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Coffee Break: Knotted Fringe Cashmere Ruana

Cashmere Ruana: Nordstrom Collection Knotted Fringe Cashmere RuanaThis fringe ruana comes in basic black and beige, and it's on a pretty great sale — it was $398 but is now marked to $199. I've had great luck with Nordstrom Collection cashmere, and this lovely wrap looks like just the thing to keep in your office. Wear it on top of a blazer in in-between weather, and use it as an extra layer of warmth when your office is freezing. The ruana pictured is $199; Nordstrom offers more colors in a slightly smaller cashmere wrap sized 28.5″ x 72″ for $193. Nordstrom Collection Knotted Fringe Cashmere Ruana Psst: We asked Nordstrom about the ruana's measurements, but the rep said she didn't have the information, unfortunately. She did say that most of their models are at least 5'8″, in case that helps. If it doesn't work out, don't worry — Nordstrom has free returns. (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

306 Comments

  1. Ok I promise I’ll stop posting this after today – but two days ago someone asked about everyone’s favorite life hacks. I reposted yesterday and got a few responses. I’d love a wider response base.

    So far most of the best hacks were having duplicates of things (makeup, chargers, etc.) for home/office, or home/travel, and having pre-packed travel essentials. Also – leaving essential items (like keys) by the door, and leaving the trash at the door so it gets taken out.

    Any others?

    1. Find a local website or blog that tracks free stuff to do in your area, and look at that before you spend money on entertainment (esp if you are just bored vs really looking for one thing in particular).

      In SF there’s SF.funcheap.com

    2. Only watch TV while doing chores or preparing food – then you don’t waste “free” time on TV and the chores feel like less work! I like to prop up my iPad and watch reruns on Netflix or HBOGo and it makes chopping, folding laundry, etc. go by faster.

    3. I’ve recently adopted the mantras of “touch it once” and “don’t use stairs emptyhanded.” If you pick something up, don’t set it down again until it is PUT AWAY. Really trying to break my habit of constantly shuffling piles of stuff.

      I make an exception for things whose homes are on a different floor. Those go to the stairwell, hence the second mantra. Every time I go up or down stairs, I pick something up that needs to be put away and then put it away asap.

    4. Gallon-sized plastic bags make excellent cases for iPads around water (or use a smaller bag for a phone). Its ridiculous and probably bad to do but I watch Netflix in the shower now.

        1. I believe “ridiculous” was the word Care used. I wouldn’t do this in the shower, but it’s a great tip if you’re going to be lounging pool side, or using your iPad in the kitchen.

          2. Pathetic because it’s clearly inferior to the bath? I mean it sounds great to me, the only thing that could make it better is not standing.

        2. I think it’s awesome and I would do it too if I weren’t so scared of damaging my iPad (it was a wedding gift so it has sentimental value separate and apart from its monetary value).

        3. I am genuinely curious as to why you think this is pathetic. I wouldn’t do it, I like to get in and get out of showers, but still, methinks we’ve got a little bit of word inflation going on here. Happy to be proven wrong.

        4. Why is it pathetic? Would it be pathetic to listen to a podcast while showering? Watch Netflix while taking a bath? Or read a book while taking a bath? Why is it different while showering? Get off of it.

        5. Regardless of whether it is pathetic, calling someone pathetic is rude, nasty, and unnecessary. I’d rather be pathetic than nasty.

      2. Those plastic bags are also excellent for putting your tablet in when you’re cooking so you can still use it for recipes but don’t have to worry about besmirching the screen.
        And for putting your phone in when running so the sweat doesn’t get in.

      3. Whatever, 1st anon, I think it’s awesome. What else are you supposed to do in the shower? I get bored doing only one thing at a time.

          1. 10 minutes if I have to wash my hair, maybe longer if it’s freezing outside and I want to stay in the hot water for longer. I tend to zone out during showers and will find that it just took me 8 minutes to apply shampoo, so having a show or music going actually helps me focus better. I have a better sense for time if scenes or songs keep changing.

        2. I don’t do it for every shower or even most showers, but if I’m taking a shower to take some time for myself and relax, I might as well do what I want to do while I’m there. I watch a 40 minute show between the shower and drying/straightening my hair.

          I know its ridiculous/pathetic, but its my super fluff tv time. If I tried to listen to a podcast, it would be more difficult because I’d actually be worried about missing something over the water, but I don’t care that with fluff tv. Basically it’s my shower radio – just with a stupid show instead of music (and yes I realize that music has actual cognitive benefits but I stopped using a shower radio when I couldn’t stand the commercials anymore).

          1. Honestly, I hear Care. I’m one step worse. We have a TV in our bathroom. I watch the news every morning while I shower.

          2. This week I was just considering a tv in the bathroom. I love baths and that would make them even better. I am totally going to do this with either my phone or tablet in the tub.

          3. Growing up, my mom and I would always go to the parade of homes/street of dreams events in our city to gawk at the tricked out houses, and my two favorite features to this day are TV in the bathroom and heated bathroom floor tiles. Think how cool the TV behind the mirror looked in the 80s when we were used to giant box TVs…

          4. Ha, yes! We don’t have the TV in the mirror thing, just a regular little flatscreen hanging on the wall above the tub, but I got the idea from a trip to Vegas. I am not normally that person at all, but it seemed so decadent. And given that no one ever goes in our master bath except us, so privately decadent!

          5. I love this idea (and don’t think it’s at all pathetic, what a ridiculous comment) but am trying and failing to figure out how you hear the sound through the ziploc bag!

          6. I’m guessing a separate Bluetooth speaker? I use one all the time with my iPad because the built-in speaker has a ridiculously low max volume. I’m not one to crank the volume to deafness-inducing levels, but I can’t even hear voices on the iPad’s speaker over outdoor traffic noise (with all windows closed).

          7. Oh hell yeah, this is the only time I have to watch my stories. I watch an episode of whatever show I’m watching while I get ready in the morning – set up the laptop on top of the toilet (which is viewable from the shower) and watch an entire 45-minute episode by the time my makeup is done. I can’t watch at night, because of my baby and various other evening obligations. It’s what I call efficient and entertaining use of time.

        4. People in California see it a little differently. We have it drilled in our minds that showers are wasteful. I do 1 minute or less if not washing hair, and under 3 minutes if washing hair. We reuse the water for plants.

      4. I listen to podcasts when washing my dog (10 minutes) and sometimes when washing myself (less than 10 minutes).

    5. Premade frozen lunches – I’ve mentioned these on here before. You can buy or make a quiche and cut it into slices which freeze well individually. Just grab one in the morning and go. It also works for sandwiches, so you can make a whole loaf at once.

      My biggest lifehack is online grocery shopping. I think it works differently here in the UK – here, most of the major supermarkets offer it, and you can book a slot up to three weeks in advance, and generally change what’s in the order up until the night before. I basically never have to go into a supermarket anymore, it’s great.

      1. Online grocery shopping and delivery is the best thing ever. Totally worth the convenience for me.

        1. Mine just starting online shopping and delivery for a $5 fee. I save way more than $5 by not going into the store and buying random crap.

      2. I could really benefit from this frozen lunch idea. Could you elaborate? how do you do the sandwiches? Do you have other options to share??

        1. Make sandwiches just as normal, wrap each one in cling wrap and freeze. Grab and go in the morning. Certain fillings don’t freeze well (anything mayo based for example)
          Most recently I took an entire loaf of bread, two 7oz ish wedges of Brie, and a jar of cranberry sauce, and turned it all into sandwiches in one go.

    6. I made ‘mail folders’ (like in an office) for my husband and me. This way all that paper (bills, account statements, etc.) that would otherwise sit on our entrance table or our dining table gets put in the mail folder and we can go through that at a later point. It’s sort of just still sitting around for us (obviously better if we put it away when we got the papers), but this keeps our table tops clean and we don’t lose anything.

      1. On a similar note, I open the mail immediately and discard any envelopes, catalogs, etc. I don’t want. They go straight into the recycling; I don’t even bring them in the house. Only the important stuff comes in the door.

    7. Keeping my phone in my bag at work, rather than on my desk. I waste soooo much less time that way. (what actually qualifies as a “life hack” anyway?)

    8. Man I’m all about lifehacks. Here are some that come to mind.

      -In the “having multiples” vein, I have multiple Mini Jawbones and I bring them with me everywhere — work, travel, home for the holidays, upstairs/downstairs in my house. It’s great to have one handy always, and they are a great product. I listen to podcasts, music, meditation apps, and audiobooks. The Game of Thrones audiobook is a great go-to for cooking and other chores… it never ends! I bought them used so they were only about $40 each.

      -Putting the ends of store-bought green onions (roots and white part) in a glass of water on the windowsill to regrow the green onions. Didn’t believe it at first but works like a charm.

      -Dropping things at the foot of the stairs that need to be brought upstairs so I’ll carry them with me next trip up.

      -Putting drops of lavender essential oil on wool dryer balls to 1) cut drying time down and 2) have amazing-smelling laundry (actually it makes the whole place smell good).

      -Keeping a pad of paper in the kitchen for jotting down a running grocery list.

      -Using Ebates for online shopping. I just deposited $75 in my bank account from them. (If you don’t have an account, highly encourage it — easy cash back almost everywhere I shop. My referral code: http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=w4DeiZncA4DrKftGzhlzDA%3D%3D&eeid=28187 )

      -Soaking oats and other grains overnight with frozen berries, nuts, and other mix-ins for a ready breakfast in the morning.

      -Pepperplate, the best recipe organizer I’ve come across. Love the grocery list function.

      -Using Amazon’s universal wish-list function to track everything I have my eye on online, even random articles that aren’t selling anything but that I want to be reminded of later (it functions like a bookmarker).

    9. Programming my rice cooker so that every morning at 6 am my steel cut oatmeal is cooked and ready to eat! It has been life changing. :)

      1. What is your recipe/ratio please? What setting do you use? I want to start doing this.

    10. I bought recycled leather envelopes on the river of amazon…three in my purse one for current credit card receipts and dry cleaning call tags. another for credit card receipts for my biz. a third for coupons (even those that don’t expire for the month like department stores and DSW).

      At the end of the week when I pay bills, shred, and file, I also go through the three envelopes in my purse and file stuff.

      they are a brand called PaperThinks. A variety of colors, so I quickly know exacetly which one I need when shopping and out and about.

    11. Mine seem to center around hair removal: Epilator – 30 minutes ever 6 weeks or so, and in between you can barely tell I haven’t shaved my legs unless you’re really looking. Plus, massive savings on razors. Silkn laser on pits – some fuzz still coming back but saves tons of time and the couple hundred bucks for the Silkn will quickly be made up by not buying razors. Waxing for everything else. Not really a hack, but a huge timesaver and no razor burn, and I’m rarely caught feeling…not ready a garden party.

      One touch rule for mail, with a little setup with a shredder, wastepaper basket, and mail holder all right next to the door.

      Just for men beard color and an eyeshadow brush to color strands of gray. You can mix just a teensy bit at a time. I’m told it comes out too dark for most people but I find it to work well and I buy a shade about the same as or a little lighter than my hair.

      Bought pretty arty calendars and framed my favorite pages as wall art. Thinking about doing the same with cool wallpaper samples.

      I don’t buy occasional wrapping paper, just brown parcel paper wrapped with pretty bows so I can use the same roll for every occasion – saves space and money. One year we painted it with sponges cut into holiday shapes as a fun little Friday night activity.

      2 laptop chargers, one at work, one at home, so I don’t have an extra thing to lug back and forth.

      I guess those are hacks, right?

  2. Is it normal for a doctor to discourage getting a second opinion? My aunt is undergoing treatment for ovarian cancer in a rural area and unfortunately just learned that she has recurrent disease. We all agree that it’s time to get a second opinion and see some new doctors at the big specialty cancer hospitals to see what options there are for new treatments, clinical trials, etc., but my aunt’s oncologist said both “the purpose of a second opinion is to reassure anxious family” and “a second opinion is only needed if the doctor calls for it.” They got the impression that this doctor was almost saying “if you get a second opinion, you’re no longer under my treatment plan.” Is this normal doctor behavior? My aunt doesn’t want to alienate this doctor, who is one of the only ones around in her area, but we all think it’s absurd to consider turning down appointments with specialists at the country’s best hospitals and are not sure how to proceed. If anyone has any input or can weigh in on how to handle this situation, it would be much appreciated.

    1. Absolutely not normal behavior on the part of the doc. Get a second opinion for sure even if it means ditching the first doctor.

      1. +1 – the doctor may not be malicious but just find the second opinion inconvenient but should not be discouraging it. Even if it just ‘reasssures anxious family’ – there’s no downside to reassurance.

        1. The doctors concern may be that some people basic use “getting a second opinion” as a way to stall while they try to adjust to the bad news. Maybe the doctor meant that she shouldn’t postpone getting started on treatment immediately if she is going to seek a second opinion?

          If those quotes are directly what the doctor said, yes, that is a cause for concern, unless it was also coupled with some kind of result that showed this is 100%, without a doubt recurring cancer and that is what he meant. However, I would be concerned about taking that literally if you didn’t hear the words come out of the doctors mouth directly, or at least directly from your aunt. If the path was dr->aunt->another relative or 2-> you, there is a good chance the message has gotten garbled along the way. In my family, anything with “the doctor said” coming from anything other than the patient (or even sometimes then) needs to be taken with lots and lots of grains of salt, as it almost always gets slightly twisted/garbled/wrong with each retelling it passes through.

          Either way I’m sorry you and your family are going through this, and I hope there is a treatment that will work for your aunt.

          1. My aunt is already under round 2 of chemo with this doctor and had complete trust in her treatment plan, but wanted second opinions to see what else is out there (their rural state is not exactly known for being a center for ovarian cancer research). It’s only now that the doctor has said these things that anyone is having any doubts. I would have agreed with your response about being concerned about garbled/misinterpreted words from the doctor, but it’s happened repeatedly and with multiple witnesses and even her diehard fans in the family are getting concerned.

            Thanks for the nice wishes – ovarian cancer is a beast and we all just want SOMETHING to work for her.

    2. Definitely odd especially for cancer where there are vastly different approaches depending on what hospital you go to.

    4. When I was a college student needing an operation, I asked the doctor too many questions and he sent me a letter telling me to find a new doctor.

      I am so, so glad that he did that. I felt so much more comfortable with my next doctor.

    5. Maybe “normal” (some specialist doctors are really pleased with themselves and really dismissive of their patients as thinking people) but not OK at all. You should certainly pursue a second opinion, even several times during the course of a disease like cancer when treatment plans change as the disease progresses.

      1. Coming from a “medical” family with multiple doctors and having had multiple second opinions over the years, I think most of the really excellent doctors that I’ve seen encourage second opinions because they want an informed patient who is calm and secure about the chosen treatment(s). If your aunt is in a rural area, the doctor may be cutting-edge and up on the latest treatments…or not. And I would be wary of any doctor who is trying to protect his/her “yield” by discouraging 2nd opinions, most especially in a recurring cancer situation. But that has to be balanced by traveling to a far-away doctor/clinic for treatment which can be costly, inconvenient and unwieldy. The best way would be for big-city cancer treatment center to have a coordinated relationship with the rural clinic, but that may be asking for a lot. The situation sounds hard and I send my best wishes to your aunt.

    6. Normal for some doctors who either are correct that this is the remaining treatment option and are trying to save you time/angst/money or for doctors who are intimidated by other doctors opinions. Do what your aunt wants, it’s her disease not the family’s.

    7. The best situation would be to have collaboration between the academic center and the local gyne oncologist. If the cancer center is far away, she needs to be prepared to travel for all follow ups and any potential complications. Her local docs are only obligated to take care of her In emergency situations, care which includes advising the ED to transfer her to the cancer center. Take some time to look at resources online to see if a second opinion is necessary. There are guidelines for the treatment of every cancer. Here are the guidelines for patients.
      http://www.nccn.org/patients/guidelines/ovarian/index.html#1
      You can also register to have access to the guidelines for physicians.
      The NCI also publishes a list of available clinical trials online. Look at cancer.gov.
      If her care is not following the standard of care, she should seek the second opinion.
      Hope this helps.

  3. I’ve seen a few posts about birth control and thoughts about having kids lately, so I’d like to jump on that bandwagon. For someone who is about a year away from TTC, what are your recommendations for best preparing for the whole experience (pregnancy, birth, recovery, nursing, parenting)? Eat healthy, sleep, exercise, take one last big vacation? What do you wish you’d done in the last year before having kids? What books or educational tools do you recommend? TIA.

    1. I am planning to try in about 6-8 months. Before then I want to accomplish some professional goals, take one last big vacation (SE Asia!), get into a consistent workout routine and start eating better. I don’t know how/if those last two will happen because I’ve never been great at either. I know I can’t give up chocolate and desserts (I’m going to try to cut back from two or three desserts a day to one…I know….I kind of have a problem :/) but I’m going to start meal planning more and making an effort to more regularly eat the many healthy things I like, including roasted veggies, salmon, and spinach. I’m a healthy BMI but kind of feel like I’m “skinny fat” and not in very good shape so I definitely want to start running or at least taking brisk walks every day. I’ve never been much of a drinker so I feel no desire to party or have alcohol but I’m sure we’ll have a few “last meals” of sushi and soft cheeses (not together haha). My doc also told me to start prenatals 3 months before TTC.

          2. Me too. And I had the occasional glass of wine with dinner.

            Honestly, other than the prenatals and the vacation I wouldn’t do much except 1) make sure you like your insurance (if you have the option to switch, check to see about whether there is a deductible for delivery and if the hospital you want is in-network) and 2) remind myself that sometimes life happens on a different schedule. It’s great to say I want to start TTC in 6 months, and sometimes that works out, but other times it takes longer and I think it’s helpful to remember that at the outset so you don’t feel stressed out by it too much. To that end, if you’re on the pill, stop taking it 3-6 months before. For some people it takes up to a year for your cycle to acclimate.

          3. ETA: You could also look into setting money aside in a flex spending/HSA account. I paid for all my copays, prenatal vitamins, nursing supplies, etc. that way. Even without a deductible for the hospital, it ended up being about $700. The sign up period for 2016 is done but I believe giving birth qualifies as a special event to enable you to sign up and something to consider for 2017.

            Also, if your job offers short term disability insurance, look into that, and maternity benefits generally.

      3. Most soft cheeses in the US are pasteurized and completely safe. I hate that people think “soft cheeses” as the no-no when it’s really unpasteurized cheeses you should avoid. If you’re abroad, then soft cheese is likely unpasteurized. Check the packaging!

    2. I did the one last big vacation but what I didn’t do and wish I did was the day to day stuff that is harder to do with kids – go to a Sunday matinee movie with DH just because, take a class (fitness or otherwise) that happens at supperhour, grab drinks with girlfriends on the same night DH is out at another event. Sometimes it’s the small things I miss – not

      In terms of actually getting pregnant – maintain a healthy weight but err on the mid-range of healthy BMI vs. lower range of healthy BMI. This is total ancedata but everyone I know with fertility struggles has been underweight or lower end of healthy BMI range. I gained 5 lbs over the holidays both times before we started trying – got pregnant on my first cycle first time and second cycle the second time even though I am mid-30s. I suspect that it may help by sending our bodies a message that food is available in abundance and it’s safe to procreate (flakey I know)YMMV. Encourage DH to maintain healthy weight as well.

      1. This is great! Thanks for your thoughts and also LOVE the anecdata! I feel significantly less guilty about my holiday softness. :)

        1. I noticed there are a few comments about tracking fertility below. I actually I was very surprised to get pregnant my first cycle on my first because tracking would have told me I was too late in my cycle. Also, on my second – we focused on trying when I should have been ovulating (based on those sticks you pee on + calendar) but I didn’t get pregnant that month. I didget pregnant the next month when we continued trying even after it was technically too late in my cycle – total ancedata and YMMV but don’t get too hung up on trying only when you should be ovulating.

          What to Expect Before You’re Expecting advises trying every second day throughout your cycle. When we did get pregnant – this is exactly what we were doing.

        1. If you’re on it, get off the pill now (or closer to actual TTC date – 6 mos before?). I failed to account for 6 months, and counting, it’s taking to regulate – I started TTC day after pill stopped and my body evidently doesn’t work that way… I know some can get pregnant right away, but not me and I’m so, so discouraged.

        4. I got a free app called iPeriod and just started tracking everything. After about 4-5 months of TTC, I then started tracking ovulation using a digital reader and urine tests.

      2. This is totally anecdotal, but I tracked religiously the first time I was TTC (using the app Fertility Friend) and it took me nine months to get pregnant. I continued to plug my period dates into the app after our son was born, although I stopped temping. So when hubs and I were a bit careless while getting frisky recently, I checked my app and was reassured that I was quite a few days away from my ovulation window. Suprise! I got pregnant. Makes me wonder now if my close adherence to possibly flawed tracking was the reason for the 9 month wait the first time around! So…don’t let tracking become all-encompassing.

    4. De clutter your space. You won’t be able to do it until your little one can entertain herself, and you need to make room for all the junk babies need anyway. You may not be able to do it during pregnancy if you have back issues so do it now!

      1. Along these lines: Before your baby is born, have a 1.5-year-old come over to your house, and see what sort of stuff he/she gets into. Remove it.

        1. hahahahah LOVE THIS. Hi, I don’t know you, but do you and your baby want to come over so I can babyproof my house? K, thanks.

    5. How have people managed anxiety and sleep issues while TTC? I currently take Melatonin every night and Klonopin a few nights a week. I plan to start TTC in March. As a practice run, I tried to fall asleep naturally last night and ended up staring at the ceiling until 3am. Any pointers?

      For background, while I’ve struggled with anxiety and insomnia my whole life, they’ve certainly become bigger problems since I started practicing law.

      1. This is a question for your OB and your Psychiatrist. Some medications are safe while pregnant. Some medications are worth the risk to your fetus if YOU cannot otherwise function.

      2. I’ve had issues falling asleep and to a lesser extent with anxiety. I’ve found yoga to be very helpful even though I’m not into exercise/fitness stuff generally. I found that a yoga studio vs. yoga class at the gym was better because there was more focus on the mind-body connection vs. the fitness focus at the gym yoga class.

      3. Definitely something to work with your doctor(s) on. I found acupunture & meditation (special before bed ones found online) relaxing while ttc.

      4. My doctor prescribed me Ambien while pregnant. She said it was fine for occasional use, and both my kids turned out fine even though I took it occasionally. Talk to your doctor.

      5. If you have anxiety, you can stay on prozac or go on another antidepressent or antianxiety medication. For regular sleep issues (because you may have to go off Melatonin), you can use Unisom. I pretty much used that every day. It was a lot like Melatonin.

    6. Are you planning on going back to work at your same job after you have a baby? If yes, I totally think the most important thing you can do pre-TTC is seriously to “lean in” (though I kinda hate that term) now. Attend all the networking events you’re invited to, go to all your own office events, volunteer for work trips. Do all the stuff that eats up hours in the evening or takes you away from home. Keep doing as much of that as you can once you get pregnant, even if you have to back off a bit for first tri exhaustion. I seriously think that the fact I didn’t do that stuff so much the first year I was back from maternity leave went a little unnoticed (or at least less noticed) because I was at every single thing I could be before I had the issues of juggling childcare/nursing, etc.

    7. Take a pre-natal vitamin daily. My OB said this should be standard for any woman who could conceivably (pun intended) conceive in any given month. Starting 6-12 months early makes sure that your iron levels are good. Plus having high folic acid/B vitamin level is necessary to prevent neural tube defects and it is not something that you can retroactively fix -the risk period for neural tube defects is generally before the woman even knows she’s pregnant.

    8. -Read Expecting Better
      -download an app and track your cycle (I used Glow, which did the job)
      -I read TCOYF but 80% of it was overkill for me, so I’d just skim it in the library
      -Go to every happy hour you can
      -Take the big trip
      – +1 to the rec to declutter. This is for sanity in general, but it can make a huge difference.
      -don’t think of it so much as this big Before and After cliff. You’ll still be you when you’re pregnant.

    9. Review your personal products and household products and cut down on harmful chemical exposure (this could include beauty products, cooking utensils, dry cleaning chemicals, etc). The Environmental Working Group is a great place to get started.

    10. Have some long talks with your partner about both of your expectations regarding parenting, and your relationship once your parents.

        1. Haha, you had so many correctly used yours thoughout your post, I skimmed back over it to see the corrected version and was like, “nope, your is correct, nope, nope…ah.”

  4. I want to go to my first Pilates class tomorrow morning, but I don’t really know anything about it. This class is a little later in the morning than I would like, so I don’t know how feasible it is if I’m going to have to wash and dry my hair before I can get to work. For those who do Pilates, how much cardio is it/how sweaty do you get?

    1. My experience is with a mat class, using the reformer may be difference. It’s definitely work, but not cardio intensive. I think you should be fine with a quick freshening up, no shower.

    3. You should be fine to not need to wash your hair after a reformer class. I’ve even done my makeup beforehand if I was really crunched for time and it was fine. And for reference, I’m a really heavy sweater.

      If there’s any chance your class is “hot Pilates” though, you’d at least want to wash your face after and possibly your hair depending on your tolerance level for blow drying the sweat and rolling with it.

      1. Sorry, I meant that I’m normally a heavy sweater so if I’m not sweating heavily enough to need to wash my hair, I’d think that most other people would be fine too.

    4. It probably depends on the class, but for Pilates mat, I don’t get so sweaty that I need to wash/dry my hair

    5. If you have not done Pilates before and are not generally flexible with strong core muscles, you will probably only be able to do parts of each exercise. Think, lying on your back, holding head and upper back off floor, lifting legs in the air, no movement. So quite slow and steady.

      And, in theory, you progress to more complex moves as you get better so should not be sweating a lot at any level.

  5. A few days ago I got feedback that my $600/month food budget has room to be cut… Imagine my embarrassment when I looked at Mint and saw my monthly average is more $750/month. This is all food and snacks for 2 people in SF.

    We grocery shop almost exclusive at Trader Joes for convenience, and we waste more food than we should.

    I’d be over the moon if we can stick to a $500/month budget. Any tips? We tried to for cheaper stores and that failed because TJ is so convenient.

    1. This is the tiniest of tips because I know I spend more than that and haven’t figured out how to get it down.

      What do you primarily buy at TJs? I love their refrigerated meals, but tend to buy too many and wind up wasting some. If you do that as well, I’d suggest putting them in your fridge in order of expiration date and only eating them in that order. They also might freeze ok but I’ve never tried that. I’ve also started spending a lot longer in the store checking dates on everything (their packaged salads, cheeses, etc.) to give myself the most possible time to eat the food.

    2. It’s not about cheaper prices on individual items at all for you. It’s about buying food you don’t need and are wasting.

      Do you make a shopping list and stick to it? Plan your meals? Try saving all of your receipts for a month and writing down on a spreadsheet every item and how much it cost to get an idea of what, on earth, you are buying.

      If the $750 includes eating out, print out a monthly calendar and stick it on the fridge. Every time you eat out or get take out, put a red x through they day. You’re probably doing it more than you think.

    3. Why do you waste food? Is it that you’re overbuying and it goes bad, or you forget it’s there, or you don’t want it anymore, or what?

      I keep a list of food about to perish on my fridge and make every effort to eat it up before it goes bad. You might check out the blog Frugal Girl who talks about using up scraps and really being mindful about avoiding food waste.

    4. To avoid wasting so much food, I began grocery shopping for the following 2-3 days rather than for the following two weeks. The downside of this is that you risk eating out more due to lack of groceries. To avoid that, I make sure to stock up on pantry and freezer items that can make a quick meal.

    5. I actually think TJ’s is pretty inexpensive. I’m in So Cal and TJ’s is cheaper than the big chain grocery stores for most things.

      Do you meal plan? That is a great way to avoid waste. Sit down on the weekend and plan out your dinners (at least) for the week, then shop accordingly. It helps to do a mix of a few evenings that require actual cooking, a few super-easy evenings, and maybe a night or two of planned leftovers. (I’m a big fan of making extra and freezing — cook once, eat twice.)

      1. Gah. My name isn’t automatically filling in the form. That was me above.

        Another good tip is to only permit yourself to set foot in the grocery store once a week. If you’re out of something, you make do until the next planned shopping day.

      2. Agreed on TJs being relatively inexpensive. I did a side-by-side comparison of my typical shopping list at TJs, WF, and Giant in my HCOL area. TJs was the cheapest by a lot. (We don’t typically buy frozen/prepared meals, which might change the numbers, and you might have other store options.)

    6. I use canned and especially frozen vegetables and fruits for cooking, and that has helped a lot. Neither DH nor I are big cooks, but we like healthy meals. I have been slowly compiling a list of weeknight dinners that are inexpensive, convenient, and good. My mom and grandma have had excellent contributions. (Online recipe sites tend to overwhelm me and seem overly complex and aspiration all.)

      My favorite recent dinner:
      Thaw a pack of frozen spinach and squeeze out the extra water. Cook it in a big pan with whatever seasoning is good. Create a duvet in the middle, and crack a few eggs in. Cook until egg is done. Voila! Dinner for two, for under $5.

      1. That sounds so good! I might have to try adding an egg to my cheap lazy dinner (which is a can of kidney beans and 50g of basmati rice, with a squirt of tomato puree and some paprika, stirred up and cooked on a medium heat for 15 minutes or so)

      2. “Create a duvet in the middle” Damn you, autocorrect! Duvet made me smile – I’m obviously in need of entertainment.

      3. “Not every meal has to be ..,”
        Along these same lines, one thing that has been helpful to me in reducing waste ANd eating healthier was to give myself permission to eat /make something that was “good enough” instead of excellent. Meaning, it’s ok to eat frozen or canned veggies instead of fresh. It’s ok to take shortcuts by cooking things in the same pan or just adding minced garlic instead of saunteeing the garlic first and adding the other ingredients in the “correct” order.i have a lot of hang ups about this stuff because I was raised to think if it’s easy you’re cheating and cheating is a moral failure. Likewise frozen veggies instead of fresh from the farm stand. Seriously. As a result I would end up just skipping meals and eating junk when I was too tired to cook. Now for a recipe I made the other night! I cooked som preseasoned chicken breasts in oil in a sautéed pan. I deglAzed te pan with Apple cider ( didn’t have any broth or wine). I plunked a frozen block of spinach in there with a few bits of butter and put the lid on. When the spinach was defrosted I three in some minced garlic, lemon juice, salt, and hot sauce. Stirred it up, simmered a couple minutes more , add some minced artichoke hearts from a can,then strained out the spinach and mixed in some plain yogurt and more salt. It was delicious! Like the dip but less far/cholestoral . From start to finish the process took about 25 minutes and probably cost about $15. Made enough for me and my bf. ANYWAY, I also eat eggs a lot; they are cheap and filling and they keep a long time. The takeaway here is, buy stuff that keeps longer. Frozen veggies are cheaper than fresh and pretty close in nutrition. Frozen veggies are also much healthier for you than fresh ones you throw away.

    7. My best tip is to shop your pantry/fridge, as they say. Not everything has to be a fantastic full main dish with two sides. It’s easier since I’m single so the meal is also not really an event… but if I’m not that hungry, dinner is an apple with peanut butter and whatever vegetable is about to go bad. Eggs pair well with a ton of stuff, so I always keep those and otherwise I just make do out of what I have and resist the temptation to go to the store very often.

    8. Does this include eating out? Or is this strictly groceries? TJ’s isn’t a lot more expensive than most grocery stores in my experience, so the store itself may not be the problem. If you’re wasting food, that’s a bigger problem. Can you have one month where you exclusively eat out your pantry/freezer/fridge? This may make you realize how much it’s costing you to stockpile food. I’m working on doing that personally, and my new method is that I’ve divided up my freezer into bins (frozen meals, veggies, fruit, meat and sweets) and I can’t buy anything new in that category until I’ve used everything up from the bin in question. Same for the pantry (grains, granola bars, candy, sauces etc). I’m also working on transferring more of my easily-spoiling items (produce, breads) into the freezer when I notice I won’t finish it quickly enough. You might also scale back on your alcohol. If you’re buying $20 bottles of wine, scaling back to $5 or $6 bottles is a huge way to save.

    9. Stop buying food and see how long you can get by, eating only the food in your fridge/pantry. Do you really need 55 cans of soup stockpiled? Also, if your number includes eating out and alcohol, it might be much better than people here believed.

      1. This is such good advice. I always think that if there was some major natural castatrophe and we couldn’t leave our house, we’d be set with food for weeks. Sooooo much basmatic rice, dried lentils and beans!

    10. Forgot to add that food = all groceries, coffees, and eating out, including food on vacations which I love.

      1. Can you break out how much you’re spending on coffee and eating out specifically? That would be super helpful

        1. Single, one kid: I budget $25/month on coffee, and bring my own most days. I budget $50/month on eating out and rarely do so. I budget $300/month on groceries. I don’t go on vacation, but food while on vacation counts as part of the Vacation budget, not part of the Grocery budget.

        2. We’ve been spending $250/month on groceries… Which gah! That’s means $500/month on eating out and coffees. I seriously don’t think we eat out that much, but obviously I’m wrong…

          1. Yeah, I’d definitely focus more on preparing foods/meal planning (and avoiding waste, as noted above). Your grocery bill may go up while overall food spending goes down.

      2. We get that you love spending money :). If you want to save more though, you need to understand where you are spending now, and figure out what you can cut to keep the stuff that is really important. No need to jump right to cutting vacation meals out, but that might mean keeping better track at the grocery store, or not buying coffee out etc.

        1. I have a few ironclad rules which if I don’t meet I feel like a personal finance failure – one of which is max out all max-out-table retirement accounts and the other one is save at least 1/3 of pre-tax income. But I also really love convenience, travel, good food, etc., and it’s hard to either be FINE with my current budget or buckle down and feel like I’m depriving myself. And I know my budget will get tighter once I buy a house so I should start now…

    11. I’ve recently started attempting to save money on groceries. One thing that helps us is to have 1-2 nights/week where we have to eat from the refrigerator. We’ll pull a bunch of leftovers AND ingredients we haven’t used out, and we can cook or make something. I’ve also used this approach to make lunches for myself.

      The other thing that helps is to be realistic about how much you actually eat at home and what you actually eat. My grocery lists used to be aspirational. I would buy groceries for about 5 dinners per week. But really we only cook for ourselves 3 times per week. The other nights, we make last-minute plans with friends, get invited over to my in-laws’ house, or eat leftovers or takeout after working late. I also used to buy more fruit and vegetables that I didn’t really have a plan to use, and then they would go bad because we’re more likely to pita chips than carrots with our hummus. Other people have suggested keeping a list of what you buy, but I’d flip it – keep a list, at least in your head, of what you throw away.

      1. Last thing I’ll add – if you aren’t already, exclusively shop/buy in-season produce. I still see some of my favorite, now-out-of-season produce (artichokes, asparagus, tomatoes, corn) in the grocery store, but for triple the price and much more anemic-looking. We’ve had a lot of brusselsprouts, kale, carrots, sweet potatoes, parsnips, cabbage, and broccoli lately. It takes some effort to stay excited about it, but I also love when something new arrives (last week, strawberries!).

    12. I guess this is bad, but my food budget (including restaurants and drinks) for a month is easily over $600. And that’s for one person, and I cook a good amount. Maybe I should cut myself some slack as a single person, because often socializing takes the form of buying food and drinks out, rather than staying in. I cook a lot for friends too though.

      1. I don’t think it’s bad, it’s just if you’re looking to save more money, it’s high enough it might be worth looking at. If you can afford it, enjoy!

      2. +1

        I’m in the same boat. Going out to dinner/drinks is a big part of my social life. I’m willing to say “hey everyone, maybe cheaper place tonight instead of fancy place,” but I’m less willing to let my social life suffer to eat at home alone. But that’s a choice I’ve made on purpose, and I also don’t spend much on other entertainment (shows, concerts, sports, other ticketed activities) that other people might have in their social life. I’d cut yourself some slack :)

    14. We (2 adults) dropped out weekly spend from ~£90 by about £20/£25 just by writing a weekly meal planner for dinners and an associated shopping list, with lunch and breakfast items added on as standard. We keep hold of the weekly plans which makes it easier and easier to do – as if we get stuck on what to have for dinner we can review what we had a few weeks ago.

      We are now looking to reduce our spend further. Our plan is any money we don’t spend under £70 goes into a piggy bank (eg if I spend £55 on groceries, I put £15 in savings).

      Our plan to do this is to pick proteins that are on offer, and making these stretch. For example I bought a pack of 6 chicken breasts I found on offer and made 3 different meals, which is significantly cheaper than 3 different proteins. I also do 1 veggie meal a week, duplicate sides etc

  6. I love wraps like this, but not for the office (for me). It’s too close to curling up in a blanket, which makes me want to be on my couch at home. I guess I also worry that it’s a very woman-only thing to put on at work. Anyone can throw on a blazer or sweater, but it seems very girly to don a wrap. I don’t think women would bat an eye but I could see some men wondering why I’m wearing a blanket instead of a sweater.

    1. I understand this logic but until my office stops being absolutely freezing (because the men are comfortable with it at that temperature), I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep warm and productive.

      1. Sorry this reads snarkier than I intended. I’m just getting tired of always being cold at work and having my “keeping warm” methods commented on by all the men I work with.

      2. +1 Scarves worn indoors also tends to be female thing – but a sweater may not be keeping the back of my neck warm enough (or even covering it) and that is a lot of what helps to keep me warm.

    2. Not for me either, and no one at my firm wears this kind of stuff. For me, I am a 5’11” stringbean, so these unstructured pieces make me look like I need to eat a sandwich.

  7. I’ve seen a few people mention buying furniture from Wayfair. What are your experience with them in terms of quality / customer service? Everything looks pretty good on their website. (Specifically, I’m in the market for an armchair and perhaps a rug.)

    1. No experience with customer service since I have never returned anything. The website is legitimate and things arrive promptly. Quality varies with the brand (they sell a lot of different ones) but generally is good to excellent for the price, I think. We bought a dining room table there that is absolutely amazing quality (real wood and it was around $600)

    2. I purchased several large pieces of furniture from Wayfair last year. Some arrived damaged and their customer service was amazing about replacing it immediately.

    3. I’m in moderation for some reason but overall I think the quality is good to excellent. They sell many different brands so I’m sure there is some variability, but I have been pleased with everything I ordered.

    4. Bought 3 area rugs and a TV stand/entertainment unit on wayfair – they were all crap and got sent back (the entertainment unit was badly damaged when we got it). The customer service was good about the refunds but I swore I would never buy from them again (you have to specifically call and complain for return shipping though). Sorry :( I think they are a too good to be true situation.

    5. I bought a large standing mirror and it arrived quickly, very well packaged, and I was happy with the quality. I’d definitely order again.

    6. I bought a media cabinet. It was well packaged. Quality was what I expected for the (low) price. It looks good but was somewhat difficult to assemble – holes not drilled exactly right, etc., similar to my experience with other RTA furniture. We were able to make small adjustments and got it together.

    7. Bought a TV stand that was perfect for our oddly shaped living room, it came damaged and had them send out another, which also came damaged. A bathroom mirror was also damaged due to poor packaging. It really is hit and miss. I have had good luck with smaller items, rugs, lamps, shower curtains etc.

  8. I actually received this as a very lovely Christmas gift — but I don’t love the fringe. I am planning on exchanging it for another cashmere wrap. Any recommendations for particular brands that stand the test of time?

    2. Nordstrom had a fringe-less cashmere blanket-size wrap that I bought on sale last week for $100. It has metallic thread on portions of the wrap, but they are fairly unobtrusive. I can no longer find it on the website, but they may bring it back.
      For my mom I bought a merino wool wrap of the same size with a ruffle on one side. It was also on sale ($60) and now gone from the website. It is very soft – feels almost like cashmere, and the ruffle is interesting but not cutesy.

  9. I had a bad reaction to birth control pills in college and have used only condoms since. DH doesn’t mind them and I kind of like the fact that there’s no mess, but sometimes I feel like I am literally the only monogamous adult in the US using condoms as my BC. I know they are statistically less effective but I believe that’s largely due to misuse and inconsistent use. I use them correctly and use them 100% of the time and have never had a problem in 12 years and counting (knock on wood). My doctor says there is no reason to switch if we are happy, but my girlfriends give me grief about it all the time. Should I be exploring other BC options? An IUD is not something I’m interested in because of the pain (I’m a huge wuss) but I know there are many other types of hormonal BC, including shots.

    1. You do you. I also exclusively use condoms because my SO’s desire to do it is so infrequent that being on the pill would be stupid and annoying. We also time things (have not had a problem in 10 years between those two methods).

    2. If your only objection to the IUD is the pain, I’d encourage you to consider it again. The pain for me was literally a split second, and then I had cramping (about the same amount as a average period for me) for the next day or two. And then it was done. It can be worse, sure, but from my own collection of anecdata, this seems to be the common experience.

      1. I’m one of the women scaring off the OP haha. My IUD experience was so horrific, I’m in the Never Ever camp. I’ve never had children (sounds like the OP hasn’t either), and my cervix was so tightly closed they couldn’t insert it. They sent me home with the drug (I believe it’s used to induce labor?) that should have softened my cervix. It didn’t soften my cervix, and the pain from the cramps it induced was so bad I nearly vomited. I was crying and nearly fainted while they tried to insert it the second time. It worked…until it didn’t. My body rejected it and I “gave birth” to a gently used IUD three days later. (The doctor didn’t believe me since that’s NEVER supposed to happen – “No, really, I’m holding it in my hand. You want it back?”) The cramps and backache during that three days also had me nearly vomiting. So, fun times. If I ever have children, I want All The Drugs.

        Stick with condoms. Tracking your cycle works well, too. It’s so interesting to learn when youre actually fertile.

        1. Yep, for every story like Meg March’s, I’ve heard at least one story like this! And I’m the most pain sensitive person I know (never had kids and find pap smears fairly painful), so I’m pretty sure I would fall on the “terrible experience” side of things.

          1. I commented this morning, but I also find pap smears super painful, and my cervix feels like it’s bruised for a day after one, but I am on Team IUD. Insertion was godawful, the cramping for three months afterwards was bad, but it’s been absolutely worth it to just not ever have to think about birth control, to not get real periods or cramps, and to not have to deal with the side effects of pills.

            But you’re pretty happy with condoms, so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

        2. I had two kids, got a Mirena and suffered for almost 3 months with constant cramping, pain and bleeding until I insisted that it be removed. Never again.

    3. I’m single and I use condoms exclusively. I don’t like the side effects of hormonal birth control, and I wouldn’t have unprotected sex outside of marriage anyway because disease. Haven’t gotten pregnant so far and if I did and didn’t want to be Id get an abortion. I don’t find it crazy at all.

    4. We use condoms exclusively but don’t advertise it to our friends. I enjoy less mess and we both enjoy that he lasts longer with them. I think many peoples idea of condoms is the thick ones they saw in high school health class so that’s why they’re biased against them.

    5. I use condoms. I couldn’t remember to take birth control at the same time every day, I had a bad experience with Depo Provera in college (I think it made me depressed), and I never wanted to go the IUD route. My husband was/is fine with it. You do you.

    6. Lol – use them; married with two kids, not looking to have anymore. I don’t want to be “responsible” for taking anything or having anything inserted right now, and we are not 100% ready to have my husband snipped. So it works for us.

    7. That’s all we’ve used since having our daughter 3 years ago. We’re ambivalent about another (so not trying, but if we had a BC failure I think that would just take the discussion out of it) and I’m not excited about being on anything hormonal after pregnancy/nursing. And we’re not quite at the point of doing something permanent. It works for us. You are not the only adult out there – I swear.

    8. There is no reason to switch if you are happy, of course, but if you are curious about the pill there are various types of pills with different hormones and levels throughout your cycle. Not liking one pill does not mean that another will not work for you – just make sure to let your doctor know what you have tried and why you didn’t like it. Also, if it was a while ago, your hormone levels may have changed and it may affect you differently now. You know your body best.

    9. Showing my age here, but do women still ever use cervical caps or diaphragms? I used these, mostly the cervical cap which is way less messy than a diaphragm, for close to 15 years without a problem

    10. DH and I used condoms exclusively for about 2 years. I didn’t like the side effects of hormonal BC and didn’t want an IUD because we thought we might try for kids soon. I also tracked my cycles so we could time things. If it’s working for you, don’t talk to your friends about it. That said, after I had a baby (after trying, not because of a BC fail), I got an IUD, and it is awesome.

    11. Tell your girlfriends that it’s your body, your choice, and to get therapy if they feel emotionally invested in turning you away from an inexpensive, easy, effective method of achieving a goal.

      I do *not* understand the “thou shalt be on the Pill or have an IUD” obsession. I actually once was at a party and had a complete stranger berate me for not having an IUD. (My then-boyfriend finally told her to can it.)

      1. (And I will admit to getting a bit irked that women are expected to take artificial hormones every single day or have something permanently implanted in their bodies. You found a method that requires neither, and *you* are the one who needs to change?

        Not judging what people do, but I really hate this idea that there’s something wrong with a woman for not doing those things.)

    12. Obviously if condoms work for you, that’s great. However, s*x is so much better for both me and my partner without condoms that I prefer to use hormonal BC. I’m a HUGE fan of the Nuvaring–I’ve been on it for about 10 years and I adore it. It’s the lowest possible dose of hormones you can take and there’s never a risk of skipping a pill by accident. I also take it continuously, so no need for a period if you don’t want one. Seriously, it’s the best.

    13. What kind of “girlfriend” gives a friend grief for her choice of BC? Seriously? You are healthy, happy and responsible. Shouldn’t they just be happy for you? Maybe I, too, am showing my age.

  10. Would appreciate any tips for a vegas weekend with the parents. We’re debating between the Bellagio/Veneitan/Aria. TIA!

    1. I love all three of those hotels, but I think Aria is best for a family weekend if your parents are non-smokers. It’s newer and has better air filtration, so it’s way less smoky. It’s also quieter and upscale in a more elegant, adult way. The Bellagio and Venetian are flashier.

    2. I’ve stayed at the Aria and loved it. One of the nicest hotels I’ve ever been in — the technology in the rooms is just amazing. It is a little further down at the end of the strip if that’s an issue, but to me it was super worth walking a little.

    3. We loved the fountain view rooms at the Cosmopolitan. Amazing view with comfy rooms, and right in the center of things.

      1. I would not recommend the Cosmo, especially for a weekend with parents. The location is great, the rooms and lobby are gorgeous, and it has a great selection of restaurants, but the clientele was a very “Jersey Shore” crowd (we were there for four days and I did not see any families or anyone over about 40) and incredibly loud. We got woken up multiple nights in a row because of late night partying (and I mean 3 or 4 or 5 am, not midnight) and management did nothing about it. The pools were too crowded with beer cans and cigars to use. And we saw tons of roaches right outside the hotel every time we left and heard about others seeing them in their rooms. We paid almost $300 a night and I felt like it was a huge rip off. I’m sure it is worth it to some people, but it definitely caters to a very party-hearty crowd.

    4. I like the Aria. Also, I’ve stayed next door in the Vdara and liked it better – same people, but a little nicer and no casino.

    5. DH and I really enjoyed the Venetian. The next trip, we stayed at the Bellagio – fountain view- and though nice enough, we felt there were less restaurant choices, the property seemed a little dated, and we had to walk through a lot more gaming area to leave the hotel (tower rooms might alleviate that). Bellagio is more central but we enjoyed the Venetian area more- it was a little more upscale and less crowded on that part of the strip.

  11. Even with perfect use, condoms perform worse than a lot of the alternatives.

    http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

    Also, I don’t know what kind of $ex life you have, but using other methods gives my partner and I the freedom to do other positions / techniques that don’t require finishing p-in-v in a condom. If I didn’t have the implant, I wouldn’t be happy with him finishing in my mouth, say, in case some of it got outside my mouth/ onto his hand and made its way from there into my V because it wasn’t trapped in the condom.

    2. Hahahahaha. This is a joke right? It cannot go from your mouth to your hand to getting you pregnant. You also don’t get knocked up when he gets excited in a hot tub.

      1. That is NOT what she said. She said it could go from her mouth to his hand to her VJ. In that case, she COULD Get Pregnanent. FOOEY! I always had to worry about the same thing with Sheketovits b/c he was VERY sloppy down there. DOUBEL FOOEY! Thank GOD nothing ever hapened. I think now he was probabley shooting blank’s! YAY!!!!

  12. If you were going to replace all of your underwear (bras, panties), where would you purchase it and how much of each item would you buy? How long would you expect them to last?

    1. I did this recently. I got fitted for a bra at a really good lingerie store (NOT VS!) and bought one there, ordered two more online in the same style but in nude. They only had black at the store.

      I bought 15 pr undies at Soma. Two weeks because laundry doesn’t always get done when we want it to… I like the modern brief with the lace top band. The cotton is very soft. I’ve been buying this style for a long time and they wear really well.

      I kept just a few items from prior, just in case.

        1. It’s the Embraceble soft cotton modern brief and they are 6 for $36 right now, which is a better deal than I got.

          2. TTS to large. I don’t think they are actually sized larger, they are just not skimpy so they cover the whole b tt.

          3. I just replaced all of my underwear with exactly the same thing. Jockey stopped carrying what I liked and the Soma Embraceable Super Soft is great. They don’t have numbered sizes. I have been replacing bras at Soma as well. The VS bras were stretching out and the straps falling down.

    3. Haha I’m doing this now! starting with bottoms – getting organic cotton things…. so much softer. I’m buying one of various brands and trying them out. So far I have a pair of Hanro that I love. Nothing else I’m super excited about. I’ve been living in VS for waaaaay too long. Bras will come in a few weeks/months.

    4. I got some hiphuggers from ExOfficio recently that I really like for working out/travel/really any day. They’re lightweight and they’re one of the few styles that don’t ride up for me. They’re more sporty than conventionally attractive, but I’d definitely recommend them depending on your lifestyle.

    5. Get fitted at store and if you like the first one, but multiples of that brand (for me it was Chantecalle and now I buy them at Nordstroms on sale). I buy the matching panties sometimes, but mostly I love my gap bikini underwears.

    6. I recently replaced all of my underwear because I found the most comfortable panties I’ve ever owned — AT COSTCO. I forget the brand, but they come in packs of 4, some with polka dots. They are kind of a cross between briefs and hipsters and have lace at the top. So comfy, and are good enough at hiding panty lines. (They’re probably not the best at hiding panty lines, but they’re good enough that I don’t feel conscious about it, and they’re so much less expensive.)

      I have 8 pairs of panties now. I need 7, because we do laundry once a week, but it’s good to have a spare! I used to have so many panties, in various styles and cuts. But I’ve learned something about myself — I will end up wearing the same pairs over and over, because I’m always going to want to wear my favorite pairs. I had a lot of pairs that I liked, but never wore.

      As for bras — I still don’t know. I have 2 bras that I wear all the time. (See comment above … I always pull on the same clothes that I like the most.) I only buy bras that have smooth fits, in an effort to prevent the lines being visible outside of my clothes. I’ve never owned a truly wonderful bra, though, which is my fault because I can’t bring myself to spend more than $25-30 on one. And I’m in a bad cycle where I’ve been letting my weight fluctuate within a 10-pound range during the past few years. That affects how my bra fits. So once I’m able to maintain a more consistent weight and bra size, and once I have my loans paid off, then maybe I’ll celebrate with a great bra!

  13. Application question:

    I met a woman at a professional meeting about two years ago, and got her card then. I have not had any contact since then, but I did see that her organization is hiring for a position I am very interested. I would even possibly be working under her, but I am unsure. They are using a search firm for the position, but should I reach out to her? I doubt she remembers me, so should I bother reaching out to her? If so, other than saying how we met, is there anything specific I should / Shouldn’t ask? I particularly am curious to know if I would be the only person in the position or working with a team, but is it appropriate to ask?

    1. I say no. If you had a relationship with her, sure. Otherwise, I think asking questions now just makes you look like a stalker applicant. Do mention the networking event if/when you see her during the interview process.

    2. I disagree with Anon. I think you could send an email that said that you met at X conference and you’ve recently applied for the Y position, and if she has 10 minutes on her calendar, you’d love to hear her perspective on the company and the role. That’s not too big of an ask, so even if she doesn’t remember you or can’t speak with you, you haven’t hurt your chances at the position at all. If you do get her on the phone, ask a few really good questions and respect the 10 minute time ask.

      1. I agree with this. And as Best Coast notes, in this scenario you have already applied. It would be hard to ask for her time without making the commitment to apply first, I think.

  14. Does anyone have trip recommendations for Spain? I am considering it for my honeymoon. We were thinking of going to Madrid, Seville, and Barcelona, spending a few days in each area. Will probably spend about 12 days total.

    1. Loooved Barcelona and would go back in a heartbeat. All the Gaudi stuff, Las Ramblas, Montjuic hill, the beaches were highlights.
      Madrid is not my favorite city in Europe but not my least favorite. We did a flamenco show, the Royal Palace and the Prado museum. I think it might be better if you’re into nightlife (I’m not). We also did day trips to Toledo and Segovia. Toledo is more popular I think, but I thought Segovia was more beautiful and more interesting.

    2. You really can’t go wrong with those choices. Barcelona is my favorite for cava on the beach, Madrid is my favorite for churros and chocolate, and Sevilla is great too.

    3. We did Seville and Madrid since I was too wiped after wedding planning to want to pack up and move cities every few days, so 2 was perfect for us. From the east coast, flying into Madrid and then a quick flight down to Seville was very easy. We loved Madrid for the museums and the food, but it was very much like other ‘big’ cities – NY, Paris, London, Rome. Sevilla felt very very Spanish to us, and we loved the slower pace and the architecture. The food wasn’t quite as good but we just loved the feel – it felt very similar to Florence if you’ve been there.

    4. I recently traveled to Malaga, Seville, Granada, and Lisbon. The Devour Seville food tour is excellent. Can’t recommend it highly enough. The Alcazaba is also not to be missed. Consider adding Granada to your trip; the Alhambra is absolutely incredible. The Albyzin is also very interesting and fun to wander. Have a great trip! I loved Spain.

    5. I loved Sevilla. We watched flamenco, visited the old church/mosque, went to see the Al Hambra at Grenada….gorgeous!

  15. So I finally broke down and bought a pair of black ponte pants for travel. They have a zipper fly, back pockets and aren’t super tight in the calf/ankle. I love them so much and they look good – big confidence boost. But, I absolutely hate the leggings/no-pants look. Am I fooling myself that these are different? Are they just fancy leggings or do you think they can be work appropriate? In Biglaw and while I do see some associates wearing leggings, no lie I judge them hard.

    1. Those aren’t leggings. They are also 100% acceptable in my office for regular days.

    2. If they have a zipper fly and back pockets, they’re pants and not leggings. Those would be completely acceptable in my biz casual workplace.

    4. No ponte pants in Biglaw. Ponte pants are not leggings, I agree, but that doesn’t make them dressy or work appropriate. After a single washing they look like sweats. They are not any dressier than jeans or leggings IMO. What you are describing is exactly as dressy as Pajama Jeans.

      1. Eh, lots of big law firms are pretty casual. If kakhi pants and polos pass muster, well style ponte pants have potential

        1. I was thinking by “back pockets” that you meant the little faux pocket slits that trousers have. I think these are more akin to jeans, so if jeans are acceptable in your office, I don’t see why you couldn’t wear them. If jeans are a no though, I think you probably save these for outside work.

      4. No ponte pants at work. They are casual pants and too tight to wear in a formal setting — just because they are black does not mean they are formal.

        1. That’s it exactly. I don’t think this would even be a question if the pants were not black. But the color is not what should determine whether they are office appropriate. Black jeans are still jeans. But in this case the fabric is less dressy than denim, since it’s soft and stretchy, not at all tailored.

      5. Disagree – I wear ponte pants to my biglaw office. As long as they’re not super tight or actual leggings, I think they’re fine.

    5. I just bought some ponte pants and haven’t tested them at the office yet, but am 99% sure the sole female judge in my district wore black ponte pants with a nice wool jacket to court the other day. I’m not comfortable wearing them to court, but plan to try them out on a non-court day.

      1. Thanks so much – these are too casual and “floppy” but I really appreciate that you suggested them!

    2. Try La Canadienne?
      I have shearling lined knee high boots from them and I think they have boottees. Not cheap, but cheaper than the ones you linked. So warm!

      2. Second La Canadienne. They are AWESOME. And so waterproof. I can literally wade in mine. Super useful when the snow becomes slush.

  17. FH and I are at total, 100% square one about honeymoon destinations. Getting married in the spring, but likely delaying a big trip until August/September. Any recommendations for either the bigger trip or for something easy to do for a couple of days post-wedding? (I’m guessing we’ll want to decompress at least a little, but not sure about that. Anecdata welcome.) We’re in the upper South.

    1. YMMV, but we had great luck just seeing what fun places had extraordinarily cheap airfares during the time we wanted to go (being somewhat flexible on timing helps with this too). Our particular tickets we found via YYZ Deals (a s*te that tracks cheap fares from Toronto. Though we’re not from or near Tornoto, the webs*te glitch or whatever it was that generated our fare produced such cheap fares that they featured it anyway), but I think there are a number of places on the internet where people track and talk about stuff like that.

      1. Our Alaska trip was one of my very favorites, and I’ve traveled pretty extensively out of the US. It’s an absolutely gorgeous place and Aug/Sept is a great time to go.

      2. I live in Alaska, and while I love this recommendation, I wouldn’t say that August/September is necessarily a great time to go. It could be nice weather, but generally that can be the rainy season and it’s not unheard of to have 8 straight weeks of rain and 45 degree weather through most of southcentral. You could be lucky and have great weather in the “fall,” but I wouldn’t plan on it. If you’re outdoorsy and will be happy in any adventure, no matter the weather, then come on up! If you would prefer sun and would like to see pretty mountains and glaciers and not actually get out into them, then I would plan an Alaska trip for May-July.

  18. FH and I are at total, 100% square one about honeymoon destinations. Getting married in the spring, but likely delaying a big trip until August/September. Any recommendations for either the bigger trip or for something easy to do for a couple of days post-wedding? (I’m guessing we’ll want to decompress at least a little, but not sure about that. Anecdata welcome.) We’re in the upper South.

    1. Immediately post-wedding most people want total relaxation. A beachy destination or somewhere you’ve been before (so you feel no pressure to do touristy stuff) is ideal. Miami would probably be my top pick if you’re in the south.

      For a big trip what do you want to do? Any places you don’t want to go (because you’ve been before or otherwise)? Europe is popular in August/September (it’s better in September when many tourists go home and the locals return). We did Greece and it was perfect. Various friends have done France, Italy, Spain, the UK, Scandinavia and a Mediterranean cruise, all to rave reviews (I wouldn’t cruise on your honeymoon unless you know you enjoy it though – it’s kind of a love it or hate it thing). Hawaii and the Caribbean are closer to home and always romantic.

    2. Friends went to a resort in Virginia and LOVED it. Not the Greenbrier, and not Blackberry Farm in TN, but something in a similar setting. I think that’d be a wonderful post-wedding getaway.

      Asheville and the Biltmore?

    3. We did two nights at a winery in Virginia after our wedding and it was perfect. We had our own private cottage and there was a restaurant on-site. The first day we arrived/did nothing. The second we went hiking in the am, then did several other winery tours in the afternoon and a fancy dinner out that night. Did our big European getaway in the fall, which worked better for work schedules. It.was.fabulous.

      1. Do you mind sharing the name of where you stayed? I just got back from a trip to Leesburg and Middleburg and I am DYING to go back. We stayed at Landsdowne Resort, which was great for New Year’s Eve, but what you described sounds amazing for the next trip.

        1. We stayed at Kluge (which is now Trump Winery, so you may have feelings about that…). We’ve also stayed at Barboursville, which is nice, but a bit more rural.

    4. We went to Australia and it was incredible. We got both the fun city experience in Sydney for several days as well as several days up around a Cairns in the tropics at a private beach house. Absolutely cannot wait to go back.

      The flights are expensive (we used miles) but everything else seemed pretty cheap because of the exchange rate. Prices were lower than Hawaii to begin with but then it was like getting 25% off the listed price because of the exchange rate.

    5. Immediately post-wedding, I’d do something at a relaxing hotel either at the beach or in the mountains, no more than 4 hours away from your wedding site. It’s hard to be specific without knowing where you are and what you’d enjoy.

      For a big trip, things on my list right now are Argentina and Croatia. Argentina will be cool but not cold that time of year, according to Google, so I’d do that. I live in the South in a hot, muggy city and am always ready for a reprieve that time of year, so YMMV.

    6. Sept 2017 bride here (based in England) – we are doing a week in Scotland in a self catering cottage immediately after the wedding. Plan is to just relax, spa, drive around etc.

      We are then planning a full honeymoon over Christmas, likely a trip around Texas followed by a cruise out of Galveston.

  19. My face is miserably dry and irritated right now. Can anyone recommend a very hydrating moisturizer? I always get the worst dry, scaly, pimply skin this time of year and no amount of hydration or humidification seems to stop it.

    1. Do you use a serum? I have found that to be the #1 way to help my super dry, red, peely, sensitive skin. I currently use this Marcelle serum from Birchbox (it has the number 8 in the title). I also blend a drop or two of face oil into both my day and nighttime creams.

      Currently for day use I use Lancome Bienfait Multivital SPF 30 cream. For night I just started using Andrea Garland Chamomile and Oak Sleeping Beauty Cream. In winter I definitely have to add oil to the Bienfait, but I use it anyway because I like the SPF and don’t usually wear foundation.

      1. Marcelle New-Age 8 in 1 Power Serum is the name. Best I have found for the price. I have tried a few different kinds. I also like Dr. Jart’s Ceramide Cream.

    2. I’m a huge fan of the Clinique moisture surge line for this. I use the gel creme, but the “intense” version is creamier and super hydrating.

      2. I love the Clinique Moisture Surge Overnight Mask – which is really just an intense moisturizer – and have been using it this winter as my regular moisturizer. My skin is dry, tight, and very sensitive, and I’ve had zero problems with it.

    3. Oooooh so I am OBSESSED right now with Paula’s Choice Skin Recovery Hydrating Treatment Mask. I use it as my regular overnight moisturizer and my insanely dry, scaly, patchy, red face is now wonderfully smooth and plump and hydrated. I’ve been looking for a loooong time for something that actually makes my skin happy in the winter and this is pretty much the best thing ever. Oh, and it’s only $21!!!

      1. I really love her Resist Intensive Repair Cream. It’s been so helpful for my winter dry skin that’s also a bit flaky from retina-a.

    4. Try a drugstore cleanser meant for rosacea or “redness”. I would go for a sulfate free one. Only wash once per day in the evening using room temperature water. In the morning use water only. Dry your face and apply moisturizer immediately. In 20 minutes if you are still dry add more. Use aquaphor on your scaly areas like the tip of your nose. You can use the aquaphor on your lips too.

      Do not use hot water on your face at all. Don’t take long showers and do not put your face under the stream of water

    5. for winter skin, I love khiels panthenol cream. I actually found that their best seller “ultra facial cream” didn’t work but the P cream is one of my few repeat purchases.

    6. First Aid Beauty’s Ultra Repair Cream. I also like the Laneige Water Sleeping Mask for use 2-3x a week.

      1. I didn’t see your comment and added same below! Glad you know the correct name. +1

    7. I just started using First Aid Beauty’s moisturizer about a month ago, and my skin has never looked better or been more hydrated, and I have very sensitive skin. Highly recommend.

  20. Does anyone have recommendations for vegetarian slow cooker recipes – especially ones for soups that don’t contain beans (I feel pretty overloaded on those). TIA!

  21. I feel a little insane even asking this question because it’s SO against everything I’ve ever learned, but I just had two separate friends (both of whom I consider to be very intelligent, rational people) tell me that they use the pull-out method for birth control, instead of condoms.

    My husband and I have been using condoms for the past several months as we try to adjust to natural family planning/cycle-based pregnancy prevention. Honestly, though, the condoms suck. They suck for me, and I know they suck way more for him. I’m almost tempted to try pulling out. We don’t want to get pregnant right now, but we’ve just reached the point where it wouldn’t be the end of the world. We want to TTC in 1 year.

    Thoughts?

    1. Use a diaphragm or non-hormonal IUD… or SOMETHING. Pulling out is NOT an effective method of BC.

      1. +1 Crazy talk.

        Try a different brand of condoms. We just switched to the Trojan Bareskin line (now in magnum)…it’s LIGHTYEARS better than all other brands. Don’t take the risk.

    2. I know lots of people in your situation who use it. It’s great for when you’re okay with a baby but would prefer not to have one. Obviously, it’s terrible at preventing pregnancy absolutely, but if you just want to lower the odds go for it.

    3. I didn’t see the other posts about condoms above, oops.

      I should have mentioned, one of them read a study that said pulling out (when done correctly) is as effective as condoms (when done correctly). I was shocked. Obviously I would do a ton of research before trying it, but just wondering if anyone else has seen similar statistics. This is just so against everything I (and probably most people here) have been taught.

      1. No, it is true. When I learned that I thought it couldn’t possibly be true, so I went out and read cited material, but it really does work if it is done properly. There were a few other caveats, like it is not effective if you do it twice in a row without a break. I think it is slightly less effective than condoms, though (4% vs 2% from condoms, per Planned Parenthood).

        1. And I should say… that I have used it from time to time and have never been pregnant. I’m a nerd who needed to see some evidence before I’d do it.

        2. No way I believe this. I know multiple people IRL who have gotten pregnant using the pullout method and there are several (4?) people in this thread who said they did. I’ve never heard of anyone getting pregnant with consistent condom use, particularly if you get Plan B immediately if the condom breaks/falls off. I believe withdrawal is more effective than your high school health teacher would have you believe, but I don’t believe it’s as reliable as careful condom usage.

    4. You can look it up, but pulling out is actually more effective than natural family planning assuming that your partner can control himself. Pregnancy chance with withdrawal is 4% (perfect use) to 27% (imperfect use) vs various rhythm methods, which in typical use is about 25% (though if you believe the Catholic Church, it’s like 99% effective. Do not believe them. the 25% number is from HHS). We’ve probably all been taught by teen magazines and health teachers not to use it, but you actually can if your partner is able to do it (ie, not a teenage boy). You could probably combine the two if you really wanted to use NFP, but it seems like there is no point to me.

      1. Thank you. This does seem to be the statistic for pulling out with every source I’ve visited so far. I think the general fear might come from the variability being so great (obviously if you don’t do it correctly, it won’t work).

    5. My college boyfriend and I did this for 1 year….until I got pregnant. Please, please do not do this.

    6. My husband and I use the pull-out method (and have for years) and haven’t conceived. Now, that’s anecdata and who knows, maybe we would have a hard time conceiving if he weren’t pulling out? But pull-out has worked fine for us.

    7. DH and I did thisfor about a year. We used condoms exclusively for about 2 years (I’m one of the anons above), then we got tired of them. We were also in the camp of “it wouldn’t be the end of the world” and wanted to TTC in 1 year. I didn’t get pregnant, but it turns out I needed some assistance to get pregnant (I don’t ovulate regularly, or frequently). When I told my GP we were doing this, and before I knew about the ovulation issues, he responded, “That’s how we had 3 kids.” So, obviously, YMMV. Personally, I don’t think it’s an effective method of BC, but I think a lot of couples use it as they get used to the idea of TTC and move from “trying to prevent” to “not trying very hard to prevent” to “not not trying” to “TTC.”

    8. We did that after my first son was born, as opposed to any type of hormonal or c*ndoms. My sons are 18 months apart…

    9. Ah yes we used that method occasionally, particularly during “safe” times.

      Our son is 12 now.

    11. I don’t think its insane.

      No method of contraception is perfect and they all carry a risk of pregnancy. This one puts a lot of the control in the male hands, as he has to figure out when he’s going to ejaculate and make the right move, even in the heat of the moment. This is why “perfect use” is so good, and “average use” is relatively so poor. However, with perfect use its 96% effective (4 couples out of every 100 that use it will get pregnant in 1 year of use) and average use its 73% effective (so 27 of those couples will get pregnant per year).

      Here is a peer reviewed study to back up my numbers:
      http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20141492

      I haven’t checked the numbers on all the methods on this chart comparing different contraception methods, but they seem reasonable to me.

      https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/birth-control-pregnancy/birth-control-options/effectiveness

      Based on this, its not as effective as male condoms, IUDs and the pill (I think we all knew that) but more effective than a cervical cap or sponge in a nulliparous woman and close to the effectiveness of a female condom.

      Compared to a male condom, with average use, you are looking at a 12% difference in effectiveness in 1 year.

      If you’re comfortable with a 73% effectiveness rate (maybe better if you’re really good at it) then I would say that’s a reasonable decision to make, considering it wouldn’t be a disaster for your if you got pregnant.

      Lots of anecdotes here, but I would trust the numbers myself.

  22. Any experience with Fjällräven backpacks? I don’t care how “unprofessional” it looks, I’m tired of my purse sliding off the shoulder of my bulky winter coat and and my cross-body getting stuck on the hood. Yes, I’m a mess in winter. Saw a mini one of these on the subway today and it looked about the right size for what usually goes in my purse, plus apparently water/snow proof.

    1. I thought I was looking so put-together the other day, on the first chilly day in my warm city, in my new coat and cross-body bag. Then somehow when I was trying to take my coat off at lunch, my cross-body bag got tangled in my coat, and that messed up my hair, and I was just a clutzy disaster :-)

    2. I have one and use it as a diaper bag and love love love it. Mine is the standard size which is quite small, but as such it doesn’t encourage me to pack too much crap.

      I also like how far down it unzips so you can see whats on the bottom.

  23. Has anyone here had to transport a mentally ill family member on a flight? Particularly an international flight? What about finding an appropriate facility for a mentally ill family member?

    1. I have a little bit of experience with this because I used to be a therapist on a psychiatric unit.

      Regarding the flight — we dealt with this issue a few times when someone was going to fly in to our hospital for an evaluation. There were a few occasions where the evaluation had to be pushed back because the person wasn’t stable enough for the flight — those families (who were well-resourced and experienced enough to pay for an inpatient evaluation) weren’t able to find a way to make the flight happen. I think it’s something to work with a doctor on, because for some people it might be possible to medicate them for the plane ride and things to be smooth. But you will want to be careful about this, because the consequences of having problems on the plane could be quite high. (It will depend on the type of illness, of course.)

      In terms of appropriate facilities — I’m not sure if you’re talking about a short-term facility, like a hospital, or something more long-term. If you need a long-term place, options can be really poor unless there is money to pay for a private facility. If your family member just needs acute treatment in order to be stabilized and put on a good treatment plan, I would suggest getting treatment at the best hospital you can. A teaching hospital, definitely.

      1. Ok, thanks a lot and a bit more detail. The family member is now an adult, and is my twin brother. He is severely mental ill and required 24-hour care. I’d be looking for a permanent facility. I assume I’d need to find that before I transport him? I don’t really think he can stay with me, even for a short time.

        Another family member was caring for him at home in our home country (against medical and my advice), but she is now too ill to care for him. He is not really cognizant of his surroundings, can be hostile, cannot dress/feed/go to the bathroom on his own, and is really disturbed by new surroundings. There is no question he would need to be sedated for the flight. I am not convinced he would be permitted to fly on a 10+ hour commercial flight. Do you have any knowledge of patients coming in on “medical flights”? Or flying with a doctor/aid who can provide care in flight?

        And yeah, I am worried about cost. I am trying to figure out the insurance stuff. But whatever insurance doesn’t cover, I am going to have to cover personally. Not much else I can do.

        1. You may have a hard time finding a facility for him on your own. This will be particularly true if you’re going to be looking for a facility that is not private-pay. Almost certainly, he will need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist before facilities will consider him. The psychiatrist and treatment team will be able to best advise regarding what level of care your brother needs in the long term, and on how to obtain that care.

          I strongly recommend that you try to connect with a psychiatric social worker. Depending on your state, your options may be quite limited.

          Perhaps my strongest advice to you is that you should know going into all of this that you will need to listen to the recommendations of a treatment team. I’d caution you against having a fixed idea about what is needed, or where your brother should go. (I don’t mean to be harsh. I’m just trying to prepare you for what you will probably face.)

    2. No tips for flights specifically, but my husband and I recently went through something similar trying to arrange travel for his elderly mother and severely mentally disabled sister (who live in another country). We arranged for them to take a long overnight train to a third country (which we flew to) and the train worked out well – they had a private car, the transfer went fine (thank god), and his sister didn’t have any seizures, which was our big worry and the main reason we didn’t do a flight. Similarly to you, I’m not even sure she would have been allowed on a plane due to the possibility of a medical emergency or being disruptive.

      The only tips that might be relevant to you are having some kind of sedative on hand (sounds like you’re already on that), having changes of clothes ready, and taking breaks. We also bought some stress toys (since my husband’s sister is fidgety/likes having something to do with her hands), but they didn’t really get used. Is there any chance that you can arrange a cruise instead of a flight? I have no idea how much they cost, but at least you could get a private cabin, more space, less chance for any “incidents”, etc.

      I’m sorry you’re going through this – it’s so stressful. I hope you post an update since I’m also curious about how to handle the international travel aspect (we are attempting to bring said mom and sister to the United States if the immigration process EVER works out). Best of luck to you.

      1. Thanks. I hadn’t thought about a boat, but I feel like that would take a really long time. We are going from Asia to US. But maybe a long time on a boat with space to move around and have his family with him would be better than a cramped really long commercial flight.

        Luckily, he is US citizen, so immigration is not an issue. But yes, it is really stressful. As terrible as it is to say, just being around my twin brother reduces me to tears every single time.

        My sister is currently in Asia dealing with the issues, as I am pregnant, due in less than 2 weeks, and cannot travel. Unfortunately, I am the one who speaks our native language fluently. I plan to go as soon as me and my soon-to-be newborn are cleared to fly. I will probably be posting soon about flying with newborns….

        1. How about something like Angel Flights? It’s a non-profit that transports people that can’t fly commercial to medical facilities. I don’t know if they would transport someone for relocation purposes. Usually, it is more like someone needs to get to the Mayo Clinic or something like that. I’ll be thinking of you. Hope you find a solution.

        2. I’m relieved to hear your brother is a citizen – at least that removes the administrative burden and the delays of getting a visa since it sounds like quite a time-sensitive situation.

          Some of the other commenters have great suggestions for resources, which I hope are helpful in this uniquely stressful situation. You are NOT being terrible when you say how being around your brother reduces you to tears – this is heartbreaking, exhausting, constant work and especially hard to shoulder when you are dealing with the last stages of pregnancy. I really wish you all the best and hope it works out one way or another. Please do post updates when you can.

      2. Thanks for all the thoughtful comments on this-really appreciate it all.

        It is hard for me to know what is going on on the ground, but hopefully my sister is managing. She and a combination of other relatives are currently taking care of our brother, as she is also dealing with trying to figure out what to do with our aunt who was his caregiver, who recently had an acute and catastrophic health issue. Probably will be some time before it is all resolved.

    3. I am so terribly sorry to hear about your brother, and your situation.

      Are you familiar with the organization NAMI? I would peruse their website in your area, call their HelpLine and ask your questions, contact some of their local support resources (maybe visit your local support group for family/caregivers), and get an idea about options for care in your area. You may also be able to talk with someone who can help you figure out how to get your brother immediately on to Medicaid for health coverage (you may be able to even start the process online of signing him up before he gets here….), and later will start the process of applying for disability so that he will ultimately become eligible for Medicare (which provides better coverage than Medicaid alone).

      It costs a fortune for inpatient care long term, so I would not go about the process thinking about how YOU will help pay for it. Your brother will fortunately have resources open to him as a citizen, so your role will be to help him access those resources.

      Are you in a major city? If so, your first visit may be the ER … first thing in the morning… of the best teaching hospital in your city. There you will present him as someone who is decompensated, unstable, unable to care for himself and needs assessment, medication, and stabilization. Hopefully, he will get admitted, and the social workers may also help the process of starting to access resources/apply for Medicaid (and once he gets it, it applies retro-actively in most cases).

      I do not think you will be able to fly him home with a newborn infant. This is not safe for you, your child, and your brother. It sounds like medication will be needed, and someone else accompanying him back other than you.

      But first…. try contacting NAMI. If you are comfortable sharing the major city near you, I will poke around a little for additional resources.

    4. +1 for the recommendations to consult NAMI, check out a teaching hospital, and not to fly with your brother and a newborn.
      Also hugs to you (if you’re comfortable receiving them) and moral support for your resolve, courage, and ingenuity in tackling this difficult situation.

  24. My workplace has dispensers with free sanitary supplies in the women’s restrooms. These are probably intended as an “emergency” supply, I would guess. There’s no signage or anything on it. Would you consider it unethical to rely on this supply during the normal workday, instead of bringing my own from home? The supplies provided are cheap and not particularly comfortable, but I do appreciate that they are free and easy to access.

    2. Heck no, not unethical. They’re not put there for emergencies (unless you’ve explicitly been told otherwise, which would be weird) – the supplies are put there to keep employees happy. Same as the tea and coffee – the teabags aren’t there in case you forget to bring your own some day.

    3. I don’t think it’s “unethical” necessarily but I do think they are probably intended for emergencies. They might not get replenished regularly. I had these in my previous workplace and never used them except in emergencies.

    4. No women in my office bring their own tampons. We all treat the free ones as a benefit and use them all the time and they are always replenished.

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