Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Noir Reserve Blazer

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A Black woman with short natural hair wearing a black blazer, black-and-white striped top, and black pants (legs cropped out)

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This blazer from Oak & Acorn is a slightly more interesting version of the basic black blazer. The flap front and breast pockets give it a bit of a utilitarian look, but I think it would still look office-appropriate with a blouse, ankle pants, and loafers.

Do note that it’s designed to be slim fitting, so if you want a slouchier look, I would size up.

The blazer is $650 at Shopbop and comes in sizes XS–XL.

A couple of options at lower price points (lucky sizes only, unfortunately) are this plus-size Good American blazer ($129 on sale) and this blazer from Proenza Schouler White Label ($180 on sale). One very close dupe to throw out there: this faux suede blazer from, er, Forever 21; it's on sale for $35.99.

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Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

345 Comments

  1. I have splurged in a kitchen aid and I’m so excited to upgrade my old mixer. What’s your fave recipes to make in it? Google keeps suggesting meatballs and spreading meats but I’d love some other ideas! I’ve made it a spot on the counter so it can live out to get used.

    1. I can’t imagine getting my mixer out and dirty for meatballs.
      The place a stand mixer really shines is in making cakes. Anything else, it’s a cost/benefit tradeoff of convenience vs stuff to clean. Much of the time, a bowl and wooden spoon gets you there just as quick.

      1. I loathe disassembly and cleaning. You have to be really honest about the sort of cook you are. I’ve gone so far as to leave the very, very serious baking to professionals (after buying a 36″ stove that would fit a full baking sheet).

        1. I’m so confused about these cleaning complaints. I just put the bowl and whatever attachment I used into the dishwasher, and wipe down the motor unit with a damp sponge. If I had used a bowl and a spoon/whisk/etc. to mix something manually I would be cleaning them the same way. Is there some complicated cleaning protocol I’m missing?

          1. I’m with you. I hand wash the mixing paddle, but I’d hand wash a wooden spoon, too. Who is taking apart mixers each time you use them??

            I also dispute that you can do everything you can do with a mixer with just a bowl and spoon. Maybe, but I can’t imagine creaming butte and sugar by hand, although you would build up some nice arm muscles.

          2. It’s not that hard. Meringue can be tedious with a whisk, but also no big deal and not the sort of thing most make on an everyday basis.

          3. Agree with this. I think it’s super easy!

            OP, pro tip: Get a second set bowl and second paddle, for when you’re doing, say, wet ingredients and dry ingredients. That way you don’t have to wash in between.

          4. I consider set up/put away as part of the cleaning process. I don’t store my Kitchen Aid on the counter, so sometimes taking it out of the cabinet and wrestling it back in is way more trouble than it’s worth.

          5. Whatever you do, dont put the metal attachments in the dishwasher. They’re covered in something (aluminum?) that oxidizes in the dishwasher and then they release this chalky grey stuff anytime you touch them. I just had to replace as I looked online and no one had a way to fix this. If you can get the white enamel coated attachments, I’d always pick those over the metal ones.

          6. @London (formerly NY) CPA — There is a way to fix it using cream of tartar. It’s been a while since I’ve done it but IIRC you make a paste and coat the damaged aluminum with it, then wrap it in foil and put it in the oven @200F for an hour? Not sure about the specifics, but I found it on some random forum and it worked like a charm. In case anyone’s facing this issue, I think if you google “aluminum cream of tartar” there’s lots of results. It will also fix damaged aluminum pans, though usually that takes less to fix (a mild solution of cream of tartar in hot water, not a paste + bake).

            That said, I 100% agree, definitely don’t put the attachments in the dishwasher! Some of the newer ones are coated to avoid this issue but they still last better if you hand wash. Plus it’s pretty easy to do: my favorite trick is to put hot water and dish soap in the bowl, then use the attachment + mixer to agitate. It helps clean the bowl and gets all the crevices of the attachment at the same time; it’s especially good for the whisk attachment. Then a quick rub with a sponge and a thorough rinse and everything’s clean. (I use the same process for my food processor and blender too!)

      2. I can’t imagine buying and paying rent to house a giant and unwieldy appliance that is good for only making cakes. How many cakes do you make in a year? (I hope for the OP’s sake that machine does more.

        1. I use mine weekly, mostly because I stress bake. Also I make a lot of bread and other yeast doughs, and I love the dough hook attachment. Stand mixers really shine at tasks that involve prolonged whipping or mixing, so they’re great for creaming butter+sugar, whipping egg white, making smooth frosting, etc.

          Also, I do make cake / cupcakes / cookies at least once a month (like I said, I stress bake). But I also have an ice cream attachment that gets a lot of use in the summer months, and there’s multiple other attachments that expand its utility. But it probably only makes sense for someone who bakes frequently as a hobby.

    2. I use mine for all sorts of things: shredding chicken, making meatloaf, mashed potatoes – anything where I don’t want to get my hands in there.

        1. I don’t think of my mixer as that hard to clean, honestly. The bowl pops off and goes in the dishwasher and the attachments get a quick hand wash.

          I use it for shredded chicken, mashed potatoes, fresh whipped cream, bread and cookies. I have the counter space to leave it out – if I didn’t that’d be another story. It’s HEAVY.

          1. Yeah I’m with you, I got one for christmas and it hasn’t been any more work to clean than if I did it by hand.

          2. Haha my husband hates having things out on the counter so our deal is he has to take it out and put it away any time I want it, without complaint. Five years in, so far, so good.

        2. I am also puzzled by these comments. This isn’t a food processor with 5 pieces that have nooks and crannies (although our food processor also goes in the dishwasher^^).
          A Kitchenaid is a bowl with a utensil, literally the same pieces as if you were doing stuff by hand, except that the utensil clips into a motorized holder and the bowl is perhaps larger. The cleaning is the same effort.

          1. Oh I bet they’re thinking of a food processor. Mine is kind of a pain to clean now that I think about it.

          2. Someone above posted that they put the whole machine away and get it out for each use. I see how that would change the calculus. Mine has permanent counter space.

      1. The cleaning is no issue – really just the bowl and paddle/whisk.
        Even when I use my Kitchen Aid food processor – the bowl goes to soak immediately and the attachments go in the dishwasher.

    3. I mostly use my mixer for baking. Not sure I’ve ever made a savory dish in it, unless you count kneading pizza dough.

    4. There’s really not a ton of non-baking things you can make in it unless you get the attachments and start grinding meat or making pasta (which I highly recommend!). It does great with pretty much ALL the baked goods though. I’ll never have to cream butter and sugar for cakes or cookies again. Whipping up frosting is like almost a magical process to see it go from goop to creamy goodness. I made a delicious brioche bread 100% via mixer too. I have also done meatballs in it and it did mix them better than I can by hand.

      I don’t find it very difficult to clean either. If I’m making meatballs without it, I’m going to dirty up a large bowl and probably some sort of mixing spoon, so same as me needing to wash the mixer bowl and paddle.

      1. +1 for it not being difficult to clean. I just put everything in the dishwasher and have never had a problem.

        1. +2 unless I need it for something else immediately after, it all goes in the dishwasher

    5. Anything with whipped eggs or egg whites. Meringues, angel food cake, macarons (these are a PROJECT to learn).
      Also thick cookie doughs with lots of add-ins that are a pain to mix. See for example the Doubletree hotel cookie recipe available on the Hilton website–yum!
      I don’t love making dough, but the KitchenAid helps. However, make sure not to overload it as it really works hard at kneading dough. Also make sure you stay around and dont walk away for long periods of time as sometimes the mixer can shuffle across the counter because dough makes it shake so hard!
      I don’t believe I’ve ever used it for savory cooking.

      1. Yeah, I made dough last year (make sure you keep the speed low!) and my mixer worked its way across the counter and crashed off, chipping a chunk out of my marble tile. Somehow the mixer still worked but it was stuck between 2 and 8, so I replaced it. It was from 2007 and I don’t think the one I got in 2021 mixes as well – it doesn’t get the bottom. So keep those old ones in good condition!

        1. You can adjust a screw on it I think so it lowers a bit more to get the bottom.

    6. It’s great for shredding chicken and kneading dough!

      Not sure why people hate to clean it. I put the bowl and paddle in the top of the dishwasher and I’ve never had any problems.

      1. Kitchenaid mixers have two advantages over other mixes, in my experience. First, the motor is more powerful than the average mixer motor. That’s why it’s so great for bread dough and chicken etc. Second, the attachments are great.

        1. I find that the Kitchen Aid attachments are so expensive, though. I have one but few attachments. It’s much cheaper to buy that standalone ice cream maker or pasta roller than to use the KA branded stuff. Even if they were to break it’s often cheaper several times over.

    7. Congrats! I live in the city with very little counterspace, but my Kitchen Aid has a spot on it because I use it all the time. We make cakes, cookies, any desert that requires it, bread, pasta (with the attachment), gelato (with the attachment)…really anything that needs to be mixed! We use it for savory too, but I guess I have sweet on the mind this morning. It can handle the tougher doughs, especially for Italian cookies like biscotti, etc. I do not find it difficult to clean, unlike a food processor which has so many pieces and small areas to dry. I’d use it like you used your prior mixer, and then get attachments that match your cooking style.

    8. If you bake, you don’t have to soften your butter first.
      I have a meat grinder attachment and grind my own chicken for chicken meatballs, which is 100% worth it. I grind a bunch at a time and freeze it in 2 pound packages (I have 3 teen boys, hence 2 pound packages).
      Egg whites.
      Shredding cooked chicken, although you have to pay attention so you don’t turn shredded chicken to powdered chicken.
      Kneading dough.

      1. I’m glad to see your tip about the butter! I always forget to take butter out to soften it, and have been putting it pretty cold into the mixer to cream without knowing whether that’s bad or not. Things have baked up fine, so looks like my accidental laziness is more like a mixer hack :)

        1. The smaller pieces you cut your cold butter into, the better the results. I use a cheese grater, largest holes

    9. I love kneading bread by hand, but I also viscerally loathe having sticky dough all over my hands, so I love my mixer for kneading the stickier doughs into submission. I finally moved to a house where my mixer can also live on the counter, and I’m so psyched to do the King Arthur English muffin bread in it!

    10. If I had one, I would make all the stiff cookie doughs that blow a fuse when I use the hand mixer, lol.

      I actually bake quite a bit and still don’t have a KitchenAid. It’s a space thing, and the hand mixer works fine like 90% of the time.

    11. I make lots of cookies in it. Particularly ones with lots of add-ins that are harder to incorporate with a weaker mixer or by hand.

    12. Homemade whipped cream!!! Also, kneading break, mixing cookies, anything where smoothness is important or the ingredients are dense.

    13. If your family likes 3 different kinds of cookies like mine does, I recommend a second bowl :). I have the pasta attachment, which is fun but definitely not something we use with any regularity.

    14. If you’re in the market for attachments, I love the “spiralizer plus” attachment. It peels, cores, slices and spiralizes in any combination. I use it to peel potatoes when I’m making a big batch of mashed potatoes; I use it to core, peel, and slice apples for pie; and I have used it to spiralize carrots to make them edible for a baby. Other than that attachment, I mostly use it for baking as others have said.

    15. I love mine. I don’t store it. It stays on the counter.

      I think its two best functions are creaming butter and whipping cream or egg whites. So for cookies or cakes that start with creaming some butter with sugar, I just let it so it’s thing for a good long time at a medium to low speed while I get the rest of the ingredients together. I once read that the secret to really great cookies is sufficiently creaming the butter and sugar, and that most people skimp on it. I let it go until the mixture is lemony yellow and very light textured. Once the flour is in, I barely mix.

      For whipped cream, if I have people over for dinner and dessert is something like a pie or brownies I baked before they got there, I put the mixing bowl and whisk attachment in the fridge before dinner, then after dinner it takes like 2 minutes to make really fresh whipped cream (heavy whipping cream plus a little sugar and vanilla) to serve with dessert.

      I am not as regular a user of the dough hook. Some bread bakers swear by it. I was baking a lot of bread (sourdough) for the first year + of the pandemic but I liked to get my hands in there to feel the dough, and I was using the approach of folding the dough rather than kneading it, so I didn’t use the mixer for it at all.

    16. So if I gain a size just looking at baked goods, I need this like a hole in the head. LOVE baked goods. Probably don’t need to make them in my house. At least if they are at the store, they are likely to stay at the store.

    17. Whipping egg whites or cream or buttercream frosting are tasks that I always use the mixer.

      Large batches of cookies.

      Bread or pasta dough (with dough hook).

    18. Tip: get the stainless steel attachment set, available from various places including crate and barrel. I didn’t realize those were available until recently, and they are DISHWASHER SAFE. One less thing to hand wash! We don’t use our mixer a ton but when we do I enjoy having easier cleanup.

      1. +1 when I destroyed my first ones that came with the mixer in the dishwasher I got a set of these and the white coated one with the rubber scraper attachment and they’re both great. Would also make for a good gift when someone asks what they can get you and you can’t think of anything!

    19. I bake cookies a fair bit and love mine. It lives on the corner of my countertop, so not hard to get to. I use it mainly for cookie dough and icing. Also good for homemade whipped cream. I have been gifted the spiralizer attachment and ice cream bowl over the years and those get a fair bit of use (I did not know about the peeler with the spiralizer someone mentioned above–going to have to see if I have this and didn’t realize it!). I have never once used the dough hook. I somehow missed the “bake bread” phase of the pandemic.

    20. King Arthur’s Classic 100% Whole Wheat Bread is delicious, and it’s easy to make with the bread hook attachment.

  2. This looks like outerwear. Nice outerwear, and I like the style, but people would be asking me all day if I was cold or forgot to take my coat off.

        1. At this price point, there’s no way I would be picking stitches to remove a label.

      1. Elizabeth, I would only wear this casually, but not to work. The manageing partner would think I was being too casual for the office, unless it was on a Saturday. Besides, I would wear it only if I got it for free because I would be advertising with that big white label MagicUnicorn pointed out. That is why you should always see it in person before paying $650 and getting that kind of surprise in the mail!

        I walked into work today, and was late b/c I slipped on Lexington, where there was schmutz on the sidewalk. I hope that they will clean it up b/c I do not like having to go over to Madison Avenue with all of the bus stink. Ptooey!

    1. Yeah, they can call it a blazer all day long, but the cut, belt, pockets, and material all say that this is outerwear.

    2. My office is so cold, you’re more likely to get questions if you don’t have a coat on!

    3. I struggle with inner vs outerwear with Jean jackets and leather jackets. I run cold to the point of wearing a puffer and scarf at my desk. Still, it is a lot of comic look.

      1. Same. Like I know that denim and leather jackets can be used as completer pieces for an outfit, but I always feel really awkward wearing them around indoors. This is totally a me-thing; if others are wearing them, all I think is oh, cute jacket.

        1. Same. Like I wear a fleece around my house if I have a chill, but just couldn’t do that with leather/denim as an outfit. Somehow it seems less odd if I’ve gone outside and then am inside elsewhere? But sitting at my desk for 8 hours — someone is like “take off your jacket and stay awhile”. Ditto if I were in someone else’s house (which I vaguely remember from 2019 and before).

    4. The brand website describes this as “light outerwear”. I agree this is outerwear and not a true blazer that one would wear in an indoor office all-day.

  3. Which stores can I buy some decent reader glasses? I’ve purchased some some drug stores, but they’re cheap and a bit boring. Any brick and mortar stores with good glasses that are somewhat stylish? Thanks.

      1. +1 – they are $95. I liked shopping there as I had no idea what would look good for me and I needed the wider fit offered in some styles. Caddis are too narrow for my giant head.

    1. I thought about that (Caddis is offered at a boutique in my city), but I got some multifocal readers from Foster Grant’s s i t e and they are really better than what is in the drugstores near me.

    2. Caddie, Zenni, look optic – mostly all online, just order and return what you don’t like

    3. I like Eyebobs for fun shapes. I’ve also repurposed eyeglass frames, replacing the lenses with optical-quality reading lenses at the optician. It cost around $100 last time I did that. No comparison to the drugstore readers!

  4. For REASONS (in short this insane market) I’m having to close on my new house before selling my current house. All this time in my head I was operating with the assumption that I’d need to sell/close on my current house before moving States to the new one. It just occurred to me and blows my mind that maybe I don’t HAVE to do that and it’ll be so much easier from a decluttering/staging/open house pov if I first move and then sell my current house. If this wasn’t a seller’s market or my purchase was contingent or there was a sequencing to my $ it may not have made sense of course but now I can’t think of ANY cons to this approach. So please help me argue with myself/look at r cons of this approach! TIA!

    1. You’ll pay for two houses until the second one sells, but like you said, it’s a seller’s market and you probably won’t pay for two houses for more than 2-3 months.
      The biggest risk is just a black swan risk, that something unforeseen happens in the market and you’ll hold on to both houses for much longer than you expected. (See: people who planned to sell in late March 2020.) As long as you are comfortable with that (small) risk, I think you’re fine.

    2. We did exactly this a year ago – closed on the new house, moved, then listed the old house for sale. It was easily the least stressful sale I could have imagined. As long as your financing works out, go for it.

    3. If you move out all your furniture, you’ll probably want to hire someone to stage it for sale/ rent furniture. Not a huge issue, but a small extra expense.

    4. Can’t argue. I did this and it was great. The old house was decluttered by the time it hit the market. Sold way over ask (and over appraisal) in less than a week. Photographer asked if we had it staged but it just was my interest in decorating and a complete lack of clutter. I really don’t think the cluttered up house would have sold for that much. Selling our home was one of my fondest memories in recent years. I loved having everything magazine perfect all the time and then being told I have an excuse to go out for lunch or coffee at the drop of a hat.

      1. I would like to live in a staged-for-sale house. If I have a horizontal surface, I will put something on it unless it is a floor.

    5. We did it last year. The market slowed down a bit in that time (not a lot, but enough to go from multiple offers to just one). It was also very stressful to have the old house hanging over me while I was trying to move forward with the new one (this was made harder by an annoying realtor). It was the easiest option, but cost an extra 2 months of mortgage and extra headaches (FWIW our realtor paid for staging).

    6. When I sold my last house and moved to the current one, we were tying to make both close at the same time, but they didn’t because our buyers’ “pre approval” wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. They eventually got funding but it took another month. Our mortgage broker had set us up with a bridge loan anyway so we were able to close on our new house and take our time moving. It actually turned out to be very nice because we got to have two weeks of contractor visits on the new house without us fully living there. It also let us move the stuff the movers weren’t handling at a more leisurely pace. (They moved only the big stuff plus a set number of boxes. We moved plants, clothes, animals, groceries, etc )

      It was great. I’m so glad it worked out that way rather than the other way around!

      When we bought our first house, the current owners exercised the rent-back provision for two weeks with something like 1-2 days notice. Our buyer’s agent hadn’t prepared us for this possibility and we had to beg our landlord to stay longer and were fortunately able to reschedule the movers but it was extremely stressful. We bought that house in a buyer’s market, the sellers were disappointed at the price they got for the house, and they fully took it out on us in every way they could.

    7. We did this in 2018 and it was stressful – our old house took longer than we expected to sell – but it’s a completely different market these days. I think it’s okay buy, then sell, as long as data in your area shows that houses aren’t staying on the market long, and your current house is in good shape. All the cons we experienced were wholly due to the fact that we were in a balanced market (not a seller’s market, like now) and our house was older and was in an older, less-desirable neighborhood. It still sold, and we got what we wanted for it, it just took 6 months instead of the 2 we had been hoping for.

  5. Last week someone recommended a real office chair, would you mind resharing that? I keep thinking about it.

    1. I use the Poppin desk chair, not sure if there was someone else on then thread. Several recommended Herman Miller chairs, which aren’t too bad secondhand.

    2. Not sure which you’re thinking of, but I bought the Steelcase Think chair, which is what my company uses for their offices and it was without a doubt the best money I spent during COVID. I was able to get one used at a local office furniture resale store, but I honestly would be willing to pay retail price if that wasn’t an option. I know others on this page have recommended the Steelcase Leap chair as well.

      1. I have both the Steelcase Leap and Steelcase Gesture and love both (and also agree a nice office chair is probably one of the best things you could spend your money on during Covid). I think I like the Gesture a bit more since it’s more roomy/wider than the Leap.

  6. Anyone have ski goggles they or more ideally the men in their life love? DH’s old cheap ones have finally bit it and the my daughters want to get him a new pair for valentine’s day (they contributed to the demise, long story).

    He’s an occasional weekend skier and we only ski in decent conditions so we don’t need super top of the line, but something new/trendy as an upgrade would be nice. It’s been ages since I thought about buying new ski gear so I don’t even know where to start. He doesn’t need OTG.

    Ideally I’d keep it under $150 but if that’s a limiting factor then I can go up.

    Separately, would love women’s recs as I know as soon as he has new ones I will want them too. :)

    1. For women, I like the Smith I/O Mag S with interchangeable lenses. You can usually find them on clearance with two sets of lenses for around $150 and then add a clear lens for night skiing for something like $40.

    2. Cosign Smiths with interchangeable lenses. They’re a good brand, and you can change to amber for low light days, fun colors for spring skiing, and they last for years and years. I also have the I/O, but there are a few different brands. You can look on REI or backcountry dot com.

  7. I’m tired. Deep tired – too much work the last two years. I took some advice on this board and started focusing on sleep. During the omicron surge it seems all I have done/do is sleep, work, repeat (plus occasional meals). Anyone find a way to break out of this rut?

    1. There are posts on this pretty much every week. Try the search button and you’ll get loads of results. But in the meantime- go exercise outside

    2. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise. Outdoors is strongly recommended.

      1. I agree. I started working out and seeing positive changes as I’m getting stronger is very motivating and mood lifting.

      2. Yup. I’ve been talking about this too much, I know, but my Fitbit and walking 10,000-plus steps a day — OUTSIDE OMG — has been a total game-changer for me. My mood and my sleep are much improved.

          1. After a weekend of 35 degrees and driving rain and high winds, I would kill to live in Pasadena.

          2. same, @12:56. Tired of the only exercise being in my damp basement, but one bad fall on ice was enough for me.

          3. I spend a minimum of 45 minutes walking or running or skiing every single day in Ottawa. I just did 60 minutes while my daughter was in a practice and it’s -11 celcius which is as warm as it has been in weeks). It was lovely, and fine! Lands End coat, Decathlon mitts. No problem!

    3. Sleep is important of course but you need to make time to do things you like. Restorative things. This board talks a lot about not lazing around at home on a day off, and you should implement that here. Do you like to read? Paint? Draw? Knit? Hike? Do some things that add to your life, not just bring it back to status quo

    4. You need to sleep well, exercise, and eat well. But after that, do things that make you happy. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do it with intention and purpose, not mindlessly. It doesn’t need to take a lot of time, effort, or money; even small, simple things make a big difference.

    5. I’m feeling this so much lately. I just made a reservation on a random weekday at a new restaurant I’ve been wanting to try, and it’s nice to have something to look forward to again!
      Not sure if something like that is available to you yet. Covid numbers are back down from the omicron spike here.

    6. Listen to the daily from the New York Times’ most recent podcasts on how Democrats overestimate the risks of Covid (and Republicans underestimate them) and recalculate your risk profile if you haven’t already. Once you reengage with life, it’s much less exhausting. Sitting home all the time, rarely enjoying things, etc. is crazy making and exhausting.

      1. I completely agree. I’ve tried to do all the things suggested (exercise, get outside, try a hobby) and I still feel just done with everything and cranky as hell.

        The problem is living with a partner who’s ultra-paranoid about COVID and refuses to believe that any but the most 2020 of COVID precautions are appropriate. I don’t even want to go to restaurants, I just want to get together with (vaccinated, boosted, mostly at-home) friends inside, in my highly vaccinated, boosted region, and share a meal and some drinks. The response I get, you’d think I’d asked to go to an indoor Coachella or something.

        It’s very trying.

        1. oh that sounds very, very hard anon and tired of COVID. Have you and your partner listened to the the Daily podcast referenced? Another good one I listened to last week was Vox Today, Explained “The case against masks” (2/3/22). I’m very much Democrat, and those two podcasts really helped me recalculate my risk profile. It helps that they’re from sources I really trust.

        2. You don’t need permission to leave your home and do things. Don’t let someone else’s anxiety control you.

        3. Can we stop with framing this as people who are “tired of covid” vs. those who aren’t and people who are healthy vs. those who are anxious or those who are controlled vs. those who are independent? That’s a big part of the reason why the U.S. isn’t up there with other countries in terms of vaccination. Guess what–we’re ALL tired of covid.

      2. I listened to this episode and thought it was fascinating. I’m left leaning and have been extremely COVID cautious this whole time. It’s really hard to re-frame my brain, because a lot of the reasons I was cautious still apply (overwhelmed hospital system, protecting the vulnerable, etc.) but my mental health has taken a massive hit. I know I need to re-engage with the world but it’s hard.

      3. That episode was excellent and really helped me reframe my mindset. Triple vaxxed, had omicron recently and live in a mask mandated state (and a community that is 95% vaccinated). Time to get back to living and more importantly having some fun. Spontaneity has been greatly missed.

    7. For me, decluttering has been a huge aspect of overcoming this. The pandemic has taken away my ability to tolerate piles of stuff sliding around, tripping over things, etc. Being in my house so much has made me a nut for clean, empty space.

    8. My realistic perspective – February is the depths of winter for me. I basically hibernate until spring and the first sunny 50 degree day I force myself outside to do all the things and launch into gardening mode.

    9. I switch my focus from hard exercise (like orange theory HIT style) to yoga/pilates/core/stretching work plus walks. Moving my body helps but I try to think of it as gentle and restorative in nature vs. a ‘you must exercise or you’re being a lazy lump’ mindset. Heck, I’ve even done pre-natal or post partum workouts when not pregnant as the focus in those classes is on gentle movements and being thoughtful about what is and is not suiting you.

    10. Work intentionally during work hours and then shut your office door and try to stop work thoughts from creeping in. Take a full lunch break and go for a brief walk outside. Having this separation is important for the long haul–think of work like a marathon and not a sprint. Pace yourself.

      I try to give myself things to look forward to with intention. I plan so that I take an hour or two ride to somewhere new each weekend, even if it’s just a park or picking up a snack. I know it sounds corny, but I treat myself to a new nail polish or body wash or lipstick to celebrate each month. I meet up for a walk with a friend at least once a month. I bake something new each month (I normally don’t cook). I’m big on trying out a new podcast or audible books on my lunchtime walks. By actually planning in some novelty or “fun,” it makes things a ton easier.

      Also, go easy on yourself. This is always a tough time of year. As soon as the weather picks up, things always get way easier.

      And don’t forget to give yourself some time off. Even if it’s just going to a nearby airbnb away from work for a few days, it can help you recharge a bit.

    11. When I feel like this and more sleep isn’t making as much of a difference, I need to engage different parts of my brain. It’s not that I need more rest, it’s that I need engagement and energy from a different source. (Well, I guess it lets the working/analytical parts of my brain rest.) For me this usually means doing something social, traveling (big or small), yoga/horseback riding, or doing something creative. Reading on my phone/social media/online shopping/TV/laying around don’t cut it.

  8. ok I have an incredibly Philly-specific question – has anyone had a good experience with a company that cleans area rugs? Googling results in companies that charge a lot for tending to expensive Oriental silks, etc… we’re not preserving an Antiques Roadshow heirloom here, this is an 8×10 Pottery Barn weave that isn’t obviously stained, just needs a good deep clean. It’s too small of a job to hire a carpet cleaner to come for one dinky rug, but too big for regular dry cleaners to handle. Any recs?

    1. I would just rent a rug doctor from Home Depot and DIY. This is what we have always done.

      1. If you don’t want to rent one, ask your friends with dogs if they have a carpet cleaner. They’d probably be happy to lend you one.

    2. Not Philly, but I looked for recs on this recently in my city, and it averaged 400-500ish to clean a 9×12 rug, which is like twice what I spent on the thing. We decided not to have it cleaned professionally and just got a little carpet cleaner like what was recommended below.

    3. If you have outdoor space, draping it over a deck railing or some sturdy lawn furniture and going to town with the garden hose works for us. Dry time can be a few days so a covered porch is helpful if your neighborhood birds are jerks or if there is rain in the forecast. Obviously not a winter project, but I do this a couple of times a year with all our rugs and it works great.

    4. thanks guys- rental it will be. (MagicUnicorn, we live in a rowhouse so no outdoor-breeze area that is sheltered from birds!)

    5. I agree that it’s easy to clean yourself, just make sure to check the rug fibers – if it contains viscose you may destroy it depending on the how much viscose there is.

  9. It is 2022 and I am all about mullet dressing, apparently. Two layers above the waist (JCrew Juliette thingie and an underlayer, even if a fleece turbleneck) or very presentable single layer and maybe a fancy scarf / necklace) and not-nekkid below the waist (cords! random bottoms but worn with thick socks and Doc Martins and any sort of flat footwear). Even in the office. Is this where the pandemic has brought us? It is where it has brought me. Maximum hygge right now.

    1. I notice that brands seem to be newly offering a lot of “pull-on” pants (elastic waists all, I assume, but otherwise they look like “bones day” pants). They’re probably cheaper to make but also I wonder if they’re intended for people who got very used to sweatpants.

      1. Yes! I have an adult-sized child with some sensory issues and this is her golden era of dressing. A little back elastic, especially if you’ve got on a cardi or blazer or sweater, is never even going to show. Can we do away with visible drawstrings? No women in my family is going to need that if the waist already has elastic — our giant hips will keep things up.

        1. I’ll tuck a shirt all the way into an elastic waistband and show it off, but like you I can’t do a drawstring at work.

      2. Once even Banana Republic is selling work pull-on pants . . .
        I think everyone got used to wearing whatever they want at home and isn’t going to transition back to the office easily, thus on all the more comfy pants. Also maybe this is a pandemic-induced change – why be uncomfy in the office if you don’t need to?

    2. I wear a JCrew Juliette sweater (or similar) every. dang. day. I have multiples in every color. I wear them with my PJs at night. I wear them to the grocery store. I wear them to the airport. I use the pockets all day long. You can pry my sweater collection out of my cold dead hands.

  10. I am amazed at how georgraphy is driving house prices, even now that so many people work remotely. Like I saw online a perfectly acceptable (if dated a bit) mansion-ette several hours outside of my city for a bit more than what two condos (e.g., mine and my BFs, but we are both renting from owners) would cost. Sort of thinking that if we are not going into the office, we could each have a home office and a generator and just come to the city when needed. There is a brewery and some stuff to walk to (is in the downtown area). Anyone else itching to not share walls with noisy sportsball fans? I know this is likely driving up prices there a bit (but my city is a place people leave larger cities for, so 20% price increases locally are hurting me).

    1. Your noisy sportsball fans are my leafblowers from 7AM till 4PM most days of the week. The grass isn’t greener, it’s just different grass.

      1. Mine: world sportsball people noisy at random times. I miss back when they would go to bars that would have overnight / early morning hours for things like this.

      2. +1. For us it was backyard roosters, and we are still in a close-in neighborhood!

        1. We are supposed to have hens only but this weekend it became apparent that one of them is in a relationship.

          1. The city actually doesn’t have ordinances against roosters so they weren’t afoul (ha) of any laws. Just the unspoken law of the neighborhood.

        2. I had three hens and one of them decided she was a rooster and started faithfully crowing at dawn. She still laid eggs. This is a thing.

          I was chagrined!!

      3. My work friend who lives in one of the outer Bay Area suburbs had an across the street neighbor who watched sports games (including re-runs of sports games, which I didn’t know was a thing) in his open garage while lifting weights and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. My friend asked him to moderate it a bit for the kids in the neighborhood. That did not go well. I suggested my friend call the police. The problem? The neighbor was the police.

        My friend moved.

        This is not limited to the city!

    2. I like not living in a city for many reasons, but I think once you’e a couple hours away a commute, even infrequently, is just not doable. If I go to a city a couple hours away it’s for a mini vacation.

    3. Are people getting the full thumbs up for wfh forever? My office is still up in the air. I’m not 100% sure that court will stay remote. My husband is back 2 days a week, so a several hour commute still won’t work. I guess that’s why moving far seems unappealing and I imagine prices are still higher closer to things.

      But that said, you do you. I think the decision of where to live always involves tradeoffs.If a big place in the country makes sense do it by all means. My quality of life 100% improved when I moved out of the city so I totally get not wanting to share walls.

      1. I feel like unless your workplace has already announced it’s WFH forever, or you take a job knowing it’s 100% remote, most employers are going to require some amount of in person time (per week? per month?). Only you can decide how much it’s worth to you to live reasonably close in that instance.

        I was a suburban girl pre-Covid and I definitely am never going back to a city full time.

      2. IMO there are some fields that are going fully remote, but most aren’t. I suspect that within a year the majority of workers will be back in the office at least once a week. Since most people aren’t willing to do a 2-3 hour drive even if only once a week, of course those towns are less popular.

        FWIW, I’m also just a city person. I want to be able to get anything I want within a 30 min drive and I want to be able to go to major sporting events, concerts, shows, museum, and such whenever I want. Many of us just like the amenities that living in an urban (or suburban) area provides.

    4. I mean you’re a few years behind the trend that’s reversing now that offices are opening up? A few days a week of a long commute is still a lot.

    5. We bought a house in the country for the cost of my bachelorette condo. It’s a second house for us, but it’d be our primary home if DH didn’t have a job that can’t be done remotely. The quality of life there is so much better! There’s no traffic, the little town has a grocery store, post office (I mean, we all shop online anyways), library, mom & pop restaurants, and a bunch of antique stores. We can see the stars at night, we hear the insects at night, it’s so peaceful. The only noise we ever hear is occasional farm equipment (we’re so rural it’s not a leaf blowing area).

      My work is fully remote forever, so DH is looking at transitioning to a remote job so we can be there full-time.

    6. Uh, yes? I mean I am technically WFH full time, but in reality I come into our major office (Boston) at least monthly for 1-day meetings and I still need to be close to a commuter rail/airport for NYC meetings that happen at least quarterly. Plus I travel (or did) at least a few times a year for work (plus family trips) and I don’t want to live 4 hours from an international airport, 90-minutes from Logan (sometimes more with construction) is bad enough. That being said I do know coworkers with kids out of the house who moved out to the Cape or NH full time and just suck it up and have a long commute when they do come in for meetings but they also (presumably) made some serious $$ from their closer in bedroom community homes in good school districts that they sold for a hefty increase from when they bought in the 80s/90s.

      1. I live in the Boston burbs and our market is exploding. We are between 95 and 495 on a top tier school district. Pre pandemic, we were just too far for a daily commute (hour in traffic, or a 10 min drive to commuter rail and then 30ish Mon train) but for 2x/week it’s no problem. Starter homes that went for $400 3 years ago are going on the market for $650 and selling over asking. We bought in 2015 for $700, made about $100k of improvements, and could sell for 1.2++ today. We have 1.5 acres, 5 bedrooms, an office, an au pair suite, a 3 car garage. Basically a COVID bunker.

    7. There are reasons that some people like cities or suburban areas that have nothing to do with being close to work. Your family and friends may be there, you kids friends may be there, there is more to do, you are more likely to find likeminded people, it’s a lot easier to date, etc. Honestly, after seeing how my grandparents’ small town that was about 3 hours from a large city treated outsiders (I.e. those you had moved to town in the last 10-20 years), there is no amount of money that could get me to move to a small town

      1. These are good points, but … small towns come in different flavors just like big cities do. I moved to a small town in 2020 and twice in the past two weeks a kind stranger has come and plowed our driveway unprompted, waved, and driven away. Another neighbor coordinates clothes drives for each new Afghan family resettled in the area and the local cinema just participated in the Sundance Film Festival with remote screenings. Small towns can be friendly, liberal, and cultured just like any other place.

  11. Anyone here an angel investor? Invest with venture capital funds?

    I just started researching this universe of investing. I would love recommendations for resources to explore or any of your personal experiences as I consider whether and how to invest this way.

    1. If you’re rich enough to do this you’d know that your fashion blog is not an appropriate way to research it.

      1. Disagree here, the commenters are a ton of women with relevant experience. Only place, no, but a basic start is fine.

        1. My thoughts exactly. I already have books, I’m signed up for webinars, and I plan to attend a conference later this year. Why wouldn’t I also ask a community of smart, professional women from around the world?

          1. My sense is that this board skews govt atty and maybe BigLaw for a couple of years at most. If you still have loans, this is not for you. If you have no loans and a full-funded retirement, hat’s off to you, but I don’t think that is typical for this board.

    2. Angel investing can be a fun thing to do if you’re content to lose all your cash and time that you spend on investing and you don’t mind listening to a ton of bad pitches. I’m in Silicon Valley and angel circles are a thing here–a group of angels all pitch in 10k (or whatever) for a given investment, as a way to get a broader range of investments.

      I considered angel investing and it’s not for me–I just don’t have enough to feel comfortable losing so much money and time.

      1. I’m in the Midwest, so angel circles are not as common. There is a growing startup community though, so maybe I should get more plugged in there.

      2. Also, where I am there is so much big money being controlled by experienced people (endowments, billionaires’ family offices, etc) chasing venture funds, that I would not think much of a venture firm that would bother with the amount of money that I would invest.

        1. This right here. The best companies tend to hit up the obvious $ sources. We peons are not getting the USDA prime startups. The family offices (etc.) are.

    3. I do a little bit!

      I would recommend looking for a group that does rounds so that whatever you invest is split amongst a variety of companies (say you invest $10k, it’s $1k in 10 companies instead of $10k in one company) because they reduces your overall risk and increases your chance of success. If you’re amazingly brilliant (which I don’t think about myself but you might be!) you can go all in on one company but it’s riskier. If you’re in Canada I can recommend a couple groups.

      It’s also not as much money as you might think – many of these groups want $5-10k/round. So it’s not pocket change but it’s also not “destroy your retirement savings” – and if it is, don’t do it! Very high risk, potentially high reward, I generally quite enjoy the process and the people.

      There are also a bunch of women-focused groups out there and I find them much friendlier and approachable in general, and they often focus on women-founded companies which are statistically less likely to get VC funding.

      1. Isn’t this like running your very own non-diversified small-cap fund? But with a lot less disclosure? I may be sour on the idea, but I just listened to the Elizabeth Holmes podcast (small, women-owned company that was privately held).

        I agree on not gambling with the rent $.

        1. Ha! I was just coming here to say that after listening to the Elizabeth Holmes podcast I am pretty much off the whole concept forever!

    4. Unless your net worth is $10-20M+ and you are extremely well connected, this is not for you. You may technically meet the definition of accredited investor, but the probability is high that any fund/investment that wants you is not one you want.

      1. Ding ding ding — you have to make certain reps that you, as an investor, can buy in. If your net worth is negative and you make 5 figures, you can’t do this.

    5. My husband is part of a small angel circle. We don’t put big dollars in – it’s in the $10k-15k/round range – and they only consider investments a few times a year (and only in the specific industry that the circle members work in). So far, nothing has made money for us, but we’re only like a year into it.

      1. Do you feel like you are getting adequate disclosure and financials? I can imagine that being a hot mess. But when you are beyond “friends and family” raises, it starts to matter (to me, at least).

        1. I’m a venture attorney. These investments have to follow securities rules. But most companies seeking angel financing are so early that their financials are meaningless. They are all losing money. Very few have sales (if they did, they’d be doing a proper A round, not a seed round, etc.) So by adequate, yes, they have to. Is it enough for you to make an informed choice? Likely not–you’re betting on the founder, idea and industry more than the company and what it has achieved already, at super-early stages.

          1. also a venture attorney and i could never be an angel – you’d have to be very rich and very plugged in. the reason being, most companies who are desperate enough to seek a random angel group without anything to offer other than money (connections to other successful portfolio companies, experience scaling, etc.) will not be successful. the successful companies are so overly subscribed that you will not be able to get in. I would not even pool my money with an angel group unless there is a dedicated lead who is sourcing real deals. At most, i would try to put in a small 25k check with an established early stage fund. but that’s also difficult to do – many funds are oversubscribed too.

          2. I know a guy who is an angel investor and has that on his linked in bio. Am I right in thinking he just painted a giant target on his wallet? I’m in a large SEUS city, so not the usual stomping grounds for this. We have a large private equity community and those guys are pretty much total quants. This guy is . . . sort of a bro-tastic 55YO. He’s nice enough, but I never got the feeling he was all that rich or really a guy who understood finances (more like he got some equity in something that got sold and made a good pot of coins from that that I’m guessing he will lose sooner if not later). I can’t explain it really. But he acts like this is really his profession to the point of having an office outside of his house to do it in.

    6. The swings on this board between the 401k crowd and angel investing are headscratching to me. Angel investing is what you do with money to burn. They are people taking fliers on ideas, most of which do not pan out. In between funding your 401k and lighting cash on fire, there’s a zillion options. Start with ETFs, mutual funds, perhaps individual stocks of you want to play around, buy a rental property or two, etc. just because the NYTs style section runs an article on hip angel investors does not make it a good idea for the average person who doesn’t have cash to burn. I can think of a lot more fun ways to lose a lot of money.

      1. Right? I always thought the most fun alternative to lighting a pile of cash on fire would be to invest in a bar or restaurant.

          1. I think I could go all-in on a Friendly’s somewhere with a lot of retirees so the dinner rush is over by 6.

        1. 100%. Some folks above referenced Elizabeth Holmes – that was just people giving a grifter a pile of cash and then hearing on the news a few years later, oh no, the money’s all gone. Where’s the fun in that? I’d rather invest in a bar and then at least I can go drink beer and eat wings in my own place before I lose all my money. Those family-fund Theranos investors got nothing for their money at all.

      2. Ditto.

        If I had $1,000 to burn each season, I’d spend it at a small fab boutique and would at least had stuff to show for supporting a small business. Or buy some art.

        At most, P2P small-dollar lending / microfinance.

        1. I don’t like buying clothes or stuff, but P2P small lending sounds very interesting actually. I will add it to my research pile.

      3. I don’t think there are swings, there’s just a wide range of incomes and wealth. I already have the 401k, index fund, mutual fund, commercial real estate, vacant land, and vacation rental type of investing locked down. Individual stock trading seems impersonal and boring.

        1. Unless you’re putting in a million dollar plus check, investing in a startup private company will be just as impersonal and boring. you get less disclosures/information and are really along for the ride.

          1. Yes — there’s not a lot of dog and pony show for your pooled $50K. If you want to be fussed over, go to the vendor hall at any big conference. Come away with some logo swag.

          2. +1. I do funds work (including VC, but haven’t done deals in a few years) and it will most assuredly be less personal, ha.

    7. I don’t have an answer to your question. My folks have been doing vc investing for three decades. They’ve had some massive wins and massive losses and some where they’re just happy to get their money out or get a very small return. They always assume the investment will go to zero from a financial planning perspective and never include the values of those investments in their net worth calculations. They have had a lot of fun doing these investments, have met interesting people, and learned about a lot of different industries. I’d say these investments are more akin to gambling in Vegas than investing in a mutual fund (including because these are not liquid investments that you can sell at will; they pay out when they pay out. You don’t sell when you need cash to buy a new house or when the market isn’t doing well). As long as you have the mindset that the money may very well go to zero and you can financially swing it, then go for it.

      1. One additioinal thing. My parents have had a few deals that looked like complete washouts that either ended up returning their investments or had large payouts. The biggest charitable donation they’ve ever made was from a deal that looked dead (we joked they should use the stock certificates as wallpaper) and then ended up coming back strong due to economic changes. So until you take the tax write off, don’t lose hope in a deal that doesn’t look like it will pay out.

    8. We invest some $$ with venture funds. Only $$ we can afford to lose. It’s historically been a very long play, with substantial upsides. The cycle may be shortening a bit with quick acquisition cycles and with companies making shelf offerings rather than having to wait to go public via the usual route. It’s an even longer play if you go with life sciences rather than tech focused funds. I am not a fan of angel investing unless you are extremely well connected, in which case you would not need the input of this board.

    9. I would not do this, but you could look at crowdstreet or yieldstreet, perhaps? Remember that you need to be comfortable handling your taxes for all of this, and that K-1s often come out VERY LATE from private companies, especially tiny undercapitalized ones.

  12. Interior design question: I was some heavy drapes to serve as blackout curtains and muffle street noise in my bedroom. I don’t love the look of synthetic blackout curtains. There are some pretty velvet options. However, I live in a place with HOT summers. Will that look/feel weird once it’s no longer below freezing?

    1. Depends on the color and the design of the room. If done well I think it could look lovely.

    2. Blackout curtains also help keep the A/C in, so from a functional POV, they’re still a good idea. As far as the look goes, if you like it, go for it!

    3. I think velvet is fine in a warmer climate but it’s a formal look and not totally modern.You can get linen -look performance fabric blackout curtains. (You can get linen too but it may rot in the sun.) If you’re buying off the rack just hang them high and put them on drapery hooks and rings so they slide. They will be super pretty.

    4. Buy whatever curtains you like and super glue/iron-on tape/sew black-out lining onto the back. Or, yes, velvet can look lovely year-round in the right room.

    5. Pottery barn sells curtains with optional blackout lining. They look like normal curtains.

    6. I live in a warm climate and bought some nice blackout curtains at Wayfair. They are floaty white tulle with blackout linings and they look beautiful all year.

    7. Ikea has some velvet curtains from cotton. They are lovely and would work great in summer as well in several of the colorways.

  13. Random observation. I went into a Target looking for trouser socks. I found absolutely none. Probably too late in the season? But about 5000 stick-on bras. It’s not prom season yet. Or wedding season. I feel like I missed a memo somewhere.

    1. I find TJ Maxx/Marshalls to generally have trouser socks in stock more often than Target.

      1. +1

        Marshalls is a great source.

        You could find them in a big Target? I’m a little surprised. They are generally seasonless, and while not the most stylish option, they are essential for those of us that cannot go barefoot in shoes or who certainly refuse to in winter snow!

      2. +1. I think all my socks in the last five years or so have come from Marshall’s.

  14. For the US-trained lawyers here who have moved to the UK or elsewhere abroad, can you share how you did it? (Did you move within your existing organization or get a new job, did you get an LLM or equivalent in your new country?)

    1. For the UK, you have to sit for the QLTS for England and Wales. For most attorneys I know who have done so, they went over there with a biglaw firm and stayed. It’s much harder if you simply move on your own. Other ways I’ve seen–work for a multinational only doing US law (so you’re not practicing local law).

      If you’re interested in the UK, check out RollOnFriday — it’s like a mix of TLS and Above the Law, with good info on firms and helpful message boards.

    2. U.S. to Canada:

      You send your American qualifications to the Federation of Law Societies of Canada. They assess you and give you a list of exams to write. When you pass these exams, you’re now at the equivalent of a Canadian J.D. Then you apply to the Law Society of whatever province you’re in. The requirements differ, but not by much: you write a bar exam or you take a bar admission course, and you also do a period of articling (like a paid clerkship). You get your call (admission) to the bar after you’ve met your provincial Law Society requirements.

      The stumbling block for foreign-trained lawyers in Canada tends to be around finding their articles. I was a solo in the U.S. and am now in Atlantic Canada. I found my articles through cold-calling, sending out resumes, and “hey, I met you on a local Canadian Bar Association Zoom call, can I schedule a video call with you sometime” awkwardness, eventually landing in a firm that regularly hires international candidates. Probably much easier to find articles coming from U.S. biglaw and going to Toronto/Calgary/Vancouver.

  15. My husband is obsessed with finicky old expensive Euro cars, particularly ’90s Volvos and Saabs. Newest problem, a head gasket. Of course. I freaking HATE that he spends a fortune keeping sh1tty old clunkers on the road. All this money and he’s still driving a peeling, rusty beater. ARGH. This argument will never end.

    Soothe my angst, what is your stup1d household money pit?

    1. I have a 1993 volvo on Jack stands in my garage. It’s my husband’s latest pet project. He is basically a walking money out so on the grand scale of his money pits this one isn’t that bad.

    2. BUT it’s green!

      Having an old house? It is such a difficult love. I’m going to get 10 tiny houses and put them into a perimeter with a courtyard in the middle as my next house.

    3. My husband has been trying to convince me to swap our 5-year-old Civic for an electric car, and I think the math doesn’t work out in our favour yet and I’m pretty sure from an environmental perspective, it’s better to drive a fuel efficient car into the ground rather than buy a new electric car. We’ve declared a moratorium on car discussion until June 2023. My resistance is partially driven by the fact that once we have an electric (automatic) car, I have no more excuses for not getting my driver’s license.

      1. I am also pondering to upgrade to electric. It always seems to me that this argument doesn’t take into account that in that case, I’d sell or otherwise pass on my existing (fuel efficient) car, and it would be used by someone else and still driven into the ground. Just not by me, who is privileged enough to afford an electric now.
        I feel this is different from the conventional wisdom about upgrading one’s fridge, which often means the old one becomes a beverage fridge in the garage, effectively doubling the household’s power consumption in that department.

        1. The resources needed to make that new electric car negate any environmental benefit for a long, long, long time and you’re still contributing to congestion, power consumption, etc. The electricity to charge it has to come from somewhere. Keep your existing car and work toward building a life where you don’t need a private vehicle to get around.

          1. That’s my argument, and it is not sinking in. It feels stupid to buy a fancy new car to drive the 10 miles to the train station, my weekly airport run, etc.
            I fly to work, the petrol car is not our biggest environmental sin.

        2. This is my thinking, too. The greenest thing is just to keep driving the car you have. The materials alone to make a new one have a big carbon footprint (as does the dealership with its 50′ ceilings). You’d need to do a ton of driving to make up that difference. Once you need a new car . . . I’d still get a hybrid over an electric car — power in our area is dodgy due to big trees at the end of their life always falling over on our above-ground power lines :(

      2. You won’t have a driver’s license? WHAT? I know I come from the car loving Midwest but I cannot imagine not having a license at all? (Obvs, barring a medical reason, etc)

        1. Haha! I mean….I can drive in the US but I’ve never gotten a UK license. We went ages without a car, lived in a busy city, and have always had a manual transmission, which I never learned how to drive. We live in the country now, but – our village is only 4 miles across so I can cycle or walk, kiddo can do the same. To get to the city or to the beach, it’s an easy bus trip. The only time I’ve struggled is when my husband fell in a hole and broke his ankle and when he needed surgery – but we have nice neighbours and there are taxis.
          The insurers will also treat me as an 18 year old…so it feels really expensive.

        2. It’s shocking to people like us, who grew up having to drive 20 minutes to get to anything, but I know a ton of New Yorkers and other East Coasters who don’t have one. They just don’t need it; it’s not a thing for them. If you live where there’s good public transportation, driving goes way down on the priority list of things to learn to do.

        3. Cb moved from the US to the UK. I dont know if she had one before she moved, but your US license is only valid for 12 months after you move to the UK.
          To get a UK license you have to start from scratch and take the written and practical exam. From what I hear, the test is challenging, even for experienced drivers. If you’re not a British citizen, you also have to send in your original identity documents (e.g. residency permit card or passport if you don’t need a residency permit) for many months, meaning you can’t leave the country for that period, as you won’t be able to get back in and prove your right to be in the country. It’s a massive pain. Right now theres a 4-5 month backlog, which is stopping me from getting my license as I need to travel during that time span.
          Also, it’s a lot more common in the UK to rely on public transit, even outside of major cities.

          1. Yep! I drove in California but had no plans to stay in the UK / drive here so I never converted my license. Jokes on me… I feel in love and am stuck on this dreary island.

      3. You don’t need an excuse to not have a driver’s license. I don’t want one is just fine.

    4. Not a money pit but a time pit. Every hour spent on shoveling snow or doing yard work is an hour that I’m watching the kids and no one is relaxing or engaging in leisure or self care. We can totally afford to buy this time back.*

      *I solved this problem with a heart to heart. Turns out he just wasn’t thinking about it like “hey if we pay someone 100 bucks then snow days are cozy family fun days instead of me juggling both kids while he pulls a muscle trying be a tough guy.”

    5. Our 30-year-old house is our money pit. For some reason even simple math cannot convince my husband that it would be cheaper to buy a new build than to continue spending at least $8,000 a year on repairs to keep this heap from falling down, while we continue to live with the failed windows and falling-apart kitchen and bathrooms that would cost even more to renovate.

    6. All the pets (currently 7). We’ve induced labor in a chameleon. We’ve put a hormone-blocking implant in a rat. We spent $$$ on extensive testing to get a diagnosis that one of dogs is fat. No underlying reason. Just fat. We have dubia roaches on subscription for lizards. Each of our late cats cost about $4k in their last few days of life. One dog gets skin infections whenever she gets wet. Another nearly died because he ate the petsitter’s underwear. One rat has three legs.

      I love animals, but I have declared No More Pets. Attrition only. Money pits, indeed.

      1. Same. I am doing twice-daily meds plus toothbrushing on an incredibly needy cat, and I am just exhausted. She is like velcro, all day. (She is skittish and hates men, so hubby can’t do his fair share.) At least the other one is a daddy’s boy.

      2. I know it’s not funny but this made me chortle – “We spent $$$ on extensive testing to find out that one of the dogs is fat!”

    7. I feel ya. DH has a second car that was built in 1990. And he takes it to the track. It not only requires a lot of parts and work because it’s old, but also because he pushes it hard. He also likes to upgrade parts that are not broken. He does do all the work himself on it, so we only pay for parts. Spending money on this used to drive me insane because it felt like a constant drip of money going out the door. Two years ago, we decided on an annual budget for this car. He spends $X on this car per year. Once that money is gone, no more track days, no more repairs that require new parts, no more upgrades until next year. I don’t ask whether he stays in budget because I trust him completely to honor our agreement. I have found so much mental freedom as a result of setting the annual budget for this vehicle, and it no longer makes me bananas.

    8. Yarn.
      (My dh has a collector car, but it’s not really a money pit at this point and it’s fun for weekend drives in perfect weather.)

    9. I have a finicky old Swedish car that I absolutely love. A few thoughts:

      1. Are his cars actually rusty, or are they “rusty”? If there are problems with the floorboards or the body, he needs to buy himself a different Swedish car to enjoy and restore. But some people look at an old car and assume it’s a rust bucket when in fact, it is not.

      2. They are making a comeback. The engineering is superb. They are smart in ways people want cars to be smart (it’s nearly impossible to lock your keys in the car or drain the battery by leaving the headlights on, ABS, traction control, adaptive transmissions, intelligent anti theft), but dumb in the way a lot of people like (no massive driver infotainment screens, computers that require a dealer reset every time you need a new battery, etc).

      3. Can you set an annual budget? My husband takes my Swedish car in stride (and my engineer nerd girl routine – I do a lot of my own maintenance), but our rule is that it’s going to have to cost equal to or less than annual car payments in maintenance.

      3a. It sounds like the cars aren’t in great shape. Have you priced out doing a complete restoration? My own rule is that I either keep it in excellent condition or I have to find something else to drive.

    10. Ugh, my husband owns a 1/3 share in a tiny ski condo that at this point nobody is using, other than non-owner friends who use it for free. Prices are as high as they’re ever likely to be and there’s some equity there if it were sold, but co-owners are never going to do anything, and apparently Hubby isn’t either. So we all continue to pay the mortgage and maintenance every year for no reason. Grrr…

        1. Only problem is the one and only time I went skiing, I broke my ankle while in a private lesson on the bunny slope. So… no. We try to get up there once a year in the summer but it’s too small to bring friends along, it’s a six-plus hour drive, and there’s not much to do if you don’t ski.

          1. Yeah, skiing is really quite dangerous, especially as we get older and a small “accident” on the slopes (and don’t we all fall every time we ski?) can turn into something disasterous.

            My uncle just broke his neck skiing, and was so close to becoming a quadraplegic. That one convinced me my skiing days are over.

    11. My husband will go ALL-IN on hobbies that he enjoys for… six months? maybe? And he won’t rent or buy something cheap to try it out. He won’t buy used and he hates selling his old stuff (although he’s sometimes fine if I take the trouble). We have spent thousands on – in no particular order – home improvement tools, photography equipment, fitness equipment, barbecues, pizza ovens, video games, musical instruments, car accessories, and I’m sure I’m forgetting a bunch.

        1. In this, I am the female version of your husband. Tell him I’ll see him on Fragrantica.

      1. Oh my husband does this. Like once a year there’s a new random hobby. Darts (must have an arcade style dart board, obv), bowling (yay for the bowling ball moved all around the country unused now), golf (he’s tall so obv he needed special clubs). The most hilarious ridiculous one was MAGIC CARDS. It was so out of character, and really fizzled out in a few months and then he did actually get rid of all of them. He doesn’t like to talk about that chapter.

        Right now, it’s WWE. Insert major roll eyes from me, but he’s having fun with it. Thankfully, this one just required a Peacock subscription that I actually really like too. He talks about going to an event but he would only want to go if he could get really good front row tickets that are apparently like $400 and his friend who he watches a lot with with is way too cheap and I wouldn’t be fun to go with. So I think we’re safe from major splurging.

        Also WWE – what a money making machine. The business of it is actually impressive to me.

        1. Okay so his REAL hobby that costs $$$$$$ is actually tournament bass fishing. And that, to anon’s original question, is a huge money pit if you look at it that way. Like brand new $90k loaded boat with more electronics every time (gets traded in every 4 years or so, new boat just happened this last fall), $1000 rod/reel combos (and there’s a bunch of them), lots and lots of fishing baits and line and who the heck knows what else. Then he does tournaments, which have entry fees and tons of weekends doing them. Bass fishing expenses are part of our retirement plans – it’s a lifelong very expensive hobby. No, I don’t fish. :) I enjoy the boat on very hot sunny days only (so like 1-4 times a year on average).

          However though, I honestly never add it all up or try and think about it as a money pit, and I definitely never refer to it that way to him. We were in high school when we met and started dating and even back then he loved bass fishing. I always knew this would be a part of life with him, and I’m really cool with that. We are high earning DINKS, and if we had kids he wouldn’t have this much disposable income to sink into fishing.

          But yeah, lots of money on it.

        2. Oh Magic Cards. My husband started playing Magic as a kid. He hasn’t played in probably 10 years. But he has tons of old Magic cards worth real money just sitting in our safe deposit box.

      2. I love all the wealthy men who are approximately my size, who get into cycling for a short amount of time or upgrade every couple of years. I am 1000% here to purchase your lightly used gear at a fraction of the cost when you get tired of it.

    12. Races… Every year I have a goal to a) complete one race a month and b) do as many different types of races (so I range from half marathons to xc skiing to triathlons to kayak races). I spend between $30 and $180 for a race, so it adds up.

      Of course, more racing just inspires me to buy more gear. I think this is the year I pull the trigger on a road bike, rather than racing on my way too heavy, very old hybrid.

    13. My horse. It’d be far, far cheaper for me to just ride someone else’s horse once or twice a week. I think my husband hates how much of a time suck that hobby is more than the money though.

      1. Same, same. I have a geriatric horse I will care for to the end of his days (and he has the horse equivalent of champagne taste, so he is not cheap to keep), and a young horse I’m spending buckets of money on training. But I try to look back and realize how much the horse hobby has given me in terms of friends, community, exercise, time spent outdoors, etc. It’s a debit in the bank account but a credit in the mental health account.

    14. FYI head gasket is a 50$ part provided you have an engine hoist + 9 hours to take apart the headers…

      Current project is a 1981 Fiat Spider. The fuel injector bushings need changing out and somehow it’s my problem to find them. (spouse is a mechanic and does the work/loves doing the work… but omg the please find obscure part x is interminable)

    15. Hi, please checkout the subraru-engine-conversion-Vanagon world. Which is now my world. *head desk*

    16. Ok, so my husband is a car guy. He claims I should have known this when I met him because he drove a fixed up older car on our first date. He also had a vintage triumph motorcycle.

      When we had kids I made him get rid of the motorcycle, which turned into him having a hobby car in addition to a “daily driver,” and somehow over the years that has turned into two hobby cars (you know, the convertible is only good for warm weather) plus the daily driver. So three cars for one man.

      And these have not been consistent extra cars. He’s always selling one and buying another, and no he is not collecting a profit. He’s lucky to break even, if we count his time fixing up the cars as free, but usually doesn’t even break even.

      I turn a blind eye to it except over the driveway wars. We have a long narrow driveway and park tandem-style. Generally, with him leaving room to work on the two project cars, this only leaves room for one additional car to park. I claim that space as mine. He thinks we should share “the driveway” 50/50 so half the time I’d be parked there, half the time his daily driver would be there.

      By my calculation, he already has 3/4 of the driveway. He sees only the remaining parking space and thinks my stance means I’m claiming 100% of the driveway. This is apparently the hill I will die on, and why I referred to it as the Driveway Wars.

      1. I see you this and raise you we built a second garage to save our marriage. It houses 2 project junkets and a sports car. Previously, the sports car had our one usable garage space and my car and the two junkers out front. Kid crap occupied the 2nd bay.

    17. DH has owned and flown, over the last 30 years, between 2 – 6 older airplanes at a time. They have all needed sooooo much work and upgrades. But, they are his sole vice and proudest possessions, plus they let me get away with an occasional retaliatory retail investment….

  16. I’m looking for pretty scarves to wear with sweaters, but NOT a blanket scarf that swallows my neck whole, which still seem to be everywhere right now. I’m fine with it being long, just don’t want that much volume. Any ideas where to look? My usual retailers are still into the giant scarf.

    1. I’m kind of into bandanas and square scarves these days. I tie them like a flight attendant, with a knot, or cowboy style, with the triangle in front pointing down. The small scarf is less annoying, and I think looks fresh. There are silk square/bandana size scarves, and those look dressier. Also, this is a good way to add a flattering color near the face, and not look dead in a less flattering color sweater.

      1. Agree with this. Those are the only scarves that don’t seem out of date to me.

  17. I am tired of being asked by everyone in the family what they should get each other for birthdays and Christmas. Both my own family & my SO family do it, at least my Mom just buys what I suggest, his for Mom for example if I suggest a sweater for him always has a million questions which make it clear it’s not the one she wants to buy. So buy something else! It’s my own birthday & my Mom has asked me what to tell my sister to get me who had asked her, & his Mom keeps asking too. I am easy to buy for, for years I’ve requested the same consumable but nobody thinks it’s what I actually want. I feel such a grinch but I’m just fed up being the designated gift suggestion machine. (And I have tried saying ‘I don’t have any ideas’).

    1. My dad drives me crazy with this every birthday, anniversary, Christmas for my mom. He asks me to help him shop which really means doing all the research and accompanying him to the store. I have to stop enabling him!

      1. This is my dad. I not only shop, but put the gifs on my cards, ship them to my house and wrap them. Total enabler. (My dad does pay me back). The flip side is my mom always loves the gifts I pick out and hates what my dad gets her (it’s a justified opinion – he’s a bad gift giver). So I feel bad saying no bc it screws my mom over. It was fine when I had no kids but now I have kids of my own and it’s TOO MUCH. ugh

    2. PREACH. I hate this, and yet I’ve been sucked in and now there are Expectations for providing gift ideas for literally everyone, including myself. My mom isn’t too bad but isn’t an online shopper, so that gets tricky. Meanwhile, my MIL has come to expect links to specific items and if I give a general idea (e.g., blue henley shirt), it is not well-chosen (ill-fitting, weird color, questionable quality).

    3. I’ve pared down my gift giving to recipients who have the same gift giving style I do and will graciously accept gifts that were a surprise and not bought in response to a shopping list or specific request. I’m much happier this way and don’t have to continually answer questions every birthday and holiday season about what scent of candle or flavor of chocolate I want most. I realize it’s mostly a pretext to have a conversation, but it still sucks all the fun out of the room.

    4. Cosign! This past December was rough — between birthdays and Christmas I had to come up with ideas for my family for: my parents, my in-laws, my sister, my two brothers. I’m not ungrateful that they love us and want to buy us presents that they know we will like, but the emotional labor on top of everything else at the holidays was too much. I finally got my parents to agree that for their kids we are old enough & established enough that we just want to spend time together with a cake & card. They still want to buy for the grandkids, which I am okay with. I vented to my sister, who then thankfully didn’t ask for ideas for my kids’ January birthdays. I love giving gifts and never asked for ideas. Sometimes they are hits & sometimes they are misses… but my nieces will always remember the year they got crazy pom-pom finger gloves from their crazy aunt! So maybe a frank conversation will help?

    5. This is a fight you’ll never win. Just keep a list of things you like but won’t buy yourself for whatever reason. Pick a few things off there with links to send mom, MIL, sister, whoever. It’s not worth getting aggravated by people who want to do something nice for you but don’t know how.

      1. +1 to an ongoing list. I keep a secret Pinterest board where I save gifts for me ideas, and just pull from that when people ask for a list. My MIL always wants a specific shopping list for gifts (like west elm soft blanket in forest green and include link), while my mom does best with a general idea (like green soft blanket).

    6. I keep a running list all year long of things I’d like but likely won’t buy for myself, so when people ask I just send a screenshot of the list. Could you insist your husband does the same and then when people ask you tell them he’ll send you his list? Eventually (hopefully) they’ll get the hint and start going directly to him.

      On the flip side, I know people who thing it’s grabby to be an adult with a wishlist, so they’ll ask a third party what the gift recipient wants!

    7. I hate this as well. I have just made a list of standard categories of things I like or a store I love. For Christmas I will send one link to one specific thing I want in order to play nice with the in laws, but otherwise I have decided I just won’t go back and forth a thousand times beyond this. “I love citrus scents!” “I’m sure I’ll love what you get!” “I’d love to be surprised this year and am sure I will enjoy anything from Bang Up Betty!” Repeat these phrases as needed. It took a few years, but people have stopped asking me for more specific recommendations.

      1. I just noticed you’re being expected to come up with gift ideas for other people, too. Honestly, stop doing that! If MIL asks you what husband wants, just say, “I’m not sure!” Repeat forever until she asks him. Same for if they ask about anyone other than you or minor children. I just don’t do this type of emotional labor for others; it’s a boundary I have.

        1. +1. This is the type of thing I say to my husband when he asks me if the dishwasher is clean or dirty when he has it open and I’m not even in the kitchen! I’m hoping it will have the effect one day of getting him to stop asking me…

          1. Oh, this is so annoying! My husband once saw an unopened envelope in our stack of mail and asked, “what’s in this envelope?”. I just stared at him. Now whenever he asks questions about the dishwasher or the location of items that are always in the same place, I just ask him what’s in the envelope. My dude, I don’t have special insights into these things that you don’t! He’s almost entirely stopped asking now and catches himself when he does do it.

    8. I am very much an Acts of Service person, and my husband staight-up rejects my birthday and Christmas requests. He comes from a family of hoarders, and gifts have to be Stuff. We will never see eye-to-eye on this. For my birthday I asked him to repair the bathroom sink, and instead he bought me an ugly birthstone ring. It’s his birthstone, not mine. In his mind, he’s a gift-giving genius. In reality, he just wasted hundreds of dollars on a hideous piece of cr@p and my sink is still broken.

    9. totally agree. This made me so crazy that we eventually just stopped exchanging gifts with our extended families. Because it’s more stress to be the ‘designated gift suggestion machine’. And I don’t feel like the giver really put in any effort at all to buy something for me and make me feel special. Which is the whole point, isn’t it?

    10. I just put things on my Amazon wishlist when I think of something I could kind of use and usually, but not always, have enough stuff on there by Xmas that we’re good. I know not everyone loves Amazon but my extended family sure does so there’s no avoiding this.

      My birthday is right after Christmas though, and I got complaints that the stuff left on my list was “boring”. My one sister went off-road and got me a book club subscription, which I am delighted by!, but she’s the only one who will venture from the list. I ended up putting stuff like pretty tea cups and fancy tea on my list that I honestly did not need (like most people, I am drowning in coffee mugs and I am happy with my Bigelow tea from the grocery store) but I did have a nice January drinking imported English tea from fancy tea cups. So can you do something like that, OP?

  18. I’ve gained about 8 – 10 pandemic lbs. I don’t know exactly because I don’t own a scale but I’ve gone up at least one size. I’m short and have less vertical real-estate to spread it out. For about 9 months I tried to lose the weight. I have exercised consistently before and during the pandemic and make sure to eat lots of fruits and veggies. I’ve come to the conclusion that my body likes this extra weight and I’m no longer going to stress about it and in the big scheme of things, it’s minor. I’m also hitting menopause so maybe that’s a factor too. Anyone else reach a similar conclusion about their pandemic weight?

    1. Nope, I used the pandemic to take back control. I’m on track to lose the last 5 within the next three months. Down almost 60 in total.

    2. My body might like the extra weight but it looks terrible on me so I decided to get serious about changing it. I dedicated 10 weeks to be serious about CICO and tracked all foods and exercises. I also cut out alcohol. It wasn’t super fun bit it worked. I lost nearly 20 lbs and have been consistent since. I still track my foods most days and just try to stay in maintenance rather than a deficit. Some people carry “extra” weight well. I ‘m not one of those people so I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable being more than 10 pounds over the set point I had in my late 20’s.

      1. You lost 20 pounds in 10 weeks? I’m jealous. I’m doing CICO, and while I’m losing, it’s happening at a glacially slow place.

        1. I was a lot of weight really fast but I will add that I was consuming a LOT of calories in the form of sweet cocktails and wines in the months prior so cutting alcohol made a huge dent. Also, I did some sort of cardio everyday, even if just walking around the neighborhood after dinner.

    3. Yup. I’m healthy, and the additional weight hasn’t changed that. So I’m not gonna stress about it.

    4. I am over 40 and thought weight loss was next to impossible due to my age, but ever since I have minimized alcohol consumption and began putting in 20-25 on the rowing machine (plus some weights/plyometrics here and there) 5 days a week, I have consistently lost weight. I wanted to lose about 10 pounds and I have lost all of that plus a couple of more, and feel great.

    5. Commiseration: I’m making friends with the last 5 pounds that I haven’t been able to shake for about 2 years now.

    6. I went up a size in menopause and have not been stressing about it. I exercise regularly and eat pescatarian. I have good health numbers: cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. I would only get stressed if you see bad trends in these measures of your actual health.

    7. Yes. Same for me, except I haven’t been trying to loose it.

      For the first time in my life, I have some b00bs, so that is a bonus, but my pear shape has only gotten more extreme, so pants continue to be a problem.

      Going through perimenopause, without dying my grey hair on injecting my wrinkles, I actually think the weight in my face makes me look younger. It is true for me that I loose weight in my upper body first, and that the loss of facial fullness and b00bs is not really a great look for me.

      So I’ll keep doing my squats and try to tone a bit, but I’m ok with me.

    8. I’m with you! My body wants to be a bigger size. I gave birth. I gained the weight before I was pregnant, though! I feel good and right at this size (well, minus chemo bloat, but that’s different). My new body is just fine.

  19. I just need to share this with somebody: so my day today was just… back to back. And a bunch of the slots were me being on interview panels for a peer’s team.

    …I just realized that I am actually just on as the alternate (new admin didn’t indicate that – she’s new, how would she know if we didn’t tell her!) and thus… my day just went from ‘UGH. Let me eat lunch at 10:50 or I won’t get a chance until 3:45’ to totally reasonable.

    Interviewing is time consuming… And we’re an organization that generally does one interview per candidate, nothing crazy or excessive or unusual about our interviews. Being a manager is time consuming!

  20. for you big law folks – when someone spends a long time as an associate at one firm and then moves to another firm to become partner is that typically because the first firm didn’t grant them partnership? and on a related note, is there a way to tell from a firm’s website who is an equity partner and who isn’t?

    1. Generally, no, you cannot tell who’s an equity partner and who’s not from the website.

      1. This is probably an outlier but you can on the Kirkland & Ellis website because they have “PC” after their name if they are equity. (They have to form a professional corporation of themselves and hold the partnership interest that way.) I don’t know if I’ve seen this at another firm though.

    2. If someone moved from firm A to firm B as a 6th year and becomes partner as an 8th year, then they weren’t ever eligible for partner at A so no they didn’t get turned down for partnership. If someone is an 8+ year at firm A and then joins firm B as a partner then they probably didn’t have the book necessary to make partner at A but B has a lower threshold. There could be lots of other explanations but don’t take it as a negative that someone didn’t make partner at one firm but did at another, different firms have different criteria and most of them are like 99% divorced from whether the person is a good lawyer.

      Not all firms have nonequity tracks. For firms that do, no they don’t advertise who is equity or not. If a firm has a nonequity track then it means they try real hard to prevent people from becoming equity so chances are good that most of their junior partners are nonequity; it’s a lot easier to convince people to stay and be underpaid relative to the market when you offer a P next to their name, especially since it’s so hard to figure out how much you would actually make as an equity partner at another firm. Who wants to trade a high, guaranteed paycheck for uncertainty and a new work environment? Of course there are plenty of more senior lawyers who are nonequity and plenty of junior lawyers who are equity so you can’t really tell.

    3. Equity partners may choose to become Professional Corporations (i.e., would list Jane Smith, P.C. on website) for tax reasons — Kirkland being an example where equity partners are often easy to ID because of the practice. (Though non-shares in Texas will do it for reasons I don’t claim to understand so harder to tell there).

  21. Looking for buying advice! I’m in my late 20s and live in Chicago. I’ve lived here my whole life and intend to live here for the foreseeable far future. I’m currently in a convertible unit in a newer high rise in Old Town for around $1800/month. I love the location and the building amenities, but it isn’t a ton of space and it is a lot of money to be spending on 600 sq feet and a single interior door.

    A bunch of my friends (single and partnered) recently bought, so I’ve also been looking into it. The budget would be around $350k. I’ve gotten advice to only buy a 2-bed, as it will be easier to sell when the time comes. However, limiting my search to a 2-bed in my budget that doesn’t need a ton of renovation pushes the location out quite a bit. Is the added ease of selling a 2-bed condo a) real and b) worth compromising on location and design?

    Additionally, I’ve been dating someone for a little over six months. It’s going really well and I definitely could see things lasting long term. He already owns a place that is bigger than anything I would buy on my own but not updated/as nice as what I’d get for myself. I don’t want to make any decisions based on a guy I’ve been seeing for less than a year, but also feel like buying now would set myself for unnecessary complications if it came to us living together later on. Anyone have experience with both partners owning and how that worked when it came to moving in together?

    And in general, does anyone have advice either way for buying vs not in this situation? It seems like financially the smartest thing to do if I know I’m likely going to live locally for the rest of my life. But I also know homeownership is a real responsibility/PITA and I have my whole life to own.

    1. I’m personally not buying until I can afford at least a 2 bed/1.5 bath in my preferred area (which admittedly is like 5 neighborhoods) with the idea that if I’m going to buy I’m going to stay a while and would like to buy something that can accommodate future children. I’m not going to sacrifice on location because to me that’s a huge quality of life matter: I love walking everywhere I want to go, being near friends and being close to the trail for running/biking.

    2. I would wait and see what the market is like next year. I agree that you don’t want to buy a one bedroom for investment reasons, and if buying is going to push you to an undesirable location you may as well save up and reevaluate next year.

    3. Hi, I spent the first 30 years of my life in Chicago and worked in real estate. Love(d) Chicago. But the city is a sinking ship and I would never buy real estate there. Purchase prices are low relative to other major cities but the property tax situation is absolutely absurd and will get worse. My brother owned a $350k condo in Lakeview, and his property taxes were $10k/year. I own a ~$2M multi-home compound on acreage near Seattle and my property taxes are $8,500/year. Oh and he also paid $460/month in HOAs. Those cool brick loft buildings in Chicago take a lot of maintenance.

      Chicago is not the place to “invest” in real estate either as an owner or an investor. The condo I sold there in 2010 has appreciated 0% since. The small apartment building my parents sold the same year has appreciated 15% – so after almost 12 years, those owners could barely recover their transfer taxes and agency fees if they sold today. And don’t get me started on all the tenant protection regs that result in honest mom-and-pop landlords owing money to the tenants that destroy their property.

      In your situation, I would keep renting until you are ready to move out of the city. It really does pain me to say that, since I was born and raised IN the city, CPS schools, and never thought I would leave.

      1. I live in Chicago and bought my condo for under $350k. My property taxes are $5k and my HOA is under $300. My advice is to be picky, look at what the monthly payment would be compared to your rent, and look at what rental restrictions come with any units you’re interested in. I live with a partner and we looked at both 2 bedroom and larger 1 bedrooms, though I think it’s probably right that a 2 bedroom is easier to sell because it can be a little more versatile. I don’t know what’ll happen with property taxes, mine actually went down last year.

      2. Sinking ship… OK. Let’s get back to reality.

        I live in Chicago now. I’ve both rented and owned in Chicago. Thankfully I don’t suffer from real estate brain and am OK treating the place I owned as my home rather than an investment in which I am required to earn a [__]% return on my ‘investment’. On the other hand, I do remind myself that I am essentially locking in a rent controlled space (yes, taxes will go up, as will my HOAs, but the majority of my monthly cost is fixed via a 30 year mortgage).

        I skipped the ‘starter’ unit myself and went straight to a 2-bedroom. I had been told the same thing — easier to unload a 2 bedroom, wouldn’t want to deal with ownership issues in my 20s, etc. Of course, I ended up selling in COVID times so.. best laid plans! lol. In any event, with your budget, I would not go for a 2-bedroom. It will require updates, for sure, and you probably don’t want to be saddled with that. Either get comfortable with the idea of a starter 1-bedroom unit or just keep renting/saving for a downpayment.

    4. IME, the added ease of selling a two bedroom condo is real.

      I think I know the answer from your post, but: can you afford a surprise $10,000 special assessment on top of your budget? The number of my friends who bought condos in Chicago and then got hit with a special assessment in the first year for a new roof, new property management services, burst sewer connection, etc. is substantial. If you don’t have that extra cash in hand after you have run all the numbers, you should probably wait until you do.

    5. Do you have your whole life to own, though? I was reading an article just this morning about people getting priced out of their markets, so that’s an issue. Although yes, home ownership is expensive and you should not go into it without a decent cash reserve.

      Certainly it’s easier to sell 2 bdrm units for a variety of reasons, but only you can decide whether those reasons outweigh your preference for a nicer location and design.

      I agree you shouldn’t base your real estate choices on your relationship status at this point. As far as both parties owning going into marriage, that happened to me. I bought a house and was remodeling it while dating my husband — once it was finished, we were engaged. His house was much larger and in a much nicer neighborhood than mine, so I ended up moving in with him and renting out my house. That has worked out well. He also offered to move in with me (because he’s just that great, also he was probably pretty sure I’d say no heh), and also selling one or both and buying a new house for the two of us was an option we (briefly) discussed. We have done a lot of work on his house in the ensuing five years so now it really feels like “ours.”

      1. Further to 1-bdrm vs 2-bdrm, back in the day there was such a thing as a “starter house,” which was a house people bought that didn’t meet all their criteria for a perfect home but which they bought to get into the market. You need to decide if your “starter house” is a 1-bdrm in a great location or a 2-bdrm further out.

    6. I bought in South Loop in 2008 while single, and sold, married, in 2017. Here’s what I wish I had known about real estate during both of these transitions.

      First, buildings have rules for owners, including when owners can rent their unit. If there are more than a certain percentage of units rented it can be tough for people to get a mortgage to occupy the unit themselves. Also, frankly, buildings with more renters are less attractive to buyers. I wish I had bought in a building where the number of units to be rented was capped because it would have been easier to sell and more pleasant to live in.

      Second, relationships and real estate are complicated! Personally, in your situation I would wait a year because there are significant costs with buying and selling homes (I’m sure closing costs when buying a $350k home are more than $10k. It’s even more expensive when you sell.) When I got married I owned and had significant equity but my spouse was a renter. This disparity was resolved with a simple pre-nup. Basically, I put him on the title in exchange for certain concessions (use a lawyer to do this to avoid problems with title insurance). If things work out with your person you can discuss with him/her. Perhaps you could take your downpayment money and upgrade the large home in exchange for being put on the deed? I wish you the best of luck in both your real estate and personal adventures!

  22. I’m not sure who to talk to about this in real life.
    I have a lot of anxiety about going to the doctor. I am in therapy but talking to a doctor about how you dont like going to do the doctor . . . works surprisingly well but is weird. Also, there are a lot of valid reasons why I feel this way!

    I have a particular condition that I need to go to a fairly specialized specialist for. I haven’t really found one I like. I have found other doctors I like (ENT, dentist!, etc) so I don’t think its just me being annoying.

    Last year I went to a specialist on another doctors recommendation. I didn’t feel comfortable with him in large part because he wanted to do an invasive procedure and hadn’t told me about it before the exam, and was annoyed when I didn’t want to do it. I looked it up online after and it does seem like for this procedure the best practice is to at least tell the patient to expect it.

    He also made a number of personal remarks that even my therapist agreed were too familiar (not unprofessional I guess, just making a lot of assumptions).
    Now I’m having a flare up and because at this point this doctor is the one who I spoke to about it last have an appointment scheduled with him. I’m dreading it. Long term I think I just need to find a new specialist.

    The reason I don’t know who to talk to about this in real life is because 1) not many friends know about this medical condition and 2) my family members are sort of tired of hearing about my doctors office anxiety when ultimately I need to go to these doctors and there’s not much to be done.

    Idk what I’m asking. Am I being completely unreasonable? Is it crazy to expect a doctor to be professional, like any lawyer/accountant/etc you worked with would be? Is this just how all people feel about doctors?

    1. It’s absolutely not crazy to expect a doctor to be professional. Unfortunately, some of them just plain aren’t (like lawyers and accountants). I think it feels different with doctors because we’re dealing with existential fears about our health. (Most of the time, tax return questions don’t carry that same level of existential worry.)

      I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. I would call the clinic where you’re scheduled and say you’d prefer not to see Dr. Johnson this time, would they be able to reschedule you with someone else? And if you can take a trusted family member or friend with you as moral support, I would.

    2. It’s not crazy, but it’s probably unrealistic. Partly because we acknowledge the complexity of medicine, doctors don’t have the same kind of accountability as lawyers/accountants/etc. And there’s such a bad doctor shortage (and health insurance is so complicated) that a specialist can keep seeing patients even if no one has a great experience with them. There’s also not really great accountability for mistakes that fall short of medical malpractice (including just “being wrong”; UpToDate is helpful for making sure that doctors are reasonably, well, up-to-date!).

    3. I am another lawyer with numerous bad encounters with doctors. Doctors are not as professional or responsive as lawyers or accountants. You have to just suck it up and go to the least objectionable one you can find.

    4. You have the right to have a chaperone for any medical appointment. Is there anyone who you’d be able to ask? If you focus just on having them there to help push back/direct the conversation it can be less about anxiety and more about basic patient advocacy. Most patients need an advocate. That is normal. (And yes, the script above to try to see someone else would even be better! This is a fallback.)

      1. actually no, not after covid, a lot of doctor’s offices ban additional entrants besides the patients. I am waiting for someone to start suing the $h!t out of some hospital/practice group on this.

  23. Is anyone really good at french braids? I have watched all of the YouTube videos, but it’s not clicking. I’ll get it, but it never looks clean and put together. For those who know how to french braid, do you have any tips to share?

    1. Start with a tiny braid at the top of your head and add in a small piece of hair for each pass, after you do the initial 3 passes. Each time you pass over a new section of hair, pull it tight and make sure it’s not tangled.

    2. Try a Dutch braid–basically an inside-out french braid. For some reason they can be easier.

      1. I have the opposite experience – I can do a french brais on myself with no issue, but if I try aa dutch braid it is just all sorts of messed up.

    3. Is your issue that it’s fairly loose to start with and then gets more disheveled during the day, instead of neat and tight? For me, that improved 50% with practice (over 2-3 years from first learning it), and I chalk the other half up to hair texture (could probably be improved with hair products, but don’t have the motivation to find the right one).

    4. If your hair is very silky, you need to rough it up with a beach spray or by letting it get dirty for a day or two. Smooth hair just keeps slipping out as you work, leaving those loops hanging everywhere.

      1. I find the opposite – I have fine, straight hair and if it’s dirty it becomes even more slippery with the extra oil. Freshly washed and no conditioner is best for me.

    5. So I’ve been trying to teach myself to French braid for a few years; I never learned as a kid. I’m not a pro, but here’s what I’ve learned. It definitely needs to be a little dirty – it’s impossible for me to French braid first day hair. When I cut my hair shorter (it just grazes my shoulders now) it got a lot easier than when my hair was half way down my back. And unfortunately for me, practice and repetition is the real thing that helped me get better. It just never came naturally to me or “clicked” one day.

      1. Dry shampoo can make slippery hair (mine — fine + oily) grippier, which is the only substitute for textured hair for those of us with none. It’s hard to do on myself (and falls out fast). I can do on my sister with wavy hair and it will actually stay in. For me, I need dry shampoo spritzed al over and even then it’s not great; I spray after. Just doing a blow-out on me would be less work.

    6. Do you have layers? It’s harder to get it to look neat and tidy if you have layers as opposed to one length. Other than that, agree it helps to use beach spray or texturizing spray or whatever to make it a little stickier. And a lot of practice.

  24. Real estate question!

    We’ve zeroed in on a suburb we want to move to (setting aside the fact that I’m still struggling with leaving the city!). There are a few neighborhoods we love within the town that are walking distance to the cute Main Street shops etc. They are older homes (mainly Victorian) with large graceful lawns, wide tree lined streets, etc. Our budget of $1m will get us, roughly, a 3,500 sq ft house in one of these areas that is decently maintained but needs some cosmetic upgrades and, being an older house, does not have a great layout / flow. Eg does not have the large kitchen we want, or does not have a dedicated play room or den, etc. Basically, in order to get an old, historic house in one of the fancier areas, we’ll need to compromise a lot on functionality of the space. Many of the other houses in these areas go for around this price but many others are in the $1.5-2m range.

    We’re looking at a house that’s not yet on the market but is a “private exclusive” (so less time pressure for us to make an offer). It’s somewhere in the $925-30 range but essentially needs zero work other than replacing carpet in 1-2 bedrooms. It’s a dream of a house and yard. The layout is wonderful and so functional. It also has the charm/appeal of being an older (1930s) house but with a very lovely and elegant addition. Here’s the thing: it’s in a more modest area of town (still the same excellent school district and still walkable to main st), such that most other houses in a 2-block radius are much smaller and sold (albeit not recently) for closer to $400-500k. I’m struggling with the idea of being thought of as the “fancy house on the block” or the “rich people on the block.” Is this a thing or am I being silly? I prefer the aesthetics of the fancy neighborhood but this one is still very nice. I am just worried about the optics of the vast difference in prices. Also, wondering if the resale value would be negatively impacted.

    1. Personally, I would not want to own the most expensive house in the neighborhood. Not so much for being known as the rich people on the block, but more so for long term appreciation, resale value, etc. That being said, is it common for houses in this area to be torn down / significantly remodeled? (Such that by the time you theoretically might sell, other houses would be selling for similar prices.)

      1. I’d say the priciest house on the street is not a deal breaker if it’s priced similarly to other homes within a few blocks. Unless there is something you haven’t told us like your street is much busier or doesn’t have water views or there is a heavy premium on a certain street. My areas is similar and my broker said the school district is really what attracts buyers so it was hard to overimprove considering we’re nowhere near the high end in the district.

      2. Agree. But OP, this is so personal. I’d rather an older style house that sacrifices some functionality. I live in a house like that in fact, and it works for our family.

      3. +1, the old rule of thumb was it’s better to be the worst house on the best block than vice versa.

        The question of whether I’d be see as the “rich person” didn’t even enter my mind as I read through the post!

    2. Isn’t conventional RE wisdom to buy the least expensive house in the most expensive neighborhood, not the other way around?

    3. I think you are right to be thinking about this, but after living the last 6 years in a cramped older home, the idea of a house under budget with a dream layout AND needs no work AND in the same school district and walkability, is frankly a no-brainer. Why is it that different from the other houses in the area? Is it the first teardown/new build but the rest of the homes are likely to follow yours? Or will you always be the giant house in the neighborhood? That wouldn’t bother me, though. You are the one who needs to live in the house. If you are going to be there for a long time, there’s time for the neighborhood to catch up, too. My guess is you won’t be the only people expanding their search radius slightly to get more bang for their buck.

  25. Is there a way to request that when your files are transfered between providers they leave something out? I’m not trying to hide anything or ‘trick’ them, I just want better care. For context the last 2 psychologists I’ve dealt with have seen my IQ results and immediately launched into a pissing contest to be the smartest person in the room. I want my file to be transferred to a new psychologist without my IQ results to prevent this from happening again.

    1. Yes, you can call about this or also, if signing a release on paper, ask that it specifically exclude IQ results or even write that in yourself. Unfortunately I can’t guarantee that it won’t be overlooked. But you can say this information doesn’t have a bearing on your care and has harmed your care in the past. As a provider I would totally honor that and expect my admin staff to do the same.

    2. Do you have to transfer files at all? I’ve moved frequently and had lots of different doctors for several chronic conditions and I think I’ve only transferred files maybe once (my current neurologist required a referral from the old one, but even then it doesn’t seem like they had any knowledge of my previous care other than what I told them).

      1. If they don’t transfer the documents I would have to re-take some expensive testing which I was hoping to avoid, though the cost might be worth it.

      2. This is a good suggestion. Especially for a psychologist, I would just opt not to have my files transferred. For the provider treating my migraines, I want them to have my file so they can see everything I’ve already gone through in terms of treatment and don’t suggest going backward to something I’ve already tried that failed, probably more than once. For a psychologist I wouldn’t bother transferring files; if the provider asked “have you received therapy elsewhere” I would say “yes it was a long time ago/not for very long” and if they pressed me about getting old files I would say “sorry but I don’t think I can get them” and leave it at that. If the provider made it some kind of sticking point, that would be a reason for me to look for someone else to talk to.

      3. +1 I would just not transfer the files in this situation. I don’t think you can ask a doctor to transfer an incomplete file.

    3. Request a copy of your records to be sent to you, remove the files for IQ results, then forward the records to your new doctor.

    4. I have tried with no luck. I have several misdiagnoses (mental health, actual issue was endocrine-related) that get me pre-judged and treated with skepticism and impatience.

  26. I saw two lists on blogs recently that I thought would be perfect to try with this community. A “master list” of products – your favorite, can’t live without items, small or big – and “pro tips” – eye-opening things you think everyone should know or super helpful life hacks. So, what’s on your master list and what are your pro tips to share?

    1. Simple Modern 28 oz tumbler

      Flora or Forest App.

      “Action conquers fear/anxiety.” Do something about something you’re worried about and it stops being scary.

  27. Stuck in moderation so posting again…

    Real estate question!

    We’ve zeroed in on a suburb we want to move to (setting aside the fact that I’m still struggling with leaving the city!). There are a few areas we love within the town that are walking distance to the cute Main Street shops etc. They are older homes (mainly Victorian) with large graceful lawns, wide tree lined streets, etc. Our budget of 1m will get us, roughly, a 3,500 sq ft house in one of these areas that is decently maintained but needs some cosmetic upgrades and, being an older house, does not have a great layout / flow. Eg does not have the large kitchen we want, or does not have a dedicated play room or den, etc. Basically, in order to get an old, historic house in one of the fancier areas, we’ll need to compromise a lot on functionality of the space. Many of the other houses in these areas go for around this price but many others are in the 1.5-2m range.

    We’re looking at a house that’s not yet on the market but is a “private exclusive” (so less time pressure for us to make an offer). It’s somewhere in the 925-30k range but essentially needs zero work other than replacing carpet in 1-2 bedrooms. It’s a dream of a house and yard. The layout is wonderful and so functional. It also has the charm/appeal of being an older (1930s) house but with a very lovely and elegant addition. Here’s the thing: it’s in a more modest area of town (still the same excellent school district and still walkable to main st), such that most other houses in a 2-block radius are much smaller and sold (albeit not recently) for closer to 400-500k. I’m struggling with the idea of being thought of as the fancy house on the block or the rich people on the block. Is this a thing or am I being silly? I prefer the aesthetics of the fancy area but this one is still very nice. I am just worried about the optics of the vast difference in prices. Also, wondering if the resale value would be negatively impacted.

    1. You’re being silly, unless you honestly think you’re too fancy for the ‘hood full of half million dollar houses.

    2. No advice, but the town sounds like a dream! I hope to one day live in a Victorian that is walking distance to main street.

      1. As far as we can tell, it’s a really great town! And top-rated schools. Also, 20-30 minute drive to a major city. And an hour to the beach!

    3. What? No, you are being silly and honestly kind of snobby. The other houses sold several years ago, so who knows what they’d go for now in this insane market. It also sounds like the house you’re considering is updated, so maybe the others on the street weren’t? Do you think the other people who can still afford $500k+ for a house are going to be knocking on your door, asking for your castoffs or your leftovers, or …?

      What it says to me is that this is a stable neighborhood that doesn’t have a ton of turnover, which is a good thing. I live in a similar neighborhood to what you’re describing- a more modest area of town but with houses that vary quite a bit in price due to proximity to desirable parks and size. Under your scenario, I’m one of the poors and I’ve never thought anything about my neighbors who bought more expensive houses except whether their dogs are well behaved or not on their walks around the neighborhood and loosely wondering whether they hire lawn services to mow the steep yards.

  28. The fact that my boss is talking about me behind my back to other department heads is a huge red flag and a definite reason I should start looking for a new job ASAP, right?

    1. Is it good or bad? I occasionally end up in meetings where someone will say “oh I’ve heard of you Department Head credits you for great presentations” and sure it’s kind of weird that these really important people think I make pretty PowerPoints but it’s not at all concerning.

    2. Not necessarily. Agree we need more info.

      Bosses talk about their staff. That’s a real thing and not always nefarious (I’d go so far as to say it usually isn’t). We need to seek peer advice, discuss performance or conduct problems that might affect the broader operation, tout successes that may affect the broader operation, seek input on performance, engage in short- or long-term planning, etc. If someone is talking about your personal life or speaking unprofessionally about you, that’s different. If other department heads aren’t discreet when they receive potentially sensitive information, that’s a problem. Absent other information: If one of my subordinates demanded an apology for an otherwise professional conversation with my chain of command or my peers who have equity in my operation (or who deal with similarly-positioned staff, similar challenges, etc.), it would tell me they are significantly out-of-touch. “Behind my back” isn’t quite the same in an office, as you aren’t necessarily entitled to be privy to every conversation your boss deems professionally appropriate.

      Again, more info might change that answer. “Professionally appropriate” is the key.

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