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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This short-sleeved top from Adrianna Papell is my platonic ideal for a summer work blouse. The stripes look fresh and fun, the material is lightweight and machine washable, and it goes with everything. I’d wear it tucked into a pleated midi skirt for a casual Friday.
The top is $26.97 at Nordstrom Rack and comes in sizes 1X-3X; there are very similar options available in sizes XS-XL. It's also really similar to this reader-favorite blouse from Amazon with lace details at the sleeves, available in sizes XS-5X.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
It’s not bad, but I really like a real sleeve. The fluttering bunches too much under a jacket or sweater (and I run cold). I want an arm-hugging sleeve (if it’s not full length) so it will stay put and not bunch under my armpits. I guess it is a cheaper way to make a garment and have it be technically sleeved (but it’s more like adding a wing of fabric).
Anonymous
Or maybe some of us aren’t so uptight and like a flowy sleeve?
Anon
I get the armpit-sleeve hating and don’t see why you’d call someone uptight over it. It’s uncomfortable.
Sybil
What a strange comment.
Anon
Goodness. Maybe start Friday over. If you think that is “uptight” I’ve got some people I want you to meet.
Anon
Maybe “finicky” is better than “uptight” here.
Anon
How about nothing at all?
Anon
The snark on this board never ceases to amaze me.
Anon
About the most inconsequential things – other places on the Internet that center women’s communities are not like this.
No Face
I’ll take it. Other parts of the lady internet are calling women monsters for getting an epidural and whatnot.
Anon
Because those communities require registration or logins and thus, people can get banned from those spaces. The whole tone changes when people can get kicked out of community for being a pill.
Toni
It is rather silly. The first OP just kind of preferred a real sleeve because she wears sweaters over it and does not want to look like Arnold Schvarzenegger! I like a fuller sleeve, even without the sweater issue because I do not like men looking in at my breasts (or bra) through the sleeve, or even easier, if I ever bought sleeveless again (which I won’t). The second OP took this poor woman to task, possibly because of personal issues over which we have no control. I know that I go out every Thursday nite, and get the evil eye from certain women when I speak with men they are probably trying to latch on to, but who are not paying much, if any attention to them. The fact that those men gravitate towards me is because I smile and am friendly. Yet, to these women giving me “the look”, I am sure they think that I am about to go to the back room with these guys for something illicit, which is complete bull. I have scrupules and would never compromise my morals just to provide instant gratification to these men, nor do I think they would even be that forward to me just because I am friendly, smile at them and laugh at their jokes. It NEVER pays to be catty, and all fellow readers here should know it! I wish everyone a happy weekend, and a great Juneteenth on Monday, when we get the day off from work!
anon
Oh hi Ellen
Anon
Some people are just so sour. It must be awful to be like that.
Cat
I prefer a flowy sleeve like this myself (I run hot and find this cut to be more flattering than a true short sleeve) but yeah, yikes on the tone here, what gives??
Anon
So you’re a person who gets his/her jollies being an ass on a webs I t e about clothing for work? I’d rather wear a fluttery sleeve than be that pathetic.
Anon
To me the point of a sleeve is absorbing sweat. A flutter sleeve doesn’t protect my jacket or make me smell any better than I would wearing sleeveless top so they’re useless. It has to be a particularly cute shirt or dress to be worthwhile.
Anon
Right? I like them for a party or something (Boden-fancy-wear has some), but not when I’m in blasting A/C inside during the summer and know I’m going to have to layer.
Anonymous
Ha, I read this as “I know I’m gonna have to lawyer”
Anon
I have honestly never thought of sleeves as being primarily sweat absorbers! I just think of them as a style choice.
Anonymous
Same
anon
100% agree with this comment.
Anon
I wore a similar shirt yesterday, and whew! I was stinky by the end of the humid day. I’m not going to buy any more synthetics for the summer.
Anon
Yeah, I am no longer buying synthetics to wear any time from April through early October, where I am. It’s like wrapping myself in a garbage bag in terms of the amount of heat and moisture retention.
Anon
And yet I find synthetics to be cold in the winter. You can’t win with them!
Anon
I agree. I’m working towards a polyester-free wardrobe. It just doesn’t work for me.
Anon
I was catching up on reading and finally got to the post this week about the “friend” spat re a sewing machine foot. And I thought that was silly. Then I listened to a Useful Charts episode on the history of Christianity and found a branch that had a schism over whether instruments should be allowed in church music (I mean, those are two rich church traditions and I love them both). People are tricky!
Anonymous
I grew up in a church that did not allow instrumental music. It is a symptom of a dangerous form of fundamentalism. You can have lovely a cappella music without this rule.
Anon
I was thinking that some Russian? Eastern Orthodox? churches just feature vocal singing. I wouldn’t describe them as dangerous or fundamentalist (source though is college roommate, who was not able to find a local church in a small town and went to my Presby church here and there with no doctrinal drama on her part).
Anon
Church of Christ?
Anonymous
You guessed it!
Anon
My dad grew up in it. Let’s just say I was raised a VERY different type of Christian.
Anon
That thread confirmed for me that this is not the place to come for sympathy for interpersonal problems. Nine times out of 10, you will be harshly judged, blamed, and possibly accused of having a personality disorder. At the very least, you will never be given the benefit of the doubt. I wonder what’s going to be left when all the nice people stop reading here.
Anon
I think the responses that OP should buy her own sewing foot aren’t all agreeing that OP is in the wrong, but pointing out that spending a few dollars would save angst and frustration and posting on a blog about how her friendship is getting weird. I personally didn’t comment because I would be willing to lend, but I would also have no problem buying my own.
Anon
Her friend demonstrated a failure of reciprocity, one of the oldest human relationship values in all societies. It was still OK to say no, but an acknowledgment that it wasn’t a reciprocal decision would likely have gone a long way. If it were me, I would have said “I can’t lend the item because I need it right now, but I’m sorry because you’ve lent me so many things in the past – I really appreciate it.”
Anon
This is a sane and compassionate response.
Anon
With my kids, we say “This is special to me right now,” which is a valid reason not to share brand new toys or very dear things. It’s the emotional side of fear of things not coming back or having to hound someone after time or just keep a mental borrowing log of where you stuff is. It’s probably not even “about” the OP on that, just cumulative over a lifetime. Most of my relationships aren’t run on a “balance of trade” system but I also get that OP is allowed to feel how she feels and it is valid to feel bummed out.
Cat
That part came out late in the comments and had it been included upfront I think that poster would have received a different reception. I totally agree with you!
PLB
Anon @ 10:03 I love “it’s special to me right now” and will definitely be teaching my DD to use the phrase.
Anonymous
love the “it’s special to me” phrase, thank you for teaching it to me
Anon
I hate personal attacks but I appreciate the candid feedback that your friends and family wouldn’t give IRL. Sometimes you need an outsider’s perspective or don’t realize how the other party could be interpreting a situation.
Anon
I’d be on board with candid feedback, but here, I almost never see it delivered in any way other than nasty – “omg are you crazy this is wild” is typical.
Anon
I don’t agree it’s typical. There are one or two posters who consistently use that language in response to posts and I wish they would stop, in no small part because the schtick has gotten pretty old and tired at this point. But in almost all of the threads I read, there are those two or three “let me see how fast I can respond and how snarky I can be” commenters and other people offering more nuanced takes. And the nuance is there even if the language is blunt. I am trying to train my brain to look at the one-line snark responses and just gloss over them and only focus on the substantive responses. It’s kind-of working.
Also: I have posted here many times about situations IRL I needed advice about, and while not all the responses were kind, the blunt-but-well-meaning ones were very helpful. I don’t know if other people have this experience, but it seems like people IRL are very reluctant, any more, to outright disagree with people or even provide a well-thought-out, well-presented dissent to an opinion. Someone says something; everyone nods their head and says “oh totally!” and there’s no real discussion that happens. Even with some of my closest friends, it feels like non-agreement is seen as abrasive conflict and it’s really hard to get honest feedback about whether or not my thinking about something is off-base. That definitely does not happen here, lol.
Just like with everything in life, I take the good with the bad here: the good is that if I really want to know if my thinking about something is off, someone here will tell me, unequivocally. The bad is that we have some lonely, miserable people here who use this space as a place to vent their hurt feelings and dissatisfaction with their own lives. But the more we focus on the latter, the less good dialogue we will have about stuff that really matters.
P.S. – I don’t think this is an emotionally-healthy place for people who are very sensitive to spend time. The sensitivity won’t be respected or catered to. And this community is what it is, and is not likely to change even if a large number of people post complaints about the tone of comments. I’ve been reading here since 2009 (I think) and people have been complaining about “mean comments” and “mean commenters” for the entire lifetime of the blog.
Anon
I agree with anon at 11:17. I just ignore the unhelpful posts, which are really in the minority, though they are pretty pathetic. The rest are trying to be helpful, even if they’re critical or sometimes blunt. If you don’t actually want advice, why would you post here? A lot of the time the most critical posts come from people who have gone through similar struggles and wish they’d gotten more honest feedback themselves.
Anon
Actually yeah, I think that’s a good point about it simply not working for people who are sensitive.
Anonymous
I’m traveling to San Francisco for a conference and will have a couple of days to kill. Will be staying at the Marriott Marquis. No access to a car. Any ideas for how I can keep myself entertained? I’m interested in coffee shops/bakeries/restaurants (try to eat pretty healthy but I do love pastries and pizza), walking, and low-key activities. Not a baseball fan but I’m still wondering about a giants game and maybe theater tickets. Been going through a hard time lately so I’m hoping to keep busy and treat myself a bit.
Anon
I liked the Giant’s game that I went to and seeing people in canoes waiting to catch errant baseballs in the water. It got chilly at night (in September), more than I would have expected.
Anon
Your last sentence could be San Francisco’s tourism tagline. (With no need to specify the month, always true :)
Anon
If you don’t like baseball, why would you go to a Giants game? I think you’ll be better off checking out museums or taking an excursion to Angel Island. Museums might be the better bet so you will have constant access to delicious food. How about Academy of Sciences or the MFA?
Anon
I am not a huge fan of baseball but went to a lot of games as a kid, and have gone to a few as an adult (usually when I was invited by another person). It can be really nice to sit out under the stars and drink a beer and watch the game with people who are also casual enthusiasts for either the sport or the experience of watching a game live.
Anon
+1. I don’t follow baseball, but whenever I go to a game, I have a lot of fun. I was a fan as a kid, though, so I definitely have more affection for baseball than football, which I find incredibly boring and probably would not be interested in attending.
Anon
It’s a really nice stadium. I’m not a giants fan, I’m a heartbroken A’s fan, but I have to admit the a giants game can be a fun experience due to the venue.
Anon
I am not a baseball fan either, but went to a game at Angels Stadium a few years ago on a business trip and it was a blast. I went with a coworker, but we ended up talking to people in the stands and just generally had a great time.
Anon
Whenever I go to a big conference at the Moscone Center, I try to duck out for a few hours alone at SFMOMA. The gift shop is also a good place to pick up pretty cards and other artsy gifts, if you’re into that kind of thing.
Anon
Go to north beach and sit in one of the iconic coffee shops, get a latte and tiramisu! :)
Anon
This is a great idea. Also check out Fillmore Street (put Alice and Olivia as your destination in Uber to get to the cute part), or Hayes Valley (there use Absinthe restaurant as the destination), or Union/Chestnut Street (do Rose’s cafe), Sacramento Street (put in Spruce restaurant) – all are fun vibrant neighborhoods these days. Avoid Union Square and the FiDi/possible exception for the Ferry Building if you happen to be there. I live here and work downtown and the neighborhoods are the place to be these days. Personally I’d pass on the Giants, that takes you only to the stadium and there’s nothing else there. No need for a car, Uber and Lyft take you everywhere. I’d also consider going over the Golden Gate Bridge to Cavallo Point – great restaurant and spa there (book ahead) for a fantastic personal day. You can Uber there too.
Anon
Check back, posted a long comment saying yes this plus a lot of neighborhood and where to take Uber to ideas. The TL/DR is go to neighborhoods, skip union square and the giants. If you’re looking now consider booking a spa day at cavallo point. Take Uber everywhere.
Anon
I would Uber to Golden Gate Park, and specifically I would wander around the Botanical Gardens and then the DeYoung Museum. I think the DeYoung has an Ansel Adams display right now among the other things. It is a beautiful museum in a beautiful setting even if an art museum usually isn’t your thing, and it will be good to get out of just the fidi/union square for a bit.
(You could also take the underground muni, the N Judah would get you within a few blocks).
Note it could be chillier in this area than where you are staying (which also likely won’t be “warm”). Jackets, jackets.
Anon
I would skip our public getting around options now, the N etc are scary. I’ve lived here for 25 years and wouldn’t take it now.
Anon
Japanese Tea Garden. Yelp it.
Anon
You’ll be 10 minutes from Chinatown, go stroll through there, find the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory in a little alleyway and watch them fold those cookies. Walk on to Coit Tower for nice views of the city (whether you go up the tower or just view from the hilltop). And on the way you get a taste of the hilliness of the place.
A trip to Alcatraz is a way to spend half a day and the audio tour is quite interesting, you need to book in advance though.
If you are willing to take a bus, explore Golden Gate Park and eat at Cinderella bakery/cafe. The park has a great art museum, a science museum, a botanical garden and a Japanese garden.
Anon
I lived in the Bay Area for almost a decade and went to exactly one Giants game and didn’t think it is was that exciting. It was just a baseball game, there’s really nothing special about the atmosphere of the stadium or anything (it’s nothing like Fenway Park, which in my opinion is worth going to even if you don’t care about baseball). I would skip it unless you enjoy baseball.
Anonymous
i used to work in this area and i’d say for easy activities: definitely go to SFMOMA – it’s right there and really cool exhibits and a great gift shop. look into if theres a good show at the curran theater which is also close. id go eat near hayes valley (zuni cafe, otoro sushi, dumpling home,sushi zone) or walk to the bi-rite on divisadero and get salted caramel ice cream. or go the other direction and walk to the ferry building (you can keep walking north along the water for a nice stroll).
Nesprin
The bart is fine to get around+ we have uber everywhere.
There’s a ridiculous number of good museums in sf- the cal academy, exploratorium, modern art museum, legion of honor, and the musee mechanique off the top of my head.
Golden gate park is wonderful + the conservatory is lovely – you could spend an afternoon walking around, going to the cal academy and laying out on grass.
The opera and symphony a both nice. The city hall is gorgeous and lots of folks get married there because it’s so pretty.
Go up to north beach and have pizza+ cannoli + join an outdoor tai chi class.
Take the ferry across the bay to alameda, which has the highest concentration of victorian houses in the nation, or to berkeley and walk around the campus and enjoy the classic college gothic architecture.
Anonymous
Meh to Berkeley.
Anon
lol, I was thinking the same and I live in Berkeley! The campus architecture is pretty, but when you are in SF, there is plenty of cool architecture right there! No point schlepping over to Berkeley for that.
Anon
+1 and I also live in the East Bay and love some specific things and activities in Berkeley, but do not think it is necessary for OP to do in this scope. No offense to Alameda but I would say same unless she has a more specific reason or plan than to wander around the houses. As a SF tourist, I WOULD take a ferry to Sausalito/Tiburon or Angel Island.
Anon
Lovejoy tea room for high tea
DC Pandas
I miss SF- have so much fun! Ditto recommendations to try out the De Young & Golden Gate Park.
This was my favorite chill loop in north beach:
Caffe Trieste, first espresso house on the west coast! They’re very no-nonsense, but have great old school pastries.
City Lights Booksellers, historic publishers that spawned the American Beatnik poetry.
Mashka jewelry, boho bangles and non-precious gems. Always finding something interesting here
Coit Tower, for city views and neat art deco, new deal murals
DC Pandas
Some other spots with a great energy:
Dog-earred bookstore
Heirloom Cafe
Dim Sum Bistro
DC Pandas
Also, don’t be afraid to use MUNI busses or light rails! Sometimes they’re the fastest way to get around. BART works best for longer (30min) trips.
Anonymous
I see so many cute sundresses this season but with complicated straps and/or cutouts that would show most bras. For larger-chested ladies (I’m a 38F), are y’all wearing strapless bras with these? Any suggestions?
No Face
When I was a G cup I just skipped to be honest. I needed a full bra. I have a few dresses with low cutouts that work with normal bras from J Crew and Reformation.
Sybil
I’m a 36J and bought a strapless to wear with a cute jumpsuit, but I haven’t worn it yet. So…potentially?
Anonymous
I am modestly endowed but am frustrated with most dresses for the same reason. I cannot wear anything from Reformation. I think puff-sleeve dresses without cutouts are a solution if you can carry them off, which you are more likely to be able to do than me. The Somerset dress from Anthro could work. J Crew also has some bra-friendly dresses.
Anonymous
I’m a 28HH, and have never found a flattering strapless bra. They flatten and push the bust downwards and under my pits.
I only wear sundresses and tops that work with my well-fitting, regular bras.
Anon
I’ve bought 0 dresses this summer for this reason. I refuse to wear strapless or complicated bras so I’m just wearing more pants instead.
Anon
AA cup here and I honestly hate this trend. I don’t want to have to buy special underpinnings for a casual sundress, so when I find a style that has fabric in all the normal places I tend to snatch it up in every color.
Anon
For sundresses that I am just wearing casually, I have just started not worrying about bra straps. I either match the bra color to the color of the dress or a fun blending/contrast color. I lived through a period when this was very trendy to do, yet never did it then (!), and now I just don’t worry about it. Honestly, I think it is kind of fun.
anonshmanon
+1
Anon
I wear a nude for me bra and don’t care about the straps showing. I do my best to tuck them in, but c’est la vie.
Anon
I’m a 38J and feel your pain. I don’t even try messing with a strapless bra in the summer and skip those dresses. The last time I wore a strapless bra to a summer wedding, I ended up with welts from the combination of boob sweat, underwire, and that sticky “tape” on the bra. My husband was horrified to see it!
Anon
38G here. I’m not, personally, but I think most strapless bras are garbage. If you have a balconette or demi cup bra you like, I’d just wear that with the straps at the sides under your arms. Or, let your straps show. J see that all the time too.
BeenThatGuy
38F here. The only strapless bra that works for me is the Wacoal Red Carpet strapless bra.
Monte
36G here and same. Best strapless bra.
That said, there are only a few occasions I will wear the strapless. Just seems like more hassle than it is worth. So not a lot of sundress-wearing in my life.
Nom
I hate most strapless bras, so I just accept that people will sometimes see part of my bra and shrug it off. I prefer wear black or navy, because then it’s clear you’re intentionally OK with it showing, though a fun pattern or bold color would also have the same effect. Plus there are now lots of bras available with fun lace backs, even for larger cup sizes. I think many of the cutout dresses are actually intended to be layered with that kind of bra and show off the lace underneath.
If it’s more of an issue with the dress straps sliding around, then sometimes I will add a couple strap carriers to the inside of the dress (the little ribbons with that snap or tie around your bra strap). I’m pretty good with hand sewing, so for me it’s worth the ~20 minutes of work. If you don’t want to sew, there’s also double-stick tape made specifically for fabric — just make sure to remove all of it before laundering or it’s a mess.
Anonymous
It depends on the dress, but if it ties in the back sometimes you can just tie it really tight and that does the trick without a bra. It’s best with a thick material. You can also sew in cups pretty easily (I don’t sew but even I can handle that).
Anonymous
sewn in cups don’t do much for bigger than about D size, even tied tightly.
Chocolate!
Has anyone done an online chocolate tasting group activity they liked (or didn’t like?). An event where they mail chocolate to your house and do a virtual team tasting. There are a few options and I’m choosing pretty blindly here.
Cat
I benefited from a networking event where Delysia was the vendor – the chocolates were really good and the presentation part was well done.
Cat
https://delysia.com/private-virtual-chocolate-tastings/
Anon
My team tired of these activities a few years ago. I would consider skipping and doing something not virtual, even if it means smaller groups.
Davis
I’ve used Teambuilding dot Com and did the s’mores event (Tiny Campfire) which my team enjoyed. People liked the shipped items and it felt festive.
Anonymous
I’m considering ultherapy. Wondering whether anyone on this board has tried it and, if so, do you think it was worth doing?
Horse Crazy
Which do you prefer when traveling – an overnight/red-eye flight, or an overnight layover where you leave the airport and stay in a hotel? Traveling from SFO to the Caribbean next spring and trying to pick the lesser of two evils…
Anon
I like to take an overnight flight with a “turtle” style neck support/pillow (game changer) and melatonin.
anonshmanon
I’ve tried to get the turtle pillow to work for years (and it had such great reviews), but finally got a regular neck pillow. Glad to hear it worked for you!
Anon
Redeye for sure. I’d rather get it over with than extend the air travel misery to a second day.
Anon
I hate a redeye, but the more stops you have, the greater the chance of something going not according to plan / having an unexpected adventure, so I’d gladly pick that poison.
Anon
Pretty sure it’s the same number of stops either way. I think the question is does she fly SFO – southeast hub (ATL, MIA, etc.) on a redeye that arrives in the wee hours of the morning and then connect with the Caribbean flight a couple hours later, or does she fly SFO-southeast hub the day before, stay overnight in a hotel and then fly to the Caribbean the next morning.
SFO has essentially no (maybe literally no?) direct flights to the Caribbean. I know at one point there was LAX-Cayman service on Cayman Airways and they made a big deal about how it was the only non-stop flight from California to the Caribbean.
Anon
I’d count leaving security, going off-site, getting back, going through security, un-packing and repacking as equivalent to a third stop then, thus to be avoided. Oversleeping, bad hotel neighbors, etc. can all wreck your travel plans or even getting to your connecting flight. It’s just increasing the potential to fumble the ball.
Anecdata
red-eye with window seat if possible. I can usually sleep on a plane but still prefer red-eye when I /don’t/ sleep – would MUCH rather be at my hotel, checked in and settled, and exhausted so napping by the pool on Day 2 than getting on another plane
Anon
I’d prefer to stay in a hotel if possible. I need my sleep! But I fly overnights regularly when there’s no alternative (e.g., US to Europe).
For the Caribbean, hotel stays are often necessary, because many islands don’t have many direct flights to the US and the flights from the southeast hubs like Atlanta and Miami tend to leave early so you can’t get there in time without a hotel stay.
Anon
Red eye hands down. And I hate red eyes.
Cat
If you’re connecting on the east coast and it’s a situation where there’s one flight a day to the island, I might go for the overnight hotel – especially if this is your honeymoon (IIRC you’re planning your wedding)? Those Caribbean flights tend to be full, and if you get delayed and miss your original it could be a day or more that you’re stuck.
That said, we’re coming from Philly and have done the “so early it’s almost a redeye” 5AM to Miami to make that connection… in lower-stakes circumstances.
FWIW if your overnight layover is short enough and you’re checking bags, they will check through on the way down – amazing not to have to haul your vacation stuff to the hotel and then re-check it in the AM. Obvi keep a day or two worth of clothes in your carryon if you go this path!
Cat
PS, if your connection is Miami, the EB Hotel is nice for a layover. The Miami airport hotel is obviously really convenient but also really dated.
Anon
Plus you can get great Cuban food! I know the Miami airport isn’t great but it’s one of my favorite cities for an overnight layover.
Anon
I’m assuming this is SFO-MIA overnight and then onto the Caribbean or something like that? That’s such a short flight that I’d do the hotel. Also as Cat said, if you do the redeye there’s a significant risk of missing your connection and losing a day of your trip.
Anon
I can never sleep on red eyes, so I’d do an overnight hotel stay if it were me.
Anon
For long flights, business class if you can swing it and the fastest option. If I’m arriving before technical checkin, I book my hotel or BNB for the night before so I can go straight there on arrival. Be sure to tell them what you’re doing though.
Anon
This isn’t going to be the fancy lie-flat business class seats. It would just be the equivalent of domestic first class – a meal and a slightly wider and more comfortable seat, but it’s not going to help much with sleeping.
Anon
Well for me, wider and more comfortable helps with sleeping, so I’d do it even if it’s not the lie flat option. Or I’d upgrade further to that.
Anon
Those seats don’t exist on Caribbean flights.
Cat
Horse Crazy is asking whether to do a red-eye for immediate morning connection to the Caribbean, OR fly earlier in the day and have a traditional hotel stay before a morning flight, not the kind of “arriving in Europe and want early checkin for a quick nap” kind of thing.
So we’re talking regular domestic first at best, and then possibly a regional jet to the Caribbean. Def not long haul 3-class seating.
texasanon
depends one exact timing but generally I look for an early/late evening flight out and a early to mid-morning landing. With those timings, I want a red-eye. I get a window-seat, take melotonin and sleep at least some.
Then I plan the next day to stay away until at least 8 pm local time, no matter what, and the jet lag is defeated. Day 1 can be painful but I usually end up walking around A LOT to kill time and it means I’m adjusted much faster.
Clementine
Depends on what time you can check in to your hotel on the other side. If you can check in early, then I would do red-eye.
Anonymous
Redeye and I splurge for like flat seats on the way there but not the way back. Idk if all airlines let you do that but some let you upgrade by leg of the trip. It’s often MUCH cheaper – like thousands of dollars – than paying business class for your whole flight.
Anon
This is good advice and I do the same for Europe trips, but flights to the Caribbean from SFO are not going to have lie-flat seats. The planes that go to the Caribbean are smaller than the planes that go across the Atlantic, and are not set up for corporate travelers because the Caribbean isn’t a business destination.
Anon
I’m a little sad. I don’t have that many people I am super close to in real life. I saw my cousin this week, we grew up together like sisters, we text or talk all the time, but we live across the country from each other so I hadn’t seen her face to face in years. We had a dinner and she was talking about her kids and what they’re up to and her stress and all of that.
She knows that my college aged son has persistent clinical depression and anxiety & is in treatment and asked how it was going. I started to share about how stressful it is for me and my husband, and how scary it gets when he is really low and far away from us at college. She seemed to get impatient with me and suggested that he exercise more, that he lose some weight, that he make more friends, and that he just cheer up. I said “that’s not really how mental health issues work” and we dropped the subject, but I admit that it stung.
So now I have no one to talk to about this other than my spouse who is in the thick of this with me. I don’t know what I’m asking but maybe resources for parents dealing with this?
Anon
I’m not a parent but I have a sibling with crippling depression. As in, I’m happy they can hold down a job and it’s exciting when they leave their apartment or take a shower. There’s no light I can switch on to fix it. No amount of working out or eating healthy and this has been a source of stress for about 20 years for everyone in my family, especially my mother. I don’t have any resources for you but I can definitely relate and would be someone you can talk to about it who understands, except the parent child dynamic, which I know is different.
Anon
I don’t have an answer for you, just a hug. I have a kid who seems vanilla as a small child and is now a big kid with BIG kid issues. I am letting my career spiral down because I do so much driving to so many appointments and there isn’t a clear path forward (ideally, we get to where you are, but that’s not a given today for non-academic reasons). Kiddo tried to make friends. When you aren’t a natural athlete, it’s hard to find sports things to go to and you can’t go to a gym, often even if you have a parent there standing next to you. A day we’re not going to the psych ER is a win.
Monday
NAMI family support?
Her comments sucked, especially when she is the one who had asked you how treatment was going. Then to assume that you had never heard of exercise or making friends? It’s quite callous. If she wants to stay in denial about mental health problems, why bother acting like she’s interested?
If I were you I wouldn’t be in a hurry to see her again.
Anon
+1
People on the outside just don’t understand.
When I went to a NAMI family support group, because of my parent’s mental health issues, I was startled that most of the people in my groups with parents of teens/young adults with chronic mental health issues.
Anon
There is no handbook for us. And it’s a ball we keep rolling up the hill each day and hope that we get to a point where we’re done with it, but that’s a lonely journey even if it works.
Anonymous
Yep. Sorry to say, OP, but you cannot expect support from your family and friends. You need to have your own therapist or a support group. Honestly, it can be nice not to have family and friends in on the whole thing because then you can enjoy being your own self with them, and not just the mentally ill person’s caregiver.
Been there
It sounds as though she may lack empathy or, sorry to say this, is tired of hearing about it. I know how harsh that sounds and I bet you, your husband, and your son are also tired of dealing with it. When my dad had a long-term illness that was really difficult for me as his daughter and caregiver because we were very close, I realized some people were very open to listening in the beginning and then, as time passsed, their faces seemed to say “more of this again? I’ve already heard about this.” Well, yes, more of this; it’s my life. If I otherwise enjoyed those people, I just talked about other subjects with them. With other people, my response was to let the relationship fade.
I agree that finding support is necessary and I don’t have any recommendations on that front. While your cousin may be a great person with whom you can have good conversations, she may not be the person to talk to about this topic. Her words say she doesn’t understand at all.
Anonymous
Anyone having a good experience with online therapy, and if so what provider company are you using? Thank you!
Anon
I found a new therapist twice since the panini started, and was surprised to learn that most providers through my regular insurance channels did zoom visits, and some have moved to zoom-only. I believe it’s also a cheaper copy.
Anon
I used one who’s a professor at a local seminary/grad school that has a graduate program in clinical psychology. It was fantastic. Just what I needed. They have different rates based on the level of education the therapist has (grad student, affiliate, professor). Fuller Seminary in Pasadena
Anonymous
People that travel internationally for work, what are your travel norms? Our official policy is business class if it’s 7 hours or more with manager approval, but that seems to be frowned upon. I’m in economy for my next flight (which was eye wateringly expensive even in economy!). We’ve heard travel budgets are shrinking, but someone one level above me casually dropped that he was rebooked into coach class and so booked another flight so he could be on business. I was really surprised! Is this the kind of thing where the women in teh company are being frugal and the men aren’t even thinking about it?
Anon
At my company, directors and above can be in business class, everyone else has to fly economy regardless of flight duration.
They also haven’t upped our per diem in about 5 years and I frequently go over and have to cover the rest out of pocket. They also don’t do location-based per diem, so it’s fine if you’re in Tulsa but tight if you’re in SF.
F50 company.
Anon
Large, 120k employee blab company. Coach for all regardless of time/distance.
Anon
Global not blab!
Anon
If your corporate policy is business class for flights of 7+ hours, no way in h3ll would I be in economy on a flight longer than 7 hours. They let you book business – book the business! It’s SO much better, especially for overnight flights, because you have a bed and can actually sleep.
Sadly, I’ve never worked anywhere where I got to fly business class on the company dime. When I was in Big Law it was immediately post-recession and we had to fly coach (at least us associates did, although I saw partners in coach on international flights too). Now I’m in-house in higher ed and would definitely have to fly coach, but I don’t travel internationally for work. I love to book business class tickets for personal travel when we can afford it though.
Clara
I work for a nonprofit so its economy always.
Anon
Ask for business class. Book travel that follows your company policy. Nobody will be commending you for booking into coach.
Anonymous
Yes why are you being dumb? If you’re allowed to fly business do it. You don’t get rewarded for being frugal you’re just making life hard for you.
anon
+1k and IME men do not think about this like women do. They walk right up to the line because they are allowed to so why wouldn’t they?
Clementine
Husband travels frequently for work – they’re supposed to get business if it’s overnight, over 6 hours, and are expected to work the next day. Lately, business has been fully booked so he’s been in Economy. Flights home/if they’re not expected to work the next day are Economy.
Cat
Depends on seniority, distance, schedule (overnight or not), and expectations for arrival, like if you’re landing in Europe at 9am and heading into a day of meetings, you’ll get business so you can really sleep.
Betsy
I review expense reports and I can confirm that men tend to be more generous with their expenses than women. There’s probably a decent number of men in your organization who are putting in for business class on flights of 5 or 6 hours, not just 7. Don’t hold yourself to a higher standard than your policy.
anon
Global defense contractor 90k emp’ees – 6 or more hours intnl and you get business class. Was the same at my last employer which is 80k emp’ee electronics component manufacturer.
IL
Our official policy is economy travel but you can use your miles or airline status to seek an upgrade, no matter the duration. Since I don’t have status yet, I have had some really tough economy flights this year (six separate 7 – 14 hour flights). But the three men I was traveling with were also sitting in the premium economy seats with me so at least at my company everyone is playing by the same rules.
I wouldn’t risk my reputation at work on it. I am given enormous latitude in other areas because I am known for my good judgment and for picking my battles wisely. A business class ticket is not the hill I want to die on.
Anon
Even with airline status, getting international (tr@ns-atlantic or tr@ns-pacific) upgrades is very, very difficult. I’m a United Platinum and have gotten two in dozens of attempts. And they weren’t free, you have to pay with a combination of miles and cash (although it costs a lot less than buying the upgrade in cash). Complimentary upgrades are only available on North America and Caribbean flights.
Anonymous
Biglaw, they look at the dollar amount not the class of service ime. I’ll upgrade to business class regardless of flight time if it’s like a $200 or less difference, or if the flight is cheap (under $500), and I’ve never had pushback. Otoh I’ve been questioned about short flights where basic economy was over $1k.
Anon
Does anyone have any recommendations for frozen pre-cooked chicken that they like?
I am looking to keep some on hand so I can make some easy, quick, healthy dinners when I’m in a pinch. I had tried making shredded chicken and freezing it (as is often recommended on healthy eating websites and also recommended by my dietician), but I found it pretty gross when I reheated it. I would like something healthier than nuggets though.
I will likely reheat in my air fryer, but can also use my microwave, oven, or stove.
Anon
That is always going to be gross. Cooked chicken keeps for a while in the refrigerator, just put it there more often.
OP
I find reheated chicken gross, regardless of if it’s frozen or in the fridge. I just deal with fridge chicken, but I don’t love it. I’m not sure how long chicken in the fridge technically lasts, but I don’t eat it after day 3 or 4.
Unfortunately, I’m looking for solutions for things like “I just got back from a weekend away and want to make a quick dinner” so keeping more chicken in the fridge isn’t a great solution. I meal prep most of the time, but need something to fill the gaps for occasions I haven’t meal prepped.
I had some nuggets which tasted fine re-heated, maybe I’ll go back to those.
Clementine
‘Just Bare’ chicken nuggets… I like the spicy kind from Costco. I actually love them on lettuce wraps with cucumber and avocado.
OP
Thanks for the rec, I will check them out!
Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the grocery stores near me carry them but I’ll take a look.
Cat
Reheated plain chicken always tastes off to me, but not if it’s in a sauce – like can you make the chicken & veg part of a stir-fry and then all you have to do is cook some rice day-of?
OP
I will give that a shot! Love the idea of having a frozen chicken & veg option; that makes dinner even easier!
Anon
I like the applegate natural frozen chicken nuggets
OP
Thank you! Will check these out today – looks like my local grocery store carries them!
Anon
Maybe look at meals that don’t involve chicken for situations like that? I don’t think there is hack to making leftover or rethawed chicken seem as good as when it was freshly prepared.
A can of beans, some shredded cheese, taco sauce, and a few tortillas can easily become burritos or quesadillas and all of those ingredients keep well in the pantry or fridge.
OP
I do keep some frozen pre-made quesadillas in my freezer. They haven’t turned out great, but thanks for the reminder that they’re in there!
Anon
Pre-made frozen quesadillas aren’t worth it. Just pre-make and freeze the INSIDE portions, in small batches, and then you quickly thaw/microwave and cook it fresh in a fresh quesadilla. I keep some of the budget bytes recipe frozen – black beans + stuff.
I basically have a rotisserie chicken in my fridge at all times, and buy one pretty much any time I go to Costco (monthly) or the local supermarket that has decent ones. It keeps much longer than you think, if you are not contaminating it. Don’t put your bare fingers in it, dirty forks in it etc.. If you don’t add bacteria to it, and it was cooked well, you’ll be ok most of the time!
Eggs are the best thing to have as a last minute easy protein based meal. So many ways to make quick tasty dinners.
And frozen fish portions are the best for a quick easy to defrost meal.
The only frozen chicken that I keep in my freezer for a treat are the big bags of dumplings/potstickers that are chicken rather than pork based.
Anon
Then stop eating chicken! There are an infinite number of meal ideas out there that will fit your needs that don’t have chicken.
Anonymous
I think the manner of reheating is the problem. An air fryer will dry out shredded chicken. I defrost precooked chicken in the microwave, add it cold to whatever dish I’m making with it, and let it heat up in the soup or sauce or whatever.
OP
Should have clarified that with shredded chicken I was heating it up in the microwave. I would airfry nuggets or patties.
I was just heating up the shredded chicken and eating it plain with BBQ or buffalo sauce on top or adding to a salad, which may have magnified the grossness of it. I save it for nights I’m not really cooking, but will keep in mind it may be better to use in soups or other dishes.
Anonymous
It works better if you freeze and reheat in the sauce. Even BBQ sauce will do.
OP
That’s very helpful to know, thank you!!
Anonymous
Sorry, I meant I defrost it in the fridge, not the microwave. I think the texture is better if you let it defrost naturally.
Anon
With the caveat that a) I haven’t tried these and b) I don’t know if it’s what you’re looking for, but Trader Joe’s has frozen chicken burgers. I’m sure it’d be fine to cut one up and add to a salad or something.
Likewise, TJs has some good frozen fish burgers and other easy, frozen protein options. I have particularly enjoyed their mahi mahi burgers, but I believe they have salmon and shrimp burgers too, in addition to turkey burgers.
I also like keeping frozen turkey meatballs in my fridge. Obviously, they go great with pasta but I also have added them to salads / grain bowls before and thought they were good.
ALT
Their frozen chicken burgers are good! BUT they are packaged as 4 patties together, not individually and it’s kind of a pain to separate the 4 frozen burgers. I end up defrosting all 4 and cooking them at the same time.
I bought frozen Tyson air fried nuggets on a whim at Target and they’re really good!
OP
Thanks for the reminder that there are other types of frozen protein that may work out better. Will definitely check out some fish burgers.
Annony
The TJ turkey meatballs are fantastic! I heat them in the microwave with a wet paper towel over them, to keep them moist
Anon
We use applegate chicken tenders for this purpose. I would describe them more as serviceable than delicious.
Anonymous
Yes, this.
Anonymous
I think meals made from minced meat are easier to reheat successfully. Meatballs, lasagna, chili, bolognese work well and can be made from chicken or turkey if you prefer.
Curries and soups with a sauce can also work well, I love Thai green curry and Indian spinach (saag) curry.
Anonymous
Nope. It’s all gross!
No Face
Instead of shredded chicken, freeze chopped up boneless skinless chicken thighs. Tastes better in my opinion.
I always have frozen veggies and microwaveable rice packets so that is an easy meal by itself.
DC Pandas
We do homemade turkey burgers for this! Combine shredded spinach, cheese, and ground turkey, plus fresh garlic and onion to taste. Flatten into patties and keep in a freezer zip locked with parchment paper in between.
Easy to fry up in a pan, air fryer, or crumble after microwaving!
Monte
I haven’t found a quick premade chicken item I enjoy, but I do turkey meatballs and individually wrapped salmon fillets when I need a meal in the scenarios you’ve mentioned.
Anonymous
If you can find them, the frozen Bell & Evans chicken tenders that are actual pieces of chicken (not the patties, which are chopped and formed like nuggets) are pretty decent. You need to check with a thermometer to make sure they are fully cooked or they are super gross, though.
Anonymous
tyson blackened chicken is the only one i’ve found that isn’t gross. ALL microwaved chicken is gross, though, you have to put it in the oven or toaster oven.
Anonymous
oh! chicken breakfast sausage is also good. the Jones brand at Costco is tasty. i’m the one who recommended these blackened strips.
https://www.tyson.com/products/blackened-chicken-breast-strips/
I’d also suggest turkey burgers – i’ve had some from jennie O, trader joe’s, and the costco brand. depends what your goals are, the yummier ones will be higher calories.
I’ve also had decent luck with frozen chicken/mexican products. Costco had some shredded chicken cauliflower bowls that were OK. wouldn’t recommend any of the lean cuisines for that purpose though.
Anonymous
Would you think it odd if a couple in their late 30s, dating about a year, is not connected on social media – not “friends”, don’t follow each other, don’t message through SM, don’t even know what each other’s accounts are.
Anonymous
Maybe? Depends. If one person is like ‘hiding’ I think that’s off.
I only have FB – mostly for kids school stuff and keeping an eye on what my mom posts. DH has Insta, FB, Strava and Twitter. Mostly uses Strava. Friends who have those have added him and vice versa. Not in a like watching him way but my sister posts a lot on Insta so added him, and my work friend runs a lot and knows DH and follows DH because he’s big into running.
anon
No, because I think social media is toxic and I don’t care what other couples do here. If it works for them, cool!
Anon
Yeah, I think that’s odd. But, I also don’t care enough to really dwell on it.
anon_needs_a_break
offhand, yes, but if one or both of them are very minimal social media users then it feels less weird.
but like, if i had a boyfriend of a year who frequently uses social media and I didn’t even know his handle I would be getting more info. Who we present as on social media is incredibly telling. I would wonder what he is hiding.
Anon
No. Not odd.
Anon
I don’t expect them to DM or comment on each other’s posts but I think it’s weird if they’re not “friends”. Is one of them secretly married or in another relationship? Otherwise why would you hide your social media from your SO?
anon2
I honestly don’t know or care what my bf does on his social media bc I am on it maybe once a month and only have one platform. He has multiple.*shrug*
Anonymous
If I were in the couple, yes I like social media it would be weird to not be connected. As an outsider not at all.
Anon
Provided both people are active SM users, it’s weird.
NYCer
+1. But on the flip side, not weird at all if one or both people are not active SM users.
Anon
I’ve been with my bf for over two years and we have been living together for about 1 year. We are both late 30’s and are not Facebook friends. We follow each other on Instagram and will send DMs on both platforms. I think at our age, we really don’t care about social media.
Anon
No. Because I am not on social media (mid-50s).
Anon
Not weird. If they are a couple, then I’d expect they are communicating through much more intimate platforms, like in person or directly texting/calling/messaging. I know a lot of people who are very intentionally disengaging from social media, or really working on creating connections with humans outside of social media.
No Face
My husband and I didn’t connect on SM until after we were married.
Anon
How actively do they use social media? My husband logs into FB like once a quarter. I abandoned all my accounts a year ago. We’re definitely not friends on any social media…it’s not very important to either of us so we never followed each other while I was still using it, and obviously now that I don’t use my accounts, there’s no good reason to.
Anon
If they both use social media a lot, then it might be a little weird to not at least follow each other. But if they don’t, then it seems pretty normal. I’m a little older and married, but barely use social media anymore and certainly never communicate with my husband there. We didn’t 15 years ago when we were first dating either, though we were facebook friends (and still are, even though we don’t really use it anymore).
Anonymous
Yes, I would find them not following each other a bit strange. I wouldn’t dwell on it because, as I have gotten into my late thirties, I am far more aware that there are all kinds of relationships out there and somethings that aren’t considered “mainstream” might work really well for that couple. I have a caveat to my initial statement. If neither person ever uses social media, truly maybe a sibling forced them into getting it type situation, then I would not think it’s odd.
Anon
10 years ago weird. Today, not at all. I use Facebook only for local news and marketplace. Instagram for my hobbies. Rarely to never post anywhere. It jumped the shark.
Anon
My spouse of two decades and I don’t even follow each other on any SM platforms. We drive each other bonkers enough as it is making the other one come look at this funny, infuriating, or amazing post anyhow. It’s not hiding anything, more just letting each other have our own space. Probably helps that neither of us are on FB and none of the other platforms are quite so relationship-y, if that makes sense? He certainly does not want to see what to-do ideas I am pinning and I have zero interest in watching him tweet-argue about his hobbies.
Anonymous
Are you one of the people in this couple? If so, i suppose it’s good that both of you have the same lack of interest in social media. I would wonder why you’re not curious about each other.
Anon
Not really, Facebook isn’t cool anymore and plenty of people don’t use Instagram or whatever other accounts.
Anon
I’m 30 and I think this is super weird. I have an Instagram account and I post about 5 times a year, but I scroll on it every day. Most of my communication with many of my friends is through sending each other memes or other posts on Instagram. If my BF also had instagram, even if he was not a frequent user, it would be super weird for us to not follow each other.
Snapchat is very big with my friends (I had given it up for a year but went back because that’s mostly how we connect). I send the same snaps to a big group of people, so if he used Snapchat it would be weird to not have each other there too.
I have Facebook but only really use it for Marketplace and a neighborhood group. I have several friends whom I met after Facebook stopped being popular that I’m not FB friends with (but we follow each other on Instagram).
I have several more accounts on niche websites that I use for hobbies: Pinterest, Strava, Goodreads, etc. Wouldn’t be weird either way to follow or not follow each other (though would be fun to follow each other on Strava). I also have Reddit (I mostly lurk) but no one needs to follow anyone else’s Reddit!!
Anonymous
Which service? A lot of people use twitter solely for news and they never post anything, I wouldn’t think anything of that. But insta or fb? Yes it’s weird. I’m not active on social media but I would feel like the guy was hiding something if he had an account but didn’t want to friend me. Is he liking a bunch of thirst traps? Is he married? Shady. I don’t even add friends on instagram (it’s my happy place of cats and makeup and zero drama) but I added my now-DH because I don’t want him to think I’m hiding something.
I have no problem with people who don’t have SM accounts though.