post interview anxiety goes. I just had a “surprise” telephone interview yesterday (message was “call me back, I want to ask you something” turned into a full on interview).

      FWIW – even if you think you could have answered better, more succinctly, more brilliantly – it probably was just fine. It is what it is and interviews are so terribly subjective, there are few magic words.

  10. Just wanted to pop in and say the little Ks arrived safely early Friday morning! Except for one needing a little extra rubbing to pink up they were completely, 100% healthy and needed no NICU time at all. They’re on the smaller side for newborn boys, but quite big for twins (6.75lbs and 5.75lbs). All of the doctors, including their pediatrician, can’t believe I was able to carry them 37.5 weeks after needing to be on bed rest since week 20. I’ve got one snuggled into my sweatshirt right now while my MIL is happily reading nursery rhymes to the other one across the living room (does he understand? I doubt it, but it’s pretty adorable).

    Unsurprisingly, Mr. TBK has proven to be a pretty terrific father (when we left the hospital, I had changed all of one diaper while Mr. had done all the rest so that I could stay in bed and could focus on feeding the little ones). He’s also putting up well with my constant weepiness (topics for tears so far: we’re out of diapers downstairs, my pants don’t fit three days postpartum and therefore never will, the baby won’t latch and therefore will likely starve and it’s all my fault, the insurance company is being annoying and we’ll go bankrupt paying for a lactation consultant, I want coffee but the baby is still nursing — I’m sure there will be more before my hormones settle).

    Thanks again to everyone for the support. It’s been a long road getting here but I couldn’t hope for a better outcome. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lucky.

    • Congrats TBK – good job “cooking” these wonderful little ones. Take good care of yourself and enjoy this new chapter in your life!

    • Killer Kitten Heels :

      So happy for you that the peanuts arrived safely and in good health. Congrats!

    • Congratulations!! What an exciting time in your life!

    • Wildkitten :

      Good work TBK!

    • Hooray! I’m so happy for the four of you!!!

    • Such great news! Congratulations.

    • Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

    • Aaw, congrats TBK! So happy for you :)

    • Wooohooo! So glad you all are doing do well.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Congrats! Glad to hear everyone is ok.

    • Congratulations! You’re right at the height of the post-pregnancy weepiness, if I remember correctly. Hang in there and it will get better! Also, FWIW, I drank coffee while breast-feeding all the time, and never had a problem with it. YMMV, but I don’t think coffee in moderation will hurt anything. Congratulations again!

      • Maddie Ross :

        Agreed! Drink the coffee!

      • Diana Barry :

        +2, my doctors told me it was FINE to have 2 coffees a day. :)

      • Anonerina :

        Have to agree here — I was at my usual caffeine intake in the hospital after delivery and every moment thereafter. Had no problems with either child (not multiples) sleeping for feeding, but it made a world of difference to me to have my normal diet / drinking habits postpartum. I came home from the hospital and had Thai curry and fell in love with my baby all over again for letting me eat the food I wanted when I wanted.

      • She might mean “I want coffee RIGHT NOW but the baby is actively nursing and I fear I will spill it on him!” :) I wept over that as well.

        • Yes. Everyone was drinking coffee. I still had one baby finishing up his breakfast and was so tired and wanted coffee NOW but had to wait for the little guy because right now bfing is a two-handed endeavor (one on [email protected]@b, one on baby — they’re still so little they can’t quite get situated without help). So no coffee for me for 10-15 more min. => tears.

    • Congrats! So glad to hear that everything went well and that the little nuggets are settling in!

    • Senior Attorney :

      Woo hoo hoo!!! Such great news!!! Congratulations to all and Happy Birthday to little K1 and K2!!

      Hooray for TBK, Queen Champion Gestator!!!

    • Peppermint Patty :

      So happy to hear this great news. Welcome baby Ks! And way to go mama!

    • Congratulations, awesome news!! And, yes, the postpartum hormones are crazy…but they will get better (and so will your pants).

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Congratulations!!!!! So happy for you and your family!

    • Wow, congrats! I haven’t been on this site for two weeks and come back to this fantastic news!

      You will be fine. I am sitting here now with my now-3-month-old and it really gets so much better. And get the lactation consultant – it is so worth it.

    • Omigosh Yaaayyy!!!! You did such an amazing job, I am so impressed! You give those two little K’s a big smooch for me, and take care of yourself.. and we’ll be here waiting when youhave time to come back and give us updates. Congratulations!!!

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      Awesome news, congratulations!!!

    • Congratulations!! I was getting worried – but still hoping that the reason we hadn’t heard from you was that you were wrapped up in babyland. Enjoy your little bundles!

    • Baconpancakes :

      Congrats, TBK! I’m so glad the boys are healthy and you’re doing so well.

    • Ahhhh, congratulations!

    • Congrats! The weepies continue for a few weeks and then hopefully resolve for you. If not, don’t be afraid to ask for help. And the crazy early twin days level off to something more manageable/routine by around 4-6 weeks (at that age, my twins started actually going to sleep at 8, and then waking up around 1 and 4 to eat overnight–as opposed to the “OMG, are they ever both going to sleep at the same time of before). I remember thinking it would never get better, thus the unsolicited testimonial to assure you that it will.

    • TO Lawyer :

      YAY CONGRATULATIONS! And good job cooking those babies!

    • CapHillAnon :


    • Diana Barry :

      Wow! What nice big boys! Welcome little Ks! Eat lots of sushi! Congrats! :)

    • Good job you! and Mr. TBK! Congrats! (The weepiness gets better, promise!)

    • Congratulations and welcome, welcome to your sweet babies!

    • AAHH CONGRATULATIONS TBK!!!!! That is so wonderful. Yes your hormones will calm down soon. Take lots of pictures, and don’t forget to take pictures of their whole bodies — not just their faces! Welcome Junior & Junior TBK

    • S in Chicago :

      What happy news! Made my day. (The nursey rhyme thing is something I could so picture my own wonderful MIL doing in a state of excitement. I love it.) Congratuations!

    • So glad to hear this!!!! That is amazing that neither of them needed any NICU time! Hope the weepiness/hormones settle down soon and enjoy your babies!

    • Famouscait :

      WOO HOO TBK! So happy for you and your family. This really made me smile today. =)

    • Congrats TBK!

    • mintberrycrunch :

      Congratulations! So happy for you!

    • Double congratulations! This is the best news I’ve had all day. :-)

    • just Karen :

      Congratulations! So happy for the happy outcome to your adventure. Welcome baby K’s!

    • Congratulations! Newborn snuggles are the best. :)

    • Lovely all around. Congratulations!

    • So so happy for you all. Best of luck and sending you all the sleepy baby thoughts that I’m my busing up for mine!

    • SV in House :

      Hooray! So happy for all of you. Congratulations!

    • Congratulations.

      Drink the coffee. Eat some chocolate.

      I b-fed my son mostly chocolate milk , I think! for his first week. He turned out fine. You deserve your cravings.

    • Congratulations!!!

    • Silvercurls :

      Mazel tov!! Enjoy and enjoy…and take care of yourself also. Sleep as much as you can. So glad to read your good news!

    • Coach Laura :

      Congratulations TBK! I missed this and am glad I went back to check it. So happy for you all. Enjoy the snuggles and the newborn baby smells!

  11. Opinions please:

    About a month ago I scheduled an appointment with a financial advisor I know for this Friday at 3 pm to go through my 4 separate 401ks and discuss rolling them all over into an IRA that he would manage. I’ve been putting this off and I need to get it done because as you know it’s not really good to drop your money in 401ks and then not manage them….

    Anyway, a month ago when I scheduled the appointment I thought we wouldn’t be that busy with work. Fast forward to this week and we’re pretty slammed. I had a discussion with my boss last week regarding what I needed to accomplished by this Friday (tomorrow). I agreed and said it would be do-able. On Tuesday of this week I went in to his office and said (verbatim): “I have an appointment at 3 pm on Friday that I scheduled about a month ago and then forgot about, I just looked at my calendar and realized it’s this Friday. It’s not hugely important and I can just re-schedule it if needed but I thought I would just check with you before I cancel it. Assuming I have everything I agreed to have done before Friday at 3 pm (which I do not anticipate being a problem) would it be a problem for me to go to the appointment?” He looks at me like he wants to punch me in the face and says “would you come back after this appointment?” I said I wasn’t planning on it (come on it’ll be like 4:30 by the time I get out of the appointment). He is visibly angry and says “well, it’s pretty convenient that you have an appointment at 3 pm on Friday when we’re busy that you can’t come back to the office after” (I think he was insinuating that it was happy hour plans or something). I said, “like I said it isn’t hugely important and it sounds like you’d like me to be here so I’ll just reschedule it for another time”.

    Then he goes on a rant – you can’t just spring things on me, it messes with my planning. Like when you’re dad suddenly showed up at your house at 5:30 p.m. and you had to get right home. I don’t want these things to become habitual. I’m about to start crying at this point because I thought this was going to be simple conversation and I totally wasn’t prepared for a battle. I said, “I didn’t know my dad was going to be at my house as early as 5:30 (he was driving up from Texas and made better time than he expected to)”. I wasn’t going to make him sit at my house for 2 hours waiting for me to get home. He’s my dad that I see 4 times a year. Not gonna do it.

    He closed with “are we good? do you understand my points?”. I said “I’m a bit confused regarding you warning me to not make this a habit because I’ve never left before 5 pm any day in the last 10 months that I’ve been here unless I took vacation. So I don’t know why you’re flagging this as possibly “habitual”. He said “I’m talking about the future”. Okay point taken.

    Sorry, I know this is the longest rant EVER:

    Then he goes into “I don’t want people in the office to gossip about you, if you leave at 3 people will ask where you are and then I have to tell them that you had an appointment and won’t be back”. I said I understand people gossip about these things if they happen often but this is the first time I’ve ever even asked to leave early and not come back. I told him, point taken.

    I’m annoyed. I’ve worked 6 Saturdays over the last 2 months on top of at least 50 hours during the week. I realize this isn’t much to you big law folks, but this isn’t a big law job. I got out of public accounting to avoid this and here I am again.

    To sum it up: Was my question to him unreasonable? It is unreasonable to go to an appointment on Friday afternoon and not come back????

    • Thanks to anyone who is patient enough to read through my very.long.rant. I appreciate feedback.

      • Your question was reasonable.

        This is your boss’s issue, not yours. Unfortunately, you still need to work with your boss.

        Making a 3:30pm appointment and not returning after is not unreasonable. However, I never do that on a Friday just because some a**hole is going to assume I’m leaving early for weekend plans.

        • I like to make appointments for Friday morning, because Fridays we have fewer meetings, but Friday afternoon appointments are likely to be misinterpreted.

          • Lesson learned on that one! I’m such an honest person that would never have an “appointment” to ditch out early. I didn’t even think of it.

    • That sounds like a really douche-y overreaction to me.

      • Thanks NOLA. Then he says “just keep the appointment, it’s fine”. I laughed and said “consider it cancelled because “it’s fine” is not what I just gathered from that conversation”. I cancelled it. He it out with horrendous food poisoning today. That’s what he deserves…

        • MBAwannabe :

          +1 agree with everything said here. He sounds like a nightmare. And I think you handled it very nicely.

        • +1. What a jerk. Sorry you have to deal with him; I’d say this is definitely, 110% his issue, not yours.

    • this is insane. I’d start looking for another job. Note to bosses out there, this is abhorrent behavior that will make good people leave.

      • Thanks anon. It made me want to kick the sh*it out of my husband when I got home and told him and he says “well honey, think of it from his position, he probably thought you were trying to duck out early to go to happy hour or something”. Thanks for the support husband.

      • Anne Shirley :

        Eh, it sounds like he’s a jerk, but the OP knew this would be a problem and decided to engage with him on it anyway. If it’s not that important and you can reschedule and you know you’re busy, I’d just go ahead and cancel and save these types of interactions for when if is really important and you can’t cancel.

    • Sounds to me like he was projecting his own stress about the busy period at work onto you. I agree that it was a ridiculous overreaction – but I also would suggest that in the future, you just cancel the appointment without discussing it with him. Save the political capital for appointments that you really can’t reschedule.

      • Yeah, that’s definitely what I was thinking when I was walking out of his office. I’ll never ask again. Um point taken.

    • tidewater :

      Sounds like he is a jerk–especially since you were coming to him with the offer to cancel aka give him what he wants. Look for another boss. As others have said, that is the type of behavior that makes good people (who do put in the time and effort) polish up resumes.

      • I can’t get a new job. I’ll be viewed as a job hopper on my resume and I make more here than I could make anywhere else. I’m going to have to stick it out for a while….

        • The benefit to crazy bosses like this is you can realize they’re crazy and not take it personally. Stop phrasing things as “can I” and just state it.

          • Meg Murry :

            Yes, don’t put it as “Can I”. Put it as “I have an appointment on Friday and I’m planning to leave at X. I will be staying late Thursday to make sure A, B and C completed by then, and I can finish up D and E later that night /on Saturday/before they are due on Monday”. If you ask, you are probably going to be told no. If you state the plan and the way you will make sure things are completed, you are much more likely to get the answer you want.

            But yeah, Friday afternoon appointments don’t generally look good – I avoid them unless I’m planning to take a 1/2 day (pre-approved) vacation for them, and even then make it rare.

        • yes, you can get another job. you can explain that the fit isn’t right, use your experience to be more careful in deciding who you work for. as for the money, figure out how much it’s worth to you to work for a jerk, and also keep in mind that salary differences in the 5 to 10s of thousands aren’t usually lifestyle change differences.

    • I think this is a situation where you will help yourself greatly by managing your manager. Give him only the details he needs. “I have an appointment on Friday at 3 pm. I will have finished the work we discussed by then, although I should be able to come back to the office around 4:30, if needed.” Set it up so he can say yes. When he says “that timing is mighty convenient,” I would just reply, “like I said, it’s an appointment, and I scheduled over a month ago, but I will fully be able to come back into the office when the appointment is over, if needed.”

      Depending on how hard it is to reschedule with the advisor, it might be worth just rescheduling anyway so boss feels you are available.

    • I think your boss sounds like a jerk. Mine wouldn’t care as long as the work gets done. But luckily I don’t live in the US where these crazy work hours sound like the norm.

  12. You are right to be angry!

    Only possible lessos: check your calendar everytime you have a discussion with your boss on your work programme… easier said than done, but worth trying.

  13. I’m in my third week of a new job and feel really ill today (run down and probably have a fever)… how terrible is it to leave early and try to bring work home for after I rest? It’s so hard to figure out the office culture. But I’m dying over here.

    • Please see my rant above. Proceed with caution.

    • Fever is one thing. I think most managers don’t want someone with an actual fever around. “Run down” is so amorphous that I would never use that as an explanation for illness. It can mean anything from seriously anemic, to stayed up too late last night.

    • Do they have an ear thermometer in the first aid kit that you can use to check your temp? We had one at my old office. That was you can confirm that you do in fact have a fever, you do not feel well, and you do not want to get anyone else sick.

    • What environment are you working in? If you work in anything that touches health or a hospital and you feel sick, they want you to go home ASAP.

    • It’s all in the approach/communication. Check with our boss, say you’re coming down with something and think it would be best to stay at home if it’s OK with him/her. Offer to bring work home. Check in at the end o fthe day and say “got X or Y done; thanks again for udnerstanding- i’m not normally out sick” etc.

      I came back from maternity leave and within 2 weeks managed to get the flu. I had a new boss (re org while I was out) and felt TERRIBLE That I just came back and had to be out again. It was fine, but I know how you feel! I literally emailed her from the doctor “have a 102 degree temp and just got a chest X ray to rule out pnemonia…NOT MAKING THIS UP!!!” :)

  14. Baconpancakes :

    Poll: What are your favorite style non-red-meat tacos? Any great recipes?

    • Wildkitten :

      Al Pastor.

    • Taco taco taco :

      I love to prepare a “taco bar” with small bowls of fresh lettuce, tomatoes, guacamole, red onions, cilantro, limes (quartered), grated cheddar cheese, sour cream, salsa, jalapenos, and refried beans (TJs has several options). Then I heat up store bought tortillas with a tiny bit of butter or oil, and serve them up!

      Serve a couple Coronas with lime wedges on the side, and you are in heaven.

    • Post Punk Kitchen’s ancho lentil tacos!

    • A Nonny Moose :

      Sweet potato or butternut squash with black beans. Such an excellent combo!

    • Lentil tacos! I started eating them as a vegetarian, but still prefer them to meat tacos (and so does my husband who was never a vegetarian) now that I eat meat. I don’t do anything special, I rinse 1 cup of lentils, place in pot with water to cover, pour in a package of taco seasoning, and let them simmer until tender. By then the water has been absorbed/cooked off, so it should just be taco seasoned lentils in the pot. Sometimes there’s still a lot of liquid, but I just let the simmer on low until it’s gone.

    • Fish tacos, yummmmmmmmmmmmm

    • Anonymous :

      cooks country has a great easy chicken tacos recipe. you braise the chicken in a garlic chipotle sauce and then shred it and toss. it’s our go to recipe.

      also, i love sauted zucchini and squash in my tacos with guacamole, salsa and cheese. it’s a little lighter, but delicious.

    • carnitas

    • Double-Bingo :

      I grew up with turkey tacos as a go-to way to use up leftovers after Thanksgiving. My parents recipe had raisins in it, which sounds weird but was actually really tasty.

  15. The owner of our company’s daughter just had a baby two weeks ago. My single, never had a child, 50 year old boss was talking about how he heard the mother and baby were having issues with breast feeding (not uncommon to have issues with bre**astfeeding). He said there’s obviously some kind of attachment issue there…..babies don’t just not latch for no reason at all. I just wanted to yell at him and tell hit to STFU….what the hell do you know about bre**astfeeding a baby. Lactation consults are employed because breastfeeding is always easy, duh.