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Coffee Break: Top Frame Briefcase

Coffee Break

Peal & Co.® Top Frame BriefcaseI’ve noted before that I’m not a huge fan of briefcases for women — but that doesn’t mean everyone is against briefcases. Brooks Brothers has a number of really gorgeous ones right now, too, including this orangeish brown top frame briefcase from Peal & Co. Gorgeous. It’s $1,500. Peal & Co.® Top Frame Briefcase (L-2)

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Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:

  • Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
  • Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
  • Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
  • Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
  • Eloquii – 60% off all tops
  • Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
  • H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
  • J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
  • Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
  • Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
  • Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
  • Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
  • Talbots – 25-40% off select styles

Other noteworthy sales:

  • CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
  • Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
  • Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
  • West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Leigh

    On Monday, my best friend’s parents are undergoing transplant surgery (her ,om is donating a kidney to her dad). Does anyone have any suggestions for a gift basket type thing I can put together for both of them to make their stay more comfortable? I plan to get Sudoku books for her mom, a Dilbert comic book for her dad, and some other little things, but I’ve never been in the hospital for an overnight stay and don’t know what would be helpful. They’re like a second set of parents to me, so I’d like to do something nice for them to help make recovery slightly more comfortable.

    • LizNYC

      Thinking back to my time in the hospital last year: ear plugs and/or eyemask (so they can actually get some sleep amid the beeping and the lights), magazines, chewing gum (*assuming they don’t have restrictions post-surgery). Hope it all goes well!

    • Anonymous

      Coincidentally, I am in the hospital for just that reason with my parents. So far, those make ip remover towelettes have been the big hit. “nicer” hand sanitizer, pack of tissues, chap stick, easy magazines, ear plugs, and one of those airplane eyeshades. And for your friend, lotion! Purelle is murder on your hands. One of those cuticle oil pens? And maybe Alexander , to keep her spirits up. And put whatever you get her parents in a little bag to keep it from getting lost in the hospital shuffle.

    • zora

      A cozy blanket and cozy socks for each? I guess they might bring their own, but i was always SO COLD in the hospital. Agree with eye masks. And along the lines of the magazines, you kind of want someting to look at, but you’re too fuzzy from anesthesia to actually read things. So, I’d get some guy magazines for the dad, too, like golf magazines? Or car magazines, depending on what he’s into. And maybe Sunset, gardening or design mags for Mom if she’s not into fashion mags. some nice toiletries might be nice, too, the hospital usually has stuff, but they are pretty bleh. A nice lotion that mom might like, also found my skin got dry. Even when you can’t eat, homey smells really help you feel better.

    • CKB

      Not sure if they will be restricted on what they can eat, but what about healthy snacks? Last baby I had our neighbour brought me a selection of fresh fruit – an apple, an orange, a banana, a peach, and one other I think. And some chocolate. It was SO nice having something fresh to eat in the hospital! Seriously the best gift ever.

    • RR

      I bought a pre-packed hospital bag for my labor and delivery (because it’s awesome to have someone else pack that stuff), and they make them for other types of surgeries. They have everything from toiletries to little games and entertainment. I thought at the time that it would be a fabulous gift for anyone with a hospital stay. It’s BFFLco [dot] com. There’s even a “transplant bag”.

  2. Travel planning

    Any travel tips for Bucharest, Budapest, or anywhere in between? Many thanks!

    • SAlit-a-gator

      For Bucharest: I highly recommend visiting the country side, Sibiu for the Peles castle, Brasov for town square, and then from Brasov I’d take a taxi up to Moeciu / Bran and stay at a bed and breakfast since there’s one on every street corner. Negotiate the price of the taxi ahead of time, but totally worth the short trip. Check out Bran Castle (Dracula’s lair), as well as the beautiful rolling hills; upper Moeciu is a great place to go for a hike and disconnect from it all. I’d honestly only spend 2-3 days max in Bucharest, if that. The country side is where its at.

          • Marla

            Ditto. Bucharest is interesting if you like history, but the countryside is much better. (But Budapest is even better!)

    • Cb

      Budapest over Bucharest! But Krakow is awesome and definitely worth checking out.

      • Travel planning

        Too many places to go. I’m flying into Bucharest and out of Budapest. Krakow is definitely on the list for the future.

        • Anon

          Be careful in Budapest if you’re travelling alone. I was there in April and had so many bad experiences as a single woman (including one which resulted in the police being called) that I ended up hiding out in my hotel room waiting for my flight so that I could get out of there!

    • Travel from London

      Related TJ – My husband and I are going to London in September for a few days and are thinking of tacking on a couple extra days to travel somewhere else in Europe. Current list: Budapest, Vienna, Brussels, Athens. We don’t want to spend too much time traveling there because we’ll probably only have 1.5 or 2 days in the second city. Suggestions?? I’m leaning toward Buda or Vienna but open to other ideas!

      • Anon

        If you don’t want to travel far, then I suggest –

        Edinburgh
        Dublin
        Paris
        Bruges
        Copenhagen

      • TCFKAG

        Both Budapest and Vienna are sort of far from London, especially when you consider the high chance of flight cancellations and such. I like Anon’s list above but would add Iceland to the list – its a lovely place to spend a couple of days relaxing.

      • Veronique

        I did a weekend in Brussels a few years ago and highly recommend it. I arrived in London on Saturday morning (red-eye flight) then took the train to Brussels. Spent the next two days exploring the city (self-guided walking tour, including Mannaken Pis, the Grand Place and Cathedral of Saints Michel and Gudule) and eating delicious Belgian food, including chocolate (Neuhaus), waffles, and mules frites. Caught a train to Paris Sunday night. It was a wonderful introduction to Belgium and I highly recommend it.

        • zora

          Second this. Brussels is great for a short trip. There are beautiful, medieval areas to wander, wonderful museums, and there is LITERALLY no way to get a bad or even mediocre meal. Every Single Thing I have ever eaten in Brussels was amazing, even grabbing a sandwich at a coffee shop. That said, it gets super boring after day 3, and there is little to no night life. So, if you are going only once and you want 1-2 days of amazing food and a bunch of chocolate to take home for souvenirs, definitely do Brussels. Also: you can eat mussels in September, you MUST go to one of the restaurants on the canal for fresh-that-day mussels and frites. GAH.

        • Cb

          I’d say skip Brussels and go to Brugge! Or come to Edinburgh, it’s quieter after the festival and there will be a Corp****** to show you around.

          • TCFKAG

            Brugge is AWESOME and the perfect size for a day or two. You can bike out to the ocean front, which is beautiful.

            Another place to visit that is off the beaten path but relatively close is Den Haag in the Netherlands. It has two of the most beautiful museums I’ve seen in my life and, again, the trip to the beach is great. I would strongly recommend it.

          • just Karen

            My husband and I spent three days wandering Brugge and loved it – very scenic and relaxing. Absolutely recommend renting bikes for a trip through the countryside.

      • Anne

        I loved Vienna, but wouldn’t necessarily go there for a short trip from London if you don’t have much time.

        Brussels was pretty good for a short stay. I was there last September for a weekend, and got lots of good tips from the people here before going.

        Edinburgh is also lovely, and well worth a visit.

        Paris is also a neat distance from London and nice in September when most of the tourists have disappeared and the locals are back in business.

        • Travel from London

          Thanks for all the suggestions! I think we will do Brussels or Brugge!

          • zora

            Honestly, if I was choosing between the two: Bruges. Hands down. It is the most precious little medieval town. You have to take a boat ride down the canals. Walk in the beautiful parks and cemeteries, and again: amazing food. And I second the above suggestions about biking to the oceanfront/around the country. Gosh, now I am dying to go back it’s been years. This might be outdated, but it was the perfect place to buy beautiful handmade lace pieces for souvenirs.

      • Lily student

        Come to Bath! Jane Austen and the Romans
        And if it,’s e scond half of September I can show you around! (Email address is on my blog which is linked, will forget to look back at this)

    • TCFKAG

      Budapest is a beautiful city, I loved it. Its been years since I visited so I’ll try to remember. Obviously the Buda Castle is great as are the thermal baths. The TerrorHaza (House of Terror) is probably the most interesting museums I saw in Europe about the Holocaust and the Cold War, well worth the visit. I believe we visited the Dohany Street Synagogue, which was also beautiful. Budapest also has a ton of lovely baroque churches, so make sure to check out some of them. If you’re into museums, I think we visited the Hungarian National Museum and Hungarian National Gallery, both of which were great.

      If you’re looking for a side trip – and depending on the time of year – we went for a couple of days to Lake Balaton, which is sort of a summer lake destination in Hungary and had a fantastic time. Its very touristy but mainly Hungarian and European tourists. And the lake is beautiful and it was warm and lovely. But obviously not the place to go if its cold.

      If I had to summarize what I liked about Budapest it would be that its a little….grittier than a lot of other major tourist cities. If you compare it to Prague (probably the most popular Eastern European tourist destination), Prague feels like Eastern European Disney where Budapest feels a bit less shiny. It can be harder to get around and figuring out the bus system is a b*tch, but its worth it once you do. 10/10 would recommend.

      • Equity's Darling

        I’d agree with this assessment of Budapest entirely- I love love love Prague, but I have a soft spot for gritty cities (or the grittier parts of cities). Budapest was just so…raw? I liked it. I didn’t get to Bucharest so no comments there, but I had a few friends that did Bratislava and seemed to really enjoy it there.

    • LH

      Budapest is one of my favorite places in Europe and one of my favorite cities anywhere! I just loved it. I agree with the assesments of Budapest as feeling much more “Eastern European” than Prague. The way my father describes Prague from his travels in the 1970s is the way I would have described Budapest when I went 10 years ago, and Prague felt much more Western to me by that point. Since it was awhile ago that I went so I don’t have specific recommendations but the Chain Bridge is beautiful (as I recall it lit up at night?) The Great Synagogue is a must do, even if you don’t have any Jewish heritage. It’s absolutely gorgeous and is the largest synagogue in Europe. I remember walking up some hill (Castle Hill maybe?) that gave us really nice views of the city. I’ve always wanted to go to Bucharest but have never been – sounds like it will be a great trip! And I agree with Cb that Krakow is awesome as well.

    • Travel planning

      You all are fantastic. This was exactly the type of advice I was hoping for. Adding all of these recommendations to my plan.

    • LeeB

      I was just in Budapest and Prague in May. I definitely looked Budapest better! Prague is beautiful, but so jam packed with tourists that it was hard to enjoy it. Budapest is just as beautiful and much more manageable to get around. We stayed at the Hotel Sofitel, right on the banks of the Danube. Try to get a room on the river side, it has great views of Buda.

    • Trixie

      Budapest is one of my favorite cities in the world. I would suggest going to one of the baths on a “ladies only” day – I kind of enjoyed wandering about in only my swimsuit bottoms! Also, the advice I give everyone I know who is going to Budapest: go to Menza restaurant (near the Oktogon subway stop) and get the cream of garlic soup. AMAZING.

      Also, if you go to Brasov, take a day trip up to Sighisoara and see the old city – fun place to explore.

      Bucharest was very mehhh – I can’t recall anything I did there that I would like as a “must do”, other than getting ripped off by a cab driver.

      • Marla

        Just want to second (third?) the recommendation to go to the baths in Budapest. I was intimated and a bit weirded out (why do I want to get in a giant hot swimming pool with a bunch of old men playing chess when it’s 40 degrees out?) and it was the best thing ever. Honestly.

    • BB

      It’s pricey, but “Peal & Co” by BB is usually their label for slightly cheaper versions of super high-end English made accessories. Their men’s shoes under that label, for example, are usually made by Crockett and Jones, which retail in the $500 range (I think you get them for maybe in the $400 range at BB). I’d wager that the briefcase is a Swaine Adeney Brigg one. They do old school amazing, handmade umbrellas and briefcases that do run in the thousands of pounds.

  4. Anon

    Relationship TJ – How do you decide to let a SO’s differences slide in a “nobody’s perfect” way vs. breaking up to look for the perfect person?

    I’m having trouble with being a perfectionist with my boyfriend’s traits. There are certain things that I majorly wish he did. These include that I wish he liked to dance, and I wish he performed romantic acts (gifts, surprises, etc). I tell myself that I need to just accept him because we are happy the way we are and I want him to be himself. At the same time, I am young and not tied down to him – should I move on and find someone who hits all of my wishlist items? I don’t WANT to break up with him, but I get hung up on things like that I may spend the rest of my life without a dancing partner. It seems like a very stupid thing to break up over, but it really does bother me. Please help, hive!

      • Ellen

        Agree! I tried and tried to get Alan to stop drinkeing, but he would NOT. You must try, and if he does not try, you should mabye LOOK to other men who are not saying “me me me” and not doeing thing’s for both of us.

        The same sharing concept should apply all over. He should do things to please you also. My Alan would just want for me to do for HIM then burp and walk away, or roll over to sleep as the Case may have been. You want a guy who respects you, not just himself ! FOOEY on selfish lazy men that just want you for their pleasure!

        At least you have your family to look out for you! Yay! !! B

    • roses

      Agreed with Anonymous above – have you told him how much it would mean to you to go dancing together? Or casually mention how you like romance (or better yet do the same for him so he gets the idea?)? I think his reaction to this stuff is most important – if he acknowledges your feelings and gives good reasons why he doesn’t want to do these things, yes, I think you’re pretty perfectionist/unrealistic if that’s why you break up with him. You’re not forever without a dancing partner – you just need to find one that’s not your boyfriend. But if the issue is that he doesn’t really care what’s important to you when it’s not something that’s necessarily important to him, that’s a breakup-worthy problem.

      • DC Anon

        It IS good to do romantic things for your bf to show him what you have in mind – and once the romantic moment is over (don’t do it in the middle), tell him that’s the kind of thing you were hoping for, because that kind of thing makes you feel super special.

        It took me planning out a super special surprise anniversary celebration for my BF to get it, with a hand-drawn treasure map of our day’s activities, his favorite brunch foods ready on the table at my house with linens and flowers, a reservation at the boat house for a canoe, an hour canoeing and an hour walking on the trail, a delivered picnic lunch with real plates, napkins, glasses, silverware, and some of his favorite summer lunch foods with fancy ketchup and stone-ground mustard, and then back at my house, an indoors tent I’d made the night before and had my friends set up while we were out with candles, marshmallows to roast over the candles, fancy beer in the fridge, and a romantic movie we’d seen on an early date cued up on the screen.

        I’d asked for more romance and nice gestures before, and he’d tried, but he didn’t really get it. After that day, he said, “Oh! Now I understand what you mean by a romantic gesture.” And I like that all the effort isn’t one-sided.

      • Merabella

        This – my husband hates dancing and I love it. So when I go out dancing I find a different dance partner. Don’t let him keep you from doing something you enjoy.

    • mascot

      He doesn’t like to dance because he really hates it or because he doesn’t know what he is doing is afraid of looking silly? Perhaps taking dance lessons together would be a fun activity.
      Also, sit down with him and do the 5 love languages quiz. Then talk about your results. It can be very informative about how you communicate and show affection and help you understand that just because someone loves you in a different style than how you love them, it doesn’t lessen their love for you.
      Also, there is no perfect person. You might as well chase a unicorn.

      • Veronique

        +1 The Defining Decade also has a couple of helpful chapters that address this.

      • CountC

        +1 Love Languages Quiz

        Also, you should read Daring Greatly, by Brene Brown. He should too, but it’s often harder to get men to read that sort of thing.

      • MissK

        +1 on the Five Love Launguages. My husband and I did the quiz together, and I read the whole book. He read parts of it, and we discussed our quiz results together. Very helpful.

    • OP Anon

      Having a lot of trouble getting a comment in with the “posting too quickly” error, so I’m doing a reply-all style. You are all very helpful! I think I just needed to hear that being a perfectionist is not OK. A lot of people tell women my age (young) not to settle, and it gets tricky for me to figure out when I’m settling or when I’m just forgiving some parts of someone I love.

      I’m still working on the love languages quiz – he’s the kind of “macho man” type that would rather do anything (maybe dance?) than take an online quiz about love. But I do think that would help me tremendously to identify better when he’s showing me love.

      Regarding dancing w/ people who aren’t my boyfriend. I can, but I’ve found that a lot of the time the other men are looking for dates/numbers and I would just much rather spend that romantic time with my boyfriend. I’m talking dancing at a concert, not ballroom type dancing.

      Thank you everyone!

      • roses

        re: daning at a concert – that’s what friends are for. Try to make some that enjoy the same, and invite the bf along if he’ll go – he might be more willing to join in if everyone else is doing it too.

      • January

        In addition to the suggestions above about how he reacts to your concerns, I just also want to say that it’s okay not to settle down yet if you’re not ready. Throwing away an otherwise good relationship, when you’re ready to settle down, so you can find someone who meets all of your wishlist items is self-defeating. But if you really would rather have some time to have fun, dance with new guys, etc., then that’s a different story. Just try to be honest with yourself as you think things through.

      • TBK

        I don’t find the term settling to be useful in the relationship context. We ALL settle when we get married because we’re marrying human beings. Dancing at concerts is the easiest thing to fix. Go with your girlfriends, or go with a group of friends. Unless your biggest passion in life, the thing you do every weekend and every minute you get a free moment is go to concerts and dance (and maybe even then) you’re not talking about a very big thing.

        As for giving you romantic gifts/surprises, I second the 5 Love Languages recommendation. Sometimes this takes just working out. I love gifts to be a surprise. I also love picking out gifts for people I love. Mr. TBK doesn’t care. His favorite way to get a gift from me is for him to say “honey, I want X for my birthday. I’m going to go buy it tomorrow.” He wishes I’d do the same. So we’ve decided that he gets to do that for all his presents. If I happen to see something I want to buy him, I can also buy him whatever it makes me happy to buy him. Meanwhile, I give him a list of three to five things I want (with very specific details — so not “a necklace” but a link to the actual necklace I want). He picks one and he must wrap it, in paper, with a card, and give it to me on the actual day (not the day before or a week before). I get my surprise and he doesn’t have to stress over gift shopping. If you can work out a compromise like this, you guys are good. If he’s not willing to meet you even halfway like this, you might want to think a bit harder.

        • Baconpancakes

          “He picks one and he must wrap it, in paper, with a card, and give it to me on the actual day (not the day before or a week before).” Hahahahahaha I need to steal this. I don’t think I’ve actually received a gift on the day of the celebration since we started dating almost four years ago.

        • LizNYC

          TBK couldn’t have said it better. We ALL settle when we get married / stay in serious relationships because no one is “perfect,” however you define it. I think you know when a relationship works when your list of check boxes has the important ones checked off (for me, total trust, honesty, sense of humor), the ones you thought were important suddenly don’t seem that important in comparison (never thought I’d marry a picky eater), and he’s got a few traits I never considered (a love of binge-watching bad TV? check!).

          I also pulled a lucky one out of the hat — my guy is totally good with the romantic gestures. So good, in fact, that he regularly shows me up. But you know what? I bet if you coached him a bit about what you like, he’d make an effort. It might not be what you *dreamed* about, but knowing he made an effort to make you happy should be good enough.

      • Witness Protection Program

        I don’t meant to be a jerk, but what you’re calling “perfectionism” is not perfectionism. It’s projecting your subjective preferences onto another fully-formed, autonomous human being. Just because they’re your preferences, that doesn’t mean a person who embodies all of them is “perfect.”

        Perfectionism is about the standards we set for ourselves. Expecting other people to live up to our individual preferences and conform to our biased standards is something else entirely.

    • KLG

      I do think it’s fair to evaluate if you will be happy after 40 years of no dancing and no spontaneous gifts. While being a perfectionist is a recipe for unhappiness, so is glossing over things that are important to you. It’s okay to have things that are dealbreakers for you and it’s okay to break up with reasonably nice, good boyfriends because of it. Not advocating one way or another, but just saying you need to think about what is really important to you and what isn’t and then choose your life partner accordingly.

    • Brooklyn Paralegal

      How long have you been dating for?

      I had a similar issue with my then-boyfriend (now fiance) for the first year or so that we were dating. I love him to death, but he refused to dance and would basically laugh at me when I’d ask him to please dance with me. And then, at a friend’s wedding, he finally did. (And I totally understood why he never does, because damn, he is terrible!)

      He’ll probably never dance with me again until our wedding, but the fact that he did it meant a lot to me.

      I think that if the not dancing were one of many things he refuses to do, despite knowing they mean a lot to you, then maybe breaking up is an option, but you seem to care about him a lot, and I think that loving/caring about him is more important than being able to dance with him at a party.

    • marketingchic

      I could have been you years ago – down to your specific complaints. I think I’m lucky that that’s the worst of it. As I’m approaching 40 and watching friends divorce their formerly swing dancing, flower sending husbands I’m grateful for what I have. (No disrespect to those lucky enough to have romantic, dancing partners – I’m just appreciating my husband for what he is, and isn’t.)

      • RR

        I’d second this. My husband doesn’t dance. But he does so much more that I wouldn’t have even known to wish for when we were starting out and that matters so much more than dancing. I’m not sure how you pinpoint whether he’s the guy for you. Honestly, if the not dancing thing bothers you that much, it could be that other things are bothering you more.

    • MaggieLizer

      Are you looking for a boyfriend to have fun with or a partner to share the rest of your life with? There’s nothing wrong with just wanting to have fun. And if that’s where you are in life, then an unwillingness to dance or spontaneously bring you flowers might be a real dealbreaker, where something you’d expect from a serious relationship – like being supportive – might not be high on the priority list. If you’re looking for a lasting commitment, though, being unsupportive is a dealbreaker, and things like dancing and gifts are really minor. If you want a LTR with SO, then make a list of the top things you want in someone you’re going to grow old with. Every time SO refuses to dance, remember all the things he does to check off those items – bringing you medicine and saltines when you’re sick, watching your cr*ppy TV shows with you, doing his share of the housework without you having to ask, etc.

      • January

        This is what I was trying to say up above, but I think MaggieLizer said it more clearly. I also agree with TBK about the “don’t settle” advice. It’s overused and widely misunderstood. “Don’t settle” should be about how the guy treats you, not about whether a guy meets 100% of your subjective preferences.

    • LH

      I don’t think this is really about his interest in dancing. You are never going to find someone who hits all of your “wishlist items” but when you find the right person you won’t worry as much about the little things and your question will be framed as “how can I get my boyfriend to like dancing?” and not “should I find a new guy?” I agree with others that settling is of course not about dating someone who only meets 90 out of 100 items on your checklist, because you are unlikely to find someone who will meet 100/100. To me, settling is being with someone when you think there may be someone better out there that would make you happier. The fact that you are wondering if you are settling makes me think that you probably are. I really hope this does not come across as harsh – I was in your shoes once and ending it and moving on was the best decision I ever made.

  5. Associate

    I have a question about professional dressing. I’m a 2nd year associate in a small firm with mostly all men. We just hired a new female associate who is the same call as me but a bit older and she tends to dress in grey or black suits with “sensible heels” (less than 2 inches with a chunky heel) or flats and very little jewelry.

    I on the other hand, like color and separates and chunky jewelry and heels. I don’t wear a lot of suits (we’re not business formal) but I wear lots of blazers over skirts or dresses. My blazers tend to have interesting details or colors.

    I could be paranoid but I’m wondering if I should maybe tone down my wardrobe so I appear older? I just don’t want to be considered to be the kid compared to the new associate. I’ve never had any negative comments about my wardrobe – in fact, the male partners usually compliment my outfits but I don’t want to be seen as the fashionista as compared to the serious associate.

    Thoughts? Am I just over-thinking this?

    • BB

      You might be overthinking it…HOWEVER, there are a few points in your post that give me pause. I would consider heels under 2″ to be the norm for professional wear. Unless you are very petite, anything higher is bordering on not-for-work. I am all for colorful clothes and chunky jewelry, but there’s a limit. I usually do one or two splashes of color per outfit (so maybe a bright top with a gray skirt or a chunky necklace with a plain cream top). I’m also not sure what you mean by “interesting details” on your blazers. I like a cute blazer, but too many ruffles, a too wide peplum, or weirdly colored panels might make you look less professional.

      • Nellie

        I dissent from 2″ or less being the norm for professional shoes. I think 3″ is pretty standard (for heels— obviously professional flats are totally the norm, too), and there is room to go up from there as long as the shoe is appropriate and you can walk in them comfortably.

      • TBK

        Really? I’m 5’9″ and wear heels 3″ – 3.5″ regularly. I think 3″ is considered safely very conservative (like appropriate for interviews in law and banking in conservative cities safely conservative).

      • Bonnie

        Under 2″ is certainly not the professional norm in any place I’ve worked. Your outfits sound fine to me and I don’t think color makes somebody look younger.

    • Anon

      It sounds like it’s a know-your-colleagues question, but just in reading this it sounds like you already know that it could be an issue in your office. Yes, I’d say veer toward conservative, but I would also keep in mind not looking boring. Serious associate sounds boring.

    • Anon

      This! An associate at my firm who is a year above me is almost always in the greys/blacks while I love color, jewelry, fun shoes (could we be long-lost twins?:)). She is also quite older, so I have this same concern.

    • Mrs Q

      I think you’re overthinking it :-) Your outfits sound great (and not kid-like at all) and I’d say to “own it”!

    • TCFKAG

      Different people have different senses of style and that’s okay – it doesn’t mean that Associate A or Associate B are dressing unprofessionally. And frankly, sometimes I think that women who wear more colors or more interesting wardrobes come off as more confident than people who wear the black/gray/navy only uniform. BUT (and this is a big but) it has to be styled right. Colors are good, but not insane colors mixed together (probably) and probably not matched with 4 inch heels. Etc. Etc. Etc. So here’s the test – don’t compare yourself to new Associate B. Compare yourself to your general idea of what you think is a professional wardrobe. Look at women in business, maybe in other companies, who you think dress professionally and see if you fall within the scope of what they wear. Because you don’t have to match what your colleague wears, but you want to fall within the range of appropriate (which for women is a fairly broad range). So take the focus of new colleague and return the focus to yourself. And if you were happy with yourself before, chances are you’re fine. But it never hurt anyone to double check.

      • anonanana

        And all of this should be taken for what its worth. I am a relatively new partner in Biglaw. I wear lots of color (pops and all) and rarely wear heels lower than 4 in, even in court. I certainly have more conservative and less conservative suits and separates, but i carry myself well and i always (well, most of the time) look put together. I’ve worked in get, small firm, public interest, and a big firm. ive been an associate and a partner, a law clerk, and an intern. I’ve always dressed like this and never had an issue. carry yourself well and be confident in what you wear and no one will question it.

    • MH

      FWIW, I was told a few months in by the managing partner that it wouldn’t hurt to add some color to my wardrobe. He said it in a funny way – we were weirdly talking about work wardrobes – so it wasn’t offensive. I’m a new associate and generally wear boring clothes like serious associate. Now I’m trying to add a bit more excitement to my style.

      I say that if you are good at what you do then it will probably work out better for you in the long run to have a flashier wardrobe (that’s still not revealing, too tight, cheap looking, etc.) It projects confidence, attracts others to you, and makes you more interesting. So go for it!

      • KC

        Another piece of anecdata, I generally try to wear one item that’s colorful or interesting each day. A few weeks after I started, one of the more serious managers stopped me in the hall to say that he liked my blazer and he wished more people “weren’t so worried about dressing so seriously at work.”

        Sure, there are times when you need to suit up (client meetings, etc.), but I subscribe to the school of thought that it’s okay to let your clothing reflect your personality (as long as it’s not too revealing, etc.). It certainly makes me feel more confident :)

    • Associate

      Thanks ladies! My outfits are generally professional and my shoes are about 3-inches. I think I was just over-thinking and wondering if I would come across better if I dressed in a more monochrome palette but I think I would be bored without color and statement necklaces. I’m on the younger side and I think I’m just afraid of not being taken seriously, especially when as compared to an older associate.

  6. OP Anon

    And as a follow-up to my own TJ – how do I stop caring about these little perfectionist things? I just dwell and dwell… I need to accept him and move on with it!

    • AnonBK

      I find reading or writing supportive/inspirational phrases really helps me to keep my own inner voice in check. One of my favorites, since I have trouble with focusing on the positive and with being a perfectionist, is Voltaire’s “the best is the enemy of the good”

    • Brooklyn Paralegal

      Have you ever tried CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? It’s incredibly effective, and once you master some of the techniques you can basically do it yourself without necessarily relying on weekly meetings with a therapist. I benefited HUGELY from CBT, and I’ve helped a few friends with it. A lot of it is about deconstructing negative habits/narratives/thought patterns that you’ve developed. For example, mine was about self-doubt. I always assumed that anything I take on, I will inevitably mess up, despite evidence to the contrary. Negative narratives are surprisingly easy to deflate if you learn effective techniques to do so. Could be helpful to you.

      I’ll also add that I think the way you’re talking about this is inaccurate. “I just need to accept him and move on with it!” honestly sounds like you think he’s deficient and you need to just accept him as the insufficient man he is. I doubt you actually think that, be CBT is about being aware of the accuracy of the narratives you put together. I don’t think you need to deal with “perfectionism”, because it’s not perfectionist. You need to deal with your expectations. Or rather, I think you need to assess them to determine if they’re too high or realistic, and you need to decide how much getting gifts or dancing means to you. How attached are you to those things?

    • AIMS

      I think it helps to remember that when you change one thing, you could be changing lots of things. I had an ex boyfriend when I was in high school who was super gorgeous and really tall and while now I realize his body was pretty fabulous, too (think one of those lean greek sculptures), at the time I wanted him to work out and look like some crazy body builder (not really, but you get the idea). I remember a friend of his would always ask him to go to the gym and I was always like, “yeah, you should go!” But then it occured to me if he became like his friend, always drinking protein shakes and working out, I would be bored to death with him! I think it was a good lesson.

      With my SO, I realize that while there may be lots of little things I’d like to change about him, I would hate to actually lose anything I really love about him and so I really wouldn’t change any major thing. So, yes, I wish he was a little more outgoing with my friends, but he tries to make an effort, and when it’s not perfect I still really treasure that he can be social with me the way he will never be with other people. I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s my thinking about it…

      As for your original querry, I think there are some things you should accept and some things you shouldn’t and it’s hard to say what falls into which category because that’s something only you can decide. But I would say talking is key – he may never be super into dancing, but if romantic gestures are important to you, he can learn to make them once in a while. And, if he tries and means it, I promise you that it will much more meaningful than some guy who leaves lovey dovey messages for you, day in and day out.

    • Perfection v. Control

      It might help if you think of your “perfectionist” ideals as a desire to control your boyfriend rather than your pursuit of “perfection.” I am not saying you are a controlling person, just that your idea of “perfection” (as others have pointed out) is a projection of your own values and desires onto him. Recognizing that you are not seeking perfection but rather seeking to control and change his behavior may help you to realize that you can’t control him and it’s unreasonable to want to. It is reasonable to break up if dancing and romantic gestures are that important to you. It’s not reasonable to demand that he change this aspect of his personality.

      I say all this because I have been on the receiving end of a relationship with a “perfectionist,” and it was a while before I realized our conflicts were about his desire to control me and force me to behave in ways that he thought were “best,” not his desire for “perfection.” For example, I was not 100% gung-ho about some of his hobbies and interests (like the paleo diet and a caveman lifestyle), and he repeatedly guilt-tripped and manipulated me into participating more than I would have on my own, which meant I had less time and energy to spend on things I thought were more important (like time with my friends and family). Controlling behavior can be very subtle. But it sounds like you have a lot more self-awareness about this than my ex-boyfriend, so good for you.

  7. AMSB

    Gift TJ! For context, I am a 3rd year associate and I went to law school full-time directly after college. My husband took 7 years off after college (where did the time go?) and will not be going to law school at night, while working full time. I’d like to get him a back-to-school/law school related gift but am having trouble thinking of ideas because I just transitioned from one school to the next and went full time. I’m looking to spend about $100. He already has a good backpack and brief case. Any other ideas?! Thanks in advance!!!

    • B

      spill proof mug for tea/coffee/decaf during class. Good highlighters, good interview padfolio

    • P

      Ooh, I like the mug idea. I’ve heard that Contigo travel mugs are really good, but a little pricey so they might make a good gift.

      Along those lines, I think that getting him a really good (high quality/more convenient) version of something that he uses a lot could be a good idea. For example, if he makes coffee every day, splurge for a Keurig which would save him a little time.

      I would think specifically about making his life a little easier – if he feels guilty buying dinner out often but doing that would make things a lot easier for him, buy him gift cards to a few places around his work/school that he could grab food from.

    • TBK

      You might find this to be not useful, but a nice, leatherbound copy of Black’s.

    • AMSB

      Thanks for the ideas, everyone! I am now off to investigate all of them because that sounds more fun than drafting!

    • AttiredAttorney

      Lots of quarters for the vending machines (it’s sad how often dinner will come from one!) or load up his student ID card with whatever your “campus cash” system is for a “fancy” dinner on campus before class. Starbucks giftcards (or a convenient coffee shop gift card) are frequently used as well.

      When you’re a part-time student, it’s hard to feel “connected” to your school and have school spirit, so I appreciated a law school car decal, t-shirt, etc when I started my part-time JD.

      You could also jumpstart his BarBri course by putting a $100 towards it so he can get all the study materials that go along with your 1L year. I was grateful I started paying for my barbri course my first semester in school, which locked in a lower tuition rate. Plus paying a little bit each month over four years helped cut down on bar admission costs at the end.

      My leather bound Black’s is one of my favorite possessions (and was a “starting law school present” as well), but it’s not terribly practical. I use the iPhone app version much more frequently!

  8. anon

    over-thinking. wear what you want, as long as it’s within the bounds of professionalism.

  9. Sydney Bristow

    I am so in love with this briefcase. I can’t afford it and don’t know how often I’d actually carry a briefcase, but this is gorgeous!

  10. Equity's Darling

    Anyone been to see the BR Issa collection in person? Anything extra good? I’m planning to stop by later, I want to know if I should get my hopes up…

    • Issa

      I went to the store and the stuff is pretty cute. I got one of the wrap tops which I really like. I didn’t try on the dresses but the materials on some of them seem cheap (no silks here).

      • Equity's Darling

        Thanks for the heads up!

        I didn’t expect great fabrics, but if the cuts are flattering, I might pick something up.

  11. Jessi C.

    Therapy TJ–

    A close friend and co-worker made a couple comments earlier this week that I am taking pretty hard. In separate conversations she’s said that she could never see herself going to therapy and paying money just to talk to someone else about her problems, and made jokes that seeing a shrink would make her look insane.

    This friend knows I struggle with depression and bipolar, but probably doesn’t know that I still see a therapist regularly and have for some time. I know I should just let this go, but it’s still eating at me. Do any of you have strategies for dealing with situations like this?

    • Moved to the City

      I would casually mention it next time you are together without other people around. Given that it’s a close friendship, I think that it’s worth being honest so that it doesn’t keep eating at you or happening again. Keep the focus on the way that you felt and try to avoid passing judgment on her or her comments. Whether or not you mention that you are in therapy is totally up to you and I think that a short talk could be effective either way.

    • Famouscait

      If you can, let it go.

      If it comes up again, come back with a witty reply along the lines of, “Well, I hadn’t considered that, but perhaps it’s something I should discuss with my therapist at my next visit!” That would likely shut the situation down.

    • Olivia Pope

      Your friend is being insensitive. Many, many people see therapists at one time or another. If I had a talk with her, I would point out that she could be offending lots of people (including clients, bosses, friends, etc) without even realizing it.

      • Kanye East

        I agree with Olivia, and just wanted to add that you don’t owe anybody “polite” (just like you don’t owe anybody pretty or s3x or anything else), so don’t go out of your way to make it comfortable for her.

        What your friend said was hurtful and insensitive, so it’s no wonder you were hurt by it. And good for her, I guess, that she’s never needed the care and treatment of a therapist. I hope if she ever does, she gets support instead of judgment. We should be able to expect that from our friends.

        • P

          I agree with this completely. I don’t really have any advice, but I was going to come here just to say that you’re totally justified in being angry or hurt or whatever mix you’re feeling – it’s really an insensitive thing for her to say, especially knowing that you’ve struggled with depression and bipolar disorder.

          Also, her attitude is kind of surprising to me. Among people I know seeing a therapist is so common that it isn’t even something to necessarily cover up. Many friends will say “I can’t make it, I have an appointment with my therapist” just as casually as they would say dentist or whatever. I thought that the lack of stigma was an across-the-board thing, but unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be true.

    • Houston Attny

      The other replies have good ideas how to respond to her so she knows that you see a therapist. If that doesn’t work, I suppose you could say, “therapy has actually really helped me. Maybe you should try it. It might help you stop being a judgmental b*tch.” (I know – rude. But it’s the first thing that occurred to me since she’s your close friend and should have some idea of your struggle.)

      In her defense, I admit that when I was younger, I didn’t know people in therapy (or really, I didn’t know that I knew people in therapy) and didn’t know how much I would need it later on. I hope, for her sake, her comments are a result of age and/or ignorance and, as she realizes that people who seek outside help are not insane, her position may also evolve. I’m proud of you for going – it’s not always easy – and struggling with ongoing depression and bipolar really takes a toll. You are taking care of yourself, and that shows you value yourself and your relationships.

    • AnonBK

      Maybe friend has never seen a therapist, or isn’t close with someone who has. Simply saying “Oh, well I see a therapist. Works for me!” would state the issue, hint at her to shut it, and possibly open a door for her to change her mind.

      • In the Pink

        I agree with saying “works for me” if you’re comfortable. If she continues, I suppose you re-evaluate the bounds of your friendship…and yes, let’s hope she changes her mind. You are taking care of yourself, kudos and virtual hugs to you.

    • L

      Jesus. I’d probably aim for something slightly withering along the lines of, ‘so you wouldn’t see a cardiologist if you had heart issues?’ Mental health is health. No ifs, ands, buts, or other obnoxious qualifiers. Taking care of yourself in whatever manner you need is nothing to be ashamed of and quite frankly I hope you tell her she’s being a jerk on this one.

      • KC

        I’d second what others have already said, but mostly just wanted to comment to say that the stigma towards therapy makes me incredibly sad and I couldn’t agree more with L. “Mental health is health.” Kudos to you for taking care of yourself.

        • Monday

          I completely agree that mental health is health, but I think a huge factor weighing against this (appropriate) mentality is the lack of comparable insurance coverage. As long as so many employers and insurers don’t respect that MH treatment is legitimate and necessary, a lot of people feel justified in being dismissive of these issues and stigmatizing those who do seek treatment.

    • B

      I also wanted to add that given that I am finding more and more “friends” unwilling to engage in talk regarding difficult things (ie. I would like help in processing X, do you want to talk about the fact that you broke up with your sig other of 8+ years seems to be taboo, whereas “omg, my mother wants to control my wedding” is appropriate for convo), having access to mental health professionals is great.

      To be fair to this person’s friend, perhaps the person has seriously just never had a single issue, ever, that could not be handled by herself, friend/family support; but their reaction also seems a naive, if a little defensive in additional to judg-ey.

  12. KLG

    I would like to throad punch her on your behalf.

    That’s wonderful that *she* doesn’t see herself going to therapy, but it’s a lifeline for a lot of us and everyone is entitled to deal with their problems in a way that works for them. On the other hand, comments like that are often borne out of insecurity. I’d let it go for now, but if it comes up again, I would definitely say something like “look, I know we’re just shooting the breeze, but given that you know my struggle with depression/bipolar, I can’t help but take comments like that personally and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say those kinds of things around me.”

  13. NOLA

    Took my kitty to a specialist today. She’s so angry at me right now for continuing to scoop her up and take her to the vet and give her medication. More tests next week but right now the potential diagnoses are pretty grim. I can’t talk about it much because I just cry. She’s been my little furry rock in the past 7 years. And now she’s under the bed and won’t come out.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, I’m so sorry, NOLA! This is the very last thing you need right now!! Very big internet hugs to you and poor kitty!! It’s so awful that they can’t know we are doing these things for their own good, isn’t it?

      • NOLA

        Thanks so much (to everyone). This happened right when I got home after my Dad’s funeral so it’s just been awful. We originally thought it was an injury – a pulled muscle or something. After over a month of tests and consultants and specialists, it’s clear that it’s something spinal. I was so afraid that I had injured her. The night after I got home, she crawled on my nightstand to try and throw my medication onto the floor. I grabbed her and pulled her back on the bed, almost in my sleep, and she cried out. The specialist said that it’s probably when whatever this is reached a breaking point. He said that the most probable diagnosis is lymphoma but we’ll see. I have a great team of vets and the money to pay them.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          Nola, I just want to send you a hug. It is so hard trying to figure out what is wrong with pets. Please don’t feel guilty. If anything, your action helped you realize your kitty was suffering with something and now hopefully you can at least get her some pain management. It would be so much easier if they could just tell us what was wrong. It is also so hard the way they look so betrayed when we try to do something for their own good that makes them unhappy. I so feel for you.

          • NOLA

            Thanks. The pain management has been difficult. We had originally tried an NSAID and it did nothing. Then they gave her a shot of extended release pain medication and it made her completely crazy. I guess it killed her pain but she was in constant motion and living under the bed. I couldn’t stand it and neither could she. The specialist said to call him if I feel like she’s in too much pain and he’ll figure out something new to try.

    • BB

      Oh no! Internet hugs!! :( She’s not really angry at you, just scared. I really hope everything is okay. And to be honest, if it isn’t, I always think that my kitty had a great spoiled life (as opposed to dying early as a street cat) and I will be able to give another kitty an equally great life after she’s gone. But like I said, hopefully everything is fine!

      • NOLA

        I adopted her 10 years ago after my neighbor abandoned her on the street. She has had a wonderful spoiled little kitty life.

    • AIMS

      I’m so sorry. Hugs to you and kitty. Buy her a can of tuna in water. There is not much that my cat won’t forgive for a little real tuna fish. And here’s hoping that you get some good news from the vet.

    • Hurray for kitties

      I’m sorry your kitty’s sick; I know how worrisome that can be. Hope she comes out for a snuggle soon.

    • petitesq

      Oh, NOLA, I’m so sorry to hear that. She still loves you, you’re just having to be “mom” instead of “buddy” right now :(. My kitty is in stage 3 kidney disease (and we almost lost her earlier this year… it was a bad day), so I know how miserable it is. Completely agree with giving her all the junk food she wants, and on a personal note, see if you can designate some extra kitty time, too. Lots of internet hugs and hopes for positive prognoses.

      • NOLA

        I’ve been there petitesq. My big boy died of kidney failure at 18. We gave him fluids and a great life for 2 years after his diagnosis and did have one horrible setback. I went to a conference that weekend and bawled my eyes out the whole time.

    • Merabella

      Big Internet Hugs to you NOLA. I lost my buddy earlier this year, and I know how hard it can be. Don’t forget to keep taking care of yourself, and know that we are all here for you.

  14. Verbal Feedback Update

    Update from earlier today – Partner randomly stopped by my office today to give me feedback – unsolicited! Again, verbal, but very direct and certainly made it clear he thinks I’m doing a good job.

    I’ll add it to my list of emails/verbal feedback that I drafted earlier today based on your suggestions! Thanks again everyone!

    • Webster

      “Verbal” means “with words.” It can mean written or spoken. I think you mean “oral” or “spoken” or “unwritten.”

      • Merriam

        That’s the primary definition of verbal, but an alternate is “spoken rather than written.” You’re both right.

      • Verbal Feedback Update

        I think it can be used both ways. Merriam-Webster website’s 3rd definition for verbal: “spoken rather than written <a verbal contract"

        • Webster

          Oh, so you totally knew that, and were deliberately using the third definition instead of a word that clearly conveys your meaning? That’s an interesting choice. You’re very defensive for someone who loves feedback so much. By all means, keep using it and relying on the third definition , but then don’t be surprised if the next “verbal” feedback you hear is that you sound not-so-smart.

          • Brooklyn Paralegal

            For all the smart alecks over here, before you get up in arms about the definition of “verbal” (which, by the way, seriously? why do you care?) you should probably take note that dictionaries are compilations of most common uses of words, and that definitions shift.

            Doesn’t help your (obnoxious) case that the first synonym listed is “oral”.

  15. FP Angie

    Historical Fiction Fan PSA: I am pretty excited about the new Starz series “The White Queen” based on the Phillipa Gregory novels. It starts Friday!

  16. Woods-comma-Elle

    It has been on here and though I have yet to watch it, I’ve heard good reviews, enjoy!

  17. AIMS

    Am I the only still having reply troubles??? This is really getting annoying – harder and harder to justify “5 minute breaks” when they take so much longer than 5 minutes.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

      Nope, this is actually the first time all week that the “reply” button has actually worked for me.

    • Monday

      Problems galore on IE. If this one lands in the right place, it will only be because I’m in Chrome right now. Y’all have no idea how much Monday you are missing due to my inability to post replies!

      • AIMS

        Exactly! I feel like I have all this stuff I could respond to and then by the third re-load I just give up. Maybe I will try using firefox.

        • Monday

          I’ll say it before someone else does: yes, AIMS and I are deeply worried that your lives may all fall apart because you couldn’t benefit from comments we intended for you. And we expect Kat to drop everything to put an end to this travesty.

          • zora

            {{{GASP}}} Took the words right out of my mouth! What will we DO WITHOUT YOU!? Oh! Hear that sound? That’s the sound of our lives and wardrobes crumbling to pieces without the wise counsel of AIMS and Monday. I am going to go cry now. (;o)) No, I’ll be ok :::sniff:::

  18. Anonymous

    I have a friend that constantly asks for favours. I’d say once a week, and I don’t always mind, but sometimes it drives me crazy, especially when she doesn’t even care how much it inconveniences me. I’ve always said yes, and I’m at the point where I don’t want to say yes anymore- airport rides, babysitting her kids, being DD, dog-sitting, etc. I just need to be better at saying no. It’s no longer a favour when you don’t even try to find your own baby sitter- I’m an adult with a social life, and I didn’t choose to have kids, you did, so you can’t have my Friday night just so you can save $X on a sitter.

    • Veronique

      Sounds like you have some MAJOR boundary setting to do! Decide what you’re willing to do and just say no to the rest. If she presses you, say I’m not available (it’s true, because you’re not available to her at that moment).

      It also sounds like you need to consider whether this friendship is worth it at all, since your description makes it sound extremely one-sided.

    • potato

      Stop putting her first; put yourself first. Your friend probably has no idea she’s imposing on you. (We all have our weak spots.) The current situation is that she’s asking for favors and you’re saying ‘yes’. I vote for saying ‘no’ and seeing what happens. You can just say ‘no’ or gently push back, eg ‘I’ve been doing a lot of babysitting for you and need a break’.

    • Monte

      Your friend is an asshole, but she has no idea because you have never told her. She bears the bulk of the responsibility for being so awful, but she treats you the way you let her treat you. Just say no. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person or a bad friend — it just means that you are an adult with your own priorities and life to look after.

  19. ANP

    PSA: the blog A Cup of Jo is doing a Lo & Sons giveaway right now. She’s also got a 15% off coupon code posted that’s good through the end of this month.

  20. Malaria pills?

    I have a trip to South Africa coming up in January that will require taking some kind of anti-malarial pill, so today’s op-ed in the NYT kind of freaked me out:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/08/opinion/crazy-pills.html

    Has anyone taken Lariam? What about Malarone (this seems to be the most expensive option, but it also has the least risk of side effects)? Thoughts on the side effects?

    • Anonymous

      I took Malarone on a trip to Africa last year and had no side effects. My insurance covered most of the cost of the pills, so worth looking into that.

    • zora

      I TOTALLY know two people who did have completely insane reactions to Lariam. And their stories are the scariest things I have ever heard. Including a veteran who took it in the military. There was another article last year, I think in a more scientific publication, that quoted some doctors saying they should really stop giving people Lariam because the potential severity of side effects is so bad, it is not worth the risk. I think the expense of Malarone is completely worth it. One of the friends who had the side effects says that she and her friends (who travel to tropical countries a lot) are now refusing to take anything, because they would rather have malaria than end up trying to kill themselves.

    • AnonBK

      I took Lariam in 2003 for a trip, no side effects in our group (anecdata). People regularly take anti-malarials for travel. Best answer, consult with your doctor.

    • Cb

      Some of the older drugs might be worth a look as well. I take plaquenil and have since I was about 16 (28 now, with maybe 3 or 4 years off?). My dose is for lupus though so side effects might change with a higher dose.

    • cbackson

      I used to live in the tropics, and I also used to work for a malaria research program. The drug you’ll be prescribed will depend on what species of malaria is prevalent in the place that you’re traveling. I would advise against taking Lariam if you have other options. Lariam is typically prescribed in places where most malaria is chloroquine-resistant and Malarone is not otherwise an option (usually for cost reasons). If you have to take something, Malarone is probably the best choice provided resistance to *that* isn’t a problem where you’re going. It can give you bad nightmares (just FYI).

      FWIW, I don’t know anyone who took long-term malaria prophylaxis, but the species of malaria that’s common in sub-Saharan Africa is more dangerous than the once that was prevalent where I lived. For a short trip, the side effects associated with Malarone (or the older drugs) are tolerable.

    • Monte

      Lariam scares the life out of me. I have taken it and have had noticeable but not tragic side effects (vivid, terrifying nightmares), but wouldn’t voluntarily take it again. Other anti-malarials have caused me intestinal distress (I have a stomach like a steel drum and was convinced I was actually dying on a flight after taking my pill), but that typically passed within a few hours. That said, I have family living in sub-Saharan Africa who have been hospitalized for malaria, and I will take 6 hours of distress over multiple blood transfusions. I would also take the pill versus missing out on the incredible travel I have experienced.

      Your best bet is being aware of the side effects and talking about them with any travel companions. And avoiding Lariam.

  21. Invisalign

    Has anyone done this? My dentist thinks I shouldget this so I can have a nicer smile and avoid some future problems that he thinks will come from impacted teeth. It’s a lot of money and I am not excited to be 33 and in braces!! He says it will be about 7 months, but I need to do a full consult with a specialist to know for sure. I know we just talked about veneers here but I think this will be even more $$$ because he wants me to get invisalign & then do veneers on the front teeth for cosmetic reasons. Part of me thinks this is crazy. But another part thinks that a) I deserve to have a really nice smile and b) that a nice smile is more important than ever these days, even in terms of professional success. Am i just trying to justify it? Anyone who’s done this care to share your experience?

    • Mpls

      Go get an actual orthodontic consult, maybe even two – whoever your dentist sends you to and then someone unaffiliated (your insurance may have a referral). There is definitely a difference between needing braces for the health of your teeth, and just to make them look better. And – I’d be skeptical of the 7 mth period. Faster is not better when it comes to orthodontics, and if this is such a major issue I’d be skeptical of being able to correct it that quickly. And then there is the issue of whether Invisalign is the best option over wire brace, and what sort of upkeep you’ll have (will you need a retainer?).

      • MissK

        +1 on the 7 month time period!
        When I had my wire braces, I had very minor things to fix and only on my top teeth (a little bit of extra room between my front 6 teeth, and 1 tooth that needed slightly rotated) and this required 15 months of braces (which are on 24-7 vs. Invasalign that gets taken off frequently). Not trying to freak you out, but 7 months just seems a little unrealstic. Then I had to wear a retainer daily for about a year, and nightly after that for a few more years. And if I went for a while without the retainer, I really noticed when I put it back in that things had shifted around.

        Like Mpls said, slow is better when moving teeth. And I would absolutely get 1 or 2 orthodontic consults.

        • Invisalign

          Oh boy, I am really bummed to hear this. I really like this dentist and have been happy with him so far. I guess these are all really good things to know and look into.

          This is more of a cosmetic thing for me. My teeth all slope in and have quite a bit of damage; he said this was to create a wider parameter. Not so much as to make them perfect because it’s a bit too late for that but just to create less dark space in my mouth and then add veneers to make everything look nice. I was sort of hoping I could just do this and this time next year never think about any of this again….

    • CKB

      While his treatment was different, about 10 years ago or so we were finally able to ‘fix’ dh’s smile. Even after years of orthodontic treatments when he was young he still had a gap between his 2 front teeth & one was longer than the other. He had one of those teeth pulled and an implant put in, along with something else, I believe, to fix the gap.

      He told me it was the best money we had ever spent on him. He hadn’t realized how uncomfortable his smile made him until he got it fixed. My dh is so low maintenance and not at all ‘into’ his appearance (he’d live in tee shirts & cargo shorts & Teva sandals if he could – and he’s almost 40), but this really did make a difference in his self esteem.

      So, in my experience, if you feel self conscious at all about your teeth and you can afford to fix them, do.

    • oil in houston

      My husband is doing invisalign – they’re not braces, just plastic things you wear on your teeth, like a mouth guard. To be honest, you can’t tell. I only really see them when I’m about to kiss him.
      He wears new ones every 2 weeks, and he says the first few days are always painful, but nothing some Tylenol can’t deal with. He’s been wearing them for 6 months now, and the progress is quite impressive. However, he still has 4 months on the top, and is likely to need retainers for 6-12 months after that to make the new alignment permanent.
      So it’s too early to give advice, but so far he is happy with his choice.
      We actually got a groupon with a new doctor, so got over 50% off, might be worth looking at? All invisalign are done at their HQ anyway, so the doctor is really there to do the check ups and ensure everything progresses as per plan.

    • Parfait

      I’m planning on doing Invisalign next year when I can repopulate the ol’ FSA. I’ve got such an underbite that my lower teeth are wearing away the backs of my uppers, and my lowers are weakening too. I’ve chipped one of them twice for no good reason.

      Anyway. Expensive, yes, but necessary in my case.

    • re: Invisalign

      I started Invisalign a little over 2 months ago. When I first discussed it with my dentist, she estimated about 7 months, but when the final treatment plan came back from the company, it was actually for just over 12 months. I have found wearing the trays to be much more comfortable than expected (I don’t notice them at all after the first few weeks of weirdness passed) and fairly unnoticeable to people around me. I’m an attorney who looks young to begin with, so I just couldn’t stomach the idea of wearing real braces again (from a vanity/professionalism standpoint) butI had some issues that definitely needed to be corrected.

      The only downside that I hadn’t anticipated is that they may require you to have “attachments” (tooth-colored bumps bonded to your teeth) which fit into the trays and help move your teeth more quickly. I have a couple of those on my front teeth and am not super happy about it because it definitely makes the trays more noticeable than without, but I keep telling myself it’s only for a year….

    • JM

      I’m 28 and currently doing Invisalign, I started in May. I had braces as a kid, but 1) I have bite/alignment problems that the braces couldn’t address, but Invisaign can, and 2) I failed to wear my retainers so my teeth did shift a bit and are not perfectly straight any longer. I actually did the initial consult to see about straightening, I had no idea the bite issues could even be addressed. I was always told I would need surgery eventually, so the ability to fix the problem in a non-invasive way was the deciding factor for me.

      I…do not like the Invisalign. My course of treatment is long, like 18 months. But it’s because of all the bite issues, which take awhile to address. Most people seem to have a year or less of treatment. I’ve found the trays to be super annoying, but that’s because I have attachments on allllll of my front teeth. Which makes the trays very, very obvious. Again, this is because of the specific issues being fixed (we’re trying to close my bite, so the front teeth need to move a lot).

      I just keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end. I’ve been self conscious about my smile for awhile now, so I do think it’s a good investment. And if you don’t have attachments in the front, the trays are not very noticeable. I will say that I’ve had very little pain (especially in comparison to real, metal braces): I switch the trays out every two weeks, and the first day or so they do feel very tight. But it goes away quickly, and it’s nothing you can’t fix with some Advil.

      Plus: even with the crazy amount of attachments I have and their very prominent positioning, if I take the trays out it’s very hard to tell anything is there. So it’s very easy to take them out for a job interview, special dinner, whatever. Of course it’s not advised to take them out for long periods because they can’t be very effective if you’re not wearing them, BUT having the option is great and obviously very different from traditional braces.

  22. ANP

    I’m super-annoyed — husband bought me a fancy Kate Spade iPhone case for my birthday in May and it’s cracked less than 90 days later. Grrrrr.

    What are your faves? I’m overwhelmed by the number of selections on etsy and would like something professional yet fun. I have a black iPhone 5, if that matters.

    • AIMS

      Kate Spade ones are horrible in my experience. Honestly, I am not a fan of the bulky ones and the only “cute” ones I’ve found that last are the Jcrew ones. Everything else cracks or peels or feels off.

    • Veronique

      I have the same phone as you with a Speck Candyshell Grip. I highly recommend it. I’ve had it since December and both the case and my phone look brand new, despite dropping it several times from a variety of heights onto tile, concrete etc. The grips help decrease drops and it comes in a conservative black/grey combo as well as fun colors such as fuchsia or mint green.

    • Orangerie

      If you like solid colors, I’ve had an elago slimfit case on mine for about six months and it still looks great. FWIW, the colors in smooth plastic will hold up better than the “soft feeling” versions.

    • ADL

      I have the Lifeproof case, which has the iPhone fully encased inside and stands up to dropping and water. Mine is solid pink with grey around the edges; there’s other colors on various websites.

    • preg anon

      I hope I’m not too late: Return it! They will give you your money back and probably a coupon for a percentage off in the future. I had a bracelet that flew off all the time, and I was really impressed with the way they handled it.

      • ANP

        Preg anon — not too late! I tried it already. Their iPhone cases are made through an outside vendor and KS customer service basically said “Not our problem.” Needless to say I was not thrilled.

  23. Laptop shopping

    I’m looking to buy a new laptop within the next half year or so and am completely overwhelmed by the choices. Any help with narrowing my search down would be appreciated! My main criteria is that the battery life be long and that the laptop itself be relatively light/easy to carry, since I’ll be starting grad school next year and I’ll want to carry it with me to campus to do work during my breaks. Although I have (and truly love!!) an iPhone, I am a Windows girl for pc’s because that’s really all I know. I’d be willing to switch to a Mac if someone could convince me it’s worth the extra $$, but my budget really is about $650 but it could be a little more if it’s not on sale since I’m willing to wait for a sale. I have no idea what kind of processor is good, etc. so feel free to chime in with your opinion :)

    • NOLA

      You might want to just go to Best Buy so you can pick up and touch the options. There are a lot of choices but seeing them and picking them up in person really helps. A group of us from work did that when we were trying to figure out what would work best for us.

    • AIMS

      No recommendations for windows computers, but my ibook from law school (bought in 2005) still works. How’s that for a salespitch?
      In all seriousness, if you do consider switching, apple gives student discounts on computers (10%, I think) and they often have a promo around back to school time like a free ipod or printer. If you get it, you should pay for apple care even though it’s a lot because it can be a lifesaver.

      They’re light enough but if you want something really lightweight you may consider a netbook. Another life saver if you have to lug stuff around is to get an extra cord and just leave it at school if you can (locker?).

    • Anonymous

      Chromebook! Cheap ($250). Storage is in the cloud, but you can work offline too.

    • Boston 2L

      I bought an HP Envy m4 (through Best Buy was the only option when I bought it). It has good battery life (I say not great, but my old laptop lasted around 12 hours, so even 6-8 hours seems not as good), is ridiculously light (I barely notice it in my bag), runs Windows8 (which I love), and basically is terrific. I was able to get it on sale for less than your budget. I also recommend buying Microsoft Office through your school, because you can get it ridiculously cheap (less than $40 for the full set) that way. Also, HP has an amazing repair warranty – basically, if it is under warranty and you send it in, they end up just replacing a bunch of parts. I haven’t had to send this one in, though!

    • Cb

      I have a Toshiba Ultrabook and am beyond happy with it. Powerful enough for what I need, long battery life (although not as long as it says) and light.

    • Rising 2L

      I love love love my MacBook Air. The weight was probably the biggest reason I chose it. My old laptop was so heavy, I never wanted to bring it to campus. It also has great battery life. If I only do offline tasks, it will last for 8+ hours, online activity brings it down to 6ish. I rarely even bother bringing my power cord to campus anymore.

      I hear Ultrabooks are pretty good on the Windows side, but I don’t think they cost under $700 either.

      • SD Girl

        I also love my MacBook air. It is light weight and easy to use. It has a long battery life. I grew up with a PC and said I would never switch but now I am upset at myself for not switching earlier. It is worth the extra cost and I believe you can get a student discount.

        • Anon

          I bought a refurb 11″ Macbook Air for $850 this summer- still has the same warranty as any other Apple, and there’s no discernible difference between mine and a non-refurb. I bought it for grad school classes, and have loved being able to easily slip it into my bag. I bought my previous Macbook in 2006, and it’s still running just fine, I only replaced it because the hinge for the screen is worn out as I spent a good three years on the road and doing lots of international travel- so it put in some hard miles.

  24. Anonymous

    Does anyone use Hulu Plus on their tv instead of cable? pros/cons? My cable bill has gone up to 200/month which seems insane

    • Hulu Plus

      Pros: a lot of shows, can watch full series

      Cons: there are a lot of shows you can only watch on the computer (not on other devices) and others than simply aren’t on Hulu Plus, no sports, no news, nothing live

      I like Hulu Plus, but I can’t use it to replace cable, personally. I wish I could!

      • Wildkitten

        Cable is too expensive. I use Hulu and I like it, but I also use other things, like HBO GO to fill some voids.

    • Wildkitten

      Also, I have a digital antennae so I can watch regular TV live. Some channels (MTV, for example) have their own websites you can watch shows as well. Hulu is just a part of the solution.

    • B

      I’m obsessed with this issue… Ok, not really. But I haven’t paid for cable since I moved to NYC in 2011. I do pay for internet for job/life reasons, but no cable.

      Check the digital range in your location. There is some federal website for it.

      Then get a digital antenna for your TV. (ranges from $20-$100+). I got the Mohu Leaf via Amazon, this Tuesday because whatever residual free basic channel service via TWC stopped last week.

      I plugged the leaf into my TV, had my TV do an “air” scan, and now I have a whole bunch of channels.

      I used to have HuluPlus, Netflix, and Amazon Prime, but since I went on my “save money” kick, I’ve cut off Hulu/Netflix for now (since I have Prime + ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX).

      That comes out to $110 for tv for the year, with Netflix or Huluplus, it’ll go up to $200/year.

    • Bonnie

      Have you tried negotiating with your cable service? Once a year I call Comcast and say I’m thinking of leaving and they always lower my rate. It helps if I can quote from a competing service’s mailer.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I don’t have Hulu Plus, but I gave up cable 3.5 years ago. I have Netflix and an Amazon Prime account. We also have Apple TV so I use airplay to stream regular Hulu to my tv from my iMac. My tv habits have changed since doing all of this, but I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I watch The Big Bang Theory live but most things I’m about 1 season behind. Amazon or Netflix seem to get everything eventually.

    • LH

      My cable is also over $200/month (and I’ve used Bonnie’s trick of periodically calling Comcast to get a discount, which was has worked a little). It’s just gone up a lot recently and there are so many taxes and fees. Personally I would love to get rid of cable and just do Hulu Plus and Amazon Prime (which we have anyway for the free 2-day shipping) but my husband watches a lot of ESPN and wants cable for that. I think its the biggest waste of money EVER – think what we could do with $2400 extra a year! – but its important to him so we still have it.

    • re: dropping cable

      We just did this a few months ago, and I have been surprised by how happy I have been without it. We got a Roku box ($100) and have Amazon Prime, Hulu Plus ($8/mo.), and Netflix ($8/mo.), and have been very impressed by the high-quality of the streaming. Now we have discovered a bunch of older shows that we had never watched before (ahem, binge-watching full seasons at a time), and for those few shows that aren’t available on our subscription services (Mad Men, Justified), we just buy them from Amazon for $1.99 per episode, which is still way way way cheaper than cable.

  25. Wildkitten

    I hired a cleaning lady based on the number of r 3 t t 3 s who spoke highly of having one, and wow – you guys were right. My apartment has never been this clean and I will get my weekend back! Thank you.

    • Brooklyn Paralegal

      Hoping it’s not too late–if any of you ladies don’t mind sharing, how much do you pay for cleaning service? I’m considering investing, but I need to decide if it’s economically feasible right now.

      • LH

        $65 for an every-other-week cleaning of a large 1 bedroom/1 bath apartment in a HCOL area (I negotiated a $10 discount from their standard rate)

  26. Marla

    Ugh. Major mess up at work today. Colleague went to our boss before I could even fix it. Boss says we will discuss it next week when he is back from vacation. Basically have cried for 2 hours straight (first at work hidden in office and now at home). Thought reading here would cheer me up, now back to crying about NOLA’s poor kitty. The irony: I’m a management consultant! How can I not be better in my own career? So frustrated and upset. And no ice cream in the freezer.

    • NOLA

      Oh, Marla, don’t cry about my kitty. I’m crying enough for both of us. Go get some ice cream. I went out and got natural hot dogs and Lean Cuisine mac and cheese. It helps.

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